OAOAST Syndicated 3/2/08

[Patty O'Green 0]

Brought to you by American Express

Taped: February 29th 2008

First air date: March 1st 2008 (check local listings for airings in your area)

Announce team: Tony Schiavone and Jesse "The Body" Ventura

Lead correspondent: Tony Brannigan

 

Fresh off their commentating duties in the LYS Spectacular mainevent, Jess and Tony gave us a warm welcome to Syndicated. This weeks show featured Christian Wright (certainly not appearing by choice, I assure you!) against MARV of the Christ Air Express, an interview with Lindsay Gonzales-Popick, John Brickston Vs Jamie O'Hara, and most important of all in the mainevent Mad Cappa Vs Vinny Valentine in the disco ball on lava lamp match!

 

***Christian Wright w/The Beverly Hills Blonds Vs MARV w/MEL***

Making a very, very, very, rare Syndicated appearance was Christian Wright, present to aid his stablemates in their ongoing tussle with Syndicated mainstays, The Christ Air Express. Timeout to lol@whiteboy Marv for being the posterboy for LYS, and not even getting booked on the show. Wright and MARV opened the contest with a mat based feeling out process that MARV finally won with a trio of arm drags. His resulting armlock didn't last long, however, as a distraction from Simon Singleton earned Wright's freedom. Singleton's meddling didn't gain Wright any exclusive moments on the attack, though, and he and Marv continued to trade holds. At first they battled each other with throws, suplexes and in MARV's (fuk this all caps shit) case rudimentary flying moves. Yet as the match wore on, the two increased the power behind their attacks, wowing the audience with some high impact moves. Wright even nearly scored a pinfall with the Nightmare On Wallstreet. But MARV looked to gain the upper hand after he countered Wright's brainbuster into an Acid Drop. But CW stymied MARV by chucking him over the ropes and onto the apron. There MARV was immediately victimized by The Beverly Hills Blonds. This attack drew MEL into the fracas, and with Wright providing backup to his associates, the match degenerated into a crazed brawl. Thus, referee Charles Robinson had no choice but to call for the bell.

 

NO CONEST

 

The constant ringing of the bell didn't do much to deter the warring fighters and their donnybrook was only intensified with the arrival of CPA. With the addition of the former pro boxer, the fight had the potential to become a brutal beatdown of the horribly overmatched CAE. But branding iron wielding Gunslingers ran down the entrance ramp and chased The Enterprise members off.

 

Interview time! Away for the evening/early morning/late afternoon/miday/late night to handle some overseas Anglemania publicity was Tony Brannigan. Taking his place was adorable interview personality, Maggie Nerdly. Her guest for the segment was Miss Lindsay Gonzales-Popick. Eschewing her usual arsenal of friendly soft ball questions, Maggie hit Lindsay with an accusatory query. She wondered why America had presidential elections more often then the OAOAST had title defenses. Needless to say, this did not sit well with Lindsay, who asked what the state of OAOAST titles had to do with her? “Uh, you're the women's champion in case you forgot.” Maggie remarked then proceeded to lambaste Lindsay for her horrible reign as champion. Pushed even further on the defensive, Lindsay claimed that she was working in conjunction with the OAOAST scouting department to scour the globe for worthy challengers. Maggie and the audience called bullshit on this excuse, and demanded that Lindsay actually defend the title against a worthy foe such as Black Widow. Lindsay, pushed well past the limits of her patience, hastily agreed to the order, but did so only under one clever condition: that Maggie be her challenger on this edition of Syndicated. Without any hesitation, Maggie earnestly accepted the offer. Thus as we went to break we were given the promise of a women's title match, between a valet and an eighteen year old 4'11 interviewer.

 

Anglemania hype video time! This piece examined the match between Zack Malibu and Bohemoth. Its first focus was the contrast between the way the two performers spend their time outside the ring. Zack was shown in the role of the consummate family man, playing with his daughter Jenna in her playpen, or spending time with wife Candie at home or on walks in local parks. Bohemoeth, on the other hand, was shown as being solely devoted to athletic conquests. Whereas Zack was made to look human and identifiable, Bo was portrayed be a hostile creature with no other interests besides reaching the top of the OAOAST mountain. The monster was shown in poorly lit gyms, lifting near unbelievable amounts of weight, or exhausting himself on a treadmill. The video also featured him training in the ring in a dingy gym, decimating his weaker sparring partners. This piece also listed the superstars' vital stats and OAOAST accomplishments. Though Bo had a severe edge in the height and weight department, Zack had an obvious advantage in the achievement category with numerous world title wins and Anglemania mainevents. This didn't faze Bo's confidence, as he labeled Zack, slothful, lazy, and complacent, before guaranteeing a dominant victory. Zack said he's sorry that Bo's making that mental mistake, and that if Bo thinks he's not going to bring his A game he's in for a rude awakening.

 

Backstage, Maggie sought out advice on her freshly made title match from her brothers' MARV and MEL. The twins, however, were too busy conversing with The Gunslingers on their problems with The Enterprise to pay poor Margret (I like that name better!) any mind. Dejected and annoyed Maggie then sought her boyfriend Leon for assistance. Still reeling from Moneymaker's Leap Year Spectacular announcement, Leon had zero interest in assisting Maggie and sent her on her way.

 

***John Brickston Vs Jamie O'Hara***

At the onset of the contest, Brickston tried to impose his considerable weight advantage on the Birmingham Bad Boy. But O'Hara was elusive prey, quickly avoiding and reversing Brickston's strikes and basic attempts to submit him. The Brit turned his defensive strategy into some offensive momentum with a blockbuster, and then proceeded to run Brickston ragged with hurricanaranas and elaborate flips. “Rock Hard” was able to neutralize O'Hara's speed for a little bit after he countered a swanton press into a reverse powerslam. From there Brickston proceeded to work on O'Hara's back, and nearly got a submission with a Texas cloverleaf. But, O'Hara valiantly fought back against his rival, and dizzied him with a springboard corckscrew moonsault press. Brickston tried to keep up with O'Hara's pace but eventually feel victim to the Blaze Out 630.

 

Winner: via pinfall Jamie O'Hara

 

After the commercial break, we were brought to the backstage catering table where Jamie O'Hara was receiving congratulations for his victory from Detective Bosley. But, Jamie's moment for celebration was spoiled by the arrival of Nathaniel Black. However, Black wished to do his countryman no harm, and instead offered him applause as well. These compliments were stained with sarcasm, though, as Black noted that O'Hara had lost his previous three contests, before finally picking up a “fluke win”. Quick with the come back, O'Hara flippantly informed Black that he was denied a chance to be six man champion, because Maddix knew he wasn't good enough to get the win. That little insult angered Black beyond words, and he attempted to gain some revenge by shoving O'Hara's face into the nearby punch bowl! Before Black could succeed in drowning the smart mouthed youngster in the blood of the Kool-Aid man, Bosley managed to separate him from his victim. This interference did not necessarily sit well with Black, who smashed the punch bowl over Bosley's head in retaliation! Still seething, Black upended the entire catering table onto both Bosley and O'Hara. In the background Jumbo weeped, because there went the tasty funnel cake.

 

Black wasn't done with his deplorable behavior, though, and dragged O'Hara's corpse from beneath the culinary wreckage of the catering table. Hauling O'Hara past stunned staff and wrestlers alike, Black brought him into the nearest men's bathroom. After clearing the handicap stall of Biff Atlas, Black disgustingly deposited O'Hara's head into the vacated toilet. I'll leave your imagination to think up what O'Hara might've encountered in that unseemly abyss created by Mister Atlas. Completely oblivious to what just happened, James Riggs called from the next stall over for a courtesy flush.

 

***Women's Title Match: Maggie Nerdly Vs Lindsay Gonzales-Popick***

Before the opening bell even faded from the ears of the fans, Maggie violently speared Lindsay to the ground! As the crowd rooted on the diminutive teenager, she hammered Lindsay with a torrent of fists and elbows. Somehow, Gonzales managed to get out from underneath her amazingly aggressive challenger. But, this didn't buy her much of reprieve as Maggie then lit her up with knife edge chops. Weakening Lindsay with those chops allowed the Canadian grab her into a front facelock for a DDT. But Lindsay reversed that into a pinfall that only got a one count. That disappointing count was an ill omen for Lindsay, as Maggie brought her down with a swinging neckbreaker, which was followed by a second rope body splash! Lindsay was resilient and kicked out of the ensuing fall, though. As she and Maggie headed back to their feet Popick's better half found her offense and weakened Maggie's arm with an arm drag, a single arm DDT, and finally an arm bar. But, Maggie escaped the submission, and Lindsay was left to trade attacks with the Nerdly girl. Unfortunately for Lindsay she was ill equipped to handle Maggie's speed, and lost any hopes of gaining the advantage when Maggie struck her with a hammerlock DDT! Realizing that Lindsay was mortally wounded by that attack, Maggie quickly went to the top rope, where she brought a cheering audience to their feet. But those cheers became heated boos as Popick himself emerged from the stands to shove Maggie off the top rope! Near blind 90 year old Clem Buzzlefoxer failed to notice this, and Lindsay was able to crawl on top of Maggie for a fall.

 

Winner:via pinfall Lindsay Gonzales-Popick

 

Lindsay regained enough of her health to order Popick to still Maggie so that she could smash her face with the title belt. But no harm would befall little Margret thanks to PRL charging into the ring to come to Maggie's aid. Unfortunately PRL's moment of heroism cost him dearly; the moment he found himself in the ring, he also found Popick's title belt coming down across the back of his head! With PRL stunned into inaction by that attack, Popick left him with the parting gift of a Synchronicity Bomb. Just what he's always wanted!

 

More Anglemania hype videos! The feature superstar was hometown heroine, Alix Maria Spezia, discussing what it was like to grow up in Los Angeles. Alix's late 70's, early 80's childhood was spent in an apartment off Sunset near the whiskey a-go-go, which suited her hard partying parents, a recording studio receptionist mother, and a George Jung wannabe father just fine. Because of her mother's music industry job, and her father's drug kingpin delusions, a wide variety of famous characters would file into her house for one reason or another. Alix watched people such as Lita Ford and Nikki Sixx proceed through her tiny home with awe and amazement. Witnessing the larger then life quality they carried themselves with is what first set Alix's heart on being famous. Her early teenage years weren't spent pursuing that lofty goal though. Tomboy Alix and her elder brother Ronnie would wage summer long wars against the LAPD with the weapons of chronic shoplifting, and breaking into random homes to pilfer whatever they could find. She claims the best times were spent skateboarding through construction sites and giving the workers hell, or when every kid with a skateboard, bike, some weed or booze would takeover a playground on a Friday or Saturday for an all night party, usually at West Hollywood Elementary. Alix said the worst experience from her delinquency ridden youth came in seventh grade when she and her bro broke into a home to raid the fridge only to find a bowl of shrimp. Alix ate the shrimp and suffered a near fatal allergic reaction because of it. As she lay on the floor, her throat closing, her breath fleeting, her brother took off, assuming her to be dead. The only reason she even lives to tell the story is because the owner came home and found a dying twelve year old on his kitchen floor.

 

Alix's act abruptly cleaned itself up with the harrowing arrest of her father in eighth grade. She remembered that she was walking home from a friend's house, when she saw the steady swirl blue and red lights that can only be a mass of cop cars. The sight of her dad being tackled to the ground by no less then six heavily armed officers was her cue to turn around and calmly proceed back to her friends' house. She said if she hadn't, the police would've thrown her in Juvenile detention like they did her brother. With her dad facing prison for intent to distribute, Alix's mom remarried with shocking quickness, hitching herself to a big time criminal defense attorney. Suddenly Alix went from the squalor of living on the edge of LA's fading 80's rock scene to shacking up in a five story mansion in Beverly Hills. She attended Beverly Hills High School, which she proudly notes Lenny Kravitz, and Slash are also alumni of. In her senior year of highschool, Alix used to work at a little swimsuit store on Melrose, which is where she met Krista, who's uncle owned the shop. Krista was the ring leader of the loony circus like atmosphere that characterized the store. A junior at UCLA, Krista would send out other clerks to liquor stores to stock up on drinks once her uncle went home. They'd all mix the cocktails in the managers office, and Krista would throw some wild music onto the stereo, and convert the place into an all night party. Customers would see them drinking daiquiris behind the counter and be left utterly speechless, until Krista offered them a drink. Alix admitted that she worshiped Krista from the moment she met her, but hastily mentioned that everyone did that to Kris. Krista had this unbelievable presence and star power that Alix hadn't felt since those famous rockers trudged across the carpets of her childhood home. When asked about her favorite memory of the Coliseum, Alix said it was when her grandfather stabbed a dude in a Chiefs' jersey at the concession stand. Go Raiders! She closed out the piece by saying she expects to be cheered more then anyone (especially Krista) in her hometown, unless the stands are full of LAPD officers from the years 87-89. Then she fears for her life.

 

***Vinny Valentine -VS- Mad Cappa DISCO BALL ON A LAVA LAMP MATCH***

You wanted it America! You got it! And when I say America, I mean King Cucaracha, who isn't even American! The setup, of course, was insane, a twenty pound disco ball allegedly straight from the set of Kylie Minogue's Your Disco Needs You hung atop a six foot lava lamp, resplendent in its glowing orbs of red and yellow inside orange liquid. At the base of this lava lamp rested a machine designed to dispense various disco paraphernalia throughout the course of the match. Done away with was the faint purple lighting scheme of Syndicated, now replaced by a darkened arena illuminated only by the flickering rays of multi color lights that carpeted the ring floor. The off white and purple ring ropes were also absent for this match. They were replaced with red velvet ropes that rested behind giant purple neon signs that read “STUDIO OAOAST” In comparison the rules were astoundingly mundane, for the simple fact that there were never any expressed. No, wait, there was one rule, Valentine employed the actual Village People as lumberjacks

 

If it wasn't obvious that Cappa was out of his element from the Best Disco In Town style floor set, it certainly became so when Valentine filled the ring with male dancers designed to mimic Amil Stewart's Knock On Wood video. As the beautifully sequined but unhealthily obese dancers shimmied and shook, Cappa was left as dumbfounded as the audience. Thus he did the only thing he could, he stormed past the dancers and attacked Valentine. But unlike previous weeks Valentines was ready for him and back body dropped him over the velvet ropes and the neon sign! Cappa's crash brought the Village People upon him like vultures. The fivesome hammered him into submission, before cursing him with further humiliation by mocking his military service by singing In The Navy. After they returned Cappa to the ring, the match proceeded with some relative normalcy with Vinny wearing his rival down with a basic brawling offense. The disco machine then opened to give Vinny a feather boa which he promptly used to choke the life out of Cappa. Valentine even went as far as to employ the boa as a sling to shoot Cappa into the lava lamp! Though that blow hurt painfully, it didn't prevent Cappa from mowing down Vinny with a lariat. From there Cappa assumed control of the bout, angrily assaulting Vinny with little more then kicks and punches. After seeming to tire down Vinny with his strikes, Cappa began making his way towards the coveted disco ball. But, his understandably nervous foe earned himself a stay of execution with a low blow followed by a Night Fever (Alabama Jam)!!

 

But things got crazy once again when the disco machine opened not to dispense any object, but to unleash a sea of strange pink smoke. Throughly confused by this apparently unexpected twist in his gimmick contest, Valentine stared on in helpless dismay. When Black Sweat begin the disco duck was left hastily demanding answers, as the crowd let out a large roar in anticipation for one of their favorites. Vinny's profanity stained mouth was silenced into horror when he turned around to see the figure of MISTER WARRIOR rising through the pink smoke like Satan from the very fires of hell.

 

"What 'cha gonna do when ALDOSTERONE RUNS WILD ON YOU!?" Warrior bellowed to Vinny in a voice that could bring down the heavens.

 

KICK. WHAM. HUMP Handle Slam into the neon sign! Sparks exploded across the landscape, as the disco duck's glitter soaked body became encased in a monument of blinding white conflagration. Left in its smoldering wake was a convulsing Valentine and chorus of “Holy Shit!” chants.

 

Winner: Mad Cappa via virtue of Vinny Valentine being murdered by MISTER WARRIOR.

 

After the match, Cappa made peace with the Village People, and they closed out the show with some In The Navy with WARRIOR.