Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted May 30, 2008 THE FOLLOWING PROGRAM IS INTENDED FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY PRESENTED IN HD fuk an entrance video, tonight a great show celebrates a great team LWO is the strongest force, on and off the court we ballin FEMALE VOICE OVER Wilkes-Barre Arena and Pizza Hut Present... OAOAST HeldDOWN We're taken into the arena, and settled directly on the announce team of Double C. In preparation for the upcoming Great Angle Bash, they've already decorated sofa central with not only American flags, but flags of various other non communist non Islamic non middle eastern non poor African countries. See, we're global. COLE Ladies and gentlemen School's Out is in the books. No more school, no more teachers, dirty looks! And there are plenty of dirty looks being passed between OAOAST superstars here on HeldDOWN! COACH You got that right. COLE As always tension is running high and there's enough bad blood around here to fill a blood bank. The fallout from School's Out will be intense, and I'm just glad we've got a safe seat to watch it from. COACH Safe? You never know when one of these outrageous pyschos is gonna start tradin hands over here and then powerbomb each other through this here table? Shit is crazy out here, son. Protect ya neck! COLE Sage advice, and while you prepare the riot gear, we can take things backstage to Tony Schiavone with a rather large announcement? Tony? Our memories take a warming trip back to the 80s as we take a trip backstage to the OAOAST Update Center! Stood at the OAOAST Wrestling podium, a platinum backdrop with a shadowed figure performing the ankle lock on some poor soul smack in the center, is Tony Schiavone, same suit, same microphone but unfortunately missing that kickin' moustache he used to have. SCHIAVONE Fans, Tony Schiavone here with a late breaking announcement directly from OAOAST management. An historic match has just been signed for next week's edition of HeldDOWN~!, live on TSM, when we will be eminating from Trenton, New Jersey. In a first of it's kind, ALL the title holders in the OAOAST will compete in one match, The Match Of Champions! It will be the World 6-Man Tag Team Champions Cucaracha Internacional and the Heartland Champion Sandman9000, teaming together to take on World Tag Team Champions Team Heyross, teaming with United States Champion Colombian Heat and the World's Heavyweight Champion himself, Tha Puerto Rican! A mouth-watering prospect to say the least. And with that in mind, at this time I'd like to bring in Cucaracha Internacional... On cue, in walk five of the members of The CI. The aforementioned 6-Man Tag Champs, James Blonde, Nathaniel Black and Faqu assembled at the back with a very sour-faced Landon Maddix at the front with Megan Skye. SCHIAVONE ...and we'll get to The Match Of Champions in just a second, but also Landon Maddix, this past Sunday night unsuccessful in your quest for the World Title. MADDIX Thanks for the reminder. Let's get the facts in order, first off. Number one, I'm not angry and I'm not bitter. No, what I am is disappointed. I'm disappointed that despite not being pinned or made to submit last Sunday, I'm not standing here the OAOAST World Champion. I'm disappointed that Todd Cortez lost that match for me. Even more-so, I'm disappointed in Todd Cortez for screwing our chances up even before the opening bell by not listening and sticking to the plan. I think it can be generally agreed on, that since I got Cucaracha Internacional together, we've had some ups and downs. Usually ending with us landing on our feet. And the reason for that is... we don't take disappointment well. Shakes of the head all around agree with Landon. MADDIX When Todd Cortez stood up against me, I put him back in his place. When we were stripped of the World 6-Man Titles, we regrouped and we won them back at AngleMania. Disappointment is something that gets us going, because we're winners. And we sure don't stay disappointed for long. Why? Cause we're always looking for the first opportunity to make things right. SCHIAVONE Which brings us to next week? MADDIX That's right, The Match Of Champions! And lo and behold if that doesn't prove my point, with Cucaracha Internacional heavily represented. If this is going to be The Match Of Champions, then we're clearly The Team Of Champions. Right after I heard the news about this match, I tracked down Alfdogg and we had what I'd call a very productive conversation with him. The upshot being, for one night only, this is going to be the deadliest alliance going! We'll be delighted to welcome Sandman9000 into the fold for the night. Cohesion isn't going to be a problem. And neither will motivation. Because, look who we've got on the opposition... none other than one 'Puerto Rican Lightning'. It's funny how these things work out, huh? Blonde pulls the microphone towards him from over Schiavone's shoulder. BLONDE That's right. And PRL, lemme promise you one thing, Landon Maddix isn't going to be in that ring across from you, but he'll be there in spirit! Every shot you take is gonna have the Cucaracha calling card slapped on it. And there'll be plenty of slapping, pal! You see, you're an embarrassment in my eyes. So unoriginal. So uninspired. The Trendsetter doesn't follow trends like you do, he sets them. And the trend set next week is gonna be blond guys who rule kicking your ass! MADDIX I like the sounds of that. And hey, maybe we might not even limit it to gender and we'll let Megan slap you around some as well? It'll be the most female action you've had since Lindsay bolted! But, what of Tha Puerto Rican's partners? BLONDE Ah yeah, you've got Team Heyross, the supposed best tag team in the world today. The fact is, we're the true international superstars of the OAOAST. And when we're through with you next week, Faqu and I would be happy to prove it... if there's anything left of you! FAQU O LE LIMA E PAIA LE MATA!! Despite not having a clue what their Samoan friend just said, Blonde and Landon laugh it up, as Black now pulls the mic his way. BLACK An' who does that leave? Colombian 'Eat, the United States Champion. Ya know what 'Eat, you make a great US Champ, no matter wot anybody says. Maybe that's why I 'ate ya both! Sure, you ain't a Yankee, but you still stand for everythin' I 'ate about the US. No dignity, no morals, an' definately no class! You're all style over substance, which is why all these American fans love ya so much, 'cause of all the razzmatazz. Well son, once me an' our team beat your arse next week, the world's gonna see what subtance over style's about. An' then, maybe somewhere down the line, I'll do the honourable thing for the OAOAST and restore some class, by takin' that belt off of ya... and renamin' it the British Heavyweight Title! MADDIX Which leaves us right back with Tha Puerto Rican. Seems like my boys have got their sights set and Sandman's probably busy doing something, I dunno, I only even heard of him because of this match... SO, it only makes sense to go four for four. Whether it's a month down the line, two months, three, sooner or later I'm going to get another shot at you and the World Title. And this time, I'm gonna make sure there'll be no Todd Cortez or anyone else for that matter to screw it up. Next week... Prepare... For Champions! The members of Cucaracha Internacional break off and leave looking pleased with themselves. SCHIAVONE The Match Of Champions, next week on HeldDOWN~! Let's go back to Michael Cole and The Coach! We're taken back to sofa central where Cole sits amazed by the major match that's just been booked. COACH Oh snap! You know a show's gonna suck when you hypin next week's show in the first segment. COLE Quiet! And, you're right that was an enormous announcement about what could be the biggest match in the history of HeldDOWN. Sandman with the six man champions against the tag team champions, the US champion and the world champion, and we're privileged to be able to call it, next week on HeldDOWN! But stick around because we've got more tonight. LATER TONIGHT RICO DE JANEIRO, BIFF ATLAS AND VINNY VALENTINE VS KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN, AND D*LUX LATER COMMERCIAL Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted May 30, 2008 Wilkes-Barre is prbly pretty boring, no doubt. Thusly we'll explore the rest of the fine state of Pennsylvania, beginning with historic Lancaster. We journey across the beautiful landscape of the town that was once the US capital for a day, relaxing in its peaceful atmosphere and lush farm land to the sorrowed tune of Natasha Beddingfiled's Soulmate We go back into the locker rooms to find Leon Rodez in the middle of gelling up his hair, ready to face the public. As he dilligently curls at his hair trying to get it just right, another face appears in the mirror. That of Jade Rodez, who being Leon's niece and having spent most of her life thinking she was his little sister (seriously, I'm still a little confused about all that, I think that sentence sums it up okay though), isn't entirely surprised. JADE Busy? LEON (still concentrating) Yeah, not bad thanks, how are you? JADE ...yeah, I'll just sit down. Slumping into the nearest seat, Jade kicks back expecting a long wait. She absent-mindedly rubs at her bandaged right elbow, until Leon is finally satisfied and pulls himself away from his reflection. JADE And we are back! LEON So, let me guess, Krista's in make-up and you're in here hiding from Maya? JADE I don't hide from Maya! LEON That's not how she tells it. Not that I have any communication with her, but she and Shayne have each other's MySpace pages bookmarked and he left his laptop logged on at the hotel the other week. By the way, if you find yourself running to the toilet alot next time you gals order Thai, I've got a theory as to why. *taps nose* JADE I'm not even going to ask what your original plans for using the laptop were, but it does give me a good lead-in to what I wanted to talk to you about. By the way, my arm's fine, thanks for asking. Leon smiles awkwardly as he clearly just now notices the bandage. JADE Trust me when I say that getting involved in your love life is the last thing I wanna be doing. There's threads there that simply don't need to be pulled on. Who knows what that's going to cost me in counselling fees... although, I guess I could just ask Krista's, she's a nice enough woman and she's around the house quite a lot really. But, anyway. Far be it from me to get involved with your personal life, but somebody's got to do it. And since Shayne and Tyler are way too immature to talk to you about relationships without bowing at your feet, also quite disturbing, it might as well be me doing the talking. Now, I think we can both agree we've had more than enough secrets causing rifts between the two of us these past few months. So, truthfully. Is there anything going on with you and Melody? LEON Oh, Jade. Not you as well! JADE Leon, is there or isn't there? LEON No! Of course there's not. Maggie's just got the wrong idea, that's all. Still looking a little sceptical, Jade looks for any signs of wavering from her uncle. He's keeping it together though. JADE Okay, but can ya blame her, really? Come on Le', you've gotta admit you're spending a LOT of time with Melody recently. LEON Well... there might be some truth to that. We're friends. That's what friends do. I just feel a lot more comfortable around Melody. There's no pressure to be the ice cool pimp of life the outside world knows me as, ya know. I can just be... 'me'. She gets me. JADE That's because 'you' are an idiot nerd. And so is she. LEON Ouch. Leon pretends to be wounded, but he's getting no sympathy from Jade who stands up. JADE So you're just going to stand back and let them both keeping fighting over you? LEON Look, I'd love to talk this out. But I've got a really important match to prepare for tonight. Just then, one of the production crew members sticks his head in the door. PRODUCTION GUY Leon, your match with Conquistador Uno is up next. Jade folds her arms. LEON What? He's the number one Conquistador! Because... you know, uno means one, and all that. Worked his way all the way up from Conquistador Sesenta y Ocho. Look, don't judge me, okay. With his best storm-off, which admittedly isn't great, Leon leaves and Jade just sighs. COMING UP NEXT LEON RODEZ VS UNO NEXT!!! COMMERCIAL Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted May 30, 2008 Charlotte Sometimes-How could I just kill a man sings us over a fly through of the Wilkes Barre area before we settle back into the arena where two men in gold PVC bodysuits and wearing gold facepaint in the ring. Not neccessarily 'only in professional wrestling', although maybe at this hour. BUFFER The following contest is set for one fall. In the ring, from Santa Fe, New Mexico by way of Tijuana, Mexico... weighing one hundred, sixty five pounds... CONQUISTADOR UUUUUNNOOOOO!! Confusingly, both Conquistadors raise their fists into the sky. COLE We'd like to take this opportunity to thank all of you who ordered School's Out 2008 this past Sunday... mainly because we have nothing to say about Los Conquistadors. COACH It's true. Them's killer lame. As the poor referee Mike Chioda tries to decide which Conquistador is which without them speaking a word of English, the crowd come to life as "Rock The Casbah" by Trust Company strikes up. Sweeping his purple and black robe through the entrance way is of course Leon Rodez, picture framing his perfectly styled hair-do before he glides on down to the ring. BUFFER And his opponent! From Grand Rapids, Michigan... weighing two hundred, eighteen pounds. "THE GRAND RAPIDS GOLDEN CHILD"... ladies and gentlemen, he is "SILKY SMOOTH"... LLLLLLEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOONN... RRRRRRRROOOOOOODDEEEEEEEZZZZZZZZ!!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Leon jumps to the ring apron and blows a kiss to the people before entering the ring. COLE Speaking of School's Out, Leon coming off a big victory over Jock Mulligan and he seems to be in a great mood tonight. Even with all the conflict between girlfriend Maggie and friend Melody going on. *DINGDINGDING* Disrobed and ready to go, Leon squares up to whichever Conquistador has volunteered to be Uno tonight. They lock-up and Leon quickly grabs a side headlock. Behind he goes with a hammerlock, out in front with a snapmare and then right back into the side headlock. LEON How was that? CHIODA (confused) Yeah, not bad. Uno climbs back to his feet and goes to the midsection with a right hand. And another one. Uno then wrings out the arm and puts Leon into a top wristlock. Not panicing, Leon calls Chioda over because he 'just might quit', only to then grab his collar, using him to assist in a backflip, into an armdrag to send Uno right out of the ring! LEON How was that? CHIODA Stay off my shirt Leon, come on! That's not legal and you know it. LEON Yeah, okay Mike, no touchy... how's my hair looking? Sliding back into the ring with an assist from Dos, Uno charges towards Rodez with his hands clasped. Leon sidesteps the double axehandle nonchalantly and Uno ends up charging into a corner. Hitting the turnbuckles sternum first, he staggers out and The Silky Smooth One hooks him up, hitting an Exploder Suplex! Cover... 1... 2... No! COACH Leon looks pretty relaxed considering his two girlfriends are wrestling each other later on. COLE Not just each other, but the mammoth Malaysia as... wait, two girlfriends? Come on, Coach! Leon takes his time about following up, letting Uno back up. Irish whip sends Uno to the ropes, Leon performing a leapfrog on him on the way back. Leon pulls off another leapfrog, just for fun. He then takes the Conquistador over with a Sitout Hiptoss... 1... 2... No! COACH So, who do you reckon loverboy'll be pulling for tonight? COLE I really don't think all this speculation is helping matters. COACH Yeah, you're probably right. Oh, I almost forgot, I've got a book running on which Nerdly sister he's going to doink next. Very competitive odds. But, we'll talk later. Leon backs Uno into a corner... *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" ...and lays into him with a chop. That stings his hand a little though, so he decides to leave it at uno and instead whip Uno across the ring. Uno lands in the opposite corner and Leon jogs out, performing a leapfrog on an imaginary figure because the last two were just so enjoyable, then lunging into Uno's midsection with the SUPERMAN SPEAR! Leon lands on hands and knees, jumping back up and pulling Uno out of the corner. Double leg pick-up and a RUNNING Inverted Atomic Drop, jarring Uno's spine in the centre of the ring. COLE What price can I get for Madison? *ahem*...I mean, uh, big atomic drop! Off the ropes, Leon tucks and rolls, before delivering The Shack Attack clothesline! COLE With the confidence Leon's carrying from School's Out, this is virtually an exhibition. COACH Yeah. This is almost Krista levels. All we're missing is a show-tune, an obscure pictoral reference and ten more minutes of sonning and it'd be uncanny! With the crowd behind him, Leon grabs a hold of Uno and helps him back to his feet. Scooping him at the side, The Grand Rapids Golden Child carries the Conquistador over to one corner of the ring and delivers a backbreaker before signalling that he's heading to the top. The Wilkes-Barre crowd rise to their feet, knowing what's coming. Leon glides up the turnbuckles and wastes little time up top, tumbling onto Uno with the patented 450 SPLASH!! "YYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" COACH Too much mercy. Registers only a .3 on the Krista scale. 1... 2... 3!!!! *DINGDINGDING!* BUFFER Your winner of the match... "SILKY SMOOTH"... LLEEEEEEEOOOOOOOONN RRRROOOOOOODDEEEEEZZZZZ!!! "YYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" Hand raised in victory, Leon seems almost apologetic as he shrugs his shoulders. COLE Comprehensive stuff from Leon Rodez, on a roll in the OAOAST! Leon bails out of the ring and tags some hands on the way to the back, only stopping to get some reassurances about his hair from the nearest cameraman. COLE We'll go from a full head of hair to a balding one the size of a watermellon after these commercials, because we're going to hear from Anglesault! COACH And we better hear a damn good apology! COMMERCIAL Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted May 30, 2008 (edited) You know what Pennsylvania's most famous for? BLACK JESUS You know what else they're very famous for? The Amish! With Weird Al's Amish Paradise guiding the way, we venture across prime Amish destinations across the state, witnessing the miracle of self sufficiency, the use of horse driven buggy, and the complete absence of any technological advancement that the world has seen in oh...the last 300 years. The view switches to Anglesault, who in a three piece suit looks totally out of place amongst the fans and spectators who have taken a break from the show to come to the concession area for a quick snack. Sault stands in front of a merchandise table, ignoring the odd stares from several passer bys, and the thumbs up given to him by many more. ANGLESAULT I'm sure everyone is asking themselves what am I doing out here in the arena hallways? You're probably thinking that maybe I got a yearning for a fourteen inch Mariachi bobble-dong from the merchandise tables. Nope, got six at home and two in the office. Am I out here to try the fabulous chili cheese dogs? Nope, gotta watch the weight and I gotta watch the heartburn. The reason I'm out here is to be with the people. As close to the people as arena security will let me. “YEAH, ANGLESAULT!” a passing middle aged fan screams into the camera. ANGLESAULT Because these are the people I let down at School's Out with my behavior. Anglesault hears booing from the arena floor and looks to the area with saddened disapproval. ANGLESAULT I understand the kind of emotions that are associated with Theodore Moneymaker. He finished second only to Landon Maddix in the heel of the year award voting. He's a powder keg for hatred and anger. “MONEYMAKER SUCKS! MONEYMAKER SUCKS!” a few fans in a near by concession stand begin chanting, drawing a small smile from Anglesault. ANGLESAULT You see? Even amongst our wrestlers, there are many who fear him, few who respect him, and numerous who despise him. Simply put he's a terrible, awful, man, and if I met a person like him in the streets I wouldn't hesitate to punch his lights out! The brings a mighty round of cheers and applause from the arena floor. ANGLESAULT But, I didn't meet him in the street I met him at the House of Worship at School's Out, and even though I didn't send him to the injured reserves with one punch, I did lay my hands on talent. It felt good, though. Hell, it felt great if I'm going to be honest. For that moment when my hand connected with his cheek I felt like I had won the world title one more time. But, it was only for that moment. For those moments afterwards right up until I stand before you today I felt like total crap. Like I had lowered myself to his shenanigans and his trickery, that I had fallen for his classless behavior. I bought into Moneymaker and Abdullah's games, when I thought I could be the one to rise above it. I pride myself on being a man of respect and honor, and what I did there was neither honorable nor respectful and I did a disservice to you the people. I never should have laid a hand on talent in front of OAOAST fans and for that I apologize to all of you. You deserve a better class of leader, and I will give him to you. Thank you all for your support and forgiveness. Anglesault offers a solemn nod to the camera as it zooms into a medium closeup. We then return to sofa central where Coach is fairly skeptical. COLE And I think we've laid that issue to rest with that. COACH What? Laid it to rest? Son, we're just getting it out of bed. The hell kind of apology was that? That shit was shorter then half of Danny Devito. Abrupt, no feeling, like he was reading off a note card. Or because it was so short a post it note. And who the hell is he saying sorry to? The fans? They're happy he did what he did, so its gonna be “no apology needed, you rule” from them. They don't care, they think he should've Angle slammed him. That wasn't an apology, that's going to the bench and getting high fives after making your free throws. COLE Well, I'm getting word that Theodore Moneymaker has called an emergency press conference to address that apology! COACH And now we get some honest to god truth! AS thought he could get one by the true boss, but again Moneymaker is about to keep that ass in check. COMING UP NEXT MOLLY IS ACTUALLY MY FAVORITE NERDLY WOMEN'S TITLE: MALAYSIA VS MAGGIE VS MELODY NEXT STILL TO COME KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN VS BIFF ATLAS, VINNY VALENTINE, AND D*LUX LATER Edited May 30, 2008 by Patty O'Green Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted May 30, 2008 We're doing it semi old school with as we fly over the quaint skyline of Penn's second largest city, Pittsburgh. We see the Allegheny River, Mellon Arena, the Andy Warhol Museum and many more sights of the steel city, before returning to the arena and Michael Buffer prepared to introduce our next match. BUFFER The following three-way contest is set for one fall... and is for the OAOAST WOMEN'S CHAMPIONSHIP! COLE Another OAOAST first! Not two, but THREE sisters in competition! "Wild Side" by Motley Crue plays out first and the intimidating figure of Malaysia marches out through the entrance way. She wields her cat 'o nine tails with a sinister look on her face, a look directed at one side of the aisleway which shuts up at least part of the booing crowd. BUFFER Introducing the challengers. First, hailing from Edmonton, Alberta Canada... MMMMAAAAALLLAAAAYYYYYSSSIIIIIAAAAAAAA... NNEEEEERRRRRRDDLLLLLLYYYYYY!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Malaysia scales the steps and enters the ring, giving the same unnerving look to referee Charles Robinson which makes him think twice very quickly about checking her for concealed weapons. COLE The ultimate combination of beauty and beatdowns. And the hot favourite here tonight. As Robinson cautiously takes the whip away from Malaysia, "Thriller" by Fallout Boy is cued up to bring out the second challenger. Much unlike her more intimidating sister, Melody has a look of worry on her face as she steps out. Melody is warmed somewhat by the response of the crowd as she waves their way. Unfortunately, there aren't enough of those fans standing between her and her glaring sister. BUFFER Challenger number two. Hailing from Edmonton, Alberta Canada... the 2007 Manager Of The Year... MMMMEEEELLLLOOOOOOOODDYYYYYY... NNEEEEEERRRRRRRDDLLLLLLYYYYYY!! "YYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE This all started with Melody and Maggie, a dispute over Maggie's boyfriend Leon Rodez. Now, they must both face the big blast from their past Malaysia. I'm pretty sure this isn't what either of them bargained for. COACH And where is Leon now? COLE Well, he had a hard match earlier on... COACH Against Conquistador Uno!? Get the hell out! Go on! Get! Leon just ain't concerned if it ain't about the booty. Truth. Melody nervously enters the ring, underneath the intimidating frame of Malaysia who sends Mel retreating into a corner and relying on the referee to back her sister up. Green and gold lights suddenly begin to flash at the sight of the entry way, while pillars of smoke spring forth from around the chaotic illumination. "Crushcrushcrush" by Paramore begins to play as Maggie Nerdly skips out from the back and flashes the famous Nerdly RAWK~! Hand signal to the adoring crowd, before showing off the Women's Championship around her waist. As she makes her way down the ramp she slaps hands with the eager fans, reserving a quick flash of the evil eyes towards Melody. BUFFER And, from Edmonton, Alberta Canada... she is the host of the Afterparty on OAOAST.com and the reigning OAOAST Women's Champion of the World... MMMAAAAAAAGGIIIIIIEEEEEEE... NNEEEEEERRRDDLLLLYYYYYYY!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" COACH Poor Maggie. We've got one sister getting super close to her brother, she ends up doing something about it, now here comes another sister looking to beat them both up and take her title! Talk about a relationship with emotional baggage. As soon as the Women's Champion slides into the ring, she's confronted by Melody who's ready to pick up where things left off at School's Out! Unfortunately, so is Malaysia. Charging across the ring, she aims a double clothesline at her two sisters... ...but they collectively duck and Malaysia goes tumbling through the ropes and out to the floor!! "YYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" COLE Well, that's one way to take Malaysia out of the equation! *DINGDINGDING!* With Malaysia down and the match officially underway, Maggie and Melody launch right into each other with the now familiar Nerdly Hairlock! Both try to pull each other's locks out by the roots until the Women's Champion remembers this is a wrestling match and not a fight, slipping behind Melody and pulling her down in a Backslide! 1... 2... No! An unprepared Melody is slow getting to her feet, allowing Maggie time to reposition and take her back down with a schoolgirl... 1... 2... No! Again Melody's natural lack of grace leaves her open, Maggie this time applying a front facelock and looking for a submission. COLE Neither of these women is what you'd call a 'skilled technician' in the ring. Maggie at least has a handful of matches under her belt since she first started chasing the Women's Title. Melody meanwhile, you could probably count her in-ring appearances on one hand. COACH Of course, Malaysia's only had one OAOAST match so far. But that was a crushing defeat of Jade Rodez. And as the likes of Officer Bosley and Leon Rodez will attest to, she's here to do more than stand around and manage or stand around and interview people. She's here to kick ass and dish out pain! Finally escaping the facelock with some jabs into the midsection, Melody delivers a boot to the gut on Maggie and sets her up for an irish whip. Maggie reverses, but puts her head down early. Melody has enough presence of mind to stop, grab her sister by her hair and sling her forward face-first into the canvas! Holding her face, Maggie is then crushed with a body splash and covered... 1... 2... Shoulder out at two! Melody naively turns to the referee and complains about the count, going against all her managerial expertise. Had she been on the outside looking in, she might have predicted the punch to the stomach from the prone Maggie before it happened. Reaching up, Maggie pulls Melody over and mounts her, grabbing her boyfriend's 'good friend' by the hair and SLAMMING her head into the mat repeatedly! In the midst of this, our cameras backstage show us Leon Rodez, watching this and cringing from the nearest monitor. Back in the arena meanwhile, Maggie has had enough of playing basketball with her sister's head and pulls her to her feet. However, Melody stuns the Champion with a knee and hooks the head, leaping up planting her with the BRIGHAM YOUNG COCKTAIL DDT!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE Oh my! A page out of Baron Windels' playbook, we could have a new Champion right here! Melody turns Maggie over and hooks the leg... 1... 2... NO!! Holding her head in her hands, Melody can't believe her luck. COLE Melody has managed World Tag Team Champions, can she become a World Champion herself here tonight? Pulling Maggie up again, Melody decides to go for the Brigham Young Cocktail again... ...but makes the mistake of going to the well once too often! Her poor ring positioning allows Maggie to grab the top rope and Melody ends up bouncing her own head off the mat! "OOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Pin attempt by Maggie... 1... 2... No! Pulling Melody away from the ropes, Maggie attempts to RICK ROLL her... but Melody is FAR too computer savvy to fall for that 'serving' and rolls out of the way! COLE These two young sister, tearing each other apart in pursuit of the Women's Title. COACH But more-so, the pursuit to impress Leon, let's be honest. Slowly, both Maggie and Melody pull themselves back up. By this point, they're weary enough and have taken enough knocks to use each other to help themselves to their feet. But as soon as they're up, the assistance and for the matter the wrestling goes out of the window, as they just start scrapping! Predictably, the Wilkes-Barre fans like this development and cheer them on. But as Maggie and Melody slap away at each other, suddenly the shadow of Malaysia Nerdly looms back over them! And before they can think of moving, she lays them both out with a double clothesline! "OOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHH!" COLE This is not good. Malaysia stomps around her sisters for a second, still angry about her spill to the floor. Grabbing Melody, she scoops her up and slams her back down to the canvas! Maggie then gets the same treatment! Away rolls Melody, not used to taking such punishment. COLE This is why she's the ultimate combination of beauty and beatdowns! Picking herself up in the corner, Maggie's hopes of a reprieve are squashed, literally, thanks to a charging shoulder from Malaysia. By the hair, Malaysia drags her little sister out into the middle of the ring, where she delivers an effortless Sidewalk Slam! 1... 2... Maggie kicks out! Angrily, Malaysia turns Maggie over and FISHOOKS HER! "ONE!" "TWO!" "THREE!" "FOUR!" "FI..." Break on five from the smirking Malaysia. COLE Malaysia enjoys dishing out punishment, even to her own sisters. I just hope she's not getting the same kind of enjoyment out of it she clearly did with Jade Rodez last week. That'd just be wrong. COACH Or, would it be soo right? COLE It would be wrong. And so would you be for watching it. COACH Oh yes I would. Crouching down, Malaysia reaches back ready to apply the Inverted Boston Crab which has inflicted so much damage in the past week! Seeing it coming, into action springs Melody. She hits the ropes in front of Malaysia and leaps at her with a flying bodypress... CAUGHT! Melody soon regrets her heroics, as she's thrown across the ring with a Fallaway Slam!! COACH DAMN! At this rate, Leon ain't gonna have no girlfriends! The distraction at least allows Maggie to recover, rolling over and kicking her feet up into Malaysia's midsection. Back she goes a couple of steps. Maggie quickly gets back to her feet and as Malaysia approaches... "AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" ...she unleashes an ear-piercing scream... ...but her SCREMO tactics have NO effect. Infact, it seems like Malaysia might even be enjoying it! Referee Robinson sticks his fingers in his ears until Maggie's vocal chords finally crack, Malaysia waiting until that moment until grabbing Maggie by the throat, backing towards the ropes AND HURLING HER OVER THE TOP TO THE FLOOR!!! "OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Poor Maggie bumps off the apron and hits the arena floor hard. COLE What sheer POWER! COACH Yeah, ain't nobody gonna stop Malaysia, it's official. With the Women's Champion out of the way, Malaysia re-focuses on her other sister and picks her back up to her feet. Melody is already on unsteady legs as it is, but the ultimate combination of beauty and beatdowns has something in mind for her yet. Gripping her by the shoulders, she forces Melody towards the corner and starts bumping her back against the turnbuckles until her body goes completely limp and referee Robinson jumps in to her rescue! Malaysia gives him a cold stare as Melody falls sadly to her knees. COLE Malaysia is just having her way here! Utter dominance. With that same unnerving smile on her face, Malaysia now reaches down and gutwrenches Melody. She deadlifts her to her knees and then up over her right shoulder with absolute ease. Malaysia carries Melody in the overhead backbreaker into the centre of the ring where she'd probably get a submission. But instead, she has other ideas... ...AND SITS OUT WITH A PILEDRIVER!!!! "OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" COLE ohmy.gif COACH OH SNAP~! COLE MELODY NERDLY, RIGHT ON HER HEAD! GOOD HEAVENS! The crowd seem to be in collective shock, so too Charles Robinson who takes a second to react to Malaysia's lateral press... 1... 2... 3!!! *DINGDINGDING!* COACH We got a new Women's Champion! Over the stunned silence of the fans fires up "Wild Side", Malaysia standing over her lifeless sister and motioning for the belt. Robinson duly obliges before he ends up on the recieving end of any of the same. BUFFER Your winner of the match... and the NEEEWWW OAOAST WOMEN'S CHAMPION... MMMAAAAALLLAAAAAYYYYYSSSIIIIIIAAAAAAA... NNEEEEERRRRDDLLLLLLLYYYYY!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Malaysia takes the Women's Title and raises it over her head, placing one foot on the chest of Melody as she does so. Referee Robinson quickly motions her away and drops to a knee to check on Melody. Malaysia meanwhile turns to the crowd with the belt still overhead... while down the ramp comes LEON RODEZ, looking concerned as he slides into the ring. COLE Malaysia Nerdly has dominated her way to the Women's Title. She's made an instant impact in the OAOAST and using her sister Melody's head, made one hell of an impact on the base of our ring... what an incredible, dangerous move that was! COACH Like I said, there's nobody gonna stop Malaysia. Nobody. As the new Women's Champ heads off with her title, Leon and Robinson continue to check on Melody's condition. Sat on the floor watching all of this is Maggie, holding her back and seeing Malaysia parading to the back with the Women's Title and her boyfriend attending to her sister. And, perhaps understandably, she storms off in a rage. COLE Things are getting no easier in the Nerdly family, that's for sure. Well, folks, when we come back we're going to take you to a live press conference held by Theodore Moneymaker. This situation continues to spiral further and further out of control, and I don't think Moneymaker is about to make it any better! COMMERCIAL Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted May 30, 2008 OAOAST HeldDOWN IS BROUGHT TO BY The Chronicles Of a Lakers Hater 2008 January- Bynum beasting t'ill he gets injured and news of 8 weeks recovery their reaction: @another 1st round playoff loss! February: Mitch pulls of historic trade their reaction: , fuck Stern and his love for the Lakers. March: Lakers beasting and destroying teams their reaction: April: Lakers are first in the West and possibility of Kobe MVP their reaction: : @ Chris Paul not being MVP April: Lakers sweep the Nuggets their reaction: <_ src="http://forums.sohh.com/images/smilies/thumbsdown.gif" border="0" class="linked-image"> May: According to LATIMES, Kobe will be announced MVP their reaction: <_ src="%7B___base_url___%7D/uploads/emoticons/default_throwup.gif" alt=":throwup:"> May: Lakers beat Jazz in 6 Their reaction: May: Lakers face the Spurs Their reaction: May: Lakers beat Spurs in 5 Their reaction: We SWOOP~ over to Michael Cole and The Coach seated at Sofa Central looking all serious. COLE In case you’re just tuning in, ladies and gentlemen, earlier in the evening OAOAST big wig Anglesault issued an apology… COACH What, are you looking for a raise? How else could you call that an apology? COLE You heard him apologize to the fans. COACH The fans aren’t the ones he should be apologizing to. It’s Teddy Moneymaker. COLE Be that as it may, I understand Theodore Moneymaker has gathered together members of the press for a live press conference about to be held in the media room of this beautiful facility. Let’s go there now. Hands held to the sky, his face beet red and dripping sweat, we see ABDULLAH NERDLY wrapping up what appears to have been a long opening prayer. Speaking Arabic nobody can understand what Moneymaker’s spiritual counselor is saying, but he does receive a standing ovation at the conclusion from some of the dignitaries in the room. Such notables include the Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew, Dos, Reggie Lamont, Felix Strutter, Tony Tourettes, James Riggs, The Last Kings of Scotland, Biff Atlas and Vinny Valentine, all of whom Abdullah blesses with the flick of his Koran. SWEET LUCIUS PRAISE BE AND SHIT! Abdullah raises his fist to his fellow brother. Then our feature presentation begins as CPA escorts THE ENTERPRISE inside. Attention whores, Simon Singleton and Ned Blanchard pose for photographers until Christian Wright straightens their asses out by ordering them to take their places on one side as he, Mackie and CPA take theirs on the other. In between them is a CLEAN SHAVEN Theodore Moneymaker, sporting a bandage on the very cheek Anglesault slapped at SO. MONEYMAKER Ladies and gentlemen of the press, thank you for coming out this evening. As you know, an unfortunate incident occurred this past Sunday in front of a worldwide pay-per-view audience at School’s Out between myself and Anglesault. Mr. ‘Sault was a guest on the popular talk segment House of Worship, sacred grounds to many, when he began to insult yours truly. Unable to stomach anymore I decided to confront this bully and stand up for those incapable of doing so in fear of repercussion. Wright gives his fearless leader and encouraging shoulder rub, as Mackenzie offers somber knowing nod in the background. MONEYMAKER Face to face with the devil himself, I attempted to engage in an open and honest debate about various issues plaguing this great company. The biggest of which being the belief held by many that Anglesault has abused his power. Regrettably, Mr. ‘Sault didn’t wish to address the concern of his employees and instead resorted to more verbal and ultimately physical abuse. Biff Atlas is shown shaking his head in outright disgust, while James Riggs offers a thumbs down to Anglesault's treacherous behavior. MONEYMAKER As some of you may notice, I stand before you this evening clean shaven. My trademark beard the causality of a slap to the face. This egregious act of violence resulting in close to 50 stitches and causing irreparable harm to not only myself but my entire Enterprise as well. It’s to be expected from a fellow co-worker in the heat of battle, but your superior? Shame on you Anglesault. Shame on you. "Shame. Shame. Shame." Several of the wrestlers in the audience murmur in agreement. MONEYMAKER Despicable as though his behavior was, it pales in comparison to his “apology” earlier tonight. What a travesty that was. What an embarrassment to every man who dares to call himself a part of this fine sport, this upstanding industry. I thought we were beyond carnie trickery, and old school bullying, Anglesault's horrible apology proved we have a long way to go. A long, long way. Now I’m a grown man, so I can let slide the fact he failed to apologize to me directly. I cannot, however, in good conscience permit myself to stand idly by and watch him disrespect the OAOAST in the blatant, sickening manner in which he did. The OAOAST is the very institution that made him the household name that he is. His ego and sheer arrogance in regard to this matter shows a real disconnect between Mr. ‘Sault, this company and reality. Therefore, I publicly call on the OAOAST Board of Directors to take action against this tyrant. Look at it like this: that man’s career wouldn’t be the only one you’re saving. BWAHAHAHAHA!! Cracking his knuckles, CPA shoots lasers at reporters. MONEYMAKER Any questions? (looking around) You? No? All right then, thank you for your time. Teddy receives a round of applause from the usual suspects -- his Enterprise and the heels in attendance. COMING UP NEXT WORDS OF WISDOM AND THREATS OF VIOLENCE FROM A RETURNING BARON WINDELLS Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted May 30, 2008 On top the world famous interview stage we find OAOAST Original TONY BRANNIGAN. BRANNIGAN Wilkes-Barre, Pennsylvania, and a worldwide television audience, please welcome… BARON WINDELS! "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" The music of Fall Out Boy hits and the Lone Star Gunslinger marches out pumping his fist and slapping hands. COLE As Baron Windels heads to the podium, let’s revisit the final moments of the hotly contested bout this past Sunday at School’s Out between Leon Rodez and Mr. Dick where Baron Windels made his shocking return. Courtesy: School’s Out Encore presentation all this week …Malaysia’s created a distraction so Mr. Dick can grab the WHIP she left behind in the far corner. Jock wraps it around his fist and slowly begins to creep up on Rodez. Then a loud ROAR, as BARON WINDELS enters through the crowd and serves up a BRIGHAM YOUNG COCKTAIL DDT on his former partner! COACH What a lousy week it’s been for Texas, Cole. First Mr. Dick is robbed out of a sure W, and then George W. gets slammed by his former press secretary, and the Spurs get robbed at the end of their game by a bald headed little referee with an ax to grind! As we return live, Baron’s back is facing the camera, his arms raised. He turns and shakes Tony’s hand before the interview gets underway. BRANNIGAN Baron Windels, the last time we saw you on this program you and partner Jock Mulligan were guests on Abdullah Nerdly’s House of Worship. Little did anyone know that would mark the end of a very successful tag team… OAOAST BACKTRACKER Courtesy: House of Worship 6 Weeks Ago BANDIT KICK levels Baron Windels. Restrained by Abdullah, Melody watches as Jock taunts her and Baron, and then HURLS BARON THROUGH THE STAINED GLASS WINDOW!!! BRANNIGAN …as Jock nailed you with a CHEAPSHOT and then THREW you into a stain glass window. BARON (laughs) I learned two things that night, Tony. I can’t fly and I can’t die. And what didn’t kill me only made me stronger because I’m back feeling better than ever and looking for revenge on Jock Mulligan, or Mr. Dick as he likes to call himself now. While I still don’t understand why Jock would throw away years of friendship over a quote taken out of context, it’s clear to me he’s been dying to be “the man” for an awfully long time. What did he say some weeks back? There’s no “I” in team but there is in “Dick”? At least we agree on one thing, he is a DICK! "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" BARON I regarded that man like a brother, but it’s not uncommon to see brothers fight or have a falling out in the family, and Jock’s had a falling out with the family that is the fans, Melody and I. Now it’s up to me to beat some sense back into him, something I plan on doing in 4 weeks time because the match has been signed for Sunday night, June 29 at the Great Angle Bash. It’s going to be you and me one on one, Jock. No surprises this time around. You’re gonna have to face me like a MAN! Come June 29 at the Bash, Jock, I will be your judge, jury and executioner. And you can bet your bottom dollar justice will be served. "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" BRANNIGAN Baron, you and I have devoted much of this time to Jock Mulligan, but there was a third member of the Lone Star Gunslingers, that being Melody Nerdly. My question to you is, have you spoken to her since your reemergence at School’s Out and will she be in your corner for the big grudge match with “Mr. Dick” Jock Mulligan at the Great Angle Bash? BARON Melody and I are good friends, Ton’. We’ve remained in constant contact since I’ve been out licking my wounds. But as you know she’s a bit occupied with other matters at the moment. If she ain’t there by my side physically, she will be spiritually. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" The crowd reacts to the arrival of MR. DICK and a herd of OAOAST officials. Seething mad, the cock of the walk doesn’t want to wait until the GAB to face his former partner, and Baron Windels is eager to meet his demand but not OAOAST officials who keep the pair separated. COACH Look at Baron Windels hiding behind all those officials. He knows he can’t handle The Dick. COLE Give me a break. If there’s anybody who can handle The Dick, it’s the man who knows him the best, Baron Windels. What a battle it’s going to be at the Great Angle Bash! COMING UP NEXT 10,000 WAYS TO KILL RICO'S CREDIBILITY! KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN AND D*LUX VS RICO DE JANEIRO, BIFF ATLAS, AND VINNY VALENTINE NEXT COMMERCIAL Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted May 30, 2008 (edited) Disco's blight on mankind “Disco Duck” spills out the arena sound system, and with comes IT numerous groans from the audience. The venua is morphed into a brightly colorful throwback to golden age of disco, oversized shimmering lights that seem like they come from a massive disco ball dance across the arena, while lights that look like thick bubbles in a lava lamp bounce up and down the arena walls. All this is done to welcome disco's blight on the OAOAST, Vinny Valentine. Attired in snake skin bell bottoms and matching rimmed sunglasses, Vinny busts his trademark disco dances beneath a spotlight that alternates purple, yellow and blue. He hasn't come alone however, flanked by Biff Atlas, Lucius Soul and Rico De Janiero. Though all four look insanely odd, Biff looks most ridiculous of all with his body stuffed inside a pair of khaki pants and a life vest and his eyes pouring over and OSHAA report. Whereas Vinny hams it up with the dancing, Rico and Lucius play it as cool as possible, scouring the arena for any attractive woman to take back to the motel tonight. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen the following six person contest is scheduled for one fall with a televised time limit of forty minutes! Now making their way to the ring accompanied by Sweet Lucius Soul, first from Venice Beach, California, Biff Atlas! And from Brooklyn, The Disco Duck Vinny Valentine! And from Rio De Janeiro he is the appropriately named Rico De Janiero! The foursome trudge down the ramp, led by Valentine, who can't stop offering bold proclamations of victory and greatness for his unit. Obviously he doesn't know who he's fighting. Rico continues to try and trade beads for boobs, and again comes up pitifully short, bringing his record on such matters to 0-30000000. He then decides to put the beads to good use and shoves them inside his flag pattern tights. See, stuffing your pants doesn't work if everyone sees you do it. Trust me. COLE This is quite the interesting cast of characters we have coming down the ramp. We're all familiar with the history The Wrecking Crew have with Krista, blaming her from everything from their horrible performance in the OAOAST to slave labor in Thailand. But, The Wrecking Crew has also had a few run ins with D*LUX as well... COACH Cause they some psychotic, obsessed, nutjobs. Yo, mami fly and everything, but, come on fam. Have some dignity. COLE They're fighting Biff Atlas. Dignity is optional for winning. Showing up is the only requirement. Atlas carefully enters the ring, making certain to inspect every nuance off the squared circle to see it fits the requirements listed in his OSHAA pamphlet. Valentine dances his heart out in the center of the ring, while Rico stands atop the turnbuckle rubbing his hands through his thick chest hair and letting all the ladies know what a stud their missing out on. Depressing, but I'm sure they'll live. COACH Vinny Valentine, Biff, Rico, and Soul may not got the best record in the company, but what they got is respect. You saw them at Moneymaker's press conference, showin respect to the legend. That's because real recognizes real, and unlike the rest of the roster, these men had the courage to stand up for the right thing. Props. No matter what happens tonight, ya'll winners in the Coach's mind. Stay grindin, playboys! Give me something to believe in Cause I don't believe in you Anymore, Anymore I wonder if it even makes a difference to try (Yeah) So this is goodbye As the audience is brought to their feet by the funky stylings of Maroon 5's hit, the targets of their cheers, “Tremendous” Tyler and “Showtime” Shayne emerge from parting entrance doors onto a stage that's flooded by ultra colorful flickering green and gold spotlights. Bursting with excitement at being able to team with Krista, Tyler bounds across the stage inviting the fans to join him in his own crazed frenzy. Equally as pumped up to team with Krista is Shayne, who rips away a Detroit Red Wings jersey to reveal a slender body that has the teenage girls fainting on sight. Jade is as usual a testament to clam. In a the same pink tracksuit she always wears, she waves happily to an applauding fanbase. BUFFER And the opponents being accompanied by Jade Rodez, first from The Motor City, Detroit, Michigan, they weigh in at a total combined weight of three hundred eighty eight pounds, they are “Tremendous” Tyler, “Showtime” Shayne, they are D*LUUUXXXXXXXX! COLE Jade back at the side of D*LUX after an extended vacation! COACH Anywhere that's not near Malaysia is probably best for J-Ro. You think her mom would get handled by another WOMAN like that? Only if it was part of some fetish! That's hot! COLE Well, speaking of her mom. This won't be Jade's first time in being up close and at ringside when she wrestles, but it will be her first time with her knowing that Krista is her mother. And there's been some talk that Krista is much more prolific than Jade in many aspects of life, so maybe being out near her, she'll soak up some of Krista's style. COACH Yo, what's the over/under on Leon eventually shacking up with Malaysia Vs Malaysia smearing his balls into a fine paste? Leon did his best Krista impression earlier, you think D*LUX might try the same here? Naw, them illiterate fools can't even form a complete sentence. The jubilation of the D*LUX boys spreads like wildfire and causes the crowd to increase the intensity of their cheers. On the way to the ring, Shayne devotes his attention to the throng of teenage girls in the audience, nodding and pointing to everyone he sees, causing them to fall over with delirious delight. Tyler plays to the camera, smiling, waving, and throwing shout outs to his fans at home. Jade remains cool and collected, simply offering polite smiles and waves towards the still standing audience. Eventually Tyler and Shayne spill into the ring, where they pass along fists pumps before turning menacing glares onto their foes. Unsurprisingly the rouges gallery aren't overly intimidated by their youthful rivals and only recoil in mock fear. But just that one musical note is all it takes for faux fear to become very real... When the red light comes on I TRANSFORM. Look in my eyes covered in Maybeline Looking like something fresh out of a magazine I can be part of your deepest fantasies You’re the detective Come solve my mystery The tiles of the entrance stage are awash in flickering rainbow lights, cycling with colors at a frantic pace to match Danitys Kane's bombastic pop tune. But the unique illumination of the flooring is but a mere afterthought when placed beside what lies on top of it, a plethora of gorgeous leggy women, outfitted in yellow pleated micro skirts and purple lycra halter tops, twirl purple pom-poms in a hypnotizing dance of incredible seduction. They twist their arms back and forth while their curvy hips enchant an audience with fast-paced yet delightfully sensual grinding. Of course their simply a well dressed appetizer to an under dressed main course. With the grace off a ballerina Krista's glides herself between the dancers that now direct their every movement towards her, to the front of the stage. There the grinning beauty cuts a defiant hands on hips pose, showing off a short gold skirt that displays her long, well muscled and toned legs, and a small diamond studded leather halter top pushed up her two ample breasts. Its an outfit skimpy enough to make her daughter blush, and D*LUX nearly fall over in rapture. BUFFER And their partner from Los Angeles, California, she is a best selling author, a fitness queen, a recent inductee into The Hollywood Walk of Fame, and star of the world famous FIT with KID line of exercise videos, the star of the VH1 reality show the look of love, the Angle Award winning female personality of the year, The other half of the Angle Award winning tag team of the year, she is Miss California Krista Isaodra Duncan! Maybe I’m just a (bad girl) Maybe I’m just a (bad girl) Maybe I’m just a (bad girl) Maybe I’m just a (bad girl, a bad girl) I can be your addiction if you wanna Get hooked on me I, I can be your addiction if you wanna Get hooked on me A mammoth amount of photographers and photojournalists crowd around an entrance ramp that's been beautified with a carpet of wonderful grey glitter that sparkles beneath the pink and blue lights. For all they care, the floor could be covered in mud, as its Krista and her traffic stopping walk that holds prisoner their cameras and attention. At the end of the ramp, Krista tilts her head back and captivates cameramen, audience, and especially D*LUX with a typically arresting smirk. COLE We often note that Krista never loses a match, but she does actually have four blights on her record. Now two of them are to Ned Blanchard, and Theodore Moneymaker. But the other two are to Holly-Wood and Marcellus Wallace. Now, if Holly and Marcellus have done it, perhaps that gives hope to these lesser lights tonight? COACH No. But they should be happy! You don't get to wrestle someone with a star on the walk of fame every day! You ain't gonna see Drew Barrymore throwing heel hooks on niggas in bumfights. So, be happy. With a slow deliberate grace, so as to continue to hold captivate her audience, Krista's long tan legs glide across the ring apron. At the center of the surface, where the crowd's bombastic cheering grows its loudest, Krista tightens her ankles around the third ropes and bends backwards, holing herself in midair. Camera flashes flicker at an alarmingly fast rate, dressing the flexible babe in a brilliant white glow. Krista is unusually unfocused on the attention of the photographers and fans and instead waves happily to Jade, who returns a sheepish smile towards her awkwardly positioned mother. DING DING DING! Vinny declares himself the starter for his team based on little more then his assertion that he is “Hip to the groove, daddy-o!”. His partners are more then happy to grant his wish, realizing their opponents have five titles between them to their one HI-YAH tag title run. Who begins the match is a bit trickier for Team Krista. This is due to Shayne and Tyler wanting first crack at impressing Krista with their sharp skills, and fly denim pants! Thus they argue with the shrill rage of young sisters fighting for a favorite doll. COACH The way Krista stays shittin on these simps emotions is nothin short of a violation of human rights. Its so bad I'ma be up on late night television asking you to do your part to prevent this horror before it happens again. COLE Personally I think its harmless. If not futile. But, hey, I've got a crush on Neil Patrick Harris and he makes John Wayne look like Nathan Lane. COACH Neil Patrick Harris is gay. COLE Hope at last! No longer at least mildly entertained by D*LUX's unending argument, Krissy latches onto Tyler's ear and drags him out the ring. Shayne throws insult onto insult by passing his whining partner a mock look of sympathy. “You don't love me anymore!” Tyler whines. “I never loved-” TYLER KRISTA ....Burma...and I say that because...I wish more cyclones would kill its citizenry and destroy its already very weak infrastructure. TYLER Thrilled that Krista's disgust is for the innocent victims of a cyclone and not himself, Tyler hardly notices when Vinny Valentine puts his partner down with a sneak shoulder block. The crowd isn't as unaware as the teen-scream and pelts Vinny with a smattering of boos. The disco duck jaws back with them as he guides Brave off the canvas by his stringy blond hair. With Bryant upright, but still dazed by the shoulder block, Valentine is able to mangle his chest with four fast paced knife edge chops. Before a fifth one can hit, Shayne topples into the ropes, the might of Vinny's attack already weakening him to the point of exhaustion. Though his partners urge him to continue his early assault, Valentine would rather incite the audience's disdain with the worst hip swiveling in the history of man. He looks like the swirling insides of colonoscopy tube. Thankfully his vomit worthy show is cut to a halt, by the now recovered Brave who pelts him with a flying forearm. The shot lands solidly on Vinny's oversized nose, and he stumbles backwards with his vision fading into a muddy blur. Brave is quick to take advantage of Vinny's near blinded state by bounding off the ropes. He returns with super speed, and catches his arm around Valentine's head for a bulldog. But, the Brooklyn native has this move well scouted, and tightens his hands around Shayne's skinny waist to lock him place. Shayne isn't held stationary for very long before the OAOAST's lord of the outdated and outlandish dance hoists him into the air for a back drop. COLE Big move coming up! Furiously and frantically, Shayne kicks his tiny legs to throw himself free of Vinny's clutches. Valentine's grip is too weak to combat such a sustained escape effort and in seconds Brave is flipping his way off of Vinny's shoulders. He lands slightly off balance, his black boots shifting his legs in opposite directions and leaving him open to a disco-discus punch from the Disco Duck. But to the audience's joy, Shayne shuts down Vinny's attack mid twirl with a leg lariat! Even as Vinny hits the canvas with pain spilling across his already bruised face, the speedster is skating towards the ropes nearest his team. He leaps onto the third rope and spends...far, far, too much time staring down Krista's far,far too low cut top. The heavenly valleys of her gorgeous mammary are erased from mind by the hellish fires of the dropkick Valentine slams into his ankles. Trailed by the echo of his own horrified screams Shayne plummets to the canvas before hitting ground with remarkable force. His tortured cries put tears in the corner of many a teenage girl's eye, but a cruel expression onto Vinny's sneering face. “BOOOOOOOO!” they shout in rage and sadness. “Three words: Sit on it!” Valentine screams back, pointing to his crotch. “I'm sure they would, if half the roster hadn't already beaten them to it on the trip back from Europe. Its a long ride, and those Sarah Jessica Parker movies edited for content and to fit the format of your screen just don't cut it like that, disco inferno.” Krista comments. Vinny snarls at Krista but has no comeback that's even reasonably insulting. As such he can only take his embarrassment and humiliation out on Brave's waif like stomach, hammering it with stomps from his snake skin boots. The vile strikes have the fans booing with every bit of anger in their heart. Vinny taunts them by wiping false tears out his eyes with one hand while using he other to haul Brave to his corner. There he slaps hands with the perpetually hopeless Biff Atlas, bringing the environmentalist turned paranoid safety geek into the contest. As Biff takes great caution in entering the ring, to insure he doesn't tear a muscle, Vinny tightens Shayne's arms around his back to set up a double team attack. The problem then becomes that Atlas is far to concerned with making certain the turnbuckle pads are properly tightened. “Wouldn't want to have a slippidy do, big fella!” Biff informs a frowning Rico. “Or, as they say in your native lands, a slippidy-doestas.” “Nobody say that in Rico's country, mang!” COLE How do these people get jobs? Is the OAOAST a work release program for the criminally insane? Flex Phillips come back! All is forgiven! “Biffy Atlas, you're smooth as exlax!” Vinny complains, “Hurry up and smash this zipperhead to the bone, daddy-o!” “Ten four good buddy!” Biff shouts. And although his spirit may be in the right place, his body is anything but; he's blasted back into the turnbuckle by the swinging boots of Brave. And thanks to his tightening of the pads, they have absolutely no give and shred through his back like razor wire. But Atlas' pain is only an appetizer to the greater misery of Valentine who is chucked over the ropes by the resurgent boybander! Valentine actually succeeds in landing on his feet, but his common sense and cowardice conspire to keep him on the outside. “Good job!” Jade shouts “Way to go Shayne! If god was a guy who looked sort of like a cute fifteen year old girl, he wouldn't be you, but he'd look remarkably close to you!” Krista shouts. With face filled red by blushing and a smile as large as the entire state, Shayne turns to Krista in joy and totally ignores Jade. That's when Biff makes his first strike; the pocket powerhouse peels himself off the ropes and smashes his khaki pants into Brave's back with a double knee strike. “Showtime” is toppled to the canvas, where he instantly clutches sore bones. “Maybe, I should wear a potato sack and a muzzle next time I'm out here.” Krista wonders. Atlas crouches his minuscule frame into an attack position, and orders Brave to lift himself off the canvas. Still dazed by the unexpected attack, Shayne seems incapable of following these orders and lies on the mat wounded. This annoys an impatient Atlas, and he solves the problem by grabbing on to the seat of Brave's pants and pulling the boy upright. Brave has yet to recover his strength, and so is easily locked into a full nelson from the safety guru. Matched against Biff's bodybuilder sized arms. Shayne sinewy physique has almost zero hope in wiggling out of the dangerous hold. Although he gives an escape effort his all, he's still brought into the air and nearly driven through the canvas by a full nelson plant! Brave's back arches upright the moment he hits the floor, and he screams in agony, both things being enough for the teenage girls in the stands to call for Atlas' head. COLE The Recycling Plant! COACH That was last gimmick. Now its just a lowly, nameless, full nelson plant. And the world is worse because of it. Shayne drags his tattered bones off the canvas, but in his current state he's easy pickings for Atlas, and Biff easily picks him apart with rapid fire elbow smashes. The shots send the Tiger Beat cover boy stuttering backwards and scrambling to protect his cute face from further attacks. Biff lets him retreat into a false sense of security, as he gathers speed on the ropes. Once he reaches Brave, he lowers his shoulder and extends his arms for a spear. However, Shayne offers an agile counter to the dangerous attack, flinging his body forward and taking Biff over with a sunset flip! Elderly referee Clem Buzzlefoxer drops to his fake knees to count the fall while the audience screams their approval... ONE But Biff kicks out long before Clem's sloooooow moving arm can hit the mat a second time. “That's the way you do it, mang!” Rico shouts on the outside. “They wanna go to war, we take them to war!” If this is war as Rico suggests, its one Biff might want to consider waving the white flag on, thanks to the mounted punches that bomb across his face courtesy of a very angry, and very eager to impress Krista Shayne “WE LOVE SHOWTIME! WE LOVE SHOWTIME! WE LOVE SHOWTIME!” the young ladies sing. When he has enough of rearranging Biff's facial structure, the former Idol contestant guides Atlas to the corner, and applies the tag with his partner. ”YEAAAAAAA!” Tyler gives the audience another reason to rejoice by mowing Biff down with a springboard lariat! He pops up and triumphantly pumps his forearm in the air, earning a large amount of applause from the small town fans. Unnoticed by the army of Tyler devotees is Atlas scrambling to his feet. Exhausted and feeling the sweat build up on the mat has made for unsafe working conditions, Atlas desperately seeks a tag. Unfortunately with his partners are halfway across the ring, he's easily victimized by Bryant who shoves him into his team's corner. With Biff seemingly paralyzed by his weariness and pain, Tyler backs towards the center of the ring. He motions for the crowd to make a little noise, and when they give him an ear bursting amount of shouts he darts across the ring to decapitate Biff with a knee strike! But, Atlas, summons all the energy in his muscular body and pulls himself away from the teen idol's attack. The crowd can breath some sigh of relief as Tyler stopped just short of the ring posts, negating any future need for reconstructive knee surgery. But its Biff who breathes easiest and most joyfully of all, as he makes a mad dash across the ring to tag Rico into the ring. The burly shitkicker, saunters into the ring with typical South American swagger, looking as smug as if he just slept with your wife and sent you a Pix message to prove it. “DEPORT RICO! DEPORT RICO! DEPORT RICO!” out very xenophobic fans chant. With eyes flaring a menacing sort of hatred, De Janeiro flings himself to the very position Biff so cowardly vacated. His hope is to flatten Tyler with a body splash, but those hopes go down in flames when Tyler flattens him with a picture perfect moonsault press! He has the approval and appreciation of thousands of cheering fans, but only seeks it from one woman, and turns pleading eyes towards her to receive it. KRISTA (singing) I wanna make love in this club. In this club, in this club! I wanna make love in this club! Thinking that Krista just turned straight for him and him alone, Tyler turns away with the smile of a child who just met Santa. No one has the heart to tell him Krista was listening to her Ipod, and singing to a girl with a supermodel figure and spiky brown hair in the front row. COACH Do they even realize that Jade is out here? Beside a mother/daughter fantasy do they even care when Jade's around? Beside a mother/daughter fantasy does anyone care when Jade's around? COLE Unnecessary and uncalled for! Snaking his hands through Rico's ultra greasy hair, Tyler lifts the former HI-YAH tag champ off the mat. He swats him with two quick kicks to his powerful legs, but Rico absorbs the blows as if they were mere mosquito bites. He then returns fire by swinging a left-right combination of jabs into his foe's chin. The attacks roll Ty's head across his neck like an errant basketball, and have the adolescent crowd worrying about his darling good looks. To their delight, Bryant stages a valiant comeback effort and hammers Rico with ill timed but ill tempered haymakers! But the boybander's admirable spirit is no match for De Janeiro's raw strength, and he brutally carries his knee into Tyler's stomach. On the outside, Jade recoils in horror, while Soul dances in celebration. COLE Quite the knee strike from Rico. And no one has ever said the Wrecking Crew aren't talented...just one of the many unlucky souls to be part of Krista's puppet theater. Dropped to his knees, crippled by pain, Tyler grits his teeth and searches for some manner of counter attack. The situation is made even more miserable when Rico gathers a disgusting mound of sweat from his hairy chest and flings it directly onto his face! “BOOOOOOO!” “MGHWC! We get ours!” Soul screams to the irritated audience. “Lucius Soul did I mention what a treat it is to see you somewhere besides the 7 o clock news being carted away in handcuffs after another failed attempt to cash counterfeit food stamps for pork rinds and Vagisil.” Krista shoots back. In the ring, Rico's arm falls around Tyler head in a front facelock as tight as a noose. And the youngster would have an easier time escaping from one, as he's lifted high into the air. The detestable Brazilian suspends Tyler in that position for several moments, showcasing them to a venomous audience. Once the fans reach the height of their anger, De Janeiro dives backwards and drives Tyler down with a vertical suplex. Smiling to himself, he then floats over for a pin... ONE TWO! The potentially match deciding pinfall is broken up by an elbow drop from Krista! This brings out a huge pop from the stands, and Biff Atlas into the ring to again protest working conditions that he deems unhealthy and unsafe. COLE Really, I would pay whatever the cost it'll take to buyout Biff, and whatever the cost it'll take to hire Flex. Biff is that bad! Biff's inane occupation of the referee's attention blesses Ty with the time needed to enact his ultimate fantasy, a threesome with Krista! Unfortunately the third member of isn't a clone of Krista, but rather Rico, and all Tyler can actually do is is awkwardly contort Rico's arm while Krista's leaps onto the third turnbuckle. As the entire arena is encased in a brilliant white light from thousands of camera flashes, the iconic covergirl departs her perch with a graceful cross body block. Her abs of steel slam into Rico with the force of a ton of steel as Tyler drops their rival with a single arm DDT! “YEAAAAAA!” COLE Pardon the pun but that was tremendous! Tyler can't be quite as thrilled as the audience, due to a large amount of jealously over Krista's bare stomach being pressed into Rico's face. Jade on the other hand is even happier then the fans and shouts, “Great job, everybody!” “Great job? Mush mouth bitch, get to the back of the bus!” Soul screams. “This is a sacrilegious preparation of the other miseries! Ah'll make you vanish into thin air like the great magician Niggarachi!” “Hey everybody!” Krista shouts, glaring at Lucius. “Today is Latoya Jackson's birthday, and I'm going to celebrate it by beating up another crazy, untalented crackhead with sagging tits!” And that shuts Lucius up for the next forty seconds. Meanwhile back in the ring, Tyler attempts a fall. But before Buzzlefoxer's metal hip can even get him down to the canvas, Tyler is hauled off his victim by the disco duck. “DUCK SEA-SON! DUCK SEA-SON! DUCK SEA-SON!” “Kiss my grits, squares!” Vinny barks back, “You know I'm colder than a Polar Bear on Christmas Eve!” Tyler steps back to his feet, mind singularly focused on knocking Vinny back to the last days of disco. This focus proves to be misplaced, when Rico catches him off guard with an axe handle smash. The blow may have been delivered with full force but it fails to fell the teen idol, a failure that draws a frown onto Rico's mustached face. He takes his frustrations out on his foe, by stunning him with a pair right crosses. Out on his feet, Tyler is left vulnerable, a weakness that's taken advantage of by Rico when he lifts him onto his shoulders for a body slam. That hold would be infinitely preferable to the devastating shoulder breaker Rico attacks his arm with. Smugly satisfied, De Janeiro grunts and glares at Shayne who paws at his badly wounded shoulder. His hands then massage his legendary 'stache, inciting boos from the fans, before he drops his thick leg across Ty's neck. Keeping it there for a pin, he forces, Buzzlefoxer to make a count. But, the old man's hips are so poor, he just stands up and counts by tapping his foot! ONE! TWO! Tyler shoots his shoulder off the canvas, half out of determination to continue the fight and half out of determination not to be responsible for causing Krista's first loss since GW's first term. COACH D*LUX wins matches and titles strictly on talent, because they have no drive of their own. They idolize a womanizing creep like Leon and follow his every move. And they worship a manic depressive lesbian like a goddess. Then don't do anything on their own. Both competitors begin their rise at the same moment, but its Bryant who beats Rico by a hare. As such he's able to draw first blood with a stinging knife edge chop. The first one shreds through the jungle of curled hair on Rico's chest to open up small cuts that bleed a bright red. This inspires a sense of blood lust in the youth, and he terrorizes Rico with further chops. Weakened by the chops, Rico falls back into the ropes for a moment to catch his breath. But the cables spit him back towards Tyler, who is already bouncing off the ropes himself. As their paths crisscross, Tyler leaps into the air with his arms out stretched to catch Rico with a phantom neck breaker. But the Brazilian calls upon his mighty strength to catch his foe's lithe body and press it against his chest. COLE This can't be good! Jade and Shayne shares similar feelings of worry, watching Rico effortlessly guide Tyler onto his shoulders. He twists his victim so that he's facing upwards, and then locks his finely muscled arms around Tyler's torso and applies pressure. COACH You screwed now, son! You ain't got nothing for this! Disgusting that Leon came out like the man and D*LUX gonna go out lookin like a bitch. From dunce to genius it appears for the moment Coach may actually be correct. Bryant is in an incredible amount of anguish, that only gets worse by the second. The pain stretches a face that's burnt red by exhaustion and pressure, and his teeth nearly grind themselves into white powder. “LET'S GO TYLER! LET'S GO TYLER! LET'S GO TYLER!” the girls sing, needing no encouragement from anyone else. Sadly their cheers are like a cropping of moss on the towering mountain of agony that crushes Tyler. Rico is unrelenting as well, his grip never once reaching the pointing of wavering. With Tyler on the verge of submission, and her Ipod on the verge of running low on power, these are desperate times for the previously uninterested Krista. Desperate times call for..Glengarry Glenn Ross??? Channeling, Alec Baldwin from that same movie, Krista blusters “You know what it takes? "Brass balls.. The money's out there, you pick it up. You don't, I got no sympathy for you. You want to go out and close ... close! It's yours. If not, you'll be shining my shoes!” Just having Krista speak to him is more enough to motivate Tyler to action. With the strength of the Incredible Hulk, Bryant powers out of Rico's hold and peels away from his shoulders. “LET'S GO TYLER! LET'S GO TYLER! LET'S GO TYLER!” De Janeiro is incensed at his failure to gain a submission victory and lobs a lariat at Bryant. But the Detroiter rolls beneath the oncoming missile, and pops up directly in front of his celebrity crush. Playing to the audience, he asks if they wish to see Krista officially enter the match. The answer is of course unanimous, and with false-humility she accepts the tag to a deafening ovation from the sold out audience. Rico's eyes widened in an understandable horror as his long time tormentor finally enters the match. “KRISTA! KRISTA! KRISTA!” COACH Vinny, Biff, Rico, you had once chance to win this match, and just you blew it. “Alright, chica, let's just get this over with!” “What are you talking about?” “The song! The damn song, you always trick me into singing! Rico ain't even goin fight it no more, chica. Pointless. Just start the song so Rico can be done.” “Ugh. The flashy song and dance numbers, the running gags, and such are a gross distraction from the simulation of athletic competition at the heart of the sport's appeal, a terrible assault on the tenants of this great institution, and should be done away with.” “No! We have a thing! We sing, chica. We sing our hearts out. Here Comes That Sound Again, I Love The Nightlife. You Dropped A Bomb On Me! Something! Any song! I need it! Rico can't always get what he want, but damn, can't Rico get what needs? Rico...Rico...is lost. He's so lost” “Show me the meaning of being lonely.” Shayne croons from the outside. Tyler joins in with his deeply soulful style of melody “So many words for the broken heart. It's hard to see in a crimson love. So hard to breathe. Walk with me, and maybe...” “Nights of light so soon become. Wild and free I can feel the sun. Your every wish will be done” Krista's fiery Joplin style singing belts out. The lights dim to a soft sensual pink as Rico and Tyler belt out the chorus to Lucius utter dismay, “Show me the meaning of being lonely. Is this the feeling I need to walk with? Tell me why, I can't be there where you are. There's something missing in my heart.” Krista ramps up the octaves in her voice to perfectly attack the powerful bridge, as the lights shift to a deep enigmatic blue, “There's nowhere to run. I have no place to go. Surrender my heart, body, and soul. How can it be you're asking me to feel the things you never shoooooow. You are missing in my heart. Tell me why I can't be there where you are....Jade, take it home!” The ears of millions tune into Jade to hear how well she'll be able to match her mother's amazing singing talents, only to hear the meek proclamation of, “Uh, I don't know the words.” Her song having come to an abrupt and somewhat depressing ending, Krista can only resort to the inevitable super kick of Rico. But in an example of when it rains it pours, Rico actually catches her onto her foot! Amazed at this Anglemania worthy achievement he breaks into rowdy, cacophonous laughter of celebration. Unfortunately its only a few short moments before Krista strikes back with an enziguri delivered with enough force to throw a pair of teeth from his mouth. KRISTA [Jay-z]This can't be life, this can't be right[/Jay-z] COLE Somewhere Christian Wright sits backstage and says “Thank god for the Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew!” Figuring that if you can relive the glory days of the Backstreet Boys in a match you can enter one without a tag, Vinny Valentine storms into the ring. The disco duck has as much success as his throughly embarrassed tag partner, as Krista takes him right off his feet with a spinning wheel kick! KRISTA (singing and dancing) You know I'm bad, I'm bad-come on, you know (bad bad-really, really bad) And the whole world has to answer right now, just to tell you once again, Whos bad? “KRISTA! KRISTA! KRISTA!” That thunderous strike does a fine job of convincing Vinny that the best usage of his talents are as far away from Krista as humanly possible. Thus he retreats to the outside of the ring, ignoring Soul's orders to “man up.” Soul's requests quickly change from a pleading “man up” to a fearful “look up”, stoking Vinny's confusion. He's far less confused and far more anguished when the body splashing figure of Tyler Bryant slams into him at full force with a frog splash press. Together they careen backwards, before finally toppling to the ground, where Vinny issues full throated roars of pain. “YEAAAAAA!” Yet somehow, through his ridiculous crying he manages to rise upright. There he angrily assails Ty with a parade of closed fists that are only halted when the teenybopper drives his own fist straight into the disco duck's motor mouth. But all that does is force Vinny to continue his whining, thus Tyler takes more extreme measures to shut him up and drives him back first into the guardrail! Valentine slumps to the floor, finally speechless, his mossy eyes burning bright with spite and fear. Meanwhile in the ring Krista has become preoccupied with sipping a martini, and Rico is...well..Rico, leaving Biff and Shayne as the only available fighters. Biff attacks with an amazing ferocity, firing a loafer into Brave's stomach. Caught off guard by the strike, Shayne stumbles awkwardly until wrestling's most annoying man traps him into place with an underhook. The adored teen idol is then ripped off his feet and smashed into the mat with a double arm suplex. Biff then halts any possibilities of resurgence by pinning down Brave with his cheap WAL*MART bought shoes. Once he's assured the pop-cutie is subdued, he charges towards the ropes, and returns to plant a knee drop onto the teenybopper's throat! But, Brave quickly yanks his body out the way, and Biff endures what would've been a terribly painful landing were he not wearing three pairs of pants for just such an occasion. As such Biff is easily able to recover and match blows with his less brawling inclined foe. But Biff can't take advantage of his superior punching prowess for very long, before Shayne eludes a questing elbow by dropping to his knees and sweeping Biff's foot away from the mat. Even with three pairs of pants and a life vest, Atlas suffers through a miserable dumping to the canvas. Worse yet his overdressed attire makes it maddeningly difficult for him to get up, and Brave easily captures him into a jack knife pin... CROWD ONE! CROWD TWO! But Rico ruins the pin with a swift kick to Shayne's midsection. Hastily, he pulls himself off the canvas, but finds no moment to attack, thanks to the carefully timed punches Rico lays into his chest. Having been quickly weakened by the powerful attacks, Brave can't prevent the Brazilian from snagging him into a front facelock. And as Rico drags him into the sky for a vertical suplex, all he can do is brace for an impact that turns out to be monumentally painful! Halfway through her martini, Krista decides to participate in the match again, “Hey, everybody, one time Rico asked me, what it felt like to sleep with Alix. So I said it must be like when you enter out for your match and the audience gives you a big pop, and he looked at me, and he said, could you be more specific. Listen, I don't mean to insult you or anything, but let's face it, a horse shitting on a parade route has a bigger following then you.” Hissing with devilish intent, De Janeiro zooms across the ring to make Krista pay for her latest insult. He legs slice and lunge towards Miss California with a scissors kick. But Krissy, still holding onto her martini, parries his thrust, and returns fire with a whirling back kick. Her foot slams into him like a bullet train, capsizing him to the canvas, to the delight of the thousands in attendance. Unfortunately for Krista, no sooner then she eliminates De Janeiro, does Lucius Soul slide onto the apron to defend what little honor they have left. An all consuming wrath possess him as he readies his mouth to pelt Krista with every insult he can think of. Unfortunately the silver tongued babe beats him to the punch, “Lucius Soul, you disgraceful druggie, you've smoked so much weed, you pee Roundup. You're filled with toxins, you beat women, you've been in and out of jail, you're a strip club shooting away from being a wide receiver for the Dallas Cowboys. You look like a turd with hair. You look like Carrot Top after snorting sixty grams of coke on the inside of volcano.” “And....uh,” Jade begins, “You have an annoying voice to!” COACH Leave it to your mother, kid. While the fiery rage of Lucius may have been extinguished by that impromptu roast, Rico is anything but subdued, and hammers this point by home by surprising Krissy with a school boy, and causing her to spill her martini! ONE! Tyler reaches into ring to save Krista, but Vinny hauls him back to the outside! TWO! The SoCal hottie defiantly kicks out, leaving an annoyed Rico to direct a menacing glare towards Buzzlefoxer. Krista rises under her own power but De Janiero instantly pounces on her, Irish whipping her towards the cables. Not wishing to grant her any second to mounter a counter attack, Rico trails her journey. But the agile fitness queen combats his attack by situating her high heels onto the third rope and flying back at him with a splendid lionsault press! He clumsily attempts to slide out of the way, but simply “succeeds” in moving himself into the line of fire for an inverted face lock that Krista easily morphs into an Inverted DDT! ”K-I-D! K-I-D! K-I-D!” Atlas retires his own ill luck with Miss California, attempting to sneak attack her with an elbow smash. But thanks to a cry of “watch the fuck out, bitch” from an old Asian woman in the first row, the Hollywood covergirl is able to block Atlas' blow with a back handed pimp slap! The unusual strike prompts an exclamation of “Pimps up! Hoes down!” from the walk of famer. Biff teeters backwards, instinctively pawing at his sore cheekbone. This leaves him prey to a variety of attacks, and Krissy capitalizes on this fact, by leaping into his back, and putting her knees to her massive chest to pulverize him with a lung blower! Atlas' shouts are ones of bitter agony, but their soon pounded into oblivion by the cheers of the capacity crowd. Entering the ring, Valentine undertakes the mission beating Krista from his wounded partner, and lobs a discus punch towards Miss California's lovely face. What the move packs in rage, it lacks in technique, form and most importantly speed, and Krista is easily able to duck bellow it and move behind her foe. The momentum of his miss clumsily carries him forward, but he's soon tossed onto a downward trajectory as Krissy traps his neck and pulls him down to the ground with The Blond Never Pay a Cover (side effect)! “Its true. I never pay a cover!” Jade proclaims. A pin follows, and all of Wilkes Barre counts along... CROWD ONE! CROWD TWO! CROWD THREE! At the last possible minute, Atlas destroys the pinfall, infuriating the fanbase. COLE That was a close one! The audience's dour mood begins to improve when Krista's heels begin tearing away at Atlas' flesh with ferocious stomps. He manages to rise to his feet past her torrent of kicks, but this only puts him in a far worse situation as she launches the safety guru into the corner. He smacks against the posts with a booming thud! But thank heavens for his otherwise irrational padding, which absorbs all manner of impact. This allows him to roar back at Krista with the not-so infamous not-so feared Safetyline (lariat)! But Krissy matrixes backwards and the Venice Beach native ends up being struck with a leg lariat by Showtime Shayne! “YEAAAAAA!” Perhaps more enjoyable to the crowd is the view Krissy's still matrixed body grants them, to which Jade worriedly alerts her, “Mom, everyone can see your underwear!” “Honey, that's the point. I ain't holdin this position because its good for centering the 5th chakaras!” Elsewhere Valentine has returned himself to the fight, pounding on Shayne with clubbing forearms. Once he weakens Brave to the point where his fair skin turns a shade of red, the disco duck tries to hurl him into a nearby corner. But Brave reverses the hold and its Vinny crashing back first into the turnbuckle posts. “LET'S DO IT!” Brave shouts to a rousing ovation before charging in on Vinny. Brave gets incredible height on his bodysplash leap appearing that he may even miss Vinny entirely. In fact he does miss Vinny entirely, thanks the Brooklyn brawler dipping low, grabbing onto his designer denim, and upending him out the ring! Brave keeps the fourteen year old girls from shedding any tears by landing his black boots onto the apron. However any relief they may have felt is short lived due to Soul simply yanking him off the apron, causing him to land face first onto the canvas. “Boss play, my funk soul brotah!” Vinny congratulates Soul in his grating New York accent. COLE I call that foul play by Lucius Soul. And there's a man desperate to have some kind of win on or near his record. Valentine smiles a bold and victorious smile as he turns his attention to Krista, who still holds her underwear pose, because it actually really is good centering the 5th chakara. Across the ring, the disco duck runs, foolishly thinking he'll be able to cut her down with a shoulder block. Krista of course stymies his efforts with unerring ease, and her glistening legs swirl around his neck and upend him with hurricanrana! “KRISTA! KRISTA! KRISTA!” Disregarding Valentine the moment he hits the canvas, the GLAADiator shifts her attention towards Rico, who slowly crawls back into the ring. But as she lifts him up by his badly oiled hair, a surge of energy flows through him, no doubt brought on by an overdose of male enhancement drugs, and he launches a left hand towards her face. The walk of famer reacts with speed, and lets his arm land across her's to set up her spinning STO. However, Rico is much to strong to remain trapped in Krista's piddly grasp, and gives her a shove into the ropes. Problematically for Rico, this counter simply gave Krissy a new offensive weapon, and she deploys it by leaping onto the third rope only to spring off it seconds later. De Janeiro lumbers forward, under the arrogant assumption he can simply swat her from the air. This proves to be an erroneous thought on his part, as Krista's arm snakes across his oversized mellon, and she dives downwards, driving both he and his hair plugs into the mat with a tornado DDT! Rico emits an ear splitting roar that sounds something like a lion on its deathbed while the sold out crowd bleats Krista's name. “KRISTA! KRISTA! KRISTA!” Before Krista can spend the next several minutes basking in the crowd's love and adulation, Atlas attacks her with pointed elbow strikes to the small of her back. Though she could end Atlas' career with simple flick of her wrist, she's feeling fairly lazy, and decides to prey on his gross buffoonery instead, “Oh, honey, look at the exits in the mezzanine level. Isn't there something wrong with them?” Biff recoils in horror “Good god you're right! The door width is too narrow! Only three people at a time can pass causing congestion as patrons try to leave as others try to enter. Imagine a fiery pyro malfunction! An elephant stampede at the circus! A serial killer on the lose! A serial killing elephant that spews fiery peanut shaped pyro from its trunk! And reads minds!” “And that is enough idiot for today thank you, honey.” Krista comments before she wraps her hands around Atlas waist. Moronic Biff is still contemplating his murderous mind reading elephant, and doesn't even bother to react when Krissy begins running him into the ropes. After the reach the ropes, Krista hauls the former body builder backwards so that he falls onto the mat with his broad shoulders pinned down. Krista releases her own waist lock, and bridges backwards to give the audience another view of sexy thighs that lie beneath thin red lace panties. “Mom, your underwear!” “Honey, I didn't spend sixty five bucks on 'em and eighty minutes a day on a leg extension machine to cover it all up with the latest from TJ-MAXX! Plus it'll make a great Hanukkah card!” Clem would count the ensuing fall, if weren't for the fact that alzheimer's has caused him to forget where he is. Thus, Valentine can take his time in breaking up the pinfall. What he can't take his time in doing is guarding against Tyler Bryant, as the teen scream begins hammering him with barrage of knife edge chops. But, Valentine cuts short Bryant's attacks with an eye rake! “BOOOOO!” yells the audience, growing even more annoyed when Vinny's god awful physique begins jiggling from several rhytmless hip gyrations. COLE Put that thing away, there are children here! Oh, who am I kidding, come on over and give me some of that stuff, that sweet funky stuff! Through with grossing out the audience and arousing Cole, Valentine goes back to pounding down Tyler with his brawling assault. He hits the fan favorite with enough force and power that Bryant is brought down to his knees in defeat. “I Want To Put On My My My My My Boogie Shoes!” Vinny hollers into the night. And he does just that, coming towards Tyler with his version of the shinning wizard. Yet, Tyler delights his fanbase by dipping his head bellow Valentine's boogie shoe. Normally, Valentine could just shift himself into a boomerang variation of the attack. But now, he has to deal with Brave assaulting him with forearms! Though he might be able to withstand the cruiserweight's attacks, he can't bring himself to deal with both Shayne and Tyler, and the pair bombard him with elbows and short kicks. Valentine is out on his feet, and wobbles like the village drunk, ready to fall over at any moment. That moment comes quicker then expected, though, as the boys from Michigan flash Vinny back to 1998 the count with the Hit Me Baby One More Time (Double Superkick)! Pain and rage fester inside Vinny like a pus beneath the skin, as he uses the last bit of strength he has to cowardly roll to the outside of the ring. “D*LUX! D*LUX! D*LUX!” the fans shower the high-fiving tag team. Any celebrations for D*LUX are frustratingly brief, all due to Rico running them both over with a double lariat. Boos for Rico replaces heartfelt chants for D*LUX, and like Vinny, De Janeiro taunts the crowd with hip swivels, looking only slightly more attractive. Rico stops paying mind to the rage of the audience, instead piling all his concentration towards defeating these hated rivals. Once he clamps on onto Bryant's belt buckle he begins orchestrating their demise. He scoops the Detroiter into the air, drifting him across his back in a crucifix set up. “Who wants a mustache ride, eh?!” Rico shouts smugly, drawing more heat from a pro-D*LUX audience. As no one takes him up on his offer for a figurative mustache ride, Rico throws Shayne down, spiking his head against the canvas with the literal Mustache Ride (Razor's Edge)! On the outside Soul and Vinny celebrate an inevitable victory, whereas Jade pleads for a divine intervention. COLE That had to do it! Wilkes Barre holds its collective breath as Rico pins Showtime ONE But the audience is allowed to breathe a little easier when Krista Isadora Duncan destroys the pinfall with a running kneestrike! “KRISTA! KRISTA! KRISTA!” sing the fans and the wounded D*LUX Krissy laboriously pulls the bulky Brazilian off her admirer, and holds onto his arm, using it to him in close to strike him with a knee to the midsection. The shot doubles the sexual healer over, and saps him of what little breath he has left. Figuring that he's little more then a dead man walking, Miss California takes to the skies to finish him off with a fameasser. But, Rico moves his body upright to catch her in a Samoan drop setup! Given the unusual nature of the hold's beginnings, and the fact Kris is lathered in baby oil, his grip is nowhere near secure, thus Krista is easily able to slip out of it. She floats to his side, where her arms move quickly to secure his thick neck into a side headlock. Though he presses her hands into her chiseled stomach to push her away, he has zero success and Krista is easily able to floor him with the Life In The Fab Lane (Twist of Fate ) “KRISTA! KRISTA! KRISTA!” “Way to go, mom!” Jade shouts, while trying to shield herself from the flashing of thousands of cameras. Deeply, deeply, wounded by Krista's earlier mockery of his safety mission, Biff seeks revenge! The poster boy for roster cuts shoots himself off the top rope with a Kane style lariat! However, thanks to the jumbo sized video screen Krista saw this move coming miles away, and rolls forward to avoid it. Betraying his usual level of incompetence, Biff actually succeeds in landing on his loafers and not crashing and burning into the canvas. With haste, he whirls around to send a closed fist to her much worshiped face. However the foxy mama foils his efforts by swinging her high heels into the part of his stomach left unprotected by his life vest. Mortally wounded by both the attack, and the failure of the life vest to preserve his safety Biff is left stunned and easily trapped into a half nelson by Krista. He begins ruing the moment he decided not to wear a helmet when Krista throws him forward with her half nelson bulldog! “I GOT 99 PROBLEMS BUT A BITCH AIN'T ONE!” the fans recite With Atlas permanently incapacitated by her lethal signature hold, Krista treats the audience to their favorite of Alix's signature moves and wiggles her tail like her name was Flipper. Sexually curious (as well as electronically rebellious!) Amish women across this great fair state, who's only experience with the beauty of the female form comes from awkwardly groping a cows udders, unleash an orgasmic roar of sexual liberation, at the wonderful sight of Krista rocking her luscious rump like she's got a V12 in her ass. Krista then grabs her shapely ass with both hands, and gives one last squeeze to her incredibly firm buttocks JADE Through with using tush to convert 85% of the Amish population to lesbianism as well as to the democratic party, she flips backwards and comes across Biff with a standing moonsault. Buzzlefoxer, now recovered from his Alzheimer's attack, drops to his knees to count the pin... CROWD ONE Lucius Soul finally enters the fray! CROWD TWO But D*LUX erase any threat he poses with t he Hit Me Baby One More Time! SOUL (regretfully) Oh baby baby, how was I supposed to know that something wasn't right here? “YEAAAAAA!'” CROWD THREE!! A gigantic cheer of approval and celebration speeds from the stands, as Bad Girl returns once more to the arena. With Rico at his side, Valentine backs up the ramp, both man shooting daggers at the audience the heralds their defeat with such a large standing ovation. BUFFER The winners....KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN AND D*LUX! COLE Another victory for Krista, and a solid win for D*LUX! But Biff Atlas suffers setback in his quest to be taken seriously on the road to safety proofing the OAOAST. Shayne and Tyler surround Krista, not daring to touch her, lest they incur a beating, but at least are able to celebrate around her. For her part, Krista sips on what's left of her martini , “One for me” Then dumps some on Biff's fallen body, “And one for my homies” Jade is finally invited by Krista into the ring, after going completely ignored by perhaps everyone in the arena. She offers her mother and her team quick and meek congratulations, seeming worried about steeping to Krista's spotlight. And what a spotlight it is, made up of enough cameras and photographers to be an Oscar's red carpet. COACH You wanna know how to be a winner, Jade? Cozy up to the woman next to you! Your own mother. I can't believe Jade doesn't even have a quarter of the talent her mother has. She can't do anything Krista can! For one, Krista has two master degrees, Jade hasn't even been to college yet! Damn, Krista, adopt me, I got my education! I got my degree! Adopt me! COLE Folks...that has been a man asking a woman only a year older than him to adopt him! FADE OUT OR IF SOMEONE HAS SOMETHING POST THEN FADE TO COMMERCIAL Edited May 31, 2008 by Patty O'Green Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
