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Guest WhollyChao

Storming comment-types!

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Guest WhollyChao

Good show from what I've read.

 

Here are some comments that I hope you will read and humor me by telling me they're helpful!

 

CIA vs Manson

I’m glad someone else uses script style writing again. Makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside.

I hate to tell you of all freaking people how to write Mak Francis, but “umbrage”? That just ain’t The Franchise’s style.

Nice easy-to-follow series of chain wrestling at the beginning.

I liked the words like “familiar” and “patented” when used in correlation with C.I.A, it really makes me get behind him.

Easy to read match. Makes sense.

Again, Mak and King seem too well spoken in their dialogue. “It's just a kickout, Mak. Must you engage in such relentless hyperbole?” I’ve always seen King as just a working-class joe. A dick, mind you, but a regular shmoe none the less. And Mak, certainly well spoken, I don’t think would use that kind of language on-air. Just a thought, man.

BRILLIANT stuff with Maddix coming on the Tron and distracting MANSON! Great stuff.

Now there’s another crazy man wearing a mask. An elite group, to be sure. At least I’m in good company. Welcome back, my friend.

 

BOAP

Fuckin’ PETA, dude… Good job representing the representative as a bitch. They all are.

Mak is terrified by badgers for good reason. They’re terrifying creatures in real life.

“... I don't see anything coming out, King.” “Ten bucks says Jimmy does.” GOLD!!

More or less believable action with the badger.

Honeydew’s gender changes a few times during the match. Badgers are like that, though.

Shotputing a live angry badger into a crowd of innocent bystanders. I thought that would only fly in Japan.

“I don't think we ever learned that knot in Boy Scouts.” “The Jesus Fuck Get This Badger Off Me knot? It's a variation of the Anchor Bend.” It just keeps getting better.

You’ve gotta be careful using the Death Submission. If we were in Denmark, you could have your liscense taken away.

Absolutely flipping brilliant.

 

Ladder Match

I am anxiously awaiting reading Alexander’s match as I am ninety-seven percent sure that he won. My match couldn’t have beaten Cutthroat.

 

Maddix vs Jakey

Really bare intro. Needs more description.

He’s your character, so I’d guess you know how to write him, but good job having Jakey be cowardly and then having Skye throw him in the ring.

Believable hardcore action.

I might not have used a ladder on a show with an actual ladder match on it.

Ewww! An I Know What You Did Last Summer reference! In the future, use a character from a good horror movie.

MANSON running in was a trifle unnecessary, but I understand what it does for MANSON vs Maddix.

You really just need to start describing things more. A lot of your writing is “This happens, then this happens, then this happens” without a lot of describing why or where or how. But then again, you’re winning matches, so what the heck does that matter?

 

Rest of show reviewed in a bit.

 

 

 

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I dunno, FULMINATUS!

 

Ladders and the like are not my strong suit. I'm betting on your match. After all, you had...A PLAN!

 

Plus, I didn't take out any MTV employees at all in my match. No bonus points for me.

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Dude, what are you talking about? That's always been the Carnival's music.

 

Please note I haven't read the show other than Raynor's awesome BoaP match, so if WC isn't talking about Kelk's match, then, uh...borting.

 

?

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Fine; it would increase CIA's cool quotient by a factor of a million.

 

I'm just incredulous that anybody, in the Carnival or otherwise, would pick some garbage-ass cover by RHCP over the bad-assery of the Ohio F'n Players.

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Technically, when played by anyone else, it is a cover of the original, I just said Red Hot Chili Peppers for carny emphasis. Actually, funn story, when I first debuted in the SJL, being a huge RHCP fan, I wanted to use 'Rollercoaster' as my theme music, and was then told I'd inadvertantly picked the theme song of the greatest stable in WF history. To that end, I have used 'Secret Agent Man', in various forms, the RHCP song 'Can't Stop', and now, David Bowie's 'I'm Afraid of Americans' as theme music. Although there's a nagging feeling in the back of my mind that someone else used to use the Bowie tune back when I used to wrestle, I just can't remember who it might be.

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Technically, when played by anyone else, it is a cover of the original, I just said Red Hot Chili Peppers for carny emphasis.

I realize that; and the Players did the original. I'm just saying (for whatever my opinion's worth) that if the Carnival had used the original Ohio Players' version, instead of the RHCP cover or whatever they used, it would have been way cooler.

 

But then again, I'm also a Black American child of the seventies, and don't listen to a whole lot of rock music, so I'm probably a little biased towards the Players...

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Hey guys, guess what?

 

Congrats to Fulmy because a winner is him!

 

 

 

Also, WC, you have to realize the members of the Carnival. You got two middle-aged white guys and some late teen/early twenty also white guys. Granted, the two older chaps are I believe from Ohio, but judging from what I've read on their livejournals and whatnot, they only playing they're likely to participate in is of a role-based nature.

 

It's kinda like Landon's use of Manson's cover of "Personal Jesus". Except for the fact that Ohio Players > Depeche Mode, RHCP > Manson and "Love Rollercoaster" > "Personal Jesus". In other words, it's not like it at all.

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After reading through FULMINATUS!'s match, I can definitely see why it won. Much better ladder match than the one I wrote. Good for him. Of course, now Michael Alexander will be going nuts about this. I gotta come up with some good promoage about this now.

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Guest TheFabulousJakey
I might not have used a ladder on a show with an actual ladder match on it.

 

Yeah, I didn't realize that til it was too late. I was just trying to use things that I thought worked well with Jimmy vs. Landon two (three?) weeks ago.

 

Thanks to Landon and Manson for all their help.

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