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Prophet of Mike Zagurski

Weird call

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Douche: Jessica?

Me: Hello?

D: Is Jessica there?

M: No.

D: Who is this?

M: My name is Adam.

D: Where's Jessica, you bastard...

And then I hung up.

 

In retrospect, I could have said so much more.

Something tells me Jessica gave this kid the wrong number.

 

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I got a wrong number call today too! Sounded like some old Ukrainian women.

 

Me: Hello

Her: Hi

Me: Hey there

Her: Who are you?

Me: Darren

Her: Oh.. I must have the wrong number

Me: Okay, bye

 

A second later she calls back

 

Me: You got the wrong number again

Her: Oh, what number am I calling?

Me: 416-454-2758

Her: Oh, I was trying to dial 454-6582(Or something totally different from mine)

Me: Alright

Her: I'm sorry

Me: No probs, bye

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Douche: Jessica?

Me: Hello?

D: Is Jessica there?

M: No.

D: Who is this?

M: My name is Adam.

D: Where's Jessica, you bastard...

And then I hung up.

 

In retrospect, I could have said so much more.

Something tells me Jessica gave this kid the wrong number.

 

You should have said "She's tied up in my basement. The gimp is having his way with her right now."

 

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when my parents first got their current phone number, whenever i called, i ended up calling this old lady on accident. i kept switching around two of the numbers. i think the old lady blocked my number after a while. oh, and i remember my parent's number now ;)

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I get called by people who have the wrong number at least once every three days. It's ridiculous. And they're usually for some pizza place.

 

 

On my cell phone, I used to get a lot of automated voice messages from a debt collector for some guy named Robert Billcliff. I hope somebody didn't break that guy's thumbs or something for not paying them back.

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In between Victoria Park and St. Clair and St. Clair and O'Connor

 

I just moved to Toronto in september. I grew up in the small city of Thunder Bay.

 

There, now everyone knows my name, number, and location. Anyone wanna try to kill me? Bring it!

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I've posted my full name, address and phone number on here before. I got love notes (seriously).

 

But anyway, it's well known that old people can't use a phone properly. Back when I worked for a sporting goods store called Big 5, old people would always call looking for one of the other ten or so businesses in the area which have the word "big" in their name.

I prank called them myself once and asked if they sold Zoltar machines. Little too obscure, they didn't get it. They really make those machines though. I swear to Christ I'd kill for one, but they're like $10,000. Someday...

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Weird voice mail I got at like 5am one morning after a night at the bar with some buds.

 

"J-Man? It's Jason. Ashley wants to hook up with you. Call me back man."

 

Three problems:

 

1. Ashley had a boyfriend at the time.

2. I don't know how Jason got my number because he never gave me his.

3. Jason was so drunk he didn't remember calling me.

 

Oh well.

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Guest Smues

A guy I used to work with used to get calls all the time from some company on his cell phone for the person who owned the number before him. It usually went something like this

"Is Jeanette there?"

"No you have the wrong number"

"Oh no we have the right number. Whoever this is are you interested in (whatever the fuck it was they were selling)"

"NO GOD DAMNIT STOP CALLING ME I HATE YOUR FUCKING COMPANY" Click

 

And they'd call every month or so. Pissed him off royally but it was worth it for the entertainment value it provided me.

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Got this call a few months back at my house at 5:15 in the morning. I'm just glad my wife was in the shower and couldn't answer...

 

 

Me: “Hello?

...

Me: “Hello? If you say nothing in two more seconds, I’m hanging up.”

Female voice I do not recognize: “Hi, Jack?”

Me: “Uh, yeah? Who’s this?”

Female voice I do not recognize: “It’s me.”

Me: “Who?”

Female voice I do not recognize: “You don’t know who this is?”

Me: “No, ‘fraid not.”

Female voice I do not recognize: “You don’t recognize my voice?”

Me: “No, I have no idea who you are.”

Female voice I do not recognize: “You really don’t know who this is?”

Me: “No, I really don’t.”

Female voice I do not recognize: “Oh. Well, fuck you then.”

*Click*

 

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I get calls from this lady all the time to some girl that house sits for her or something. She leaves messages that are like 5 minutes long, detailing where the key for the house is hidden, that there is food in the fridge, the dogs name and what time it needs to be walked, what time to pick the dog up from the dog day care to bring it home, the alarm code...everything.

 

You would think she would notice the girl NEVER gets her messages, but about once a month, she is at the airport about to leave and letting the girl know all this info over the phone.

 

 

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Guest Smues
I get calls from this lady all the time to some girl that house sits for her or something. She leaves messages that are like 5 minutes long, detailing where the key for the house is hidden, that there is food in the fridge, the dogs name and what time it needs to be walked, what time to pick the dog up from the dog day care to bring it home, the alarm code...everything.

 

You would think she would notice the girl NEVER gets her messages, but about once a month, she is at the airport about to leave and letting the girl know all this info over the phone.

 

I used to get voicemails from some place called 'Rehab without Walls' for some chick that was obviously a patient. It was the same type of deal where the person is obviously having other contact with this person she's trying to reach, but never realizes that they aren't getting the messages. I was never home when this lady would call, so I finally got rid of her by changing my voicemail message to say something along the lines of "You've reached Smues. I'm not here, leave a message and your # and I'll get back to you unless you're that chick calling from rehab without walls..." and then ranted about her having the wrong number and how I didn't need rehab as I'd been stone cold sober for 3 or 4 days. I'm sure it was terribly unfunny, but it made me laugh! And it got rid of the Rehab Without Walls messages.

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I get calls from this lady all the time to some girl that house sits for her or something. She leaves messages that are like 5 minutes long, detailing where the key for the house is hidden, that there is food in the fridge, the dogs name and what time it needs to be walked, what time to pick the dog up from the dog day care to bring it home, the alarm code...everything.

 

You would think she would notice the girl NEVER gets her messages, but about once a month, she is at the airport about to leave and letting the girl know all this info over the phone.

That's awesome, so did you ever go over there,let yourself in, subdue the dog, and have your way with the young babysitter? I mean, you totally shouldn't.

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On the subject I got like 5 calls yesterday from some unknown number looking for a girl named Ashley. I had my phone on silence and didn't notice, but the other girl left like voice mails like....

 

"Is this Ashley's phone? You sound weird if it is."

 

"Ashley pick up."

 

You would think a baritone man's voice going, "Hi you've called Drew. Leave a name and a number." every time you called that it's not Ashley. Although the messages did have some noise in the background, that could excuse maybe one message, but _five_?

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I have to have a compliance message on my cell phone voicemail because of the industry I am in. The NASD (now FINRA after merging with the NYSE) and SEC regulate very strictly those who deal in securities and investments. The message used to be much longer, but it is still substantial. It gives my name and my company's name, asks you to leave a detailed message and I will get back to you, and then says, "Do not leave securities trade requests on my voicemail as trades may not be honored in this manner."

 

Despite all of this, I have still had people leave messages for a girl that I have never heard of.

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