Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted January 11, 2008 (edited) THE FOLLOWING PROGRAM IS INTENDED FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY PRESENTED IN HD EARLIER TONIGHT Inside the office of the OAOAST's namesake AngleSault, and the boss has got a couple of distinguished guests with him. Zack Malibu and Bohemoth, both dressed in their street clothes, one a little more casually than the other, are in the middle of what can be best decribed as a slightly forced conversation while they wait for AngleSault to get off the phone. Eventually he emerges from his desk and stands between the two of them, smiling. ANGLESAULT Okay guys, there's a couple of good reasons why I called you both in here tonight. First off, I just wanted to confirm that you've both got a spot in the Lethal Rumble, January 27th. So that'll be the first opportunity for you two to really make good on your quote-un-quote 'competition', while in direct competition. Depending on the luck of the draw, of course. Bo and Zack take a quick glance at each other. ANGLESAULT As for tonight, I know you're both itching to compete, especially after I left you both off the trip to Mexico. Seems like you're both really eager to get the 'one up' on each other. Get a little momentum going before the Rumble. So, you've both got a match tonight. ZACK Sounds good to me. ANGLESAULT I thought it would. Bo? BOHEMOTH Hey, you know me, I'm always ready for a fight. ANGLESAULT Well, that's settled then. And, just to make things a little more interesting... I'm going to let you pick each other's opponents. AngleSault smiles, as does Zack. Bo remains typically cool and calm but unfolds his arms, rubbing his hands at the prospect. ANGLESAULT So, it's Pick Your Poison time guys. Zack, what's it to be? After a few moments of thought, Zack looks up at Bohemoth. ZACK Well, there's a ton of guys on the roster that I'm sure you could tear right through without breaking a sweat bigman. There's also quite a few who I think could match up pretty well with you. Some big guys. Tall guys. Powerful guys. But, since we're in the spirit of competition here and we want to make things interesting, if there's one guy in the OAOAST who I think can really give you a run for your money... it'd have to be someone who knows you better than anybody else out there. Somebody like your old running buddy, Christian Wright. And I'm sure you wouldn't mind getting your hands on him either. ANGLESAULT Okay, Christian it is. And Bo, who do you want Zack to face tonight? Grinning a little, Bohemoth lifts his shades from his eyes. BOHEMOTH You know, I appreciate the thought behind that Zack. Very generous. ZACK Make no mistake, I'm not trying to do you any favours. BOHEMOTH Well, me neither. See everyone knows that you thrive when you're fighting with your heart. So, we won't go down that road. As far as who I think you'd struggle to beat... how about... Leon Rodez. Just about the last name he expected to hear, Zack looks genuinely surprised for a second. Bohemoth coolly lowers the sunglasses back over his eyes as AngleSault cuts the silence with a deep breath. ANGLESAULT Alright then! Bohemoth versus Christian Wright and Zack, you've got Leon Rodez... can't wait to see those matches, good luck out there guys. Zack and Bo continue to stand face to face for a few seconds, before The Franchise suddenly takes off. FADE OUT The flashy introduction video and epic beats of Ultimate Victory welcome millions of viewers to their couches for a Thursday Night Tradition, OAOAST HeldDOWN. Interspersed between close up heavily greyed images of the main characters, are various sequences of the OAOAST's version of ultimate victories, title wins, executions of devastating finishers, and crazed high spots. As the song fades to its ending, the logo is presented... The logo dissolves away leaving us with the image the announce team at sofa central, eager to begin the introduction to tonight's festive proceedings. Behind them is a row of rowdy, unbelievably raucous fans, who enrage in a small war with security as they try to get their faces in camera shot. COLE Welcome ladies and gentlemen to another edition of OAOAST HeldDOWN live from the AT&T Center in San Antonio, Texas! I'm Michael Cole, COACH Getting the rub from the ladies' pick, Da Coach, Johnathan Coachman! COLE By ladies I assume you mean your mother! Well, folks, we're fresh off The New Years Spectacular and beginning our road to Anglemania in the city of Angels Los Angeles, California. And our first major stop is at Anglepalooza in Atlanta, Georgia. Already superstars are trying to get an edge on one another, as we saw about thirty seconds ago with Zack Malibu and Bohemoth. In addition to their two matches, multi Angle Ward winner Alix Maria Spezia will be doing battle against Rescue 911. More about how that match came about later in the program. We'll also have two more first round Anderson Cup matches as Faqu and James Blonde meet D*LUX, and former one and only world tag team champions The Heavenly Rockers restart their long hard road back to the gold. And, we're gonna hear from the brand new champions, The Lonestar Gunslingers, 2007 Manager of the year Melody Nerdly, from their hometown! Plus we'll see parts of the second episode of Look Of Love, airing on VH1. But, first we need to address..... THE LIGHTS GO DARK! The Tron flares to life with an image of… Shawn Michaels? The crowd POPS~! A date appears at the bottom of the screen: “August 2000” A nameless off screen interviewer poses the question: “So, tell us about your former student, Spider Poet. (A confused but excited little cheer erupts) They’re saying he’s incredibly good, right out of the gate.” HBK flashes his boyish grin, tosses his hair back and says, “That kid’s not just good. That kid’s gonna be the best one day.” DARKNESS AGAIN, A COUNTDOWN BEGINNING ON THE SCREEN A huge buzz begins building in the crowd! 10, 9, 8 A HUM, DEEP AND BASSY begins building through the sound system. With each number, a shot of Spider-Poet doing some crazy maneuver flashes 7, 6, 5, SP and Zack Malibu, SP hanging from the cage, a superkick 4, 3, 2 Celebrations, defeats, a sunset flip 1 – the backdrop to the giant spool of barbed wire! BOOOOOOOM! The opening strains of THE PRETENDER by Foo Fighters begins The STAGE EXPLODES IN FLAME, a TUNNEL OF FIRE BLOWING OUT OF THE ENTRANCE GATE! JAMES CONE EMERGES FROM IT! HUGE POP! No longer dressed as Spider-Poet, he’s now shirtless, with black tights with white designs and white boots. He’s sporting a beard and he’s cut his hair – but it’s definitely him! COLE: James Cone! James Cone has returned to HeldDOWN~! Cone grins as he makes his way down the ramp, soaking up the huge roar from the crowd. He hits the turnbuckle and throws his arms up to a huge cheer. He pauses there to enjoy it before FLIPPING SIDEWAYS on into the ring. The music fades and he stands in the center of the ring, clutching a mic. He looks around, smiling for a moment before raising the mic. Cone: “Like the phoenix, James Cone has risen again and returned to the OAOAST!” Another cheer crops up. Cone: “It’s a little different than I remember it, but that’s the nature of things. Things change while you’re gone, and that’s okay. Because there’s something that hasn’t changed. What hasn’t changed is that James Cone, under any name, is one of the best damn wrestlers to ever grace the great business of professional wrestling!” Big pop. Cone: “Now I could stand around out here and blow smoke up everybody’s asses, but that’s only useful for shipwrecks and assholes, and its debatable about assholes.” Laughter. Cone: “So here’s the deal. James Cone, the Lunar Phoenix, has got himself a shiny new contract –“ Pop~! Cone: “-and he’s got some catching up to do. So in a few weeks, at Anglepalooza, I’m laying down the gauntlet. An open challenge. Any type of match that anyone wants, I’ll show up and bring the game.” COLE: What a way to come back! Spider Poet, all grown up, back home in the OAOAST, telling the entire locker room to bring it! Cone: “But everybody back there needs to understand one thing. I’m here to wrestle. I’m here to win. I’m here to rise to the top. I’m here to be the best I can be, I’m here to wear gold. My mind is set to it, and the old guys like Malibu know that if I’ve set my mind to it, then I’m going to do it. So step into the ring with me with a hundred and ten percent because you’re gonna need every bit. Friendships, alliances, buddies, love, hate, business – all of that disappears inside these ropes. In here, it’s about the 1-2-3.” COLE: Cone is focused, and determined, folks. The OAOAST just gained a fireball in its midst. Cone: “The Lunar Phoenix has risen. That heat you feel is a fire under your asses. Bring the heat… or get burned.” THE PRETENDER by Foo Fighters kicks in, Cone throws his mic down and hits the turnbuckles as we go to commercial COMMERCIAL COMING UP NEXT FIRST ROUND ANDERSON CUP ACTION THE HEAVENLY ROCKERS VS THE SOUTH CENTRAL MILITIA NEXT Edited January 11, 2008 by Patty O'Green Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted January 11, 2008 (edited) HEY WAIT I GOT A NEW COMPLAINT! Kurt Cobain and a damning surge of boos sings the much despised foursome onto the entrance structure, where their vexed expressions reveal how disgusted they are to be appearing without the tag team titles. Abdullah is the most animated among the four, heartily singing praises and prayer on the pulpit of HeldDOWN. Behind him, strides the arm and arm Angle Award winning couple Lolly, their contemning smirks matching in bitter antipathy, and Logan's glimmering holographic white tights perfectly coordinated with Holly's white bell bottom pants and white blazer. Synth Esizer brings up the rear of the group, but his his hindmost position doesn't conceal him in obscurity, and beneath the multicolored strobe lights he taunts and mocks the booing fans. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen it is time for opening round action in the Los Infernales Conference of the 2008 Anderson Cup! Currently making their way to the ring are the number two seeds of the Los Infernales Conference. COLONEL ABULLAH NERDLY presents in association with HOLLY-WOOD the GREATEST rock 'n' wrestling band of AAAAALLLL-time and two time tag team champions of the woooorld... THE HEAVENLYYYYYYY RRRRRROOOOOOOOOCCKKEEEEEEERRRRRRRSSSSSSS! As they parade down the entrance ramp, Logan and Holly gaze our towards the crowd with faces frozen into cocky sneers. Synth's spindly body skips and bounces through the ambulant spotlights, his frantic body movement showing he's starving for a fight. COLE They say payback is a bitch, and at New Years Spectacular it definitely was for The Heavenly Rockers. After months of feuding, fighting and warring with The Lonestar Gunslingers, The Rockers were finally brought down in a great match by Melody Nerdly's boys. Congratulations to the Gunslingers, who've shown what hard work, effort, and toughness can get you in the OAOAST. But the new question is how will The Rockers respond tonight in the opening round of the Anderson Cup? COACH They'll respond as they always have. By winning! And let's not go overboard with the praise for The Slingers. Yeah, they won the match, but they won it with a backslide. A backslide! A cheap little reversal move. Don't mean you better then The Rockers just meant you were better for those three seconds. The spotlights now swirl about the ring, almost encasing the rock n roll twosome within the squared circle. Through the shadows of the poorly lit arena, The rockers move to opposite ropes at the middle of the ring. With tongues hanging out in defiance, they stand atop the second rope, powering their fists into the air to combat the wrath of the audience. Another gun shot rings (What's Going On? ) Another siren sings (What's Going On? ) Another mother cries (Yo what's Going On? ) Cause another innocent died (Yo what's Going On? ) Another gun shot rings (What's Going On? ) Another siren sings (What's Going On? ) Another mother cries (Yo what's Going On? ) Cause another innocent died (Yo what's Going On? ) With Tupac's melancholy melody the entrance stage becomes muddied beneath the hazy darkness of pitch black smoke. All across the venue harsh blue lights flesh at the violent chaotic pace equaled by the scenes of blood and mayhem on the video screens. Beneath the video havoc that's so brazenly displayed entrance doors tear apart to allow the beasts known as The South Central Militia to make their arrival onto the scene. Wallace lets out a wild and primal roar, the kind that could shake the heavens, as his partner stands comfortably back, cracking knuckles and gazing through a lowered leopard print cowboy hat. COLE Both these teams were involved in the 2007 Angle Awards Television Match Of The Year, the scramble cage match to crown the new one and only world tag team champions. Now that's the title these men are fighting to compete for at Anglemania. Its worth noting that both these teams are former tag team champions, although The Rockers reigns lasted quite a bit longer then The Militia's sad twelve minute run. BUFFER Now making their way to the ring at a total combined weight of 460 pounds, from South Central Los Angeles and former tag team champions of the world... THE SOUTH. CENTRAL. MILLLIIITTIIIIIAAAAAA!!! There's not much reaction for the Militia's entrance besides a few bored yawns. Even as they flash every gang sign known to blood and crip, the South Central fighters still can not gain more then a couple of apathetic boos from the audience. COACH We can talk about Krista and Alix competing at Anglemania in their hometown of Los Angeles, but I think it would be pretty tight for The Militia to wrestle for the tag belts in front of friends, family, and ex-cellmates! COLE They better hope and pray they win the Anderson Cup, because that's the only way we'll ever see The Militia at Anglemania! Synth's one day in the county blues for indecently exposing his Heavenly instrument to a gaggle of nuns (read all about it at OAOAST.com) has apparently caused him to see the light of Islam, and he joins Brother Abdullah in glorious prayer before the match. COACH It uplifts my soul and empowers my spirit to see how rich and diverse the OAOAST is! With Synth occupied by his odd conversion to Islam, Logan is forced to begin the match against Vinny Santana. Though Santana isn't much of a fan favorite in the OAOAST, its Logan who bears the enterity of the fans ill will “LOGAN SUCKS! LOGAN SUCKS! LOGAN SUCKS!” Mann scorns disdainfully at the hateful audience, trying to stare them into silence. However, he only increases their venom. Once he manages to put aside the fans harsh words, he meets Vinny with a lockup. The lanky brawler quickly overpowers his foe into a headlock and cranks mightily on the hold. Despite this, Mann isn't terribly concerned or bothered by Vinny's clutches and begins arrogantly shrugging his shoulders as if to say “Is this all?” COLE I see losing the tag titles has done nothing to harm Logan's ego. COACH The man's got swagger! Swag! The Gunslingers jacked The Rockers belts, but they can't jack the swag! Bored with Whitey's mundane hold, Logan presses his hands against his bony stomach, and roughly shoves him into the ropes. In spite of the fact that Vinny weighs about sixty pounds soaking wet, he actually manages to bowl the MACHO macho Mann over with a shoulder block on his return. Pleased with this small achievement, Vinny smiles a toothless grin before taking off to the opposite ropes. But, his luck runs out when he returns to Mann, and the two time tag team champion flattens him a leaping lariat! “ROCK N ROLL GONNA SAVE THE WORLD!” Logan hollers through cupped hands. “LOGAN SUCKS! LOGAN SUCKS! LOGAN SUCKS!” Santana stands under his own power, but is promptly trapped by an arm wrench from Mann. Logan wrenches and torques on the limb with all the power in his thin body, drawing out distressed cries from his gangbanging foe. Unable to suffer the pain any longer, Santana grabs hold of Logan's free arm and overpowers him into the opposite ropes. Whitey lowers his head, partially out of anguish, partially to have Logan leap frog him. But he gains nothing but further misery when Logan slams his yellow boots into his chest. Amazingly the boot didn't go right through Vinny's paper thin chest, it only shot him upright, and left him gasping for air. In order to capitalize on his rivals' weakened state, Mann bounds off the ropes once more. But as he returns, Vinny storms through him with the Drive-By (Running flying forearm smash), which sends Logan toppling to the mat. “Get up, Logan! Don't let this piece of crap push you around like that!” Holly yells on the outside. With a solid chunk of about sixteen different dreadlocks, Vinny leads the rock god off the canvas. In dire danger of ripping the hair extensions straight out Mann's scalp, Whitey brings him into the SCM corner where he applies the tag with a growling Wallace. There's a small smattering of boos offered to the ex-convict's appearance in the match, but that's soon replaced by a larger murmur of curiosity as the audience watches intently while Wallace lugs his timberland boots onto the top rope. COLE This is an unusual spot for One Eye Wallace to be in! COACH If you're gonna take a risk, take one on the biggest tournament of the year. Logan is tightened into a front facelock, and then in one blinding fast motion is snap suplexed into the canvas. Moving with such speed, that he leaps into the air as the ring still vibrates from Logan's impact, Wallace dismounts his nest with a body splash! Although Logan is well aware that a heavily muscled criminal is descending upon him at rapid pace, the aftermath of Santana's snap suplex keeps him tangled within Vinny's arms, thus holding him into place. “BROTHER LOGAN, RAISE YOUR KNEES!” Abdullah instructs him. Logan follows his manager's brilliant advice and hastily brings his knees into his chest. Just as AAN predicted, Wallace's trajectory takes him painfully into Logan's shield. The hearts of the fans' sink, as they were almost certain they were about to witness the demise of The Rockers' lead singer. Santana is more disgruntled by the avoidance then dejected, and quickly moves to take his anger out on Mann. He pulls Logan off the canvas, then lowers him into the setup for a DDT. Finally, he throws his body backwards, spiking Mann's long thick dreads into the mat with a snap DDT. While the fans applaud Logan's agony, Vinny drags his associate onto the rockstar for a pinfall... ONE! TWO! Mann rips his body out the pinfall, and rushes upright. As Vinny stands to join him, he's greeted by a pair of thudding elbow strikes that leave him badly dazed. With the South Central dweller out on his feet, Mann carries himself to the ropes. When he rebounds to his rival, he extends his muscular arm out and lacerates Vinnny with a lariat! The mammoth pain the hold puts him under motivates him to roll towards the outside and a catch a breather, while his partner begins doing his share of the work. Unfortunately Wallace is just as ineffective against Logan as Vinny. When he stands, he's immediately blown back to the ground courtesy of one of Logan's wicked left hooks! As Wallace clutches a badly bloodied nose, his rival towers above him, blowing on his fist and smirking with self satisfaction. “LOGAN SUCKS! LOGAN SUCKS! LOGAN SUCKS!” Despite the large amount of pain afflicting him, Wallace valiantly attempts to struggle upright. However, the Sin Citizen keeps him grounded with a spinning elbow drop. He then pins his foe.... ONE TWO Roaring with animal ferocity, Wallace thrusts his shoulder from the canvas. This show of defiance is not greeted well by Triple M, who pumps a round of fist drops into the chest of One Eye. Once his fist dropping concludes, Mann scrapes his adversary off the mat, and drags him over to corner. He applies the tag with Synth, then gives strict orders to “Finish this bitch off!” The Synthanator attempts to make good on this order with a basic bodyslam. As Wallace convulses in pain, Synth takes towards the ropes. When he returns to his rival, he leaps into a senton and crushes him beneath his bodyweight. Referee Earl Hebner counts the ensuing pinfall! ONE! TWO! Once more Wallace kicks out, which mysteriously prompts Abdullah to begin reciting a prayer for his Muslim brother's safe victory. Unable to join his spiritual guide in prayer, Synth focuses on his enemy, dragging him off the canvas and preparing him for an Irish whip. However, the thuggish brute reverses the hold, yet instead of throwing Esizer into the ropes, he hauls the drummer into his body. Pressed against the fake-gold chain coated frame of One-Eye, Synth is turned upside down and dropped onto his back with a bodyslam. The pain of such a hold barely has a moment to register on his mind before the burly gangster cuts through his neck with a leg drop. While the former tag team champion struggles for breath, Wallace efforts a pinfall... ONE! TWO! Synth kicks out! “BOOOOOO!” ABDULLAH Considering the previous count to be somewhat on the slow side, Wallace retries his pin.. ONE! TWO! But Synth lifts his shoulder off the mat long before the three count, drawing a miserable song of jeers and boos from the capacity crowd. COACH Every year I think the Anderson Cup just gets better and better and better. And this years will be the best yet once The Rockers win their second cup and demolish The Gunslingers at Anglemania! Perhaps making it out of the first round might be a more realistic and pressing goal for The Rockers, as Synth is brought down to the canvas by a double underhook suplex. The Synthmesier doesn't have much time to lick old wounds, as Wallace latches onto his unkempt hair and brings him upright. He shoves him into his team's corner, where proceeds to punish him with elbows to the chest. The sound of Wallace's arm painfully thudding into Synth's pecs ecohes throughout the arena, giving the spectators something to smile about. Eventually, Synth is able to turn the tides on his foe by slashing him with an elbow strike of his own. He then proceeds to batter the the man with swift punches to the face. Yet he finds his offensive flurry quickly cut short by a devastating mongolion chop from the Californian. While Synth writhes on the mat in distress, Wallace returns his partner to the bout. COLE I have to say this is some smart tagging strategy by The Militia. COACH You can't afford to be stupid in AC. Every single move counts. You gotta be on point from start to end! Santana enters the ring with fiery passion outlining his face and decisive victory on his mind. But, his fantasy momentarily fails to materialize as Synth strikes him with a diving elbow samsh that flings him between the orange ring ropes and lands him harshly on the apron. Perturbed by Esizer's offensive renaissance, Whitey quickly rises to enact his revenge. Unfortunately for him his plan goes horribly, astray, when the rockstar slings his knee through the ropes and catches Vinny directly in the testicles! Viny's strained, screams of unimaginable torture don't do much to incite the audience's sympathy. They're too preoccupied with reminding Holly that they consider her a slut. While Holly reaches over the guardrail to pick a fight with the crass fans, Synth reaches through the ropes pick up his crass rival. He attempts to bring him into the ring with a basic vertical suplex, but at the height of the hold, Vinny shifts his bodyweight backwards to land behind the music sensation. Without wasting a moment of time, Santana snares his arms around Synth's pudgy waist and hurls him through the sky with a German suplex! Esizer bombs across the canvas with a ring shuddering impact that delights the Texas fanbase. Pleased with the painful results of his technique, Santana rolls Synth to his feet and strikes him with a second suplex! Esizer's groaning is pained and long, a noise that pleads with Vinny's sadistic side to utilize a third suplex. But as the gangster brings Synth back to his feet, Da Synthanator stuns him with a neckbreaker! “BOOOOOO!” COLE You know Santana didn't expect that one! He's cruising right along with two German Suplexes, and then all of a sudden a neckbreaker. You have to always be on your guard when facing a two time tag team champion. Above the crowd's noisy and vulgar griping, is the fast talking voice of Abdullah Abir Nerdly singing prayers and songs to motivate his spiritual protegee to his corner. The power of Abdullah's prayer is magnificent, and its holy properties raise Synth to his feet. Problematically, Santana has also left the ground, and clutching his sore neck, he looks none to happy with Synth's escape from his suplexes. In an effort to battle back the brawler before he can do him further damage, Synth flicks his boot out in a sidekick. However, Whitey catches hold of the gaudy yellow shoe, and uses it to give Synth a nauseating 180 twirl. With Synth dangerously facing away from him, Whitey succeeds in fastening his head between his arms, and hooking onto his black tights in set up for a back suplex. But as he lifts the Las Vegan into the air, Esizer tightens his arm around his neck, throws his body forward and punishes his rival with a bulldog! Santana screams out in anguish as pain rockets through every inch of his goateed face. SYNTH As his opponent's attention is captured solely by his throbbing anguish, Esizer is unhindered in his journey to the corner to make the tag with The MACHO Macho Mann! Logan's arrival into the affair is greeted with a cold front by the audience, who pelt him with jeers and disdain. Somewhat annoyed by being the target of eighteen thousand people's hatred, Mann begins jawing with the booing audience. Unfortunately his decision to engage in a verbal battle with the fans takes his eyes off the physical battle with Santana, and Whitey hammers him with the Drive By running forearm smash. COACH That's the quickest I've ever seen a hot tag get cooled down. Thinking Logan to be weakened by the simplistic strike, Whitey charges to the ropes. As he returns his jeans clad legs slice through the air with a Scissors Kick! But to his incredible surprise, Logan sidesteps the overly telegraphed attack. His shock over the miss quickly turning to bitter rage, Vinny tries to swipe Mann with a discus lariat. Unfortunately the telegraphing of his movements continues to haunt Whitey, as Logan clutches onto his slow moving arm, and uses it to drive his entire body downwards with a single arm DDT! But Vinny gets to his feet with remarkable quickness, and angles his uninjured arm to strike Logan down with a punch. Mann stymies Whitey by ducking to the ground and dragging the brawler down with him with a leg sweep! SYNTH and LOGAN “ROCKERS SUCK! ROCKERS SUCK! ROCKERS SUCK!” For a moment it seems as if Logan might throw himself head first into another debate with the audience, but he quickly defies everyone's expectations; he makes a sudden dash to the SCM's corner and uses his taped left fists to slug Wallace in the jaw. COLE That might not have been the best idea. COACH No kidding, Cole. You don't wanna piss off the guy with manslaughter and three counts of armed robbery on his record. No championship is worth that! Logan quickly finds out why this is the case, as a howling and roaring Wallace charges into the ring with full intent on massacring Mann. Stricken with an understandable panic, Logan drops to the mat and begs for divine intervention. Further proof that god has no taste; Wallace misses Logan entirely and ends up nearly decapitating his comrade with a Regal Style Knee Stike! “Damn, damn, damn!” Wallace whines, while the audience boos his inability to lay waste to Logan. Taking advantage of One-Eye's preoccupation with own failings, Synth rushes across the ring and overtakes him with a lariat! The attack carries with it so much incredible force and momentum that it causes both grapplers to topple over the ropes and free fall to the outside. As the competitors crash into thin mats bellow, the fans get to their feet and holler their delight with the carnage. COLE Synth's really giving up the body to make certain his team pulls through in the Anderson Cup! COACH And he shouldn't have to! Screw stipulations, The Rockers deserved an instant rematch with The Gunslingers! Back inside the ring Wallace and Mann trade chops that rip away at each other's chocolate colored flesh, and draw the requisite whoos from the fans. “WHOOO!” “WHOOO! “WHOOO!” “WHOOO!” But the whooing is abruptly crashed to a halt by an elbow smash from Wallace! Thinking that Logan is mortally wounded by such a basic maneuver, One Eye envelops Logan's head with his massive palm and raises his hand in preparation for The Silver Bullet (Samoan Spike)! “You dead now, Mann!” he bellows in his deep gravely tone. Yet as his hand screams towards Logan's forehead, the rock n wrestling star ducks beneath it and runs to the ropes! Wallace quickly follows suit preparing to strike Logan down with a big boot once they reach other. But as One Eye hits the ropes, his shoe is caught by the meddling Abdullah Abir Nerdly! COLE Foul play by a foul little troll! COACH Stop the car, mang, you can't call the speaker for the prophets a foul little troll. That's how you getcha ass shipped to the devil. Without even needing so much as a dirty look cast his way, Abdullah innocently lets Wallace goes free. Caught off guard by the sudden release of his shackles, the big man stumbles himself into a toe kick from Logan Mann. Doubled over by the unexpected attack, Wallace is easily trapped inside Logan's front facelock. As his rival struggles to be free of his bonds, Logan twirls the FINGER OF DOOM~! “LOGAN SUCKS! LOGAN SUCKS! LOGAN SUCKS!” COLE This cost Logan big at New Years Spectacular! But it pays off in a big way here on HeldDOWN; Mann shoots his body backwards and scrambles what little brains Wallace has with his famous finisher the Percussion DDT. Leaving the crowd to boo the deadly move, Logan smiles broadly as he hooks the legs of his beaten foe. ONE! TWO! THREE! Logan immediately dismounts Wallace and throws his arms into the air, looking towards the sky and giving thanks to whatever god he believes in for the victory. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen the winners of this opening round Anderson Cup match as a result of a pinfall and advancing to the second round of the Los Infernales Confrences....THE HEAVENLY ROCKERS!!! No one in attendance seems to be terribly happy about the result, and they lustily boo the idea of The Rockers advancing to the second round. But, as mad as the fans are, Lolly is every bit as happy, and they swap spit in the kind of way that earns this show its TV-MA rating. Synth takes a more ethereal approach to his celebration, joining Colonel Abdullah in prayer and worship for well...Colonel Abdullah. Hey, he's the speaker for the prophets after all. COLE And so The Heavenly Rockers advance through the Los Infernales Conference to face the winners of Team Heyross against Jumbo and Deuce. Who do you think they're more interested in being matched up against? COACH Jumbo and Deuce, obviously. They'd take that match any day of the week. But, if team tons of fun actually manages to get past Team Heyross, then, man, there's gonna be reason for it, and that reason is gonna make things tough for The Rockers. But all in all, I expect it'll be The Rockers facing off against Team Heyross. COLE We'll find out on January 24th when Team Heyross matches up with Jumbo and Deuce! Keeping up with the subject of the Anderson Cup, last Thursday night at the New Year‘s Spectacular, the Sooner Bruisers made their triumphant return to the OAOAST defeating Los Conquistadors in first round Anderson Cup action. Their first appearance since losing to the Heavenly Rockers at AngleMania VI, the result of a stipulation cause in the bout that stated the loser must leave town for 90 days. Before we listen to some pre-recorded comments from the Sooner Bruisers, let’s relive the closing moments of their match last week. Courtesy: New Year's Spectacular[/b] Uno’s sent in for the ride and nailed on the rebound with a TILT-A-WHIRL SLAM! Big Frank makes the tag and places Uno on his shoulder as Uber climbs the turnbuckles and delivers a TOP ROPE BULLDOG!! COACH That’ll do it. Big Frank takes care of Dos as the cover is made. ONE… TWO… THREE! We cut to the Bruisers in front of a grey backdrop. UBER Ow, ow, ow, owwww! Hey, everybody. Guess who’s back in town? The Sooner Bruisers, that’s who! BIG FRANK What a long strange trip the past few months have been for my brother and I, having to sit back and watch people get their butts kicked instead of kicking them ourselves. Yeah, we could’ve come back months ago, but we wanted our return to mean something. That’s why we signed up for the Anderson Cup. Because of the level of talent the OAOAST tag team division possesses, it’d take months to climb to the top of the ladder. The Anderson Cup gives us the best of both worlds. If there’s one thing we love more than a dozen fine ladies, it’s a damn good fight. So every tag team in the OAOAST better download the latest security update because a virus named the Sooner Bruisers is about to affect you all. UBER We’re the Sooner Bruisers and we approved this message. The Psycho Gremlin HOWLS as the piece ends. COMING UP NEXT ALL THE NEW POISONS BOHEMOTH VS CHRISTIAN WRIGHT NEXT OAOAST QUIZdown is brought you by the brand new Halloween Spectacular DVD Which One of These Former World Champions Has Never Mainevented Anglemania? A.Crystal B.Hoff C.Peter Knight D.Calvin Szechstein The answer still to come The answer coming up later in the show! Edited January 11, 2008 by Patty O'Green Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted January 11, 2008 (edited) We find ourselves back in the arena, just as the opening chords of ZZ Top's "Sharp Dressed Man" begins to play out through the speakers. COLE Here we go, our first of two Pick Your Poison Matches. Let's go to Michael Buffer! BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall. "Clean shirt New shoes And I dont know where I am goin to. Silk suit Black tie, I dont need a reason why. They come runnin just as fast as they can Coz every girl crazy bout a sharp dressed man." To the resounding boos of the San Antonio fans, Christian Wright swaggers out from the entrance way with his trusty briefcase in hand and indeed a sharp suit on. Wright turns his nose up at the fans as he adjusts his tie, making his way down the aisle and brushing away the attention of the fans and their outstretched hands. BUFFER Introducing first... representing THE ENTERPRISE! Now residing in Washington D.C. He weighs in at approximately '8 and 1/3 BARS OF GOLD'... The Financial Analyst of The Enterprise, this is "THE NATURAL"... CCHHHRRRIIISSTTIIIIIIAAAAAAAAAAANN... WWWWRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGHHHHHHTT!!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Setting down his briefcase in one corner of the ring, Christian rounds the ring another side and jumps onto the apron. Straightening out the lappels of his suit, the smug Financial Analyst makes the "money fingers" as a sign of his allegiance to The Enterprise before he steps into the ring. COACH Look at that man. He is stylin' tonight Michael! COLE The finest polyester that money can buy, I'm sure. COACH I'm sure that wasn't supposed to be a compliment, but yes, yes it is! Only the finest for The Enterprise and only the finest for Christian Wright. Christian carefully removes his red jacket, equally as carefully folding it up and placing it on top of the briefcase. Off too comes his white dress shirt and tie, now ready for 'business' in just his dark grey suit pants. COLE So, by Zack Malibu's making, it's going to be Christian Wright to challenge Bohemoth in mere moments. This marking the first one on one meeting between the former confidants since July 20th of 2006, inside of a fifteen foot high steel cage. Almost a year and a half ago. Still waters run deep though and I'm sure Christian hasn't forgotten the downfall his career took after he parted ways with Bo and after he lost that Cage Match. COACH That was until he was acquired by The Enterprise. Christian's hasn't looked back since. He's an Anderson Cup winner, he's a former World Tag Team Champion, he's a sharp dressed man! Let's face it, things turned out for the best. Christian limbers up... *BbwWbAhmotherfuckerLlIiiBbbEErRrAATtTeeyYyOUUurRrMmmMmMiIInNnDddDd!!* "YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" ...until "Liberate" by Disturbed provokes a huge reaction from the crowd, causing Christian to turn his head and glare at them. COLE Now here's a REAL Sharp Dressed Man! Powering out from the back, Bohemoth marches straight for the ring. BUFFER And, his opponent hails from Greenville, South Carolina! Weighing two hundred, eighty four pounds... "THE METEROSEXUAL MONSTER"... BBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO - HHHHHEEEEEEEEEMMMMMOOOOOOOOOTTHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! "YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Amped up, Bohemoth runs up the steps and down the apron... ...where he suddenly gets shoulder-barged, right off the apron and into the steel barricade beloWii "OOOOOOHHHH... BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE Woah! Hang on just a minute here! What a cheapshot from Christian Wright, before Bohemoth could even get into the ring! COACH Correction, what a smart cheapshot! *DINGDINGDING!* The lights quickly snap back to normal and the bell is hurriedly rung as thanks to Christian Wright, we're underway. Wright slides out of the ring and stays right on Bohemoth, stomping him up against the guardrail with the fans' abuse barely registering. Pulling Bo back to his feet, CW then pins the left arm behind the back with a hammerlock and DRIVES Bohemoth back into the steel again! The Meterosexual Monster collapses holding his shoulder, as referee Mike Chioda leaves the ring to reminstrate with Wright. "CHRIS - TIAN SUCKS!" "CHRIS - TIAN SUCKS!" "CHRIS - TIAN SUCKS!" "CHRIS - TIAN SUCKS!" COLE Christian trying to do some serious damage to that left shoulder of Bohemoth, before Bo even knows what's hit him! Wright holds his hands up innocently as the referee gives him a firm warning. He rolls back into the ring and continues to plead his innocence, co-operating now and backing away while a count is laid on Bohemoth on the floor. "BO - HE - MOTH!" "BO - HE - MOTH!" "BO - HE - MOTH!" "BO - HE - MOTH!" COACH Looks like the brains have gotten the better of the brawn, Michael. COLE And now it looks like Wright is happy to settle for a count-out victory. Is that 'brains'? COACH Hey, a win's a win. Who says CW's making do with a count-out though? He's just standing back on the referee's orders, following the rules. COLE Oh, how noble of him. As Chioda reaches the count of 6, Bohemoth manages to pull himself up onto the apron. Wright gives him a helping hand to his feet before catching with a forearm to the face. And a second. With Bo dazed on the apron, Wright then backs into the far ropes and aims to repeat his charge from earlier... only for Bohemoth to duck his head through the ropes and cut CW off with a shoulder. Unfortunately for Bohemoth though, that shoulder happens to be his left. And Wright is able to shrug it off while the bigman is still nursing his arm, catching the wrist and snapping the left arm over the top rope! Bo recoils in pain and gets dragged into the ring by Wright, snapmared and covered... 1... ...quick kickout by Bo, but even that seems to aggravate the shoulder. COLE Smart move there by Wright, focusing his body weight on the right side and forcing Bohemoth to use the left arm to get out of the pin. Pinpointing the arm, Wright lays in a boot. A second finds the mark as well, prompting Bo to lash out with a right hand to the gut. Wright suddenly doesn't feel so dominant and resorts to a shortcut, gouging at the eyes and nose of the kneeling Bohemoth! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Another warning is taken in from the referee, Wright backing away long enough to allow Bohemoth back up. Caught in the corner, Bo is levelled with a clothesline once The Natural is able to shrug off the attentions of the referee. Wright immediately takes off into the ropes again. But as he bounces back, Bohemoth is on the move and catches Wright coming with a clothesline of his own! "YYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!" COACH OH! COLE And the work on the left arm will do nothing to soften the blow of that brutal clothesline of The Meterosexual Monster from the right side! With a growl under his breath Bohemoth grabs Wright as he comes up off the canvas, popping him with a right hand that leaves him on rubbery legs. Another right hand sends CW staggering backwards into a corner, where he finds little respite. Bo loads him from corner to corner with a powerful irish whip... and then shows his former mentor how to REALLY deliver a clothesline in the corner, almost driving Christian through the turnbuckles, let alone into them. Staggering out into the centre of the ring, Wright walks right into Bohemoth's arms. The Meterosexual Monster underhooks Wright and shuffles to the side... ...PITCHING WRIGHT UP AND OVER THE TOP ROPE TO THE FLOOR WITH A HUGE HIPTOSS!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" COACH Oh god! COLE Christian Wright just got thrown... no, he got LAUNCHED out of the ring! Ending up splattered against the steel guardrail, much like Bohemoth had earlier, Wright is also subjected to the indgnity of two young fans leaning over the barricade right above him and laughing at his misfortune. A very pained "Silence!" not enough to shut them up. COLE That right there is a good example of why Bohemoth is going to be one of the heavy favourites, going into the Lethal Rumble Match in seventeen days! Bohemoth, despite the pleas from referee Chioda who is trying in vain to keep control of the match, leaves the ring and retrieves Wright. By the head, he throws him forward, the already unsteady Wright bouncing off the ring apron and falling flat on his ass. COLE And now Bohemoth just imposing his physical will. Christian crawls away with Bo on his tail, preventing him from getting too far. Forced up again, Wright is again thrown forward... *THUD!* ...this time, head-first into the steel steps!! COACH Now this is just uncalled for. COLE Hey, Christian was more than happy taking the fight to the outside a few minutes ago. What's good for the goose and all that. COACH ...UNCALLED FOR~! Bundling Christian back into the ring, Bohemoth scoops him up and over the shoulder for a big running powerslam. The 'running', that's no problem. But the powerslam doesn't come off as Wright escapes down the back and manages to push Bohemoth in the back, hard enough to send him into the turnbuckles! Bo collides with the corner, left shoulder first, re-aggravating his injury. And as Bo falls to one knee, Christian quickly rears back... and kicks his former bodyguard right in the side of the head!! "OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Quick cover by Christian... 1... 2... NO! Wright looks up, holding his head both in despair and in pain. Already, Bo is shaking out the cobwebs and attempting to get back up. So Christian quickly applies an armbar. COLE Christian is going to have a tough time keeping Bohemoth down, but he knows that he's at a disadvantage when going toe to toe. He has to try and keep Bo on the mat. Otherwise, one clothesline and as we saw earlier it could all change in a hurry. Pinning the arm behind the head, a modified top wristlock is applied with a chinlock. "BO!" "BO!" "BO!" WRIGHT SILENCE! "BO!" "BO!" "BO!" The non co-operation of the crowd prompts Christian to pull even tighter on the chinlock, twisting Bo's head off to the side. Bohemoth refuses to give it up though. Pulling himself up, Bohemoth forces Christian back into a corner and waits for the referee to call the break. On five Christian releases the arm... and instantly gets a shoulder in the gut! And a second! Three, four, five, Bo driving CW back against the buckles repeatedly. When he finally relents, Wright quickly capitalises and traps Bo in a front facelock. But Bohemoth refuses to go back down to the mat and drives Christian back in with another shoulder barge! And another! Another... another... and another! COLE This old rivalry spilling over and the referee is struggling to keep both of these men in line. COACH You don't say. This has to be at least 12 seconds in the corner. Bohemoth finally lets up and this time there's no facelock from Wright. He instead gets spun around and thrown up onto the shoulder again. Wright tries to squirm free again but this time there's no mistake from Bohemoth, running out of the corner and planting CW with a Running Powerslam! "YYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" COLE As we said, toe to toe, Wright is just being overpowered. Bohemoth backs away into a corner, waiting for Wright to get back up. The Natural looks half out of it already as he drags himself back to his feet, stopping halfway to catch his breath. Once Wright gets back up, Bohemoth then comes out of the corner, throwing himself forward with a Yakuza Kick... ...DUCKED! Wright avoids the kick... ...but gets planted with a Front Spinebuster as he turns around! COLE Nothing like a Spinebuster in the OAOAST! Hook of the leg by Bo... 1... 2... SHOULDER UP! Not waiting around and crying over spilt milk, Bohemoth jumps back up and looks out into the crowd, rising to their feet in unison. Thumbs Up. THUMBS DOWN~! "YYYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE Pick Your Poison... we may have just found the antidote! Bohemoth picks CW up and scoops him int... ...NO! As he's scooped up The Natural pulls a rabbit from his hat, jumping up and floating over the back. Wright lands safely, Bohemoth spins around... *SMACK!* ...and eats a Superkick!! COACH Ch-ching! Count it! COLE What an irony this would be! Superkick by Christian Wright, the man chosen by Zack Malibu to face Bohemoth tonight. Looking almost relieved, Wright walks over on his knees, dropping on top of Bohemoth with a cover... 1... 2... KICKOUT! "YYYEEEEEEEEEEE...." But as soon as Bo kicks out, Wright jumps over the other side and applies a Fujiwara armbar on the left arm! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Chioda slides into position as CW pushes up onto the balls of his feet to torque back on the arm. Pain is etched on the usual cool face of Bohemoth, unable to use his power to alieviate the pressure on the hold. Bohemoth shows no signs of quitting though and starts to crawl forward towards the ropes. COLE Look at Christian, wrenching back on the arm. It's a rare occurance, if ever, that Bohemoth quits but The Natural is doing his damndest to make tonight one of those nights! COACH I'm sure Zack is loving this. But this is about more than Zack now. This is Christian's chance, 18 months later, to finally prove his superiority over the man he made, that he plucked from obscurity! As Wright pulls back on the arm Bo lets out a shout and tries to make another crawl. The ropes are a long way away though and Christian is rocking back and forth, exerting even more pressure. "BO - HE - MOTH!" "BO - HE - MOTH!" "BO - HE - MOTH!" "BO - HE - MOTH!" With the San Antonio crowd growing louder in their support, Bohemoth has stopped crawling but is suddenly starting to stir around. He looks for a second to be set to tap, only to plant his free hand on the ring canvas. And forgetting all about the ropes, he instead starts to attempt to climb out of the hold under his own power! Christian shakes his head 'no', but the Meterosexual Monster manages to get his knees underneath him and starts to rise. With a low groan of exertion, Bohemoth then gets a foot planted... ...and suddenly stands up... ...bringing the head-shaking Natural up with him and dropping him down with a Sidewalk Slam!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" Bohemoth rolls away clutching his shoulder, leaving the flat out Wright behind. COLE What a show of strength and determination from Bohemoth right there... a side slam, bad arm and all! With both men off their feet, referee Chioda begins a ten count on them. Bohemoth doesn't use up much of it before getting back up, left arm hanging a little limp at his side, while he uses the good right arm to pull Wright to his feet. Throwing Christian aside and into a corner, Bo rears back and nails him with a big right hand! And a second one. COLE Bohemoth fighting with one arm at the moment but he's doing okay with those heavy rights. Down the turnbuckles slides Wright, left slumped against the bottom turnbuckle. Bohemoth places the flat of his foot over Christian's face and forces down, bootscraping him. A couple more scrapes leave Christian completely prone as Bohemoth then takes off for the far ropes. Avoiding the turnbuckles, Bo comes back from the far side of the ring... AND OBLITERATES CW'S FACE WITH THE FACEWASH!!! "OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Grabbing hold of Christian's wrist, Bohemoth then hauls him right back to his feet... and drops him with another big clothesline! COLE Hey, I just got a text message from Alix Maria Spezia. She says "Thanks Bo, but you needn't have bothered with the face, it was already broken. Peace out.". COACH Pfft, like Alix even knows who you are. With Wright seeing stars, Bohemoth leans in the corner and gets his wind back. He then pushes himself out of the corner, shaking out his left arm as he stalks Christian. Thumbs Up. THUMBS DOWN~! Bohemoth grabs Christian from his knees, scooping him up into his arms. The left arm is tested by the lift but, comfortable that he's got enough left in it, Bo walks out into the middle of the ring with Christian, before swinging him around... ...out... ...and DOWN~! COLE Erotic Awakening Of B!! 1... 2... 3!!!! *DINGDINGDING!* "Liberate" strikes up again as Bohemoth rolls over and grabs his arm again now the match is over. Referee Mike Chioda calls for the bell and goes to raise the arm, not thinking, which earns him a stern look from Bohemoth. He quickly makes up for it by raising the good arm. BUFFER Here is your winner... "THE METEROSEXUAL MONSTER"... BBOOOOOO - HHHHHEEEEEEMMOOOOOOTTHHHH!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" Bo looks down at his former mentor as he stares vacantly up at the lights, working out another kink in his shoulder before stepping over Wright on his way out of the ring. COLE Certainly a stern test for Bohemoth here tonight. But one that he's passed here against Christian Wright. The question now is, how will Zack Malibu fair in comparison in our main event? COACH Well he's got quite a bit to live up to. As Bohemoth walks to the back, Christian slowly comes to his senses in the ring. When he realises what's actually happened he hangs his head and slumps back to the canvas, protesting that it was just a two count despite only showing signs of life a good twenty seconds after the bell actually sounded. COLE And for Christian Wright, he's at least got the defence of the Anderson Cup to console himself with, starting next week. When we come back we'll hear from The Lonestar Gunslingers, making an appearance in their hometown! COMMERCIAL Edited January 11, 2008 by Patty O'Green Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted January 11, 2008 (edited) And now, the OAOAST SPINEBUSTER OF THE WEEK. Courtesy: New Year's Spectacular Standing over his fallen rival, Logan twirls the FINGER OF DOOM~! COLE Uh-oh. We know what that means. The end may be near. COACH The end isn’t near, it’s here. Percussion DDT coming up. Lost in the mayhem, Synth and Jock, who leave each other wasted following a suplex on the arena floor. Inside, Logan hooks the head…but Baron ducks under and brings the Macho MACHO Mann down with a BACKSLIDE! ONE… TWO… THREE!!! * DINGDINGDING * “YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!” COACH No way! No freaking way! COLE They did it! They did it! New champions! LOGAN Jaws drop (Abdullah and Holly) and tears begin to shed (Melody) as Earl Hebner awards the tag belts to Baron Windels. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the winners of the match and NEW… COLE All right, yeah! Melody and Jock mob Baron. BUFFER …tag team champions of the world… THE LONE STAR GUNSLINGEERRRRRSSSS!! “YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!” The new champs hand Melody the tag titles and hoist her on their shoulders. COLE Jock and Baron exercised the demon tonight, finally overcoming the one obstacle that’s always stood in their path to become the One & Only World tag team champions. Live shot of MAGGIE NERDLY atop the world famous INTERVIEW STAGE with the crowd behind her. MAGGIE San Antonio, your favorite sons return home champions! “YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!” The fans cheer wildly as Jock Mulligan and Baron Windels head out to the interview location proudly displaying the World tag team titles, while Melody waves and blows kisses to the crowd as Fall Out Boy‘s Thriller blares in the background. COLE Listen to this ovation! You’d think the San Antonio Spurs had just won another NBA title. COACH Before we crown them as the greatest tag team in OAOAST history, let’s see how they handle the pressure of being champion. We know they’re physically tough, but are they mentally as well? COLE Their performance last week proved that. Now onstage the Gunslingers drape the tag belts across Melody’s shoulders, putting a smile on her face. MAGGIE Jock, Baron, I offer my congratulations to you. And Melody, you said the Gunslingers were going to do it and they did. It’s gotta be a dream come true. MELODY Sweet dreams are made of these. Who is anybody to disagree? I’ve traveled the world and the 7 seas. Now I manage the One & Only World tag team champions! (firing imaginary pistols) YEE-HAW! “YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!” MAGGIE : ) MELODY Only 10 days into 2008 and I’ve already had the best year ever, Mags. I knew, just knew, when I won the Angle for Manager of the Year that Jock and Baron would become tag team champions. Fate, destiny, whatever you wanna call it. It was a sign. Except I made sure not to run over them like I did the ones during my driver’s test. We studied hard, trained harder and got rewarded. Let that be a message to all the kids out there. If you want it bad enough and you’re willing to work for it then you too can become a champion. MAGGIE Speaking of work, guys; winning the championship may prove to be the easiest part of your title reign as it only gets difficult from here now that you’ll have every team gunning for you. JOCK You’re exactly right, little lady. Baron and I are walking around town with a bulls-eye on our backs. Friend and foe alike will be lining up for a shot at the most prestigious tag title in the sport today, the One & Only World tag team championship. Well boys, there won’t be any need to plan a heist. All you have to do is sign your names on that dotted line and hit us with your best shot because we aren‘t going to be ducking anybody. BARON No paper champions here. Whether it be Melody’s own brothers the Christ Air Express or the Enterprise’s Beverly Hills Blonds, we’ll meet every challenge anytime, anywhere. It’s our way of giving back to the fans for all their support in our quest for justice and the One & Only World tag team championship. MAGGIE Funny you should mention the Christ Air Express and Beverly Hills Blonds. As you know, they’re 2 of the teams involved in the 2008 Anderson Cup and there’s a real possibility you could be facing either one a couple of months from now in Los Angeles at AngleMania VII. MELODY Wouldn’t that be the most awesomeness thing ever? My brothers against the Lone Star Gunslingers? Talk about a match that could main event anywhere in the world! COACH If you mean a flea market with Billy Kidman on the undercard. COLE JOCK Having gotten to know Marv and Mel in recent months we’d sure love to see them win it, but we know firsthand how grueling the Anderson Cup is. Whoever comes out the winner will have earned their shot at the title. “Thriller” is cued and the Gunslingers/Melody play to the crowd. MAGGIE There you have it. The Lone Star Gunslingers are happy to be champions and have said they’ll take on all comers. All they need to do is sign their name on the dotted line. Right now let’s take a look at next week’s Anderson Cup matches. NEXT WEEK ON HELDDOWN~! More First Round Anderson Cup Action THE ENTERPRISE vs. RESCUE 911 & LOS DIABLOS DE FEUGO VS. Nathaniel Black/Jamie O'Hara COMING UP NEXT HOLLYWOOD's BADDEST GIRL COMES TO TEXAS Alix Maria Spezia Vs Rescue 911 NEXT Edited January 11, 2008 by Tony149 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted January 11, 2008 (edited) RECORDED MUCH EARLIER TODAY The scene is The Enterprise dressing room, decorated to appear as some extravagant combination of a luxury CEO's top floor office, and a stunning multi million dollar New York penthouse suite. Pictures of every Enterprise member engaged in some grandoise triumph hang above lush and intricately arranged greenery. Where plants are sparse, mini bars and fully stocked refrigerators fill in. Comfortable leather seats, which house a reclining CPA, and a sleeping Ned Blanchard are plentiful throughout the room. Stationed at the porcelain sink, Molly Nerdly and Simon Singleton try their hardest to remove fudge splotches from the Siclopse. Elsewhere, Moneymaker sits at the head of the room behind a large black desk sharing a jumbo box of Miss Spezia Sweetie's Little Boy Blue BlueBerry cookies. MONEYMAKER And so we now know how the opening shot of our latest war on the OAOAST tag division will be fired. That child minded little tart Alix will demolish our first round Anderson Cup opponents, Rescue 911. And if our plan holds true, her victory will have bankrupted them of confidence, disrobed them of their facade of self esteem, and brought their chances of victory to ruination. WRIGHT Yes, yes, sir. And with broad smiles, and uplifted hearts we shall endeavor to do no more then neatly mop up the remnants of the underfoot Rescue 911, and then revel in the sweet song of a plan well executed. So shall phase one be complete, and so shall we emerge but mere footstrokes away from our second Anderson Cup. Allen walks over to the desk, under the guise of contributing to the discussion. But truthfully he's only come to leech off the free cookies. CPA She does all the work. You get all the glory. I like it that. Christian raises his glass of wine to CPA. WRIGHT As do I, Christopher. As do I. Perhaps the toast came just a bit too soon, as Alix, dragging Mackenzie DeCenzo behind her, storms out from the closet. The Enterprise fixes shocked and appalled eyes upon Alix, giving Mackenzie enough time to adjust her unkempt hair and unbuttoned shirt into a more professional appearance. Alix on the other hand doesn't seem to care that her pink and gold stripped Abercrombie shirt is on backwards. ALIX Timeout! Offsides! Illegal defense! Pass interference! Hooking! Holding! Spearing! Delay of game! Tripping! Unnecessary roughness! An Italian BMT with everything on it except for mustard, a diet coke, and Baked lays potato chips, p-l-z. SIMON What are you talking about? ALIX (pointing to CPA) I thought maybe Benson on steroids was gonna make a Subway run later, so I'm placing an order! CPA I ain't on steroids! ALIX Yikes, so sorry Rocket Roger, Ally means Benson on B-12 vitamins. Awwwww man, slap a pair of platform pumps on me, throw a fishnet bra on my chest, drop me off on the venice boardwalk, tell me not to come back until I've turned at least six tricks and call me Christian Wright, I am just way too butch with these sports references. That's it! Manwhich closed! MONEYMAKER What were you to doing in the closet? MACKENZIE We were... ALIX Having wild, sweaty, lesbian monkey sex! MACKENZIE Oh boy... ALIX And on the sports pages! Which I guess kinda explains the diggity dizope ESPN disses, and was also kinda a good thing because there was an article on Pat Summit, and oh, oh, oh, she must be from Tennessee! SIMON Because she's the only ten you see? ALIX No, because she coaches The Tennesse Lady Vols basketball team. Duh! WRIGHT Have you no sense of decorum? ALIX No, I'm wearing Abercrombie Perfume 41. WRIGHT Have you no class?! ALIX Hey, I kept my bra on! For the first couple minutes, and on top of my head so I could pretend I was red baron from snoopy. Mackenzie kinda digs that. Anywhoot, do any of you super cool dudes wanna give a girl the Headline News update at every :08, :28, and :48 on the hour? What's this wild and zany stuff I heard past Mackenzie's hella annoying rambling about feelings, intimacy, do I even actually know what her last name is, uh, duh its McClement, and when am I gonna tell Christian I replaced his toothpaste with Ben Gay, about me taking on rescate nueve uno uno ? MONEYMAKER Ah, yes. Well, we have to tell you at some point. You did such a splendid job in crippling The Christ Air Express' chances against Ned and Simon. SIMON And we would've gotten away with it, if it wasn't for you pesky kids and your stupid dog! ALIX Wowzers, a little less caffeine for Scooby Doo and the spooky cool haunted house over there, okay! MONEYMAKER The point is, you're going to repeat the same process tonight. Fortunately, you're efforts won't be wasted on two bumbling nincompoops, too monkeybrained to tell one inbred Canadian twin apart from the other. SIMON Was that for me? Am I on alert here? MONEYMAKER No, of course not. You see, dear girl, The Anderson Cup committee, has pitted myself and Mister Wright against Rescue 911 in our opening Anderson Cup bout. WRIGHT A protracted skirmish against such a middling team is far removed from the desired interests of The Enterprise. You are to handily defeat and humiliate them, thus denying them of the confidence and momentum necessary to compete effectively against Mister Moneymaker and myself. ALIX Widget Tiger Farming. Abbreviated: WTF. Elongated: WHAT THE FUCK! Hit the breaks on the runaway truck carrying a tank full of insanity before it crashes right into the stupid factory. You want me to beat up the guys you're fighting in or the Anderson Cup, just so you can have an easy walkthrough when you do fight them? BOOOOOOM! Oh no the runaway truck carrying the tank full of insanity just ran into the stupid factory! And now its raining jackass! Careful don't get infected! Oops to late for everyone in this entire room! MACKENZIE (rubbing Alix's shoulders) Alix, clam down, baby. Be calm. ALIX I don't get it. You're gonna ask the little anorexic Mexican girl who only gets in a real fight whenever the cops try to unhandcuff her from Jodie Foster's front door, to be your muscle. Uh, hi, Enterprise your eyes gave me a lil message, they say....open us! You have this big huge super jacked dude to do the exact same thing! Allen cracks his knuckles in acknowledgment. MONEYMAKER The little Mexican girl wins all her matches. Without fail and without problem. ALIX Uh-huh, yeah, well, here's a major problemo for you senor assfaces, I'm not doing it! No way! Translate Ethiopian, no way crazy funky clicking savage noises. Jesus, why can't they speak American like the rest of New Jersey?! WRIGHT You are unbelievable! ALIX Ya know, you're the second person to tell me that in the last three hours. But the other was slipping a five into my g-string as they it. By the way, Molly, you're a sucky tipper! MOLLY I'm an unpaid intern, any money I get comes from pawning off Simon's hair extensions to rogain failures. MONEYMAKER As I find us doing more and more since you've arrived into our happy little family, dear Alix, we're getting off point.... SIMON You have to do it, Alix. ALIX Why? WRIGHT Because Mister Moneymaker is your boss! ALIX Zoinks! Uh, yeah, lead me down the trail of cocaine that brought you to that conclusion. You the boss of me? Ally don't think so, because homegirl don't play that! I'm dating one of your employees. That doesn't mean you're my boss. If that was the case Bill Belichick would have Gisele Bündchen playing Offensive line! Damn it, more sports references! I'm Linda Cohn without a penis! Gah! Another one! Moneymaker fully chews on one of Alix's blue berry cookies before speaking. MONEYMAKER It was your girlfriend's idea. Such stunning news leads Alix to forget her internal struggle with her knowledge of today's sporting events, and instead shift her focus to Mackenzie. Realizing, that she's done something terribly wrong, Mackenzie slinks towards the door, hoping to avoid confrontation ALIX Mackenzie? MACKENZIE I thought it would be a good idea. ALIX Its funny, not ha-ha funny, but ha-ha I regret every decesion I made in the last month funny, every time you think something is a good idea for me, these people end up being the only ones benefitting! Quit trying to always think about what's best for me! If I wanted a Krista, I would've stayed with Krista, because right now, you make really shitty Krista! MACKENZIE Alix... Feeling immediate pangs of sorrow for her comment, Alix quickly softens her tone into one much more agreeable and conforming to her boss' wishes. ALIX I'm sorry, I didn't mean to get mad at you. I wasn't thinking. Um, I'll do it. WRIGHT Waste no more words on us, strumpet. You haven't a choice. Reverting back to her previously combative mood, Alix hisses ferally at Wright then storms out the door. But she doesn't fully slam until she delivers this joyfull message, ALIX Oh by the way, ya know how those cookies say “a lil love in every box”. Yeah, that really means a lot of Skeet Ulrich's pee in every box! SLAM SIMON (eating even more cookies then before) I loved him in Scream. While the rest of The Enterprise's contemplates the truth behind Alix's statement, Molly steps forward to offer her opinion. MOLLY Ahoy Ahoy,lads! If I might interject myself into your little tete-a-tete, I believe I have an awfully awful important question that needs answering. I'm aware that little camera girls are best seen and never paid. Not even a Christmas gift. That hurt a little bit, but I'll move on. Um, how do you truthfully know that you can trust Alix? MACKENZIE You can trust her! MONEYMAKER (raising a cookie to silence Makcnezie) Elaborate, Molly. MOLLY I'm merely of the mind, that someone in addition to Mackenzie should be out there with her. Just a precautionary measure to ensure everything goes oh so swimmingly. I'm thinking a partner to stand on the apron and make sure everything proceeds exactly the way you intended it to. The Anderson is cup is too delicate a situation to leave to chance! MONEYMAKER Molly, your keen wisdom has earned you a ten percent raise. MOLLY Ten percent of zero is zero. MONEYMAKER Touche. In that case, your keen wisdom has earned you a match, as Alix's partner against Rescue 911. With the arrangements properly taken care of, the rest of The Enterprise goes back to stuffing their face with Alix's cookies. MOLLY (muttering sadly) Uh, file this situation under the “keep my mouth shut” department. We fade out from the image of Molly shaking her head. COMMERCIAL Edited January 11, 2008 by Patty O'Green Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted January 11, 2008 (edited) OAOAST HeldDOWN is brought to you by.... Krista Isadora Duncan presents Briel Milano Watches-touch feel briel I was lost And I'm still lost But I feel So much better Cause now I know It's not so far To were I go The hardest part is inside me I need to Just be To just be To just be To just be YEAAAA... Amidst the raucous blitz of cheers and applause that come with anticipation for Alix's arrival, a strange sight rests beneath the roving pink and red spotlights of the entryway. Brought on by a moving platform, is school house setting, fashioned with a teacher's desk, and a glitzy chalkboard, lined with a series of neon bulbs. Situated behind the desk, comfortably reclined in a swivel chair is Mackenzie DeCenzo, outfitted in chic glittering silver evening gown. Through steel rimmed glasses, the “teacher's” blue eyes feast upon her favorite student, Alix Maria Spezia. Resting behind a pair of star patterned gogoboots, her statuesque golden brown legs stand atop the desk, inviting Mackenzie's gaze up to dark pink booty shorts that appear molded to her firm BUTT and then towards a tight cropped to the chest tube top that clings to her pendulous chest and rests behind a silver tinsel boa. Her curvy hips sway in a mesmerizing rhythm to the Donna's pulsating guitars, as her delicate hands delight in seductive exploration of her silken skin. Soon those delicate hands claps around Mackenzie, she's helped to the floor. Mackenzie strokes her hair girlfriends hair tenderly, as Alix flips a kiss to a camera, causing superimposed red lips to emerge on screen. Behind this gaudy display of glitz and glamour, Molly Nerdly, clad in khaki pants and green polo shirt, trots onto the stage. Her focus as always on the Siclopse, so much so that she doesn't even hear the greetings Alix and Mackenzie offer her. BUFFER The following tag team contest is scheduled for one fall with a television time limit of twenty minutes. Introducing first from New York University by way of Edmonton, Alberta, Canada, she is the 2005, and 2006 Canadian documentary filmmaker of the year, MOLLY NERDLY!! And her partner being accompanied to the ring by her lady love, the chief financial officer of The Enterprise, Mackenzie DeCenzo, from Los Angeles, she is the CEO of Miss Spezia's Sweeties, one half of the 2007 tag team of the year, the Angle Ward winner for most entertaining character, the Enterprise's HOTTIE, Head Of Technical Tactics Identifying Excellence, she is The Hollywood Bad Girl, ALIX MARIA SPEZIAAAAAAAA! As she skips down the ramp Alix's bracelet covered arm stays hooked between Mackenzie's, who tries her best to offer smiles to the fans who so obliviously despise her. Alix seems oblivious to her girl's war with the audience, instead focusing on flashing peace signs, and devil horns to the noisy fanbase. Molly only continues to devote her attention to the maintenance and upkeep of the treasured siclopse. COACH Look at what Alix Maria Spezia's big mouth has gotten her into now. Because she can't shut up and be quiet, she's been thrown into a handicap match with the baddest tag team on the roster? COLE Uh, what? Alix didn't have choice, this match was made without her by The Enterprise, who think she should be doing all their dirty work while they sit backstage sipping on Merlot and chewing Monterrey Jack. As for Rescue 911 being the baddest team on the roster? Are you the same Johnathan Coachman who goes out of his way to destroy any credibility Rescue 911 owns every time they appear on television? Clicking her high heels across the outside mats, Mackenzie uses her firm grip on Alix's tinsel boa to lovingly guide her crawling girlfriend across the ring apron. As flashing red and pink spotlights dance across her picture perfect skin, Alix's hands cup Mackenzie's chin, and eager kisses journey across the blond's face. She then rolls into the ring, where she leaps onto the top turnbuckle and flashes a peace sign to her roaring fans. Molly? Siclopse. That is all. BUFFER And their opponents...Detective Tango Bosley, EMT Tim Cash, RESCUE 911!!! Already in the ring the first responser's unit doesn't bother to respond to the fans reaction, because one there is no actual reaction outside of a few scattered cheers to respond to, and two their engrossed in an intense strategy session DING DING The bell signifies the start of the match and the ending of the Rescue 911 strategy session, as Detective Bosley akes his leave through the ropes. Spurred on by Bos' shouts of encouragement, Cash opens the round by introducing his forearms to Alix's bare back. The attacks paint marks of bright red across her suntanned skin, and allows the EMT to shoot her into the ropes. Unfortunately for him the speedy Latina returns to his location far sooner then he would've liked. This unpreparedness leaves him a sitting duck for the running knee strike The Hollywood Bad Girl drives into his skull! As the still standing fans continue to loudly cheer her on, Alix heads to Bosley's position with one stride of her perfect legs and slams her elbow towards his face. Though Bosley is able to get his forearm up in defense, such a piddly shield doesn't save him from being flung off the apron. With his misfortune popping the crowd, Detective Bosley lands on the black mats in a mess of tacky wrinkled khaki pants, a tacky Hawaiian shirt, and regrettably cheap shoes. “Hey, Mackie, now that I'm not, like, you know busy or anything, wanna tell me why you thought it be sooooo rad for me to become West Hollywood's Dirty Harry?” “Uh, now is not a good time, baby!” “Its never-ever a good time! Its never a good time when you're cooking, its never a good time when you're taking a shower, its never a good time when you're giving your grandfather's eulogy, its never a good time when your testifying in front of congress...” “No seriously, now isn't the time! Look!” “Yeowch.” Alix grumbles when she notices the cause of Mackenzie's warning; the two hundred twenty pound Cash fast approaching with a twisted snarl and an axe handle smash. But yeowch quickly improves to ye-ahhh, once Ally's hands wrap around the top rope and lower it dangerously low. Incapable of slowing his manic approach, Cash falls victim to Alix's treachery and finds himself upended over the lowered the cables! While clicking cameras document his humiliation he sails through the air before finally splattering next to his beaten partner. Twins in suffering, they loudly grouse in agony and lament their incredible pain. “ALIX! ALIX! ALIX!” With the flawlessly precise movements of a finely trained gymnast, Ally twists and turns through the skies with a corckscrew moonsault plancha. Despite having seen the blur of pink and black preparing to rip through them like a tornado well ahead of time, Rescue 911 can't do a single thing to stop the California chica from ramming into them with stunning forcefulness! COLE Oh my! Moneymaker is getting his money's worth so far! Alix's production of carnage and chaos receives rave reviews from the fanbase who fill the arena with applause. But unlike her admirers, Alix isn't satisfied with simply wiping out Rescue 911 with a flashy technique. A cruel smile slinks across her face, as her steel grey eyes harden into a frosty bloodlust. Aiming to satisfy this burning hunger for pain, Alix rips Bosley off the mat and leads him to the announce table. Face frozen in pressing horror, Bosley's thick New York accent pleads for a gift of mercy from his tormentor. Alix reprimands him, “Stop begging,dork! You're acting like a homeless person! Quit it or I'll throw my starbucks in your face to!” COACH That wasn't a homeless person! That was me! “Oh-oh-oh! I knew it was someone who smelled like pee!” Alix replies Miserable screams shoot from Bosley's throat, and each are muffled into low groans whenever Alix savagely rams his head into the announce table. Alix pauses to offer this bit of advice, “If I've learned anything from the dali llama by way of Richard Gere, its that suffering is only a state of mind. Kinda like heterosexuality. Or the midwest!” COLE Its not actually rare to see someone do that, but, I can say with one hundred percent certainty that this isn't something Alix ever does. COACH Ah, the genius of Mister Moneymaker is exposed every show. BAM! The resounding shout of one final smash cuts though the echoing yells of the audience like a silver blade slicing through a werewolves heart. Bosley's head violently ricochets off the table, throwing his entire body to the mats. Even as he lands battered and wounded, pink gogo boots are stepping over him as if he were an unfortunate piece of excrement left on the side walk. Through his blurred blood soaked vision he can eye Alix bending over near the ring announcer, giddily searching for weapons of destruction. The camera and the audience, however, can clearly view the skimpy black shorts riding further up her hips, arresting the audience's gaze with firm thighs and flawless brown skin that runs up and around to her ass. Alix is of course acutley saavy to what's holding the fans' attention, and waggles her round bottom for their carnal pleasure. Once she pops back upright, Bosley's poor vision detects the worrisome sight of a ring bell clasped firmly in her hand. In an effort to retain control of this match, referee Charles Robinson leans through the ropes, and reminds Alix that hitting people with a ring bell runs contrary to the code of the OAOAST rule book. “W slash e, dude. Whatev. Following the rules is a ginormous waste of time, like donating to charity, or exercise, or telling Mackenzie her dad has lung cancer. Oh, that reminds me, Mackie...we need more chocolate milk! While Mackenzie updates the grocery lists, Alix skips her way to Bosley in disturbingly violent merriment. “You can ring my be-e-ell....ring my bell! You can ring my be-e-ell...ring my bell!” She sings, backed up by the chorus of jubilant shouts from the audience. Thankfully, Bosley is saved by a spear from EMT Cash. Alix is slung back to mats, the jarring impact of the sudden knocking her weaponry free. But The Hollywood Bad Girl isn't deterred, and within seconds is back on her gogo boots. Expressive grey eyes beam annoyance at Cash, as she attempts to strike him down with a swipe of her knee. But the Illinois native swats away her long leg, a counter that rips her balance from under her. In order to even stay upright, she's forced to clinch onto the black ring apron. Before her tight grip can rip the cloth totally off its chains, Cash wraps his arms around her narrow waist, and lifts the California cutie onto the actual ring surface. COLE What does Cash have in mind? No one knows, and its debatable if any one actually cares. Its for that reason that the audience cheers wildly when Alix's tanned thighs lock in fierce grip around Cash's neck. In mere moments, Alix pushes herself off her seat, and twists and twirls Cash into a nauseated hell with a spinning head scissors. The EMT's vision fills with the blackness of the ring mats, before finally filling with the blackness of slipping into momentary unconsciousness. “L-o-v-e I am love!” Alix sings “LET'S GO ALIX! LET'S GO ALIX! LET'S GO ALIX!” Quickly to his feet is Detective Bosley. Though its not under his own willpower, rather by the tug Alix applies onto his white and navy Hawaiian shirt. Her wrists wrap around his forearm, then send him running to the barricade that blocks the fans who eagerly await his demise. THUD! He lands badly against the rubber surface, but the damage is comparatively minimal, painless enough that he's able to upend Alix over the barricade as she rushes him. The beach bunny comes down harshly across a landing pad of sticky concrete and discarded candy wrappers. “Disasterrific!” She whines. The fans briefly mourn her fate as well, but have their mood hastily elevated when Alix hops to her feet, and gives them the “okay” symbol and a cute smile. Stationed on the other side of the barricade is Detective Bosley, running opposed to allowing Ally back into the battleground. Thusly he begins peppering her with jabs intent on keeping her entrenched with the audience. Unfortunately, his plan suffers utter failure, caused by an abundance of diet coke that's lobbed into his face. Were Bosley actually able to see past the veneer of sticky liquid, he might spot Alix high fiving the middle aged woman who chucked the beverage into him face. “Beyond fear, beyond mind, hey, babe squeeze my behind!” Alix screams, while her helpful assistant's lusting hands fondle her creamy body until she comes to her round bottom. Smiling sheepishly, she squeezes the two plush cheeks together as Alix mewed like a kitten, and Mackenzie wonders how she can have this woman killed. Meanwhile a recovered but still sopping wet Bosley, snaps towards her like an enraged pitbull. Problematically for him, she's currently perched on the barricade, and as he draws nearer she throws herself forward. Her arm catches onto his head, and her momentum turns her into an out of control merry go round, swinging Bosley round and round until finally he's crashed through the mats. “My! That looks deliciously fun. You must let me try!” Molly shouts on the apron. “Hey! As Arthea said to Gloria, Celine, Shannia and Mariah on VH1 Divas Live oh so many moons ay-go, are you trippin? No one interrupts the queen of show biz! mmmmkay? I think she also said hey cuba, canada, cowgirl and crazy get out of my light and away from buffet, bitch. Love ya, Mol, you're my best friend, call me every ten minutes, give ya a lap dance if you're good.” Less intoxicated by the fun and games, EMT Cash slams his fist into her back, his knuckles cracking roughly off her bones. There are whimpers of agony and surprise from the feisty Los Angeles native, as several more fists shower across her soft skin. With their owner growling in ferocity the blows continue to land with deadly accuracy until finally they weaken Alix to the point where she's trapped firmly inside Cash's clutches. A hold on the ultra tight tube top that clings to her pendulous chest allows Cash to throw her into the squared. Robinson breathes a sigh of relief, because no longer will he bear the shame that comes with people knowing he doesn't know how to count to ten! COLE Tim Cash is bringing this match back into the ring. And he's gotta do something, because right now Moneymaker's plan is working out great. COACH Theodore Moneymaker is the smartest man in the OAOAST. That includes wrestlers, office jockeys, backstage staff, referees, even announcers. Yes, Mister Moneymaker is even smarter then I! Crawling into the ring, The EMT is beside himself over how monumentually terrible his team has preformed thus far. He angrily turns on the shapely brunette who's afflicted him with so much misery, pounding her with stomps even as she rises from the canvas. Once The Princess of Los Angeles is fully upright, Cash latches onto her bracelet coated wrists and throws her into the ropes. She returns with stunning quickness, but not with enough to prevent Cash from throwing her over with a powerslam. A huge boom blasts across the arena the moment Alix's lithe figure is buried into the canvas. Robinson counts the resulting fall.. ONE! But, Molly actually breaks up the pinfall with a tepid poke of her Espirt tennis shoe! “Good job, Molly!” Mackenzie encourages her. “More positive reinforcement. Jesus was right, praise truly is the greatest form of compensation.” Molly remarks, before realizing that her last eight meals come from the dumpster behind Denny's because she has no money because she's an UNPAID INTERN! Alix manages to get herself off the canvas, but is instantly thrown on the defensive by the knife edge chops Cash wings into her jiggly chest. She tries to cut short the barrage of strikes by thrusting her forearm at the medical professional. But her arm speed is unusually slow, and he's able to catch onto it. With her limb trapped, he once again throws her into the ropes. However this latest irish whip has the complete opposite effect as intended; the culinary sensation wildly rolls herself through the skies, letting her bracelets slash through Cash with a high flipping lariat. The audience meets the high flying offensive with a rowdy outburst of cheers, as the EMT is brutally bowled over. "ALIX! ALIX! ALIX!” Leaving Cash to wallow in his misery, Alix hustles across the ring, using the ropes gain some forward momentum. She moves amazingly quickly, appearing to be nothing more then a blur of motion. But all this supersonic speed earns her is a oneway trip into the waiting arms of Detective Bosley. He keeps her locked in that position for several moments, simply giving her time to think of how much dole and woe she's soon to be burdened with. Finally, he sinks downwards, and Alix's screams are chilling as she hits the mat with disturbing impact from the sidewalk slam. "ALIX! ALIX! ALIX!” COACH How did he get promoted from officer to Detective? What's there to detect? What's there to police? They aren't even a part of a real police force! At least The Love Doctors work at a hospital, I ain't never seen Bosley paying dues on Real Stories of The Highway Patrol. Bosley drapes his arm across Alix's chest for a crucial pinfall... ONE! TWO! Once again, Molly breaks up the fall! “Damn I am just too stupendous at this wrestling thing for my own good. I bet I could do this blindfolded.” BOSLEY “Of course, I bet I could also do this from the apron as well.” Molly pleads, making a wise escape to that very apron. Elsewhere, Bosley's gruff New York slang is dumped upon Alix in a surge of bile, as he peppers her exposed midsection with stomps. Alix can feel the man's hot breath mist across her face every time he leans close to berate her. Through with punishing her ripped stomach with kicks, Bosley grabs himself a thick clump of her darling brown hair and drags her off the canvas. His fist lashes out at her chin, and the girl is stumbled, wailing and whining into the ring ropes. Her hair sags across her weary face, and her arms drape over the cables, forced to lie their by the exhaustion brought on by the endless stomps. The former NYPD officer provides no moment for her to rest her battered bones, and sends her across the ring with another Irish Whip. Her return is met with a spinning elbow strike, and the raw of force of the hold topples her over. "ALIX! ALIX! ALIX!” the fans chant, led on by Molly. Alix's seemingly lifeless body twitches on the ground and she slowly forces her eyes open. Groaning in misery, she sits up, and clutches onto the bottom rope for whatever minuscule support it can present her. But the cable soon betrays her, and becomes party to fantastic pain, as Bosley presses his knee against the back of her head and grinds her throat against the rough surface. Sweaty and out of breath from having two hundred forty five pounds of muscle driven into her, Alix can only silently gag her horror and anguish over the predicament. The audience and Mackenzie more then make up for Alix's quiet song of sorrow, with hellish boos and calls for Bosley's DQ. COACH “The greatest joy in life is earning a clean, fair living from hard and honest work.” Quote EMT Tim Cash. Well, Cash, your man Bosley ain't living life too joyfully! While Alix continues to cry as though someone were raking hot coals across her throat, Molly interjects herself into the affair to try and save her Enterprise associate. But there's no moment for action from the NYU grad student, as Bosley yanks out his NYPD badge and informs Molly that this is official police business. Oddly convinced by such an action, Molly retreats back to her corner. “I can't believe I just fell for that.” Molly moans, shaking. Whereas Molly could do little to separate Bosley from his victim, Robinson meets with much greater success by leveling a disqualification threat at the detective. COACH Yo, where's the other one? What'd you call him Crash? Cash? That dude garbage. His swag levels is dangerously low. Type of sorry sucka who'd shit himself running if he tried to game on a chick. The good officer grabs Alix right as her lifeless figure shows signs of motion, and tightens the Enterprise's HOTTIE into a dragon sleeper. To his great frustration, he's immediately besieged by spirited resistance from the culinary sensation. The sold out audience becomes deliriously delighted, as for an all too short moment it appears that she may burst free of her his clutches. COLE Can Alix escape this dragon sleeper? A quick elbow to her collarbone deflates the fans' mood, and shipwrecks Alix's chances of survival for the time being. Bored with a mere submission attempt, Bosley shifts her into a front facelock and guides her off the mat. With a savage grin forming beneath his mustache, he grabs onto her teeny tiny shorts, foists her into the air, then dives back to the canvas, obliterating her neck with an NYPD-DT! The audience reacts with horrified shrieks for their heroine's abuse, but these go unoticed by Bosley, who smiles broadly over the pinfall he's put Alix in... ONE! Alix scrapes her shoulder off the mat, giving Mackenzie and Molly the chance to take several breaths of relief. Frustrated with his ceaseless failures in securing victory, Bosley dejectedly retreats to his corner and allows Cash back into the ring. The clean cut EMT enters the squared circle where he formulates a slick double team scheme with his associate. They pick Alix up by her bracelets and send her wobbly legs trotting to the ropes. When she returns they enclose their hands around her waist and flip her into the sky. They each take a kneeling position and smile smugly as the fan favorite endures a terrible stomach first meeting with their knees. Her piercing shrieks degenerate Mackenzie into a nervous wreck and have her calling for the heads of Rescue 911 on a silver platter. Cash pays her threats no mind and instead covers The Hollywood Bad Girl. ONE! Alix lifts her shoulder up, which elicits a rocking round of “ALIX” chants. Cash leaps to his feet and lowly grunts his annoyance at not even earning a two count. But he soon has more problems then his low level offensive, as Alix, rolls beneath the ropes to the ring apron to get a much needed breather. But she can't escape the all seeing eyes of Tim Cash, and he tracks her location. He grabs her by the back of her pink tube top, and roughly yanks her to her feet. When she reaches her full vertical base, she stuns the daylights out of him by smashing her head into his blue eyes! The fans come alive with approval as a series of headbutts decorate his agony riddled face. Left with a small portion of Alix's curled bangs to clog his eyes, Cash is momentarily blinded. And this moment is all the tide the SoCal hottie needs to turn the tide of the match back towards her favor. Using the ring ropes for leverage, she catapults herself at her foe, locking her super smooth legs across his neck with the deathly tightness of a python. As his blindness prevents him from staging a defense, she's able to whirl him like a dervish with a spinning head scissors! A dizzied Cash is deposited near The Enterprise's corner, where his misadventure goes from bad to horrendous turns as Alix comes bounding towards him like a glue sniffing ball of fire! But Cash negates the danger of Alix's charge by grabbing hold of her sleek waist and hoisting her into the air for a possible inverted atomic drop! However, Alix artfully counters this hold, by reaching her hand forward and slapping the outstretched hand of Molly! “Nice!” Molly screams over the possibility of her first true taste of in ring action. “Hold on. What are you doing?” “Good question, what am I doing?” Alix wonders, having now realized what tagging Molly actually entails. As such, Alix wisely takes her tag back and continues the fighting the match by her lonesome. A mixture of enraged, humiliated, and utterly dumbfounded, Bosley has little choice but to enter the ring and try and salvage what little respect he can for his team. Unfortunately the second his feet touch the ground they, along with the rest of his body, are floored with spinning back kick from Ally Cat. Owing to his great endurance, Bosley is able to get back on his feet rather quickly. But his achievements end there, as Alix drops him back to the canvas with Crack? Shit Son... I was doing that back when it was just called FREEBASE (Flashback)! Ecstatic from her return to dominance over the luckless lowcarders, Alix taunts them the only way a rich girl from Beverly Hills possibly can, with early 90's pro-black rap, “ So get up get-get-get-get down 9-1-1 is a joke in yo' town. Get up get get get get down. Late 9-1-1 wears the late crown. So get up get get get get down 9-1-1 is a joke in yo' town! Get up get get get get down. Late 9-1-1 wears the late crown!” Down with the black power movement, the 95% white crowd joins in the song, “Get up get get get get down 9-1-1 is a joke in yo' town! Get up get get get get down 9-1-1 is a joke in yo' town!” COACH Oh shit! This match just went from classic sonning to monumental! With Alix eternally distracted by rap hits nearly two decades old, EMT Cash looks to utilize the power of surprise to regain Rescue 911's briefly held advantage. The medical technician races towards the ropes, bouncing off in preparation for a high impact strike. Unfortunately for him, Alix shoots her body backwards as he returns to blast him with a leaping back elbow. Within the tuft of finely gelled hair that covers his head, the crowd can see gleams of crimson goo, and they erupt with delight over his suffering. Bosley obviously does not partake in the Texans' joy, and seeks to gain a measure of revenge with an Irish whip into the corner. A hard thud with the turnbuckle sucks the wind out of Ally's labored lungs, and she groggily staggers towards a superkick. But she sweeps beneath the fatal attack, and pulls her figure behind the officer. She then sinks in a tight full nelson, locking him into place! From there she executes a lethal full nelson face crusher! Bosley's khaki bound body smacks off the canvas, and his shouts are joined by raucous cheers of the audience. “ALIX! ALIX! ALIX!” Alix situates one gogo boot just above each of her opponent's knees and bends his legs up, twisting them around her's. With Bosley assured of not being able to move a single muscle, Alix grips both of his wrists, while placing her free foot onto his badly mangled back. To complete her submission, The Hollywood Bad Girl pulls back on his arm, elevating his upper body and opening the floodgates to allow a typhoon of pain to pulverize his back. COLE Surfs up, Bosley! How bout you Surf Venice Beach? With excruciating pain crippling his back, Bosley isn't in the mood to do anything more then tap out. And tap out he does, frantically slapping his palm against the mat while still bellowing his cries of intense suffering. Not quite the sadistic witch Bosley's ruined back might try to paint her as, Ally quickly breaks the hold. Robinson calls for the bell, and the audience and Molly put an exclamation point on that with an electrifying ovation! Buffer stands up and stretches his voice to its highest peak to make himself heard over the roaring shouts of the fans and the booming music. BUFFER The winners of the match as a result of a submission, ALIX MARIA SPEZIA AND MOLLY NERDLY, THE ENTERPRISE! While cheers from the fans fill every inch of the venue, Alix and Molly celebrate their easy victory with a little irish jig, despite one of them being Mexican and the other hailing from the frozen tundra of Edmonton. On the outside, Mackenzie claps in relieved satisfaction for her girlfriend's grand achievement. COLE Well, Alix was forced into this match by The Enterprise, made to do their dirty work, poked and prodded by them backstage, and she came out and effortlessly disposed of Rescue 911. If Moneymaker's theory holds correct, he and Wright don't have to do anything more then show up, and their Anderson Cup match against 911 is a guaranteed victory. COACH Genius, genius as always from Mister Moneymaker. Why isn't this guy in charge of the OAOAST? Answer me that? He's only twenty four, right? He's a child prodigy! God bless him. COLE Ugh. Folks, still to come D*LUX will face off against James Blonde and Faqu in our final Anderson Cup match of the night. Krista and VH1 bring us the look of love, and Zack Malibu battles Leon Rodez! COMMERCIAL Edited January 11, 2008 by Patty O'Green Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted January 11, 2008 (edited) COLE Welcome back to HeldDOWN, folks. Earlier tonight we saw The Rockers advance through the Anderson Cup with a solid victory over The South Central Militia, and The Enterprise severely weaken Rescue 911's chances against them next week with Alix's drubbing of Bosley and Cash. And up next, the Anderson Cup continues... Waiting in the wings, we see Faqu and James Blonde talking things over with Nathaniel Black. COLE ...from the Miracle Weirdness Connection Conference, it'll be D*LUX to take on Faqu and Ja.... Suddenly, Cole trails off, as do the trio of Internationally Known as LANDON MADDIX and MEGAN SKYE walk into shot. Faqu eyes the two as Landon raises his eyebrows towards Black. MADDIX All ready to go? BLACK Yeh, you bet. MADDIX Good, good. Good luck out there guys and once again, thanks for your help last week. It's heart-warming to know there's still people willing to help each other out in the world. (to Black) Speaking of which, have you had any more thought about our little 'proposal'? Black turns to Blonde, who in return smiles. BLACK Well, if it's gonna be to our mutual benefit, then we might be int'rsted. With a little chuckle, Landon wraps an arm around Megan's shoulders and they walk off. MADDIX Watch this space guys. COLE ...uhm, as we said, D*LUX to face Faqu and James Blonde in the Anderson Cup... next. COMMERCIAL BREAK We return to the ring right on time, as Faqu and James Blonde have made their way out during the commercial and are just making their way inside the squared circle. SCHIAVONE Hello again everybody. Tony Schiavone and Jesse "The Body" Ventura coming to you from our Syndicated broadcast position here amongst the people of San Antonio, Texas! And it's our privilege to call this next contest. First Round action in the Miracle Weirdness Connection Conference, arguably the toughest conference in this year's Anderson Cup. Not just last year's winners Theodore Moneymaker and Christian Wright involved, but also now The Sooner Bruisers. VENTURA That's right. But what about what we just saw Schiavone? An intriguing conversation between the members of Internationally Known and Landon Maddix, to say the least. SCHIAVONE You never know what Landon Maddix could be plotting. As for right now though, we've got action on the way, let's take it to the ring. BUFFER The following contest is a Quarter Final Match in the Miracle Weirdness Connection Conference of the 2008 Anderson Cup, scheduled for one fall! Introducing team number one. Total combined weight, five hundred, nine pounds. The number five seeds in the Miracle Weirdness Connection Conference... representing Internationally Known... "THE MOVER FROM VANCOUVER" JJAAAAAAAMMEEEEEESSSS BBLLLLLLLOOOOOOONNDDEEEEE... and, "THE SAMOAN WRECKING BALL"... FFFAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAQQUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" SCHIAVONE The Anderson Cup seedings have paired off two real sleeper teams in this year's competition. James Blonde and Faqu, Jesse, have amassed quite a good win-loss record since the acquisition of HI-YAH Promotions by the OAOAST, but find themselves as number five seeds which I know they were unhappy with. VENTURA Ah, I see. Trying to corner me, are we? SCHIAVONE No, I'm just stati... VENTURA I've got nothing but respect for these two guys. We've seen them a few times and they've always looked impressive. But Anderson Cup rankings, we at the committee try to go on the basis of the entire year's performance and for the first half of it, they were either in Japan or on the verge of breaking up. They've still got plenty to prove. But I gotta say, I'm backing them to do just that. Blonde whispers away in the ear of Faqu while they wait on their opponents. They needn't wait too much longer though as "Makes Me Wonder" is finally cued up. Springing from the back, the co-holders of the Six-Man Tag Team Champions are led out by their tag team partner's sister, D*LUX showing off their '6' plated belts with show-stopping smiles on their faces. Jade Rodez then points her charges to the ring, Tyler and Shayne hand-slapping their way down as ever. BUFFER And their opponents! Accompanied to the ring by their manager, Ms. JADE RODEZ! At a total combined weight of three hundred and seventy nine pounds... the number four seeds in the Miracle Weirdness Connection Conference and two-thirds of the reigning OAOAST World Six-Man Tag Team Champions, Love Generation... "TREMENDOUS" TYLER, "SHOWTIME" SHAYNE... D*LLLLLLLUUUUUUUUUUUXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX!!!! "YYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" A typically warm reaction greets D*LUX as they give Jade the helping hands up onto the apron and hold the ropes open for him, ever the gentlemen. Shayne and Tyler then jump in and go about working the crowd again, Jade more concerned with the snorting Faqu looking at her from across the ring. SCHIAVONE Now here's a team who many say are mis-ranked in this year's competition. The Most Underrated Wrestlers Of The Year according to our Angle Award correspondents, maybe their number four seeding supports that. VENTURA Look what is this, the spanish inquisition!? SCHIAVONE Not at all. But some peo... VENTURA Much more outta you Schiavone and I might just have to ask my good friend Tony Brannigan to give you an attitude adjustment, if you catch my drift! Having done their duty with the crowd, Shayne and Tyler now get set for action as they remove their red denim jackets and title belts. Jade takes care of all those accessories, wishing her team the best as she leaves the ring. *DINGDINGDING!* SCHIAVONE And the opening bell sounds. VENTURA That might not just be the opening bell, that might just be the FEEDING bell! Smiling broadly, Blonde steps onto the apron and pats Faqu on the shoulder encouragingly. The big Samoan breathes heavily as he watches D*LUX from across the ring trying to decide who's going to start. A game of rock, paper, scissors comes up on the short side for Shayne Brave who finds himself up against the beast. "LET'S GO SHAYNE!" "LET'S GO SHAYNE!" "LET'S GO SHAYNE!" "LET'S GO SHAYNE!" The fans show their support for Shayne, giving him a little more encouragement. False encouragement perhaps, as although he lands the first blows on Faqu, the big Samoan simply shrugs them off and shoves Shayne to the mat! Boos ring out as Faqu beats his chest primitively, further unnerving "Showtime" Shayne. Pulling himself up, Shayne nervously inches back towards Faqu but opts out of a lock-up and backs into his corner to collect himself. VENTURA I'm not so sure Brave knows what to do with the mammoth of a man across the ring from him. I'd suggest hit and move, but would hitting Faqu even do anything? After some words of encouragement from Tyler and from Jade, Shayne tries again and inches back over. As he gets into Faqu's lair though he hesitates a second too long, allowing Faqu to kick him in the gut. A hard slap to the back drops Shayne, arching his back... even more so, when Faqu slices across his flesh with a BACKRAKE!! VENTURA Haha! Now that's one of my favourite moves Schiavone! A good old fashioned rake of the back! Faqu follows the pained Shayne into the ropes and spins him around, throwing him away and into the ropes. Back rebounds Shayne, to rebound off of Faqu like a rubber ball as he throws a shoulder block. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" SCHIAVONE No contest right there. Faqu outweighs Shayne by a good hundred and twenty pounds. VENTURA That's almost a full third of you! Enticing the crowd, Blonde walks down the apron gloating as Shayne groggily sits up. Faqu stalks over towards him, picking him back up by the head and taking him over to his team's corner. A blatant choke is applied by Faqu while Blonde swaggers back over and tags himself back in. The referee changing his count from a five for the choke to a five to get out of the ring gives Faqu a couple of extra seconds to choke away, before he releases and glares at the ref. Blonde takes over on Shayne, laying in a couple of boots before snapmaring him to the canvas and dropping a knee. Leg hook, cover... 1... 2... No. Blonde bundles Shayne back into the corner, tagging Faqu right back into the match. The Samoan Wrecking Ball stomps away at the midsection of Shayne until the referee demands a break, turning and stalking the ref which allows Blonde to sneakily strike Brave in the back of the head. SCHIAVONE Cheapshot by Blonde right there. Notice, he came in, dropped one knee and then quickly got back out. VENTURA Well that's smart. If you've got a partner like Faqu you're gonna want him in the ring to do the damage. You're also gonna want to have your wits about you when he's done it, so you can get on with finishing your opponent off. Hands in the air, the innocent James Blonde stands back and watches as Faqu pulls Shayne out of the corner. But he has second thoughts and pushes Shayne right back in before backing away. Faqu powers up, lining up his prey before he comes charging... and MISSES, as Shayne rolls out of the way! Hitting the turnbuckles sternum first, Faqu ignores his partner and turns around, just as Shayne makes the tag out to Tyler! Jumping into the ring, the fresh D*LUXer beat Faqu to the punch, literally, with a right hand. Another. And another. *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" Tyler tries a knifedge chop as Faqu staggers a little. *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" And a second chop when Faqu gives him a piercing look back. *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" FAQU WAAAAAA!! VENTURA No effect! *SLAP!* "OOOOOOOOHHHH!" SCHIAVONE And ONE big chop from Faqu drops Tyler Bryant! Jade looks understandably concerned while checking on Shayne. Quickly calling for the tag, Blonde gets it and jumps Tyler on his way up. Irish whip sends Tyler from corner to corner, Blonde following right in behind The Tremendous One with a clothesline. He hangs on and grabs a headlock, looking for the follow-up bulldog, but a firm hand in the back from Tyler pushes him off. Underneath a clothesline goes Blonde, then forced underneath a leapfrog, coming back off the ropes again and getting caught with a Powerslam! "YYEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" 1... 2... No! A boot catches Blonde on his way up, but he manages to reverse an irish whip and elbow Tyler in the face. With Tyler dazed, Blonde then springs up with an Enzigu... DUCKED! Blonde misses the mark and gets caught in a schoolboy... 1... 2... No! Side headlock applied by Tyler. Fighting to his feet, Blonde reaches out for a tag but narrowly misses as Faqu is a little slow to react. Instead Tyler takes Blonde across the ring and drives him face first into the mat with a Bulldog of his own! JADE WHOOOO! SCHIAVONE And Jade Rodez feeling a lot happier all of a sudden. VENTURA Yeah, now that Faqu's out of the ring. They better not get too overconfident though. Stepping out of the ring, Tyler climbs the turnbuckles, heading for the top. Blonde staggers to his feet and freezes for a second as he sees the boyband sensation giving his fans a last salute and soaring off the top and towards him with a high crossbody block... ...but he manages to come to his senses, just in time to step back and guide Tyler down across an outstretched knee with a gutbuster!! "OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Tyler lets out a loud groan, holding his stomach. Worse is yet to come as Blonde then flattens him with a double stomp to the spine! VENTURA See! What did I tell ya? Flipping Tyler over, Blonde pins him down... 1... ...and no more, Tyler quickly kicking out, mainly because of the pain the simple lateral press was putting on him. "TY - LER!" "TY - LER!" "TY - LER!" "TY - LER!" The chants grow noticeably fainter as Faqu is tagged back in for the number five seeds. Blonde calling the shots, Faqu delivers a hard stomp with his bare foot direct to the chest. With a wave of the hands, The Samoan Wrecking Ball then delivers a falling headbutt to the gut, feeling like a bowling ball getting dropped from above to Tyler Bryant. Seeing the pain Tyler's in, Faqu makes a lateral press... 1... 2... Kickout! Poor referee Marty Ellias is sent scurrying as Faqu is, shall we say, less than pleased with the count. Blonde rightly gets on Faqu to "stay on him" though and the Samoan does just that, applying a Bearhug on Tyler. SCHIAVONE And now Faqu just trying to wear Tyler down. VENTURA A smart move on Faqu's part. SCHIAVONE You kinda have to wonder with Faqu, what the situation is in his head. He's a former HI-YAH World Champion. And he's changed a heck of a lot since then. VENTURA He's definately smarter than he looks. That's no ordinary savage. The fans clap their support out for Tyler, led by Jade Rodez from the floor. Drawing on that support Tyler starts to try and fight the squeeze. Getting enough energy up, he nails Faqu with a right hand to the temple. A second right hand. And a third, only slightly bothering Faqu before he squeezes up on the Bearhug again. So with the fists not working, Tyler goes to the tried and tested bearhug escape method. Yep. The earclap! SCHIAVONE That'll ring your bell, no matter who you are! Another double earclap has Faqu looking a little woozy, Tyler getting somewhere finally. However he already knows the right hands aren't working. Leaving him to go with Plan C; stomping on Faqu's bare foot! VENTURA Now come on! SCHIAVONE That's the major disadvantage to not wearing boots. Pretty much the only disadvantage. But a big one. That succeeds in breaking the bearhug, allowing Tyler to swoop behind with the Phantom Neckbreaker!! "YYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Up starts the clapping again as Tyler rolls over in search of his corner. Shayne swallows his fear and holds out an arm for a tag, despite the fact Faqu is sitting up ready to fight again. With a quick shuffle to the side, Tyler grabs a hold of the bottom rope and uses it to shimmy down the apron, a quicker route to the HOT TAG as Faqu closes in on him! SCHIAVONE TAG! Slingshotting himself in, Shayne catches Faqu with a boot to the chest to knock him out of his way. Shayne quickly runs Blonde off the apron just incase, before sprinting back at Faqu. Clothesline from The Samoan Wrecking Ball misses, Shayne hitting the ropes and connecting with a flying forearm. Faqu stumbles but doesn't go down, so Shayne tries it again. Again Faqu doesn't fall off his feet though. Beginning to panic, Shayne quickly rushes back to his corner and jumps to the middle rope, followed in by Faqu but ready for him with a boot to the face. Shayne then hooks the head and launches with a Tornado DDT... ...which doesn't look too promising... ...until James Blonde comes back into the ring to try and help out. Shayne gets an extra push off of Blonde (or, more specifically, Blonde's face), allowing him to turn Faqu around and drop him with the DDT! SCHIAVONE A little improvisation from "Showtime"! Shayne dives on top of Faqu, trying to hook a leg... 1... 2... POWERFUL kickout! Shayne backs towards Blonde, but is saved by Tyler Bryant coming back into the match and knocking the Canadian down with a clothesline. After seeing him out of the ring, D*LUX turn their attentions back to Faqu. A double boot catches the Samoan in the gut and sets him up for a double irish whip... or, so they think, until Faqu sets and refuses to go. D*LUX quickly abandon that idea then, booting him again and peeling off. Shayne in the front, Tyler around the back, sandwiching Faqu's head with a Dropkick/Enziguri combo! SCHIAVONE Wow, big shot there to the head, but Faqu is still up. VENTURA Barely. Joining hands, the boybanders put Faqu through the ropes with a double clothesline. Again D*LUX peel off as this time they hit the ropes, crossing in mid-ring... ...AND HITTING STEREO SUICIDE DIVES ON FAQU AND BLONDE AT OPPOSITE SIDES OF THE RING!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Jade jumps for joy as both Tyler and Shayne are first to their feet, firing up the fans. SCHIAVONE Stereo dives from D*LUX to bring this San Antonio crowd to their feet! D*LUX were Flying Without Wings on that one! For the first time in the match, the tag team specialists are beginning to use their teamwork and sure enough, it's working for them! With a little cross-ring communication, D*LUX decide to throw James Blonde back in to concentrate on. No prizes for guessing why. Blonde finds himself penned in the middle of Shayne and Tyler, doing the only sensible thing in that situation, dropping to his knees and pleading for his life. Shrugging towards each other, D*LUX pull Blonde up and take an arm and a leg each, droppin the pleading Canadian across the knees with the Cowell Movement! And as Blonde sits on his knees holding his ribs, off the ropes come Shayne and Tyler... ...Shayne pulled from the ring by Faqu, as Tyler hits a solo dropkick to the side of the head! VENTURA Uh-oh. I think they made Faqu mad, which will not end well. As Faqu stalks after Shayne on the floor, Tyler tries to profit with a cover on Blonde... 1... 2... NO! It's chaos on the outside, cameramen and valets (well, one, Jade) dodging out of the way as Shayne reels away from a thrust to the throat. Staying cool in all of this is Tyler, as he pulls Blonde up and sets him over for the Recordbreaker. Tyler encounters a problem as Blonde falls to a knee though, blocking the move and attempting to pull the feet from underneath him. In slides Shayne at this moment, mostly to get away from Faqu but just in time to react as Blonde trips Tyler, dropkicking him in the face... ...sending Blonde back into Faqu and bumping him off the apron! As Blonde shakes his head clear Shayne charges in again. But Blonde ducks his head and backdrops "Showtime"... ...ONTO FAQU WITH A ACCIDENTAL ASSISTED SOMERSAULT PLANCHA!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" SCHIAVONE Wow, there's bodies flying all over the place here! VENTURA No kidding, this is hard to keep up with. I don't even know who the legal man are anymore. SCHIAVONE I don't think it matters! VENTURA What sort of a comment is that? Faqu and Shayne end up piled up on the floor, Blonde looking down on all of this with his hands on his head. Turning around, he then remembers he's in a match with an opponent of his own to be concerned with... just in time to duck a superkick attempt! Falling into the ropes, Tyler quickly pushes off and runs at Blonde, only to run into a leaping Leg Lariat! BLONDE MOVE! Referee Ellias does so, just avoiding Blonde's path into the ropes for the LIONSAU... ...KNEES UP!! "YYYEEEEEAAAAAHHHHH!" Again Blonde is left clutching his ribs, leaving him prone for Bryant. Hooking up the arms, Tyler turns back to back and elevates Blonde up, hovering with him for a second... ...until Blonde kicks his legs hard enough and often enough to free himself down the back! A disappointed sigh goes up as Blonde quickly grabs a waistlock, taking Tyler up and over with a German, and a bridge... 1... 2... KICKOUT! SCHIAVONE Oh, how close right there! VENTURA Just a half a second in it, but Blonde thinks it should have been three. A point he takes up with the referee, who of course sticks to his guns and says it was only two. Furious, Blonde stomps back over to Tyler, catching him in the corner with a set of stomps. An irish whip attempt is reversed though, Blonde sent crashing into the corner. As he staggers out, Tyler then dives at him with a big Spear, floating over immediately with a jacknife pin... 1... 2... SAVE BY FAQU!! SCHIAVONE The Merry Tyler Gore Show, that would have been it if not for Faqu! Raging, Faqu hooks up Tyler in the double underhook. Jade's eyes bulge and she can barely watch as Tyler is then taken up... ...AND SPIKED DOWN WITH THE DEATH BY SAMOAN (Double Underhook Piledriver)!!!!! "OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" VENTURA Oh man! That is it! Or, it would be, if Faqu went for the pin immediately. Instead he stands back up and beats his chest... allowing Shayne Brave time to sneak into the ring and schoolboy him from behind... 1... 2... SHAYNE LAYS ALL HIS BODYWEIGHT ACROSS THE LEGS... 3!!!!!! "YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" *DINGDINGDING!* SCHIAVONE THAT'S THREE! D*LUX have pulled it off! VENTURA What an upset!! The crowd erupt as Shayne dives out of the ring and into the arms of a clearly relieved Jade Rodez. The duo quickly pull the limp Tyler from out of the ring and out of harm's way, as Faqu proceeds to LOSE IT as he realises what has just happened. The referee dives for cover as well, raising the hands of D*LUX before high-tailing it off down the aisle. BUFFER Your winners of the bout, advancing on in the 2008 Anderson Cup... are D*LLLLLLLLUUUUUUUUUXXXXXXXXXXXXX!!!!!!!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" SCHIAVONE Jesse, I have to agree with you on that call, you can only call that an upset in the context of the match! It looked like Faqu and Blonde had the match won, but Faqu took his eye off the prize a second too long and it cost him! It's cost him big, because D*LUX advance and Faqu and Blonde do not! As Tyler is helped to the back by his team-mate and manager, the raging Faqu continues to stalk around the ring like a madman. Even James Blonde struggles to calm the Samoan Wrecking Ball down, kicking at the ropes and taking a swipe at a cameraman outside the ring! VENTURA Boy am I glad we're up here! SCHIAVONE You're not kidding. We might need numbers to get Faqu out of here... uh, thankfully, I'm being told we can show you the next instalment of the Look Of Love in association with VH1 right now. While we try and maintain order out here, let's go to that. One woman will be eliminated tonight, who's it going to be? Edited January 11, 2008 by King Cucaracha Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted January 11, 2008 (edited) PRESENTS ~THE LOOK OF LOVE~ Starring: Krista Isadora Duncan Terry Taylor AND THESE BEAUTIFUL WOMEN CORI VIRGINA MONTANA NERDLY TORI CLAUDETTE MADISON NERDLY MINDY NERDLY SHYANNE WALLACE MARIANNE NERDLY and TONY TOURETTES The show opens inside the confessional room with Krista Isadora Duncan reclining against one of the plush leather chairs. KRISTA (looking off screen) Hey, someone tell butler to tell gardener to stay the h-e double hockey sticks out of the kitchen! If he wants a snack he can root around in the garbage for kibbles n bits like Terry Taylor! Jennifer Love Hewitt, are we filming this? Well, American citizens, and unnaturalized illegal immigrants watching from a five inch black and white TV in my unheated basement, get back to folding my table clothes you lazy pack hunting tree monkey savages! Ahem. Welcome to the Look Of Love. Its great to have you all back with the show so rich in poignancy and filthy in educational value that it makes Kent Burns' recent documentary The War look like an episode of OAOAST HeldDOWN! Ah, what a greasy shitstain that show is on the underwear of low rated late night cable television. Here to help me commentate on ten beautiful women scratching and clawing for the right to scratch and claw another beautiful woman is...the luckiest man on earth. You know him better as Big Snoop Dogg! While Sensual Seduction plays in the background, Snoop walks onto the scene, and takes a seat next to Krista. SNOOP Wassup ya'll, big snoop, the d-o double g, takin the dogg pound on the road, keepin it good for Long Beach City. But, ya'll bettah slide into tha real thing and kick it with the dogfather on E! Fo' my new show... KRISTA This my show, puff the magic dragon! And if Cheech doesn't shut his chong the hell up, and read directly off the teleprompter, I'll toss you off the set and replace you with Flava Flav, Chuck D, Da Brat, or any other washed rapper of your choice so fast it'll knock the weed out your blood stream. Love the necklace by the way, honey. It can't stop won't stop! Snoop its a pleasure to have you here, and not just because you bring your own rolling paper, but because you are a dear true friend, as much as a friend as a black convicted felon can possibly be to the overprivalged white daughter of a congressmen. If my brain could still send signals to my face you could see the joy in my eyes. SNOOP Its pimpin to be in the playas room where the real playas at. KRISTA Say word? SNOOP Word is bond. KRISTA Bond is word. So, last week on Grey's Anatomy.... PRODUCER (off screen) This is Look of Love! KRISTA God, I wish I was on Grey's Anatomy. Yes, so last week on The Look Of Love, my mother added another paragraph to what's now become my suicide novella, and we met the girls who are all competing for my bank account...affection. God darn it. Today, though, I want to sit down and get to know each and everyone of the girls. I don't really want to know them, the script tells me I want to. And for the three million they're paying me I'll put on a hula skirt, a coconut bra and dance on Mitt Romney's dashboard for an hour. But, right now I have to try and establish a rapport with one of these young ladies, and hold it at least until this storyline loses steam and I'm jammed into a six man tag team with The Love Doctors. Jennifer Jason Leigh! Kill me now! SNOOP You was cold kickin it live with Madison early on. KRISTA Hi, Snoop. I'm white, thirty six, and I've lived in West LA all my life. The only time I've been to Compton is when my dad took me there to show me that black people really do exist, and that the Huxtables on TV weren't all suffering from mutation caused by overexposure to the sun. SNOOP You and Madison got along real cool. And that honey is fine, you better choose that. CUT to Krista's bedroom, where Madison is admiring the pictures on Krista's dresser. Krista simply sits on a chair, deleting text messages on her cell phone. MADISON Who's this little girl in this picture? Maya? KRISTA (looking up) Oh, that's me. MADISON How old are you in it? KRISTA Seven! I know what you're gonna say, “I didn't know they had color photos prior to the old testament!” MADISON I wasn't going to say that at all. I was going to say you look really cute. KRISTA Yeah, that's me, cute little pumps, cute little skirt, cute little martini, cute little illegal prescription pills. So, uh, Madison, if you don't mind me being so forward, and I hope you don't because that doesn't bode will for topless creamed corn wrestling later on, you're very attractive, what are you doing on this show? Some one should've scooped you up by now. MADISON I actually used to be married to a guy. We just got divorced a couple months back. He was an interior decorator, but he split most of his time as singing in a Chorus Line, and the other half as a dancer for the cockettes. About two months ago he fell in love with the third cockette from the left, and he left me to think of What I Did For Love. Little Chorus Line humor. I wasn't upset. Gay guy, gay girl, its only a marriage of convenience. KRISTA Right. You needed someone to remind you to use shampoo, and he needed someone who wore a bra because she had to not because it matched her clutch purse, starlight eye shadow and gucci heels for the big Liza with a Z! Show. MADISON And we both needed someone to pay the rent. The whole thing started because we were totally broke. KRISTA Yeah, marriage is like a Jesus endorsed welfare. And the reception is like food stamps. If you're broke you better log on to eharmony, and scrounge up some “It came from the swamp” looking beast to mate with. Jump on the next two dollar ditch pig that waddles its way out of Fudruckers stoned off a three pound burger and clogged arteries. That's a matter of survival, life and death. But once you get some cash don't even bother. Because that marriage is going to sour faster then America on Kelly Ripa. People always wonder why celebrities get divorced so often. Easy answer, they have money. It's hard to put up with someone else's shit when you don't need their half of the rent. Gathering her courage Madison walks closer to Krista MADISON Let me turn the tables on you now, because I have something I need to ask you? I know this is definitely skipping into dangerous psycho talker shades of Selena RIP territory, but how do you feel about having another child? KRISTA Yeah, if this was a real date I'd be telling you I have to spend the next nine months orbiting a shuttle around Neptune, and heading over to city hall to change my name to Anastasia Don't ever call me you wacked out bitch. But, you want a kid? Can we just get an Azela Topiary? They die quicker then children. Besides, we'd have to go through the whole trouble of asking a guy to donate his sperm. And forget asking a gay guy, they'll leave that gunk in every bathroom in every park and Bloomingdale's dressing room across America, but the minute you ask them to make a party in a shot glass, all of a sudden its liquid gold. Maybe, you're right. Why should cokewhores, and conservatives be the only ones having children. MADISON Don't forget Spears' sisters. KRISTA I thought that was implied in cokewhores. Madison giggles at the comment, which causes Krista to blush shyly. CUT back to Krista and Snoop in the confessional room. SNOOP But you and Tori was bout to get to dat special place only true pimps get to.... CUT to Krista and Tori shooting pool in the den. With her sleeves rolled up and her hair in a ponytail Krista is obviously more engaged in the game then Tori who's dressed like she's ready for a night on the town at Cesar's Palace. TORI My first preference is for the the baby to be lesbian, then a straight girl, then a gay boy, then god forbid a straight boy. KRISTA We'll love him none the less. TORI There could be a male piglet inside me! Get it out! Get it out! KRISTA What about bi? TORI Better then straight MUCH MUCH worse then gay. KRISTA Obviously! What about trans? TORI FTM top of the list, MTF right above gay male. KRISTA I don't know if I want a straight girl because that means a straight guys banging our daughter. I don't know how many more attempted murder charges I can possibly plead down to first degree assault. My lawyer's Jewish, but he ain't that Jewish. TORI Point taken. Bottom of the list. CUT back to Krista and Snoop in Confessional room. KRISTA Nah, Madison was the best. That's the closest I've gotten to a Canadian since my mom mistook john candy for her wet nurse and asked him to breast feed me. CUT back to the bedroom. Maidson finds Krista too hard to resist, and soon enough she has a leg swung over her thighs, easing her ass onto the model's lap while straddling her hips as she was seated in the chair. Too much, Madison sighes, its too much and too good. She finds her fingers loosening the buttons of Krista's shirt as their tongues entwine in a heated dance of slow pleasure. Madison reveals inch after inch of tanned neckline and shoulders as she pushes the garment down her lover's arms and the glorious rise of her breasts. KRISTA (V.O.) I got more O's from Madison then a box of Cheerios. “I was sealing the deal, I was ending the show on the very first episode. It was me, Krista, bridal shower, wedding, flannel gowns of course, that's our national color, total vegan reception, then maybe for our honey moon we could've chained ourselves to an endangered oak tree in a British Columbia lumber town. And then Mindy came along. Mindy, like she always does, comes along and shoots it all to hell.” CUT back to the bedroom, where Mindy Nerdly storms through the door, looking shocked and angered to see Madison sitting on Krista's lap. KRISTA Mildred! MINDY NERDLY Its Mindy. KRISTA Honey, you say tomato, I say.....vodka. MINDY Do you mind if we talk for a second? KRISTA Ya know, I'm kinda in the middle of having my belief in god reaffirmed. And I'm not too comfortable with you just barraging in, especially without copious amounts of hard liquor, but then again I'm not comfortable with Terry Taylor on my lawn in a zebra print thong and that happens every Friday morning. So, yeah, what the hell? CUT to the third floor balcony where Mindy and Krista can see all the way back to the gorgeous sight of the pacific ocean. DONT YOU WISH YOU LIVED IN LOS ANGELES?! KRISTA (voice over) Dragged all across the house with no regards for my feelings by a pushy old blond with sagging tits, and an annoying voice. Hey, now I know what's its like to date Celine Dion! KRISTA (looking disgustedly at the house across the way) You pulled me away from the hottest stripper VH1's money can buy just so I can see Kevin Bacon doing the footloose dance again? You win one golden globe award and all of a sudden you're entitled to a lifetime of dancing bare ass naked without the blinds closed. I'm gonna be so mad when my mood elevators were off! MINDY Not that. KRISTA I'd beg like a gypsy at Greyhound Bus Stop for him to invest 3.99 in a Bic Razor. MINDY Krista, focus. I need to talk to you about my sisters, and what they're doing to you. They're giving you a false impression that somehow a life with them is a life of unending pleasure and happiness.... KRISTA Or in Madison's case three minutes of the greatest boob tease known to woman. MINDY What I'm trying to say is that I just got out of a twelve year relationship with the woman who was supposed to be the love of my life. I know what its like to get hurt. They don't. The most Madison has ever had is a restraining order from the Detroit Shock. And Montana? She thinks she's god gift to lesbians. If thats true then god shops at the Newark Airport. Marianne... MARIANNE NERDLY (o.s) You're as simple as that dress, Mindy! Don't tell your lies on me! Marianne Nerdly alks onto the balcony, giving Krista a beer and Mindy a nasty stare. MINDY Got something to say? KRISTA That movie came out in 1984, Bacon! Do you still see Mr.T pitying fools or Vicki Lawrence doing Mama from Mama's Family...damn, terrible examples. MARIANNE Yeah, I do. Krista is the love of my life! MINDY You said that each Destiny's Child member ago. MARIANNE Don't compare a brief infatuation with Beyonce to my lifetime of love for Krista Isadora Duncan. I can't believe my own sisters are on this show, trying to steal away my love. I need to talk to Molly. The sister who doesn't try to sleep with my girlfriend. MINDY She's not your girlfriend! MARIANNE Yet! CUT back to Krista and Snoop in Confessional room. SNOOP Good lord, a pack of cigs, a butch gym teacher to dyke me out, and a pregnancy scare and this could be highschool. KRISTA Uh, you're reading off my prompter again. SNOOP Mah bad. What I meant was, dope sheezy on da reeazy, naw what I'm sayin? KRISTA You know, after seeing them bicker , I thought to myself "Krista, you gorgeous piece of ass, who are you but a sultry godess of mind and beauty, to come between the bond of two sisters? If you were as moralistic as you were hot, you'd cancel this show right away, and allow peace to take shape in the Nerdly family." Then I had three shots of gin, half a bottle of pills and I was back to sensible thinking Krista. Its scary not having alcohol to blame your actions on! SNOOP Tell 'em a lil bit bout all dat cookin you made dem girls do. You had them girls workin like plantation days. I thought I was gonna have to whip out the proclamation if you didn't stop. KRISTA Ohhhhh yeah, right. The cooking. One of the things that AIix used to do was spend half my fortune on constructing a time machine out of paper mache and DVD covers from Kirstin Dunst movies, god I miss Crazy Beautiful. One of the other things she used to do is cook. Very well. She is a professional chef after all. So I asked the girls if they knew how to cook. Now, I don't eat that much, but its nice to have something to wash down the daily thoughts of suicide with. Let's just say the results were as negative as Terry's test for HIV. TERRY TAYLOR Whoo-hooo! CUT TO Madison and Krista in the kitchen. MONTANA You want me to do what? You want me to cook for you? Is this.... KRISTA Look or Love or is this Top Chef, because if its the later you want the fat Philipino lez with Luke Walton's haircut. Honey, you can't one up me in the joke department. But what you can do is one up me in the kitchen, because the last time I tried to do so much as microwave ravioli, I started a teensy little fire. You may have seen bird eye views of it engulfing half of LA County on CNN. MONTANA I don't know. I want to be your girlfriend, your soul mate, not your personal slave. KRISTA I often ask people around me to do different things. Cooks sometimes clean. Maids sometimes cook. Daughters sometimes provide alibis to the feds. Joking, Maya is an awful liar. Anyway, if you live in the castle, you have to serve the wicked witch of the west. MONTANA Hmmm....Let me explain this in terms you can better understand. Montana opens a cookie jar and pulls out mini bottles of tequila, gin, vodka and scotch. Yes I did say cookie jar. MONTANA I'm tequila. KRISTA Ooooh, honey, I like this already! MONTANA These are my friends, gin, vodka, and scotch. Hello Krista! KRISTA Hi kids! Mommy loves ya! MONTANA You've got an emergency, you want a bloody mary, you afford yourself a thimble of tomato juice, who you gonna call. Me tequila? KRISTA No! MONTANA Gin? Scotch? KRISTA Well, this is crazy talk, woman! I want my vodka, honey, and I want it now! MONTANA Exactly! KRISTA (nodding knowingly) Okay, I get it now, you're coming in loud and clear, Montana Max! JUMP CUT, Montana's in the kitchen after all, cooking for Krista. The better term would be cooking with Krista, as she stands with her body pressed against Krista's holding her arm, helping her stir a salad. Virgina sits on the counter, not looking overly enthused by the proceedings. MONTANA You have to treat the salad like a lover when you stir it. Gentle, tender, carefully and rough only when it wants you to be rough. Are you getting it? KRISTA (fanning herself) Oh, honey, I'm getting something. VIRGINA That's not much of a salad. Where's the arugala, the raddicchio, where's the Rawanda? KRISTA One of those isn't a salad ingredient so much as a warn torn country in Africa VIRGINA Duh I sponsored a poor kid in raddicchio! MONTANA The salad is done the rissotto is cooking. Let's talk wine? Do you have any preferences? KRISTA Honey, I'd suck the alcohol straight out of a deodorant stick. In fact I have sucked the alcohol straight out of a deodorant stick. MONTANA Yeah, but that was in darker days past. Years ago I bet. KRISTA It was Tuesday. MONTANA Oh. Krista pulls a bottle of wine out of the refrigerator and prepares to pour it into three glasses. KRISTA Oh darn I spilled it all over my sweater MONTANA No you didn't. KRISTA No, but I made you look. Krista jiggles her chest in Montana's face, gaining quite the smile from the Nerdly girl. CUT to Snoop and Krista in the confessional room. KRISTA Were your eyes glued to that? I'd call that the Duncan women charm but my mom just called me three hours before filming "Kristah, my dahling little lipstick bulldyke, the only way I can get your pennypinching shitheel of a father to touch me is to shove the remote down my pants. Even then he's designed some sort of method to get it out with a fishing rod." So, I guess social science textbooks in unverisites every where will call it, the Krista Charm. Or, as my accounted so crudely called it "You spent fifteen thousand dollars on a boob job." No, toys for tots did, they just don't know it yet. SNOOP That's dat west coast gangsta shit we always on out here in Cali. We warn ya, we gonna bomb on ya. And we got a real life gangsta bitch in Shyanne Wallace. A true sister down for the LA County hood from birth to death. You run mouth that girl'll put you in the ground right here. KRISTA That girl is mad all the time. When an alarm clock goes off most people hit the snooze button she hits the beat your ho ass down button. She wakes up mad at seven o'clock in the morning. Wait a minute, baby, you're angry at breakfast? You don't have to do a drive by on that little white rabbit, he's just silly, he's didn't know those Trix were for kids! Take that pistol out the leperchauns mouth and get your own lucky charms. SNOOP You'd date someone like that? That's too raw even for the ol boss dogg. She runs a cold game. KRISTA I had my bad girl phase back in college where commitment meant getting listed for conjugal visits. My idea of speed dating meant was getting fingered while the CO wasn't looking! So I am ba-ba-bad, bad to the bone! CUT to Shyanne Wallace in the kitchen with Tony Tourettes. Krista sits on the counter while the two angrily rummage thorough the cabinets to find something to cook. SHYANNE (staring at the cabinets in disgust) What the fuck is this? Frosted Flakes? Lucky Charms? Cinnamon Toast Crunch? This for a welfare pimps! Where's the powder, the hydro? Where's the white lightning, where's sippin syzurp? Motherfuckin shit, all I wanted was to get my wig busted up on some juice and watch The Parkers. That show gets me all x-rated. Yo, Krista how about you come over here and eat this ten thousand dolla coochie like a ten dolla hood wash? I ain't wearin any underwear, girl. You hear me? Personally I like getting' my f on like hockey, a real fast ride, while I'm getting my head smashed against glass, my body wacked with sticks, and at the end I'm bruised, bloody and drippin' wet. KRISTA SHYANNE The president is pimpin the nation, the preacher's pimpin the congregation, how the fuck am I supposed to pimp the stove top when I gots no cooking skills. Somebody needs to hit me some grub steak and put a five on some bubonic chronic. You makin them cracka dykes do this, Kris? Doubt that. Naw you thinkin of collecting the dots from them white bitches ain't you? Ain't you? Ain't you? TONY (stomping on a box of Lucky Charms) Fuck dem stuck up white bitches! Fuck em up and down and all around on they pink devil face! Stomp and spit on they motherfuckin ass till they beg god for mercy! Beat them up with broken broom handles till they ain't nothing left but black and blue! 'Cause I hate dem white bitches, 'cause there ain't no thing like sucking my big fat ass while sipping Hennessy! You feel me now? You feel me now, fuck face! KRISTA KRISTA (V.O.) KRISTA+SHYANNE=ACESSORY TO MURDER. But Krista+CORI=Bombing of federal buildings! CUT TO Krista leaning against the counter chatting with Cori, while Cori prepares shrimp gumbo... KRISTA So, wait, you'd really vote Giuliani? Honestly? I don't know if I can date a republican, I already got attended a Garth Brooks concert, and likes watching Meg Ryan movies on my resume to hell. These are chief of the dark realm's human resources department qualifications you're pushing on me. CORI (proudly) Actually, I happen to be a Neo-Libertarian. KRISTA Ah! What? That's even worse! Why even bother going to the polls? Why don't you just cast your vote for Tila Tequila, I heard her platform on gun control is the revolutionary kick in the pants this country has been longing for. Cori drops her stirring spoon and stares at Krista in rage. CORI Just the kind of boorish statement I'd expect from a willing slave to the fascist two party quasi-directorship this country is mired in. To afraid to pick up a gun and pursue real liberties so you defend those that withhold it. I'll have you know, we Libertarians have made great strides in increasing the overall awareness of our beliefs in society. KRISTA Whopdie freaking shit! So have the Daughters of The Revolution in support of Bestiality, but that doesn't mean Wilbur Post and Mr.Ed are going to be a presidential ticket any time soon! I can't believe it, we turned down one of the Spice Girls for you. Ya know what? That's it you're the first elimination! CORI Come again? KRISTA I doubt you could make me come once. You don't give me the look of love, you give me the look of oh my god I think the reincarnation of Timothy McVeigh is in my very house and I'm scared sober. You gotta go! CORI Because I'm a libertarian? That's just crazy. KRISTA And you're fat! And what's with that hair? It looks like you've got both mouse and squirrel in there! There aren't enough queer eyes for the queer girl to make that look less like a tumble weed. Every time I look at you, all I wanna do is hum the Good the bad and the ugly. WAAH WAAH WAAH WAAH. And I'm afraid we might get bombarded by Captain Jack Sparrow or Captain Hook or whatever pirate you stole that blouse from! CORI This isn't right. Isn't the elimination supposed to be more formal then this? KRISTA Does this look like the democracy you and the rest of your wacked unibombers want to blow up to you? Buh-bye, time to back to go back your little one bed room apartment on the corner of urine and crime spree. Aurevoir! CUT to Snoop and Krista in the confessional room. KRISTA (singing) See you at the crossroads so you won't be lonely, see you at the crossroads so you won't be lonely. Am I gonna miss everybody, and I'm gonna miss everybody, and I'm gonna miss everybody. SNOOP That bitches soul gonna be burnin' slow all year long. Cori didn't even know what hit her. One two three, lights out for home girl. First round knock out, she ain't never gonna come to. It aint safe to leave house when Krista Isadora Duncan round, one time and Krista quick to lay one your first. KRISTA That's right kids, I left the vulgar, apparently, misogynistic, self racist, grossly overweight, mentally handicapped, man on the show instead of reasonably attractive, very intelligent, woman all because she's a Libertarian. Does that make sense to be a Libertarian? Its like rooting for the Clippers for any other reason besides the fact that god hates you. It one hundred percent devoid of sanity! Regardless, Snoop thanks so much, its been a pleasure as always. America, provided you aren't currently lathering your little snoop dogg in baby oil and lotion at this moment, I'd say its been pleasure also. Make sure you watch next week because contractual obligations bound me to actually wrestle one of those match thingies in the OAOAST. Yeah, I know that sucks. But, we get to see just how the girls handle the boring as shit world of the OAOAST. My guess is the same as everyone else, by sighing softly and wishing Will and Grace was still on the air. Bye! NEXT WEEK TRIAL BY FIRE The girls get their first taste of the OAOAST NEXT WEEK The Look Of Love We immediately switch to the live backstage area where Molly Nerdly is sipping on champagne over a victory she had nothing to do with. Her celebration gets one extra member when she bumps into Mackenzie. MOLLY Ahoy Ahoy! MACKENZIE Stop saying that, please. MOLLY Its terribly fun, though. MACKENZIE If you're eight or live and die by every minor joke made by Mister Burns on a decade old Simpsons episode. MOLLY That's me! What's your opinion on The Look Of Love. You have to be rightly annoyed by it, I expect. MACKENZIE Why should I be annoyed? Your sisters are doing my job for me! They're keeping Krista far, far away from Alix, and I love them for it. Krista's time and attention is totally preoccupied with all those women. That's just perfect for me. Maybe I should find a hundred more bimbos to fall on top of themselves for LA's town drunk. MOLLY Not so perfect, my friend. Not so perfect at all. If anything Krista is a bigger problem now. My sisters are making the threat of Krista even worse for you. MACKENZIE How so? MOLLY Easily, Alix sees Krista having fun with those women, living her life, enjoying herself and basically getting over her. Alix in turn feels gutted, terrible that Krista isn't mopping around, still unable to pull herself together because she misses her so much. Alix then remembers all the wonderful times they shared together, memories you haven't been around long enough to eclipse. Alix becomes jealous of the look of love girls and all the women who pursue Krista. Alix decides she wants Krista back, and that those other women can't have her. Alix tells you, I need some closure with Krista. Eight months later she and Krista are still getting closure, and you're all alone, with a stable you've pretty much turned your back on. MACKENZIE (voice shaking in dismay) Alix has no feelings for Krista. MOLLY They've known each other for over twelve years. The attraction switch doesn't just get flipped off after one night of passion with Mackenzie DeCenzo. As a friend, a dear sweet friend who needs dramatic tales of heartwrenching reality for her documentary film class, I'm telling you to stay alert. Molly leaves Mackenzie to contemplate what she's just said. Mackenzie simply stares off in the distance, distressed by the words of warning. COMING UP NEXT FRIEND IS A FOUR LETTER WORD LEON RODEZ VS ZACK MALIBU NEXT Edited January 11, 2008 by Patty O'Green Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted January 11, 2008 (edited) OAOAST QUIZdown is brought you by the brand new Halloween Spectacular DVD Which One of These Former World Champions Has Never Mainevented Anglemania? A.Crystal B.Hoff C.Peter Knight D.Calvin Szechstein The answer: A.Crystal COLE Welcome back to HeldDOWN, fans, as we are now ready for our main event. We saw at the start of the show that Zack Malibu and Bohemoth, two men with a friendly rivalry going on, picking each others opponents for this evening. Earlier tonight Bohemoth made it past his former partner, Christian Wright, in a hard fought contest, while Malibu now has to contend with a man he once shared the World Tag Team Titles with, his good friend Leon Rodez! COACH If you ask me, Mikey Cole, Bo made the better choice tonight. Zack picked someone who knows Bo well, no doubt...but he picked someone that Bo now loathes, and when a man that size hates someone enough, he's going to steamroll right over them. Bo came out victorious tonight, but Malibu's back is sorta against the wall here. He has no issues with Leon Rodez, he doesn't have any hatred for Leon Rodez...Leon Rodez is his friend. It'll be a great match fo' sho', but as far as Zack's motivation to win? We saw him bust out that vicious streak when it's needed, against Bruce Blank and against He Who Shall Not Be Named...he ain't gonna do that here, and that could cost him! Trust Company's cover of the famed rock hit "Rock The Casbah" booms over the PA, and the fans erupt, anxiously anticipating this contest. Leon Rodez comes shuffling out from behind the curtain, bopping around the aisleway with a huge smile on his face as he points out a select few of his many fans. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is a Pick Your Poison Match, contested under standard one fall to a finish rules. Introducing first, the man selected tonight by the Metrosexual Monster, Bohemoth, to be the opponent for Zack Malibu. He weighs in tonight at two hundred and twenty pounds...hailing from Grand Rapids, Michigan...THIS...is LEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEON ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODEZZZZZZZZZ! The roar of the fans is heard loud and clear by Leon, who stands on the apron cupping his ear. Rodez slingshots himself over the ropes and runs the ropes, warming up as Malibu's music overpowers his own. Once "Getting Away With Murder" kicks into gear, Malibu steps out and starts his powerwalk to the ring, looking from side to side at the jam-packed crowd that is cheering wildly. BUFFER His opponent, weighing in tonight at two hundred, ten pounds...hailing from Providence, Rhode Island, he has come to be known as the Modern Day Warrior, but more importantly, as the Franchise of the One and Only Anglesault Thread...THIS...is...ZAAAAAAAAAAACK MAAAAAAALLLLLLLLIBUUUUUUUUU! Zack rolls into the ring and kips up to his feet, then points at Leon and waves him on. Zack gives a quick slap of the hand to his former partner, a sign of respect before the contest kicks off. Once the music dies down and the bell rings, we're off and running, as the second part of the Pick Your Poison Challenge starts...NOW! DING! DING! DING! The two friends rush towards each other and tie up, quickly jockeying for position. As they struggle, Leon breaks free of the lockup and uses a go-behind. Malilbu realizes he's trapped in a waistlock and fires an elbow back, but Leon ducks it and breaks the hold! The momentum of firing the elbow back turns Zack towards his opponent, and Leon is quick to use an armdrag, taking his former tag team partner down to the mat! Zack gets right back up, but Leon takes him by the head and wrenches it, only to be shot towards the ropes. Malibu extends an arm and goes for a hiptoss, but Leon blocks the takeover, then tries one of his own, only to have that blocked by Zack! The former World Champion's knee meets Leon's ribs, and then Rodez finds himself taken up for a suplex...but he wriggles free and falls behind Zack, then yanks him to the canvas with a schoolboy! ONE! KICKOUT! Leon, who has been on top of his game thus far, rolls to his feet immediately and backs Zack to the ropes, sending him across the ring...but when he leaps up for a rana, Zack puts on the brakes, and watches as Leon crashes back to the mat! Rodez sits up, dazed from the crash landing, and he's knocked onto his back by a basement dropkick that finds its mark! Rodez knows he can't just lay on the canvas and allow Zack to take over, so he moves to a standing base, favoring his jaw, as Malibu comes at him. Leon reacts, kicking Zack in the ribs and then striking with a set of right hands and pulling Zack into another headlock...but Malibu suplexes him out of it...NO! Leon floats over, landing on his feet...but Zack fires an elbow back that connects this time around, doing no favors for Leon's already sore jaw...and then an enzugiri sends him facefirst into the canvas! COLE Some great counter wrestling here in the early portion, and that's to be expected when you've got former World Tag Team Champions locking up with each other! COACH Bo knew what he was doing when he picked The Silky Smooth One to take on Zack tonight...he knows if anyone has Zack's number, it's the one guy on the active roster who knows him inside and out! Zack helps Leon to his feet, then goes to town on him, allowing hand to meet singlet in the form of some open hand chops. Leon reels and backs himself into the ropes, but won't allow himself to be whipped across the ring when Zack attempts it! Instead, he yanks Zack towards him and elevates him over the ropes, outside of the ring...but Zack lands on the apron! Rodez turns around and catches Zack attempting to springboard in, so he rushes the ropes and shoves Zack down to the apron! Leon then tries for a shoulderblock through the ropes, but Zack sidesteps it, and hits a hard kick to Leon's chest, leaving him dazed as he rests between the top and middle rope. Malibu slingshots over his friend and goes for a sunset flip rollup, but as Leon is about to be taken over, he grabs the top rope with both hands, frees his legs, and delivers a quick double stomp to Zack's chest! Zack grabs at his chest, only for it to be caved in for the second time in under a minute, as Leon hits a back senton, dropping his weight across Zack's upper body! Leon turns over and cradles a leg, looking rather excited as the referee hits the canvas to count. ONE! T-KICKOUT! COLE Zack kicking out once again, but Leon is showing great determination in weakening his former partner. COACH Why not? A win for Leon shoots him right back up the ladder, while Malibu gets knocked down a notch, not to mention that Bo will have one up on him after winning earlier tonight. After being brought up, Malibu gets snapmared over, and Leon connects with a hard soccer kick to the back before dropping to one knee and trapping Malibu in a rear chinlock, pressing the point of his knee between Malibu's shoulder blades. Zack squirms, feeling as uncomfortable as he looks, but manages to make it to his feet and take Leon over with a fireman's carry. Rodez hurries up, but Zack runs him chest first into the corner, then spins him around and connects with forearms across the jaw, then sends Rodez zooming across the ring against his will, towards the opposite corner! Malibu turns and follows, but before Leon hits he leaps up and lands on the second turnbuckle with cat like agility, and leaps back with a flying bodypress...but Zack ducks under it, runs up the ropes, and hits a twisting frog splash mere seconds after Leon has crash landed! ONE! TWO! NO! COLE Leon Rodez proving to be just as resilient as Zack Malibu, kicking out of that high impact splash! Malibu rolls off and goes for the legs, pulling up Leon's weaker leg and delivering a pair of kicks to the back of the knee before Leon kicks him away with his free leg. Zack comes forward, but Leon rolls onto all fours and knocks Zack's legs out from under him. Malibu rolls to his feet, as Leon comes forward with a slight limp, connecting with an overhand right! He pulls Zack in and hammers on his back with forearms, then sets him up for a suplex...but Malibu kicks his legs, shifting the weight! Zack then goes for a suplex on Leon, but Leon uses the same tactic as Zack, and it pays off, as Zack is unable to get Leon up and over! They break, and Leon pops up with a jab, and another, and another, and another! Four jabs find their mark as Malibu is dazed, and Leon goes for an enzugiri...but Malibu ducks! Leon belly flops onto the canvas, and Zack reaches down and hoists him up to his feet, then tries to lift him with a German Suplex, but Leon elbows out, reaches back, and then drops down so that Zack's jaw shatters on the crown of Leon's head! The move sends Zack spilling through the ropes, but he lands on the apron! Leon comes over and stuns Zack further, hitting a double ear clap before dropkicking Malibu's legs out from under him, causing him to drop to the floor and whack his chin on the apron! Leon then races to the ropes and connects with a baseball slide that sends Malibu staggering back into the guardrail. Leon perches himself on the apron, and as Malibu shakes off the attack, dives off with a Thesz Press that puts Zack on the floor! Leon pops up and pumps his fists, while the majority of the crowd shares his enthusiasm as he takes on the OAOAST's most beloved son. COACH Leon just wiped Zack out, and don't it seem to you, Cole, that Zack is holding back a little bit? COLE That's a valid point, Coach. We've seen some great counter wrestling, but as far as the gritty determination usually shown by Malibu, it's missing tonight. Malibu knows that Leon is an obstacle, but I think he's putting friendship first, which is certainly honorable, but won't mean a thing for his win/loss record! Leon pulls Zack up, but as he does, Zack blasts him with a knee to the ribs, then takes his head and slams it into the ring apron! With Leon stunned, Zack hops up on the apron and pulls Leon up with him, striking him with knife edge chops as they balance themselves on the apron...and Leon fights back with chops of his own! Leon leans over the top rope so that it shifts him up and over, floating back into the ring on his feet, and from there he tries a dropkick on Zack that gets swatted down! Zack then slingshots up onto the ropes and springboards in, catching Leon with a bulldog mere seconds after he got back on his feet! ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Knowing enough to keep the momentum in his favor, Zack brings Leon up and pushes him into the corner, then climbs onto the middle rope and starts working him over with punches, all while the crowd enjoys their shot at interaction. ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR! FIVE! SIX! SEVEN! At that point, Leon has had enough, and throws Malibu down to the canvas, but Zack quickly rolls through and gets up, charging in with a full head of steam...right into a back elbow! Leon then takes the stunned Malibu and hooks him for a tornado DDT...but in mid-rotation, Zack shoves HIM off, and when his body raises up, so does his foot, as he goes for SCHOOL'S OUT...NO! Leon catches the boot and throws it down, only for Malibu to follow up with a discus clothesline, which is ducked by Leon, who uses a quick go-behind and brings Zack crashing down on the back of his head with a German suplex! ONE! TWO! T-KICKOUT! COLE THERE'S more of that great counter-wrestling from these two! They know each other so well, it's tough to gain an advantage here in this contest! Leon, almost in a mimicking of his friend-slash-opponent, rolls Zack to his feet while holding onto the waistlock. Zack reaches and tries to break Leon's grip, but when he's unable to do that, he fires back a pair of elbows, then uses a go-behind of his own, but as he does Leon drops to the mat, kicks his legs up, and hooks them around Zack's arms, pulling him down into a cradle rollup! ONE! TWO! TH-NO! COACH Close call there, Mikey Cole! As both scramble back up, Leon grabs Zack by the wrist and shoots him to the corner, then charges in and hits his own patented Superman Spear, knocking the wind out of the former World Champion! The New-Age Love Machine then leads the other half of The Usual Suspects out of the corner and shoots him into the ropes, then somersaults towards him before popping up and nailing Zack with a hard lariat that puts him down! COLE A Superman Spear-Shack Attack combo, and Leon Rodez is heating things up on HeldDOWN~! Groggy, Malibu crawls towards the ropes, but Leon grabs him and hits a scoop slam, setting Zack up near one of the corners. Leon turns and starts climbing the ropes, but before he can set himself, Zack pops up and manuevers under Leon, putting the Grand Rapids Golden Child on his shoulders! Zack steps back from the corner, but before he can be dropped involuntarily, Leon spins himself into a sunset flip, bringing Zack down into a pin attempt that Leon himself breaks, as he switches gears and tries for a Liontamer! COLE If he turns him over, this could be it! COACH I don't know, Mikey...Leon didn't really target the legs much, and you know that Zacky boy has a ton of leg strength! COLE Coach, you're on a roll with the facts tonight...however even if it doesn't get the win, it could weaken Zack's legs enough to cut a lot of his offense out of the playbook! Zack won't keep still, fighting from being turned over, until finally, Leon manages to roll Zack over into his trademark submission! Some fans roar, some boo, as the crowd is conflicted watching two of their most beloved go at it in the main event tonight, while Zack Malibu struggles to free himself from the hold! COLE The ropes aren't too far away, if Zack can just get to them he can get the break! COACH How much will it take out of him though, Cole? They've been going at it for a while now, not to mention the job of weakening Zack the Liontamer is doing right now! Zack squirms, as Leon desperately tries to keep hold...but after a few moments of flailing, Zack is just barely able to grab onto the bottom rope. Referee Robinson immediately calls for a break, and gets it, as Leon isn't about to abuse the rulebook, and certainly not against one of his best friends. Zack uses the ropes to pull himself up to his feet, and Leon actually gives him the space to do so...but when Zack turns around, he's rocked with an inverted atomic drop! Leon puts Zack in his clutches and goes for his STO backbreaker, but Zack drives the point of his elbow into the side of Leon's head, then sends him hard into the corner, and follows up immediately with a ZACK ATTACK II, driving both of his knees into Leon's chest...and as Malibu lands back on his feet, he limps slightly, visibly worn a bit from the Liontamer mere moments ago! Malibu then blasts Leon with a European uppercut while he's slumped against the turnbuckles, then sets him up on the top rope. Malibu climbs up the ropes, but Leon still has enough strength to club Zack in the ribs and shove him off, sending Zack crashing back-first to the canvas! With the wind knocked out of him, Zack has nowhere to go, as Leon perches himself up on the top rope and leaps off, rotating his body in the air before coming down hard...ON THE MAT! ZACK MALIBU AVOIDS THE 450 SPLASH! COACH I give it an 8. The execution was perfect but the landing was a little rough. Both are groggy, and get back up to their vertical base...and Malibu pulls Leon down into a small package, rolling him up for the pin while Leon is defenseless! ONE! TWO! THR-NO! COLE A missed 450 Splash certainly jarred Leon Rodez, but not enough for Zack Malibu to get the pin! Leon kicks out, and both men are up, trading hard chops with each other, each doing their best to try and wear the other down. Leon gets the upper hand, his chops connecting faster and harder than Zack's do, finally knocking him on his back! Zack gets back up to his feet and charges, and finds himself backdropped over by Leon, leaving him looking at the lights once again! Leon goes and picks Zack up, lifting him up for a back suplex that he turns into his trademark blue thunder bomb...but at the last second, Zack counters it and takes Leon over with a rana! Leon hurries to his feet and charges blindly, going for Zack...but winds up charging into the sole of his boot, as Zack connects with a School's Out that drops Leon like a sack of bricks! Zack falls on top of Leon, and remembers to hook the leg, as Robinson darts in for the count! ONE! TWO! THREE! DING! DING! DING! "Getting Away With Murder" signals the victory, as does the raising of Zack's hand by Charles Robinson. Exhausted, Malibu salutes the crowd that is egging him on, as he paces the ring, taking a few deep breaths after having just exhausted himself against one of the OAOAST's best. As Robinson tends to Leon, helping him up, Zack comes over and gives him a hand. When the dizzy Rodez is up to his feet, Malibu gives him a handshake and an embrace, drawing another loud pop from the crowd for their show of sportsmanship. COLE Bohemoth knew that by putting one of Zack's friends in front of him it might be a tougher obstacle for him to overcome, and Leon certainly gave Zack the fight of his life tonight. Still, both Zack and Bo chalk up another win for each of their records, as the little competition is still neck and neck! COACH The path back to the World Title, or in Bo's case the path to his first World Championship is going to be a rocky road, but what an effort from both of these guys, as well as their opponents tonight. Leon raises Zack's hand, motioning for the crowd to show respect for his friend and former tag partner. Zack thanks Leon for his courtesy, and then the two exit the ring, both heading towards the back for some rest and relaxation after an amazing contest. COLE The poison's were picked tonight, but victory was the andidote for both Zack Malibu and Bohemoth. What else lays in store for Zack and Bo, as well as the rest of the OAOAST as we head towards Anglepalooza and the Lethal Rumble? Tune in next week to find out. Until then, I'm Michael Cole, for the Coach, signing off! FADE OUT Edited January 11, 2008 by King Cucaracha Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted January 11, 2008 WRITING CREDITS 149 LP KC Zachary Moi EWC at some point GRAPHIC CREDITS KC Big Papa Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
