School's Out 2007

[Patty O'Green 0]

Across a river, over a bunch of mountains, through fields, sweeping past trees and bushes, hovering over the skyline of New York City, the OAOAST logo flies through the air...before sweeping down, brushing past an elderly man who seems understandably shocked to see six over-sized letters fly past him. The logo continues going, nearing a house...which luckily, a woman is leaving, meaning the logo can sweep through the open door, continuing on down the hallfway and into the living room where a young kid is sat in front of his computer. It sweeps past him, hitting the monitor...which explodes with a flash, lighting up much to the kid's shock and delight.

 

THE OAOAST...WHAT THREE PEOPLE ARE READING AND TWO OTHER DUDES ARE SKIMMING~!

 

And now we're treated to the ultra expensive, over directed, poorly acted opening video of School's Out, done in tribute to the bitchingest movie I've ever seen, Dazed and Confused. The laid back stylings of Aerosmith's Sweet Emotion cradle us back to the seventies, where the OAOAST wasn't the billion dollar entertainment empire it is now, rather it was little more then the name of a high school in a small Missouri town known as...uh...OAOASTville. Yes that will do. We're shown the OAOAST High School Building, a massive brick complex where a banner that reads LAST DAY OF SCHOOL hangs above the front doors.

 

Sweeeeeeeeeet emoooooooootion

Sweeeeeeeeeeet emoooooootion

 

As the seniors have already cleared out of the school, it's the current juniors, the seniors of next year who rule the school. We watch in a mixture of joy, horror, and comedic disbelief, as the junior class, (made up entirely of oaoast superstars), engages in various acts of subhuman high school debauchery on this last day before summer break. Zack Malibu and Bohemoth delight in dumping the class nerd, Christian Wright's head into an unflushed toilet. Synth Esizer sits in wood shop, passionately instructing Tyler Bryant on the proper way to keep your cool on a bad acid trip. Leon Rodez is directing a flock of pigs to take a dump on the statue of assistant principal Anglesault. The cool girl clique of Krista, Alix, Maggie, and Holly-Wood hang out in the bathroom drinking beers, smoking cigarettes, and kicking out any underclasswoman stupid enough to enter their private smoking lounge. In the parking lot PRL wages war with Melody Nerdly in a low rider contest, kindly ignoring the fact Melody is competing with a pogo stick.

 

when you talk about things and nobody cares

wearin' other things that nobody wears

callin' my name but i gotta make it clear

I can't say baby where i'll be in a year

 

some smack talkin mama with a face like a gent

said my get up and go musta got up and went

well i got good news she's a real good lier

cause the backstage boogie set your pants on fire

 

The view switches to the outside of the pristine and orderly OAOAST middle school. Yet, the scholarly calmness of the school is quickly disrupted by the lunatic chaos of OAOAST highschool as a pickup truck driven by Ned Blanchard, and containing Simon Singleton and Christopher Patrick Allen rumbles into the parking lot. Each wearing red and white stripped polos and bell bottom jeans, they pour out of the car with shit eating grins on their faces. Ned holds a microphone to a loud speaker in his left hand, and a paddle in his other. He speaks into the microphone, waving his paddle in the air, aiming a threat at the boys of the graduating eighth grade class.

 

BLANCHARD

Alright, you freshman cocksuckers, here's the deal. See, this is your very lucky day, because we are offering you the deal of a lifetime. Usually we'd beat your ass all summer long. But most of us have better things to do then hunt done some pieces of shit who's balls haven't dropped yet. Smokin the pipe, drinking the beer, chasing the tail, you know. Or no you don't because you haven't had pussy since pussy had you. But because we're such nice folks, we're gonna offer you generous deal. You meet us right in this parking after school, and all you'll get is one whupping from each of us. But if you run like cowards, and try to save your ass, then well...it's gonna be a hot summer for all of you. And gentlemen, please decide soon, because time is up in (checks watch) 5...4...3....2....1......

 

 

Now we hear the powerful sounds of What I've done by Linkin Park. As the top forty hit plays the audience is treated to various highlights of the events that have led to tonight's matches. When that video concludes the view switches to an exterior shot of the arena. Stationed outside the Toyota center and surrounded by hundreds of screaming OAOAST fans are our hosts for the evening, no not Tony and Jesse I am too cool for old ass grandpas, but...

 

Josh "J.Math" Matthews

 

&

 

Maggie Nerdly!

 

MAGGIE

What's up, ya'll? The OAOAST is taking over one city at a time! Maggie Nerdly kicking it live here in Houston, T-X, with Josh Matthews, a hundred of my closest homeboys and homegirls. Can you make a little noise for me?

 

“YEAAAAAA!”

 

MAGGIE

It's a beautiful night, with beautiful people, and we got a beautiful show going down! In the mainevent, The New York bad ass himself, Drek Stone, will actually grace us with his presence, and put his world title up for grabs against the postah boi Zack Malibu!

 

MATTHEWS

Drek Stone is a guy that many considered to be the best singles wrestler this company has ever had. But now all that luster, and allure has completely disappeared. If he's not despised by the fans, then he is outright forgotten and dismissed. He has made three measly title defenses, and has held the belt for nearly nine months. Tonight, Zack Malibu, my man, has the chance to be the OAOAST's hero once again, and return a little bit of prestige to the OAOAST world title.

 

MAGGIE

Ladies, we got a major league treat for you! Because Silky Smooth Leon Rodez, the golden stud from Grand Rapids is in the house tonight. And he's throwing down with a man who may or may not be the antichrist, Theodore Moneymaker....

 

MATTHEWS

The fifty dollars Mister Moneymaker slipped into my pocket this afternoon requires me to state that he has the talent of Lou Thez, the beauty of Tom Cruise, the cool of James Dean and the heart of Mother Theresa. But all that aside, the bond Leon had with Jade was beyond tight. But then Theodore's wallet came and tore it apart. Now Leon is cold, alone, he's just a person on his own. Moneymaker, on the other hand, grows stronger by the day. He is the most powerful man in the OAOAST. You don't gotta respect the man, but you gotta respect his cash.

 

MAGGIE

A guy who doesn't get a whole lotta respect round here is Tha Puerto Rican. And if you're not his fam', you're gonna love what's going down tonight. He's gonna be locked inside a thirty foot high steel cell with the baddest man on the planet, the Meterosexual Monster, Bohemoth!

 

MATTHEWS

You don't want to hear me talk about Bohemoth! But I'll tell you this, Puerto doesn't get his respect because he's one of the greats. And when you're one of the greats there are always jealous people looking to run your cause down. But I don't give a rip about the haters, and I don't give a rip about how big Bo is or how many muscles he's got, Puerto plain and simple is a better wrestler then him, and I will drink gas station toilet water if he loses! Puerto is the best, no question. Bo isn't even a real challenge.

 

MAGGIE

Oh man, why are you so into Tha Puerto Rican? What does he co-sign loans for you? Did he refinance your mortgage? Remove lips from ass before using brain! Whatever, the show keeps on getting hotter and hotter, because we've got The Enterprise, The Beverly Hills Blonds, Christopher Patrick Allen, and Christian Wright heading up against my own personal dream team, D*LUX, and OAOAST tag champs Chicks Over Dicks. I already spoke on my thoughts on Moneymaker, but his crusade against gays and lesbians has completely crossed the line. It's the year 2007, guy, not 1957, open your mind, jerk!

 

MATTHEWS

That's right! And I do plenty to support the lesbian community.

 

MAGGIE

Like what?

 

MATTHEWS

I just bought Lesbian big boob bangeroo off Adult DVD Empire.

 

MAGGIE

I guess there's a GLAAD image award in your future! Last but not least, we've got the Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew battling against The Heavenly Rockers.

 

MATTHEWS

Say no more, say no more. This feud is a result of the fact that Holly is a readhead. Redhead's are naturally more sexually adventorous then their blond and brunette counterparts. So of course she's gonna go hunting for some prime Brazilian meat like Rico! If Logan wants someone to blame, blame the ape that we all evolved from, but leave a good man like Rico alone! Oh yeah, I heard your big sister, Melody, has been logging onto his South American hardrive. Heheehehe.

 

MAGGIE

Do you want me to beat your ass?

 

MATTHEWS (holding up a riding crop)

Please do!

 

MAGGIE

Argh! Peeps, enjoy School's Out!

 

The view is transported into the arena, where screaming fans have packed the venue, hoisting their signs and foam fingers into the air. The entrance set is decorated as though it came out of a school haunted house, spider webs hang from rusted dilapidated lockers, desks lie strewn about the floor caked in dried blood, chalkboards have the number 666 scrawled in horrific writing across them. Why didn't I tell you this in the booking thread? Because I just thought of it right now.

 

COLE

Folks, welcome to the Toyota Center! Michael Cole joined as always by The Coach! Johnathan, how about we kick it off with a little rock n roll?

[Patty O'Green 0]

 

“Heart-Shaped Box” hits and the crowd ERUPTS, rising in unison as the Heavenly Rockers rush onto the stage. Holly whisked ringside by her husband Logan Mann, leaving Synth to bang his head and high-five fans.

 

BUFFER

The following tag team contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, the GREATEST rock 'n' wrestling band of AAAAALLLL-time! Accompanied by their manager HOLLY-WOOD, hailing from Sin City, the former OAOAST tag team champions of the world...THE HEAVENLYYYYYYY RRRRRROOOOOOOOOCCKKEEEEEEERRRRRRRSSSSSSS!!!

 

“YYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!”

 

Synth returns the love shown to him and Logan by pointing at each section in the arena. Mann completely oblivious to all and everything around him, including Holly, so focused on the match is he.

 

COLE

To say Logan is a man -- pardon the pun -- possessed would be an understatement. He’s been waiting for the chance to get his hands on Rico de Janeiro ever since the Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew’s inappropriate behavior in front of his wife Holly.

 

COACH

Rico is a newbie, Cole. How was he supposed to know that was Logan’s wife?

 

COLE

What?! Are you kidding me?! They’re one of the most high profile celebrity couples in the world!

 

COACH

Who my sources say are experiencing marital woes, which shouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone considering Logan is obviously still playing the field, probably with Melody Nerdly. But who am I to judge? Holly is just looking for a good time. And you couldn’t find a better person to do it with than Rico de Janeiro.

 

COLE

(gasps)

How dare you’d spew such lies to a worldwide television audience?! Based on your remarks there’s no doubt in my mind or the fans mind your source is none other than Rico de Janeiro. I wouldn’t trust a word that comes out of that man’s mouth. On behalf of the OAOAST I’d like to apologize to the Mann and Nerdly family for those appalling comments.

 

Easy lover

She'll get a hold on you believe it

Like no other

Before you know it you'll be on your knees

 

Oozing machismo and holding the silverware, the sleaze ball tag team of “Sweet” Lucius Soul and Rico de Janeiro are pelted with boos on their way to the ring, Phil Collins’ vocals booming overhead.

 

BUFFER

And their opponents, total combined weight 410 pounds, the HI-YAH World tag team champions...RICO DE JANEIRO and "SWEET" LUCIUS SOUL...THE MARDI GRAS HOOOOMMEWRECKING CREW!

 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

 

Lucius struts onto the apron and inside the squared circle. Rico, however, pauses on the steel steps to stroke his ‘stache as he admires Holly from a distance. All hell breaks loose the second Rico reaches for one of his beads, as Logan gives chase and Synth goes to town on Lucius!

 

COACH

Lucius didn’t even have time to remove his coat, Cole. Defend that?

 

* DINGDINGDING *

 

COLE

Logan’s snapped. I can’t believe Rico had the nerve to go to his beads. Like Holly would agree to flash him.

 

COACH

Well, she did sleep with Ned Blanchard behind Logan’s back long ago. Not exactly a woman of high character is Holly-Wood.

 

COLE

 

Sweetness is hammered against the ropes and fired off, elevated high above on the rebound and down courtesy of a back body drop. The agony on Soul’s face is self-explanatory. He returns to his feet clutching his lower back, but the Synthmeister has little sympathy, connecting on a dropkick and a clothesline that knocks Lucius outside. There, Logan finally catches up with Rico, but the King of Mardi Gras is able to slip out of his Hawaiian shirt and roll inside.

 

“OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!”

 

The crowd reacts as de Janeiro realizes he’s caught between a rock and a hard place, or the Heavenly Rockers to be exact. Rico picks his poison in Synth, who ducks a right and atomic drops the Brazilian heartthrob into an AXE BOMB from Logan!

 

COACH

Fortunately for Rico, Mikey, the atomic drop caused his sunglasses to fall off, or it could’ve gotten ugly in a real hurry. I’m sure women around the world breathed a sigh of relief.

 

In a first for de Janeiro someone other than a woman mounts on top of him, and it’s his face that pays the price thanks to a series of left hands. Brought up by the beads around his neck, Rico is shot into the corner and decked by a hard back elbow to the sternum. He rolls out to the floor as “Sweet” Lucius Soul makes his presence felt again, but a WICKED LEFT HOOK takes care of him.

 

COLE

The Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew are on the ropes early. How fortunate are they that this isn’t a title match?

 

COACH

Moot point. As stated by the Crew last week, the Heavenly Rockers aren’t even in contention for a title shot. Besides, Synth and Logan said they didn’t care if it was title or non-title.

 

COLE

The Heavenly Rockers might not be in line for a HI-YAH tag title match, but one team in line for a shot are the Lone Star Gunslingers. You know they’re keeping a close eye on this one.

 

Right on cue, a small box appears on the upper hand right corner of the screen to show the Gunslingers and Melody huddled backstage around a monitor. Look closely and you’ll see newly assigned OAOAST road agent Tony Brannigan in the background.

 

COLE

And there you see them. The Gunslingers said they’d be here to watch the Heavenly Rockers backs and they are; returning the favor from a few weeks ago.

 

Logan heads to the top and drops a double axe handle onto Rico below. The King of the Mardi Gras can barely stand as he’s brought to his feet and slammed face-first into the timekeeper’s table, and then the steel steps! Mann STRANGLES de Janeiro with his own BEADS before swinging him back in by the neck. Rico pleads on his knees for mercy, but Logan has none of that, SPITING in de Janeiro’s face!

 

“YYEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!”

 

Full of rage, Logan kicks Rico in the chest and tries to GOUGE his eyes out!

 

COLE

Oh, the humanity. Or lack thereof.

 

Numerous attempts to get Logan to break the hold go unsuccessful, forcing referee Brian Hebner to physically interject himself, giving Rico de Janeiro the opening he needs to deliver a crippling LOW BLOW.

 

“OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!”

 

Doubled over in a world of hurt, there’s little Logan can do to prevent the Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew from making the tag, and “Sweet” Lucius Soul from executing a BUTTERFLY BACKBREAKER!

 

COACH

Welcome to Nawlins, son. Heh.

 

ONE…

 

TWO…

 

But only two, as Synth stomps Lucius in the back of the head to breakup the pin. Soul follows a scoop and a slam with some strutting and ‘fro combing to the corner. Once atop the turnbuckles he checks his ‘fro one last time and flies…

 

COLE

Swan Dive head BUTT!

 

…BUT NOBODY’S HOME!

 

“YYEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!”

 

A good news/bad news situation for the Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew. The good news is Soul’s afro protected his head. The bad news is, Logan rolls to his corner and makes the tag! Whether it’s the rush of adrenaline or the speed he’s on, the Synthmeister comes in a house afire, snapping Lucius over with a swinging neck breaker and then dropkicking an incoming Rico de Janeiro. Perched on the second turnbuckle Synth drops a BIG ELBOW on Soul and covers!

 

ONE…

 

TWO…

 

KICKOUT!

 

Full arm drag and twist, and the Heavenly Rockers make a tag. Logan Mann off the top with a double axe handle onto the outstretched arm of Lucius Soul. A well placed knee to the midsection frees Lucius from an arm wringer. He whips Logan into the ropes but misses a roundhouse kick, as Logan ducks under and decks Rico on the apron! If at first you don’t succeed try, try again is Soul’s motto. Having whiffed on the roundhouse, he’s able to extract a measure of revenge by catching Logan on the way around with a beautiful spin wheel kick. But the blow causes Mann to fall out by Rico. Unaware of who lurks behind him de Janeiro walks right into a stinging left hand from Logan!

 

COLE

Look at Rico staggering around. It’s like he spent an entire night partying down in Bourbon Street.

 

Logan is fast to react, placing Rico in front of him, as Lucius dives through the ropes and accidentally wipes out his own buddy with a SUICIDE DIVE! Mann returns inside only to throw himself back out and onto “Sweet” Luicus with a PESCADO!

 

COACH

He’s just showboating now, Cole. Quite frankly, it’s disgusting. If I wanted to see that I’d just go back to my other gig.

 

Feeding off the energy of the crowd Logan decides to give an encore performance. He ascends to the heavens and leaps with his patented move, a double axe handle smash…but Rico catches him in midair and RAMS LOGAN INTO THE RINGPOST!!

 

COACH

Oh, that’s karma. That is karma!

 

Lucius gets right in Logan’s grimacing face and asks, “Does it hurt? Does it hurt?”

 

SOUL

 

Mann is shoved back in and a tag is made. Rico de Janeiro returns to action, stroking his porno ‘stache as he loves to do, clubbing Logan across the shoulder blades before muscling him up in the BODY LOCK!

 

“LO-GAN!”

“LO-GAN!”

“LO-GAN!”

 

COLE

Synth and Holly encouraging the crowd to get behind Logan, wrapped in that body vice or Canadian backbreaker to some.

 

COACH

It’s the Body Lock. And somewhere Jesse Ventura is smiling. Remember, Logan had his ribs crushed into the ring post earlier, and the butterfly backbreaker before that. His ribs have got to be screaming right about now.

 

Rico thrusts his pelvis Holly’s way, baiting Synth inside, which distracts the referee from seeing Lucius enter and hammer Logan in the face. Trapped in no man’s land Logan’s only chance to escape is by repeatedly drilling his elbow onto the crown of de Janeiro’s head. The strategy works as Rico can only sustain so many blows to the head, enabling Logan to float over…into a big time clothesline from the King of Mardi Gras! So pleased with his actions Rico takes a bow and caresses his hairy chest, doing so while smacking his lips together at Holly.

 

COACH

She winked at him, Cole!

 

COLE

She did not.

 

COACH

I saw her. Holly wants some of that Brazilian hard candy.

 

COLE

Brazilian, wha-- never mind.

 

Perfectly executed gut wrench suplex flattens Logan. Needless to say, the official isn’t too pleased when Rico goes for the pin and lifts Mann’s off the mat before a count can be made.

 

“RICO SUCKS!”

“RICO SUCKS!”

“RICO SUCKS!”

 

Momentarily flustered by the chant, the man from Rio de Janeiro, Brazil goes on about his business, shooting Logan off to the far side and plants a RUNNING HIGH KNEE that would make Harley Race proud right in the kisser. Rico fondles his moustache as he measures Logan for the PORNO ‘STACHE LEGDROP!

 

COLE

He got all of that. It may be over right here.

 

ONE…

 

TWO…

 

* OOF *

 

“YYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

 

Rico is rolled onto his back following a SPRINGBOARD DROPKICK by Synth. He and Lucius go at it until the referee intervenes. As Synth is escorted to his corner, the Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew capitalize on the situation with a SPIKE PILEDRIVER on Logan!

 

COACH

Synth has the referee distracted!

 

COLE

What are you talking about? The Homewrecking Crew are the ones who benefited from it.

 

Soul and de Janeiro scream at Brian Hebner to turn around. He finally spots the cover and counts.

 

ONE…

 

TWO…

 

THREE!

 

 

 

 

 

NO!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

RICO

 

COLE

So, Coach, what were you saying earlier about karma?

 

COACH

Shut the…

 

Coach’s mic is cut off as Rico mounts on top and pins both of Logan’s hands to the mat.

 

ONE…

 

TWO…

 

KICKOUT!

 

Looking to add a little something extra to wear Logan down, Rico leaps in the air in hopes of dropping all his weight down on Mann’s stomach…but Logan wraps him around in a body scissors! Unlike most people in this situation Rico doesn’t panic. The strongman is able to break Logan’s grip and hook both legs under his arms. That’s all “Sweet” Lucius Soul needs to see. He literally leaps into action, jumping over the top rope as he swings onto the middle turnbuckle inside and blasts Logan with a BICYCLE KICK as Rico SLINGSHOTS him towards the corner!

 

“OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!”

 

COLE

My goodness, we almost had a decapitation on live pay-per-view television.

 

COACH

Now those are educated feet.

 

ONE…

 

TWO…

 

THR -- NO!!

 

Synth yanks Lucius away. Naturally upset, Soul avoids confrontation and places Logan in a reverse chinlock. Given the non-stop action throughout the match, the competitors deserve a rest break. But all Logan needs is 10 seconds. He rises to his feet and falls to the seat of his pants, smashing his head into the jaw of “Sweet” Lucius! Too weak to attempt a pin Logan starts inching towards his corner. His wife, best friend and thousands more behind him in his quest for a tag. Two men who don’t support his efforts are the Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew. Having shaken off the cobwebs, Soul is able to tag Rico, who charges across the ring and knocks Synth off the apron, dragging Logan back towards the Crew’s side of the squared circle. An old school big elbow finds its mark and the cover is made.

 

ONE…

 

TWO…

 

KICKOUT!

 

Unable to score the pin Rico digs into his bag of power moves, whipping Logan to the ropes for a power slam…but Mann slips over the top and nails a desperation DDT!!!

 

“YYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!”

 

COLE

Percussion DDT! He got it, but can he make the cover?

 

COACH

That’s the least of his worries right now. Tagging in the fresh man has to be top priority. He’s been in there too long.

 

“LO-GAN!”

“LO-GAN!”

“LO-GAN!”

 

The Heavenly Rockers lead vocalist crawls to the wrong corner. Slumped against the turnbuckles he notices Rico has reached his side and has made the tag, causing him to dive towards the right corner…but Lucius manages to grab a foot. Logan hobbles up on one leg and swings wildly at Soul’s head, not even coming close to making contact.

 

SOUL

Whatchu gonna do, sucka? Huh? Whatchu gonna do?

 

ENZURIGI KICK, that’s what!

 

COLE

Logan kicked Lucius so hard it flipped him onto his back! Dare I say that’s a little payback from earlier?

 

“YYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

 

Third time’s the charm for Logan, as he’s finally able to make the tag. The crowd EXPLODES as Synth comes in firing, decking both Soul and de Janeiro. He slams them both in succession and then sends Lucius into the direction of Rico, causing the two to collide. Synth spins Lucius around and hits a hangman’s neck breaker as Rico falls out to the floor!

 

ONE…

 

TWO…

 

KICKOUT!

 

Synth lowers the shoulder after whipping Soul into the ropes, but Sweetness telegraphs it and leapfrogs the Synthmeister on his way to spring boarding off the middle rope and back at Synth, hooking the head for a SWINGING DDT…but it’s blocked and countered into a FISHERMAN’S SUPLEX!

 

ONE…

 

TWO…

 

THR-- NO!!

 

SAVE BY RICO!

 

Logan returns to the fold, dropping Rico with one punch. But a head BUTT to the gut stops Logan in his tracks, allowing Rico to toss him out through the ropes. Just when it seems the Homewrecking Crew will have a 2 on 1 advantage, Rico is clotheslined over the top. There to greet him…Logan Mann, who shoves the King of Mardi Gras into the ring post near the timekeeper’s table!

 

COLE

That takes care of one problem. Now… Oh, no, don’t tell me. Are we going to see it?

 

The fans rise as Logan heads to the top, Lucius tucked between Synth’s thighs. Synth delivers the SIT-OUT POWERBOMB as Logan connects on the FLYING LEGDROP!

 

COLE

Electric Melody! How long has it been since we’ve seen that?

 

Before the referee can count he orders Logan out of the ring. Having spent his last bit of energy on the leg drop, Logan struggles to accommodate. He reaches to Holly for assistance, asking her to help pull him onto the apron. To ensure no foul play is involved the referee keeps a watchful eye on the two. But it’s the other side he should be watching, as Rico climbs onto the second turnbuckle, his fist wrapped in a countless number of BEADS, and drills Synth in the back of the neck!

 

COLE

Why that no good, slimy son of a…

 

Rico drapes Lucius on top and exits, placing the beads inside his tights to create the world‘s largest boner! With Logan now on the apron the referee goes to count.

 

ONE…

 

TWO…

 

THREE!!!

 

* DINGDINGDING *

 

BUFFER

Here are your winners, the team of RICO DE JANEIRO and "SWEET" LUCIUS SOUL...THE MARDI GRAS HOOOOMMEWRECKING CREW!

 

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

 

Holly throws her arms in the air in disbelief, stepping inside to get some answers from the referee. The crowd cheers as MELODY NERDLY arrives on the scene to inform young Brian Hebner what happened, pointing to Rico’s crotch. Rico denies any wrongdoing, claiming he’s just happy to see Melody, but Hebner doesn’t buy it. He reaches in and pulls the beads out of Rico’s tights, then waves the pin off!

 

“YYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

 

COACH

He can’t do that!

 

COLE

Yes, he can. He’s the referee.

 

COLE

So are we going to start reversing the outcome of the Super Bowl? I’m sure a lot of people in Chicago would love to go back and take away points the Colts scored because Rex Grossman isn’t an efficient quarterback.

 

After conversing with the official ring announcer Michael Buffer reads the following announcement:

 

BUFFER

Ladies and gentlemen, if I may have your attention please. Due to the use of an illegal object, the referee has REVERSED his decision. Therefore, the winners of the match as result of a disqualification…THE HEAVENLYYYYYYY RRRRRROOOOOOOOOCCKKEEEEEEERRRRRRRSSSSSSS!!!

 

“YYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

 

CUE: “Heart-Shaped Box”

 

The Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew push Hebner to the ground and attack Synth and Logan out of frustration. Rico gives Logan a MOUSTACHE RIDE while Lucuis puts Synth down with FRO 2 SLEEP!

 

* DINGDINGDINGDINGDING *

 

COLE

Come on, there’s no need for this.

 

Soul and de Janeiro spot Holly and Melody in the corner and nod, as if to say “one for me, one for you.” Holly positions herself in front of Melody to protect her. The strong independent woman that she is, Holly is ready to take both men on (!).

 

COLE

Oh, no. We need help out here. We need help out here now!

 

Cole’s prayers are answered as the LONE STAR GUNSLINGERS hit the ring and the Homewrecking Crew with fists and bionic elbows!

 

“YYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

 

COACH

What are they doing here?

 

COLE

Living up to their word. All right!

 

The Homewreckers RAKE the eyes and whip the Gunslingers into the ropes, but Jock and Baron duck a pair of clotheslines and connect with a couple LARIATS! Soul and de Janeiro roll outside as officials and agents swarm the area. Lucius screaming at the guys to "Watch the 'fro, bro." They’re handed their HI-YAH tag titles and escorted backstage.

 

COLE

Get these clowns out of here.

 

COACH

Yeah. Instead of worrying about Rico and Lucius, let’s get the Gunslingers out of the ring first.

 

COLE

I’m talking about the Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew, not the Lone Star Gunslingers.

 

“Heart-Shaped Box” is cued again as Jock and Baron help the Heavenly Rockers up to a rousing ovation. The Texans raising the hands of the winners, although they might not look it. Logan wraps his arm around Holly’s neck and points at the Gunslingers, his way of thanking them. High-fives are exchanged as are smiles, at least from Melody since that really isn’t Holly’s thing.

 

COACH

What a terrific foursome they are. The Lone Star Gunslingers said they’d be here to watch the Heavenly Rockers backs and they were. Perhaps lost in the aftermath was the great match we just saw, Coach.

 

COACH

The Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew score the 1-2-3, yet they lose by disqualification. One of the biggest miscarriages of justice I have ever witnessed, but a heck of a match.

 

The OAOAST EventTracker is brought to you by Gillette. The best a man can get.

May 31- Tupelo, Mississippi (SOLD OUT)

June 7- Birmingham, Alabama (SOLD OUT)

June 14- Memphis, Tennessee (SOLD OUT)

June 21- Cleveland, Ohio

June 24 (The Great Angle Bash) - Washington, D.C. (SOLD OUT)

 

NOW AVAILABLE ON DVD

Anglemania Five. Premier Edition

Relive the epic battles of Drek Stone Vs Zack Malibu, Leon Rodez Vs Todd Cortez, The Enterprise Vs Chicks Over Dicks, Thunderkid Vs Alfdogg and more. Follow Dance Dance Dragon has he prepares for his title match against Tha Puerto Rican. Go behind the scenes in the choreography of The Chicks Over Dicks entrance video, including interviews with Nelly Furtado, Krista, Alix, and Avril Lavigne. Find out from Logan Mann and Synth Esizer what it's like to compete in a Sin City Street Fight. Join Leon Rodez on his roads back to Anglemania and OAOAST competition. And get Dan Black's exclusive thoughts on his last match in the OAOAST. All this on the....

Anglemania Five. Premier Edition DVD

[Patty O'Green 0]

 

VS

 

 

Tailored suits, show of your cars

Fine hotels and big cigars

Up for grabs, up for a price

Where the red hot girls keep on dancing through the night

The claim is on you

The sights are on me

So what do you do

That's guaranteed

Hey little girl, you want it all

The furs, the diamonds, the painting on the wall!!

 

Come on, come on, lovin for the money

Come on, come on, listen to the money talk

Come on, come on, lovin for the money

Come on, come on, listen to the money talk

The School's Out entrance doors tear apart, and wrestling's evil empire, The Enterprise wastes little time in making their presence known to the irascible audience. As gold and purple spot lights swirl about the state of the art venue, Simon Singleton, attired in black trunks with sparkling gold stars, is the first to appear for his squadron. His trusted Siclopse rests upon his shoulder, faithfully capturing an intense sermon on faith, morality, and the Dow Jones that's given by Christian Wright. The Natural is clad in bright turquoise slacks, but the terrible choice in clothing doesn't seem to dissuade Simon from video taping his associate's passionate speech. Ignoring his comrades' ridiculous endeavors, CPA ambles down the ramp, his enormous frame jammed into ill fitting black jeans and grey tanktop. Allen is quickly forgotten by both camera and crowd alike, as the blond haired turncoat, Jade Rodez makes an appearance on the entrance stage. Attired in a loose fitting pink track suit, her hands fall to her hips in a look of frigid indifference. What she lacks in emotion is more then made up for by Ned, who circles around her lean body, capturing her image on an invisible camera, while he whistles at her captivating beauty. Speaking of captivating, Mackenzie stands at Simon's side, her unruly wavy hair swept elegantly into a twist, her soft, worsted wool suit smoothed into place, her silk blouse fluffed. An alluring unignorable smile had been rehearsed, and she presents it with a casual, practiced nonchalance.

 

BUFFER

The following contest is an eight person tag team match and it is scheduled for one fall without a time limit! Introducing team number one, being accompanied to the ring by Jade Rodez and Mackenzie DeCenzo. First, he weighs in at two hundred twenty pounds, hailing from Beverly Hills, California by way of Charleston, South Carolina, he is the video voyeur, SIMON SINGLETOOOON!

 

Upon hearing his name spoken to the world, Simon turns his camera away from Wright, and onto his toothful grin, filling up the picture with a less then cool thumbs up. Thankfully he ceases the dorky gesture when an embarrassed Mackenzie slaps him upside the head.

 

BUFFER

And also from Beverly Hills, California by way of your wife's bedroom, he is The Handsome Hustler, NED BLAAAAANCHAAAARD!

 

Considering himself to be the world's most eligible bachelor and the handsomest hunk of maleness on two feet, Blanchard twirls around to showcase his sexiness to a revolted audience. They're even more revolted when Blanchard begins to MOON them. Once again, Mackenzie's violent intervention saves us from the Blonds lunacy.

 

BUFFER

And from the Collection Agency, he weighs in at two hundred and eighty pounds, he is CHRISTOPHER PATRICK ALLEN! And finally he weighs in at 8 1/3 bars of gold, from Washington DC, he is THE NATURAL CHRISTIAN WRIGHT! Together they are THE ENTEPRISE!

 

More accurately they are the team that is nearly booed out of the building by the ornery fans. Ever the ill tempered one, Blanchard is quick to pick a fight with a gang of rough looking heckles within the front row. Simon has no desire to to break up the verbal scuffle, and instead captures it on the Siclopse for posterities sake, and secretly hopes it will degenerate into a full on brawl. Violence makes for good footage after all. Jade and Mackenzie position themselves on the outside. Whereas Mackie joyfully discuss strategy with CPA and Wright, Jade simply leans against the steel barricade, offering no interest to the proceedings.

 

COLE

These people, led by Theodore Moneymaker, have done nothing but evil since they've formed as a group. Theodore Moneymaker has orchestrated Jade's turning on her brother, and has waged a war on Chicks Over Dicks simply because he doesn't approve being a lesbian.

 

COACH

Aight, son, Jade is free to make her own choice who to hang out with, she didn't get on Leon's case when he was nailing fifty year old hookers in The MILF next door, so why's he getting on her case when she wants to hang out with college educated men and women. And as for lesbians, you know if you look like Rosie O, be a dyke, I don't care, I wasn't about to hit that ass anyway. But when you got hot women, hot white women, saying they're only gonna do chicks, then you know, that pisses me off and that shit needs to be dealt with.

 

"JUST ONE ON ONE

THAT'S THE WAY WE DO IT BABY!

JUST ONE ON ONE, THAT'S THE WAY WE DO IT!

 

JUST ONE ON ONE

THAT'S THE WAY WE DO IT BABY!

JUST ONE ON ONE, THAT'S THE WAY WE DO IT!"

 

As the audience is brought to their feet by the steady rhythm of the bouncing music, the targets of their cheers, “Tremendous” Tyler and “Showtime” Shayne emerge from parting entrance doors. Bursting with eagerness to best the team that stole his manager away, Tyler emits a mighty roar as he climbs atop a locker on the entrance stage. Screaming into the night, he tears away at his stylish denim jacket and hastily discards it to the floor. His jubilation is contagious and causes the crowd to increase the intensity of their cheers. Shayne devotes his attention to the throng of teenage girls in the audience, nodding and pointing to everyone he sees, causing them to fall over with delirious delight. Eventually the two teenyboppers come together at the center of the stage, where they pass along high fives and encouraging words for the upcoming bout.

 

BUFFER

And the opponents, first from The Motor City, Detroit, Michigan, they weigh in at a total combined weight of three hundred eighty eight pounds, they are “Tremendous” Tyler, “Showtime” Shayne, they are D*LUUUXXXXXXXX!

 

The announcement of the boybander's name brings out more shrieks from the young ladies, who have pushed up to the edge of the steel barricade to get a glimpse of the hottest boys to ever grace the OAOAST'S presence. Outfitted in matching red cargo pants and tennis shoes, the boys pass along nods to their legion of adoring fans. Tyler begins to offer his denim jacket to a young girl in a wheelchair, but thinks twice, when he eyes the horrific sight of numerous women converging on her in preparation to rob her of the souvenir. Disturbed by that chilling sight, Tyler simply gives the jacket to a ringside attendant and distances himself from his crazed adorers.

 

COLE

D*LUX is a very popular duo with our female fans, and many of our male fans, if you can read between the lines, but the most popular female in their life, Jade Rodez, cruelly abandoned them to shack up with The Enterprise, a collection of cold hearted, ruthless, monsters...

 

COACH

Boo-hoo, mang! Boo-hoo! That was two months ago! Get over it! You have every fifteen year old skank in North America throwing themselves at your feet, and you're pinining over your manager? Not your bitch, not your girl, or your ho, but your manager? That's weak, son. That's weak. Do they even have testicles? Is there documented proof of Tyler and Shayne having testicles? I mean, Tyler is a girl's name and S-H-A-Y-N-E is a girl's name also. She's a character on the L Word, ask Krista, I'm sure she's done her before.

 

COLE

Coachman, that is enough!

 

Once they reach the ring the duo can't help but have their focus captured by their former best friend, Jade Rodez. They have a burning desire to reach out to her, but the fact that she's surrounded by four of the baddest men in the OAOAST prevent them from such an action. Instead they linger about the outside, depression over Jade driving down their once buoyant spirit.

 

Hey, hey, you, you

I don't like your girlfriend!

No way, no way!

I think you need a new one

Hey, hey, you, you

I could be your girlfriend!

 

Hey, hey, you, you!

I know that you like me!

No way, no way!

No, it's not a secret

Hey, hey, you, you!!

I want to be your girlfriend!

 

Well aware of who the bubblegum track belongs to, the audience pours down chants of “C-O-D! C-O-D!” from every inch of the venue. Their cheers are so loud that they can't even be drowned out by the crackling of the magnificent pink pyro waterfall that dives from the ceiling. Even the noise of the red pyro fountain, and the ensuing sparks the intertwining fireworks create isn't enough to silence the roaring fans. But as the pink and red showings fade into oblivion a yellow monster prepares to overwhelm the bleating of the fanbase.

 

BOOOOM! A golden pyro wall engulfs the entirety of the entrance, overtaking the floor, the angletron, the entry away, half the surrounding audience, and the crowd's thrilled chants. But as soon as as the golden block evaporates into a thick wall of smoke, the spectators increase their chants to unheard of decibel levels. Through this cloudy mist emerges a gorgeous picture, that of Krista Isadora Duncan, golden hair swept in front of an expression of stoic confidence. Her hips flow into a fluffy white skirt that reaches only to her mid thigh, showing off plenty of the long bare legs that fill into white platform boots. A red Bulzeye tank top that reads “Kiss of death” hangs in tattered rags off her shoulders. From behind her darts Alix Spezia, a 5'8 ball of energy, filling out faux fur covered boots, and white booty shots that sit low on her hips, leaving her sexy midriff bare and showing a hint of her purple g-string. A black Toki Doki cut off t-shirt that reads I Love LA is cropped above her abs.

 

COLE

And here come America's Sweethearts, the OAOAST tag team champions, who have had to deal with constant threats to their titles set before them by Theodore Moneymaker. They've held out thus far, but how long can they survive Moneymaker's constant assault on their title reign?

 

Ally's skipping is drawn to an abrupt halt the second Krista latches onto her arm. Unable and unwilling to escape the tight grip, she's twirled like a ballerina and pulled into her dance partner's arms. Krista gently weaves her hands along the outlines of Alix's curvy figure, her soft touch consuming every inch of Alix's figure. Grinning underneath the caressing, Alix flips an alluring kiss to camera causing cute super imposed red lips to pop on the screen.

 

BUFFER

And their partners....

 

“C-O-D! C-O-D! C-O-D!”

 

BUFFER

.....first, from Los Angeles, California, she is a two time twenty four seven champion, the CEO of Mrs.Spezia's sweeties, The Hollywood Bad Girl, ALIX MARIA SPEZIA! And her partner, from Los Angeles, California, she is a best selling author, a fitness queen, and star of the world famous FIT with KID line of exercise videos, she is Miss California Krista Isaodra Duncan! Together they are three time OAOAST world tag team champions, America's Sweethearts, and Hollywood “It” Girls, Chicks Over Dicks!

 

The duo treks down the ramp in entirely different manners. Alix pulls flowers from a miniature basket fastened to her title belt and tosses the petals to her army of wild fans. Krista, on the other hand, has to fight a desperate battle to prevent the flowers from landing in the hair the makeup department just spent the past three hours styling. When she pleads with Alix to cease her annoying activities, her appeal is greeted by the dumping of the entire basket onto her head!

 

COACH

That lesbian stuff, that's fine if it's happening on DVD, or in Coach's bedroom after we sip on some that Alize, you know, but when you wannna bring it out in public, and start treating like it's real. Naw, that shit don't fly. There ain't nothing real about love between a man and a man and a woman and a woman. It's a result of not being able to deal with members of the opposite sex, that's what Mister Moneymaker told me. He said it's a sickness, a mental illness, not something you have a parade for. Do you have a parade for a schizophrenia? Depression? No, you gotta treat it. Just like you gotta treat homosexuality.

 

The girls make their way onto the ring apron, and greet D*LUX with smiles and encouraging words. Alix tries to tell them not to waste their attention on Jade, but considering Tyler was staring at Miss Rodez when she said that, those may have been wasted words. As Alix is too busy trying to help Tyler through the painful feelings that came with seeing Jade, and Krista is wrapped up in pulling flowers out of her, Brave is required to start the bout for his unit.

 

COLE

As far as I know this will be the first time Chicks Over Dicks and D*LUX have ever been in the same ring as each other, and it will be the first time either team has met up with Christopher Patrick Allen.

 

DING DING DING!

 

And so the match begins with Shayne squaring off against the monstrous CPA. Allen's knuckles slam into his open palm, waiting for their chance to devour Shayne's face. But the boybander pays little attention to the jeans clad beast in front of him. Rather his focus, and his challenging words are directed squarely at Ned Blanchard. After each challenge, Shayne tosses a glance towards Krista to collect her approval. However, her bored expression is indecipherable, and forces Shayne to increase his efforts to draw Ned into the ring.

 

COLE

Shayne looking to get some of Ned Blanchard in the early going. I guess to impress Krista, but if Krista wants Ned beatdown I'm pretty she can and has done it herself!

 

Blanchard wants nothing to do with the energetic grappler and dismisses him with a wave of his hand. Brave isn't swayed by Ned's dismissal, however, and extends another invitation into the ring. Again Ned is unwilling to buy into his foe's threats, and remains on the ring apron, chuckling at the stupidity of the demands. Disgusted by the cowardice, Shayne mocks Ned's behavior by doing a crazed chicken dance across the floor!

 

“BAWK! BAWK! BAWK!” the audience chants, joined by Tyler and Alix. Krista merely wonders “Would a fall from the ring apron be enough to kill me?”

 

The Handsome Hustler refuses to let his honor be molested by the cretinous Texans, and finally answers Brave's call to arms. A swipe of CPA's hand brings Ned into the squared circle, where his white boots dart towards Shayne. The boybander greets his charge by grabbing onto his side and upending him with a back body drop! Blanchard's body loudly snaps upon impact with the canvas, bringing great delight to the Toyota Center crowd.

 

“SHAYNE! SHAYNE! SHAYNE!”

 

Nursing his lumbar (yay anatomy class!), Blanchard staggers to a standing position. But the second he rises, he is sent through the air by Brave's hip toss. Thankfully for The Enterprise, their man lands on his feet in the middle of the School's Out Logo. His luck ends there, however, as Showtime drives him to the canvas with a front Russian leg sweep. Brave rolls Ned's wounded corpse over for the first pin of the contest. Elderly referee Clem Buzzlefoxer scores the fall...

 

ONE

 

 

Blanchard tears his shoulder off the mat, and soon his whole body follows suit. As Shayne stands to meet him, The Ned Man peppers him with a series of left and right jabs. The fast moving strikes daze the cute teeny-bopper, and allow Ned's arms to coil around his waist for a front waistlock. He begins to lift Showtime off the canvas, but before his red tennis shoes can even get into the air, Shayne's hands clasp down on Ned's neck. His head tucks beneath Neddy's chin, and soon his whole body sags downward into a sitting position. Blanchard has little choice but to follow him down, and his jaw smacks off of the Detroiter's skull!

 

“YEAAAAA!”

 

The Handsome Hustler staggers back, blood creeping from his scowling mouth. He wants to create some distance between himself and his rival, but Shayne will grant him no such benefit and topples him with a running dropkick! The crowd is ecstatic and salutes Shayne with a round of applause, which he responds to by pumping his fist and beating his chest. Once he's through with his celebration, he tags Tyler Bryant, allowing his best friend to join in the fun of attempting to get on Krista's good side by smacking down her old flame.

 

COLE

We see Jade Rodez on the outside, her face looks like it's carved out of ice, there isn't a single detectable expression coming off her.

 

Blanchard stands up, ready to to make up for his previous gaffes by crushing Tyler under foot. Unfortunately, little Tyler has become preoccupied with the task acquiring a microphone. When a ringside attendant grants him his wish, he decides to totally ignore Ned, and pay tribute to music legends The Backstreet Boys, by performing their late nineties hit Everybody.

 

“Am I original?” His soft voice croons

 

“YEAAAAAAH!”

 

The production department proves they have asense of humor, by dimming the lights to a soft pink that plays sensually off the boybander's glistening skin.

 

“Am I the only one?”

 

“YEAAAAAAH!”

 

“Am I sexual?”

 

“YEAAAA!”

 

“Am I everything you need, you bettah rock ya body now! Everybody....yeaaaaah....everybody rock ya body right. D*LUX'S back alright...”

 

More of 98 Degrees man then a Backstreet Boy, Ned has had enough of D*LUX's TRL-esque tomfoolery. Thus he seeks to silence Ty with a basic shoulder block. Unfortunately for Ned and his eardrums, Tyler combats his charge by smashing boot into his midsection. But Ned shrugs aside the pain to make another attempt on his musical foe. However, Tyler delays his effort with an index finger into the air and a warning of “This is my big solo, man!”

 

As a spotlight from the heavens highlights the musical angel, he belts slow notes gripped by pure passion , “So everybody, everywhere, don't be afraid, don't have no feaaaaar I'm gonna tell the world, make ya understhaand As long as there'll be music, we'll be comin' back agaaaain! Ahhhhhh! Everybody....yeaaaaah....everybody rock ya body right. D*LUX'S back! Alright!”

 

Applause for Tyler's tremendous musical ability reach epic proportions, earthquaking the arena, and further delving Ned into the depths of insanity. So consumed with disgust and disbelief, he fails to notice the house lights have returned to normal. Even worse, he neglects to observe that Tyler has maneuvered to his side. It's only midway through the side Russian leg sweep that Ned realizes Tyler's position. By the time he thinks to do anything, the leg sweep has already dumped him into the canvas. As the crowd salutes his show of skill, Tyler pins his foe...

 

ONE

 

TWO

 

But Ned shoots his shoulder off the canvas. He steps upright, and immediately goes on the attack, hammering his rival's adorable face with closed fist. The illegal strikes back Ty into a neutral corner. Yet he doesn't stay in that position for very long, as Blanchard whips him across the ring. Bryant's back smashes into the turnbuckle, and he casts out a sharp groan of agony. Upon hearing Ty's tortured cries, Ned's eyes narrow into sinister slits, and he darts towards the teeny-bopper with murder on his mind. But his evil intentions never see the light of day, as Tyler bests his charge with a Yakuza Kick! Face obliterated by the deathly strike, The Handsome Hustler timbers backwards, joined in descent by anguished cries.

 

“TYLER! TYLER! TYLER!” the young ladies in the audience chant.

 

The recipient of the audience's love journeys to the highest turnbuckle, where he patiently waits for his beleaguered rival to rise. When the Ned finally reaches an unsteady vertical base, Ty-Bry (cute nickname!) damns him with further misery by dismounting his perch and attacking Blanchard with a cross body block. Despite numerous shouts of “Watch out, man!” from CPA, the three time tag team champion fails to avoid the incoming missile, and the chiseled chest of Tyler Bryant crashes through his upper body. Both competitors topple downward, and referee is quick to score the fall. Well as quick as a near ninety year old can possibly be.

 

ONE!

 

 

TWO!

 

One again Ned pushes aside certain doom with a hasty kickout. As a nervous sweat grips hold of his rough skin, Ned speedily moves to his feet. The lone objective on his mind is reaching his corner to make a tag with his infinitely fresher Enterprise mates. Unfortunately a two hundred pound wall of teenage sex appeal named Tyler Bryant serves as a formidable obstacle to this goal. However, Ned has zero intention of letting the former American Idol contestant keep him from safety. With dismissive finality, Blanchard tries to brush past Ty. Unfortunately for the Ned Man, Tyler quickly clamps down on him with a front facelock. The Handsome one promptly begins thrashing and bucking his body against Bryant's grip. Tyler's minimal strength isn't enough to contain Ned, and eventually the man escapes. He makes use his freedom by taking hold of Ty's arm and wrenching it around in a deliberate manner. When it reaches the height of the air, Ned snaps it down, sending shockwaves of pressure through Tyler's aggrieved limb. Bryant tries to slink away, but the power of Ned's grip is too much to overcome, and the sudden movement only burdens him with more pain.

 

COACH

The Ned Man knows the pro wrestling backwards and forwards. This cat is always on his game, you can't keep him down but for maybe three seconds.

 

COLE

Well, three seconds is all you need keep him down for.

 

Still in possession of Ty's arm, Blanchard bombards the boy's ribcage with two quick kicks. Bryant doubles over in agony, the wind all but drained from him. Ned takes advantage of his moment of weakness by leaping into the sky and smashing the sole of his boot into his face. As Bryant plummets downwards, Ned captures his moment of misery on an imaginary camera phone, a gesture that does not endear him to the capacity crowd.

 

“BLANCHARD'S A PUSSY! BLANCHARD'S A PUSSY!”

 

“Hey, if you like to screw goats, say Blanchard's a pussy!” Ned screams.

 

WRIGHT

BLANCHARD'S A PUSSY!

 

KRISTA

 

While the world is left to ponder what manner of insanity was going through Wright's mind at that exact moment, Ned journeys to his corner to apply a tag with Simon. Once he gets onto the ring apron, The Ned Man makes certain to position himself as far away from Wright as humanely possible.

 

Upon entering the ring, the former sultan of sarcasm arrogantly rakes his boot across the face of his downed rival. Leaving his foe to nurse a bruised cheekbone on the mat, Simon raises his hands in triumph and shouts

 

“Hey!”

 

“BOOOOOOO!” the audience responds.

 

“Hey!”

 

“BOOOOOO!”

 

“If you want sixteen thousand dollars of Theodore Moneymaker's cash, chant Simon is the sexiest man on earth!”

 

“BOOOOOO!”

 

Singleton grows tried of his argument with the audience and refocuses himself on the task of defeating Tyler. He scrapes his enemy off the canvas, and grabs his left arm to violently twist it behind his back in a hammerlock. Grinning with devilish delight, Simon then drives the opponent backward, smashing him into the corner, with all the impact and pain going directly to the twisted arm. Tyler puts forth a blood curdling scream that brings many a tear to the female audience members. Simon is less then sympathetic to TyBry's issues, and joyfully heaps on the punishment. With the hammerlock still attached, Si raises the whimpering child into the air. After three agonizing seconds pass, The Video Voyeur drives him down onto his back, crashing his entire weight onto the previously injured left arm. The situation further deteriorates for Tyler when Simon drops to the mat and drives a barrage of knees into the battered limb. Each strike generates a terrible shout of anguish from the Tremendous one, and a round of applause from The Enterprise.

 

“Come on, Tyler!” Krista shouts, as Simon efforts a pinfall...

 

ONE

 

TWO

 

But Tyler pops out of the pin, greatly pleasing his large fanbase.

 

Grabbing hold of his highlighted hair, Simon leads Bryant upright and flings him into the black ropes. As his partner nears, Shayne leans out for a blind tag. His hand moves a bit too slowly, and misses his incoming ally, forcing Tyler into a one way collision course with Si's fist. Fortunately for fourteen year old girls everywhere, TyBry avoids the face caving move, by slicing through Singleton's chest with diving shoulder block! As Simon is left nursing his battered pectorals, the Houstontonians, or Houstoners, or whatever the hell they're called, celebrate Tyler's offense with a rousing round of applause.

 

COACH

What I want to know is where are the applause for financial success? Where are the cheers for managing your money to great wealth? That's what's sexy. Mutual funds is what the hood is checkin for. Moneymaker got 50 Cent lighting up his cell about NASDAQ, got Cam getting at Christian about diversifying his bonds. Corny ass west coast rappers like Snoop, Game, they down with COD. Mad homo if you ask me.

 

COLE

Not only did no one ask you, but no one even knows what you just said.

 

Tyler increases the audience's joy by leaps and bounds, when he retreats to his corner and applies the tag with The Hollywood Bad Girl Alix Maria Spezia. The audience lets loose with a monstrous cheer for Alix's first appearance into the contest. Thankfully for Mackie their joy distracts them from noticing her own smile over Alix ,or more correctly, Alix and the skimpy little shorts that bless Mackie with a lovely view of half of her delectable tush.

 

COLE

Mackie may be more happy then the audience to see Alix, and that's really saying something!

 

The fast paced action grinds to a halt when Ally and Simon agree to engage in an opening lockup. The two tussle with one another, neither seeming able to gain an upper hand until Singleton calls forth a gust of brute force and heaves Ally Cat into the ropes. The referee quickly moves in to call for a clean break. But before this can happen, Alix overtakes Simon, who's made the critical error of weakening his grip, and backs him off the rope. Although befuddled to have conceded the advantage, Simon's tenacity quickly recaptures it and he shoves The Hollywood Bad Girl into a near corner. With her buxom figure mashed against the sharp steel of the turnbuckle by his two hundred odd pounds, Spezia desperately searches for a key to freedom. Unfortunately her enemy is frantically searching for a way to dump her over the ropes, having his arms around her slender waist, and trying to elevate her with his broad shoulders. Buzzlefoxer implores the fighter's to give him some sort of clean break, but the two show no respect for authority, more determined to maim each other then listen to him. Simon steps a few inches back from Alix, deciding after all that he doesn't wish to dump her to the outside mats. Now his goal appears to be wiping her bubblegum pink lips off her face! He cruelly presses his fingers against her visage while still stabbing his shoulder into her bare stomach. Spezia's lone weapon against this dishonorable tactic is to open her mouth wide and violently clamp down on his index and middle finger with her pearly whites! A piercing roar of agony escapes from Singleton's lungs, as he pulls his bleeding fingers back from her iron grip. Silverman seizes on this moment to interject himself, before catty Alix's fangs reattempt their effort to tear Singleton's digits off.

 

“Jesus christ, old man, this woman bit me!” Simon screams to the referee, his face burning with incredulous outrage.

 

Ally plays innocent victim, putting on such an adorable face that it's nearly impossible for the referee to muster to necessary sternnesses to reprimand her. Thus he turns to Simon, and beseeches the native South Carolinian to settle down and ignore the cheap shot. Singleton is level-headed enough not to pursue further argument.

 

“ALIX! ALIX! ALIX!”

 

The competitors return to their familiar collar and elbow tie up position. Fortunately for Buzzlefoxer, who isn't certain he'll be able to again put out the flames they instigate, the hold remains bite free with Alix going into a pedestrian side headlock. Singleton attempts to worm his way out of her hold, but frustratingly finds that she merely stiffens the grip to keep him locked down. Unable to power out of her clutches, Simon resorts to pelting her in her exposed ribs with short but painful jabs. Spezia tries to hold firm in the face of these rapid fire punches, but in the end they prove lethal and damaging enough to achieve Simon's goal of eroding her grapple. Taking advantage of the fact that he no longer feels like he has a noose around his neck, Singleton places his hands on Alix's bare r back and gives her a push to the ropes. On her return, she lowers her head like some sort of raging bull through an Italian street. Rather then have her chocolate hair covered head smash into his testicles, Simon takes a wise action, and leap frogs her, figuring he can take her out with a clothesline on her next run of the ropes. However, there won't be another run of the ropes as Ally rolls underneath Simon's airborne legs. Singleton lands with nothing but the anti-Enterprise crowd in front of him, and a very dangerous opponent behind him! The culinary sensation laces her lovely legs around Simon's right leg, and before the tag team champion can even entertain the idea of formulating a counter his entire world turns beige as he's cruelly dropped face first to the mat.

 

COLE

That's one move the Video Voyeur has to hope wasn't captured on camera. Too bad Simon, it's being broadcasted to millions worldwide, and we thank you for joining us this evening.

 

Simon, his aching head swimming, slowly gets on all fours still unsure over what just hit him. He's given a quick and highly annoying reminder as Ally Cat rear waistlocks him, then swings her five feet eight inches over to his side, pulling him onto his back in a pinning situation. However her tug on the sarcastic one may have to be too tight as she ends up yanking Simon over onto his stomach before even getting a single one count. Now resting across his back Alix thinks she still holds a strong advantage, and doesn't feel much of a need to press the fight. This momentarily lapse in competitive drive permits a grounded Simon to get a solid hold on her body and stand himself up with her draped over his shoulders in a fireman's carry position. Although stunned to now be slung over the Enterprise lackey's upper back, the bubbly covergirl composes herself in a timely fashion and uses her considerable agility to roll down his back, trying to suck him into a pinfall. Singleton is wise to this crafty trick, and bends his knees to maintain his leverage. Concluding that Double S isn't going to go down no matter how much she may like, the California hottie scoops herself up and heads to the ring cables. Upon her return she flicks her arm out and slashes her palm across his face with a vile open hand slap! Simon's neck snaps backwards, sending his jeri curled hair flinging about the air. The stringed strands are joined by a wad of spit, as the crowd reacts with glee over his misery.

 

“YOU GOT BITCH SLAPPED! YOU GOT BITCH SLAPPED!”

 

Simon, obviously, is less then delighted and asks Alix, “Who the hell do you think you are?”

 

To which Alix responds by doing her best R.Kelly impression and singing “Don't ask me what my name is. Stupid bitch I'm famous!”

 

SLAP!

 

The fierce shot flings the six man tag champ backwards, and he splatters onto the mat with dynamic impact.

 

“ALIX! ALIX! ALIX!”

 

As Simon's vision swims into a blurred chaos, Alix drapes her arm across his chest for a pinfall..

 

CROWD

ONE

 

CROWD

TWO

 

Thankfully, Double S kicks out, meaning he will not endure the humiliation of being the first person to ever be pinned by a bitch slap. Sick of being made a fool of, Simon quickly rolls to his corner to tag in a man who's entire life is nothing but constant embarrassment, The Natural Christian Wright. CW enters the bout along with a heaping of boos and taunts. However Wright has a silver lining in this hateful cloud, and that's a man in his mid forties wearing a homemade Christian Wright t-shirt. Why homemade, because as stupid as the oaoast merchandising department is (see: the Ned Blanchard burka), they aren't stupid enough to make a Christian Wright t-shirt. Though the gentlemen is yammering on his cellphone, Wright feels a pressing need to call out to his fan. His only fan.

 

“Salutations, dear chap!” Wright greets him.

 

The man puts down his phone and says, “Fuck you! My wife’s at home going down on the pool boy, because she's pissed I came to see you wrestle on her birthday! You’ve ruined my family, you've ruined thirty years of faithful marriage! I hope you die!” The man complains before breaking down in tears.

 

Christian has little time to grouse about the loss of his lone follower, as his thoughts are occupied with the task of combating Ally. He springs towards her with an extended elbow, but the sex kitten nixes this move by slicing her furry footwear into his stomach. The shot doubles The Natural over and leaves him wheezing with labored breathes,.

 

Wright's ex-number one fan starts up once more, “Do you hear that sound, Christian? That's the sound of my wife getting tag teamed by the cable guy and the mailman, while I pay four hundred dollars to watch you get your ass kicked by a one hundred twenty pound woman. Fuck you!”

 

Sympathetic to the man's plight the fans target Wright with chants of “JESUS HATES YOU! JESUS HATES YOU!”

 

The macabre theater of CW's life continues with Alix snatching him into a front underhook. While Christian embarrassingly struggles to break the grip of a woman he outweighs by over a hundred pounds, Alix tilts her head to Mackenzie. With inviting brown eyes fluttering, she seductively traces her tongue across her sultry lips. It's a gesture that would melt panties and part legs at The Palms Lesbian bar on Santa Monica, but here in Houston, Mackenzie maintains enough of her composure to feign indifference and hide her obvious sapphic lust. Poor Wright gets no such gesture and is instead double armed DDT into the canvas. A pin quickly follows....

 

CROWD

ONE!

 

CROWD

TWO!

 

Wright scrapes his shoulder off the canvas, which thrills absolutely no one. Despite his agonizing headache, The Natural springs to his feet amazingly quickly. Unfortunately he can offer no offensive attack as Alix launches him into the cables. As he runs the ropes, she breaks out some cute Saturday Night Fever disco moves. Halfway through his return, he turns his body into a Brooks Brothers clothed twister with a spinning back hand blow. But when his whirling frame turns to face Ally Cat, she leaps into his beefy chest and pummels him with an inverted lung blower. The tremendous blow rips the breath out of Wright's body and flings his deflated carcass over onto the canvas.

 

Ally screams to the audience, “Show face Byrdgang! Red rag burnin till da world stop turnin.”

 

Though the audience (and Alix herself) has no idea what that sentence even means they still sing, “ALIX! ALIX! ALIX!”

 

Despite having nineteen thousand people chant her name, Alix moonwalks to her corner where she brings in the equally popular Krista Isaodra Duncan. The Texans almost literally tear the roof off the arena with gargantuan cheers for the queen of thigh shaping, abs flattening, and BUTT sculpting exercise videos.

 

“KRISTA! KRISTA! KRISTA!”

 

Krista's gaze is quickly caught by the ice cold Jade Rodez who's standing with an expression of haunting vacancy. Her typically black heart reaches out to her former protege, but unfortunately her rival reaches out with his arm and clobbers her down with a diving lariat. Wright moves quickly to capitalize on his first bit of good fortune. He leads Krista to her feet by her sun streaked hair, then coils his arms around her slender waist. From there Wright arches backwards planting Miss California into the canvas with a bridged German Suplex. Yet before Buzzlefoxer can even count the pin, Shayne Brave darts into the battleground to end the fall with kick to Wright's ribs.

 

“YEAAAAA!”

 

As Krista gets to her feet, Wright swings his elbow into her back. Her spine already damaged from the suplex, the blonde bombshell feels a jolt of pain rip across her back as she's thrown against the ropes. CW raises his fist and charges yet again. But Krista catches Wright's forearm across her arm, and in one fluid motion, bends him backwards to strike him against her outstretched knee. The blow generates a thud so sonorous that Krista can feel her teeth vibrating in response. Steeling her trembling body, the blond sex kitten angles Wright back upright. She performs a back flip onto her stomach, forcing a hollering Christian to go airborne with her. The Natural is deposited into a forward roll, brutally landing on his back at the hands of Everybody hates Kris (back flip rock bottom). The ring ripples beneath the monumental impact of Krista and her mangled adversary, and Alix and D*LUX clap excitedly for her moment of victory.

 

”KRISTA! KRISTA! KRISTA!”

 

Never one to miss a chance to tone her beautifully sculpted body, even if it conflicts with a major pay per view, Krissy begins doing pushups in the center of the ring. Sadly, Wright can't use her moment of exercise to catch his breath, as her hand is wrapped around his neck, choking the life out of him, while using him as a spot at the same time.

 

COACH

She..she can't do that!

 

COLE

I don't see why not she's the queen of an international fitness empire. It's her job to do that.

 

COACH

By that logic someone needs to make her queen of the strip club down the street! Holla!

 

Through with her workout routine, Krista grabs a thick clump of Wright's dark hair, and uses it to pull him to a standing position. However, she's given a terrible fright as Wright's fist hurtles through the sky straight at her. The split second she has to react isn't nearly enough time, and the strike slams into her ample chest sending her into the ropes. Wright seizes on the opportunity Krista's vulnerability has presented. He angrily brings a fist around and slugs her in the side of the head, then hits her again, and then a third time. As a result of the brutal pounding, the exhausted tag champ teeters sideways, heading to the floor. But Wright keeps her upright with a firm clamp of her arm. He then whips her into the ropes. But the Hollywood sex kitten recovers enough of her strength to reverse the move and sends The Natural scuttling into the cables. The elasticity of the ropes returns Wright directly into the path of a KID elbow. BAM! The jagged strike cuts across the moral superior's face. BAM! BAM! Two more blows slice through Wright's face, mangling his skin like it was tender meat. As CW is riddled dazed by the torrent of blows, Krista removes a compact mirror from her slinky top, and revels in the glory of her angelic beauty. Finally she plants a tender kiss on her gorgeous reflection, then tosses it over the ropes into the overly eager hands of Mackenzie DeCenzo.

 

Mackie flips the compact mirror open to see the words Call me! 310-550-4899 scrawled in lipstick above the kiss print on the glass. She begins to smile, but catches herself when she realizes her “love that dare not speak it's name” is being watched and recorded by a world of millions.

 

COACH

That is dyke bait! And you need to complain about that type of harassment! If Ned tossed a matchbook to Maggie Nerdly you'd be going ape shit, Cole.

 

COLE

That's because Ned is a misogynist, a sexual deviant, a racist, a homophobe, a delusional psychopath, a pathological lair, a narcissist, and a deadbeat dad, not to mention that he's old enough to be Maggie's father.

 

While Wright exerts a grand effort to stand , his archenemy carts herself to ropes. But instead of running back like normal, she once again takes an opportunity to belittle her oft-humiliated opponent. She grooves across the floor with a spicy salsa dance, her curvaceous hips seducing the crowd into a spellbound arousal. Her hands flick at her flirty skirt to tempt them with teasing views of the lace panties that scarcely cover her lean tight ass. Faced with the sexy exhibition, Wright makes certain to cover his “harry n' the hendersons” so he doesn't suffer an unfortunate Anglemania “trouser tent” redux. Unfortunately this leaves his face open to the knee strike she slams across his nose! While the audience cheers her signature move, she sticks her platform heel onto Wright's chest, and pins him with the following famous pose...

 

 

COLE

She's got a little Captain in her!

 

COACH

Along with some Miller Lite, some Bud ice, some King Cobra, some Tequila and some vodka.

 

Buzzlefoxer counts the “Captain's” pin..

 

CROWD

ONE

 

 

CROWD

TWO

 

But, Wright shoots his shoulder off the mat, earning applause and cheers from his stablemates. Krista decides she's had enough of flogging the OAOAST's official whipping boy for one night, and moves to her corner to bring Shayne into the bout. In an odd (for pro wrestling at least) act of politeness Shayne profusely thanks Krista for the tag. Once the overblown pleasantries are done with, Shayne grabs onto Wright's eighty five dollar slacks and pulls him to his feet. He terrorizes the financial guru with a chop to the chest that propels CW into a neutral corner. Wright has little time to lick his wounds, however, as Showtime quickly flings him into the opposite corner. He trails The Natural's path, seeking to flatten the man with an avalanche. But such a plan is rendered impossible when Wright attaches his hands onto the ring ropes and uses them as a base to fling himself over his incoming foe. The crowd favorite puts on the brakes before his flesh can be mangled by the steel ring ropes. He then whips around and brings up his arm to fire a left cross. But he doesn't get the shot off; Christian's sparkling dress shoe slams into his face with a superkick, rocketing him into the ring posts!

 

“BOOOOO!”

 

Both competitors stagger away from the corner, Shayne hampered by the searing pain in his face, and Wright crippled by exhaustion. It's Wright's tired state that permits ShayBray (more cute nicknames!) to go on offensive despite the superkick he just endured. He leaps onto the second rope then launches his one hundred eighty two pounds at his beleaguered rival. But the Washington DC native recovers midway through Shayne's descent and slams a dropkick into the boy's thin chest. The over priced shoes slam into his Shayne's flesh, sending him tumbling literally head over heels and into the canvas bellow!

 

COLE

If you're a D*LUX fan, and I'm sure many of you at home are you can't be pleased with that sight.

 

Wright removes Shayne from the canvas and throws him into the ring ropes. When Showtime returns, CW abruptly angles his leg forward, slamming his foot at Shayne in one rapid motion. Brave barley manages to yank his head clear. As he ducks past he feels a slight tug on his hair, the shoe catching onto the sandy blond strands, but better ripped hair then a shattered face. Moving past Wright, Shayne bounces off the opposite ropes, and surges back to him with a lariat. But Wright defeats the fast moving strike, by catching Shayne's body horizontally in his arms. Fully in control of his foe, The Natural suddenly rotates backwards and dives down with a fierce powerslam. The referee counts the resulting pinfall....

 

ONE

 

 

TWO

 

But Shayne pulls his shoulder off the mat gaining a delightful wave of joy from the audience.

 

COLE

Although I'm loathe to do such a thing, I must give Christian Wright credit. He has spent the majority of the match in the ring for his team and is still managing to string together some impressive offensive efforts.

 

Showtime springs to his feet and peppers CW with surprise right hands, earning huge cheers from the sold out crowd as a result. Wright is stunned by the resurgent nature of his advesary. Yet his surprise doesn't hinder him from returning the strikes, which he does with deathly force. Shayne's head is violently jolted from side to side, and it appears his entire body may capsize under the weight of Wright's strikes…but then he amazingly leaps forward and slashes Wright with a forearm! As the crowd’s cheering increases ten fold, the gutsy cruiserweight and the despised moral superior furiously hammer each other with colossal death blows. However it's not long before CW gains the upper hand in the bout. He scores big with a devastating left-right combination that stuns the boybander and nearly knocks him off his tennis shoes. Before Brave can tumble into a pain induced chasm, CW grabs his arm and whips him across the ring. ShayBray collides with a neutral corner's turnbuckle with disturbing force, the breath all but sucked out of him. He stumbles away from the posts, seeking a tag with mates who seem to be miles away. Wishing to capitalize on Showtime's current state, Wright suddenly breaks into a sprint and charges directly at the heartthrob. As Wright approaches Shayne, he lashes out with a murderous arm, aiming it directly at the child's head.

 

POW!!

 

The shot connects with pinpoint accuracy, and the ground under Brave's feet explodes away as he's sent flying away as a result of the deadly strike. He land on the mat, a fractured heap of busted bones and blood soaked pain. Behind him lies twenty thousand people chanting his name, but it's not enough to will him upright, and CW lies across his figure for a pin.

 

ONE

 

 

TWO

 

Shayne gets a shoulder up with the ref’s hand mere centimeters from the mat. A disgusted Wright tosses Brave's body aside aside and begins to climb to his feet. Though the finance wizard would love to further assert his dominance over Shayne, his mortal exhaustion restrains him from such an action and requires him to place a tag to The Enterprise's heavy hitter, Christopher Patrick Allen.

 

COLE

The prostate is found by placing a well-lubricated finger inside the anus. Once you feel the sensation of pushing against a walnut-sized lump, you have reached the prostate.

 

The only person not to exert a single speck of energy within this contest, Allen is quite eager to proclaim his superiority over his far smaller rivals. He drags Shayne's limp figure off the canvas, then deposits it into the ring ropes. Surprisingly, the teen idol experiences a brief recovery on his return, and swings his body across CPA's backside for a crucifix pin. But the beast remains upright, staunchly refusing to be felled by the plucky high flyer. In a white hot fury, Shayne lashes out with his fists, pummeling the muscular neck of his opponent. The two of them, locked in a violent struggle, make their way to the ring's edge. Shayne's trashing grows wilder, and his punches turn more crazed by the second. More annoyed then hurt by torrent of strikes, Allen muscles the youngster onto his broad shoulders. From there Brave is twirled like a helicopter, and his one hundred eighty pounds are impaled across the top ring ropes. The cables strike him hard and shred his midsection before dumping him onto the apron. On the outside Jade looks non plussed by her former charge's incredible suffering.

 

“The Enterprise, ladies and gentlemen! The Enterprise!” Makcenzie merrily shouts.

 

“LET'S GO SHAYNE! LET'S GO SHAYNE!

 

Dazed and bewildered, Shayne uses the the support of the crowd to motivate him to his feet. But when he rises, he's immobilized by the unbreakable grip of CPA's front face lock. Brave's left hand latches onto the bottom rope in defense, but this does nothing to prevent the brawler from dragging him into the sky. Showcasing his studly victim to the wrathful crowd, Allen ventures back towards the center of the ring. Unfortunately his moment to taunt the Texans has not come without peril; Shayne has regained a bit of his strength and uses it to slide his body free of the troublesome monster. He lands on his feet and instantly coils his hands around Allen's neck. Before CPA even comprehends that Shayne is not within his grasp, his neck is being spiked off the canvas with a crowd thrilling neck breaker!

 

“Come on, big country! Get up!” Simon screams his encouragement.

 

Shayne spots Alix leaning over the ropes, and yearning for a tag. Thrilled to have a chance to rest his haggard bones, he eagerly tags in the bouncy brunette. Alix vaults over the ropes, extending her eye catching legs into a slingshot dropkick. Her boots hit at full speed, cutting across CPA's chest and floating wads of white fur into the air. CPA remains upright but bounds back with as much force as he was hit with. In spite of all this, his punching left arm quickly cuts through the slow rain of fuzz Alix's boots left behind. The Hollywood Bad Girl reacts with supernatural speed, and lets his arm land across her's to set up of the True Life: I Just Got Beat up by a Girl(STO). But CPA will let no such move occur, and shoves Alix to the ropes. Unfortunately for him, Ally uses her new position to her advantage, and leaps onto the third rope only to spring off it seconds later. CPA lurches forward assuming he can simply swat her from the air. The proves to be an erroneous thought on his part, as Alix crooks her arm across his head, then dives downwards, driving his balding head into the canvas with the Sucker Free DDT. CPA emits a terrible roar that sounds something like a gathering tornado as the crowd bleats Alix's name.

 

ALIX! ALIX!

 

“Psh! I could do this blindfolded!” Alix's brags.

 

“Be my guest, sweetie.” Krista responds coyly, holding up a blindfold.

 

“Aah! Maybe not today. Heh-heh.”

 

Hoping to make everyone forget about her moment of cowardice, The Hollywood Bad Girl zips towards the ropes. Rather then run back, as would be the custom, she does a graceful cartwheel, and extends her billion dollar body out when she nears her rival. She collides into him with a body splash, making a move to hook his leg for a pinfall the second she lands. Clem drops to his arthritic knees to count the pin.

 

CROWD

ONE

 

Allen kicks out, using his impressive strength to toss lightweight Alix off of him. Being flung halfway across the ring by an ex convict doesn't seem to deter our heroine, and she blindly charges the six man champ. However, he greets her charge with a knee to the gut that subdues her enormous spirit and puts her totally under his control. The musclebound brute then manhandles her into a neutral corner, where he obliterates her with an army of perfectly placed elbow strikes to her busty chest. The debt collector leaves her a coughing and wheezing mess in the corner and backs up towards the center of the ring. He builds up a head of steam, before dashing towards her with a corner avalanche. Unluckily for her plastic surgeon's bank account, Ally avoids the implants busting move, by diving out of the way at the last possible second. Instead of a mound of silicone, it's CPA's brawny upper body that's besmeared across the rock hard turnbuckles. Alix isn't much for sympathy, and piles on the misery by grabbing a chunk of his nappy (no racist!!!) hair and savagely ramming his face into the top post. The bubbly babe, gleefully invites the audience to count along with each one of her savage strikes.

 

“ONE!”

 

“TWO!”

 

“THREE!”

 

“FOUR!”

 

“FIVE!”

 

“SIX!”

 

“SEVEN!”

 

“EIGHT!”

 

“NINE!”

 

“TEN!”

 

WRIGHT

By the gods, someone get him out of there!

 

SINGLETON

Why don't you get him out of there?

 

WRIGHT

........

 

SINGLETON

..........

 

“ELEVEN!”

 

“TWELVE!” “THIRTEEN!” “FOURTEEN!” “FIFTEEN.”.....

 

”SWEET SIXTEEN!”

 

COLE

That move is called My Super Sweet Sixteen!

 

The series is neither super, nor sweet for CPA, who can scarcely recollect his own name, where he's from, or what he's doing here. He wobbles out of the corner, seeing doubles of everyone in the bout, and can hardly stand on his own two feet. Fortunately he doesn't have to do that last part for very long, as the perky diva takes him to the mat with a simple leg sweep. She delays dumping more gloom onto CPA's landscape long enough to lean over the ropes and flip a loving kiss to Mackie. Keenly aware that the cameras and eyes of millions are on her, DeCenzo catches it and cruelly slams it into the ground. What the camera (but not Alix) fails to notice is Mackenzie frantically diving onto the mats to scoop up the “kiss” and place into her shirt as though it were an irreplaceable jewel. Meanwhile, Alix returns to task at hand and drives the point of her bare knee onto the top of CPA's forehead. The once moaning bruiser goes silent the moment the strike connects, and his dark eyes turn vacant, leaving him open to a pinfall.

 

CROWD

ONE

 

CROWD

TWO

 

The Handsome Hustler destroys the pinfall, earning himself a considerable amount of heel heat in the process. While the audience batters Neddy Bear with taunts and jeers, Alix refocuses herself on the task of defeating one third of six man champs. She watches CPA drag his carcass upright, then snags onto his thick arm to whip him towards a neutral corner. However, Allen reverses the basic hold, shifting his bodyweight, and using Alix's momentum against her to pull her into a short arm lariat. Miss Spezia topples to the canvas bellow, deeply injured by the awesome force of Allen's strike. She tries to rise to her feet, but the crippling power of the attack leaves her unable to do much more then weep soft cries of pain. Her slender body does begin to move, however, but it's only due to the fact that Allen is dragging her towards his team. He makes the tag to Ned Blanchard, wrestling's hunkiest deadbeat dad this side of Jake Roberts. Aside from one or two horny old women in the nosebleeds, the audience is none to happy to see the detested heel enter the warzone and they aren't shy about expressing their displeasure. Their hatred draws Ned's ire, and the frustration leads him to flash the one finger salute. The crowd responds in kind with chants of “POODLE DOODLE! POODLE DOODLE!”

 

Confused Ned turns to Simon and wonders, “What's that mean?”

 

Embarrassed by the actual meaning, Simon has to whisper it into Ned's ear. The state definition quickly saps the color from Ned's face, and forces smoke to pour from every pore in his body. “You people are disgusting!” he laments, a horrible mental image etching it's way into the permanent storage of his corrupted mind.

 

COACH

Ned Blanchard is absolutely right, the OAOAST attracts some of the worst, most degenerate creeps in America to it's show!

 

COLE

Probably because we have one of the worst, most degenerate creeps sitting at our announce table.

 

COACH

Don't be so hard on yourself, dawg.

 

Ned's spirits are quickly lifted when he realizes that he's in the ring with a smoldering Latina beauty. Unfortunately those spirits quickly plummet when that same beauty begins shredding his skin with elbow strikes. The damage of the rapid strikes forces Ned to beat a hasty retreat , and he takes off for the ropes. When he returns he attempts to go on the offensive by shredding through Ally Cat with a spear. But Alix uses her gymnast level agility to leap over his approaching body, and the Handsome Hustler continues to run the ropes. His second rebound is far more painful then the previous one; Alix horsewhips her flashy footwear into his face with a crowd popping dropsault. While The Hollywood Bad Girl lands perfectly on her feet Ned is thunderclapped into the mat bellow, the impact of his two hundred forty pounds shaking the ring to it's very core.

 

“FIRE BLANCHARD! FIRE BLANCHARD!” the audience sends their message to the oaoast brass.

 

Ignoring the fans' calls for his termination, Ned gathers his weary bones off the canvas. He has little interest in being on the receiving of any more aerial assaults, thus his sleazy mind concocts a scheme that will play to Alix's vanity, preserve his safety, and allow him to spit game on the Hispanic honey. An imaginary camera phone emerges from an imaginary pocket in his tights, and with puppy dog eyes, Blanchard implores Ally to cease the violence and strike a few cute poses. While Alix may not be the sharpest knife in anyone's drawer, she's at least smart enough not to fall for Neddy Bear's lecherous schemes. Growling with exaggerated anger, she violently shreds the camera phone from Ned's fingertips. Nervous, he begs retreat as sweat oozes from beneath the thinning hair on his head. But Alix will afford him no clemency, and she knocks him out by smashing the phone into his forehead! Blanchard falls to the canvas, left a delirious mess by the blistering torment of Alix's phone attack.

 

“Ahh my head! Sweet lordie, my head! I can't see! I'm blind! I'm concussed! You witch! You've destroyed my career!” Ned laments.

 

“Uh, Ned?” Simon begins. “That was an imaginary phone. Remember?”

 

“Oh yeah.”

 

Strangely unembarrassed by his gross idiocy, Ned leaps to his feet to continue the brawl with Alix. However, neither competitor is much for the basic fisticuffs and they both take off to opposite ends of the ring. When they hit the ropes, their respective partners, Krista and Simon slap their backs for a blind tag. They bound back towards each other, Ned's arm extended, Alix's knee raised, flicking out their weapons to skewer one another. But each superstar misses their target, and instead they sail towards the waiting treachery of their foe's partner. As Alix and Ned near the danger zone, Simon and Krista gleefully launch their bodies over the top rope, wiping their enemies out cross body blocks! Both grousing in anguish, Ned and Alix roll out of the battle field, leaving their allies to wage the war they've begun. Simon strikes first and strikes hard, winging left hooks into Krista's cheek. Miss California can barely block the wild attacks, and they jostle her into a neutral corner.

 

COLE

Simon not really known as a brawler, but if he wants to hurt you with his fists, he's not going to have much trouble doing it.

 

For a few brief seconds Simon stands in the center of the ring, pointing towards Krista, his slow Southern drawl informing the fans of what agony he's about to strike her with. But Simon's seconds of arrogance are all Krista needs to recover her strength and when he charges in, he's greeted by an elbow slamming into his mouth. He's involuntarily shoved backwards, gasping, hand covering his swollen lips. While Singleton remains under a state of duress, she elevates her platformed heels to the second turnbuckle. Problematically it's takes quite a bit of time to properly position the cumbersome heels, and by the time she's on balance, Double S has regained all his strength. He grabs onto her luscious golden hair and bends her backwards, trapping her into a tree of woe position. The audience and Mackenzie seem delighted with her position, as her skirt falls down allowing them a full view of her skimpy black panties and the creamy thighs they frame. Having, spent thirty dollars on them, Krista is well aware of what her underwear looks like. Thus she's not as enamored with her predicament, and attempts to stage an escape. Unfortunately all escape routes are blockaded by the gold and black clad Video Voyeur, who's positioned himself above her on the second rope.

 

Simon takes a moment to run a comedy routine with Krista, “Hey, Krista, what are you doing here?

 

She replies, “Oh, nothing, just hanging around.”

 

GROAN

 

Out of an arena of twenty thousand the only person laughing at that terrible attempt at humor is Simon Singleton. Unfortunately his asinine chortling costs him dearly, as it allows Krista to bridge upwards, and hurl him back with what amounts to an inverted powerbomb! His body viciously bounces off the canvas, but the noise of his cracking bones is overshadowed by the enormous roar of the sold out

Toyota Center

 

KRISTA! KRISTA! KRISTA!

 

Leaving Simon a jumbled mismash of sweat and misery, Miss California travels to her corner and allows Tyler Bryant to put himself back into the contest. Once again the youngster from Detroit is quite grateful for the tag and heaps mounds of gratitude upon a flattered Miss Krista.

 

“WE LOVE TYLER! WE LOVE TYLER! WE LOVE TYLER!” every heterosexual woman under the age of twenty five chants.

 

Stricken with jealously Ned screams, “The Neddy Bear needs his lovin to!”

 

“WE LOVE NED! WE LOVE NED!” chants every homosexual man over the age of eighty five.

 

“I to desire amorous affections!” Wright proclaims.

 

“EAT SHIT!”

 

WRIGHT

 

Once The Video Voyeur is on his feet, TyBry cracks him in the face with a stiff elbow, flinging Singleton backwards and into a neutral corner. Panting and wheezing, Double S slumps against the posts, but gets nary a second's rest as TyTy grabs him by the waist and hoists the three time tag champ into the air, setting him on the top rope. Bryant reaches up and delivers a savage right, lolling the man's head backwards and distracting him long enough to put his legs behind the top rope. Bryant quickly journeys to Simon's position, as the capacity crowd heads to it's feet, singing in anticipation for Tyler's upcoming brand of punishment. Mindful to keep both men’s balance, Bryant stands Double S, and pulls him into a front waistlock. But before the teen idol can even begin his super belly to belly suplex Double S suddenly shoots his elbow forward, spiking it into his nose! Bryant is stunned by the attack, but is further shocked when Singleton throws his fist and into his ripped abs! Ty's grip around his rival's waist weakens to the point of nearly being relinquished. Snarling with maniac savagery, Simon rears back and pops Tyler in the face with an uppercut, that not only destroys the boybander's hold but knocks him backwards and off of the top turnbuckle! The entire ring shakes violently as two hundred pounds of teenage sex appeal crash back-first into the canvas. The disappointed fans can't help but boo as they were all but certain Tyler's move would be the beginning of the end for The Enterprise. On the outside Mackenzie claps proudly Simon's counter, but Jade doesn't seem overly interested by any of proceedings.

 

COLE

A super belly to belly isn't a move we often see from Tyler, and it looks like we'll have to go a little longer without witnessing it.

 

Double S peers down on Tyler with that same brutish scowl decorated on his face. Fixing his gaze away from Tyler, Simon turns towards the hateful audience. As twenty thousand Texans boo and jeer in disgust for the Video Voyeur, he offers them a condescending salute, his snarl morphing into a portrait of self satisfaction. Simon then turns back towards TyBry and springs off of the top rope, with arm out stretched and elbow crooked! Thousands of flashbulbs illuminate Simon's descent, the cameras they belong to capturing him forever as he explodes onto stone solid the mat, Tyler having rolled out of the way just a split-second beforehand! Mere moments after crashing into the canvas, Simon bellows in pain and cradles his busted arm. To his left, Tyler lies flat on his back, his chest heaving and his heart racing. Stomaching his awful pain, Tyler rolls towards Double S and pulls him onto his back in a modified pin that earns a grand pop from the audience! The ref slides into position and begins counting as TyTy lays across his foe's body...

 

CROWD

ONE

 

 

CROWD

TWO

 

Simon gets a shoulder up right before the three count. Muttering to himself, an irritated Tyler Bryant rolls off his rival, and begins to slowly journey upright. Once he's standing he retreats to his team's position, where he applies a tag to Showtime Shayne Brave.

 

“WE LOVE SHAYNE! WE LOVE SHAYNE” the women chant, and fortunately Ned and Christian have the good sense to keep their mouthes shut.

 

Showtime grabs Double S by his greasy mullet and harshly yanks him upright. Brave then takes hold of Simon's arm and uses his grip to whip the man across the ring. As Double S returns, the pop star flicks out his leg in a twirling back kick! Wrought with panic, Simon skids to a halt, and comically tosses his arm up, blocking the oncoming strike only centimeters from his sweat soaked face! Deeply annoyed by the huge pain that goes with blocking a speeding bullet with your arm, Double S pumps his knee into ShayBray's midsection! Caught by a dull pain, Shayne doubles over, allowing his nettled foe to trap him with a front facelock. Simon then grabs a fistful of Shyane's cargo pants, locking him further in place. He immediately pulls Brave into the sky, then dives backwards, driving the hearthrob's skull into the canvas with an Implant DDT. A river of crestfallen boos cascades from the audience as Shayne flops to the mat, virtually motionless. For some reason Simon determines that this is a key moment in wrestling history, and captures it on his imaginary video camera, rolling the footage as though it was a Pulitzer prize winning news story.

 

COACH

You have to love the way The Enterprise has really brought out the personality in Simon Singleton!

 

COLE

I liked him better when he was silent, boring and hid behind Jim Cornette.

 

Double S takes hold of Shayne's flowing blond hair, and leads him to his corner. With Brave trapped by the arms of CPA, Singleton makes the tag with Christian Wright. Wright's arrival into the bout is damned with an unholy amount of heel heat from the thousands of fans who would like nothing better but to watch his skull be ground into dust. Unfortunately for them that is a fantasy that will remain unfulfilled as The Natural enters the bout with a straight left to Brave's face. But the boybander shrugs away the blow and drives a forearm into Wright's chest. The strike staggers CW back a few inches and leaves him stunned for a precious few seconds. These moments are all Brave needs to underhook his opponent's near arm, and far hip. Before Wright can even contemplate what terrible fate is soon to befall him, Shayne arches backwards, snapping his victim over with an explosion suplex and forcing him to land on his head in a most repulsive manner. While Wright makes a futile effort to remember just what city he's in, Brave lays his arm across his chest for a pin attempt.

 

CROWD

ONE

 

CROWD

TWO

 

But Wright lifts his shoulder off the mat, effectively quieting much of the audience. Undeterred, Shayne gets back to his feet, only to hit the mat once again when he extends his elbow and falls forward, driving the extended appendage directly into his rival's collarbone. Shay grabs CW's arm before standing up, pulling the man along with him. Shayne then begins to Irish whip CW before suddenly tugging him back towards him and lashing his knee out, looking to land a short arm knee lift! However, to Brave's infinite surprise, Christian manages to whirl away from the oncoming blow and land behind Brave. The Natural is quick to trap his opponent in place with a rear waist lock. Before Shayne can even present an escape attempt, Wright lifts him into the air and falls backwards for a bridged German Suplex! However, the back of Tyler's neck bounces off the top rope on the way down. Displaying keen ring skills, Wright uses the springboard effect to keep his adversary in mid-air as he twists around. After what seems like an eternity Wright finally falls onto his back, slamming the back of Brave's head and neck into the canvas as he does so. A wave of annoyed boos pours in from the crowd as Shayne flops onto his belly, virtually motionless. The crowd grows even more hostile when Christian tags Ned Blanchard into the affair.

 

Blanchard sits on the apron for a moment, taking time to adjust his golden hair so that it will be in pristine condition when he lays a picturesque beating on Brave. Eventually, the grappler saunters into squared circle, while a weakened Shayne stirs on the canvas. Smirking with detestable arrogance, Ned coldly observes that Shayne has begun working his way to his feet. Upon eying this, The Handsome Hustler springs off of the ropes and takes a few lunging steps towards Brave, doing so just as Shayne is reaching his hands and knees. The moment Shayne looks up is the very instant that Blanchard hops into the air and kicks his feet out, slamming them into his skull with a 90210 Enziguri!! The fans utter a concerned groan and a heaping of outraged jeers as Brave slumps back into the canvas. After offering a thumbs up to Jade, Blanchard crawls over to Brave and turns him onto his back, before covering him for a crucial pinfall. The ref slides into position and begins counting..

 

ONE

 

 

TWO

 

But Brave triumphantly thrusts his shoulder off the mat! The crowd roars with merriment, and Ned loudly laments the failure to acquire the winning count. Forgetting his annoyance for the moment, he grabs the teen idol and drags him up by his wispy hair, then slashes his knee into his gut. Brave lurches over, grimacing as he clenches his midsection. Thanks to Brave's wounded state, Ned effortlessly hauls his opponent onto his broad shoulders in a fireman’s carry. The crowd is brought to the edge of their seats, their angered voices lashing out against the hated heel.

 

“If you wanna boo The Handsome Hustler, I'll give ya something to boo about!” He hollers.

 

He then flips Showtime out, causing the fan favorite to plummet downwards. However, Ned also sinks to one knee, and lets the back of Brave's skull collide with the bone, generating a disgusting thud and driving the audience mad with rage.

 

COACH

A fireman's carry neck breaker from the Ned Man!

 

Ned drops down to pin his vanquished enemy. He grabs Brave's leg and leans back on it, firmly pressing the boybander's shoulder’s to the mat as old man Buzzlefoxer begins the count....

 

NED

ONE!

 

NED

TWO!

 

NED

THREE

 

While Ned may have achieved a three count in his mind, reality is a far different story. Shayne kicked out of the pinfall, mere nanoseconds before Clem's hand slammed the canvas. While the spectators are delirious with glee, Blanchard is delirious with outrage. He allots his opposer little time to recover his strength, angrily dragging the poor boy upright to administer further punishment. Imagine Ned's surprise when Shayne surges forward with a bout of energy to capture him with a roll up! Buzzlefoxer counts as Shayne pushes on the pin with every ounce of his might!

 

CROWD

ONE!

 

CROWD

TWO!

 

CROWD

THREE

 

But CPA darts into the ring and breaks apart the fall with a swift strike of his boot. The crowd is less then enamored with his meddling, and drub him with a plethora of jeers.

 

COLE

So close!

 

Ned scrambles to the edge of the ring, face contorted with a humiliated rage over having been nearly outsmarted by a teenager. Unfortunately for Ned his anger grows considerably worse, when that same teenager stalks him across the ring and latches onto him with a rear waistlock. However Ned is quick to rid himself of Brave's bothersome clutches, fragmentizing his orbital bone with an elbow strike. Brave pours out whines of misery as he stumbles to the side and clutches his ringing head. Ned quickly yanks the arm way from Shayne's face in order to thunder his open fist straight into Showtime's head with a vile palm strike!

 

COACH

Let's see how much they love Shayne when he's got a broken nose!

 

Ned launches Shayne into the cables. Upon Brave's return, the Handsome Hustler dips low, then raises his body up to propel his victim into the skies with a backbody drop. Brave thuds to the ground a few feet behind Blanchard. But the crackling of the boy's bones is all the signal Ned needs to tell him his revolting hold has had the desired effect. Blanchard lazily struts to his fallen foe, then lifts him into a standing head scissors. He crosses his arms under his beefy chest and then lifts him up so that he hangs horizontal to the mat. With the fans steady in their stream of hatred for him, Neddy Bear sits out and drops him back first to the canvas with a pyramid driver! Buzzlefoxer counts the resulting pinfall...

 

ONE

 

TWO

 

But Brave powers out, generating euphoric cheers from the audience! Neddy Bear is relentless, however, and once again takes hold of the outside leg for a pin....

 

ONE

 

 

TWO

 

Showtime shoots his shoulder off the mat, prompting the crowd to salute his heart and resiliency. Ned, however, is far less impressed with his toughness and punishes Showtime for his vigor with savage stomps. The kicks meet an abrupt end, however, when Ned's brutish mind concocts an even more lethal way to erase Shayne from existence. He charges off the far ropes, approaching Brave with arm outstretched for a larait. But Shayne evades the possible decapitation by ducking his body and using it as a launching pad to rocket The Handsome Hustler over the top rope! Somehow Ned manages to land with his feet on the apron. Yet the joy quickly ends there for The Enterprise as Shayne flips backwards to strike Ned down with a pele kick!

 

”YEAAAAA!” scream the fans as Mackenzie and the rest of the party are distraught with panic.

 

Gaining strength from the support shown by fans and soon by his allies, Shayne exerts a great effort to battle through the massive pain he's been put through. He rolls onto his stomach and grits his teeth as he prepares to undertake the task of journeying to his corner. With each moment the exhaustion grows remarkably stronger, but with each moment he also gets an inch closer to freedom. The entire audience is on their feet, boisterously rallying Brave as he continues the tedious quest. Thanks to their kindness and support, Brave is able to remain strong and defiant, and finally nears his corner.

 

The Texans are not shy about expressing their desires for Shayne's tag, bleating, “WE WANT KRISTA! WE WANT KRISTA!”

 

And their cheers shake the Toyota Center to its foundation the second the tag is made with Miss California.

 

KRISTA! KRISTA! KRISTA!

 

NED

 

COLE

Where the hell is he going?

 

The answer to that question would be, not very far, as Miss California plows through him with a spring board lariat! Sadly, there's no time to gloat over the vanquishing of her most hated enemy, as his wingman, Simon Singleton rushes into the squared circle to rescue him from a violent thrashing. A primal smile taking over her beautiful features, Krista crouches, looking as if she were ready to spear Simon. Much to his surprise and dismay, she suddenly goes airborne heading straight up like a missile. Simon moves to follow, but his stocky legs quickly pull him back to earth. He can only shriek in horror as Krista descends upon him, landing squarely on his chest with a Lou Thez Press! There's a deafening snap and Simon let's out repeated cries of anguish as Miss California pumps closed fist into his noggin.

 

“Cut! Cut! Cut!” Simon screams beneath the unending torrent of punches.

 

Elsewhere in the ring, Christopher Patrick Allen suddenly darts off the ropes for no apparent reason the audience can see. But then the reason quickly becomes evident as giant nears Krista and attempts to use his massive frame to flatten her with a bodysplash. However, the fitness queen senses him at the last second and barley avoids meeting the grizzly fate he intends for her. Simon isn't so lucky, however, and his skeleton brutally implodes underneath the weight of the enormous monster.

 

”YEAAAAA!”

 

More annoyed with his failure then the fact that he may have killed Simon, CPA rises like a monster from the abyss, ready to use his raw punching power to annihilate Krista. But Tyler Bryant saves Krissy from her harrowing doom by angeling a dropkick into the shoulder of Allen. While the strike pulls CPA away from Krista, it fails to do any measurable damage or even knock the man off his feet. Faced with the raging brute, the pairing does the only wise thing, and gets him as far away as humanly possible with an Irish whip. CPA returns with both his tattooed arms aimed directly for the heads of his vexing rivals. But the teenyboppin duo counteracts his attack by taking to the skies and plastering his face with twin spinning wheel kicks! Pounded back and forth by Krissy's high heels and Ty's tennis shoes, CPA's busted body slams into the ground. He lays there trying his damnedest to will himself to his feet. Thankfully, his recovery is made less then urgent, when his Enterprise mate Christian Wright asserts himself into the fracas.

 

COLE

The 2005 rookie of the year, storming into the ring!

 

As Krista turns around to see what all the fuss is about, the cause of said commotion runs up behind her , and bulldogs her out of the contest. As Kris lies on the mat, feeling like every bone in her upper body has been broken, her enemy towers above her, extolling the virtues of chastity, clean living, and heterosexuality to a not-so receptive audience. But Wright's time to preach has left him exposed to any manner of ravaging moves, and it's Tyler Bryant who takes advantage of his vulnerability. The boy bander attaches himself to CW's shoulders, and strains with herculean effort to pull him down with a hurricanrana. However, CW counters the aerial hold by latching onto Bryant's pants leg and dumping his frame into a lethal Boston Crab.

 

“He's tapping! He's tapping!” Mackenzie screams.

 

No, he's not, and nor will he ever, as Ally Cat saves the day by driving Wright away with the True Life: I just got beat up by a girl (STO). The snooty superstar is flung off his enemy and topples backwards as if he was just thrown from speeding truck.

 

ALIX

 

Believing Alix to be distracted by her Lita Ford impression, Ned suspects that he can cop a feel on the hard rocking lovely. But Alix is wise to Ned's pervy tricks, and whirls around to defeat his deviant plan with an MMA inspired left high kick that knocks him off his feet. She then turns her attention back towards Wright, who's trying to make a much needed escape. Alix kiboshes his attempt by grabbing onto his arm and Irish whipping him into the corner. However he shifts his bodyweight and reverses the hold, causing her to endure the back first crunch into the steel turnbuckles. CW takes advantage of her moment of weakness by charging forward to pulverize her with a body splash. But the only thing that gets pulverized in this exchange is his pectoral muscles as The Hollywood Bad Girl dives out of the way, leaving him to violently smash into the posts. Ally's wise counter barely has a second to register in the fans' minds before they witness Ned's horny hands eagerly moving to attach themselves to her big ol booty. But Krista rescues Alix from America's favorite sexual predator, by slicing her long tan legs across his neck with a scissors kick! The audience discharges a boisterous pop in response to Krista' interference.

 

C-O-D! C-O-D! C-O-D!

 

Once the girls are finished celebrating, Alix situates herself into Krista's arms. Krissy wisely thinks twice about asking Alix if she's gained weight lately, and instead flips her over, causing her to tumble onto Ned's chest with an assisted corkscrew moonsault! As a moaning Ned reels underneath the blow, Buzzlefoxer counts the ensuing pinfall...

 

CROWD

ONE

 

CROWD

TWO!

 

But the pinfall is broken up by Simon Singleton, and the crowd goes livid with rage. Singleton celebrates his incredibly minor victory by arrogantly pounding his scrawny chest. But that's a celebration that may have came a bit prematurely, for Miss California rains on his parade, by driving him into the canvas with a tornado reverse ddt!

 

COLE

Easy come, easy go for Simon Singleton.

 

Krista hasn't a single moment to rejoice in her dismissal of Double S, as Wright renters the fray. He stampedes towards Krista seeking to decimate her with a shoulder block. Unfortunately no such action will occur tonight, as just as quickly as he reappeared, so does he disappear. Krista dodges his attack, grabs onto the top ropes, and pulls them down to dump Wright from the match!

 

“WRIGHT SUCKS! WRIGHT SUCKS!”

 

Unfortunately where Wright failed, CPA succeeds, ridding the ring of Krista's presence with a murderous lariat!

 

“BOOOOOOO!”

 

Thankfully, Allen can do no further damage to his foe, as Tyler Bryant missile dropkicks him over the top ropes! Somehow, CPA succeeds in landing on his feet, suffering no damage aside from a bruised ego. However, he's given more serious worries as the teen idol descends upon him top rope flying forearm! Allen swerves hard to left, and Tyler misses his foe by an annoying three inches. But those three inches are enough to stagger him off balance, and allow CPA to club him down with a violent forearm.

 

Meanwhile in the ring, Ned Blanchard is looking to wipe out what remains of Bryant with a top rope body splash. But he encounters frustrating results, thanks to meddling from Alix Spezia. The Hollywood Bad Girl darts up the top rope, as the observers holler with blood lust for Ned's grizzly end. Alix certainly doesn't disappoint their cries for carnage, as her fur coated boot obliterates his skull with a top rope enziguri!

 

ALIX! ALIX! ALIX!!

 

After witnessing Ned's downfall, Simon returns to the action to inflict brutal retribution upon Alix. But his advance is intercepted by Shayne Brave who chops the Video Voyeur down with a flying clothesline! Amazingly Simon springs right back to his feet, but it's only to be handed more punishment as he's driven into the ring floor with a double arm DDT.

 

“YEAAAAA!”

 

Theodore's henchmen sprawls out on the canvas unable to anything to subdue the recharged boybander. Thankfully he's spared further physical torment, as Shayne has to focus on the approaching Christopher Patrick Allen. CPA draws near, arm cocked for an elbow strike. But Shayne puts the attack on permanent delay with with the Shaynedrop (Snapmare Driver/Fall Forward Diamond Cutter/Patty has no idea what that looks like!)! The Texans are maniacal with rapture over the unexpected appearance of Shayne's finishing hold, and can hardly contain themselves as he goes for the pinfall.

 

CROWD

ONE!!

 

Wright leaps into the ring to break up the pin!

 

CROWD

TWO!!

 

But Krista dives on him!

 

CROWD

THREE!!

 

The exact second Buzzlefoxer's wrinkled hand hits the mat for a third time the arena explodes with enormous unrestrained cheers!

 

BUFFER

The winners of this contest, D*LUX and America's Sweethearts, Chicks Over Dicks!

 

COLE

We thought Shayne was done, but he comes back to win the fight! Way to go kid!

 

The Enterprise is left fractured and disorganized by the stunning defeat. Ned grabs Jade by the hand and quickly leads the disinterested girl up the ramp, so that she'll not have to witness the celebration of her former friends. Christian and Mackenzie hang by the ring apron, trying to dole out blame for the awful failure. Singleton seems to be the only one with any concern for CPA, who can't fathom how he lost to a scrawny twenty year old. The face team is obviously delighted with their results and exchange high fives and hugs. Krista seems to be the focus of most of the kind words, as the D*LUX boys go out of their way to compliment her for her efforts. Alix, sadly is resigned to reminiscing over past episodes of Leave it to Beaver with Clem Buzzlefoxer.

 

COACH

I don't know how but The Enterprise has gone down zero to one tonight! We can only hope that Mister Moneymaker will be able to even the score against that scumbag pornographer, Leon Rodez!

 

COLE

Who is we? I hope Leon kicks his BUTT! And folks that match will be coming up in just a few moments.

Edited May 28, 2007 by Patty O'Green

[Patty O'Green 0]

The (TV) screen goes black, and the following appears on the screen.

 

The following announcement was paid for by World Domination Wrestling.

 

Soft music accompanied by wind instruments plays, and a spotlight slowly raises over an all black wrestling ring with red ring ropes.

 

(voiceover)

In the beginning, the land was pure. Even in the early morning light, you could see the beauty in the forms of nature.

 

Head shot of Alfdogg looking off into the distance.

 

Soon men and women of every color...

 

Shot of an Asian man doing martial arts poses in the shadows.

 

And shape...

 

Shot of an overweight tattooed man wearing colorful clothing.

 

Would be here too. And they would find it all too easy sometimes not to see the colors...

 

Shot of Chris Stevens smashing said tattooed man from behind with a mirror.

 

...and to ignore the beauty in each other.

 

Shot of Alf delivering a beltshot to CWM.

 

But they would never lose sight of the dream.

 

Head shot of Jamie O'Hara looking off into the distance.

 

The bitter world that they could unite...

 

Shot of Team Heyross looking at each other, then turning to look at the camera with a smirk on their faces.

 

And build together...in Triumph.

 

As the last line is spoken, a camera shot from the ground is shown with a red tint, with Rick Heyross, Alfdogg, and Axel standing left to right and looking down into the camera smiling. The screen then fades into another announcement.

 

World Domination Wrestling presents:

 

WDW Triumph

 

Coming Saturday, June 2

 

Can You Feel It?

 

It has been the foundation of the OAOAST

It has revitalized careers and created legends

It has unleashed a bevy of outrageous characters upon an unsuspecting world

 

And now it is your's to own on DVD in Cult Of Personality: The Story of the OAOAST tag division

 

Featuring:

***Twenty two unedited matches, including never before seen footage of GPX, Black T, and The Sooner Bruisers.***

A two and a half hour documentary, including interviews from GPX...

 

SCOTTY STATIC

I'll give Black T they respect, when the people give GPX more respect. All this talk about Black T this, Black T that, that's people getting to nostalgic, trying to recreate what really happen. Black T was the greatest? In who's fantasy world? Maybe on some little kids Gamecube, not in real life. GPX was the greatest, because we were the reason people were paying money to be in the arena. Black T had nothing to do with it. It coulda been anyone in that ring with us. GPX was the draw.

 

The Beverly Hills Blonds ....

 

SIMON SINGLETON

I'm thankful for what..uh..what Jim Cornette did for Ned and I, I guess. But, really..um..it got to the point where everyone, Ned, myself, the company, eveyrone had to step back and ask what is Cornette even doing for us? We have great size, great skills in the ring and on the mic, we've been consistently on top or near the top since day one. Why do we need Jim Cornette again? And that was the end of that. Can I go now?

 

LOGAN MANN

 

FEMALE INTERVIEWER

How does it feel to have your work be part of the library of...

 

MANN

Library? Shoot, that reminds me I gotta return that coping with Gonorrhea book. Hey, if you should have any strange discharges, you know, get that get checked out. But, uh, it's not my fault!

 

Cult Of Personality: The Story of the OAOAST tag division

Edited May 28, 2007 by Patty O'Green

[Patty O'Green 0]

 

"You break the laws

You hustle, you deal, you steal from us all

Come on come on, lovin' for the money

Come on come on, listen to the Money talk

Come on come on, lovin' for the money

Come on come on, listen to the Money talk

Money talks"

 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

 

We return to School's Out and 'business' has picked up (see what I did there?) as "Money Talks" by AC/DC rings out through the Toyota Center. Not laughing like he usually loves to, Theodore Moneymaker walks through the entrance way with a scowl on his face as he looks out at the Houston crowd. Moneymaker just shakes his head sadly at the lack of class.

 

Hey, that's Texas for ya.

 

Before making his walk to the ring though, Moneymaker turns back to the curtains. And the scowl certainly softens a little as not Mackenzie DeCenzo but JADE RODEZ walks through the entrance!

 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

 

BUFFER

The following contest is scheduled for one fall! On the way to the ring, being accompanied by JADE RODEZ! He represents as the CEO, The Enterprise... from Vero Beach, California. He weighs in tonight at two hundred and thirty seven pounds... here is "THE BILLION DOLLAR HEIR"... TTHHHHHHEEEEEEEOOOOOODDOOOOOORRRREEEE... MMMOOOOOOOOONNEEEEEEYYYYYYMMMAAAKKEEEEERRRRR!!!!

 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

 

COLE

Well, this is certainly a turn-up for the books. Jade Rodez, who we haven't seen in a few weeks and lo and behold, finds her first duty for The Enterprise is to 'manage' Mr. Moneymaker against her own brother.

 

Moneymaker steps aside to allow Jade to climb up the ring steps ahead of him, showing he's a real gentlemen. Certainly not dressed for the occassion, the tracksuit clad Jade opens up the ring ropes for Moneymaker who steps in, making the "money fingers" to the fans on one side of the ring. Up go the boos as Teddy taunts another section of the crowd with his wealth.

 

COLE

Okay, let's take it backstage where Maria is standing by.

 

 

*STAR-WIPE~!*

 

Back to Interview Central we go, to be greeted by the lovely smiling face of everyone's favourite interview personality, Maria. Besides her, Leon Rodez is looking off-screen, presumably at a monitor as his hands rest on his hips.

 

MARIA

Uh, Leon... you've got a match up next, how are you feeling?

 

Leon barely looks up.

 

LEON

(deep breath) Just when you thought someone couldn't stoop any lower. Just when you think things couldn't get any worse, this gets pulled on me. (looks up) You know what 'Teddy', I've gone through everybody you've put in my way. You're entire damned 'Enterprise', I've gone through the lot. CPA. Wright. Ned and Simon. All to get to tonight, all to get you one on one, backed into a corner to the point where you couldn't get out of this! That should tell you how fired up I'm feeling right about now. And to drag my sister out to the ring and have her stand there... yeah, good idea Teddy. I'll admit, it's thrown me off the gameplan a little.

 

Leon smiles to himself.

 

LEON

See, the bad news for you is, the gameplan was to go out and just out-wrestle you. You know, like my plan always is. But now? Well, now, your ass is mine!

 

And with that Leon storms off, Maria looking shocked at the use of profanity...

 

*STAR-WIPE 2!*

 

 

...as we cut back to the arena. It seems Moneymaker hasn't seen any of the interview as "Money Talks" continues to play, removing his smoking jacket and pull-away pants in the corner.

 

 

.:CUE: "Rock The Casbah", Trust Company:.

 

"YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

 

The Houston crowd erupt, which doesn't seem to be of much concern to Moneymaker. What is of concern though is Leon Rodez, coming out of the traps at full speed and SPRINTING down the aisle! Jade wisely heads for higher ground, Theodore turning around just as Leon slides in. And his attempt to jump him before the bell comes a little too late as Leon pops to his feet and begins to unload with right hands!!

 

"YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

 

COLE

Let the battle commence!!

 

 

*DINGDINGDING!*

 

With the fans going wild Moneymaker is backed up into a corner with the right hands. Which doesn't stop Leon, continue to wail away with wild right after wild right. Moneymaker puts up his hands to try and guard his ruggedly handsome face, probably wondering why referee Mike Chioda is taking so long to get Leon off of him. To be fair, he's trying. But Leon just kinda shrugs him off and opens Moneymaker up...

 

 

*SLAP!*

 

"WHOOOOOOOO!"

 

...for a knifedge chop!

 

 

*SLAP!*

 

"WHOOOOOOOO!"

 

...a second!

 

 

*SLAP!*

 

"WHOOOOOOOO!"

 

...third!

 

 

*SLAP!*

 

"WHOOOOOOOO!"

 

...fourth!

 

 

*SLAP!*

 

"WHOOOOOOOO!"

 

...FIFTH!

 

COACH

ENOUGH ALREADY!!

 

With Moneymaker virtually unable to defend himself Rodez changes it up, beginning to stomp a mudhole in the Billion Dollar Heir's chest and walk it dry bah gawd~! Chioda continues to try and get some order and finally Leon seems to be listening as he shows enough restraint to prevent a disqualification being called. The restraint lasts just long enough for Moneymaker to straighten up in the corner, ready for another kick and a wringing of the arm. Out of the corner goes Teddy, coast to coast with an irish whip. Moneymaker hits the opposite turnbuckles and comes staggering out, right into a BAAAACK bodydrop from Rodez!!

 

RODEZ

GET UP YOU SON OF A BITCH!!

 

"RRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

 

COLE

We have NEVER seen Leon Rodez this fired up! The usual calm, composed, fun-loving Silky Smooth One is beating the hide off of The Billion Dollar Heir and this crowd are lapping it up!

 

As Teddy clambers back up he tries to beg off, even going so far as to remind Leon of his wealth in an attempt to bribe his opponent into some mercy! Nothing doing though as Moneymaker retreats right back into the corner. Pinning Moneymaker in, Leon climbs the middle rope, grabbing hold of Teddy's well groomed locks and pulling his head back...

 

 

"ONE!"

 

"TWO!"

 

"THREE!"

 

"FOUR!"

 

"FIVE!"

 

"SIX!"

 

"SEVEN!"

 

"EIGHT!"

 

"NINE!"

 

 

 

"TEN!"

 

"YYYYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

 

Leon really savours the tenth punch, ignoring yet more warnings from Chioda to get out of the corner. All in due course as he climbs back down, sending Moneymaker across the ring again with an irish whip. Moneymaker hits the turnbuckles and nestles in the corner this time, looking completely drained already. However, he's given a bit of a breather, as Leon has stopped, locking eyes with his sister on the outside of the ring. Understandably distracted, Leon looks at the cold stare on his sister's face for a few seconds, before re-directing his attention to Moneymaker and charging...

 

 

 

 

...right into a money green boot to the face!!

 

"OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

 

COACH

There we go Teddy, that's more like it.

 

COLE

We just saw right there exactly why Jade Rodez is out here tonight. Leon, completely distracted there, long enough to buy Moneymaker the seconds he needed to ready that boot.

 

As Rodez hits the deck, the relieved Moneymaker takes a moment and shakes out the cobwebs. Once his head is clear, Moneymaker sets himself on the middle rope. Measuring Leon he then comes off with a fist, delivered with precision right between the eyes! With a wild look in his eyes, The Billion Dollar Heir then clamps his hands around Leon's throat and blatantly chokes him!

 

"ONE!"

"TWO!"

"THREE!"

"FO..."

 

Moneymaker breaks the choke and drags Rodez out of the corner to his feet.

 

 

*SLAP!*

 

"WHOOOOOOOO!"

 

The favour is returned from earlier as Theodore lashes Leon with a wild knifedge chop. Leon doesn't go down though. So Moneymaker slugs him with a big right hand and the momentum sends Rodez falling into the lower ring ropes, right by his sister. With the same stoic look Jade takes a step back away from the apron and watches as Leon looks up at her, reaching out a hand as if asking for some help. Which he doesn't get, Jade just standing with arms folded as Moneymaker walks over and places his foot on the back of The Silky Smooth One's head, pressing his throat against the bottom ring rope!!

 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

 

COLE

Look at that...

 

"ONE!"

"TWO!"

"THREE!"

"FOUR!"

 

Moneymaker breaks, warning lowly Chioda to keep his distance.

 

COLE

How heart-breaking must that be for Leon Rodez? His own sister, sitting back, staring at him as the life is choked out of him! Does she have no compassion anymore!?

 

COACH

Why should she show compassion? What has Leon ever done for her?

 

COLE

He's her brother, moron!

 

COACH

That doesn't mean he was ever there for her, ever showed her any support and encouragement. Not like The Enterprise has shown!

 

Pulling Leon back off the ropes, Moneymaker lays in a forearm. And a second. With Leon against the ropes Moneymaker then sends him for the ride, catching him as he comes back off the ropes with a clothesline from the left side! Sweat flies off of Rodez's chest from the impact, Teddy sensing he has a chance and quickly following with the cover...

 

 

1...

 

 

 

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

 

 

 

No!

 

MONEYMAKER

AGAIN!

 

 

1...

 

 

 

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

 

 

 

No!

 

Even with the leg hooked, Moneymaker doesn't get the three. Of course, this is all the referee's fault and not Teddy's for assuming that a simple clothesline would win him such an important match. And as such, the referee hears about it at full volume from Moneymaker.

 

"TED - DY SUCKS!"

"TED - DY SUCKS!"

"TED - DY SUCKS!"

"TED - DY SUCKS!"

 

Responding to the crowd, Moneymaker gets his head back into the match and strides back over to Leon. A quick punch to the gut gives Rodez and his fans some hope. But the hope is extinguished with a quick kneelift, before Moneymaker hooks up The Silky Smooth One, sweeping him over with a Gutwrench Suplex!

 

COACH

Look at that, fantastic execution! The best money can buy!

 

COLE

That was good, I'll admit it.

 

Cover by Teddy...

 

 

1...

 

 

 

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

 

 

 

Kickout!

 

Keeping Leon pinned down, Moneymaker stands up... and jumps up with a cruel stomp to the face!

 

MONEYMAKER

 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

 

COLE

Moneymaker has succeeded in slowing the pace down here, which is where he's most comfortable.

 

COACH

And where he can do things like jump on your face. Which is always fun.

 

Leading Leon back up again, Moneymaker hangs onto a wrist and with Leon barely able to stand, a quick tug on the arm drags him into a Short-Arm Clothesline! The Billion Dollar Heir looks to be in complete control now as he again brings Leon back up. Scoop and a slam puts Rodez where he's wanted, right by the corner. And with Rodez seemingly out Moneymaker waltzes over to the corner, climbing to the middle rope facing into the crowd.

 

MONEYMAKER

THAT'S RIGHT! *"money fingers"* MONEY TALKS!

 

Clap of the hands and Teddy falls back with the elbow...

 

 

 

 

 

 

...NOBODY HOME!!

 

 

"YYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

 

Moneymaker hits so hard he ends up tumbling heels over head, winding up flat on his face in the centre of the ring. The Billion Dollar Heir clutches his right arm, kicking his feet in pain as the fans start to try and get behind Rodez again.

 

COLE

That was not so smart. And now, a chance for Rodez to recover!

 

COACH

I don't know what Teddy was thinking going for the elbow so early, but I'd never doubt a billionaire like himself. I'm sure he knew what he was doing.

 

COLE

Well, apparantly not if he missed.

 

Both Leon and Theodore begin to climb to their feet as the standing ten count being laid on them reaches a "five". Leon has the ropes for help and reaches his feet first, Moneymaker up moments later but seemingly lost. Around he turns, Leon waiting on him. Block of a right hand... and Rodez hits one of his own! Moneymaker... blocked, Rodez with the right hand! Another block, another right! And now Rodez unloads on The Billion Dollar Heir, backing him completely across the ring and setting him up for an irish whip. Moneymaker tries the reversal, but the reversal of the reversal sends him into the ropes, caught on the way back with an Inverted Atomic Drop! As Moneymaker clutches his billion dollar balls, a clothesline knocks him down, Leon beginning to build some momentum again! Rolling to his knees, Teddy has apparantly had enough, as he tries to beg off. Of course, Rodez isn't going to be fooled by that...

 

 

 

 

...but he is fooled into walking into a thumb to the eye!

 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

 

COACH

That's why he's a billionaire Michael, his smarts!

 

COLE

That and his rich parents sure.

 

With Leon temporarily blinded Moneymaker quickly wheels him into the ropes, catching him on the way back with a foot to the gut. With Rodez doubled over Teddy then hits the ropes. Up comes the Billion $ Kneelift...

 

 

 

 

...but Leon turns his head out of the way and takes Moneymaker down with a Schoolboy...

 

 

1...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

NO!!

 

Scrambling to his feet, Moneymaker looks to get the jump on his opponent with a quick clothesline. It's a swing and a miss though as Leon switches behind into a waistlock, looking for a German... blocked! Moneymaker fights his way out with some elbows, before switching behind himself and looking to apply the Cobra Clutch!

 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO..."

 

COLE

Bank Vault!

 

COACH

He's got it!

 

 

 

...no he hasn't! As soon as the hands lock, Rodez rushes forward to the corner and with a well-timed duck of the head, driving Moneymaker face-first into the top turnbuckle!!

 

"YYYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

 

COACH

OH!

 

COLE

Great counter by Leon!

 

Moneymaker comes staggering out of the corner, lights on but no sign of anybody home. Quickly Leon ducks out of the ring and heads up top, able to reach the third floor before Teddy recovers and diving off the top with a majestic Crossbody Block...

 

 

1...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Kickout!

 

Coming to his feet, Moneymaker finds nothing but the corner, turning around in search of Leon and finding a faceful jab!

 

A jab!

 

COACH

Come on Teddy!

 

A jab!

 

COACH

Duck and move! Duck and move!

 

A jab!

 

COACH

Footwork, footwork!

 

 

Rodez turns, blowing the kiss, before turning back on his heels...

 

 

 

*SMACK!*

 

 

...and nailing Moneymaker upside the head with the enziguri!

 

COACH

GAH!

 

"YEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

 

COLE

MAMA SAID KNOCK YOU OUT!

 

While he still has some senses Moneymaker makes the decision to roll out of the ring, trying to buy himself some time. Time is one thing his many riches can't buy though, as Rodez is right on his tail, chasing The Billion Dollar Heir around ringside. Woozy, Moneymaker doesn't get very far. And with Leon just about to catch him, he gets desperate, grabbing Jade by the shoulders AND HOLDING HER IN FRONT OF HIM LIKE A HUMAN SHIELD!!

 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

 

COLE

Oh... give me a break!

 

With his fist balled up ready to strike, some of the crowd encourage Leon to just go ahead and hit her. Of course he's not going to do that though. Moneymaker is more than confident of that and continues to hold Jade in front of him until it looks like Leon's going to make a move, before pushing her into him! Trying to get his sister out of harm's way, Leon turns Jade around and motions for her to get away. Which is all the distraction Moneymaker needs to bundle into him from behind...

 

 

 

 

 

 

*CLUNK!*

 

 

...AND SEND HIM CRASHING SHOULDER FIRST INTO THE RINGPOST!!

 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

 

Now that Leon is down, Moneymaker checks that Jade is okay, before putting the boots to her fallen brother. Jade just watches on, only a little shaken up by her part in proceedings.

 

COACH

Great teamwork.

 

COLE

You have got to be kidding me! What a cheap, lowlife move! What an asshole!

 

COACH

Hey! I don't care if we're on PPV or not, you can't say that. Not about a man like Theodore, he'll slap a lawsuit on you the second this comes out on DVD!

 

"ASS - HOLE!"

"ASS - HOLE!"

"ASS - HOLE!"

"ASS - HOLE!"

 

COLE

Apparantly I'm not in the minority with my opinion.

 

COACH

That'd be a first! Besides, you probably started it up yourself.

 

Moneymaker throws Leon back into the ring now and slides right back in after him. And he's poised again, hands up, ready to lock The Silky Smooth One back into the Bank Vault again! Slowly Leon climbs back up and with his back to The Billion Dollar Heir, he doesn't see it coming...

 

 

 

 

...AND GETS LOCKED INTO THE BANK VAULT!!

 

COACH

He's got it this time!

 

COLE

Cobra Clutch Sleeper applied, right to that right arm that just got posted moments ago!

 

Already sensing victory, Moneymaker yells at Chioda to "check him" as Rodez sink to one knee. With a bad arm Rodez seems unable to fight the hold and gets thrown around like a ragdoll for a few seconds, Moneymaker really putting the hurting on until he feels the fight beginning to vanish from his opponent. Slumped over, Leon shows little signs of life. So Chioda does as he's told, lifting up Leon's free arm...

 

 

 

 

 

 

...IT DROPS!

 

COACH

That's one!

 

"LE - ON!"

"LE - ON!"

"LE - ON!"

"LE - ON!"

 

Chioda raises the hand again, Moneymaker's head nodding away...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

...AS IT DROPS AGAIN!!

 

COACH

That's two!

 

COLE

One more and this one is over! Does Leon have any fight left!?

 

Just for a little security Moneymaker throws Leon around a couple more times before letting him settle. Still Rodez is slumped forward and the arm looks limp as it's lifted up by the referee, looking over to the timekeeper's table as he lets go...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

...AND IT DROPS!!

 

 

MONEYMAKER

 

COLE

That's it, Leon is out.

 

 

*DINGDINGDING!*

 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

 

Moneymaker releases the hold and let's Leon slump forward, the crowd booing but clearly in some state of shock. Referee Chioda raises Teddy's hand before checking for any signs of consciousness from Rodez. Which is the least of Moneymaker's worries as he laughs it up for all to see and hear.

 

BUFFER

Ladies and gentlemen, your winner of this match... "THE BILLION DOLLAR HEIR"... TTHHEEEEOOODDOOORREEE MMMMOOOOONNEEEEYYYYYMMAAAAAAAKKEEEEERRRRRR!!!

 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

 

With another maniacal laugh, Moneymaker strolls over to where Rodez lays, curled up in a heap and apparantly out cold as Chioda tries to keep The Billion Dollar Heir from doing anything else to him. Unconscious or not, Moneymaker gloats to Rodez and makes the "money fingers", to Leon and to the crowd, the latter of which actually seeing it and giving him the "thumbs down".

 

COLE

Well, I've got to say, somewhat of a mild upset here. Theodore Moneymaker defeating one of the OAOAST's finest here at School's Out, although not without some schenanigans involving Jade Rodez.

 

COACH

'Schenanigans'? You didn't call them that when she was with D*LUX! No no, Jade proved her worth tonight, her worth to The Enterprise! A coming of age for Teddy's singles career and a coming of age for Jade's managerial career, all rolled into one! A fine outing for The Enterprise!

 

COLE

You're too much.

 

Moneymaker finally leaves with Jade in tow and finally Leon shows some life, but not much. Bleary-eyed he looks up at referee Chioda who tries to tell him it's over, but whether he understands or not isn't clear. And while Leon recovers, here's something else!

[Patty O'Green 0]

The camera cuts back to The Lightning Crew dressing room. The crowd boos. The LC and Stephen Joseph Popick are standing up, anxious. "The Corporate Champion" Tha Puerto Rican is in his ring gear and carrying his black spray-painted briefcase which contains his Golden Contract inside. PR paces back and forth. He is already sweating.

 

"THE CORPORATE CHAMPION" THA PUERTO RICAN

So...you ready?

 

STEPHEN JOSEPH POPICK

I'm ready. The question is, PRL, are YOU ready?

 

THA PUERTO RICAN

Oh yeah. Oh yeah. I...I'm...I'm ready. I'm ready. Yeah. I am! I just--uh--I just hope things go smoothly out there!

 

MS. LINDSAY GONZALEZ

They will, baby. They will.

 

CUBAN WALL

Boss, you got this one in the bag!

 

THOMAS RODRIGUEZ

Wall is right. You're gonna win this match. I believe in you!

 

MR. BORICUA

GRRRRRRRRR.

 

THA PUERTO RICAN

Thanks guys. I really appreciate it.

 

POPICK

You'll be fine, Puerto. You're going to go out there and DESTORY Bohemoth! You're going to aniliahate him. Bohemoth's not going to know what hit him!

 

PRL

Okay. Okay. I'm ready.

 

POPICK

All right! Let's do it!

 

THA PUERTO RICAN

Let's get together one last time, shall we?

 

POPICK

Of course!

 

Tha Puerto Rican, Cuban Wall, Mr. Boricua, Thomas Rodriguez, The Bone Thug, Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez, and Stephen Joseph Popick huddle around each other. They all put their hands out. They all look at each other.

 

POPICK

LC on 3. Ready? 1. 2. 3.

 

THE LIGHTNING CREW AND STEPHEN JOSEPH POPICK

LC!

LC!

 

THA PUERTO RICAN

HELP ME GOD!

 

The camera cuts to the party backstage as everyone has gathered around the television set.

 

COLE

Well, it's time. It's one of the matches we've been very much anticipating tonight at School's Out!

 

COACH

Oh God. Oh God. Oh God in Heaven! This match is actually going to happen!

 

Ominous music plays as the Cell begins lowering from the top of the Toyota Center. The crowd cheers! The lights go down in the arena, with spotlights circling the Hell In A Cell.

 

COLE

It is called 'The Devil's Playground', 'Satan's Pool', and 'Beelzebub's Sanctuary'. The Hell In A Cell Match has caused numerous injuries, emotional scars, and careers to end. And now, in only a heartbeat away, Tha Puerto Rican and Bohemoth will step inside this demonic structure for the first time, and quite possibly the LAST time!

 

COACH

This is crazy! He doesn't deserve this! The One And Only AngleSault Thread is forcing him to risk life and limb for one match! How dare they?

 

COLE

Well, in a way, you could say he brought this onto himself. He has acted obnoxiously to Bohemoth for the past two months, not to mention to pretty much the entire OAOAST roster over the past four years! This is a match that EVERYONE has been dying to see!

 

COACH

Don't use 'dying' in a sentence. I'm tensed enough as it is!

 

COLE

This match came about because of a tag team match that took place between Tha Puerto Rican, Cuban Wall, Dance Dance Dragon and Bohemoth on the April 12th HeldDOWN~!. But since then, the feud has become personal between P.R. and Bohemoth, and tonight, they look to settle it once and for all!

 

COACH

The marketing wizards in the OAOAST are calling this 'P.R.'s Last Stand'! Oh come on now. That's just biasness!

 

COLE

It's quite possible this could be the last time we will ever see him, Coach. I know there are about 11 people backstage hoping that is the case. Not to mention the thousands in attendance here in the Toyota Center! The Hell In A Cell could spell the demise of Tha Puerto Rican!

 

The ominous music continues playing as the Cell lowers to the ground.

 

COACH

16-feet high, 20-feet wide. 1 TON in total weight. Two men will be locked inside. No interference. No countouts. No disqualifications. No rules! Bohemoth and PRL can do whatever they want. This isn't going to be pretty!

 

COLE

Bohemoth and Tha Puerto Rican have been unable to physically touch each other over the past four weeks, but it ends tonight, and I'm sure Bohemoth is really looking to get his hands on Tha Puerto Rican again!

 

COACH

PRL is being FORCED into this! He does not deserve this! AT ALL! You heard me? AT ALL!

 

COLE

Well, look what PRL has done--

 

COACH

Oh come on! He doesn't deserve any of this!

 

COLE

That's something we could debate for a long time. But right now, let's take a look at the history between PRL and Bohemoth and what led us to this upcoming match-up.

 

A collage of Tha Puerto Rican coming to the ring over the past four years in the OAOAST is shown.

 

COLE (V.O.)

Over the past four years, there has been one man who has arguably been more hated, more despised than any other OAOAST superstar ever.

 

BUFFER

"The Corporate Champion" THA PUERTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO RICCCCCCCCCCCCCAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!

 

Cut to a highlight reel of Tha Puerto Rican's numerous actions in the OAOAST. PRL hitting someone with the Corporate Elbow Drop. PRL giving someone a Sweet Chin Music. PRL hitting someone with the Corporate Nightmare. Numerous Corporate Nightmares are played. Cut to shots of PRL posing for the camera and taunting the fans.

 

COLE

This gifted superstar has been loved by some and HATED by many, but has still continued to shine as one of the OAOAST's brightest.

 

Cut to PRL doing the HBK muscle pose while pyro explodes behind him.

 

THA PUERTO RICAN

I am the most electrifying man in professional wrestling! I am the Corporate Champ! And I am the greatest Puerto Rican athlete of all-time!

 

Cut to Tha Puerto Rican hitting Bohemoth with the steel chair on the April 12, 2007 edition of OAOAST HeldDOWN~!. The chairshot is shown in slow motion. Eerie music begins to play.

 

COLE

But despite his natural athletic ability, Tha Puerto Rican has for many times in his career in the OAOAST resorted to cheap tactics, backstabbing, and numerous lies.

 

Cut to the May 27, 2003 edition of IntenseZone:

 

Puerto Rican Lightning poses as the fans are now near a riot. He jumps off the top turnbuckle....and smashes the ringbell onto The Mad Cappa's throat. His throat also hits the barricade and he is now gagging for air.

 

JR: OH MY! WHAT A HORRIBLE HORRIBLE MOVE! PRL SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF HIMSELF!!! DAMN HIM!!! BAW GAWD~! DAMN HIM!!!

 

Cut to November Reign 2006 on November 27, 2006.

 

D*LUX don’t seem to mind that Thomas is the ref, because Shayne Brave still has PRL’s right leg hook when Thomas Rodriguez makes the count.

 

1.....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2.....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2.....

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thomas Rodriguez has yet to make the three count.

 

COLE

3! 3! 3! What the hell? Why did he stop counting!?

 

Shayne is wondering the same exact thing. Thomas Rodriguez gets on his knees and looks directly into the eyes of "Showtime" Shayne Brave.

 

 

And flips him two middle fingers!

 

COACH

WHAT!?

 

COLE

WHAT!?

 

CROWD

WHAT!?

 

Thomas Rodriguez laughs in the face of Shayne Brave. Tyler Bryant wants some answers, but before he can do anything, Cuban Wall grabs Tyler by his feet and drags him out of the ring! Mr. Boricua and Cuban Wall beat on Tyler Bryant! Thomas continues with his double bird salute, but his smile fades when Shayne gets up.

 

COLE

WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE!?

 

Shayne stalks Thomas towards a neutral corner. Rodriguez begs for his life, sweating bullets and about to pee in his pants. Brave gets in Thomas’ face, wanting to know what made him think he could do what he just did and get away with it. Just then...

 

 

*BAM!*

 

PRL uses his left arm to give Shayne Brave a low-blow!

 

COLE

Low-blow from Tha Puerto Rican!? But...but...he’s using his cast as a weapon!

 

COACH

Hey. This is getting good!

 

Popick nods approvingly as Shayne Brave stumbles around the ring holding his nutsack. PRL has a cocky smirk on his face. And those cheers that PRL used to hear are quickly becoming boos.

 

COLE

PRL and Thomas Rodriguez? Are they working together? Is this what I think this is?

 

Tha Puerto Rican kicks Shayne Brave in the stomach.

 

CORPORATE NIGHTMARE!?!?!?!?

 

COLE

Corporate Nightmare! But isn’t his arm broken!?

 

COACH

I think he lied about that part Michael.

 

COLE

I think he may have lied about everything!

 

Shayne Brave is knocked out. Stephen Joseph Popick applauds Tha Puerto Rican. PRL laughs manically as Thomas Rodriguez watches all of this with an evil grin on his face.

 

COLE

Thomas Rodriguez didn’t count the pin! But last Thursday night, he did a fast count and made Tha Puerto Rican lose to Cuban Wall!

 

COACH

Michael, do you realize what this means?

 

COLE

No! Damn it! No!

 

COACH

Yes, Michael. This was all a set up! And I like it!

 

COLE

I thought he had a change of heart! I thought he was a different man!

 

COACH

I can’t belive it! What are we seeing?

 

Cuban Wall and Mr. Boricua have done a good job beating up "Tremendous" Tyler Bryant. Vitamin X is up and watching all of this from ringside, absolutely giddy watching all of this. Jade Rodez is also watching this at ringside, although she isn’t exactly happy with what she’s seeing. Stephen Joseph Popick laughs manically as "The Corporate Champion" Tha Puerto Rican covers "Showtime" Shayne Brave. Thomas Rodriguez gets on his knees, looks at his boss, and makes the count. The crowd starts booing.

 

1!

 

 

 

 

 

2!

 

 

 

 

3!

 

*DING DING DING* (24:10)

 

COACH

NEW CHAMPIONS!

 

CROWD

...........

 

Cut to The Lightning Crew beating up several wrestlers including Leon Rodez, Spanish Fly, Colombian Heat, and both members of D*LUX.

 

COLE

The cocky arrogant multi-time Champion has showed no mercy to anyone he deems a threat. The charismatic high-flying superstar has laid roughshod over the OAOAST since his arrival, and so far, no one has yet to put a stop to it.

 

PRL

Do you hate me?

 

CROWD

YEAH!

 

PRL

Do you despise me?

 

CROWD

YEAH!

 

PRL

Do you wish I would just go away?

 

CROWD

YEAH!

 

PRL

Do you wish I would just die?

 

CROWD

YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

 

PRL

Well good, because that's EXACTLY the way I feel about all of you!

 

COLE

But until recently, someone has stepped up to the plate. His name is Bohemoth.

 

Cut to PRL hitting Bohemoth with a steel chair on the April 19, 2007 edition of HeldDOWN~!.

 

Cut to PRL hitting Bohemoth with a steel chair several times on the April 26, 2007 edition of HeldDOWN~!.

 

Cut to Bohemoth being busted open after the chairshots. The eerie music continues playing.

 

COLE

Bohemoth is the biggest challenge Tha Puerto Rican has ever faced. At 6'7" 284 pounds, he is looked to by many as the man who can put an end to the P.R. Menace.

 

Cut to Bohemoth punching his way out of the body bag on the May 24, 2007 edition of HeldDOWN~!. Cut to PRL screaming like a girl when he sees this.

 

A lightning bolt strikes!

 

CUE OPERA MUSIC~!

 

Cut to a montage of PRL laughing manically, interspersed with clips of a graveyard. Cut to a montage of PRL posing, interspersed with clips of a tombstone. As we see this, we hear Bohemoth speak from the May 10, 2007 edition of HeldDOWN~!.

 

BOHEMOTH

Hell In A Cell is gonna be just that. Hell. Hell for Tha Puerto Rican. You see, I'm sick and tired of PRL. I'm sick and tired of hearing his whiney voice. I'm sick and tired of his catchphrases. I'm sick and tired of him running rule over the OAOAST the past four years. And I'm especially sick and tired of all the times he's hit me over the head with a steel chair in the past few weeks! Ya see, it started out with me trying to get my 24/7 Title back. Then, it became about payback. Now...

 

Bo lifts up his shades so his eyes pierce through the camera.

 

BOHEMOTH

Now, it's all about HURTING Tha Puerto Rican!

 

"YYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

 

Cut to PRL speaking on the April 26, 2007 edition of HeldDOWN~!. While he speaks, we see the shot of Bohemoth bleeding from the same show.

 

PRL

I took him down. I. Took. Bohemoth. Out! I busted him open! I made him BLEED! I DID IT! ME! THA PUERTO RICAN! And then, suddenly, the hype was gone. The myth had disappeared. And I finally realized something. Bohemoth isn't a god! He isn't a monster! No! Bohemoth is human! And humans can be hurt. Humans can be feel pain. Humans...can bleed. And I did all those things to Bohemoth. IF BOHEMOTH CAN BLEED, BOHEMOTH CAN DIE!

 

Cut to Tha Puerto Rican seeing his tombstone from the May 10, 2007 edition of HeldDOWN~!. Cut to Tha Puerto Rican seeing a bloodied PRL T-shirt from the May 17, 2007 edition of HeldDOWN~!. Cut to Tha Puerto Rican opening up the casket to find a wax sculpture of him dead from the May 24, 2007 edition of HeldDOWN~!. All of this is seen while Bohemoth speaks from the May 17, 2007 edition of HeldDOWN~!. The overdramatic operatic music continues playing.

 

BOHEMOTH

I am going to make sure you never wrestle again! At School's Out, in the Hell In A Cell Match, I am going to make sure that you don't walk out of that match ALIVE. On May 27th, they will all be watching as I take all that pain you've done to people...and throw it back at you. May 27th will be your JUDGMENT DAY.

 

Cut to shots of PRL hitting Bohemoth with steel chairs over the past two months. Intersperse with this is more clips of a graveyard, and someone digging a burial plot. Cut to PRL speaking from the April 26, 2007 edition of HeldDOWN~!.

 

PRL

The first time it was one chairshot! The second time was two chairshots! The third time, Bohemoth, I don't care what it takes! It could be a damn mack truck! One things for sure, Bohemoth, “The Corporate Champion” will be standing tall! Bohemoth will be flat on his back! And Tha Puerto Rican, The P.R. Menace, will dance all over his corpse and spit on his grave!

 

Cut to PRL warning Bohemoth to stay away from him from the May 10, 2007 edition of HeldDOWN~!. Cut to PRL throwing coffee into Bohemoth's face from that same show. Cut to PRL telling Bohemoth to hit him from the May 24, 2007 edition of HeldDOWN~!. Cut to PRL and Bohemoth staring at each other. Interspersed with this is clips of a funeral taking place and a funeral procession. We hear Bohemoth speak from the May 17, 2007 edition of HeldDOWN~!.

 

BOHEMOTH

School's Out. May 27th. You. Me. Hell In A Cell. And PRL, this won't be a match you'll win. I'm being perfectly honest here. PR, you're going to indeed know what hell is like when I meet you in the squared circle on May 27th. You're going to get hurt. And I'm pretty sure it'll be the worst pain you've ever felt in your life.

 

Cut to shots of the Hell In A Cell. We hear PRL speak from the May 24, 2007 edition of HeldDOWN~!.

 

THA PUERTO RICAN

I'm going to come out of this strong Bohemoth! What doesn't kill me makes me stronger! Think about that, Bo! On May 27th, the only person who will get destroyed is YOU! AND ONLY YOU! AND THAT'S THE TRUTH, RUTH!

 

Cut to PRL crushing The Mad Cappa's larynx from the May 27, 2003 edition of IntenseZone. Cut to PRL holding Lauren Gellar hostage from the July 14, 2003 edition of IntenseZone. Cut to PRL slamming the top of the ladder on top of Leon Rodez's surgically repaired right knee from the March 29, 2006 edition of HeldDOWN~!. Cut to The Lightning Crew beating up Ayane Mitsui from the July 14, 2005 edition of HeldDOWN~!. Cut to The Lightning Crew beating up Colombian Heat from the April 29, 2004 edition of HeldDOWN~!. Cut to The Lightning Crew beating down D*LUX from the December 21, 2006 edition of HeldDOWN~!. Cut to PRL laughing manically in an up-close shot. We hear more of Bohemoth speaking from the May 17, 2007 edition of HeldDOWN~!.

 

BOHEMOTH

Every punch will be for everyone single fan, wrestler, and OAOAST personnel who is sick to death of you. Every punch will be painful, but even then, it STILL won't match up to the pain you've caused OVER THE PAST FOUR YEARS! No, P.R., despite all the pain you will endure in the Hell In A Cell, it still won't be enough to make up for what you've done. There's a special place in Hell for you, PRL. And on Sunday, May 27th at School's Out, you will get a special sneak preview of it.

 

Cut to more shots of the Hell In A Cell. Intersperse with this is clips of dirt being shoveled into a grave.

 

PRL

OH I'M SORRY! YOU WANT TO HEAR THAT!? I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY FOR CRUSHING THE MAD CAPPA'S LARYNX! I'M SORRY FOR KIDNAPPING AND HURTING LAUREN GELLAR! I'M SORRY FOR SCREWING D*LUX! I'M SORRY FOR TURNING MY BACK ON COLOMBIAN HEAT! I'M SORRY FOR EVERY CHEATING VICTORY I'VE EVER HAD! I'M SORRY FOR EVERY LIE, EVERY CHEAP SHOT, EVERY BEATDOWN I'VE EVER DONE! AND I'M SORRY--OH LET'S JUST SAY I'M SORRY FOR EVER BEING BORN!

 

Cut to numerous shots of Tha Puerto Rican bleeding throughout his OAOAST career. Interspersed with this is more clips of the Hell In A Cell.

 

BOHEMOTH

Unfortunately for you...it's too late to be saved. No. The Hell In A Cell Match will still take place as planned. And it will still be the final match of your career. On May 27th at School's Out, the world will witness PR's Last Stand. For every fan who's had to put up with your CRAP for four years, this match is for them. I'm going to enjoy this match, but not in the way you would enjoy it. No, I'm going to enjoy it because I am going to be the man who stops this terror in the OAOAST. On May 27th, I will be the man who kills the P.R. Menace. On May 27th, I will be the man who puts you on the injured list PERMANTELY. Karma has brought you to Houston, Texas and School's Out. Every bad thing you have ever done has come back to bite you in the ass.

 

Cut to alternating shots of Tha Puerto Rican celebrating and being in pain. We hear Tha Puerto Rican speak from the May 24, 2007 edition of HeldDOWN~!.

 

THA PUERTO RICAN

I FEAR NO MAN! I will step into the Hell In A Cell and I WILL WIN! And there's not a damn thing that ANY OF YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT!

 

Cut to Tha Puerto Rican lying on the mat, bloodied, from AngleMania VI back on April 2, 2006. We see PRL's tombstone, the bloodied shirt, and the casket one more time. We hear Bohemoth speak one more time from the May 17, 2007 edition of HeldDOWN~!.

 

BOHEMOTH

P.R., get ready, say your prayers, because, BO'S...GONNA...KILL...YOU!

 

Cut to PRL screaming from the May 24, 2007 edition of HeldDOWN~!.

 

Cut to dirt being shoveled into a grave, from the point of view of the person supposedly inside the grave. Dirt covers the camera. The overdramatic operatic music ends. The video package ends.

 

Cut to a close-up of the black spray-painted briefcase. The camera pulls back to reveal "The Corporate Champion" Tha Puerto Rican holding the briefcase, standing by at the OAOAST School's Out 2007 interview set. The crowd boos. PRL is jumping in place with a serious look on his face.

 

JOSH MATTHEWS

P.R., it is time. The much anticipated Hell In A Cell Match is only a heartbeat away. And PR, your Golden Contract is on the line here. How do you feel stepping into the Hell In A Cell for the first time ever in your career, against a man who people say you have No Chance In Hell of beating? Do you feel that your illustrious career is on the line too?

 

"THE CORPORATE CHAMPION" THA PUERTO RICAN

Josh, this is just another example of people putting Tha Puerto Rican in a corner. And NOBODY puts Tha Puerto Rican into a corner! If life has taught me anything, it's that if you really REALLY REALLY want something to happen...chances are that the exact opposite of what you want will happen! So, I know that these people really REALLY REALLY REALLY want me to get my ass beat tonight.

 

"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

 

THA PUERTO RICAN

But see, because they think that Bohemoth destroying me is set in stone, it's not going to happen! That's the way the universe works! Now I admit it, I'm a little bit...worried about stepping into the Hell In A Cell with a madman. Bohemoth is going to be an animal unleashed inside that 16-feet high, 20 feet wide Cell. And there's not going to be no Popick, no Lindsay, no Wall in there with me. I'm my own man tonight. But I am up for the challenge. I will take the risk, because life is just too short not to! There's no way in, and no way out except through a locked door. But so what? I've got WONDERFUL athletic ability! I'm tougher than nails! And don't forget, I am The Corporate Champ, The Corporate One, The P.R. Menace, the most electrifying man in professional wrestling, AND the greatest Puerto Rican athlete that has ever lived! The fact that I am all that and a bag of chips is the reason that I am going to get through this! THAT and the fact that I am the most TENACIOUS man in the One And Only AngleSault Thread! And the fact of the matter is that there ain't NOBODY crazy enough to do this gig except for "The Corporate Champion" Tha Puerto Rican! So I am going to go out there and step into Hell...

 

PRL takes a moment to realize what's ahead of him. He does a big cartoonish gulp.

 

THA PUERTO RICAN

...and I am going to come back...ALIVE! THE CHAMP HAS SPO-KUN~!

 

P.R. takes a deep breath, looks at his black spray-painted briefcase, and then walks away.

 

J. MATH

Guys, back to you.

 

COLE

P.R. sure seemed alot more confident then he was just a few minutes ago.

 

COACH

Because he is. He's ready for Bohemoth. The time is now and PRL is up to the task!

[Patty O'Green 0]

The Cell is close to the ground when we return to live action.

 

 

COLE

And there you have it. That is what has led us to today. Tha Puerto Rican, for the first time in his career, will step into the dangerous Hell In A Cell against the 6'7" 284 pound Bohemoth. And fans, I don't think this will be for the weak of heart.

 

COACH

I can't believe that this match is happening! Oh God. I'm gonna say a silent prayer for Tha Puerto Rican if you don't mind.

 

COLE

Go ahead. In fact, stay silent as long as you want. I don't mind!

 

COACH

You little...

 

COLE

Fans, the only other person that'll be in the Cell is the referee, Charles Robinson. But other than that, PRL and Bohemoth will be all alone. No Lightning Crew member will be able to help Tha Puerto Rican tonight, just as Bo wanted! This might just be the biggest challenge Tha Puerto Rican has ever faced and I think it's safe to say that he is the underdog in this match-up.

 

COACH

That just gives him more ammunition to beat Bohemoth and PROVE YOU WRONG!

 

COLE

Weren't you saying a silent prayer?

 

COACH

I was taking a break. Here I go again. What up G? It's your greatest creation Coach here! I just want to ask if you could watch my main homie PRL tonight in his match against the demon -- ya know, Bohemoth.

 

COLE

Coach, a silent prayer is supposed to be SILENT.

 

COACH

Okay! (Mumbling)

 

COLE

Ugh. Anyway fans, this is it. It's about to begin. The first half of the double main event of School's Out: Tha Puerto Rican vs. Bohemoth. Hell In A Cell! The Golden Contract is on the line! Is this PR's Last Stand? We are about to find out. Let's go to the ring!

 

The Hell In A Cell is on the ground.

 

*DING DING DING*

 

The lights go down in the arena. A Puerto Rican flag appears on the AngleTron. This causes the crowd to pop. In big white blocky letters, the following words appear on screen, with Tha Puerto Rican saying them:

 

*THE CHAMP IS HERE!*

 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

 

With that, a lightning bolt hits the entrance, the PRL entrance video plays on the AngleTron, and "Know Your Role '99" begins playing over the P.A. system. The crowd stands up, greatly anticipating PRL's entrance. PR is heard saying, "THE CHAMP IS HERE!" throughout the song, while smoke fills the entryway and strobe lights appear on the entrance set. A few seconds elapsed, and out from the curtains and through the smoke comes "The Corporate Champion" Tha Puerto Rican. The boos get louder. P.R. looks at the crowd with disgust etched on his face. He's wearing his HBK-like entrance attire of blue cowboy chaps and a blue vest in addition to his usual sunglasses and earring on his left ear. He's also carrying his black briefcase that has the Golden Contract inside which has "L.C." spray-painted on the front in yellow. Puerto Rican raises the briefcase over his head to boos.

 

COLE

And there he is. And he's holding the Golden Contract...possibly for the last time. This just might be the last time we will ever see Tha Puerto Rican, at least walking on his own two feet. There might not be anything left of him after this match-up!

 

With a sneer on his face, PRL continues raising the black spray-painted briefcase over his head as Stephen Joseph Popick comes out, wearing a black PRL T-shirt, a leather jacket, a $500 Rolex watch on his left wrist, black jeans, and black boots. And his glasses, can't forget that. Popick raises his hands to jeers from the crowd but an evil smile on his face. Popick talks to PRL while the OAOAST Women's Champion, Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez, comes out. She is carrying the OAOAST Women's Championship belt over her left shoulder, and is wearing a black tube-top with "LC" spray-painted onto it in purple, a gold necklace, diamond earrings, gold bracelets, black finger-less gloves with a drawings of bones on them for some reason, a belt with a skull and crossbones belt buckle, tight black jeans with purple pinstripes, and black heel boots. And her hair now has pink highlights. Lindsay outstretches her arms and garners a mix of boos and cheers which she responds with a cocky smirk.

 

COACH

*Drool*

 

COLE

Coach, stop drooling!

 

COACH

Dude, just LOOK at her!

 

PRL gives his wife-to-be a kiss on the lips, and then motions for someone else to come out. After a few seconds of waiting, Cuban Wall, the Muscle of The Lightning Crew, comes out to LOUD boos. Wall, the OAOAST 24/7 Championship belt resting on his right shoulder, walks with his eyes focused right on the ring. He raises his right fist in the air, and then high-fives PRL. PRL then high fives Lindsay and Popick.

 

COLE

Well, he's got 3 people with him, but they're not going to do any good. They're not going to be allowed in the Cell!

 

COACH

They're just there for moral support. This IS PRL's biggest match to date you know!

 

COLE

For once you may be right.

 

COACH

Plus, well...this maybe the last time PRL will see any of his friends or his fiancee ever again. I can't believe I just said that.

 

COLE

You may be right about that too, Coach.

 

PR looks at Popick, then at Lindsay, then at Wall, and together, the four of them begin their walk to the ring as "Know Your Role '99" continues playing.

 

BUFFER

The following contest is the Hell In A Cell Match scheduled for one fall and it is for the Golden Contract. Introducing first. Coming to the ring at this time. Accompanied to the ring by his manager and "Career Consultant" Stephen Joseph Popick, his fiancee, the One And Only AngleSault Thread Women's Champion Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez, AND the Muscle of The Lightning Crew, the One And Only AngleSault Thread Twenty-Four/Seven Champion Cuban Wall. From San Juan, Puerto Rico. Weighing in at 220 lbs. He is a former OAOAST North American Champion. A former HI-YAH World Tag Team Champion. A former OAOAST X-Division Champion. A 3-time OAOAST Puerto Rican/Italian/Puerto Rican Champion. AND the longest reigning 24/7 Champion in One And Only AngleSault Thread history. He is the leader of The Lightning Crew. The Man With The Golden Contract. He is "The Corporate Champion" THA PUERTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO RICCCCCCAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!

 

Popick puts his left arm around PRL's shoulders and taunts the camera while they continue their walk to the ring.

 

COLE

We've got a dead man walking!

 

COACH

Oh hush up!

 

COLE

Seriously, Michael Buffer listed all of PRL's accomplishments, and yes it's true. Tha Puerto Rican has beaten alot of men and won quite a few titles in his four year career in the OAOAST. But he has also hurt, betrayed, lied to, manipulated, and just been a general ASS to most of the OAOAST roster during his time here! So, to the OAOAST fans, and possibly most of the roster, this is a match that is a long time coming! Infact, I know for a fact that there's a large group of OAOAST wrestlers assembled backstage watching on a monitor, all of whom hoping to see the demise of Tha Puerto Rican live in Houston.

 

COACH

You people. You sick people. You WANT Bohemoth to hurt Tha Puerto Rican. You WANT him to destroy poor PR, end his career. How do you sleep at night? PRL does NOT DESERVE THIS!

 

COLE

That's one man's opinion.

 

COACH

It's the right opinion.

 

COLE

There's no such thing as a 'right' opinion. That's why it's called an opinion and not fact!

 

COACH

Yes there is. Here's another opinion: Michael Cole is a gay fruitcake. Can you deny that?

 

COLE

Oh will you stop?

 

Soda and garbage is thrown in PRL's direction as he gets closer and closer to the Cell. PRL looks at the camera and mouths, "I'm the man." Popick mouths, "You want the best? You got it!"

 

COLE

PRL looking cocky and confident as ever. I wonder if he's just playing for the cameras?

 

COACH

Nonsense. PRL is ready to go. He might have been scared before, but he knows what he's getting himself into. He's ready. Bohemoth just better BRING IT!

 

COLE

He seemed to be frightened beyond belief earlier tonight.

 

COACH

THAT was just for the cameras. What if Bohemoth was watching? PR's not afraid of any man! Not even Bohemoth! Watch!

 

COLE

Amazing how you can change your opinion at a moment's notice!

 

COACH

Pot. Kettle. Me.

 

Tha Puerto Rican walks close to the Cell...and then without missing a beat, turns right around and walks back to the entrance!

 

COLE

Wait...where is he going?

 

COACH

It's all part of the plan. Don't you see?

 

Wall, Lindsay, and Popick just watch as PRL walks back to the entrance, shaking his head leaving the crowd confused. His theme music continues playing as PRL walks through the curtains.

 

COLE

Did he just forfeit?

 

COACH

Uh...I guess?

 

COLE

He DOES realize that if he forfeits, then Bohemoth gets the Golden Contract right?

 

COACH

He does? OH CRAP! PRL COME BACK OUT! COME BACK OUT!

 

The camera focuses on the entrance for a few seconds...until finally, PRL comes right back out...along with OAOAST Road Agents Terry Funk, "Macho Man" Randy Savage, Mike Rotundo, Ted DiBiase, and Dean Malenko!

 

COLE

It looks like PRL has been FORCED back out here!

 

COACH

They're forcing him against his will! There's a conspiracy against Tha Puerto Rican!

 

COLE

Pipe down Coach!

 

The OAOAST Road Agents order for PRL to enter the Cell. PRL tries to keep his cool, but it's obvious to everyone watching that he's going to break down at any moment. PR nods his head and then turns to his friends and motions that there's nothing he can do. Now, Lindsay, Popick, and Cuban Wall are slightly worried as they watch PRL take a deep breath...and walk through the door, entering the Hell In A Cell.

 

COLE

Well, he's finally in. Thank goodness.

 

COACH

Oh lord. Oh God. Oh SWEET JESUS!

 

The crowd boos loudly as The Corporate Champ climbs the ring apron and stops on the ring apron. Instead of sneering at the crowd like he usually does, PRL mutters something about the OAOAST Road Agents. PRL has a look of hesitation on his face, but after some more motioning from the OAOAST Road Agents, PRL looks at Lindsay, Wall, and Popick, and then enters the ring. PRL spins around; soaking in the fans' boos. PR continues looking back at the OAOAST Road Agents, muttering to himself. He starts to take off his blue vest, when the pyro explodes right behind him, causing him to jump back a bit!

 

COLE

P.R.'s pyro went off without him!

 

Tha Puerto Rican stops to recover and catch is breath as the crowd laughs. He says, "Oh yeah. I forgot." PRL grabs his black spray-painted briefcase and walks over to a second turnbuckle where he raises the briefcase over his head. The crowd boos. PRL heads to another second turnbuckle and raises the black spray-painted briefcase over his head again. The crowd, again, boos.

 

COLE

PR's off his game a bit, isn't he?

 

COACH

No he's not! He's not! He's ready! Oh boy, is he ready!

 

PRL gets off the second turnbuckle and heads to a third second turnbuckle where he raises his black spray-painted briefcase with his right hand in the air and "smells the electricity" as a spotlight shines on him a la The Rock. PRL gets off the second turnbuckle and heads to the fourth second turnbuckle where he does the same Rock pose while the crowd boos. PRL looks at his crew, who are still standing in the entryway, now even more worried than before. The OAOAST Road Agents are also there. PRL gets off the second turnbuckle and finishes taking off his blue vest and cowboy chaps.

 

COLE

Well, he got himself into this. It was his chairshot that led to this match! He asked for all of this, as far as I'm concerned.

 

COACH

No he didn't. NOBODY asks for a Hell In A Cell Match! NOBODY. This is the fault of the OAOAST Board of Directors, and when PRL dies because of this match, I hope that Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez sues them for everything they got!

 

COLE

Coach, first off, you're admitting that PRL is in big trouble here. And second of all, if Lindsay were to sue the OAOAST Board of Directors for everything they got, you would be out of a job!

 

COACH

Well...umm...maybe...I...darnit!

 

COLE

Heh. I never get tired of pwning you!

 

COACH

I hate you so very much.

 

Tha Puerto Rican removes his sunglasses and earring and hands them over to a ringside attendant. P.R. then looks at his briefcase. After staring at it for a moment, he kisses the briefcase, and then hands it over to referee Charles Robinson, who raises it over his head, and then hands it over to the ringside attendant as the lights go back on in the arena.

 

COLE

This is only the second ever meeting between Bohemoth and Tha Puerto Rican. We all know about the melee that ended OAOAST Syndicated last month. And this Hell In A Cell will see to it that it doesn't happen again.

 

COACH

Couldn't the OAOAST have thought of a better, *safer* way to have a rematch than *THIS*!? I mean, this match has shortened many careers!

 

COLE

It's the best way to settle this feud once and for all! No outside interference, no countouts, no disqualifications. The only way this match ends is by pinfall or submission! So it'll either be the Erotic Awakening Of B or the Corporate Nightmare that could quite possibly finish this match!

 

COACH

And finish a career.

 

COLE

That too, Coach. The Hell In A Cell has gotten the nickname "The Devil's Playground" for a reason. And we are about to find out why. Tha Puerto Rican is now inside the Cell, and he might be staring into his grim future.

 

Tha Puerto Rican stares at the roof of the Cell. He then does a big cartoonish *Gulp*. He looks at Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez, Stephen Joseph Popick, and Cuban Wall, who root him on half-heartedly. Sweat is now dripping off of PRL's nose. Puerto wipes the sweat off of his forehead, but doesn't do anything to stop shaking in his boots. "Know Your Role '99" dies down as Tha Puerto Rican paces back and forth in the ring.

 

"BO'S GONNA KILL YOU!"

"BO'S GONNA KILL YOU!"

"BO'S GONNA KILL YOU!"

"BO'S GONNA KILL YOU!"

 

PRL yells at the crowd to stop chanting that. P.R. covers his ears to drown out the chant, but it doesn't work!

 

COLE

The fans getting on PRL's back already!

 

COACH

Would they STOP with that chant already? Bo's not gonna kill ANYBODY tonight! If anybody's doing the killing, it's Tha Puerto Rican! Cole, stop laughing!

 

"BO'S GONNA KILL YOU!"

"BO'S GONNA KILL YOU!"

"BO'S GONNA KILL YOU!"

"BO'S GONNA KILL YOU!"

 

PRL stands tall in the ring, looking right at the entrance, trying not to think about the chant. He has a serious expression on his face, but it's quite obvious that he's hiding his fear (and failing at doing so quite miserably, by the way). PRL does a cartoonish *Gulp* again.

 

COLE

Is he up for the task against "The Metrosexual Monster"? There's a group of people backstage hoping this is the last they'll ever see of Tha Puerto Rican, and I'm sure these fans are hoping for the same result!

 

COACH

They're going to be so pissed when PRL proves them wrong! I can't wait!

 

*BbwWbAhmotherfuckerLlIiiBbbEErRrAATtTeeyYyOUUurRrMmmMmMiIInNnDddDd!!*

 

"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

 

PRL isn't even bothering to pretend anymore! The moment "Liberate" by Disturbed starts playing, he jumps back and a look of pure and utter FEAR appears on his face!

 

COLE

I think the reality of the situation has finally set in for Tha Puerto Rican!

 

THA PUERTO RICAN

Oh...my...GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!

 

PRL is looking around the Cell for escape as Bohemoth himself comes out slowly, staring right at Tha Puerto Rican. Bo flexes his muscles IN ANGER~! PRL is standing still in utter fear as Bohemoth stares right at him through his orange-tinted sunglasses. Bohemoth begins his walk to the ring as "Liberate" continues playing.

 

BUFFER

And his opponent. From Greenville, South Carolina. Weighing in at 284 lbs. He is a former HI-YAH World Heavyweight Champion and a former One And Only AngleSault Thread Twenty-Four/Seven Champion. He...is...BOOOOOOOOOOOHEEEEEEMOOOOTTTTTTTTHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

 

COLE

PRL's gonna be all alone in there like a rat in a trap against HIM!

 

COACH

SHUT UP! Don't rub it in!

 

COLE

This is Bohemoth's day, ladies and gentlemen! A sold out Toyota Center in Houston, Texas is about to see a match that some say is four years in the making! Bohemoth wants School's Out 2007 to be forever known as the date of PR's Last Stand!

 

COACH

SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!

 

Bohemoth stops and lowers his sunglasses so that he can get a good look at Tha Puerto Rican, before pushing them back up and continuing his walk to the ring, walking past a worried Popick, Lindsay, and Wall along the way. Bohemoth enters the Cell and then jogs up the ring steps.

 

COLE

Bohemoth is in. Tha Puerto Rican is in. Referee Charles Robinson is in. We are just about ready for Hell In A Cell!

 

PRL stands at a turnbuckle corner as he watches Bohemoth remove his orange-tinted sunglasses and throw them away. Bohemoth has now locked eyes with Tha Puerto Rican. PRL looks around frantically for a way to escape. After a quick limbering process, Bohemoth enters the ring. As soon as he does, PRL scuttles out of the ring to find Charles Robinson pad locking the door to the Cell.

 

THA PUERTO RICAN

What are you doing? What--what--what are you doing? WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?

 

COACH

This is not a good time to be Tha Puerto Rican!

 

COLE

No indeed not as the referee for this match locks the Cell cutting off Tha Puerto Rican from his friends and girlfriend!

 

COACH

Say goodbye, PRL! This might be the last time they ever see you!

 

PRL

Come on! Do you have to lock it? Can't you leave it open? Please? Please? Please?

 

The OAOAST Road Agents stand by to make sure that the Cell door is locked tight. Popick, Lindsay and Cuban Wall shove their way to the door so that they can say goodbye to PRL. The three of them offer last words of encouragement while Bohemoth stands in the ring, waiting for the bell to ring.

 

COLE

I think Tha Puerto Rican is having second thoughts now! The OAOAST Road Agents are there to make sure that it is indeed locked. There will be NO interference from The Lightning Crew! There is only one way out, and that's through the door, BUT the referee is the only person who'll have the key to unlock the door!

 

PRL is close to tears now as Popick, Wall, and Lindsay hold onto the steel mesh. They try to calm PR down, but it's not working.

 

THA PUERTO RICAN

Lindsay! LINDSAY!

 

POPICK

Stay cool, brother! Stay cool! You're gonna win! You're gonna win!

 

LINDSAY

Keep calm, baby! I'm here! I'll be here for you when you get beat him!

 

CUBAN WALL

We're here in spirit, boss! Don't worry! Go get him!

 

PRL

Guys don't go! COME BACK! COME BACK! COME BACK!

 

COLE

The Lightning Crew and Popick trying to console Tha Puerto Rican. But I don't think it's working! It's PR in the inside of the Cell, NOT Popick!

 

Tha Puerto Rican 'suddenly realises that he left his TV on stand-by' and realising the damage he could be causing to the environment, he tries to open the Cell door, but it's been pad locked. Still, he doesn't give up, pulling on the door as hard as he can and failing. Bohemoth watches as PRL kisses Lindsay one more time and then climbs the ring steps.

 

COLE

And now Tha Puerto Rican, and Tha Puerto Rican ALONE must deal with Bohemoth!

 

COACH

Oh my God. This is real. This is real. This is really happening! THIS IS REALLY HAPPENING! OH MY GOD!

 

COLE

Well, this won't be pretty. We can tell you that much. Thank God we're on pay-per-view!

 

The OAOAST Road Agents take Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez, Stephen Joseph Popick, and Cuban Wall back to the entrance. Lindsay blows PRL a kiss as she walks away. PRL waves goodbye, and then stares at Bohemoth who is in the ring. PRL takes a deep breath, and then enters the ring himself.

 

COLE

And here we go. The match the world has been waiting for!

 

COACH

I can't watch this. But I must because I am a broadcast journalist and it's my job.

 

COLE

Oh, don't make me laugh!

 

"Liberate" by Disturbed dies down. TPR stares at Bohemoth. The crowd is buzzing in anticipation of the bell ringing. PR and Bohemoth stare at each other from opposite sides of the ring. Neither man says a word.

 

COLE

I think I have an idea of what's going through PR and Bohemoth's heads right now.

 

COACH

Me too. Oh how I am NOT looking forward to this!

 

COLE

Well, he brought this on himself! Everything that happens in this match is own fault!

 

COACH

No it isn't! Not at all! That's B.S.!

 

COLE

No it isn't.

 

COACH

Yeah it is.

 

COLE

No it isn't.

 

COACH

Yes it is.

 

COLE

No it isn't.

 

COACH

Yes it is.

 

COLE

Yes it is.

 

COACH

No it isn't.

 

COLE

Yes!

 

COACH

Damnit!

 

Charles Robinson calls for the bell.

 

*DING DING DING*

 

"P.R.'s Last Stand?"

HELL IN A CELL MATCH FOR THE GOLDEN CONTRACT

"THE CORPORATE CHAMPION" THA PUERTO RICAN (Holder of The Golden Contract) vs. BOHEMOTH

Bohemoth and PRL continue staring at each other. Finally, PRL says something. And keeps talking. And talking. And talking.

 

COLE

PRL laying in the trash talking, like usual.

 

COACH

He's the master at it!

 

The Corporate Champ tries to psych out The Epitome Of Masculinity, but Bohemoth stands there unfazed. P.R. then rips his white Lightning Crew T-shirt like Hulk Hogan and throws his Puerto Rican flag bandana at Bohemoth! The crowd boos!

 

COLE

Who does he think he is? Hulk Hogan?

 

COACH

He does the shirt ripping better than Hulk!

 

COLE

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Let's not say things we can't take back!

 

PRL flexes his muscles and shows off his own impressive (but not as impressive as Bohemoth's) physique, and then walks right up to Bohemoth and starts jaw jacking with him.

 

COLE

PRL is confronting Bohemoth face-to-face!

 

COACH

See? He's not afraid! He's not afraid!

 

COLE

This is something we've seen over the past four weeks, but this time, Bohemoth is free to do whatever he wants!

 

COACH

And he'll STILL chicken out!

 

PRL waggles his head and raises his voice, but Bohemoth continues staring at him.

 

THA PUERTO RICAN

You're a fool! A fool Bohemoth! You're an asswipe, a loser, and I'm going to be SO happy when I destroy you tonight! YOU'RE GOING DOWN BOHEMOTH! YOU'RE...GOING...DOWN!

 

Bohemoth punches PRL in the face!

 

"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

 

COLE

He's waited four weeks to do that!

 

Tha Puerto Rican staggers around the ring, already dazed and confused! Bohemoth just watches as PRL stumbles back towards him.

 

THA PUERTO RICAN

That didn't hurt.

 

Tha Puerto Rican Flair Flops onto the mat!

 

COLE

I guess it did!

 

Bohemoth goes to pick Tha Puerto Rican, but PRL quickly zooms out of the ring! Bo calmly climbs out of the ring and follows PRL around ringside.

 

COLE

Now Tha Puerto Rican is trying to run away from Bohemoth!

 

COACH

But where is he going to hide?

 

COLE

Exactly! There's nowhere to hide in the Hell In A Cell!

 

Tha Puerto Rican pleads with Bohemoth to stay away from him, but Bohemoth just walks slowly towards PRL with anger on his face, like a killer in a slasher flick. PRL jumps over the ring steps and continues running while Bohemoth continues walking slowly, knowing he's got PRL right where he wants him. At one point, PRL bumps into Bohemoth, so he turns around and runs the other way!

 

COACH

This is truly Hell In A Cell for Tha Puerto Rican!

 

COLE

He won't be hard to find!

 

Tha Puerto Rican slides into the ring. Once he sees Bohemoth sliding into the ring, PRL bounces off the ropes. Bohemoth goes for a clothesline. PRL ducks, bounces off the ropes, and right into a big boot from Bohemoth!

 

COLE

This won't be pretty! This will NOT be pretty!

 

COACH

Here we go! Oh God!

 

Tha Puerto Rican is kissing the canvas! He tries to get up, but falls back down! Bohemoth helps PRL up by picking him up by his head, and then slamming his head on the top turnbuckle pad! PRL stumbles, but he doesn't fall! Instead, PRL stumbles through the first and second ropes, gasping for air.

 

COLE

Tha Puerto Rican got himself into this, let's see if he can get himself out!

 

Bohemoth grabs PRL, and then slams his head on the same top turnbuckle pad as before! This time, PRL FLIES out of the turnbuckle corner and onto the mat! Puerto Rican is already dazed and confused as he rolls around the mat. Bohemoth picks PRL up again by his hair and then slams his head on another top turnbuckle pad!

 

COLE

This whole thing started on the April 12th edition of HeldDOWN~!, and it will end tonight at School's Out!

 

COACH

Yeah, but the question is: who will be more injured? PRL or Bohemoth?

 

COLE

I think the answers obvious.

 

COACH

Oh hamburgers!

 

PRL stumbles to the mat, and uses the ropes to pull himself up. Bohemoth grabs Tha Puerto Rican by his right arm and gives him an Irish whip into the ropes. Bohemoth goes for a clothesline, but PRL ducks, and hits Bohemoth in the head with a Rock-style punch! He does it a second time! Then a third! And a fourth! And a fifth! And a sixth!

 

COACH

Look! He's fighting back! He's fighting back! Yes!

 

COLE

He is, surprisingly so!

 

The punches do affect Bohemoth, as he rests on the ring ropes. PRL continues hitting him with Rock-style punches to the temple as the crowd boos.

 

COLE

PR's gonna have to fight back! It's the only way he'll survive this match-up!

 

Tha Puerto Rican's Rock punches take Bohemoth to a turnbuckle corner. PR continues laying in his left fists into Bo's face! PRL stands on the second rope, and starts hammering away at Bohemoth's head with rapid fire punches.

 

"1! 2! 3! 4! 5!6!7!8!..."

 

COACH

Ha ha! Idiots! They can't count that fast!

 

COLE

Coach, it would be impossible to count that fast.

 

COACH

Not for me it ain't!

 

PRL grabs Bohemoth's by his left wrist and whips him into the opposite turnbuckle. P.R. charges forward. Stinger Splash!

 

COACH

Excellent Stinger Splash from Tha Puerto Rican! PRL is already doing better than he did last month on OAOAST Syndicated!

 

PRL follows up the Stinger Splash with a kick to the abdominal area of Bohemoth! The Corporate Champ then goes back to his Rock punches, weakening the 6'7" former OAOAST 24/7 Champion! Punch! Punch! Punch! NOW KISS THAT LEFT~! PUNCH!

 

COACH

Yes! He's doing it! He's really doing it!

 

COLE

PRL is in control, hammering away at Bohemoth as this match gets underway! I'm sure he has already surprised the naysayers!

 

COACH

He has! And I just KNOW he loves proving them wrong!

 

TPR taunts Bohemoth, and then whips him into the opposite turnbuckle--Bohemoth reverses--PRL does a Flair Flip onto the ring apron! Bohemoth follows that up by clotheslining PRL, knocking him down!

 

COLE

And Bohemoth fires back on Tha Puerto Rican!

 

COACH

AAAH!

 

Bohemoth stops PRL from falling onto the ground by grabbing his tights. Bo pulls P.R. back into the ring. He then picks Tha Puerto Rican up by his EAR!

 

COACH

Ouch! Watch what you're doing there! You could have ripped his ear clean off!

 

COLE

Then what would happen? Would he start ripping Mick Foley off?

 

COACH

Oh will you stop?

 

Bohemoth says something to PRL while holding him by his left ear like he was a nun at a Catholic school! PRL whines, so Bohemoth slaps his mouth!

 

PRL

OW!

 

COLE

People have been wanting to do that for years!

 

Bohemoth clotheslines PRL back down to the mat! He then goes for the cover.

 

1...2...KICK OUT!

 

COLE

He kicked out!?

 

COACH

Yes. He did!

 

COLE

Wow. That legitimately surprised me.

 

COACH

Not me! Oh no!

 

Bohemoth doesn't let the fact that PRL kicked out after two minutes of ass kicking stop him. He gets up, and waits for PRL to get up too. Tired of waiting, Bohemoth grabs PRL by his hair and whips him into the ropes. PRL bounces off the ropes, and Bohemoth grabs him in a Cobra Clutch! Bo then gives PRL a backbreaker!

 

COLE

Style Injection!

 

Bohemoth just watches as Puerto clutches his back in horrible pain! He picks Tha Puerto Rican up again.

 

COLE

I think Bohemoth is going to take Tha Puerto Rican apart limb from limb!

 

COACH

He's taking his sweet time because he can! He's in no hurry! He wants to destroy PRL once and for all, so he's inflicting much pain on him as he can! He's ENJOYING this! The sick freak!

 

Bohemoth punches PRL in the face!

 

COLE

There's the punch for March 10, 2003!

 

Bohemoth punches PRL again!

 

COLE

There's the punch for March 11, 2003!

 

Bohemoth punches PRL a third time!

 

COLE

There's the punch for March 12, 2003!

 

COACH

What are you doing?

 

COLE

Bohemoth said he would punch Tha Puerto Rican for everyday he's been in the OAOAST, so I'm just helping him count along!

 

COACH

You're enjoying this too, aren't you?

 

COLE

Well--

 

COACH

AREN'T YOU!?

 

COLE

Eh...a little.

 

COACH

I knew it! You little goatee wearing bitch.

 

Bohemoth punches PRL in the face a fourth time!

 

COLE

There's the punch for March 13, 2003!

 

Bo punches PRL again!

 

COLE

March 14, 2003!

 

And again! And again! And again! And again! And again! And again! Again! Again! Again!

 

COLE

March 15, March 16, March 17, March 18, March 19, March 20, March 21, March 22, 2003!

 

COACH

STOP IT!

 

Bohemoth chokes PRL with his right boot!

 

COACH

Now come on! I know this is no disqualifications, but this isn't right!

 

Charles Robinson tells Bohemoth to stop with the choking, but he's still doing so, as PRL gasps for breath! After a few more seconds of choking, Bohemoth stops and then gives the ref a dirty look. The crowd has quieted down and is intently watching Bohemoth dominate Tha Puerto Rican. And Bo continues doing so, scooping Tha Puerto Rican up and then slamming back down onto the mat HARD! PRL lets out a girlish scream! Bohemoth bounces off the ropes, charges forward, jumps up, and then jumps down with his right knee hitting PRL's face!

 

COLE

Kneedrop from Bohemoth, and a BIG kneedrop at that!

 

COACH

Goodness gracious! His knee is as big as PR's face!

 

Bohemoth calmly goes for the cover.

 

ONE...TWO...KICK OUT!

 

COLE

Whoa! He kicked out again!

 

COACH

He's showing sparks of life! They're not there for long, but they ARE there! And as long as they're there, there is still hope!

 

Bohemoth argues with the referee, but Charles Robinson puts up two fingers and that's that. PRL gets up, now severely weakened just like last month, and stumbles around the ring. Bohemoth puts a stop to that by grabbing P.R. and whipping him into the ropes. Bohemoth follows that up with a BIG BOOT! PRL falls to the mat!

 

COACH

I thought I saw something fly out of his mouth!

 

Indeed something did...PRL's own teeth! The crowd is shocked at this development. PRL slowly crawls on over to his stomach, and there he makes the shocking discovery...

 

 

HIS TWO FRONT TEETH ARE MISSING!

 

PRL is HORRIFIED when he touches the holes where his teeth should be! PRL's two front teeth are now lying on the mat, which the camera does a close-up of!

 

COLE

His teeth are gone! Bohemoth has literally knocked Tha Puerto Rican's teeth out!

 

COACH

I don't believe it! Look at that! Look at them lying on the mat! Oh, his matinee idol looks are gone! All these years and they're gone! PRL's gonna end up looking like a toothless freak!

 

COLE

So then he'll rip off Mick Foley?

 

COACH

Michael Cole, please shut up about that!

 

Tha Puerto Rican is freaking out! He rushes over to grab his two front teeth, but is stopped by Bohemoth. Bohemoth then looks at PRL, looks at the teeth, and then stamps his right foot on the two front teeth!

 

COLE

Oh! Adding insult to injury!

 

PRL is teary eyed! He speaks with a lisp now as he tries to get used to having no two front teeth anymore.

 

THA PUERTO RICAN

My teeth. My teeth. My teeth!

 

Bohemoth kicks the remains of PRL's two front teeth out of the ring and then picks the toothless Puerto Rican up. Bo gives him an Irish whip into the ropes. Bo goes for a clothesline, but PRL ducks, stops in his tracks, and hits Bohemoth with a punch! And then another punch! And another! And another!

 

COACH

Yeah! That's what you get for knocking his teeth out! Lay the smackdown on his candy ass, P.R.!

 

The crowd boos loudly! PR goes for a punch...BLOCKED! Bohemoth punches Tha Puerto Rican, which sends him hard back down onto the mat! PR flops up and down like a fish out of water! Bohemoth picks PRL up. He punches him right in the face!

 

COLE

That's for March 23, 2003.

 

Bohemoth punches PRL again!

 

COLE

March 24, 2003.

 

And again!

 

COLE

March 25, 2003!

 

Bohemoth watches as Tha Puerto Rican slowly gets up. Bo cracks a little smile as he sees PRL wallow in misery. Once Puerto is on his feet, Bo grabs him by his hair, charges forward, and then throws PRL OVER the top rope and onto the floor, with PRL nearly hitting the steel mesh on the way down!

 

COLE

Oh my! PRL went FLYING right there! He is at the mercy of Bohemoth right now!

 

The camera cuts to the lockerroom where the people at the party all have smiles on their faces watching PRL lie on the protective mats. PRL is breathing heavily now. He barely manages to sit up, so that he can spit out some blood left over from his missing teeth. Bohemoth sneers at PRL.

 

"MAKE HIM BLEED!"

"MAKE HIM BLEED!"

"MAKE HIM BLEED!"

"MAKE HIM BLEED!"

 

COACH

These fans are SICK! SICK! SICK!

 

COLE

They've been waiting for a match like this for a LONG time! Let them enjoy it!

 

COACH

Absolutely not!

 

PRL slowly gets up. He pushes himself onto his knees, and then uses the steel mesh to pull himself up--Bohemoth gets out of the ring and grabs PRL!

 

COLE

That was a really nasty fall by the way! Bohemoth just threw him over the top! That's it! No protection! He just threw him like he was yesterday's newspaper!

 

Bohemoth grabs P.R.'s throat with his bare hands and then lifts him up in the air! Bohemoth gives PRL a double chokehold to the crowd's delight! HOWEVER, since they're near the steel mesh, PRL pokes Bohemoth's eyes, escaping the chokehold, and then climbs the Cell!

 

COACH

Look at this! There you go! That's my boy!

 

COLE

PRL desperately trying to escape by any means necessary!

 

COACH

Who cares about winning? Your life is on the line here! Get away! Get away!

 

PRL continues climbing the Hell In A Cell, but Bohemoth doesn't let that worry him. Instead, he simply grabs P.R. by his tights and pulls him down onto the floor--NO! P.R. holds onto the Cell! Bohemoth tries to pull PR down again! PR still holds on! Bohemoth tries once again, and this time PRL is pulled off the Cell onto the protective mats! PRL lies stomach first on the floor.

 

COLE

So much for that.

 

COACH

Ugh! Come on PRL! Come on! I'm rooting for you to make it out alive buddy!

 

COLE

I'm sure that's comforting him.

 

COACH

Of course it would. Everybody likes me! I'm Da Coach!

 

The OAOAST Starbucks Double Shot Expresso Instant Replay shows Bohemoth throwing Tha Puerto Rican over the top rope and onto the floor.

 

COLE

Watch this. A BRUTAL fall from Tha Puerto Rican! Bohemoth just threw him without a care in the world! It was amazing!

 

COACH

This match is already brutal to watch and we're not even 5 minutes in! I shudder to think what's going to happen the longer this match goes!

 

COLE

It can go as long as it wants. Bohemoth is going to take his sweet time dishing out the punishment he feels PRL deserves for four years of bad behavior here in the OAOAST!

 

COACH

This isn't right! This isn't right at all!

 

COLE

It's right in the eyes of Bohemoth. Will you tell him differently?

 

COACH

...No.

 

Bohemoth picks P.R.L. up and says something to him with fire in his eyes. "The Metrosexual Monster" whips The P.R. Menace into the steel mesh! P.R. hits the steel mesh left shoulder first, then bounces back out onto the floor, where he gets a MURDERLINE~! from Bohemoth!

 

COLE

Oh my! A lariat on the floor! Bohemoth is taking Tha Puerto Rican apart piece by piece!

 

COACH

He's in no hurry and that's so so sad to know!

 

COLE

I think he's starting to like this!

 

Bohemoth lets PR get to his knees before picking him up once again. PIMPHEMOTH~! then whips Puerto Rican into the steel mesh again! He then follows with another MURDERLINE~!

 

COLE

Two in a row! Two in a row from Bohemoth!

 

COACH

I sure hope Lindsay isn't watching this match now!

 

The Corporate Champion's eyes are glazed over. He's mumbling incoherently as he sits up. P.R. grabs the steel mesh and mumbles incoherently at the fans, not even having the energy to taunt the fans like he usually does! Bohemoth slowly walks over and grabs Tha Puerto Rican by the roof of his mouth and lifts him up!

 

COACH

Oh come on! Hasn't he done enough damage to Tha Puerto Rican's mouth already!?

 

Bo grabs PRL and slams his head on the ring apron! PRL slumps to his knees! Bohemoth grabs Tha Puerto Rican by his hair again. PRL's mouth is wide open, so the camera gets a good shot of the space where his two front teeth used to be. Bo drags Tha Puerto Rican over to a corner of the Cell, and then places him in between his legs. The crowd cheers. Bohemoth looks at the fans, and then lifts PRL up in the air--

 

---PRL holds onto the Cell and starts punching away at Bohemoth while hanging around his neck!

 

COLE

PRL is fighting back! He's fighting back again!

 

COACH

Look at PRL use the Cell to his advantage! That takes brains, Cole! Something Bohemoth obviously doesn't have!

 

PRL fires away with right fists, most likely using his missing teeth as motivation to attack. But Bohemoth's strength plays a factor here as the punches don't affect him like they would someone of PRL's size. So, Bohemoth shakes off the numerous punches, grabs PRL by his tights in a powerbomb position, and then SLAMS PRL's back right into the steel mesh! And again! Bohemoth lets go, and PRL drops to the floor!

 

COLE

And so much for that.

 

PRL lies on the protective mats on his stomach, his eyes closed, breathing heavily while the crowd cheers.

 

COACH

What a sad sad shot that is!

 

COLE

Maybe to you. But these people in the Toyota Center are liking it!

 

COACH

What a sad sad people they are!

 

COLE

Oh come on!

 

Bohemoth slowly walks over to where Tha Puerto Rican is lying just as he's starting to get up.

 

THA PUERTO RICAN

Is there a doctor in the houseth? Is there a doctor in the houseth?

 

Bohemoth picks the groggy PRL up. Some blood spills out of P.R.'s mouth. Bohemoth slams Tha Puerto Rican's head on a top ring step! Bohemoth then sets PRL up against the ring apron, measures him up, and punches him in the face!

 

COLE

March 26, 2003.

 

And again!

 

COLE

March 27, 2003.

 

And again!

 

COLE

March 28, 2003.

 

And again!

 

COLE

March 29, 2003. March 30, 2003. March 31, 2003. April 1, 2003. April 2, 2003. April 3, 2003. April 4, 2003. April 5, 2003. April 6, 2003. Bohemoth is doing good on his promise thus far!

 

Bo throws Tha Puerto Rican into the steel mesh!

 

COLE

April 7, 2003. April 8, 2003. April 9, 2003. April 10, 2003. April 11, 2003. April 12, 2003. April 13, 2003. April 14, 2003.

 

PRL is about to collapse onto the ground, but Bohemoth holds him up, then lifts him up in a bearhug position. Bo walks over to another corner of the Cell and then charges forward, hitting PRL back-first into a ring post! He then follows that up by slamming PRL's back into the steel mesh! Then back to the ring post! Then back to the steel mesh! These are the following sounds PRL makes:

 

"OOH!"

"AAH!"

"OOF!"

"AAAH!"

"OH!"

"AH!"

"OOF!"

"OOF!"

"OH GOD!"

"AAAH!"

"AAAAAH!"

"OOF!"

"AH!"

 

THA PUERTO RICAN

GOD HELP ME!

 

Bohemoth lets go of PRL, and The Corporate Champ collapses onto the floor! The crowd cheers loudly!

 

COLE

This match has been almost all Bohemoth since the bell rang! Bohemoth is beating Tha Puerto Rican up pillar to post and PRL seems powerless to stop it!

 

COACH

He's not using much wrestling moves. He's just BEATING him. Like this is a bar fight or something!

 

COLE

Bohemoth is certainly going all out here. He's not trying to win a wrestling match. He wants to HURT Tha Puerto Rican! And that's exactly what he's doing right now!

 

COACH

Can't he show him a *little* mercy?

 

COLE

Did PRL show mercy to anyone he ever hurt?

 

COACH

Well--uh---

 

COLE

Well there you go.

 

Tha Puerto Rican starts speaking incoherently again. PRL gets on his knees. There, Bohemoth picks him up.

 

COACH

Not again!

 

Bohemoth scoops PRL up, in a running powerslam position. He then adjusts it a little so that PRL is a human javelin!

 

COACH

Not your head! Not your head!

 

Bohemoth takes a few steps back with PRL hanging over his right shoulder. He then charges forward--NO!--PRL slips out and shoves Bohemoth right into the steel mesh!

 

COACH

Yes!

 

COLE

P.R. with a counter, showing some life again!

 

THA PUERTO RICAN

HA HA!

 

Bohemoth gives PRL a MURDERLINE~! knocking him down to the ground!

 

CROWD

HA HA!

 

COLE

And down goes Tha Puerto Rican! Again.

 

PRL spits out some more blood on the floor.

 

THA PUERTO RICAN

I...can't...breathe! I...can't...breathe!

 

Bohemoth picks PR up by his hair.

 

COLE

PRL was going to be rammed head-first into the steel mesh, dropped off by Bohemoth, but he escaped, but Bohemoth mowed him down anyhow!

 

COACH

He can't seem to keep the advantage for long!

 

Bohemoth slams PRL's head on the top ring step again! Bo grabs PRL, who is COMPLETELY out of it, and punches him in the face!

 

COLE

April 15, 2003.

 

COACH

If you count the dates one more time, I'm going to scream!

 

PRL falls to the floor. Bohemoth chokes P.R. with his right foot again!

 

COLE

Bohemoth once again using an illegal move, but he can in this match!

 

COACH

He's choking the life out of him, literally! Why doesn't anybody stop him!?

 

COLE

Why don't you!?

 

COACH

I've got a job to do! I'm a broadcast journalist!

 

PRL tries to stop the choking, but Bohemoth eventually stops on his own.

 

COLE

Well, they call this match Hell In A Cell, and I would suggest that Tha Puerto Rican feels like he is living in hell right now!

 

COACH

I guess it's a little too late to expect any compassion whatsoever from Bohemoth. How much longer will this continue!?

 

PRL uses the steel mesh to pull himself up. Bohemoth picks him up anyway. The 6'7" 284 pound big man grabs P.R. by his left hand, and then whips into the steel mesh--PRL reverses--Bohemoth reverses--PRL leaps onto the steel mesh like a Spider-Man!

 

COACH

Whoa!

 

He then leaps off with a crossbody block that knocks Bohemoth down!

 

COACH

Beautiful! Beautiful!

 

COLE

P.R.L. with an impressive offensive manuever!

 

COACH

Keep it up! Keep it up!

 

PRL gets right back up and starts hitting Bohemoth with his shaky leg kicks! He then gets down on his hands and knees and starts punching Bohemoth in the face!

 

COACH

There's one for January 17, 2006! And there's one for February 24, 2005! And there's one for March 17, 2004! And there's one for April 16, 2007! And there's one for July 8, 2019! And there's one for August 10, 1996! And there's one for--

 

COLE

Coach, what are you doing!? Bohemoth hasn't been in the OAOAST for that long, and besides that, you're getting the dates all mixed up!

 

COACH

Who cares? PRL is beating Bohemoth and that's all that matters!

 

The crowd boos LOUDLY as Puerto Rican continues beating up Bohemoth!

 

"P.R. SUCKS!"

"P.R. SUCKS!"

"P.R. SUCKS!"

"P.R. SUCKS!"

 

COACH

He does not suck! Look at him now! LOOK AT HIM NOW!

 

The punches managed to keep Bohemoth down on the floor. PRL sneers at the crowd. He then slowly gets up, cracks a smile at Bohemoth's current position, and then rolls back into the ring.

 

COACH

You've got the advantage now, Puerto! Keep it up! Keep it up!

 

COLE

Tha Puerto Rican's gotta distance himself for his own good. He needs some oxygen! He needs to put himself back together before he can continue!

 

PRL laughs a little, but then coughs and spits out some blood. He checks the holes in his mouth now and whimpers over the loss of his two front teeth. PRL then simply falls to the mat and tries his best to recover as much as he can while Bohemoth struggles to get up.

 

COLE

PRL's gotta use his speed if he wants to win and keep his Golden Contract. He's gotta stay on top of Bohemoth! His speed and his agility are his keys to victory!

 

COACH

Damn straight.

 

PRL spits out some more blood, wipes the sweat off of his forehead, and then slowly gets back to a vertical base. At the same time, Bohemoth is back on *his* feet and using the ropes to pull himself back into the ring. PRL gets to his feet, and Bohemoth gets on the ring apron at the same time, so PRL punches Bohemoth in the face! He does it again! And again! And again!

 

COACH

January 18, 2086. February 12, 1904. March 16, 3010. June 21, 1867.

 

PRL punches Bohemoth for a fifth tim--

BOHEMOTH GRABS PRL AND GIVES HIM A STUNNER FROM THE OUTSIDE!

 

"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

 

P.R. shoots up and then quickly falls back down onto the mat! He rolls halfway across the ring. Bohemoth gets to his feet on the outside and catches his breath.

 

COLE

PRL has been slingshotted halfway across the ring!

 

COACH

Oh man! He's going to die. He's really going to die!

 

COLE

He certainly looks like he's been in a car accident, that's for sure.

 

PR and Bohemoth both cough and catch their breath; PRL struggling while lying on the mat, Bohemoth on the outside holding the Cell. PRL then has a sneer etched on his face when he sees Bohemoth on the outside. He slowly gets up, using the ring ropes to pull himself up to a vertical base. The sneer is still on his face as he gets to his feet. Bohemoth is on the ring apron about to enter the ring...when Tha Puerto Rican charges forward, shoulderblocking Bohemoth right into the Cell!

 

COACH

Yes!

 

Bohemoth falls to the floor! The crowd boos as PRL walks with a swagger in the ring!

 

COACH

He knocked Bohemoth clear from the ring right into the side of the Cell!

 

COLE

PRL back on his feet once again!

 

COACH

Where he will remain for the rest of this match-up!

 

PRL laughs a little as he watches Bohemoth slowly get up. PR rests on the ropes while Bohemoth uses the steel mesh to get to his feet. The sweat is already perspiring out of the big man. PRL rushes into the ropes, charges forward, and then leaps into Bohemoth with a TOPE SUICIDA which sends Bohemoth crashing into the steel mesh again!

 

COLE

PRL using his body as a torpedo!

 

COACH

He's using his speed and agility to win, just like you said!

 

Bohemoth lies on the floor. PRL uses the Cell to pull himself up again. He then climbs the Cell so that he is a good 6 or 7 feet above Bohemoth, and then leaps off, dropping his left elbow right onto Bohemoth's chest!

 

COLE

That was like a Corporate Elbow Drop right there!

 

COACH

It sure was! Innovative offense from Tha Puerto Rican tonight at School's Out!

 

PRL gets up, and spits at a fan who was taunting him! P.R. then gets onto the ring apron and walks to a ring post.

 

COLE

What's he gonna do now? Bohemoth is down on the ground!

 

PRL rushes forward, jumping off the ring apron, doing a SHOOTING STAR PRESS~! right onto Bohemoth!

 

COLE

OH MY~! Tha Puerto Rican astounding us all! A Shooting Star Press from the ring apron! When has he ever done THAT before!?

 

COACH

There's a first time for everything, Cole! And what better time than now to try something new?

 

PRL sits up, a sneer on his face again. He taunts the fans, and then spits out some more blood, before getting up.

 

COACH

He's pulling out all the stops! He's sacrificing his own body to keep the advantage on Bohemoth! As long as PRL controls Bohemoth and not the other way around, he'll be fine!

[Patty O'Green 0]

The OAOAST Starbucks Doubleshot Expresso Instant Replay shows Bohemoth giving Tha Puerto Rican a Stunner from the ring apron. While in real time, PRL is up and slowly walking over to some ring steps.

 

COLE

Bohemoth turned things around by hitting PRL with a Stunner from the outside. An impressive move from the big man! But what's PRL going to do?

 

COACH

What's PR going to do, you ask? Why, take off the top ring steps and use them as a weapon of course!

 

And indeed, that's what PR does, removing the top two ring steps from their base, and then lifting them up over his head, before bringing them down onto Bohemoth's back!

 

COLE

Oh no!

 

COACH

Hey, his career is on the line here! You'd do the same thing if you were Tha Puerto Rican!

 

COLE

But I'm not Tha Puerto Rican, and I'd never want to be!

 

COACH

Not even if you could have sex with Lindsay Gonzalez?

 

COLE

ESPECIALLY because of that!

 

PR bashes the ring steps into Bohemoth's back again! The crowd boos!

 

COLE

PRL smashing those ring steps right into the spine of "The Metrosexual Monster"!

 

Bohemoth lies on the floor breathing heavily. TPR looks very ANGRY as he holds the ring steps over Bohemoth's body. The crowd boos loudly.

 

"P.R. SUCKS!"

"P.R. SUCKS!"

 

THA PUERTO RICAN

Your ass is mine, fool.

 

PRL watches as Bohemoth turns over onto his stomach. He then pushes himself up onto his hands and knees.

 

*BAM!*

 

PRL hits Bohemoth with the ring steps for a third time!

 

COACH

1! 2! 3! He got him good!

 

PRL throws the ring steps aside. He does the "You can't see me!" hand gesture just to be an ass.

 

COLE

Those steps weigh AT LEAST 150 lbs.!

 

PRL stops to catch his breath, and then climbs the bottom ring steps. He taunts the fans, and then grabs Bohemoth who was crawling on the floor.

 

COLE

PRL with the advantage now! He has Bohemoth right where he wants him!

 

COACH

He's going for the kill! I can feel it! I know he is!

 

PRL places Bohemoth in between his legs. The crowd buzzes in anticipation of P.R.'s next move. P.R. grabs Bohemoth and tries to lift him up! P.R., using the bottom ring steps as a way to make himself the same height as Bohemoth, tries to lift Bohemoth up again. He gets Bohemoth off his feet, but fails to follow through.

 

COACH

Is he gonna do it? Is he actually going to do it?

 

COLE

He's going for a Piledriver, but can't seem to get it!

 

PR tries a third time. He manages to *almost* get Bohemoth in position to finish the Piledriver, but then Bohemoth gets back to his feet. PR then tries for the fourth time and *this* time he gets Bohemoth up in the air all the way so that he can drill him into the bottom ring steps with a Piledriver!

 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

 

COACH

He did it! He actually did it! Woo-hoo!

 

COLE

I can't believe my eyes! Bohemoth has just been given a Piledriver by Tha Puerto Rican! Tha Puerto Rican, the 5'9" 220 pound Puerto Rican lifted up and gave the 6'7" 284 pound Bohemoth a Piledriver! What a scene we just saw!

 

COACH

The tide is shifting, Mikey! Soon, people will remember School's Out 2007 as the day Tha Puerto Rican took down "The Metrosexual Monster" once and for all!

 

PRL rests on the bottom ring steps, using most, if not all the energy he had left to Piledrive Bohemoth. Bohemoth lies on the floor, breathing heavily and holding his head in pain.

 

COLE

Did you hear Bohemoth's skull hit those steps?

 

PRL tells a cameraman to move out of the way, or in his own words, "Get the fuck outta my way, dorkface!" PRL stands up, getting a second wind now. Bohemoth is still on the ground, but PRL is on the ring apron. So, PRL jumps off the ring apron and stomps on Bohemoth's body!

 

COACH

Just like Bohemoth stomped PRL's teeth earlier!

 

COLE

I don't think you can compare the two. I mean, the guy lost TEETH!

 

PRL is still lisping while he trash talks thanks to the two missing front teeth. He spits some blood at Bohemoth! PR laughs manically while the referee tries to retain *some* law and order in this match. Bohemoth is still lying on the protective mats.

 

COACH

This is turning into a little preview of Hell for Bohemoth!

 

COLE

You're right! Bohemoth is in a bad way here!

 

"BO-HE-MOTH!"

"BO-HE-MOTH!"

"BO-HE-MOTH!"

"BO-HE-MOTH!"

 

TPR rolls back into the ring. He gets up and rests on the ring ropes. His hair is matted now. He clutches his back for a few seconds and then climbs the top rope.

 

COLE

Oh no. Now what?

 

COACH

Something good, I bet!

 

PRL is hunched over on the top turnbuckle. He watches as Bohemoth uses the steel mesh to pull himself up. PRL taunts Bo, and then rolls his eyes when Bo takes a little while to get up. Finally, Bohemoth gets to his left knee. He then slowly gets to a vertical base. At that point, PRL jumps off the top rope and nails Bohemoth with a double axehandle!

 

COLE

The Corporate Axe from Tha Puerto Rican! PRL using the ropes for more momentum, knocking Bohemoth back down!

 

COACH

You know all the mind games. The caskets, the body bags, the bloodied T-shirts, the tombstones. It's all coming back to bite Bohemoth in the ass! He said that karma was gonna get PRL? Well, karma is really going to get Bohemoth, and it's getting him right now, tonight here at School's Out! And I love it! I freaking love it!

 

COLE

Bohemoth is down, and one things for sure: when Bohemoth is down he can't give you the Erotic Awakening Of B!

 

COACH

Exactly.

 

P.R. sneers at Bohemoth, and then rolls back into the ring. He gets up and spits some more blood out of his mouth. PRL taunts some fans at ringside, calling them pieces of trailer park trash.

 

COLE

P.R. back in the ring. We talk about the resilience that Tha Puerto Rican has. That's been put to the test, and he's passed that test!

 

Bohemoth is up and he's rolling into the ring. PRL stops him by kicking him in the face repeatedly! The former OAOAST X-Division Champion grabs the man who he feels is responsible for him losing the Title and positions him in the ropes. PRL measures Bo up...and then hits him with a Rock-style punch to the temple! He does it again! And again! And again! Punch! Punch! Punch! NOW KISS THAT LEFT! PUNCH! Bohemoth falls down to the mat!

 

COACH

August 26, 1993. October 31, 2034. November 23, 1654. December 25, 1492. May 5, 1988. June 15, 2004. July 12, 6567. Smarch 13, 1313!

 

COLE

That's not even a month!

 

COACH

Yes it is! Don't you hate that lousy Smarch weather?

 

COLE

Oy.

 

PRL taunts Bohemoth some more, and then exits the ring. He looks under the ring apron for something.

 

COLE

What's he doing now? What's he looking for?

 

COACH

Anything he wants. It's all legal!

 

PRL comes out with...a steel chair.

 

"OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

 

PRL throws the steel chair into the ring and follows himself.

 

COLE

That's what started it all! That's what started it all in the first place! A steel chair!

 

PRL gets up and grabs the steel chair while the crowd grows antsy. P.R. has a look of disgust on his face as he raises the steel chair over his head and jaw jacks with the fans. Bohemoth starts to get up.

 

COLE

Remember this is no disqualification! He can use it!

 

COACH

And he better use it often! I want to see blood...on Bohemoth!

 

PRL raises the steel chair over his head. The crowd is trying to warn Bohemoth of what's to come. Bohemoth pushes himself up and is now on his hands and knees.

 

COACH

It all makes sense. This all started with a chair, now let's end it with a chair!

 

Bo is on his right knee. He slowly gets up.

 

*WHAM!*

 

PRL HITS BOHEMOTH IN THE BACK WITH THE STEEL CHAIR, KNOCKING HIM BACK DOWN!

 

COACH

Yes! Yes! All right! Give it to him! Give it to him!

 

The crowd boos. Bohemoth lies flat on his back, his eyes closed. PRL sneers at Bohemoth while still holding the steel chair.

 

COLE

PRL has used the steel chair on Bohemoth AGAIN! For the fourth or fifth time, I've lost count!

 

COACH

It's all come full circle Michael. What started on April 12, 2007 ends tonight on May 27, 2007. PRL and Bohemoth are about to settle this once and for all and I've got my money on a certain Corporate Champion right about now!

 

COLE

Bohemoth is down again as a steel chair has yet to fail Tha Puerto Rican when it comes to dealing with Bohemoth!

 

COACH

Hey, if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

 

A LOUD "P.R. SUCKS!" chant starts up as P.R. paces back and forth. He takes a rest at a turnbuckle corner, staring down Bohemoth. He sees that Bohemoth is not moving, so he sets the chair on the turnbuckles, and then walks on over to where Bohemoth is lying. However, he changes his mind and looks back at the steel chair.

 

CHARLES ROBINSON

Come on! He's out! Put it away! Come on! Let's go! Put the chair away!

 

COACH

Like he'll listen to you in this type of a match!

 

COLE

PRL looking back at that chair.

 

PRL tells Charles Robinson to "Shut your word hole!" He then walks back over to the turnbuckle corner and grabs the steel chair again.

 

CHARLES ROBINSON

No! Don't! That's enough!

 

COACH

Yes! Yes! Yes! Keep going! Do it until you can't do it no more!

 

The crowd is growing antsy again. PRL walks on over, but is stopped by Charles Robinson.

 

COACH

All the referee can do is ask politely. He cannot take the chair away! He cannot disqualify him!

 

PRL raises the steel chair over his head, and then lunges with it after Charles Robinson. "Lil' Naitch" quickly backs off after that. PRL has an evil grin on his face as he slowly walks over to where Bohemoth is lying, just like Bohemoth walked slowly towards him earlier.

 

COACH

Turnabout's fairplay Bohemoth!

 

Bohemoth slowly turns to his side. He then slowly turns to his stomach so that he can push himself onto his knees.

 

COLE

Right now, Tha Puerto Rican is the 'Chairman' of the OAOAST!

 

COACH

Ooh! Bad pun!

 

COLE

Shut up, Coach!

 

COACH

No you shut up!

 

COLE

No you!

 

COACH

You!

 

COLE

You!

 

COACH

You!

 

COLE

You!

 

COACH!

You!

 

Cole punches Coach in the face!

 

COLE

May 27, 2007!

 

Bohemoth is breathing heavily as he stands on his hands and knees. He then only stands on his left knee. Bohemoth then slowly gets up. The crowd is buzzing in anticipation.

 

COLE

He's going to level him!

 

COACH

Look out!

 

*WHAM!*

 

PRL HITS BOHEMOTH IN THE BACK WITH THE STEEL CHAIR FOR A SECOND TIME~!!!

 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

 

PRL

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA! WOO!

 

COACH

It takes two to make things all right!

 

COLE

Right to the back! And look at PRL! He's smiling! He LIKES this!

 

COACH

And why not? Things are going his way, let him celebrate it!

 

The Corporate One smiles evilly while looking at Bohemoth lying on the mat. He spits at him, but this time it's saliva, not blood. Charles Robinson tells PRL to throw the chair away, but P.R. keeps holding onto it.

 

"YOU SUCK!"

"YOU SUCK!"

"YOU SUCK!"

"YOU SUCK!"

 

The camera cuts to the party backstage where everyone is really worried now. Colombian Heat and Spanish Fly give each other looks of concern. "Shooter" Jay Darring and Lauren Gellar root Bohemoth on. K-NESS screams out, "LET'S GO BOHEMOTH! LET'S GO!"

 

COLE

The people at the party are not in a pleasant mood right now!

 

COACH

Aw. PR's going to be a party crasher when he comes out of this match alive! HA! HA!

 

COLE

A high concussion flow to the spine!

 

PRL throws the steel chair away and then falls to his knees. He crawls over and covers Bohemoth.

 

COLE

This could be it?

 

COACH

Nobody thought he could do it!

 

1...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2 1/2

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2.99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

3--BOHEMOTH SHOVES THA PUERTO RICAN OFF OF HIM!

 

COLE

No!

 

COACH

Crap!

 

Tha Puerto Rican yells at the referee, but Charles Robinson says it was only a two count. Bohemoth slowly starts to get up.

 

COACH

I can't believe it!

 

COLE

You better believe it! Because it's true!

 

COACH

He was SOOOOO close!

 

COLE

Indeed he was Coach! But it was not to be! PRL still must fight in this match! Because Bohemoth won't give up! He will not submit! He will not quit yet!

 

PRL is a little lost for a second, wondering what to do next. He decides to simply kick Bohemoth while he's down. PRL then picks "The Metrosexual Monster" up and takes him over to a turnbuckle corner. PRL attacks Bo with Rock-style punches to the temple.

 

COLE

PRL is assaulting Bohemoth! Who would have thought that would happen when this match began?

 

COACH

PRL. He knew. He knew.

 

PRL keeps on punching Bohemoth. Punch. Punch. Punch. NOW KISS THAT LEFT! PUNCH! BLOCKED! BOHEMOTH PUNCHES PRL!

 

"YEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

 

PRL punches Bohemoth!

 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

 

Bohemoth punches PRL!

 

"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

 

PRL punches Bohemoth!

 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

 

Bohemoth punches PRL!

 

"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

 

PRL punches Bohemoth!

 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

 

"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

 

"BOO!"

"YEAH!"

"BOO!"

"YEAH!"

"BOO!"

"YEAH!"

"BOO!"

"YEAH!"

"BOO!"

"YEAH!"

"YEAH!"

"YEAH!"

"YEAH!"

"YEAH!"

"YEAH!"

"YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

 

Bohemoth knocks Tha Puerto Rican down!

 

COLE

And Bohemoth is right back in control!

 

Bohemoth picks Tha Puerto Rican up. Bo whips PRL into the ropes. Bo goes for a clothesline, PRL ducks, bounces off the ropes, and hits Bo with a flying forearm! Bo and P.R. both fall to the mat! But 5 seconds later, Tha Puerto Rican KIPS UP~! to loud boos! PRL strikes a cocky pose, further irritating the crowd!

 

COACH

Yes! He's still got juice in his system!

 

COLE

Tha Puerto Rican is showing his arrogance! In the face of all of this adversity!

 

COACH

He's coming back, Mikey! Tha Puerto Rican is on the rebound!

 

PRL sneers before grabbing Bohemoth by the legs, and pulling him into the center of the ring. Since Bohemoth is so damn big, PRL has a little trouble doing so.

 

THA PUERTO RICAN

God damn, you're heavy.

 

Afterwards, P.R. exits the ring and climbs the top rope.

 

COACH

And look now! He's going to fly! He's actually going to fly!

 

COLE

Despite missing teeth, blood coming out of his mouth, and a severe beating at the hands of Bohemoth, The Corporate Champ STILL wants to go to the top rope! I don't know if this is a bright idea.

 

COACH

Of course it is!

 

PRL steadies himself on the top turnbuckle.

 

COLE

PRL is so cocky. He is so self-assured.

 

COACH

You know why? Because he can be!

 

PRL removes his left elbow pad and throws it aside since he's in the Cell and all. He then stands upright on the top rope, stares down at Bohemoth, and then leaps off the top, doing the "Up yours!" hand gesture in mid-air, and then dropping his left elbow right into Bohemoth's chest!

 

COLE

Corporate Elbow Drop!

 

COACH

And an excellent one if I do say so myself.

 

PRL gets right back up and sneers at Bohemoth. He then power walks up to Bohemoth...and kicks his right arm onto his chest.

 

"YEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

 

COLE

Oh no. He's not--he's not going for it is he?

 

COACH

This is for everyone who thinks PR dies tonight!

 

The crowd is standing up! Bohemoth's eyes are closed. PRL taunts the fans, and then removes his right elbow pad, spits on it, and throws it down onto Bohemoth's chest.

 

COLE

The thousands in the Toyota Center are standing up!

 

COACH

They wanna see it! They wanna see it!

 

PRL does some weird hand signals, and then bounces off the ropes, leaps over Bohemoth, and then bounces off the opposite ropes.

 

COACH

It's now time for the electrifying move in professional wrestling, the IntenseZone Elbow!

 

PRL stops, does some Hulk Hogan poses to mock Bohemoth, and then drops the IntenseZone Elbow to a loud pop from the crowd!

 

COLE

IntenseZone Elbow!

 

COACH

Yes! Bohemoth is finished!

 

COLE

What?

 

COACH

You heard me!

 

The crowd is going nuts following the IntenseZone Elbow. PRL rolls through and is on his feet again.

 

COACH

Through all the pain, all the beatings, he is still standing and still ALIVE!

 

COLE

PRL is growing even MORE cocky by the second...as though that was even possible!

 

P.R. spits some more blood out from where the gap in his teeth are. He continues taunting Bohemoth, who is still on the mat, as he heads to a turnbuckle corner.

 

COLE

P.R.'s got momentum now!

 

COACH

He's gonna do it! He's gonna do it!

 

PRL points to Bohemoth...and then starts stomping his right foot a la Shawn Michaels. The crowd boos.

 

COACH

Oh yeah! Do it baby! Do it!

 

COLE

Tha Puerto Rican is 'Tuning up the band'!

 

P.R. continues stomping his foot. 1,2,3. 1,2,3. 1,2,3. 1,2,3. Bohemoth starts moving his arms. PRL is motioning him to continue.

 

COACH

He's in trouble now! Real BIG trouble!

 

COLE

PRL is ready to strike.

 

Bohemoth slowly sits up. He gets on his right knee.

 

COACH

PRL is about to become The Giant Killer!

 

COLE

Not another stolen nickname!

 

PRL

COME ON!

 

The crowd is desperately trying to warn Bohemoth of his fate. But Bohemoth is still slowly getting up, so it's not getting through. PRL has an evil smile on his face as he watches Bo stand upright.

 

COLE

He's going for it! This could be the end!

 

Tha Puerto Rican charges forward. Bohemoth turns around...

 

 

*KA-POW~!*

 

And gets hit with the SWEET CHIN MUSIC~!!!!

 

COLE

The Sweet Chin Music found its mark! Bohemoth is down again!

 

COACH

Yes! Yes! Yes! Go for it, P.R.! Go for yours!

 

COLE

Bohemoth is down on the mat! He got hit with the Sweet Chin Music! And usually, the Sweet Chin Music is the set-up for...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"THAT'S IT!"

 

COACH

YES!

 

COLE

He's ready to end the match and retain his Golden Contract!

 

The crowd boos loudly! PRL sneers at the crowd while Bohemoth continues lying on the mat. Puerto gets into his predator position.

 

COACH

We saw a Corporate Elbow Drop, an IntenseZone Elbow, a Sweet Chin Music, and now the Corporate Nightmare! That's four great moves in a row! What have done to deserve such a treat?

 

COLE

Maybe I kicked a dog in a past life.

 

The boos get louder as Bohemoth starts to move his arms. P.R. motions for the big man to get up. He taunts his opponent as a "P.R. SUCKS!" chant starts.

 

COACH

There are 16,000-plus ready to bare witness to the final match in Bohemoth's career!

 

Bohemoth moves to the side. He then pushes himself onto his hands and knees, breathing heavily all the while.

 

COLE

Bohemoth has been assaulted quite brutally over these past few minutes! And now, PRL is ready for the death blow!

 

Bohemoth is on his left knee.

 

COLE

Bohemoth has never gotten the Corporate Nightmare before!

 

COACH

Well he's about to!

 

Bohemoth slowly stands up straight. The crowd tries to warn him of what's behind him.

 

COACH

If Bohemoth was smart, he'd stay down.

 

COLE

Oh come on! He's out of it! He's not going to know!

 

COACH

Of course he's not going to know. He has no brain!

 

COLE

Oh will you stop?

 

Bohemoth gets to a vertical base. When he does, P.R. nods. Bohemoth turns around--

 

 

 

KICK! WHAM! CORPORATE NIGHTMARE!

 

BOHEMOTH WON'T BUDGE!

 

COLE

PRL is having trouble lifting Bohemoth up!

 

PRL tries again! Bohemoth still won't budge!

 

COACH

Keep trying P.R.! Use all the strength you've got left! USE IT! USE IT!

 

P.R. tries a third time, and this time he is able to get Bohemoth off his feet. The crowd boos. PR keeps straining and actually gets Bo higher and higher off the ground!

 

COACH

Oh my God! Look! He's doing it! He's really doing it!

 

PRL keeps lifting Bo, amazing the crowd, until he's got him in the usual position he has people in for the Corporate Nightmare. He then DRILLS Bohemoth's head right into the mat to finish the move!

 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

 

COACH

YES! YES!

 

COLE

Corporate Nightmare! The Corporate Nightmare has been hit! Bohemoth is DOWN!

 

COACH

The match is over! It's all over!

 

The crowd boos. PRL is lying on the mat also, the energy he needed for the Corporate Nightmare taking alot out of him. Both P.R. and Bo are breathing hard.

 

COLE

PRL gave Bohemoth the Corporate Nightmare! Bohemoth, the 6'7" 284 pound monster is knocked out!

 

COACH

And P.R. did it by himself! Did you see any Lightning Crew members helping him? No! See? He doesn't need their help!

 

COLE

I wish he proved that more often!

 

PR gets up. The crowd boos. Puerto clutches his back, and breathes a sigh of relief. He points and laughs manically at Bohemoth's misery.

 

THA PUERTO RICAN

There's your hero! There's your monster! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAAHAHAHA!

 

BOHEMOTH GETS RIGHT BACK UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

 

THA PUERTO RICAN

*Girlish Scream!*

 

COLE

HE GOT UP! HE GOT RIGHT BACK UP!

 

COACH

HOW DID HE DO THAT!?

 

The crowd is going nuts! PRL looks like he's just seen a ghost! Bohemoth stares a hole through Tha Puerto Rican, and PRL takes that as a cue to start running away!

 

COLE

I think business has just picked up!

 

COACH

GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE!

 

PRL zooms out of the ring and tries to open the Cell door. However, it is padlocked. Still, PRL keeps trying to pull the Cell door off its hinges as Bohemoth exits the ring and slowly walks over to where PRL is standing!

 

COLE

Wait a minute! Wait a minute! He's trying to get away!

 

COACH

He can't! The doors locked!

 

COLE

Try telling him that!

 

Bohemoth grabs Tha Puerto Rican by his hair! PRL screams! Bohemoth slams Tha Puerto Rican's face on the Cell door! He does it again! And again! And again! And again!

 

COACH

What is he doing to PRL's beautiful face!?

 

Big Bo pulls Tha Puerto Rican's legs out from under him, and then positions himself so that his back is to the steel mesh...before slingshotting Tha Puerto Rican right into it!

 

COLE

PRL driven right into the Cell!

 

COACH

Oh dammit!

 

PRL falls to the floor! A small cut appears above his right eyebrow. Blood starts pouring out as Bohemoth gets up.

 

COLE

He's been busted open! Tha Puerto Rican has been busted open!

 

COACH

AAH! NO!

 

Bohemoth picks the now-bleeding Puerto Rican up. He punches him right in the face!

 

COLE

February 13, 2004!

 

Bohemoth punches PRL again!

 

COLE

March 21, 2005!

 

Bohemoth punches PRL again!

 

COLE

June 16, 2006!

 

COACH

What the hell? Those aren't in chronological order!

 

COLE

Who cares? I'm enjoying this!

 

COACH

You sicko!

 

The man also known as PIMPHEMOTH~! grabs the bleeding PRL and throws him back into the ring.

 

COLE

The handsome features of Tha Puerto Rican now being rearranged by Bohemoth!

 

COACH

Somebody's gotta stop this, Cole! STOP IT!

 

COLE

And Bohemoth is right back in control! Not wise to try and stand and strike with The Metrosexual Monster, especially when you're giving up 50-odd pounds in weight.

 

With PRL staggering aimlessly to his feet, his face now COMPLETELY covered in blood, Bo watches him onto the ropes. And as PRL lounges against those ropes to try and get his head together, Bohemoth almost takes it off with a clothesline! PRL goes tumbling over the top, the apron bumping him into the door of the cell just to compound his misery.

 

COLE

PRL didn't manage to put Bohemoth away when he had the chance. That may have been his one and only chance!

 

As Tha Puerto Rican pulls himself up on the outside Bohemoth follows. Retrieving the steel chair used on him just moments ago, Bo realizes how dented it is and throws it aside. Instead he goes further across the outside, picking up the disassembled top half of the steel steps. The crowd buzz as PRL slowly turns around, seeing Bohemoth with the steps in hands and his eyes bulge. Bo holds the steps at waist height, with the actual steps towards him. As he drives forward, that then traps PRL against the back of the steps and causes him to be 'ploughed'...

 

 

 

 

*CRASH!*

 

 

 

...INTO AND ALMOST THROUGH ONE PANEL OF THE CELL!!

 

COLE

Holy Cow! They almost broke the Cell!

 

COACH

Nevermind that, they almost broke PRL!

 

A couple of the fixtures pinning the Cell wall in place seem to actually fly off, a couple lying at PRL's feet as he falls against the dented Cell. Bo gets rid of the steps now and with PRL right near the corner of the Cell, he sets him up... and GRINDS the flat of his boot across his face! And again! A third time!

 

COLE

Watch out!

 

Taking a full run-up from the opposite side of the ring, as far as the confines of the Cell will allow him, Bo then charges for a fourth and final time AND KICKS PRL'S FACE INTO THE CELL!!!

 

"YYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

 

COLE

FACEWASH!!

 

As Bo's boot mows through PRL's face it again hits that side of the cage. Blood is now on the sole of Bohemoth's boot. A clear dent has been put in the steel mesh now and as he sees it, Bohemoth quickly drags Tha Puerto Rican away and to his feet. PRL is on wobbly legs as Bohemoth drags him across ringside. But he still has enough where-with-all to get a RAKE OF THE EYES in, stopping The Metrosexual Monster in his tracks.

 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

 

With Bohemoth blinded, the desperate Puerto Rican quickly follows up with a BACKRAKE!!

 

COACH

That's it, fight PR, fight!

 

COLE

He's fighting like a girl.

 

COACH

But he's fighting, that's the main thing! Besides, what's wrong with fighting like a girl? Lindsay is a girl and she's tough as hell!

 

COLE

But PRL is a man.

 

PRL checks his face for any lost facial features, as Bohemoth starts to growl. Which alerts PRL that he might be in trouble, so he lands a quick kick to the gut to keep Bo quiet. Another kick finds the mark before The Man With The Golden Contract glances over his shoulder, to the side of the steel he'd just come from. And with a quick grab of the wrist, he looks to Irish whip Bohemoth in...

 

 

 

...REVERSED...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*CRAAASH!*

 

 

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

 

 

 

...AND PRL CANNONS INTO THE WALL WITH SUCH FORCE THAT HE ENDS UP EMBEDDED IN IT!!!!

 

COACH

 

COLE

Oh, MY!

 

With the top half of PRL's body hanging out of the hole created in the Cell and his legs flailing pathetically inside, the broken links of the steel dig into his side, trapped like a small animal in those plastic rings that hold together six-packs. As he screams in pain and flails around though, he somehow manages to escape the 'net', crawling through the gap at the very edge of the Cell and out to the arena floor.

 

COLE

Wait a minute... PRL is out of the Cell!

 

COACH

Oh, thank God! Obviously the Cell is irreparable, stop the match while we get it fixed, we'll try again in a month or two maybe.

 

Not to be though. As PRL nurses his ribs, Bohemoth marches over to the broken Cell. Referee Charles Robinson tries to tell Bohemoth to keep inside the Cell as the rules would dictate. But, seriously, it wouldn't be Hell In A Cell if the match didn't go OUT of the Cell, would it? So Bohemoth kicks at the bottom corner of the Cell panel, just below where the hole has been created. He manages to open up the hole a little more. And although it's still a tight, skin scratching squeeze, Bohemoth manages to try and slink through the gap! Freaking out, PRL sees he hasn't really escaped and starts to try and run away.

 

COACH

Why the hell is the match still going?

 

COLE

*shrugs*

 

PRL isn't getting very far very quickly, Bohemoth stalking after him like something out of a horror movie. With a couple of small puncture wounds around his kidney area, PRL doesn't seem to be moving to the best of his capabilites. And realising running isn't working, he takes the most desperate of all desperate measures in Hell In A Cell.

 

 

He starts to scale the cage!

 

 

"YYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

 

COACH

Oh no, PRL what are you DOING!?

 

COLE

Well, like it or not, as little as this has to do with the rules of Hell In A Cell, this is what people pay their money to see out of Hell In A Cell. This could get very ugly here.

 

COACH

No kidding!

 

As PRL begins his climb, Bo stops. He looks up at the Cell. Not fancying his climbing skills that much he tries to stop PRL by shaking the cage. But as PRL transitions to the panel above the one Bo's shaking, that doesn't seem to work too well. Tha Puerto Rican's feet are out of reach now and Bo is left with no choice but to climb after his opponent.

 

"YYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

 

COLE

Oh boy.

 

Tha Puerto Rican makes the cardinal mistake of looking down and seeing Bo closing in on him, he panics again. Bohemoth reaches up and pulls himself up onto the thicker part of the cage, able to stand on the steel support which is much safer than the mesh surrounding it. Meanwhile, PRL has almost reached the top of the Cell. But by now he's freaking out about how high up he is and he certainly doesn't want to be standing on TOP of the cell! So, he tries to change direction, carefully making his way over to the corner of the Cell.

 

"DIE P - R, DIE!"

"DIE P - R, DIE!"

"DIE P - R, DIE!"

"DIE P - R, DIE!"

 

COLE

Well, PRL's not very popular, but I don't think we REALLY want to go so far as to see that!

 

COACH

Of course now! How can these people even chant that!?

 

As he begins to make his way around the corner of the Cell, PRL finds himself on the same steel support as Bohemoth. Actually cutting the corner to the adjacent side of the cage doesn't prove as easy as PRL expected. And as he tries to shuffle his feet around, Bohemoth manages to club him in the back!

 

"YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!"

 

COACH

Oh God!

 

Left standing on one foot only, PRL begins to wobble. He looks over his shoulder, fear-stricken. Another shot his him in the back!

 

"YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!"

 

This time Tha Puerto Rican's chest bounces off the corner of the Cell. And that's solid steel, leaving him even more precarious than he was before.

 

COLE

This is not going to end well!

 

Bohemoth slowly steps across, getting close enough to PRL to grab him behind the head. Again PRL's eyes bug out, as Bo pulls his head back...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

...AND SLAMS IT INTO THE STEEL BAR!!

 

 

COACH

OH NO...

 

 

 

PRL almost falls, but his fingers are still just about laced around the steel mesh.

 

 

 

Until Bohemoth carefully turns side on, reaching out...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

...PUSHING PRL...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*THUD!!*

 

 

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!"

 

 

...AND HE FALLS FROM HALFWAY UP THE CELL, COMPLETELY TAKING OUT THE CORNER SECTION OF THE BARRICADE ON HIS WAY DOWN!!!!!!!

 

 

 

"HOLY SHIT!"

"HOLY SHIT!"

"HOLY SHIT!"

"HOLY SHIT!"

 

 

The announcers are silent. A solitary airhorn goes off in the background. PRL lays on the thick, curved corner section of the barricade. Blood is still flowing down his face. His arms and legs are splayed out and security guards have converged around him to keep the fans at bay.

 

From high above halfway up the Cell, Bohemoth looks down on what just happens. Cool and calm as ever. Barely a flicker of emotion.

 

COLE

My... my God. PRL just fell what had to be 10 feet and he just SNAPPED that section of the barricade completely off it's... I mean, that's solid steel Coach!! There some padding for aesthetics, but that's got to be 5 inch thick metal underneath!! And PRL just fell right onto it!!

 

COACH

(sombre)

Okay... all bias aside, can we stop the damn match already.

 

PRL still hasn't moved as Bohemoth begins to make his way down from the side of the cell. Referee Charles Robinson has left the Cell now to get out and check on Tha Puerto Rican.

 

"BO - HE - MOTH!"

"BO - HE - MOTH!"

"BO - HE - MOTH!"

"BO - HE - MOTH!"

 

The crowd chant for The Metrosexual Monster, all but ignoring PRL. Still lying on top of the block of the barricade, PRL looks to be completely motionless and surely unable to continue. Bohemoth lands on solid ground now and takes a moment to sort his own aching body parts out. All of which paling in comparison to PRL's situation.

 

COLE

Well, I don't know if PRL's going to be able to carry on here. He could be seriously, seriously injured.

 

COACH

It has to be over. It has to be.

 

COLE

There was absolutely no give to that barricade. Nothing but steel and PRL not only fell against it, from a... a tremendous height. But, he also landed on it. The only, ONLY thing that broke Tha Puerto Rican's fall was that steel barricade!

 

Bohemoth walks on over and picks PRL up!

 

COACH

THIS MATCH IS STILL GOING ON!?

 

COLE

Apparently so, Coach!

 

Bo grabs Tha Puerto Rican's head with both hands, and then simply flings PR right into the announce table!

 

COLE

Whoa!

 

Cole and Coach stand up and get out of the way! PRL rolls off the announce table into the sofas! P.R. gets on his knees, having no idea where he is. His hair is now red and black. Puerto rolls back onto the announce table trembling in fear. He finally stands up, but when he does, Bohemoth grabs him and lifts him up into a Gorilla Press Slam position! Bo holds P.R. up in the air for a few seconds, and then throws him THROUGH the announce table!

 

"YYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

 

P.R. now lies in the wreckage of the announce table with the crowd cheering! Bohemoth takes a minute to rest. PRL starts crawling around the wreckage, speaking incoherently. Blood now covers PRL's entire face! Seriously, there isn't anything but red on his face all the way to his ears! Coach yells for somebody to stop the match, but obviously no one is going to listen to him. Bohemoth picks Tha Puerto Rican up.

 

"BO'S GONNA KILL YOU!"

"BO'S GONNA KILL YOU!"

"BO'S GONNA KILL YOU!"

"BO'S GONNA KILL YOU!"

 

Bo drags Tha Puerto Rican around ringside back inside the Cell. As he does this, the Starbucks Double Shot Instant Replay shows the shot of PRL falling through the barricade from three different angles. Ted DiBiase and Terry Funk come out to make sure PRL and Bohemoth go back into the Cell. Once they're inside the Cell, the door is padlocked *twice*. Bohemoth throws PRL back into the ring, and this time the crowd explodes.

 

COLE

PRL's walking back into Purgatory! PRL's gonna walk through Hell, maybe for the last time!

 

The camera does a close-up of PRL's very bloodied face. PRL is still spitting out blood. His eyes are also glazed over. Blood drips onto the mat. Bohemoth slowly walks back into the ring.

 

THA PUERTO RICAN

I...I don't...I don't deserve this! I don't deserve this! I...don't...deserve...this!

 

The camera shows Charles Robinson and Ted DiBiase finishing locking the Cell door. The camera cuts to the ring where Bohemoth gives PRL a MURDERLINE~!

 

COLE

LARIA-TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~!

 

Bohemoth watches as PRL lies on the mat, struggling to get up. He starts moving his arms and barely sits up.

 

THA PUERTO RICAN

Okay...okay. I deserve this! I deserve this! I deserve all of this!

 

COLE

I don't think it is a matter of 'if' but 'when' now! We are seeing the end of "The Corporate Champion" Tha Puerto Rican's career right before our very eyes!

 

COACH

You're right! You're not *maybe* right! YOU ARE RIGHT! This is it! This is the end! We are witnessing the disinegration of Tha Puerto Rican's career tonight at School's Out!

 

Cut to the party backstage where everyone is gathered around the TV smiling brightly.

 

COLE

There are plenty of people who are enjoying this moment right now! Finally, after four years, tonight is *their* night!

 

COACH

Oh God! Everything you're saying is true! I HATE THAT!

 

Bohemoth picks Tha Puerto Rican up. PRL's mouth is wide open. Bo whips "The Corporate Champion" Tha Puerto Rican into the ropes.

 

SPINEEEEEEEEEEEEEBUSSSSTTTTTTTTTTAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH~!

 

COLE

Spinebuster! Bohemoth with his signature Spinebuster, and Tha Puerto Rican's head bounced off the mat!

 

COACH

Oh My God, he's dead!

 

PRL lies down on the mat. Bohemoth takes a little longer than usual to get up. But when he does, he exits the ring. PRL sits up, and bleeds some more blood onto the mat!

 

COLE

This is PRL and Bohemoth's first Hell In A Cell, and I'm damn sure neither one will EVER forget this experience!

 

COACH

This IS Hell!

 

COLE

And Bohemoth, and what is he doing? Going to the outside.

 

Bohemoth looks underneath the ring apron for something. He comes out with...another steel chair!

 

COLE

Oh no. Oh no. Bohemoth has a chair. Bohemoth now has his own chair.

 

COACH

Hasn't PR suffered ENOUGH!?

 

The crowd cheers loudly as Bohemoth walks up the ring steps with the steel chair in his right hand.

 

COLE

We may see some poetic justice!

 

COACH

JUSTICE!? THERE IS NO JUSTICE HERE!

 

The camera cuts to the party backstage where everyone is on the edge of their seats. Bohemoth enters the ring. Charles Robinson tries to warn him not to use the chair, but Bo isn't paying attention at all, instead staring at Tha Puerto Rican. P.R. is using the ring ropes to pull himself up.

 

COACH

GET OUT OF THE WAY, P.R.! GET OUT OF THE WAY!

 

PRL's face, hair, neck and chest are covered in blood. He uses the first and second ring ropes to get to his right knee. He then uses the top ring rope to pull himself to a vertical base. Bohemoth just stands there watching.

 

COLE

Will Bohemoth strike? Will he get some payback for all those chairshots over the past two months?

 

PRL's legs are wobbly, but he is up.

 

COACH

LOOK OUT!

 

PRL turns around...

 

 

 

 

 

 

*WHAM!*

 

AND BOHEMOTH SLAMS THE STEEL CHAIR OVER THE TOP OF THA PUERTO RICAN'S HEAD~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

 

The impact of the chairshot is so powerful that the steel chair is now hanging around PRL's neck!

 

COLE

JESUS!

 

COACH

HOLY MOTHER OF GOD!

 

The crowd EXPLODES with cheers! PRL falls to the mat, unconscious!

 

COLE

PAYBACK'S ARE A BITCH!

 

COACH

Michael!

 

The people backstage are celebrating! Bohemoth fires the crowd up some more! He lets out a mighty yell and then shakes the top ring rope.

 

THUMBS UP...

 

 

 

 

 

 

THUMBS DOWN~!

 

"YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

 

COLE

It's over! It's all over! Bohemoth is going to win the Golden Contract!

 

COACH

And Tha Puerto Rican's career is finished!

 

COLE

This is what the fans wanted to see! And now they're going to get it! It's all over!

 

The crowd is whipped into a frenzy! Bohemoth picks "The Corporate Champion" Tha Puerto Rican up. He removes the steel chair from around his neck and tosses it out of the ring. Bohemoth then hooks Tha Puerto Rican up, causing the crowd to cheer.

 

COLE

He's going for The Erotic Awakening Of B!

 

The crowd is at a fever pitch when Bohemoth lifts Tha Puerto Rican up---

 

SUDDENLY THE LIGHTS GO OUT!!!!!!!

 

COLE

What!? What the?

 

COACH

AAH! Mikey, I'm scared!

 

COLE

Pipe down, Coach!

 

The crowd is as confused as the announcers as to why the lights have suddenly gone out. There is total darkness for seconds on end which seem like hours to the people in the arena.

 

COLE

The lights went out. Either someone forgot to pay the electrical bill, or something fishy is going on in the ring!

 

COACH

I select B for $400, Michael.

 

The crowd only sees black in front of them for a few seconds more, before the lights go back on in the arena to reveal Bohemoth getting beat up by...

 

 

 

CABOOSE!?!?!?!?!?

 

COLE

WHAT!?

 

COACH

YO~!

 

COLE

Caboose--what--what the---WHAT THE HELL!?

 

COACH

I'm liking this!

 

Caboose keeps punching Bohemoth, almost knocking the big man down! The crowd is stunned at what they are seeing as the fan favorite continues punching the other fan favorite while PRL remains knocked out on the mat. Caboose punches Bohemoth. He then punches him a second time. Then he does the SHANE-O-MAC SHUFFLE, and punches Bohemoth for the third time, and it now becomes clear to the audience what's going on.

 

COLE

Hey! Wait a minute!

 

"Caboose" punches Bohemoth, bringing him down to his right knee. He then takes off his hair, to reveal that it's a wig, to reveal that it's really VITAMIN X underneath the face paint!

 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

 

COLE

Oh come on! Vitamin X is back!

 

COACH

YES! The X-Man is back in the OAOAST!

 

COLE

We haven't seen him since OAOAST Syndicated last month! And frankly, I was starting to get used to him not being here!

 

COACH

I wasn't! We needed our Prince back!

 

Prince Vitamin takes a royal bow for the fans. They boo. He laughs manically, thinking he has Bohemoth right where he wants him.

 

UNTIL Bohemoth charges at him with a MURDERLINE~!

 

COLE

YES! GET HIM! GET HIM! GET HIM!

 

Bohemoth stomps the crap out of Vitamin X! X immediately begs for mercy, but no mercy is the theme of the night! Bohemoth picks X up and whips him into the ropes. He then follows that up with a BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK Body Drop, that sends Vitamin X's feet hitting the roof of the Cell!

 

COACH

WHOA! WHOA! WHOA!

 

The crowd is going wild again! Bohemoth screams for Vitamin X to fight some more. X holds his back in pain. While he does this, Cuban Wall enters the ring!

 

COLE

The 24/7 Champion is here!

 

Mr. Boricua enters the ring soon after! And so does The Bone Thug! Together, the two Lightning Crew members beat on Bohemoth in the ropes to boos! And PRL is STILL knocked out!

 

COLE

And The Lightning Crew doing what they do best! And that's dominate using 2-on-1 or more tactics!

 

COACH

This is what made The Lightning Crew the most feared stable in wrestling!

 

"BO-HE-MOTH!"

"BO-HE-MOTH!"

 

Mr. Boricua, Cuban Wall and The Bone Thug continue beating on Bohemoth...until Bohemoth finds the strength within to push Bone Thug off of him, and beat on Mr. Boricua and Wall! Bohemoth head butts The Bone Thug, knocking him down! Bo knocks Wall a little off his feet with a punch! He then starts punching Mr. Boricua in the face again and again and again! Boricua is dazed and confused, but he doesn't fall! Bo hooks Mr. Boricua up!

 

COLE

Can he hit it?

 

Vitamin X hits Bohemoth in the back with the cricket bat! Bohemoth lets go of Mr. Boricua! VX hits Bohemoth in the back with the cricket bat again!

 

COLE

That damn Vitamin X! He's using that cricket bat as a weapon!

 

COACH

Oh like when Caboose did it a thousand times it was a good thing!

 

VX nails Bo with the cricket bat one more time! Cuban Wall starts beating on Bohemoth again. Mr. Boricua and The Bone Thug join in.

 

COLE

We've got a 4-on-1 beatdown going on now! Damnit! Damnit!

 

The booing continues! Cuban Wall, Mr. Boricua, Vitamin X, and The Bone Thug team up on Bohemoth, bringing him down to the mat! PRL is still knocked out. Wall and Boricua clutch Bohemoth's throat!

 

COLE

Oh no!

 

Mr. Boricua and Cuban Wall lift Bohemoth off the mat! And then slam him down!

 

COLE

A double chokeslam! A double chokeslam! Bohemoth is down! And the leader of The Lightning Crew is STILL down!

 

Vitamin X and Cuban Wall pose. Mr. Boricua grunts, snorts, yells, and cracks his knuckles. The Bone Thug yells out, "ARRIBA LA RAZA~!"

 

COLE

The Lightning Crew has attacked once again! Bohemoth is out cold!

 

COACH

Yes! Excellent work by The Lightning Crew! Great teamwork gentlemen!

 

Vitamin X tells The Lightning Crew to pick Bohemoth up. Cuban Wall and Mr. Boricua do so, sitting Bohemoth down on the mat.

 

COLE

Now what?

 

VX grabs the cricket bat and points it at Bo.

 

COACH

Uh-oh! Bohemoth is in trouble now! HA HA HA HA HA!

 

COLE

Oh no. This isn't going to end well. This will not end well!

 

Vitamin X takes a few practice swings, and then gets into position. He rushes forward...

 

 

 

 

AND CRACKS THE CRICKET BAT ACROSS BOHEMOTH'S HEAD~!!!!!

 

COLE

Oh my! The cricket bat has been broken in half!

 

COACH

I am loving this! I am SO loving this!

 

COLE

Bohemoth has been attacked! And now, he is busted open too!

 

Indeed, Bohemoth has a cut on his forehead. Blood starts coming down his face. Mr. Boricua and Cuban Wall drop Bohemoth to the mat. Cuban Wall then adds insult to injury by bouncing off the ropes, jumping up, and coming down with The Lightning Crew Splash on Bohemoth!

 

COACH

THAT'S for breaking PRL's teeth earlier!

 

COLE

Bohemoth has been assaulted by The Lightning Crew!

 

COACH

Just another victim in the long LONG LONG list of them! NOBODY CAN STOP THEM! NOT EVEN BOHEMOTH!

 

Cuban Wall gets up and taunts Bohemoth. He grins evilly. The crowd is beyond PISSED right now. Vitamin X laughs at what has happened. Mr. Boricua grunts. The Bone Thug just stares at Bohemoth. Bohemoth is lying flat on his back on the mat with blood pouring down his face. PRL is also still knocked out.

 

COLE

The Lightning Crew has struck again! They have demolished Bohemoth!

 

COACH

Yes! That's what The Lightning Crew is all about! Surprising people! They've done it again tonight! That's why I love those guys so much!

 

Wall, Boricua, Bone Thug, and Prince Vitamin leave the ring. Cuban Wall tells Charles Robinson, "It's all yours!" Vitamin X and The Bone Thug leave through the hole in the Cell. Meanwhile, Mr. Boricua rips the Cell door off its hinges and throws it aside, so that Cuban Wall and Mr. Boricua can leave the Cell that way.

 

COLE

This is shocking!

 

COACH

This is The Lightning Crew at their best!

 

Vitamin X, Mr. Boricua, Cuban Wall, and The Bone Thug walk back to the entrance. VX raises the two pieces of the cricket bat over his head to boos. He laughs manically.

 

COLE

Vitamin X disguised himself as Caboose! He appeared when the lights went out somehow, and attacked Bohemoth! And then the rest of The Lightning Crew came out and did their usual crap! I don't believe it! And listen to this response!

 

COACH

And we've STILL got a match, Cole!

 

COLE

That's right! The match is still going on, but both men are busted open and out! So what's going to happen now?

 

PRL gets out of the puddle of his own blood and crawls on over to where Bohemoth is lying.

 

COACH

Look! Look! Look!

 

COLE

That little weasel!

 

The booing gets louder the closer PRL gets to Bohemoth. Eventually, PR summons the strength to put his left arm over Bohemoth's chest.

 

COLE

He should be dead by now! Instead he's doing this!

 

COACH

This ain't P.R.'s Last Stand! This is Bohemoth's Last Stand!

 

PRL has Bohemoth covered.

 

COLE

I bet he has no idea what just happened!

 

COACH

Who cares! Here and now is what matters!

 

"The Corporate Champion" Tha Puerto Rican is lying on his stomach, breathing heavily, still bleeding from head to toe. The only way he can say he is covering Bohemoth is because he has his left arm over Bohemoth's chest. Bohemoth also is bleeding and is knocked out. At this, referee Charles Robinson begins his count.

 

1...

 

COACH

There's 1!

 

 

 

 

 

 

2...

 

COACH

2!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2 1/2

 

COLE

Stop this! Oh no! Come on! Come on! No!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2.9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999

 

COLE

Not this way! No! No! No! No! NO!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

*DING DING DING* (35:15)

 

COACH

YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES!

 

COLE

..........

 

CROWD

.............

 

EVERYONE BACKSTAGE AT THE PARTY

......................................................................

 

"Know Your Role '99" starts playing. P.R. is still covering Bohemoth. The crowd is shocked at first, but their shock turns to boos rather quickly.

 

BUFFER

Here is your winner...and STILL The Man With The Golden Contract..."The Corporate Champion" THA PUERTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO RICCCCCCAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!

 

A puddle of blood now forms on the spot where PRL's head lies on the mat.

 

COACH

He did it! He finally did it! He proved you wrong! He proved ALL OF YOU wrong! Tha Puerto Rican WILL NOT DIE!

 

The camera cuts to the party backstage where everyone is sitting in stunned silence. "Shooter" Jay Darring and Lauren Gellar are crushed. The Mad Cappa can't believe it. K-NESS is freaking out. D*LUX just shake their heads in disappointment. Colombian Heat says, "That is whack!" Spanish Fly is pissed. John "Rock Hard" Brickston is trying to hold back his rage. Otaku II and Ayane Mitsui both let out a deep sigh.

 

COLE

The disappointment is obvious on everyone's faces! We all thought we would see the final match in Tha Puerto Rican's career tonight--

 

COACH

Not me!

 

COLE

--But instead, Tha Puerto Rican, somehow, someway survived, and he is STILL The Man With The Golden Contract!

 

COACH

Doesn't this prove once and for all that Tha Puerto Rican is the greatest wrestler in the OAOAST today?

 

COLE

I dunno. He did need some help.

 

COACH

*Some* help. This is true. But HE is the one who got the pinfall! And that's all that counts!

 

Cuban Wall, Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez, and Stephen Joseph Popick enter the Cell. Popick is the first one to greet Tha Puerto Rican, pulling him off of Bohemoth.

 

POPICK

P.R.! P.R.! Speak to me!

 

THA PUERTO RICAN

Am...I...dead?

 

POPICK

No, you survived!

 

THA PUERTO RICAN

...Hoo...ray.

 

Popick pulls PRL up to his feet which is when Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez wraps her arms around him. She kisses his blood soaked face, not caring at all that she's now got blood on her pouty lips. She keeps kissing him until Cuban Wall interrupts and gives PR a high five, telling him, "You did good, boss." PRL is barely conscious. He just nods his head weakly and mumbles incoherently. Popick and Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez carry PRL out of the ring as "Know Your Role '99" continues playing.

 

COLE

I'm in shock. I don't believe it. Tha Puerto Rican is a bloodied mess! And yet HE is the winner!

 

COACH

That means he survived, Cole! That means HE is the MAN! That means that he went to HELL and back!

 

COLE

He's being dragged out of the ring! And yet, this man is the holder of the Golden Contract, which means he can cash in on an OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship shot whenever he wants anytime he wants!

 

COACH

I know! Isn't life grand right about now? PRL is on top of the world!

 

COLE

He sure doesn't look like it.

 

COACH

Please don't rain on my parade. Let me enjoy this moment, bitch.

 

Cuban Wall holds the ropes so that PRL, Popick, and Lindsay can leave the ring. Wall then hands PR the black spray-painted briefcase with *his* Golden Contract still inside. PRL clutches the briefcase close to his heart as he leaves the Cell. Bohemoth is still knocked out.

 

COLE

PRL needed help from FOUR men, but in the end, the record books will say that Tha Puerto Rican, on May 27, 2007 at School's Out, DEFEATED Bohemoth. How about that?

 

Stephen Joseph Popick raises Tha Puerto Rican's right hand in victory. PRL holds his black spray-painted briefcase containing his Golden Contract inside with his left hand. Popick laughs manically and screams "YES! YES! YES!" while Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez says, "It's okay baby. It's okay! You're going to be all right baby! You're going to be all right!" Cuban Wall taunts some fans at ringside. PRL is completely out of it. Garbage is thrown at PRL.

 

COLE

He doesn't know where he is! His body is covered in blood!

 

We cut back to the backstage party where everyone is pissed off beyond belief.

 

COLE

We thought tonight, PR would get his. But believe it or not, he will live to fight another day.

 

COACH

And that's the important thing. He SURVIVED! PRL is a SURVIVOR! HE SURVIVED THE ONSLAUGHT OF A MONSTER! He deserves all the credit in the world for that!

 

COLE

He deserves credit for having 8 people watching his back. But he doesn't really deserve credit for winning tonight.

 

The Cell is now being raised back to the roof of the arena. The crowd boos loudly as PRL, Popick, Lindsay, and Wall walk back up the entrance. They are joined by Vitamin X, Mr. Boricua, The Bone Thug, Thomas Rodriguez, and Princess Stacey. The Lightning Crew and Popick engage in a group hug at the entrance.

 

COACH

What a great night! Tha Puerto Rican has defeated Bohemoth, and Vitamin X has returned! The Lightning Crew is back in full force, baby!

 

COLE

The Lightning Crew certainly made their mark tonight! And now, PRL can still say that he has a guaranteed World Title shot at his disposal!

 

COACH

How sweet it is!

 

Soda is thrown at PRL's head, barely missing by an inch. Puerto Rican hugs Lindsay, then Popick, then Vitamin X. Popick and Lindsay help PRL raise the black spray-painted briefcase over his head one more time. The crowd boos.

 

COACH

That's the money shot right there! There's your proof that PRL is the best thing going in the OAOAST today! THAT'S what I'm talking about!

 

Popick laughs manically. He taunts a fan who threw garbage at him. PRL sneers at the crowd. Lindsay has an evil grin on her face. The Lightning Crew and Stephen Joseph Popick exit through the curtains.

 

COLE

Who would have ever thought we would see *this* image tonight?

 

COACH

I did. Well, without the blood.

 

COLE

Let's go back to moments ago.

 

The OAOAST School's Out logo 2007 flashes across the screen. Cut to the ending of the match starting with Bohemoth about to give PRL the Erotic Awakening Of B.

 

COLE

Bohemoth had the match won. He was about to do the Erotic Awakening Of B, when the lights went out, and seconds later, Caboose arrived. Or not. Instead, it was Vitamin X making his return, dressed as Caboose. The Lightning Crew then came out and attacked. Cuban Wall, Mr. Boricua, The Bone Thug. They had Bohemoth cornered, but Bohemoth struck back...until Vitamin X used Caboose's cricket bat to knock out Bohemoth! One shot to the head later, and Bohemoth was busted open. Then Cuban Wall added The Lightning Crew Splash just to add insult to injury. PRL snuck in for the victory, and now he can say that he has defeated Bohemoth!

 

The OAOAST School's Out 2007 logo flashes across the screen. Bohemoth is STILL not getting up. His face is now a crimson mask. Bo moves his arms, but then goes back to being limp.

 

COLE

We're back live, and Bohemoth has STILL not gotten up!

 

COACH

He got hit with a freaking cricket bat to the head, Cole! That should have knocked him out!

 

COLE

It did knock him out! But now he is moving a little.

 

Bohemoth rolls to his side.

 

COACH

Awww, the big baby lost. HA HA!

 

COLE

Bohemoth had the match won and you know it!

 

COACH

But who won it? Tha Puerto Rican! So stop with the 'what ifs', Cole!

 

COLE

I can't believe it. Bohemoth has lost to Tha Puerto Rican! He is bleeding. He might have a concussion. This was supposed to be the greatest night of his life, and it's turned to this.

 

COACH

This was the greatest night of his life! Now, one day, he can tell his grandkids about the time Tha Puerto Rican laid the smackdown on his candy ass!

 

COLE

This was supposed to be the night that Tha Puerto Rican got his...but instead he got one over on us!

 

Bohemoth sits up. He looks completely out of it too. The lights are on, but nobody's home. He starts to get up as "Know Your Role '99" has to be restarted over the PA system. However, he falls back down to the mat. Bo tries to get up again, but this time he can't even sit up. The last image we see is of Bohemoth lying flat on his back, bloodied, his eyes glazed over. The Cell has been lifted to the top of the Toyota Center.

Edited May 28, 2007 by Patty O'Green

[Patty O'Green 0]

A celebration of Life

Love.

Liberty

The Great Angle Bash

June 24

 

We're shown an image of Los Diablos De Fuego sitting inside the VIP area of a chic dance club, surrounded by the hottest half naked studs our finance department can afford. All around the hedonistic collection of male hotties are blue, gold, red, and orange spotlights swirling through the throng of men that bump and grind on the dance floor.

 

MARIACHI

It's Mariachi!

 

MORACCA

And Moracca!

 

MARIACHI

And we are inviting all our homies in the Providence, Rhode Island area to come and dance the night away at OAOAST Liquid the hottest latin gay bar in New England. Our club features the best Hip Hop, Musica Latina & Old School, and $3.75 Long Island Ice Teas every Tuesday. All homies ages eighteen and over are welcome.

 

MORACCA

Smile!

 

MARIACHI AND MORACCA

 

The advertisement fades and an image appears on screen....

 

 

COLE

You ready for this one, Coach?

 

COACH

Am I ever. It's been a loooooooooooong time coming.

 

COLE

For two years. TWO YEARS Drek Stone has done everything he thought would break the foundation of this company down. From his ill-fated attempt at a Civil War, to coming back and alienating friends to reclaim the OAOAST World Title, to avoiding the one man whom he had long disrespected but no doubt feared. Anglemania VI may have seen a Drek victory over Zack Malibu etched in stone, but tonight, we write the final chapter. Here at School's Out, can Zack Malibu, the heart and soul of our company, pass the test? Or will he cave under the pressure. Can Drek Stone make history as the only man in OAOAST history that Zack Malibu has never beaten?

 

"Getting Away With Murder" hits, and the fans rise to their feet the moments the lights drop, waiting on their hero. Through the shower and sparks of the pyro at the entranceway steps Zack Malibu, and his appearance draws an even louder reaction from the crowd...possibly the loudest of the night, as Zack's popularity combined with the ultimate disdain and hatred of Drek Stone has these fans more riled up than ever before.

 

Zack steps into the ring and removes his ring jacket, tossing it over the ropes as he awaits the arrival of the World Champion who has gone MIA.

 

"Woke Up This Morning" hits, and the anti-Drek signs go up, the boos and jeers in full effect. After waiting for the song to fully "kick in", Drek Stone appears on an OAOAST broadcast for the first time in months, the OAOAST World Title that he's held hostage slung over his shoulder. Stone smirks, patting the belt and motioning to Zack, asking "you want this"? Stone stops midway down the ramp and raises the belt up in the air, truly basking in the glory that no one feels he deserves the belt. Drek comes and gets into the ring, walking right up to Malibu and dangling the belt in his face before proclaiming "it's staying with ME!" Drek then retreats to a corner, and Michael Buffer comes in to make with the introductions.

 

BUFFER

Ladies and gentlemen, THIS is your main event of the evening. A grudge match, set for one fall with the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship at stake! Introducing first, the challenger. From Providence, Rhode Island. This man has been an integral part of the OAOAST since his debut some five years ago. He has twice held the same title he challenges for tonight, and holds victories over such legendary superstars as Caboose, CobainWasMurdered, Crystal, Alfdogg, Bruce Blank, and the namesake himself, Anglesault. His dedication to his company is second to none, which has earned him the name of The Franchise. Also known for his resilience and persistence in battle, he has been dubbed a Modern Day Warrior...ladies and gentlemen, weighing in tonight at two hundred and five pounds, the challenger...ZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALIBUUUUUUUU!

 

The fans roar for Zack, and he keeps his focus, eyeing Stone across the ring from his corner.

 

BUFFER

Now introducing, the reigning and defending OAOAST World Champion. A native of Brooklyn, New York, this individual has become the most controversial in OAOAST history, going so far as to hold the World Title belt that many have worn so proudly hostage. He has drawn the ire of his opponent tonight, as well as millions around the world, by trying to defame the great name of the very company he works for. Tonight, he steps into the ring against his arch rival in a fight that is more than just a championship match...it's very personal. Weighing in tonight at two hundred and thirty five pounds, he is RRRRRRRRECKLESS...DRRRRRRRRRREK STOOOOOOOOOOOONE!

 

 

COLE

Well, this is certainly a rare occurance, seeing Drek Stone in action.

 

COACH

Maybe there was a method to his madness. Like, he did it to drive up the pay per view buys.

 

COLE

The only association Stone has with a buy increase would be more people bought to see him get his ass kicked than ever before.

 

Stone holds the World Title belt in his hands, looking at his reflection in the center plate. When referee Hebner comes to claim the belt and remove it from the ring, Stone swipes it away from his grasp, giving the referee a rather cold stare. Stone then walks over to Malibu, dangling the belt in front of him yet again...and Zack responds with a hard slap that echoes through the arena, and could very well have popped Drek's jaw out of place! Stone stumbles back, then tries for a BELTSHOT~! with the title, but Zack ducks, then shoots for the legs and takes Drek down! Losing possession of the belt, Drek is hammered by shots from Malibu, and Hebner quickly takes the belt and hands it to Michael Buffer, urging him to hurry up and "ring the damn bell!"

 

DING! DING! DING!

 

The official bell sounds, despite the fact that the two arch rivals are already fighting. Stone tosses Malibu off of him and gets to his feet, but as he does Malibu again uses a double leg takedown and starts hammering away! Stone tries to cover up, tucking his elbows and using his forearms and hands to shield his face, while Malibu is relentless in pounding away. Luckily for Stone, he manages to reach out and grab the bottom rope, and Hebner has to come over and try his best to get Malibu off of him! Malibu just keeps pounding, so Earl has to physically pull him up off of Stone to give Stone the space that the rope break earned him! Stone gets up, but the moment he lets go of the ropes, Malibu bolts forward again, tackling him through the ropes so that both men spill out onto the ringside floor!

 

COLE

I don't think the ring...I don't think this ARENA can contain the hatred these two have for each other!

 

Both men rise quickly, and Drek runs at Zack, grabbing his waist and running him into the guardrail! He rams a shoulder into his ribs, and while Zack reels, he starts responding with forearms across the back, then pulls Drek's head up and starts gouging his eyes! Drek screams, as Zack would be satisfied only after ripping them out of Drek's head...but luckily for Drek his eyesight remains intact thanks to the intervention of Earl Hebner! Earl not-so-easily pries Zack's hand away, distracting Zack long enough for Drek to hit a low kick, then lifts Zack up and drapes him crotch first onto the barrier! Stone staggers away, even shoving Hebner aside as he pulls the cable cord up from the floor and wraps it around Zack's throat!

 

COACH

Look at this, he's chokin' him, Mikey!

 

Stone wraps the cord tightly around Zack's neck, standing a few feet away to keep away from any retaliation. Zack struggles, trying to remove the cord as he eases himself off the barrier...but once his feet hit the floor, Drek yanks back on the cord, snapping Zack back onto the floor, slamming the back of his head! Drek then folds the long cord in half, and then uses it as a makeshift whip, cracking it across Zack's exposed skin!

 

COLE

He's lashing him with that wire! He's sick!

 

COACH

I can't even make a racial joke since Zack's as white as you get!

 

Stone gives up on the whipping, then drops down, pinning Zack's shoulders down with his knees while he presses the cord down onto Zack's throat, again trying to choke him. Earl Hebner tries again to stop the chaos, but Stone will not give up, going so far as to get up and shove Hebner down to the floor!

 

COLE

Come ON now! Drek Stone..."Reckless" is the perfect name for this son of a bitch, because he has NO remorse for what he does!

 

Stone turns back around, as Malibu is getting up, and takes his head and rams it into the ring apron, once again putting Zack down. Zack is out of sorts as he tries to get to his feet, but it's not done without the help of Stone, who hits a kneelift to his back that sends him stumbling into the ringpost! Zack leans against the post, his face pressed against the cold steel, while Stone grabs the bottom rope for leverage and presses his foot into Zack's head, crushing it against the post!

 

COACH

Man alive! He's tryin' to crush his head like a grape!

 

Blood pours out of Malibu's nose as he groans in pain, but luckily for him Hebner comes over and grabs Stone's leg, prying it away! Hebner orders the match back into the ring, and when Stone motions to blow the referee off and target Malibu, Hebner tells him flat out "I'll hand him the belt right now without thinking twice!". Stone ponders this, and then reluctantly enters the ring, while Malibu barely moves as he attempts to recover on the outside.

 

COLE

Earl Hebner is trying to rein these guys in, but I don't know if that's possible. I have a feeling that this is only going to be temporary.

 

Hebner gets in the ring as well, sheiling Malibu from Stone, who paces the ring, waiting for his foe to get in. Groggy, Malibu crawls up onto the apron and into the ring, and as soon as he's in, Stone runs and kicks him in the side of the head, and then starts stomping him down.

 

COACH

He ain't gonna let him up, Mikey. He knows he can't afford to let him up!

 

Stone keeps stomping, then hits the ropes, dropping a leg across the back of Malibu's head to keep him down! Stone then rolls Zack onto his back and hooks the leg, impatiently waiting for Hebner to make the count!

 

ONE!

 

T-NO!

 

COLE

Thankfully, Zack's not going to give up that easily!

 

The crowd roars as Malibu kicks out, but Stone takes it to heart, dragging Zack to his feet and then taking him by the wrist and pulling him right into a clothesline! Zack meets the canvas yet again, but Stone pulls him up and sends him to the ropes, then runs toward Malibu as he rebounds and nails him with a kitchen sink (not the real item, but rather the running knee, although anything is possible with these two competitors!). Malibu doubles over, only to be brought up by Stone again, and this time sent hard into the corner. Zack grits his teeth as he collides with the turnbuckles, looking worse for wear...but when Stone charges in Malibu bolts out of the corner and spears him down to a mega-pop! Stone quickly rolls away when Malibu starts throwing punches, and when he gets to his feet, Malibu takes his legs out from under him, then holds them in palce while he delivers a well-placed stomp that takes Stone off his game! Malibu follows up with a jumping elbow drop, and then moves towards Stone, stalking him until the champion backs into the corner, fearing the retribution that Malibu wishes to dish out tonight at School's Out!

 

COLE

Sure, a cheapshot is OK. Using a wire to choke a man out is OK, but one on one, face to face in that ring, Drek Stone doesn't know what to do!

 

Malibu approaches him in the corner, while Hebner calls for Stone to move out. As Malibu gets closer, Stone tries for another tride and true cheap tactic, trying to jab his thumb in Zack's eye...but Zack catches him by the wrist, then turns and throws Drek over his shoulder with a judo toss! Drek lands hard on the canvas, and catches a hard kick to the spine when he sits up, stunning him long enough for Malibu to reach down and tear at his mouth, trying to stretch his cheeks outward until they tear!

 

COACH

He's tryin' to pull his skin up over his skull!

 

COLE

The wars of 2006, the battles with Bruce Blank molded Malibu into a more vicious, more aggressive person when things get personal. When Blank went after Candie and baby Jenna, Malibu tossed aside everything he knew to become a killer. Now, with all that Drek Stone has made Malibu suffer through, we're seeing that side of him. The dark side of Zack Malibu has been let loose again!

 

Zack yanks Stone up to his feet, then sends him to the corner, running right behind him so that the moment Stone hits, he's crushed by a spear into the turnbuckles that makes his ribs quiver! Malibu continues with some more shoulderblocks, ramming into Stone's ribs, as the champion gasps for air! Zack then takes him by the head and hooks his arm under one of Drek's, bieling him out of the corner and halfway across the ring! Drek woozily gets to his feet, but once again he's allowed no rest, as he's blasted across the back of the head with a running lariat from the challenger! Stone hits the mat and rolls himself out under the bottom rope, simply letting himself collapse on the floor outside in an effort to get away from Malibu and regroup.

 

COACH

He might wanna rethink his strategy, Mikey Cole.

 

Stone gets up, but Malibu is right on him, sliding out of the ring and giving chase to the World Champion. Stone rounds the corner and quickly slides back in...but Malibu isn't one to fall for the game, and grabs Stone by the ankle, yanking him back out to the floor and then nailing him with another clothesline! Malibu now taunts Stone as he lay looking at the lights, begging, daring, WANTING the champion to get up to take more of his medicine! Stone comes up, and Zack quickly takes him by the head and slams it into the announce table, staggering his foe yet again!

 

COLE

Thatta boy, Zack!

 

After that shot, Zack swings Stone around and throws him back into the ring. Malibu climbs up onto the apron and patiently waits, targetting his opponent upon his recovery. He slingshots up onto the top rope and springboards in with a bodypress...but Stone manages to catch Zack, drop him on his feet, and then carry him over with a Northern Lights suplex!

 

COACH

He caught him!

 

ONE!

 

T-KICKOUT!

 

Both men hurry to their feet, and Stone traps Zack in a butterfly lock and then uses the knees...a tactic Malibu himself has used in the past. Drek's knee finds it's mark on Malibu's upper body, stunning him and setting him up for a Tiger Bomb from the World Champion...but Zack lands on his feet, countering the move! Zack fires away with hard chops to Drek's chest, then starts striking him across the face with hard open hand slaps, numerous blows that send Stone spiraling into a daze before twisting his body a full 360 degrees and laying out the champion with a discus clothesline! The crowd ROARS with approval, the sight of Drek being pummeled something they have waited oh so long for, and Malibu dives on top of his rival for the pin!

 

ONE!

 

TW-KICKOUT!

 

Malibu gets up as if the pin attempt never happened, and drives the sole of his foot into Drek's chest before bringing him up to his feet. Malibu takes Drek by the head and runs him into the top turnbuckle, then spins him around and lifts, dropping Drek crotch first on the top rope! Malibu then climbs up onto the middle rope and opens fire with more hard slaps across Drek's face before moving up onto the top rope...but as he attempts to bring Drek up, Drek shoves him down to the canvas! Zack lands on his feet and rushes the corner, pushing Drek's leg out from under him to crotch him AGAIN as he tries to stand!

 

COACH

Ooooooh, that could not have felt good to the little mister!

 

COLE

"Little mister"? You have formal names for Drek Stone's genetalia?

 

COACH

It's not like I singled him out, I...

 

COLE

You have formal names for more than one man's genetalia?

 

COACH

Yea...NO! I mean...shut up, Cole, and watch the match!

 

Malibu brings Stone off the turnbuckle and onto his shoulders in a fireman's carry, then walks towards center ring and starts spinning...and spinning...and spinning...and spinning around in an Airplane Spin that apparently has no end in sight!

 

COLE

We haven't seen this in a while!

 

Malibu keeps rotating round and round, dizzying both himself and his opponent, finally ending the spin after he throws Stone up off his shoulders and onto his knee with a gutbuster! Zack then falls back to the canvas, exhausted from the airplane spin, while the combination of dizziness and a gutbuster is probably going to lead to some puking from Mr. Stone later this evening! Drek crawls across the ring without a clue of where he is...and as he starts to come to, Zack races across the ring and nails him in the side of the head with a ZACK ATTACK~!, knocking Stone out to the floor once again!

 

COLE

There goes Stone once again, and it seems to me that while Stone is considered "Reckless", Zack Malibu is nothing short of relentless tonight!

 

Malibu works the crowd, while Stone is beside himself on the floor. Zack exits the ring and goes after him, nailing him with a pair of forearms...but when he lures Stone close, Drek drops to the floor and hits a low blow, then sends Zack sailing into Michael Buffer, knocking the announcer out of his seat and knocking the timekeepers table over in the process!

 

COACH

Watch out Mikey Cole, he might throw him on you next!

 

Stone staggers over, tossing the ring bell, the table, and Buffer aside to get to Zack, who is mangled up against the guardrail. Stone grabs the chair Buffer was on and folds it up, and then jabs the end of it into Zack's throat, pressing it in as hard as possible, trying to choke the life out of the fan favorite!

 

COLE

Get off of him! C'mon!

 

Zack struggles, while Hebner exits the ring, trying to get the chair from Stone...and he GETS IT alright, as Stone LEVELS the poor official with a brutal chairshot that lays him out!

 

COACH

EARL!

 

The crowd boos loudly as Stone stands over Earl Hebner, watching as blood trickles out of his head and pools on the floor. Zack manages to get up, but Stone turns and swings, leveling Zack with a hard chairshot as well!

 

COLE

He's sick...SICK!

 

Zack collapses to the floor, and Stone unloads, beating him viciously with chairshots to the body before tossing the chair aside and rubbing Zack's face into the floor, trying to break his nose! In the midst of all this, a stretcher is wheeled down the ramp, as medical staff come to aid Earl Hebner.

 

COLE

We've got no referee now!

 

COACH

I don't think Drek or Zack are gonna notice.

 

Drek throws down the chair and goes over to the staff, shoving and kicking them aside and making room so that he can stand over Earl Hebner's bloodied body. Drek grabs the lifeless ref by the collar, telling him that he needs to "learn to stay out of my way!" The staff pleads with Stone to back off, which he begrudgingly does...turning around and catching a right hand from Malibu, who can barely stand! After connecting with the punch, Zack saves himself from falling over, using the ring apron to catch his balance before taking Drek by the head and hurling him onto the commentator's table!

 

COLE

Watch out, Coach!

 

COACH

All I know is Anglesault better up our insurance benefits!

 

Zack takes over, hammering Stone with right hands as he's sprawled out on the table. Zack takes Coach's monitor and tosses it to the floor, then takes Michael Cole's monitor and RAMS it into Stone's ribs! Stone gags after the shot, and Malibu nails him with another hard right before moving away, grabbing the chair off the floor, and hopping up to the apron.

 

COLE

What...what's he doing? What's he doing, Coach?

 

COACH

I DON'T KNOW YOU'RE SEEING THE SAME THING AS ME!

 

Malibu takes the legs out of the chair in his hand, then leaps off the apron, swinging the chair over his head before bringing it down as he lands, cracking the chair over the monitor and Drek's ribs!

 

COLE

Good God!

 

Stone convulses, and begins to cough up blood, as his internal organs must be turning to Jell-O. Malibu, bleeding and dazed now takes the monitor and throws it down to the floor, then rolls back into the ring.

 

COLE

Zack's trying to capture the momentum again, but he's hurting, and...wait a second...wait a second COACH MOVE!

 

Just before Cole's scared reaction, Zack took a deep breath and ran the ropes, coming off the far side with as much speed as he could muster before DIVING OVER THE ROPES AND CRASHING DOWN ONTO DREK STONE, SENDING THEM BOTH THROUGH THE ANNOUNCE TABLE~!~!

 

"HOLY SHIT!"

 

"HOLY SHIT!"

 

"HOLY SHIT!"

 

Thanks to the crash, the mics have shorted, leaving the announcers speechless to the audience at home. The cameras zoom in on the two combatants, both looking horribly worn. Stone holds his arms over his ribs, rolling to his side and coughing up blood on the floor, while Malibu lay at the feet of Cole and Coach, who check on Zack themselves. About half the medical staff that were tending to Earl Hebner remain behind, and come over and start checking on the two.

 

COLE

...on? Are we on? OK we've got the mics back, Coach.

 

COACH

Testes, testes...one, two...three?

 

COLE

What an amazing, what a suicidal move by Zack Malibu! A swan dive splash through our announce table has rendered both he and the World Champion incapacitated!

 

The staff check on Zack and Drek, when the crowd starts popping, because ANGLESAULT is on his way down the ramp!

 

COLE

The man in charge is heading this way!

 

Anglesault looks as concerned as the stunned audience, as he comes over and surveys the condition of both competitors. Along with the medical staff, he helps Zack up, while two others lifts Stone up to his feet...but Malibu quickly breaks free and spears Stone back down, then starts hammering on him with right hands!

 

COLE

Zack's not done yet!

 

Zack backs everyone away as he picks Drek up and rolls him into the ring, then leans on the apron for a second to catch his breath. The staff try their best to tend to him, but Zack breaks away and climbs into the ring, going after Drek! Stone crawls across the mat, blood dripping from his head and mouth. He pushes himself up to his feet, but nearly falls over in the process, only to be caught by Zack and taken over with a GERMAN SUPLEX~! that, of course, is just the first of many, as Zack rolls through, bringing Stone up again, and DOWN again with another one! Third time is the charm as another German hits, and as they come up, Zack switches up, trying for the ANGLE SLAM~!...but Drek slides out and falls back, caught by the ropes! Zack turns and charges, but Drek ducks his head and elevates Zack over...but Zack lands on the apron and snaps Drek to the canvas by his head, then slingshots in with a legdrop...but Drek rolls out of the way, frantically getting to his feet and grabbing Malibu during his recovery, planting his head into the mat with a STONECUTTER~!

 

COLE

STONECUTTER BY DREK STONE! ZACK MALIBU JUST GOT ROCKED BY THE CHAMPION'S FAVORITE MANUEVER!

 

COACH

Favorite other than "avoiding responsibility" and "attempting to destroy the OAOAST", right?

 

COLE

Right.

 

Both men lay on the canvas, Zack's face buried in it as Drek looks up at the spotlights. Drek rolls over and rolls Malibu onto his back, covering him...but there's no referee, thanks to Drek's actions earlier!

 

COLE

There's no one to count the fall!

 

COACH

You're complaining!?

 

Drek has the cover, then realizes that no one can count to three. He gets up in a bloody daze, looking around...and sees Anglesault heading to the back with Hebner, and calls out to him, ordering HIM to get in the ring and make the count!

 

COLE

Look at this...Drek Stone is calling out Anglesault! He wants Anglesault to count the pinfall!

 

COACH

You know what he's doing here, Mikey Cole...he's putting Anglesault on the spot, because Anglesault has the authority, and if he don't use it, then Drek's accusations look real!

 

COLE

Been watching your Law & Order lately, eh Coach?

 

Anglesault stares at Drek, then takes off his suit jacket and throws it down, walking to the ring. Drek moves back into position, covering Malibu, as Anglesault slides under the bottom rope and stares coldly at Drek before counting...

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

NO! NO! ZACK MALIBU KICKS OUT!

 

Drek, furious, pounds the mat and gets up, grabbing Anglesault by the collar and backing him into the corner! Stone wraps his hands around his throat, screaming at him as he tries to choke him, but Anglesault fights back, shoving Drek away...RIGHT INTO AN ANGLE SLAM FROM A RECOVERED ZACK~! Both men remain motionless on the canvas once again, until Malibu musters up the strength to roll over and drape an arm across his arch rival.

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

TH-KICKOUT! KICKOUT AT THE LAST POSSIBLE INSTANCE~!

 

COLE

This can't be happening...HOW are they both still able to keep up with each other like this!!?

 

Zack slowly brings Drek up, but Drek quickly responds with a jawbreaker to send him away! Malibu falls to one knee, but when Stone approaches, Zack pops up and goes for a flash SCHOOL'S OUT...but Stone catches it and smiles a sick smile, complete with blood caked teeth! He throws Malibu's leg down and runs in with a lariat, but Zack throws up his elbows, blocks the shot, and drives him down with an STO~!

 

COLE

Come on Zack, take him out! End this all...end the era of Drek Stone!

 

Zack gets up, circling the ring and watching as Stone holds his head, trying his damndest to sit up. Anglesault sits back in the corner and watches, allowing Zack carte blanche to have his way with the man who attempted his best to put both of them out and damage the legacy of their company and the World Title. Drek slowly gets up, trying to stay balanced as he gets vertical, but the moment he's on his feet, Malibu fires off with SCHOOL'S OUT~!

 

AND IT'S CAUGHT AGAIN...LOW KICK BY DREK DROPS ZACK TO HIS KNEES~!

 

COACH

DAMN!

 

Drek stands over Zack, and Anglesault comes and spins him around...and HE gets a low kick as well, then a slap across the back of the head! Drek proclaims "I'm gonna kill your damn company AND your hero", then turns back to Zack and spits right in his face, then slaps him in a taunting fashion proclaiming "you can't kill me, Zack!" Drek forcefully grabs Malibu by the head and then starts biting at his forehead, pulling away and now spitting Zack's own blood back in his face before violently grabbing his neck, pulling him into STONECUTTER position...but Zack pushes him away, right into Anglesault, who shoves Stone forward RIGHT INTO SCHOOL'S OUT~!

 

COLE

HE GOT HIM! COME ON ZACK~!

 

Zack falls on top of Drek Stone, and Anglesault, still favoring himself with one hand, uses the other one to do the one thing people have been waiting to see all night.

 

ONE!

 

TWO!!

 

THREE!!!

 

COLE

HE DID IT! HE DID IT!

 

COACH

ALRIGHT ZACKY~!

 

The crowd ROARS, the response absolutely deafening, as Malibu remains on top of Drek Stone, likely whispering some ideas for a new occupation into his ear, since Drek Stone is no longer World Champion.

 

From the back, numerous OAOAST superstars hit the ring, as Zack is helped up by Anglesault and is handed the very belt that he made the most prized possession in wrestling today. Once again, Zack Malibu has the OAOAST World Title fastened around his waist!

 

COLE

Fans, THIS is a moment. The OAOAST is back in the hands of the man who made it famous, the man who made it stand for something...Zack Malibu is once again OAOAST World Champion, and Drek Stone...Drek Stone, for all you've done to try to tear us apart, you can go to hell, my friend. Straight to hell!

 

Drek is nothing more than an afterthought as he's rolled out of the ring to the floor...medical staff tend to him there, while Malibu is hoisted up onto the shoulders of Scotty Static and Johnny Jax, the big gold belt fastened firmly around his waist. For Drek Stone, school is in fact out, and another semester is starting. Your teacher?

 

Zack Malibu: OAOAST World Champion once again!

 

FADE OUT

Edited May 28, 2007 by Patty O'Green

[Patty O'Green 0]

FUCK CREDITZ NL WEST STANDINGS NIGGA

 

Dodgers 29 21

Padres 29 21

Diamondbacks 29 23

Giants 24 25

Rockies 24 27

 

U 2 OLD FGTS