DS RETRO RAW RANT

[Guest nWoScorpion]

-Live from Wocester, Massachusetts, January 4, 1999

 

-Commentators are Michael Cole & Jerry Lawler.

 

-Recap of Shawn Michaels giving Vince a little Sweet Chin Music. Afterwards a brief video package of Michaels as a Rocker and as The Heartbreak Kid. Vince Interrupts soon after.

 

-Vince & The Corporation come out for a 20 minute promo. IN this case, the Corp. is Vince, Shane, Shamrock, Test, Rock, Bossman, Kane (w/ a Brisco Bros. Body Shop sign on his back, Patterson, and Brisco. Vince tells everyone not to look for Shawn Michaels tonight. If you don't remember, Vince fired Shawn as a commissioner on the 12/28/98 edition of Raw. More history. Shawn prevented the Corporation from saving shane Mcmahon from a Mankind beating from 12/21/98, and that's why Vince fired him. On the Titantron Shawn Michaels enters the arena and comes out on the stage. Shawn says the Sheriff is back in town. D-Generation X comes out for his backup, before everyone hated X-pacs' guts. Shawn reveals that his contract is Iron clad and that he cannot be fired, and Vince Mcmahon even stated back a few months before that Shawn didn't have to answer to anyone. The only way for him to leave is if he is to resign, a.k.a quit. Hey, Xpac is humping Triple H's leg! Shawn says there is nothing he can do about Steve Austin entering the Royal Rumble as #1, but THERE IS something he can change for Vince entering #30. Instead of entering last, Shawn says that Vince will instead be entering as #2. Shawn says that sometime that night, he (Vince) was going to get a surprise that would drive him Stone Cold Crazy. Shawn leaves with the rest of D-X to the D-X theme music.

 

-Non Title Match:

"Lethal Weapon" Steve Blackman Vs. Ken Shamrock (WWF IC & Tag Champion):

Where is Blackman now? Both men exchange elbows and Blackman scores a heel kick and some martial arts offense. Slam by Blackman and a funky elbow drop. Shamrock fights back with a series of rights but Blackman takes the advantage back. Shamrock catches Blackman in a leap frog and slams him as Dan Severn comes out wearing a neckbrace. Shamrock with a snap suplex and a knee to the face. Shamrock goes for a suplex and Blackman rolls him up for 2. Shamrock up and clothesline Blackman and FINALLY spots Severn on the outside. Blackman with an Irish Whip to the buckle and a drop-kick to the back. backbreaker by the Lethal Weapon, and shamrock catches him with a belly to belly suplex. Severn distracts the referee as Billy gunn sneaks in and gives Shamrock a fame-asser. Blackman with the cover and three count at 3:27. 1/2*. Shamrock charges to the back soon after.

 

-Backstage Shamrock is kicking Gunn's Ass until about 4 or 5 officials break it up.

 

-Mankind comes out to a good ovation. 2 weeks ago highlights of Mankind beating on Shane then grabbing Patterson by the testicles with Mr. Socko. Mankind says it was the first time he grabbed another mans testicles, and admits he enjoyed it. Also it was the first time Mankind said suck it, without a please in front of it and says to the crowd you like that. Mankind's new hobby is kicking the Mcmahon families ass. Mankind now wants a favor from Vince, that being a title shot against The Rock. Mankind says not because he made Shane cry and whimper like a 2 year old with a poop in his pants, but because he sees all the signs in the crowd that say "Foley is God", but they got 1 letter wrong, and it should be "Foley is Good". Mankind asks if he can say ass on television and calls out Mcmahon. Vince says he can't have a title shot, but can compete for a shot in the Royal Rumble Match, in a match with Triple H.

 

-Backstage a quick glimpse of Chyna & Sammy before commercial break.

 

-"Sexual Chocolate" Mark Henry Vs. Goldust:

Lockup and goldust gets shoved to the mat. Goldust with a slap in the corner and Mark Henry hits a knee lift and some kidney punches. Goldust ducks a clothesline and kicks at the midsection of Henry and nails a spinebuster for 2. Goldust ducks another clothesline and this time runs into a powerslam. Henry with a scoop slam and jumping elbow drop. Goldust fights back but runs into a gorilla press slam and gets nailed with a leg drop. Sammy, NOOOOOOOOOOO! Goldust from behind scores a reverse neckbreaker and signals for the shattered Dreams. Goldust builds some steam and PLANTS one for the DQ at 3:44. DUD Mark Henry wins, but also losses crotch-iousness. Afterwards Chyna and Sammy come to the ring to "comfort" Mark Henry.

 

-Footage of Jesse Ventura's Inaugural Speech as Governor of Minnesota.

 

-Dennis Knight is shown in a dungeon being hung with his wrists.

 

-The Godfather (w/ Hoes) Vs. Test:

Test's theme sounds SHITTY, much like Face Diesel's. Godfather and test trade punches until Test takes the advantage with a series of knee lifts. Irish Whip and godfather plants a boot to the face and clothesline. Body Slam and Leg Drop by the Pimp for 2. Godfather calls for the Ho Train and NAILS it surprisingly. Val Venis shows up while Test scores a big boot, which doesn't win his matches yet. Both men brawl on the outside doing nothing note-able and the bell sounds at 2:00. Val Venis starts hammering Test to start something that never actually finished. Match wasn't even a DUD, I give it -* for nothing.

 

-WWF Slam of the Week: Mankind kicking Shane's ass. Clothesline, Double Arm DDT,. the knee to the face and Mr. Socko!

 

-Royal Rumble Match Qualifier:

Special Referee: Shane Mcmahon:

Mankind Vs. Triple H:

Mankind starts by hammering triple H with a few roundhouse rights. Triple H goes for a sleeper hold but Mankind with some arm bending over his shoulder. Obviously I am not familiar with that move. HHH jerks on Mankind's arm and goes for a modified arm-bar. Mankind with a thrust to the neck breaks it and Foley scores a bulldog. Triple H with a back elbow and clothesline on Mankind. Mankind takes HHH by the trunks and tosses him to the floor, followed by a baseball slide. Mick scores a charging forearm as HHH climbs onto the apron. HHH with a sunset flip and shane fast counts him at 2:57 for the cheap win. 1/4*. Afterwards HHH pedigrees Shane and tells Mankind he's all yours. Mankind THEN uses Shane as a Hostage and forces Vince to give him a title shot tonight, otherwise he would break Shane's shoulder. Vince agrees and the title match will be no holds barred.

 

-D'lo Brown Vs. Edge:

Dlo STILL has the chest protector for some reason. Dlo with a shoulderblock, Edge with a drop-kick and a hurricanrana. Clothesline sends Dlo to the floor. Edge off the ropes and scores a dive over the top rope onto Brown. Edge charges him on the outside and gets hung on the barricade. D'lo with his dancing leg drop and some posing. Edge with a stiff slap and punches but runs into a big boot and Dlo with the running powerbomb (Liger Bomb?) and Poses some more and gets a 2 count later. Slam by Brown and he goes to the ropes and misses a 2nd rope elbow. Edge with an Irish Whip and standing heel kick. Edge with a  necksnap and a flying cross body press for 2. Terri & Jackie come out now. Dlo catches Edge with  the Sky high in mid air. Terri goes to the apron to tell off Dlo and falls off, letting out Victoria's Secret if you know what I mean. The bell never sounds so I say at 4:35 the match end sin a no contest, the 2nd tonight. *1/2. The Victoria's secret joke is Terri's thong being revealed due to her INCREDIBLY short skirt.

 

-Kane, shane and the Stooges come out for some reason. Shane says its for Kane to teach a lesson to......the STOOGES. Brisco gets uppity about it. Kane grabs Brisco and basically tries breaking Jerry's hand. Patterson offered Kane a cigarette and then a CONDOM. Brisco tries attacking Brisco and takes a few thrusts. Brisco eats a chokeslam and Patterson goes for a chair shot then offers Kane a seat, so Kane kicks the chair and chokeslams Patterson. Brisco gets wrapped around the ring post and Patterson gets an elbow drop to the leg. He goes for Shane but stops in his tracks. HIGHlarious.

 

-WWF-Hardcore Championship Match:

"Road Dogg" Jesse James © Vs. Al Snow (w/ Head):"

Al Snow hides behind the stage curtain, leaving Head as bate. Road Dogg goes for Head and Snow  ambushes road Dogg. Snow hammers Dogg to the ring area and he still is wearing his blood bath shirt. Dogg goes under the ring and takes out a table and throws a chair into Snows face a she dove off the apron. Snow takes a chair and beats Rad Dogg like a Dog with it. Snow with a  diving heel kick off the chair and sets up the table. Snow makes Road D. eat more chair and sets him on the table. snow climbs the security railing and moonsaults threw the table, right after Road Dogg rolled off, Dogg gets a 2 count. Roadie with a cooking sheet and bends it into 3 ways for a 2 count. Snow & Dogg brawl to the back. Snow rams Dogg into some steel pipes and grabs ANOTHER Table. Dogg sets up the table and hip tosses Snow through it and nails an elbow to the head. Snow throws RD into a wall and chokes him a lawn hose and some toilet paper. Broom breaks across the back of Road Dogg and he nails Snow with a garbage can and throws him into a cart of flowers. Snow grabs a plant and throws it at Dogg. Snow Irish whips Dogg into a steel poll and goes karate with it and rams it into R.Ds midsection. Dogg reverses an Irish whip and sends Snow into a few beer kegs. Austin's been there I bet. Irish whip by Dogg on Snow into some ladders and nails him with a fire extinguisher, setting off an alarm, and they fight in the SNOW! Road Dogg takes snow shovel and smacks Snow with it and dumps him in a wheel barrel and throws him into a steel wall. Snow fights back and throws Dogg into a fence and uses a traffic cone. Dogg with a boot and a piledriver through some wooden planks for the win at 8:36. ***. HILARIOUS match with a fun pace to it. Takes Dogg about 2 minutes to go back to the ring for his belt.

 

-In some place The Acolytes throw Dennis Knight into heaven, or something like that, I don't know nor care.

 

-Shawn Michaels leaves the arena but the Corporation head him off and lay a beatdown on him, throwing his face throw a car windshield. Later Shawn is loaded into an ambulance.

 

-WWF-Championship: No Disqualification Match:

The Rock © (w/ The Corporation) Vs. Mankind (w/ DX):

Can someone tell me when and how rocky became a face after his Corporate turn? Rock attacks Mankind from behind and sends him into the corporation where shamrock gets in a cheap shot. Rock goes back to work. Both men toss each other into the announcers table and Mankind hammers rock with some rights. Rock reverses an Irish Whip and sends Mankind into the steel steps. Rock picks up the stairs and drives them down into the spine of Mick Foley, then drops the second part of the steps and drops it onto his head. Rock drags Mankind around the ring area and suplexes him on the floor. Rock takes Cole's headset and grabs some water. Mankind attacks him behind the desk and hammers away at him and chokes him with a cord. Mankind now gets on the headset and Rock CLOBBERS him with the ring bell and chokes him with a cable wire, in the meantime hitting him with a fan. Rock sets him up for the Rock Bottom and drives him through the announcers table. Back in the ring finally and rock lays some shots in. Rock is noticeably wearing his Brahma bull ring attire since they are sticking out from his workout pants. Shane gets a few shots in by choking Mick and Rock scores a Russian leg sweep for 2. rock with an Irish whip and runs into an elbow and Mankind battles back with  a clothesline. Rock with an elbow and slam and sets up for the Corporate Elbow. Rock off the ropes and he plants the elbow for 2. Mankind ducks a clothesline and gets in a swinging neckbreaker. Boss Man grabs Mick's foot and rock strikes Foley with the title belt for 2! Rock goes for it again and gets double armed DDT onto the title belt for 2 also! Mankind calls for Mr. Socko and drives it into the mouth of The rock. Shamrock with a  chair nails Mankind and Gunn attacks him. DX & The Corporation brawl as Austin shows up, grabs a chair and KILLS The Rock with it and Mankind covers for three and wins the title at 8:49 to a great ovation as everyone is going nuts. ***1/2. Cole brings up Mankind's first match in West Virginia 15 years ago and goes threw his hard times to get here. Foley celebrates in the ring with the DX crew as they perch him on there shoulders to the cheers of the crowd. Road Dogg gives us the NEEEW world Wrestling Federation,  Heavyweight Champion of the Wooooooorld, Mankind! Mankind dedicates this match to his children at home and runs around the ring with belt in hand as the show comes to a close.

 

-Watching this show in 1999 I marked out for Mankind winning. Overall the last 30 minutes made this show, the rest is forgettable.