Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted April 18, 2008 THE FOLLOWING PROGRAM IS INTENDED FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY PRESENTED IN HD Ultimate Victory returns is back again, mainly because I have no idea of any songs about Spain. I'll tell you a spanish dude who was cool as shit tho? Vega. From SF2. Dude was thoro with it. Here's some dope knowledge, in the Jap version of SF2 Vega is actually M.Bison's name. And M.Bison's name belongs to Balrog. Balrog's name belongs to Vega. Uh, video game history aside here's the logo... And here comes the hardest working commentary team in parody e-fedding, Double C! COLE Folks, the OAOAST continues to set Europe on fire with the hottest ticket in the Western Hemisphere, HeldDOWN! Paris was the last city to be engulfed by the flames and now its Barcelona who gets to see the smoking hot action of the OAOAST. But you settle into your couch and get comfortable because myself and Da Coach have two hours of sports entertainment at its craziest on store for you! BUFFER Señoras y caballeros... LANDON "LA CUCARACHA"... ¡¡¡¡MMMMMAAAAAAAAAADDIIIIIIXXXXXXXXX!!!! "YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!" A thunderous reception goes up as the conquering hero has returned to his homeland, or at least his country of origin... I think. He's half and half. But half of those two halves is Spanish. That's why he's being cheered, that's what I'm getting at here. Beaming smile on his face, Landon soaks in the adulation of the fans, dusting off his Spanish football tracksuit top. Megan joins in the applause from around the arena and it looks like Landon might take up the rest of the show taking in the cheers, before finally he starts to head for the ring, arm in arm with Megan. COLE What a reaction! COACH Landon's finally come home and don't these people just love it? As Landon approaches the ring, we see a young wrestler already in the ring in some non-descript wrestling tights. The youngster is applauding too as Landon walks up the ring steps, blowing elaborate kisses out into the audience. Maddix feels so froggy that he vaults into the ring over the top before spinning into the centre with arms outstretched. "LAN - DON!" "LAN - DON!" "LAN - DON!" "LAN - DON!" Landon takes the microphone and calls for some quiet, not too convincingly. His ego gets another few seconds before finally the Barcelona crowd quietens down a little, allowing Landon to speak. MADDIX Olá, olá! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" COACH OLÉ! MADDIX Ah, it's good to be home... well, second home home... but, nonetheless, outside of South Dakota and Madrid, there are few places in the world I'd rather be than Barcelona. So, thank you. Thank you for the wonderful reception. Bueno! COLE You'd think Landon'd be speaking in Spanish, since we're in Spain and all. COACH He said bueno. Give him a break. MADDIX Now, I could stand here all day and let you all applaud me. And, let's face it, that would be completely justified. But, tonight I'm not out here to meet and greet. It's been a lifetime of waiting to compete here in the country of my mother's birth and that's what's gonna happen, because I'm out here to continue the Cucaracha Internacional European scouting tour. We're going to let one of your natives take the first step towards trying to follow in my illustrious footsteps. Viva Espagna, and all that. So, if we can get somebody ou... Megan taps Landon on the shoulder, pointing to the youngster across the ring. MADDIX Oh. Yes. Sorry, I assumed you were one of the ring crew. Ouch. MADDIX Not important. Okay, let's get the formalities out of the way and... look at you, huh? You're shaking in your boots aren't ya! C'mon, don't be nervous. We're all friends here. We're all compadrés. (wraps an arm round the youngster's shoulders) You're a pretty big fan of La Cucaracha, aren't you? Go ahead, you can admit. The youngster nods and Landon shrugs his shoulders, mouthing the words "thought as much" to Megan. MADDIX Well this is obviously going to be an honour for you, that goes without saying. I'm sure you're itching to get that bell rung, but first, go ahead and tell the world your name and all that jazz. GARCÍA Uh... Me llamo Alfonso García... y yo soy de BARCELONA!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" MADDIX Gee, what a surprise. Okay then kid, as a fellow Spaniard I wish you the best of luck. Let's have a good clean match and to that end, a nice clean handshake to start us off. Landon shakes the nervous García's hand and heads to his corner to another round of applause. Megan has a few last words with Landon while he psyches himself up, the fans buzzing in the background as they wait to see their half-countryman in action. As soon as Landon removes his track jacket however, we see he's wearing his personalised REAL MADRID jersey and the national support suddenly turns into NUCLEAR heat! COACH Haha! COLE Only Landon Maddix could return to his country of birth for the first time and almost cause a riot. Looking surprised at the turn of opinion, Landon shrugs his shoulders, reminding everybody that his team are top of La Liga and their's aren't. Which, 'surprisingly', doesn't win them over. Landon just shrugs again and removes the Real shirt, passing it carefully to the outside and going through some last minute stretches. Firing himself up, Maddix is finally ready and moves out of his corner, ready to go... ...but just as the referee goes to call for the bell, Landon suddenly has second thoughts. He hurriedly stops the match from starting and calls for a microphone, shaking his head. MADDIX Woah woah woah. I'm sorry, stop... oh, man, am I an idiot sometimes or what? This can't happen! COLE What's he talking about. Slapping his own forehead, Landon laughs to himself. MADDIX What am I doing? Here I am embarking on this European scouting tour, looking for new bases for Cucaracha Internacional and I don't know, I guess I just got caught up in the excitement of everything going on this week and lost my concentration momentarily. But... Cucaracha Internacional... we're already got a Spanish wrestler! The greatest Spanish wrestler in the world as a matter of fact! Ever! I mean, granted, I am only half-Spanish. It just wouldn't be fair on you to live in that shadow for your entire tenure under me. No. I'm sorry, but, we're gonna have to call this thing off. García looks a little disappointed. Shrugging, Landon looks apologetic as he walks over and places a hand on his fellow Spaniard's shoulder. MADDIX Look, I don't want to have you come out here and not have a match. That wouldn't be fair on you, knowing how much you were looking forward to facing Spain's most successful athlete. How about we find you someone else to face instead, huh? It won't be for a place in Cucaracha Internacional, but you'll get to compete in your hometown on worldwide TV at least. Would that be okay? GARCÍA Sí. MADDIX Sí? Sí. Espléndido. Landon pats the youngster on the shoulder again and turns to the entrance way. MADDIX Okay, uhm... anyone back there watching and listening, if somebody could come down and give this fine young caballero a match, please, that'd be great. Anybody at all. Landon says that last part a little too insistently, which seems to unnerve the youngster... ...and rightfully so, as "King Kong" by L A Symphony begins to play! García's eyes widen, as Landon's mouth curves into a sick smile at the appearance of FAQU on the entrance way!! COLE Oh no. The Samoan Wrecking Ball rambles crazily in his native Samoan tongue as he makes his way to the ring, the fans lining the aisle too scared to even reach out and slap him on the back. Up the steps he pounds, his footsteps echoing off the steel like something out of a horror movie. Especially if you're in García's shoes, the young Spaniard looking petrified as Landon holds the ropes open for Faqu and whispers something in his ear before leaving the ring. COLE Now you're telling me this is all a coincidence? That Landon just happened to duck out of this match and Faqu just happened to be the guy waiting to replace him? COACH You heard what he said. He can't in all good conscience add another Spaniard to Cucaracha Internacional, so he'd be giving this kid false hope by wrestling him. COLE But it's okay to feed him to Faqu? COACH Eh, he's from Barcelona not Madrid, so who really cares? Obviously not Landon, as he takes up a position next to Megan on the outside to watch. *DINGDINGDING!* The bell rings and right out of the traps charges Faqu, turning García INSIDE OUT with a clothesline!! "OOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH!" Landon winces at his fellow countryman's pain, remarking casually to Megan that that "had to hurt a little". Beating his chest, Faqu stalks around the local talent's body, waiting for him to show some signs of life. The moment García begins to push himself up, he's then grabbed by Faqu and hauled back to his feet. An open handed slap to the chest knocks García on his nalgas, but he's picked right back up. Knifedge chop and down goes García again. COLE Faqu just having his way with this unsuspecting youngster. And look at Maddix out there, grinning his damn head off! Pulled up once again, García is spun around by Faqu, caught in a waistlock... and dropped on his head with a High Angle Backdrop Suplex!! The Spaniard ends up in a heap next to the other Spaniard, La Cucaracha, stepping back with his hands up innocently showing everyone that he's not getting involved. Instead, he gives Faqu a thumbs up, which Faqu very primatively nods at. COACH Yes! Good job, good job! COLE You know, we really need to get to the bottom of what's happened to Faqu. The de-humanising of Faqu almost. COACH One of life's great mysteries. Let's leave it at that. Faqu drags García away from the ropes by his ankle and stomps him in the shoulder. Another stomp, before dragging García around again and this time depositing him in the corner with his head propped on the bottom turnbuckle. Faqu backs across the ring and with the young Spaniard motionless, he charges... FAQU SAMOAAAAAAAAaaaaaa... ...and DRIVES his backside face-first at full speed into García's face!! "OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Cutting a thumb across his throat, Faqu bundles García right back to his feet again. Barely able to stand upright anyway García is doubled over and double underhooked, Faqu lifting him off the mat and with Landon peeking through a gap between his fingers, the Samoan sits out and SPIKES the youngster on his head!! COLE That's Death By Samoan, and that's mercifully it. 1... 2... 3!! *DINGDINGDING!* Landon quickly slides into the ring and coaxes Faqu into getting up off of García before he does anymore damage. The Samoan beats his chest dominantly and Landon keeps a safe distance, before carefully raising the arm of his stablemate. COLE Not only does Landon snub these people by wearing the shirt of their bitter soccer rivals, not only does he refuse to compete in his home country as he claimed he was dying to, but he feeds this poor local kid to this Samoan savage! That's some man right there. COACH Some man indeed! As Megan guides Faqu to the back, Landon walks over to the fallen García, picking one of his arms limply off the canvas and has the audacity to shake it, congratulating him on a good attempt. A final kiss goodbye to the booing Barcelona crowd and Landon heads off as well, after a very unique homecoming. COLE Landon Maddix, ruining any chance we ever had of returning to Spain. Thank you for that. Folks, still so much more to come, here tonight on HeldDOWN. So don't miss a single moment of it! Unless you have other stuff to do. We're very understanding people here in the OAOAST. WHAT'S ON TAP? A PICTURE IS WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS. BUT A THOUSAND WORDS FROM MISTER MONEYMAKER ARE WORTH A BILLION DOLLARS STILL TO COME COMMERCIAL Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted April 18, 2008 No fancy pictures and soundtrack this week, 'cause I don't know nothing bout no Barcelona! Cut outside, where a dirty white limo pulls into the lot. The limo has decals on it to appear as if it is wrapped in barbed wire. The driver and a passenger get out, and open the doors on both sides. The camera is focused on the driver's side, as Alfdogg steps out of the limo, nattily attired in an all-black suit with a red tie, to the boos of the crowd. COACH Here they are, can you believe it? On the other side, Reject steps out, attired in a gravel-colored suit, followed by Thunderkid, wearing a black tux/gangster hat getup, with a sea green sash on the hat. Sandman9000 steps out behind Alf, in his normal ring attire, with a black tie. COLE Yes indeed, folks, we never thought we'd say this again, but the Deadly Alliance has arrived at the arena! Alf smiles as the DA starts its walk to the arena. Once inside the building, Bohemoth walks by, to a mixed reaction of mostly boos. ALF Hey, big guy! Bo turns, and stares down Alf, who holds his hand out as if to say "take it easy". ALF I just wanted to you know...you were right to snuff Malibu at AngleMania. That was your moment, and don't anyone tell you any different. Bo continutes to stare down Alf for a second, then nods and grins just slightly. BO I appreciate that. Alf smiles, as Bo turns and walks away. The DA then continues its walk to the arena. COLE This is shaping up to be some kind of night here on HeldDOWN~! And please stay tuned because we have more to come including number one contender tournament action! STILL ON TAP NUMBER ONE CONTENDER'S TOURNAMENT LEON RODEZ VS TODD CORTEZ NATE BLACK VS SOMEBODY I DON'T KNOW WHO WON THAT OTHER TOURNAMENT MATCH! LATER Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted April 18, 2008 (Cut to shot backstage of Sly Sommers in his gear, walking to the ring) COLE Up next, Sly Sommers makes his big return to the OAOAST rin...(James "Phoenix" Cone walks on-screen and stops Sly) PHOENIX Hey "bro". Just wondering exactly when it was that we were gonna straighten everything out concerning your little critiques. SLY I know, I know...I'm sorry. I got the texts and the voicemails and stuff, but I've been training really hard...Bohemoth is a BEAST, man! I have to be at my best to take him down. We can talk after the match, I promise! (Sly walks off, as the camera stays on Phoenix, who looks none too happy) COACH Sly Sommers faces Bohemoth, NEXT on HeldDOWN~! (FADE TO BLACK) (COMMERCIAL BREAK) (FADE UP FROM BLACK) The lights in the arena are orange, as Sly Sommers comes to the ring to "Orange Crush" by R.E.M., getting a warm reception from the crowd. He slaps some hands and hugs anyone he can in the front row, with tears coming down his eyes... BUFFER The following contest on HeldDOWN~! is set for ONNNNNNNEE FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLL...Introducing first, from Scranton, Pennsylvania, at a weight of 211 pounds...SLYYYYYYYYYYYYYY SOOOOOOOOMEEEERS! COLE Sommers has worked so hard to overcome adversity and addiction just to come back as an active competitor in the OAOAST...but his welcoming party is a 6'7 monster with malicious intentions! Sommers climbs into the ring, then climbs to the second rope in a corner and yells "I LOVE YOU!" to the audience, who cheer him. The music suddenly cuts to "Liberate" by Disturbed...the monster known as Bohemoth walks out in front of the crowd. He flexes his guns, as a noticeable amount of boos come in from the audience. BUFFER His opponent...from Greenville, South Carolina at a weight of 284 pounds... BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHEMOTH! Bohemoth slides under the bottom rope, then stares at Sly with a cold killer's eye from his corner. COLE Bohemoth, resentful of the fact that Sly felt the need to comment on his issue with Zack Malibu last week. Speaking to Bo earlier, he says he's 'sick of having his integrity called into question'. COACH Well, he brought it on himself. But don't tell him I said that. *BELL RINGS* Sly charges at Bohemoth and sends him back to the corner with a running dropkick! Sommers climbs onto the middle rope and goes back and forth with big punches, but Bohemoth shoves him down. Sly rolls backwards onto his feet and leaps back up...Bohemoth shoves him back down! Sly pops up...and takes a Murderline! Bohemoth slowly pulls Sly up to a chorus of boos, then gives him an Irish whip. Sly comes off the ropes, Bohemoth lifts him in a gorilla press, then drops him with a front powerslam with IMPACT! COACH Bohemoth is insane! This man's almost like a cyborg! Bohemoth throws Sly by the throat into the corner. Bohemoth charges forward...but Sly rolls away and Bo eats turnbuckle! He stumbles back, dazed but not really hurt. Sly gives him a flying knee to the back and sends him back into the corner. Sly then hops on Bo's back and locks in a sleeperhold! Bo stumbles to mid-ring...then charges backwards and sandwiches Sly in the opposite corner! Bohemoth makes sure Sly is standing, then chokes Sly with the sole of his boot. The referee orders a break... ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR! ...Bohemoth breaks it up. Bohemoth then puts Sly between his legs and backs up to mid-ring...he signals like Sly's going to take a bad fall over the top...he lifts Sly for the powerbomb, charges towards the ropes...but Sly's able to hold onto Bohemoth and gives him a hurricanrana over the top and to the floor! Sly held onto the top rope, allowing him to pull himself back into the ring, then climbs up top...big plancha onto Bohemoth...GETS CAUGHT! Bohemoth switches his grip and gorilla presses Sly between the top and middle ropes, right back into the ring. Bohemoth comes back in, pulls Sly up, then gives him a chop so hard that it echoes throughout the building and knocks Sly back down! Sommers, clutching his chest from the pain, gets yanked up by his hair, then sent off with an Irish whip. Bohemoth throws his big boot, but Sly slides under it, Bohemoth turns around, and Sly connects with three rapid-fire straight kicks to the stomach! He follows with a series of forearms to the back of Bohemoth's neck to keep him bent over. Sly goes up to the second rope behind Bohemoth, then launches off for a bulldog...but Bohemoth catches Sly in mid-air in a side suplex position, swings around, and slams him hard onto his back! COACH Bohemoth's strength is insane! He bounced a 210-plus pound man off of the canvas like a basketball! Bohemoth pulls Sly up, then lifts him for a vertical suplex...he holds him up there....still up there...and he drops him down hard! Sly rolls onto the apron, but Bohemoth reaches over the top rope and pulls Sly up to his feet, then locks in a cobra clutch. Bohemoth leaves Sly's ankles drapped over the top rope, then swings him around...Style Injection! Bohemoth refuses to go for the cover, choosing to look into the camera and yell... BOHEMOTH Malibu...blood's on your hands! Bohemoth pulls Sly up and sends him to the ropes with an Irish whip...Sly slides between Bohemoth's legs, Bohemoth turns around, Sly dropkicks him! Bohemoth is dazed...Sly comes off of the ropes...another dropkick! Bohemoth's still up! Sly comes off of the ropes again...a third dropkick and Bohemoth goes through the ropes, landing on his feet! Sly climbs to the top rope immediately, then dives off...plancha knocks down Bohemoth! Sly uses all of his might to get the monster back into the ring. Sly climbs back up top and dives off...Bohemoth catches him! Bohemoth repositions Sly...running powerslam! COVER! ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Bohemoth pulls Sly up immediately, shoves him backwards so he bounces off of the ropes, then as Sly bounces back forwards...Bohemoth throws him straight up HIGH in the air...and Sly lands right on his face, the impact flipping him over onto his back! Bohemoth immediately comes off of the ropes...big splash! Bo brute-forces Sly up and shoves him back into a corner. Bohemoth Irish whips Sly into the opposite corner, with Bohemoth charging right behind him...but Sly walks up the ropes and backflips over Bohemoth! Bohemoth turns around, Sly feeds him a leg and blasts him with an enziguri! Bohemoth's stunned on his feet, as Sly goes to the top rope....missile dropkick knocks the monster down! Sly looks around at the crowd, who are reacting huge! COACH Go for it! He's only down once! Hit something big! Sly goes to the apron, then climbs up top...SUPERSLY SPLASH.... ...MISSES! Sommers comes down HARD on his chest and stomach! Bohemoth's up on his feet, grabs Sly, pulls him up, lifts him up...EROTIC AWAKENING OF B! COVER! ONE! TWO! THREE! *DING DING* BUFFER Your winneeeeeeeeeeeer...BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHEMOOOOOTH! COLE Sly Sommers' dreams of a successful OAOAST return match were crushed with one huge, unbeatable manuever! Bohemoth just dominated one of the best wrestlers to ever wrestle in this company! COACH Sly had him rocking a few times, but Bohemoth is SO dominant, such a machine...he's unstoppable! Bohemoth looks into the camera while walking to the locker room... BOHEMOTH Zack...THAT is why I don't owe you anything! Bo's furious anamalisitc visage is our final image before we dissolve to black. COMMERCIAL Cut to the locker room, where Sly Sommers is laying on a bench, holding his back and his eyes closed. The camera zooms back out and James "Phoenix" Cone is standing over him. PHOENIX Looks like you're gonna be here a while. Maybe *this* is a good time to talk. SOMMERS Dude...I know I said I would talk to you now, but I don't think I can see straight, let alone reason with you. (sits up) Bro...call me this weekend or something. I don't think I can give you the answers you deserve right now, man. I'm going to go to the trainer's office...I think every disc in my spine is destroyed...(Sly limps off-camera) PHOENIX (Looking off-camera) Yeah...sure. Get yourself all fixed up buddy. COMMERCIAL Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted April 18, 2008 We SWOOP~ over to MAGGIE NERDLY atop the world famous INTERVIEW STAGE. The OAOAST Women’s Champion proudly displaying the belt around her waist. MAGGIE Hey ya’ll. My guest at this time is a man with a whole lot of explaining to do. “THE TEXAS TWISTER” JOCK MULLIGAN! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Looking nothing like the Gunslinger we’ve come to know and love, a bandana wearing Jock Mulligan walks out to no music in sandals, a tank top and the tightest short shorts that leave little to the imagination. COLE Jock Mulligan unaccustomed to this reception, the result of his actions one week ago. COACH It was a long time coming, Cole. Jock carried the team while Baron and Melody took all the credit. COLE You’ve got to be kidding me. That young man obviously craved individual stardom and was perfectly fine destroying his relationship with close friends he considered family in order to achieve it. Now at the podium Jock mugs for the camera before staring Maggie in the eye. JOCK First of all, it's about damn time you started earning your pay around here instead of hanging out backstage all the time with that boyfriend of yours. Now I can tell you're dying to know the answer to a question you’re too embarrassed to ask. Well the answer is there’s no stuffing going on here. I come as advertise. What you see is what you’d get. And I do love me some of me. Don’t you? MAGGIE No! I want to know what’s gotten into you? You used to be such a nice guy. Now all of a sudden you’ve turned into a major dick. JOCK Mr. Dick to you. MAGGIE Well excuse me, Mr. Dick. Aren’t you the least bit remorseful about what you did? JOCK Just what did I do? OAOAST BACKTRACKER LAST WEEK ON ABDULLAH NERDLY’S HOUSE OF WORSHIP BANDIT KICK levels Baron Windels. Restrained by Abdullah, Melody watches as Jock taunts her and Baron, and then HURLS BARON THROUGH THE STAINED GLASS WINDOWii! JOCK I should be remorseful because instead of fighting like a man Baron Windels desecrated a House of Worship by using his body to break a window to escape? "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" MAGGIE That’s not what the footage showed. JOCK Because the producers of the show manipulated it. I was talking with Simon Singleton earlier today and he explained all the different ways you can edit a scene to your liking. Of course, as the sister of Melody you’re already biased so wouldn’t care about my character being distorted. But to understand how I operate you first need to know the story of Jock Mulligan. All my life I’ve been the man. I was the star quarterback, the coolest kid in school, the guy every chick dreamt of and every guy wishes he was. Then I got tired of the whole team concept. You know, there’s no “I” in team? Well there is in Jock Mulligan! “Mr. Dick” Jock Mulligan that is. So I decided to become a professional wrestler. After a few months down in OAOVW I’m sent along with a couple of other graduates to Japan for seasoning. There some Jackie Chan looking chump from HI-YAH begged me to team with some 6’7” homesick American named Baron Windels. I had my own dreams, my own goals, and here I get saddled with some stiff who doesn’t know the difference between a wristlock and a wristwatch. No problem. Being the athlete that I am I made chicken salad out of chicken shit and we go on become one of the best tag teams HI-YAH ever saw. Once that joint got bought out by the OAOAST we returned home. And how does he thank me? By saddling us with a broad who’d rather play video games than make sure I was ready to compete that night! Well I got tired of sitting back and letting other people take credit for all my hard work. It’s time that I become the superstar I deserve to be. All you so-called OAOAST Superstars need to look in the mirror and ask yourselves one question: Are you man enough to handle The Dick? Maggie shakes her head in disgust as “Mr. Dick” Jock Mulligan taunts the fans. COACH A star was just born in front of our very eyes, Mikey. COLE And a major pain in the ass. COMMERCIAL Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted April 18, 2008 We sweep backstage to find ourselves privy to a conversation between Zack Malibu and a dressed to compete Leon Rodez. With a bandage over his right eye, Leon gestures away in the second delay of sound being transferred with Zack listening in, Leon sat on a table wearing a Journey t-shirt with his wrestling gear while Zack leans up against the wall standing next to him. LEON ...it's just a huge hassle at the moment. I mean, one minute she's hyper-possessive of me, the next she doesn't want anything to do with me. The girl's got more mood swings than... well, my mother not so many years ago, but let's not get into that. I tell ya. Take last week for example. I got busted open Thursday, so we couldn't really do anything much after the show. So we both agreed, Friday night we'd go see the Eiffel Tower and all the other old buildings there are in Paris. You know, 'waste some time before our flight' level stuff. But what with everything that happened last week, I suggested we call it off so I could go and keep Melody company and try and cheer her up. Man, you wouldn't believe how bad she took it. She flipped! I don't get it, it's her own sister for crying out loud. She didn't appreciate me calling her incompassionate, but it was in the heat of the moment... anyway, point is, she's been giving me the cold shoulder ever since. ZACK Melody has? LEON No, Maggie has. ZACK ...which means you actually did end up ditching her? LEON Well, yeah, but like I say Melody was in a pretty bad way after what Jock did. We all were. Zack shrugs acceptingly, like any good friend should. Although, deep down, I'm sure he's thinking what we all are. LEON So, what with all that on top of this whole... 'situation' with Jade still, worrying about how she and Krista are getting on, I dunno. I get the feeling she's having trouble adapting to life with Celebrity Mom. So there's that to concern myself with. All I want to concentrate on tonight is Todd Cortez and this number one contender's tournament. I've finally got a good shot at going for the World Title, for the first time in forever. I just want to relax and enjoy it. And it's just distraction after distraction, everywhere I look, just like always, which brings me back to my first shot at the World Title in forever. It just... it just bums me out a little sometimes, you know? Zack chuckles under his breath, giving Leon a disbelieving look. ZACK That's it? 'A little bummed out', that's all you're feeling? You really are too mellow for your own good Leon. If even half of that stuff had happened to me, I'd have probably lost my mind by now. LEON Well that's true. ZACK ...yeah... you, uh, weren't supposed to agr... look, nevermind. Listen, I could tell you to try and channel all that towards Cortez tonight and I know that's not how you work, but you can't keep bottling this sort of stuff up inside. It's not healthy man. So why not go ahead and channel all your frustrations into getting the win tonight. Don't just put it all in the back of your mind. Use it. Besides that, this is the guy that almost broke your neck, remember? Put you out of action for months? Sure, he's changed a little recently and definately for the better. But he's still that guy. Now it's Leon's turn to chuckle. LEON Zack, no offense, but... the 'controlled anger' route? Last time I checked, you had a six foot seven ass-kicking machine who you've been trying to shrug off since November wanting to kick your ass. Zack shrugs. ZACK Fair point. LEON I appreciate the advice. But, you've always done things your way and I've always done things mine. That's what made us such a great team. ZACK Yeah and I respect you for that. Like I said, you seem to have some talent for putting up with the crap that goes on around here sometimes. If anybody deserves to be World Champ, it's you. I'll be pulling for you, that's for damn sure. Zack offers his hand. Pushing himself up off the table, Leon holds his hands on hips for a second before turning to Zack. LEON Again... I appreciate what you're saying. But, like I said, you do things your way... Pushing aside the offer of a handshake, Leon prefers instead to give his former tag team partner a big ol' HUG! Zack looks noticeably uncomfortable at the show of close friendship as we hear a hand slap across his back. (Hopefully his back.) LEON ...and I do things mine. Breaking the hug, Leon strides off to go prepare for his match, leaving Zack wondering again what the hell's wrong with a simple, man to man handshake in this day and age. STILL TO COME I AM SUPERSTAR AND I DON'T CARE WHO YOU ARE! FOOTAGE FROM KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN ON THE LATE SHOW LATER BUT NEXT(I think) NUMBER ONE CONTENDER'S TOURNAMENT CONTINUES NEXT Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted April 18, 2008 (edited) COLE We are back and it's time for our first number one contender tournament semi-final match. The English soccer hooligan Nathaniel Black to face the street raised Mad Cappa in what is bound to be a physical contest. To the ring, for Michael Buffer to get us underway. BUFFER This contest is scheduled for one fall and it is a semi-final match in the number one contendership tournament. Introducing first, from London, England... weighing two hundred and thirty eight pounds... one third of the 6-Man Tag Team Champions, representing Cucaracha Internacional... he is NNAAATTHHHAAAAAANNIIIIIIEEEEELLLLLLL... BBLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAACCKK!!!! "Chelsea Dagger" by The Fratellis begins to thump through the arena, accompanied by the flashing of red, white and blue strobe lights around the entrance way. As the intro ends and the chanting begins, the curtains part and Nathaniel Black bursts out onto the stage, raising his 6-Man Tag Team Title belt in the air with a loud cry... ...AS HE GOES DOWN AT THE HANDS OF THE MAD CAPPA!! "YYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" COACH Wha... that dirty back-jumber! COLE Cappa taking the fight to Black in the aisleway before the introductions can even be made! Cappa clubs away at Black from behind with forearms, sending him stumbling down the aisle. Catching up to Black, Cappa spins him around and nails him with a right hand to the jaw. And another. But Black fights back with a knee to the gut and lands a forearm, sending Cappa crashing backwards into the guardrail in the aisleway. COLE Cappa and Black, brawling in the aisle and this match I don't think has officially got underway yet. COACH It ought to have been thrown out the moment Cappa jumped Black from behind! What the hell is Cappa thinking? COLE Well, clearly he believes his best shot against Nathaniel Black is to take the fight right to him. And he's sure as hell doing that! The over-exuberant fans reach over the aisle, patting Cappa on the back while Black pats him in the face with his elbow a couple of times. Black angrily swats the hands of the fans away, grabbing Cappa around the back of the head and connecting with a European uppercut. Away staggers Cappa, luring Black into a surprise kick before taking him behind the head... and running him face-first into the barricade! The Barcelona crowd cheer Cappa on, as he then stomps a mudhole in Black's chest, not forgetting to walk it dry afterwards of course! Referee Brian Hebner leaves the ring to try and gain some order. Just as Cappa pulls off his skull cap and tries to choke Black with it, throwing all order out the window. Black manages to fight that off, but is pulled to his feet and punched in the face. COACH Cappa's trying to turn this into a fight rather than a wrestling match and that might be a good idea on paper, but but not so good in the flesh. Nat's been in his share of fights in his life, trust me. Pulling Black to the end of the aisle, Cappa grabs him by the arm, looking for an irish whip. But Black reverses... and it's Cappa who crashes back first into the guardrail! Referee Hebner tries to get Black back into the ring, but is rudely pushed aside. Charging, Black looks for a clothesline... only for Cappa to duck, back bodydropping the Englishman over the rail!! COLE The bullfights are never this dangerous! COACH You must have been to some shitty-ass bullfights then. As the crowd parts at the hands of security, Cappa starts to re-arrange furniture at ringside. Pulling the steel steps away from the ring he sets them up towards where Black is standing. Cappa then gets himself a run-up, fans scattering as TMC runs up the steps... ...AND FLIES OVER THE BARRICADE WITH A CROSSBODY ONTO BLACK!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" COLE Cappa taking flight, right into the front row! Cappa puts the boots to Black with the crowd going crazy for all this. Pulling Black up, Cappa nails him with a right hand, sending the Englishman deeper into the people. Another right hand lands, before Cappa pulls Black in, setting him up for a suplex on the floor. Black blocks it though, twice, before fighting his way out with punches to the ribs. The bodyshots back Cappa up and Black steps in with a hard elbow, sending Cappa falling back into the fans trying desperately to scramble out of harm's way. Cappa ends up pushed back towards Black, laying in another hard elbow. Black grabs Cappa and tries to throw him into the nearest vacated seat. Cappa gets his hands up to block though, fighting Black off and attacking with more right hands. The slugfest ends when Cappa sends Black back towards ringside with an irish whip. Black hits the guardrail and is then almost decipated, when a clothesline sends him only halfway over to ringside, Cappa dumping him the rest of the way with a shove. COLE Thankfully, it looks like this fight is moving back towards ringside and hopefully into the ring, so we can get this match officially started. COACH About damn time too. Cappa climbs back over to ringside as well and grabs a hold of Black to throw him into the ring. But Black has other ideas, grabbing the waistband of Cappa's jeans and pulling him face-first into the ring apron! COLE OH! COACH There go some front teeth. Now looking thoroughly pissed off, Black drags Cappa off the arena floor, throwing him into the ring... *DINGDINGDING!* ...and the opening bell can finally sound. COLE This semi-final, officially underway. And it looks like Cappa's grand plan may have backfired, as he is busted open from the mouth! Stalking behind Cappa, Black measures him and lands a boot to the back of the head. Cappa rolls to the ropes, but takes another boot. Black then pulls Cappa up, sending him for the ride with an irish whip. On the rebound Black cuts down Cappa with a back elbow, right to the busted lip, a kneedrop followed with a cover... 1... 2... No! Front facelock applied by Black. As Cappa starts to get to his feet, the Englishman lifts his knee up into the face. And again. And a third time, all doing further damage to the mouth of The Mad Cappa. Hooking an arm, Black then sweeps Cappa over with a half-hatch suplex and rolls over on top, pinning Cappa down roughly... 1... 2... Shoulder up! Still holding the arm, Black tries to apply a keylock on the arm. Feeling this, up struggles Cappa and he drops down, bringing Black over by the arm. Black rolls through to his feet harmlessly enough, ducking a clothesline from Cappa and connecting with a hard European uppercut. Down goes Cappa and instantly he checks his mouth for blood, finding plenty seeping from his split lip. COLE Black, a great technical wrestler but certainly not afraid to get physical as Cappa is finding out firsthand. Black hauls Cappa back up and barges him back into a corner. A European uppercut rocks Cappa back against the turnbuckles. As does a second. And a third. Irish whip, sends Cappa corner to corner. Black follows in close behind and dives in with a knee... MISSES! Black's knee hits the top turnbuckle and he bounces out, clutching his knee and walking right into a DDT from Cappa! "YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" COLE But Cappa is tough, as Black is finding out. COACH He's a punk. And Black already disposed of one punk already so far. Up top heads Cappa as Black pulls himself back up. The Mad One measures him before coming off the top with a missile dropkick... ...but Black SIDESTEPS and Cappa crashes harmlessly to the canvas! COACH If I remember right, that other punk took a lot of dumb risks that didn't pay off too. Funny that. Black watches Cappa back to his feet, crouched in the corner and waiting with a LARIAT!! Cover... 1... 2... No! Black gets on the case of referee Hebner, then slaps Cappa hard in the back of the head, yelling at him to get back up. COLE Somehow, Nathaniel Black seems to get crasser with every passing week. Crouched down, it looks like another Lariat is on the cards from Nathaniel Black. Cappa has reacted to the slap in the back of the head and is fighting back to his feet, unaware of what waits him as he turns around. Popping to his feet, Black swings his right arm around wildly looking to take TMC's head off. Too wildly though, as Cappa ducks and catches Black with a schoolboy... 1... 2... Kickout! First to his feet, Black stops... and this time LANDS with the Lariat! COLE Got him, at the second time of asking. Cappa ends up folded up over himself and looking to be out. Finally able to afford himself something like a smile, Black stands up and starts to pick fights with the Spanish fans now to amuse himself. There's plenty of takers, but luckily Black's in the ring and they're not. COACH Can you imagine what's going to happen to poor little PRL if he gets hit with one of those Lariats? So long as Black manages to throw one low enough so that it won't just graze the top of his head, that is. COLE Well we might never find out if Black doesn't follow up sometime soon. Eventually, he does follow up. By the t-shirt he drags Cappa back up to his feet, delivering a very deliberate European uppercut. Cappa hits the mat again and he stays looking up at the lights while Black wipes some blood from his bicep. Grabbing Cappa again, Black then sets himself over his back and delivers some hard crossfaces! The blood continues to flow down The Mad One's chin as Black rains the shots in. After a fourth though, he fakes Cappa out and grabs the left arm looking to apply the Crossface Chickenwing! Cappa senses it coming early enough though and scrambles into the ropes. That doesn't stop Black for long though and he goes back to the crossfaces through the ropes, until referee Hebner is forced to physically interject himself and drag Black off of Cappa. Black holds his hands up innocently, long enough to convince him he's co-operating... before brushing him aside and attacking Cappa with more crossfaces in the ropes! Again Hebner has to step in and drag Black away, who this time makes no attempt to listen and just shoves Hebner aside. As the ref goes down, Black then grabs a hold of Cappa... ...and gets a leg lifted into the groin for his troubles!! "YYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" COACH HEY! Low blow! Red card referee! Black staggers backwards with referee Hebner not having seen what happened, Cappa pulling himself off the ropes and nailing the Brit with a discus forearm! COLE The IMPACT! And Black is down, this could be it... Cover by Cappa, Hebner shaking off a twisted ankle to make the count... 1... 2... NO! COACH I still can't believe Cappa's getting away with this crap. Sneak attacks in the aisle, brawling in the crowd, lowblows. What lows won't this punk stoop to? COLE Cappa knows he's just two wins away from a World Title meeting with his old rival PRL at School's Out. And he's pulling out all the stops. Just as Nathaniel Black is. COACH Yeah, I'm sure PRL's pulling for him. He wouldn't even be World Champion if it weren't for Cappa. Cappa waits for Black to get back up... *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" ...and lays into him with a chop. *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" And another. Still doubled over in man-pain, Black manages to barge his shoulder into Cappa's midsection to fend him off. Only for a second though, before Cappa starts unloading with right hands. Backing Black up against the ropes, Cappa sends him across the ring with an irish whip and connects with a leg lariat. Black staggers up and walks into a clothesline... doesn't go down, so Cappa hits him with a dropkick. COLE Cappa's beginning to build some momentum here. He might be about to Bust A Cap any time now! COACH Yeah, that's a guy we want as World Champion. It worked for Drek, eh? Eh? No-one? Running on a second wind, Cappa shoots Black off the ropes again and catches him in a sleeper hold! Black quickly goes into reverse and crushes Cappa in a corner though. Pulling him out of the corner, Black then lifts Cappa up for the Half Nelson Backbreaker... but Cappa counters with an armdrag! Black then charges into a back elbow, leaving him dazed as Cappa hits the ropes. Wrapping his arm around Black's head, around swings Cappa, bringing him down with the Fall From Grace! Cover... 1... 2... NO! Cappa quickly heads to the top rope while Black is still recovering, reaching the third floor in time to catch Black with a crossbody block... 1... 2... NO! COLE Another close call for Cappa, Black is firmly on the back foot right now. Back up first, Cappa lands with a boot and looks for a scoop and a slam. He gets the scoop, but no slam as Black finds his way safely over the back, waistlock, looking for a German Suplex. Cappa fights out with a couple of elbows though, before running himself into the turnbuckles and ducking his head in order to send Black face-first into the top turnbuckle pad! Black staggers backwards and Cappa picks himself out of the corner, just in time to avoid another charge from the Englishman! COLE Look out! Black staggers out of the corner again and Cappa is waiting on him. The Mad One spits a mouthful of blood at Black, before setting him up... KICK! *WHAM!* BUST A CA... ...NO! BLACK CATCHES CAPPA'S ARM AND LOCKS IN THE CROSSFACE CHICKENWING!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE Oh no! Black caught him, this could be it! COACH It will be it, Nat's got it locked in tight and when he goes to the mat, there is no escape. Black locks his legs around Cappa's waist with a bodyscissors just to be sure, wrenching away on the head and the shoulder. With his free arm, Cappa wags a finger, saying he doesn't give... ...but after a few seconds with no escape, he soon changes his mind and reluctantly taps out!! *DINGDINGDING!* "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Black lets Cappa go and stands over him with a scowl on his face, hand raised in victory as he stares at Cappa, clutching his arm in pain. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, your winner of the match, advancing to the final of the number one contendership tournament... NATHANIIIEEEEELLL... BBLLLLLLAAAAAAAAACCKK!!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE Nathaniel Black advances on, he is now just one victory away from a main-event spot at School's Out! Wiping the spat blood from his chest, Black returns strike as he spits on Cappa himself before leaving the ring. Black raises two defiant arms in the air, Vs for victory pointed skywards as he marches off to watch the second semi-final later tonight, with plenty of personal interest in the outcome. Edited April 21, 2008 by King Cucaracha Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted April 18, 2008 (edited) OAOAST HeldDOWN IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY Intensity-The best of IntenseZone 3 DVD SET The spotlight falls on OAOAST Original TONY BRANNIGAN in his best old school WWF “Mean” Gene Okerlund attire over at the INTERVIEW STAGE. BRANNIGAN Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the Chairman and CEO of the Enterprise… THEODORE MONEYMAKER! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Dressed to the nines in a tailored suit, the Billion Dollar Heir is escorted by CPA as GNR’s Sympathy for the Devil blares overhead. Brannigan welcomes his cousin with a handshake only to be snubbed. Ever the professional he lets it slide. BRANNIGAN Well Teddy, you asked for interview time. The forum is all yours. MONEYMAKER You got that right, cousin. I asked for time and being an influential TSM stockholder I was granted it ASAP. Now I don’t know whether these foreigners understand the words coming out of my mouth… COLE Listen to this man. He’s the foreigner here. MONEYMAKER …nor do I care because I know the one person who needs to understand will, and that’s the boss himself Anglesault. "YYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" COACH They at least know that name. MONEYMAKER Unless you’ve been living under a rock lately, there‘s an ongoing tournament to determine the #1 contender to the OAOAST Championship. A tournament in which I was not invited to participate. If not for my attorneys there wouldn’t have been any Enterprise representation at all. Even then Anglesault placed conditions on our involvement. One, I couldn’t enter the tournament myself. Two, the Beverly Hills Blonds and I would be BARRED from ringside. Had that ruling not been in effect then I wouldn’t be out here raising a storm because Christian Wright would still in the running for a shot at the title. Instead that morally bankrupt Leon Rodez broke every rule in the book to advance onto the next round. And why? Why did Anglesault ban us last week? He won’t even clarify his ruling. The man is drunk on power. BRANNIGAN Perhaps it has something to do with the rampant speculation on the OAOAST Hot Newzline regarding an alleged blackmail plot to secure the #1 contendership immediately following AngleMania that led to your exclusion? MONEYMAKER I won’t even dignify that with a response. In fact, I ought to hire a private investigator to find whoever started that malicious rumor and sue them for everything they got. People assume my wealth guarantees anything my heart desires. And there’s nothing I desire more than MORE MONEY…BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!…and the OAOAST Championship. While it’d be simple for me to offer a generous sum in exchange for the title, it’s long been U.S. policy not to negotiate with terrorists and those who harbor them, i.e. you Anglesault. There’s no good reason why I should’ve been excluded from this tournament. You’ve gone and pissed off the one man who can take everything you hold dear. But your fate hasn’t been signed, sealed and delivered just yet. All you gotta do is CANCEL this tournament and AWARD ME the title shot at School‘s Out. In case you and your nickel and dime fans still don’t understand, I’ve hired a couple of celebrities not passed their prime to help, the greatest rock ‘n’ wrestling band of ALL TIME, Logan Usher Mann and Synth Abdul-Jabbar, the HEAVENLY ROCKERS! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Stage hands wheel out a set of DRUMS as the Heavenly Rockers take their places onstage. Synth behind the drums, Holly on guitar, Logan in front of the mic and Colonel Abdullah counting the wad of cash paid for the group‘s services. LOGAN Are you ready to rock? "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" SYNTH Foreign dudes, ya’ll ready to roll? "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" HOLLY You assholes ready for me to step on your pubes and spit in your mouth? "YYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" SYNTH And a 1 and a two and a 1, 2, 3. The Heavenly Rockers begin jamming, sounding more like a garage band than a mainstream act. LOGAN Anglesault, you’ve done Theodore Moneymaker wrong Anglesault, correct this wrong Anglesault, have you taken too many hits from the bong? HOLLY Too many hits from the bong? Too many hits from the bong? LOGAN Anglesault, we the people ask that you correct this wrong Do as we say and your life will go on Fight the power and meet the guillotine Your risk, our reward Now go and do the right thing! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" MONEYMAKER Moneymaker shakes hands with the Colonel and Heavenly Rockers as Sympathy for the Devil cues. COLE Theodore Moneymaker spent who knows how much for that? COACH What are you talking about, Cole? That single’s gonna shoot up the charts in no time. Do the right thing, boss. Cancel the tournament and award Teddy the title shot at School’s Out. COLE How will Anglesault response upon hearing this? Hopefully we'll find out later tonight. * BREAK * Edited April 18, 2008 by Patty O'Green Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted April 18, 2008 (edited) COLE Let's go up to the ring, and Jesse "The Body" Ventura! JESSE You know, Michael Cole, as I sat and watched HeldDOWN~! last week, and I saw what transpired after the main event, this interview was just too tempting for the Body to pass up. I had to be the first one to get the scoop, from the group themselves! So ladies and gentlemen, please welcome, Alfdogg, Sandman9000, Thunderkid and Reject, THE DEADLY ALLIANCE! The Wall by Kansas hits, and Alfdogg leads the Deadly Alliance through the curtains. The four men stand at the top of the ramp, as Alf smiles once again. COLE Truly shocking. The DA walks to the ring, and all four men pose on the buckles, then Alf joins Jesse at mid-ring. JESSE I guess my first question is, Alf...how did this all come to pass? ALF Well, you know, Jesse...I've done everything here in the OAOAST. I've been the World champion twice...I'm the only three-time Heartland champion...Lethal Rumble winner...and to be honest, it all gets boring after a while. I'm ready to have some fun, Jesse. And last week, that was the most fun I've had here in a long, long time, just staring down at that wannabe, Tha Puerto Rican, and his buddy Rico Suave as they were laying at our feet. JESSE You know, Alf, what's really intriguing about this whole thing, is how you managed to get Sandman9000 on the same page, mere days after you bloody brawl at AngleMania! ALF I gotta be honest, Jesse...when Sandman came back many months ago, I wasn't sure what to make of it. Yes, he's held the Heartland title for over six months, but let's face it...he wasn't facing Alfdogg. He wasn't facing EvenflowDDT. He wasn't facing JINGUS. He wasn't facing Some Guy. I had to get Sandman back in the ring, to make sure he was still the warrior I remembered from the glory days. And at AngleMania...I found out he was that, and more. That was when I knew, I had to have this guy on my side. And here we are today. JESSE And in the process, you've locked up a shot at the World tag team titles for Thunderkid and Reject! REJECT That's right! This is a long time coming for me and Thunderkid. Sure, we had our differences in the past, but we've grown above that. And we've got unfinished business as a team, and that's to take the World tag team titles from those chumps Team Heyross. THUNDERKID That's right, Reject. Charlie Moss, you may be a four-time All-American in amateur wrestling, but soon enough, you'll be catching a professional ass-kicking from the two of us. And Quentin Benjamin? He's nobody's friend. If Benjamin was an ice cream flavor, he'd be pralines, and dick. JESSE ALF And I know PRL, he's one of these guys that has more guts than brains. He thinks he wants a piece of me, and will put his title on the line. And that will be the last mistake he makes as the World champion. *crowd boos* ALF So take notes, all you Johnny-come-lately stables...in the coming weeks, the Deadly Alliance is gonna show you all how it's done. The Wall by Kansas hits, and The Deadly Alliance departs. JESSE Michael Cole, we're witnessing history, right before our very eyes! The Deadly Alliance is BACK! Back to Sofa Central! or not COMMERCIAL Edited April 18, 2008 by Patty O'Green Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted April 18, 2008 COLE Folks, back home in the states, Krista Isadora Duncan appeared on The Late Show David Letterman. And we have some footage of what went down! KRISTA (speaking to Dave) Um, yeah, I actually did a uh..its not a duet if its four people. I did an orgy let's say that. I did an orgy of sound and merriment in London with Elton John, Barbra Streisand, and Nathan Lane. Its was a great, great, great experience. Truly memorable. And yeah, there were so many gays and self loathing jews it was like being paid a couple thousand dollars to go to a family reunion. KRISTA (speaking to Dave) My niece, Hedi, is entering college at University Arizona next fall, so I went with her to see advisors, look at the dorms whatever, and I was blown away. Because I had a pretty awful dorm room during my freshman year, I had rats and roaches going at it like crips and bloods in my apartment. Crawl by shootings all the time, I had to get Jesse Jackson to stop the violence. I come home, I have to break up fights. They answer my door, talk on my phone don't click over, “that bitch don't live here, Krista who?” They played dead to. I stepped on one, came back to pick him up and he was gone, saw him two weeks letter, said he was two legit to quit. I go to my cereal to get my prize, they already got it. Held it front of my face and said “Can't touch this”. Cut to sofa central. COLE Molly Nerdly, sent home from the European tour for a week, because she's Molly Nerdly and she annoys everybody, captured some backstage footage for us. Gathered in one of the green rooms backstage are Terry Taylor, Jade Rodez, Maya Duncan-Blanchard, Krista's hairstylist Serge, her agent Ira Breslin and her agent's assistant, and a few female production assitants. Together they wait patiently for Krista's return. All except for Maya that is, who's already limited patience has been exhausted. MAYA Ugh forget this. I'm gone. TERRY Maya, you really ought to stay here. MAYA Uncle Terry do something! TERRY Uncle Terry? I kind of like that! MOLLY (O.S.) Your mother said not to call him that. She doesn't want you humanizing him. MAYA I'm just going to take a real quick walk. Okay? I'll be back in a few seconds. What's wrong with that? JADE Uh..Maya, Krista'll be here in any moment. Plus, you shouldn't be running around this huge studio by yourself. I know you're a big, mature girl, but its just not a good idea. So....just uh why don't you wait here, kiddo? Huh? MAYA Yeah, thanks for the tip, I'll look into it. Why are you trying to tell me what to do anyway? JADE Well, for starters I am your big sister. MAYA Um...only for the last two weeks. JADE And your mother told me as the bigger sister I get to be your temporary babysitter. So... MAYA Why would she tell you that sort of thing? You don't even call her mom! Maybe if I called her by her first name all the time like you I'd get a new car, an IPhone, a PS3 and a tricked out wardrobe, and not have to write some stupid essay called “Thank you Mother Krista, greatest of all Krista's, without whom I'd never survive in this corrupt capitalist world.” Ugh, this is so stupid. And temporary babysitter? That doesn't even mean anything. Its just a pointless little job, like making the chubby loser at school hall monitor. No one respects them and no one ever does what they say... MOLLY (O.S.) Erroneous! Erroneous! Because when I served as hall monitor my freshman year, if a kid came strolling down through my territory and they had to go pee real bad, if they made fun of me and called me Rolly Polly Molly, or O.D.B-Ol Dumpy Bitch, Sausage Fingers, Grizzly Adams-I had a lot of facial hair for a thirteen year old, then I'd send them right back to their classroom and at the end of the day they'd be hearing school yard calls of Yellow Spot Molly and not me. TERRY ..... MAYA Okay, now I'm really leaving. JADE Maya, please, just stay! But, Maya is already out the door. Jade is left to hold her head low in defeat and sorrow at her inability to do something as simple as keeping her little sister. MOLLY (O.S.) Chewbecca's Mama, BOW-Big ol whore, Diarrhea Cha Cha Cha...what else did they call me? IRA A cab, I hope. Who are you and why on god's green earth are you here? TERRY God, I wish you wouldn't have asked that... Before Molly can launch into a long spiel about being a documentary filmaker and capturing the pivotal expression of life and the essence of the human pysche, Krista enters the room and all eyes fall upon her. KRISTA Hey, Jade, I'm back! Jade's fearful that she's about to be chewed out over Maya's disappearance, and can scarcely lift her head to look at Krista. JADE Oh, hi, Krista. Krista's eyes now fall upon the lovely production assistants, and she passes by each of them with a seductive wink and a smile. KRISTA Hello! P.A. KRISTA Hello! P.A. Krista passes by Terry. KRISTA Hell no! TERRY Ignoring Terry's sadness as per usual, Krista glides into a chair in front of a huge dresser mirror and begins filing her nails. KRISTA (snapping her fingers at her stylist, Serge) Chop chop, honey, mama needs to be touched up! SERGE (in a voice full of mock sexual passion) Oooh I thought you'd never ask. KRISTA Oh honey, its a great thing you're gay, otherwise you'd be marching across town to the set of Grey's Anatomy to see if Patrick Dempsey knows how to surgically remove this nail file from your eye ball. Ask, Terry. Oh, Terry, by the way, the ball for the foosball table is missing again so I'm gonna need to borrow your right eye again! Terry gives Krista a thumbs up, as her stylist begins brushing her golden locks. KRISTA Where's Maya? I don't see her? Which one of you drips was supposed to be watching her?! JADE That...would...be...um me. Sorry. KRISTA Oh. Um....its okay, Jade. You're fine, really. Can someone just go get her or something? IRA'S ASSISTANT I can go. KRISTA Honey, before you go do you have any breath mints? ASSISTANT Sure. In my pocket. KRISTA Well, they ain't doin you any good in there! HAHHAHAHA! Actually proud to be insulted by the one and only Krista Isadora Duncan, the assistant leaves the dressing room with the knowledge that his life has been validated. KRISTA HAHAHAAH! They ain't doin you any good in there? Did you here it? Did you here it? HHAHAHAHA...sweet mother of mercy why did I take that hit of nitrous oxide? Jade, darling, did you have fun? JADE Uh...yeah. Sure. Lots of fun, actually. KRISTA What does it feel like being around a real television show? JADE Hmm...um...good. I am on HeldDOWN a lot so... KRISTA Ha! Jade, babydoll, just because I do the Kirk Gibson homerun trot every time I hit Terry with a nerf baseball bat doesn't mean I know what its like to win the 1988 world series. And, maybe, you'll want to try some acting or talk show stuff now that someone's finally exposed you to something besides HD, the show so bad when placed up against Flava Flav's new sitcom, Flava could have sir Orsen Wells, shitting his already well shat pants in awe of his brilliant witticisms and impeccable delivery of the words “Oh snap!” and “Awww dayum!” How do you think I did? Was I Mariah Carey with emanicapation of mimi or Mariah Carey with her long awaited film debut Glitter? JADE Definitely the first one. You were really funny! I thought you were great. KRISTA And believe it or not, you'll be even better then me. JADE Oh no, I don't think so... KRISTA Of course you will! Jade, if there's one thing we Duncan women don't wear well, its our natural breasts. If there's another thing its bras. And if there's a fourth thing its modesty! Jade, you are going have every success in everything you do. I know it. You have you mother's genes. Its practically your birth right. IRA Krista, why don't we tell her the big surprise? JADE (to herself) Surprise? KRISTA Yeah, in one hot second. (to her hairstylist) Honey, what the hell are you using one, a brush or Freddy Kruger's severed hand? Relax a bit! SERGE Pipe down or I'll tell everyone your natural hair color. KRISTA Just keep brushing, Marquis De Sade. Ira, if you'd be so lovely, go right ahead. IRA Jade, you are about to be taken to a new planet. Girl, I know you're sitting, but sit harder, because this is big news for you. For starters, I've pulled in a few favors from clients, friends, what have you, and I've got you walking the run way down in next Dom Rebel fashion show. If you don't think that's a big deal, then you're forgetting to think period. JADE I'm not...I can't... Jade stops short of complaining when she see Krista's smiling face. IRA Now, you honestly need to increase your exposure somehow because there's not a lot separating you from someone like Cher's kid right now. TERRY Chastity Bono? IRA No, the boy, whatever that little freakshow's name is. Jade what I like to do with some of my smaller clients, is arrange with my paparazzi friends to stage "exclusive" photo ops - the exclusivity makes the pics more valuable - and then we split the profits with the paparazzi agency. You go to central park tomorrow, you bring along a few changes of clothes, we shoot you in different outfits make it seem like you were there a couple days, like you're really a woman of the world. KRISTA (to her agent) Honey, come closer. Ira steps past a mortified Jade and to Krista who SLAPS HIM UPSIDE THE FACE! IRA Ow! KRISTA Sorry, you've had some stupid on your lips. All gone now! Do you even live on this planet? My daughter's not gonna be some cash cow for your..earmuffs, darling. Jade covers her ears with her hands. KRISTA Shitheeled bottomfeeding Polaroid zombies. God, you're exhausting. I gotta go drown my anger with a martini and this little blue pill I found between the sofa cushions. Anger is the number enemy of the hair follicle and I will not lose my hair for you! Hurry up, and tell her the next thing. IRA Okay, okay, okay. Jade, baby, this thing is even better. Ten times better, then add three to that. You're sitting down, now lie down. Magic. This thing is certified magic. Having it coming out my mouth makes me feel like Samantha from Bewitched. KRISTA I'd do Samantha from bewitched. You, I'd just want to see bob for poisoned apples from a pitcher full of arsenic and sulfuric acid. IRA I exhausted my every favor for this one. I'm in favor debt. I owe favors from here until the rapture, but Jade, baby, I did this for you because you're my best clients daughter. I got you an audition for the movie Triage with my boy Collin Farrel. It ain't a big part, I'm not gonna lie. Its a few lines here and there, but lemme tell ya this, Jade. Its magic. I had girls who been blowin me...uh...man, I can't recover from that...but I have girls that been with me for years, who would kill their every family member and sell their still beating heart to the devil himself for this kinda bone. But I tossed it you. JADE I..thank you, but I can't do it. IRA Krista, are you sure this your kid? KRISTA Yes! Yes, she's my kid! JADE I'm sorry. But I can't act! Krista shrugs her shoulders and begins mysteriously dialing her phone. Perhaps less oddly its Terry Taylor's phone that goes off. TERRY Hello? KRISTA Terry? Krista. Hate to bother you on your day away from the office, pal, but I'm gonna need a cliché joke on my desk in about oh...ten seconds. Thanks again, buddy. Krista hangs up the phone, and ten seconds later Terry chimes in with... TERRY That hasn't stopped anyone one else in Hollywood! (Terry begins flipping through an old US Weekly). Let's see Helen Mirren, Susan Sarandon, Robert DiNiero, Leonardo DiCaprio, Charlize Theron, Hillary Swank, Natalie Portman... Terry's interrupted by the ringing of his phone. Once again he picks it up only to hear.. KRISTA (screaming into her phone) You're a moron! After stating the obvious, Krista hangs up and continues with Jade. KRISTA Jade, sweetie, don't worry. Its only one audition, you're not trying to live up to Liz Taylor as Cleopatra. Its just a tiny little speaking role, like the minion of Satan said. You'll do wonderful with acting, I know it. JADE You mean you want me to do more? KRISTA Of course! Hey, it beats sitting around the pool at a Beverly's Hills mansion, sipping martinis, and being waited on by a wait staff of forty five who your mother their very soul for not dropping the dime to INS on every last one of them. Actually no it doesn't beat that. But, you're still going to have so much fun doing it, and maybe you'll meet someone. JADE Meet someone? KRISTA Like a friend or something. JADE It would be nice to finally associate with someone without the surname of Nerdly. MOLLY (O.S.) Terribly rude! I am standing right here! IRA Then we're livin excellent, aren't we. Little Jade Duncan! Our very own Hollywood starlet. Just like mama. Jade shifts uncomfortably in her seat, but her worry isn't noticed as Ira's assistant finally returns with Maya at his side. KRISTA Maya! There you are! MAYA Hey, mom. Wow, you'll never guess who helped me swipe a snickers bar out the vending machine! Get ready, because you.. KRISTA Oh, you weren't here, so you don't know. Jade has an audition! MAYA Audition? For...like a movie? I've never had any kind of audition! KRISTA Maya, you're in school, that's why. Maybe in high school or eighth grade but right now this is Jade's thing. So let's be happy for her? After all the true meaning of sisterhood isn't about jealously. MAYA What's it about then? KRISTA Uh...its about the Jewish Maccabees driving the Syrian army out of Jerusalem and reclaiming their temple. When the Jews prepared to rededicate their temple by relighting the "eternal flame," after driving out their oppressors, they had just enough consecrated oil to burn for one day... MAYA That's the meaning of Hanukkah, Mom. And its not even a high holy day. KRISTA Touche. Let's just be happy for Jade, okay? Maya nods solemnly, obviously not feeling her mother's joy. Adding to the anguished feeling is Molly's post production usage of the cheesiest soap opera music available. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted April 18, 2008 COLE In two weeks time we'll be in Milan Italy, for the latest of our 'Spectacular' events broadcast live on TSM. And just added to the card for that event, a match for the OAOAST Women's Championship, Coach. COACH That's right. It's about time The Enterprise got back in the gold rush and you know, The Coach is straight down the line a man's man through and through, but sometimes you've gotta look to a woman to lead by example. A strong woman. And Mackenzie DeCenzo, she's gonna lead by example by taking the women's title away from the teenage girl Maggie Nerdly. COLE It'll be Maggie versus Mackenzie in Milan, Women's Title on the line. Mackenzie has been on the warpath ever since she was humiliated at AngleMania by COD and she's looking to take it out on the Champ. That should be a fiery battle, no doubt. (Ed Note: Shit, I hope my 'M' key doesn't break between now and then) "Oh No" by Mos Def, Nate Dogg and Pharoah Monche hits and it's go time again in the number one contendership tournament. Head down, Todd Cortez marches out and right towards the ring in a state of complete focus. His pyro goes off far behind him, already way past his cue. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, this is a semi-final match in the number one contenders tournament, scheduled for one fall! Introducing first. Hailing from Hollywood Boulevard... he weighs in at two hundred, twenty six pounds. Representing Cucaracha Internacional! He is "THE URBAN LEGEND"... TTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODD... CCOOOOOOOOORRRRRRTTEEEEEEEEZZZZZZZZ!!!! "YYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" Cortez slides into the ring and removes his bulletproof vest and gold chain, kissing the cross before handing it to the outside. COLE Nathaniel Black awaiting the winner, next week in Glasgow, Scotland. Will we be seeing an all Cucaracha Internacional final? COACH Well that man right there better be hoping so. He's still got a lot of ground to make up and a lot of wrongs to be righted as far as Landon Maddix goes, so what better way to redeem himself than to guarantee somebody from CI is going to the School's Out main event? COLE Cortez isn't doing this for Landon, I can guarantee you. The question is, where do Landon's allegiances lie if we end up with Cortez and Black in the final? COACH I would have thought that'd be obvious. As Cortez watches on, the camera cuts back to the entrance way just as the drums kick in on "Rock The Casbah". The Barcelona crowd erupt as Leon Rodez spins through the entrance way with a beaming smile. Shooting a finger to the sky, Rodez then begins to jig his way on down the aisle, tagging hands with his left. BUFFER And his opponent! From Grand Rapids, Michigan... weighing two hundred, eighteen pounds. "THE NEW-AGE LOVE MACHINE"... "THE GRAND RAPIDS GOLDEN CHILD"... ladies and gentlemen, this is "SILKY SMOOTH"... LLLLLLEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOONN... RRRRRRRROOOOOOODDEEEEEEEZZZZZZZZ!!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" COACH How many nicknames does one guy need? Leon jumps to the apron and holds his hands out to the crowd, bowing as another cheer goes up. Not impressed with the showmanship, Cortez watches his opponent from across the ring with a scowl as he makes his way in and works the turnbuckles. COLE What a showing this man put in one week ago, coming out on top in a true battle with Christian Wright. And after that performance, many people are tipping Leon to finally reach the promised land, after years of missed opportunities as far as challenging for the World Title goes. With the robe off and the music cut, Leon finds himself face to face one more time with the man who almost put him out of wrestling a year and a half-ish ago. Despite that personal business being taken care of in the past, there's still a tense look between the two. "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" COACH Hmm... I don't see this 'leon' in this Spanish dictionary. What are they saying? COLE We really need to look into the way your IQ goes up and down during these shows. That and your urbanness. *DINGDINGDING!* The bell sounds and Cortez wastes no time what-so-ever as he runs at Rodez with a boot. Rodez falls into the corner and Cortez stomps him in the gut a couple more times, before hauling him out and pulling him into a standing headscissors, wrapping the ar... ...NO! Sensing the Riot Act coming, Leon bottoms out and scrambles backwards under the bottom rope. COLE Woah! No more than 10 seconds in and Cortez goes for the kill! COACH Leon knows all about what that Riot Act Plus can do too. Halfway in and halfway out of the ring, Leon takes a moment to get his head straight after that close-call. Cortez crouches down and shows little emotion as he waits for Rodez to come back at him. Pulling himself up, it's clear Cortez is under Leon's skin a little, the Silky Smooth One walking around the ring composing himself before the two lock-up. Leon grabs a side headlock, but is pushed off into the ropes. Shoulder block and down goes Cortez. Off the ropes goes Leon again, forced up and over by a dropdown. Cortez tries to scoop Leon up for a slam on the way back but Leon floats behind, spinning Cortez around and tripping him up for the Liontamer... but Cortez quickly lands a kick to the side of the head from his prone position and away staggers Rodez holding his neck. Cortez is quickly back up, catching up to Leon and pulling him over with a German Suplex, with a bridge... 1... 2... No! Cortez is right back to the neck with a front facelock. Pulling Leon up, he sets the Grand Rapids Golden Child up looking for a suplex. Up and over the back goes Leon again however, spinning Cortez around. This time Todd is ready for that and goes with the momentum on a roundhouse kick... BLOCKED! Getting his forearms up to block his head, Leon blocks the kick and goes to the knee with a low dropkick! COLE Smart move, going after the legs which are Cortez's most dangerous weapons. Sportingly, Leon allows the time towards his opponent to work out the knee and pull himself back up. Cortez has a noticable limp now and perhaps just as importantly is a little more cautious all of a sudden. COLE We saw Leon's knee put to the test by Christian Wright last week. But the tables have turned tonight. COACH For now. If Cortez is smart, he's gonna go for that leg at some point. And by 'smart', I mean 'listening to Landon and Megan's advice', of course. The two combatants find themselves slowed right down now, each wary to make the first move. After a few seconds of circling and thinking, it's Cortez who makes the first move as he goes behind into a waistlock. Leon drops and rolls to throw Cortez off and they both pace again. Moving cautiously, Cortez tries to pick his spot, before eventually throwing one of his kicks... but he gets blocked and caught with a Dragon Screw takedown! Again Leon backs off with his opponent on the mat, giving Cortez chance to think about the pain in his knee right about now. He pulls himself back up, moving over to the ropes to give himself a second. COLE Very tentative stuff right about now. Neither of these two wants to make a mistake, with the stakes so high! Cortez and Rodez lock up again and a single leg trip manages to take Cortez down. Avoiding the grab of the leg, Cortez rolls back to his feet, going to the midsection with an elbow. Cortez then snapmares Leon over and lines up the back for a HARD kick! Hard enough to leave both men in pain, Leon holding his back while Cortez regrets using his right leg. Shaking out the pain, Todd follows Leon into a corner... *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" ...and connect with a hard knifedge. *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" And a second. Irish whip is reversed though and it's Cortez who goes turnbuckle to turnbuckle, Leon following in behind and taking off with the Superman Spear! Out staggers Cortez, into a legsweep and a lateral press... 1... Kickout! Side headlock applied by Leon. Just as The Silky Smooth One begins to get comfortable however, he suddenly finds himself in trouble. Cortez tucks in the right leg and executes a Kneebreaker on the surgically repaired knee! COACH Well, what do you know. Maybe Cortez does have some sense after all! Cortez hobbles a little but it's Leon who's really feeling the pain as he lays on the canvas clutching at his knee. Showing none of his opponent's compassion, Todd swats his hands away to get a free stomp at the knee! And another! Away crawls Leon in search of the ropes, but Cortez drags him back and drops an elbow to the inside of the knee, pulling up on a leglock. COLE Wright worked extensively on that knee last week and whatever healing process took place over the last 7 days, it's all for nought now. COACH And Cortez isn't standing back like our resident nice guy, Leon, is he? Still close enough to the ropes, Rodez is able to reach out and grab the bottom rope to force a break. Cortez breaks clean, but stays right on Rodez as he pulls him from the ropes again and drops another elbow. Looking to avoid the leglock Leon pulls in his free leg and traps Todd in a bodyscissors, clubbing him in the back with some forearms. But Cortez fires back with some right hands to the kneecap until he's fought Leon off, standing back up and crushing the leg with a Double Stomp! Cortez follows up with a cover... 1... Quick kickout though, as Leon again tries to roll away. Cortez follows Rodez into the ropes, firing off a kick to the ribs as he gets to one knee. Picking the leg, Cortez then drags Leon away from the ropes back into the centre of the ring. Soon wishing he hadn't though, as Leon catches him by surprise with a prawn hold... 1... 2... Kickout. In moves Cortez... *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" ...but right into a chop! As Cortez rocks back on his heels, Rodez takes his chance and throws a jab! A jab! A jab! A jab! Rodez turns, blowing the kiss, before turning back on his heels... ...but he MISSES the Enziguri! Leon's knee bounces off the canvas and Cortez spots it, catching Leon as he rolls over in pain, squashing with a Standing Moonsault... 1... 2... No! Pulling Rodez to his feet, Cortez lays into the back of the knee with a quick kick. Leon barely stays on his feet. He's aided by Todd however, The Urban Legend positioning his opponent and sending him into the ropes before hitting the side, setting up the Hollow Point! The bad knee helps Leon this time though as he barely makes the ropes upright and falls into them instead of rebounding back. Cortez ends up slowing to a stop and turns to run at Rodez again. A backdrop sends him up and over to the apron. Landing safely, Cortez waits for Leon to turn and throws a roundhouse from the apron. Leon manages to block it though! Leon then bends Cortez backwards over the ropes, preparing to lower the boom. Reaching back, Cortez manages to grab a hold of the head though and falls forward, snapmaring Leon all the way up over the top and out to the floor with a thud! "OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE Ooh, right down on the knee! COACH And all the bodyweight came crumbling down on top. It could be over just like that. Ending up in a heap against the barricade, Leon howls in pain and grabs his knee which draws the referee out of the ring to check he's okay. Cortez sits on the apron and watches on stoicly. COLE For the second time in two weeks, Leon is in a bad way on the floor with his number one contender dreams in serious jeopardy! Can he recover as he did last week? We'll find out, when we come back! *COMMERCIAL* When we return to HeldDOWN~!, we find the action back in the ring and all going Todd Cortez's way, as The Urban Legend pulls back on a halfcrab. Leon's hands are clasped over his face in pain, with the Barcelona crowd making serious noise to try and will him on. COLE We are back and we might be seconds away from seeing Todd Cortez get a submission! Cortez twists at the knee to add some pressure as Leon slumps down, unable to keep up on his hands any longer. Referee Mike Chioda asks if he wants to give it up, but the signal to the timekeeper is a 'no' for now. The support continues on in the arena. And suddenly it seems to work again, as Leon pushes back up! Teeth gritted, Rodez sees the ropes in front of him and claws himself across the canvas with Cortez struggling to hold him in place. Leon inches closer and closer to the rope and with Cortez losing his leverage, he reaches out... AND MAKES IT!! "YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" Releasing the hold almost straight away, Cortez stomps the back of the knee a couple of times before picking Rodez back up. A European uppercut hangs him up over the ropes. Cortez then takes a step back and cracks him in the chest with a hard kick! Leon stumbles forward and Cortez quickly exits the ring, springboarding to the top and catching Rodez in the back of the head with a Springboard Dropkick before he can turn around!! COLE Didn't see it coming! Lurching forward, Leon is pulled from the ropes and covered with a hook of the leg... 1... 2... NO!! Cortez pulls himself back up and limps to a corner before encouraging Leon back to his feet. "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" "LE - ON!" A little unhelpfully the crowd do the same and Leon reaches out, using the ropes to help him up. Spinning away from them, he then walks right into Cortez's path... CRESCENT KIC... NO, CAUGHT! Catching the foot, Leon quickly pulls Cortez in, looking for an Exploder... but his knee gives in and it allows Cortez to elbow his way free. With a shove in the back, Cortez sends Rodez chest first into the ropes. And when they bounce him back, Todd is on the move and drilling through Rodez's side with the HOLLOW POOOOOOOOIIIIIIINNTT!!~!!1! Period. And cover... 1... 2... KICKOUT! COACH Go back after the knee already, genius! See, this is why he needs Landon with him, he's got some raw ability but he ain't too bright. COLE Oh please. I'm guessing Landon's now getting all of Popick's leftover mindless devotion now? COACH Maybe. Cortez hooks up a front facelock and sets Leon up, hitting a DDT. He hooks the leg again... 1... 2... No! Leon crawls towards the ropes, but is caught by the back of the singlet and dragged back in by The Urban Legend. Cortez goes to the kidney area with a quick knee and seeing his chance, he looks to pull Leon in for the Riot Act... but a quick backdrop takes him over! Hanging on, Cortez manages to pull Leon down for a sunset flip, only for Leon to roll through, stacking Cortez up on his shoulders for a pin. Cortez rolls backwards through that though and crawls out through the legs, bringing the right leg with him in the form of an Anklelock! That doesn't last long however, before Leon pushes up on his hands and tumbles forward, the momentum sending Cortez falling throat-first across the middle rope! No jig neccessary, as Leon hobbles off the ropes as quickly as his one good leg will carry him and drives all of his bodyweight into the lower spine of Cortez! COLE Call That Bitch a one-legged Bojangles! Not getting a lot of impact, Leon makes doubley sure as he jumps onto Cortez's back a second time from close range. As he pulls himself off the ropes, Cortez then staggers backwards and is lifted up for the Blue Thunder... but Leon's knee gives out again and Cortez winds up landing on top of the crumbling Rodez... 1... 2... NO!! Cortez measures Rodez as both men get back up. Quickly getting his feet underneath him, Cortez picks Rodez up in a side waistlock, pancaking him to the canvas before going after the leg again. Leon has enough wits about him to turn over though, pushing Cortez away with both feet. COLE This is turning into another gruelling match here, with that never-say-die spirit of Leon Rodez! Rolling through to his feet, Cortez charges. Rodez manages to shuffle out of the way with a sidestep and Cortez attempts to go up and over in the corner. But he gets caught coming down! Keeping hold of the ropes, Leon catches Cortez on his back and makes sure his knee is under him properly before hobbling out and hitting the Backpack Stunner! BANANA HAMMOCK! Leaning back, Leon forces Cortez's shoulders down with the back of his head... 1... 2... KICKOUT! COLE Almost had him! Leon's knee just about held out on that move, but not enough to put Todd Cortez away. Assisted by the ropes, Leon gets back to his feet first. Cortez isn't too far behind him though and has enough in him to make another charge in the corner. Leon manages to get a knee up to block, that being the right knee which leaves both men hurting again. Shunning the pain, Rodez leads Todd quickly back up however, placing him in the corner... *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" ...for a chop! *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" Another one! *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" And a third! With Cortez penned in, Leon then grabs Cortez's right leg and hangs his knee over the middle rope, looking to work on the knee himself some more from earlier. A quick shift from Cortez allows him to push up off the top rope though, catching Leon with a thrust kick with his left leg! On the middle rope, Cortez then hooks up the head, looking for a Tornado DDT... NO! Leon throws him off! Landing on his feet, Todd charges in... and gets jarred with an Inverted Atomic Drop! COLE That may not have been the best move. Leon ends up jarring his own knee delivering the move though, giving Cortez time to shake it off. When he does, he's quick to return the favour, as he scoops up Leon and delivers the Crotch Droppah! Leon digs down deep though and blocks out the pain, picking Cortez up and hitting him with an Inverted Atomic Drop in re-return! Still up is Cortez though and he scoops Leon up again... Crotch Droppah... a second Crotch Droppah... and a THIRD CROTCH DROPPAH, before peeling Leon off the knee again and lifting him up for a Sitout Spinebuste... NO! Leon floats over the back, pulling Cortez over with him and coming out of the sunset roll-up with the legs hooked for the LIONTAMER!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE Submission hold applied! And the tables have been turned on Todd Cortez!! Sitting back, Rodez pulls back on the crab and Cortez is the one showing the pain on his face now. Leon struggles to get his knee in the back though and can't get the hold fully applied as usual. It's still painful enough as is for Cortez's liking though as he tries to crawl for the ropes straight away. COLE I don't know where Leon's getting this from! COACH Me neither. Taking that many atomic drops and coming out still standing? The legends must be true! COLE I'm not quite sure what you're implying but I don't think now is the time to discuss it either. Leon pins the knee down just as Cortez starts to get moving and a cheer goes up from the Barcelona crowd as it looks like The Urban Legend may now be 'Tamed. Cortez has his supporters in the crowd himself though and he gets some encouragement of his own. Grimacing in pain, Cortez makes another effort to reach the ropes as he starts to drag Leon's 218 pounds along towards the ropes. Rodez tries to sit back again, but still Cortez crawls, with determination and sheer grit as he begins to gradually get nearer and nearer to the ropes. Realising this may be his best chance, Leon pulls back on the legs further still and lets out a shout as his own knee is tested. The shout turns into a dissapointed groan though, as Cortez GRABS THE ROPES!! "YYYEEEEAAAAAHHHH - BOOOO!" Letting Cortez go, Leon falls exhaustedly into the ropes himself and Chioda steps in to get them seperated. COLE This is what this number one contender's tournament means. This is what the OAOAST World Title means. Two men right on the cusp of being a true main-event player, giving it their all here tonight! Limping into the centre of the ring, Leon waits for Cortez to pull himself up and charges at him. Well, 'charges' as best possible on one good leg. Which isn't great, giving Todd time to block with a back elbow. Leon staggers backwards and Cortez follows, grabbing him by the throat! Leon manages to swat the goozle away though, before connecting with his own back elbow. Again Cortez moves in, but he walks right into a scoop and a slam, planting him right by the turnbuckles! COLE Leon could be thinking 450 here! COACH No way he should go for this in his condition COLE Well we thought that last week and it worked out then. The Silky Smooth One clearly has his doubts, but slaps his leg a couple of times as if trying to get it to comply, then ducks out of the ri... NO! Cortez reaches out and grabs the ankle with Leon halfway out! Ducking back inside, Leon fights Cortez off and picks him up, connecting with a jab! A jab! A jab! A jab! Rodez turns, blowing the kiss... *SMACK!* ...and this time connecting with the enziguri on The Urban Legend! COLE MAMA SAID KNOCK YOU OUT! After a moment to nurse the leg, Leon turns Cortez over and hooks the far leg... 1... 2... KICKOUT! Leon doesn't hang about to argue the 2 count and ducks back out to the apron, heading up to the top. With Cortez in a good enough position he drags himself, bad leg and all, to the top and gives the signal for the '450'. A careful job of standing with the bad leg later and Leon is up, hovering over Cortez and tumbling with the 450 SPLASH... ...NOBODY HOME!!! "OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" COACH See! Big mistake right there! Rodez comes down on a combination of chest and knees and stays the heck down as well. Pulling himself up in the corner, Cortez waits for Rodez to stand, positioning himself in front of the Silky Smooth One... and timing his Roundhouse Kick to perfection at the third time of asking!! COACH There's the knockout! Hook of the leg by Cortez... 1... 2... 3- SHOULDER UP!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" COACH Whu-!? COLE Only a two count! That was nothing but instinct in that kickout though! Cortez climbs right back up and if looks could kill, then Rodez would be in some serious trouble. As it is, he still might be, as Cortez extends a hand over his head. Slowly to his feet, Leon hobbles right into the goozle, ready for the Urban Assault. Leon still has some fight left though and connects with a back elbow! And a second! Leon then goes for an elbow from the left side, but Cortez ducks it, setting up a back suplex. Up and over floats Leon... but as he lands on his feet, his right leg buckles underneath him! COLE Another bad landing. As soon as Leon feels the knee go and he doubles over to nurse it, Cortez quickly pounces. He pulls him into a standing headscissors and takes off, pulling Rodez up and over with him WITH THE RIOT ACT PLUS~!!1!~1!!!1!!! "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!" COLE That sudden! Riot Act Plus! Cortez crawls over and turns Leon onto his back, hooking the leg... 1... 2... 3!!!! *DINGDINGDING!* COLE And nobody kicks out after the Riot Act! What a match! "Oh No" kicks in as Cortez rolls off of Leon with a sense of relief. Cortez's arm is quickly raised in victory, barely acknowledged by The Urban Legend who looks down at Leon. Impressed, perhaps. BUFFER Your winner of the match, advancing to the finals of the number one contendership tournament... "THE URBAN LEGEND"... TODD CCOOOOORRRRRRTTEEEEZZZZZZZ!!! "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" The Barcelona crowd cheer as much both men for their efforts as the result, Cortez feeling the effects. Wearily he climbs the turnbuckles and raises his arms victoriously, while referee Chioda checks on Leon. COLE A great effort from both of these two men. No shame in defeat for Leon here. But it's Todd Cortez who next week will compete against his fellow Cucaracha Internacional member, Nathaniel Black, for the right to face Tha Puerto Rican at School's Out for the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship! And what a showdown that promises to be as well. Cortez climbs down from the turnbuckles and walks over to Leon... ...as we cut away, backstage, to where the other members of Cucaracha Internacional are watching this in their locker room. With a big grin on his face, Landon Maddix places a hand on Nathaniel Black's shoulder, the Brit with arms folded but a wry smile on his face as well. MADDIX Congratulations, 'mate'. FADE OUT AND LET ME GO TO SLEEP! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
