Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted January 3, 2008 The 2007 Angle Awards opens with Alicia Keys standing before a piano, dressed in jeans and a spangly blue jacket that sparkles underneath a soft blue spotlight that bathes the Grammy award winning singer in a charming hue. Silhouetted in reddish shadows by the romantic and mysterious lighting scheme, and cloaked by a forest of fog, is a band of guitar players, a drummer and back up singers. They're lent an enigmatic property by the magical coupling of the roving smoke and innocent lights. As Miss Keys soothes the audience with her beautiful hit song No One various highlights of some of the grander OAOAST achievements that occurred in 2007 are played on a massive video screen that over looks the stage. I just want you close Where you can stay forever You can be sure that it will only get better You and me together Through the days and nights I don’t worry cause everything’s ganna be all right People keep talking They can say what they like But all I know is everything’s ganna be alright “Drek forcefully grabs Malibu by the head and then starts biting at his forehead, pulling away and now spitting Zack's own blood back in his face before violently grabbing his neck, pulling him into STONECUTTER position...but Zack pushes him away, right into Anglesault, who shoves Stone forward RIGHT INTO SCHOOL'S OUT~ Zack falls on top of Drek Stone, and Anglesault, still favoring himself with one hand, uses the other one to do the one thing people have been waiting to see all night. ONE! TWO!! THREE!!! No one no one no one can get in the way of what I’m feeling No one no one no one can get in the way of what I feel for you You, you Can get in the way of what I feel for you When the rain is pouring down And my heart is hurting You will always be around There’s a no for certain "Ally trades high fives with the front row fans, gleefully accepting their hugs and words of congratulations. Krista isn't known to go for the touchey feely fan interaction, and simply stays atop the highest turnbuckle, beaming her glimmering title to the applauding audience. Soon yellow, red, and pink confetti begins to drip free of the ceiling, first only a tiny bit, then an innumerable amount, like the opening drops of a summer cloudburst; finally they fall in a multi colored downpour that completely engulfs the winning pair. And as a pleasing side effect the rain of confetti buries the hated Moneymaker in a grave of embarrassing failure. " You and me together Through the days and nights I don’t worry cause everything’s ganna be all right People keep talking They can say what they like But all I know is everything’s ganna be alright No one no one no one can get in the way of what I’m feeling No one no one no one can get in the way of what I feel for you You, you Can get in the way of what I feel for you "Malibu, with blood dripping down his chin, is lifeless, as Landon Maddix makes a rather arrogant cover. ONE! TWO! THREE! DING! DING! DING! Landon Maddix is given the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship, and he clutches it to his chest. Megan Skye rolls into the ring and rubs her mans shoulders as he stares into the gold center plate, then rises to his feet and unleashes a primal scream as he raises the belt in the air. " I know some people search the world To find something like what we have I know people will try, try to divide something so real So till the end of time I’m telling you there is no one “Blanchard slumps over as Leon re-emerges and heads up top again. Quickly Shayne and Tyler take off in opposite directions. Tyler rushes to knock Singleton off the apron, while Shayne WIPES OUT CPA WITH A SUICIDE DIVE!! All this as Leon sets himself up top for the 450 SPLASH!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!" 1... 2... 3!!!!!! "YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Mouth agape, Moneymaker holds his head in his hands as D*LUX re-unite in the ring and celebrate with a boyband embrace! Leon pushes up to his knees over Blanchard, looking down at The Handsome Hustler and showing off those pearly whites that have been absent from the OAOAST for so long now. "YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" The 6-Man Titles are handed to the new champions, to the despair of Mackenzie and Molly, the surprise of Jade and the utter outrage of Theodore Moneymaker. D*LUX take their belts and go to their fans to celebrate, while Leon grabs his third of the gold and leans over the ring ropes, dangling it in the eyeline of The Billion Dollar Heir!” No one no one no one can get in the way of what I’m feeling No one no one no one can get in the way of what I feel for you You, you Can get in the way of what I feel for Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh… The image of Alicia Keys bowing to an appreciative and roaring salute from a sold out audience fades into the official introductory video for OAOAST's programming. Across a river, over a bunch of mountains, through fields, sweeping past trees and bushes, hovering over the skyline of New York City, the OAOAST logo flies through the air...before sweeping down, brushing past an elderly man who seems understandably shocked to see six over-sized letters fly past him. The logo continues going, nearing a house...which luckily, a woman is leaving, meaning the logo can sweep through the open door, continuing on down the hallfway and into the living room where a young kid is sat on his computer. It sweeps past him, hitting the computer...which explodes with a flash, lighting up much to the kid's shock and delight. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted January 3, 2008 (edited) 2007 Angle Awards We're brought into the MGM Grand Casino in Las Vegas, where the traditional banquet style setup of Angle Awards past has been superseded by a flashier Oscar style seating arrangement. On the floor level sits the OAOAST superstars, and various backstage and office personalities. Above them in a balcony are invited guests, and fans who have paid top dollar to witness the most important ceremony in sports entertainment. The stage is a sleek black surface, highlighted by the jumbo videoscreen, and towering video structures that look something like mutant icicles. These odd sculptures flash red and blue, perfectly matching the starry lighting that washes over the seating. ANNOUNCER Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome your host for the 2007 Angle Awards...all the way from Los Angeles, California, Miss Krista Isadora Duncan! Met with a gargantuan pop from the still standing audience, the MC for the evening twirls and pirouettes her way onto flashy stage, holding a half full Martini in her hand. "KRISTA! KRISTA! KRISTA!" KRISTA Thank you so much. Welcome to the 2007 Angle Awards, where we celebrate the best of ripoffs, stolen gimmicks, and poorly done tributes, all while managing to avoid several class action lawsuits from the WWF and its intellectual properties. I see a lot of familiar faces, and a lot of “hey, this guy still works here?” faces. You know who I'm talking about. You know exactly who I'm talking about. What a gang of losers we have here tonight. Chris Stevens, Johnny Jax, Vitamin X? The last time I heard the names any of you dopes I was playing Monopoly “No one gives a flying fuck” edition. Yeah, I'd like to buy Mister Boricua for for a moldy pissed on bedsheet, and Terry Taylor's used adult diaper. And even then I'm overpaying. Marcellus Wallace. Marcellus, I thought you OD'ed on heroin. I've been writing checks to the United Negro college fund in your memory for three months. Who am I kidding I've been writing checks to Longview Liqour and Bail Bonds on Crenshaw. Marcellus, even you gotta admit you suck at wrestling. Pick up the gun, the crack pipe, the coco butter, the heroin, the eight kids by fourteen different women, do whatever it is you do, but please, stop wrestling matches. Now memorize that and repeat it to the thirty wrestlers sitting to your right. Aside from the thirty wrestlers sitting to Marcellus' right, there's loud applause from the auditorium audience. KRISTA So, I've been listening to interviews with the OAOAST superstars, my use of the term superstars being as loose as Tony Schiavone's vagina. And a lot of the interviews have to do with the Angle Awards. One that struck me as sad was Holly-Wood's one on OAOAST.com where she said she wouldn't feel comfortable holding an Angle Award. She wouldn't feel comfortable. That's a shame, and I knew I had to something about it. So I decided to petition the Academy into changing the award's shape into something she's more used to holding, the penis of every male in the OAOAST lockeroom. SYNTH HOLLY SYNTH KRISTA Alright, alright, we got a great show for you tonight. I know whenever someone says that in the OAOAST you wind up with Spanish Fly in the mainevent, but this time its serious, so stick around, because at the very least Jock Mulligan has been throwing back beers since one in the afternoon, and that's either a six shooter in his pocket or he's just very happy to be sitting next to Thunderkid. Either way someone's getting fucked up tonight! We fade out from a wide shot of the crowd in the balcony area applauding wildly. THE 2007 ANGLE AWARDS RETURNS WITH The Award for Underrated Wrestler of The Year and Couple Of The Year 2007 ANGLE AWARDS COMMERCIAL Returning from break, the screen is field by a medium close up pan across the floor seating. Every wrestler offers his own personalized greeting to the viewing audience, Bohmoeth tilts his sun glasses to the camera, Biff tries to get in a plug for a Hybrid automobile before the camera quickly rushes to a masked Dos and Uno. Standing in the asile. Working as ushers. Directing the slightly more important Rescue 911 to their seats. Finally the view goes back to the charismatic hostess. KRISTA Welcome back, people with nothing better to do with their time. Our presenter for most underrated wrestler of the year is so gay that even Theodore Moneymaker wouldn't bash him, ladies and gentlemen I sadly give to you Anglesault! Heralded by polite applause from the fans and invited guests, and enthusiastic applause from the midcarders who's very existence hinges on his whims, the HD boss strolls out onto the stage in a gaudy white suit with black pinstripes. When Yankees fans go to far! He situates himself behind the wide, sleek, black podium, puts on his reading glasses and begins. ANGLESAULT In my in ring career I don't think anyone would have ever called me underrated and underappreicated. In fact I happen to know that there were often debates between you fans on whether I was overrated and overvalued. Even my own peers called me into question. Many backstage said I didn't appreciate the ham and eggers, the low card guys who held the show together for big stars like me. But, as a general manager I've really come to appreciate every wrestler on a roster. I find new things to like about you men and women every single day on the job. So, I'm very happy to be able to present the award for most Underrated wrestler. Underrated Wrestler of The Year Christopher Patrick Allen: The Enterprise's heavy hitter, Christopher Patrick Allen may sometimes be overshadowed by the bombastic personalities of his fellow stable mates, but his achievements are certainly worth noting. In his first full year of active competition, CPA has captured six man gold, and amassed the most impressive won/loss record of anyone without the first name Landon, Alix, Krista, or Theodore. Deuce Deuce Bigleow: DDB burst onto the scene with WDW as a tag partner for OAOAST veteran Jumbo. But once the OAOAST absorbed WDW DBD fell into the bottomless pit known as the OAOAST midcard. Despite this Bigelow has amassed a cult following from people who really, really, really liked Bam Bam Bigelow (Tony, I'm talking about you, baby!) D*LUX: Huge in Japan, and pretty damn well liked in America, D*LUX may be the most successful set of wrestlers nominated for this award. However, they're typically overshadowed by a larger personality, such as six man partner Leon Rodez or their beloved crush Krista Isadora Duncan. Here's a shoot from patty's gun to ur head: D*LUX is so underrated and underappreciated that when I suggested they win the tag titles, their creator, KC, said “Nah, I don't want them to win the tag titles.” My man KC is hard and fast on these hoes. Cuban Wall: The CPA of the Lightening Crew, Wall's dominating wrestling style has earned him the fear of his opponents, but not necessarily the respect of the fans. Though he's won singles titles before, he's struggled to maintain consistent visibility in the OAO. Jamie O'Hara: O'Hara started off the year strong, winning the X Division title from Reject before being stripped of it by management. But the latter months of 2007 were anything but pleasant for O'Hara, as he suffered an injury at the hands of Nathanial Black. ANGLESAULT And your winner...D*LUX! There are applause all around for the first award winners of the evening as D*LUX, outfitted in white dress shirts and black pants, give each other fist pumps and trot out to the aisle. On their way to the stage, they're trailed by Jade Rodez, wearing a tiered satin layer navy halter dress. Handshakes are exchanged with Anglesault before Jade leans into the microphone. JADE Uh, these guys don't do much talking... possibly why they're the most underrated... so I'll say we wanna thank all of our fans. We wanna thank Leon for all the help he's given us over the past year at different times, in different situations. We also wanna thank Krista, just 'cause. Hey Krista! SHAYNE/TYLER YAY KRISTA! JADE We've all had a tough year. But we've come through it all on the other side and hopefully this year'll be even bigger than the last. We wanna make this the year we become the One and Only World Tag Team Champions! For all of you out there! Thank you! As the winners of the award clear off the stage, our hostess with da mostess returns with a broad smile on her face. That smile may have something to do with the fact she narrowly escaped a five minute group hug with Shayne and Tyler. KRISTA Congratulations, you three! I feel like a proud mother. But, moving on, our presenter for couple of the year, Leon Rodez, has had a long and healthy career both in the OAOAST, and in the field of gangbang pornography. As a former pornstar, I'm sure many of you remember the first time you saw Leon Rodez' balls.....in the lockeroom slapping against Zack Malibu's chin. Ladies and gentlemen, I want you to give a warm welcome to The Grand Rapids Love Child, Leon Rodez! Leon comically jogs onto the stage as slow as the producer yelling “HURRY UP, MAN!” will allow him, so as to properly soak in the cheers of the audience. Upon reaching the podium, Leon begins running through a series of over-dramatic celebrations, tears pouring from his eyes, and arms extending to embrace a crowd of thousands. Problem is he hasn't won anything yet, he's only presenting. A fact that he's reminded of by the heated producer standing off stage. LEON The couple of the year award brings to light a question that's hounded me since the first time I saw that bobbing head guys skit with Chris Kattan and Will Ferrel on Saturday Night Live. And so I ask you, friends and foe alike, what is love? Baby don't hurt me. Don't hurt me. No more. Woah, oh-oh-oh-oh-oh. I don't know why you're not there. I give you my love, but you don't care. So what is right? And what is wrong. Give me a sign. What is love. Baby, don't hurt me. Don't hurt me no more. What is love. Baby, don't hurt me. Don't hurt me no more. Whoa whoa whoa, oooh oooh. Whoa whoa whoa, oooh oooh. Yeah, that was a lot easier then staying up all night thinking of funny jokes. Hey did you here the one about Spears, Britney and or Jamie Lynn? She and or they are and or is a hoe and or hoes! Ha and or boo! Right, well, here's the nominations for couple of the year and or...um..no..nevermind Couple of The Year Alix Maria Spezia and Krista Isadora Duncan: Maybe not the first openly gay tag team (fuck you los diablos), but definitely the first tag team to be in a lesbian relationship. The girls from Cali are the only couple in OAOAST history to ever hold the tag titles. And that's a good thing because would you really want Hell's Hitmen swapping spit after squashing the SCM? Maybe so, Patty. Maybe so. Alix Maria Spezia and Mackenzie: Gone are the happy days of insulting Terry Taylor. Gone are the joyful nights snuggled in bed mocking Katie Holmes latest fashin faux paux on E! News. Gone are the nights of seeing Katie Holmes in public and telling her how nice that dress looks. Gone is Krista Isaodra Duncan and here is Mackenzie DeCenzo, new girlfriend of Alix Maria Spezia. With new girlfriends come new problems, and the relationship has been anything but peaceful. Leon Rodez and Maggie Nerdly: When you're an ex-pornstar getting laid should come as no big problem. And its most certainly not for Leon Rodez, as the silky smooth one is the apple of many a woman's eye. But, it was the super fresh,ultra cute interview personality, Maggie Nerdly who captured Leon's heart during the waning months of 07. PRL and Miss Lindsay G: Young and in love, PRL and Miss Lindsay Gonzales were thought to be as inseparable as any couple in the OAOAST. Lindsay was as devoted to PRL as he was to she. But one enormous wedge known as Stephen Joseph split them apart, leaving the spurned Puerto Rican on a hunt for revenge. LOLLY: Ill-reputed, ill-tempered, and ill-mannered. These are just one of hundred of negative advantages used to describe the arrogant couple of Logan Mann and Holly-Wood. Going by the old saying birds of a feather flock together, Logan and Holly's marriage has been a match that's rocked the heavens. LEON And the winner is...we have a tie.....Lolly and Chicks Over Dicks.. Understandably irate with the outcome, Mackenzie DeCenzo makes her voice heard over the murmur of the audience. MACKENZIE No, no, no, Alix won't be accepting that award! I don't think so! That is a time in Alix's life she is eager to forget. You go ahead, and you keep that mister..mister...you know who are, I don't need to say your name, whatever it is, aloud. You keep that award. LEON Credibility thy name is not 2007 Angle Awards. Very well, the winner, the only winner, don't let anyone tell you otherwise, is Lolly! You’d think Synth won the award judging from his actions, punching his tag partner in the shoulder. The pair receive a high-five from the Colonel before heading up to accept their award. LOGAN Ain’t no complaining tonight sayeth the Macho MACHO Mann! But it’s not like there was any doubt which couple would be walking away with the Angle. Not only can I wipe the floor with all the men in the squared circle, but Holly and I would beat you and your girl! Just like the Heavenly Rockers are going to beat the Lone Star Gunslingers to successfully defend their One & Only World tag team titles tomorrow night at the New Year’s Spectacular! “BOO!” The Gunslingers remain calm, cool and collected in their seats, smiling wryly at Logan. LOGAN Tomorrow night at the NYS, Gunslingers, the Heavenly Rockers will prove once again why they’re not just the greatest rock ‘n’ wrestling band of all-time…but the greatest tag team to ever set foot in a wrestling ring! Lolly exit the stage to a chorus of boos. THE 2007 ANGLE AWARDS RETURNS WITH The Award for Face of The Year and Title Reign of The Year 2007 ANGLE AWARDS COMMERCIAL The winner of the 2007 PPV of the year: Anglemania Edited January 3, 2008 by Patty O'Green Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted January 3, 2008 After the highlights from Anglemania draw to a close, we're brought to a view of Krista Isadora Duncan, sitting on stage, tanned legs crossed, gazing whimsically towards the audience. KRISTA Okay, okay, we're back. Unfortunately. The presenter for face of the year is so pale and has had so much plastic surgery over the past few months that when I saw her today I thought she was Anna Nicole Smith's open casket funeral. Ladies and gentlemen, Candie! A strong geyser of applause erupts from the stands, as the gathered crowd welcomes Candie onto the stage. The current Missus Malibu is all smiles, and waves to the reverent audience members while I Want Candie plays in the background. CANDIE Hi, everyone. Great to be back here among all the OAOAST superstars, their families, their friends, and all you great fans. Those in the final rows of balcony throw up a large cheer for the recognition of their unhealthy and obsessive fandom. CANDIE Being with Zack, I like to think that maybe I have an alright idea of what it takes to be a strong face in the OAOAST. The fans of the OAOAST are too smart and sophisticated to cheer for just anyone the company tells them to. If you want to be loved in the OAOAST, then I think you need to show the virtues of valor, strength, integrity and honesty. If you can embody all those qualities, and its not easy, then you can have a great relationship with these fans. I happen to think all these men nominated for face of the year fit these qualifications and then some. Let's meet them. Face of The Year Zack Malibu: A company man through thick and thin, Zack Malibu has dedicated his entire tenure in the OAOAST to defending his beloved company against those who would do it harm. For that he's earned a permanent place in the fans' hearts, and an eternal nomination in this category. Leon Rodez: Who says nice guys finish last? Leon Rodez has kept his cool, his calm, and his sense of humor through situations that would break a normal man. His fun-loving demeanor (and cleverly named signature moves) make him one of the most popular babyfaces in the OAOAST. And The Love Shack is pretty funny to boot! Thunderkid: A true believer in the phrase actions speak louder then words, Thunderkid may not talk much, but he never fails to make his point known with his sharp wrestling skills. This silent but violent approach to the world of wrestling, has earned him the respect of the OAOAST faithful. Colombian Heat: Tony Montana may hate Colombians, but our fans sure don't! At least those Colombians with the last name Heat. Despite some dramatic moments, and enemies hell bent on squashing him like a bug, Heat's had a fantastic year in the OAOAST, and the fans have certainly taken notice. Sandman9000: A surprise return to the OAOAST at Zero Hour has refreshed the fans' memories of the legend of Sandman and turned him into quite the popular hardcore icon. CANDIE The winner is.....LEON RODEZ! And now Leon gets to celebrate good times! Hugs are given to Zack Malibu, Maggie, Josh Matthews, Jade, and Theodore Moneymaker, until Leon realizes who he's hugging and begins acting like he's going throw up. Uno tries to get in on the celebratory mood, but The Silky Smoth one orders him to clean up a naty spill in the bathroom and rushes onto stage. He hugs Candie, and accepts his award, giving it a high five! LEON Last year, a certain Zack Malibu won this very award. Don't worry though folks, I'm not going to give you the same kind of feel-good, violin-music-in-the-background, can't believe I sat through this entire chick-flick for this cheese-fest ending, super nice guy, believe in yourself, children are the future, did I ever show you this picture of my little daughter I carry around in my wallet, oh I did, let me show you again in that case kinda speech he did. Cut to a very shocked looking Zack, hearing the first of this. Leon gives him a thumbs up. LEON But there was one thing that I'd like to bring up. He said last year, this quote that I memorised last night because I fully expected to win this award. He said, "Heroes don't necessarily need to be pure, whitebread baby-kissers." Now, I'm anything but pure. I don't do whitebread. Wholemeal all the way. And the only baby I'm kissing this New Year is my baby Maggie sitting dead centre, third table. Maggie Nerdly waves from Leon's table. At least I think it's Maggie. LEON The fact is I like to have fun. In the ring, out of the ring, whenever possible. I've always prided myself on stepping into that ring and competing with a smile on my face, as much as someone physically can. No matter what the situation. This year hasn't all been sunshine, smiles and irreverent comments though. I've had to be the hero at times. I've had to be the guy who stands up for what he believes in, who fights against the odds who do what's right. It wasn't until earlier this year I understood how one man could be as infuriatingly nice as Zack on this stage this time last year. But here I stand, following in his footsteps by thanking you all for supporting me throughout. Fans and friends. Yes, that includes you Zack. Zack gives Leon a thumbs up, albeit still looking a little cut-up that his speech was picked apart. LEON Whether I got this award for fighting for my family... Sat with D*LUX, Jade smiles up at her brother. LEON ...or just being the same goofball you've followed for a couple of years now, I appreciate it. Here's to a quieter 2008, so I don't have to make such a cheesy speech next year. In comes applause from the crowd, out goes Leon, in comes Krista, the two timing their entrance and exits perfectly in order to avoid that nasty thing called face to face interaction. KRISTA I have to deviate from the program for a lil bit, because there's been something that's been burning my mouth all night long. No, its not the after effect of going down on Molly Nerdly, its a question. Holy-Wood, girlfriend, I need to talk to you, a good old fashioned woman to eighty pound crack whore talk. Please be honest with me, honey, because I need to know the truth. Why are you having sex with Logan Mann? I mean Anglesaults fucked more black men then the United States legal system and he still wouldn't touch Logan Mann! Felix Strutter, the unlucky soul sitting next to an uncomfortably nodding Anglesault, petions to anyone within earshot to switch sheets with him. KRISTA I guess you have to take what you can get, Holly, because your crack is so old Vinny Santana used to sell it. The joke gets a particularly enthusiastic reaction from Santana, who stands up, and begins barking like a dog at those around him. KRISTA Okay, enough, enough. The presenter for title reign of the year is the only thing that could make Mariachi gag. If Megan Skye could suck as hard and long as he does, Landon would never ever leave the house. He's an avowed atheist and if you lived his life you'd hate god also, ladies and gentlemen, my very good friend, Mister Terry Taylor! Eager to show off his snazzy lime green tuxedo and flawlessly combed hair, Taylor springs from his seat. Upsetting numerous wrestlers, who could easily kick his ass, he tramples feet and leg alike trying to get from his middle seat to the aisle. Unfortunately as he reaches the end of his row, the sneaky Ned Blanchard sticks his foot out and trips him, drawing uproarious laughter from everyone in attendance. Throughly embarrassed, Terry slinks onto the stage, getting a pat on the back from Krista before positioning himself behind the podium TAYLOR I worked backstage with a lot of the nominees for this award back when they were young...or in Krista's case, less old...sorry Krista. And it gives me a lot of pride to see the way they've managed to mature and achieve so much success in the OAOAST. Without further adieu here are the nominees. Title Reign of the Year Landon Maddix's OAOAST World Championship reign: Landon didn't exactly win the title under the most respectable of circumstances, and many thought he wouldn't be long for the belt. But the former SWF world champion survived threats from PRL, Zack Malibu, and even old running buddy Todd Cortez to hold onto his title, and restore respectability to a long tarnished belt. Strangely enough it was his weakest opponent, Stephen Joseph, who brought an abrupt end to his reign. Chicks Over Dicks three separate one and only world tag team title reigns: From the moth of January to the end of October, America's Sweethearts were without the OAOAST tag titles for a grand total of one week and twelve minutes. The girls battled back nearly every team in the division to retain their belts for the majority of the year. Colombian Heat's 24/7 reign culminating in becoming the unifed United States Champion: Heat's ride with the 24/7 title has been rocky and tumultuous, but the South American superstar has always sipped from victory's chalice no matter what the odds. In spite of James Riggs aggressive pursuit of his title, Heat managed to defeat the young superstar en route to becoming the brand new United States Champion. The Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew's HI-YAH tag title reign: HI-YAH's last great hurrah, The Mardi Gras Wrecking were faced with continuous challenges from The Lonestar Gunslingers, and The Heavenly Rockers throughout the summer. Though the careers of Rico and Lucius have fallen on hard times to say the least, they can take solace in knowing that they never fell to the current OAOAST tag team champions. And that they get paid to wrestle once a month at the most. Can you imagine that? You don't have do shit but goof off in a new city every week and maybe work five minutes every couple weeks, and you still get paid? Damn that's good living. Reject's OAOAST International World Championship Reign: Reject brought down Alfdogg's three year WDW title reign, and immediately found himself in a mainevent spotlight when his belt was changed into the International World Title. Despite stiff competition, and making a new enemy almost every time he opened his mouth, the New Yorker held onto his belt until a shocking loss to Felix Strutter[/b] TAYLOR And the winner is......Chicks Over Dicks three separate one and only world tag team title reigns! ALIX Yay....OWWWW! The sudden change of emotion by Miss Spezia is caused by Mackenzie's remarkably tight grip onto her arm, effectively holding her into place and keeping her from reaching the stage to accept the award with Krista. TAYLOR Krista just sent me a text message, she's backstage changing her dress. She told me to tell you she accidentally walked into the men's bathroom and that there were so many Mexican dicks she thought she walked between Theodore Moneymaker's ass cheeks. While the rest of the audience ooooohs and ahhhhs, Los Conquistadors nod knowingly, until MARV tells them to go get him something to drink. TAYLOR That leaves me to take the award for the girls. I've been the target of a few jokes by the girls. A lot of jokes actually. But its all in fun. All in fun. Because that's what their title reigns have always been about. Fun. Making people laugh, and entertaining them. If they had a good time, they thought the wins would come. But I think the wins came because they worked hard. They were willing to defend the title against anyone, from The Militia, to Landon Maddix and Todd Cortez. And they defended it almost every week, without compliant or fail. And they were successful. I believe its a shame they're not up here to share the award together. If I could just finish with one thought, I'd like to direct it to Mackenzie DeCenzo, GET THE HELL OUT STUPID HO! Thunderous clapping shoots from the stands, while Mackenzie shifts uncomfortably in her chair. Alix doesn't offer much in the way of support, instead slouching down and dejectedly folding her arms across her chest. THE 2007 ANGLE AWARDS RETURNS WITH The Award for Entertaining Character of The Year and Feud of The Year 2007 ANGLE AWARDS COMMERCIAL Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted January 3, 2008 (edited) We return from break with a medium shot of Krista Isadora Duncan standing behind the podium and No One playing in the background. KRISTA Our presenter for feud of the year is cool with me. Why? Because he's smoked so much weed that he once shit Snoop Dogg. Welcome Bohemoth to the stage! Thank the god lord Bohemoth is sitting on the asile, as now he doesn't have to trample half the roster to get to the stage. But for good measure he double lariats both Conquistadors without breaking his stride. The monster jogs up onto the stage, and actually lifts our hostess into the air and actually sits her on the podium. KRISTA You remind me of someone I once slept with. What was their name? Oh that's right Rosie O'Donnell. Bo tilts his sunglasses downward and raises his eyebrow, earning a massive pop from the audience. BOHEMOTH Cool. Here are the nominees. Feud of The Year Zack Malibu Vs PRL Vs Landon Maddix For a while you couldn't pay someone to fight for the OAOAST World title. It was featured on television about as frequently as Vinny Valentine. But when Zack Malibu defeated Drek Stone, suddenly it became the hot item to own. Zack's reign was cut criminally short by the devious tactics of Landon Maddix, and suddenly a chase was on! Maddix found himself hounded by Zack, PRL, and later on Todd Cortez, Popick, and Bohemoth. Leon, D*LUX, and COD Vs The Enterprise: What good is money if you can't use it to manipulate the loved ones of your enemies? Useless! Fortunately, Moneymaker's bottomless vault of cash was able to convince Jade to ditch her life with D*LUX and Leon and sell her soul to The Enterprise. Rodez, and D*LUX weren't about to suffer through Moneymaker's treachery quietly, though, and combated him at every turn. But, Moneymaker waged war on two fronts, shelling out hundreds of thousands of dollars to different tag teams to end COD's title reign, and rid the OAOAST and the entertainment world of their lesbian influence. Thankfully, D*LUX and Leon were able to win Jade back to the side of good, and COD stomped out Moneymaker's homophobic flames. Sandman9000 Vs Felix Strutter: Having bested Thunderkid in their wars for the Heartland title, Felix Strutter may have believed his time with the belt would be an endless procession of easy victories. But, the returning Sandman rained on this parade with a barrage of chair shots and kendo sticks, defeating Felix at Zero Hour. Though Strutter continued to chase Sandman, he never recaptured his belt. PRL Vs Bohemoth: Its no secret that PRL has one of the biggest mouthes in the OAOAST, but what happens when that big mouth talks him right into the path of the biggest superstar in the OAOAST? Pain. Lots of agonizing, distressing, horrific, pain. But at least he didn't die! The Heavenly Rockers Vs The Lonestar Gunslingers: What started out as a friendly partnership between two tag teams, degenerated into a rivalry born of petty jealously, and violent betrayal. Teams such as the Sk8r Boiz, Los Diablos, and The Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew made cameo appearances, but all three were tossed by the wayside, paring the dispute back down to The Rockers and The Gunslingers. Tomorrow night both teams look to settle the score once and for all. BOHEMOTH Tie game. Zack Malibu Versus PRL Versus Landon Maddix, and The Enterprise Versus D*LUX, COD and Leon Rodez. As the audience applauds, Bohemoth reattaches his sunglasses and casually strides off stage. Leon is first onto the podium, having shoved his face of the year award into Maggie's arms, and rushing to the podium. D*LUX quickly join him, while The Enterprise and Krista have their obvious reasons for bwoing out graciously from the acceptance speech. LEON Whoo-yah! Back in the winners circle right where I belong! But I couldn't have gotten up here if it weren't for the terrible unforeseen betrayal of my little sister, and Theodore Moneymaker being a lunatic homophobic wack job! Great stuff, all of you. This feud wasn't easy for me, I had just come back from my injury, fought an emotional battle against Todd Cortez, and all of a sudden my sister goes to work for the Antichrist. We all could've given up, let Moneymaker and crew have their way with our family, and our friend. But we came together under one common goal, and pardon my parlez vous francais, we kicked The Enterprise's ass! That gains a gargantuan ovation from anyone not setting within the direct view of The Enterprise. Pumping their fists to the cheering audience, Leon and D*LUX exit down the steps, which gives Krista her cue to return to the stage. At the sight of their crush, D*LUX tries to run back onto stage, but Leon wisely ushers them back to their seats. KRISTA Our presenter for entertaining character of the year, Colombian Heat, comes all the way from planet “You try to hard.” He raps, he dances, he does everything but entertain people. Colombian Heat is to the OAOAST what The Miami Heat is to the OAOAST. He looks like George Lopez and annorexia had a baby, and then peed on it. Ladies and gentlemen, I want you to give it up for the OAOAST United States Champion Colombian Heat! Onto the stage strolls Colombian Heat, not exactly dressed for the occasion, in baggy jeans, white tank top and a ten inch chain with a sparking red pendant shaped like the country of Colombia. After flashing a gang sign to the applauding fans, Heat settles himself behind the podium. HEAT Yo, yo, yo, yo! I said yo, yo, yo, yo! Colombian Heat all up in dis hizouse! LISSSSSEN! Aw yeah, I ain't never seen an awards show dis fly. Never. More gangstas here then at rosco's chicken n waffles, ya'll. And now dat C.Heat taken over da stage dis party bout to get poppin! So if all of y'all homies and homegirlz is ready to hear dem nominees fo' entertaining character of the year then make some motha f'ing noise UP IN THIS BIAAAAATCH! “YEAAAAAAA!” Most Entertaining Character The Year Christian Wright: Wordy, obnoxious and unbelievably arrogant, Wright's limitless vocab was all but silenced the moment he joined The Enterprise. But try as you might, you can't keep a good intellectual snob down, even if you bash him in the skull with Encyclopedia Britannicas, and as the year wore on, Christian returned to his regular overly-righteous, and deliriously entertaining self. Nathanial Black lol this hurr foreigner he talk all funny like! Like an evil Charley Brown, try as he might, Black never quite gets what he wants, always kept down by OAOAST hireachary. And like Ol Charlie Brown, Black never ceases complaining about his mistreatment, and never ceases being entertaining when he does it. Logan Mann Whether he's actually a rockstar, or even capable of playing an instrument is up for debate (answer to both questions: NO!) But what can't be called into question is the entertainment brought on by his “me first me second and me last” personality, and his grossly over inflated sense of self worth. Since his introduction into the OAOAST, Logan has remained one of its most entertaining figures. Krista Isadora Duncan: Jane Fonda meets Sarah Silverman, meets a whole lotta Vodka! Poor Krista is an actress trapped in a world full of wrestlers, and doesn't have a single way out. Krista's misfortune is our gain, as her despised circumstances have yielded years worth of funny promos, insult comedy, goofy matches, and sitcom-esque skits. Alix Maria Spezia Krista's ex is part airhead ditz, part wannabe gangbanger, part mad scientist, and at times part political satirist. A complicated woman who can hit bimbo, comedian, rambling loon, angry socialite, and witty socio-political commentator all in one hilarious sentence, Alix is gunning for her second most entertaining award. HEAT Da winnah be...ALIX MARIA SPEZIA There's no need to share this award with Krista, which means that Mackenzie will finally allow Alix to take the stage. A quick congratulatory shoulder rub is all Mackenzie seems willing to give Alix, though, before she sends her on her way. Slender figure packed into a flowing white evening gown, Alix gracefully walks onto the stage, smiling that million dollar award ceremony smile that can only come from living all your life in Los Angeles. ALIX Hi! So this is pretty cool, I didn't get to say anything about my earlier two awards, because you know, its kinda hard to get some me time away from the Marquis De Sade in the third row. So, like, thank you so much for those. Way cool. While I'm up here, let me also thank Melody Nerdly, yeah, for stealing my entire personality. Uh-huh, its called originality and creativity, maybe you oughta try them some time. Just a thought, Only kidding! Love ya, Mel, you're my best friend, call me every ten minutes. So time be serious Susie, e-wrestling palz, or serious Soo-Yan, Korean e-wrestling pals, I gotta show love to one of my fellow nominees, Christian Wright. I know you gotta be super pissed to lose to me again, dude, and my heart goes out to ya, along with my lunch, breakfast and dinner every time you speak! But look on the bright side, you could be fat, ugly, taking orders from a poorly done Ted Dibiase ripoff, and have a haircut that looks like pubic hair...oh sorry. Well, anywho, thanks a bunch, love ya much! Dang, that kinda sorta rhymed and I didn't even try. THE 2007 ANGLE AWARDS RETURNS WITH Manager Of The Year and Entertaining Segment Of The Year 2007 ANGLE AWARDS COMMERCIAL Edited January 3, 2008 by Patty O'Green Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted January 3, 2008 (edited) KRISTA The presenters for manager of the year have been in wrestling so long they competed in a tag team match against Abe Lincoln and Ulysses S Grant at Wrestlemania. They're so old I've seen younger faces on twenty dollar bills. They're so old they burst onto the scene the same time as the stones. Not the band, the actual object. Ladies and gentlemen give a very warm welcome to Tony Schiavone and Jesse The Body Ventura! Cue generic ‘80s hard rock music and applause. SCHIAVONE Well Jess, here are we. Less than 24 hours away from the big New Year’s Spectacular tomorrow night live on TSM. Which reminds me, I hope you and your family had a Happy New Year. VENTURA Same to you. But I’m pumped about this next award. Manager of the Year! Here are the nominees. Melody Nerdly: One of the oldest of the Nerdly girls, twenty eight year old Melody only took on the role of manager of The Lonestar Gunslingers to preserve her endangered job. But as luck would have it Melody turned out to be a pretty damned good manager, and has pulled The Gunslingers out of tag team obscurity and into title contention. Megan Skye: The woman with the plan! Megan Skye may not be the most personable character on our roster, but her calm level headed approach works as a perfect counter to Landon's somewhat delusional behavior. Though it was Landon who won and defended the world title, its not a stretch to say he wouldn't have been nearly as successful without Megan by his side. Molly Nerdly: Filmmaker extraordinare, and lowly unpaid intern, Molly was able to secure the role of the Blonds manager because she's cute, she'll hold the camera, and she works for free. I ask you, what more could you want in a manager? Abdullah Abir Nerdly: حدث خطأ اثناء اعراب لمورد مطلوب لخدمة هذا الطلب. يرجى مراجعة المحددة التالية خطأ تحليل التفاصيل الخاصة بك وتعديل الملف المصدر على نحو ملائم. نحن نعيش بخيبه أمل ، "lakers قال المتحدث باسم جون السوداء ، وفقا لمرات." لا نعتقد أن يفعل اي شيء من اي وقت مضى الى تعمد الأذى لاعب آخر. نحن نعيش الذهاب الى المفقودين واحدة من أقصى ما في وسعنا لاعبا للمباراة الجمعة ، ولكن جامعة قرارها واننا لن نقبل عليه ، حتى لو كنا Stephen Joseph: WTF this dude's last name ain't Nerdly. When Popick wasn't busy backstabbing PRL, and assuming control of a stable he spent years shaping, SJ was quite the high quality manager for the former Lightening Crew leader. After all what other manager will actually win a tag title with you as your partner? VENTURA And the winner is… SCHIAVONE Melody Nerdly! “YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” MELODY CUE: “Thriller” by Fall Out Boy After the initial shock wears off, Melody hops up and down like a rabbit high on speed, hugging everyone in her path, including Ned Blanchard who manages to cop a feel or two. NED Award show or not, nothing can come between Melody and her Daisy Dukes. The exuberant manager of the Lone Star Gunslingers skips to the stage and hugs both presenters. MELODY Oh, my gosh! Oh, my gosh! Oh, my gosh! (deep breath) Oh, my gosh! Oh, my gosh! Oh, my gosh! Thank you soooo much. It’s always an honor to win an award, but even more so when it’s one voted by the fans. Hugs and many kisses to you all. Likewise to those who have helped me along the way. What a 24 hour period this is going to be. First I win Manager of the Year and tomorrow night the Lone Star Gunslingers will capture the One & Only World tag team championship. Thank you again. You have no idea how much this means to… * THUD * Melody smacks the stage floor hard after being SHOVED DOWN by ABDULLAH NERDLY! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” With the Heavenly Rockers backing him up, Abdullah steals the Angle Award and flees to the nearest exit as the Lone Star Gunslingers give chase. As the feuding tag teams clear off the stage, Krista returns to the center of the audience's attention, shaking her head at the mayhem. KRISTA Great to see, Tony Schivaone here. Ya know, I really admire you, Tony. Because of you I've finally been able to see what a real butch lesbian should look like. But, moving on with the awards ceremony, I don't know why we're letting this Todd Cortez guy within sixty miles of a microphone, much less present the entertaining segment of the year. This worthless jackass's acting is about as believable as Synth Esizer's hair peace. His wrestling's even worse. Ninety nine people on this god forsaken roster, and who gets a world title shot? The guy who's wrestling is so bad that his last match made Anglesault spit Zack's dick out his mouth in disgust. But here to present the award for entertaining segment of the year, which is the closest he'll ever get to participating in anything called entertaining, Todd Cortez! Oh No welcomes a beige suited Todd Cortez onto the stage. After his music settles down, and the audience's applauds fade away, he begins presenting, CORTEZ Thanks. I'm glad to be a part of the 2007 Angle Awards, although it would've been nice to have been nominated for one, but no use crying over split milk. Here are the nominations for Entertaining Segment of The Year. Entertaining Segment of The Year. Penalty Shootout Challenge: I'm not going to call you an idiot for not knowing who Kasey Keller is but...HE'S ONLY BEEN THE US TEAM GOALIE SINCE BEFORE YOU PEOPLE WERE BORN. SHIT! Anyway, O'Hara thought he was participating in a clean, unblemished, shootout, but found that Black had no intention of playing by the rules. Living by the motto if you can't beat em, beat em up, Black enlisted his partners in crime Faqu and James Blonde, to obliterate his rival. School Daze: The Beverly Hills Blonds shocking and funny look into the lackadaisical security of ritzy Beverly Hills private schools, turned into all out verbal war between The Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew and D*LUX. Dinner With Mister Moneymaker: At the time this took place, the OAOAST world title had been defended a grand total of twice in about six months, so perhaps it wasn't that big of a stretch for Theodore Moneymaker to assume he could purchase the tag titles off Alix Maria Spezia. What followed was a hilarious mishmash of contrasting personalities over dinner, conversation, and an admission of date rape from Ned Blanchard! Chicks On Art: Care to know why Christian Wright and Alix don't get along? Read this segment. Holing up in the Getty Museum under the guise of educational programming, America's Sweethearts did what they do best, verbally beatdown Christian Wright. Reel Talk: Hate The Enterprise all you want, but realize that four of the five nominations for this category have all featured a cast of Enterprise members. The latest entry into The Enterprise hall of fame comes courtesy of The Blonds foray into the profitable field of wrestling talk shows. Their first guests were none other then newly crowned tag team champions, The Heavenly Rockers. CORTEZ The winner is...Dinner With Mister Moneymaker! Much more excited over the victory then her boss, Alix leaps out her seat, and blows a kiss to the surrounding audience. For his part, Moneymaker trudges up to the stage looking throughly disinterested with the entire proceeding. ALIX Dudes, dudettes, and gender-dude-neutral, I have to say, as calmly, and controlled, and even mannered as possible this is FREAKING AWESOME! Rock on mother truckers! MONEYMAKER Hush up, girl. Some people see the Angle awards as a pinnacle of achievement, a monument dedicated to greatness that can not be questioned. Do you want to know what I see this Angle Award as? I see it as a load of crap! A load of hot stinking crap! This award tells me what I've thought along that the OAOAST employ is nothing but a group of subhuman dullards, and this Angle Awards academy is the worst of the bunch. Mouth breathing, knuckle dragging cretins, not worth the steam off my piss! If you knew anything about entertainment, and a quality body of work, you would know that the Entertaining Segment of The Year award does not deserve to be on the mantle of Theodore Moneymaker. The truth is that this award belongs to Ned Blanchard, Simon Singleton, and Molly Nerdly for their hard hitting expose School Daze! Ned, Simon, Molly, please come to the podium and collect your award. ALIX Hey! The Blonds and Molly don't need a second invitation and joyfully celebrate their unexpected award. Hugs, cheek kisses, and Ned's extended feeling up Molly are exchanged by the three, while non Enterprise members in the stands groan in annoyance. The trio head up to the stage, where a grinning Moneymaker and a sullen Alix greet them with warmth and coldness alike. MOLLY When you're a little girl, you dream and you dream, and you dream about the day you're one of the countless losers sitting in the audience without an award, waiting for the day some rich old dude will take pity on you and give you an award, and when that day comes. Its delightfully delightful! I've won Sundance awards, Cannnes Film Festival awards, Canadian Filmaker of the year awards, and there's simply nothing, simply nothing, that compares to this hand me down award. Oh, thank you sir! Thank you, sir! Apparently not being sarcastic, Molly gives her boss an enormous hug, which Theodore is more than happy to accept. SINGLETON What do ya say, Nedders? Angle Awards better then sex? BLANCHARD Normally, I'd say no. But earlier this week i was in Baltimore for an autograph signing, and I was picking up some laxatives at the local Wal*Mart, right, for my famous gag drink the fecalcollata. So, I'm hitting on this bodacious BBBW, named DeShaniqua. And she's feeling the Ned Man's get fresh style, the kind that drives all the big girls wild. We hit it off, and right there in front of Heaven's eyes, and that of numerous southern fried soccer moms and their slack jawed yokel children,she throws me on top of that mini conveyor belt they got on the cash registers. And then DeShaniqua rips down my pants, picks up the scanner and all of a sudden its price check right up my white as.. CUE LOUD MUSIC TO DROWN OUT THE END OF THAT STORY! THE 2007 ANGLE AWARDS RETURNS WITH Feel Good Moment of the Year and Heel of The Year 2007 ANGLE AWARDS COMMERCIAL Edited January 3, 2008 by Patty O'Green Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted January 3, 2008 (edited) KRISTA Gimme a minute to get the image of Ned's story out my head, Nicole Kidman in daisy dukes, Nicole Kidman in daisy dukes, Nicole Kidman in daisy dukes with Melody Nerdly in daisy dukes, ah that was quick. Los Diablos will be presenting the feel good moment of the year in just a few moments, and they remind of me of something that happened to me one or two years ago. You see I was giving a speech at this GLAAD meeting for the advancement of gays and lesbians in digital media domains. I basically stressed the need for positive, non stereotypical, strong gay figures in television. The OAOAST heard this message and responded “To hell with you queers” and tossed these sorry head for the border faggots on screen. Ladies and gentlemen, Los Diablos De Fuego! Flamboyant, out of control, gay, and loving every second of it, the gender bending queens of drag n wrestling, strut their red beaded halter mini dress clad stuff onto the stage. Never wanting to miss a moment to disturb the more close minded amongst the audience, Mariachi and Moracca lustily grind their crotches into one another, howling like pitbulls in heat into the podium microphone. MARIACHI He's Moracca! MORACCA And he's Mariachi! MARIACHI And we just love feel good moments! It can be in the gym, in the locker room, in the shower, in the office, in the little boys bathroom, on top of Anglesault's desk, or behind the INS building, as long as it feels good, we say just do it! MORACCA These are the moments that made us feel the best in 2007! Feel Good Moment Of The Year Anglepalooza, When you're the most popular man in the OAOAST, you're bound to be a constant target for those looking to use your name as a stepping stone to greatness. But, Bruce Blank didn't want mere riches and glories as Zack's adversaries of the past had desired. He wanted to erase The Franchise from the pages of the OAOAST history books, and stopped at nothing to achieve his goal. Fortunately for the OAOAST, Zack Malibu overcame his violence prone rival and put him out of the company at Anglepalooza. Anderson Cup, Los Diablos overcome enormous odds and battle their way to the finals: ZUH?! WHAT?! You read correctly amigos, a team considered little more then comedy cannon fodder, Los Diablos shocked the world with wins over The Blonds, and The Wrecking Crew to advance to the finals of The 2007 Anderson Cup. Though they eventually lost to Theodore Moneymaker and Christian Wright, their thrill ride to the finish line provides hope to the many jobbers and midcarders who should probably be deleted out of the stats thread like yesterday... Angleslam, Jade leaves The Enterprise and reunites with her older bro Leon: The payoff for Leon, D*LUX's and COD's tireless warfare against The Enterprise, and Ned's refusal to control his penis. Jade Rodez decided she could no longer stand Ned's lecherous attempts on her underwear, and having her every move dictated to her by Theodore Moneymaker and returned to the arms of her loving friends and family. HeldDOWN 1/18, Colombian Heat recovers from losing his girlfriend by winning the HI-YAH World Tag Team Titles with Spanish Fly:Boy meets girl, boy loses girl, boy wins HI-YAH tag titles with other boy. Boy happy! Boy happy! MARIACHI and MORACCA And the winner...this one makes us feel very good...Zack Malibu defeating that nasty Bruce Blank, ending Bruce's career in the OAOAST! Zack Malibu receives the mammoth reception that has greeted his every appearance in the OAOAST since his debut. Broadly smiling, he stands up and waves to his peers, while also making sure to give respect to fans sitting in the upper balcony. Zack then walks to the stage shaking hands with various performers on his way down the aisle. ZACK You know, it's fitting that my sending Bruce into a forced retirement netted me this award, because hearing him give up, hearing him throw in the towel...that was just as good if not better than any title win. I know it certainly made my family feel good, and it was a sigh of relief, because I don't think I had much more blood in my body to be spilled, and with medical bills as high as they are these days, it was nice knowing that that lunatic wouldn't be around anymore to cause harm. So on behalf of my lovely girlfriend Candie and our baby daughter I thank you, and as for my doctor all I have to say is I'm sorry, but I'm sure somewhere down the line you'll have to stitch me up or tape up the ol' ribs once again. Thank you! After Zack's exit Krista Isadora Duncan comes back to the stage, smiling sweetly even though she hasn't said a single sweet word all night. KRISTA The presenter for heel of the year can currently be seen denying any involvement in Benzair Bhutto's assassination to international authorities. Ladies and gentlemen, clap your hands for Abdullah Abir Nerdly! The epic and authoritative sounds of Nas' Hate Me Now blast across the arena, creating a mood of hatered that's barely offset by the begrudging applause offered to Abdullah Abir Nerdly by the all too polite crowd. The adopted son of the Nerdly family stations himself behind the podium, tilting his heads towards the heavens and offering praise to his holy guides. ABDULLAH PEACE TO THE GODS! MORTAL SCOUNDRELS, DO GIVE PRAYER TO THE ORIGINAL MAN WHO IS MADE IN YAH'S/ALLAH'S/JAH'S IMAGE the FATHER OF CIVILIZATION creator of MATH, SCIENCE, ARTS, MEDICINE the MIGHTY ABDULLAH ABIR NERDLY! Peace Brothers Synth and Logan! Peace Sister Holly-Wood! Peace Brother Moneymaker! THE REVOLUTION IN THE OAOAST IS AT HAND WITH THIS AWARD! The heel of the year award symbolizes, strength, drive, ferociousness, and victory no matter what the cost! And the mighty men nominated are all worthy of the title of WARRIORS! Brothers like Reject, Landon Maddix, Mister Moneymaker, Stephen Joseph, but most definitely not that mentally polluted paganist PRL. Heel Of The Year Landon Maddix: The man you love to hate, or hate to love, or hate to hate, or just plain ol hate period! Landon Maddix has taken every shortcut, and used every tactic he knows to make himself arguably the most successful wrestler in the world. His cheating hasn't come without its consequences, though, namely the fact that everyone but Megan Skye despises him. PRL: Sure everything is well and good with PRL and the fans right now, but for the majority of the year, America's favorite Rock impersonator, was definitely not Mister Popularity. The disdain for him was so high that people actually ordered School's Out just to see his death. Where is the love ya'll? I don't know? Where's the love ya'll? I don't know. One love. One love. One love. Stephen Joseph: His nickname is The Most Hated Man in the OAOAST. What more must I tell you? Reject: The biggest jerk you can ever run across, Reject seems to live for nothing more than to lavish in the shower of hatred that greets his every OAOAST appearance. His entire existence is singularly devoted to pissing off the OAOAST fanbase in every major American city. Good for you, Reject! Its good to have goals. Theodore Moneymaker: Homophobe. Racist. Liar. Misanthrope. Anti-Semite. Sexist. Cheater. Snob. Criminal. Fraud. Megalomaniac. If he's not the most hated heel in the OAOAST, he sure is the one most likely to spend the better part of eternity rotting in hell. Unlike the other four nominees Moneymaker has never exhibited the slightest possibility that he has any capacity for amiability or decency. ABDULLAH Give praise to your winner....LANDON MADDIX! The audience's demeanor of politeness is reduced to shreds by that announcement, and Landon's victory is “celebrated” by a strenuous song of boos, and from our European fans, whistles. The outgushing of hatred doesn't seem to bother Landon that much, as he makes his way onto the stage with a comfortably smooth smirk. He offers Abdullah a businessman like handshake, but is embraced with the warmth of a brother by the speaker for the prophets. MADDIX Here we go again. I really don't know what I've done to deserve this. I mean come on. (points to himself). I'm a genuine, clean cut young guy with a good woman on my arm, my own pro wrestling company and a fine line of merchandise available through my MySpace page. I'm successful. The only reason anyone could possibly have to hate ME would be jealousy. Which is why I'd like to thank the OAOAST fans for this award, as proof of how successful I must be. If that makes me a 'heel'... whatever the heck that means... then there must be something wrong with all of you. The fans take the first chance to heckle Landon, not really doing much to disprove his point. MADDIX Fact is, I went places in 2007. I'm sure some of you didn't appreciate some of my methods or didn't agree with some things I had to say along the way. What can I say? I'm a former World Champion with a smart mouth and a spiffy new haircut. If that's what passes for a 'badboy' around here, so be it. I here-by denounce the award of 'Heel Of The Year' and re-christen myself RUDO OF THE YEAR! It sounds cooler. VIVA LOS RUDOS!! For no particular reason Los Conquistadors stand and pump a fist in the air in rudo solidarity. MADDIX The rudo way shall be followed in 2008. Expect even more success, even more scathing putdowns and even more of me doing whatever neccessary to keep being Landon Maddix! THE 2007 ANGLE AWARDS RETURNS WITH Tag Team of The Year, PPV and TV MOTY 2007 ANGLE AWARDS COMMERCIAL Edited January 3, 2008 by Patty O'Green Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted January 3, 2008 (edited) COMMERCIAL KRISTA Welcome back to the 2007 Angle Awards. I tried to see the presenters for the tag team of year at their hotel earlier today, but I got turned away because I was told they were taking a shower. Yeah, a shower. I don't know why they waste their time, these guys were washed up before they ever set foot in the tub. Ladies and gentlemen, The Christ Air Express! Doing what twins do, and that is annoyingly dressing exactly alike, MARV and MEL walk onto the stage, in a black blazer, white dress shirt and heavily destroyed jeans. MEL Greetings to all the OAOAST fans, both in attendance and around the globe. Marvin, what's the most common statement made about the OAOAST tag division? MARV Mmmmm, good question. That the Christ Air Express are the two sexiest bitches in the damn thing? MEL You godamn straight. What's the second most common statement made about the OAOAST tag division? MARV That its the back bone of the OAOAST? MEL Correct. Since 2004 the OAOAST Tag Division has been what's kept this company afloat. Its featured some of the wildest, craziest, most entertaining personalities ever seen on television. From GPX, to Chicks Over Dicks, to Black T, to The Heavenly Rockers, to just about every other team here, the tag division has made the OAOAST what it is today. A success. That means that the tag team of the year award might be the single most competitive award we have. Let's meet the nominees, eh? Tag Team Of The Year Team Heyross: Far removed from the flamboyant personalities of the other tag teams, the quiet and reserved Team Heyross have still managed to find their place in the OAOAST tag division. The highlight of their year was being crowned as the new WDW Tag team Champions, although the “competition” they faced to win the belts was less then renowned! The Heavenly Rockers: As consistent as they are arrogant, The Heavenly Rockers have stayed near the top of the tag division since their arrival into the OAOAST. This year was a topsy turvy ride down the twisting corridors of the OAOAST, as they booted The Sooner Bruisers from the company, ran up against the Wrecking Crew, befriended and then rejected The Gunslingers, and most importantly won their second OAOAST tag team title. The Lonestar Gunslingers: At the start of last year, if you would've told someone the Gunslingers would be in the hunt for the OAOAST Tag Team Titles, you most likely would've been laughed at then kicked down a flight of stairs. But a little lass named Melody, and her little daisy dukes, have turned the once ineffectual outfit into a noteworthy young squad. Now The Gunslingers have a chnce to win their first ever tag team championships from their former friends, The Heavenly Rockers. Theodore Moneymaker and Christian Wright: Christian Wright and Theodore Moneymaker gave the tag division fits, becoming the first ever One and Only World Tag Team Champions, and winning the Anderson Cup. Their dominance wasn't limited to the realm of the physical, however. The pair pooled their sharp mental acumen to pry Jade Rodez away from her friends and family, and stage a battle against the homosexuality promoted by... Chicks Over Dicks: If you'd like to know why Chicks Over Dicks are nominated for this award please ask the following teams, The South Central Militia, The Mardi Gras Homwrecking Crew, The Love Doctors, The Sooner Bruisers, The Gunslingers, Los Diablos, Los Conquistadors, Team Heyross, The Beverly Hills Blonds, Faqu and James Blonde, Theodore Moneymaker & Christian Wright, Marshall Law, all of which were beaten and/or humiliated at the hands of the record four time tag team champions. While cruising through these teams, the girls entertained audiences with their trademark comedic stylings MEL The winners are....CHICKS OVER DICKS! Massive applause and cheers welcome the announcement, though members of various existing tag teams grumble their dissent in annoyance. Synth Esizer is the most vocal of these negative voices, screaming “We wuz robbed! We wuz robbed!” Elsewhere, Alix sadly looks to Mackenzie for permission to take the stage. The Enterprise's CFO is reluctant to allow Alix anywhere near Krista, and uses a steamy kiss to bribe Alix into not complaining that Mackenzie has ordered CPA to stage to fetch the award for her girlfriend. While the audience loudly chastises Mackie's actions and Alix sulks in her seat, Krista trudges out from the backstage area, red lips lowered into a frown at the questionable arrangement. KRISTA Well, great to see The Enterprise has sent such a qualified mammy to the stage. Tell, me CPA, does massah know you're off the plantation? The crowd oooohs at the dig at CPA's subservient nature, and the ex-boxer cracks his knuckles in preparation for a fight. KRISTA Um, I don't really know what to say. I guess lost in the whole mess of my breakup with Alix was you the fans. I'm not gonna lie to you and say that you loved Alix more then me, or that you loved me more then Alix, but you loved Chicks Over Dicks a lot, and we had a lot of fun entertaining you. You really helped bring us closer and closer together, when we thought we were as close as we could get. Because we'd spend hours together just thinking up different comedy bits or jokes to make you laugh. Sometimes I think our actual writing sessions are even better then our matches. It was a great year for us, romantically, professionally, and artistically. I'm sorry to the fans, I'm sorry to Alix, and I'm sorry to myself for the way it all ended. Hopefully we can have a chance to rewrite this fairytale. The closing of Krista's speech receives enormous applause, all of which cause Mackenzie's face to flash red with burning anger. KRISTA Okay, enough mushy girly crap, back to the offensive jokes! The presenter for pay per view match of the year and television match of the year, James Riggs, actually opened a wrestling school recently. Shit. James, how do you of all people on this worthless planet have the balls to open a wrestling school? Are you for real? Are you for really real? James Riggs running a wrestling school is like me running and abstinence program. James Riggs running a wrestling school is like Chris Benoit running a family counseling center. “OOOOOOH” KRISTA Ladies and gentlemen, Mister James Riggs! Annoyance fueling his stride James Riggs reaches the stage in record speed. His mouth curls into a snarl, contorting a face that's already twisted by angered eyes that shoot bullets into the audience. RIGGS Yeah, I didn't get nominated for a single award. So you think I give a damn about who wins who loses here? No. Screw the Angle Awards and screw the OAOAST. If you want to show the nominees then show them. If you don't then don't. Do whatever because I don't care! TV Match of The Year HeldDOWN~! 8/16 OAOAST World Title, Landon Maddix (Champion) Vs Todd Cortez: This awesome match stemmed from Todd Cortez' risky gamble to break free of the overpowering but relatively safe shadow of Landon Maddix at the July Syndicated. Though Maddix defeated Cortez, he's still currently dealing with his pesky ex-partner. HeldDOWN 8/4-Tag Team Scramble Cage Match to crown the first ever One and Only World Tag Team Champions Six teams enter. One team that wasn't even entered into the match leaves as the first ever One and Only World Tag Team Champions. The match featured the surprise return of the Sk8r Boiz, jaw dropping high spots, and Theodore Moneymaker's first OAOAST title win. HeldDOWN~! 4/26, Caboose, Zack Malibu, Jamie O'Hara and Bohemoth Vs Cuban Wall, PRL, Vitamin X, and Bone Thug: Called the best HeldDOWN mainevent in ages, this match featured the top members of the Lightening Crew taking on HD's old announcer, its leading man, and the very reluctant partners of Bohemoth and O'Hara. It was one of the first times Malibu and PRL hooked up, and it surely wasn't the last as they traded blows over the world title throughout the summer and fall. HeldDOWN~! 1/18 HI-YAH Tag Team Championship, "The Corporate Champion" Tha Puerto Rican & Stephen Joseph Popick vs. Colombian Heat & Spanish Fly: Holy time warp Batman! If this match took place today it would be Heat and PRL against Fly and SJ! But at the time, the units of Popick and TPR and Heat and Fly were tightly unified in their goal of capturing the HI-YAH tag team titles in a best 2/3 falls match. HeldDOWN~! 8/16 Reject and Thunderkid Vs Alfdogg and Felix Strutter: Not exactly strange bedfellows, both teams consisted of former partners. The chemistry between the members helped produce a memorable match. HeldDOWN~! 9/20 Chris Stevens Vs Brock Ausstin Vs Alfdogg Vs Thunderkid: No dq, and no countout meant no rules in this wild match between Heartland title competitors. Although Stevens eeked out a victory over his numerous old enemies, he wasn't so lucky the following week at Zero Hour, failing to capture the Heartland Title. RIGGS And the winner is...oh joy, oh how delightful, oh how might I contain myself at this news? Scramble Cage match. Whopdee freaking donkey shit! Where's my award? No, where's my nomination even? Do I not exist to you people? Am I talking to myself? Am I Bruce Willis from The Sixth Sense? Riggs loses his mind over e-fed awards, and the jam packed auditorium loses their mind and explodes with cheers for the victory. Highlights from the match play over the jumbo screen behind the stage, while The Mardi Gras Home Wrecking Crew, and Team Heyross head to stage to accept the award on behalf of the other teams in the match. MOSS I know Chicks Over Dicks, The Heavenly Rockers, D*LUX, and The Global Party Exchange, would all like to thank you for voting this match as TV match of the year! Johnny Jax heartily applauds the recognition, but Scotty is too busy chewing out Uno for neglecting his drink order. BENJAMIN Hey, Team Heyross may have came up short in the Scramble Cage match, but keep your eyes peeled and glued to your TV sets, because the 2008 Anderson Cup belongs to one team. Team Heyross! SOUL You done said enough for one millennium, niggarachi. Pay no mind to this fabreze wearing lysol as cologone usin' chump. Allow me to latitude the conversation to more pleasin' topics to a pimp on da rise, the Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew. The first half of 2007 was a macktacula celebration of the pimp's good word for the MGHWC. And the scramble cage match was a culmination of a cultivation of careful calculations free of caucausin consternations. We was pullin bitch cards on roody poo ass niggas like I was layin mah captain marvelous on Maggie Nerdly's snail trail! That scramble cage match was the closest me and Rico been to the One and Only World Tag Team Titles, we thought we was ballin out of control. We gonna get dat feeling back in dat Anderson Cup. Pay no attention to negrodomous over there, The MGHWC is gonna colorize the AC like Bill Clinton rubbin' his hump missile across a postah of Foxay Brown! Security keeping a tight eye on them in case of a brawl, the four exit the stage to polite applause. With their departure James Riggs is allowed to come back to the podium. RIGGS Finally. Since when is the job squad allowed to talk? Whatever. Here's the pay per view match of the year. Go to hell. Everyone of you. Pay Per View Match of The Year Survive Or Surrender, Zack Malibu Vs Bruce Blank: The culmination of a long, bloody and emotionally scaring feud, ended with Bruce Blank's violent removal from the OAOAST. Until that angle a few months later where Scotty Static thought he was some dude dressed up like a bird! Triple Decker Cage Match for the OAOAST World Title Stephen Joseph (Champion) Vs Zack Malibu Vs PRL Vs Landon Maddix Vs Bohemoeth Vs Todd Cortez: Hey, Popick, congratulations on your title win, now go ahead and fight five other guys in a three story cage! While the odds didn't favor SJ, lady luck sure did, as he pulled out a victory in an excellent match on the final pay per view of the year. Chamber Of Hell Three, Sandman Vs Felix Strutter Vs Brock Ausstin Vs Alfdogg Vs Thunderkid Vs Chris Stevens: Always a treat, the third edition of the chamber of hell was quite the delight to the carnage hungry savage in all of us. The match featured the shocking return of Sandman and the shocking end of Felix Strutter's Heartland Title reign. Hell In A Cell Match For The Golden Contract: "The Corporate Champion" Tha Puerto Rican (Owner of the Golden Contract) vs. Bohemoth:[/b] Advertised as Tha Puerto Rican's last stand, the OAOAST actually gathered a backstage party of PRL's past enemies (of which there were many!) to watch his demise. But somehow, someway, not only did PRL survive the Meterosexual Monster, he also won the match. Leon Rodez, Chicks Over Dicks, and D*LUX Vs The Enterprise: Nine of the wildest personalties in the OAOAST, and CPA hooked up in this Madison Square Garden extravaganza to battle over Jade Rodez. Numerous comedy spots, and lots of crazy high flying ensued! Sin City Street Fight, The Heavenly Rockers Vs The Sooner Bruisers: From November of 2006 all the way to their final night in the company The Sooner Bruisers were on a bloody rampage, annihilating friend, foe, and innocent bystander alike without discrimination. Only the Heavenly Rockers were bold enough to stand up to their behavior, and the Sin City duo put the Bruisers out the OAOAST in this match. RIGGS The winner....oh these stuck up bastards again...Survive Or Surrender, Zack Malibu Versus Bruce Blank, AND, Leon Rodez, Chicks Over Dicks, and D*LUX Vs The Enterprise. Who cares? I don't. Nobody notices James Riggs throw the envelope away in rage and storm out of view, as they're much to busy saluting the winners of the prestigious award. Leon happily shakes hands with Zack, and offers him condolences on a “tough loss, skipper”, not aware of the fact that he tied with his sometimes tag team partner. Before Zack can correct Leon's error filled thinking, the Grand Rapids Love Child and his boybanding cohorts are already taking the stage. LEON Uh, I guess Krista and Alix are... *awkward moment* *yeah, a long one* LEON ...thanks for the award! For what was the most important win in our careers, I think we'll all agree, we're delighted somebody will actually remember it a few months from now. Guys, anything to say? Tyler and Shayne, who've been searching the crowd for Krista, glance up. LEON Of course not. Ned's a weeny. Thank you. Silently thanking Leon for a short speech, his good friend, Zack Malibu makes his way onto the stage. Still not realizing that he TIED Zack, Leon assumes a defensive crouch due to his paranoid belief that Zack has come to rob him of his award. Brushing his way past the attack ready Leon, Zack heads to the podium. ZACK Funny how this works...I've now been awarded not once, but twice, for the toughest, most brutal feud I've ever been through. That feud with Blank was tougher than sitting through an Alfdogg compilation! Just kidding, Alf...not really. But seriously, it's a known fact that I give 100% every time I set foot in that ring, and for that Survive Or Surrender match, a match that I HAD to win and couldn't afford to make even the slightest mistake...for that to go down in history as a match that sent Bruce Blank packing, as a match that saved my career, and as a match that you felt was the best one this past year, it means a lot. Once again I thank you, and I look forward to providing this company with more classic matches this coming year. The music of Getting Away With Murder and the applauding from the fans take us into our next commercial break. THE 2007 ANGLE AWARDS RETURNS WITH Shocking Moment of The Year, Female Personality Of The Year and Wrestler of The Year 2007 Angle Awards COMMERCIAL Edited January 3, 2008 by Patty O'Green Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted January 3, 2008 (edited) As we return back from break No One is just beginning to fade away from earshot. Behind the podium, stands Krista, ready to announce our next presenter. KRISTA The presenter for most shocking moment of the year award is......me! Joy to the world, the lord has come, let Krista receive a light beer. The participants in these shocking moments are a debauched gallery of contestants. They're perverts, accused child molesters, convicted date rapists, republicans, and I'm just talking about Stephen Joseph here! Let's see the nominations! Shocking Moment of The Year (Patty's note, I forgot about this award, and you have no idea how tired I am of writing summaries, especially when these awards reference the same angle over and over.) -Halloween Spectacular, Stephen Joseph defies universe's expectations and wins the world title -Zero Hour, Holly-Wood turns on partner Melody Nerdly to reunite with husband Logan Mann -Halloween Spectacular, Stephen Joseph defies universe's expectations and wins the world title -Zero Hour, Sandman9000 returns to win the Heartland Invitational Chamber of Hell -HeldDOWN 6/28, Landon Maddix cashes in on his Money In The Bank Title shot and defeats Zack Malibu to win the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship -HeldDOWN 11/8, Alix leaves Krista for Mackenzie, thus signaling the breakup of Chicks Over Dicks KRISTA The winner of blah blah blah is...well, there's another hour in therapy, Alix leaves Krista, that's me, for Mackenzie, that's the natural brunette with the shitty dye job and buck teeth, thus signaling the breakup of Chicks Over Dicks, who might I remind you just won the tag team of the year award. But, you know what, I'm gonna be a big person here, seeing that I have the bigger chest, bigger bank account, and well, the bigger chest, and let Mackenzie have her say. Come on up, doll, don't be shy. While the crowd murmurs in anticipation of a long awaited catfight, Mackenzie nervously rises from her chair. She looks to Alix for support but receives nothing more then sullen pouting. Without a single person her side, she's forced to head into the dangerous world of Krista on her lonesome. However, Krista welcomes her with a gentle smile, and a hand extended to the podium. MACKENZIE Okay, fine, I'm public enemy number one. I get that. But this shocking moment is actually the greatest moment of Alix's life. If any of you were her true fans you would see the truth behind that! Forget for a second love, sex and romance, and just think about the OAOAST. Being in a tag team with Krista was becoming a waste of time. If I hadn't broken them up, they'd still have the belts, and they'd still be doing the same thing they were all year. How many times can you beat The Wrecking Crew ? How many times can you squash James Blonde and Faqu? She had to move on. Move on on a lot of different levels. I did the right thing by Alix, and I'm always doing the right thing by Alix. Just because Krista has a fitness empire, and can tell a few funny jokes doesn't make her a good partner. You need to realize that! Its not about what any of you want for Alix. Its what Alix wants for Alix. And that's me! Not bothering to hear a single one of the jeers tossed her way, Mackenzie storms off in a huff. Her depressed expression is remarkably different then Krista's oddly cheery disposition. KRISTA Nicole Kidman in daisy dukes, Nicole Kidman in daisy dukes, Nicole Kidman in daisy dukes with Melody Nerdly in daisy dukes. Ah, it never fails. THE 2007 ANGLE AWARDS RETURNS WITH Female Personality Of The Year and Wrestler of The Year 2007 Angle Awards COMMERCIAL Edited January 3, 2008 by Patty O'Green Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted January 3, 2008 (edited) The camera returns with a panning view of he floor based audience, mostly focusing on those wrestlers with multiple awards. We see Leon Rodez playing “Lethal Rumble” with his awards, Mackenzie DeCenzo fawning over the six awards Alix wasn't even allowed to go on stage and collect, and D*LUX using their awards as weapons in a play sword fight. Boys will be boys, I guess. Anyway, No one plays our gorgeous hostess (and her Martini!) back onto the stage. KRISTA Our presenter for female personality of the year is a woman who operates with a class, dignity and style all of her own. She treats everyone with unmatched kindness and respect, and for that I say, cut it out, sister, you're making me look like a foul mouthed bitch. Ladies and gentlemen, oh who am I kidding, AIDs ridden whores and meth clinic out patients, please welcome Maggie Nerdly to the stage! Dressed to impress our goth fanbase in high black and white stripped socks, combat boots, and a heavily ripped ruffled black dress, the smiling and waving Maggie Nerdly walks onto stage amid ringing cheers from fans and wrestlers alike. Felix Strutter seems to give her a particularly warm reception, which doesn't sit too well with Leon. When Meg and Dia's Monster fades away Maggie begins speaking. MAGGIE Hey, ya'll, what's up? Us OAOAST girls are pretty damn cool, aren't we? Yeah? Go on and make some noise for the ladies of the OAOAST! Lemme here ya! “YEAAAAAA!” MAGGIE The women of the OAOAST keep the train chuggin along, no doubt. Without 'em the OAOAST wouldn't get anywhere! You know its true, don't try denying. You got my big sis Melody leading The Gunslingers to the top of the pops in the tag division, Mackenzie handling business in The Enterprise, Alix and Krista kicking the ass of every man here at least once, Molly doing her thing, and not getting paid. We gotta talk about them negotiating skills Moll, okay? But, that's why I'm stupid pysched to be up here presenting you the female personality of the year award. Gimme them nominees! Female Personality Of The Year Mackenzie DeCenzo: From crown princess of The Enterprise to nearly being fired from that very stable for her obvious sapphic leanings, Mackenzie DeCenzo has had a rocky 2007. And it all started with a kiss from Krista, and getting flashed by Alix. Mackenzie's once peaceful cosmopolitan world has been turned upside down, but through it all, she remained the shrewdest business women in the OAOAST. Melody Nerdly: Let me repeat one last time, The Lonestar Gunslingers were about two weeks away from being Flex Phillipsed before Melody came along. Simply trying to preserve her job, Mel added some much needed life and flair to Gunslingers. Her funky personality has helped guide The Gunslingers to the highest highs in the tag division and straight into the hearts of the fans. And those daisy dukes don't hurt either! Jade Rodez: Like Mackenzie, Jade 2007's saw her entire existence drastically altered. She tossed D*LUX to the curb, and allied herself with The Enterprise, only to see the error of her ways months later. Now Jade continues to build on the success she's achieved with D*LUX over the years in order to help turn them into one of the most formidable teams in the OAOAST. Alix Maria Spezia: Always a popular superstar, the spicy Latina is all about having fun,feeling good, and showing of her sweet sweet booty. Her zany happy go lucky antics haven't failed her yet, as her time in the OAOAST has been spent building up one hell of a won/loss record. 2007 turned out to be her most successful year yet as along with then girlfriend Krista Isadora Duncan she set a record for most tag titles held. Away from the OAOAST, Alix works as the ceo and head chef of Miss Spezia's Sweeties cookie company. Krista Isadora Duncan: Rude, inappropriate, boundryless, and has a list of pop culture references thicker then War and Peace, Miss California is routinely hailed as one of top entertaining figures in the OAOAST. Outside the ring she is praised for her intelligence, beauty and comedy, and inside the ring she's praised for her intelligence, beauty and comedy, all of which gave her an assist in her stranglehold on the OAOAST tag title this year. Furthermore she's done all this while wrestling in high heels. High heels! Trust me its not easy. I've tried! MAGGIE Show love to the winner....KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN! The enthusiastic bounce of Calvin Harris' The Girls, yields even more enthusiastic cheers from the audience and Maggie. The Nerdly girl gives the approaching winner a huge hug, which prompts Shayne to lose all maskings of self control and yell “Stay away from my woman!” KRISTA Cool, another one of these. I think these are a lot better then the biscuits I was using to throw at Denise Richards when she comes over to discuss operation: Steal Charlie Sheen's sperm. Nothing says get out of my house if you're not going to at least take off your top you selfish lunatic like an award upside the head. Um, thank you for the award. I really do appreciate your love and respect, and if you're not busy a scotch on the rocks would be abfab. So, all night long I've been having fun with you guys in the crowd, mocking you, killing your heat, which assumes James Riggs had heat to kill in the first place, but you know I couldn't leave myself untouched. I'm a pretty easy target, so here to tell a few jokes about me my long time punching bag, Terry Taylor! Terry, walks on stage with a smile as wide as Manitoba, because the moment he's been waiting for for years has finally arrived. TAYLOR Thank you, thank you. Isn't she wonderful? What a girl, what a great girl. Lemme tell you something about Krista. This woman is such a lesbian that she's actually entertained by Margaret Cho. She's such a lesbian, that her chapstick flavor is Anne Heche's vagina! I think, I don't have the stats on me, that she's the oldest person on the roster. Yep. She's so old that on her first game show the grand prize was a trip on the Mayflower. And let's talk about her crazy family. You haven't met them yet. I have. How about her father? This fat miserable bastard is so out of shape that heart palpitations from terrible crack is his idea of good cardio! Alright, I'm out. Thank you Krista for letting me make fun of you, and thank you people for listening! THE 2007 ANGLE AWARDS RETURNS WITH Wrestler of The Year COMMERCIAL The awards ceremony returns for its final award of the evening, the coveted prize for Wrestler of the year. Audience members are on their feet, clapping for the impending announcement with passioned excitement. KRISTA Our presenter for wrestler of the year is horrendously ugly, fat, loud, obnoxious, bigoted, and probably cheats on his taxes. If he was Jewish, held political office and was having an affair with his sixteen year old male page, he'd be my father....I give to you Theodore Moneymaker! Money Talks is played so loud that is washes away the glut of boos spewed from the balcony audience. Despite the obvious hatred and disgust aimed at him, the tuxedo clad Billion Dollar Heir operates with style and grace as he makes way onto the stage. MONEYMAKER Few things in the OAOAST give me much joy. Being surrounded by cretins, simpletons, and boorish buffoons, who have less in their bank account then I spent on this tuxedo is somewhat of a personal annoyance. Taking orders from a grown man who's slavish obsession with another grown man is so unhealthy that it influenced his own ring name is also a personal annoyance. Trapped inside a tag division with effeminate monkeys like Los Diablos, police officers who never do anything when trouble is afoot like Rescue 911, and stripping doctors that shame the medical profession like The Love Doctors Doctors is also a personal annoyance. What does pleasure me is being able to watch the greats. The men who make this sport the sport of kings. Tonight we honor these heroes of our industry, and look to them for leadership, guidance, and wisdom in the oncoming year. Who will be this guiding light? The torch bearer we all aspire to mimic? I believe its time we found out. Wrestler Of The Year Landon Maddix: Did Landon Maddix have the best year in the OAOAST? Its hard to argue otherwise. The very moment the year started, Maddix began racking up victory after victory, all leading up to his monumental achievement of taking the world title from Zack Malibu. Maddix didn't rest on the history making title win, though, and continued to be a dominant force in the OAOAST mainevent scene. Zack Malibu: What can be said about Zack Malibu that hasn't already been said millions of times over? Barring a loss of a leg or something, Malibu has etched a permanent place in the OAOAST mainevent. His 2007 saw him win his record third OAOAST world title, and do battle with Maddix, PRL, and even Drek Stone. PRL: PRL began the year feuding over the HI-YAH tag title and ended it in contention for the OAOAST world championship belt. To be sure, he's had one of the more eventful 2007's, capturing an X Division Title, avoiding death at the hands of Bohemoth, and finally losing his lady love, manager, and entire stable, all in the span of about two weeks! Reject:Reject began the year on a bit of down note, losing his X Division Title to Jamie O'Hara, and then not even advancing to the finals of the subsequent tournament. However, the New Yorker turned his fortunes around in a big way by defeating Alfdogg to capture the WDW World Heaveyweight Championship. Stephen Joseph: PRL's trusted manager, hype man, and friend, returned to active competition in a mammoth way with a stunning upset over Landon Maddix to capture the OAOAST World Title at Halloween Spectacular. SJ also betrayed his longtime best bud, and orchestrated his removal from his own stable. Cold blooded! MONEYMAKER The winner of the 2007 wrestler of the year award is....LANDON MADDIX! Landon leaps from his seat, showering nearby wrestlers with self-praises for his now indisputable greatness. Having totally ignored Megan, Landon parades down the aisle, shaking hands with various wrestlers, and joyfully asking them what its like to touch the flesh of their better. Finally he reaches the stage, where he receives a warm pat on the back from Moneymaker, before settling behind the podium. Even though she was shunned in the pre-speech celebration, Megan dutifully joins her boyfriend at the stage. MADDIX Oh! Oh, I don't know what to say, I so wasn't expecting this... Megan hands Landon his pre-prepared speech cards. Producing a pair of reading glasses from his inside jacket pocket, Landon leafs through his cards. MADDIX Ah, yes! I'd like to thank me. A few groans go up, amongst a boo from the fans. MADDIX It's been a hell of a ride this year. From being mere moments away from winning the Lethal Rumble last year, something which I intend to make up for on January 27th. Then, to unshackle the ball and chain from around my ankle, to go to AngleMania and to win the Money In The Bank Battle Royal. All leading up to becoming the first man in history to have held both the SWF and the OAOAST World Championships in their career, an achievement that somebody may eventually match but will never be mentioned without the achievement of yours truly in the same breath, the original. It's been a great year, all in all. Landon seems to catch sight of Todd Cortez in saying this last line, his voice wavering ever so slightly. He covers for it by picking up his award and slamming it down proudly on the podium. MADDIX If not for certain actions, I fully believe I'd be standing here right now accepting this award as the World Heavyweight Champion. My New Year's Resolution is very simple. 'Payback'. Or, I suppose to put it in it's proper form, "I will get payback". This award is just the start of another rollercoaster ride of a year for La Cucaracha. It's going to stand before you as the spark that ignites my resurgence! My resurgence to the top! And nobody... and no thing is going to stop me! Landon flips to the last card. MADDIX Oh, and I want to thank Megan, also. Finally there's a rollicking round of applause given off by the audience. However, they're not for the departing Landon and Megan, but rather for Krista Isadora Duncan who returns to the stage to close out the ceremony. KRISTA Congratulations to all our award winners, you guys earned it, or slept with Anglesault, in which case you really earned it! I want to thank all our presenters, all the performers for being here tonight and being such great sports, and of course the fans for voting, for attending, and for having a such a great time. 2007 was a wonderful year for all of us, and hopefully we can make 2008 even better. And in case you're wondering, the after party is up at my hotel room all night long. Girls get in free, guys get in when hell freezes over! No One returns one last time, as we take one last view of the applauding audience and then.... FADE OUT Edited January 3, 2008 by Patty O'Green Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
