HD: TAG TITLE match COD VS SOONER Bruisers

[Patty O'Green 0]

Did I mention that this was an Anglepalooza rematch? I don't think I did!

 

I think that Tony wanted this match to go on anytime after BHB/Rescue 911, if that would be permissible. Thank you!

 

COLE
Folks our next bout is an Anglepalooza rematch for the world tag team titles, pitting the challengers The Sooner Bruisers against the champions, Chicks Over Dicks. I'm joined by Enterprise members, Christian Wright and Mackenzie DeCenzo. I understand that you've reached a deal with The Sooner Bruisers. Perhaps you could tell us what it entails?

CHRISTIAN WRIGHT
Though the deal should be of minuscule concern to an insignificant troglodyte such as yourself, we shall humor you and bestow upon you the information you so eagerly seek. Mackenzie, if you would be so gracious?

MACKENZIE DECENZO
For The Bruisers victory over Chicks Over Dicks and subsequent relinquishing of the tag titles to The Enterprise, they will receive six hundred thousand dollars a piece, as well as the guaranteed services of Christopher Patrick Allen in their Sin City Street Fight at Anglemania. Not only that, but we are in negotiations with our Mexican partners Los Conquistadors to lend their assistance to the Bruisers at Anglemania for a nominal fee that will of course be covered by The Enterprise. Most importantly, the tag team titles will be given to The Enterprise in a posh coronation ceremony at Anglemania, featuring keynote speaker, Jeb Bush.

COLE
So for handing over the tag titles, The Bruisers get six hundred thousand dollars a piece, and their Sin City Street Fight turned into a five on two slaughter? You people never fail to shock me.

MACKENZIE
And you never fail to make me wish for your imminent death.

The arrival of two of the most despised men in the OAOAST is marked by the music of [i]Frankenstein[/i] and the chorus of boos that come with it. Bellow the Angletron, which shows various conquest of Bruiser might, steps the detested duo themselves, The Sooner Bruisers. A maroon robe, covering matching shorts with the number 69 stitched into the groin, stands over Frank's muscular frame, as he boxes with an invisible opponent. As his brother pummels an imagined foe, Uber marches towards the squared circle, snarling into the camera.

WRIGHT
Though I am most grateful for our budding business venture, I fail to see how these gladiators can be so bedraggled and uncouth when placed in the same stratosphere as a dignified legion like The Enterprise! These men are remarkable for their unequaled ugliness and general disorder!

COLE
Well if there's anyone who stands a chance of getting you your titles it's The Sooner Bruisers, former Anderson Cup finalists and tag team champions. Of course I said the same thing about Maddix and Cortez and look how well that turned out for you.

BUFFER
The following contest is an Anglepalooza rematch for the OAOAST WORLD TAG TEAM TITLES. Introducing first, the challengers. From Oklahoma, weighing in at a combined weight of five hundred and thirty five pounds, they are former OAOAST tag team champions, and NCAA all Americans, combined between them they have won six NCAA wrestling championships, two world championships, eight high school championships, and seven USA wrestling championships, they are The Pyscho Gremlin, Uber Bruiser, The Man of Tomorrow, Big Frank Bruiser.....THE SOOOONER BRUISEEEEERSSS! 

Frank tears away his robe, and discards it to the floor, before sliding into the ring. He ascends to the top turnbuckle, where his massive muscles are flexed to the infinite disgust of the audience. Uber roams the outside, nodding to The Enterprise's representatives in between his efforts to intimidate the younger fans in the front row.

[i][font="Arial Black"][color="#FF00FF"]Hey, hey, you, you 
I don't like your girlfriend!
No way, no way!
I think you need a new one 
Hey, hey, you, you
I could be your girlfriend!

Hey, hey, you, you!
I know that you like me!
No way, no way!
No, it's not a secret
Hey, hey, you, you!!
I want to be your girlfriend![/color][/font][/i] 

The irresistibly bratty sound of [i]Girlfriend[/i] by Avril Lavinge floods the arena with a bouncing beat. It's soon met by a thunderous ovation from the now standing crowd, who bleat chants of “C-O-D! C-O-D!” A [color="#FF00FF"][b]pink[/b][/color] pyro waterfall rains from the ceiling splashing hot sparks about the entry way. It's then intercepted by a gorgeous [b][color="#FF0000"]red[/color][/b] pyro fountain, and multi colored embers dance across the area. Once the pairing subsides, a [b][color="#FFFF00"]golden[/color][/b] pyro wall engulfs the stage with it's tremendous size, leaving behind a thick haze of smoke in it's wake. A splendid image emerges through the rolling clouds, that of Krista Isadora Duncan's fitness model figure packed into Asian inspired black cropped to the chest halter top with a wide keyhole front, and a pink pinstriped pleated micro skirt. Behind her is Alix Spezia, attired in white tube top, matching booty shorts, and fluffy faux fur covered wrist bands and boots. The Hollywood Bad Girl gingerly bounces across the staging area, pumping her arms in tune to the beat and whipping the crazed crowd into further frenzy.

COLE
America's Sweethearts here in their state capital of Sacramento! I'm certain there are a couple politicians in the audience who have felt Krista's wrath over the years!

MACKENZIE
I can't believe these two were allowed to spend twenty minutes of television time insulting this wonderful man sitting next to me, as well as running down my sense of style! Dear sweet Theodore was so upset by that segment he had half a mind to place a call and have this entire network, and the Getty Museum shut down!

WRIGHT
Be not antagonized, friend, for our evening's cohorts, The Bruisers, shall plunge daggers deep into these dark whores' fetid hearts. Their acidic taunts [i]will[/i] leave them punished. Of that you can be certain.

Ally's skipping is drawn to an abrupt halt the second Krista latches onto her arm. Unable and unwilling to escape the tight grip, she's twirled like a ballerina and pulled into her dancer partner's arms. Brushing a strand of hair away from her face, she flips an alluring kiss  to camera causing cute super imposed [color="#FF0000"][b]red[/b][/color] lips to pop on the screen.

BUFFER
And the champions....

“C-O-D! C-O-D! C-O-D!”

BUFFER
.....first, from Los Angeles, California, she is a two time twenty four seven champion, the CEO of Mrs.Spezia's sweeties, The Hollywood Bad Girl, ALIX MARIA SPEZIA! And her partner, from Los Angeles, California, she is a best selling author, a fitness queen, and star of the world famous FIT with KID line of exercise videos, she is Miss California Krista Isaodra Duncan! Together they are three time OAOAST world tag team champions, America's Sweethearts, and Hollywood “It” Girls, Chicks Over Dicks! 

COLE
Mackenzie I seem to remember that you were a 24/7 champion, beating Alix, but dropping your title back to her about ten minutes later.

MACKENZIE
A sugar coated version of the truth. I was only beaten when that skank tossed me into the trunk of Jessica Simpson's car. What can you say? Dodo birds of a feather flock together. But Alix wrestles as well as Jessica acts, which is why she'll lose tonight.

As the girls trek down the aisle, Alix shows off her recently redecorated title, which now features extravagant pink and red Christmas lights, rose petals enshrining her name plate, Red Hot Chilli Peppers stickers cloaking all instances of the oaoast logo, a Jimi Hendrix X-mas ornament that plays Purple Haze with the flick of a switch, and a little slot that dispense perfume with the push of a button. Krista just tries to stay as far away as she possibly can from his amalgamation of crazy crap. Upon entering the ring, Krista stands on the first rope, and leans over the cables to beam a charmingly arrogant smirk to the millions of viewers world wide. Alix stands next to her, poking and prodding her like a child, begging Krista to look at her sparkling Ashlee Simpson stickers.

COLE
At Anglemania The Bruisers failed in their quest to regain their tag titles, losing when Krista reversed Frank's ankle lock into a pinfall. Frank had never tried that hold before and it's likely his unfamiliarity cost his team the titles.

The Anglepalooza rematch begins with Big Frank facing Krista Isadora Duncan. No sooner then two seconds after the bell rings does Big Frank snare Krista into a collar and elbow tie up. Using his sizable strength advantage, he bulldozes the celebrity fitness guru into a neutral corner. The second they arrive in the location, referee Charles Robinson reminds the fearsome brawler that he has five seconds to break the count. In a surprising show of good sportsmanship, BFB breaks his hold at one. Perhaps it wasn't so surprising after all, as he now slams several boots into Krista's toned stomach. Miss California is able to brush aside the pain, and fight back with thudding kicks to his knee that push him towards the center of the squared circle. But BFB ends her moment of offense with an expert jab that lands perfectly on her beautiful face. She recoils a bit, but doesn't go far, as Bruiser takes hold of her arm and flings her into the cables. Upon her return she turns the tables on her foe, taking to the skies and bowling over Frank with a high flipping lariat!

“K-I-D! K-I-D! K-I-D!” sing the still standing audience for their fellow Golden Stater.

MACKENZIE
If you read the Wall Street Journal you'll find articles of The Enterprise's many efforts to feed the hungry, heal the sick, and protect the needy. But while we're doing that you can flip open an issue of [i]US Weekly[/i] and find depraved paparazzi photos of Krista and Alix's latest night on the town. Yet they're cheered over us?

Big Frank attempts to impale Krista with a big boot, but she catches his attacking shoe, then slams it into the canvas. Caught off guard by the counter, the amateur wrestling legend staggers backwards. The femme fatale uses his moment of disorientation to her advantage; she leaps onto the third rope then dazzles her home state crowd with a majestic springboard moonsault press. Big Frank makes an effort to get out of the way, but his attempted avoidance does more harm then good, and Krista's arm slashes through his neck, pushing them both to the canvas. Krista isn't quite finished wowing the audience however. With Big Frank a battered wreck on the mat, she shows off her Balanchine worthy ballet skills with no less then fourteen (trust me, that's alot) amazing pirouettes. Once her whirling deverish routine is completed, she takes to the skies and comes down across her rival's body with a standing shooting star press! Robinson scores the ensuing pinfall.

CROWD
ONE!


CROWD
TWO!

The superfreak kicks out well before the three, but that doesn't stop the audience from chanting “THAT WAS THREE”

Trying to derail COD's train of momentum, [i][b][color="#8B0000"]Uber[/color][/b][/i] enters the squared circle wielding a clothesline. But he's the one who gets [i]derailed[/i] as Krista overtakes him with a side effect! Floored by that one single attack, The Pyscho Gremlin rolls out of the ring, a defeated man.

“K-I-D! K-I-D! K-I-D!”

COLE
I can see why you'd be fearful of wrestling Chicks Over Dicks.

WRIGHT
Your's is a comment of jealousy and I will afford it little attention. Jealous of The Enterprise's wealth, it's connections, it's lifestyle, it's unmatched athletic achievement, you and others of your [i]debauched[/i] ilk concoct falsifications and half truths, in a beggarly effort to devalue what is a priceless treasure, The Enterprise's uncomprable skill set as it pertains to matters of the professional grappling artistry.

MACKENZIE
You don't get to the top of the business and wrestling world by being fearful. And, ladies, you don't get to the top by insulting everyone you come upon. You just get beat up.

Back in the ring, The Superfreak lobs a knee towards Krista's stomach. She deftly sidesteps the blow, but fails to avoid a quick elbow strike that puts The Man of Tomorrow on the offensive. He sangs her into a front facelock then upends her with a snap suplex. The second her body crunches into the canvas, Big Frank is floating over for the pinfall. However she kicks out well before Robinson can even count [i]one[/i], infuriating the Okie to no end. Both competitors rise to their feet at the exact same moment; Frank aiming for a soonerline, Krista seeking a hurricanrana. It's the vicious vixen who wins this brief exchange as her tan legs lace around his neck and flip him to the canvas with the highflying move. No sooner then the nausea sets in does Miss California bring BFB to his feet and lead him to her corner where a tag is applied to The Hollywood Bad Girl Alix Spezia.

“ALIX! ALIX! ALIX!”

The girls aim to please their adoring audience with a particularly gruesome hold, and shoot Big Frank into the orange cables to begin it. When he returns to their position, they both spring to the air, and horsewhip their expensive footwear across the back his head with twin enziguris! As the crowd bellows their approval, and a disgusting smacking sound travels through the ringside microphone, Frank topples to the canvas, the life all but drained from his pale face.

WRIGHT
By the gods, Franklin!

MACKENZIE
Calm down, Christian, it's still very early.

While Krista exits stage left, her partner covers The Man of Tomorrow's remains. Robinson counts the fall.

CROWD
ONE

CROWD
TWO

Frank kicks out, drawing applause from Mackenzie and Christian on the outside. The Man of Tomorrow rises to an unsteady vertical base and eyes a tag with his brother. However his passage to freedom is blocked by the culinary sensation, who whips him into a neutral corner. Big Frank calls upon a rare show of agility to avoid a collision with the ring posts, pressing his hands onto the second rope and handstanding his body into the air. Unfortunately his impressive counter allows Alix to easily surge forward drive her furry boots into his face! While the onlookers holler in glee, BFB moans in raw agony as his beaten body sinks into a tree of woe position. As Frank struggles with his unenviable situation, Ally plays to the redneck in all of us, and does a bit of square dancing, that has Uber on the apron calling for her head. Once the California cutie is done with her ho down she sprints towards Frank, and pulverizes his already grotesque facial features with a baseball slide kick.

“SAFE!” Alix yells, making the Umpire's trademark hand motion, and lending further insult to Frank's misery.

WRIGHT
Would now be the appropriate moment to fasten words so bitter onto our snakebit collaborators?

MACKENZIE
Give it time, Christian. They are dealing with three time tag team champions. Empires don't fall in a day.

As The Superfreak lies on the mat, scarcely able to recollect his own name, much less where he is, the bubbly brunette scales to top turnbuckle, facing away from her aggrieved rival.

ALIX
:headbang:

After the round of rocking out is finished, Alix sits out onto the cables, then thrusts her limber body backwards in a split legged moonsault. The Man of Tomorrow tries to roll away, but he moves far too late, and Ally Cat crashes down onto him in a pinning situation. The fall is counted by referee and crowd alike...

CROWD
ONE


CROWD
TWO

The audience's hopes are dashed as BFB lifts his shoulder off the mat. He rises to his feet, where Alix is ready to meet him with an axe kick. But her flexible strike is delayed when he pumps an elbow into the side of her head. Satisfied with his only contribution to the match, The Man of Tomorrow decides not to push his luck any further and ventures to his corner to apply the tag to his younger sibling, Uber.

WRIGHT
In class, intelligence, wit, and grace this swine is improvised. Yet in the categories of strength, instinct, and athletic wherewithal, he enjoys a compliment of riches.

MACKENZIE
Precisely why I'm confident he'll live up to his end of the bargain.

The Pyscho Gremlin enters the battle field by rushing towards Alix with the [b][color="#8B0000"]Soonerline[/color][/b]. But Ally ducks bellow his oncoming charge, and he zooms towards Krista as a result. However, Uber is fairly confident that he'll be able to blast her into the fourth row with the devastating strike. How wrong he is! Krista extends her long leg over the ropes, and swats him to the canvas. While the audience chants her name, she springs onto the third cable, then vacates the ledge to smash her New Balance tennis shoes into her rival's muscular back. The pain of the amazing strike has nary a second to register in Uber's pea sized mind before Ally Cat takes him into an okalhoma roll....

CROWD
ONE!

CROWD
TWO!

And again a Bruiser escapes the fall. Uber wastes little time in grousing about COD's dubious double teaming; instead he lashes at Alix with a european uppercut while both competitors are still on their knees. He then drags the home state favorite to her feet. Alix's eyes are blurred, a troubling by product of the violent uppercut, and The Pyscho Gremlin senses the makings of victory are near. With a treacherous grin taking hold of his features, he thrusts Ally into the ring cables. Then as the brunette beauty comes sprinting towards him he lunges for her legs, catching her right knee with his broad shoulder. The three time tag team champion emits a heart wrenching cry of pain as she flops forward. But Uber allows her no rest for her weary bones, and wrenches her back upright. The psychotic brawler locks her into a tightly held front facelock, and pulls her farther away from her corner, so that Krista will have zero opportunity to rescue her. Once he's assured that Krista is clearly out of the picture, he dives backwards and crashes Alix's skull into the canvas with a DDT!

“OW OW OW!” Uber howls into the night sky.

“NINTEY DAYS! NINTEY DAYS!” chant the audience, reminding The Bruisers how long they stand to be out of action should they lose to the Heavenly Rockers at Anglemania.

WRIGHT
The power! The anamalisitc dynamism! The mechanical brawn! All inherent Bruiser qualities that these shameless jezebells are ill equipped to counteract in adequate manner. Tag team championship thy name is Enterprise!

Smiling through crooked teeth, Uber hooks Alix's far left leg, and Robinson moves into position for the count.

ONE


TWO

But Alix escapes the pinfall well before the three, robbing Uber of his six hundered thousand dollar dream. The Bruiser brother just stares with weepy eyes at Robinson, struck utterly dumb by the failure to acquire the three count.

MACKENZIE
Instead of sitting there making a pouty puppy dog face, why don't you get back to the task we're paying you to preform?

Perhaps having heard Mackenzie's rather rudely stated advice, Uber takes a chunk of Ally's luscious brown hair and leads to her feet. He tangles the helpless maiden within the ring ropes, leaving her body exposed to any manner of violent assaults his devious mind can concoct. His move of choice is a basic but deadly running avalanche. But The Hollywood Bad Girl has no wish to be flattened by a sociopathic redneck and makes moves to counter the attack. As he nears she draws her fur coated boots into the air, smacking him under the chin, and loosening several of his yellowed teeth. As a side effect of the counter, she's flipped over the ropes, and onto the ring apron. Acting with great speed, she targets a shoulder block towards The Gremlin's plump gut to set up a sunset flip. But he side steps the strike and returns fire with a clubbing forearm across her back. The blow weakens poor Alix significantly and permits him to effortlessly take her into a front facelock. The beach babe desperately reaches onto the ropes for some protection against the strike. But it's to no avail, and Uber succeeds in torpedoing her skull through the canvas with another DDT!

“LET'S GO ALIX! LET'S GO ALIX!” chants the crowd at Krista's urging.

WRIGHT
Such loutish bumpkins! Is it of any wonderment to any man of class and true repute, as to why the simple among us take to this tawdry filth merchant who's one skill is spreading her legs to whomever or whatever waves a dollar in front of her face?

The Pyscho Gremlin pulls himself up by the ropes, and charges towards Ally, determined not to afford her a single second to recover. Alix meets her oncoming assailant with a sweeping roundhouse kick. But her left leg gives out on her, and Uber easily evades the resulting sloppiness. He then turns to face his off balance foe, and with fearsome grin on his face, unleashes a mighty discus clothesline. But Alix ducks underneath the fatal strike, to the audience's and Krista's delight, and is able to secure his free arm in her possession. Yet there's little she can do with this advantage, as Uber quickly wrestles control away from her, and takes her down with the third ddt of the match! Ally elicits a saddening cry of agony as she clutches her wounded head.

COLE
Alix is starting to take quite the beating right now.

MACKEZNIE
Exactly as we planned it, Mitchell.

COLE
Michael.

MACKENZIE
I don't particularly care.

Back in the ring, Uber hooks Alix's legs, leaning all his weight onto her tiny body as the pinfall is scored by Robinson.

ONE


TWO

Alix gets her shoulder off the mat, and her fellow Californians are ecstatic as a result. Both Bruisers are flabbergasted by the count, and angrily belittle Charlie Robinson for his miserable officiating.

COLE
The Bruisers starting to lose their cool here. Not much of a surprise.

While the brothers grim fight a pointless verbal battle, Ally uses their second of distraction to head to her wobbly vertical base. Unfortunately her sporadic movements are spotted out of the corner of Uber's eye, and he leaves Big Frank to deal with the annoying official. Alix tries to fend off the approaching pugilist, but her strikes have zero affect on the brute, and he overtakes her with an irish whip. But our adorable heroine stymies whatever move he may have attempted by leaping onto the third rope. She moonsaults back, adding an extra rotation that permits her to cut her elbow through his jaw! Both competitors plunge to the mat, as the spectators salute Alix's graceful showing. Their beloved babe speedily attempts a pinfall...

CROWD
ONE

CROWD
TWO

The denizens of the state capital are rabid when they watch Uber power his way off the mat!

“BAREBACK BRUISER! BAREBACK BRUISER!” they chant towards the hated tag team, causing Frank to turn his head and bark orders of “SHUT THE HELL UP!”

While Frank bickers with the pro-COD crowd, his little brother stands up, feeling as if he'd just been hit in the face with a speeding anvil. However, he's able to brush aside pain long enough to lob a lariat Alix's way. But Ally rolls bellow his approaching arm, and uncurls into an attack stance, immediately using it to slash The Pyscho Gremin's face with a whirling kick. The pure force of the strike sinks Uber to his knees, and pours blood from his mouth. Miss Spezia capitalizes on his wounded state by slashing her legs into his thick neck with a fameasser!

“YEAAAAAA!”

MACKENZIE
Tell everyone to settle down, Martin, because flops and flips and flashy forays won't keep The Bruisers from their reward nor will they keep the tag team championships away from The Enterprise.

COLE
My name is..

WRIGHT
Whatever the marvelous splendor of female form to my right deems it to be.

Ally's elbows descend rapid fire onto Uber's visage, her bloody snarls hinting to a deep seeded predatory nature. After her sixth malice ridden strike scores an admonishment from the official, The Hollywood Bad Girl tugs Bruiser up by his arm and leads him to her corner where she tags Krissy. Miss California's reentry receives a gargantuan pop from rabid audience, but there's little time to bask in the cheers, as she's already barking stern orders. While Ally waits with a mischievous smile behind Uber, Krista slingshots herself over the cables and into the ring. As she nears her rival, her delectable legs extend forward, allowing her tennis shoes to slam into his beefy chest. But the impact of the awesome attack doesn't drop Uber to the canvas, as one would expect. Rather it deposits him into the frigid confines of Alix's inverted facelock. Ally acts with supernatural speed as she twists both their bodies in a violent manner and dives downward, shattering his neck with a “roll the dice”. 

Krista would love to go for the pin, but Alix has deemed this the appropriate time give shout outs to her homies near and far. “My granddad, rest in peace. Eatin some menudo for you tomorrow, holmes. Tupac Shakur, rest in peace. South Central all day, son.  Bowie Kuhn, rest in peace. Byrdgang got much love for you. COD reign all world, from SoCal to NoCal, houston to the taliban. Byrdgang bang with metal pipes, elucidate theorems that reduce ya'll to serums.”

Krista watches Alix depart the ring, with a look that reads “what have I done to warrant this crap?” When the source of her years of torment is finally situated on the ring apron, Krista is free to pin Uber. Robinson scores the fall...

CROWD
ONE

CROWD
TWO

MACKENZIE
No! You're throwing away six hundred thousand dollars, you moron!  Kick out!

Motivated by Mackie's unusual coaching technique, Uber hauls his shoulder off the mat at the last possible second. He gets to his feet, eager to make up for his repeated failings, and lock down his six hundred thousand dollar prize. But Krista is an unwilling passenger down Uber's road to redemption, and attempts to floor him with a standing enziguri. Uber shifts his head to left in order to avoid the volley. This proves to be a terrible miscalculation on his part, as Krista simply brings her other leg around and pulls him over with a modified head scissors. Uber is sent trundling forward like tumble weed, and when he's finally able to arrive to a vertical base, his swirling world is filled with visions of the fast approaching champion. He counteracts her rapid onslaught by latching onto her lovely legs then flinging her backwards, with hopes of smearing her makeup (among other things) across the ring posts. Miss California dashes these hopes permanently when her sneakers land expertly onto the third ropes. Smirking to himself, Uber turns around, certain that he'll find a whimpering, wounded Krista ready for his devouring. Imagine his horror when he eyes her descending upon him with a corckscrew moonsault press! The Pyscho Gremlin can do nothing more then scream in shock as Krissy's billion dollar body slams into him!

“K-I-D! K-I-D! K-I-D!”

COLE
Christian, do you think you and Theodore Moneymaker can handle the girls' flash and speed come Anglemania? I know you couldn't last year....

WRIGHT
What a foolish donkey your detestable commentary has divulged you as! It is with short-sighted haste that you imprudently dismiss these Sooner Bruisers.

MACKENZIE
The Enterprise won't need to deal with any speed come Anglemania, because COD won't even make it that far.

Uber scrapes his humiliated carcass off the mat and begins taking his gathered frustration out on Krista's tight stomach with a duo of right jabs. Though the blows don't pack much punch, they're enough to double Miss California over and leave her in vulnerable state. The Oklahoma native capitalizes on her moment of weakness, and drops a clubbing forearm across her back. The strike pushes her to the mat, where her back is further decimated by a round of brutal stomps. As each strike lands with pinpoint accuracy, a yelp of distress leaves Krista's quivering lips.

COLE
Here's the Bruisers doing what the Bruisers do best, bruising.

MACKENZIE
Did you come up with that insightful bit of analysis all on your own, Micah?

Leaving Krista to blubber and sob on the canvas, Uber journeys to his corner to tag in The Man of Tomorrow, Big Frank Bruiser. His entrance into the contest puts him directly in the bulls eye of public opinion and the audience assaults him chants of “Bruisers suck! Bruisers suck!”

COLE
Big Frank didn't fare too well in his previous time in this match. I hope that for your's and his wallet's sake that he does a bit better.

WRIGHT
The Enterprise does not thirst for the nugatory emptiness of your hope, Mister Cole. Nay, we demand only your deathless loyalty and unfading respect.

MACKENZIE
Once Frank and Uber turn the titles over, we'll make sure you give it to us.

Big Frank Bruiser arrives to the ring and immediately undertakes the task of punishing the fan favorite. Harsh stomps tear away at her back, and bring forth croaks of despair. After his stompfest concludes, he takes a chunk of her vibrant gold locks and roughly yanks her upright. “Not so tough now, bitch!” he screams, as he delivers an elbow smash to the small of her back. Krista lurches forward, wincing in obvious pain. The vulgar pugilist only heaps on additional misery when he strides forward and lances a lariat into her back. The  impact of the attack sinks Krista to her bare knees, and spreads a white pain throughout her back. Bruiser stands above his injured foe and pounds her back with forearms. The strikes leave Krista in a state of utter desperation, and she stands up in order to run as far away as humanely possible from The Man of Tomorrow. But BFB traps her in place by sliding her arm between his legs and taking firm hold of it. He hooks her other arm, putting her into the perilous pumphandle position. “How's this for bareback Bruising, faggots?” Frank screams to the irate pairing of Alix and the audience, then proceeds to grind his crotch into his whimpering foe's luscious backside.

“[b]BOOOOO[/b]!” they jeer, as Alix is barely able to be restrained by Robinson.

WRIGHT
When a trollop choses to outfit herself in that fashion of skimpy rainment then any wickedness that should bechance her is of faults solely her own.

After Frank completes his horrible showing, he lifts Krista up, then plants her onto his knee with a pumphandle back breaker! Krissy rolls over onto her stomach, not certain what's worse, the agony in her back, or the humiliation she just endured. BFB feels it should be the former, and drives this point home by kissing his enormous bicep then dropping the point of his elbow onto her back. As she screams in pain, he rolls her onto her back, and attempts the pinfall....

ONE


TWO


Miss California delights the capacity crowd by shooting her shoulder off the mat just in time to keep the tag title belt around her waist and six hundred thousand dollars away from the Bruisers.

MACKENZIE
We were only a half a second away from owning the most prestigious tag team championship in all of sports entertainment. It's only a matter of time, Christian.

Krista rolls onto her stomach, the pain ripping through her body, almost preventing her from standing upright. Ever the gentlemen, BFB assists her to her feet, then promptly forces her into a standing head scissors. Despite the duress she's under, she stages an admirable fight against his clutches. However Bruiser is able to subdue her by reaching underneath her chest and crossing her arms bellow her stomach. The Man of Tomorrow begins to haul upward, but in one final act of desperation, she hooks her leg between his, and prays to the gods above to stay grounded. Frank is resilient and continues to try to lift Krista off the ground. But her entanglement is too much to overcome, and eventually he releases the hold. Consumed by frustration, the roaring Bruiser stiffly elbows her injured back. The shot smacks the breath from her lungs, and buckles her to her knees. This position permits her foe to ensnare her into a facelock, that precedes him lifting her into the sky for a vertical suplex. But instead of simply dropping her backwards, he brings her forward and slams her back first across his out stretched knee! The sound of her bones cracking against his leg mixes with her own cries of anguish, and causes the audience to boo in disgust. The rest of her cries are lost in the crunching sound her face makes under the impact of a clenched fist. The same fist opens, seizing her by her neck, yanking her corpse off the ground, and then once again ripping her back through his outstretched knee with a chokebreaker.

WRIGHT
Deny it not, Cole, days of glory are soon to be in the sole possession of The Enterprise!

Miss California somehow manages to stand up under her own power. But she has no time to gloat over the small accomplishment, as The Man of Tomorrow is launching a forearm towards her head. She ducks bellow the blow, and extends her leg towards his turned back. Yet, BFB is one step of ahead of her, and swirls around to catch her spotless tennis shoe. His muscular arm then raises for the beginnings of a lariat. It's a move Kris wants no part of, and she backflips away from The Enterprise's gunman. Her avoidance does nothing to deter Frank, however, and as she lands, her baby blue eyes  spot him bearing down on her with the [b]Soonerline[/b]! Krista avoids certain decapitation by rolling underneath the incoming attack. Moving in perfect concentration with Frank's body, she backflips towards him as he turns to face her, and attaches her ankles around his neck. Before he can even mount a suitable defense, she's upending him with a head scisssors!

“[b]K-I-D! K-I-D! K-I-D![/b]” scream the audience, while Alix jumps for joy on the ring apron.

As the dizzied warrior gets upright, Krista charges to him. He succeeds in avoiding whatever attack she had in mind, by placing his hand onto her back and pushing her into the cables.  The blond bombshell establishes that counter as a roundly bad idea, when she handsprings off the ropes and slams her elbow into the nose of her adversary. 

MACKENIZE
Don't bother opening your mouth, Mitchell, this is just a minor bump in the road. When The Enterprise has it's coronation ceremony at Anglemania, you'll see that all went according to plan.

COLE
My lips were sealed, [i]Michelle[/i].

Big Frank doesn't quite share in the same (over?)confidence as his employer, and snags the speedy Californian into a headlock to slow down her frantic pace.

WRIGHT
Krista Isadora Duncan is nothing but a shiftless liberal dog; well educated yes, but what good are such acquirements if one's soul is no cleaner then the squalid floorings of an adult cinema. A cinema flaunting a feature her life partner has starred in, no doubt.

With the headlock still applied, Big Frank grabs Krista's left shoulder to form an underhook. Miss California's shoulder spasms as her enemy lets the agony course through her veins. He adds further pressure to the underhook, then wrenches her chin to the side. BFB steps forward, and cocks his hip, letting his gargantuan body timber to the left! Taken totally by surprise, Krissy soars through the air and over Frank's hip, until she crashes into the canvas back first. No sooner then one second later, does Big Frank's frame explode on her like a nuclear bomb. Robinson counts the resulting pinfall, while Krista whimpers underneath the hulk of flesh on top of her.

ONE

MACKENZIE
Simon says we should have a jazz band play at the tag title coronation ceremony. Radical idea, to be sure, and I'd rather stick to a classical orchestra. Christian, what do you think?

TWO

Mackie's plans for booking a band will have to be put on hold, thanks to Krista kicking out! The audience and Alix are quite delighted, but Frank lets the official know that the next unfavorable count he makes could be his last. With that ominous warning, Frank ventures to his corner and applies the tag to his younger sibling, Uber.

“BRUISERS SUCK! BRUISERS SUCK!” yell the onlookers.

The Psycho Gremlin pays the jeers no mind, and instead goes to work on Krista's oft-targeted back with a round of stomps. She wilts underneath the torrent of strikes, but just as they look to be doing immense damage, he inexplicably calls them to a close and brings her to her feet. He bends the helplesss tomboy over, and hooks her arms behind her back, rendering her powerless to prevent his forthcoming attack. He then lifts his victim into the air, and promptly drops her to his side. Upon her descent, her back first fall is intercepted by his outstretched knee, and a deep throated wail leaves her throat.

WRIGHT
Reestablishing the subject of the choral fare at our [i]cérémonie des champ[/i], what say your auditorial affectations to a zydeco assemblage?

MACKENZIE
Too [i]agriculturist[/i]. 

Uber lifts Krista's limp body onto his broad shoulders, and clamps down onto her neck and leg. After twirling around to showcase his gorgeous catch to the hateful audience, he releases her legs and pushes her frame out so that it swings straight behind his body. As she floats adrift in the air, The Psycho Gremlin keeps hold of her neck and falls to the mat, executing a painful back breaker rack into a neckbreaker. Krista feels a flash of blue-white pain as the colossal power of the move hits home. The scream that it forces from her dies as a high pitched bubbling in her throat. Sniffing blood in the water, the great white stands his meal upright. But she proves she has a little life left in her, and fights him off with a kneeling jawbreaker!  Uber recoils, clutching his wounded jawline, and Krista seizes on this quickly fading opportunity by lashing at him with a yakuza kick. But her foot misses the mark, as The Psycho Gremin evades it's trajectory. Unable to control her speeding body, Krista's leg crashes over the top rope and ties her into a treacherous position. Uber “aids” her in escaping her predicament when he tucks his head beneath her elbow, wraps his arms around her slender waist, and drags her into the sky. After stepping back towards the center of the ring, he dives backwards, shattering Krissy's back across the mat with a backdrop suplex. The sharp pain of the hold shocks the formerly dazed champion wide awake, and she screams for assistance. An outraged Alix tries to come to Krista's rescue, but finds Charles Robinson an impossible obstacle to pass. The momentary distraction affords Frank the chance to enter the ring and inflict his own punishment upon Krista. He strides forward and punts her back with the toe of her boot, drawing distressed coughs from the wounded champion.

“[b]BOOOOO![/b]”

Robinson turns away from Alix to spot the source of the fans' anger, but sees only Frank resting idly on the apron, and Uber holding Krista by her hair, and rifling clubbing forearms into her back. As the official fully returns to the action, Uber sends Krissy careening into the corner courtesy of an Irish whip. But Krista utilizes her dancer's leg strength bounds to the top rope, while her rival trails her with a body splash. As he nears, she flings herself backwards with a twisting cross body block. However, Uber steps out of the way and it looks for the moment that Krista might undergo a collision with the mat. But she's able to crook her arm around his neck, then uses her downward momentum to spike his head into the floor with a DDT! Sadly, there's not even a second for the crowd to cheer before Big Frank interjects himself into the fray, and maims Miss California with a catastrophic [b]Soonerline[/b]! Krista hits the canvas a defeated wreck, eyes locked shut, mouth breathing heavily. A wealth of warnings are instantly issued by Robinson over the voices of wrathful crowd. But all the threats of disqualification in the world can do nothing to heal the immeasurable damage done to Krista.

WRIGHT
Ha! She finally bears the awful burden of her crimes of living in hedonistic revelry and sinful debauchery for all the days of her depraved, alcohol indulged life!

MACKENZIE
A pin would be ideal right about now.

Wise words, indeed, but ones that aren't followed by the pigheaded Bruiser. As Uber is unable to control his desire to administer more pain to his already vegetative foe, he forgoes the pinfall and instead scrapes her off the mat. While her spiritless frame stands up, The Psycho Gremlin slides his thumb across his throat in a universally disdained gesture, that earns it's share of boos from the capacity crowd.

COLE
According to Uber this match is over! That means we'll have new tag team champions, The Enterprise, and The Heavenly Rockers will be forced into five on two handicap match at Anglemania!

Uber applies a standing head scissors onto Krista, then scoops her into the sky so that he can administer a powerbomb. However, Krista calls upon a remarkable surge of strength, and locks her legs around his wide neck. The fans buzz their approval as their heroine begins to frantically pump her fists into Bruiser's skull. After carving open a deep gash in Uber's forehead with her twelfth strike, Krista applies a front facelock and pushes her legs off his shoulders. In mid air the fitness queen gives her body violent twirl, jerking the unwitting Bruiser around with her in order to pulverize his cranium with a tornado DDT!

[B]“[color="#FF0000"]YEAAAA[/color]!”[/B]

Uber crumples to the canvas, face blank, mouth slack. It would be a perfect time for Krista to pin him, were she not lying at his side, besieged by even worse exhaustion than he. The Sacramento crowd raises their voice to the highest decibel level of the night, as they scream in undying support for the tag team champion.

“LET'S GO KRISTA! LET'S GO KRISTA!” they bleat, while Alix smashes her hand against the turnbuckle to rally Krista to her corner.

Not a single muscle is moved by either competitor as Robinson slowly counts. “One!” Stillness. “Two!” Stillness. “Three!” Stillness. “Four” Uber stirs, giving rise to an audible  groan from the audience. His aim isn't to strike Krista down with another offensive attack, rather he wishes to tag in Big Frank to finish the assassination they've been paid to execute. “Five” the count is solely for Krista now. “Six!” Stillness. “Seven!”  Stillness.

“LET'S GO KRISTA! LET'S GO KRISTA!”

A loud slap echoes throughout the arena as the hands of Uber and Frank meet, bringing The Man of Tomorrow into the contest. Frank has little intention of letting Robinson's unbearably slow count finish Krista off. No, he wants the pleasure of doing it himself. And it's with flame filled eyes that he marches towards her, the camel clutch the only thing on his mind. And this is where the defeat of The Sooner Bruiser's begins. In Krista's mind they're dead already, the rest is mere detail. The play is still on, and the comedy continues, as the hissing and growling Frank nears the currently docile woman. But the theatre of the Bruisers' suddenly morphs  into a tragedy of ancient Greek proportions when Krista kips up, and obliterates Frank's visage with a superkick. The Man of Tomorrow topples over, cringing, shrinking with dread. And the heroine of this play uses her last great surge of energy to dive backwards and tag in her savior, Alix Spezia. 

“ALIX! ALIX!” the noise level of the crowd is deafening, the announcers can scarcely be heard over their cheers.

“YA'LL WHITE BOYS DONE FUCKED UP NOW!” screams Alix as she slingshots herself into the ring and upends an unsuspecting Uber with a dropkick.

WRIGHT
Bruiser clan, be bold against your disputants! Brandish thy sword and manage it to slay these ladies of the evening!

Christian's coaching goes unheeded, and Alix once again takes Uber off his feet with another crowd popping dropkick. The Psycho Gremlin rises just as quickly as he feel, but this time Alix doesn't get the chance to dropkick him, as he launches the feisty diva towards a corner. Ally avoids the brutal collision with the ringposts by leaping onto the third turnbuckle. Unfortunately there's still the matter of the rampaging Bruiser to attend to. She handles this situation with typical style and speed, moonsaulting towards her incoming attacker. Her arm flares out to the side while still in midair, catching onto his neck while her body buzzes by him. She lands on her feet, with her foe captured into an inverted facelock. From there she brings her right leg across his neck, then drops to the canvas, severing his throat between her limb and the mat!

“ALIX! ALIX! ALIX!”

With The Psycho Gremlin incapacitated for the time being, Alix eyes this as a splendid moment to treat the fans to their favorite of her signature moves. Her knees touch her elbows and her booty vigorusly bounces like a Scott Storch beat, and men across the country-REAL FUCKING MEN, men who aren't afraid to admit that they pitched a tent during the oiled-up loin clothed homoerotic goodness of [i]300[/i], and who can no longer resist their pathetic urges to fantasize about a life led differently, a life led between the glorious hug of Alix's voluptuous buttcheeks-finally know that there is a god, and this god can produce beautiful forms of women who are capable of moonsaulting over and driving the point of their knee into Uber Bruiser's face. Robinson scores the resulting pinfall...

CROWD
ONE

MACKENZIE
This can't be happening!

CROWD
TWO

CROWD
[b]THREE!![/b]

Not quite, as Big Frank clambers to Alix's position and ends the count with a boot to her back. As she tries to figure out who or what just struck her, he takes advantage of her confusion by raising her upright, then shooting her off to the ropes. When she returns, he takes hold of her waist and twists her through the air like an out of control rollercoaster. After the full 360 rotation concludes he punishes her against the beige canvas with a tilt-a-whirl sidewalk slam. He hooks her leg for what he's certain will be the pinfall that makes him six hundred thousand dollars richer...

ONE

TWO

WRIGHT
Consorts, compatriots, bedfellows and adherents, thy mission has been accomplished, you sit beside the endeared company of champions!

Christian has spoken far too soon, as Krista ends the pinfall with an elbow drop, drawing a huge pop from the rafters. Angered by her intrusion, BFB strikes her down with a punch to the gut the second he gets to his feet. The attack buckles her knees and permits him to shove her into a standing head scissors. Unfortunately for him, while Krista may be subdued, Alix certainly isn't, and her method of attack presents a nearly insurmountable problem. She charges towards their location, and uses Kris' back as a launching pad to rocket into the sky. As she moves in range of BFB's head, her knee flicks out, ready to burn through his face. So, Frank does the only thing he can do, tuck his neck, and pray that Alix' misses him. His prayers don't go [i]unanswered[/i] and the once deadly bullet sails harmlessly overhead. With The Hollywood Bad Girl indisposed, Frank wastes no time in hauling her partner onto his shoulders for a powerbomb. But like a lethal boomerang, Alix returns when Frank least expects and takes out his knees with a chop block! The sudden jolt pulls The Man Of Tomorrow off his feet, and he and Krista crash into the mat in a pinning situation most favorable to COD!

MACKENZIE
I can't take much more of this!

CROWD
ONE

CROWD
TWO

CROWD
[b][color="#FF0000"]THREE[/color][/b]!

No! Uber returns to the affair and shoves Krista off his brother, much to the chagrin of Alix and the attendees. Unlike the audience, Alix is more then capable of taking her aggression out on the vexing brawler, and she does just that when she strikes him with a dropsault! His close proximity to the ropes proves to be his undoing, as the attack hurtles him over the cables like a misfired torpedo. He lands on his feet, but is still too groggy to reenter the ring. This moment of bewilderment is all Krista needs to make certain that we've seen the last of The Psycho Gremlin. Tossing caution to the wind, she launches herself over the cables and extends her body into a swanton bomb. By the time Uber realizes the direness of his situation the guillitoine's blade is already inches from his neck, chopping him into a useless heap of sweat and bones!

“C-O-D! C-O-D!” they fans sing as Krista all but ends Uber's time in this contest.

COLE
It looks like all your hopes rest with The Man Of Tomorrow.

MACKENZIE
The Man of Tomorrow may not live to see tomorrow if he screws this up!

Back in the squared circle, Ally dashes to Frank to eliminate him with a shinning wizard. But Frank uses his brute strength to overpower Alix, and catch onto her slender waist. With frim grasp on the diva he shoots her into the air and brings her down with a sit out spine buster! Robinson gets into position to count what's certain to be a match ending pinfall, but this action is for naught, as Frank refuses to pin Alix. It's a strange decision that pushes Mackie to the brink of a heart attack. But as silly as neglecting the pinfall was, BFB's next move, climbing to the top rope, is what truly pushes Mackenzie over the edge.

COLE
What's he doing up there?

MACKENZIE
Exposing himself as a moron. Get down this very instant!

Mackie's misgivings are well founded; Frank is prevented from leaping off his nest by a firm clamp on his ankle. The annoyed brawler turns to his side to see the cause of his entrapment, and finds that it's [i][b]Melody Nerdly[/b][/i], who he and his brother bound and gagged two weeks ago.

“Get the fuck off me, bitch!” He hollers over the yell of the Sacramento audience.

“Time to die n00b! Let's do this, [b][size="3"]LEEEERRROOOOOOY JEEEEEENNIIIKKNS![/size][/b]” she responds, and if you got the last part it's time to turn off World Of Warcraft and go outside more often.

WRIGHT (standing up)
Guards, remove her at once!

Frank's struggles with the world's cutest computer geek, present Ally with the perfect opportunity to ascend to this location. She maneuvers her body behind his, which allows her to trap him within a full nelson. The Man of Tomorrow bucks and thrashes against the lovely duo's restraints, but his efforts meet little success. Proceeded by the roar of the crowd, The Hollywood Bad Girl kicks Frank's legs away from the turnbuckle. Gravity does it's part by plummeting the hollering Bruiser to the rock solid hell bellow....

MACKENZIE
No! No! No! No!

After what seems like an eternity of being adrift in space, the pairing falls like a meteor and explodes into the canvas at the hands of a marvelous top rope [b][color="#483D8B"]You have died of dysentery[/color][/b] (full nelson face crusher). It's Frank who endures the entirety of terrific boom, and as cheers from the joyous crowd swell above him, his mind, body, and soul fade into a blackness. And with that Alix applies the long awaited cover...

CROWD & MELODY
ONE

CROWD & MELODY
TWO

WRIGHT
It can not be!

CROWD & MELODY
[b]THREE![/b]

The screams of glee from the girls' fellow Californians are deafening, shaking the ring to it's very core as [i]Girlfriend[/i] returns to the audio forefront of the arena. The usually loathsome Frank, lies in perfect stillness, a hurtless corpse unaware that opportunity of a lifetime has slipped through his fingers. Melody stands above him, holding Alix's triumphant arm into the air and says in her best impression of Yoda, “Only begun the h@x warz has. L0L!!”

The legendary announcer, Michael Buffer, rises to herald the victors “YOUR WINNERS AND STILL OAOAST WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS....CHICKS OVER DICKS!”

Krista renters the ring to give Melody an appreciative hug, and then sweep Alix into a tight embrace.

MACKENZIE
I..I..I...what the hell just happened?! The Bruisers aren't supposed to lose. Not to them! No way! This wasn't planned, this isn't the way it was laid out in the board room. Explain!

COLE
I think you're learning what many tag teams have found out over the years, it is a very difficult if not impossible task to beat Chicks Over Dicks. Some of the best tag teams in the oaoast have fallen to them, and many have fallen multiple times. The Bruisers have once again come up short against the girls, but how will they fare when their livelyhood is placed on the line against, The Heavenly Rockers. And I guess we'll see you at Anglemania in a competitive role after all, Christian Wright?

WRIGHT
Frolic amongst the black parade that is The Enterprise's current mischance all you may like, Mister Cole, for that is your right. But hear this, and hear this well, what countless ill trained, ill tempered, and ill equipped thugs have failed to do, best these harlots, will be a task accomplished within mere seconds by myself and The Billion Dollar Heir, Theodore Moneymaker at Anglemania. Alix and Krista's fate, I sin by dignifying them by their names, shall be a melancholy one. Like that of a fallen civilizations now poking like splinter shards from the green grown tumulus of time swept obscurity!

COLE
What did he just say?

MACKENZIE
He said you should visit The Enterprise's website to get his latest stock tips and financial predications, and he said you're an idiot!

Edited March 22, 2007 by Patty O'Green