Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted February 8, 2008 (edited) THE FOLLOWING PROGRAM IS INTENDED FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY PRESENTED IN HD Does anyone actually read this part? I mean honestly, is it interesting to note Ultimate Victory plays and these fictional viewers see a fictional introductory video? Does that actually provide anyone with any sort of pleasure? We're brought right into a medium wide shot of what I can only assume would be a pretty terrible announce team in real life, Michael Cole and Da Coach. Tony tells me that Smackdown's announce team now, lol that shit must be horrendous,b. COACH Da Coach, da most trusted black man in America next to Obama, sittin at Sofa Central with M.Cole, the most trusted white woman in America next to Hilliary Clinton! COLE Good one, Coach. Good one. Folks, we're continuing to rumble towards Anglemania in Los Angeles, and we've stop off in the fair city of Mobile, Alabama for OAOAST HeldDOWN! Its going to be a hectic and wild show with and all your favorite OAOAST stars are ready for action, so lets skip our talking and get right into it with Anderson Cup action! Shine by Collective Soul plays, and Team Heyross makes their way out, to a mixed reaction. COLE Another Anderson Cup match on the way, and this one's going to be a dandy! Let's go to Michael Buffer! BUFFER The following contest is a quarterfinal match in the Anderson Cup tournament, and it is scheduled for one fall! Making their way to the ring, at a total combined weight of 485 pounds, they are the #3 seed in the Los Infernales bracket...introducing CHARLIE MOSS and QUENTIN BENJAMIN...TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMM HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYRRRRRRROSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!! COLE And Team Heyross with a lot of fans here in Alabama! COACH Well, Team Heyross might be the crowd favorite, but neither of these teams are gonna be fueled by what these people do, these are two great tag teams, and this is going to be a terrific match! Benjamin climbs to the second rope from the outside, and points into the main camera, putting his team over verbally. He hops inside, and the two take off their entrance gear. HEY WAIT I GOT A NEW COMPLAINT! Heart-Shaped Box plays, as Holly-Wood and Colonel Abdullah Abir Nerdly lead out Logan and Synth, followed to the ring by mulitcolor spotlights. BUFFER Their opponents...from Las Vegas, Nevada, at a combined weight of 432 pounds...they are the #2 seed in the Los Infernales Conference...COLONEL ABDULLAH NERDLY in association with HOLLY-WOOD presents...the greatest Rock 'N' Wrestling band of ALL TIME...THEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE HEAVENLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROCKERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!! COLE The Heavenly Rockers, two-time former World tag champs, and a former winner of the Anderson Cup! The Rockers enter the ring, as the lights start to swirl around, and quickly engage in a slugfest with their opponents! *DING DING DING* COLE And we're off! The Rockers take a quick advantage, as Benjamin is knocked out of the ring. Logan grabs Moss from behind and delivers a back breaker, then Synth picks him up and drops him throat first across the top rope. COLE Surprise attack to start off the match has given the Heavenly Rockers an early advantage, but the referee needs to get it down to two men in the ring! Synth picks up Moss, and grabs him in a front facelock. COACH They're going for it early, Cole! However, Moss backdrops out of it! Logan starts to hammer on the back of Moss, but Benjamin comes flying off the top with a clothesline! COLE Big clothesline off the top rope from Quentin Benjamin! Benjamin unloads a flurry on Synth, who slides to the outside with Logan, where they get met with a double clothesline from Moss! COLE And some more clothesline action on the outside! Moss then points to Benjamin, and picks up both Rockers, holding them until Benjamin comes down on them with a HANDS-FREE PLANCHA~! COLE Team Heyross on a roll! Team Heyross roll back inside and exchange high fives, as the crowd slowly starts getting behind them. COLE And these fans here in Mobile making clear who they want to see win this match! The Rockers regroup on the outside, then Synth steps into the ring, met by Quentin Benjamin. COACH And finally we're down to two guys in there! Synth and Benjamin tie up, and Synth backs Benjamin into a corner, then unloads with rights to the midsection. However, Benjamin reverses an Irish whip, and backdrops Synth coming out of the corner! Benjamin follows by backing into the ropes, and catching Synth with a spinning wheel kick! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Synth quickly tags out to Logan, who steps in as the crowd gets on his case. He stops briefly to react to the crowd, then circles the ring, and grabs Benjamin in a side headlock. Benjamin shoves him off, and hits him with a BIG dropick! COLE Great dropkick! Logan immediately tags out to Synth, and rolls to the outside holding his face as Synth has a confused look on his face. COLE Synth's saying, "I was just in there, give me a break!" Regardless, Synth climbs in, and requests to square off with Moss. Benjamin obliges, and makes the tag. COLE And now it's Charlie Moss in there with Synth! Moss and Synth tie up, and Synth goes behind and takes Moss down. Moss quickly escapes, and backs into the ropes. Synth drops down, then Moss leapfrogs him. Synth runs to the ropes, but gets caught with a hiptoss! Logan jumps in, and takes one himself! Moss then delivers dropkicks to each man, sending them to the outside to regroup! COACH I'll tell you, Synth and Logan look real out of sync here! Logan rolls inside, and delivers a kick to the midsection, then delivers rights to Moss. He grabs Moss and rams his head into the buckle, then delivers a flurry in the corner, finishing with a CHOP~! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! Logan brings Moss out and whips him into the ropes, but puts his head down, and Moss hooks him. COLE Suplex coming up! Moss lifts Logan and executes a butterfly suplex! COLE And a big one! Synth comes in and attacks Moss from behind, but Moss reverses an Irish whip and catches him with a belly-to-belly suplex! COLE And another nice suplex by Moss! The Rockers retreat to the corner, as Moss makes a tag to Benjamin. Benjamin and Logan tie up, and Benjamin grabs a side headlock. Logan shoves him off, then leapfrogs him, then does it a second time, then stops to celebrate his feat. COACH Turn around, Logan! Logan does turn around, and is met with a superkick from Benjamin! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Benjamin picks up Logan, and grabs another side headlock. Logan shoves him off again, and this time, Synth pulls the top rope down! Benjamin goes flying over, but amazingly stays on the apron! COLE And look at the athleticism of Quentin Benjamin! Benjamin delivers a kick to Synth, knocking him off the apron, but gets caught with a LEFT HOOK~! from Logan, knocking him into the guardrail! COACH DAY-UM~! COLE And there's that left hook from Logan! Benjamin never saw it coming! As Benjamin gets to his feet, Synth puts him back on his back with a clothesline! Logan then draws Moss into the ring, distracting the referee, as Logan goes to the outside, and joins Synth in a double suplex on Benjamin! COLE And Benjamin takes some more abuse on the outside! Logan rolls Benjamin inside, and executes a swinging neckbreaker! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Logan picks Benjamin up and backs him into a corner, then delivers some right hands. He hooks Benjamin, then brings him out with a BULLDOG~! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Logan tags in Synth, who comes in and stomps away, then covers... 1... 2... Kickout! Synth then whips Benjamin into the ropes, and catches him with a sleeper! COLE And Synth with the sleeper, will this be the move that puts the Heavenly Rockers in the semifinals? Benjamin struggles for the ropes, but fades away. The referee lifts his arm... 1!!! 2!!! ...but Benjamin holds through on the third lift! COLE Quentin Benjamin coming to his feet, being egged on by this crowd! He fights his way to his feet, then delivers an elbow to the gut! Another! A third, breaking the hold! Benjamin runs to the ropes, but Synth catches him with a knee to the gut! COLE But Benjamin stopped cold right there! Synth makes his way to the corner. COACH Synth going upstairs, maybe! However, before Synth gets his balance, Benjamin catches him, and tosses him to mid-ring! COLE But Synth got caught, and now Quentin Benjamin needs to tag! As Benjamin inches to his corner, Logan tries to go after him, but is intercepted by the referee as Benjamin tags Moss! COLE Tag made! COACH No referee, though! The referee turns around, and forces Moss out. COLE And indeed, the referee not allowing the tag to Charlie Moss! COACH Smart move by Logan, either you stop the tag, or the referee has to turn his back to it! COLE And it's much to the chagrin of this crowd here in Mobile! Logan hops to the second rope, as Synth holds Benjamin back, and jumps off...but Benjamin moves, and Synth takes a double axhandle! COACH Oh no! COLE And Logan nails his partner! Logan tries to drop and elbow on Benjamin, but Benjamin moves! Another try, and Benjamin moves again, then somersaults into his corner and tags Moss! COLE And there's the tag, the referee saw that one! Moss comes in and fires off rights on Logan, then whips him into the ropes and delivers a powerslam! Cover... 1... 2... No! Synth saves! Synth and Moss slug it out, as Benjamin comes off the top, and hits Logan with a MISSILE DROPKICK~! Logan rolls to the outside, as Team Heyross catches Synth with the DOUBLE GOOZLE~! COLE And the double goozle from Team Heyross! 1... 2... NO!!! Synth gets the shoulder up! Benjamin steps out, as Moss grabs Synth in a side headlock. Synth shoves Moss off, and Moss collides with the referee! COLE And now the referee down! Synth delivers a foot to the gut, then sets up the PERCUSSION DDT~!!!!!11111, but Moss blocks it with the ropes, then catches him with the STO BACKBREAKER~! Moss then hooks Synth in the MOSSY KNOLL~!!!!!11111 COLE Charlie Moss with his patented submission hold! However, Logan comes back in, delivers a left to the gut, and drills him with the PERCUSSION DDT~!!!!!11111 COACH DDT~! Logan covers, but the ref is still too groggy to count! As Logan tries to get his attention, Benjamin comes off the top and catches Logan with a legdrop to the back of the head! Benjamin rolls Moss on top, then drags the referee over... 1... 2... 3!!! *DING DING DING* COLE And Team Heyross advances to the semifinals! What a match! BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the winners of the match...TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMM HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYRRRRRRROSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!! COLE And once again, much to the delight of this crowd, Team Heyross advancing to face the Christ Air Express in the Conference Finals of the Los Infernales Bracket! Team Heyross walks victoriously down the aisle, as the Heavenly Rockers stand frustrated in the ring. Edited February 8, 2008 by Patty O'Green Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted February 8, 2008 (edited) Backstage, we see Krista Isadora Duncan casually engaged in conversation with OAOAST interview personality Josh Matthews. KRISTA So like I was saying, I crank called Debra Messing and pretended to be the Kennedy Center. I told her she was getting a lifetime achievement award and right as she was starting to get excited I said psyche and hung up! She got me back though, she waited ten minutes, crank called me pretended to be the Kennedy center, told me I was getting a lifetime achievement award and then said psyche and hung up! Never saw it coming! Curse her! MARV (O.S.) Mommy, mommy, mommy! Charging down the hall at record speeds, and wearing their dark orange wrestling tights are the Christ Air Express. Despite being outfitted in gear made to fight, the Nerdly twins appear to be in a mood of uproariously delirious celebration. Krista, on the other hand, remains somewhat guarded at the arrival of the skateboarding themed tag team. KRISTA Oh, god, with your beard and that haircut, its like sex with KD Lang all over again! What do you kids want anyway? MEL We're just here to say, the BS stops tonight! We know the truth for real. You're our mama and that is a fact! MARV Word up! Don't go listening' to that crap Maggie, Anderson and Cash were trynna unload on peeps last week. That's true BS, mom, and neither you nor we are believing a word of it. Maggie as your kid? Jeez is that ridiculous. Blond, cute, sarcastic, pop culture references for weeks and weeks... MEL That's nothing like you. Not at all! MARV No, its nothing like Maggie, observant. KRISTA Jesus Christ, where's the button I press to drop you idiots into the pool filled with man eating piranhas? Look, doublemint twins, you're not my kids! Trust me! You're nothing like me! You wear orange tights with blue stars, and you see nothing wrong with subjecting Syndicated viewers to that fashion faux pas on a weekly basis. Those nineteen people deserve so much better! MARV We gotta be your sons, Kris. We got the bod, we got the style, we got the swag, and we got da honies! KRISTA Yeah, because you spent three hundred dollars on my fitness videos, and didn't use em for pud pulling fodder like the rest of the roster. The real problem is, you guys just aren't funny. You're not even funny adjacent. You're not even going to the funny highschool class reunion. MEL We are funny, you just haven't seen our far out brand of comedic styling in action. KRISTA Okay, then, fine. Hear this skin, pimps, I got a little prank war going down with Debra Messing of TV's Will and Grace. Now, for my last trick, I told her that she'd never work on anything meaningful or any way relevant in her life again...wait, that's not a trick, that's the truth. So I need a new trick then. My kid should have my strong penchant for comedic timing and my great sense of humor, so hit me with some funny, little boiz. MEL That's kind of tough actually uh...hmmm...um...I know. I think I know. You fill her kitchen cabinet with ping pong balls on a departure from a visit to her home. Wow! She'll open it up and as they all rain down on her, she'll laugh her BUTT off! Right? Right? Right? Right? MARV? Come on, bro, that was killer material and you know it. MARV <_> KRISTA Mmmm-hmmm. Funny, Melvin, very. Let's see what someone who's actually my child would say. Krista removes her cellphone from her pocket and calls Maya. KRISTA Hi, Maya, sweetheart, real quick, what's a good prank to play on Debra Messing? MAYA Melt down her Emmys into Cable Ace Awards. She'll have a heart attack, and I bet the Will and Grace DVDs might be sold for more than belly button lint at the local garage sales. KRISTA Thanks, sweetie, you're the best. Love you to pieces! Smirking with satisfaction, Krista shuts the phone close. The Boiz appear as if someone emptied a round of bullets into their family dog, as their failure to become Krista's son finally settles in. MARV Um, we're gonna dial up Mama Nerdly and let her know how much we love and care about her, and see if we if can set foot in the house without guns being pulled on us. With dejected hearts, the twins slink their saddened selves back down the hallway, as Krista contemplates how much work it would take to turn Emmys into cable ace awards. Do they still even have cable ace awards? COACH Aren't MARV and MEL in their mid thirties? COMING UP NEXT I HAVE EXHAUSTED MY VAULT OF WITTY SUBTITLES JAMIE O'HARA AND TODD CORTEZ Vs BLONDE AND FAQU NEXT COMMERCIAL COLE We'd like to take a quick second to remind you all that next week, we will be broadcasting live from north of the border, from The Bell Centre in scenic Montreal, Quebec. Already three big matches signed for next week. The Conference Finals of the Anderson Cup to be decided, in addition to Landon Maddix and Todd Cortez one on one with the stipulation that if Landon wins next week, Todd Cortez must join the ranks of Cucaracha Internacional. And with that in mind, we go to the ring and Michael Buffer. "The Church Of Hot Addiction" by Cobra Starship hits, bringing out the OAOAST's resident odd couple, James Blonde leading the way in his faux fur coat, tracked by Faqu. BUFFER The following tag team contest is set for one fall. On the way to the ring, team number one... total combined weight, five hundred and nine pounds. They represent CUCARACHA INTERNACIONAL... the team of "THE TRENDSETTER" JAMES BBLLLOOOOOOOONNDDEEEEEEE... and, his partner, "THE SAMOAN WRECKING BALL" FFFFFFAAAAAAAAAAAAQQQQQUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Blonde raises an arm over his head, pointing to himself incase anybody missed him and his mound of fur. Behind him, Faqu sends a cameraman scurrying with a lunge. Blonde quickly gets in Faqu's ear and presumably tells him to save himself for the opponents, as Faqu leaves the rest at bay and enters the ring. COLE Faqu and Blonde, to do Cucaracha Internacional's bidding here tonight. Not only do they have Todd Cortez to soften up for Landon ready for next week, but also Jamie O'Hara, who we saw get blindsighted by Nathaniel Black last week. That issue is far from over. COACH So you're saying, two birds one stone? COLE Well, it could be three birds. A win for Faqu and Blonde tonight keeps them in consideration for another World Tag Team Title shot. "OOOOOOOOIIIIIIII!" Faqu glares down the aisleway as "Fix Up, Look Sharp" pumps through the arena. And out swaggers Jamie O'Hara, stopping for a moment as he locks eyes with Faqu but shaking it off and slapping some hands with his usual bravado. BUFFER And their opponents. First, from Birmingham, England... weighing in at one hundred and seventy pounds... "THE BIRMINGHAM BAD BOY" JJJAAAAAAAMMMMMIIIIIIIIEEEEEEE OOOOOO'HHHHHHAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAA!!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!! Stopping in the aisleway, O'Hara hops around as he waits for "Oh No" by Mos Def, Nate Dogg and Pharoah Monche to hit. Todd Cortez walks out, showered in sparkles of pyro before he pounds his chest and marches to the ring. BUFFER And, hailing from Hollywood Boulevard! He weighs two hundred and twenty six pounds... "THE URBAN LEGEND"... TTOOOOOOOOOOOOODD... CCOOOOORRRRRRRTTEEEEEEEEZZZZZZZZ!!! "YYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE A big reaction for the master of the Riot Act Plus! COACH And of nothing else whatsoever. Patting his partner on the back as he passes, Cortez slides into the ring and drops down ready to fight. O'Hara is right behind him and Blonde quickly moves to calm Faqu down again. Removing his gold chain and cross, Cortez keeps a close eye on the Samoan nonetheless. The former rivals talk things over in the corner while Faqu is convinced onto the apron by Blonde... "PREPARE...FOR...LANDON!" ...WAAAAAHHHHH... *DUM DUM* "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE Now, wait a second! ...because there's one more man to make his way out yet. "Megalomaniac" blares through the speakers and all heads turn as LANDON MADDIX appears on the stage, with Megan Skye at his side. Blonde makes a big deal of applauding his newfound leader as he walks arm in arm to the ring with Megan, eyed closely by Cortez as they pass. Referee Jack Doan is ready to lay the law down to them both about getting involved in this match, but Landon innocently holds his hands up, signalling that he's just passing by on his way to Sofa Central. COLE I don't remember anyone saying we'd be joined out here by Landon tonight. COACH When was the last time anyone told you anything? Most people back there think we replaced you months ago. Which may or may not have something to do with me telling them that. Anyway, let's not look a gift horse in the mouth, whatever the heck that means. Getting his headset, Landon shakes hands with The Coach, politely declining the offer of the handshake from Michael Cole however. In the ring, O'Hara sees his partner's focus waning and makes it clear he's going to be starting the match. COLE Landon, nice of you to join us. No prizes for guessing what brings you out here. MADDIX My voice should be prize enough Michael. But, no, I'm out here on a little scouting mission, a chance to get a closer look at my newfound friends in action. And maybe I can impart some knowledge at the same time, who knows? COLE And no coincidence that this match is happening a week away from you facing Todd Cortez one on one? MADDIX I'm the SWF Commissioner, not the OAOAST commissioner. Not my call. COLE Right. *DINGDINGDING!* With the bell sounding, Blonde loosens up and circles with O'Hara. Blonde comes out of a lock-up with a side headlock and dedicates it to Landon shamelessly, before O'Hara manages to escape it by pushing him off into the ropes. Back comes Blonde with a shoulder block though to knock him down. The 'street-wise' Blonde dusts off his shoulder onto O'Hara and hits the ropes again... but O'Hara suddenly nips-up and catches Blonde with an armdrag on the rebound! Rolling to his feet, Blonde misses with an elbow, Jamie underneath it and pulling Blonde out with a whip. O'Hara telegraphs a duck of the head though, getting clubbed in the back as payment. MADDIX Good thinking, very good. After a slap across the back of the head, into the ropes backs Blonde again. Up goes O'Hara for a leapfrog... caught in mid-air by Blonde... but the Englishman tips forward and floats over the back with a sunset flip... 1... 2... No! Blonde tries for a clothesline as O'Hara gets back to his feet. But he continues to be one step behind his opponent as O'Hara ducks underneath the line and springs to the middle rope, twisting off with a crossbody block... 1... 2... Blonde kicks out. COLE O'Hara is so quick, so unpredictable, it's so hard to catch him once he's in motion. With Blonde backed up against the ropes, O'Hara goes into motion again looking to land with a clothesline. A duck of the head backdrops O'Hara up and over the top rope. But he lands on his feet safely, kicking Blonde in the kidneys through the ropes. O'Hara then launches over the top, hooking his ankles around Blonde's head and snapping him over with a headscissors! "YYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!" Rolling on through goes Blonde as the SuperJay rushes in again. This time he gets a little ahead of himself though and runs right into a knee to the gut. MADDIX There we go. As O'Hara doubles up in pain, James takes a second to point to his temple to show how smart he is. MADDIX I love this guy. COLE Because he reminds you so much of... you? MADDIX Exactly! Blonde spins O'Hara around and takes him up for a back suplex. Over the top floats O'Hara however, landing safely on his feet and hooking Blonde over with a rolling prawn hold... 1... 2... No! Scrambling to his feet, Blonde has clearly had enough and tags in Faqu! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE And in comes The Samoan Wrecking Ball, right on cue. The workhorse of the team. Whether he likes it or not. COACH I'm guessing he does. MADDIX Oh, Faqu's a little... he's... you know, 'not all there'. But he likes dishing out pain. And that's just the way James likes him. Who am I to argue with success, huh? Faqu steps in and beats his chest, not intimidating O'Hara enough to get him out of the ring. The Birmingham Bad Boy squares up to Faqu and actually goes chest to chest with him, daring him to take a shot. Risky move. Faqu lets out a loud shout and takes a step back... *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" ...CRACKING O'Hara with one hard chop, taking him off his feet! COLE A brave move to stand up to Faqu. Not particularly advisable though. Faqu lifts O'Hara back to his feet and backs him into a neutral corner. The referee lays a count on Faqu, who just looks at him before taking his hands off of O'Hara at four... *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" ...to deliver another chop! O'Hara falls down in the corner, stalked over by Faqu who pants like a rabid animal. "JA - MIE!" "JA - MIE!" "JA - MIE!" "JA - MIE!" By the vest-top, Faqu drags the lifeless O'Hara to his feet again. A shove pushes him into the turnbuckles, Faqu ducking low with a shoulder charge to the gut. Faqu then sends O'Hara out of the corner with an irish whip, arrowing him towards the opposite turnbuckles. Grabbing the top rope, O'Hara goes up and ove... NO! Up but not over, Faqu catching him on his shoulder! Faqu peels O'Hara's hands off the ropes, turns and charges with him. But O'Hara slides off the shoulder and lands on his feet behind Faqu, springing up and dropkicking him in the back to create space to get a tag to Cortez! "YYEEEEEEEEAAAAAHHHHHHH!" Cortez shows a similar lack of fear and rushes Faqu, beating him to the punch quite literally. Four right hands stagger Faqu, setting him up for an irish whip. Or half of one at least, Faqu spinning and reversing the momentum. Off the ropes comes Cortez, ducking underneath a wild swing from the wildman and connecting with a Spinning Wheel Kick to knock Faqu down! COLE Down goes The Samoan Wrecking Ball! That's no mean feat in itself right there! Faqu gets back up, into a European uppercut! And a second! And a third! The shots to the chest seem to wind Faqu, allowing Cortez to hook him up for a suplex. Lifting Faqu proves much more of a problem however. COACH Not gonna happen. COLE Not just yet, at least. After two fruitless attempts Cortez gives up on the suplex and jumps over the back, trying to pull Faqu down with a sunset flip. Faqu stays on his feet, shaking his head... and SITS OUT... ...MISSING CORTEZ, barely! Rolling clear, Cortez comes off the ropes as Faqu sits hurting in the middle of the ring, blasting the big Samoan in the face with a basement dropkick! He dives on top, trying to hook a leg... 1... Kickout! Todd lets Faqu back up before running the ropes. Down the apron comes Blonde to try and cut The Urban Legend off in mid-stride with a sneaky knee. He doesn't prove sneaky enough though and Cortez puts on the brakes, cracking Blonde with a roundhouse kick that knocks him off the apron! The second with his back turned to Faqu proves costly however. Faqu strikes him in the back with his bare palms, then lofts Cortez up and over his head with a Saito Suplex! "OOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH!!" MADDIX Yes! Get on him now. KILL! KILL! Taking orders from Landon with the absense of his partner, who's currently piecing his front teeth back together on the floor, Faqu drops to his knees and lays in a blatant choke! "ONE!" "TWO!" "THREE!" "FOUR!" "FIV..." Faqu breaks the choke, looking like he's about to break referee Jack Doan, which sends him scrambling for cover. COLE That's the danger with Faqu, he's liable to do anything. He used to be a regular, well-adjusted human being, nobody knows what's caused this change and similarly nobody knows what he's capable of now. MADDIX Except for one man, James Blonde. And Nathaniel Black. And now, whadda ya know, me and Megan too! Faqu pulls Cortez up off the canvas, still looking daggers at the referee. A scoop and a slam places Cortez in the middle of the ring, Faqu coming off the ropes and touching his knees in mid-air as he comes down with a tuck bodysplash, flattening Todd under his 300 plus pounds! 1... 2... NO! Back on the apron, Blonde calls for a tag and gets it from his partner. "The Trendsetter" still feels his jaw as he enters the ring, stomping Cortez a couple of times to pay him back for the earlier kick. Blonde then flattens out Cortez again and leaps onto his chest with a Double Stomp! COLE Blonde in and taking over, after Faqu cut off the opposition. Not a new strategy and one that seems to suit this team. Especially Blonde. MADDIX They're the rightful Tag Team Champions! What went down at AnglePalooza was bush league. Where in the OAOAST rulebook does it say using chairs are legal, so long as it's on someone bigger and scarier than you? Nowhere, that's where. An irish whip sends Cortez into opposition territory, hitting the turnbuckles next to Faqu. Finding himself cornered he lashes out with an elbow to Faqu! He then lands a right hand on Blonde! A right to Faqu! A right to Blonde! "YYYEEEEEEEAAA..." The offensive flurry is cut off though, Blonde shooting for and picking out a leg, pinning Cortez in the corner. Faqu tags himself in and catches Todd wide open with an open-handed thrust to the throat! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Angry at the double-teaming, O'Hara steps into the ring and ends up making matters worse. The referee steps in to move O'Hara back to the corner, allowing Blonde to stay in the ring and pin Cortez in the corner, this time with his entire bodyweight, only stepping out of the way to avoid an AVALANCHE from The Samoan Wrecking Ball!! O'Hara is beside himself, taunted further by James Blonde, just because he can. MADDIX I'm telling you, it's only a matter of time before these guys have gold around their waist now that they're under our tutelage in Cucaracha Internacional. That's what Todd Cortez is going to come to realise once I beat him next week. With O'Hara finally moved out of the ring, Faqu covers Cortez... 1... 2... Kickout! With Blonde's approval, Faqu clamps on a nervehold, squeezing away at Cortez's trapezius muscle. "COR - TEZ!" "COR - TEZ!" "COR - TEZ!" "COR - TEZ!" COACH These people are so quick to cheer for Cortez and O'Hara. I don't get it Landon. They nothing but street trash, not well-groomed, clean-cut people like yourself and James Blonde. COLE Why would these people cheer someone like James Blonde? COACH He's a Trendsetter! COLE Call me naive, but I don't see the faux fur look catching on in Mobile, Alabama any time soon. Despite the numbness setting in down his right side, Cortez fights to his feet. An elbow to the well padded gut of Faqu doesn't do him much good. And a clench on the nervehold drops him back down to his knees with a groan. Relinquishing the hold, Faqu then strikes him in the back with a kick to put him all the way down. COLE Faqu has shut down Cortez here, with his size. MADDIX Not with his size, with his ABILITY! He's some giant lump of non-descript mass Michael Cole, he's a competitor, right now a competitor superior to Todd Cortez. It's not about size. Cortez is nothing but a one-move wonder without me! But that flippy-dippy piledriver isn't going to happen with Faqu and when you take that move away, he's not much of a wonder at all now, is he? COLE But taking that one move away is easier said than done for some, right Landon? MADDIX ...I'm not going to have to worry my pretty little head about the 'Riot Act Plus' after next week. Tagged back in, Blonde picks up Cortez... BUT GETS CAUGHT IN A SMALL PACKAGE... 1... 2... NO! Both men scramble back up... but Blonde finds himself in his corner, not thinking to actually tag Faqu as he instead dives to prevent the tag on the other side... and FAILS! "YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" COLE TAG! Here comes O'Hara! In the only way he knows how, leaping to the top and taking out Blonde with a Springboard Dropkick! MADDIX No wonder Nat hates this guy. O'Hara pops back up and catches Faqu coming in with a flipping dropkick as well. The fact he was only on one foot serves to send Faqu through the ropes and to the floor. O'Hara sees him off and jumps to the middle rope, Blonde charging at him but getting leapfrogged! Into the turnbuckles clatters The Trendsetter, staggering out into a Busaiku Knee Kick off the ropes from O'Hara! 1... 2... NO!! O'Hara doesn't cry over spilt milk, jumping back up to try and make good on the pin this time, after a STANDING CORKSCREW SENTON!! 1... 2... NO!!!! "OOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" COLE Explosive as ever, Jamie O'Hara! Leaving the ring, O'Hara heads up top. Blonde is slow to his feet which allows O'Hara time to get his footing up top, setting himself for a Flying Crossbody Block... 1... BLONDE ROLLS THROUGH... 1... 2... NO! COLE I think Blonde had a handful of... whatever the heck O'Hara's wearing, tracksuit pants... anyway, point is he didn't get him. MADDIX How do you put up with this guy? COACH I convinced some people we fired him months back. See, that way, they ship in my favourite flavour ice-cream, which I keep right he... Trailing off, Coach realises he isn't being listened to anymore as Landon has left the commentary table. He jumps up onto the apron just as O'Hara flips Blonde out of a Guilt Trip attempt and nails him with a Spinning Roundhouse to the side of the head! No sooner has Blonde hit the mat than NATHANIEL BLACK appears, sliding into the ring and MOWING down O'Hara with a BLACK LARIAT!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE HEY! Damnit, the referee didn't see a thing! COACH Haha... perfect. COLE Well, almost. Black slides out of the ring, but realises that Blonde is out and panics. Encouraging Landon to stall for more time he slides back in, Landon struggling to keep Doan's attention while Black drops Blonde on top of O'Hara... *SMACK!* "YYYEEEEEEAAAAHHHHH!" ...AND EATS A SUPERKICK FROM TODD CORTEZ!! COACH He's not even in the match! Thats what the phrase UNF'NCALLED FOR was invented for right there! Seeing his back-up go spiralling through the ropes and to the floor, Maddix shoves Doan out of the way and charges with a double axehandl... NO! Cortez turns around and Maddix, realising he's within at least 3 feet of yet another Riot Act Plus, dives to the side and right out of the ring, proclaiming his innocence. Cortez doesn't waste time arguing with him, as Faqu suddenly charges, the bigman not stopping for anything but finding himself on the floor all the same as Cortez sidesteps him! COLE The Cucaracha Internacional gameplan is crumbling before their very eyes! Landon tries despairingly to pull Faqu up, as in the ring Blonde gets up into a boot from Cortez. The Urban Legend reels him into the standing headscissors, wrapping the arms around the waist... ...and, after locking eyes with Landon, letting Blonde go. Instead he goes behind Blonde with a hammerlock, wrapping on the dragon sleeper and pulling the Canadian down into the STREET DREAMS!! "YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" COLE Submission hold! The dragon sleeper/armlock combination, with the bodyscissors, there's nowhere for Blonde to go! With Faqu too much for him to lift, Landon can only look on in despair... ...AS BLONDE GIVES IT UP, TAPPING OUT AGAINST HIS OWN BODY!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" *DINGDINGDING!* "Oh No" hits again as Cortez lets Blonde go, shoving him off of him and standing tall in the middle of the ring. Landon looks shocked as Cortez dares him to step into the ring a few days early. But La Cucaracha settles for getting Blonde safely out of the ring and gathering his troops. BUFFER Your winners of this contest... the team of JAMIE O'HARA and "THE URBAN LEGEND" TOOOOOOODD CCOOOOOOORRRRRTTEEEEEEEZZZZZZ!!! "YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" COLE And look at the colour drained from Landon Maddix's face. The supposed 'one move wonder' has just given La Cucaracha yet more to think about ahead of next week in Montreal! Cortez helps O'Hara up, having to keep him from bailing out of the ring to continue the fight as Cucaracha Internacional have similar problems restraining Faqu. Despite the pain he's suffering Blonde is able to get Faqu under control, O'Hara yelling some parting words with Black as a clearly frustrated Landon waves his men off to the back. COLE Not quite what Landon had in mind for tonight. COACH Oh gee, you think? COLE It was obvious, the trap was set. But it failed to close on O'Hara and Cortez and instead of having a softened up Todd Cortez to contend with next week, Landon now has a little reminder of what Cortez can do besides the Riot Act Plus. As if that alone wasn't enough to bother Maddix. Cucaracha Internacional pile out to the back, with Landon getting a last bit of eye contact with Cortez. And it's clear for all to see, next week can't come soon enough. For either man. COMMERCIAL Edited February 8, 2008 by Patty O'Green Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted February 8, 2008 (edited) TONY SCHIAVONE and BLACK WIDOW standing against the HD interview backdrop. Widow is pacing back and forth. SCHIAVONE Tony Schiavone here with Black Widow. (Crowd POPS!) Tonight, a match designed to give us a picture of what might be coming, but a match in danger. A Mixed Tag Team event, the maniacal Jester and Miss Jobbs against Black Widow and… who, Widow? WIDOW As of right now, it’s just me, Tony. Phoenix is not cleared to wrestle, and we don’t have very many unoccupied friends. SCHIAVONE And if you can’t find a partner by bell time? Widow stops pacing and crosses her arms, lifting her chin defiantly. SCHIAVONE You can’t be serious! WIDOW I’m dead serious, Tony. Jim and I have never run from a booked fight and we’re not about to start running now. SCHIAVONE Surely, this will become a two-on-one match. WIDOW They still gotta tag, Tony. She throws a wink out and leaves. SCHIAVONE My goodness she’s got a pair, and I do mean balls! COMING UP NEXT Conference Semi Final Match in the 2008 Anderson Cup The Sooner Bruisers Vs The Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew NEXT BUFFER The following contest is a Conference Semi Final Match in the 2008 Anderson Cup, Miracle Weirdness Connection Conference, scheduled for one fall! Relieved to have gotten through that mouthful without stumbling over his words, Buffer smiles wide as "Easy Lover" begins to waft through the arena. "Easy lover She'll get a hold on you believe it Like no other Before you know it you'll be on your knees" Out through the entrance swagger the walking stereotypes that are Rico de Janeiro and Lucius Soul. Lucius picks away at his 'fro with a renewed look of confidence on his face since we last saw him, Rico swaggering out in front stroking his trusty porn 'stache to all the Alabama mammas in the audience. The duo come to an abrupt stop as they're flashed in the aisleway by a fan hoping to earn some Mardi Gras beads. Unfortunately, the fan happens to be a heavily overweight male in his 40s which turns Rico a little green in the gills. VENTURA Don't go getting any ideas Schiavone! BUFFER Introducing team number one! At a total combined weight of four hundred and thirteen pounds... they are the number three seeds in the Miracle Weirdness Connection Conference... RICO DE JANEIRO and "SWEET" LUCIUS SOUL... together, they are THE MARDI GRAS HHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMEEWRECKING CCRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWii!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Lucius and Rico rule the roost, strutting around like they own the ring. Mainly because there's no big Oklahomans to argue with them, at the moment. SCHIAVONE The Mardi Gras crew looking pretty confident tonight Jess. VENTURA Well they've made it this far, they're now one win away from the Conference Final. And not to mention, they got that big win last weekend on Syndicated over The Bruisers... SCHIAVONE Well, that was in eight man tag team action and it was Synth who picked up the fall. VENTURA Doesn't matter. The record books say Mardi Gras were winners and The Sooners were losers. They've got momentum on their side, which is going to be vital because they'll need every advantage they can get if they hope to advance over the former OAOAST World Tag Team Champions. SCHIAVONE Who were never beaten for those titles, let's not forget. "Frankenstein" by Edgar Winter rips through the arena and the crowd jump to their feet. Muscles flexing to the point of bursting, Big Frank soaks in the spotlight with Uber barking away in the background. BUFFER And introducing their opponents! At a total combined weight of five hundred and thirty pounds. They hail from the great state of Oklahoma... the number two seeds in the Miracle Weirdness Connection Conference, BIG FRANK and UBER... THE SOOOOOOOOONNEEEEEEERRRRRRRR... BBRRRRRRUUUUUUUIIIIIISSEEEEERRRRRSSSSS!!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" VENTURA The great state of Oklahoma!? Is that what we did with JR in the end, locked him away writing Buffer's cue-cards? SCHIAVONE .....The Sooner Bruisers made these pre-recorded comments earlier. OAOAST In the right corner of the screen appear The Sooners in front of a grey OAOAST backdrop. BIG FRANK You know since we've been back, me and Uber, we've been keepin' a pretty low profile. We've been away for a while, we ain't expecting to still be the top of the food chain around here. So we've been hard at work behind the scenes, knocking off the ring rust, getting back in top condition. We came back for competition. But we sure as hell weren't expecting to have an 'L' on our records so quick. Wouldn't ya know it, that smacked up bitch Synth gets a cheap one over us first time we get them sons of bitches back in the ring! UBER But if ya'll think that's a good thing, more fool you. See all it's done is pissed us off! BIG FRANK And Mardi Gras, you boys are in the unenviable position. You're the beta test for the pissed off Sooners, Version 9,000,000.0! Featuring the Soonerline, upgraded for 2008, with 800MB of *WHAM!* Compatible with all chest cavities! UBER OW OWWWWWii HELDDOWN~! *DINGDINGDING!* With The Sooners comments comes the opening bell, Big Frank and Uber rushing their opponents at the outset! Uber takes Rico and Frank takes Soul clubbing them with forearms against the ropes. Setting them up, Uber and Frank then send The MGHWC off the ropes with stereo irish whips, loading up those SOONERLINES... but Rico and Lucius grab onto the top rope and drag themselves out of the ring to safety! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" SCHIAVONE That was almost the worst possible start for The Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew. VENTURA No doubt. A couple of Soonerlines and it could have been curtains. Once they've got their gameplan re-assessed, Rico and Lucius high-five and break the huddle. It's Lucius to start off officially with Frank and surprisingly he doesn't look overly concerned. Lucius jigs over to Big Frank and locks up, jockeying for position. Frank doesn't do much in the way of jockeying though. And as Lucius struggles to move his larger opponent, Frank eventually gets bored and shoves him unceremoniously to the mat! Up sits Soul, looking shocked, as Big Frank shows off his mega-biceps. SOUL Naw, naw, dat just ain't right! As Frank flexes the double biceps, Lucius complains to the referee and orders that he check Frank out. Despite the fact he's wearing no elbowpads. Referee Robinson makes this point, but Soul ducks his head through the ropes, refusing to continue until the check is made. VENTURA If Lucius is trying to play mind-games with The Sooners, he's wasting his time. The crowd get on the Nawlins native's back. But once he's sure that Frank isn't concealing any foreign objects under his skin, Lucius is good to go again. Another lock-up and this time Lucius doesn't try to match power, grabbing a side headlock. Big Frank just shoves Lucius off into the ropes with ease though. Underneath the elbow goes Lucius, rebounding back with good speed. But that speed just runs him into a shoulder check, knocking him clean off of his feet! Lucius scurries to the outside as the fired up Big Frank drops down and does some push-ups in the centre of the ring to show how easy life is right now! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHH!" VENTURA Told ya! There's some mind games right back from two of the best! SCHIAVONE The Sooner Bruisers can intimidate you like no other team in the OAOAST. Size, strength and plenty of unpredictability. Lucius slides back into the ring, solely to tag Rico in legally before bailing back out. A bit more even in size are Frank and Rico, the Brazilian confident enough to lock-up with Frank even after his partner's failings. Frank quickly shifts behind Rico into a waistlock, picking him up off his feet and dumping him face-first. The former NCAA All American then rides Rico, who has no answer to it what-so-ever, except scramble out of the ring when Frank stops to paintbrush him in the back of the head. Getting tired of the stoppages, Big Frank opens up the ropes and 'invites' Rico back inside as he stands on the floor, thoughtfully stroking his porn 'stache. SCHIAVONE And Uber's not going to stand for this. Not at all, as he breaks up a Mardi Gras pow-wow and pitches Rico back into the ring! Big Frank quickly goes back on the offence on Rico... ...but as Uber turns to go back to his corner, he suddenly hits the deck off a CHOPBLOCK by Lucius!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" The referee doesn't see it, only spotting Lucius as he rushes back to the corner. Big Frank meanwhile has Rico up over his head in a Gorilla Press and slams him hard to the canvas. He covers... 1... 2... NO! VENTURA Big power there by Frank, but what he doesn't realise yet is that his partner is out on the floor, looking in a real bad way from where I'm sitting! Shoving Rico into a neutral corner, Frank clubs him across the chest with a forearm. And again. Referee Robinson tells him to get out of the corner and he does, bringing Rico with him by the hair. Whip off the ropes and Rico gets sent around the world, driven down with a real bad landing off the Tilt-A-Whirl Suplex! But as Frank gets up to make a tag, he notices for the first time his brother Uber laid out on the arena floor, distracting him while Rico crawls over to tag out. SCHIAVONE Uber looks hurt Jesse. VENTURA No doubt, when these Sooners stay down you know there's something to stay down for. Lucius clipped out that knee from the back, could have done any number of things to the leg. Ligaments, tendons, if Uber had that foot planted then anything could have gone. As Frank starts to leave the ring to check on his brother, the referee tries to convince him to stay in the ring. Under duress, he does... but as he goes back after Rico, he instead finds Lucius and a Bicycle Kick to the jaWii Down goes Frank, prompting Lucius to dive on top with an eager cover... 1... 2... NO! Mounting Frank, Lucius keeps the pressure on with some right hands before tagging Rico back in. SCHIAVONE And now it's two on one, for the time being at least. VENTURA Which Rico and Lucius are going to have to take advantage of. Simple as that. Lucius holds Frank open, for a boot to the ribs from Rico. The Mardi Gras partiers then combine to hit Big Frank with a Double Back Suplex, for another pin attempt... 1... 2... No! Crawling to his corner, Frank finds no respite as Uber continues to lie injured on the outside. Rico follows Frank in, taking a punch to the gut. And a second. But a rake of the eyes cuts off Frank's third shot, Rico then turning him around and smothering him against the middle turnbuckle. Once he's subdued Frank (and shrugged off the ref), Rico jogs over to make another exchange with Lucius. Leaping in over the top, Lucius measures The Man Of Tommorrow as he pulls himself up in the corner... AND LEVELS HIM WITH A YAKUZA KICK IN THE CORNER!! "OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" A schoolboy brings Frank down out of the corner... 1... 2... NO!! Lucius gets right on Robinson's case about the count, before he notices Uber starting to pull himself back onto the apron. One kick sends him back to the floor, the left leg clattering off the concrete for good measure. VENTURA That's right, no time to be griping with the referee. The Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew have to press home this advantage while it's there! Grabbing Frank in a facelock, Lucius tries to drag him over to his corner. Moving the bigman is still a struggle though, so Rico doesn't wait for the tag and comes in anyway. Only the referee's five count can stop The Mardi Gras'ers from their double-team and they're well within that as they hit a double back elbow off a whip. Lucius feeds Rico his foot for the Assisted Standing Moonsault and hooks a deep leg... 1... 2... Kickout! This time a legal tag is made, to bring Rico back in, geed up by Lucius as he enters. "RI - CO SUCKS!" "RI - CO SUCKS!" "RI - CO SUCKS!" "RI - CO SUCKS!" Getting distracted briefly with the fans, Rico allows Frank to get a shot in from his knees! Frank lands two more punches to the gut and gets to his feet, crossing Rico's eyes with a big haymaker. The Brazilian fires back with a right hand of his own. But he makes the mistake of running the ropes, telegraphing a clothesline and falling prey to a German Suplex as Big Frank ducks the shot! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" SCHIAVONE You cannot underestimate the toughness of The Sooner Bruisers! Frank has been in there two on one all match, but he simply refuses to stay down. Lucius runs in and heaves Frank to his feet... but cannot heave him onto his shoulders for the F2S. A second attempt, no joy. So Soul rethinks, whipping Frank into the Mardi Gras corner. Soul backs up and throws himself at Frank with the Soul Brother Splash... NO! Big Frank sidesteps and GETS THE TAG to Uber! SCHIAVONE Here comes little brother! VENTURA But will the leg hold out on him? Obviously Lucius doesn't think so, having saved himself by landing on the bottom rope. He smiles as Uber hobbles into the ring, sprinting at the injured Sooner... ...AND GETTING CLUBBED DOWN WITH A SOONERLINE!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" SCHIAVONE Oh-ho-ho! Looks like it will Jesse! Uber hops past the motionless Lucius, spotting Rico as he charges with a double axehandle weilded. Catching Rico coming, Uber turns and throws him with a T-BONE SUPLEX, one leg and all! 1... 2... ...Lucius saves! Hobbling, Uber gets up but fails to get the first shot in on Lucius. A kick to the kneecap drops the 260 pounder Bruiser in a heap, Soul quickly barring the leg into a halfcrab! VENTURA Uber's howling. But he's howling in pain tonight. SCHIAVONE What a feather in the cap it would be for The Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew, to not only beat The Sooner Bruisers but to do so via a submission! VENTURA They may never have a better shot than now. Uber reaches out but is nowhere near the ropes and struggling to crawl any closer. Lucius wrenches on the knee, yelling at Uber to give it up. Just as Uber is looking to be in trouble though, big brother Frank re-enters the ring. After a shot to the back he drags Lucius off of Uber, butterflying the arms and drilling him to the canvas with a powerbomb!! "YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHH!" Flipping him over, Big Frank decides to kick back into the LAY-Z-BOY! VENTURA Now, who's the legal man here Schiavone!? And don't give me that 'I don't think it matters' crap you usually pull when you don't wanna answer! SCHIAVONE Well, if you know the answer already, why are you asking me? VENTURA I just wanna hear you say it! SCHIAVONE Okay then, Uber is legal... VENTURA Right! So why's the referee allowing Big Frank to stay in the ring if he's not legal? SCHIAVONE Well neither is Lucius. VENTURA So two wrongs make a right now? With Lucius shaking his head vehemently, Rico steps in to save his partner. A shot to the back of the head breaks the hold and Rico pitches Frank out of the ring. Rather than leave with him though, Lucius is helped to his feet to assist in a double team on Uber. SCHIAVONE Now, Lucius still isn't legal. VENTURA He's got a five count to get in and out Tony. Read the rulebook sometime. The MGHWC set up Uber for a double irish whip. On one leg he navigates his way back off the ropes, stopping short of the ducked heads and dropping Lucius and Rico with a DOUBLE DDT!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHH!" Back in comes Big Frank, clotheslining Lucius up and over the top, to the floor. The Man Of Tommorrow then catches Rico with a boot to the gut, ducking his head and taking The King Of The Mardi Gras up into the electric chair! SCHIAVONE Look out, could be the beginning of the end... Frank positions himself in front of the turnbuckles and Uber limps over. But as he tries to go up top, his leg gives out on him and he waves to his brother that he can't go up. So Frank re-adjusts. Getting his arms out in front, Frank flips Rico forward, catching him around the waist and SPIKING HIM INTO THE MAT WITH THE 69 DRIVER!!! "OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" SCHIAVONE Well, one way or the other! VENTURA That is end of the end. You could count to a hundred. Frank stands guard, as Uber limps over to apply the pin... 1... 2... 3!!!! *DINGDINGDING!* SCHIAVONE And The Sooners are going to the Conference Final! BUFFER Here are your winners, advancing on in the 2008 Anderson Cup... THE SSOOOOOOOOOOONNEEEERRRR BBRRRUUUUUUIIIIIISSSSEEEEEERRRRRSSSSSS!!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" Deciding not to try and get back in, Lucius just stands on the outside holding his head having seen his partner get impaled before his eyes as "Frankenstein" hits. Uber has to use the ropes to pull himself up, still cringing at the pain in his knee. Big Frank shows his concern, only flexing one bicep while he helps Uber get his feet with the other. SCHIAVONE The Homewrecking Crew had a gameplan. Isolate one Sooner, take out the other. And it seemed like it was working, if not for the determination and fighting spirit of these Sooner Bruisers. Uber fought through the pain and Big Frank fought the odds, meaning they will fight in the Conference Final next week against Christian Wright and Theodore Moneymaker, who can't be too pleased right now. VENTURA Maybe not, but there's a glimmer of hope in that left knee of Uber which I'm sure hasn't gone unnoticed in Enterprise Towers. Rico is dragged off to the back as The Sooners celebrate their victory. The camera cuts to the Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation dressing room where Stephen Joseph Popick and Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick are sitting on a giant white sofa. The crowd boos loudly. Stephen Joseph has his left arm around Lindsay’s shoulders. The OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt lies next to Popick, while the OAOAST Women’s Championship belt lies next to Lindsay. A plate full of grapes sits on the giant glass table next to the sofa along with a bowl filled with assorted fruits and vegetables. Lindsay looks on lovingly into the eyes of her husband. STEPHEN JOSEPH POPICK Just think Linds. Next Thursday night, we will be rid of Tha Puerto Rican forever! Puerto thinks that he has the ace in the hole by putting his career on the line. But if he only knew just great Spanish Fly is, then he might have realized that he may a mistake putting his career on the line. But PRL’s STUPIDITY is my reward! And next Thursday night is the last night that Tha Puerto Rican steps foot in an OAOAST ring! MS. LINDSAY GONZALEZ-POPICK Mmmm. The thought alone fills me with glee! I can’t wait. POPICK Oh, and Lindsay, since next Thursday is Valentine’s Day, consider PRL’s retirement my present to you! Lindsay sits up. LINDSAY Oh, Popick! That is SOOOOO sweet of you! Nobody has ever done something like that before, ESPECIALLY PRL! Do you know just HOW many times he tried to end The Mad Cappa’s career and FAILED to do so!? POPICK Well, I am different from Puerto in several ways, some ways only you and I know heh, heh, heh. But one major difference between Ed and I is that *I* get the job done! *I* do what I say I am going to do! And *I* ALWAYS ALWAYS succeed in my missions! And next Thursday will be no different! Spanish Fly is going to beat PRL, END HIS CAREER, and then I will look forward to beating the stuffing out of Colombian HACK come Leap Year Spectacular and then having a nice, respectful CLASSY World Heavyweight Championship Match against Cuban Wall at AngleMania VII on March 30th! LINDSAY Oh Stephen, I am SO glad I am your wife! POPICK So am I, Lindsay. So am I. Now just sit back, relax, and enjoy the rest of HeldDOWN~! with you boo. Did you see PRL's match earlier? MAN! PRL took quite an ass kicking, didn’t he? HA! HA! HA! Man, that is just a taste of what’s going to happen to him next Thursday! Man, I am SO excited for the Ultimate X Match! We are going to have ringside seats, you and I watching up close the END of Tha Puerto Rican’s career! LINDSAY That’s great! But you know, I think it’s time that I reveal the main event for tonight’s show! If it’s okay with you, of course. POPICK Of course, sweetie! Go right ahead! Take your sweet little tucus right to the ring and make the announcement! I’m sure the crowd will LOVE the main event that’s planned for tonight! LINDSAY Okay then! See you in a few, Stephen! POPICK Okay sugar! Popick and Lindsay kiss on the lips. Lindsay grabs the OAOAST Women’s Championship belt and slings it over her right shoulder. She then brushes the hair out of her face and then gets up and walks away, leaving the Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation dressing room. Popick stares at Lindsay’s ass as Lindsay opens the door and exits through it. The door slams shut and afterwards, Stephen Joseph tilts his head back and smiles an evil wide smile. POPICK Yep, I got it made! Popick stares at the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt that’s lying next to him. He has an evil grin on his face. Popick chuckles. The crowd boos loudly. COACH What is the main event anyway? COLE We’ll find out next apparently! We’ll be right back! COMMERCIAL Edited February 8, 2008 by Ed Wood Caulfield Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted February 8, 2008 (edited) OAOAST HeldDOWN Is Brought To You By.... Welcome Home Roscoe Jenkins-Starts Tomorrow. I wouldn't see it if I were you! Cadillac CTX-2008 Motor Trend Car Of The Year Viagra-Viva Viagra "THE C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-CORP-CORPORA-CORPORATION" “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” The crowd does what they usually do, and that’s stand up and start booing the arrival of one or more members of the Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation. The lights go down in the arena as the opening to “No Chance In Hell” plays. COLE Again? COACH Yes, again! Three times in one night! Aren’t we so lucky!? Smoke fills the entrance stage. A HUGE burst of pyro explodes over the entrance stage. “No Chance In Hell” by Bradley Royds begins playing and the Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation entrance video plays on the AngleTron. *No chance (No chance) That’s what ya got! (Ha! Ha! Yeah.) We’re up against no machine too strong (Too strong) Pussy politicians buying souls for us are…PUPPETS! (Puppets!)* Pink spotlights converge around the arena. The entrance doors slide open, and two very sexy smooth legs appear through the smoke. This alone is enough to get the fans’ attention, but when Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick’s entire body appears on the entrance stage less than 5 seconds later, the fans REALLY begin hooting and hollering. COACH Whoa baby! COLE Well, this is nice. Lindsay coming out by herself apparently. COACH Good! More for me! COLE And me too! COACH Yeah right! The crowd is decidesly mixed for Lindsay. 50% cheers, 50% boos. Although soon the cheers drown out the boos for Popick’s wife. Lindsay holds the OAOAST Women’s Championship belt over her right shoulder, and a microphone in her left hand as “No Chance In Hell” continues playing. COLE Lindsay said that she was going to reveal the main event for tonight’s HeldDOWN~!. I wonder what the main event is exactly. COACH Shut up and let the Corporate Queen speak! Lindsay smirks at the crowd. She laughs at all of the women in the audience. COLE Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick, the OAOAST Women’s Champion, who hasn’t defended her Title since August of last year! COACH All of the women in our women’s division are scared of her! NOBODY wants to step up to the plate and challenge her! Can’t say I blame them! COLE You don’t think her not defending the Women’s Title has anything to do with her being married to Popick, do you? COACH Of course not! That’s a PRESPROTOUS thing to say! The OAOAST ain’t THAT crooked, Michael! COLE I’m just sayin’. Lindsay brings the microphone to her luscious lips. “No Chance In Hell” by Bradley Royds dies down. The crowd buzzes in anticipation of Lindsay’s announcement. MS. LINDSAY GONZALEZ-POPICK Now, I know that a lot of you are fans of Tha Puerto Rican. I’m not, personally. But I know that a lot of you are. And as fans of Tha Puerto Rican, I can understand how you must feel, personally disappointed in PRL’s performance tonight. I mean, after all, the members of the Corporation did PUMMEL Tha Puerto Rican one week before he puts his career on the line in an Ultimate X Match against Spanish Fly! COACH Uh-huh. That’s true. COLE That was AFTER the match, Coach! COACH But he DID get beat up! Lindsay is telling the truth…Ruth! LINDSAY Now… “SLUT!” “SLUT!” “SLUT!” “SLUT!” Lindsay gets annoyed with the non-stop “SLUT!” chants. COACH Show those--her some respect! Idiots! COLE These fans using their freedom of speech to tell Lindsay what they think of her! COACH They’re morons. They’re just jealous because they can’t have her! She’s out of their league! I mean look at her. They’re--she’s beautiful! COLE Her eyes are up there, Coach. COACH I know where they are you dingbat! I was just…distracted for a second. That’s all! Lindsay marches on, ignoring the chants. LINDSAY Now, I am sure that you are all thinking that you won’t have the opportunity to see Tha Puerto Rican again here tonight. Well, as usual, you are all wrong. Because since Tha Puerto Rican WILL be retiring next Thursday night, we here in the Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation want to give his fans, his ’Lightning Bolts’ the chance to see their ’hero’ for as long as possible! So, you all WILL have the opportunity to see Tha Puerto Rican again here tonight. BUT, it’ll be in a match of MY choosing! A figurative slap in the face if you will. No wait, not just a slap in the face…but…a kick in the pants too! COLE I don’t like the sound of this. COACH SHHH! LINDSAY (CONT’D) Because tonight, live on HeldDOWN~!, in a very special match, Tha Puerto Rican will compete in his second-to-last match against the team of MISTER BORICUA… “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” LINDSAY AND…the NEWEST member of the SJPC…ROCK HARD BRICKSTON! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” LINDSAY And this match will be…a HANDICAP TABLES MATCH! COLE Oh my! COACH Yeah! I like it! Lindsay smiles evilly. LINDSAY And P.R., honey, the only way that you can win is by putting BOTH Boricua AND Rock Hard through tables. HOWEVER, however, Rock Hard Brickston and Mr. Boricua only have to put YOU through one. So tonight, as the clock winds down on Tha Puerto Rican’s career, I promise…as a matter of fact…I GUARANTEE that tonight will be the night that Tha Puerto Rican gets PULVERIZED! The crowd boos loudly. LINDSAY (looking directly into the camera) So, uh, good luck ‘baby’. Cuz you’re gonna need it! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! Lindsay blows a kiss into the camera. “No Chance In Hell” by Bradley Royds starts playing. Lindsay has a cocky smirk on her gorgeous face. She blows a kiss to the fans and then waves bye to them. The crowd boos. COLE A 2-On-1 Handicap Tables Match is our main event for tonight’s HeldDOWN~! One week away from the Ultimate X Match with Tha Puerto Rican’s career on the line! COACH They’re softening him up! They’re getting him good and ready for next Thursday night when his career finally, FINALLY ends at the hands of Spanish Fly! COLE He’s going to be taking on almost the entire Corporation tonight! All that’s missing is Fly, Popick, Wall and Thomas Rodriguez! Not to mention the two ladies in the Corporation. COACH Well, he gets Fly next week. He’ll never get another shot at the belt OR Popick. Wall is resting until AngleMania, and Thomas is a referee, you dumbass! And why would PRL fight Lindsay and Princess Stacey unless Tha Puerto Rican was some kind of sick misygonist…which wouldn’t surprise me. COLE Will you stop!? Anyway, fans, things look bad for Tha Puerto Rican! In addition to that career threatening Ultimate X Match next week, he’s got to go into a Tables Match alone against Rock Hard Brickston AND Mr. Boricua coming up in our main event tonight here on HeldDOWN~! COACH Oh boo hoo! I can’t wait for it! Lindsay’s right. PRL is going to get PULVERIZED! She guaranteed it! And if Popick’s guarantees always come true, then I’m sure Lindsay’s will too! After all, she’s his wife! COLE Will Lindsay’s guarantee come true? Is Tha Puerto Rican going to get softened up before his big Ultimate X Match next week? We’ll find out later tonight on HeldDOWN~! Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick adjusts the OAOAST Women’s Championship belt over her right shoulder and then walks back through the entrance doors, an evil smile on her beautiful face, as “No Chance In Hell” by Bradley Royds continues playing. FADE TO BLACK COMMERCIAL HeldDOWN returns to live action with OAOAST interviewer Terry Taylor, wearing the poorly chosen outfitt of the Anglemania 7 baseball jersey, and grey sweat pants stationed backstage with Theodore Moneymaker, who obviously doesn't shop at local dumpsters like Terry, as he wears fine pinstriped suit. TAYLOR Terry Taylor, here with Theodore Moneymaker, CEO of The Enterprise, and one half of last year's Anderson Cup winners. Mister Moneymaker... MONEYMAKER The best laid schemes of mice and men most often go astray. I believe that was written by Mister Robert Ffrost way back when in 1785, and it still holds true centuries later. Here in the OAOAST, there are millions of schemes planned throughout the year, everyone is trying to change their lousy, lonely, useless life. The latest one, hit Mister Moneymaker up, plead with him and throw yourself on the mercy of his court so that he'll tell you you're Krista's kid. As if me saying something I know not to be true is just going make all your problems go away! Its not even that bad a plan, at least half the roster has a decent shot of salvaging what's been a miserable existence. Anyone over twenty six? We'll they're shit out of luck. But, with all great plans something totally out of control comes and messes it all up. Take Krista Isadora Duncan, and if you're a woman between the ages of eighteen and forty living in the Los Angeles area chances are you already have. BWHAHAHAHA! TAYLOR Why couldn't I have been born a female? MONEYMAKER Six months ago, I bet if you asked her where'd she be on this very Thursday night, she'd say defending her tag titles with girlfriend Alix Maria Spezia, while her only daughter lovingly watches between bouts of trigonometry, smart kid, homework. Now, she watches as her perfect celebrity life slowly, but surely, fades away. She was workin' it and workin' it, and fueling that perfect image. The one that makes her one of the most recognized faces in Hollywood. And then all of sudden, if I could quote one Alix's favorite tunes, her baby's secret for her. Her other kid is loitering around this roster, and they are going to be pissed when the truth steps out. BWHAHAHAHA! People do awful things to one another, man. That's why the prison industry is a billion dollar one. Because there's billions of horrible things going down even as we speak. They rape each other, they rob, and stab, and murder each other. But the worst crime in the world is betrayal. And Krista betrayed her child, and there's no jail term long enough for that! BWAHHAHAHA! TERRY That's terrible! MONEYMAKER Life is terrible, Terry! Its awful and its pathetic! My point is, Krista's prefect success is endangered, Taylor. Its endangered by me and my plan. The Enterprise's perfect plan for Krista's destruction. The best laid schemes of mice and men most often go astray. But, I'm no mouse and I'm no man. I am a god, Taylor. My word, my rule, my power is absolute. Krista may think she's above everyone else in the OAOAST, and she is. But there's one person above her. Me. God. BWAHHAHAHAH! Without offering so much as a single look in Terry's direction, Mister Moneymaker walks off scene in possession of a twisted smile. Edited February 8, 2008 by Ed Wood Caulfield Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted February 8, 2008 (edited) COMING UP NEXT STILL OUT OF WITTY SUBTITLES! Jester and Miss Jobbs Vs ????? and Widow NEXT “You Know Who You Fuckin’ With?” ASSASSINS by Insane Clown Posse fills the arena. “Wicked Clowns, Wicked Clowns!” JESTER strolls out, green hair falling across his brow in tiny, tight braids. Dressed in dark purple tights lined with thick leather buckles, no boots and a green flack jacket, he throws his arms in the air. MISS JOBBS trails out behind him, striking a pose to his left. Behind the two, GREEN AND PURPLE plumes of sparks EXPLODE! COLE And here we are, fans. The Jester makes his in-ring debut right here tonight on HeldDOWN. We know he can jump people from behind, now we’ll know if he can wrestle. COACH This guy’s dangerous, Cole. I’ve got a feeling he can back his cowardly ass up between the ropes. Jester and Jobbs make their way to the ring with focused faces and a determined stride. Jobbs jumps up to the apron first and parts the ropes for her man. Jester jumps up and pauses before stepping through. He reaches down into his tights – COLE What the hell?! COACH Put that away! -- and pulls out FLOWERS?!?!?! Jobbs looks THRILLED, giggling and hugging the bouquet close. She eventually tucks them into her top, creating a bizarre plumage between her breasts. Jester steps through the ropes and looks around as Jobbs enters and wraps her arms around him from behind, stomping her feet and swaying back and forth with crazed devotion. THE ARENA GOES DARK! Fully Alive by Flyleaf kicks in and the crowd volume spikes with it! BLACK WIDOW appears at the top of the stage in her usual attire, looking as intense as ever. There is no fear in her face as she throws an arm up and looks around. COLE Black Widow, still without a partner to the best of our knowledge, Coach. COACH I’m afraid on this one, Cole. This is not a good situation to walk into. COLE A whacked out lion’s den for sure. Widow hits the ring, glaring at Jobbs and Jester, who back away at the Ref’s prompting. Widow climbs the turnbuckle and plays to her fans, who respond with cheering. As Widow climbs down and gets her head in the game, Jester climbs out to the apron. He never takes his eyes of Widow, however, a cold, cunning glare. Something dark and dangerous lurking in his eyes. COLE Look at that. Jester may act loopy, but there’s something very dark and intelligent behind the act. THE BELL RINGS Jobbs, insanely, is still carrying the flowers in her bosom. The two women circle one another before locking up, resulting in Widow getting the headlock. Jobbs struggles and finally pushes free, sending Widow to the ropes in the process – she FLIES BACK WITH A SPINNING FOREARM! Jobbs is down but she scrambles back to her feet immediately, coming at Widow with a series of her own forearms. Widow blocks and returns, but Jobbs blocks that, feigns another forearm and hits a BOOT to the GUT. Widow doubles, Jobbs yanks her in for a SNAP SUPLEX! COLE Jobbs, again, deceptively talented. More than meets the eye. Jobbs backs away from Widow and… GRINS, eyes narrowed, a devilish mask. She looks over to Jester and the crowd DOES NOT like it as they realize what’s happening. Widow almost back on her feet – TAG to JESTER! He comes in and immediately PUTS the BOOTS to WIDOW, VICIOUSLY STOMPING AWAY at her. COACH What a dick! COLE And she’s all alone out there, Coach. Widow tries to get away but Jester’s right there with her. He STOMPS down on her ribs as she rolls to her back, causing her to coil up. The ref gets in there, pointing fingers at Jester who sneers but is distracted. COLE The ref trying to buy Widow some time here, maybe. He’s got to feel sorry for her. COACH This is crazy, but she agreed to the match, Cole. Widow gets a hand up to the second rope, which Jester notices. He PUSHES the ref away and charges, but Widow spots it – DROP TOE HOLD, JESTER’S THROAT BOUNCING OFF THE TOP ROPE! He stumbles back, giving Widow the time to get to the corner. Jester, coughing, turns back to her, glaring… and then grinning. He sizes her up as she leans against the turnbuckles, watching him. She takes a step forward, standing tall before bending forward, resting her hands on her knees. She motions a “come on,”! COLE Widow’s telling him to bring it! The crowd gets behind their heroine, cheering. Jester nods, CHARGING! Widow sidesteps, letting him run right into the – NO, JESTER LEAPS, REBOUNDS FROM THE TOP WITH A DROPKICK! Widow flies back, rolls up with it, but she attack on her ribs is still with her. She winces as she rolls back up to her feet, clutching her right side. But she’s not going to wait around, she makes right for Jester, landing a RIGHT, A RIGHT, A RIGHT, driving him to the corner, the crowd getting louder with every punch until – Jester, angrily, responds with a KICK TO THE GUT, concentrating on those ribs. Widow doubles, stumbling back, her eyes clenched tight with pain. Jester quickly grabs her by the hair and SLINGS HER INTO THE TURNBUCKLE! She hits shoulder first, her body rocked by the impact. She goes down to one knee, stunned, slumped against the second rope. Jester doesn’t waste any time, grabbing her by the tights and by the hair. He pulls her back and SLINGS HER AROUND, BACK INTO THE TURNBUCKLE, and this time she lets out a raspy squeal of pain. Again, he grabs her, pulls her back, she can barely stay on her feet. He lets her go down, then DRAGS HER BY THE HAIR to his own corner. He picks her up, KNEES HER IN THE FACE and goes to his right knee, BENDING HER BACKWARDS OVER HIS LEFT KNEE. He tags Jobbs, who begins going to the top while he SLAMS HIS ARMS into Widow’s ribs, ONCE, TWICE, THREE TIMES! COLE Oh, my God, somebody’s got to end this thing! Somebody back there help! Widow desperately needs a tag, needs a medic! COACH This is the worst time ever for that bum Phoenix to be laid up in the hospital! Jobbs up top – KNEE DROP TO WIDOW’S HEAD! Jester drops her as the ref gets involved in the tag situation. He argues as Jobbs begins laying the boots to Widow’s sides again. Jester finally leaves. Jobbs drops an elbow for good measure and then hauls Widow up. Widow is in a bad way, her top short enough to display her quickly discoloring ribs. Jobbs whips Widow to the far corner, where she hits hard, but keeps to her feet. Jobbs is there in a flash with a RIGHT HAND, AND ANOTHER, softening her rival up before grabbing her legs to lift her to the top turnbuckle. Widow puts up no fight. Jobbs ascends to the second turnbuckle and throws up the horns to the crowd who are confused, but not happy in general. “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Jobbs sets Widow up for a big Suplex, but WIDOW HOOKS THE ROPE WITH HER LEG! Jobbs is confused by the block and tires again, but Widow BLOCKS AGAIN! WIDOW FIRES OFF A RIGHT, stunning Jobbs! Another tired, but HARD RIGHT! Jobbs’ feet go back to the mat now, and WIDOW HAS A HAND FULL OF HAIR! SHE JERKS HARD, Forcing Jobbs to turn, facing away from the turnbuckle with a YELP! DIAMOND DUST!!!! COLE DIAMOND DUST, DIAMOND DUST! WIDOW WITH A BIG MANEUVER! The flipping neckbreaker sends Jobbs flailing, extremely stunned, halfway across the ring. She sprawls, dazed. Widow, having come down hard on her ass, is curled up, fetal, having hurt her ribs as much as she hurt Jobbs. Jester tries to climb in, but the ref is there, arguing with him, keeping him at bay. COLE Jobbs can tag, but Widow’s got nowhere to go, Coach! COACH There’s no good way out of this for her. GETTING AWAY WITH MURDER HITS THE SPEAKERS!!!!!!! THE CROWD POPS HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!! COLE What the – ZACK MALIBU?! Sure enough, The Franchise himself is already halfway down the ramp, sans hood, decked out in ring gear, ready for action! Jester is all over his corner, trying to climb over the ref if he has to. Jobbs is sitting up, looking at the approaching Malibu with nothing short of FEAR. Malibu is at the ring now, looking under the ropes, saying something to Widow. He climbs up TO HER CORNER! THE CROWD POPS, REALIZING WHAT’S HAPPENING! The ref heads over, warning Jester to stay where he is until he’s legally tagged. Zack and the ref have words and the ref nods, pointing to the officials at ringside and pointing to Zack and making the “tag” gesture! COLE Zack Malibu’s come to be Widow’s partner! We’ve got a full match here, folks! COACH This is crazy! Malibu can’t just waltz into any match he likes! Jobbs scrambles up – TAG TO JESTER! Widow is still moving slow, but she senses the danger. Jester RUSHES, WIDOW LEAPS-------- HOT TAG TO MALIBU! COLE Zack Malibu is IN! Widow rolls out, Malibu flies in and Jester backs up! COACH Good for business, bad for Jester. Jester and Malibu exchange some heated talk in the ring until Zack decides he’s through talking. COLE Big right hand from the Pissed off Prep – Sends Jester reeling back. Malibu grabs him and sends him to the ropes. Jester rockets back, RIGHT INTO A FLAPJACK! Malibu is up before Jester knows where he is. The Franchise plays to the crowd, who are more than happy to blow the roof off the place for their hero. Jester gets up and launches himself off the ropes, but Malibu is ready, dropping. Jester’s got no choice but to leap over the Prep, who quickly rolls back and throws his feet up. Jester rebounds and Zack finds him, FLIPPING Jester up and over. Zack is up and over, locking in a headlock. COLE And Malibu tries to keep Jester on the ground. They struggle around the sleeper for a few minutes until Jester manages to get his arms around Zack and haul him up and over for a pin attempt, but Malibu rolls it back through to the sleeper. Jester tries it again for a ONE COUNT But Malibu quickly brings it back to the sleeper. This gets them close enough that Jester throws a leg out to the ropes, and the ref warns Malibu to break the hold. He does, and they’re both back up on their feet immediately. Lock up, Zack goes for the sleeper again, but Jester pushes out, sending Zack to the ropes. Zack rebounds and Jester gets in quick for an ARM DRAG. Zack is up, Jester’s there with a RIGHT HAND, and ANOTHER, driving Zack towards the corner. RIGHT HA- ZACK BLOCKS MALIBU RIGHT HAND, WHIPS JESTER TO THE COR— NO, JESTER REVERSES, and Malibu eats the turnbuckle. Jester sprints, Zack turns – DROPKICK! Jester lands on his feet, snags Zack before he can recover and WHIPS HIM towards the opposite corner! Jester’s right behind him, but Zack’s ready – Malibu LEAPS to the second turnbuckle, LEAPS BACK OVER JESTER’S HEAD— Zack gets his arms around the clown – GERMAN SUPLEX! ZACK HOLDS IT! He hauls them up – ANOTHER GERMAN SUPLEX! “TWOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” The audience counts! And again – BIG RELEASE GERMAN! Jester goes right on his head, rolling over the shoulder to end up face down. The carnival reject grabs the back of his head, clearly in pain, kicking his feet. Zack turns his attention to Widow, who is grinning, albeit exhaustedly, leaning against the ringpost. He points to her and gives her a thumbs up, causing the crowd to give a little pop as she gives one back. Jobbs sneaks in the ring and runs past the Ref, enraged by the state of Jester, who is still nursing his neck across the ring. Jobbs runs at Zack, but he senses it and turns right as she gets there. She puts on the breaks, almost running into him, and IMMEDIATELY backs away as he shakes his head. COLE Jobbs realizing that that’s a pretty terrible idea. Zack doesn’t make a move against her, instead, he reaches his arm back. WIDOW TAGS! Zack ducks away as Widow scrambles up the turnbuckles! HURRICANRANNA TO JOBBS!! She never knew what hit her as she’s slung across the ring. Widow warbles to her feet, holding her side – but she’s definitely still got the fight in her. Widow storms towards Jobbs as Jester rolls out of the ring. The Ref moves to start counting him out as he’s still the legal man! She hauls the blond up, -- GREEN MIST SPRAYS FROM THE FLOWERS TUCKED INTO JOBBS’ BRA!!!! COACH Never trust strange titties! Widow reels back, trying desperately to wipe the green crap out of her eyes. Jobbs drops and rolls out, quickly moving to her corner. Jester slides back in and Widow STUMBLES RIGHT INTO HIM! He HAULS HER UP IN A SUPLEX – HOLDS IT! COLE This is it! That Jackhammer finisher he’s been using! Jack in the Box! Zack tries to come in, but the Ref cuts him off! SLAM! JESTER BRINGS IT HOME! WIDOW YELPS IN PAIN! The Ref turns from Malibu, SLIDES IN – 1 2 3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! COLE NO!!! COACH Poison boobs, Cole! Poison…. Boobs! Zack is there just a second too late. Jester rolls away and out of the ring before The Prep can get there, pointing and laughing. He and Jobbs make their way around to the ramp as Malibu and the Ref check on Widow, who is curled up, clutching her ribs tight with one arm, rubbing her eyes with the other hand. Malibu turns towards the ramp from where he is, his hand pulling Widow’s hair back out of her face. He glares at Jester and Jobbs, who are halfway up now. Jester grins and holds up his right hand, specifically the middle three fingers. He counts them off silently – one, two, three. Beside him, Jobbs inhales an apparently sweet scent from her bouquet. COLE Zack Malibu is a class act, people. This wasn’t his fight, but he brought it anyway. It looks like he hasn’t forgotten his friend Lunar Phoenix, his friend Spider-Poet after all. COACH Miss Jobbs breasts are the real star of this match, Cole. CLOSE UP on Widow, who Zack is helping get to her feet. Together, they stand in the ring together. She extends a hand and Zack takes it. She raises his arm and points to him, though not without a wince. He nods in appreciation and clasps her on the back with a smile. Jester and Jobbs give one last glare before disappearing. COMING UP NEXT HOUSE OF WORSHIP WITH GUEST KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN! NEXT COMMERCIAL HOUSE OF WORSHIP With your Inspirational Leader....Abdullah Abir Nerdly Taped before a live mosque audience The scene is an astoundingly gorgeous mosque, with an interior lined by nearly ten thousand intricately handcrafted tiles, everyone remarkable in fantastic design, with images of flowers, suns, and fruits. Stained glass windows adorned with the glorious image of Abdullah Abir Nerdly striking poses of incredible heroism, admit natural light onto a throng of worshipers, all engaged in holy sallah. Hanging from the domed roof are antique chandeliers, which house gold plated ostrich eggs next to the actual light. All this stunning pageantry is to shine brilliant light on one man. The man being sung through the entry way by Salif Keita's Tomorrow. Tomorrow, only tomorrow Sajo see you tomorrow Tomorrow, only tomorrow Sajo see you tomorrow The legion of worshipers rise to their feet, marveling at the sight of Abdullah Abir Nerdly, standing as proud and determined as any great religious figure has in history. His flowing, bejeweled maroon robes are kept from touching the floor by two beautiful female attendants. They uphold the train of the expensive gown, as the Muslim leader strolls through the aisle way, blessing his followers with disingenuous smiles and empty waves. Tomorrow, only tomorrow Sajo see you tomorrow Tomorrow, only tomorrow Sajo see you tomorrow At his side are several more attractive young ladies whom toss flower petals before every step he takes so that he may tread only the most delicate and exquisite of paths. Sajo jon te i fe, Ousmane ko ka bi fe ka bi fe koniete ka le te sigi Sajo jon te i fe malienw (yes, those are the real lyrics not patty jibber jabber. no they aren't English!) Finally the inspirational leader reaches the podium on the main stage, where his followers watch him with a disturbingly slavish devotion. ABDULLAH Soldiers of Allah, I sing the word of He his holiness! Soldiers of Allah, be aware of me, for I am man created in the image God, Allah, Jallah, he our immortal creator, he our giver of life, he our singer of song, he our master of righteous justice against depraved sin! Praise be unto him, brothers and sisters. And praise be unto you. AUDIENCE Praise be! ABDULLAH Of great debate is what is god's greatest gift. Was it all human life? Was it light so that we may have the beacon to guide us across pages filled with his wisdom? Perhaps it was words themselves, so that we may know how to express his greatness? Yes, God's gift to give us the choice to give up and stifle our ego and baser desires, and to live to serve he, Allah is a miraculous gesture as well. But brothers and sisters, I argue that it was none of the above! They all pale in compassion to the gift of woman! Woman is where we, believers and heretics alike, all go to worship at the temple of his creation. Praise be unto Allah! AUDIENCE Praise be! ABDULLAH But what is woman's greatest gift? Her greatest gift is the only gift she needs to perpetuate the joy of life. Motherhood! And is it any wonder that motherhood, that which nourishes and uplifts Allah's creatures has been a subject of much discussion in the OAOAST. With a company polluted by blasphemers, pagans, and false idol worshipers, it should come as little surprise to see them all rushing like moths to the embers of a campfire at the notion of motherhood. We've seen so many, overwrought with their simplistic earthly greed try to portray themselves as Krista Isadora Duncan's child! Fools. If we are grateful to Allah for his gift, obey Him, practice the Five Pillars and make effort to follow the example of the Prophet Muhammad, we are rewarded. But these men and women, such as my sister Maggie, they expect more. They want undeserved riches, and unearned fame! They want this all from Krista Isadora Duncan. They are ungrateful for the many blessings from Allah and it is indeed a grave error to take advantage of motherhood. To them I say, Praise Allah, because punishment will hit hardest he who profanes the scared mother! AUDIENCE Praise be! ABDULLAH These people claiming to be Krista's child, they are the most cruel enemy of humanity; because they are themselves the enemy of humanity! Because they don't believe in Allah; because they falsify the book of Allah; because they cheated the prophet Muhammad! To them I say, Praise Allah, for even in her wicked hedonistic lesbian ways, he watches over my mother, Krista Isadora Duncan! AUDIENCE Praise be! ABDULLAH I have broke down, brothers and sisters, and I asked God to deliver me my true mother, and he has heard me! I've prayed more for this then anything, and Allah's hearing is perfect. Allah almighty has answered me in ways I never expected! Come to me my mother, and we will sing the song of God, speaker of the prophets hand in hand with lover of the prophets! I am your prince, and you, my queen! From the backstage area emerges the alleged mother Krista Isadora Duncan, clad in a plaid long sleeve collared shirt, and a denim mini skirt, with her hair covered partly by a plaid headwrap. The audience and her son welcome her sweetly, but she's much too concerned with her phone conversation to have any interest in them. KRISTA What do you mean you forgot to tivo The Tyra Banks Show? Damn it Terry, how am I supposed to make it through the week with the same crusty, wrinkled Victoria's Secret catalog I've had since grad school? Once my body accepts your liver I am through with you! Do you hear me?! Finally she slams her phone shut, which draws Abdullah closer to her, his arms extended, and his face widened by a beaming smile. ABDULLAH (warmly) Mother. KRISTA Abdullah Abir Nerdly! (Krista pretends to pull a lever on a slot machine) Ching, ching, chhhhiiiing! Lemon, lemon, lemon. Wow just what I've always wanted, boring ass shit. Thanks, loser. For those members of our studio audience with guns nows the perfect time to remove the safety. ABDULLAH Mother, come to me. KRISTA (digging into her pocket for pills) Hold on let me throw back a few these before I join you aboard the crazy train. Don't know what they are, but I got it from a licensed vet living inside a box outside of Best Buy. Yeah, better take two. One just makes you stop biting yourself. Hmmmm. You're starting to make me a little queasy, honey, but that could be because I'm doped up on monkey pills. ABDULLAH You have been robbed of a special gift! A gift that can never be replaced. Motherhood of a son created in God's image! But the thief is tricky, it fooled you by leaving something in its place. Fear. We're all afraid of something. I fear god. And I love god. You fear the truth. You fear the truth, my mother! But you must love the truth! Because you will fear the fire of lies! KRISTA Oh, honey, I'd like to do what Synth Esizer's mother did after she came home from work at the real estate agency and found him wearing her lipstick and her purple camisole, but alas and alack, bashing my head into a mirror and screaming "why aren't you a real boy, ya bleedin faggot?" doesn't make much sense in the context of things. Look, honey, I have religiously shown up occasionally to this company, maybe when a Lakers or Dodgers game hasn't been on, or the nail salon is all booked up, or the Fresh Prince on Nick at nite is one of the ones after the mom suddenly got light skinned, for three years and you being my kid is the tenth most absurdest thing I've heard all month. I know who my kid is! I was the one who stunted their growth potential and ruined their chances of ever doing simple long division through months of pregnant teenage drinking. There are two things I distinctly remember slithering out of me during that time period, a beautiful baby, and my finger after the Like a Virgin video was over. You aren't on the list, kiddo. ABDULLAH Mother, no. It isn't so! God has told me otherwise! KRISTA If Kris-Kross were here, they'd call you wiggity-wiggity-wigitty wack, jackass. You're talking crazier then Lynne Spears on Courtney Love's front lawn. Tell god to pick up a People magazine every once in a while. I am the most beautiful woman in the world, after all. And you? Well, for starters your nose looks like Truman Capote bitch slapping Tennessee Williams at the premier of a Streetcar Named Desire. And those pants make you look like you have an inflamed vagina. That doesn't really venture into childbirth territory, but someone had to spit truth. (In a Joan Rivers voice) can we talk, can we talk? ABDULLAH Yes, mother, yes we can! You struggle with the devil and his temptations of liquor and sexual vice! But you can have Allah and his messiah and you can call him and he will give you strength! You have been sent to me, to seek the truth in god, my mother! It is a glorious thing, the word of Allah, mother, why yes it is! And it can be spread to be millions of needy children through your generous donation to the Mosque of Abdullah Abir Nerdly. KRISTA Oh, honey, is that all you wanted? A little pocket change? Let's dig into the bank of...ah screw it let's just dig into my huge boobs, huh? ABDULLAH God, let me not be tempted! As promised Krista sticks her hand down her shirt and comes up with a large wad of cash, that brings a look of bright joy to Abdullah's face. KRISTA (still digging into her shirt.) Here's a thousand straight up, and here's two nipples straight up, jesus turn on the heat! Here's a good two thousand. And, hey, the third thousand's a charm! What a coincidence it cost three thousand to get them in! The boobs that keep on giving, I love my little girls! Or should I say big girls. And....hold on what the hell is this? (Krista pulls out a thick document of paper) The constitution of Valenzuela? Oh, Hugo Chavez what anti-American socialist terrorist conspiracies will you involve my massive breasts in next? Krista begins squeezing and unsqueezing her breasts together as though she were trying to mime them talking KRISTA (ventriloquisting in a German accent to pretend her breasts are quoting Marx) Let the ruling classes tremble at a Communist revolution. The proletarians have nothing to lose, but their chains. .Workers of the world unite! KRISTA So well read, is there anything these babies won't do, besides Rosie O'Donnell's tongue? Oh, honey, your money, that's right! Here's a few more for you. And here's a little extra, go ahead and get yourself a nice little Jihad, honey. You've earned it. ABDULLAH Mother, that is a holy war! KRISTA Honey, I know, I have two masters degrees. And I really can't stand the dad of the fat kid who plays goal for my daughter's soccer team so hit him first. Yeah, he's my uncle and all, but sometimes we gotta make sacrifices for the good of Allah. And if you call me mother one more time, I swear to god, I'll rip your genital warts off with a forklift. MACKENZIE (O.S.) Now, that's no way to address the speaker for the prophets. Onto the stage strides Mackenzie DeCenzo. Mackenzie has outfitted herself in a short sleeve wrap dress, highlighted by a light green background and blue Y shaped patterns that seem to just off deep white bases. Though, Abdullah seems grateful to have another major name on his show, Krista is less then pleased with Mackie's arrival, and regards her with sharp disdain. KRISTA Speaking of genital warts that can only be removed by industrial strength machinery, Mackienze DeCenzo, everybody! Honey, you've over tweezed those eye brows again. Put two chopsticks in your hair, wear a kimono, and say no more until the foreign business man visiting the brothel selects you from a lineup of your peers. MACKENZIE Politely laughed at, then promptly ignored. Its quite the dichotomy you find yourself in. KRISTA Right, like Moneymaker yelling at his secretary for putting milk in his coffee because he's lactose intolerant, and then licking whip cream off that sixteen year old male page in janitor's chest. Can we talk? Can we talk? MACKENZIE No! No one talks about it! At least not without the privacy afforded by various Internet message boards. The dichotomy I'm speaking of is how you say that you love this mystery child of your's. That you actually care for them, but then nothing you do points in that direction. KRISTA If you can't get that I actually love this child, then you're deafer and denser then a Helen Keller and Beethoven crack baby! MACKENZIE No, no, no, if you love your child as you said you did, last week, this should be a tender build up to a fantastic reunion, right? But I wonder, if you feel so comfortable then why are you so reluctant to share any information about your child? You won't even give us their gender! Why not come right out in the open and bare your soul? Tell us who the kid is if you're so happy to have them? But you won't do that will you? Because you're not happy at all. ABDULLAH But why? Why have sorrows when you are the embodiment of god's greatest gift! MACKENZIE Because her kid is in the OAOAST. That is their job, Krista. Its not a little minor side venture like it is for you. Its their life. They don't get recognized as an actress, or a reality show star, or a fitness guru like you do. They get recognized, if they even get recognized at all as a professional wrestler. You can leave the OAOAST whenever you want, there's nothing tying you down. But, you're kid, if they want to avoid their foreseeable future being in a homeless shelter is stuck right here.. And unless the kid is Landon, chances are they aren't even overly successful at it. Maybe they've won a title here and there, but what do you care? They're only a lowly professional wrestler. They are nothing more and they'll never be anything more. Your child compared to you, is a failure. And that eats you up, and that will eat them up to no doubt. That's why you don't tell us who the kid is, to keep on avoiding the truth, and try to evade the shame everybody will suffer through when this all comes to light. Keep ducking, and keep dodging, but there's no escape. You can't fight what's inside. KRISTA You don't have a kid, well you don't have a kid that can't currently be adopted from a Humane Society, so maybe you can't understand. But, your child isn't their job, or their social status, or bragging rights to your friends, or awards in a display case. Your child is something you love and treasure, well before they even can entertain the notion of what success and failure honestly means. And I wasn't there for one of my kids, because I was young and irresponsible, but I'll make things right. Everyday I think about my children. Every single day, every single hour, every single minute, my kids have become my obsession. MACKENZIE How tender and sweet, I'll be sure to suggest that bit of hard earned wisdom to one of those day by day calendars. But, guilt over your child isn't really why I'm here, truth be told, that's more Moneymaker's kick. My passion is Alix, and even with a major CD release upcoming, and a healthy bakery, you still are a major, nearly unsolvable problem. That survivor series match way back when was supposed to be the end of you. But, somehow you survived that, and you keep surviving to this day. KRISTA Like a cancerous cyst, I guess. MACKENZIE I think of you more like a bug. Maybe a mosquito, because you're trying to suck the blood out of Alix. There's no other way to explain you showing up at her Rolling Stone photoshoot simply to ruin what's been a dream of her's since she was five. You could've done it anywhere in the entire city of Los Angeles, you could've even saved it for HeldDOWN, but you had to dump mud onto her magic moment. You wanted to hurt her as much as possible, just to compensate for being a terrible girlfriend, and a miserable parent. KRISTA Okay, sure, you're the reason she's punched a one way ticket to a post mortem appearance on Hollywood's Worst Celebrity Meltdowns, but I'm Jennifer Jason Leigh in Single White Female! Oh, hey, who cares, if she's on her way to being Kirstin Dunst's roomie at the Cirque Lodge rehab clinic, just as long as she gets a little snippet of her music video played on the credits of Rob and Big! MACKENZIE That's real great, a woman who's blood alcohol level is written with the Budweiser logo is going to lecture me on substance abuse. Brilliant! I can manage Alix just fine. And in a far, far, better way then you. That's the truth, no matter what messages the media can plant into your warped and twisted mind. KRISTA Wrong! All wrong! The longer you fool yourself and you fool her into thinking you're doing anything but harm to her, the weaker and the worse she gets. And when she finally does break, you're not gonna be able to put her back together again! MACKENZIE I'm not listening to you crap! KRISTA You better, because my crap is my girlfriend. MACKENZIE My girlfriend! Mine! And I protect her. From everything. Including you. Especially you! Like I said., you're the mosquito I need to squash. But every time you're stepped on you grow bigger, uglier, meaner, and ruder then before. Its annoying. And if this debacle with your kid doesn't end you, I will find something that will. I want your life in the OAOAST dead. In the ground. Dead! And soon! ABDULLAH Allah teaches patience, and he rewards with an abundance of presents. AUDIENCE Praise be! MACKENZIE I don't have patience, and I don't want an abundance of presents. I just want Krista, far away from the OAOAST. You can keep Allah's gifts and mercies, I've already giftwrapped myself an early Ramadan present. The Moneymaker family's fifty five million dollar investment in TSM had a pow-wow with Anglesault and the network, and gave them fifty five million reason to put you, Krista, and a partner of my choice against The Beverly Hills Blonds next week on HeldDOWN~! KRISTA Oh, honey, you have the charm of a flesh eating virus! Your idea of an intimidating tag team, is two guys who lose almost as often as Christian Wright uses Theodore Moneymaker as an excuse to get airtime? The Beverly Hills Blonds are such a horrible, boring, irredeemable embarrassment to the OAOAST, Lindsay Gonzales is currently trying to fuck them. AUDIENCE Praise be! MACKENZIE And just make to things as stressful as humanly possible for you, why don't I offer you the choice of picking Alix's partner for her tag match next week? KRISTA Great! Wonderful! Maybe I'll even pick you. You're pretty tough and freakish, after all your vagina is so big that Ned Blanchard lost his career in there! Minus a decent comeback for that scathing remark, Mackenzie offers Krista a fiery scowl before turning on her high heels, and furiously marching off the stage. Minus one very talkative but very vituperative guest, Abdullah Abir is free to devote his overjoyed gaze upon the woman he still believes to be his mother. ABDULLAH Mother, where were we? KRISTA Oh, honey, for the last time I'm not your mother! I know who my kid is! And think about it logically, you're nearly three yards smaller then me, how can you be my child? If you painted yourself white, strapped on a pair of wings, you could double as Mackenzie's tampon. Unwilling to partake in Abdullah's constant assertions that he is her child, Krista nods him a curt farewell and exits the opposite stage of Mackenzie. ABDULLAH (clutching Krista's cash in his hands) My mother is both merciful and generous! An extension of the greatest beauty of Allah! And so you must be generous as well! Please, do not hesitate to go to Houseofworship.com, and make your credit card donation to the Abdullah Abir Nerdly Mosque. Do this because it is the right thing to do, do this solely for the Pleasure of Allah. Praise be! AUDIENCE Praise be! We fade out with Abdullah smiling brightly as he greedily counts Krista's money. COMING UP NEXT ITS NOT HANDICAP ITS DIFFERENTLY ABLED! The Puerto Rican Vs Rock Hard Brickston and Mister Boricua NEXT COMMERCIAL Edited February 8, 2008 by Patty O'Green Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted February 8, 2008 "THE C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-CORP-CORPORA-CORPORATION" “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” The opening to “No Chance In Hell” starts playing over the P.A. system. The Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation entrance video plays on the AngleTron while smoke fills the entrance stage. Then, the crescendo hits, and a HUGE burst of pyro explodes over the entrance stage. “No Chance In Hell” by Bradley Royds starts playing. *No chance (No chance) That’s what ya got! (Ha! Ha! Yeah.) We’re up against no machine too strong (Too strong) Pussy politicians buying souls for us are…PUPPETS! (Puppets!)* COLE I am quickly becoming sick of this song. COACH It’s the greatest song ever made. The entrance doors slide open, and Mr. Boricua and Rock Hard Brickston come out. The boos get louder. Mr. Boricua and Rock Hard Brickston stand still on the entrance stage looking to the ring. Mr. Boricua sneers at the crowd. Rock Hard Brickston just stares at the fans who just last week were cheering for him. Mr. B yells at some fans, grunts, snorts, yells, screams, and cracks his knuckles. He looks at Brickston, the two men nod their head, and then both members of the SJPC begin their walk to the ring as “No Chance In Hell” continues playing. *DING DING DING* BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is the main event for this week’s HeldDOWN~!, and is a No Disqualification 2-On-1 Handicap Tables Match! Introducing first, coming to the ring at this time. Representing the Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation. At a total combined weight of 515 lbs. The team of MISTER BORICUA AND ROCK HARDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD BRICKSTTTTTTTTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN! COLE A GIANT match for Tha Puerto Rican coming up next, but I can’t blame him if his attention is focused on next week’s HeldDOWN~!, because next week we could see the FINAL match of Tha Puerto Rican’s career as he takes on Spanish Fly in an Ultimate X Match for the OAOAST AngleMania VII World Heavyweight Title shot! COACH Tonight is the beginning of the end. We are now witnessing the ‘PRL Farewell Tour’. It started earlier this evening with the FIRST 2-On-1 Handicap Match, and it continues right now in the main event of HeldDOWN~! And next week, we shall all witness history. The LAST time Tha Puerto Rican wrestles in the OAOAST! I cannot wait! Mr. Boricua grunts at some fans. Rock Hard tells him to calm down and focus on the match at hand. COLE PRL now set to take on Mr. Boricua, the man who has with The Lightning Crew/SJPC the longest, AND the NEWEST member of the Corporation, John…Rock Hard Brickston, who made a deal with the devil last week on HeldDOWN~! COACH Oh that’s rich! Brickston did the right thing! He was going nowhere! He hadn’t done a single thing of importance in almost three years! But he rejoined the Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation and now look at him! Main eventing on HeldDOWN~! Do you see now that being a member of the SJPC pays off big time? COLE No, but I DO see now that John Brickston has about as much morals, integrity and decency as Spanish Fly does! COACH Oh hush up, you! And it’s Rock Hard Brickston now! No more John! Mr. Boricua yells at the fans, and then climbs up the ring steps, entering the ring via the top ring rope. Rock Hard Brickston follows him. Spotlights shine on both members of the Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation. Brickston lets out a mighty roar to boos. Rock Hard raises his fists into the air to more boos. So does Mr. Boricua. The two SJPC members stand near the ring ropes. They look at each other…and then do The Corporate Salute! The crowd boos LOUDLY. COLE I never thought I’d see Brickston doing THAT again. COACH That was The Lightning Crew Salute. THIS is The Corporate Salu-- COLE Don’t start. Not this week. Brickston taunts the fans. Mr. Boricua yells at them. Mr. Boricua poses on a second turnbuckle to boos. Brickston also poses on a second turnbuckle to boos. COLE Rock Hard Brickston sold out! He went against everything he believed in to align himself with Popick! Just last week, those two men were beating the hell out of each other, and now this week, they are PARTNERS!? COACH Both men were quick to let the past be the past. It speaks a lot about the quality of their characters! COLE It speaks at how easily led both men are! Popick, the Master Manipulator, exploited Brickston. He used Brickston’s weaknesses against him! He brainwashed Brickston into believing that he was wrong for leaving The Lightning Crew! He brainwashed him into believing that he has a better life being led by Popick! COACH He did no such thing! He told Brickston the truth! He was going nowhere, but now, he is going somewhere! Popick is 100 times the leader PRL was! 1,000 times even! Brickston points a menacing finger at the fans while Mr. Boricua exits the ring and yells at the fans at ringside. Brickston gets off of the second turnbuckle and taunts the fans some more. COLE Well, whether he’s in the Corporation or not, Brickston’s hatred for Tha Puerto Rican hasn’t changed, and he gets another shot at him tonight for the first time in almost two years! COACH Brickston and Mr. Boricua are going to get PRL good and softened up for Spanish Fly next week! COLE They just might. I wouldn’t be surprised if that was one of Popick’s orders! The lights go back on in the arena. Rock Hard Brickston paces inside of the ring, while Mr. Boricua continues yelling at the fans at ringside. “No Chance In Hell” by Bradley Royds dies down. COLE Tha Puerto Rican already competed in a 2-On-1 Handicap Match earlier tonight, and now he must do it again! COACH And next week is the death blow. And on Valentine’s Day too! How appropriate! COLE Popick says that is his Valentine’s Day gift to his new wife. The end of his wife’s ex-fiancée’s career! COACH What a thoughtful husband Popick is. I wish he was my husband…did I say that out loud? COLE Yep, in front of the whole entire world. COACH I LOVE TITTIES! COLE It’s too late, Coach. Rock Hard Brickston stares at the entrance. Mr. Boricua enters the ring. The crowd buzzes in anticipation of PRL’s entrance. COLE 2-On-1 Handicap Tables Match! And Tha Puerto Rican hasn’t been in a Tables Match since Licensed To Pin back in July 2003! COACH He lost then, and he’ll lose now, and he will LOSE next week too! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! COLE Remember, in order for PRL to win, he must put BOTH Brickston AND Boricua through tables! Meanwhile, for Brickston and Boricua to win, they must only put PRL through a table! COACH The ball is in the Corporation’s court, and Tha Puerto Rican is going to choke. AGAIN! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! “THE CHAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMP…” *DUN DUN* “…IS…” *DUN* “…HERE!” A lightning bolt hits the entrance, the PRL entrance video plays on the AngleTron, and “Know Your Role 2000” blares out over the P.A. system. The crowd stands up as one and cheers loudly as the lights go down in the arena. PR is heard saying, “THE CHAMP IS HERE!” in tune with the beat of the song, while smoke fills the entrance stage and spotlights circle around and around the arena. A few seconds elapsed, the entrance doors slide open, and Tha Puerto Rican quickly saunters out through the smoke and stops on the entrance stage. The cheers get louder. PRL points a menacing finger at the two Corporation members inside of the ring, and then power walks down the entrance ramp, not stopping at all, and keeping his eyes focused on the ring. The crowd cheers louder than before. BUFFER And his opponent. Coming to the ring at this time. From San Juan, Puerto Rico. Weighing in at 220 lbs. One-half of The Badd Boyz. He is THA PUERTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO RICAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN! COLE Could this be the second-to-last time that we see Tha Puerto Rican come down the entrance ramp on HeldDOWN~!? COACH Yes. Yes it is. Rock Hard Brickston charges forward for a punch--BLOCKED! PRL nails Brickston with Rock-style punches to the temple on the entrance ramp! COLE PRL starting this match early! Here we go! *DING DING DING* 2-ON-1 HANDICAP TABLES MATCH THA PUERTO RICAN vs. MR. BORICUA AND ROCK HARD BRICKSTON PRL nails Brickston with left jab after left jab after left jab! Mr. Boricua charges…and he gets nailed with a Rock-style punch to the temple! Then another! Then another! PRL grabs both of Rock Hard Brickston’s legs and trips him up. Brickston's head lands on the entrance ramp! PRL then spreads Brickston’s legs apart, and punches him right in the groin! COLE No Disqualifications! Anything goes in this match! P.R. grabs Mr. Boricua and drags him over near Sofa Central. COLE They’re coming this way! COACH Come on Mr. Boricua! Wake up! Stay focused! FOCUSED! The crowd is hot. PRL slams Mr. Boricua’s head on top of the timekeeper’s table! Brickston charges forward with his hands locked together for a double axehandle--PRL moves out of the way and punches Rock Hard in the gut! He then fires off with more punches and then slams Brickston’s head on top of the timekeeper’s table too! P.R. grabs Brickston by his head, grabs Mr. Boricua by his head…DOUBLE NOGGIN KNOCKER! COACH Oh no! COLE And PRL, despite fighting 2 men, has been able to stand on his own two feet thus far! COACH We’re just getting started, Cole! Hang on! P.R. grabs the ring bell and the hammer used on the ring bell. He waits for Brickston to get near him. *DING!* PRL places the ring bell over Rock Hard Brickston’s face, and then slams the hammer onto the bell! COLE His bell was rung! COACH Ugh! PR taunts Brickston, and then waits for Mr. Boricua to get near him. *DING!* PRL places the ring bell over Mr. Boricua’s face, and then slams the hammer onto the bell! COACH Mr. Boricua! PRL (singing) # Bells will be ringinggg! # COLE Ha! Ha! COACH Shut up! This is not funny! NOT FUNNY AT ALL! Tha Puerto Rican shoves the timekeeper out of his steel chair, and then grabs it. He folds the chair up. PRL measures both Corporation members up. *WHACK!* PRL SLAMS THE STEEL CHAIR OVER ROCK HARD BRICKSTON’S HEAD SENDING HIM INTO A BARRICADE! COLE Chairshot for Rock Hard! *WHACK!* PRL SLAMS THE STEEL CHAIR OVER MR. BORICUA’S HEAD SENDING HIM INTO A BARRICADE! COLE Chairshot for The Corporate Giant! PRL throws the steel chair aside, taunts the dazed Mr. Boricua, and then charges forward, leaping up with a flying clothesline that takes both PRL AND Mr. Boricua OVER the barricade and into the crowd! COACH AAH! PRL gets up first, takes a deep breath, and then picks Mr. Boricua up. He punches him in the face with a Rock-style punch. He does it again! And again! And again! And again! PRL grabs Mr. Boricua and takes him through the crowd, punching him along the way. COLE And now PRL and Mr. Boricua going through the crowd! Shades of Anglepalooza and the Lethal Rumble when PRL brawled with Vitamin X all over the crowd! The fans touch PRL’s bare back and Mr. Boricua’s torn up dress shirt as the two men go through the crowd. P.R. grabs a cup of soda from a fan, drinks from it, and then SPITS the soda back out into Mr. Boricua’s face! He then slams the cup into Mr. Boricua’s head! PRL grabs Mr. Boricua by his giant head again and takes him through the crowd some more. COACH Get Mr. Boricua away from those peons! He’ll crush them! You don’t want us to get sued do you!? PRL continues taking Mr. Boricua through the crowd…suddenly, Rock Hard Brickston grabs PRL and starts punching him in the face! COACH Yeah! Get him! Brickston nails PRL with several right hands! PRL fights back with lefts! Back and forth they go! COLE Rock Hard coming to the aid of his partner! COACH Yea Rock Hard! Make the Corporation proud! Brickston soon gains the advantage with rights, which take The People’s Champion near the barricade. PRL is dazed, so Brickston takes a few steps back and charges forward. PRL recovers, giving Rock Hard Brickston a BAAAAAAACK Body Drop over the barricade, taking him back to the ringside area! “YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” COLE Tha Puerto Rican just sent 6’6” 215 pounds of Rock Hard Brickston over the barricade! COACH Oh no! Puerto Rican grabs Mr. Boricua and sends him over the barricade and back into the ringside area too! COLE PRL in control of his two former running buddies! COACH Rock Hard Brickston was smart enough to see through PRL’s bull three years before everyone else did! COLE That doesn’t speak too highly of Mr. Boricua, Coach! COACH …Nice Boricua! Good Boricua! Popick rules! Mr. Boricua and Rock Hard Brickston start to slowly get up. PRL hops over the barricade back to the ringside area. He waits for Rock Hard Brickston to get up, and then clotheslines him back down onto the protective mats! PRL then gets a head full of steam and jumps up to nail Mr. Boricua with a clothesline that knocks *him* down onto the protective mats! PRL shoots right back up and plays to the crowd. He “smells the electricity” while the crowd cheers. COLE Tha Puerto Rican in control of the Corporation, and this crowd is loving it! COACH The People’s Champion my ass! The camera cuts to the Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation dressing room where Stephen Joseph Popick, Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick, Vitamin X, Princess Stacey, and Cuban Wall are watching the match as it happens on a T.V. Popick has the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt lying next to him on the sofa, and Lindsay has the OAOAST Women’s Championship belt lying next to her on the sofa also. The five Corporation members watch the match with serious expressions on their faces. COLE And there are some of the members of the Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation! They are most certainly paying attention to this match! COACH Don’t worry, Popick! Next week it’ll all be over! Next week your enemy is GONE! COLE That is if Spanish Fly can grab the contract in the Ultimate X Match next Thursday night! COACH He will. I believe in him and so does Popick! And that’s all that matters! Rock Hard Brickston and PRL head back into the ring. P.R. measures Brickston, and then hits him with a left hand! He then does another! And another! PR switches to Rock-style punches to the temple! Punch. Punch. Punch. NOW KISS THAT LEFT~! Punch! Mr. Boricua enters the ring, grabs PRL from behind, and then lifts him up…Back Suplex! COLE Back Suplex from The Corporate Bodyguard! COACH Yeah! All right! The Corporate Giant with a CORPORATE Back Suplex on the Corporate CHUMP! Mr. Boricua stands up, jumps up and does a simple splash onto Tha Puerto Rican’s body! COLE A big splash from Mr. Boricua! COACH HOO-HAH! COLE … The camera cuts back to the Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation dressing room where Lindsay, Vitamin X, Princess Stacey, and Cuban Wall all have smiles on their faces. Stephen Joseph, meanwhile, has a serious expression on his face. COLE Popick looking on, with the #1 Contender to his World Heavyweight Title at AngleMania VII for now sitting a few feet away from him! COACH ‘For now’? Michael, PRL’s career is FINISHED next week! Accept it. Mr. Boricua picks Tha Puerto Rican up. He punches him in the face while yelling. Boricua scoops PRL up, holding him up in the air for a few seconds before slamming him back down onto the mat HARD! PRL yelps out in pain! Mr. Boricua then grabs Tha Puerto Rican’s legs and spreads them apart, so that Rock Hard Brickston can drop an elbow onto Tha Puerto Rican’s groin! “OOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” Brickston then does a fist drop right onto Tha Puerto Rican’s groin! “OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” COLE Brickston really targeting PRL’s crotch there! COACH Good! Make sure that The P.R. Menace doesn’t have any children! Can you imagine that? Little PRL’s running around, cocking their eyebrows, ‘smelling the electricity’ all of the time, stealing other people’s moves and mannerisms? *Shudder* It’d be a nightmare! “P.R.!” “P.R.!” “P.R.!” “P.R.!” Mr. Boricua picks Tha Puerto Rican up and gives him an Irish whip into the ropes. PRL bounces off of the ropes and charges forward…Mr. Boricua goes for a clothesline…PRL ducks the clothesline…bounces off of the opposite ropes…charges forward…jumps up and nails Mr. Boricua with a flying clothesline that DOESN’T take him down this time! P.R. gets up…gets grabbed from behind by Rock Hard Brickston in a Full Nelson, and then gets taken down with a Full Nelson Slam! Afterwards, Rock Hard Brickston gives PRL the “You can’t see me!” hand taunt! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” COLE Just think, even if he did that last week, he’d STILL get cheered! COACH Yeah, but he’s not pandering to these idiots anymore! And good thing too! Time to let the REAL Rock Hard Brickston out into the world! Brickston tells Mr. Boricua something. Mr. Boricua yells out for some reason. Brickston tells Boricua to pick PRL up. PRL is now becoming groggy, sucking in wind. Rock Hard Brickston and Mr. Boricua both whip PRL into the ropes. Both men then put their heads down. This proves to be a mistake as Tha Puerto Rican stops in his tracks, kicks Mr. Boricua right in the face, and then grabs Rock Hard by his head and just slams him down onto the mat! COLE Faceplant for Rock Hard Brickston! PRL waits for Mr. Boricua to get near him. As soon as Mr. Boricua recovers from PRL’s kick to the face, Mr. Boricua heads towards PRL… …right into a DIAMOND CUTTER! COLE Lightning Strike! Lightning Strike from Tha Puerto Rican! That was his finisher when he wrestled in Puerto Rico! COACH And he’ll be going BACK to Puerto Rico next week after he loses the Ultimate X Match! PR takes the time out to applaud himself for his Lightning Strike. The crowd applauds with him. COACH Such an egomaniac. COLE That egomaniac is in control of two of the Corporation’s biggest athletes! COACH This bizarre infatuation that you have with Tha Puerto Rican has got to stop, man! Seriously. It’s really weird and it’s creeping me out! COLE Oh come on! Don’t act like you weren’t riding Tha Puerto Rican’s jock for the past two years! COACH I once was lost but now am found. Was blind, but now I see! COLE Oh please! PRL gets up. Rock Hard Brickston runs towards him. SPINEBUSTER~!!! “YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” COACH Oh dear God! No! COLE It could be time! It could be time! The crowd is on its collective feet! The electricity flowing through the air! PRL runs his mouth as he walks on over to where Rock Hard Brickston is lying. PRL stands over Rock Hard Brickston…and kicks Brickston’s right arm onto his chest. COLE It could be time! It could be time! COACH Oh no! PRL removes his right elbow pad and throws it into the crowd. He does some weird hand signals--MR. BORICUA HITS PRL WITH A BIG BOOT!~! COACH HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! HAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! COLE Mr. Boricua cut off The Puerto Rico Elbow before it could happen! COACH THANK YOU, MR. BORICUA! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THAT! COLE PRL is down on the mat! The OAOAST Starbucks™ Double Shot Instant Replay shows Mr. Boricua’s big boot into Tha Puerto Rican’s face stopping The Puerto Rico Elbow again. We see it from a different angle. COACH Look at that! He NAILED him that time! He just drove his big size 15 foot into Tha Puerto Rican’s puny head! HA! I love it! COLE And I am sure Popick loved it too, watching it from the Corporation dressing room! COACH The Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation is back in control! CORPORATE Control if you will. COLE Oy vey. Mr. Boricua yells. He snorts, cranks his neck, yells, screams, and cracks his knuckles. Boricua snorts as he climbs over the top ring rope to exit the ring. Mr. B heads on over to lift the ring apron up so that he can search underneath the ring. COLE Uh-oh. It could be tables time! COACH Boricua…GET THE TABLES! Rock Hard Brickston stomps on Tha Puerto Rican while Mr. Boricua searches underneath the ring…and pulls out a table. The crowd boos loudly. Mr. Boricua screams as he looks at the table. COLE And there’s the table. All Boricua and Brickston have to do is put PR through it and they win the match for the SJPC! COACH I’m sure even Mr. Boricua can understand that! COLE He can hear you, Coach. COACH Oh boy. Mr. Boricua grunts and yells as he walks around the ringside area with the table in his hands. Boricua slides the table underneath the bottom ring rope, and then uses the second ring rope to get onto the ring apron. As Rock Hard Brickston chokes PRL with his right foot, Mr. Boricua enters the ring by climbing over the top ring rope. COLE PRL so desperate to get into the AngleMania VII main event that he willingly put his career on the line in a match against Spanish Fly next week. And he might be getting softened up for that match right now as we speak! COACH PRL wants to get another shot at the Title so bad, well, he’s going to have to pay for it now AND next week! Mr. Boricua yells. This gets Rock Hard Brickston’s attention. Brickston stops choking PRL. Mr. Boricua yells for Brickston to do something. Mr. Boricua picks the table up and sets it up right in the middle of the ring. “P.R.!” “P.R.!” COACH Here we go! This is going to be sweet! COLE Mr. Boricua and Rock Hard Brickston setting up for the finish! All they have to do is send PRL through a table and they win the match! COACH And they will! Come on guys! The table is set up in the middle of the ring. The crowd is anxious, worried for The People’s Champ. PRL is coughing, breathing hard, and sweating. He clutches his throat in pain. Mr. Boricua screams out loud. The crowd boos loudly. COLE This could be it! Rock Hard Brickston picks Tha Puerto Rican up. PRL is now fatigued. Brickston has an evil smile on his face as he grabs Tha Puerto Rican’s right hand and whips him--NO--PRL reverses, hooks both of Brickston’s arms, and gives him a Double-Armed DDT! COLE Double-Armed DDT on Rock Hard Brickston! PRL quickly gets back to a vertical base. Mr. Boricua charges towards him, but PRL grabs him and hooks him up! He takes Mr. Boricua towards the table. LATIN SLAM THROUGH THE TABLE~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 “YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” COLE Latin Slam! Latin Slam! Latin Slam through the table! The Latin Lion giving the 6’9” 300 pound Mr. Boricua a Latin Slam through the table! COACH Oh no! ******************************************* 1ST ELIMINATION: Mr. Boricua TIME OF ELIMINATION: 4:56 ELIMINATED BY: Tha Puerto Rican ******************************************* COLE PRL has already gotten one man! If he can send Brickston through a table he pulls off the upset! The crowd has come alive! PRL does a Flair Flop onto the mat! Mr. Boricua lies in the wreckage of the table, while Rock Hard Brickston starts to move on the mat. The OAOAST Starbucks™ Double Shot Instant Replay shows PRL’s Latin Slam on Mr. Boricua through the table. It is shown from two different angles. COLE PRL with a big time Latin Slam on the biggest member of the Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation, a fact which must not pleased Popick! COACH It doesn’t please ME! COME ON BRICKSTON! It’s all up to you! Make the Corporation proud! Send PRL straight through a table! Another “P.R.!” chant starts up. PR slowly pushes himself off of the mat and onto his knees. He then takes a deep breath, obviously winded now. He wipes the sweat off of his forehead and flicks it at Rock Hard and Mr. Boricua. COACH Eww. PRL has terrible hygiene! PRL has a smile on his face as he stands up straight and exits the ring. COLE Popick is probably biting his fingernails right now! What a boost mentally this would be for Tha Puerto Rican if he were to defeat TWO Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation members in a 2-On-1 Handicap Tables Match a week before he puts his career on the line in an Ultimate X Match against ANOTHER SJPC member! PRL walks around ringside, stopping at one corner to lift the ring apron up and search underneath the ring. COACH This isn’t good! This isn’t good at all! COLE The pendulum is swinging the other way, Coach! Tha Puerto Rican is in control of not one, but TWO Corporate members! He might end up defeating FOUR Corporation members in a single night! COACH He’ll choke! He’ll choke like he always does! And he’ll choke next week too, FOR THE LAST TIME! PRL searches some more underneath the ring…and pulls out another table! The crowd cheers loudly. PRL plays to the crowd with the table in his hands. He motions that he is going to “lay the smackdown on some corporate candy asses!” Puerto slides the table underneath the bottom ring rope and then slides underneath the bottom rope himself. PRL then grabs the table and sets it up. COACH Oh God. No! PRL is not gonna win BOTH of his matches tonight! Oh no! COLE PRL seems focused on the task at hand, even though he has a HUGE match coming up next week! COACH The 'PRL Farewell Tour' will continue tonight, Cole! It will! The crowd is rooting P.R. on. P.R. sets the table right in the middle of the ring. Puerto Rican motions that he is going to put Rock Hard Brickston through the table. COLE One more person and Tha Puerto Rican wins! PRL sees Mr. Boricua slide underneath the bottom ring rope and stand on the outside, his eyes glazed over. Rock Hard Brickston also slides underneath the bottom rope and staggers to his feet, holding his head in pain. TPR exits the ring and grabs Brickston--NO--Brickston springs to life and punches PR in the face several times! COACH Yes! Rock Hard’s punches stagger The Latin Lion! Brickston then grabs Puerto by his right hand and then whips him right into the STEEL ring steps! PR’s right shoulder crashes into the ring steps! COLE Oh my! PRL went crashing HARD into those STEEL steps! COACH There you go, Brickston! Do your thing, Rock Hard! Do your thing! Brickston lets out a mighty roar, which pisses off the fans. Brickston lunges at one fan in a “LAYETH THE SMACKETH DOWN” T-shirt, and then walks on over to pick Tha Puerto Rican up. COLE Rock Hard in control of a man he’s had many battles with in the past! COACH He’s beaten him several times in the past, and he’s going to beat him again tonight! Rock Hard Brickston grabs Tha Puerto Rican by his tights and throws him back into the ring. PRL is breathing hard, and holding his right shoulder in pain. Rock Hard Brickston enters the ring through the first and second ring ropes and then starts stomping on Tha Puerto Rican! COLE PRL is in a bad way here! Rock Hard Brickston gets on top of PRL and starts pummeling away at him, the table set up 3 feet away from the both of them! P.R. tries desperately to block the shots with his hands, but is unable to. Brickston stands up and yells at the crowd. ROCK HARD BRICKSTON LOOK AT YOUR HERO NOW! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” COLE Rock Hard Brickston turning his back on the fans last week to rejoin the Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation! COACH He didn’t turn his back on the fans. The fans turned their backs on him! COLE Oh come on! That’s a load of bullcrap! COACH No, it’s the truth! It’s the truth, Ruth! Ugh, I’m never going to say THAT again! Brickston pounds PRL some more, and then picks him up. Rock Hard Brickston grabs Tha Puerto Rican by his right hand and delivers an Irish whip into the opposite ropes--NO--PRL reverses…he holds on…and hooks Brickston up! COLE Here we go! The second elimination! COACH No! No! No! PRL has Brickston hooked up and takes him towards the table. LATIN SLA-- *WHACK!* MR. BORICUA HITS THA PUERTO RICAN IN THE BACK WITH A STEEL CHAIR! COACH YEAH BORICUA! COLE Mr. Boricua comes in just in the nick of time! COACH WAY TO GO BORICUA! WAY TO GO! Mr. Boricua throws the steel chair aside. Tha Puerto Rican is still holding on to Rock Hard Brickston, but his grip has loosened. So, Rock Hard Brickston shoves Tha Puerto Rican into the ropes. PRL bounces off of the ropes…Rock Hard Brickston grabs him…and lifts him up… MR. BORICUA DOES A DIAMOND CUTTER ON THA PUERTO RICAN THROUGH THE TABLE WHILE ROCK HARD BRICKSTON HOLDS ONTO PRL‘S WAIST~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111 COLE 3-D! A Dudley Death Drop on Tha Puerto Rican through the table! COACH YEAH-UH~! *DING DING DING* (6:55) ******************************************* FINAL ELIMINATION: Tha Puerto Rican TIME OF ELIMINATION: 6:55 ELIMINATED BY: Mr. Boricua and Rock Hard Brickston ******************************************* ******************************************* TEH WINNORS~! : Mr. Boricua and Rock Hard Brickston ELIMINATED: Tha Puerto Rican ******************************************* “No Chance In Hell” by Bradley Royds starts up again. Rock Hard Brickston pumps his fists in celebration while Mr. Boricua yells out and raises his hands in victory. The crowd boos loudly. BUFFER Here are your winners…the team of MISTER BORICUA AND ROCK HARDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD BRICKSTTTTTTTTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN! Tha Puerto Rican lies in the wreckage of the table, holding his stomach in pain. Mr. Boricua yells out once again, while Rock Hard Brickston raises his hands in victory. COLE It was within the rules, that being there are no rules! So, Mr. Boricua took that to his advantage using that steel chair to set up the 3-D, the Dudley Death Drop, and sealed the victory for the Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation! COACH EXCELLENT work from the Corporation! PRL went down and OUT! And it’s only going to get WORSE from here on out! Next week, next week Michael Cole, is the execution! The camera cuts to the Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation dressing room where Stephen Joseph Popick, Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick, Vitamin X, Princess Stacey and Cuban Wall all applaud Mr. Boricua and Rock Hard Brickston for their victory. STEPHEN JOSEPH POPICK Way to go, guys! MS. LINDSAY GONZALEZ-POPICK *Whistles* VITAMIN X BOO-YAH~! PRINCESS STACEY Excellent job! CUBAN WALL YES! POPICK Oh, look at P.R.! Look at him! He looks hurt! The poor guy looks hurt! LINDSAY Awww! Poor baby! POPICK You think we should go help him? LINDSAY Nah! He hasn’t suffered enough! POPICK Yeah, we’ll help him…tomorrow! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! The five Corporation members laugh uproariously at PRL’s misery. COLE The Corporation celebrating P.R.’s loss tonight! COACH And they’ll have even more reason to celebrate next week when Tha Puerto Rican LEAVES the OAOAST FOREVER! COLE That is in 7 days, Coach! But is this an omen? Is this a sign of things to come? Will Tha Puerto Rican be looking up at the ceiling watching Spanish Fly grab the contract to win the Ultimate X Match next Thursday night causing the end of his career? Or will PRL be able to recover from this loss and get the AngleMania title shot? COACH He choked tonight, and he’s going to choke again next Thursday night! And this time his choking will cost him his very career! Good riddance! “No Chance In Hell” continues playing as Mr. Boricua and Rock Hard Brickston continue celebrating inside of the ring. Tha Puerto Rican is still down on the mat, holding his stomach in pain. Mr. Boricua and Brickston see Tha Puerto Rican down on the mat…and then start stomping on him! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” COLE Now come on! That’s enough! The match is already over! COACH But the fun is just getting started! “No Chance In Hell” by Bradley Royds dies down. Mr. Boricua and Rock Hard Brickston stomp on Tha Puerto Rican until he is in the fetal position. The crowd boos loudly. “HEAT!” “HEAT!” “HEAT!” “HEAT!” COLE The fans want the other Badd Boy to come to the rescue! COACH He is not going to come! He’s too scared to come and fight Brickston AND Mr. Boricua! Brickston and Boricua pummel Tha Puerto Rican with their feet. The crowd chants for Colombian Heat to come out. The chanting stops and turns to cheers because COLOMBIAN HEAT runs down the entrance ramp! COLE Here comes Heat to the rescue! Colombian Heat slides into the ring! Mr. Boricua goes to attack, and gets hit in the head with a lead pipe! COACH Hey! COLE Heat has come equipped! He came prepared! As Mr. Boricua holds his head in pain, Colombian Heat slams the lead pipe across Rock Hard Brickston’s midsection! Heat then drops the lead pipe and starts punching Rock Hard in the face to the delight of the fans! COLE Heat going to work on Rock Hard Brickston! Heat will meet Popick for the World Heavyweight Title on the Leap Year Spectacular! COACH He’s going to choke just like his buddies did! He’s going to choke just like The Mad Cappa and Tha Puerto Rican did! Colombian Heat has Brickston good and dazed. He then kicks him in the stomach, turns around, grabs Brickston’s arms, and then-- SPANISH FLY LEAPS OFF OF THE TOP ROPE WITH A MISSILE DROPKICK ON COLOMBIAN HEAT!!!!!!!!! COLE No! Damnit! Damnit! COACH Hooray for Spanish Fly! COLE That damn Spanish Fly, attacking Colombian Heat AGAIN! COACH Hey, he deserved it! Attacking SJPC members with a lead pipe! How dare he!? Spanish Fly gets up and starts stomping on Colombian Heat! Rock Hard Brickston shakes the cobwebs out and joins in on the beatdown! The crowd boos loudly. COLE The two corporate sellouts beating up on Colombian Heat! COACH He’s the only former Lightning Crew member who hasn’t rejoined! COLE And I think he wants it to stay that way! Spanish Fly gets on top of Heat and punches him in the face repeatedly. Fly taunts his former best friend while Brickston stands guard over Fly. COLE The hopes of the Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation rests on Spanish Fly’s shoulders next week! It is up to Fly to make sure that Tha Puerto Rican never wrestles in the One And Only AngleSault Thread ever again! COACH And he’s going to do it! I believe in you, Fly! Everyone thinks Spanish Fly doesn’t stand a chance of beating Tha Puerto Rican, but then everyone thought that the New York Giants didn’t stand a chance of beating the New England Patriots, and look what happened! We are going to see the CORPROATE upset next week LIVE on HeldDOWN~! Spanish Fly chokes Colombian Heat while Rock Hard Brickston taunts him. The boos get even louder (as if that were possible) when Stephen Joseph Popick, Vitamin X, and Cuban Wall walk down the entrance ramp. COLE Oh now what!? COACH THE CHAMP IS HERE! COLE Shut up! Popick has an evil grin on his face as he walks up the ring steps. Vitamin X follows him, while Cuban Wall grabs the second ring rope to get onto the ring apron and enter the ring over the top ring rope. Popick looks down at PRL and laughs evilly. COLE Tha Puerto Rican is down, beaten, and Stephen Joseph Popick loves it! COACH He should. But he’ll love it even more when Tha Puerto Rican is down, beaten and RETIRED next week! Popick motions for PRL to be picked up. Rock Hard Brickston and Cuban Wall do so. Tha Puerto Rican is groggy, his eyes glazed over. The crowd chants for The Great One, but the chants don’t work as Vitamin X grabs the lead pipe dropped by Colombian Heat and hits PRL right in the ribs with it! COLE A shot to the ribs with that lead pipe! COACH Yes! I love it! X throws the lead pipe to Popick. Popick almost drops it, but regains it quickly. The OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion measures up Tha Puerto Rican, who is still being held by Brickston and Wall. *PING!* *PING!* *PING!* *PING!* *PING!* *PING!* Pipe shots all over Tha Puerto Rican’s body, the last one hitting PRL over the head! COLE The OAOAST World Champion demolishing his former client right now! PRL falls to the mat! His eyes are closed. Popick laughs at PR’s misery. The crowd boos loudly. Spanish Fly continues beating on Colombian Heat. Popick poses to nothing but jeers and insults. Cuban Wall and Vitamin X chuckle at the booing. COACH PRL might forfeit the match next week and retire right now after what he’s just gone through! COLE He won’t! He has too much pride! Too much ego to just forfeit! Even if he shows up with his ribs taped, with a concussion, feeling sore all over his body, he WILL compete next week in that Ultimate X Match! THAT is how much the AngleMania World Title shot means to him! COACH Well, he’s just making it even EASIER for Spanish Fly to beat him next week! COLE You may be right. As if he wasn’t in enough pain, Popick is softening him up further right now! POPICK Yo, Wall! Popick gives Wall a thumbs up. Cuban Wall nods his head. Cuban Wall grabs Tha Puerto Rican by his hair and picks him up. As he does this, Vitamin X and Mr. Boricua pick Colombian Heat up. *PING!* SPANISH FLY NAILS COLOMBIAN HEAT OVER THE HEAD WITH THE LEAD PIPE! COACH Way to go, little buddy! Spanish Fly sticks his tongue out and does a SHIMMY~!, mocking Heat! The crowd boos. COLE Spanish Fly just used that lead pipe on the head of Colombian Heat! COACH That brought back some memories, didn’t it, Heat? COLE That’s right! Popick hit Colombian Heat in the back of the head with a lead pipe the night the P.R./Popick alliance was formed! But that was then, this is now, and NOW, Colombian Heat AND Tha Puerto Rican are at the mercy of Stephen Joseph Popick! Colombian Heat lies on the mat, and a small cut appears on his forehead. Blood slowly starts dripping out from the cut on the unconscious Colombian Heat’s face. COLE Oh, he’s bleeding. He’s bleeding now! COACH Good. And believe it or not, we’re STILL not done yet! Cuban Wall has got a GOOZLE~! around PRL’s throat. Popick gives him the thumbs up. With Mr. Boricua, Popick, Spanish Fly, Vitamin X, and Rock Hard Brickston watching, Cuban Wall grabs PRL by the waistband of his tights and then lifts him up high into the air. COLE Look at that power! COACH Tremendous! Cuban Wall holds PRL up in the air…and then slams him back down to earth with a CHOKESLAM!!!!!! COLE Chokeslam! A Chokeslam on Tha Puerto Rican! COACH I LOVE IT! The SJPC members celebrate Cuban Wall’s Chokeslam. PRL lies knocked out on the mat. Colombian Heat is still bleeding. COLE How many times have we seen this? How many times over the past couple of years have we seen this done to Tha Puerto Rican’s enemies? Now it is being done to Tha Puerto Rican himself! COACH It is karma coming back to bite PRL in the ass! That’s what it is! COLE Stephen Joseph Popick is orchestrating this decimation of Tha Puerto Rican one week before he puts his career on the line in an Ultimate X Match! Popick tells PRL something and then tells Cuban Wall something. He motions for something to be given to him. Cuban Wall smiles evilly. Wall and Boricua pick Tha Puerto Rican up. PRL can barely stand up now. Mr. Boricua and Cuban Wall, both with evil smiles on their faces, shove PRL directly into Popick’s waiting hands! COLE What’s this!? Popick turns PRL around and applies a Full Nelson on him. The crowd immediately figures out what Popick is going to do and starts booing. Popick takes PRL over to a turnbuckle corner. COLE Oh no. Don’t tell me. Popick climbs the second rope. COACH No way! In street clothes!? Popick stands on the second turnbuckle. Popick jumps out, pulling Tha Puerto Rican over in a Full Nelson Suplex, but shifting his body so that he lands on his ass, giving PRL a Stone Cold Stunner in the process! Finality! COLE Finality! Finality on Tha Puerto Rican! COACH He’s doing it now because he’s not going to be able to do it at AngleMania VII! HA! HA! HA! Tha Puerto Rican drops onto the mat, spread-eagle. Popick dusts his hands, an evil grin on his face, a job well done. COLE Stephen Joseph Popick has once again made Tha Puerto Rican’s life a living hell! COACH Not just Tha Puerto Rican, but Colombian Heat too! Popick orders for someone to help him up. Vitamin X and Cuban Wall help their leader to his feet. Popick dusts himself off, Vitamin X helping him dust himself off. Popick tells X something and then the two of them laugh. COACH This is a scene that I’ll never forget! I love it! I love it so much! Stephen Joseph Popick, Vitamin X, Cuban Wall, Mr. Boricua, Rock Hard Brickston and Spanish Fly all raise their hands and smile evilly. Tha Puerto Rican lies on the mat spread-eagle, while Colombian Heat lies on the mat, his face bloodied, unconscious. Garbage gets thrown into the ring. The crowd boos loudly. COLE The Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation has left The Badd Boyz laying! COACH And it’s only going to get WORST for them from here on out! “No Chance In Hell” by Bradley Royds starts playing again. Garbage continues getting thrown into the ring. Stephen Joseph Popick tells his Corporation that it’s time to leave. Vitamin X holds the first and second ring ropes open for Popick to leave the ring, and then follows him. Spanish Fly, Cuban Wall, Mr. Boricua and Rock Hard Brickston all leave the ring, leaving The Badd Boyz to wallow away in pain on the mat. COLE The SJPC has come out strong tonight! But will they come out strong next week in the Ultimate X Match? COACH They will. I can feel it! Next week one annoying bug is squashed, and then the second one will get squashed on the Leap Year Spectacular! And then, THEN, we can have Cuban Wall vs. Stephen Joseph Popick at AngleMania VII in peace! COLE That's what Popick wants. That’s what Cuban Wall wants. But that’s not what these people want, and that’s DAMN SURE not what Tha Puerto Rican wants! COACH The people and PRL can do two things: nothing or LIKE IT! The Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation members walk up the entrance ramp, all smiling evilly, gloating over what they’ve just done. Meanwhile, back in the ring, Tha Puerto Rican is moving his arms around on the mat. COLE The Corporation with a HUGE victory tonight! PRL LOST the 2-On-1 Handicap Tables Match! The OAOAST HeldDOWN~! logo flashes across the screen. Cut to the ending of the 2-On-1 Handicap Tables Match starting with Tha Puerto Rican about to do the Latin Slam on Rock Hard Brickston. COACH Okay so, PRL was going to do his stupid Rock Bottom--I mean Latin Slam, on Brickston. But then look at this…BAM! Chairshot to the back from Mr. Boricua! But what’s this? Brickston holds onto PRL. Shoves him into the ropes! 3-D! 3-D! 3-D! Dudley…Death…Drop TRHOUGH the table! PRL is gone! The Corporation wins, and PRL chokes AGAIN! Can we see that again? A replay of the 3-D through the table is shown again from a different angle. COACH Thank you. YEAH! 3-D! 3-D! 3-D! I love it! PRL is OUT COLD! Another replay of the 3-D through the table is shown from another angle. COACH Cool! Thanks! 3-D! 3-D! 3-D! Yes! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! *Another* replay of the 3-D through the table is shown from yet *another* angle. COACH And again! 3-D! 3-D! 3-D! COLE Enough! The OAOAST HeldDOWN~! logo flashes across the screen. Cut to Stephen Joseph Popick, Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick, Vitamin X, Princess Stacey and Cuban Wall watching the ending of the match in the Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation dressing room. They all applaud and yell out in joy when Mr. Boricua and Rock Hard Brickston give Tha Puerto Rican the 3-D through the table. COLE And look at this! The Corporation celebrating when PRL got 3-D’d through the table. COACH Duh. It was their guys doing the 3-Ding! OF COURSE THEY’RE GONNA CELEBRATE, YOU IDIOT! COLE I was hoping they’d feel a little sympathy for their former boss, but I guess I shouldn’t be surprised at how happy they were. COACH If you think they are happy now, just wait until next Thursday night when Tha Puerto Rican is RETIRED thanks to Spanish Fly! The OAOAST HeldDOWN~! logo flashes across the screen again. Cut back to live action as Stephen Joseph Popick, Cuban Wall, Mr. Boricua, Vitamin X, Spanish Fly and Rock Hard Brickston walk up to the entrance stage. Tha Puerto Rican is on his side, shaking, holding his ribs in pain as “No Chance In Hell” continues playing. Colombian Heat is still unconscious and bleeding on the mat. COLE Are we just 7 days away from the end of Tha Puerto Rican’s career? Or are we just 7 days away from Cuban Wall losing his GUARANTEED OAOAST World Championship Match at AngleMania VII? It’s going to be a Valentine’s Day to remember, that’s for sure! COACH For PRL, next week will be HIS St. Valentine’s Day Massacare! And for Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick, it will be the absolute BEST Valentine’s Day gift that she’s ever gotten! COLE Popick promised Lindsay that the end of Tha Puerto Rican’s career will be his Valentine’s Day gift to her. But for now, Popick and his Corporation have beaten PRL to a pulp! COACH It’s just like Anglepalooza all over again! COLE Uh…not quite. Stephen Joseph Popick, Cuban Wall, Vitamin X, Spanish Fly, Rock Hard Brickston and Mr. Boricua all join hands and raise their hands in victory, posing on the entrance stage with evil smiles on their faces to LOUD boos. Popick puts seven fingers up and says, “Seven days.” Cuban Wall has a cocky smirk on his face as he does a cutthroat hand gesture. Spanish Fly points at PRL and says, “You’re mine next week!” before doing a crotch chop. Vitamin X does a Shane-O-Mac Shuffle and says, “IT’S OVAH~!” Rock Hard Brickston laughs maniacally and says some derogatory things about PRL. Mr. Boricua yells, snorts, grunts, cracks his knuckles and growls. Tha Puerto Rican is on his stomach and is staring at the SJPC members. COLE Next week’s HeldDOWN~! will be one for the ages! The first ever Valentine’s Day HeldDOWN~! headlined by the Ultimate X Match between Spanish Fly and Tha Puerto Rican! If Tha Puerto Rican wins, then he goes on to OAOAST AngleMania VII to challenge for the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship! But if Spanish Fly wins, then Tha Puerto Rican must retire from the sport of professional wrestling! HUGE stakes involve for Tha Puerto Rican AND everyone in the Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation! It’s all or nothing for PRL next week! COACH He’s gonna choke! No way can he do it! He’ll crack under all of the pressure! COLE Tha Puerto Rican is a desperate man! He is desperate to go to AngleMania VII to challenge for the World Heavyweight Title! In an act of desperation he has put his own career on the line for a Title shot! Like the old saying goes, ’Desperate men do desperate things.’ But will PRL pay for his act of desperation next week when he has what could quite possibly be his final match on HeldDOWN~!? The final match of his career? Fans, thank you for tuning into this week’s HeldDOWN~! For Jonathan Coachman, I’m Michael Cole saying so long from Mobile, Alabama! We’ll see you next week LIVE from Montreal, Quebec, Canada for St. Valentine’s Day HeldDOWN~! Stephen Joseph Popick, Cuban Wall, Vitamin X, Spanish Fly, Rock Hard Brickston and Mr. Boricua all continue laughing maniacally and smiling evilly on the entrance stage. Colombian Heat lies on the mat, still unconscious, still bloodied. Trash continues getting thrown into the ring, and at the same time, trash gets thrown in the general direction of the members of the Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation on the entrance stage. Stephen Joseph Popick, Cuban Wall, Vitamin X, Spanish Fly, Rock Hard Brickston and Mr. Boricua all look at Tha Puerto Rican and laugh maniacally and smile evilly. Tha Puerto Rican lies on his stomach in the ring, holding his ribs in pain, staring a hole through the members of the Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation. His face is shaking, red not with blood, but with RAGE~! The camera does a close-up of Tha Puerto Rican’s ANGRY face, his veins bulging and his eyes popping out. Tha Puerto Rican grinding his teeth together and breathing hard while sweat pours down his face is the last image that we see before we fade to black, ending this week’s edition of OAOAST HeldDOWN~!. FADE TO BLACK Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted February 8, 2008 Please enjoi the post show entertainment courtesy of reh dogg aka patty o'green Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
