lys: alix interview

[Patty O'Green 0]

[b]TAPED TUESDAY THE 26TH[/b]
[b]Alix Maria Spezia's Condo
Los Angeles, California[/b]

The view is Alix Maria Spezia's home at the end of the “Hollywood” portion of sunset that leads into Beverly Hills. The condo is lavishly decorated, most likely from Mackenzie's influence, as the expensive beige and floral theme furniture and decor takes on an almost sterile, empty feel. Sitting on one of those flower patterned chairs is Terry Taylor. On the couch is Alix Maria Spezia, in a pink and white stripped Abercrombie Polo, and a denim skirt. At her side sits Mackenzie, looking much more professional in a grey business suit. They're backdropped against a room length window that overlooks the Los Angeles skyline.

TERRY
Ladies and gentlemen, Terry Taylor, here in Los Angeles at the home of Alix Maria Spezia, joined by Mackenzie DeCenzo and Alix hereself. Ladies, thank you for having me in your home.

ALIX
We coulda done at the Larry King studio but my parole officer says I can't leave the house for a week.

MACKENZIE
She's kidding, of course.

TERRY
Yes, of course. By the time this interview piece airs, Theodore Moneymaker will have finally revealed to a viewing audience of billions across the globe the true identity of Krista's child.  The mystery has become a hot button topic in the OAOAST, with superstars who aren't even two months younger then Krista thinking they're her kid. With the information out in the public and lives irreparably changed is there anything you would like to say?  Do you feel responsible for the lives that have been tragically altered by Moneymaker's behavior?

MACKENZIE
That issue can be addressed when its ready to be addressed. But, Mister Terry Taylor, I will tell you this when you speak of responsibility you're saying the key buzz word behind all of this. Because when an event of this huge magnitude, like this one which has sort of aroused the activity of bodies not only in the OAOAST, but also the interest of an entire entertainment world, occurs, human nature simply dictates people go scouring for blame. They need a tangible body to pin fault on, and say “There! Right there! That's the bad one!” And usually these judgments are snap, made in seconds and usually without any thought. So what I'm saying to you, and to the audience watching this program, is think once, think twice, and think a third time, before you chose the direction of your blame. Think about who's truly at fault in this debacle.

TAYLOR
You have to admit that Krista will be crushed by this revelation, her entire world turned upside down...

Growing agitated, Alix jerks forward on her seat.

ALIX
Hey! Hearin' a lot words, but none of them “Gee, Alix, it sure is suck-suck-suck that Krista has been dropping all those really terrible, crappy lies about you” for the last couple months. Attention theater goers, I know you have come to witness a movie, but you about to see a scene! Her world is being turned upside down? Oh, gee, poor widdle diddle Krisssy, me so sowwwy, now she has to pop a couple extra Valium in addition to downing more shots of Jack then Guns N Roses has had guitarists. Let's all crawl under the covers with a big tub of cookies and cream ice cream, and let's sob for Krissy! And let's write a song on acoustic guitar, and post it on YouTube, and let's disable comments when people call us an emo fag. Yeah, dude, let's be all up on that, and let's forget that poor widdle diddle Krisssy has spreading lies about me like Christian Wright spreads his oral warts to Michael Cole underneath the table at Dennys. 

TERRY
What type of lies?

MACKENZIE
You know exactly what type, Terry. Everytime you stand in line at the supermarket you see them, because they're plastered on the cover of every Esquire, Star, US Weekly. Hollywood Bad Girl Gone Bad: The sorrid tales of Alix Maria Spezia's drug addiction and wild Hollywood nights. Read the quotes in the articles, Terry. “Those close to Alix say her drug use has spiraled out of control to the point where her previously quirky personality traits have taken on a dangerous, manic bent.” “Those close to Alix” aren't really close to her at all, believe you me. They are a cold, manipulative, jealous, old, haggard bitch, who can feel her celebrity star being smoked out of existence by the supernova that is Alix's career. Mister Moneymaker believes she does this sort of thing as some kind of revenge for Alix entrusting me with the secret of her child. I disagree, though. I think Krista's does this kind of sick, twisted shit because, well, it fatally wounds her to see Alix becoming what she never could be under her rule. Independent. Free. Self sufficient. And maybe most importantly more famous then her. 

TERRY
But, Alix, Krista still loves you, there's no way she would ever say anything like that about you! And whenever she mentions that subject about your out of control lifestyle, its because she cares about your health. You might think its great fun to party like that and play your junior high fantasy rockstar games, but there's a serious side effect no one is wising you up to. She's only talking about you, because she loves you.

ALIX
Well....

MACKENZIE
That's where you make your mistake, Terry. Krista is a fabulous actor, its no problem for her to pull the wool over the simplest minds. Which is why you need people like me or Mister Moneymaker, persons of intelligence to hold your hand and take you to the truth. Krista, doesn't love Alix, that's absurd to even suggest that. She doesn't love anyone. Even herself. She hates herself, and the monster that she's become, the fact that she has this incredible celebrity image she has to fuel and drive every second of her life. She's not even a flesh and blood person any more. She's a brand or marketing scheme or a product line. So to compensate she demeans, she lies, and she disparages. The weaker and more insignificant she makes everyone else feel, the greater she thinks she is in comparison.

Terry raises his eye brow in skepticism, as Mackenzie smiles with satisfaction.

TERRY
Certainly your entitled to your opinion, even if it is fed to you by Theodore Moneymaker. But Alix aren't there just too many stories for you and your representatives to keep denying? Haven't we reached a point where there may be some truth in everything you keep labeling a lie? You're in what should be a great time in your life with you working on your debut album, but people keep saying your behavior is arrogant, your anxiety ridden, your dangerously unpredictable and your paranoid. And that's nothing like your normal  personality. And when you couple that with you being in and out hospitals, reports of you trashing entire hotel rooms on the road, almost daily reports of you having some sort of incident at a club or a bar or even a mall, these constant denials stop adding up.

Angrily, Alix prepares to launch into a tirade but an eternally calm, Mackenzie holds her back.

MACKENZIE
Alix has it in her to go, go, go. She's still young, and she has such an inquisitive mind. She loves life so much. And she loves music and being around that. She love people, and as we all can attest to, she's such very social person. Its just that given the nature of what sells in the press and media, it makes her a very easy target for what's been some pretty malicious and slanderous disease of rumors from Krista. Terry, I love Alix, and you may not like me, but you have to believe me. Her best interests, well, they are only thing that's ever in my mind. If I thought there was any danger to her health both mental and physical, I would shut everything down in a silly minute. 

Tired of getting answers only from Mackenzie, Terry turns to Alix in hopes of getting her to speak.

TERRY
Alix, would you say these questions make you uncomfortable? Angry?

ALIX
Dude, I'm pissed at Krista, but I'm not angry like angry at you. I, like, don't get angry anymore. Not since I found Kabbalah. 

Alix holds up her left arm, showcasing a string around her wrist.

MACKENZIE
Um, That's the string from a bakery box. You didn't find Kabbalah. You found ka-pound-cake.

ALIX
Your words wash over me. You see, Kabbalah has taught me there is no room for negativity in life. And I believe him.

MACKENZIE
Kabbalah is not a person either.

ALIX
Then, uh like, how did he write Hotel California? Duh! Anybooty, you're not really getting me angry or anything, but you are, like, crazy annoying right now, dude. For real. I mean, am I dead? Am I the ghost of Christmas present? “Why Ebenzer, why did you cheat Bob Cratichit out of his paycheck on Christmas day, now his son will forever be a gimp, and his only sexual experiences will come from the transsexual Asian hookers not infested with Christian Wright's crabs.” Dude, I must be the only person alive, who's not really that worried about my life. We have to release ourselves from worry to truly achieve zen unity. Yeah, a lil something I learned in a town called Kabbalah.

MACKENZIE
Its not a town either.

ALIX                                                                                                                            
Riddle me this, riddle me that, then how did it write a book, smarty pants? Anypooter, of course I'm gonna be out in the town, that's my thing, I love to party. Loves it, loves it, loves it!  I'm a naturally curious person who's interested in how things work in the world.

TERRY
I thought you were a naturally lazy person who doesn't care how things work as long as she doesn't have to do anything.

ALIX
Oh yeah, that's who I am. Ooopsie poopsie! Look, Mr.T, I don't really see, like, why I should be so caught up in being as chill as everyone wants me to be. Dude, no way am I gonna stop who I am, because there's a gazillion cameras, a jealous ex, and a bunch of wanna be DARE counselors on my ass 24/7. I got no reason to chill! Think about it, I just made insane amounts of cash selling off the cookie company to Moneymaker, more then I ever made selling photoshopped nudes of Christian Wright to trannies outside the clubs on Santa Monica. I've got killer new album dropping with the biggest dudes in the industry! Soooooo, I gots to part-ay like its 1999, and Terry, I'm about nine years past the expiration date!

TERRY
But to the point where you endanger yourself? What about your health!

ALIX
Terry, if ya want the Wright nudes sooooo freaking bad I'll e-mail 'em to ya like I did his mother and thirty eight members of the republican party, you don't have to wait till I die and will them to you. I'm not dead yet, Terry! Ya don't gotta shove me in the dumpster like they did with so many of my family members who died on their ill fated attempts to illegally cross the border. I'm doing okay, dude. Really, I am.

TERRY
You have had three separate hospitalizations over the past three months, the most publicized one even cost you to miss HeldDOWN!

ALIX
Although  my teachings under the watchful tutorials of Mr. Kabbalah...

MACKENZIE
He's not a person, baby, he's not like Mr. Peanut.

ALIX
Uh, go back to school, dork, Mr. Peanut is not a person.  He's a legume! Terry, am I gonna have to go on down to Sears or something, score a Tungsten Carbide five piece metric Drill Bit set so I can drill it into your friggin head? I had heat exhaustion! Heat exhaustion! The heat exhausted me! I don't know what you dudes want me to tell you, am I supposed to jack Doc's  DeLorean and take a field trip to like right when my temperature shot up to space the final frontier? You know, I said I like to have fun, but I also kinda like to sort of ya know, be alive! Just because I'm way huge into the party scene doesn't mean that I'm just going around cutting coke with baseheads inside trailers in Riverside. If I had OD'ed on coke or something, do you think I'd be  here at home chillin' with you? Maybe, I would, because a massive amount of drug in take is the only explanation I have for associating with you! But, no, I'd be in..

TERRY
Rehab.

ALIX
Get to the back of the bus, Rosa Parks, no way! I'd be in Bogotá with eighty grams of Colombian pure, and getting Pablo Escobar's gang back to functions. 

MACKENZIE
If Alix had a problem, or if I even had the slightest inkling of thoughts that there was something wrong with my baby, she would be the recipient of the best medical care in this country.

TERRY
And so, you're not partaking in any illegal drug consumption?

ALIX
Let me hear ya say no, no, no!

TERRY
And so it was heat exhaustion?

ALIX
Let me hear ya say yeah, yeah, yeah!

TERRY
Three times?

ALIX
Crap, I'm out of Destiny's Child songs to quote. Yeah, Terry, all three times.

MACKENZIE
Terry the amount of stress that goes hand in hand with putting together a major mainstream album with the type of larger then life artists she's working with is incredible. Unless, you're actually in the studio, right there, being wowed by the level of magical intensity that's going on, you wouldn't possibly understand. And with Alix's desires to produce something of worth and substance, she's only naturally going to be overwhelmed by the process. 

ALIX
Terry…you’re putting me in, like, god, like the weirdest, awfullest position. It’s like I’m trying really to be accessible here with you and with all these super annoying reporters and crap, but I can’t talk to you about anything because you've all got like this messed up thing going on, this...

MACKENZIE
Preconceived notion on Alix's health created, mutated, and fueled by Krista Isadora Duncan.

ALIX
Uh-huh, exactly! I know I used to date her and stuff, and I loved her, I really did. And I made her my life, and my eternity, and I felt like total crap when I had to hurt her. But then he does crazy shit like this to me, when I've never said anything that wasn't so incredibly sweet about her in public. She’s a sucky person. She’s a sucky person to do this to me.

Mackenzie rubs Alix's shoulder to lend her support. 

ALIX
Ya know, I don't hate her, she can be a very sweet girl, and she does have a big heart. But I’m never gonna [i]like[/i] her again. She's done a really messed up thing, and I dunno why. Why did she do it? Why did she do it? Give me a good reason why she did it!

TERRY
Alix, you did the same thing when you told Mackenzie Krista had an illegitimate child!

MACKENZIE
She told me that in the trust one builds within a passionate relationship! Okay, I violated that trust when I blabbed to Mister Moneymaker, but like always, my actions were only motivated with Alix's welfare in mind. If you're going to fault me, fault me for being a slave to my love.

TERRY
Fine, but there's no real proof that Krista ever leaked what you're claiming to be a lie. That's a theory first propagated by Theodore Moneymaker, and one that Mackenzie has kept ramm..

ALIX
Oh my god, I can't do this.  When you sit, like, in my face, and you know what she's doing to me, you know, and then you try and be all like “but Alix she still loves you.” Whatever, man. If she loved me, if she ever really loved me, she wouldn’t do shit like that to me. Okay? I mean, I, like, I really don't even know what to say. You're driving me crazy right now, 'cause, like, I can have this whole conversation everyday of stupid week. I do have this conversation everyday, and  no one ever pauses and thinks “Hey maybe this gal is on to something”! I don't want to talk about the rumors, I just wanna talk about my CD or my clothing line, anything but this. But, I don't get anything but this! You know that its, like, it’s not gonna be okay until Krista is gone. Like, you know that. Because she is the problem. Okay? Its her.

Terry nods solemnly before opening his mouth to ask a follow up question. But no words come from his mouth, due to Mackenzie interrupting him.

MACKENZIE (arrogantly) 
Lucky you, Terry, huh. Your cross country trip to the Golden State has come with a very nice reward.

TERRY
What do you mean by that? Reward?

MACKENZIE 
Yes, reward. You're privileged to biggest scoop of the 08, and what did you have to do to get your hands on it? Practice irresponsible journalism? Completely fail to present any objectivity in your line of questioning? Join in with the media circus to exacerbate this delicate situation? Doesn't matter at all, you're the man with the microphone, and that makes you the man with the scoop. Bit of background info for you, though. Every time Alix and Krista would return home to Los Angeles to perform for the OAOAST, the crowd reaction was astronomical. Like a virtual sonic boom, they easily got the largest reaction of the night. No one ever topped them, because Hollywood loves its celebrities, and Los Angeles loves its own. 

TERRY
I remember very well. But is our stroll down memory lane planning to reach a destination?

MACKENZIE
Sure, of course it will, just like at the end of every show in Los Angeles, we'd all reach one unified question, “Who would get cheered loudest in Los Angeles? Alix or Krista? How would the fans react if they were to fight?” Well, Terry, on March 30th that question can finally be answered. Mister Moneymaker, and I are going to give to the world a true battle of Los Angeles, and epic match for an epic city, the city of angels favorite daughters, the two queens of California, Krista Isadora Duncan, and Alix, one and one for the first time ever. Right in the city that's as much a part of them as Krista's fitness empire, or Alix's curly brown hair. Look me in the eye and tell me you aren't just a little bit wowed by that.

TERRY
I'm...I'm....I'm more then a little wowed, I'm a lot!

MACKENZIE
And you should be, Terry. You should be. And, you'll be even more wowed when the second largest city in America casts Krista out its limits and embraces Alix as their one and only.

Alix shows no real reaction to the news, a stark contrast to the excitement presented by Mackenzie.

TERRY
Alix, how do you feel about fighting your ex-girlfriend, a woman you've been inseparable from for twelve years? In your hometown no less?

ALIX
For you, its this so huge, and wild deal, and everyone is gonna go all crazy, “Oh Alix and Krista, in Los Angeles. Oh, dude, rad!” But this is my life, dude, and this is my home from cradle to grave. Krista and I used to argue all the time, but I never wanted to hurt her. I really,like, hoped that she wouldn’t make me want to but she really did.  It just sucks. She was the only one I've ever really given all my heart to and it sucks that I did and I really regret it and next time I won’t.  I just feel like I’ve been put in the worst situation possible. And its her fault.  She was my best friend and now it’s so weird and it’s just getting weirder and this whole thing is just so, so, so incredibly out of control...

Alix trails off, leaving Mackenzie to put her arm around her to provide comfort.

MACKENZIE
Terry, I think this conversation is rather futile. Alix walks in company with hatred, as long as she draws the breath to curse Krista's name, she can't be defeated. She wield her hatred and crush Krista with it.

TERRY
Well, then, there we have it. Alix Maria Spezia against Krista Isadora at Anglemania, two Los Angeles girls going at it right here in Hollywood. That's going to be enormous! For the OAOAST, I'm Terry Taylor, hoping you enjoy the rest of the show

Edited February 29, 2008 by Patty O'Green