Jump to content
TSM Forums
Sign in to follow this  
Scroby

Shoot Em' Up

Recommended Posts

So for the past few weeks, I've been seeing a lot of commericals for Shoot Em' Up and I think I might see it this weekend. I was wondering if anyone was going to go see it or what your thoughts on how it looks might be?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I remember hearing about this some months ago, but I didn't know Chris Jericho was involved in some form.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

The film was pitched to the movie big wigs as "John Woo's wet dream".

 

So I might have to check it out.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I've been interested in this movie since I saw them filming it at my college. I got to meet Clive Owen too!

 

Apparently the people behind the film are basically going for the most violent fucked up film ever- and I'm sold. Some reviews have compared it to Running Scared, which was one of my favourite movies from last year

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
I'm going to see it this weekend. I've been looking forward to it since the start of '07. The same goes for 3:10 to Yuma as well.

 

Same here, I'm sucka for that kind of thing

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Not sure if I will see it or not (might wait for DVD) but I have to admit one part of the trailer cracked me up to no end. It was the part with Giamatti yelling at his men after Owen eluded them again and he said something like "Is this guy really this good or do we just suck this bad???"

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I want to see it, but would prefer someone other than Clive Owen as the bad ass main character. I can't buy Owen as a tough guy.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
I remember hearing about this some months ago, but I didn't know Chris Jericho was involved in some form.

 

 

I saw a screening back in April, and Chris Jericho was nowhere to be found.

Christian Cage on the other hand, does have a cameo.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
I remember hearing about this some months ago, but I didn't know Chris Jericho was involved in some form.

 

 

I saw a screening back in April, and Chris Jericho was nowhere to be found.

Christian Cage on the other hand, does have a cameo.

 

 

Which one?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Apparently the people behind the film are basically going for the most violent fucked up film ever- and I'm sold. Some reviews have compared it to Running Scared, which was one of my favourite movies from last year

and I'm even more sold than before.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
I remember hearing about this some months ago, but I didn't know Chris Jericho was involved in some form.

 

 

I saw a screening back in April, and Chris Jericho was nowhere to be found.

Christian Cage on the other hand, does have a cameo.

 

 

Which one?

 

The wrestler. Look for him in the airplane sequence, if you go see it. It's a rental for sure,

unless they made alot of changes. After the screening, they kept a few of us (about 12, I was

included) and asked us questions about the film. I told Davis (Director, Michael Davis) that if

Monica Bellucci's name in the film is Dairy Queen and she's a "milky" stripper, there should be

no reason why she isn't topless the whole film. Everybody agreed.

 

So I hope he fuckin' added that.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Seriously, this is the worst movie I've ever seen in my life. I saw a pre-screening about 5 months ago and I STILL have nightmares about it.

 

PLEASE do not see this movie. This is the rundown, and if it sounds awesome to you, you're PROBABLY Rofltravolta.

 

It starts out with

Clive Owen on a bench in the hood, eating a carrot (you know, because the movie is made by warner bros.) Then, he sees a pregnant woman being chased by some kind of assassin and he follows them.

 

A gun battle ensues as he's saving the woman, and he is suddenly flanked by gunmen while trying to save the woman. She goes into labor and DURING THE GUN FIGHT, as in, he is literally licking shots at niggas, he DELIVERS THE BABY and then SHOOTS OFF THE UMBILICAL CORD.

 

I think this was a COLD OPEN. So I'm pretty sure that they were like, "If you're not ready for the worst shit ever, leave now."

 

Then, the woman of course gets killed so he has to protect the baby for the entire movie.

 

What follows are SEVERAL BAD PUNS, shit like throwing spice in a dude's face and saying, "Seeya next THYME!" or hitting dudes with shovels and saying, "Sorry, but you dug your own grave." Shit like that. And like I said, it's WARNER BROS, and since they made Bugs Bunny, the main character LOVES eating carrots, and does so for the entire movie.

 

The antagonist is PAUL GIAMATTI, who actually goes as far as to say, "Fuck me SIDEWAYS." Geddit? Cuz he was in that movie, see?

 

Anyway, he's chasing after Clive and the baby in order to ASSASSINATE THE BABY. Clive tries to leave the fucking baby on a carousel at the park. Paul pulls a SNIPER RIFLE OUT OF HIS ASS, and some chick goes, "Oh MY GOD A BABY!" and then he POPS HER IN THE HIP and she goes down. Then he takes aim for the baby.

 

BUT WAIT, DON'T LOSE HOPE YET, BECAUSE SEE, Clive Owen comes back into the picture and since he can't make it back to the carousel in time, he SHOOTS THE HANDLES WITH HIS GUN WHICH IN SOME PHYSICS DEFYING FEAT MAKES IT SPIN! But his aim and timing are SO good that he can continue to shoot the handles to build momentum. He then runs up and GRABS THE BABY BY THE FOOT OFF OF THE CAROUSEL AND MAKES A MAD DASH.

 

THEN, in the most HORRIBLE travesty, he looks for someone to take care of the baby, and he finds a LACTATING ABORTION PRONE CRACKWHORE (storyline description) in the form of MONICA BELUCCI! WHAT THE FUCK!?

 

They become a couple, because that's SOO hot. Then Paul Giamatti somehow ends up burning her pussy up with the heat from his gun barrel and presumably fucks her with it.

 

Then, Clive meets Paul and shoots him to death. BUT WAIT, GIAMATTI DON'T GO DOWN THAT EASY. Because a trained NSA assassin would NEVER think to see if a nigga had a bulletproof vest, OR go for a headshot and END this miserable movie.

 

After that, he and Monica go into hiding. Clive steals a car while Monica gives a guy head in exchange for diapers! I blacked out for a minute and then I woke up to them getting found during SEX. That's right, because there's nothing hotter than a lactating prostitute who got fucked several times that day already and just went down on a dude after getting her inner thighs burned with the barrel of a gun. YEAH, sexy!

 

So then, they have a GUN FIGHT DURING SEX. That's right, Clive is beating up the pussy while shooting at people because he's just THAT awesome!

 

Eventually he gets to the evil headquarters which is a gun production lab and he sets up a series of guns attached to threads so that he can shoot people from all over the place while standing in one spot, while using THEIR OWN security cameras to do so. And he sets this up all in a matter of like 3 minutes. AWESOME!

 

He succeeds flawlessly because he's on the posters for the movie, and somehow they end up in the president's plane.

 

This is where they find out that the plot is that the president is an anti-gun politician and he's about to get re-elected. But the thing is, he has an incurable disease. But they found a cure, in the form of genetically enhanced babies that are used to farm cells from and give them to the president. Paul Giamatti destroy the lab and shot all the babies in the face though. Except for the ONE BABY TO RULE THEM ALL.

 

A gun fight breaks out on the plane and then everyone goes nuts and Clive jumps out of the plane WITH THE BABY. SO THEN A SKYDIVING GUN FIGHT BREAKS OUT! BECAUSE THAT'S POSSIBLE!

 

Then a car battle (WITH GUNS) breaks out. He ends up dropping the baby out of the car and then a game of capture the flag breaks out over the baby and PAUL GIAMATTI GETS IT!

 

BUT SURPRISE, THE BABY IS A DECOY BABY WITH A BOMB IN IT! THE REAL BABY IS WITH MONICA BELUCCI ON A RANDOM GREYHOUND BUS!

 

Finally events happen that get Clive captured and they break his hands. But he somehow figures out how to fire a gun with his dick or mouth or something and he kills them all that way.

 

It's all over, and Clive goes to meet Monica Belucci and now she works at a diner

and the movie fades out. And I fucking RAN out of the theatre. But security stopped me and pulled me aside, saying I had to do a SURVEY! I just wrote FUCK OFF SUCK COCKS all over the Survey, front and back, then got another and wrote www.rottentomatoes.com across it diagonally.

 

After the survey, we had a chance to see the director. I told him to suck a god damned cock because that was an assault on all of our senses and it was just plain bad. I made sure to clarify and say, "Not so bad it's good, like you wanted, but so bad I want you castrated!! I hate you! I HATE YOU!"

 

SOME FAGGOTS ACTUALLY CAME TO HIS DEFENSE, "DUDE WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU THAT MOVIE WAS JAWSUM!"

 

WHAT?!!? I just walked away because at that point I totally got the movie, because after all that gunsterbation, all I wanted was an MP5 so I could kill everyone that enjoyed the film. I swear to God you fucking mongoloids! God damnit it's people like you that make the world HATE America!!!

 

FUCK EVERYONE!!!!

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Douchebag just made more excited about this movie

 

 

Thirded for truth

Fourthed.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  

×