HD: Mackenzie/Shayne Brave skit

[Patty O'Green 0]

Now, if this were to come after the alix/vinny match that'd be awesome!

 

As we return from wherever the fuck we just were we witness Mackenzie and Alix in the locker room area, already engaged in a discussion. Alix is still dressed in her wrestling attire, while Mackenzie wears the same evening gown she had on earlier.

MACKENZIE
Alix, I am so sorry about this whole November Reign survivor series thing. I know what the announcers said, about me getting the match made, and it is not true in the slightest. That was all Mister Moneymaker and Christian. I know you believe me, but I just don't like people insinuating otherwise. I know this is a very delicate time for you, and you're so precious and beautiful, I could never do anything that would ever cause you harm. 

ALIX
I know, you've been really good to me through all this.

MACKENZIE
And, Krista's team, when I heard who was on it, I tried to get them to cancel the match, I honestly did. It isn't fair for you to watch her suffer like that. But they wouldn't cancel, and then I went to the highest  levels of the OAOAST, Bill Watts, Donald Trump, trying to get new partners for Krista. Chris Stevens, Jay Richards, James Riggs, anybody of worth, but nothing could be done. I'm sorry, you're going to have to do this. I know how painful this match will be, and if you hate me because of it, I can understand.

ALIX
Stop being so silly! Of course I don't hate you.

MACKENZIE   
I'm glad, but I've never been so humiliated and upset in my life.

ALIX
What about the time at the governor's mansion the back your dress went into your pantie hose? Or the cocktail party where you laughed and spinach came out your nose? Or when you overflowed that toilet in the White House when you tried to flush down a tampon. Or....

MACKENZIE
Okay, you made your point, baby.

ALIX (giggling)
And I had great time doing it!

MACKENZIE
It really is great to see you smile again. Now, go get dressed, darling, we have dinner reservations in about forty-five minutes. 

As Mackenzie turns away from a departing Alix, she bumps right into D*LUX's Shayne Brave, dressed in black workout pants and a white tank top.

SHAYNE
You!

MACKENZIE
Who are you, and does the homeless shelter know you've left before checkout time?

Shayne scoffs at the insult.

SHAYNE
I'm Shayne Brave of D*LUX!

MACKENZIE
D*LUX? You mean the little fellows who used to hump the toy sheep for their entrance?

SHAYNE
No, that's...well, that could be a lot of people here, now that I think about it.

MACKENZIE
Ah! Are you the army tag team? The Green Berets gentlemen?

SHAYNE
There is no army tag team as far as I'm aware.

MACKENZIE
That's a shame. Have you ever seen, [i]Green Beret[/i] with John Wayne? Now, I take immense pride in never having made the mistake of voting a democrat into office, but I find that movie to be nothing but jingoistic high-handed right wing propaganda nonsense.

SHAYNE
I agree completely. Actually, if you really want to see one of the better early Vietnam War movies, then you have to rent....wait...You're getting me off my point!

MACKENZIE
I don't believe your intelligent enough to coherently possess one, but please, do humor me

Shayne has trouble gathering whatever thoughts he come to approach Mackenzie with and stumbles out his words.

SHAYNE
Uh, yeah, uh....breakup...Krista...bad...you...mean...me...angry...cry.

MACKENZIE
Security! Security! Oh, nuts to that, I'll do it myself.

Mackenzie actually rips a fire extinguisher off the wall and prepares to smash the boybanders face in, but thankfully he raises his hands to get her to stop. 

SHAYNE
Wait! I wrote it down! I wrote it down! 

Shayne digs through his pockets, rummaging for a crumpled note card which he proceeds to read to Mackenzie.

SHAYNE
Okay, alright, here I go. Uh, One-Two percent milk, Two-Deodorant, Three-Fabreeze air fresheners...

MACKENZIE 
Is that your grocery list?

SHAYNE
Huh? It is! Um, other side. Yes, right, there we go. You..you..uh, I have trouble reading my own hand writing. Can you help me please?

MACKENZIE (straining her eyes to read Shayne's note)
Are you even functionally literate? What does this say? Briton? Burp? Broke?

SHAYNE
Broke! That's right! You broke Krista's heart and that makes you D*LUX enemy number one!

MACKENZIE
Oh no! How will I ever show my face amongst lonely ten year old Japanese girls again?

SHAYNE
I don't know the answer to that, my card doesn't have room for question and answer sessions.

MACKENZIE
It was sarcasm! Do you know what it is?

SHAYNE
The card doesn't have room for definitions either. Sorry. I can go make a bigger card if you want, it would only take a few.....

MACKENZIE
No! God no! Finish what you have to say. Please!

SHAYNE
Oh, uh, yes. Right. Krista loves Alix and anyone with a fourth of brain can see that.

MACKENZIE
Which means you can't.

SHAYNE
And at some point whatever brainwashing you got on Alix is gonna wear off, and she's going to see the light and go right back where she belongs at Krista's side! And if she doesn't, then um, maybe Krista might want to try dating a  guy, maybe a younger one from Detroit. My grandfather has season tickets to the Lions. I also have a cat named Tiger. He likes to watch hockey!

MACKENZIE
Oh good lord.

SHAYNE
But, but, um, anyway, as for the here and now, you think your money can get you whatever you want. It seems to have got you Alix, and it got you a pretty good survivor series match at November Reign. I know what's going on, all you Enterprise jerks believe that you can crush The Love Doctors and Vinny Valentine and get a five on one squashing with Krista. But, guess what? That's not going to happen! No way, now! Because, you want to know what I just did?

MACKENZIE
No.

SHAYNE
I marched right into Anglesault's office, and I said listen you bald headed buttmunch, I didn't really say that, because I'm afraid of bald people, I'm the fifth guy on Krista's team, and that's final! And, so it looks like a monkey wrench just got thrown into your plans. Because maybe you can eliminate The Love Doctors and Valentine real quick, but I'm going to be watching Krista's back all night. And if I have my way she's coming out a winner!

Mackenzie smiles at the teenager's amazing foolishness.

MACKENZIE
And if I have my way, its Alix who comes out the winner. Unfortunately for you, I always get my way.

And with that Mackenzie walks off, leaving Shayne to contemplate the deeper meaning of his grocery list.

COACH
Team Krista gets worse by the segment. Her team is the type of dudes who go to bed with two packages of weenies under their pillows at night, hoping to catch the lil weenie man. Ol hoe ass bitches, bout to get Brokeback Mountain'ed. No Phil Jackson.