DDDCC aftermath

[Toxxic 0]

Well, i'm rather pleased with how that all worked out. Seeing as we got a match from the returning Munich, and we even got a match from the person I would have considered least likely to have got us a match (apart from people who've never been in the fed), a certain... Doctor Pirata? Yeah, that's right.

 

Card should be up soon.

[AnnieEclectic 0]

<usual grousing about not getting enough in, but only having myself to blame>

 

Card review later... when I'm not at work

[Retard Girl 0]

in lieu of actually typing up a report of some type, i would like to post some of the more amusing parts of the first four segments i read...

 

 

 

 

Johnson’s eyebrow skyrockets. “What kind of gimmick?”, he growls.

 

Toxxic smirks that wry smirk of his and crosses the room before whispering something in the Canadian’s ear. Finished, he backs off again and waits for Johnson’s re-

 

“Hell no.”

 

-sponse, which comes a little sooner than he expected. “Are you sure?”, asks the general manager.

 

“Positive,” snarls the Canadian.

 

 

 

“Good God, this is the song from The Big Lebowski when Jesus licks the damn ball,” groans King.

 

“And on his way to the ring, from Caracas, Venezuela, weighing 243 pounds… DOCTOR! PIIIIIRAAAAAATAAAAA!” shouts Funyon over the cheers of the Baltimore crowd as Dr. Pirata begins doing a series of athletic dive rolls down the ramp!

 

“Look at the display of agility, King!” says Francis, almost giggling as Pirata makes it to the bottom of the ramp… and drops to his knees, gasping for breath.

 

“Yes, he’s practically Jack LaLanne,” frowns King before re-opening his copy of Heel’s Life. To the back, you know, where they sell the hover cars and crap.

 

Having gotten his wind back, Pirata slides into the ring, leaping to his feet and performing a cartwheel. A few more gasps, and then he assumes a fighting stance, as Andersen arches his eyebrow and Funyon calls for the bell.

 

~~

 

...Andersen rebounds off of the top turnbuckle and arches backwards through the air, flashbulbs going off around the arena, the Swede taking in the view below him…

 

… namely, the view of an empty canvas.

 

With lightning reflexes, Andersen is quick to put his feet down, but he keeps his knees a bit too rigid and so staggers back, holding his knees… only to feel something wrap its arms around his waist and tuck its head underneath his arm, which means one of two things: Blazenwing is getting clingy again, or he’s in for a world of hurt.

 

~~

 

...using his momentum to crush the Swede’s jaw with an elbow smash that snaps Andersen’s head back and sends him to the canvas like a 1980s Tyson opponent!

 

~~

 

...eyes glazed like donuts...

 

~~

 

“German suplex! German suplex! David Blazenwing slides in to count!” shouts Mak.

 

“Please, Mak,” sighs King. “Pirata is Venezuelan.”

 

Pirata is Venezuelan, Andersen has no idea what he is, and Blazenwing is counting.

 

~~

 

“...It’s Munich returning against Olaf’s brother Arne! Will the larger Andersen have more luck, or will the Four Norsemen’s bruiser be turned into Swiss cheese? We’ll find out, next!”

 

Fortunately, the sound guys are well versed in this, and before King can start spouting profanities only vaguely relating to neither of the Andersens being Swiss, we…

 

 

 

FADE OUT

 

 

 

"Just a reminder fans! Tonights SWF presentation is brought to you by Milk!! 'Suck it from the source!'" shills Francis.

 

 

 

And as the beat hits, the arrogant Chris Card breezes through the entrance way as purple and white strobes fire up. So arrogant is he, all he's done is move a curtain and already we're calling him arrogant. That's arrogance.

 

~~

 

The bell sounds and Card leisurely wraps up his talk with Natasha, before taking some time to adjust his wristtape. Because, you know, that's important stuff. Once he's good and ready Card then hustles out of the corner and the two men circle, with Dragon prefering to moonwalk than merely walk backwards.

 

"D - D - D!"

"D - D - D!"

"D - D - D!"

"D - D - D!"

 

The circling comes to an abrupt stop, Card waving everything off and telling Hardcastle that he won't lock-up until the fans lower the volume to an appropriate level.

 

~~

 

"Striking with Chris Card ain't the greatest strategy ever devised."

 

"Seems to be working okay so far." contests Mak.

 

"Yeah, well... so's your wheelchair!"

 

"Uh, thanks?"

 

~~

 

"...It's smart."

 

"It's shady."

 

"(mysteriously) It's Chris Card."

 

"What is he now, a perfume?"

 

"Hey, he's certainly this man's obsession."

 

~~

 

"The Dragon looking to spread his wings here!"

 

But it's something else that's spread, as Card topples in the general direction of the ropes as he gets to his feet, causing Triple D to get CROTCHED across the top turnbuckle! The Baltimore fans cry foul but Card insists it was purely accidental when Hardcastle starts to reprimand him. Card does a good enough job to convince the ref and shooes him aside, before scaling the ropes... and catching Dragon in the back of the mask with a Step Up Enziguri on the top!! The masked man ends up hanging in an inverted tree of woe and Card backs up, allowing Natasha to reach into the ring and pull Dragon's face into the bottom turnbuckle a couple of times without being spotted!

 

"Look at this! If Card gets any closer to the ref, we'll have to put an R-rating on this DVD!" Mak howls.

 

"There's no problem. He's just has something INCREDIBLY important to say to him all of a sudden."

[The Ill One 0]

Alright, so I'm going to try to jump start a lil' discussion of the show since it seems to be a pretty good one. I'll more or less just throw out some thoughts and, in hopes to get you egotistical bastards to respond , maybe even toss out a few questions to people if they cross my mind. I mean, really, why the hell do we do this if nobody is a) reading it or b) just not commenting on it? I'm hoping it's the latter so here's an attempt to see what we can get goin'. Don't make me bust out the Fuvolution and try to get Thoth to get the bus, god damn it~!

 

--

 

JJ Johnson returns... well, Dr. Pirata debuts... I mean, technically it is JJ's return:

 

Nice promo for JJ's return as well as a cute way to explain the upcoming gimmick, plus we found out Johnson has a soft spot for the Big Lewobski, who can blame him? I can't, that movie's classic but I digress. So JJ, I have to say that it's awesome that you've returned but I'm figuring this angle is a nice way to mix things up and have a nice plan to fall back on by allowing the ass kickin' JJ to return, that's pretty damn smart. If I'm wrong... well, it doesn't really matter since you're back. A good opening and works out well to go to-

 

Dr. Pirata versus Olaf Andersen:

 

First things first, I forget- who was the one who created the Four Norsemen? Whoever it was they created the best jobbers to use for debut squashes or, as Tod did, launch a lil' angle. Anyway, the line "boos rain down like candy from a pinata" was amusing, as well as King instantly recognizing the entrance music. Apparently the ice cold machine has forgotten the importance of cardio during the entrance but it doesn't show at the start of the match, which is a nice opening exchange. I liked pointing out the Buffalo Sleeper and the line of-

 

"only to feel something wrap its arms around his waist and tuck its head underneath his arm, which means one of two things: Blazenwing is getting clingy again, or he’s in for a world of hurt."

 

-is classic. Same with the comparsion to droppin' to the canvas like a 80s Mike Tyson opponent, although if it were Buster Douglas then Pirata would be in trouble (was that early nineties? I'm not sure). "Hispanic head?" Geesh, since when do people assume that luchadores wearing masks are Mexican, or that one can't be a luchadore if they're just a white guy from Pennsylvania without a mask? But, again, I digress. An amusing match that serves its purpose, but I have to ask- did you have fun writing as Pirata? I hope so, man, 'cause I'm banking on you to stick around. (Y)~!

 

Oh My God, Shit's Goin' Down Backstage:

 

Man, where are all the road agents when you need them? Oh yeah, we can't afford them anymore, I'm mean we're freakin' out over a damaged door, afterall. S.I.N. and Bruner is one ugly, ugly pairing for anybody in their way and they prove it by kickin' the shit out of Dace (Fuckin'!) Night. Short but it didn't need to be long because it puts over the two as the monsters they are by smacking Night silly.

 

Arne Andersen vs Munich:

 

Munich~! Nice, man, glad you're back (we can whip up some whacky, tacky, zany, kooky antics later ). Like Star pointed out, "Suck it from the source" was funny, as well as the banter throughout the match. The one-thousand dollar bet about IL never becoming World Champion, in my mind, always seemed like a pretty sound bet for King to make, for the record. Poor Doubting Thomas Bastard. Anyway, droppin' Trash's name brought back memories. But that's not important, although the exchange on the outside is since it was nicely done. The ending was, well, pretty much out of nowhere but it just proves the kick-wham-insert-move-here is always dangerous, as well as the returning Munich.

 

Triple D vs Chris Card:

 

Some great dickish shennigans, yes shennigans, by Card before the match and a nice opening exchange. Chris Card cologne would sell huge, for the record. I liked King's thought that the mask is padded by surviving the knee strike but, really, King's borderline Riley with is obession on Card... that might be a bit too harsh, though. I dug Card getting into Triple D's head by messing with the mask throughout the match, it's a simple but really effective technique, I also dug King's paranoia regarding the Japanese. The ending fits pretty well and doesn't give any resolution to the escalating situation since Card and Natasha are simply brilliant with their cheating. It was a fun match.

 

TKO vs S.I.N./Bruner:

 

"Even if a steel guardrail is about as much protection from Tracey Bruner as saran wrap would be against a rabid rhinoceros."

 

Golden.

 

Edit: I promise to wrap it all up later.

 

 

 

 

[Toxxic 0]

Amusingly IL, it was JJ who came up with the Four Norsemen idea. I merely gave them stats and entrance music, and debuted them as our first created-for-purpose jobbers.

[JJ Johnson 0]

I've seen The Big Lebowski 8 times, so it's a little more than a soft spot. But yeah, Pirata's a blast, and a character a year or so in the making when I was really bored in Spanish. It was Toxx' idea to make it JJ under the mask to reintroduce him, so credit to him. I considered having Andersen counter and referencing Buster Douglas, but much like strawberry preserves, a joke is at its most delicious when it's not spread too thin. Perhaps in the future.

[Toxxic 0]

I came up with the idea of having Johnson under the Pirata mask? I thought that was the original idea all along, but it was some time ago that we originally discussed it.

[Rawknight 0]

We definately need to establish whether King still hates Card (King paid off Card to stop Landon winning the title, and he didn't)

[Toxxic 0]

I don't see King as being the sort to let a grudge go. EVER.

[The Ill One 0]

I don't think King can ever let a grudge go either but, at the same time, he can appreciate some good heel work... although it'll always be inferior to his own (to him, at least).

 

--

 

Alright, back to the show comments.

 

S.I.N./Bruner vs TKO :

 

Loved Warner's attempted to translate leading to the "talk to the hand." The shoulder block attempts leading to straight up tripping S.I.N. is amusing since it's one of those "why the hell don't they trip them every time yet they never do" things (a.k.a. questioning Wrestling Logic 101). I also liked the ambivalent crowd getting into the match but rooting for their favorite lesser of two evils, since usually heel vs heel is a pain in the dick to write. Another great exchange from the announcers-

 

“S.I.N. going airborne here, perhaps taking a page out of TORU’s book,” Mak says.

 

“Can he read Kanji?” King asks in surprise.

 

“Don’t be a wiseass.”

 

I liked S.I.N. talking shit while beating on TORU, mostly because it leads to TORU's response in a nice touch.

 

“Yup, I knew that wouldn’t be good,” the Gambling Man confirms. “He calls that Anger, and it’s easy to see why.”

 

“Do you want to tell him that the Deadly Sin is actually called Wrath?” Mak asks.

 

“Hush, no.”

 

That thought crossed my mind, but I wouldn't want to be the one to correct S.I.N. The home stretch was nicely done but the cheap way TKO gets the victory really sells it as a great ending to the match.

 

Insane Luchador vs Spike Jenkins:

 

Eh, I won't comment on it.

 

Smith and Tod Rock Out (somewhat): Nice little exchange between the two, it helps get to know Smith and his friendship with Tod. Plus it sets up an encounter with IL later on (although that's an SWF.com exclusive that I'll shamelessly plug: read it).

 

Star vs Annie:

 

Two glorious words... Cat. Fight.

 

Seriously though, this feud has been well built and the matches leading up to it have been great (especially their last one). So I couldn't help but to notice that the match's spacing (like, literally the space in-between) makes it an easier read but it still takes me a bit to get used to it. Lady Red, really? That makes sense, though, Taiga has woken up a sleeping beast and I don't know yet (since I'm typing this while also reading) if it's legit or an attempt to fuck with Taiga. Ugh, the Blood Mist really is a disgusting move (so I marked for it). Also a good use of the cage to really inflict some damage. Loved the missed Death Knell leading to a double knock out tease, it was very well written. A brutal ending to the match and borderline unfulfilling but it puts both over as some tough, tough chicks. A great main event to wrap up a pretty damn good show.