Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted January 4, 2008 (edited) we'll shorter then i planned the pilot to be, but i broke the second half off for next week. i'm just surprised i got it done before march. The view cuts to a taped image of Krista Isadora Duncan and her bottle of Miller Lite, reclining poolside at her luxurious Beverly Hills mansion, wearing sunglasses, a white polo shirt and a pair of stone washed jeans. As she speaks various highlights from her entertainment and OAOAST ventures play on screen. KRISTA Hey, I'm Krista Isadora Duncan, twenty million fitness videos sold, ten percent of that money gone to my agent Will Burrows who used two percent of it to become my agent Wilma Burrows, and five percent to my lawyer after that whole messy pushing the sales girl at Victoria's Secret down the escalators. When I wear the no fat chicks shirt, I'm living the no fat chicks shirt, biggie smalls. And then five percent of that money right to the bride of Frankenstein, my mother. "Oh Krista, my eldest daughter, my favorite daughter, I lugged you, the bane on my once girlish figure, in my womb for nine months, laid there for three minutes thinking about Frank Sinatra while I was violated by your greasy misanthropic money whore of a jew father just to conceive you, and the most you can get me for Hannukah is a twenty five dollar borders gift certificate?" Krista waves her hand in disgust at the memory of her mother's complaining. KRISTA Bottom line, I'm a celebrity! But even we celebs get the blues. And I'm not just talking about when I can't get a table at the Ivy. Because then I just whip out the dyke-dar....beep beep beep beep DING DING DING danger will robinson, danger, locate the lez at the resturant with the most power, flip the hair, bat the eyes, do the giggle, and its prime outdoor seating at the casa de la ivy, and at the casa de la Krista's getting some tonight. But these blues come from the loss of my girlfriend and my best friend of twelve years, Alix Maria Spezia. To try and make things better I hid away in my house, kicked on a Julia Roberts marathon, and took a lot of vitamins. Well if you eat a banana with the prozac and oxycontins you can call them vitamins. But, desperate times call for desperate measures. As the suicide hotline counselor told me its time to get my head out of the dumps and my legs in the air. I have to stop confusing the number for 1-866-SEX-WILD with the suicide prevention number. So here I am looking for someone to give me that look of love, [img=http://www.teevblogger.com/images/vh1_logo.jpg] [b]PRESENTS[/b] [b][size="7"][font="Verdana"][color="#800080"]~THE LOOK OF LOVE~[/color][/font][/size][/b] [font="Arial Black"][color="#DDA0DD"]Starring[/color][/font]: [font="Arial Black"][color="#FF00FF"]Krista Isadora Duncan[/color][/font] [font="Arial Black"][color="#0000FF"]Terry Taylor[/color][/font] [font="Verdana"][color="#800080"][b]AND THESE BEAUTIFUL WOMEN[/b][/color][/font] [IMG=http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y39/Portfree/Nerdly/cori.jpg] [font="Arial Black"][color="#9932CC"]CORI[/color][/font] Hi I'm Cori, or to simplify it for today's educationally-deprived youth. How about...Lil' Cor. I've just gotten tired of dating women who think knowing who the last guy Hillary Duff slept with, Mike Comrie, is more important then how many people got killed in today's Gaza raid, nine. I want someone who's beautiful, and smart. Like Krista. Hopefully she wants me. [IMG=http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y39/Portfree/Nerdly/Virginia.jpg] [font="Arial Black"][color="#9932CC"]VIRGINA[/color][/font] I've always loved Krista! I used to be a whale sized one hundred pounds. I couldn't look at myself in the mirror without crying, I used to ask god why he made me so fat, and no one but guys and girls who drove lame cars like BMW's and Cadillacs would talk to me. My self esteem was in the gutter! Then I found fitness queen Krista Isadora Duncan. I asked her for the name of a good lipo doctor, and she gave me one and now look at me! Eighty five pounds and getting lower by the day! I've been in love with Krista ever since. [IMG=http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y39/Portfree/Nerdly/Montana.jpg] [font="Arial Black"][color="#9932CC"]MONTANA NERDLY[/color][/font] (another Nerdly girl who's name we can get mixed up!) "I'm not worried about his competition. The only way I could probably lose is if the earth spread apart and swallowed me whole. Even then I expect Krista to drive herself all the way to he golden gate bridge, and cast her body to blue waters bellow, and her soul to the white clouds above so that she could truly spend eternity and beyond with me. That's how confident I am of our attraction." [IMG=http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y39/Portfree/Nerdly/Tori.jpg] [font="Arial Black"][color="#9932CC"]TORI[/color][/font] "I think most of the women on this show are just here to be on TV. Virgina isn't even a lesbian! How do I know? Because I was the maid of honor at her wedding. To my father. I'm genuine, I want to be with Krista, because I love her, and if she gives me a second of her time, she'll love me back. [IMG=http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y39/Portfree/Nerdly/claudette.jpg] [font="Arial Black"][color="#9932CC"]CLAUDETTE[/color][/font] “I know for a indisputable face I'm the best choice for Krista. The others should just pack their bags and head back to the trailer park and section eights, they're using up time my boo could be using with me.” [IMG=http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y39/Portfree/Nerdly/Madison3.jpg] [font="Arial Black"][color="#9932CC"]MADISON NERDLY[/color][/font] "Not only is my sister Mindy losing her hair prematurely, she's also losing her freaking mind. She thinks she's the girl to beat on this show. I'd bet she'd win if this show was called [i]look of a wrinkled forty five year old divorcee with three kids, no alimony, and in desperate need of cash to pay off the home thats getting foreclosed on.[/i]" [IMG=http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y39/Portfree/Nerdly/Mindy.jpg] [font="Arial Black"][color="#9932CC"]MINDY NERDLY[/color][/font] "I can't believe Madison bothered showing up for this. Girls don't make passes at girls who wear glasses and girls don't make passes at girls with fat asses. Sorry, Madison but you're two strikes away from being eliminated before the show starts." [IMG=http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y39/Portfree/Nerdly/shyanne.jpg] [font="Arial Black"][color="#9932CC"]SHYANNE WALLACE[/color][/font] "I didn't come here to lose, I came so I could tell my parole officer I gots me a job. So you ain't gotta worry about how I'm taking care of my kids. If I wanna slap those dookie heads all the way to the next great star line boat back to Africa, I'ma do it, 'cause I gots me a job. And I'ma get me a dime bitch with Washingtons, Lincolns, Jacksons, Bushes, Coolidges, Regans, Rosevelts, Clevelands, thats right a bitch so rich she got presidents that even on money! Now how ya'll “Shyanne is a blight on the community.” neighborhood watch type suckas gonna come at me. Neighborhood watch me leave ya'll ass in the projects while I'm living b-i-g in Beverly Hills." [IMG=http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y39/Portfree/Nerdly/Marianne.jpg] [font="Arial Black"][color="#9932CC"]MARIANNE NERDLY[/color][/font] “If Krista is wowed or impressed or bowled over by Montana, Mindy, Madison or any of the other non Nerdly girls then she really overestimates what lies beneath two hours worth of cosmetics. I'm the one she needs to pick because I'm a lifetime of magic. A relationship with any of the others is gonna last as long as Gweneth Paltrow's part in Pootietang.” We cut to the spacious driveway of a posh Hollywood Hills mini mansion, where palm trees and lush greenery hang over a solid stone fence. In front of a three car garage with Spanish title roofing stands is a bleacher where the ten girls stand anxiously awaiting the star of the love. They don't have to wait much longer as Krista, holding about six shopping bags, and Terry Taylor, holding about nine more, approach the driveway from a Porsche parked out on the street. KRISTA So I said to her “Listen if you didn't want me to run over your kid, maybe you should've thought about that before I decided to drive on sixteen bottles of Heiniken. Jeez” (Krista notices the women starring at her). Damn it Terry Taylor, how many times do I have to tell you? You have a hotel room, send your hookers there! TAYLOR They aren't hookers, Krista. Its the Look Of The Love, remember? The reality show! They've been advertising it on HeldDOWN.... KRISTA Oh, honey, nobody watches that crap. TAYLOR Don't you remember.... KRISTA Terry, its four o'clock and I'm on my tenth tequila of the day, I don't remember much past my own measurements, “Fabulous-Beautiful-Outstanding.” Of course, I remember the Look Of Love. Girls, let me give you an official welcome to the Look Of Love House. Ignore the hooker comment I'm sure you're not...uh...well...communists? This is my assistant, Terry Taylor. Normally I keep him in his cage when people are around. But today's a special occasion. Basically, I'm looking for somebody to love, and to love me back with all their heart. And I am in desperate need. Not even lying. I'll be totally honest with you, my dog is getting more action then me. Granted, its with a stuffed doll of Daphne from Scooby Doo, but still. Daphne won't even return my phonecalls since she caught me cheating with Betty Ruble. The women laugh. KRISTA In order to figure who's best for me, I need a criteria for judging. So, with a nod to exploitative, sexist, and shallow television throughout history, you ladies will be judged on several categories. Personality... TAYLOR Hahahahahah! KRISTA I know, right. I almost had myself believing that one also. Personality, uh-huh, when monkeys fly out of my ass, and Dane Cook says something makes anyone over the age of fourteen laugh! I digress. As always. I and the rest of the judgmental and overly bitter American public will look at beauty, style how well you fit into my celebrity lifestyle... TAYLOR And how well you fit into a threesome with Shayne from the L Word! TONY TOURETTES SLUT! TAYLOR Let's hope so! The rest of the girls turn to Tony who has somehow gone unnoticed on the bleachers. KRISTA (shocked at hearing a man's voice) Tony Tourettes? What in the name of Krista Isadora Duncan, your lord and savoir, say amen.. WOMEN AMEN! KRISTA Are you doing here? TAYLOR He threatened a gender discrimination law suit if we wouldn't let him on the show. KRISTA Terry, the only words he knows are cunt, bitch, whore, fuck, shit, and piss. The first three being words commonly used to describe Theodore Moneymaker's mother, the fourth being what she'll do to anyone for an 8 ball of coke and twenty bucks, and the last two being what she'll swallow for thirty six grams of Colombian pure. Ah, well think of all the funny little stories my mother can spin out of this. This is grade A fodder for a bitch like her! GENEVIVE DUNCAN (off screen) My ears are burning. KRISTA (shouting in annoyance) Yeah, well, that's one of the occupational hazards of being Satan's servant, your demoness. Much to Krista's disgust and chagrin, her mother, attired in a flowing fuschia gown and huge lensed matching sunglasses trots onto screen, accompanied by her tuxedoed driver who looks like he could be CPA's brother. The women react with shock in awe as the older version of Krista strolls into the area. KRISTA What are you doing here? Usually you send your flying monkeys. Or did you come to tell me you've discovered a way to freeze dry evil so I can drink it when you're not around. GENEVIVE Just raiding your liquor cabinet, need something to wash down the brand new prescriptions of percecets. Shh don't tell the feds. Darling, do tell, what is going on around here? Children of the corn class reunion? KRISTA Its the Look Of Love! GENEVIVE And who might that be, my precious little carpet munch? KRISTA Don't call me that! Ugh! GAH! Don't you remember?! Its only been advertised on HeldDOWN every week! GENEVIVE Oh, honey, nobody watches that crap. KRISTA You helped set the whole thing up? Remember? The VH1 reality show? It was half you're idea? GENEVIVE Krista, its four o'clock and I'm on my tenth tequila of the day, I don't remember much past my own measurements, “Fabulous-Beautiful-Outstanding.” Of course, I remember the Look Of Love, honey. Now why are all the hookers rug munchers? KRISTA Because...I'M A LESBIAN! GENEVIVE Oh, honey, no you're not, you're just bad with the fellas... Without warning or prompting, Genevieve loosens up the first six buttons on Krista's dress shirt to reveal more of her massive cleavage. TAYLOR (staring at Kristas boobs) You should come around more often, Miss Duncan! GENEVIVE See, honey, now you're good with the fellas! KRISTA(pulling rhinestone belts out of one the shopping bags and waving them at Terry) Hey look, belts, pick the one you wanna be strangled with! While Terry mulls his options, Krista turns to her mother. KRISTA Can you leave? GENEVIVE Funny, that's what I asked you when I was pregnant with you, and no matter how many trips to the Haitian witchdoctor I took, you just stuck around. Like a cyst. Darling, do you have any idea of how many hours I was in labor with you? KRISTA No. GENEVIVE Neither do I, I was on so much morphine and heroin in the seventies I don't remember anything beyond a little whoohoo with that Regan fellow. KRISTA You never had an affair with Ronald Regan! GENEVIVE I'm talking about Nancy, ya goof! TONY Fuck that shit bitch, eat a muthafukkin' dick, chew on a prick and lick a million muthafukkin' cocks for seconds! Genevieve stares intently at Tony, stunned in disbelief at his vulgar language. Krista begins inching towards her mom, ready to hold her back from a violent outburst against the strange superstar. GENEVIVE Oh, honey, I like you! Krista, pick her! That's the muff diver for you! Only the best for my little carpet licker! KRISTA Have you been gargling with bong water?! Get out! Get out! Get out! GENEVIVE Fine, honey, fine. My jokes are too good for poor people anyway. Oh by the way, honey, how do you like my outfit? No panty line because no panties! TAYLOR :0 KRISTA (shaking her head) Oh, there was just no preparing for that one. Granting Krista a momentary reprieve from hell, Genevieve retreats into the house to most likely raid the liquor cabinet that has been graciously provided by VH1. KRISTA Forgive her, she has a heart condition. She doesn't have one. All the cosmetic surgery has made a her little loco she's gone to Mexico for a facelifts so many times, I bet if you wacked her head with a baseball bat, prizes would fall out. Hey, I have an idea, let's find out! Correctly sensing that Krista is actually serious, Montana speaks up to try and prevent a nasty situation. MONTANA Uh, what should we do while you go MLB 2K9 on your ma mere? KRISTA Oh, right, you girls. Well, back to you all, you're gorgeous, you're hot, you're sexy, when I look at you all I can think about is sex with my ex-girlfriend. But, aside from that, we're going to have a great time, I'm going to learn all about you, and I'm going to get know every single one of you, better then maybe you know yourselves. So why don't you go inside, the neighborhood satanic cult is just finishing up sacrificing a virgin, and once they clear James Riggs off the table, we can get started. WOMEN Whoooo! The girls file off into the house, still screaming and whooing over the chance to talk with Krista. We fade out from that scene with Krista and Terry turning to each other and shaking their heads into “confessional” of Krista sitting in a room with velvet pink walls, and strange steel bars forming an unusual structure in the background. KRISTA I'm looking forward to this, I think I can truly find someone. Look at Flava Flav, He's proof that its never to late to look for love. If an odd looking shriveled up Hershey's kiss like him can find fifteen nappy headed hos to toss his salad, I gotta be able to find one girl to love me! [color="#800080"]NEXT WEEK[/color] [color="#FF00FF"]GETTING TO KNOW ALL ABOUT YOU[/color] Krista gets close to the girls. And one is forced to go home [color="#FF00FF"]NEXT WEEK[/color] [color="#800080"]The Look Of Love[/color] Edited January 4, 2008 by Patty O'Green Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
