Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted February 2, 2008 (edited) THE FOLLOWING PROGRAM IS INTENDED FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY PRESENTED IN HD Blasting on the screen is our introductory video, showcasing the adrenaline fueled thrill ride that is OAOAST programming. As the video cycles through close ups of key characters, and the death defying spots and stunts they routinely preform, Ultimate Victory provides an excellent soundtrack. The video finally closes out with a black and white image of OAOAST posterboy Zack Malibu starring sternly over his bare shoulder. From the logo we move straight to our usual announce team, residing behind the sleek grey announce desk and sitting atop the super comfortable leather couch that puts the sofa in sofa central. COLE Ladies and gentlemen welcome to Cleveland, Ohio for another edition of the flagship show in sports entertainment, OAOAST HeldDOWN! Michael Cole, joined as always by The Coach, Johnathan Coachman. And Coach we are counting down the days until Anglemania with huge fallout from Anglepalooza. COACH That's right, Cole. That's right. Shocking events all around on that pay per view, with our Lethal Rumble winner coming out of left field. But the OAOAST continues to roll on with big time happenings tonight, PRL, the Lethal Rumble loser is gonna be in action, buried in the midcard where his kind belongs, a special report from E!News on Alix Maria Spezia, Moneymaker's promising to reveal some hints on the identity of Krista's kid, and we got two Anderson Cup matches, and a hell of a lot more! COLE As you just said, the Anderson Cup Conference Semi Finals kick off tonight. For more information, Jesse "The Body" and Tony Schiavone, take it away! Across the arena we pan, over to the interview stage where Jesse and Tony stand with their backs to the entrance way. SCHIAVONE Thank you very much Michael. Just eight teams remain in this year's Anderson Cup competition, with one of those teams just eight and a half weeks away from the opportunity of a lifetime at AngleMania VII! This week and next will see the Conference Semi Finals contested. The Conference Finals on Feburary 14th in Montreal will determine the Anderson Cup finalists. And that match, for a shot at the One And Only World Tag Team Championships, will take place in St Louis on February 28th at the Leap Year Spectacular! Right now, we're going to take a look at the brackets and get some expert opinion from Jesse "The Body" before we get the action underway. SCHIAVONE There you see it. Jesse, your thoughts? VENTURA It looks real nice. Whoever designed it is real talented. SCHIAVONE I was thinking more regarding the matches. VENTURA Oh, of course. Well, you look at the Miracle Weirdness Connection Conference and you see four sets of former champions. D*LUX and Mardi Gras, former HI-YAH Tag Champs. And Wright and Moneymaker and The Sooners, former OAOAST Tag Team Champions. Four very accomplished teams. Over on the Los Infernales side, you've of course got the former champs, The Heavenly Rockers. The Christ Air Express... 'technically' they're former Tag Champs too, although that seems like another lifetime ago. Team Heyross were WDW Tag Team Champions and shown occassional flashes of brilliance here in the OAOAST. And then there's the wildcard of Black and O'Hara, who are anything but a 'team' and yet picked up a pretty convincing victory in the end in the first round. SCHIAVONE One of the tightest fields we've seen? VENTURA Yeah, not too many first round surprises, taking most of the top seeds through. I think what stands out to me looking at those brackets Schiavone... what if The Sooner Bruisers advance out of the MWC Conference... and what if The Heavenly Rockers win the Los Infernales Conference? Wouldn't that be something? SCHIAVONE That would be one heck of a final, no doubt. But the crucial question Jesse is, who's your money on? Jesse grins. VENTURA I think you got it spot on right there Schiavone. The keyword is money. And my money is on the money! Theodore Moneymaker and Christian Wright to go two years in a row, ya heard it here first! SCHIAVONE Well, we'll see how they fare later on in our main-event when they take on D*LUX. But first it'll be Nathaniel Black and Jamie O'Hara to try and co-exist once more, against The Christ Air Express! Those matches to come here tonight from Cleveland. Right now lets turn it back to Sofa Cent..... "THE C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-CORP-CORPORA-CORPORATION" COACH Oh yeah! The crowd immediately stands up and starts booing loudly. The opening to "No Chance In Hell" begins playing over the P.A. system. The new Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation entrance video plays on the AngleTron, while smoke fills the entrance stage. The crescendo hits, and a HUGE burst of pyro explodes over the entrance stage. "No Chance In Hell" by Bradley Royds begins playing. *No chance (No chance) That's what ya got! (Ha! Ha! Yeah.) We're up against no machine too strong (Too strong) Pussy politicians buying souls for us are...PUPPETS! (Puppets!)* The entrance doors slide open, and every single member of the Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation comes out, each member having a beaming smile on his/her face. Stephen Joseph Popick, wearing his eyeglasses, a white dress shirt, a Rolex watch on his right wrist, his wedding ring on his right ring finger, black dress pants, and black dress shoes, leads the way, the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt over his left shoulder. Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick, wearing hoop earrings, a gold necklace, a tight grey and red shirt, gold bracelets on both of her wrists, her wedding ring on her right ring finger, a small black watch on her right wrist, tight black jeans, and black heel boots, walks right next to her husband, the OAOAST Women's Championship belt over her left shoulder. Oh, and her hair is in pigtails too. MICHAEL BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the UNDISPUTED One And Only AngleSault Thread World Heavyweight Champion, STEPHEN JOSEPH POPICK AND THE STEPHEN JOSEPH POPICCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK CORRRRPOOOORRAAATTTIIIIIIIIIIIIIIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN! *But will find their place In line But tie a string around your finger now boy cuz it’s just a matter of time Cuz you've got…NO CHANCE! (You've got no chance!) NO CHANCE IN HELL! You've got…NO CHANCE! (Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!) NO CHANCE IN HELL! You've got…NO CHANCE! (Got no chance) NO CHANCE IN HELL! You've got…NO CHANCE! (Chance!) NO CHANCE IN HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!* The SJPC members all laugh evilly as they head to the ring. COLE Well, last Sunday night, Cuban Wall shocked the world by winning the Lethal Rumble Match! COACH How did he shock the world? The man is 6'7" 285 pounds for crying out loud! COLE He never was a favorite! He surprised everybody! Last Sunday was Cuban Wall's coming out party! He now has a guaranteed World Title shot coming up on March 30th at OAOAST AngleMania VII! COACH It is going to be the greatest World Title match of all-time! Cuban Wall vs. Stephen Joseph Popick! That's a Dream Match if I ever saw one! COLE The Title stays in the Corporation either way. COACH I know! Isn't that awesome!? Garbage is thrown in Popick's direction. But Stephen Joseph is still all smiles as he steps aside to let the other Corporation members enter the ring first. *Come on! Come on! Come and get it! (Come and get it!) Come on! (Come on!) Come on! Come on! Come and get it! (Come and get it!) Come on! (Come on!) Come on! Come on! Come and get it! (Come and get it!) Come on! (Come on!) Come on! Come on! Come and get it! (Come and get it!) No chance...(Yeah)* COLE But let's not forget that Stephen Joseph Popick had a huge night at Anglepalooza, becoming the Undisputed OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion by defeating both "After Hours" Felix Strutter AND Colombian Heat to unify the OAOAST International and World Heavyweight Titles! COACH That was HUGE! It was bigger than when the New York Jets won Super Bowl III! Bigger than when Barry Bonds hit #756! Bigger than all of that! Even YOU couldn't believe it! Stephen Joseph Popick is the UNDISPUTED One And Only AngleSault Thread World Heavyweight Champion, and Cuban Wall is the winner of the 2008 Lethal Rumble Match! Stephen Joseph Popick climbs up the ring steps. Lindsay holds the ropes for Popick to enter into the ring. Popick raises the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt over his head and smiles evilly to a resounding chorus of boos from the thousands in attendance. Popick taunts the fans and laughs maniacally. Spotlights shine on the SJPC members. They all stand in the center of the ring. Together, all nine members of the Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation do The Corporate Salute to LOUD boos! Afterwards, the lights go back on in the arena. Popick shakes Cuban Wall's left hand, congratulating him for winning the Lethal Rumble Match. COLE It was indeed a historic night for the Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation. In front of his hometown fans, Stephen Joseph Popick became the Undisputed One And Only AngleSault Thread Champion, and Cuban Wall outlasted 29 other men to win the Lethal Rumble and earn a Title shot at AngleMania VII! COACH And don't forget, Wall collects the $1 million! COLE That's right. Cuban Wall eliminated Tha Puerto Rican, so Cuban Wall collects the $1 million bounty on him! COACH It's good to see that Vitamin X's money is going to his partner in Brains & Brawn! COLE Somehow, I doubt even THAT is enough to comfort X! Cuban Wall, Stephen Joseph Popick, Vitamin X, Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick, Princess Stacey, The Bone Thug, Thomas Rodriguez, Spanish Fly, and Mr. Boricua all stand in the ring, taunting the fans, gloating over their accomplishments, and mugging for the camera all the while "No Chance In Hell" continues playing over the P.A. system. Mr. Boricua and Cuban Wall lift Stephen Joseph Popick onto their shoulders while the rest of the SJPC applauds Popick. This further irritates the crowd. COACH Look at this! Look at this! HA! HA! HA! COLE (disgusted) And look at this. Oh great. Popick raises the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt over his head while on Wall and Boricua's shoulders. COACH They might pour Gatorade right over his head in a couple of minutes! COLE Tha Puerto Rican was screwed AGAIN out of a victory by Stephen Joseph Popick and his Corporation! COACH Hey now! Listen! Listen! Stephen Joseph Popick told everybody! It shouldn't have been a shock! He said that there was 'NO CHANCE IN HELL' of PRL winning the Lethal Rumble Match, and he was RIGHT! Wall and Boricua put Popick back on his feet on the mat. Vitamin X hands Popick a microphone. Popick grabs the mic and says, "Thank you." to X while nodding his head. VX pounds his chest with his right fist as a sign of respect for his boss. COACH Time for the CHAMP to talk! COLE Guess this'll be a victory speech of some kind? COACH I can't wait! Popick is a master with words! "No Chance In Hell" by Bradley Royds dies down. Stephen Joseph Popick brings the microphone to his lips, a huge wide smile on his face. The Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation members all stand in awe of their leader, who has the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt over his left shoulder. STEPHEN JOSEPH POPICK I'M GOING TO ANGLEMANIA! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" STEPHEN JOSEPH POPICK I came, I saw, I BECAME UNDISPUTED CHAMPION! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" POPICK I thought that the night that I won the World Heavyweight Title for the second time was the greatest night of my life. I thought that the night that I married my lovely wife was the greatest night of my life. But oh no. I was wrong. Last Sunday night at Anglepalooza, was without a doubt, THE GREATEST NIGHT OF MY ENTIRE LIFE! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" COACH YEAH-UH~! HA! HA! HA! POPICK In front of my hometown fans, my family, my friends, I defeated TWO men, not one, BUT TWO MEN, to make history and become the UNDISPUTED One And Only AngleSault Thread Heavyweight Champion of the World! And DAMN, did it feel good to do it! To unify the belts! To beat the HELL out of "After Hours" Felix Strutter and Colombian HACK! Oh yes, beating Heat was perhaps better than becoming Undisputed Champion! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! The crowd boos lustfully. COACH Yes! Revel in it, Mr. Popick! POPICK (CONT’D) But Colombian Heat wasn't the only enemy of mine to get DEMOLISHED by the SJPC last Sunday night! No, the other half of the so-called 'Badd Boyz' got a CORPORATE ass-kicking last Sunday night at Anglepalooza too! And he got it courtesy of YOUR 2008 Lethal Rumble winner, the 6'7" 285 pound CORPORATE Muscle, CUBAN WALL! The camera focuses on Cuban Wall. The crowd boos loudly. The other Corporation members applaud Wall. Cuban Wall has a cocky smirk on his face as he adjusts his sunglasses. Popick looks on, smiling like a proud papa. COACH Yes! COLE Coach, I still cannot believe it! PRL had it. He had the match won! COACH He choked again! He can’t do it! He can't beat the Corporation no matter how hard he tries! COLE He came within one man of doing so last Sunday! COACH And he failed. Time to move on! Just shut up and clap! POPICK Now, Cuban Wall, you did indeed eliminate Tha Puerto Rican. You made sure that that eyebrow raising egomaniac, you made sure that that overrated catchphrase stealing choke artist primadonna, you made sure that both of his feet touched the floor! And Wall, I have never been more prouder to have you in the Corporation then I am right now! Congratulations my good man! CUBAN WALL Thank you, Boss. It was an honor to eliminate PRL for you! POPICK And just to let you all know, I DID infact give Cuban Wall $1 million IN CASH straight from Vitamin X's bank account last Sunday right after Anglepalooza ended! Don't ever let anybody tell you that Stephen Joseph Popick ain't a man of his word! Vitamin X looks less than pleased knowing that he lost $1 million of his money to his tag team partner. Cuban Wall nods his head and smiles. He says, "It's true! It's true! He did give me the money!" COLE Cuban Wall collected the $1 million bounty on the head of Tha Puerto Rican. He's got that dirty money now! COACH He's now $1 million richer in addition to being the #1 Contender for the OAOAST World Heavyweight Title! COLE Things are going Cuban Wall's way now, aren't they? COACH And they'll continue to be go his way all the way until AngleMania! POPICK And Wall, I look forward to facing you for the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship at OAOAST AngleMania VII on March 30th! Popick shakes Wall's right hand. Cuban Wall and Stephen Joseph smile at each other, evilly. POPICK May the best man win! CUBAN WALL Same to you, Boss! Same to you! POPICK Good. Now last Sunday night was the CORPORATE Anglepalooza. And now next month, we will see the CORPORATE AngleMania! Two of the greatest Superstars in the One And Only AngleSault Thread colliding for the richest prize in our sport in front of over 100,000 fans in the Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum in Los Angeles, California! The way it should be! The way it WILL be thanks to what happened at Anglepalooza! "ASSS-HOLE!" "ASSS-HOLE!" "ASSS-HOLE!" "ASSS-HOLE!" COACH Look at this. Listen to these people! COLE These fans letting Popick know just how they feel about him! The truth hurts, Coach! COACH Tell them to shut up, Mikey! The SJPC members all glare angrily at the fans. But Popick just smiles. POPICK Not even that chant could bring me down! I am on cloud nine! My career has never been better! OAOAST UNDISPUTED World Heavyweight Champion, married to the HOTTEST, the SEXIEST woman in the whole entire world, in addition to being the GREATEST female athlete of all-time, the OAOAST Women's Champion Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez-POPICK! AND, AND the greatest group of friends a guy could ever have! This ain't no Lightning Crew. THIS is a CORPORATION! MY CORPORATION! THE STEPHEN JOSEPH POPICK CORPORATION! And they are all, as well as all of you, in MY world, PLANET POPICK! The crowd boos loudly. Popick chuckles evilly. The crowd continues chanting, "ASS-HOLE!" COLE I think Popick's head has gotten too big. COACH No it hasn't! POPICK Now, PRL. "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Popick sneers at this. COLE The man who should be the #1 Contender for the OAOAST World Heavyweight Title right about now! COACH Hell no! POPICK PRL, I told you. I told you so. I told you that there was NO CHANCE IN HELL of you winning the Lethal Rumble! Popick smiles. The crowd boos loudly. COACH I love to hear him say that! HA! HA! That is so great! Say it again! POPICK (CONTINUED) And quite frankly, PRL, as far as I am concerned, you will NEVER EVER AGAIN step into the ring with the OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion! Because you know what, P.R.? You've simply run out of chances, 'buddy'! COACH Good! MS. LINDSAY GONZALEZ-POPICK And you know, P.R., even though you lost the Lethal Rumble Match and lost the chance to compete for the World Heavyweight Title at OAOAST AngleMania VII, you still have SO much to look forward to...oh wait. I guess not! Your future has gone down the drain courtesy of MY husband, the UNDISPUTED One And Only AngleSault Thread World Heavyweight Champion, STEPHEN JOSEPH POPICK! COACH You tell him, Linds! Lindsay kisses Popick on the lips. He mouths, "I love you!" Lindsay mouths, "I love you!" The crowd boos loudly. "THE CHAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMP..." *DUN DUN* "...IS..." *DUN* "...HERE!" "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" COACH NO! COLE Well, look who finally decided to show up! "Know Your Role 2000" blares over the P.A. system, bringing the crowd to its collective feet! The PRL entrance video plays on the AngleTron, while the Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation turns their heads to the entrance. The entrance doors slide open, and THA PUERTO RICAN steps right onto the entrance stage, to a loud eruption from the crowd. COLE The People's Champion is out here! COACH What's he doing!? He's ruining the moment! COLE He's looking for some justice after what went down at Anglepalooza! COACH He has a hard time letting go of the past, doesn't he? PRL, wearing sunglasses, an earring in his left ear, a Puerto Rican flag bandana on his head, a gold chain around his neck, an unbuttoned red dress shirt, a $500 Rolex watch on his right wrist, black dress pants, and black dress shoes, stares at the Corporation who is in the ring ready to fight. P.R. has a microphone in his right hand and a serious expression on his face. COLE Tha Puerto Rican entered at #1 in the Lethal Rumble Match, and came within one man shy of surviving all the way until the very end and going on to AngleMania VII! COACH But he didn't. He choked! The AngleMania VII main event is Popick vs. Cuban Wall! Why can't he just accept that? COLE Because he knows he didn't get eliminated fairly! COACH It's the LETHAL RUMBLE! ANYTHING GOES! COLE But STILL! It's the principle of the thing! COACH You'll go out of your way to defend your guys, you know that? PRL stands staring at his former comrades. He puts the microphone to his lips so "Know Your Role 2000" dies down. COLE I wonder what he has to say! COACH Probably some more bitching. That's what he always does! "P.R.!" "P.R.!" "P.R.!" "P.R.!" THA PUERTO RICAN Now, before I start, I have one thing to say...congratulations. The crowd boos. The Corporation is confused. COLE Huh? COACH Pardon? Popick has no idea where PRL is going with this. PRL Congratulations, Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation. No, Stephen Joseph Popick, not for becoming the Undisputed One And Only AngleSault Thread World Heavyweight Champion. No, Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick, not for being the biggest tramp walking Cleveland, Ohio. Lindsay sneers at PRL for this remark. The crowd cheers. COACH Hey! PRL And no, Cuban Wall, not for going on to AngleMania VII. Congratulations to all nine of you for being the single biggest group of ASSHOLES standing in a professional wrestling ring all at the same time! "YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" COACH HEY! The Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation members sneer and make ANGRY faces at Tha Puerto Rican! COLE He speaks for all of us. COACH Pipe down, you! PRL Now Tha Puerto Rican isn't going to whine. He's not going to bitch. He's not going to moan. He's not going to complain about Cuban Wall throwing him over the top rope and winning the Lethal Rumble. That's what the OLD Puerto Rican would have done. But I'm a new man. There's a NEW PRL in town! And the NEW PRL says that, come hell or high water, Tha Puerto Rican GUARAN-DAMN-TEES that he WILL go to OAOAST AngleMania VII on March 30th and that he WILL become the One And Only AngleSault Thread World Heavyweight Champion! The crowd cheers loudly! Popick puts his hands around his throat and pretends to gasp for air, mocking Tha Puerto Rican for "choking" in World Title matches. COLE He has the support of the people! COACH Doesn't matter. He can't do it. POPICK Um, excuse me, Puerto. But this is an A/B conversation, so why don’t you C your way out of it? COACH Good one, Popick! The crowd boos loudly. Popick grins evilly, pleased at his witty remark. POPICK Heh, P.R., in case you don't know, which you probably don't, but this is a celebration we are having for my Corporation's incredible night at Anglepalooza! We already got the OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion and the #1 Contender in the ring. We don't need to have the ALSO-RAN involved in this celebration! COACH Yeah! He's an also-ran! You tell him, Popick! "ASSS-HOLE!" "ASSS-HOLE!" COACH These idiots again! Popick chuckles. POPICK Look, Tha Puerto Rican is out here for your entertainment, don't talk to him like that! COACH HA! HA! COLE (disgusted) Oh please. Tha Puerto Rican sneers at Popick. Popick chuckles again, so do the SJPC members. POPICK Tell you what, Ed, since you had your chance and blew it...AGAIN...you're going to go back to the very, VERY bottom of the ladder! And perhaps tonight, in...this...very...ring, you'll do me the honor of taking on one of The Meanest Baddest Hombres in El Mundo..."The Wild Chicano"...LOS CONQUISTADOR UNO! COACH Whoa! COLE Oh come on! COACH That's going to be a huge, HUGE challenge for Tha Puerto Rican! COLE <_> STEPHEN JOSEPH P.R., do you understand that? You go one-on-one with Los Conquistador Uno tonight in...this...very...ring. AND THAT'S THE TRUTH, RUTH! THE CHAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMP...HAS...SPO-KUN~!!! The crowd boos. COACH Damn right! COLE Popick trying to keep Tha Puerto Rican as far away from the Title picture as possible! COACH And he's doing a good job at it thus far! VITAMIN X And P.R.L., the only chance you have of going to AngleMania VII...well, actually, there's absolutely NO CHANCE IN HELL THAT YOU WILL EVER GO TO ANGLEMANIA VII! SO DEAL WITH THAT, PEOPLE'S CHUMP! Cuban Wall laughs evilly while Vitamin X gives PRL the McMahon SNEER~! "No Chance In Hell" by Bradley Royds begins playing over the P.A. system again causing the crowd to boo. The Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation stare at PRL with evil intentions. PRL stares back. COLE Well, PRL will be in action here tonight, but not against someone he actually wants to fight! PRL set to go one-on-one against...Los Conquistador Uno. COACH Oh boy! I can't wait! That's sure to be a classic! It'll be a tough match for Tha Puerto Rican to win! Los Conquistador Uno is quite the OAOAST Superstar! He is going to give PRL quite the fight! You think PRL is up for the challenge? COLE ... We're taken to a backstage area, which looks more like an upscale massage parlor then the lockeroom of a professional wrestling show. There are Japanese inspired screens reaching up to the ceiling and standing in front of beautiful banzai plants. Candles and incense burn in the distance, providing the room with delicate illumination of softest beauty. At the center of this wondrous setting lies a naked Theodore Moneymaker (well, he has a towel around his tush) atop a massage table, having every inch of his body worked on by four three gorgeous women. Sitting across from the smirking tycoon, is Maggie Nerdly, clad in black and white leg warmers, a ruffled black skirt, and a My Chemical Romance t-shirt. MONEYMAKER Reiki energy healing? Acupuncture? Full body massage and detox? A chocolate souflee... MAGGIE When ya got twenty sisters, at least seven of them have to know the holistic arts and remedial culinary design, right? MONEYMAKER Maggie, a treatment fit for a king among paupers, given to a god amongst sinners. I thank you. MAGGIE No big deal, don't mention it. Oh, hey, thanks for getting my name right. MONEYMAKER It helps when you wear that Hello My Name Is Maggie sticker, and matching belt that has your name scrolling across. And hat that also says Call me Maggie not Molly or Melody. Now, besides the obvious, of bathing in billion dollar vriches and showering in unmatched power, what have I done to deserve such devotion? MAGGIE You're going to give me some good news, gramps! MONEYMAKER Keep me out of the gramps territory, I'm only six years older then you. Check the stats pages if you're of any disbelief. MAGGIE The same ones that have said Zack Malibu has been twenty six for the past three years? MONEYMAKER Point noted, and discarded. I can guess what this big news revolves around. You want out of the oppressive misery that comes with being but one of many, many interchangeable Nerdly girls. MAGGIE That's right. MONEYMAKER And that can only come from me telling you that you're Krista's wayward kid. I do that and shackles are off your ankles, weights lifted off your shoulders, hooray, huzzah, you have a life worth living, you are a celebrity's kid. MAGGIE Bingo, man. You catch on quick. So? MONEYMAKER Its a shame its not that easy, because I'd truly love to make a beautiful young woman's day. You're a perfect match for all the right qualities, you're naturally blond, you're pretty, you seem to be of some intellect. There's just one slight nagging little issue. MAGGIE So, what's that? MONEYMAKER So are the twenty other girls on the Nerdly family tree. Actually, I'd go as far as to say Melody, has a better chance of being Krista's kid then you. Your problem, Margaret, if I may be so formal, is that there's a distinct lack of drive in your heart. You have no inclination for fame, fortune, or achievement. You don't want to feel that you're better then anyone else. You're just content with being plain Jane Maggie Nerdly, the Nerdly sister who does the interviewers. MAGGIE That's not true! MONEYMAKER I think it is. Painfully so. At eighteen what was Krista doing? Dancing on tour with Guns N Roses, formulating the ideas and strategies that would shape her fitness empire and set her up for decades. At eighteen what are you doing? Holding the microphone and letting someone else have their moment in the sun? Your would be mother is in the spotlight everyday of her life. You, Maggie, you are the spotlight. No one pays any attention to you, just to what your hovering around. You let Leon into the foreground, you let MARV and MEL into the foreground, same for Baron, Jock, Melody, Jade and everyone else in your circle of friends. You're a background prop. You revolve around them. If you were Krista's kid, they'd revolve around you. You wouldn't even be able to imagine any other way, it would just be natural that you are the center of the universe. You're entire personality would be sculpted out of the knowledge that you're better then everyone you meet. Maybe you could be Krista's kid, you have the looks for the job, however there's still work to be done if you want to emulate what makes Krista Krista. But, there could be a happy ending to your tale....that is if you give me the happy ending! BWAHAHHAHA! MAGGIE What? Shut the hell up, man! You're crazy! Maggie stands up and rushes out the room with a sharp look of disgust and rage twisting her face. The women resume their tender massage of the billion dollar heir, who doesn't seem overly concerned with Maggie's anger. MONEYMAKER Its great to be a Moneymaker! BWAHAHHAHA! Commercials Edited February 3, 2008 by Patty O'Green Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted February 2, 2008 (edited) COLE All kinds of fallout coming from the Lethal Rumble, fans, and not just the upset to PRL's in-the-bag victory. COACH I knew he'd never make it. COLE We'll probably spend half our commentary arguing over that, Coach, but right now a devastating update from the Lunar Phoenix camp. The feed cuts to a prepared video package: Jester's vicious attack, leaving Phoenix bloodied Phoenix trucking on through, participating in the Rumble and being eliminated. SCHIAVONE narrates: Despite warnings from staff medical personnel, James Cone kept his place in the Lethal Rumble, unwilling to give up the chance at a return Title Shot at Anglemania. FADE UP on Schiavone, standing in the hallway of a hospital. SCHIAVONE Unfortunately, it cost him. Not long after Phoenix got backstage, he collapsed. He's been in this Atlanta hospital for the better part of the week, and still hasn't come to. While concerned, Doctors speculate that he simply pushed himself too far following the severe concussion suffered at the hands of Jester, and will be able to return to ring action by the Leap Year Spectacular. Schiavone turns, and we see a door. He pushes it open slightly and inside we can see Phoenix, asleep. SCHIAVONE Access has been restricted due to concerns about Jester, and we don't want to disturb him. But our thoughts are with James Cone and Black Widow. BACK TO THE ARENA Cole and Coach, watching the video package on their screens. The lights dim - FULLY ALIVE by Flyleaf kicks in, and BLACK WIDOW is suddenly at the top of the ramp! POP~! She surveys the arena, pacing back and forth for a few moments before the music fades and the lights come up. WIDOW Thank you. The crowd continues to cheer. WIDOW We couldn't ask for better support from you guys. But that's not why I'm here. I'm here with this: She pulls a folded piece of paper out of her pocket. She opens it up and we can see the OAOAST letter head at the top. WIDOW This is an order, Jester. Not to leave us alone - we won't run from the fight. But to bring some order to your chaos. You see, you can cheat us, but we draw the line at cheating the fans! The fans respond rather loudly and kindly. COLE And they thank you for it! COACH An executive order? This is professional wrestling, Cole. This is ridiculous. More ridiculous than us! WIDOW People paid money for Jester and James Cone. They didn't get that. They didn't get it because Jester and his pet bitch are cowards. "YEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH"! COACH Now come on. I'd call them tactical. COLE Semantics, sir. WIDOW This order is what I like to call, "An Order to Stop Being Pussies"! COLE Whoa! COACH Saucy! WIDOW Jobbs, if you want some of me, you can come and get it. But you've got to commit, honey. You either got it or you don't. You're better or you're not. And if our previous match is any indication, you don't. And Jester - really? You think you're crazy, you think you're chaotic, you think that makes you powerful. Fans, what does that make Jester? FANS "A PUSSY!" WIDOW Thank you, thank you. COLE And the fans tell it like it is! WIDOW That's right. So it's time to put up or shut up, Jester. If you want to prove something with James, then you've got to prove it in the middle of the ring. And Jobbs, if you want another shot at me, the same applies. But via this order, gender lines can no longer be crossed. If Jester lays a hand on me, he is evicted from the OAOAST forever! And vice versa. The fans cheer. WIDOW And also via this order: if there is a match booked, and either myself and James or Jester and Jobbs do anything that prevents that match from going forward, the offender will be evicted from the OAOAST forever! COLE And the stakes are raising, Coach. COACH The longer Widow is out here, there's more than that raising, Cole. It's gettin' hot in here. WIDOW You pulled some crazy things last time, Jester. We were younger and dumber then. But it's time to grow up and it's time to grow a pair. This is the OAOAST, this is wrestling. Grow up or get out! Close ups of the crowd show noisy approval. WIDOW Now that said. Jester, James wanted to pass this along: The Lunar Phoenix versus Jester. One on one. One more time. ANGLE-MANIA! Loser leaves professional wrestling for all time! "YEEEEEEEEEAH!" WIDOW And Jobbs, I know I want in on this and so do you. So here's the other half. Black Widow vs Miss Jobbs - CAGE MATCH - HUGE POP!!! WIDOW At Leap Year Spectacular! Widow takes a defiant step to the top of the ramp, straightens her back, squares her shoulders to drive it home - WIDOW Winner determines the stipulations for JESTER vs PHOENIX at ANGLEMANIA! COLE Oh my God! COACH A tangled, lusty web we weave! WIDOW Time to put up or shut up! FULLY ALIVE blasts as Widow throws a fist in the air. We abruptly cut backstage to a scene of chaos. The lone cameraman rushes through the hallways, trailing behind a pair of referees who are just catching up to a couple of their colleagues. Shouts echo through the halls as the referees try in vain to pull apart a fight, breaking out between no less than ZACK MALIBU and BOHEMOTH!! The four officials are far from enough to keep the two from throwing fists at each other. Zack goes low on Bo and tackles him into a wall, Bo trapping him in a facelock and getting in a few uppercuts to the ribs. CHIODA Guys come on! That's enough! Chioda gets shoved out of the way as a shot sends Zack reeling down the hall. But he quickly regains his senses and turns to go back after Bo, jumping up on the bigman with right hands flying! The two turn a corner and disappear off down the hall, the officials running off after them in the vain hope of stopping them. *back to the arena where Tony Schiavone and Jesse Ventura are now the primary commentary team* SCHIAVONE Wow. A real situation brewing backstage... let's go to the ring. *DINGDING!* BUFFER This contest is a Los Infernales Conference Semi Final Match in the 2008 Anderson Cup! .:CUE: "Chelsea Dagger", The Fratellis:. The lights alternate between red, white and blue through the intro to the song, boos ringing out as Nathaniel Black steps out onto the stage. Black raises his arms in the air and stomps to the ring confidently. BUFFER Introducing, team number one. The number eight seeds in the Los Infernales Conference... first, from London, England. Weighing in at two hundred and thirty eight pounds... NNAAAAATHHAAAANNIIIEEEEELLLLLL... BBLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCKK!!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Black slides partway under the bottom rope so he's facing into the crowd, staring out at them with contempt for a few seconds until he bridges up to his feet. SCHIAVONE So Black and O'Hara in their second match as a team, if you can call them that. And as we saw in their victory over Los Diablos two weeks ago, when they're on the same page there's potential in the team. VENTURA But there-in lies the problem. It's not a case of trying to be on the same page, they're being FORCED to be on the same page by AngleSault! I know 'Sault thinks forcing them into finding some common ground is going to sort out their differences, but I'm not so sure. That kinda thinking might work in some nine-to-five office job, but this is pro wrestling. If two people don't like each other, let 'em fight I say! SCHIAVONE It's not just 'O'Hara and Black' though Jesse. It's Black's mindset to people who don't wrestle his way, who don't act his way, that he's trying to sort out. VENTURA What the hell are you talking about Schiavone? He teams up with a crazy Samoan and a guy in a fur coat! They're hardly his kind of people under your criteria! "OOOOOOOOIIIIIIII!" "Fix Up, Look Sharp" pumps through the arena and a man who definately isn't Black's kind of people, Jamie O'Hara, walks through the entrance way with a typical swagger in his step. O'Hara throws some 'shout outs' down the camera in front of him as he heads to the ring, virtually ignored by Black who goes through his warm-ups. BUFFER And, from Birmingham, England... weighing in at one hundred and seventy pounds... "THE BIRMINGHAM BAD BOY" JJJAAAAAAAMMMMMIIIIIIIIEEEEEEE... OOOOOO'HHHHHHAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAA!!! "YYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" In slides O'Hara, jumping to the middle rope to salute his fans and backflipping off back to the mat. Not appreciating the showboating, Black gets in O'Hara face and tells him in no uncertain terms to cut the showboating out. And again the referee is forced to seperate the 'partners' before their match has even begun. VENTURA See, I just can't see these two ever getting along. Even if they do win the Anderson Cup... even if they win the Tag Titles, there's just a huge clash of personalities that's not gonna go away. As O'Hara and Black continue their disagreement from across the ring, Rise Against's "Like The Angel" hits to remind them they've got opponents to worry about as it is. Out rush MARV and MEL, the brothers Nerdly fist-pumping out to the fans as two seperate rockets of pyro go up behind them, one orange and one blue! MARV and MEL then jog on to the ring. BUFFER And introducing their opponents. Hailing from Edmonton, Alberta Canada... total combined weight, three hundred and seventy pounds. They are the number five seeds in the Los Infernales Conference and former OAOAST World Tag Team Champions... MARV and MEL... THE CHRIST AIR EEEXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXPPRRRRRREEEEEESSSSSSSSS!!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" VENTURA Fireworks, huh? Wonder if their 'secret advisor' had anything to do with that. SCHIAVONE Could be. MARV and MEL get the crowd pumped as Black ducks out of the ring to let O'Hara start the match. Still the disagreements go on though while the twin brothers of The CAE are the very model of continuity. A double high-five gives way to MEL starting out with O'Hara. *DINGDINGDING!* A show of respect from the two opponents does nothing to improve Black's mood, getting on O'Hara's case as he locks up. MEL quickly grabs a side headlock and sinks down to a knee to control O'Hara. Going down with the momentum however, O'Hara pulls out a front flip, over MEL's back and onto his feet to escape the headlock. MEL shows his appreciation for the escape as despite Black's encouragement to "get on him", O'Hara lets MEL up. They lock up again and this time it's O'Hara grabbing the headlock. MEL pushes him off into the ropes and a shoulder block knocks Jamie down. Off the ropes goes MEL now. A nip-up comes out of nowhere from J-OH though, allowing him to armdrag MEL over on the rebound. MEL then walks into a Hurricanrana, cradled into a pin by O'Hara... 1... 2... MEL pushes forward, putting O'Hara down on his shoulders... 1... 2... Rolling through, O'Hara jumps to the side of MEL and throws himself back with a Standing Moonsau... NO! MEL moves... but O'Hara gets his hands out and pushes off the mat and to his feet! Sidestepping O'Hara, MEL drops down and forces him over top as he hits the ropes. O'Hara springboards up to the middle rope on the other side. But as MEL takes a step back O'Hara fakes him out, landing harmlessly on his feet in front of MEL, backflipping from the mat and hooking his legs around MEL's head for a headscissors takeover!! "YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" SCHIAVONE And that is what Jamie O'Hara can do like no other in the OAOAST. Great speed, incredible athleticism. Finding himself in a neutral corner MEL pulls himself up and stops to re-collect his thoughts. O'Hara meanwhile plays up for the crowd, again to the dismay of his partner. VENTURA That kinda thing's only going to get you so far though. And Black... The fans on each side of the arena rise to their feet in unison. Not for Jamie O'Hara though, but for the sight of ZACK MALIBU AND BOHEMOTH BUNDLING THROUGH THE ENTRANCE WAY!!! Zack and Bo are now being surrounded by at least twice as many officials and suits as they were before, having the same lack of success in pulling them apart as before. Zack is sent staggering down the aisle from big right hand from Bo, the bigman shrugging off the arms of three or four referees to get another shot on Zack. He runs into a right from Zack though, the two bundling into the ring apron as the action in the ring has abruptly stopped. VENTURA What is going on here!? SCHIAVONE Zack Malibu and Bohemoth, tempers have spilt over! They had to be seperated at AnglePalooza and it's going to take the same thing to seperate them tonight by the looks of it! VENTURA It's gonna take more than they've got at the moment, that's for sure! Bohemoth and Zack brawl around the ring as right on cue, another sea of official figures and road agents rush out from the back to try and get some control. The fight continues on unabaited meanwhile, as Zack bundles Bohemoth back into the ring steps hip first, sending Black into the ring to safety. The officials finally get a hold on Zack at this point, but he manages to break free, running at Bohemoth... who cuts him off with a knee and grabs Zack by the head, sending the referees scurrying... *THUD!* "OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH!!" ...BEFORE THROWING ZACK OVER THE ANNOUNCE TABLE, RIGHT ONTO SOFA CENTRAL!!! Michael Cole and Coach help out the officials by scrambling for cover and running for the lives. But they needn't worry, as the refs finally get in front of Bohemoth and hold him back from getting any more shots in. "LET THEM GO!" "LET THEM GO!" "LET THEM GO!" "LET THEM GO!" VENTURA Let 'em go some other time, we're in the middle of an Anderson Cup Match here! SCHIAVONE I don't think these two care Jesse. I doubt they're even aware where they are. The red mist has descended between these two and they're just worried about getting their hands on each other! VENTURA They're both sore because they're not going to AngleMania! Tell it like it is Schiavone! SCHIAVONE I don't doubt that for a second. And it looks like they blame each other for tha... LOOK OUT!!!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!" The crowd go NUTS as Zack Malibu jumps from sofa to announce table and SOARS onto the sea of people in front of him with reckless abandon! Referees, officials, road agents and Bohemoth of course go down, everybody dragging themselves up quickly in order to pull Zack off of Bohemoth! At this point more reinforcements head out from the back, the LOCKER ROOM being emptied to keep the two apart (and that's a LOT of people!). Amongst them, Leon Rodez gets a hold of Zack's arm and tries to talk some sense into him, which is going unnoticed apparantly as Zack continue to try and wrestle free. Two-thirds of the bodies are around Bohemoth as finally Zack is restrained and the people around him start to manoeuvre him back towards the backstage area. SCHIAVONE I haven't seen Zack like this in some time. He wants to go, he wants Bohemoth! VENTURA And the feeling is more than mutual let me tell ya! There's a lot of hurt pride out there, a lot of tension brimming over. SCHAVIONE O... okay, we're going to go to a break while we sort this out. Don't go anywhere, our Anderson Cup match WILL continue once we've restored order... we'll... we'll be back! *COMMERCIAL BREAK!* As we return from commercial, it's a thankfully calmer scene in the arena. Zack and Bohemoth have been carted off and the action has resumed, with MARV and Nathaniel Black in mid-flow. MARV goes up and over the roadblock created by Black, rebounding off the ropes and countering with a dropkick as Black attempts to throw him up into the air! "YYEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHH!" SCHIAVONE Welcome back everyone. We apologise for having to leave you briefly, but we've managed to get control and this crucial Anderson Cup Match continues on, as a tag is made. Controlling the arm with a wristlock, MARV holds Black in place for an axehandle smash from the top by MEL. Grabbing the arm, MEL then wrings it out into a wristlock of his own... but suddenly gets yanked forward by Black and turned INSIDE OUT with a Short-Arm Lariat!! "OOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" VENTURA That's gonna change the complexion of things. Black picks MEL up off the canvas and runs him back across the ring, into his team's corner. As he stomps away, O'Hara slaps Black on the back and tags himself in. Oddly Black doesn't seem too concerned by that and continues kicking away without getting on his partner's back. Waiting for Black to get out of the way, O'Hara then slingshots himself into the ring, coming in with a dropkick against the bottom turnbuckle on MEL! He drags MEL out of the corner, hooking a leg... 1... 2... No! O'Hara brings MEL back to his feet, before taking him with with a snap suplex. Positioning himself in front of Black, O'Hara then sets... and hits a Standing Corkscrew Press!! 1... 2... NO! BLACK Oi! Gimme a tag! O'Hara obliges and Black waits for him to get into position in the corner. Stomping MEL, Black then positions himself beside the prone MEL and sets, for a Standing... up yours hand gesture to O'Hara, before applying a chinlock on MEL! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" VENTURA Haha! There's some wrestling right there, none of this gymnastic crap! SCHIAVONE And you can hear which these fans in Cleveland prefer. VENTURA Well, we are in America. Style over substance, truer than ever considering we're in SuperBowl weekend. Fighting to his feet, MEL is abruptly chopped back down with a European uppercut from the European competitor. "That's how us English wrestle!" Black yells at his partner, before tagging in aggressively back into the fray. Shrugging, O'Hara follows his partner's lead, hitting MEL with a considerably less effective European uppercut. MEL stays on his feet, so O'Hara is encouraged to hit another one... but instead he sweeps out MEL's legs and hits a Standing Moonsault! 1... 2... NO! SCHIAVONE Two very different approaches, but the end result is the same, MEL in trouble. VENTURA Yeah, but I don't think Black's convinced somehow. As MEL pulls himself up, O'Hara crouches down waiting on him. SuperJay then takes flight with a spinkick... ducked by MEL, but O'Hara lands on his feet. A waistlock prevents MEL from getting over to make a tag. O'Hara struggles to keep a hold on MEL however, especially when an elbow cracks him up under the jaw. Standing switch by MEL, going behind and applying a full nelson. O'Hara squirms free of the hold and sits down, throwing up his legs looking to cradle MEL. But MEL catches him in a wheelbarrow and throws him up, back onto his feet, re-applying the full nelson and driving him forward with a Full Nelson Facebuster!! SCHIAVONE Face-first goes O'Hara, no way to sugar coat that! Sensing the same thing, MEL turns Jamie over and reaches back for a leg... 1... 2... Kickout! With the pinfall not succeeding, MEL heads for his corner to make the tag now. SCHIAVONE In comes the fresh man, MARV, looking to get over his Lethal Rumble disappointment here tonight. MARV quickly brings O'Hara up and lands a forearm. A second. And a third. O'Hara falls to one knee and MARV grabs a wrist, pulling him back to his feet and whipping him into the ropes. Around the world goes J-OH... and out the other side he comes, landing on his feet and hitting a flipping dropkick! O'Hara then rolls over to his corner, getting the tag out to Nathaniel Black. SCHIAVONE Black wasn't exactly stretching for that. VENTURA Doesn't matter, he's in and he's got MARV in his sights. As MARV picks himself up, Black catches him from behind with a Half Nelson Backbreaker!! Cover... 1... 2... KICKOUT!! With two handfuls of hair (something not going unnoticed by the referee), Black drags MARV right back up. A headbutt unsteadies the Canadian heartthrob. And a second, same effect, setting MARV up as Black hits the ropes... but the Lariat is ducked! MARV boots Black as he turns around and floats over, looking for a sunset flip. The 185 pounds MARV struggles to bring Nathaniel down however, needing the help of MEL with a running dropkick to haul the Englishman down... 1... 2... NO! As Black kicks out, Jamie O'Hara springs back into the match, springboarding to the top and wiping out MEL with a Springboard Somersault Seated Senton! SCHIAVONE You simply can't take your eyes off of Jamie O'Hara for a second! Rolling off of MEL, O'Hara waits in the wings as Black sends MARV off the ropes with an irish whip. As he rebounds MARV tumbles forwards with a roll, forcing Black to hurdle him. As MARV rolls through, O'Hara comes off the ropes in front of him with the Busaiku Knee Kick... but MARV ducks and Black ends up getting the knee to the face! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" SCHIAVONE Uh-oh, a miscue there. VENTURA Or was it? SCHIAVONE Oh, I think that was unintentional Jesse. With Black down, O'Hara freezes for a second and gets spun around by MARV. A scoop and a slam only half succeeds though, O'Hara floating up and over and getting the slam on MARV. No prizes for guessing where O'Hara heads now. Up top, looking to fly. SCHIAVONE We could see any number of things from the top rope with Jamie. One of those being a punch to the gut, courtesy of MEL. On the opposite side of the turnbuckles from O'Hara, MEL stops him from reaching the top with shots to the midsection which leave O'Hara stranded on the middle turnbuckle outside. With O'Hara stunned MEL then climbs up with him. Both men are precariously placed on the middle rope on the outside, holding onto each other for support while they exchange shots. As this is going on, MARV recovers and quickly rolls back to his feet, climbing to the middle rope on the inside and looking to help out his partner. VENTURA This cannot end well Tony. Three men in a very dangerous position! MEL and MARV get their shots in on O'Hara, but the Englishman lands an elbow to the gut on MARV. O'Hara then hits a right hand on MEL. Holding onto the top turnbuckle, MEL manages to avoid falling to the floor. He then reels back for a right of his own... but O'Hara has the same idea, both men punching each other at the same time and BOTH FALLING FROM THE MIDDLE BUCKLE TO THE ARENA FLOOR BELOWii "OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" VENTURA Something had to give and it gave right there. SCHIAVONE O'Hara and MEL just took each other out of the equation, in a big way. As they lay on the outside, MARV finds himself all alone up on the middle rope. Before he can think of climbing back down however, Nathaniel Black reaches up from underneath and Powerbombs him down!! Black stacks MARV on his shoulders... 1... 2... KICKOUT!! SCHIAVONE Only two, but with MEL and O'Hara out of the picture we may be down to a one on one match. VENTURA Which can only suit Nathaniel Black! Dragging MARV into the centre of the ring, Black crosses the arms underneath and sets him up for the Pyramid Bomb. MARV does his best to block the lift, dropping to a knee. Black is too powerful though and muscles MARV back up, throwing him up onto the shoulders. However he loses the arms with the lift, allowing MARV to float over the back with a sunset flip... 1... Black rolls through with the momentum and laces up the legs, deadlifting MARV up off the canvas for another traditional Powerbo... ...NO, MARV floats through this time, landing on his feet in front of Black. Hooking the head, MARV then trips out the leg, as MEL slides into the ring and connects with the Enziguri, Black then driven face-first with the Flatliner, sending him to the PEARLY GATES!! SCHIAVONE No, it's MEL, The Christ Air Express with a patented double-team move! MEL carries on out of the ring, as MARV hooks the leg... 1... 2... 3!!!! "YYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" Black kicks out a split second too late, O'Hara a split second too late getting back into the ring as well. MARV jumps up and embraces MEL, the brothers Nerdly having their hands raised in victory as O'Hara pulls himself up and wonders what happened. SCHIAVONE What a victory for MEL and MARV, let's get the official word! BUFFER Your winners of the match, advancing to the Los Infernales Conference Final... THE CHRIST AAAAAIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRR EEEXXXXPPRRRRRREEEEEESSSSSSSSSS!!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" MARV and MEL leave the ring with fists pumping and eyes gleaming, while Black starts to pull himself up. Looking a little shaken-up still, Black shakes out his head and glares as O'Hara questions him over... well, getting beat. Clearly blaming his partner for the errant knee earlier, Black tells O'Hara to "back off". But as a chant of "LOOO - SER, LOOO - SER" rings through the arena, Jamie cheekily waves for the fans to get louder... *WHAM!* ...AND GETS A LARIAT FOR HIS TROUBLES!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" VENTURA And all bets are off now! Black staggers a little as he stands back up, getting his bearings before putting the boots to O'Hara. But as he does so, MARV and MEL rush back from the aisle and dive into the ring to make the save! Black quickly hightails it out of the ring, holding his head all the while as The Christ Air Express check O'Hara is okay. SCHIAVONE Nathaniel Black proving himself to be a sore loser once again. VENTURA That's got nothing to do with it. Black was told he and O'Hara had to get along as long as they were in the Anderson Cup. Well, now he doesn't have to worry about standing the sight of him anymore, he can just clothesline his head off! SCHIAVONE And I guess AngleSault is back to square one with Nathaniel Black. As Black marches off, O'Hara is helped to his feet by The Christ Air Express. O'Hara graciously shakes the hands of MARV and MEL and raises their hands in the air, with "Like The Angel" striking up again. SCHIAVONE And The Christ Air Express, two matches away from the change of a lifetime at AngleMania. Wrestling fans, there's more HeldDOWN still to come! COMMERCIAL Dissolve to a black screen with the caption "NEXT WEEK...", then dissolve to a shot where the camera is shooting the gigantic legs of an unknown man... NARRATOR Next week...(Quick flash of a man being knocked out in a cage, then close-up of his bicep) one of the most feared Mixed Martial Artists in the world climbs out of the cage...(quick flash of another knockout in a cage)..and into the ring. (Fade to black, then fade to long shot of full body, revealing the huge, ripped, bald, grizzled-looking Alec Johannsen. Cut to talking head interview footage interspliced with MMA footage of him destroying men) ALEC JOHANNSEN MMA has nothing left for me. 22-0 record, dead heavyweight division...I'm 6'4, 280 pounds. I am the most multi-dimensional fighter in the world. The OAOAST offered me high money and new competition. I'm not scared; I'm going to rip through them all. This is pagentry, this is show business. I am for real. I have strategies and formulas that these men have never had the abilities and knowledge to train for. I'm coming to take that OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship, proving I can fight anyone, any style, and dominate. (Go to rapid-fire shots of Alec beating men up in wrestling training) NARRATOR Next week, he will appear in an OAOAST ring for the first time...World Champion Mixed Martial Artist, former two-time All American amateur wrestling champion, Abu Dhabi Fighting Champion...A MONSTER IS COMING! Alec Johannsen comes to the OAOAST live and in person...NEXT WEEK! Edited February 2, 2008 by Patty O'Green Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted February 2, 2008 (edited) OAOAST HeldDOWN is brought to you by..... The Brave One-In Stores 2/5 The Eye-Now In Theatres Patty O'Green's Apologize to Mitch Kupchak foundation-Hey, Mitch, dude, I'm really sorry YEOW! Pulling off the impossible ensemble of a white sports coat with blue lapels and fire engine red pants, the perpetually laughing Theodore Moneymaker sets foot onto the entrance stage. He's welcomed by not a single soul, many of whom get to their feet and offer him a thumbs down and the more vulgar middle fingers. Moneymaker's joyful mood can't be erased by any one profane comment or gesutre, as he strolls down the entry ramp, smiling into the Siclopse that's held by Molly Nerdly. "Tailored suits, show of your cars Fine hotels and big cigars Up for grabs, up for a price Where the red hot girls keep on dancing through the night" COLE Theodore Moneymaker, with a little help from Mackenzie and Alix has turned The Enterprise around, and righted the course of that battlecruiser. He's unfortunately set the OAOAST on fire with gossip on who's Krista's kid, COACH Which should tell you something about our roster, because Krista is only in her mid thirties. The average age of the OAOAST roster must be eleven! That's the reason the buffet table is lined with juice boxes, fruit snacks, and granola bars. COLE And, Alix Maria Spezia, CEO of Miss Spezia's Sweeties is giving life to a dead music industry with her upcoming CD. Hate to say it but The Enterprise is back on top. Molly and Moneymaker enter the ring to little fanfare and numerous jeers and boos. As AC/DC'S hit song fades away, Moneymaker retrieves a microphone. MONEYMAKER Yes, its Theodore Moneymaker, still standing, still very much among the living! “BOOOOOO!” MONEYMAKER Yes, yes, boo a survivor. Boo a survivor of one of the worst terrorist attacks on American soil in our great history. Steel chairs driven into my throat, trash cans bashed against my head, crutches taken to my legs, all in hopes of silencing the truth! But I'm not Rudy Guiliani, a shameful excuse for a republican presidential candidate. What does forty million dollars get you? The worst U.S. presidential campaign in modern history! Rest In Piss Rudy, because unlike you I won't turn tail and run for the comforts of my fag-enabling state like some moderate liberal apologist yellow belly! I am a vigorous warrior, and my resolve and fortitude is truly unwavering! I stand before you as proud and as vigilant as ever! My scars are symbols of the noble sacrifice I've made to publishing the truth about Krista Isaodra Duncan! “KRISTA! KRISTA! KRISTA!” MONEYMAKER But something very unfortunate has recently came to my attention. You, the viewer, the lower class, simply don't have the psychological strength to delay gratification. You, you and the OAOAST itself, are a foundation of mentally weak trogodytes. That's why whenever you collect your minimum wage paychecks from your counter jockey job at Food-Lion or SuperFresh, you rush to the local liquor store and pour it all into Bud Light, greasy artery clogging snack foods, and of course lottery tickets. Yes lottery tickets looking for the get lucky big break that's going to set you up for life. You don't have the patience, or the emotional courage required to invest that paycheck and see to it that it pays major dividends down the line. You want to get rich quick. You want to get rich now. Now! Now! Now! And your refusal to show psychological strength and resolve is now pressing upon me. Putting pressure on me where pressure has no place. Because you continue to bother and nag me about the identity of this child. You want to know now. Now! Now! Now! “SHUT THE FUCK UP! SHUT THE FUCK UP!” MONEYMAKER I compare the revelation of Krista's kid to how I deal with a penniless wheelchair bound vagabond loitering around my limo, demanding I spare him a second of my time and dime of my riches. Do you think I simply tell the driver to put the car in reverse and back over him, and then speed off in laughter and merriment? Hardly. I roll down the window, dangle some sort of tasty sandwich in front of his salivating eyes like a master hypnotist. I watch his body shake, and his eyes tear up while he fantasies about his teeth gnashing into those six strips of lettuce, that smoked ham, that delightful honey wheat bread. Then I yank the sandwich back. And there comes the greatest part of all where I watch his heart swandive into his starving, empty gut. Now, I pull out a fine Cuban Cigar, imported from my family's many high powered connections. But what to light it with? Just my regular 24 Karat gold lighter? No, that's unimaginable! That's upper middle class! I light this fine piece of smoking mastery with a hundred dollar bill. A crisp hundred dollar bill. Like the youthful dreams of this transient, my money easily goes up in flames. Then with utmost casualness I chuck the flaming bill at the stunned drifter. He catches it, but scalds himself on the fire, leaving him crying in misery and depression. But at least he has his money to spend on beer, cigarettes and the peep show. Ah, but then that's when the Moneymaker magic springs to life! With a smile on my face, and laughter on my lips, I give the signal to my driver. My limo is put into reverse and this wheelchair dwelling boob with the Vietnam war jacket and my hundred dollars is left with thousands of dollars of medical bills! BWHAHAHAHAA! “BOOOOOO!” MONEYMAKER When it comes to Krista, we The Enterprise have only just begun to bite into that carefully constructed sandwich. And when my limo does finally back over her, it will bring a gruesome death rattle that will be heard for ages. But that doesn't mean I don't occasionally toss the middle class a crumpled up Washington here and there. With that in mind, I've decided that here tonight on HeldDOWN we're going to look at a few candidates. Not the underhanded Anti-American, terrorist testicle sucking, homo-idolaters running for candidacy as the democratic nominees. These are candidates for what is apparently the very coveted title of Krista's child. What lucky soul is getting pulled out of purgatory and into a million dollar heaven? The looks of Grace Kelly, the money to buy several African countries, the status of Jane Fonda in her prime, the wit of George Carlin, and the class of Arkansas roadkill. This is the Krista you both know and treasure like an irreplaceable jewel. But, her's is a tough roster of personality traits for an unprepared child to try and emulate. But, maybe if we discover which OAOAST superstar has subconsciously tread their footsteps along the path of Krista Isadora Duncan we might find her child. Who's our first possibility? MONEYMAKER Mariachi? His possible mother controls a billion dollar fitness empire that stretches from Los Angeles all the way to Timbuktu. The money in her change purse could buy the freedom of Mariachi's sixteen brothers and sisters detained by Texas border authorities. Mariachi is a flaming immigrant with an expired work visa and has fornicated a stuffed sheep on television. Krista has won thirteen angle awards and four tag titles. Mariachi is a failure in every outfit of life. Unless that outfit is what he wears to the glory hole. I suppose there he's a smashing success. BWAHHAHHA! Aside from securing the wrath of the lord and savior with his homosexual perversions, Mariachi has not a single characteristic in common with Krista. Ergo, chances of Mariachi being Krista's son? None. C'mon, give me someone semi reasonable! MONEYMAKER Todd Cortez? Do we have it on confirmed record that Todd Cortez is an actual human being? This generic pissant nobody. I thought they mass produced him in a factory in Taiwan. Like a dust buster or staple gun. When your Todd Cortez breaks down, just go to Staples and purchase another one. BWHAHAHAHA! His possible mother wins female personality of the year, and he doesn't even have a noticeable personality to speak of. In the beginning, God created the universe. On the second day God made the heavens to separate the water from the earth and on the third day he raised the dry land up from the waters below the heavens and commanded the earth to bring forth all plants. On the fourth day God made the greater light for the day and the lesser light for the night. On the fifth day God commanded the waters to fill with living creatures and the air to fill with birds. On the sixth day God commanded the earth to bring forth all kinds of living creatures. On the seventh day, God rested...because a Todd Cortez promo put him to sleep! Chances of Todd Cortez being Krista's son? BWHAHAHAHHA! Don't make me laugh! COACH Shoe shine for ya Mistah Moneymaker! MONEYMAKER Krista Isadora Duncan. One masters degree from UCLA, one from Stanford. Uber Bruiser. Was recently seen chewing on power lines to give himself electricity based superpowers. Chewing on power lines to give himself electricity based superpowers. Chances of Uber being Krista's son? Silm. Very slim. “YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK!” MONEYMAKER Hmmm, I can see that we've had more then enough of my prattling for one night! Maybe its time we heard from the mouth of babes. Instead of me auditioning various wrestlers to the role of Krista's bastard child, why don't we have these poor, low market, peons grovel before me, the Siclopse, and the world, and plead that their pointless existence be enhanced by being Krista's son or daughter. What sad sack is first? What lowly twit is most eager to ride his mother's coattails to success he'll never gain otherwise? *WHIIIR!* *WHIIIR!* "Doctor, doctor, give me the news I've got a bad case of lovin' you No pill's gonna cure my ill I've got a bad case of lovin' you" While the red lights spotlights swirl about the arena at a frantic pace, and thousands of female audience members ready their camera, the target of their carnal pleasures, Stephen Pigley, strides out from backstage, attired in a lab coat to conceal his finely sculpted physique and criminally undersized black tights. The hunky doctor strides down the entrance ramp, ignoring the woman who fight so greatly to lay their hands upon the body made out of the purest of stone. Grabbing a microphone from a nearby PA, he dives into the ring, getting an annoyed look from Theodore Moneymaker. MONEYMAKER Ah, its you. And who are you again? PIGLEY You know my name all to well. After all we put each other through pure hell over the fall. MONEYMAKER No. I put you into the Bank Vault you cried like an unwashed baby and that was the end of any threat you had against me! But why reminiscence about such an easy victory? After all, its not like I fondly remember the flies I swatted or the ants I squashed. BWHAHAHAHA! Now let's get to the business at hand. You actually believe that you're Krista Isadora Duncan's son. While it would give me pleasure to no end for her kid to be a quasi-homophobic, stripping lame brained ham and egger, I'm just not buying it, even with the millions of dollars in my bank account. And as stupid as our viewership and everyone in this arena is, I don't think they're buying it either. BWHAHAHAAA! PIGLEY Absolutely I got a great chance! Go ahead and take a look at me, ladies. And if you wanna get off twice, go ahead and take another one. And while you're doing that, let me get a little bit more comfortable. Pigley's lab coat is discarded from his flawless body, leaving the lean, chiseled, figure of male beauty to be marveled by hooting and hollering audience members. PIGLEY Uh-huh, you're damn right, ladies. Moneymaker, the most important thing you gotta know is that I'm laying down an artillery barrage of sexual ecstasy. When Pigley comes to town, he brings the gun show with him, and the ladies are going straight down! I cross the street and SCREEEEECH, traffic is stopping because all eyes are locked on me and the instrument I'm bringing to the operating table. And where did I get my great bod from? I got it from my hot mama of course! Tell me the story of how you ended up here I've heard it all in the hospital Nurses are fussin' Doctors on tour Somewhere in India I got one friend layin' across from me I did not choose him, he did not choose me We've got no chance of recovering Sharing hospital Joy and misery Joy and misery Joy and misery MONEYMAKER Are we still taping Syndicated? Where's the job brigade coming from? All eyes turn the to entrance stage where parting doors bring EMT Tim Cash onto the scene. Outfitted in his traditional EMT attire Cash makes his down the entrance ramp, happily slapping hands with the front row fans. He then enters the ring, where he earns himself a microphone, and scoffing from his fellow wrestlers. CASH With all due respect, Doctor, this business about being Krista's kid? It isn't about your good looks, your cute nose and soft looking lips, your smooth and nicely tanned body, your sexy washboard abs, your cute little navel, your well developed calves, the soft soles of your gently arched feet.... MONEYMAKER CASH This is about service, and dedication. Krista has dedicated herself to the global community in ways you never have. She's donated money and time to suicide prevention research, fought tirelessly for gay and lesbian rights causes, devoted millions of dollars and thousands of hours to building clinics in underdeveloped African regions, has protested human rights abuses in countries across the globe, and her willingness to contribute selflessly to the world is copy catted every day by her son, EMT Tim Cash! I'm out there in streets, laying my body on the line, to save souls of the world because I care! Like my mother I care! PIGLEY Give it a break, Cash, you ride shotgun in the passenger seat of a truck with flashing lights. I'm the ER doctor, I'm the one saving lives! If there's anyone performing some kind of magnificent self sacrifice its me! All you do is drop death on my doorstep. I'm the one who brings it back to life. And like my mother I look fine as hell doing it. MOLLY That draws quite the cheer from the ladies in attendance, though it strangely displeases Cash, who thirty seconds ago was ready to elope with the doctor. Now pulled into an angry battle over a woman who may not even know they exist, the two wrestlers come nose to nose, neither one showing any inclination to back down from an intense staredown. MONEYMAKER Am I in hell? MOLLY Give me something to believe in Cause I don’t believe in you anymore Anymore I wonder if it even makes a difference to try (Yeah) So this is goodbye If Moneymaker wasn't in hell he certainly is now with the sudden arrival of every teenage girl's favorite tag team, D*LUX. Unlike the medical duo, they aren't here to apply to the job of Krista's child and instead have come for a brawl. With stern expressions and clinched fists they blaze a path down the entry ramp, eager to blaze their fists into Moneymaker's skull. Retreating to the outside of the ring are Pigley and Cash , who are more then happy to play spectator to the unholy beating of wrestling's most despised man. COACH Naw not these sucka for love niggas again! Apparently not enough, as Moneymaker repeats said claims to surprisingly little affect. He's brought down by a combination of a spear from Bryant, and a lariat from Brave! Their fists and boots then rain down upon his screaming face, earning grand pops from a now standing audience. Desperate for assistance, Moneymaker begs out, “Molly, help me!” “How awfully awful of you to ask that! A good documentarist never interferes with the natural progression of her subjects!” Molly chides him. Thankfully for Moneymaker, the OAOAST is not staffed with documentary film makers, and a gaggle of road agents, and referees pour into the ring to save him from his thrashing. Mortally exhausted, and weakened to the point where he can't even threaten revenge against the transgressors, Moneymaker is helped out the ring by Simon Singleton and Ned Blanchard. Together they carry him to the back, vocalizing his promises of victory in the Anderson Cup match against the two boys who lean through the ropes, pointing menacing fingers at their rival. “D*LUX! D*LUX! D*LUX!” COLE Shayne Brave and Tyler Bryant once again striking out at Theodore Moneymaker on behalf of Krista, but there will be an even better opportunity to do real damage to the billion dollar heir, when they meet up with he and Christian Wright in tonight's main event Anderson Cup match! When we come back, we'll have more great in ring action! COMMERCIAL (possibly PRL/Uno???) Edited February 2, 2008 by Patty O'Green Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted February 2, 2008 COLE AnglePalooza was indeed a night that we won't soon forget. It's a night that Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix will remember for a while I'm sure, for all the wrong reasons. Landon guaranteed victory in the Lethal Rumble Match and... well, suffice is to say, things didn't turn out the way he expected, thanks in no small part to Todd Cortez. Battles go on around the ring, as in the middle, Landon Maddix is up. Shaken, but up. Maddix soon has a smile on his face though as he sees Cortez getting up with his back to him. Sneaking up behind, Landon takes Cortez by the head and tosses him over... but NOT out! Little does Landon realise this, dusting his hands with satisfaction as he walks away. Reject is up and points out Cuban Wall, Landon nodding and moving in. But he takes a step back and catches out Reject, clubbing him with a cheapshot to the back of the head before picking him up over his shoulders. COACH Looking for the G2S! Maddix carries Reject in the fireman's carry, turning around and... ...taking a boot, from Todd Cortez, shock giving way to fear as Cortez pulls him into a standing headscissors and tumbles forward, SPIKING MADDIX INTO THE CANVAS WITH THE RIOT ACT PLUS~!!!! COACH OH NO! COLE Maddix is read the Riot Act again! With Landon out of it, Cortez picks him right back off the canvas AND PITCHES HIM OUT OVER THE TOP TO THE DELIGHT OF THE CROWD!!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE HE'S OUT! Maddix is gone and I don't think he even knows it yet! *Back to Sofa Central* COLE Another Riot Act Plus for Landon Maddix and another step farther from regaining the World Heavyweight Championship. Well during the week, the good folks at the OAOAST.com were sent a special video message from La Cucaracha, recorded a short time after AnglePalooza. Let's take a look at what Landon had to say, directed to his former running buddy Todd Cortez... *WHOOSH~!* The footage begins with a couple of seconds of static, before suddenly the camera comes to life. The footage is kinda jumpy, much like you'd expect to see on any video on the internet. Indistinct sounds can be heard in the background as Landon leans against a plain beige coloured wall, deep in thought as he looks down at the floor beneath him. With a loud sigh Landon then looks up for the first time into the camera. MADDIX Todd Cortez, I've been doing a lot of thinking recently. Landon smiles to himself. MADDIX Guess I've got plenty to think about. Like you Todd. Like the way things have imploded between us these past few months. Like... all the times you've screwed me over these past few months, out of titles, title opportunities. And Todd, I've come to a conclusion just recently. You see, I understand your frustrations. I understand that you're an ambitious guy and you feel like you could be a somebody around here, amongst a sea of nobodies, of could-bes, of should-bes. But Todd, you see the problem is, you've got ideas above your station. Zack Malibu got in your head with tales of success and grandour. And you bought into it. You bought into those dreams. So you went and you turned your back on me. And ever since then you've been directing your frustrations towards me. Staring into the camera for a second, Landon bites at his lip. MADDIX You stabbed me in the back and at first, that angered me. But I've come to think and I've come to understand... you were doing what you thought was right for your career. And it's down to me to remind you that what is best for your career is being associated with me! Pointing at his chest for emphasis, Landon stops and collects himself. MADDIX You didn't realise, with all these dreams of being World Champion all of a sudden in your head, you were a somebody when you were with Landon Maddix. Together, we made a great team. We won Tag Team Titles in the SWF. And we dominated the OAOAST as a part of The Wildcards. But something got inside your head and suddenly, you couldn't settle for second best. You couldn't see the big picture. Todd, you're good. But I'm great. And you couldn't stay by my side knowing that. I had the World Title. And you couldn't stay by my side and accept that. It's a damn shame Todd. Because it's a lonely world out there sometimes and your chances of being that success story you long to be are fading with every day you're not associated with me! Landon smiles to himself again. MADDIX You believe that beating me is going to be the next step. And quite frankly, I'm sick of you dumping me on my head with that ridiculous 'piledriver' of yours week in and weeks out trying to accomplish that. So I'm going to give you what you want. One on one, you and me, Todd. But under one condition. MY condition! When I beat you Todd Cortez, you will be back by my side, the way it should be. You have to do what I say, when I say. You have to tow the line. You're more determined now, you're more focused now, but you're still not the wrestler that I am. So when I defeat you, Martial Law will reign again. Peace will be restored between us. And you will achieve success, I promise you. Drifting off for a second, a gleam appears in Landon's eye as he looks back into the camera. MADDIX And one day, maybe just maybe, you'll turn around... and you'll thank me. Landon stands motionless for a second, before nodding to himself and walking off out of camera shot. Again we go back to Sofa Central. COLE And we can confirm that that match has been signed and sealed by OAOAST President AngleSault. It'll be February 14th in Montreal, right here on HeldDOWN~!, Landon Maddix to go one on one with Todd Cortez. And if Landon wins then Todd Cortez must join Cucaracha Internacional. For now lets move onto other matters stemming from the Lethal Rumble, namely those involving The Heavenly Rockers, MARV and One and Only World Tag Team Champions the Lonestar Gunslingers THIS PAST SUNDAY Anglepalooza Courtesy: OAOAST Home Entertainment Synth and Logan snatch hold of Baron and Jock by the head, Holly-Wood already cheering. Logan quickly spikes Baron down with the PERCUSSION DDT... but Synth wastes too much time and gets backdropped by Jock, ALL THE WAY OVER THE TOP AND TO THE FLOOR!!! "YYEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHH!" COACH AH! COLE And Synthamania will not run wild in the main-event of AngleMania! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ SYNTH ESIZER ENTERED: 11th LEFT: 6th TIME IN RING: 11:33 ELIMINATED: None ELIMINATED BY: Jock Mulligan LEFT IN RING: Tha Puerto Rican, Bohemoth, Vitamin X, Zack Malibu, Landon Maddix, Baron Windels, Leon Rodez, Logan Mann, Reject, Jock Mulligan ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Logan pounces on Jock immediately, while Synth flies into a rage on the outside! Referees go scattering as Synth suddenly makes a dive to get back into the ring, managing to get a few shots to the kidneys on Jock as he's backed into the ropes by Logan, before the referees manage to pull him back. COACH Man, Synth has lost it! COLE It's fair to say he's got a pretty short fuse at the best of times. As Melody makes the point that Synth should take a walk, that gets Holly all riled up as well, causing the girls to go face to face! COACH See, this is why managers are supposed to be in the backsta... Suddenly, the still raging Synth spots Holly and Melody being held apart by the referee and runs over, GRABBING MELODY BY THE HAIR AND YELLING RIGHT INTO HER FACE!!!! COLE HEY! HEY, COME ON NOW! "EIGHT!" "SEVEN!" "SIX!" The referees try and pleads with Synth let Melody go, still holding him by the hair. Neither Jock or Baron are in any position to see what's going on or do anything about it... as Synth places her in a front facelock, threatening to DDT her on the floor! "FIVE!" "FOUR!" "THREE!" COLE Don't do this Synth, come on! "TWO!" "ONE!" *BBZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZTTT!* "Like The Angels" fires up and MARV of The Christ Air Express bursts through the curtain. Already getting a head of steam up on his way to the ring, MARV suddenly breaks into a full sprint as he sees his sister in danger, Synth backing up down the aisle towards the exposed concrete in the aisle... and THANKFULLY getting clattered to the ground by MARV before he can follow through with his threats! COLE Thank god for MARV! MARV goes crazy on Synth, clubbing away at him as things continue to spill out of control on the outside. Beaten against the guardrail, Synth reaches out and headbutts MARV in the gut to buy himself time to get away. MARV rushes right after him though, chasing The Synthmestier around the ring! COACH Leave him alone, he's not even in the match! COLE What!? With MARV still hot on his heels, Synth takes a detour and slides back into the ring. He immediately slides out the other side and back to the floor, while MARV scrambles to his feet... ...and gets backdropped out by Logan Mann!! COACH See! I told him he should have left Synth alone! COLE Agh! That stinks. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ MARV ENTERED: 17th LEFT: 7th TIME 'IN RING': 0:19 ELIMINATED: None ELIMINATED BY: Logan Mann ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ As Logan gloats over the elimination of MARV however, The Lone Star Gunslingers link arms behind him and run into Logan from behind, a double clothesline sending him up, over and OUT!! "YYYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" COACH Now that's not fair! COLE That's karma! Logan got exactly what he deserved right there. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ LOGAN MANN ENTERED: 14th LEFT: 8th TIME 'IN RING': 6:26 ELIMINATED: MARV ELIMINATED BY: Baron Windels, Jock Mulligan LEFT IN RING: Tha Puerto Rican, Bohemoth, Vitamin X, Zack Malibu, Landon Maddix, Baron Windels, Leon Rodez, Reject, Jock Mulligan ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Extra officials have piled out from the back to keep The Heavenly Rockers apart from MARV and Melody, which is easier said than done. Logan is furious and The Gunslingers are distracted by the chaos on the floor, as both Logan and Synth are dragged away by the large number of official bodies. We cut to special correspondent and OAOAST legend Tony Brannigan outside. TONY Tony Brannigan live outside Quicken Loans Arena awaiting the arrival of the Heavenly Rockers for a major announcement. I should point out Maggie Nerdly was originally scheduled to conduct this interview, but after the events that occurred Sunday night she didn’t think she could stomach to look at them. Quite frankly, I’m not too sure I can either. There’s pushing the envelop and then there’s crossing the line, and the Heavenly Rockers crossed the line big time at Anglepalooza. Okay, I’ve been told the Heavenly Rockers have pulled up in the parking lot and should be headed our way momentarily. Right on cue, the Heavenly Rockers drive in on their TOUR BUS appropriately named Saints & Sinners. The mechanical door opens and a jovial Heavenly Rockers, Holly-Wood and Colonel Abdullah Nerdly exit. Also the bus driver but he’s not important. SYNTH Holy shit, it’s T-Bod! Man, Ah thought you was up wrestling in the big cloud in the sky. TONY Well I’m alive and well. But what’s not sitting well with a lot of people, myself included, is your behavior at Anglepalooza. Now I’ll be the first to admit I did a few questionable things back in the day, but attacking a poor defenseless young woman? That’s going a bit too far in my opinion. LOGAN Your opinion matters little and means nothing sayeth Logan Usher Mann! The Heavenly Rockers tried to go about business the right way. We petitioned the OAOAST for a rematch AND GOT DENIED 3 TIMES!!! Fine, that’s cool. We’ll just go to the champions instead…BUT THEY SAY NO TOO!! HOLLY And they’re supposed to be fighting champions? PUH-LEEZE! LOGAN Since the Lone Star Gunslingers wouldn’t give us a rematch, we had no choice but to bring the fight to them. TONY Before you acted out in such a violent matter, did you ever think maybe the reason you were denied a rematch was because you’re entered in the Anderson Cup? COLONEL ABDULLAH TONY Remember now, the loser of your match with the Gunslingers at the New Year’s Spectacular was to be granted a spot in the Cup. A stipulation widely reported you guys pushed for…you know, just in case. LOGAN I don’t like where this interview is going. MAN (off-camera) Then you sure as hell ain’t gonna like this, you sons of bitches! SYNTH That potty mouth belongs to BARON WINDELS, who sprints towards the bus along with JOCK MULLIGAN wielding BASEBALL BATS. LOGAN Everybody back in the bus. Pronto! Logan and company make it safe inside, but with the driver missing (guess he was important after all) they can‘t start the bus. COLE How appropriate is that? The Heavenly Rockers trapped like a bunch of rats. Unable to break in, the Gunslingers begin smashing the head/taillights! LOGAN In the background, we see the Colonel screaming at Synth. Thanks to Jock breaking one of the side windows we hear Abdullah instructing Synth to HOTWIRE the bus! COACH This is horrible. I can’t believe the Lone Star Gunslingers would stoop this low. COLE I’m sorry, but that’s a category the Heavenly Rockers have all to themselves. Synth gets the bus running and off the Heavenly Rockers go. As they speed away Baron uses his bat like a spear to hurl it into the back window! Still fuming with rage, the Gunslingers call Tony Brannigan over. BARON (pointing to the broken glass) You see this Synth and Logan? That’s what taking the fight to someone looks like. None of this hit and run crap you do. Like we said at Anglepalooza, you can mess with us and live to tell about it -- ask James Blonde and Faqu -- but mess with family and it’s a whole other story. We may not be related to Melody by blood, but we certainly think of her as so. Now that you got the law hunting you down I’m sure as hell hope you’ve given your soul to the Lord because your ass belongs to us! JOCK Heavenly Rockers, I know you got a mighty big Anderson Cup match next week against Charlie Moss and Quentin Benjamin, but ask yourselves this: Will you ever make it there? Because whenever you go, whatever you do, we’re gonna be right there waiting for you just as we were tonight. Until we get you back in the ring we’re gonna keep chasing you down like the dogs you are. With that, we go… COMMERCIAL Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted February 2, 2008 (edited) *Give me fuel Give me fire Give me that which I desire!* “Fuel” by Metallica starts playing over the P.A. system. After a few seconds, the entrance doors slide open, and John “Rock Hard” Brickston steps out onto the entrance stage. The crowd cheers. Brickston acknowledges the pop by raising his hands in the air. He then walks down the entrance ramp, slapping hands with the fans along the way. *DING DING DING* BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall with a thirty-minute TV time limit. Introducing first. Coming to the ring at this time. From Sacramento, California. Standing 6-foot-6, and weighing in at 215 lbs. He is a former One And Only AngleSault Thread Italian Champion. He is JOHN “ROCK HARDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD” BRICKSSSTTTTTTTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN! COLE John “Rock Hard” Brickston making his return to HeldDOWN~! after a nearly two year absence! And he is about to step into the ring with a former ally of his in Mr. Boricua! COACH Brickston wanted to make a comeback at Anglepalooza by winning the Lethal Rumble, but the Corporation cut that short! HA! HA! COLE Brickston was eliminated by all five members of the Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation that were in the Lethal Rumble Match! And he was not too pleased about that! He had to be dragged away from the ring! COACH He is such a sore loser! There’s always next year, Johnny! COLE Well, John Brickston doesn’t have to wait until next year to get some revenge as he takes on Mr. Boricua of the SJPC right now here on HeldDOWN~! Brickston climbs the ring steps and enters the ring. He lets out a mighty roar to a pop from the crowd. “Rock Hard” raises his fists into the air to cheers. He then heads to a second turnbuckle and raises his fists into the air again to another pop from the fans. He points at the fans and says something to them. COLE John Brickston has had quite the history with the SJPC. A former member, brought in as PRL’s protégé. He turned on PRL back on April 1, 2004 on HeldDOWN~! and then went into exile, returning on April 14, 2005 on HeldDOWN~! to defeat Stephen Joseph Popick to win the OAOAST Italian Championship, the only title he has held in his OAOAST career thus far. Brickston wound up losing the Italian Championship to Tha Puerto Rican at The Great Angle Bash on June 26, 2005 and has had several battles with The Lightning Crew/Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation since that time! COACH He is no stranger to these guys, which is why this match should be a great one! Let’s go Boricua! John Brickston gets off of the second turnbuckle and then calls for a microphone. COLE Brickston wants to speak! COACH God help us all. John “Rock Hard” Brickston grabs a microphone from a ringside attendant. He paces back and forth inside the ring with the mic in his right hand. COACH Cover your ears, Cole! COLE Stop. “Fuel” by Metallica dies down. Brickston brings the microphone to his lips. JOHN “ROCK HARD” BRICKSTON Now, last Sunday night at Anglepalooza, I got SCREWED out of the Title shot that I DESERVE! COLE He’s not the only one. BRICKSTON I ain’t too happy that I got tossed out by the five guys that I hate the most in this world! But I am not one for complaining…I am one for fighting! So, I am going to take out my frustration, my aggression on the biggest member of The Lightning Crew or Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation or whatever the hell you guys call yourselves now! So Mr. Boricua, you big dumb bastard-- COACH Hey! BRICKSTON You are going to get the ass-kicking of a lifetime! You’re going to fight me face-to-face, man-to-man! And it is I, not YOU, that is going to come out victorious! Because in the One And Only AngleSault Thread, size DOESN’T matter! The crowd cheers. COACH He’s just talking out of his ass isn’t he? BRICKSTON So, Mr. Boricua, clench those fists, because it’s Fists Of Fury Time! John “Rock Hard” Brickston hands the microphone back to the ringside attendant. The crowd cheers. Brickston stares at the entrance. COLE Brickston is ready to fight! COACH And he’s stopped speaking! Yea! COLE Oh will you stop!? "THE C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-CORP-CORPORA-CORPORATION" “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” The lights go down in the arena as the opening to “No Chance In Hell” starts playing. Smoke fills the entrance stage. Then, the cresendo hits, and a huge burst of pyro explodes over the entrance stage. The crowd boos as “No Chance In Hell” by Bradley Royds starts playing. *No chance (No chance) That’s what ya got! (Ha! Ha! Yeah!) We’re up against no machine too strong (Too strong) Pussy politicians buying souls for us are…PUPPETS! (Puppets!)* A Mexican flag is shown on the AngleTron waving proudly. The entrance doors slide open, and Mr. Boricua steps out onto the entrance stage, the crowd booing loudly. Mr. Boricua looks at the crowd with a sneer etched on his face. He raises his hands into the air and yells out loud drawing more jeers. Boricua points a menacing finger at John Brickston, grunts, snorts, yells, and then cracks his knuckles. Mr. Boricua then walks down the entrance ramp, grunting and snorting along the way. BUFFER And his opponent. Coming to the ring at this time. From Tijuana, Mexico. Standing 6-foot-9 and weighing in at 300 lbs. Representing the Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation. He is Stephen Joseph Popick’s personal bodyguard. MISTERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR BORICUUUUUUUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Mr. Boricua yells at some fans at ringside, causing them to piss their pants in fear. COLE The man who has been with The Lightning Crew/SJPC the longest, Mr. Boricua is set to go into battle against a former LC member in John “Rock Hard” Brickston! COACH Come on Boricua, make John Brickston your bitch! COLE Coach! Language! COACH Ooh…sorry. “No Chance In Hell” continues playing as Mr. Boricua yells at John Brickston…and then rushes forward, climbing over the top ring rope and into the ring. John “Rock Hard” Brickston meets Boricua with right hands! Referee Mike Chioda calls for the bell. *DING DING DING* JOHN “ROCK HARD” BRICKSTON vs. MR. BORICUA Brickston quickly pounces on Mr. Boricua, staggering the big man. “No Chance In Hell” by Bradley Royds dies down. COLE And here we go! John Brickston getting the match started earlier than Mr. Boricua anticipated! It may not be a pretty scientific affair with these two guys, with their temperments! Brickston gives Mr. Boricua an Irish whip into the ropes--Mr. Boricua reverses--John Brickston bounces off of the ropes, Mr. Boricua goes for a clothesline, John Brickston ducks, bounces off of the opposite ropes, and fires with a shoulderblock that barely affects the Corporate Bodyguard! COLE John Brickston with a shoulderblock that shows no real effect on Boricua! John Brickston kicks Boricua in the gut, and then nails him in the face with left hands! However, Mr. Boricua simply knees Brickston in the gut, and then hits him with the CLUBBERIN’~! THEY BE CLUBBERIN’~! forearms. COLE And just like that, Mr. Boricua is back on offense! COACH Yeah! Boricua hammers on Brickston some more. He then whips John into a turnbuckle corner. Boricua heads to the opposite turnbuckle corner and starts jumping up and down in place. Mr. Boricua yells, and then charges forward, squashing John “Rock Hard” Brickston with an Avalanche! COLE And oh my! Mr. Boricua with an Avalanche on the smaller John Brickston! COACH Mr. Boricua is making the Corporation mighty proud right now, I bet! Mr. Boricua yells at the crowd. He snorts, cracks his knuckles, and then grabs John Brickston by his left hand and then whips him into the opposite turnbuckle. Boricua starts jumping up and down in place. Mr. Boricua yells, and then charges forward, squashing John “Rock Hard” Brickston with another Avalanche--NO! Brickston moves out of the way, and Mr. Boricua hits the turnbuckle back-first HARD! COACH Oh no! COLE Nobody home for Mr. Boricua on that one! Mr. Boricua stumbles forward, so John Brickston kicks him in his left leg! He then kicks him in the left leg again! “Rock Hard” whips Mr. Boricua into the opposite turnbuckle corner. Mr. Boricua hits the turnbuckle back-first HARD and staggers out, so John Brickston charges forward with a clothesline that ALMOST knocks the Corporate Giant down! COLE Brickston came close to bringing the big man off of his feet! COACH He didn’t even come close, Michael! Brickston shoves Mr. Boricua back into the turnbuckle. He kicks Boricua in the gut several times. Mr. Boricua fires back with rights to Brickston’s skull! He keeps punching Brickston, getting him good and dazed. The punches take Brickston to the opposite turnbuckle corner, where Mr. B proceeds to slam John Brickston’s head into the top turnbuckle pad! Boricua then grabs Brickston and whips him into the opposite turnbuckle again. He doesn’t waste any time charging forward and crashing into “Rock Hard” with another Avalanche! COACH He got him again! He got him again! COLE Mr. Boricua learning from his mistake earlier and striking big with that Avalanche! COACH See, Mr. Boricua ain’t as dumb as you think he is! COLE Hey, I never said that Mr. Boricua was dumb…to his face. Mr. Boricua takes a few steps back…and then charges forward with a clothesline in the turnbuckle corner! COLE Mr. Boricua usi-using his-his mass advantage, his size advantage here on Brickston! Boricua grabs Brickston and whips him into the ropes. Spinebuster! COLE Spinebuster by the Corporate Giant! Mr. Boricua goes for the cover. 1... 2... LEFT SHOULDER UP!!!! COLE That wasn’t enough to end the match! COACH Damn! Mr. Boricua screams! He snorts, growls, and then picks John Brickston up by his left hand. He punches him, taking him to a turnbuckle corner, and then whips him into the opposite corner. Mr. Boricua charges forward…John Brickston moves out of the way…and Mr. Boricua crashes into the turnbuckles! John Brickston comes off of the ropes with a lariat that brings Mr. Boricua down onto the mat! COLE LARIAT-OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! COACH … COLE What? I’ve always wanted to say that! John “Rock Hard” Brickston goes for the cover, hooking Boricua’s left leg. Mike Chioda counts. 1... 2... KICK OUT!!!!!!!!!!!! JOHN “ROCK HARD” BRICKSTON DAMNIT! John Brickston goes to attack--Mr. Boricua chokes John Brickston with his bare hands! COACH Yeah! Get him, Boricua! Get him! Mr. Boricua yells and screams as he gets up, choking John Brickston! The crowd gets on Mr. Boricua’s case, booing him loudly! COLE Mr. Boricua has John “Rock Hard” Brickston right where he wants him! COACH HA! HA! Yeah! Time for the death blow! Mr. Boricua chokes John “Rock Hard” Brickston around the ring. “BRICK-STON!” “BRICK-STON!” “BRICK-STON!” “BRICK-STON!” COLE The Corporate Giant choking out John “Rock Hard” Brickston! Mr. Boricua chokes John “Rock Hard” Brickston in a turnbuckle corner! “COME ON NOW! BREAK IT UP! ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR!” Mr. Boricua lets go at the count of 4. He yells at Mike Chioda. But Mike Chioda stands his ground, and reprimands Mr. Boricua for the choking. Mr. Boricua snorts and grunts at Mike Chioda, and then goes back to choking John Brickston with his bare hands! “ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR!” Mr. Boricua yells at Mike Chioda again. He sneers, grunts, and screams at the OAOAST referee. COACH That ref should know better than to get Mr. Boricua angry! COLE Mike Chioda is taking a huge risk in telling Mr. Boricua NOT to do something! COACH You know that referee’s name? Mr. Boricua goes back to choking John Brickston--NO!--John Brickston punches Mr. Boricua in the face! He does it again! And again! And again! And again! John Brickston punches Mr. Boricua several times, taking him into the turnbuckle corner! COLE Brickston using his fighting skills to fire back on the 6’9” 300 pound Mr. Boricua! The crowd starts cheering loudly. Brickston punches Mr. Boricua in the head, getting the Corporate Bodyguard stunned. COACH Get your hands off of him! COLE He’s fighting fair and square, Coach! COACH So? He’s hurting Mr. Boricua! You know Mr. Boricua is not all there! LEAVE MR. BORICUA ALONE! John “Rock Hard” Brickston starts choking Mr. Boricua with his bare hands! COACH What do you call this!? What do you call this!? COLE Well…this is certainly not legal. COACH Not legal!? It’s CHEATING! Just say it! It’s cheating! COLE Okay! Okay! It’s cheating! COACH Yeah! Doesn’t really reflect kindly on your hero now does it? Brickston continues choking Mr. Boricua! “COME ON NOW! BREAK IT UP! ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR!” Brickston stops choking Mr. Boricua so that he can yell at Mike Chioda. COLE John “Rock Hard” Brickston is clearly thinking about his elimination in the Lethal Rumble Match last Sunday! He is clearly thinking about getting thrown over the top rope by Mr. Boricua along with Vitamin X, Spanish Fly, Cuban Wall, and The Bone Thug! COACH He should get over it! It was four days ago! Brickston chokes Mr. Boricua again! “ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR!” Mike Chioda gets in between John Brickston and Mr. Boricua. He is able to hold them apart, yelling at both to stop with the choking. Mr. Boricua and John “Rock Hard” Brickston both respond by knocking out the referee at the same time! COLE Oh my! COACH Whoa! Look at this! COLE Oh man! John “Rock Hard” Brickston starts punching Mr. Boricua in the face in the turnbuckle corner! COACH Did you see that? John Brickston just cold-cocked the referee! COLE So did Mr. Boricua! COACH But John Brickston hit him more! His fists connected more! COLE Oh come on! Brickston dazes the big man in the turnbuckle corner, and then whips him into the opposite corner--Mr. Boricua reverses--Brickston hits the turnbuckle, and then Mr. Boricua fires with a clothesline! COLE They don’t give a damn about the rules! They just want to fight each other! COACH Good! Let them fight! Mr. Boricua grunts, yells and screams at the crowd. John “Rock Hard” Brickston struggles to get up. Referee Mike Chioda slides out of the ring, in pain. COLE The match still continues, I guess. COACH Let them at it! Let them at it! Mr. Boricua picks John Brickston up. He whips him into the ropes. *DING DING DING* (3:34) Mr. Boricua goes for a clothesline, John “Rock Hard” Brickston ducks, bounces off of the ropes, charges forward, and nails Mr. Boricua with a leg lariat! COLE Mike Chioda has called for the bell! But these guys are still fighting! Brickston gets up and starts pummeling on Mr. Boricua! The pummeling takes Mr. Boricua into a turnbuckle corner! COACH Look at Brickston attack Mr. Boricua after the bell! Some hero he is! Mr. Boricua fires back with punches of his own! John Brickston fires with punches! A slugfest erupts between the two big men. Back and forth they go, trading punches in the ring! COLE The referee has called for the bell! But the fight continues inside of the ring! COACH Get ‘im, Boricua! Get ‘im! Knock him out! Knock his teeth out! Make him uglier than he already is! COLE Hey now, John “Rock Hard” Brickston ain’t such a bad looking guy. COACH … Brickston and Boricua continue slugging it out in the ring! COLE Brickston and Boricua are standing toe-to-toe! Who’s going to blink here? Mr. Boricua nails John Brickston with a headbutt as the bell rings again! “Rock Hard” stumbles around the ring following the headbutt. Mr. Boricua nails John Brickston with another headbutt! The bell rings some more! The crowd chants, “BRICK-STON! BRICK-STON! BRICK-STON! BRICK-STON!” Referees Nick Soapdish, Jimmy Korderas, and Mickey Jay come out to break up the fight between John Brickston and Mr. Boricua! COLE More officials are out here! COACH Awww! I want to see them fight! I was enjoying this! OAOAST Road Agents Terry Funk and “Macho Man” Randy Savage come out to try and break up the fight too, but are unsuccessful! OAOAST Road Agents Terry Taylor and Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat come out too to break it up! COLE Referees, officials trying to stop the fight! But they can’t pull these guys apart! They’re just ripping and tearing at each other! Brickston and Mr. Boricua continue going at it! They both try to choke each other out! COACH This is wild! Brickston has snapped! Brickston shoves Nick Soapdish onto the mat and then goes back to choking Mr. Boricua! “Macho Man” Randy Savage, Terry Funk and Terry Taylor pull Mr. Boricua away from John, but Brickston continues attacking him despite being held back by Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat and Mickey Jay! Brickston’s face is red with RAGE~! COLE Brickston clearly hasn’t forgotten about the Lethal Rumble Match and is going after a member of the Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation! The biggest member of them all! COACH Keep him away from Boricua! Brickston is a mad man! A MAD MAN I TELL YA! KEEP HIM AWAY! Both men are separated by OAOAST Road Agents and referees. Terry Funk and Terry Taylor hold back Mr. Boricua, while Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat, Mickey Jay and Jimmy Korderas hold back John “Rock Hard” Brickston! Both men scream and yell at each other and demand to be let go! JOHN BRICKSTON LET ME AT HIM! LET ME AT HIM! I’LL BREAK HIS NECK! I’LL CRUSH HIM! I’LL ABSOLUTELY DESTROY HIM! LET ME GO! GET OFF OF ME! LET ME GO! LET ME GO! LET ME AT HIM! MR. BORICUA GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! “Macho Man” Randy Savage joins Terry Funk and Terry Taylor in holding back Mr. Boricua. Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat, Nick Soapdish, Mickey Jay and Jimmy Korderas hold back John “Rock Hard” Brickston. Both men are taken to separate turnbuckle corners. Steamboat, Nick Soapdish, Mickey Jay, and Jimmy Korderas try to calm Brickston down. COLE Referees and officials doing everything that they physically can to keep these two men apart! Mr. Boricua breaks free and goes after John “Rock Hard” Brickston! COACH Get ’im, Boricua! GET HIM! Mr. Boricua and John Brickston duke it out while the referees and officials swarm all over them! The crowd approves of this. COLE Back they go, beating the hell out of each other and this crowd loves it! COACH I know I am! COLE This fight between these two rages on! Mr. Boricua and Brickston choke each other. Referees and officials try in vain to break them apart! Jimmy Korderas, Mickey Jay and Nick Soapdish pull Brickston away from Boricua while Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat, Terry Taylor, and Terry Funk keep Mr. Boricua at bay. “Macho Man” Randy Savage joins in helping keep Mr. Boricua away from Brickston. Both men are taken to opposite turnbuckle corners. BRICKSTON LET ME GO! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! MR. BORICUA GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! Nick Soapdish, Mickey Jay, and Jimmy Korderas continue holding John “Rock Hard” Brickston back. “Macho Man” Randy Savage, Terry Taylor, Terry Funk and Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat continue holding Mr. Boricua back. Both men issue threats to each other from opposite turnbuckle corners. Both of their faces are red with rage, with veins bulging out. Both men scream to be let go and let loose. The crowd cheers…but then starts booing loudly. Because Stephen Joseph Popick and Vitamin X, holding the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt over his left shoulder, are walking down the entrance ramp! COLE Now wait a minute? What’s this? COACH It’s the leader of the Corporation, you idiot! He’s coming to calm the beast down! Only Mr. Popick could do that! Only Stephen Joseph could calm down Mr. Boricua! Popick and VX both have worried looks on their faces. Popick has a microphone in his right hand. Brickston has finally managed to calm down. COACH They’ll get something done! COLE (sarcastic) Oh yeah. Stephen Joseph starts speaking. STEPHEN JOSEPH POPICK What in the hell? What the hell? What the hell is going on here!? What the hell are you two doing!? “ASSS-HOLE!” “ASSS-HOLE!” “ASSS-HOLE!” “ASSS-HOLE!” POPICK WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TWO DOING!? Brickston lunges after Popick, but is held back by Mickey Jay, Jimmy Korderas, and Nick Soapdish. POPICK You’re beating the hell out of each other, and for what? For what I ask!? Not for me! Come on now! COME ON! Brickston, Brickston listen to me. Just listen to me for a sec! COACH Huh? What is he doing? Brickston eyes Popick angrily. Popick climbs up the ring steps. Vitamin X holds the ropes, and Popick enters the ring. Almost instantly, John Brickston lunges after Popick, but is held back by the three referees and “Macho Man” Randy Savage! Popick is hesitant for a second, but continues speaking, after taking a big cartoonish gulp. POPICK Now…now Brickston…Brickston--BORICUA KNOCK IT OFF! Mr. Boricua yells. POPICK BORICUA! Boricua yells again. POPICK BORICUA!!! Mr. Boricua screams at Popick, then screams at John “Rock Hard” Brickston, and then screams at Popick again. He walks away, moping as he does so. Mr. Boricua growls at Vitamin X, which frightens The X-Man a little bit. Mr. Boricua stands alone in a turnbuckle corner. COACH There you go! See? COLE Okay then. So what’s Popick want with Brickston? COACH I don’t know! Shut up and listen, fool! John “Rock Hard” Brickston lunges after Popick again, but now all of the referees and OAOAST Road Agents hold him back! Stephen Joseph stands his ground, not moving an inch…though he does do another cartoonish gulp. “Macho Man” Randy Savage, Terry Taylor, Terry Funk, Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat, Nick Soapdish, Mickey Jay, and Jimmy Korderas hold John “Rock Hard” Brickston back. Brickston hears Stephen Joseph Popick speak while Vitamin X and Mr. Boricua stand in a turnbuckle corner. X still has the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt over his left shoulder. STEPHEN JOSEPH POPICK Now Brickston, I said before…I said before that you weren’t the sharpest knife in the drawer…but you are damn sure the most dangerous! I can use a man like you, Brickston! Yeah. COLE Keyword ’USE’, Brickston! COACH Hey, hey, hey! The crowd boos. Referees and OAOAST Road Agents continue holding John Brickston back. POPICK You and I, we are a lot alike, Johnny. Think about it. Think about it. We come from broken homes. Everything that we’ve gotten in life, we’ve had to claw, scratch, and bite our way to the top. NOBODY EVER GAVE US A DAMN THING! WE’RE A LOT ALIKE AND YOU KNOW IT! Brickston stands there listening. He seems to be thinking about what Popick is saying. COLE Come on Brickston. Don’t fall for it. COACH SHH! POPICK Now, now I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking that you’ve gone down this path before. That you’ve dealt with these people once, and you don’t want to deal with them again. But see, here’s the thing. This is a completely different group. COMPLETELY! What you left was The Lightning Crew. This, THIS is the Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation! THIS is a completely different group based on MY morals, MY beliefs, MY teachings, not the perverted, demented, ego-centric views of Tha Puerto Rican! And let me ask you this: where have you been? What have you done that’s been worth noting? What have you accomplished since you quit The Lightning Crew? Oh sure, you have an OAOAST Italian Championship reign to your credit, hell, you even beat me for the belt. But that was in April of 2005! And your first and ONLY title reign ended in June of 2005! What have you done since then? That’s right: NOTHING! Not a damn thing. Not a damn thing at all! COACH He’s right you know. COLE (mockingly) He’s right you know. COACH Shut up. What Popick is saying seems to be getting to Brickston. POPICK You’ve wasted away the last three years of your life. And what do you have to show for it? The love of these fans? Heh. Johnny, YOU THINK THESE PEOPLE CARE ABOUT YOU!? “YEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” POPICK (CONT’D) THEY DON’T GIVE A DAMN ABOUT YOU! They forgot all about you as soon as you lost the Italian Championship! As soon as you didn’t have a belt, you didn’t matter to these people! Brickston seems hurt by this. The OAOAST Road Agents and referees have stepped away from John as he seems to have calmed down. The crowd cheers, trying to let Brickston know that they DO care about him. COACH It’s true! He became forgotten after he lost the belt to Tha Puerto Rican! COLE I don’t think so. COACH How many pay-per-views has he been on since The Great Angle Bash 2005? COLE Uh… COACH Exactly. Brickston looks at the fans. He seems torn on what to do. Vitamin X, Mr. Boricua and the OAOAST referees and Road Agents stand on guard in case Brickston snaps. Popick continues speaking. POPICK But I care! Because I understand you! Because I can give you the one thing that I never had growing up and that YOU never had growing up either! And you know what that is? That’s FAMILY. That’s FAMILY! Families stick together. When you were in The Lightning Crew, PRL treated you like a bunch of lackeys. But in the Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation, I treat each and every one of you with RESPECT! I treat each and every one of you like FAMILY! Think about it. Vitamin X nods his head in agreement with Popick. Mr. Boricua just stares at Brickston. “BRICK-STON!” “BRICK-STON!” “BRICK-STON!” “BRICK-STON!” POPICK Don’t listen to these fair-weather fans! Think about it. Think about it! We’ve got…a Corporate Bodyguard. A Corporate Muscle. A Corporate Financial Consultant. A Corporate Referee. A Corporate Princess. A Corporate Prince. A Corporate Queen. And every Corporation needs a dangerous man! So what about it, John? Just think about it. Why not come back home? Why not come back to where you belong? Here, with us, in the Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation? John “Rock Hard” Brickston thinks about this for a second. Popick, X, and Mr. Boricua just stare at him. The crowd buzzes in anticipation, wondering what John is going to do. COLE Come on John. Think about it. COACH Yeah, think about it! Look at where you’ve been, and look at where you can go if you just come back home? John Brickston puts his hands on his head and thinks things over. Popick waits for his answer. COACH Johnny looks corporate. COLE I thought Jim Baker was a trip. Stephen Joseph Popick puts his right hand out. Vitamin X, Mr. Boricua, the OAOAST referees and Road Agents look on. The crowd buzzes. COLE Don’t drink the Kool-Aid, John. Don’t drink it. COACH Drink it! Drink it all! John “Rock Hard” Brickston looks down at Popick’s right hand. He looks at Vitamin X, who tells him to shake Popick’s hand, Mr. Boricua, who just stares angrily at John, and then at the fans, who warn him not to join. John “Rock Hard” Brickston takes a deep breath, looks at Stephen Joseph Popick, looks at Stephen Joseph Popick’s right hand, looks at Vitamin X, looks at Mr. Boricua, looks at the OAOAST Road Agents and referees, and looks at the fans. COLE Oh no. Don’t tell me… With Vitamin X, Mr. Boricua, Jimmy Korderas, Nick Soapdish, Mickey Jay, “Macho Man” Randy Savage, Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat, Terry Funk, Terry Taylor, and the fans watching, John “Rock Hard” Brickston looks right at Stephen Joseph Popick’s face, looks down at Stephen Joseph Popick’s right hand, looks up at Stephen Joseph Popick right in the eyes again, and… …shakes his hand. “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” COLE Oh no. COACH Yipee! Vitamin X applauds Brickston. COACH A deal has been struck! COLE John “Rock Hard” Brickston has returned to the Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation! COACH He has come on home! Popick tells Mr. Boricua to shake Brickston’s hand. Mr. Boricua refuses. Popick tells him to shake Brickston’s hand again. Boricua again refuses. Popick tells him to shake Brickston’s hand once again. Mr. Boricua again refuses. Popick demands that Boricua shake Brickston's hand. Boricua still refuses. Popick tells Boricua to shake Brickston's right hand one more time, and Mr. Boricua finally relents and shakes John Brickston’s right hand. He still growls at Brickston though. A wide, evil smile appears on John Brickston’s face. COLE Mr. Boricua and John Brickston shaking hands, letting bygones be bygones. COACH This is beautiful! I love it! John Brickston is back in the SJPC! COLE Wonderful. John “Rock Hard” Brickston has sold out! He has rejoined the Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation! “Fuel” by Metallica starts playing. John “Rock Hard” Brickston shakes Vitamin X’s right hand. Stephen Joseph Popick has a wide, evil grin on his face. The referees and OAOAST Road Agents leave the ring. STEPHEN JOSEPH POPICK Ladies and gentlemen…ROCK HARD BRICKSTON! Brickston shakes Stephen Joseph Popick’s right hand again and thanks him for letting him rejoin the SJPC. Popick says, “Don’t mention it.” Brickston sneers at the fans. Mr. Boricua growls at Brickston, but is held back by X who leads him out of the ring. COLE Nice to see that John “Rock Hard” Brickston has about as much integrity as Spanish Fly does! COACH What are you talking about? The Corporation has made a coup! Spanish Fly AND Rock Hard Brickston rejoining within a three month span! Both men have returned to where they started their careers. To the place they once called home and now call home again! Except this time they are under the loving care and guidance of Stephen Joseph Popick! COLE Oh brother. Are you a Corporate member too? COACH Oh, how I wish I could be! COLE Ugh. The crowd boos loudly. Rock Hard Brickston taunts the fans for “not really caring about him” (according to him). He shakes Vitamin X’s right hand again with an evil smile on his face. COLE I cannot believe what has transpired. John Brickston voluntarily quit The Lightning Crew almost four years ago! And now he’s back!? COACH THAT was The Lightning Crew. THIS is the Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation! And he’s not John “Rock Hard” Brickston anymore. Now it’s simply Rock Hard Brickston! COLE It’s the same damn group except they’ve got a different primadonna leading them! COACH It’s a totally different group! COLE Oh yeah? Name one reason why? COACH Uh…I…err…umm… COLE You see! You can’t even think of how they are different! COACH Shut up! Shut up! Just let me think about it for a second, all right! Geeze! COLE John--err--Rock Hard Brickston has sold his soul to Stephen Joseph Popick! The Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation just got even BIGGER! COACH I got it! The SJPC doesn’t have a lightning bolt hit for their entrance! COLE It’s still the same group, Coach! COACH No, it’s not. And I’ll prove it to you someday! COLE (under his breath) Like that day will ever come. (Out loud): Sure you will, Coach. Sure you will. We’ll be right back! Vitamin X holds the ropes for Stephen Joseph Popick and Rock Hard Brickston to leave the ring. Stephen Joseph Popick grabs the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt and slings it over his left shoulder. He walks up the entrance ramp next to Rock Hard Brickston. Both men have evil smiles on their faces. Vitamin X and Mr. Boricua walk right behind them. Rock Hard Brickston taunts the fans while Stephen Joseph Popick laughs maniacally, the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt over his left shoulder, as “Fuel” by Metallica continues playing. FADE OUT * COMMERCIAL BREAK * COLE Ladies and gentlemen this past Thursday E!News ran a special on The Enterprise's HOTTTIE, Head of Technical Tactics Identifying Excellence, Alix Maria Spezia and her many entertainment projects, including her new CD and upcoming Rolling Stone cover. The good people at the network were kind enough to let us reair the segment here on HeldDOWN. Let's take a look! We're on the set of E! News, if you don't know what that looks like, then turn on your tv, I ain't explaining shit ya'll should just be aware of. Damn. More importantly I'm lazy. Absent is Ryan Seacrest, but present is Giuliana Rancic (see above!) GIULIANA RANIC She's hip, she's hot, and she's trendy, but is the most gorgeous Rolling Stone convergirl in history, Alix Maria Spezia, the feisty spark the sagging record industry needs? Well, The Hollywood Bad Girl thinks she's all that and more! We recently caught up with the busy babe on location for her cover shoot for the April issue of Rolling Stone, and in the studio working on her upcoming album Beauty Crush. And as always America's sweetheart had plenty to say! MONTAGE! GIULIANA From OAOAST superstar, to celebrity chef delighting the richest of clients, the CEO of Miss Spezia's Sweeties is branching out in an entirely new direction. A musical one with her dance-rock album Beauty Crush, and she's celebrating by bursting out on Rolling Stone magazine. GIULIANA (V.O.) So what's got Alix in such a sing-a-long mood? Alix says she's just living out a passion that's been with all her life. CUT to Alix on the set of her Rolling Stone Photoshoot ALIX It sounds cliché but music really has to be an expression of self. If its not like right from the center of the heart, if there's no real, raw emotion, its not any good. And to me, there aren't people really focused on that aspect of it. Like there's so many people out there who are just pushin it, and pushin it for that jam that's gonna hit big on the top 40 or get mad play as a ringtone. As a ringtone! Can you believe there are actually dudes out there who are all hype about being the fifteen second introduction to a sixteen year old's booty call? Do ya think Mick Jagger hung out on some, “Jeepers golly whiz, Keith, I don't care about Grammys, or respect, or our place in rock n roll history and all that, I just hope Gimme Shelter gets to be the ten second prelude to Uncle Bert telling Cousin Agnes, little Abner gave him crotch rot!” No way, am I rollin with that common made for radio formula. No way. I'm just down with so much experimentation and so many funky, wild, groovtastic insturments, its straight up insane. Like this bad boy of rock n roll! (holds up an instrument) Its like a golden tapestry of sounds and noises laid bare and vulnerable before undeserving ears! GIULIANA I believe that's a phone book. Alix (Clutchingher “instrument”) Nuh-uh! I know what a phone book looks like, silly girl! Its got my dads circles, stars, thumbs up and smiley faces littered across the male escort pages. Duh! GIULIANA (V.O,) When it comes to harnessing her love for music, Alix certainly has the right guides. Swiss Beats, of almost every hit song you've heard over the radio this past year fame, has signed on to produce three songs on the big budget tour de force. CUT to producer Swiss Beats relaxing in an empty studio behind the mixing console. SWISS BEATS Swiss Beats aka the one man band man has met the one woman band woman, because Alix, I'm tellin ya'll, she can do it all. Whatever, you tell her to do, you only gotta say it once, and she does it perfectly. Perfectly. She's got a love for music and she just takes it to levels the next man hasn't even started to see. GIULIANA (V.O.) But the big name producer isn't the only megastar helping to make this the first potential blockbuster album of the 08. Alix has locked down her spot as the luckiest woman on earth with guest appearances from Carlos Santana, DJ Tiesto, BT, Rick Ross, and Anthony Kieids of the Red Hot Chili Peppers. A quick montage of the artists just mentioned is played before the image finally settles on Alix and Kiedis sitting inside the recording studio, their animated speech is interspersed with clips of them actually recording, or performing other various music based tasks.. KIEDIS Its been a spiritual revelation working with Alix. There really is a magical otherworldly vibe happening between everybody when Alix is in the studio. You start realizing that the level of consciousness will get higher and higher, yeah. When you got the chaos of the drums, and those huge uncontrolled breakbeats in the background, there's an honest calming beauty in the innocent consciousness of her voice. ALIX The Red Hot Chili Peppers saw me through soooooo many huge changes in my life, straight up, dude. Since I first heard them, Capri Pants came in, they went out, they came in again. I dunno if they're in or out now, but I just bought thirty of those babies with Mackenzie's credit card, so I'm all nighting and every daying those babies! KIEDIS Lest we forget the trails blazed by the accessory best known as the tiny knapsack? ALIX Ooh, ooh,ooh, that is like right on! How can something so tiny hold all my dreams? Oh, and there was the time I so wanted an A in my freshman biology class from Miss Leonard, but she wasn't giving any extra credit. She looked at me, raised her eyebrow and tossed me on that dissecting table, pushed all those frog guts, cow heads, and cat brains to the floor and said “What you've got you've got to give it to your mamma”. So, I had to take a little advice from the RHCP's, and give it away, give it away, give it away now. KIEDIS Questionable student/teacher liasons, and a perversion of the community college educational infrastructure? Exactly what I wrote the song to symbolize. Finally someone gets the real meaning! GIULIANA (V.O.) Her choice for her first single was easy. She stays true to her California roots with a dance cover of California Dreamin', mixed by DJing legend BT. CUT to Alix on location of the music video shoot for the song. The stage is the psychedelic setting of a somewhat mysterious dance club touched by a distinct seventeenth century French flair. There areh flashing dark blue lights beneath the tiles of the floor, roaming blood red, and ocean blue spotlights traversing an area that's made to look almost Gothic with towering grey stoned pillars, extravagant and elaborate murals that shimmer and burn through the flashing lights positioned behind them ALIX I love California Dreamin, its like my favorite song ever. I live it, I breathe it, I love it, I fondle it at night when its asleep, heheheh. But, you know, trill talk, its a song that really just speaks to me every time I listen to it. It says Slow down, go down, got to get your lovin' one more time hold me, roll me, slow ridin' woman you're so fine. I never understood why it talks like Slow ride, though. Kinda weird! GIULIANA (V.O) It hasn't all been big budget recording sessions, and rocking out with a who's who of pop culture, though. There have been some serious downswings for Alix, as she's been continually plagued by tabloid rumors of all night partying and extreme drug use. One even has her canvassing New York city lesbian bars with Paris Hilton. But just like always, Alix is guilt free and unapologetic. CUT to Alix sitting at the mixing console. ALIX Get your daily Alix updates from around the world from Verizon Vcast, only on Verizon wireless! And here's a free one for ya, just in case ya missed out oh the other eighty trillion times I may have dropped da bomb, I am a lesbian, shouldn't ya be a bit more worried if I was hanging out with Fred Phelps at the West Boro Baptist church? And, I'm there with my friends, Paris is a friend so I took her. If she wants to hang at a lez bar, then yeah, I'll take her there and we'll make it rain Melissa Ethridge albums and flannel shirts. We had some drinks we got our Patrick Swayze on on the Dirty Dance floor, so yeah, we're having loads of fun. Who cares, right? But, oh please, omniscient emperors of Alix's social life, tell this lost wayward servant of Christ, how she might spend her few hours away from convent? Waxing republican with Mitt Rommney about how “Sodomite Mexico is fast reverting to the vile Satanic ways of the filthy fagot Inca and Aztec empires, which were obliterated by God Almighty because of their terrible sins?” while we make sure our robes are nice and fluffy for the clan meeting? GIULIANA (V.O.) On the subject of her bitter split with Krista Isadora Duncan, and how its affected the public's perception of her, Alix is just as feisty and combative. CUT to Alix sitting in the makeup chair at the RS photoshoot, mixed with footage of the actual shoot. ALIX I don't know, babe, its just weird to explain how everybody kinda wants to flip flop on you, ya know. It seems like one day I had millions of super awesome friends and the next day everyone is like..GAHHHH! But thank god, I still have so many loving and supportive fans. But you gotta learn to love yourself, and then love will come to ya! Lil thing I learned after I got shot three times in the neck. GIULIANA You were shot? Really? ALIX Ehhhhh, I kinda slipped on a peanut at CVS and a box of Lucky Charms fell on my neck. I got a way bitchin' Care Bears bandaid though. Best day of a twenty nine year old's life! CUT to Giuliana in the studio GIULIANA Here's hoping the release of Alix's album brings a much happier day then care bear band aids. For more on Alix, and her new CD Beauty Crush, stay tuned to E!News, and visit E! Online for the latest scoops on Alix and all your favorite stars. FADE OUT COACH This whole organization be up on some bullshit! Niggas be wrestling fifteen minute matches on HedlDOWN and Syndicated, and get rewarded with an interview from Gene Okerland or Nerdly jail bait. She doesn't even show up for work half the time, and she gets a CD and gets to be on E!? COLE You do realize Alix is now the crown jewel of The Enterprise? And when you insult her, you insult Moneymaker's best and most well known investment. COACH I see....Shoe shine for ya Mistah Moneymaker? COLE Yes, well, after the Rolling Stone shoot was over, our cameras...okay, Molly and the Siclopse caught a very interesting confrontation between Alix and Krista. The scene shifts to the dressing room at the Rolling Stone Photoshoot, Mackenzie DeCenzo is relaxing on the couch, while Alix sits on a stool in front of a mirror in the same stage of undress as she was in during the actual shoot. MACKENZIE We have to go out together, we're a couple in a relationship. Its what we do. You're not going out by yourself again. Not all, I can't go for that. ALIX “I can't go for that?” What are you, Hall and Oates? Look we're not the twins from Joined at the Head, if we separate its not like, you know BAM BOOM tragic death cut down in the prime of our life. I'll go hang out with my friends, and you can chill with whatever losers and dorks you associate with. Plus, you kinda get on my nerves whenever we go places. Its always Alix, don't take that, Alix that stuff is dangerous, Alix that's very bad for you, its like, hello twenty nine years old, baby monitor got packed up a long time ago, Mary Poppins, float on outta here with your magic umbrella. MACKENZIE So I'm wrong for being concerned about your habits? ALIX I don't have habits. I have fun. Lots and lots and lots of fun, and you ain't invited. So there! KRISTA (O.S.) Alix! Alix drops to her knees and holds her hands together in prayer, not realizing that its Krista calling her and not God. ALIX Yes, god, the dismembered heads of the non believers have been arranged in the shape of the pentagram. Soon the Anthropophagi will rise, and the heretics will perish between their fangs. KRISTA (walking onto scene) Its not god...well, it is god, but its also me, dummy. MACKENZIE You! ALIX Krista! You know the holy spirit speaks to me every day at this hour how dare you take advantage! Understandably displeased to see Krista is Mackenzie, who leaps from her seat, ready to call security and have Krista removed. MACKENZIE Hey, wait, what's that sound? A waitress at an Applebees in Long Beach just knocked a beer bottle onto the floor! If you, hurry, Krista maybe you can make it over there in time to lick the suds off the seat cushion before they dry. How's that sound? KRISTA Ah, Mackenzie DeCenzo, what can be said about you that hasn't already said already been said by a vagina infested with the west nile virus? Judging by your haphazardly shaven arm pits and freakishly sized calves, shouldn't you be climbing the Empire State Building with Ann Darrow clinched in fist, furiously battling against the US Air Force's attempts to take you back to Skull Island? ALIX Actually she should be kidnapping Princess Pauline, and chucking barrels at a plucky young plumber from Brooklyn! MACKENZIE (to Krista) Sow! KRISTA Cow. ALIX Stop it, stop it, stop it! If there's one thing I'm not in the mood for before I've had my afternoon bong hit its rhyming insults! KRISTA Runt. MACKENZIE Cunt! ALIX Green light, yellow light, red light, STOP in the name of love before you break my heart, think it oooover. Okay, listen. Just keep it on some DL west coast gangsta shit, kay? This is how we thirty to forty lesbian demographic operate. We are like totally locked in a high stakes, sapphic pied-a-terre. MACKEZNIE Pas de deux. KRISTA And there's three of us, stupid. ALIX Uh, you're like the dumbest people ever. That's what I said! MACKENZIE You said "pied-a-terre." That's an apartment. ALIX Uh-huh, kinda knew that already. Took two semesters worth of Klingon from Melody, in case ya didn't know. Krista you should, it cost you fifteen thousand dollars in tuition and lab fees. But, anysnooch this such a predicament. But if Facts of Life has taught me anything its that these types things can always be solved with a nice, long, threesome. And, hey, what do ya know, I'm already undressed for the part! Sweet! MACKENZIE I don't think there were any threesomes on Facts of Life. ALIX Maybe not on the show, but on alt.sex.erotica.threesomes.factsoflife, oooooh man, Jo, Trudy, and Miss Garret make one hell of a reverse oreo cookie! Okay, if no-go on the threesome how about yes-go on some dry humping? MACKENZIE I'll tell you what, I'm the mature, understanding, even tempered girlfriend, so I'm going to let you two workout some issues with each other. Alix, if you need me, you know where I'll be. I love you. ALIX Right back atcha! Mackenzie gives Alix a long lingering kiss on the lips, one designed to show Krista that the brunette belongs to her and her alone, as opposed to express any feelings of love or tenderness KRISTA I expect thirty percent of any tricks you turn while you're out! With Mackenzie out of the picture, Krista's demeanor now turns deadly serious. KRISTA Explain. Why would you do this to me? ALIX See... KRISTA I can't believe you. I can't for a second believe that you can stand in front of me and not break down in tears of shame, tears of sorrow, tears of what the hell is wrong with me for what you've done. Alix, when I told you I had a kid, that was more then just a horrible secret, that was a magical once in a lifetime gift of my trust. And you took my hand, and without any sort of malice or scent of betrayal in your voice, you returned it when you promised to never share it with anyone. That was the single most important thing we've ever done together,that I've ever done with anyone, and that you've ever done with anyone. And what happens, Alix? You flake out on me? The best friend you had for twelve years, the lover you could've had even after death did us part, and suddenly she means nothing when you're just a leap away from your fairytale fantasy. But, what you don't understand is that, while you're out playing a real life Guitar Hero, living some rock n roll fantasy camp, there is a very terrible reality you've left behind, and it is a nightmare for me, its a nightmare for Maya, and whenever Moneymaker gets around to revealing who my child is, it will be a soul crippling nightmare for them. But, maybe, you do understand and you just don't care. I don't know why that's surprising. You've always been a selfish flake. ALIX Am I gonna have to get buck wild with the traffic light routine again? Uh-uh, no way is this girl a...hey, skittles! I mean, no! No! You are majorly wrong, I am mos def not flakey. KRISTA Oh, yeah right, the entire Kellog's factory is less flakey then you! The dinners you blow off, the dry cleaning you forget to pick up, the birthdays you forget, the parties you throw then forget to attend, the warrants you evade, the high speed police chases you lead the LAPD on, the court dates you skip out on, the bills that are late every month, and it's always been this way, Alix. Always! You skipped out on my college graduation party before I cut the cake. That was a big deal to me. ALIX Oh my god! You are not even trying to be serious right now! It was friggin Pound cake! Even Marie Antionette wouldn't let them eat that! KRISTA But, I'm the laid back friend, the easy going girlfriend, so I let it all slide, because it's not like we're making a baby or something. There's no kids involved, who cares, right? Except this time, there are kids involved! Mine! ALIX Yeah, All righty, thanks. Why can’t you just like grow up and just like talk to me? Why do you have to be so like…ugh! I mean, you're all explain this, explain that, so when do I get my chance to even talk? Does it even matter why I did it? Or do you just like the little sensation you get when you yell at me, and you treat me like crap? KRISTA I treat you like crap, huh. Sure, okay, sweetie. I put you through nursing school, you dropout. I pay your way through acting school, you drop out. You want to start a flower shop, I put up the cash, you take it and go buy a car. I clothe you, I feed you, I love you and I protect you. I am the mother you always wanted. You get treated like crap? Well, the next time I need a diagnosis on my chronic back pains, someone to play the role of Miss Prism in The Importance of being Earnest, a nice mother's day floral arrangement, and a ride to the hair salon, I'll be sure to drop a dime to the festering shit in a Johnny on the spot outside a Home Depot. As for why you did this to me? That's a real easy question, I can answer it myself. You just like it when I'm unhappy. ALIX Oh my god. Oh my god. Whatever. Ya know what, just go on wasting away in your delusional, booze fueled, Valium driven stupor, because, obviously, reality and you aren't even sharing the same solar system! KRISTA Oh, just admit it. You're happiest when I'm miserable, when I'm wasting away in that delusional, booze fueled, Valium driven stupor. Its safe for you. Its kind of comforting, you're free to go out and experiment with brand new exotic worlds, fabulous people, exciting lifestyles, because there's always a safety net to catch you when you fall. There's always Krista, alone, depressed, heavily medicated, and numb to everything but your touch. ALIX Shut up, Krista. KRISTA I mean, come on. Isn't that our thing? And didn't that thing start to slip away from you when you saw the Look Of Love? Oh no, oh shock, oh horror, oh pain, oh misery, you're safety net was in danger of being folded up and packed away. And you knew that when you eventually nose dived from grace, you wouldn't stop until the bloody splatter once you hit bottom. And now you have to look at how miserable you are. ALIX Seriously, Krista, shut up. KRISTA But I am not gonna be miserable for you anymore! I am gonna try to be happy, and I'm going to love both my kids, and I'm going work my ass off to undo all the hell your selfishness and bitterness has created. And if you can't deal with that, then you are even more pathetic than I thought! ALIX Get out, Krista. KRISTA (walking out the door) Go to hell. COACH Dennis Zine can try and stop the papparazzi, but he can't stop Molly Nerdly and Siclopse! Go on girl! Go on! And when can I get that Rolling Stone? I sad got dayum! COLE Things heating up all over the OAOAST here tonight, that's for certain! And they can only get hotter the closer we get to Anglemania. COACH Do you ever say anything that's not a cliché? COLE How about backing me up on commentary instead of always being so aggressive and antagonistic? COACH You battery mouth bitch, your father rocks turtle necc tank-top. Your mother suck dicc so long that the bitch sounds like SOUNDWAVE when she talks, shame on your mother for looking like Green Arrow. COMMERCIAL Edited February 5, 2008 by Ed Wood Caulfield Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted February 2, 2008 (edited) ewc's other skit perhaps??? "Makes Me Wonder" cues up and D*LUX emerge onstage to the roar of the crowd. Jade Rodez poses with her team, rubbing the 6-man tag titles around their waists for good luck, then points them to the ring. BUFFER The following contest is your TV main event, a 2008 Anderson Cup semi-final bout scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, accompanied by their manager, Ms. JADE RODEZ! At a total combined weight of 379 pounds, ranked fourth in the Miracle Weirdness Connection Conference, two-thirds of the reigning Six-Man Tag Team Champions of the World, Love Generation... "TREMENDOUS" TYLER and "SHOWTIME" SHAYNE... D*LLLLLLLUUUUUUUUUUUXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX!!! "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Jogging down the aisle, Shayne and Tyler do everything but kiss babies, hugging and high-fiving many of their fans. COLE You could say this is somewhat of a grudge match coming up as D*LUX look to make Theodore Moneymaker pay for the pain he's caused... COACH Their mother. COLE Now we don't know that for a fact. In case you weren't with us last week, Theodore Moneymaker dropped a bombshell, revealing Krista Isadora Duncan has... COACH A bastard child roaming the streets! Possibly the mean streets because his or her mother was selfish. For shame Krista. For shame! COLE That's your opinion and you're certainly entitled to it. But every OAOAST Superstar is on high alert wondering if they're Krista's lost child. Earlier tonight we saw Doctor Pigley and EMT Cash state a very weak case as to why they're the kid, and eventually D*Lux came out to get a piece of this man right here.... Clean shirt New shoes And I dont know where I am goin to. Silk suit Black tie, I dont need a reason why. They come runnin just as fast as they can Coz every girl crazy bout a sharp dressed man. BUFFER Their opponents, led down the aisle by their Chief Financial Officer and Director of Security, the top ranked team in the MWC Conference and reigning Anderson Cup champions... CHRISTIAN WRIGHT and THEODORE MONEYMAKER! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" One look at the Enterprise and you'd think they came dressed for a fashion show not to wrestle. Theodore Moneymaker radiates confidence smoking a cigar -- yes, a CIGAR -- as he and Christian Wright discuss last minute strategy. COLE Theodore Moneymaker very fortunate to be enjoying the finer things in life after Krista nearly ended his at Anglepalooza. COACH And I couldn't believe you were cheering her on. She was trying to inflict bodily harm on the Billion Dollar Heir and not once did you damn her. Had the shoe been on the other foot you'd be crying bloody murder. COLE Given the circumstances I understand Krista's rage. COACH You women always stick together. The jackets come off and Teddy hands the cigar over to Mackenzie, who decides to keep it for herself. CW and Tyler exit, leaving Theodore Moneymaker and Shayne Brave to start for their respective teams. * DINGDINGDING * Showtime grabs a side headlock out of a collar and elbow tie-up, but Teddy shoots him off and gets leveled on the rebound by a shoulder tackle. Moneymaker pops up and walks into a side headlock takeover. He returns to a vertical base and overpowers Brave with a top wristlock. Bridging up on his neck to keep his shoulders from touching the mat, Shayne's legs are swiped out from under... ONE! ...but he KIPS UP and wrings Theodore's arm, flipping the Billion Dollar Heir onto his back! "YEAH!" Brave drops the leg across the arm and bars it, only to have Moneymaker RAKE THE EYES. Theodore cocks his fist and unloads on the teen heartthrob. Rocking and reeling, Shayne's fired across, but he ducks a clothesline and drops down after Teddy does so, placing him in another headlock! :lol: COLE Showtime one step ahead right there. And it's the fans laughing at Theodore Moneymaker now. The Billion Dollar Heir getting a taste of his own medicine. Shayne brings Theodore up as Christian enters and traps him in a HEADSCISSORS. COACH He's got both of them, Cole! What's he gonna do here? Snap them both over to the canvas, that's what! And out to the floor go Theodore Moneymaker and Christian Wright following a pair of STEREO DROPKICKS from D*LUX! "YEAH!" COLE Ladies and gentlemen, we've got to take a break. But the cameras are rolling. Should the match end during the break we'll show you what happened after this brief timeout. * COMMERICAL * Cole welcomes us back as Christian Wright delivers a BELLY-TO-BELLY SUPLEX on Tremendous Tyler Bryant. ONE... TWO... KICKOUT! Wright rams Bryant into the knee of Theodore Moneymaker and a tag is made. After punishing his Tyler with a combination of right hands and chops, the Billon Dollar Heir sends him in for the ride...but the Tremendous One ducks a back elbow and flattens Moneymaker with a PHANTOM NECKBREAKER! ONE... TWO... THR-- NO! Tyler moves and CW drops an elbow on Teddy! "YEAH!" Tyler drapes Christian over his shoulders as Shayne charges in and snaps him over with a neck breaker that‘ll ROCK YOUR BODY! TYLER YEAH-UH! "D*LUX!" "D*LUX!" "D*LUX!" COACH Are they chanting D*LUX or this sucks? Because the amount of illegal double-teaming this referee is allowing to go on definitely sucks. The guys whip Moneymaker and Wright into the same corner and MONKEY FLIP them out. SHINING ENZIGURI finds its mark and Tyler covers Theodore! ONE... TWO... SAVE BY CW. D*LUX tag and Shayne decks Teddy with a running leg lariat, then signals for the bulldog, but Moneymaker counters with an ATOMIC DROP! COLE The Enterprise needed that as you could sense the match was starting to slip away from them. A fresh CW is tagged in and he proves it with a FROG SPLASH! Mackie screams at the timekeeper to ring the bell because it's over she says. ONE... TWO... THR-- NO! SAVE BY TYLER! Wright hammers Shayne with a series of European uppercuts, and then whips him to the ropes...but Showtime answers with a SUNSET FLIP! COLE Oh, look at this. He may have him! ONE... TWO... KICKOUT! Though he didn't score the pin Shayne got the opening he needed to tag out, and Tyler smacks CW with a YAKUZA KICK! ONE... TWO... SAVE BY THEODORE! Bryant with the Irish whip, but Wright reverses and Moneymaker drives the knee into the spine of Tyler's back! "BOO!" The tag is made and both Christian Wright and Theodore Moneymaker put the boots to Tyler. CW exits as Teddy delivers a back elbow and drops A FISTFUL OF DOLLARS. ONE... TWO... KICKOUT! Tyler's snapped over and placed in a chinlock. COACH I heard Tyler say I quit, Cole. COLE He did not! "TYLER!" "TYLER!" "TYLER!" The support of the fans and words of encouragement from Jade and Shayne get the adrenaline flowing, bringing Tyler to his feet. Back elbow after back elbow loosens Teddy's grip enough for Tyler to burst out of the hold and off the ropes, but he runs into a knee to the gut on the rebound! COACH Look at that showboat. Instead of making the tag he wanted to put on a show and got what he deserved. * TAG * CW chops the hell out of Tyler in the Enterprise corner, but he fights back, nailing both men. He crawls through Wright's legs and makes the tag! "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" SPRINGBOARD CROSSBODY! ONE... TWO... KICKOUT! Theodore Moneymaker gets popped and whipped, and then back dropped. Shayne continues to be a one man gang, slamming Wright and Moneymaker in succession. An impromptu meeting of the minds has them on Dream Street as Tyler returns to the fold. D*LUX whips Teddy in for a DOUBLE DROPKICK! "YEAH!" Wandering around CW walks into a DOUBLE SUPERKICK! COLE Hit Me Baby One More Time! Oh yeah! COACH Hey, you're supposed to be objective. COLE The hell with that. You never are anyway. Outside, Mackie and CPA help Theodore up. MACKENZIE Mackie flees as Tyler flings himself over the top rope and wipes out CPA and Moneymaker with a PESCADO! "YEAH!" Shayne covers CW inside. ONE... TWO... THR-- NO, KICKOUT! "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!" D*LUX go for the big one, As Seen on 60 Minutes...but Mackie decides to cause trouble by hopping on the apron. COLE Get her down from there. What the ref won't do Jade Rodez will. She yanks Mackie to the floor and has a PUFF OF SMOKE BLOWN IN HER FACE! JADE The look on Jade's face says it all. Without hesitation she SLAPS Mackie! "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Meanwhile, Theodore Moneymaker CROTCHES Showtime Shayne on the turnbuckle! "BOO!" Back on the arena floor with CPA, Theodore points to his point, laughing as only he can. Out of the corner of his eye he spots Tyler diving through the ropes and moves, allowing CPA to catch the Tremendous One in midair for a FRONT SPINEBUSTER!! COACH He set him up good, Cole. Even you gotta admit that. Wright climbs onto the middle rope and rolls forward with Shayne over his shoulders, spiking him into the mat! COLE A super Bank Roll. Oh, my! And the Enterprise is headed to the MWC Conference Finals. ONE... TWO... THREE! NO! KICKOUT! "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" WRIGHT/MONEYMAKER COACH He did what?! COLE He kicked out! CW knees Shayne in the head and sets him up for the Stockmarket Crash, but Showtime rolls through with a SMALL PACKAGE! COACH No way. ONE... TWO... THR-- KICKOUT! Moneymaker gets caught entering with a SUPERKICK, and then Shayne whips Wright into the ropes for a backdrop...but CW puts on the brakes and delivers the STOCKMARKET CRASH!!! ONE... TWO... THREE! COLE And that's all she wrote. What a match this turned out to be. * DINGDINGDING * Tailored suits, show of your cars Fine hotels and big cigars Up for grabs, up for a price BUFFER Here are your winners, advancing to the MWC Conference Finals... THEODORE MONEYMAKER and CHRISTIAN WRIGHT! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Holding her cheek Mackie points at CW and Teddy in triumph. The #1 seed in the MWC Conference happy to escape with the "W". COLE Much like the presidential campaigns, the 2008 Anderson Cup field has dwindled to a lucky few. Earlier tonight it was the Christ Air Express advancing to the Los Infernales Conference Finals and just a few short minutes ago it was Theodore Moneymaker and Christian Wright earning a trip back to the MWC Conference Finals, becoming the first team ever to do so in their quest to repeat as Anderson Cup champions. So be sure to tune in next week as we find out who both teams opponents will be. 2008 ANDERSON CUP MWC: Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew vs. Sooner Bruisers LI: The Heavenly Rockers vs. Team Heyross COLE For Jonathan Coachman, I'm Michael Cole saying goodnight. FADE OUT Edited February 3, 2008 by Patty O'Green Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted February 3, 2008 plz enjoy the postshow entertainment courtesy of wwf warzone who the fuck is that weirdo in the first couple videos? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
