Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted February 16, 2008 (edited) PRESENTED IN HD The criminally underrated Ultimate Victory along with the fancifully produced intro video welcomes thousands millions of viewers across this fair land to the greatest send up of a professional wrestling show in television history, OAOAST HeldDOWN~! As the video draws to a close with Zack Malibu standing atop a cliff glaring over his shoulder we're brought to the logo, which a certain someone said he'd redesign! Skipping past the opening fireworks and preamble that plauge other wrestling performances, our view cuts straight to the announcers, who wear matching khaki pants and orange polo shirts. Its so cute when couples dress alike! COLE Folks, Michael Cole on hand with Johnathan Coachman for the biggest HeldDOWN of the year! Never mind there only being six other shows, and most of them only had two or three matches, this show is big! Enormous even, and its a true pleasure to be able to call it. In our main event of the evening, Landon Maddix will look to best his old partner Todd Cortez and force his service in La Cucaracha International! Though Landon has the accolades and the titles behind him, you still have to think Cortez has a great chance for victory. COACH Get ya non thinking ass into the ladies washroom and gab about bitches wear at the Grammys, you don't know nothing bout no wrestling. Landon Maddix runs his own wrestling company, has held both SWF and OAOAST world titles, and leads the stable that turned the careers of James Blonde, Faqu, and Nate Black around. Todd Cortez has a nice finisher. Homeboy bout to get tooled on. Gonna go crawling back to Landon like Varjeo to the Cavs. Bron Bron oughta smack Sideshow Bob up. COLE Be that as it may, we will also see Tha Puerto Rican fighting for a main event slot at Anglemania and his career, as he takes one time ally Spanish Fly in the first ever Ultimate X match in HeldDOWN~! history! Amazing! COACH Yo, homeboy done. He done, son. Take ya rock impersonating ass to the indys where your sorry kind belongs. No respect goes to a dude taking the next man's hustle. COLE Hmmmm. In addition to that The Beverly Hills Blonds make their first HeldDOWN appearance of 2008. Unfortunately its against mult time angle award winner, Krista Isadora Duncan! And we also have our two conference final matches in the Anderson Cup! Very huge! Any last minute predictions? COACH You hexagon mouthed bitch your pussy is single handedly keeping mexico's economy above the poverty line. LA RAZA! COLE I have a very dainty, femininely formed mouth, I'll have you know. Folks, let's go to the ring for the start of the show! BUFFER The following non-title match is scheduled for one fall. Currently in the ring, from the Palmetto State… COACH South Carolina for all you idiots out there. BUFFER …Casey O’Neil and Scott Sampson! Sampson and O’Neil heel it up to a chorus of BOOS, which quickly become CHEERS as "Thriller" by Fall Out Boy cues in the background. BUFFER Their opponents, from San Antonio, Texas, total combine weight 487 pounds, the One & Only tag team champions of the world... JOCK MULLIGAN and BARON WINDELS… THE LONE STAR GUNSLINGEERRRRRSSSS!! “YYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!” COLE As the premier tag team in the sport today head to the square circle, let’s hear for the first time since Anglepalooza from Melody Nerdly in this pre-recorded message. * SWOOSH * We cut to Melody with an XBOX 360 controller in one hand and bowl of ice cream on her lap as she rests comfortably on her bed surrounded by stuffed animals and flowers. MELODY Hey everybody. After letting me into your homes every week for the past year now I’m letting you into mine! Sucks that I can’t be there live supporting Jock and Baron, but I want you all to know even though I’m still a bit shaken up from what happened at Anglepalooza I’m doing fine. I’ve spent my downtime playing video games, illegally downloading music and reading all the kind messages left on my MySpace page. As for when I’ll be back I don’t know…but I will be back! * SWOOSH * COACH Do the world a favor and stay home. As the video concludes, the Gunslingers bum-rush the ring and beat the snot out of Sampson and O’Neil, pummeling them with Texas sized right hands. * DINGDINGDING * COLE Oh, man. Here they go! This match signed to give Jock and Baron the opportunity to release some steam and they’re doing just that. COACH These guys are a menace to society, Mikey. Forget Britney. 5150 the Lone Star Gunslingers. Sampson and O’Neil are whipped in and back dropped. They pop up only to get knocked right back down courtesy of stereo dropkicks. Out to the floor goes Sampson, leaving O’Neil at the mercy of Jock and Baron, who send him in for the ride… ARKANSAS TOOTHPICK! COACH Inexperienced as they are, Casey O’Neil and Scott Sampson aren’t a couple of lightweights in there. They’re big guys. What would you say, Cole -- about 6’1, 6’2 respectively? COLE I’d say that’s about right. Motivated by Melody and fueled by anger the Lone Star Gunslingers are. And we certainly send our best to Melody who’s back home watching like millions of others on TSM. The cover! ONE… TWO… NO! The Gunslingers aren’t done yet. Baron rams Casey into the buckle and tags Jock. Irish whip, and O’Neil gets caught with the Texas Twister’s RUNNING BUTT THUMP! COLE BITE MY SHINY METAL ASS!! Jock covers, but he rolls off as Sampson DROPS THE ELBOW ON HIS PARTNER! “YEAH!” SAMPSON Baron decks Sampson with a right and the Gunslingers take care of him with a double big boot, or LOLLERSKATES! COACH Hey ref, there’s only supposed to be 2 guys in the ring at a time. We’ve got both Gunslingers in there. With Sampson out of the picture, the Gunslingers easily (LONE STAR) LASSO O’Neil for the… ONE.. TWO… THREE! * DINGDINGDING * BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, here are your winners, the One & Only World tag team champions… THE LONE STAR GUNSLINGEERRRRRSSSS!! “YYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!” The celebration is short-lived as THE HEAVENLY ROCKERS strike. Logan Mann comes off the top with a DOUBLE KNEEDROP ONTO JOCK, while Synth WHACKS BARON WITH A BASEBALL BAT! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!” COLE DAMN THEM! COACH The Heavenly Rockers delivering their own brand of justice here, Cole, beating the Gunslingers with the very bat they attacked them with last week. Logan shoves the referee out to the floor before spiking Jock head-first into the canvas with a PERCUSSION DDT! Baron receives a double dose as the Heavenly Rockers drop him on his skull. COLE Somebody needs to come out here and stop this. Where’s the help, damnit?! Synth pins Jock’s arm down with his foot as Logan winds up to bat… “YYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!” …but they hightail it as the CHRIST AIR EXPRESS, the brothers of Melody Nerdly, hit the ring armed with STEEL CHAIRS. COLE Thank God for MARV and Mel. The Heavenly Rockers were going to break Jock’s arm and would’ve done so had it not been… COACH For those measly Nerdlys, the Christ Air Express. Shouldn’t they be worried about their Anderson Cup match later on? COLE What a chaotic scene we have out here. Fans, we’ll try to restore order after this brief timeout, and when we come back, we'll hear from The Billion Dollar Heir Theodore Moneymaker! Stay with us! COMMERCIAL The return from the commercial break brings us to the backstage area, where Terry Taylor, in the official Anglemania baseball jersey, stands beside Enterprise CEO, Theodore Moneymaker, dressed for impressively in a flashy baby blue suit. TAYLOR Ladies and gentlemen, joining me at this moment is the Billion Dollar Heir Theodore Moneymaker, soon to be competing against the Sooner Bruisers in his huge conference final Anderson Cup match. But, bigger then that, because it affects your bank account, you've recently completed the surprising purchase of Miss Spezia's Sweeties cookie company from Alix. Many of us saw your press conference earlier this week and read the articles in the newspapers and heard you speak on CNBC, but I was wondering if you might give the OAOAST viewers some insight into the mega sale. MONEYMAKER Another day, another HeldDOWN, eh Terry? This person doesn't like this person, that person wants to fight this person, on and on it proceeds and the mindless masses gobble it up like a pack of strays gobble out a tossed out bag of snausages. Then they wag their little tails and sit stupid eyed waiting for more. What interesting high level dramas we're exposed to in the OAOAST. What boring, mundane, humdrum petty dramas we're exposed to in the OAOAST. Terry Taylor, what separates me from the faceless pack of useless OAOAST characters is that I exist in the real world first and foremost. When HeldDOWN ends Theodore Moneymaker doesn't shut down and magically come back to life the following Thursday. Theodore Moneymaker is a daily, weekly, monthly, yearly event that's making moves in the real world. Big moves. The kind of moves nobody in the Moneymaker family has ever had the balls to make! If you asked them if they'd plunk down the cash needed to buy Miss Spezia's Sweeties, they'd flatout say no. Not because they don't have it, just because its owner is a lesbian and a liberal. Worse then doing business with a dyed in the wool Green Party voting Satanist. Not me. I have my beliefs, but I also my intellect! I know where the real enemy lies. The real enemy lies in not continually pushing yourself for more. That's why I cant respect these guys like The Love Doctors or Rescue 911, they're doing the same thing now that they were doing last year. Jack shit. BWAHHHAHHHAHA. You've got to be pushing for more, don't you see. Continually trying to be the best. With the purchase of Miss Spezia's Sweeties I keep on pushing. TAYLOR But wouldn't you say your ability to buy the company maybe has something to do with Alix's alerted state of mind? Alix loves that place and it makes a lot of money, I find it hard to believe she'd ever sell it to you if she were thinking clearly. MONEYMAKER Explain your accusation, so I know why I'm going to have to choke you unconscious. BWHAHAHAHA! TAYLOR Well, lately published reports have described her behavior as erratic, strange, and exhibiting signs of poor mental health. Poorer, I should say. She's just got her big time record deal, and she's already replaced her agent, won't speak to the publicist the label assigned to her, and allegedly holed herself up in her home in LA for three days, refusing to go to the studio then showed up without any explanation as to her whereabouts. And I'd hate to bring this up, but there's reports that's she's been seen engaged in illegal drug use at clubs around her hometown of Los Angeles. MONEYMAKER Allegedly, reports, speculations. Do you have any understanding of the meaning behind these words? They are baseless ponderings without any root in factual occurrence. If her behavior were erratic, if her mental health was in even more unstable condition, do you not think, I, as her financial manager and appointed caretaker of her estate would have her hospitalized? If she really did refuse to speak to her publicist wouldn't that set off alarm bells that a woman who's been signed for one month is making enormous stink? Think about that, Terry Taylor. With the proliferation of paparazzi around the Los Angeles area don't you think you might possibly, perhaps, just maybe see some pictures of her in a club, actually doing drugs out in the open? And then don't you think we might see further pictures of her being carted off to rehab? Alix sold me her baby because she is aware there is no better man to take the company to the highest level of success. She hasn't the time or the will to micromanage its every nuance, she is now busy with recording her surefire smash hit album, Beauty Crush. If I were you Terry Taylor, that's where my focus on Alix Maria Spezia would be. Not on these sad, sad lies.You want to achieve some respectability beyond being the mid level announcer on a mid level tv show aimed at mid level minds? Keep your focus on Alix's CD, Beauty Crush. But most of all keep it away from malicious rumors spread by Krista isadora Duncan and her camp of rabid cretins. TAYLOR You can't be serous, you think Krista is spreading rumors about the woman she loves? MONEYMAKER You simple chimp, join me in reality! It happens all the time in these celebrity feuds, don't you know? Britney and K-Fed, Denise and Charlie, Lauren and Heidi, and now Alix and Krista. What these reports you bring up are are nothing besides the shrill bitter minsformation from a scorned shrew angry that her ex-girlfriend is achieving new levels of fame without her. And then there's the fact that Alix told Mackenize of the existence of Krista's child to save Mackenzie's job. Krista wants vengeance and there's no place she won't sink to get it. Of course she'll spend her life making up and feeding these lies. Its what horrible, jealous creatures like her do. I just hope the American public isn't as gullible as the American media. Alix deserves such better treatment. TAYLOR Okay, well, that's your take on the situation. MONEYMAKER There's no take. There's the truth and there's simpleton who can't see the basic logic of society neatly served on an easily digestible platter. Get with it, moron. TAYLOR Very, well. Um, let's talk about The Sooner Bruisers. MONEYMAKER Why? What's the point? I know they've got the audience behind them, but that doesn't validate wasting my time with asking me to speak on them. The fans love to root for the underdog. But so what? Its the American way. At halftime in a big football game when one team is getting their asses kicked inside out, we say a silent prayer, we pray we hope that they'll in someway shape or form turn it around, and beat those cocky sons of bitches, yeah, we love it when someone comes up from behind, and really gives it to those arrogant bastards! But, besides this past Super Bowl how often does that happen? Never. Because you're an underdog for a reason. The Bruisers are microscopic speck of space dust floating aimlessly in the big void of space. But if you look a bit to your left you'll see this huge orange gaseous ball of flames, that's the sun, that's what the earth revolves around. That's The Enterprise, and should the Bruisers venture near it, they will get torched. Burned. Scorched to nothingness. Absolute nothingness, Terry Taylor, do you get me? TAYLOR I think so. Yes, I think so. OAOAST fans stick around because the first of our two conference final matches are coming up! COMING UP NEXT Miracle Weirdness Connection Conference Finals ENTERPRISE VS SOONER BRUISERS NEXT COMMERCIAL Edited February 16, 2008 by Patty O'Green Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted February 16, 2008 (edited) As viewers across the globe return to their couches they're treated to the image of Michael Buffer positioned inside the ring. BUFFER The following Anderson Cup bout is scheduled for one fall with a 45 minute time limit and is for the Miracle Weirdness Connection Conference Championship! "Frankenstein" by Edgar Winter blasts through the loud speakers and the Sooner Bruisers emerge as the clear favorites in our next match. BUFFER Introducing first, hailing from the great state of Oklahoma, at a total combined weight of 530 pounds and ranked second in the MWC Conference, the former professional wrestling tag team champions of the world, BIG FRANK and UBER... THE SOOOOOOOOONNEEEEEEERRRRRRRR... BBRRRRRRUUUUUUUIIIIIISSEEEEERRRRRSSSSS!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" Oiled from head to toe is Big Frank, but even more noticeable is the heavily bandage left knee and slight limp of Uber. COLE There you see the battle scar from last week's encounter with the Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew, whom the Bruisers defeated to advance to the MWC Conference Finals here tonight. COACH And you know what they say about a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest. Which is why things are about to get quite interesting. Tailored suits, show of your cars Fine hotels and big cigars Up for grabs, up for a price With the biggest shit-eating grins imaginable on their faces, Theodore Moneymaker and Christian Wright are rather jovial for two men about to square off against the most punishing tag team in OAOAST history. Perhaps still giddy over the acquisition of Mrs. Spezia's Cookies. BUFFER And their opponents, being led down the aisle by their Chief Financial Officer, MACKENZIE DECENZO, and Director of Security, CPA. Representing the Enterprise, the top ranked team in the MWC Conference, also former tag team champions...CHRISTIAN WRIGHT and THEODORE MONEYMAKER!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Moneymaker asks for and receives the microphone from Michael Buffer. THEODORE Cut the music. * music dies * THEODORE Bruisers, as independent contractors I know you're forced to live paycheck to paycheck like all the other nickel-and-dimers in the arena and watching at home. I also know Big Frank that your brother is nursing a boo-boo that may require surgery later down the line without the proper rehabilitation program, the kind of which you won't receive under the OAOAST's healthcare plan, or lack thereof. So I'm prepared to offer you the deal of a lifetime. For walking away with your personal welfare in tact, I'm willing to PAY for the treatment Uber rightly deserves. That means the finest doctors money can buy will ensure you'll never have to miss any time and therefore a payday if you accept my offer. Because I'm in such a good mood tonight, I'll even include a cool million dollars for each of you! BIG FRANK Throw in the broad and you got a deal. MACKENZIE THEODORE Gentlemen... Mackie begins nodding, as if saying, you put them in their place Teddy. THEODORE ...it's been a pleasure doing business with you. MACKENZIE COLE I can't believe Theodore Moneymaker just pimped out his Chief Financial Officer. COACH Who says Mr. Moneymaker is partisan? He used a page out of the Clinton playbook! Although that means you're about to be suspend for your "pimped out" comment, Mikey. MACKENZIE No, I'm seeing Alix. BIG FRANK Girl, I don't know if you're a hardcore dyke or just bi, but once I insert my disc into your drive you'll forget about the rest and come with the best. On second thought, you're a bit tacky for my tastes. The Superfreak may like 'em a bit freaky but they also need to be classy, and you ain't got no class for me to start tapping that ass. Mackie SLAPS Big Frank. "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Known for his short temper, code for ROID RAGE, Big Frank moves in on Mackenzie but is confronted by CPA. BIG FRANK You better sit your ass down before I knock you on it! "YYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" CPA removes his sleeveless t-shirt in response and gears up for war. So focused are Big Frank and Uber on the Enterprise's Director of Security, Theodore Moneymaker and Christian Wright slip behind them undetected. And Wright BLASTS Big Frank with his BRIEFCASE, sending the Man of Tomorrow flying out to the floor as Moneymaker delivers a CHOP BLOCK on Uber!!! COLE For the second week in a row a chop block has been used to bring Uber down. That move has no purpose in professional wrestling and ought to be outlawed in my opinion. It can end a man's career, damn it. COACH Uber has only himself to blame, Cole. It's not Teddy's fault the guy is totally unaware of his surroundings. You wouldn't see him or CW get clipped I promise you that. Ever the opportunist, Christian Wright slams the briefcase down on the bandage knee of Uber Bruiser just before referee Earl Hebner signals for the bell, sliding it over to Mackenzie once he‘s through. * DINGDINGDING * Wright rips off the knee pad/bandage on Uber's leg and with Moneymaker's help drags him to their corner, where they repeatedly slap his leg across the ring post! "OW, OW, OW...OWWWWWWWW!" The fans HOWL in support of the Psycho Gremlin, who's also howling but in pain. COACH Who'd have thought the Sooner Bruisers would become such fan favorites a year ago? COLE The fans certainly love their smash mouth style of wrestling. Winning isn't enough for them, they want to beat you up in the process! But right now they're the ones getting beat up. Whatever's in that briefcase of Christian Wright's has knocked Big Frank loopy. Right on cue, we cut to a shot of the Man of Tomorrow struggling to his feet. Inside, a tag has been made and after stretching the hamstring Theodore Moneymaker locks on the FIGURE-4 LEGLOCK!! COACH With the condition Uber's knee is in, you gotta wonder how much longer he can go, Cole. Then again, he's stupid enough to risk his career just to prove he's a big tough guy. COLE The Bruisers are built like tanks, and you can't break a tank. The Psycho Gremlin steadfastly refuses to quit, the perspiration dripping off his red face as he grits his teeth in a desperate attempt to block the pain. Senior official Earl Hebner right there to make the call, face to face with Uber...but it opens the door for Teddy and CW to lock hands for added leverage! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" A split second behind the crowd, Earl turns and sees nothing but CW chatting with CPA in the corner. Suddenly Mackie begins screaming "He tapped out. He tapped out!" EARL Played like a fool, Earl asks Uber if he tapped. "No!" howls the Psycho Gremlin, pointing behind the official as Teddy and CW lock hands again. COLE Damn it, Earl. Turn around! Everybody in the arena sees the illegal double-team except the guy in the stripes. Unbelievable. Earl takes another look, but now CW is chatting with Mackie. He questions Wright and of course he denies any shenanigans. BIG FRANK has enough. Having shook off the cobwebs, the Man of Tomorrow storms inside and breaks the grip of Christian Wright and Theodore Moneymaker, spiking the Billion Dollar Heir with a big elbow before knocking CW off the apron!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" The MWC top seed and high ranking Enterprise members are fast to regroup, as Moneymaker and Wright tag. Clawing towards his corner, Uber is drilled by a MIDDLE ROPE ELBOW DROP! ONE... TWO... KICKOUT, AND WITH AUTHORITY! COLE Down but not out is Uber Bruiser. Still a lot of fight left in the Psycho Gremlin. CW measures Uber and drops him with a SUPERKICK. Rather than go for the cover Wright grapevines the legs and applies the WALLSTREET CLOVERLEAF!! COACH Another painful submission hold right there, Cole. If Uber doesn't put his pride aside he's gonna leave with a broken leg. "UBER!" "UBER!" "UBER!" Too far away from the ropes Uber must somehow escape Wright's clutches or quit. Needless to say, he chooses the former and displays a tremendous amount of upper body strength PUSHING UP AND OUT to flip Christian Wright over! MACKENZIE ONE... TWO... KICKOUT! COLE How about that? Uber was simply trying to get out of the Wallstreet Cloverleaf and nearly scored the pin. COACH That surprised him as much as it did CW. As you said, Uber was just looking for a way out of the hold and almost got the 1-2-3. Christian got trapped underneath for a second. A couple of seconds to be exact. Wright rolls to his corner to make the tag and Moneymaker catches the Psycho Gremlin with a BILLION $ KNEELIFT, then drops A FISTFUL OF DOLLARS. ONE... TWO... KICKOUT! The Billion Dollar Heir smashes Uber's shin down onto his bent knee, then goes for the figure-4...but Uber kicks him in the rear and Theodore smacks his face into the turnbuckle, stumbling back into the arms of Uber Bruiser and a RELEASE GERMAN SUPLEX! "YYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" Unfortunately for the Bruisers, Moneymaker lands near the Enterprise side of the ring and easily tags out. Christian Wright sneaks up behind Uber, now on his feet and facing his corner, and brings him down with an INVERTED DDT! ONE... TWO... THR-- NO!! WRIGHT The Natural stomps Uber hard in the chest and sets him up for a piledriver, with Theodore Moneymaker ready to spike him from the top...but the Psycho Gremlin COUNTERS with a BACKDROP and catches Moneymaker on the way down in a POWERSLAM!! "OW, OW, OW...OWWWWWWWW!" With his two major obstacles out of the way, Uber is finally able to make the (HOT) TAG! "YYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" Big Frank nails Christian with a series of right hands, then fires him off and delivers a PRESS SLAM! Moneymaker receives a slam of his own but of the traditional variety. Kick to the gut double CW over, and the Man of Tomorrow follows up with a TIGER BOMB!! ONE... TWO... THR-- NO!!! The pin is broken up by Theodore Moneymaker. He rakes Big Frank's eyes and sets for an Irish whip, but it's reversed and the Billion Dollar Heir gets taken around the world for free in a TILT-A-WHIRL SLAM!! COLE The Bruisers are leaving Theodore Moneymaker and Christian Wright black and blue. COACH This referee has lost control of the match, Cole. Big Frank's gouging eyes, pulling hair and I think even uttered something anti-Semitic. COLE (appalled) He did no such things. Big Frank signals for the FRANKENSTENER and shoots CW in, but CPA trips him up and the Man of Tomorrow lands hard on the canvas. "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Wright shakes off the cobwebs and readies Big Frank for a Stockmarket Crash, but it's blocked twice and Big Frank counters with the 69 DRIVER!!! MACKENZIE ONE... TWO... THREE! * DINGDINGDING * CPA is too late breaking up the pin, and Big Frank rolls out to the floor to celebrate with his little brother who can barely stand. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the winners of the match, advancing to the Finals of the 2008 Anderson Cup... THE SOOOOOOOOONNEEEEEEERRRRRRRR... BBRRRRRRUUUUUUUIIIIIISSEEEEERRRRRSSSSS!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" * CUE REPLAY * COACH If any move should be outlawed it's the 69 Driver. Somebody could break a neck. COLE Just like a chop block could break a leg. COACH Yeah, but nobody sells a plastic neck like they do a leg. The replay ends and we cut back to the Bruisers with their hands raised in triumph on the stage. COLE So the Sooner Bruisers advance to the Anderson Cup Finals. And we'll be back with words from our boss Anglesault after this! COMMERCIAL As we return to HeldDOWN~!, "Medal" is playing in the background as the one and only AngleSault stands in the ring. ANGLESAULT Okay, thank you for that warm, Canadian welcome. A mixed reaction goes up for America's favourite hero (give or take), drawing a grin from AS. ANGLESAULT Now we've still got some great action to come here tonight and I don't want to waste too much of your time. But the past few weeks have thrown up a situation that I need to tend to. As soon as possible. With that in mind, I want to bring to the ring now the former World Champion, "The Franchise", ladies and gentlemen ZACK MALIBU! "Getting Away With Murder" blares out through the arena as Zack steps out in his street gear and a fancy new Zack Malibu t-shirt, available now at OAOAST.com! Despite not looking in the best of moods Zack still finds it within him to slap some hands on his way to the ring. Zack opts for a more formal handshake with AS though as he takes a mic. "ZACK!" "ZACK!" "ZACK!" "ZACK!" ANGLESAULT And, I'd also like to bring out one other man, "The Meterosexual Monster"... BOHEMOTH! *BbwWbAhmotherfuckerLlIiiBbbEErRrAATtTeeyYyOUUurRrMmmMmMiIInNnDddDd!!* "YYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" Looking a little surprised at this development, Zack gives AngleSault a disapproving look as the always pimping Bohemoth heads out, in customary style with a crisp black suit. Bo ignores the hands as he stares down into the ring as Zack. And it all threatens to break down as Zack walks over to the ropes to say something, only to be ushered back by AngleSault. COLE The OAOAST President is putting himself into the breach here tonight. Between Zack Malibu and Bohemoth, who were uncontrollable two weeks ago to the point that Bohemoth was banned from the arena last week to prevent a repeat. COACH If they come over here again, he'll be hearing from my attorneys. Hazardous work conditions. Bo climbs into the ring and AngleSault is again called into action, stepping between Zack and Bo as they threaten to go nose to nose, at best! ANGLESAULT ENOUGH! ENOUGH! The two begrudgingly back up a little. ANGLESAULT We're not going down that road again. Not tonight. We're going to settle this amicably, whether you two like it or not, because the last thing I need is two of my top stars tearing each other apart every week and causing chaos everywhere they go. So settle down... please. Now, it seems like this whole 'friendly rivalry' thing you two have going has crossed the line. You two have lost your heads. And it's over this. Play the footage. Scooping up Zack, Bohemoth goes for a Spinebuster, but finds himself trapped in a front guillotine choke and unable to drop The Franchise. Zack wraps the body-scissors on and tries to choke Bo out, the two bypassed by Alfdogg who targets PRL in the corner and tries to dump him out to collect himself a cool million! COACH Yes, if anyone's gonna collect the bounty, it's gotta be Alf! He did it before and he's going to do it again. Let's face it, the bounty Stephen Joseph put up shits all over the 100,000 Alf picked up two years ago. COLE And if Alf does eliminate PRL, it certainly won't be for Popick's benefit. PRL hangs on, as Bohemoth begins to fade in the middle of the ring. Realising he's going out, Bohemoth makes a charge forward and runs Zack into the one neutral corner in the ring sending his lower back hard into the top turnbuckle. Zack refuses to relinquish the front chancre though. Bohemoth staggers away, already feeling the effects of entering at number 5, even without this chokehold. He turns and runs forward again, this time into a NON neutral corner. Vitamin X gets sandwiched in the corner and goes down, but Zack still hangs onto the choke and Bohemoth is fading fast. "BO!" "BO!" "BO!" "BO!" Just as he starts to sink forward though, Bohemoth gets a surge of energy and with a low roar he muscles Zack back up before charging again... ...dumping Zack over the ropes!! Zack realises he's in trouble and hangs on for grim life, bringing Bohemoth over with him by the neck... COACH Look out! ...AND THEY BOTH CRASH TO THE ARENA FLOOR!!!!! COLE I don't believe it... they're BOTH gone! Zack and Bohemoth are OUT! A loud groan goes up through the Philips Arena, two of the favourites both in chances and crowd support eliminated in one split second. Hitting the floor with a thud, the two untangle themselves and pull themselves back up as referees come across to point them to the back. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Back to live in the arena and that footage has done nothing to improve the mood, as Zack and Bo exchange words over what they just saw. ANGLESAULT Okay, settle down. Look at yourselves would you? What's all this sour grapes about? Are you two really stooping to THAT level, huh? SULKING over not winning the Rumble? ZACK Hey, I can't speak for anyone else, but I've got nothing to sulk about. If you roll that video on, you'll see me getting SHOVED in the chest after we hit the floor, so maybe you'd better ask the guy doing the shoving what his problem is? If anyone's tasting sour grapes around here it seems like the guy who couldn't keep his balance and saw his clumsy ass fall over the top. Marching across the ring, Bohemoth grabs AngleSault's microphone. BOHEMOTH You know Zack I think that footage speaks for itself. If anyone's a sore loser around here it's you! "OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHH!" ZACK Is that so? Is that so? BOHEMOTH Yeah it is so and you damn well know it Malibu! Everybody just saw it. I HAD you, okay? I picked you up and I threw you over those ropes, you were history! I eliminated you from the Lethal Rumble. But you couldn't HANDLE IT! You knew there was no chance of you surviving from that point but you still clung onto my neck all the same and you brought me over the top, because once you realised it was over for Zack Malibu, you couldn't HANDLE the thought that I'd go one better than you, maybe even win the Rumble! You figured that if you were going down, you'd take me with you! You couldn't ACCEPT the fact that our friendly competi... ZACK If you didn't want the competition coming into it, you wouldn't have tried to dump me out earlier on! You got that footage 'Sault? ANGLESAULT As a matter of fact we do. Rolling his eyes, Bo glances up at the screen... Losing the facelock Cone drops Zack, who lands in front of him but tastes another elbow. Grabbing onto the top rope, Cone then jumps up... ...but gets dropkicked in mid-air, propelling him backwards to the arena floor, hard! COLE And there goes The Lunar Pheonix... As Cone hits the floor, Bohemoth suddenly sneaks up behind Zack and throws him out... ...NO! Zack barely hangs onto the top rope and skins the cat back inside!! COLE Zack almost followed him too. ZACK They say 'Let he is without sin cast the first stone'. You were all ready to sneak up behind me and pitch me out of the Rumble earlier! So don't go playing the innocence card. All I did was do everything in my power to stay in the Lethal Rumble, no more or no less than you. And if anyone is unable to handle anything, it's you. You cast the first stone, so to speak, when you SHOVED me in the chest. Friendly competition? My ASS! ANGLESAULT You know what, this is getting us nowhere. Having grabbed another microphone, AS tries to play mediator yet again before Bohemoth can move in on Zack. ANGLESAULT We can stand here all day and play the blame game. And we all know where it's gonna end up. Let's cut to the chase. (points at Zack) You're pissed because you're not going to AngleMania. (points at Bo) You're pissed because you're not going to AngleMania. So since you're both free on March 30th, how about you both go to AngleMania... and go one on one! "YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE WOAH! The fans love that one... and so do I! ANGLESAULT You two can settle your differences there and then. Are we agreed? With a smile, Zack nods his head... and Bohemoth does the same, dropping the microphone and walking off with a hint of a smile himself. ANGLESAULT Then it's settled! Zack Malibu versus Bohemoth, one on one at AngleMania in Los Angeles! "Medal" hits again as Zack shakes hands with the boss again. COLE A huge announcement for AngleMania, in 44 days! Zack, Bohemoth, first time ever! But, we still have the Los Infernales conference finals between The Christ Air Express and Team Heyross. Please stick around! COMING UP NEXT LOS INFERNALES CONFRENCE FINALS CHRIST AIR XPRES vs TEAM HEYROSS NEXT COMMERCIAL Edited February 16, 2008 by Patty O'Green Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted February 16, 2008 Like the Angels hits, and the fans get to their feet as MARV and MEL walk through the curtains. They pump their fists, and two rockets of pyro go off behind them, one blue and one orange. COLE It's the finals of the Los Infernales bracket here on HeldDOWN, with the winner going on to the Leap Year Spectacular! Let's go to Michael Buffer! BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall, and it is the Finals of the Los Infernales bracket of the Anderson Cup! Making their way to the ring, hailing from Laguna Beach, California, weighing in at a total combined weight of 370 pounds...they are the #5 seed in the Los Infernales bracket...the CHRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRISSSSSSST AIRRRRR EXXXXXXPRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!! COLE MARV and MEL, looking to get back to the top of the tag team mountain, on the way defeating the Beverly Hills Blonds and the team of Nathaniel Black and Jamie O'Hara to get to this point! MARV and MEL get in the ring and fire the crowd up, as Shine by Collective Soul hits, and Team Heyross makes their way to the ring, getting a mixed reaction. BUFFER Their opponents, at a combined weight of 485 pounds...they are the #3 seed in the Los Infernales bracket...TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMM HEEEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYRRRRRROSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!! COACH Team Heyross had a little tougher road to get here, Cole, IMO. They had to go through Jumbo and Deuce, over 800 pounds, and then a big win over the Heavenly Rockers last week! Benjamin climbs to the second rope from the outside, pointing into the main camera and putting his team over. He then hops in and ambushes MARV, knocking him through the ropes from behind! COLE And we're underway, the finals of the Los Infernales bracket! MEL starts to hammer on Benjamin in a corner, but Moss quickly comes to his aid, hammering MEL from behind and tossing him to the outside. Team Heyross follows them out to the floor, and engage in a slugfest, but the Express win out, and roll them back into the ring. MEL quickly knocks Moss to the floor, then joins MARV in a double-team Irish whip, and they catch Benjamin with a BIG backdrop! COLE Big backdrop from the Christ Air Express! They whip him across again, and catch him with a double dropkick! MARV and MEL then knock Moss off the apron as Benjamin rolls outside. COLE And Team Heyross looking to regroup, fast start by the Christ Air Express! Benjamin rolls back inside, and ties up with MARV. After a brief struggle, MARV executes an armdrag! Benjamin rolls to his feet, sizes MARV up briefly, then ties up again. This time, Benjamin backs him into a corner, and starts to deliver right hands, then brings him out and delivers a scoop slam, then quickly goes to the top rope. COACH Quentin going upstairs early! MARV beats him up, delivers a shot to the gut, then grabs him. COLE But he got caught! MARV tosses Benjamin to the mat! He then whips Benjamin into the ropes, executes a leapfrog, then jumps up, puts his feet into the midsection of Benjamin, and rolls over for a monkey flip! COLE And a nice monkey flip from MARV! MARV continues the assault, firing off right hands and whipping Benjamin into the ropes, catching him with a flying forearm! MARV then goes to the outside. COLE And now it's MARV going upstairs! MARV catches Benjamin with a flying bodypress! 1... 2... Kickout! Benjamin quickly scurries to his corner to regroup. After some conversation with his partner, he circles the ring. COACH Surprised Benjamin didn't make a tag there, he took a lot of punishment in that sequence! He ties up with MARV, and MARV backs him into his corner, where he tags in MEL. MEL and MARV wring the arms of Benjamin, then wring them back the other way, then floor Benjamin with a double chop! COLE Nice teamwork there from MEL and MARV! MEL picks up Benjamin and whips him across the ring, but puts his head down, and Benjamin delivers a blow to the back. Benjamin then scoops MEL up, but MEL slides behind the back, then backs into the ropes, ducks a Benjamin spinkick, and catches him with a dropkick! Benjamin gets to his feet, and catches another dropkick! COLE Quentin Benjamin not faring well in there right now! Benjamin rolls into his corner, where he makes a tag. Moss comes in and sticks his hands out, backing MEL off. He then reaches to the outside and grabs something from the timekeeper. COLE What's this? Moss grabs a ninja headband from the timekeeper, and starts to tie it around his head, as the crowd laughs. COACH Oh, here we go! Charlie told me he's been studying karate! Moss goes into a martial arts pose, and challenges MEL to take him on. MEL reluctanly obliges, and moves in. He tries a jab, but Moss blocks, then hits MEL with one of his own! Moss follows with kicks in the corner, then backs out and poses, gaining some cheers from the crowd. Moss moves back in, and tries another kick, but MEL catches his foot, then spins him around, and catches him with a dropkick! Benjamin jumps in, and takes one as well! Team Heyross rolls to the outside once again, as the Express celebrates in the ring. COLE Moss gained a brief advantage with some martial arts kicks, but MEL comes right back! Moss rolls back in, and takes the headband off, then ties up with MEL and quickly goes to a drop toehold. MEL slips out, and puts Moss in a hammerlock! Moss works his way off the mat, and counters back to the drop toehold, but MEL slips out again and reapplies the hammerlock! Moss again works his way to his feet, and this time plants an elbow into the face of MEL, and tagging Benjamin. Benjamin comes in, and is quickly caught with an armdrag by MEL! COLE And MEL was waiting for Quentin right there! MEL bars the arm, but Benjamin backs him into the corner and delivers right hands to break it up. He whips MEL out of the corner, but MEL hops to the second rope, and hops back, catching Benjamin with a bodypress! 1... 2... Kickout! Benjamin rolls to the outside, where MEL follows him out with a SHOOTING STAR SUICIDA~!!! COLE MEL to the outside! MEL slowly rolls back in, and celebrates with his partner, as the crowd chants HO-LY SHIT~! HO-LY SHIT~! HO-LY SHIT~! HO-LY SHIT~! Benjamin rolls back in the ring, and tags in Moss. Moss tells the referee that MEL has a foreign object. COLE Moss complaining about something here... After a brief discussion, the referee checks out MEL, which opens the door for Moss to deliver forearm to the face! COACH Smart move by Charlie Moss! MARV comes in to complain, and Benjamin climbs in. He and Moss whip MEL into the ropes, and catch him with a double elbow! COLE And a nice double team-move, as well! Moss whips MEL into a corner, then whips Benjamin across...but MEL moves out of the way! MEL then rolls underneath a Moss clothesline, and into his corner, where MARV comes flying off the top rope and hits both members of Team Heyross with a flying bodypress! COLE Great bodypress from MARV! MEL jumps onto both guys... 1... 2... Kickout! MARV jumps on... 1... 2... Kickout! Both guys jump on... 1... 2... Kickout! MEL grabs Moss, MARV grabs Benjamin, and ram their heads together! COLE The ol' double noggin knocker! Team Heyross rolls to the outside again, and the Express celebrates. COLE And Team Heyross in deep, deep trouble here, as it's been the Christ Air Express all the way! Benjamin rolls back in, and ties up with MEL. Benjamin backs MEL into the ropes, delivers a right hands, then whips him across. Benjamin tries to catch MEL with a slam, but MEL goes behind the back, and rolls him up in a reverse sunset! However, Moss has made a blind tag, and he climbs in and clotheslines MEL off! COACH Benjamin made the tag on his way over! Good move! Moss tosses MEL to the outside, and whips him into the guardrail! COLE MEL sent hard into the railing! And now it looks like Team Heyross will take the advantage! Moss rolls back inside and celebrates, as the crowd is divided between the two teams. COACH And Team Heyross again, these guys are rapidly gaining fans, Cole! As MEL climbs back onto the apron, Moss knocks him right back off into the guardrail once again! COLE And MEL again into the steel! This time, Moss follows him out, and rolls him back inside, then makes a tag to Benjamin. Moss hooks MEL and executes a slingshot, right into a Benjamin superkick! COLE Great double team move, one of the staples of this team! Benjamin covers... 1... 2... Kickout! Benjamin executes a snap suplex, then tags Moss back in. Moss sets MEL across the ropes, then picks him up by the legs, placing his ankles on his shoulders. Benjamin then runs to the ropes, leaps over Moss, and comes down on MEL! COACH Here we go again! Moss covers... 1... 2... Shoulder up! Moss backs MEL into a corner and kicks away, then executes a gutwrench suplex! 1... 2... Shoulder up! Moss tags in Benjamin, who whips MEL into the corner, and charges...but MEL gets the foot up! COLE And MEL should make a tag here! MEL tries to dive over Benjamin to his corner, but Benjamin catches his leg and holds him back, then gets to his feet and drops an elbow on him. Benjamin then picks up MEL, and slams him to the mat, then climbs to the top. COACH And this cost Quentin earlier in the match! Benjamin gets his balance on the top rope, then comes down with a big legdrop! Benjamin does a backwards somersault to his feet, then celebrates, getting another mixed reaction. Cover... 1... 2... NO! Shoulder up! COLE But MEL keeps kicking out! Keeping hope alive for that appearance in the Anderson Cup Finals! Benjamin tags in Moss, who chokes MEL on the ropes, then whips him into the ropes. He puts his head down, and MEL executes a sunset flip! 1... 2... Kickout! Moss quickly gets to his feet and grabs MEL, then tags Benjamin. Moss whips MEL into the ropes, and catches him with a savate kick, followed by a Benjamin swinging neckbreaker! COLE Well, Team Heyross took a while to get going, but they're looking real sharp in there right now! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Moss tags back in, and executes a double underhoook suplex! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Benjamin tags back in, and tosses MEL to the outside. Benjamin waits for MEL to climb back up, then tries to slingshot him back in with the top rope, but MEL counters and slingshots Benjamin over the top to the outside! COLE Nice counter move by MEL! However, when MEL climbs back in, he's met with a clothesline from Moss! Moss then tries to ram MEL into a buckle, but MEL blocks, and rams Moss! He tries it again, but Moss blocks and thumbs him in the eye. COACH MEL should have tried to tag there! Moss delivers some right hands, then tags in Benjamin. Moss and Benjamin whip MEL into the ropes, then put their heads down, but MEL rolls over the top of them, into his corner, where he tags MARV! COLE TAG MADE, and MARV in the ring! Marv fires off rights on both guys, then rams both their heads together! He whips Moss into the ropes, and catches him with a flying shoulderblock! Cover... 1... 2... NO! Benjamin saves! MEL catches Benjamin with a spinning heel kick! He then scoop-slams Benjamin on the far side of the ring, and he and MARV signal the end! COLE Could this be it? The Express grabs Moss, and executes the HAPPY ENDING~!!!!!11111 COLE The Happy Ending from the Christ Air Express! MARV covers, but the referee is trying to put MEL out of the ring! Finally he turns around... 1... 2... NO!!! Moss gets his foot on the rope! COLE SO close, Moss saved by the ropes! MARV climbs to the top, but Benjamin shoves him off! Benjamin then climbs to the top, as Moss knocks MEL out of the ring. Moss then scoops up MARV, and they execute the SUPER ROCKER DROPPER~!!!!!11111 COACH This is it! Moss covers, but this time the referee is putting Benjamin out! COLE And again the referee's back turned! As Moss gets up to complain, MEL pulls MARV out, and slides into the ring. Moss turns back to MEL, and gets rolled up in a small package! 1... 2... NO!!! Kickout! COLE The Express switched out! COACH See, now that's not right! They should be disqualified for such tomfoolery! COLE MEL grabs Moss in a side headlock, and Moss shoves him off. Moss drops down, MEL hops over...and gets caught with a kick to the back of the head from Benjamin! COLE Benjamin from the outside! Moss catches MEL with a quick small package... 1... 2... 3!!! *DING DING DING* COLE HE GOT HIM! Team Heyross is going to the Anderson Cup Finals! BUFFER The winners of the match, and the Los Infernales Bracket...TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMM HEEEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYRRRRRROSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!! COLE Team Heyross wins, and what a matchup that sets up in the finals! It's going to be Team Heyross against the Sooner Bruisers! COACH Oh, I can't wait, Cole! Team Heyross celebrates after the match, until MARV shoves Quentin Benjamin from behind. COACH We're not done yet, Cole! MARV briefly goes to check on MEL, then helps him up. MARV and MEL make their way over, and exchange words with Team Heyross, before sticking their hands out. COLE Look at this! The Christ Air Express offering the handshake here! What respect! Moss and Benjamin look at each other for a second, then accept the handshakes! All four men exchange handshakes as "Mean" Gene Okerlund steps into the ring, followed by Bill Watts and a man with a silver sphere-shaped trophy, then MEL and MARV depart. COLE A great show of sportsmanship after a hard-fought match! Four winners in the ring, but it'll be Team Heyross going onto the Finals! Right now, let's go up to the ring! WATTS Thank you, Michael...first off, I want to congratulate the Christ Air Express, a valiant effort in this match, and an impressive tourney run. But unfortunately, there can only be one winner in the Los Infernales bracket, and it's the tremendous duo known as Team Heyross! The crowd cheers, as the attendant hands Benjamin the trophy and Watts shakes hands with him and Moss. OKERLUND OK, Quentin Benjamin...with all the accolades you and your partner have received here in the OAOAST, you have never held the big prize, the OAOAST World tag team titles. You are now just one win away from earning that right at AngleMania! BENJAMIN That's always been a big chip on our shoulder, Gene...we've never felt we've gotten the respect we deserve from the championship committee, but two weeks from now, they won't have any choice but to give us that respect! The crowd cheers as Benjamin hands the trophy over to Moss. OKERLUND And Charlie Moss, next up, the Sooner Bruisers at the Leap Year Spectacular. MOSS I'm pumped up right now, I'm ready for that match...the Sooners are a terrific team, and it's going to be a classic match. But I have no doubt at the end that we'll be raising a bigger trophy two weeks from now! The crowd cheers, as Moss raises the trophy in the air, then hands it to Benjamin, who does the same. OKERLUND All right, there you have it from Team Heyross, the Los Infernales bracket champions! Let's go back to Sofa Central! COLE All right, thank you Mean Gene! Two terrific matches here tonight, and it's only going to get better two weeks from now, when Team Heyross meets the Sooner Bruisers for the Anderson Cup at Leap Year Spectacular on February 28th from Saint Louis, Missouri. Its the gateway to the west, hosting the gateway to Anglemania. But, fans, stay tuned because coming up we've got scenes from the Fiftieth annual Grammy Awards! COMMERCIAL Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted February 16, 2008 HeldDOWN is brought to you by The Clap-I got it. Why don't you? COLE Folks, this past weekend the Fiftieth annual Grammy awards took place, and many a celebrity strolled down the historic red carpet. One of which was recording artist Alix Maria Spezia, of the upcoming album Beauty Crush. Of course our friends at E! got a chance to speak with her, and have been very kind to lend us their footage. So let's see Alix on the red carpet... As promised the video from the much adored much scrutinized red carpet is displayed, after a brief fly through past the A-list minglers and flashing of the E! logo, we see Alix, attired in a red and white checkerboard partnered dress, standing at the side of E! Correspondent Giuliana Rancic. GIULIANA At my side is the cutest little thing in the world, Alix Maria Spezia! Alix, first off I'm gonna ask you what I ask everyone, what are you wearing tonight? ALIX Not a pizza hut table cloth amazingly! I've already been given two orders for personal pan pizzas hold the sausage and a side of breadsticks so I gotta get that out there. Glad to take your $20.99, less glad to have it their in thirty minutes or less. 'Cause that's Dominoes, dude. GIULIANA Let's keep talking fashion, because we've seen some odd outfits tonight, non wilder then Nas' controversial t-shirt. You're a pretty controversial girl yourself. What did you think about Nasty Nas' shirt? ALIX You mean the one with the N word on it? Yeah, ya know, everyone is all chill and like way open minded and cool about it, and that is so awesome, but I gotta be honest with ya I'm a little on the bummed side, babe. I wore that exact same shirt to the last awards show I went to and I got chased down two city blocks by a torch wielding mob of thousands! GIULIANA What award show was that? ALIX The NAACP image awards. GIULIANA As a huge music fan who are you are you really looking forward to meeting tonight? ALIX Who am I really excited to meet? Um, probably Janet Jackson, she's real huge in the LGBT community. You could go from The Boxers or Briefs strip club to Larry Craig's therapy sessions and you couldn't find one dude who hasn't had anonymous sex to her music! GIULIANA Hate to get serous on you, but seeing that you bought up a politician, got any opinions on the election? ALIX Yeah, the whole political bug, that ain't really speaking to me, ya know? Its, like, not my thing. Who wants to go into a dark little booth if you're not even gonna have to pay twenty five cents to be felt up by some old German immigrant that still thinks she's on hide out from the eastern bloc? GIULIANA And what about your upcoming cd? We know your cover of California Dreaming is going to be the lead single, but how many songs will you have? ALIX There's about, oh I dunno, ten songs in total. And we're kinda like splitting them apart so there's five songs on two discs. And I know that sounds crazy like rubber baby buggy bumpers or paying anything besides monopoly money to see a Michael Douglas movie, but five is such a mystical number, it is the number fingers on one hand, the number of musketeers in the three musketeers, and the number of people in a menage a troi. GIULIANA That's three people actually. ALIX Three is such a mystical number as well, G! Its the number of people in the Jackson Five, and the number of people in a fourgy! GIULIANA (laughing) As charming as ever! Alix thanks a whole bunch for talking with me, hope to see you on the receiving end of an award next year. BACK TO SOFA CENTRAL COLE Folks as we all know Alix was scheduled to face The Love Doctors with a partner of Krista's choosing here tonight. However, if you've been watching the news you know that on Tuesday Alix was rushed to Cedars-Sinai hospital in Los Angeles for severe exhaustion. However, there is speculation that exhaustion is merely code for other more sinister problems. Inside Edition had a brief up to the minute report on Alix's issues and kindly allowed us to reair their segment. After the Inside Edition logo scrolls on screen, reporter, April Woodson is seen standing outside Cedars-Sinai hospital in the middle of a typically warm winter day in LA. WOODSON Alix Maria Spezia was apparently dragged through the ER doors of Cedar-Sinai Hospital on Tuesday before collapsing from what some are now speculating may have been an overdose of drugs. When Spezia reached the reception desk, her legs buckled and she sunk backwards to the floor with a piercing shriek before she could utter a single word. The party-loving star’s brown hair fell around her shoulders as the medical staff rushed her for emergency treatment. The lesbian icon, whose stick-thin frame and wild mood swings, has worried friends and fans alike, was given an adrenaline shot in the chilling early hours drama. She was released Wednesday morning into the care of girlfriend Mackenzie DeCenzo, who declined to comment on the situation. Inside edition will have more as this story develops. BACK TO SOFA CENTRAL COLE Obviously doctors haven't cleared Alix to wrestle here on HeldDOWN, saying that she's in no condition to preform. Coach, I guess the question is, does Alix even have the capacity to realize she seems to have a problem? Everyone knows she's very fun loving, and she's always liked to party, but without Krista to control her, is she spiraling out of control? COACH I guess the question is why you believing some dumbass tabloid show? Next thing I know you'll be citing the Star as a source talkin bout eighty foot condors gave birth to My Favorite Martian. Hell outta here with that weak mess. You a Perez Hilton, TMZ, type of fool, ain't you? You wear The Ugandan Giant "Kamala's" Afrikan Mask with Ric Flair's robe buttnaked with only a turnbuckle pad covering your vagina while you walk down the street to Big Bossman's enterance song!. COLE Why do I even bother? Already in the ring is Mike Denmark, 6'2; 240 pounds from Indianapolis, Indiana. (Generic Japanese string music that goes into a stock rock song accompanies GENSHOU, a Japanese wrestler in white gi pants and wearing all black make-up comes to the ring. He throws thin streamers out of his hands as he slowly creeps to the ring; when he enters, he goes down to one knee and sprays green mist in the air) BUFFER From Yokohama, Japan; weighing in at 232 pounds...he is GENSHOU! COACH We know very little about this man other than he's a dangerous master of the martial arts who favors striking. COLE We don't even know how he got here. This guy wasn't even on the wrestling radar a week ago; now he's got a debut on HeldDOWN~! and a fancy entrance on national TV! *BELL RINGS* GENSHOU goes for the kill immediately, stepping in and connecting with a hard thrust kick to Mike Denmark's throat in the corner! He pulls Denmark up and stands him in the corner, then connects with multiple machine gun-style chops to the chest. GENSHOU gives Denmark an Irish whip that sends him into the opposite corner, then hits a cartwheel handspring rounding kick to the face! GENSHOU pulls Denmark out of the corner and hits a snapping side suplex. GENSHOU then busts out a standing moonsault, but refuses the pin. He pulls Denmark up with a front facelock, then starts destroying Denmark's face with Muay Thai knees to the face! The referee tries to get in to stop things, as he sees Denmark's blood covering GENSHOU's white pants, but GENSHOU breaks the clutch before the ref can stop the match. GENSHOU drags Denmark into position on the mat, then climbs the top rope...CORKSCREW MOONSAULT! COLE We understand that one is called the Oriental Tsunami. COVER! ONE! TWO! THREE! *BELL RINGS* BUFFER The winner of this contest...GENSHOU! COACH That is one impressive victory from what looks to be an impressive athlete. COLE He bludgeoned and bloodied this poor soul, but my question is: how did this man get here and who brought him? GENSHOU crawls towards the cameraman that's shooting him, then sprays mist into the camera lens. COLE TO THE BACK! No. A MARVelous Experience Once Every Four Years February 28th 2008 COMING UP NEXT MORE ENTERTAINING THEN A CHILD SUPPORT SUIT! Beverly Hills Blonds Vs Krista Isadora Duncan and ???? NEXT Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted February 16, 2008 (edited) "Call me (call me) on the line Call me, call me any, anytime CALL ME! (call me)"] On the entrance screen, the cursive lettered Beverly Hills Blonds appears in font worthy of the fanciest greeting card. But it quickly gives way to the hectically passed entrance video, which features the three time tag team champs engaged in numerous acts that push the bounds of the OAOAST rulebook. Beneath the chronicle of the cheating ways, steps the three blonds themselves, Simon, Ned and Molly. Being met by a sudden shouting of boos and vulgarities finds none of the shady characters in a bad mood, and Simon giddily poses for Molly's Siclopse recordings, bending his waist back, and holding his jacket open to let the camera frame his less then pleasurable physique. Ned coolly twirls with his hand adjusting the collar on his sparking jacket in a sly bid showmanship, before coming to a full stop and immortalizing his image on the Siclopse with slick smirk. His prematch gloating then enlists Simon and the two men throw themselves into a chest bump so powerful it could send sparks of testosterone blazing through the air. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen the following tag team contest is scheduled for one fall with a sixty minute time limit. Being led to the ring by MOLLY NERDLY... at a total combined weight of four hundred and sixty pounds. They are former three time OAOAST World Tag Team Champions! Representing THE ENTERPRISE... "THE HANDSOME HUSTLER" NED BLANCHARD... THE VIDEO VOYUER BOX OFFICE SIMON SINGLETON... THE BEVEEEERRRRLLLYYY HHHIIIIIILLLSSS BLLLLOOOOOOOONDSSSSS!!!!! Driven by arrogant struts, the Blonds bright white boots click off a red carpet that's given a purple shading by tiny white lights that roam down the entrance ramp. Fingers find the uglier crowd members, and their wild laughter suitably mocks these ghastly Canadians. Dutiful as always, Molly happily captures the Blonds dressing down of the front row audience, and happily dedicates herself to lingering on those who are actually reduced to tears. COLE The Beverly Hills Blonds, love them, hate them, and most of us truly hate them, they tie Black T with second most tag title reigns in the OAOAST. And thanks to their history in the ring and out of the ring with Krista, they've been selected by fellow Enterprise member Mackenzie DeCenzo to end the Isadora Duncan menace once and for all. And I have to believe that whoever Mackenzie chose could give us some strong clues as to who Krista's kid. Simon spills into the ring first, brought inside as though he were sliding into home plate. His kneeled flexing brings no shortage of jeers from the audience, who contemplate hitting the body that's marked by three orange spotlights with trash. Beyond those constant orange companions, Ned stands atop the turnbuckle, cloaked in near darkness, his toothsome white grin lent a devilish quality. COLE Folks, when we come back its Krista Isadora Duncan and a partner of Mackenzie's choice against The Beverly Hills Blonds! COMMERCIAL I like them black girls I like them white girls I like them asian girls I like them mixed raced girls I like them spanish girls I like them italian girls I like the french girls And I like Scandanavian girls Straight to their feet the audience rises, flooding the arena with a long and enormous wave of cheers. With each passing second the cheers for the OAOAST's most popular lady grow louder and louder until her entrance music is nearly drowned by the show of love. The camera's focus, however, is not on the booming audience, but rather woman's hand hammering a nail into a piece of ply wood. The view pans out to reveal her to be a tall, slim Asian woman, who's pink lips perfectly match her cut off shorts and cropped to chest tank top. To her side another young lady is positioned, her hands delicately controlling a masonry drill against a column of concrete blocks. The majority of the focus rests upon her sweat drenched body, held bare aside from too short jean shorts and a black bikini top. Equally hard at work, are three short haired redheads, matched in the alluring outfit of jean shorts, and a tank top shielded by suspenders. But the shining star of this construction site are Krista's pair of sublimely shaped glistening legs that venture towards a pair of cut off jeans riding up a luscious bottom that leads to bouncy breast hugged by a red bikini top. Her face framed by pigtails and her hands manning a two speed drill, Krista reduces the audience into drooling messes with a sultry pouting of her lips, and seductive half closing of her eyes. BUFFER And their opponent, introducing first, from the city of angels, Los Angeles, California, she is one half of the angle award winning tag team of the year, one half of the angle award winner for title reign of the year, the angle award winner for female personality of the year, she is a best selling author, a fitness queen, the lead in VH1's Look Of Love, and star of the world famous FIT with KID line of exercise videos, she is Miss California Krista Isaodra Duncan!!!! "KRISTA! KRISTA! KRISTA!" COLE Fans, if you can't get enough of the hardest working woman in showbiz, then besides being able to go to any video retailer to purchase one of her many fitness videos, you can also catch her every Sunday on The Look Of Love on VH1. We haven't mentioned the show in a while, but as an incredibly wise man once told me, if characters can be AWOL for months on end and re-appear like nothing happened, so can TV shows! I Get All The Girls I Get All The Girls I Get All The Girls I Get All The Girls Throwing aside the mechanical symbol of her working class roots, Krista strides past blue collar grunt, into white collar glitz, as she struts down an entrance ramp blanketed by sparkling purple and blue glitter. Capturing the billion dollar image of the fitness queen are a legion of fashion photographers and journalist, all dressed in a macabre black. Upon hitting the edge of the ramp, Krista cockily tilts her head back and passes along a sly smile that's captured by a massive spritzing of thousands of camera flashes. COLE Just a reminder that the OAOAST will be in Los Angeles, California, the home of Krista Isadora Duncan and Alix Maria Spezia, for Anglemania, and you can be certain that's one city that can't wait for the return of their girls! But let's keep our minds on Montreal because we're about to find out who Krista's partner is... Monster How should I feel? Creatures lie here Looking through the windows I will Hear their voices I'm a glass child I am Hannah's regrets!! Bursting out the sliding doorway is the owner of this little heard entrance music, Maggie Nerdly. The eighteen year old arrives attired in her trademark goth-prep combo of a ruffled black skirt and matching black polo shirt. Though her appearance brings more stunned murmurs then it does cheers, this doesn't dissuade Maggie from energetically bouncing through jungle of green and blue lights to work the nearby fans into a frenzy. Ned gazes at Maggie with a quizzical expression, “Si, buddy, how do I know her? Did I used to date her?” Krista interjects. “Yeah between the months of never and you're a complete idiot! Ah, you're a complete idiot my favorite month of the year, where we celebrate the little known holiday Simon singleton is sniveling spineless douche.” “I already have my costume designed for the parade!” Molly informs us. Oblivious to the arguments occurring in the ring, Maggie skips down the ramp. Her bubbling pleasure at the chance to tag with Krista, and the obvious possibility that Krista could be her mother, is expressed through a mile wide smile, and hearty high fives for the fans. Molly sees the more sinister side of this arrangement, the fact that she actually have to wrestle one of the Blonds, and taunts Maggie over it, “Little sister, little sister, I'd truly love to mock your current situation, but I'm only allowed two speaking line per week and I have to use one to fill our quota for Britney Spears references!” “Only thirty more to go.” Krista mumbles. BUFFER And her partner from Edmonton, Alberta, Canada....MAGGIE NERDLY!!! COLE My, my, my! What could this mean? You have to wonder if Mackenzie picked Maggie because she's Krista's daughter? Is there any other reason that Mackenzie would pick Maggie other then to put Krista's daughter in danger? Maggie's youthful exuberance, and joyful hysteria towards being in the same ring with her possible mother is enough to will her to begin the match. But, Krista's warning of “stay on the apron and don't get hurt” is spoken with such unshakable finality that it roots the interviewer onto the apron. Simon seems to have slotted himself into the role of starter without acquiring the consent of Ned. This of course is ill to Simon's health; Ned's horny ways shove the Video Voyeur aside, in order to enjoy the thrilling spice of wrestling the reality TV star. His deep blue eyes languish on her sexy tan skin, rich blond hair, and perfect pink lips. Not overly enamored with the prospects of once again being Ned's body of lust, Krista looks to her right at nothing in particular, and says, “Oh, look, something better to do.” That something better is nothing more then spiking her work boots through Ned's stubble filled face with a superkick. Ned is thrown backwards, the Handsome portion of his nickname further mangled as his head snaps off the canvas in two quick harsh motions. “KRISTA! KRISTA! KRISTA!” The object of the fans love goes for a pin that's scored by Charles Robinson, and counted by Maggie, MAGGIE ONE! MAGGIE TWO! But Robinson's attention is stolen by Molly Nerdly's appearance onto the ring apron. Though the NYU grad student does nothing besides aimlessly fiddle the Siclopse, she looks cute enough while doing it to stir the passions of the GLAADiator. Unlike, Ned, with his charm less then a case of gout, the lesbian queen, is far more smooth spoken in her seductions. Speaking like a documentary filmaker in the wild, Krista says, “Yes, the hot art student. Cearly unaware of her own beauty, she hides what appears to be a narrow waist and lean legs under ill fitting khaki, and a belt that clearly came with the pants. This sublime creature is to be admired, for her beauty is unparalleled! I've never seen one up close before they're quite spectacular.” Ned is semi recovered from his superkicking ordeal, and has enough strength about him to grab onto Krista's arm and twirl her in his direction. Taken by surprise at going from a cute filmsnob to a her near braindead boss, Miss California is abruptly dragged into a lockup. Her immediate straining against Ned's hold paints a blazing intensity on her face, as her cheeks erupt in red. But her struggles are pointless, as the Handsome Hustler collars one arm around her neck, and the other around her exposed waist. Incapable of escaping that hold, the Los Angeles native is given no other option then to brace for impact on Ned's hold. But no amount of preparation can guard her from the jolts that rip through her chest as her baby's daddy roughly slams her into the canvas. Her lithe figure provides small cushion for his own painful fall, but the pleasure of being on top of her stills any lingering hurt. COLE What has to be going through Maggie's mind right now? Knowing that could very well be her real mother just inches away from her? COACH “Am I too old to get an allowance? Why did you let the Nerdly family adopt me and stick me in what amounts to a human zoo?” Libido thirsting with greed, Ned directs his drooling mouth to the spot where Krista's neck meets her shoulders. His lips, when they touch her soft flesh, are slimy and wet, like some kind of jungle lizard. But they're the perfect alarm to motivate the fitness queen to battle free of his lecherous mount. Frantically, and with great panic, he applies a grip onto her slinky bikini top, but the thin cloth quickly pulls free of his grip, as the SoCal babe rushes to her feet. But, Blanchard is unwilling to allow her freedom, and his harsh grip snaps around her wrist. Overpowering her strong resistance, the Handsome Hustler slowly contorts and torques her arm as if he were handing delicate glassware. But when a sharp smile dances across his face, he cruelly snaps the limb downward with all his might. Instantly, Krista's pained screams decorate the air, bringing worry to hearts and minds of Maggie and the crowd. K-I-D! K-I-D! K-I-D! Maintaining his cast iron lock on Kris's arm, The Handsome Hustler hastily spins behind her, before she can roll free of the arm wrench. Having secured himself some reprieve from Krista's escape efforts, Ned's fingers do the celebrating, burying themselves around the generously exposed flesh of her tight tush. Hugely irate at Ned's continued harassment, Krista plants her hands around the ropes in order to facilitate her escape. She showcases her incredible agility by kicking her boots up, and flipping through the air. The unexpected and wild movement wreaks havoc on Ned's grip, and his bonds are instantly broken. As the sold out Canadian audience roots on their heroine, she latches onto Ned's wrist for an arm wrench of her own. But, the muscle bound meathead quickly goes on the attack, and launches a spinning forearm towards her face. However, his strike moves much too slowly, and Krista has little trouble in sweeping beneath it. Placed behind Ned, Krista snakes her arm between his black trunks and drags him into the canvas with a schoolboy. CROWD ONE! CROWD TWO! But, Blanchard's two hundred thirty five pounds explode out of the pin a mere moment before the fans sing three. Quickly, he begins scurrying upright in hopes of evading more lethal attacks from the surly Los Angelenia. But his hopes go up in blazing flames when he lifts himself right into a front facelock from the fitness queen. Though the position of being nestled against her silken skin might be an envious one, its certainly not when the blond bombshell is preparing to DDT you! Thus, The Handsome Hustler utilizes his large strength advantage to bulldoze her directly into her corner. Her back is savaged by the harsh ring posts, pushing exhausted gasps through her red lips. And those gasps soon change into full on shrieks, as Blanchard rams his shoulder through her stomach. Though Krista owns a remarkably ripped stomach, the ceaseless attacks generate enough damage to lead Maggie to make a hasty tag with her mother. COACH That ain't smart, homegirl! Krista, you gotta protect your daughter, Ned's an animal, a ravenous animal!Sunday had a whole church singin' a song "Why'd they have to send my baby home?" The audience meets Maggie's arrival with apprehensive gasps, but Ned heralds it with a wildfire of lust that engulfs his blue eyes. The conflagration of Ned's libido doesn't appear to muzzle Maggie's fighting spirit, and the teenager bounces herself of the ropes. Full on energy, but low on actual wrestling ability, Maggie comes darting towards Ned, but with one hand placed on her ruffle skirted waist he blasts her into space with a flapjack! COLE Oh no! MOLLY Oh yes, yes, yes! Shackling Molly with incredible disappointment, Krista is there to play Xena to Maggie's Gabrielle, and catches Maggie's goth styled body in her arms. MAGGIE (wrapping her arms around Krista's neck) Mommy! With an eye for taking advantage of the potential mother-daughter combo's vulnerability, Ned strides forward to level them with a shoulder block. But Krista swings Maggie with the precession of a baseball bat and mashes the attacking brute flat. "KRISTA! KRISTA! KRISTA!" Straining to see through the streams of sweat that sweep across his face, Blanchard catches a a quick glimpse of Krista hurling Maggie through the skies. The glimpse becomes shrouded like a solar eclipse, as Maggie's black outfit envelops his view further and further, until her petite body explodes fully onto his face. His ear splitting shouts are drowned beneath the flood of cheers from the audience, and the referee counting the resulting pinfall... ONE! TWO! Ned ends the pinfall with impressive authority, flinging Maggie far away from his chest. For half a beat, Maggie freezes, suddenly aware of the danger that lies before her. Blanchard's sickeningly perverse glare is certainly no antibiotic to these immense fears. Her immediate and logical urgings push her towards a tag with Krista, but Ned's sudden tug on her arm throw that goal to the wayside, and her towards the ropes. Blanchard lowers his head, expecting her to either leap frog him or impale herself on his dome. But the sweethearted Canadian shows a surprising amount of wrestling saavy by stunning Ned with a sunset flip. Problematically, the shocking nature of the hold, yields no actual success, as Blanchard stays rooted on his white leather boots, and Maggie hasn't the strength to drag him down. Wisely abandoning her futile sunset flip attempt, Maggie slides herself through Ned's legs, and hastily moves to her feet. Her deep grey eyes head to the ring ropes, and soon her combat boots try to the do the same. But Ned's unexpected hold on her pink highlights serves as a leash withholding her from her destination. The bothersome grip morphs from annoying to deadly once the Handsome Hustler attaches her into an inverted facelock. After passing repulsive kissey faces to Krista and disgustingly rubbing his hand on Maggie's stomach, Blanchard sinks downwards, bringing Maggie with him and punishing her with an inverted DDT! Piercing shrills of torment fly from Maggie's throat, and land on Krista's face in a look of total horror. Molly, however, is tickled with delight at her sister's suffering, and jumps up and down in disturbing glee. “Hahahaha! Hey, Krista, if I had your breasts, I'd have a black eye by now!” She comments, still jumping into the air. “Honey, if you had my breasts, you'd have a reason to live.” Krista retorts. While Molly contemplates stuffing her bra, her boss gathers speed and momentum by bouncing off the ropes. Once he nears the helplessly over matched girl, he screeches to a sudden halt. But any thoughts that he might bestow Maggie with some mercy are forever dashed, when he begins going through a round of grotesque hip swiveling complete with orgasmic purring. Once that horrid display thankfully comes to a close, Ned sits out and lances his leg through Maggie's chest. She screams as she can almost feel the muscles and ligaments in her neck being shredded by Blanchard's vile attack. Her cries don't arouse any sympathy within Ned's heart, and he casually drapes his arm across her chest for a pinfall.... ONE! COLE That will probably be it! TWO! Earning a mammoth response from the audience, Krista destroys pinfall (and his combover) with a basement dropkick! But, her wishes to do further damage to her vexatious reverse fag-hag go ungranted due to Robinson hastily shuffling her out the ring. With the referee now trapped by the dual distraction of Krista's argument and her sizable breasts, Molly has carte blanche to elevate herself onto the ring apron. Bloodlust warping her usual upbeat voice into devilish growl, she begs Ned to bring Maggie closer. Never wanting to miss a decent catfight, Blanchard more then happily agrees to Molly's request. Once Maggie slogged to the edge of the ring, Molly's firm hold on her highlighted hair brings her away from Ned's clutches, and into the more dangerous one's of Molly. Maggie's throat is assailed by the rough, coarse pressure of the ring ropes, as a giddy Molly seems intent on sawing her head off with the cables. The cries that Molly's attacks brings are horse and weak, brought to near mute status by the fact that Maggie's breath is being slowly dragged away. “BOOOOOO!” Finally Robinson succeeds in some self control, and manages to pull himself away from Krista and her boobs, and back towards the in ring action. But by that time, Molly is back to innocently manning the Siclopse. Meanwhile, Ned hauls the mortally wounded interviewer off the canvas, and after delivering two forearms to her rail thin stomach, he launches her towards the ropes nearest Molly. Surprisingly Molly remains docile, letting Ned's knee to Maggie's chest upon her return cause the suffering she loves to see. The attack flings Maggie head over clunky boots, and she gets a cringe worthy neck first landing that has several in attendance near tears. Not nearly as depressed over Maggie's predicament is Blanchard, who exerts an earnest and mighty effort to pear down her polo shirt. But, when his hunt for cleavage results in failure, Ned lifts Maggie up and fastens her into a standing head scissors. Though she resists against his clutches, she has all the effect of a mosquito stinging an elephant, and Ned is able to easily underhook her skinny arms. In one lightening quick motion, Ned lifts her up, then drills her head into the canvas with an underhook pile driver! Maggie feels as though someone set off a series of explosions within her neck, and a long steady scream comes from the top of her lungs. Delighted by Maggie's song of anguish, The Handsome Hustler marks his triumph by dusting his hands off. COLE This is sick! Its sick that Mackenzie would pick such an unqualified person to be Krista's partner against three time tag team champions. I feel sorry for Maggie. COACH I FEEL SORRY FOR YOUR FACE, it looks like somebody KICKED YA ASS WITH THE UGLY STICK DIPPED IN DONKEY SHIT Blanchard hooks Maggie's leg for another pinfall... ONE! TWO! Once again its Krista playing the role of heroine, squashing Ned's hopes of victory with a simple swipe of her boot. She's sharply aware of the fact that she needs to facilitate a distraction in order to allow Maggie a much need escape to the ring apron. As such Krista's high powered, fervor filled voice attempts to win Ned's attention with tune familiar to those of us who spent the better part of our high school years lingering in bathroom stalls at gay bars, “If I could turn back time! If I could find a way! I'd take back those words that've hurt youuuuuu, and you'd stay. If I could reach the staaaaaars! I'd give them all to yoouuu! And you'd love me, love me, like you used to do! My world was shattered, I was torn apart! Like someone took a knife and drove it deep in my heart....” “Stop! Stop it at once!” Ned demands harshly, apparently no fan of the original princess of pop. “Krista, I am not Rico! You've known me since you were in grad school, and you should know by now you can not buy my complacency by burying me knee deep in the top forty hits of our childhood! Damn it, woman!” Dejected and more then a little humiliated by this dressing down, Krista lowers her head, “You're right, Ned, I'm sorry. I don't know what I was thinking, my mind is such a mess right now. Its my little brother, Nick, you know? He's having such a rough time with his masters program at UCLA.” Taking her voice to a softer soulful tone, Krista subtly slips into song, “U.C.L.A. prooooved too much for the man. Too much for the man. So he's leavin' the life.....he's come to know. Oooooh Ooooh. He said he's goin. He said he's goin' ooooh ooooooh back to find oooh ooooh what's left of his world The world he left behind......not sooooo long agoohhoooo.” “He's leavin...'” Ned croons, incapable of willing himself to do otherwise. “Leavin!” Krista sings, playing the Pips to Ned's Gladys Knight. “On that midnight train to Georgia” Ned sings, gripped by an otherwordly passion and energy. “Leavin on that midnight train!” Krista echoes. “Said he's going back!” “Going back to find!” ”To find a simpler place and time!” “Whenever he takes that ride, guess who's gonna be right by his side!” “Nooowwww I'llllll be with him!” “I know ya will!” “On that midnight train to Georgia!” “Leavin on a midnight train to Georgiaaaa, woo woo!” “Ah got to go! Ah got to go! Ah got to go! Ah got to go! Ah got to...ah hell, you did it to me to!” Ned laments, now realizing his first HeldDOWN appearance of 2008 has been memorialized with Gladys Knight karaoke. Worse yet his two minutes of OAOAST Idol has given Maggie all the time she needs to retreat to apron, leaving him to face down the fearsome “mama bear.” Trying to shield his intimidation, Ned stands up and directs quite the virulent glare at the meddling Californian. But, Krista curses Ned with more then classic R&B hits as she temporarily cripples him with a surprise basement dropkick. This capsizes the former tag champ to his knees and makes him a sitting duck for Miss California's next cataclysmic move. Krissy runs the ropes to build speed, and rushes back towards her old flame. She then presses her boot against his knee, using it as a launching pad. From there she takes to the skies and horsewhips the side of her boot along Ned's mouth, as he plummets back to the mat, nearly drained of all life. “Krista, I don't care what Moneymaker says, I know you're a good mom!” A man in a Patrick Roy jersey in the front row shouts. “Thanks!” “My own mother was stabbed to death in front of my tear soaked eyes by her abusive boyfriend when I was twelve, and every time I murder a prostitute I'm haunted by thoughts that there's something I could've done to save her.” KRISTA Clutching his sore face, and attempting to guard it against further attacks from the Angle Award winning covergirl, Ned staggers to his feet. But all the attention devoted to protecting his face comes with a horrible downfall; he has no defense against Krista circling her bare arms around his neck. Left defenseless, his only option is too scream in horror as the SoCal sex kitten punishes him with the Blonds Never Pay a Cover (side effect!). While the capacity crowd loudly applauds her return to dominance, Krista hooks Ned's outside leg for a pivotal pinfall.... CROWD ONE! CROWD TWO! Somehow, Ned succeeds in kicking out of the fall, an action that earns a large amount of annoyed groans. As his partner orders the crowd to be silent, Ned begins a painful roll to him, desperately seeking a tag. But his eyes track the horrifying sight of Krista stalking his escape path, looking like a construction worker gone horribly mad, and seriously underclothed. Ned realizes his efforts for a tag will be endlessly kiboshed with Krista breathing fire down his neck and so seeks to rectify that problem. His athletic frame shoots itself off the canvas, directing its shoulder square into her toned stomach. The attack lands with excellent precession, and Ned is quick to take advantage of the moment of weakness it creates. His hands snap together in front of her sore stomach, and his raw power lifts her into the air. Unfortunately, the fact that her body is soaked in baby oil, causes her to begin sliding free of his grasp. But Ned counteracts such potential pitfalls by simply tilting his body forward and crashing her into the canvas with an amateur style takedown. Before Krista can properly react to the abrupt change of position, Ned uses her baby oil lathered body to his advantage in order to quickly twirl to her front for a front facelock. While tightening the noose that works speedily to constrain her breathing, Ned brings her to her feet for no other reason then to gaze down her shirt. However, Ned's lewd tendencies again mastermind his destruction, as the sight of Kris' voluptuous breasts are replaced by the sight of her elbow slashing across his face. The formerly dormant Singleton is introduced to the match in an equally painful way, and is dropped to the apron courtesy of a leaping spin kick! “K-I-D! K-I-D! K-I-D!” Seeking instant retribution, Ned fires a closed fist at Krista's face. Problematically, his hands connect solidly with her yellow tinted goggles, reducing him to a balling wreck. With Ned momentarily incapacitated, BOSS retries his luck with his longtime rival, but meets with similar disaster as Krista headbutts him way. She does, however, spend far too much time mocking his whimpering anguish and this seems to allow Ned to capture her by surprise. But Krista is quite aware of his approach, and uses the turnbuckles as a base to kick both her legs towards her rival. But, Ned manages to avoid the attack by catching onto her ruffled socks and flinging her legs towards the ropes. Though Blanchard's intention was to violently propel her from the ring, the fan favorite stymies his plans by landing her jean shorted tush onto the middle ropes. “Sweet mother of science!” Ned complains, as he tries to beat Krista down with a clubbing forearms. But, Miss California's own forearm moves light years faster then Ned's and swats him away to the crowd's incredible joy. “K-I-D! K-I-D! K-I-D!” But their moment of good feelings are massacred in the most detestable way; Simon returns to the fracas by lifting his shoe straight into her chin. The attack lands with expert accuracy, proving to be unbearably painful, as all at once, Krista loses her breath and falls backwards into the ring. Strained moans slowly peek out her mouth, as a glut of tears flow from beneath her goggles down the contours of her pained face. While Blanchard taunts Maggie by inviting her into the ring, Singleton comically tries to maintain innocence, despite his foul play being seen by a million witnesses worldwide. COLE To me its a shame that blatant foul play runs so rampant through The Enterprise. They don't even try to hide their cheating, they just outright commit these obvious fouls! COACH Cracka, you stay losing, you get boned by Chip N Dale Rescue Rangers while you pop lock to the drum solo in Phil Collins' "In The Air Tonight" . Lent emotional support by the chants of the audience, Krista puts forth a massive effort to bring herself off the canvas. But the crippling headache Simon's attack has inflicted her with makes standing up frustratingly difficult. Her situation is made even more dire when Ned latches onto her pigtails and uses them to drape her across the second rope. The Handsome Hustler draws out the heated wrath of the audience, as his fingers squeeze through Krista's luxurious golden hair, pressing her head and throat into the cable. As Blanchard makes every attempt to suffocate her, the GLAADiator falls in and out of blackness, the only thing keeping her awake being the constant love and cheers from the audience. Eventually Ned grows bored of wearing Krista into submission with illegal chokes and allows her to go free. Unfortunately, freedom doesn't permit her to go very far, or anywhere at all, as the searing anguish in her throat keeps her paralyzed. Its only the front facelock of Ned Blanchard that grants her any sort of movement; he lifts her off the canvas and transports her to his corner, where he finally brings the action-hungry Simon Singleton into the bout. “BOOOOOOOOOO!” Thrilled be doing something more besides being on the giving end of illegal attacks, Simon proudly proclaims, “Hereeeeeeees Simon!” “Speaking to us from the dead, I hope.” Krista manages to mutter. Her smart mouth attracts the ire of The Blonds and they quickly decide to punish her for her wisecracking. Ned begins to whip her towards her corner, but instead reverses her course, and sends her hurtling towards BOSS. The bones in Krista's back emit a heart wrenching cracking noise as she suffers through a horrendous collision with Si's raised knees. Crying out in monumental hurt, she staggers away from the Video Voyeur, simply merely searching out a place to pass out. Sadly her travels carry her towards an airborne Blanchard. And then Krista isn't staggering anymore, she's flipping through the air, courtesy of the 90210 Enziguri. Krista's eyes go wide, and she makes a gagging noise in her throat, as the signature attack only heaps more misery onto her pounding headache. Smirking with satisfaction over the injury he's burdened Krista with, Ned leaves Simon to the kick the dirt onto her grave. Earning further jeers from the audience, Singleton films Krista with an imaginary camera. But when she groggily rises to a sitting position, killer instincts replace his directorial ones and she speeds across the ring. Once he nears her, his hands fall upon the side of her head, and his body twists through the air in a whiplash. Krista's neck snaps backwards and soon her entire body follows suit, able to do nothing else besides whimper and groan. “My love, gonna board the midnight train to Georgia! My love, gonna board the midnight train to Georgia! My love, gonna board the midnight train to Georgia!” Simon sings out in his grating South Carolina accent. With no one particularly enamored with his musical styling, the downhearted BOSS attempts a pin. ONE! TWO! But Krista tears her shoulder away from the canvas, and the audience is ecstatic as a result. Simon, however, tunnels a hole through Robinson with a frustrated glare. While the ref shyly holds up two fingers, Krista expends a great deal of energy by standing up on her own power. Double S instantly pounces on her, clamping down with another front facelock. Feeling the pooling warmth of pain around her neck, Krista wildly fights back, and finally manages to break free of his hold. She acts quick and attempts to fling him to the cables. But the sultan of the box office handily reverses the motion to send her bouncing off the ropes. As she returns to the center of the ring, Simon's leg shoots out for a deadly roundhouse! But the blond beauty avoids the fatal collision with an agile roll, and continues her charge to the ropes. However, her return to BOSS meets a grizzly end, Simon springs towards with the speed of a jungle cat, and catches onto her neck. Her forward momentum is then turned against her, and she's brought down by a modified neckbreaker. “Leaving on a midnight train to Georgia. Woo Woo!” Simon shouts. COLE Krista can't honestly tag out, because that wold put Maggie in extreme danger, so basically she's fighting a two on one handicap against the only team besides The South Central Militia to have ever beaten her. “LET'S GO KRISTA! LET'S GO KRISTA!” bleat the crowd, led on by Maggie. Singleton hammers the sole of his boot deep into Krista's fully exposed back, shooting shockwaves of agony throughout her entire body. A trio of similar stomps follow suit, each bringing forth more disheartening convulsions. Simon calls an unexpected end to his stomping, now possessed by a mad intent to shatter her wounded neck with a German Suplex. He hauls her petite figure off the canvas with a tightly held rear wasitlock. Singleton hoists her as high as his stubby arms will allow her, then bridges backwards executing the mammoth suplex! While the audience reacts with sympathetic cries and cringes, the force of the hold involuntarily floats Krista upright and directs the dazed vixen to the Blonds corner. Always looking for an excuse to inflict as much pain as possible on Krista, Ned leans over the ropes and rudely slugs her in the back of the head with a forearm! Not only does this cheap shot give rise to an ear splitting orchestra of boos, but it appears to light a passionate fire within Krista's heart. Straining to see through the blotches of hot sweat that fog her yellow visor, she lunges at him with a straight left cross. However The Hustler eludes her questing hands by quickly leaping off the ring apron, leaving his attacker to awkwardly crash against the ropes. As Ned grins on the outside, Krissy wobbles into a neckbreaker from Simon! Upon seeing his vanquished adversary sprawl across the mat in defeat, Simon scurries to cover her and make this victory official. ONE! TWO! Somehow Krista finds the power within her to kickout the pinfall. The fans are wholly appreciative of her show of strength and shower with cheers of support. But, as they do this, Simon angrily showers the top of her head with closed fists, making certain to avoid her protective goggles. When he completes his brawling based assault, he brings Krista off the mat by her boobilcious bikini top. Sneering like a raving lunatic, his piercing black eyes scour the ring for someway to use the environment to inflict mortal damage upon his foe. One gaze at Krista's weary face, though, fills his mind with the perfect scheme. He drags Krista to his corner, and with brutal precision scrapes the side of her head off the turnbuckle. Watching Krista sink to the mat in white hot pain, Ned decides he wants to resume his most adored past time of making Krista's life hell. A quick tag is made, and Blanchard strides into the ring accompanied by depreciable chuckling. He immediately leaps on her weakened state, blasting her with the most hate filled stomps he's ever thrown. At Molly's urging Ned scrapes Krista's weakened body off the mat, putting a firm and insulting grasp on her round tush as he does so. Chants of “Let’s go Krista” roar from every inch of the arena, but Ned absolutely refuses to allow the fan favorite an opportunity to make a comeback. COACH Look at the way Moneymaker is running school on Krista. Look at that. Moneymaker is so powerful, he ain't even gotta be present to bring upon the end of Krista. His acolytes is out there doing it for him. Moving his hand from her ass to her wrist, Blanchard shoots Krista off to the ropes. Her return is marked by Ned latching onto her slender waist and foisting her into the sky in a gorilla press slam position. Hovered in the air for all to see, Krista's miserable situation becomes a flash point for the crowd, and they belt Ned with every piece of profanity their vulgar mouthes can muster. Greatly exhausted, Krissy expends what little energy she has left on a weak escape effort. But her valiant quest for freedom falls well short when placed against Ned's sizable strength. He lowers her across his shoulders in a fireman's carry position, then spins her behind him to shatter her neck with another neckbreaker. Fearfully, Maggie shudders, brought to grave concern for Krista's welfare. Caught up in a fit of delirious chortling and self satisfaction for his mammoth move, Ned drapes his arm across Krista's chest. ONE TWO Motivated by rage, Maggie rushes into the ring to break up the count with a body splash! As cheers replace the boos of hatred for Ned, the disgusted jock rises to plaster the little lady with an open handed slap. But referee Robinson thankfully acts as a barricade between the two superstars before Ned can cause Maggie any lasting harm. While the official ushers an agitated Maggie back to her station, Blanchard makes a speedy dash for the ropes. In an unusual display of aerial showmanship that Molly is begging him to not undertake, he springs to the second, then launches himself across the ring with a springboard leg drop! While the move appears to be wonderfully graceful, Molly's warnings prove to be well stated, as Krissy rolls out of the way at the last possible second! The hurt and humiliation from his folly is streaked across Ned's face in sharply bold letters, as he lands right on his flat ass. “YEAAAAA!” COACH I don't understand that usually works on Syndicated! Knowledgeable of the fact that Ned's fantastic gaffe may have irreversibly shifted momentum towards Krista's team, Simon heeds not a single warning from the referee and enters the ring. Unfortunately upon his arrival, Krista is no longer the weak maiden he and Ned reduced her to, and has now comfortably returned to her unbeatable demeanor. Simon is painfully altered to this fact when Krista swipes an elbow across his face. Before the pain of that attack can even register a second elbow lands just beneath his right eye. Eyes watered to near blindness, he can only feel the horrid effects of the fourth elbow. Fortunately, Krista's desire to admire her traffic stopping beauty in her Revlon compact mirror buys Simon a moment to recover. But in a top that small there's little room for a compact mirror, and so Simon is bowled over courtesy of a spinning wheel kick! “LET'S GO KRISTA! LET'S GO KRISTA!” With Simon's face flattened worse then a pancake and his body quivering on the canvas, Krista can safely depart towards the ropes. However, her return to Simon isn't performed through a simple jog. Rather HeldDOWN's most popular female lets her scintillating dance technique groove her back towards her foe. Playful hands flick through her hair, as bent knees subtly twist in a rhythm energetic enough to match her charming smile. Reaching Simon, Krista's limber body bends forward in one fluid motion, while her hands take a sensual journey from her long legs towards her sumptuous backside. Finally through with her dance routine, Krista rolls through the air with a standing shooting star press! “How awfully awful all this happens to be!” Molly whines. “Don't be sad, Molly, I'm sure the American kennel club will recognize you as a breed at some point.” ONE! TWO! But, Ned dives into the ring to end the pinfall at the last possible nanosecond. The audience boos his interference lustily, but Ned bestows them not a shred of attention, as he pounces on Krista with a front facelock. He drifts her into the sky, eager to drop her throat first across the cables. But, the feisty sex kitten manages to avoid this unwelcome ending by slithering her slippery body through his grasp, succeeding in twisting around so that her back is pointed towards his face. Ned's incapable of adjusting to the shift of position, and as such Krissy meets no trouble in collaring her arm around his neck and impacting his head onto her shoulder with a stunner. The impressive counter pops the audience, but fails to fell Ned, and with droplets of blood trickling from his nose, he angrily charges Krista with a lariat. But the long lost female member of the village people catches his maddened approach with a half nelson. Quickly, Krista strikes him with the I got 99 Problems half nelson facecrusher! “D.A. try to give a girl the shaft again. Half a mill' for bail cause I'm lesbian. All because this fool was harassin them. Tryin to play the girl like he's saccharin. But ain't nuttin sweet bout how I hold my gun I got 99 problems B....” CROWD AND MAGGIE AND A BITCH AIN'T ONE! Unwilling to allow her employers to be decimated by Krista's furious onslaught, a determined Molly rolls in the ring to stop the unstoppable woman. Her presence is undetected by Krista's who far to concerned with striking fashion model-esque pose for the photo journalists. But Maggie refuses to permit her elder sister to cause any harm to Krista, and takes Molly and the audience completely by surprise with a spear! “YEAAAAA!” Wildly panicked by her siblings rage fueled strikes that land atop her face, Molly begins angrily tugging at the strands of Maggie's pink and blond hair. The Nerdly girl throw every droplet of energy into their brawl, cascading across the ring like one miniature ball of yellow, black, and khaki fury. Unable and not exactly caring to control themselves, their frantic fight claims Charles Robinson as a victim as the sisters mow him down like blades from an out of control lawn mower. COLE Maggie certainly showing the testiness of Krista that's for sure! Like mother like daughter? Simon Singleton brings the fight to a sudden end when he hauls Maggie away from his unpaid intern. Struggling to catch her breath, Molly barks heated but gasping orders for her boss to send her sister to the emergency room. More then happy to oblige this request, Simon stuffs Maggie between his legs in a standing head scissors. “Box Office Simon Singleton, twenty four karat brilliant!” Simon bellows, receiving a number of boos from the audience. Far worse is the present he receives from Maggie, that of forearm lodged directly into his testicles. “YEAAAAA!” "Oooooh those are my testicles. Yep, those are my testicles getting ready to come out my mouth. OWWWWWWW!" COLE Oh my! Simon's shrill shrikes of horror come hand in hand with a temper tantrum from Molly, and wild laughter from Maggie, and the audience. Krista, however, sees Simon's misery as the time to strike. She dashes forward, and through planting her hands onto Maggie's shoulders is able to use the bubbly teenager to launch herself at Simon. Her flawlessly smooth legs tighten around Singleton's neck, and throw him over with a hurricanrana! Unfortunately, the force of the move brings Simon back to his feet, where he stands face to face with a fuming Maggie. Too dazed to to strike away the inexperienced wrestler, he's victimized by a back handed pimp slap from the Edmonton native. As the audience roots on his misery, Simon clutches his sore face and attempts to stumble away from the possible mother-daughter torture duo. But he walks himself directly into a side headlock from Krista. Quickly, she attacks him with a nauseating twirl, then brings his head crashing into the canvas with The Life In The Fab Lane (Twist of Fate). “K-I-D! K-I-D! K-I-D!” Maggie isn't capable of basking with Krista in the celebration of the audience, due in no small part towards Ned's pinning her arms behind her back. The GLAADiator has no idea what manner of perverted treachery Ned has schemed, and doesn't wait to find out. Putting her great speed to use, she slides between the gap in their legs. As Ned's arms are still tangled with Maggie's, he lacks the ability to prevent her from attaching her hands across his face. COLE Elizabeth, I'm coming to join ya, honey coming up! Choosing life over erection, Ned roughly shoves Maggie away so that he may properly deal with Krista. He weaves his way free of the setup of her finisher, and elevates her onto his shoulders in a standing's fireman's carry. But, Miss California doesn't stay in that position for very long, thanks to Maggie grabbing onto her tanned legs and yanking her free of Ned's shoulders. Obviously flustered by his endless failings, Ned searches out some success by charging the makeshift team with a double lariat. But the naturally blond duo duck bellow his approach, and The Handsome Hustler is forced to take a run off the ropes. His return brings about the end of his time in this contest due to Krista shutting him down with the crowd thrilling You Say Tomato, I say Fuck You (Swinging Reverse STO) COLE Somewhere Mackenzie has to be tearing her hair extensions out! Trying to take advantage of Krista's temporally grounded state, Simon flies off the top rope with the Clapboard Legdrop. But again Maggie saves the day for her possible mother, pulling her away from Simon's path. Thus its Ned who bears the unfortunate brunt of Simon's finisher! “YEAAAAA!” COLE Maggie is proving to be pretty useful after all! Always looking to protect her “mom”! Though Ned's screams are as loud as he's ever heard, Simon has many of his own issues to fret over, chiefly winning a match that's almost totally out his grasp. He rises to an unsteady vertical base, eyeing down the weaker member of Team Krista. But his attention towards Maggie prevents him from noticing that Krista is no where in his sight. Only when her hands snap under his chin is he made aware of her presence. And by then its too late, Simon is already being devoured by the jaws of defeat thanks to the Elizabeth, I'm coming to join ya, honey! It's the big one! (Reverse X-factor). With Simon throughly trounced by the oddly named finisher, Krista reaches forward to hook his leg for a fall that's scored by referee and crowd alike. CROWD ONE! Molly runs to break up the fall! CROWD TWO! But Maggie chops her down with a lariat! CROWD THREE! An entire arena erupts with monstrous cheers for the victory, passing along high fives and fist pumps as if they were the ones who actually gained the three count. COLE And the Blonds first appearance on HeldDOWN in 2008 meets with failure, unable to match the speed and trickery of Krista Isadora Duncan. They are going to get chewed out BUFFER The winners as a result of pinfall, Krista Isadora Duncan and Maggie Nerdly!! Though Krista remains more subdued after her latest beating of The Blonds, Maggie can't help but be brought to the highs of happiness, and leaps around the ring, jumping and jumping and jumping and DIAMOND CUTTER BY ALIX! “OOOOOOH!” COLE Where the hell did she come from?! The audience reacts stunned cheers for the unexpected appearance of The Hollywood Bad Girl. Alix's emotions are no where near as indecisivene as the audience, and she fastens a look of sick glee upon her face. But this joy isn't directed at Maggie, who Alix has disregarded like she was nothing more then a fruit fly. Its Krista being forced to face down the giggling lunatic eying her with a cold disgust. The audience seems prepared for a physical confrontation, and their loud, blustering, deafening noise becomes a jumbled mess, as a good percentage of the audience backs Krista, but a decent amount throw their lot behind Alix. "KRISTA! KRISTA! KRISTA!" "ALIX! ALIX! ALIX!" COLE Are we going to see the two queens of Los Angeles duke it out here tonight?! Disappointing both crowd and announcer, Krista offers a response of no by collecting the dazed Maggie into her arms, and exiting the ring. The burning furnace in Alix's eyes track her retreat up the ramp, and her endless giggling continues to torment Krista. With Krista put on the retreat, Alix's themesong of “Just Be” kicks up, as the Blonds rejoin their Enterprise superior in the ring, and celebrate the sudden appearance of a mean streak. COLE Alix in no condition to wrestle tonight but definitely in condition to diamond cutter Maggie. And such malicious actions are definitely not something we'd expect out of Alix. It so uncharacteristic for her to attack somebody like that, she's always so friendly, and chipper. I really don't know what's going on that girl's head. But I do know we still have an Ultimate X match coming up. Spanish Fly against Tha Puerto Rican. Who takes this key bout on the road to Anglemania? Is this the last stand for Tha Puerto Rican? Or will he secure himself a world title bout in Los Angeles?! We'll find out in the upcoming moments. I can't wait! Patty sez:I'd sell my soul for another non wrestling segment! COMING UP NEXT ULTIMATE X SPANISH FLY VS THA PUERTO RICAN NEXT Edited February 16, 2008 by Patty O'Green Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted February 16, 2008 (edited) OAOAST Event Tracker Is Brought to you by Gillete The Best a Man Can Get February 21, 2008 - Detroit, MI (SOLD OUT) February 28, 2008 (Leap Year Spectacular) - St. Louis, MO (SOLD OUT) March 6, 2008 - Columbus, OH March 13, 2008 - Lafayette, LA (SOLD OUT) “Work itmake itdo itmakes usharderbetterfasterstronger” And with that, the crowd starts booing. Loudly. As “Stronger” by Kanye West plays over the P.A. system, the fans turn their attention to the entrance. Instead of the usual pyro that usually appears once this song starts playing, the entrance doors simply slide open and out walks the Corporate Referee, Thomas Rodriguez, with a Laz-E-Boy recliner in his hands. Rodriguez places the recliner at the far end of the entrance stage and then runs back to the entrance. He comes out 5 seconds later with a stool, which he places near the Laz-E-Boy recliner. Thomas then runs back through the entrance again, coming back out 5 seconds later with a bowl full of grapes. He places the bowl full of grapes on top of the stool. Thomas once again runs backstage and comes back with a red blanket which he places on the Laz-E-Boy recliner. Thomas then exits through the sliding doors again. COLE What is Thomas doing? The entrance doors slide open…again…and Thomas once again comes out…with STEPHEN JOSEPH POPICK and MS. LINDSAY GONZALEZ-POPICK along with him. The crowd boos loudly. COACH Setting things up for the Popicks, that’s what! The crowd boos louder than before as Popick politely waves to the audience while Lindsay blows kisses. Thomas leads Stephen Joseph and Lindsay to the Laz-E-Boy recliner, Popick carrying the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt with his right hand, Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick carrying the OAOAST Women's Championship belt with her left hand. Stephen Joseph sits on the Laz-E-Boy recliner, with Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick taking a seat on her husband’s lap. COLE Well, it looks like the Popicks are going to have a front side seat to this next match-up! COACH As well they should. Seeing as this is the final match of Tha Puerto Rican’s career, they should damn well have a ringside seat! COLE It’s not definite that this is PRL’s last match. COACH Oh, but it will be. It will be. Popick said that PRL’s career ending would be his Valentine’s Day gift to his Lindsay, and it will most certainly be the best Valentine’s Day gift that she EVER received, yup! As “Stronger” continues playing, Thomas Rodriguez runs through the entrance doors again, coming back out with another stool. He places the stool next to the stool holding the bowl of grapes. Rodriguez then runs back, coming back out with a bottle of champagne and two champagne glasses. Thomas places the champagne bottle and the champagne glasses on top of the second stool. COACH They’re gonna pop the champagne when PRL’s career is finished! Thomas Rodriguez runs back through the entrance doors…and comes back out with CUBAN WALL. More boos for the Corporate Wall as Thomas directs him to Popick and Lindsay on the Laz-E-Boy recliner. Wall threatens to punch Thomas, telling him he “knows where the damn seat is!” Wall then makes his way over to the Popicks. COLE And it looks like Cuban Wall has a ringside seat too. Remember, his Title shot at AngleMania VII is on the line here! COACH He doesn’t have to worry about losing it though. PRL is as good as finished tonight! Cuban Wall high fives Stephen and Lindsay. The three Corporation members all laugh maniacally, confident that PRL retires tonight. Wall stands next to the married couple looking towards the ring. Lindsay kisses Popick and then feeds him some grapes. COLE So much on the line in this next match-up. The very career of Tha Puerto Rican could be over after tonight! Either that, or PRL is getting what some would say is his much deserved shot at the OAOAST World Heavyweight Title at AngleMania VII on March 30th. COACH He’s done. There ain’t no way he can survive this Ultimate X Match against the ULTIMATE CRUISERWEIGHT! Spanish Fly can outwrestle PRL 999 times out of 1,000. COLE That still leaves 1 time, Coach. COACH So? That 1 time ain’t tonight. This is Spanish Fly’s night. This is the Corporation’s night! Tonight is the last night of Tha Puerto Rican’s career! Thomas checks to make sure everyone is comfortable and then bows his head. Thomas Rodriguez waves goodbye to his fellow Corporation members and then exits through the entrance doors. Cuban Wall, Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick, and Stephen Joseph Popick all talk about the match coming up in only a few seconds. Stephen Joseph has the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt lying on top of the Laz-E-Boy recliner. Lindsay has the OAOAST Women's Championship belt lying next to it on the Laz-E-Boy recliner. Lindsay feeds Stephen some more grapes. COLE Well right now, the main event of AngleMania VII is Cuban Wall vs. Stephen Joseph Popick for the OAOAST World Heavyweight Title. But if PRL wins tonight, that might change into Tha Puerto Rican vs. Stephen Joseph Popick for the OAOAST World Heavyweight Title! OR Tha Puerto Rican vs. Colombian Heat for the OAOAST World Heavyweight Title if Heat can beat Popick at the Leap Year Spectacular in two weeks! COACH PR/Heat in the main event of AngleMania VII would be the worst main event in AngleMania history! It would be the least watched AngleMania EVER if those two bozos would headline the show! COLE Actually, I think it’d be the most watched, but that’s your opinion. And it’s all hypothetical still. We have to wait until February 28th to know what the AngleMania VII main event really is. COACH No we don’t. We already know what the main event of AngleMania VII really is. It’s going to be an All-CORPORATE AngleMania main event! Wall vs. Popick! I can’t wait! Cuban Wall watches the ring while Lindsay and Popick cuddle on the Laz-E-Boy recliner. “Stronger” by Kanye West dies down. The crowd is ready for Ultimate X. COLE Well, now that that’s out of the way, it’s time for another of the HUGE matches taking place on tonight’s Valentine’s Day edition of HeldDOWN~!. Ultimate X! Career vs. Title Shot! Either PRL goes to AngleMania…or he must retire! So much at stake in this one! The lives of two men could be changed forever. It’s the first Ultimate X Match in HeldDOWN~! history, let’s go to the ring with Michael Buffer for the introductions. The camera cuts to the ring. The set-up for the Ultimate X Match was already in place when the show started. But now, the object that PRL and Spanish Fly are fighting for, the OAOAST AngleMania VII logo is in place high above the ring. The camera does close-ups of all four scaffolds and the cables as Michael Buffer speaks. *DING…DING…DING* BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, it is now time for the ULTIMATE X MATCH! In this Ultimate X Match, the object is for one of the men, either Tha Puerto Rican or Spanish Fly, to climb one of the four scaffolds surrounding the ring, scale one or both of the cables, and grab the OAOAST AngleMania VII logo that is hanging above the ring, and pull it from the hook. Special stipulations for this match are: if Tha Puerto Rican is the one to grab the logo and win the match, then he replaces Cuban Wall as the #1 Contender to the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship and earns himself a one-on-one match against the One And Only AngleSault Thread World Heavyweight Champion, whoever he may be, at OAOAST AngleMania VII Sunday March 30, 2008 from the Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum in Los Angeles, California. COLE It’ll be our main event! COACH And PRL won’t be involved in it at all! BUFFER However…if Spanish Fly is the one to grab the logo and win the match, then Tha Puerto Rican must retire from the sport of professional wrestling immediately following the match. COACH HA! HA! Yeah! COLE That’s something these people do NOT want tonight! BUFFER Now then…ARE YOU READY? “YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” BUFFER Wrestling fans…are…you…RRRRRRRRRRRRRREADY!? The crowd cheers some more. BUFFER Then, for the thousands in attendance here, on this Valentine’s Day 2008, in Montreal, Quebec, Canada, and the millions watching around the world. There’s only one thing left to say. Ladies and gentlemen…LLLLLLLLLLET’S GET READY TO RUMBLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! The crowd cheers loudly. COLE Either a Title shot is taken away, or a career is taken away! Which one will it be? "THE C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-CORP-CORPORA-CORPORATION" “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” The opening to “No Chance In Hell” plays as smoke fills the entrance stage. Spanish Fly is shown on the AngleTron posing in front of a Mexican flag with the words “SPANISH FLY” shown next to him in big white blocky letters. The crescendo hits, and a HUGE burst of pyro explodes over the entrance stage. “No Chance In Hell” by Bradley Royds starts playing. *No chance (No chance) That’s what ya got! (Ha! Ha! Yeah.) We’re up against no machine too strong (Too strong) Pussy politicians buying souls for us are…PUPPETS! (Puppets!)* The entrance doors slide open, and Spanish Fly comes jogging out to boos. He throws up the old Wolfpack hand signal with both hands. Fly is wearing an all-black version of his new ring attire, in addition to a black bandana on his head, and his EVIL~! goatee is now fully grown in, thus completing the transformation from fresh face youngster to annoying little Corporate sellout midget bastard. Fly sticks his tongue out and throws out a few CROTCH CHOPS~! to the fans who once cheered for him. COLE All of the SJPC’s hopes rest on the shoulders of Spanish Fly. COACH And he will NOT disappoint! Come on little buddy! Spanish Fly high fives Cuban Wall and both Popicks. He pounds his chest with his right hand. Wall and Stephen Joseph do the same. Fly points to all three Corporation members on the entrance stage, and then walks down the entrance ramp, raising his hands in the air along the way. *But will find their place in line (In line) But tie a string around your finger now boy cuz Cuz it’s just a matter of time Cuz you’ve got…NO CHANCE! (You’ve got no chance!) NO CHANCE IN HELL! You’ve got…NO CHANCE! (Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!) NO CHANCE IN HELL! You’ve got…NO CHANCE! (Got no chance!) NO CHANCE IN HELL! You’ve got…NO CHANCE! (Chance!) NO CHANCE IN HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!* BUFFER Introducing first. Coming to the ring at this time. From Tijuana, Mexico. Standing 4-foot-11 and weighing in at 175 lbs. Representing the Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation and Cuban Wall, he is the Ultimate Cruiserweight, SPANISHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH FLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! Spanish Fly taunts the fans, and gives them more CROTCH CHOPS~!. Wall, Popick, and Lindsay are shown applauding Fly on the entrance stage. COLE So much pressure on Spanish Fly. The Corporate Turncoat is looking to please his boss with a big time win here tonight! COACH If little Spanish Fly can retire Tha Puerto Rican, remove him from the OAOAST roster, get rid of him FOREVER…then you just KNOW that Stephen Joseph will be VERY, VERY pleased. I’m talking about a raise, I’m talking about a new house, I’m talking about better women! He’ll have it all if he can retire The People’s CHUMP tonight! Spanish Fly lunges after a fan, and then climbs up the ring steps. Fly stops on the ring apron and points to Wall, SJ, and Lindsay on the entrance stage, and then enters the ring. Spanish Fly gets on the second and third ring rope and throws up the Wolfpack hand signal again with his right hand while sticking his tongue out. The crowd boos loudly. Fly gets off of the ropes and jumps up and down in place. COLE Spanish Fly debuted in the OAOAST on December 29, 2003 at the Bloody, Battered, And Beaten pay-per-view, helping PRL fight off The Mad Cappa. Fly served as a member of The Lightning Crew until he was fired from the group on the June 10, 2004 edition of HeldDOWN~! while P.R. was being arrested for a crime that he did NOT commit! COACH He did it. COLE Spanish Fly has had battles with PRL in the past. He fought PRL for the OAOAST 24/7 Championship at World Without End back in October of 2005, losing to Puerto in a hard fought contest. They have fought all over the world, feuding over the 24/7 Title and the HI-YAH World Tag Team Titles in the process. Spanish Fly rejoined the Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation on December 6, 2007, turning on his one-time BEST FRIEND Colombian Heat in a tag team match against Cuban Wall and Mr. Boricua. COACH The greatest moment of Spanish Fly’s career. COLE More like the lowest moment. Anyway, it has now come to this. One match. Either Cuban Wall loses his Title shot, or Tha Puerto Rican loses his career! And it all depends on whether PRL OR Spanish Fly can grab the AngleMania VII logo from the hook! COACH I said that Fly turning on Heat was the greatest moment of his career, but retiring Tha Puerto Rican is about to take the top spot! Spanish Fly paces back and forth inside of the ring. He stares intensely at the entrance. Cuban Wall and the Popicks look at Fly with serious expressions on their faces. “No Chance In Hell” by Bradley Royds dies down. COLE Spanish Fly, 4’11” 175 pounds, about to go one-on-one with a former ally. A man who *founded* the group that he is currently apart of! COACH Popick made it better. Much, much better! Fly motions for PRL to “BRING IT!” The crowd is buzzing in anticipation of PRL’s entrance. COLE Well, there’s only one more entrance left. COACH For the last time, I am going to have to hear this music. Thank GOD. COLE Or will you? COACH Oh I will. I will. I will. “THE CHAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMP…” *DUN DUN* “…IS…” *DUN* “…HERE!” “YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” A lightning bolt hits the entrance stage, the PRL entrance video plays on the AngleTron, and “Know Your Role 2000” blasts over the P.A. system, bringing the crowd to life. The lights go down in the arena. PR is heard saying, “THE CHAMP IS HERE!” in tune with the beat of the song, while smoke fills the entrance stage, and spotlights circle around and around the arena. A few seconds elapsed, the entrance doors slide open, and Tha Puerto Rican quickly saunters out, stopping to stare a hole through Stephen Joseph Popick on the entrance stage. Cuban Wall and Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick glare angrily at Tha Puerto Rican, but PR’s eyes are focused solely on his former manager and “Career Consultant”. Popick mouths “You’re finished.” He then points to the ring and motions for PRL to go, saying, “Get it over with. Go. Go.” PRL mouths off to Stephen Joseph, and then power walks down the entrance ramp, not stopping at all, keeping his eyes focused on the ring and Spanish Fly. The crowd cheers louder than before. BUFFER And his opponent. Coming to the ring at this time. From San Juan, Puerto Rico. Weighing in at 220 lbs. He is one-half of The Badd Boyz…THA PUERTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO RICAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN! COLE Is this the last time we are hearing PRL’s entrance music in an arena? COACH I sure hope so! I hate this song! Tha Puerto Rican walks around ringside, slapping hands with some of the fans, keeping his eyes on Spanish Fly. Fly taunts PRL from inside of the ring. COLE Tha Puerto Rican debuted in the One And Only AngleSault Thread on the March 10, 2003 edition of IntenseZone taking on The Mad Cappa in the first of many matches between the two. Since then, Tha Puerto Rican has appeared in over 100 OAOAST telecasts, and has wrestled at 41 OAOAST pay-per-views since March of 2003. He is a former three-time OAOAST Puerto Rican/Italian/Puerto Rican Champion, a former OAOAST North American Champion, a former OAOAST X-Division Champion, he is a former HI-YAH World Tag Team Champion, his partner was the current OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion, Stephen Joseph Popick, a man PRL DESPISES now! He is also the longest reigning 24/7 Champion in OAOAST history, and at one time, he was the leader of The Lightning Crew-now-Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation. He has gone from being one of the most hated to one of the most beloved Superstars in the One And Only AngleSault Thread, but whether you love him or you hate him, you cannot deny that he is one of the all-time greats, and is arguably the greatest professional wrestler to ever come out of Puerto Rico! COACH Like that’s saying much. Who’s his competition? Savio Vega, Carlos Colon, Carlito, and Pedro Morales? Yeah, that’s some tough competition right there! PRL stops to slap some fans’ hands, and then points a menacing finger at the three Corporate members on the entrance stage. Puerto climbs up the ring steps and gets on the ring apron. He gives the fans The People’s Eyebrow, and then sneers at Cuban Wall and the Popicks, who sneer back. P.R. then enters the ring. He spins around; soaking in the fans’ cheers while “Know Your Role 2000” continues playing over the P.A. system. Tha Puerto Rican does the HBK muscle pose while pyro explodes behind him. The crowd is still cheering loudly. COLE Is this the very last time that we see this entrance? COACH I pray that it is! PRL removes his blue vest, blue hat, and blue cowboy chaps, and hands them all over to a ringside attendant. He removes his sunglasses and earring from his left ear and hands them over to the ringside attendant too. COLE So much on the line. Either PRL goes to AngleMania, or PRL retires from professional wrestling! COACH And it’s going to be the latter! Most definitely! COLE Tha Puerto Rican is a desperate man. And as the old saying goes, ‘Desperate men do desperate things.’ PRL has put his own career on the line because he felt that that was the only way that this match would happen. He wants to go to AngleMania and challenge for the World Heavyweight Title SO bad, that he’s willing to risk his own career for that opportunity! He WANTS to go to AngleMania VII. He NEEDS to go to AngleMania VII and challenge for the World Heavyweight Title! He wants it more than he’s wanted anything in his entire life! He wants it so bad that he is putting his own career on the line to get that shot! COACH That will end up being the biggest mistake of Tha Puerto Rican’s life! PRL stares at Wall and the Popicks. He points a menacing finger at them and runs his mouth as the lights go back on in the arena. The three SJPC members just smirk at P.R. Referee Rudy Charles pats down Spanish Fly, and then pats down Tha Puerto Rican. COLE Tha Puerto Rican has wrestled at the last five AngleManias. Will he wrestle at his 6th consecutive AngleMania, this time in the main event for the World Heavyweight Title? We are about to find out. Rudy Charles goes over some last minute rules as “Know Your Role 2000” dies down. He then calls for the bell. *DING DING DING* “Desperate Measures” CAREER VS. TITLE SHOT ULTIMATE X MATCH SPANISH FLY (Representing Cuban Wall) vs. THA PUERTO RICAN (If Tha Puerto Rican wins, then he gets a shot at the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship at OAOAST AngleMania VII on Sunday March 30, 2008 from the Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum in Los Angeles, California. If Spanish Fly wins, then Tha Puerto Rican must retire from professional wrestling.) The crowd is fired up. Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick feeds Stephen Joseph Popick some more grapes. Cuban Wall shouts out, “LET’S GO WALL!” Tha Puerto Rican stands at a turnbuckle corner. Spanish Fly stands at the opposite turnbuckle corner. COLE Well here we go. It’s all or nothing here. There is no going back. No tomorrow for Tha Puerto Rican! Either he wins, or he’s finished! COACH And he is. He’s going to choke, just like he choked last week…and the week before that…and at Anglepalooza…and at the New Year’s Spectacular…and at November Reign…and at Zero Hour…and at AngleSlam…and-- COLE Coach, enough! PRL stares at Spanish Fly. Spanish Fly stares back. PRL taunts Fly. Fly taunts him. PR looks up at the OAOAST AngleMania VII logo hanging from the hook on the cables. COLE That is all you have to do. No pinfalls, no submissions, no count outs, no disqualifications, no ladders. Just climb up, grab the AngleMania VII logo, and you win the match! And the stakes are high for both men. COACH Come on, Fly! “P.R.!” “P.R.!” “P.R.!” “P.R.!” P.R. slowly walks closer to Spanish Fly. Spanish Fly slowly walks over to Tha Puerto Rican. COLE Neither Spanish Fly NOR Tha Puerto Rican have been in an Ultimate X Match before, so this is new for the both of them! COACH But unlike P.R., Spanish Fly doesn’t crack under pressure! So, this match is his for the taking! Say goodbye to your career, P.R.! It’s been nice having you in the OAOAST…NOT! COLE Oh brother. P.R. and Spanish Fly both show hesitation…until P.R. nails Fly with a Rock-style punch to the temple! P.R. continues nailing Fly with The Rock-style punches, the crowd getting louder with each punch. P.R. then switches to regular punches and then gives Spanish Fly an Irish whip into the ropes. Spanish Fly reverses--PRL bounces off of the ropes…and hits Spanish Fly with a flying clothesline knocking him down! COLE And PRL with the first blow of the match! COACH It’s okay, it’s just nerves! Shake it off, Fly! Do it for the Popicks! They’re watching you, you know! PRL picks Spanish Fly up. Fly pokes PRL in the eyes! Spanish Fly kicks PRL in the stomach! He does it again! Fly kicks PRL in the chest! Spanish Fly does a roundhouse kick knocking PRL to the mat! COACH Yes! Spanish Fly pumps his fists in celebration of knocking PR to the mat! Fly picks Puerto Rican up and applies a headlock on him. Fly cinches the hold tight. PRL backs Fly into the ropes and then shoves him off into the opposite ropes. Spanish Fly holds on, and then slides out of the ring! The crowd boos. COACH He’s just taking a breather! Just a breather, that’s all! COLE Spanish Fly taking a rest on the outside. Remember, no countouts in an Ultimate X Match! Spanish Fly walks around the ring. “SPAN-ISH FLY SUCKS!” “SPAN-ISH FLY SUCKS!” “SPAN-ISH FLY SUCKS!” “SPAN-ISH FLY SUCKS!” COLE I never thought that I’d ever hear that chant! COACH Ingrates. Spanish Fly lunges after a fan, but the fan laughs at the “midget”. Fly looks over to the Popicks and Wall on the entrance stage. Lindsay is feeding Stephen Joseph grapes, neither one paying attention to the match. Wall tells Fly to “Keep going! You got him where you want him!” Fly nods his head, and then climbs back up the ring steps and enters the ring. COACH All right, NOW we can get things going! PRL and Spanish Fly circle each other. Fly goes for a punch--BLOCKED! PRL fires off with a left hand! And another! And another! COLE The southpaw from San Juan laying into Spanish Fly right now! P.R. whips Spanish Fly into a turnbuckle corner. P.R. jogs on over to the opposite turnbuckle and then charges forward. Stinger Splash on Spanish Fly! PRL whips Fly into the opposite turnbuckle corner…Spanish Fly reverses…PRL runs towards the turnbuckle, but grabs the ropes and jumps up, stopping himself from crashing into the turnbuckle. HOWEVER, Spanish Fly was charging forward, so when PRL jumped up, Fly stopped in his tracks and jumped up onto the second rope to begin climbing the scaffolding! COACH IT’S OVER! IT’S OVER! PRL grabs Spanish Fly’s right leg and pulls him off of the ropes back onto the mat! But Spanish Fly fires with a forearm to the face! Several forearm shots rock The P.R. Menace, taking him over to another turnbuckle corner. Fly whips P.R. into the opposite corner. SF charges forward…right into a right boot to the face from Tha Puerto Rican! Puerto then hops over the top ring rope and onto the ring apron. Puerto Rican then hops onto the top ring rope and springboards off of it, trying to grab the OAOAST AngleMania VII logo…and falling right on his ass! COACH Idiot! Like that would work! Gawd! COLE Thanks for the commentary, Napoleon Dynamite. Can you bring back Coach please? COACH Shut up, Cole. Spanish Fly kicks PRL right in the face as he’s getting up. Fly picks PRL up. He goes for a punch--BLOCKED! PRL fires with a Rock-style punch to the temple! And another! And another! The Latin Lion grabs Spanish Fly by his left hand and gives him an Irish whip--NO!--Spanish Fly reverses, and elbows PRL right in the face! Fly bounces off of the ropes, Fly charges forward, PRL does a leapfrog over him, Fly bounces off of the opposite ropes, he charges forward, PRL does a reverse leapfrog over him, Fly bounces off of the ropes, and charges forward right into an arm-drag from Tha Puerto Rican! Spanish Fly gets back up, right into another arm-drag from Puerto! Fly gets up, and gets hit with a third arm-drag from The People’s Champ! COLE And Tha Puerto Rican is back in this match-up! PR wastes no time, running to a turnbuckle (making sure to step on Spanish Fly’s stomach along the way), and climbing it, so that he can start climbing the scaffolding. COLE And here we go, PRL going for the logo! COACH GET UP! GET UP! GET UP FLY! Wall, Lindsay, and Stephen Joseph look on concerned. The crowd is cheering loudly as PRL climbs the scaffolding, getting closer and closer to the cables. But Spanish Fly is starting to get up. COLE He can win it right here, Coach! COACH OH NO! The People’s Champion goes to grab a cable…when he is stopped with a punch from Spanish Fly! Fly nails PRL with several forearms to the face, both men standing on the top turnbuckle, using the scaffolding to maintain their balance. COLE Spanish Fly coming to the rescue in the nick of time! COACH Phew! Thank goodness for Fly! SF forearms PR until he is stunned. Fly then jumps up, and nails PRL right in the chest with a dropkick which sends PRL’s back right into the scaffolding HARD! Fly lands back on the mat! COLE Oh my! Nice dropkick from the smallest member of the Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation! COACH Yes! Way to go! PR collapses onto the turnbuckle, and then crumbles onto the mat. The members of the SJPC at the entrance stage applaud Spanish Fly. COLE Spanish Fly using the scaffolding as a weapon, using them to his advantage, and PRL is down on the mat! COACH Spanish Fly is feeling the effects too. COME ON FLY! Popick’s watching you! PRL has rolled out to the outside. Spanish Fly soon rolls out himself, but he is on his feet while PRL is crawling. Fly walks around ringside and finds Tha Puerto Rican on his hands and knees, so Fly picks The Great One up, and simply rams his head right into one of the scaffoldings! COLE Whoa! Spanish Fly using the scaffoldings as a weapon again! He just nailed PRL right in the head! COACH That a-boy, Fly! Now go back into the ring and finish the job! Fly picks PRL up by his head, taking off his Puerto Rican flag bandana in the process. Fly throws Puerto Rican back into the ring. SF follows him and then stomps him several times. “P.R.!” “P.R.!” “P.R.!” “P.R.!” SF picks PRL up again. Fly nails PRL with a combination of kicks to the legs and forearms to the face! PRL is now dazed and confused. Fly whips Puerto Rican into the ropes. He fires with a spinning wheel kick knocking Puerto down to the mat! Fly picks PRL up. He whips him into the ropes again, and fires with a dropkick, knocking P.R. to the mat again! Spanish Fly then gets up and does a Standing Moonsault onto Tha Puerto Rican! Spanish Fly gets up and poses, drawing LOUD boos. Fly taunts the fans with an evil smile on his face. He sticks his tongue out at the camera. COLE And Spanish Fly, the 4’11” Luchador in control of the 5’9” former X-Division Champion! COACH PRL won that Title by nefarious means at AngleMania VI: Etched In Stone last year. In a way, he’s being punished for that right now! COLE PRL hasn’t always been a saint, that much is true, but he IS a changed man, and these people recognize that! COACH Bah! These people are sheep! They’ll cheer anyone who rips off The Rock! Cuban Wall, Stephen Joseph Popick, and Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick look on as Spanish Fly stomps on PRL’s body. He picks Puerto up…and gets elbowed in the gut! He does it again! And again! And again! PRL chops Spanish Fly across the chest! “WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” *CHOP!* “WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” *CHOP!* “WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” PR nails Fly with an European Uppercut! He hits Fly with another European Uppercut. PR whips Fly into a turnbuckle. He then charges forward and nails Fly with a clothesline hitting him HARD! PRL plays to the crowd. He points to the AngleMania VII logo and the crowd cheers! PRL then climbs the turnbuckle and then climbs the scaffolding! COLE Here we go! PR going for it again! COACH Come on Spanish Fly! Stop him! Stop him! The three Corporate members on the entrance stage start to panic as PRL climbs to the top of the scaffolding. He then grabs one of the cables and starts scaling across the cable with the crowd going nuts! COLE This could be it! This could be it! COACH Spanish Fly stop him! Stop him NOW! DO IT! PRL gets close, but Spanish Fly grabs P.R.’s right leg and pulls on it! COACH Yeah! Fly keeps tugging at the leg, trying desperately to pull PR down onto the mat! But PRL holds on tight, refusing to let go of the cable! COLE Spanish Fly desperately trying to prevent PRL from getting his Title shot! COACH *His* Title shot? What biasness! With the crowd behind him, PRL kicks Fly in the head with his left foot! He does it again! He keeps on doing it, until one good kick to the face drops Spanish Fly back-first onto the mat! PRL then scales across the cable a few more inches…before letting go of the cable…twisting his body in mid-air…doing an “Up yours!“ hand gesture in mid-air…AND HITTING SPANISH FLY IN THE CHEST WITH HIS LEFT ELBOW~!!! COLE Oh my~! PRL with an Elbow Drop from the cables onto the mat! COACH What the hell? How did he do that!? COLE That was like The People’s Elbow Drop wasn’t it? COACH I don’t care what it is, it sucks! The crowd is impressed by particular aerial maneuver from Tha Puerto Rican. As a result, another “P.R.!” chant starts up. Puerto takes a moment to recover from his unique variation of The People’s Elbow Drop. COLE PR in control, but he can’t pin Fly! He can’t make him submit. The only thing he can do is grab the AngleMania VII logo that is hanging from the cables to win! PRL slowly gets back to his feet, already feeling the effects of this match-up. He picks Spanish Fly up. Puerto grabs Fly by his left arm and gives him an Irish whip into the ropes. PR puts his head down, so Spanish Fly stops in his tracks, and kicks PRL right in the face! He then kicks PRL in the legs, the thighs, the gut, the chest, and then a big roundhouse kick to the face! Spanish Fly picks Tha Puerto Rican up and whips him into a turnbuckle. Spanish Fly charges forward and jumps up, nailing PRL right in the chest with a dropkick! COACH Yes! The dropkick takes PRL’s feet off of the mat! Spanish Fly then charges over and punches PR in the face several times! He then switches to martial arts kicks all over Tha Puerto Rican’s body. He finishes off with a jumping back kick to Tha Puerto Rican’s jaw! PRL collapses onto the mat, with his head resting on the bottom turnbuckle pad. “Boo!” COLE Oh no. COACH Oh yes! The crowd starts booing. Spanish Fly has a wide evil smile on his face. He sticks his tongue out as he jogs on over to the opposite turnbuckle. COLE Here it comes. COACH Yes! Yes! Yes! “BOOOOOOO!” Spanish Fly looks at the crowd with an evil smile on his face. He does the “low-rider” hand gesture. “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Spanish Fly charges forward. COACH Ride ’em, cowboy! Broncobuster! Spanish Fly gives PRL a Broncobuster! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” COLE Broncobuster! Broncobuster on Tha Puerto Rican from Spanish Fly! COACH YEE-HAW! GIDDY UP! Ride that buckin’ bronco! Spanish Fly gets off of Tha Puerto Rican, which really doesn’t sound right considering what move he just gave him, and then gives him a CROTCH CHOP~! (Again, doesn’t sound right.) Spanish Fly does a SHIMMY~! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” COLE Spanish Fly mocking Colombian Heat! His FORMER best friend, who he hit over the head with a lead pipe last week on HeldDOWN~! COACH That was great! Spanish Fly does the Broncobuster better than Colombian Heat EVER did! Because of him, I LOVE that move now! COLE Yeah, you would. Spanish Fly grabs PRL by his right hand and pulls him out of the turnbuckle, dropping him onto the mat. He stomps on PRL while the crowd boos. “P.R.!” “P.R.!” Fly stops to tell the crowd to “SHUT UP!” He then goes back to stomping on Puerto. The Popicks root Spanish Fly on, but then Stephen Joseph tells Fly to climb up and get the OAOAST AngleMania VII logo. Fly picks The Latin Lion up--PRL springs to life with a punch! Another punch! PRL switches to Rock-style punches to the temple! He keeps going and going with them! Punch! Punch! Punch! NOW KISS THAT LEFT~! Punch! Spanish Fly falls to the mat to a pop from the crowd! PRL quickly grabs Spanish Fly, taking Fly's black bandana off in the process, and then whips him into the opposite ropes--Spanish Fly reverses--PR bounces off of the ropes, Spanish Fly goes for a clothesline, PR ducks, bounces off of the opposite ropes, charges forward…and hits Spanish Fly with a Gamengiri knocking him down! COLE Dodge THIS, BITCH~! COACH Stupid name for an admittedly cool move. COLE PRL and Spanish Fly both feeling the effects of this Ultimate X contest, and yet neither man has made many attempts for the AngleMania VII logo! The OAOAST Starbucks™ Double Shot Instant Replay shows Tha Puerto Rican’s Dodge THIS, BITCH~! on Spanish Fly. COLE You saw Spanish Fly tried to get his hands up. Tried to block that move. COACH COME ON FLY! The Corporate members on the entrance stage look on in concern for their fellow Corporate member. PR catches his breath on the mat. Spanish Fly is holding his head in pain. PRL slowly gets up. COLE This could be PRL’s perfect shot! He can go for the logo right now! PRL slowly gets to a vertical base. He takes a deep breath, a little groggy now. The Great One then picks Spanish Fly up. P.R. taunts Fly, calling him a “roody poo candy ass!” He then whips him into a turnbuckle…Spanish Fly leaps onto the second turnbuckle, then the top turnbuckle, then starts climbing the scaffolding! COACH Look! Look! PRL charges forward, but gets kicked in the face! Spanish Fly climbs up quickly to the top of the scaffolding, and then grabs a cable. Spanish Fly starts scaling across the cable, causing the crowd to panic! COLE This could be it! PRL could be retired right here! COACH Yes! Yes! Yes! Go get it Fly! The match is yours for the taking! COLE PRL’s career is on the line! The Popicks are nodding their heads. Cuban Wall is going nuts. Spanish Fly comes closer and closer to the OAOAST AngleMania VII logo. COACH YES! DO IT! DO IT! DO IT! Spanish Fly grapevines his legs around the cable. COLE Good thinking by Spanish Fly! Now PRL won’t be able to pull on his legs! COACH Great idea, Fly! Now go ahead and grab the logo! Spanish Fly tries his hardest to grab the logo, but the fact that his legs are wrapped around the cable hold him back. Still, Fly marches on, stretching his right arm as far as it can go! COACH Oh, curse Fly’s little hands! They’re not helping him right now! Spanish Fly comes within an inch of the logo… …when suddenly, he sees Tha Puerto Rican flying towards him with his left fist cocked… …THA PUERTO RICAN HITS SPANISH FLY WITH A SPRINGBOARD FLYING FOREARM KNOCKING HIM OFF OF THE CABLE~!!!!!!! “YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” COLE WHAT A MOVE! WHAT A MOVE! COACH DAMNIT! The crowd goes wild! Tha Puerto Rican and Spanish Fly both lie on the mat, both men breathing hard, in pain. Lindsay, Stephen, and Wall are all very much concerned for their running mate right now. COLE Tha Puerto Rican risked it all right there! A springboard flying forearm to the face of Spanish Fly! I have never seen Tha Puerto Rican do that in my entire life! COACH He has to, Coach! His career is on the line! He has to take all the risks because Spanish Fly won’t stop until he grabs the logo off of the hook! COLE A desperation move from a desperate man! PRL rolls to his side. Spanish Fly is still on his back, in pain. PR rolls back to his back. KIP-UP~! “YEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” COLE He’s up! He’s up again! COACH Fly get up! GET UP NOW! PRL plays to the cheering crowd! The OAOAST Starbucks™ Double Shot Instant Replay shows PRL’s springboard flying forearm to Spanish Fly again from two different angles. Spanish Fly starts moving his body around. PRL picks Spanish Fly up and whips him into a turnbuckle corner. PRL charges forward, right into a right foot from Spanish Fly! Spanish Fly then hops onto the top turnbuckle, and then hops onto the scaffolding. He hops some more until he’s at the top. COLE Spanish Fly wasting no time here! Spanish Fly grabs a cable, and then starts scaling across it, towards the OAOAST AngleMania VII logo! COLE Is this it? COACH Come on Spanish Fly! It’s just like the jungle jim in a playground! You like the jungle jim don’t you, Fly? PRL recovers from the boot to the face, and then quickly runs over and climbs the top rope. He then quickly scales the same scaffolding Spanish Fly did. COLE PR’s going up! COACH Hurry, Spanish Fly! HURRY! PRL grabs the same cable Spanish Fly did, and starts scaling the cable! COLE It’s a race now! Who’s going to get there first!? Fly or PRL!? COACH Fly! Fly! It’s going to be Fly! It’s going to be Fly! PRL comes closer and closer to where Spanish Fly is. Once he’s near him, P.R. kicks Spanish Fly in the back! He does it again! And again! And again! Spanish Fly is losing his grip on the cable! COLE Spanish Fly might be in trouble! PRL swings a little closer to Fly, and then hooks him up. LATIN SLAM FROM THE CABLES ALL THE WAY DOWN TO THE MAT~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111 COACH YO~! COLE OH MY GOD! JOEY STYLES OH MY GOD~!!!! The crowd roars in approval! Stephen Joseph has his hands on his head and a shocked look on his face! Lindsay puts her hands over her mouth in shock! “HO-LEE SHIT!” “HO-LEE SHIT!” “HO-LEE SHIT!” “HO-LEE SHIT!” COLE I have never in my entire life seen a Rock Bottom--a Latin Slam done from a cable to the mat! NEVER! COACH You’re seeing it now! And Spanish Fly is the victim of it! PRL lies face down on the mat. Spanish Fly lies on his back, holding it in pain. COLE What an incredible move from Tha Puerto Rican! Can we see that again? The OAOAST Starbucks™ Double Shot Instant Replay shows PRL’s Latin Slam on Spanish Fly from the cable onto the mat. COLE An incredible move from The People’s Champion! The Latin Lion striking big with that Latin Slam! COACH Oh come on Fly! Get up! Get up! Get up now! PRL breathes hard on the mat. He starts moving his arms around. Meanwhile, Spanish Fly rolls to his side. The crowd is hot following the Latin Slam. PRL slowly gets up. PRL is on his right knee. He’s sucking wind. COLE His career is on the line here! His chance to face the World Heavyweight Champion, whether it’d be Stephen Joseph Popick or Colombian Heat, is on the line here! PRL wins, he is DEFINITELY going to AngleMania VII on March 30th! If he loses, he must retire from the OAOAST IMMEDIATELY! COACH There’s still hope right? There’s still hope for Spanish Fly, am I right? Please tell me am I right? COLE Until PRL grabs the AngleMania VII logo, he still has a shot. COACH Phew. P.R. pushes himself up onto his feet. Meanwhile, Spanish Fly rolls to his side. PRL takes a deep breath. He walks over to a turnbuckle corner and climbs it. PRL climbs the top rope. Puerto Rican then jumps up, grabs a cable and starts scaling across it. COLE PRL with another try at grabbing the logo. All he has to do is grab the logo off of the hook and his career lives on for another day! AND he’s in the main event of AngleMania VII! The crowd gets louder the closer PRL gets to the logo. COLE He’s just gotta go a couple of hands, and he’ll be able to take down the logo! COACH GET UP FLY! GET UP! NOW! NOW! NOW! Tha Puerto Rican is only inches away from the OAOAST AngleMania VII logo. But he’s still scaling the cable. Lindsay and Stephen Joseph are both biting their fingernails. Cuban Wall is shaking his head no. Suddenly, Spanish Fly is seen on the top rope. Spanish Fly leaps off of the top rope and nails Tha Puerto Rican with a missile dropkick to the chest AND THA PUERTO RICAN DOES A SOMERSAULT ONTO THE MAT~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111 COACH DAYUM~! COLE OH MY GOODNESS~! Popick pumps his fists. Cuban Wall yells out, “YEAH BABY!” Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick applauds Fly. COLE Just when I thought this match couldn’t get more innovative, more shocking, *this* happens! COACH THAT WAS GOOD! THAT WAS DA BOMB, YO~! THAT WAS THE BOMB DIGGITY! EXCELLENT MOVE! THAT SHUT HIM DOWN! COLE That was amazing! The impact of that move turned PRL inside out! The OAOAST Starbucks™ Double Shot Instant Replay shows Spanish Fly’s missile dropkick on Tha Puerto Rican and PRL’s somersault onto the mat. The missile dropkick and the somersault are shown from a different angle. COLE This could be Spanish Fly’s opening. The tide may be shifting. We could be moments away from the end of PRL’s career! COACH It might be over now! He might have broken his back! COLE PRL was 10-15 feet in the air! He fell right on his back! And the Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation couldn’t be happier! COACH They KNOW the end is near for Tha Puerto Rican! His career is seconds away from ending! Spanish Fly uses the ropes to pull himself up, sweating and winded now. PRL lies on the mat, his eyes glazed over. Fly gets to a vertical base, and takes a deep breath. He rests his head on the top turnbuckle pad. COLE It might be unlikely now, but if Tha Puerto Rican can recover… COACH He’s not! The match is over! Spanish Fly has got him now! GRAB THE LOGO! GRAB IT NOW! “P.R.!” “P.R.!” “P.R.!” “P.R.!” COLE Tha Puerto Rican having a hard time recovering from that move! That somersault! That took a lot out of him! Rudy Charles checks on Tha Puerto Rican. Spanish Fly walks over and shoves Rudy Charles out of the way. He picks PR up. Since PRL is nearly 5’9” and weights 220 lbs., it’s a little difficult for Fly to do. Not to mention that he’s in pain from the match he’s had thus far. Still, Fly manages to get The P.R. Menace up. He has an evil smile on his face as he grabs PR by his head and charges forward, slamming his head into a scaffolding! Spanish Fly grabs PRL’s right arm and places it inside the scaffolding. Fly then exits the ring, and then climbs the same scaffolding PR’s right arm is located at. He climbs until his body is at the same place PRL’s right arm is. Fly grabs the arm, and then slams it onto the scaffolding! Fly does it again! And again! The crowd groans each time. Spanish Fly slams the arm into the scaffolding five more times! COLE Spanish Fly targeting that right arm of PRL! COACH Makes sense. He can’t climb with one arm! Good strategy from Spanish Fly! Stephen Joseph nods his head in agreement. Spanish Fly jumps off of the scaffolding and then runs back into the ring. He pulls PRL by the waistband of his tights back onto the mat. He punches PRL right in the face, and then nails him with several forearm shots to the skull. Spanish Fly rushes to the ropes, bounces off of the ropes, charges forward, jumps up, wraps his legs around PRL…Hurricarana!--NO!--PRL holds on! COLE Look at this! But before PRL can hit the Powerbomb, Spanish Fly grabs ahold of PRL’s right arm! COACH Look at this! The crowd is antsy as Spanish Fly pulls on PRL’s hurt right arm. COLE Fly’s got the arm! He’s pulling on it! COACH Pull it out of the socket, Fly! COLE Oh will you stop!? Fly grits his teeth as he pulls on the right arm…and yet still, PRL lifts Spanish Fly up…POWERBOMB! COLE Powerbomb! Powerbomb on the smaller member of the Corporation! COACH That makes that Powerbomb worst! But Spanish Fly still has ahold of PRL’s right arm. COLE Spanish Fly will not stop holding that right arm! He refuses to let it go! COACH Good! Good! Keep it up, Fly! Keep it up! Fly continues holding on. PRL uses all of the strength that he has left to lift Spanish Fly up off of the mat for a second time, and then sets him up for the STYLES CLASH~!!!!!!!!!!! COLE Lightning Bolt! A one handed Lightning Bolt from Tha Puerto Rican on Spanish Fly! COACH Oh dang it! COLE We haven’t seen the Lightning Bolt from Tha Puerto Rican in a long time! PRL is pulling out all of the stops here tonight! PRL lies on the mat, holding his right arm in pain. Spanish Fly lies face down on the mat. The crowd is going nuts. Rudy Charles can do nothing but watch as PRL and Spanish Fly both show signs of movements on the mat. As this is going on, Cuban Wall and the Popicks look on with serious looks on their faces. MS. LINDSAY GONZALEZ-POPICK COME ON, FLY! COLE The Popicks looking on. Stephen Joseph especially worried because if he remains Champion after the Leap Year Spectacular, then he faces PRL in the main event of AngleMania VII! COACH That’s *if* PRL wins, Cole! COLE Right. Got a little ahead of myself there. COACH Don’t ever let that happen again. PRL sits up, still holding his right arm in pain. Spanish Fly starts crawling on the mat. COLE You would think that Lightning Bolt would put PRL in the driver’s seat! But all of the pain that he has suffered in this match! All of the falls! That right arm! He’s not guaranteed to win this thing! COACH He’s gonna choke! Watch! He will! Again! PRL gets to his right knee. COLE You can see the pain on his face! He is almost in tears! Almost in tears! COACH Come on Fly! Get up! You’re doing a good job so far! Now finish him off! Finish him off! PRL slowly pushes himself off of the mat. Spanish Fly crawls towards the ropes. Fly uses the bottom ring rope to pull himself up. He then uses the second ring rope to pull himself further up. Meanwhile, Stephen Joseph whispers into Cuban Wall’s right ear. PRL slowly stands up right, still holding his right arm in pain. He winces in pain, clutching his right arm. THA PUERTO RICAN Oh God! My arm! PRL rests in a turnbuckle corner. Spanish Fly uses the top ring rope to pull himself up. Suddenly, Cuban Wall gets on the ring apron. COLE Hey! Wait a minute! Cuban Wall grabs PRL’s right arm and jumps off of the ring apron still holding onto the arm, so that PRL’s right arm hits the top ring rope! COLE Cuban Wall out here! COACH Yes! The crowd boos. Cuban Wall stays at ringside and watches as PRL clutches his right arm in pain. COLE Cuban Wall with an assist to Spanish Fly! Tha Puerto Rican staggers around the ring, holding his right arm in pain. FLY SWATTER~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111 COACH YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! The crowd boos loudly. Cuban Wall pumps his right fist in victory. The Popicks applaud on the entrance stage. Spanish Fly sits on the mat with an evil smile on his face. COLE Spanish Fly hit the Fly Swatter! That’s his move! Tha Puerto Rican is out! COACH He did it! HE RETIRED THA PUERTO RICAN! HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! COLE Tha Puerto Rican is down thanks to the Fly Swatter! This might be Spanish Fly’s perfect opportunity to capture the logo! COACH He’s gonna do it! PRL is gonna retire! His career is over! IT’S OVAH~! The crowd boos louder. Stephen Joseph pops the champagne bottle. Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick smiles evilly. COACH GO UP! GET IT! THIS IS YOUR CHANCE! HE’S DOWN! DO IT! COLE Out of nowhere, Spanish Fly snuck in, and hit the move that has defeated Tha Puerto Rican several times in the past! COACH And that move will spell the end of Tha Puerto Rican’s career! Goodbye PRL! Spanish Fly slowly gets up. He laughs manically. The camera cuts to the entrance stage where Stephen Joseph is pouring champagne into the champagne glasses. COLE The Popicks are ready to start the celebration right now! COACH Yeah! Pop the champagne! Spanish Fly looks at the OAOAST AngleMania VII logo. He points to it. He says, “I’m doing it!” He points to the Popicks on the entrance stage. They both raise their champagne glasses to Fly. Spanish Fly points to Cuban Wall at ringside. Wall pounds his chest with his right hand and raises his hands in victory. Spanish Fly sneers at Tha Puerto Rican and at the crowd. SPANISH FLY YEAH~! COLE Here we go. He’s going for it! COACH It’s still gonna be Popick/Wall at AngleMania VII! COLE This could be the end of one of the most prolific careers in OAOAST history! Spanish Fly points to a scaffolding, and then walks to it. Spanish Fly climbs the bottom turnbuckle. He then hops onto the second turnbuckle. Fly then hops onto the top turnbuckle. Spanish Fly starts climbing the scaffolding as PRL lies on the mat in pain. *PING!* COLOMBIAN HEAT HITS SPANISH FLY OVER THE HEAD WITH A LEAD PIPE!!!!!! COACH WHAT!? WHAT!? WHAT!? COLE Colombian Heat! Colombian Heat is out here! COACH WHAT IS HE DOING OUT HERE!? COLE Hey, if Cuban Wall can interfere, so can Colombian Heat! COACH NO HE CAN’T! CUBAN WALL’S BEEN OUT HERE SINCE BEFORE THE BELL RUNG! COLE Doesn’t matter! COACH YES IT DOES! Spanish Fly falls off of the scaffolding and onto the mat! He is lying spread eagle on the mat, unconscious! Colombian Heat jumps off of the scaffolding and slides into the ring. The crowd has come unglued! Cuban Wall gets onto the ring apron. *PING!* AND IMMEDIATELY GETS HIT OVER THE HEAD WITH THE LEAD PIPE!!!!!!! COLE Lead pipe to Cuban Wall’s head! Payback for last week! COACH POPICK, STOP HIM! Cuban Wall falls off of the ring apron and holds his head in pain, resting on a barricade. Colombian Heat plays to the crowd in the ring, holding the lead pipe in his right hand. The Popicks are stunned! COLE Cuban Wall has been hit in the head with a lead pipe. Spanish Fly is knocked out from the lead pipe! It’s even now! Who’s going to win!? COACH SEND THE REST OF THE CORPORATION OUT HERE NOW! Colombian Heat fires the crowd up. He sees PRL lying on the mat and goes over to wake him up. Heat shakes PRL up until he opens his eyes. Heat tells him what he just did to Fly and then tells him to grab the logo. COLE Spanish Fly is out cold! This could be Tha Puerto Rican’s chance! His career is on the line here! COACH I don’t believe this! SOMEBODY STOP THIS! DAMNIT! SOMEBODY STOP THIS! AN INJUSTICE IS ABOUT TO TAKE PLACE HERE! Colombian Heat helps PRL up. He lifts his best friend off of the canvas. Puerto is very groggy now. He still has pain in his right arm. Heat makes sure PRL is up on his feet. COLE Tha Puerto Rican might have a shot now! COACH STOP HIM! STOP HIM! Heat dusts PRL off, and then tells him to go and grab the AngleMania VII logo. Suddenly, Colombian Heat rushes forward. *PING!* LEAD PIPE SHOT TO VITAMIN X’S HEAD!!! *PING!* LEAD PIPE SHOT TO THE BONE THUG’S HEAD!!! Colombian Heat checks on PRL, who is just standing up getting his barings. *PING!* LEAD PIPE SHOT TO ROCK HARD BRICKSTON’S HEAD!!! *PING!* LEAD PIPE SHOT TO MR. BORICUA’S HEAD!!! COLE Colombian Heat has taken out the Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation with that lead pipe! They’re all down! Wall, Boricua, Rock Hard Brickston, Vitamin X, The Bone Thug AND Spanish Fly! COACH Oh this isn’t happening! This is not happening! THIS IS NOT HAPPENING! COLE It is, Coach! It is! Colombian Heat fires the crowd up some more. He walks around the ring with the lead pipe in his right hand, making sure that the Corporation members do not make any more attempts to enter the ring. COLE Colombian Heat coming to the aid of his best friend! The Badd Boyz are the only ones left standing in the ring! COACH OH NO! I AM GOING TO BE SICK! UGH! NOT THIS! Stephen Joseph and Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick have stopped drinking from their champagne glasses. Instead, they are sitting up and are in shock of what’s gone down. Their shock turns to worry as PRL shakes the cobwebs out. He stares directly at a scaffolding. COACH NO! NO! NO! PRL looks at Colombian Heat. Heat gives him the thumbs up. PRL nods his head. Tha Puerto Rican exits the ring. COACH NO! NO! NO! COLE This might be it! PRL grabs the scaffolding and starts climbing it. The crowd gets louder and the higher and higher PRL gets. PRL winces in pain several times. COLE With one arm, PRL is climbing the scaffolding! COACH How is this possible!? COLE What guts! What determination from Tha Puerto Rican! Unbelieveable how he’s doing this, all with one arm! PRL gets up and up. Stephen Joseph and Lindsay are shaking their heads no. Thomas Rodriguez tries to enter the ring, but Colombian Heat swings the lead pipe and Thomas immediately backs away. Instead, Thomas goes to check on the other Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation members. COLE Heat is helping his buddy, watching his back! COACH Oy! PRL gets near the top of the scaffolding. He then climbs a little bit further so that he is at the top of the scaffolding. COLE Wait, what’s he doing? COACH Something stupid I bet! PRL climbs up very slowly onto the very top of the scaffolding. PRL is hunched over on the top of the scaffolding. COLE Oh my God. What’s this… COACH What’s this? I told you. Something stupid! PRL slowly stands up straight on the scaffolding. COLE Oh boy. High risk move here! PRL is at a vertical base on the very top of the scaffolding. Colombian Heat looks on from the ring. COLE His career is on the line here! I guess it makes sense why he would do this! COACH He’s an idiot. That’s why he would do this! The crowd is buzzing in anticipation of what PRL is about to do. PRL looks down at the OAOAST AngleMania VII logo and has a serious look on his face. COLE This might be the biggest risk that Tha Puerto Rican has ever taken in his entire life! COACH He’s going to regret this! Regret this big time! The crowd is going nuts. Colombian Heat is looking up at PRL with a serious look on his face, the lead pipe still in his right hand. Cuban Wall, Vitamin X, Mr. Boricua, The Bone Thug, and Rock Hard Brickston are all on the outside holding their heads in pain. Spanish Fly is still lying on the mat unconscious. Thomas Rodriguez is checking on the Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation members, and is also looking up to see Tha Puerto Rican on the very top of the scaffolding. Stephen Joseph Popick and Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick are both on the edge of their Laz-E-Boy recliner, worried for what might happen next. Tha Puerto Rican takes a deep breath, looks down at the OAOAST AngleMania VII logo that is hanging on the hook on both of the cables, and then takes another deep breath. THA PUERTO RICAN LEAPS OFF OF THE TOP OF THE SCAFFOLDING ONTO THE CABLES~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111 COLE OH MY GOD! COACH WHOA! The crowd is shocked at what PRL just did! PRL hangs on desperately to the cables! PRL wraps his legs around the cables, and then scoots forward, only a few inches away from the OAOAST AngleMania VII logo. COLE Is this it? Is this it? COACH NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! PRL is now only an inch away from the OAOAST AngleMania VII logo. Tha Puerto Rican stretches his left arm out… …The crowd gets louder… PRL grabs a hold of the OAOAST AngleMania VII logo. COLE Could it be… COACH NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! …PRL slowly pulls the OAOAST AngleMania VII logo off of the hook… COACH NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! THA PUERTO RICAN PULLS THE OAOAST ANGLEMANIA VII LOGO OFF OF THE HOOK~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111 “YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” COLE He’s got the logo! He wins the match! COACH NO!!! *DING DING DING* (17:59) COLE Tha Puerto Rican has got the Title shot! Tha Puerto Rican is going to AngleMania VII! The crowd EXPLODES with cheers! “Know Your Role 2000” plays over the P.A. system. Tha Puerto Rican falls off of the cables and lands back-first onto the mat, the OAOAST AngleMania VII logo in his hands! Colombian Heat jumps up and down in joy, while Stephen Joseph and Lindsay stand up in shock. BUFFER Here is your winner…AND the man who will receive a shot at the One And Only AngleSault Thread World Heavyweight Championship at OAOAST AngleMania VII on March 30, 2008...THA PUERTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO RICAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN! Tha Puerto Rican hugs the OAOAST AngleMania VII logo, a huge smile on his face. Colombian Heat is still jumping up and down. Referee Rudy Charles raises PRL’s hands in victory. COLE Tha Puerto Rican’s career lives on for another day! And he WILL receive another shot at the OAOAST Title at the biggest stage of them all, AngleMania, in just 45 days from now! COACH This sucks! This sucks very, very much! Cuban Wall was robbed! He was ROBBED, I say! COLE It’s true. Cuban Wall is no longer the #1 Contender to the OAOAST Championship at OAOAST AngleMania VII! Tha Puerto Rican is now the #1 Contender to the OAOAST Championship! He now has a GUARANTEED, GUARANTEED shot at the Champion, whoever he may be, at AngleMania VII on March 30th! And dare I say, he EARNED his shot tonight! COACH No he didn’t! This is bogus! Tha Puerto Rican DOES NOT deserve to win! He had help from his friend! He was down and out following the Fly Swatter, and he was out like a light! Then Colombian Heat comes along and ruins everything! COLE No disqualifications in an Ultimate X Match, Coach. What Colombian Heat did was within the rules, of which there are none. COACH It’s still bogus! Cuban Wall has been SCREWED! He has lost his shot at AngleMania VII thanks to some stupid outside interference! COLE Instant karma’s gonna get you, huh, Coach? COACH SHUT UP! Colombian Heat raises PRL’s hands in victory. The crowd cheers loudly. Stephen Joseph and Lindsay are standing up, shocked over the result. Heat plays to the crowd. Colombian Heat shakes Tha Puerto Rican’s left hand and then pulls him in for a hug. He then helps Tha Puerto Rican up. COLE Tha Puerto Rican persevered. He went through hell and high water. He dealt with a hurt right arm. He managed to grab the OAOAST AngleMania VII logo and pull it off the hook and now, because of that, he still has a professional wrestling career AND he is DEFINITELY going to AngleMania! The OAOAST HeldDOWN~! logo flashes across the screen. Cut to clips of the match. COACH It was an awesome fought match, I’ll give them that. I just REALLY hate the ending! Look at this. The People’s Elbow Drop from the cables to the canvas. A Latin Slam from the cables to the canvas. Spanish Fly gives PRL a missile dropkick and PRL turns INSIDE OUT! One armed Lightning Bolt. And then this. Cuban Wall uses his size and strength to hit PRL’s right arm. Then, Fly Swatter! Fly had the match won. HE HAD THE MATCH WON! HE DID! But then, Colombian Heat. *PING!* Lead pipe to the skull, probably gave Spanish Fly a CONCUSSION, the bastard! He then uses the lead pipe on everyone in the Corporation like the rotten thug that he is! PRL takes advantage. He does this HYUGGE leap just to show off. And then he scales the cables, and…ugh…grabs the AngleMania VII logo. Your winner, and going on to AngleMania…EUGH…Tha Puerto Rican. The OAOAST HeldDOWN~! logo flashes across the screen again. Colombian Heat hugs Tha Puerto Rican as the crowd cheers and “Know Your Role 2000” continues playing. Stephen Joseph has a face that shows RAGE. Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick looks like she is seconds away from crying. And then she does. COACH This is the worst St. Valentine’s Day EVER! This ain’t what Popick had in mind! This ain’t what he wanted for Lindsay! This is like the complete opposite! This is like his anti-St. Valentine’s Day present! COLE You think Tha Puerto Rican cares about that? You think Tha Puerto Rican cares what Lindsay wants? No sir. He only cares about one thing: he is GOING to AngleMania VII on March 30th! Tha Puerto Rican is going to the biggest event in parody e-fed entertainment and he is going to be in the main event fighting for the richest prize in the industry! This is a GREAT St. Valentine’s Day for PRL! And he’s single! Tha Puerto Rican and Colombian Heat pose in the center of the ring. COACH UGH! Tha Puerto Rican looks at Stephen Joseph. Lindsay is still sobbing. SJ does the McMahon SNEER~! He points to the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt that is lying behind him on the Laz-E-Boy recliner. PRL points to the belt and then does the “I-Want-The-Belt” hand gesture. He taunts Popick, and then laughs. PRL runs his mouth at Stephen Joseph Popick. COLE Business has picked up! Tha Puerto Rican will face the winner of the Stephen Joseph Popick/Colombian Heat match at OAOAST AngleMania VII! He has won the Ultimate X Match, his FIRST Ultimate X Match EVER, by the way! He will NOT have to retire after all! Instead, he is going to fight for the World Heavyweight Title at the biggest show of the year, AngleMania! COACH Damn. If it turns out to be Heat vs. PRL. Double damn! Tha Puerto Rican raises the OAOAST AngleMania VII logo over his head to cheers. He walks around the ring with the OAOAST AngleMania VII logo over his head while Colombian Heat applauds him. Colombian Heat plays to the crowd. Stephen Joseph Popick tries to calm his wife down, but Ms. Lindsay Gonzalez-Popick is still crying her eyes out. Stephen Joseph glares angrily at PRL. Spanish Fly slowly rolls out of the ring. COLE We now know one-half of the main event of AngleMania VII! In the main event of OAOAST AngleMania VII, you will see Tha Puerto Rican! Cuban Wall, the 2008 Lethal Rumble winner, has lost his GUARANTEED WORLD TITLE SHOT to his former boss! COACH What a tragedy! COLE But what’s not a tragedy is that Tha Puerto Rican has got another chance to become OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion in seven weeks time! Tha Puerto Rican has defeated Spanish Fly! Tha Puerto Rican has won the Ultimate X Match! Tha Puerto Rican keeps his career, and will live to fight another day! Tha Puerto Rican will NOT be retiring here tonight! Tha Puerto Rican is going to AngleMania! Happy Valentine’s Day, Lindsay! Fans, we’ll be right back with our main event! A main event that you will not soon forget! We’ll be right back right after these messages! Stay with us! Tha Puerto Rican exits the ring with Colombian Heat, still carrying the OAOAST AngleMania VII logo with both of his hands. PRL and Heat both have smiles on their faces. Spanish Fly has rolled out of the ring, a cut above his forehead, and blood starts dripping out of it. Fly is dazed and confused following the Ultimate X Match. He has trouble standing up, using the ring apron to maintain his balance. Cuban Wall, Mr. Boricua, The Bone Thug, Vitamin X, and Rock Hard Brickston all slowly get up from the lead pipe shots to the head that they all took from Colombian Heat. All five men are dazed and in tremendous pain and they will all probably have really bad headaches tomorrow morning. Thomas Rodriguez goes around the ringside area, still checking on the members of the Stephen Joseph Popick Corporation. Stephen Joseph Popick tries to calm his wife down, but Ms. Lindsay Gonzlaez-Popick is still crying her eyes out, messing up her eyeliner really badly, really quickly. Stephen Joseph is holding the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt with his right hand and is massaging Lindsay’s back with his left hand. Tha Puerto Rican and Colombian Heat walk up the entrance ramp. Both men are talking about the Ultimate X Match, PRL still holding onto the OAOAST AngleMania VII logo with both of his hands. The Badd Boyz laugh and then smile wide bright smiles as “Know Your Role 2000” continues playing and the crowd cheers loudly. Tha Puerto Rican might have a hurt right shoulder, but he is still very happy because not only does he still have a career in professional wrestling, but also because of one very important fact: Tha Puerto Rican IS going to AngleMania. FADE OUT Commercials Edited February 18, 2008 by Ed Wood Caulfield Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted February 16, 2008 COLE It's now time for our main-event, so let's take it up to Michael Buffer for the introductions. *DINGDING!* BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, this contest is your OAOAST HeldDOWN~! main-event of the evening, scheduled for one fall with television time remaining! "Oh No" by Mos Def, Nate Dogg and Pharoah Monche hits and a shower of sparks rains down on Todd Cortez as he marches out from the back. Cortez soaks in the moment for a second before heading for the ring. BUFFER Introducing first. Tonight, he must avoid defeat or be forced to join the ranks of his bitter rival's Cucaracha Internacional stable. Hailing from Hollywood Boulevard... he weighs in at two hundred, twenty six pounds. He is "THE URBAN LEGEND"... TTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODD... CCOOOOOOOOORRRRRRTTEEEEEEEEZZZZZZZZ!!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Cortez scales the ropes and throws two very determined arms up in the air, before he takes off his gold chain and cross, kissing them and passing them over to the referee. COLE Todd Cortez has been waiting for this match since August 16th in Honolulu, Hawaii. On that night, Cortez got his first shot at the OAOAST World Title, but was unable to defeat Landon Maddix. He was left bloodied, beaten and hospitalised on that night. Since then Cortez has been a thorn in Landon's side however, all of which has earned him this rematch, simply because Landon has had enough and wants to force his former tag team partner back to his side! COACH It's the best thing for everyone concerned Michael. Cortez was seduced into thinking he'd be better off on his own and we all know how that turned out. Maddix is just trying to put the world back to rights. COLE So nothing to do with the repeated Riot Act Pluses he's suffered the past few months? COACH Added bonus. "PREPARE...FOR...LANDON!" ...WAAAAAHHHHH... *DUM DUM* "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" All eyes turn back to the entrance way as "Megalomaniac" powers through the PA system, including those of Todd Cortez. The Urban Legend doesn't look entirely surprised either as not only Landon and not only Megan, but also Nathaniel Black, James Blonde and Faqu emerge! With a smug grin on his face, Landon poses with the members of Cucaracha Internacional assembled behind him. BUFFER And his opponent. Accompanied to the ring by MEGAN SKYE! He is the leader of Cucaracha Internacional, aiming to bring his former tag team partner back to his side. From Huron, South Dakota by way of Madrid, Spain... weighing two hundred, eight pounds... the former OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion... LLLAAAAAAAAANNDDOOOOONN... "LA CUCARACHA"... MMMMMMMMMMAAAAAAAAAAAAADDIIIIIIIIXXXXXXXXXXX!!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Maddix's smug look isn't to last though. As he and his merry band of friends reach the ring they're confronted by referee Earl Hebner who in no uncertain terms tells Landon the match is going to be one on one. And to ensure that, he shows the rest of Cucaracha Internacional the way to the back!! "YYYYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" COACH What!? COLE Great call by Earl Hebner! No good can come of having Black, Blonde and especially Faqu at ringside. A further group of referees head out to make sure the unwanted Cucaracha Internacional members leave as Landon protests in vain, claiming that he just wants Todd to see what he's about to join up with. Hebner is hearing none of it though and Black is guided away, Blonde quickly making sure Faqu does the same as he grows restless with all the referees crowded around him. COLE Well, it looks like Megan's going to stay, but at least the other three are gone. Not that I'd put anything past Megan, but she has a manager's license, so... COACH Besides, you can't seperate Megan from Landon. Not so soon after Valentine's Day! Landon tries to hide his disappointment and enters the ring, watching as his back-up is whisked away. He then turns to Cortez who leans in the opposite corner waiting patiently for the bell to ring. He has to wait for Landon to get rid of his ring gear though, slicking back his hair and sharing some last words of advise with Megan. Or, stalling, for short. "COR - TEZ!" "COR - TEZ!" "COR - TEZ!" "COR - TEZ!" With the crowd getting restless, Landon finally decides he's ready to go. *DINGDINGDING!* The two circle, before much to Cortez's surprise Maddix extends his hand looking for a handshake! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" COLE How disingenuous. COACH Dis... come on Michael, this is a show of sportmanship. Applaud that man! Cortez looks understandably dubious and refuses the hand. Shrugging, Landon continues to claim he was being genuine as they circle again. Both Landon and Cortez drop into fighting stances and look for an opening. Cagey, both tease a kick put pull out, before Landon finally gambles. Todd avoids the kick and Landon quickly drops back into the stance. Again he kicks for the leg, but again is evaded. And Landon brief foray into the mixed martial arts before it's began, as Cortez cracks him in the back of the leg with a kick! A second! And a third, sweeping La Cucaracha's feet from underneath him! Landon quickly crawls to the ropes and ducks through to buy himself time to recover, Cortez forced to keep back. COLE A lot of history between these two men, dating back to late 2004 in the SWF. Megan rubs some feeling back into the thigh muscles of her man trying to get him back to 100%. Cortez sees this as time-wasting and goes after Landon, but Hebner steps in between. COLE And plenty of that history revolves around that young lady there. COACH What she ever saw in that piece of street trash Cortez, I'll never know. I mean, look at Landon. Grrrrowl! No homo. Finally Maddix is massaged into health and ready to go again. This time he locks up with Cortez, collar and elbow tie-up. After a tussle for position Landon manages to turn Cortez against the turnbuckles, forcing a break. Which, much to Cortez's surprise, Landon gives cleanly. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" COLE Clean break. Uncharacteristic. COACH He's showing sportmanship, a nice clean wrestling match with his future understudy. He doesn't want to hurt Todd unneccessarily. After tonight, they'll be back to being the best of friends after all. COLE Oh, of course. Another lock-up sees Cortez backing Landon into the corner this time. Again the referee steps in and Maddix tells Todd to give him a clean break, just like he had seconds earlier. Cortez is thoroughly tempted to club him in the mouth and shut him up. But he gives the clean break all the same. Landon grins smugly and pats Cortez on the shoulder, the camera picking up him saying "see, how easy it is to do what I tell you to do..." *SLAP!* "YYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" ...and Cortez DOES shut him up this time, slapping him in the face! COACH HEY! Cortez takes the shell-shocked Maddix by the arm, whipping him across the ring and into the opposite corner. The Urban Legend follows in with a clothesline, then snapmares Landon to the mat and CRACKS him in the spine with a hard kick! Writhing in pain, Landon finds his way back to his knees and begs off, pleading for him to listen to reason. So Cortez cracks him in the chest with a kick! Maddix has had enough of this and ducks his head between the ropes looking for a reprieve. So Cortez cracks him in the ASS with a kick, sending Landon to the floor! COLE Rarely has the term 'ass kicking' been quite so literal! Over scuttles Megan to check on her man. He's again in need of a massage and lucky lady that she is, Megan knows just where it's required. But she gets let off the hook by Cortez as he launches himself over the top with a PESCADO, wiping Landon out! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" Throwing Landon back inside, Cortez keeps a close eye on Megan as he follows him back in. Maddix pulls himself back up and turns around, right into a Crotch Droppah across the knee! COLE Ooh. I think Maddix is in need of another 'massage' after that one. COACH Who can blame the guy? Before he can get over to Megan however, Maddix gets caught and popped with a German Suplex! 1... 2... NO! In complete control, Cortez measures Landon back to his feet... *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" ...and chops him back across the ring! Maddix falls into the ropes and Cortez follows in, sending him across the ring with an irish whip. On the rebound, Cortez nails Landon with a Spinning Wheel Kick and makes another cover... 1... 2... No! COLE We thought back in Honolulu that Maddix had ruined the notion that Todd Cortez was his 'bogey opponent', but it certainly doesn't seem that way at the moment. COACH Hold your roll Michael. The match has barely got going, give him a chance! Again Cortez measures Landon, who looks like he'd rather be anywhere else but Montreal right about now. Hands up all ready to beg off, he turns around and gets cracked in the back of the thigh with another kick! Landon's knee buckles... *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" ...and he takes a chop to the chest. The force of the chop knocks him off his feet and down to his knees, again throwing his hands up to try and stop Cortez. But when that doesn't work, he resorts to the old stand-by, the thumb to the eye! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" COLE So much for the 'fair wrestling match' with his soon to be 'friend', eh? COACH All part of the grand scheme. Temporarily blinded, Cortez stumbles around the ring. Maddix breathes a sigh of relief that he's not currently on the end of a BUTT-kicking before he goes after Cortez. By the arm he drags him around into a forearm shot. And a second. An irish whip then sends Cortez off the ropes, into a back elbo... no, Todd ducks that, bouncing back into a clothesli... no, Todd ducks that too. Third time is the charm though and Landon goes up with a dropkick. Cortez doesn't duck this time, but he goes one better and grabs the top rope, stopping his momentum and causing Landon to crash empty-handed to the canvas. COLE Was that part of the 'grand scheme' too? Clutching his back, into a boot walks Landon, Cortez pulling him in for the RIOT ACT PLU... NO! Maddix immediately senses the danger and scrambles for a corner the moment Cortez lays a hand on him! COLE Maddix HAS to steer clear of that Riot Act Plus. We can't even begin to list the times in the past few months that Cortez has laid him out with that very move. COACH That move should be banned. Cortez doesn't waste time dwelling on it and rushes at Landon in the corner... ...but he gets a knee up, catching Cortez right in the ear! "OOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH!" The Urban Legend staggers backwards as Maddix reaches back, grabbing the top rope and lifting himself up to the second floor. The knee caught Cortez flush and so busy is he trying to get some bearing back on where he is, Cortez doesn't notice Landon coming off the ropes, hooking the head and driving him straight down with a Flying DDT from the 2nd rope!! COACH There we go! COLE Finally, the former World Champion gets a grip on this match. And that may be all he needs... Rolling Todd over, Landon reaches back and hooks a leg... 1... 2... KICKOUT! "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHH!" Only two but the momentum has turned. Landon climbs back up, watching Cortez try to use the ropes to get up and preventing him from doing so with a foot in the back, choking him on the bottom rope! "ONE!" "TWO!" "THREE!" "FOUR!" 'Clean' break again by Landon, profusely apologising to Hebner as he gets on his case to keep it clean. He promises to do so as he pins Cortez against the ropes... *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" ...laying into him with a knifedge chop. *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" ...and another. A straight right hand to the face then drops Cortez to a knee, again earning a reprimand from the senior referee of the OAOAST. "LAN - DON SUCKS!" "LAN - DON SUCKS!" "LAN - DON SUCKS!" "LAN - DON SUCKS!" COACH I thought these people spoke French!? Trying not to let the chants get to him Landon stays on Cortez, shooting him off the ropes. This time Cortez does bounce back into a successful Dropsault, Landon straight on him with a cover... 1... 2... No! With a few words for Hebner, Landon pulls Cortez back up... *SLAP!* "AAAAAAHHHHHH!" ...and gets lashed with a HARD knifedge! COACH Listen to the girls, just screaming for Landon! They love him the world over! *SLAP!* "AAAAAAHHHHHH!" COLE Uh... Coach, I think that's LANDON screaming. Again the wailing Landon goes to the eyes though, buying himself time to rub at his reddening chest while Cortez clutches his eyes. Maddix looks angry now, taking it out on Cortez with a couple of forearms before shooing the ref out of the way and hitting the ropes. Wiping out his eyes, Cortez just about sees Landon coming in time to sidestep him though, guiding him into the ropes for an O'Connor Roll... 1... 2... Kickout by Landon, sending Cortez sprawling back towards the ropes. He stops his momentum and turns around, where Landon is waiting with a Hurri-Lanra... NO, CORTEZ SITS OUT WITH A POWERBOMB!! 1... 2... KICKOUT!! Cortez holds his head, thinking that was it. COLE Oh! So close! Megan has her heart in her mouth right about now. COACH Oh boy, does she ever! COLE Back up, Cortez peppers the legs with kicks again before double Maddix over with a thrust kick buried deep in the gut. The Urban Legend then hooks Landon up and drives him back with a Russian Legsweep, rolling through to his feet and immediately drops a leg across the throat for good measure. Not done yet though, Cortez jumps over Landon and backflips, with a Standing Moonsault... NOBODY HOME! Cortez belly-flops into the canvas and clambers back up, getting caught with the CUCARACHA CUTTER!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COACH Welcome home, Cortez! Dusting his hands in satisfaction, Landon covers up Cortez... 1... 2... NO!! Landon can't believe it either and is much less shy about letting Hebner know about it. "COR - TEZ!" "COR - TEZ!" "COR - TEZ!" "COR - TEZ!" COLE Look at that look on Landon's face. You think he may be getting that sinking feeling? That feeling that maybe, just maybe, he can't beat Todd Cortez after all? COACH What are you talking about, he beat him in Hawaii! COLE Not without a little 'assistance' from the ringpost he didn't. Having had his fill of arguing with the ref, Landon waves Cortez back to his feet ready to finish him off properly this time. Todd pulls himself up and Landon lunges in, throwing a kick. Sweeping the foot away, Cortez avoids it though, pushing Maddix into the ropes and hitting him with a Sitout Spinebuster dead centre of the ring! 1... 2... KICKOUT!! COLE The pace has not so much quickened as gone off the scale right about now. These two have just degenerated into throwing everything they've got, all the big moves in their repetoire, at each other in an attempt to get that three. Both men sense they're one move away from what they set out to achieve tonight. As Maddix climbs back up, Cortez waits on him in the corner. Past La Cucaracha he rushes, coming off the ropes at the side and lunging at Landon with the HOLLOW PPOOOOOOOOOOOIIIIIIII... ...NO! Maddix LEAPFROGS him! And he catches Todd with a schoolboy... 1... 2... No! First up, Cortez slides behind Maddix and pulls him down with a Backslide... 1... 2... No! Maddix is first up this time and he grabs Cortez by the head... *SMACK!* *SMACK!* *SMACK!* ...unloading with Kawada kicks right to the bridge of The Urban Legend's nose! COLE That might not be a ringpost, but it may not matter tonight. After the third kick Landon waves his hands wildly, saying that he's going to finish it, running the ropes. Cortez surprises him by jumping up to his feet though, catching him with a hand around the throat for the Urban Assault! Not keen on that idea, Maddix attacks the arm with shots to the arm, before laying in a succession of elbows to the side of the head to break the goozle. Once he's free of the choke, Landon then hooks the head and runs for the ropes. He scales the turnbuckles... ...and gets thrown over the top, Cortez countering the Shiranui attempt... ...but MISSING a Superkick as Landon lands! Cortez slams on the brakes just short of colliding with Hebner, turning around into the waiting arms of La Cucaracha. A Complete Shot drives Cortez face-first into the mat, Landon rolling over on impact and hooking up the head for the dragon clutch!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE LAND OF NOD!! He's got it locked in! COACH And when Cortez wakes up, he'll be back home. There's no place like home... there's no place like home... ther... Sitting back on the hold, Maddix realises too late how close he is to the ropes. No time to re-position now though, Maddix trying to put Todd away before he can force a break. Cortez wags a finger to show he's still very much in this match, despite the yells from the outside to quit by Megan, the yells from above him to quit from Landon. "COR - TEZ!" "COR - TEZ!" "COR - TEZ!" "COR - TEZ!" Hearing the support of the crowd, Cortez reaches out... ...but he MISSES the bottom rope by inches, before Landon pulls back on the head! COACH Come on Cortez, give in! Why is he fighting the best thing to possibly happen in his career? COLE Because I don't think anyone but Landon honestly believes that it's a positive move! Cortez gets his forearms underneath him and manages to shuffle forward a couple of inches. And as Landon shakes his head, fearing the worst, he reaches out again... ...AND GRABS THE BOTTOM ROPE!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" "ONE!" "TWO!" "THREE!" "FOU..." Breaking the hold angrily, Landon stomps away refuses to believe that Cortez would escape. So frustrated is he that he physically moves Hebner out of the way as he goes back after Cortez. Maddix slides out of the ring and brings Cortez with him, holding onto the arms and positioning himself around the ringpost. COLE Oh no, not this again! He put Cortez out with this in Honolulu! Maddix refuses to listen to Hebner's pleas to rethink what he's doing, gripping onto the wrists and preparing... COLE Come on damnit! What good is Cortez going to be to Cucaracha Internacional with a concussion!? ...yelling something at The Urban Legend before pulling him forward... ...NO! Cortez gets his foot up onto the post and BLOCKS a face-first collision with the steel!! "YYEEEEEAAAAAHHHHH!" Maddix's eyes bulge as Cortez continues to block, ripping his arms away from Landon's and chasing after him, rightfully pissed at his attempts to injure him. In scrambles Landon, waiting as Cortez slides in after him. Cortez ducks the right hand though, goozling Landon on the turn and HITTING THE URBAN ASSAULT!! COLE COUNT! 1... 2... 3- SHOULDER UP!! "OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Crawling for the ropes, it seems Landon has had enough. Cortez, however, has not and grabs him by the waistband of the shorts to prevent him going anywhere in a hurry. COLE Uh-oh. I think Maddix may have made a HUGE mistake and he might be about to be read the Riot Act! COACH So injuring someone with a piledriver is okay!? Cortez drags the pleading Landon to his feet. A boot to the gut doubles him up, Cortez dragging him into a standing headscissors and... ...going nowhere, as MEGAN GRABS ONTO HIS FOOT!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE Oh, what a surprise! That's the only counter Maddix knows. Able to kick Megan off though, Cortez drives a knee to the side of the head to keep Landon subdued and re-asserts the standing headscissors, tumbling overhead and... ...coming down hard, WITH LANDON ON TOP AS MEGAN GRABS HIS FOOT!! COLE WAIT! 1... MEGAN CLINGS ON FOR DEAR LIFE! 2... AND HEBNER DOESN'T SEE IT! 3!!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" COLE AW, you've got to be KIDDING me!! *DINGDINGDING!* Pulled out of the ring, Landon embraces his sweet Valentine and the woman that just saved his ass as "Megalomaniac" cues up again. Sitting up, Cortez holds the back of his head with the slow realisation of what has just happened. He turns and sees Landon and Megan already halfway up the ramp, Landon delighted and rubbing salt in the wounds by pointing out very clearly that he and Megan are once again his partners! BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, here is your winner... LLLAAAANDOOON "LA CUCARACHA"... MMMMMAAAAAADDIIIIIIIIIIIIXXXXXXXXXXX!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE And as a result, Todd Cortez is now a part of Cucaracha Internacional! Unbelievable! Landon and Megan embrace again as Todd tries to contain his anger up in the ring. COACH Oh, what a homecoming! The OAOAST's very own Kanye West and Chris Martin! COLE No prizes for guessing which is which either. Climbing to his feet, Cortez hangs his head on the ropes as Landon waves from the aisleway. To his fans first and then to Todd, mouthing the words "WELCOME BACK, BUDDY!" as clearly as possible, which earns a cold stare from his on-again, off-again, now on-again tag team partner. COLE What a night in Montreal. A fantastic edition of HeldDOWN~!, albeit it with a somewhat downer of an ending. We promised the OAOAST's direct course would be dramatically altered tonight and it certainly has. Where do we go from here? Well, Detroit! Same time, different day, we'll see you next Thursday for the fallout from tonight. Goodnight everyone! *FADE OUT!* Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
