Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted June 11, 2008 Brought to you by American Express Taped: June 6th 2008 First air date: June 7yh, 2008 (check local listings for airings in your area) Announce team: Tony Schiavone and Jesse "The Body" Ventura Lead correspondent: Tony Brannigan An OAOAST show without a single Nerdly present? Check off another sign of the impending extinction of the human race! How the OAOAST would fair without its favorite family of hot blonds , stereotypical Muslims, and stoner twins, was anyone's guess. And if you guessed “very poorly”, well read on, my correct guesser, read on! ***Mad Cappa Vs Waldo W/Mariano*** Early on, Waldo showed none of the glaring incompetencies that doomed his team to the quickest loss in AM history, working Cappa over with simple snapmares and arm drags. Though the moves did little in the way of damage, they at least built some confidence for the New Yorker . However, that confidence was quickly blown to bits when Waldo had a simple vertical suplex reversed into a devastating brainbuster! At that point it was all Cappa, who beat his foe across the ring with a mixture of punches and suplexes. Things looked to return towards Waldo's favor when Mariano lept onto the apron, only to have Cappa casually swatted him away. This allowed Waldo to stun the DC native with a school boy that nearly got three. After Cappa kicked out, the rivals traded blows, with Waldo earning the upperhand with a blatant kick to the testicles. With Cappa seemingly stunned by the dirty play, Waldo quickly foisted him onto his shoulders for a dominator. But, Cappa slipped out, causing Waldo great panic and alarm. His fears were well founded, as Cappa booted him in the gut and nailed him with the BUST A CAP (Stunner). Although Waldo was clearly put down by that deadly finisher, Cappa added icing to the cake with the Walls of Cappa (Walls of Jericho). Winner: Mad Cappa via submission Biff Atlas is Holding Down the Vote, are you??? That's right, the OAOAST's resident safety expert has dedicated himself to filling his brain with the knowledge needed to make the right choice at the ballot box this November. That explains why we saw Biff's eyes locked onto a computer screen as he researched where the candidates stood on the greatest issue facing the American public: High school hall monitors; two term limits causing too much corruption? Needless to say Biff found absolutely zilch on this pressing topic, which is why the intrusion from his (only) friend Vinny Valentine wasn't so upsetting. Valentine was still heated over the humiliating loss to Krista and D*LUX two weeks ago, and expressed how “majorly bogus” it was that Krista was able to so easily demean he and his partners. Having heard these complaints from almost everyone on the roster, Biff casually told Vinny to take a number. Biff said Krista belittles and verbally assassinates everyone she comes across, and the only safe and smart and safe thing to do is get on her side ASAP. Valentine was incredulous at that idea, because unlike “these panty wastes, Vinny V ain't sellin out like that, daddy.” Biff was still unmoved by Vinny's stubbornness, and informed his buddy the only way you could ever avoid Krista's scathing heat killing wit is if you could somehow make her a mute. Vinny thought that was an absolutely brilliant idea. Ignoring Biff's cries that crossing someone with their own star on the walk of fame would be unbelievably hazardous to their ability to earn a meager restitution for their crappy jobs, Valentine said he was going to “clam up Krista's piehole for all the chicken wuss squares too cowardly to do the dirty deed. And you're gonna help, daddy!” Vinny told Biff that they had to start by making an example out Krista's admirers in D*LUX, and they were going to do it tonight. Sick over the prospects of what's destined to result in spectacular failure (and possibly their release from the company!), Biff fell over and curled into a fetal position and wept silently. Backstage Tony Brannigan caught up with Felix Strutter and Reggie Lamont to get their thoughts on the continuing feud of Anglesault Versus Moneymaker. Brannigan reminded viewers that Strutter and Lamont, along with others, have expressed support for Moneymaker's cause over the last several weeks. What T-Bod wanted to know was if it was wise to openly to support the group opposing their current boss. Strutter and Lamont scoffed at such a question, saying it was obvious that AS' time behind the OAOAST desk is coming to a close. They said AS' arrogance, and his refusal to offer fair chances to “deserving athletes like us” sealed his fate, and they weren't going to be one of the stupid ones left out of the new regime. Strutter advised Brannigan that he hop aboard his cousin's bandwagon with the theory that blood runs thicker than water and that AS' well is about to run dry. Before Brannigan could offer a response, Christian Wright emerged onto the scene with trademark briefcase in tow. With genuine jubilation, he remarked how wonderful it was to see young people with such a “foresight that looks towards leadership that is neither above nor enemy of the law, but rather a timeless friend.” He wished that other young superstars could “lay claim to the mental acumen needed to support and strengthen the quest for a greater tomorrow”. For their support and good faith, Wright opened his briefcase and offered them both a case of Cuban cigars. We went to commercial with the three men enjoying the fine cigars and Brannigan wondering what his cousin has done to this once proud institution. ***Freedom W/Liberty Vs CPA W/Mackenize*** Before the contest began Freedom and Liberty cut a promo in support of Anglesault, in which they stated they would continue to fight for the freedom and liberty of the OAOAST until their last breath. The man who put them out of action for several weeks, CPA, thought that could be arranged. Allen quickly overpowered Freedom with no less then four straight running lariats. It looked like Freedom was being placed on a fast track to to the ER. But he shocked his rival by ducking a fifth lariat and capturing him with a side Russian leg sweep into a pin. Though, Allen kicked out, Freedom was able to maintain an offense with several basic dropkicks and a few hip tosses. CPA quickly composed himself though and resumed beating on Freedom with nothing but expertly aimed punches. Freedom was able to bear the blows from the former boxer long enough to hit Allen with a desperation victory roll, but only got two. Seeking to capitalize on his return to the attack, Freedom threw CPA into the ropes. But Moneymaker's trusted security advisor returned with the heart stopping Gigaton Punch (heart punch), ending Freedom's bid for victory and for justice. Winner: CPA via knockout. Post match, Allen and Mackie lit up with their own cigars, which they cruelly ashed on a youngster's poster of Anglesault! In the locker room area, The Burroughs Boys sat in solemn silence over their disheartening loss. But no one took their defeat harder then Detective Bosley, who was certainly not willing to suffer his sorrow silently. He exploded on his fellow New Yorkers, shouting “WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT? I THOUGHT I WAS IN THE WINNERS LOCKER ROOM NOT THE MONTESORI SCHOOL FOR BOO-HOO FACED BITCHES!” The five looked on confused, as Bosley continued to rant, “I THOUGHT I WAS ROLLING WITH TRIBAL LEADERS. WE'RE DUDES WHO GO INTO THE VILLAGE, KILL THE MEN WITH OUR BARE HANDS, STAKE THEIR HEADS ON PITCHFORKS FOR THEIR BITCHES TO SEE AS WE HIT IT FORM BEHIND, ENSLAVE THE CHILDREN WHO AREN'T FAT AND USE THE SKINS OF THE ONES WHO ARE AS LEG WARMERS, AND TORCH THE WHOLE FREAKIN PLACE WHEN WE'RE DONE! I AM A FUCKIN TORNADO, MAN, TEARING ACROSS AMERICA AT 913 MILES PER HOUR, KILLING, HUMPING AND SMOKING ANYTHING THAT AIN'T DEAD AND AIN'T RELATED TO ME BEYOND BEING A THIRD COUSIN! AND WHEN YOU GET INSIDE THIS TWISTAH YOU DON'T SEE DUST AND PARTICLES AND SHIT, YOU SEE THE MOUTH OF THE BADDEST BEAST, AND HE'S SCREAMING BOSLEY: ALPHA MALE! THAT'S HOW I DO IT! WATCH AND LEARN!” And believe it or not The Burroughs Boys stood up and applauded the grade A+ AMOG (alpha male of the group) for his rousing show of strength and masculinity. ***Love Doctors Vs Rescue 911*** The contest opened with a sportsman handshake between Cash and Pigley, which Bosley of course derided as “Some Pussy shit!” That insult don't quite motivate either in ring competitor to try their hand at any high impact attacks, as they went through a languid series of lockups, and wrist lock reversals. An irish whip by Anderson brought both Bosley and some excitement into the match. The fromer NYPD officer steamrolled Anderson with a lethal lariat, then blasted Pigley off the apron with a pair of elbow strikes. As Cash shook his head at Bosley's cheap shots, his rouge partner went to work on Anderson by bashing his face into the corner posts. Referee Billy Silverman's orders to cease and desist were only met with an arrogant flashing off the badge from the good officer who cursed Anderson with several more strikes. Through with giving the ringposts a workout, Bosley moved on to terrorizing his foe with stomps and punches and almost gained a pin off a face crusher. That failed pin drew out sizable roid rage from Tango, and he proceeded to mangle Anderson's face by swiping it across the rough ring ropes. Although the fans were disgusted with Bosley's behavior, he was delighted and brought in Cash with orders to “Be a man!” Cash was so worried about atoning for Bosley's despicable actions that it brought serious harm to his own in ring performance. The EMT was overly cautious, performing wrist locks and arm wrenches that couldn't even hurt an OAOVW trainee. As expected Anderson not only recovered during Cash's weak assault, he turned the tables entirely. He brought Cash over with a fireman's carry, and then dizzied him with a series of lucha esque pinning situations. After earning a 2.9, and a shout of anger from Bosley off a spring board jackknife pin, Anderson tagged Pigley back into the bout. The Doctors displayed far better cohesion than the fractured Rescue 911, and took control of the contest with quick tags and high impact double teams. But the momentum of the bout shifted back to 911 when Bosley took down Anderson with the ALPHADog (Bulldog). The Doctor of Doctornomics was worked over by the hard hitting strikes of Bosley, until the NYPD officer decided it was time to end the bout with the NYPD-DDT! However, Anderson powered out the finisher, and thrilled the audience by nailing the Alpha male with the Anderson Spinebuster! As the fans rooted him on, Anderson crawled to his corner to apply the hot tag with Pigley! Cash however, stayed on the apron, leaving a sore Bosley to deal with a fresh Pigley. To no one's surprise, Bosley was ill equipped to deal with Pigley and was chucked over the ropes in glorious fashion with a belly to belly suplex. This brought Cash into the fracas, and the Peoria born superstar was little match for the seamless double teaming of The Docs, and they quickly put him away with the Gurney To The Centre Of The Earth! Winners: Love Doctors, via pinfall Post match Cash showed incredible class and sportsmanship when he presented his buddies with a humble handshake. The two returned the gesture by raising Cash's arms in the air to celebrate with the applauding crowd. This kindness did not play very well with Bosley, who watched with eyes flooded by anger. That anger launched him into the ring, where he furiously assaulted the Docs with clubbing forearms. Before they could even stage a proper defense, Bosley had them both on the ground, clutching their necks in severe pain from his NYPD-DDT. The crazed superstar offered no glance towards his dismayed partner as he seethed with anger over his friend's actions. After the commercial break Brannigan tried to catch up with Bosley as he headed through the parking garage to his customized Rescue 911 Dodge Charger, and get some explanation for his shocking attack on The Docs. Bosley barked that as a fellow alpha dog, Brannigan should understand certain measures have to be taken to guarantee survival of the tribal leader. He gave Brannigan no further chance to ask any more questions as he sped off into the night. That was until he accidentally ran down Clem Buzzlefoxer, suffering through a very public flashback of his WWII days and using a broom stick as a bayonet to fend off German assassins at a brothel. Fortunately, Buzzlefoxer's steel hip broke his fall and his time warp, meaning he'd be a-okay to work our mainevent. ***D*LUX Vs Vinny Valentine and Biff Atlas*** Minus Jade Rodez, D*LUX looked to have been at a disadvantage and Biff tried his hands at quickly dusting off the former HI-YAH tag champions, only to fail miserably, which had the high strung Valentine throwing comical tantrums on the ring apron. Vinny's anger grew magnificently when, the teenyboppin duo began double teaming his luckless partner with a series of moves that ended in the Hit Me Baby One More Time (double super kick). However, Vinny was able to begin righting the early wrongs, when he took advantage of elderly referee Clem Buzzlefoxer ushering Tyler out the ring to hit Shayne with a running leg drop. From there Biff was able to at least keep Showtime under control with very basic moves such as snap mares, fireman's carries, and vertical suplex. But things became worse for Biff when Shayne rebounded from an Irish whip to knock him over with a leg lariat. Again placed on the defensive, Biff was double teamed by D*LUX who almost pinned him with the Rock Your Body (Samoan Drop/Neckbreaker Combo). But, Biff kicked out and mounted a desperation assault that saw him nearly cripple Tyler with the OSHAA Approved Powerbomb (running power bomb). Rather than try his miserable luck at stringing together a few more moves, Atlas made the tag to The Disco Duck. Vinny Valentine assailed the favorite of teenage girls everywhere, with his trademark heelish offense of eye rakes, and back scrapes. After his nails turned Ty's back three shades redder, Vinny begin targeting with more dangerous moves such as back drops and pendulum back breakers. Valentine almost secured a submission victory with a surfboard, which prompted Atlas to enthusiastically shout “That'll show Krista!”. The mere mention of the K word reminded Bryant what he was fighting for and he burst free of Valentine's submission hold. He mounted a fast paced comeback, which sent Vinny scuttling to the outside, only to be taken out with a plancha from the Tremendous One. This forced Biff to square off with Showtime, and Biff was even more ineffective than usual. Showtime launched him all over the ring with hurricanranas, before finally ascending to the top rope for a body splash. However, Biff ducked bellow his incoming body and the boybander crashed into the mats! Eager to captalize Atlas bounced off the ropes to hit Shayne with a gore as he stood. But Tyler intercepted him with The Merry Tyler Gore Show- Jacknife Spear (which is a spear which goes straight into a jacknife pin). That pin, however, could not be counted due to Buzzlefoxer having fell asleep from his narcolepsy! The fans were beside themselves at this “only in the OAOAST” moment. But where they saw insanity, Vinny saw majestic opportunity. After grabbing a disco ball from beneath the ring, the disco duck slid into the squared circle where he blasted both members of D*LUX with the glittering globe. As multicolored glass danced across the air, the blood soaked faces of D*LUX smacked into the canvas never to lift themselves back up. With Biff fretting over the land mine of loose glass in the ring, Vinny placed his feet on both of D*LUX for an all to easy pin. Very conveniently, Buzzlefoxer's narcoplepsy wore off just in time to count a victory for Valentine and Biff. Winners: Vinny Valentine and Biff Atlas, via pinfall The show faded out with a smirking Vinny using his gator skin shoes to smear the lifeless faces of the fan favorites into the shattered remains of the last days of disco. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites