Funny tales from the Crypt

[Guest Maurizio C... Version 2]

I started working for my local mcdonald's 3 months ago. I'm in the kitchen while females are cashers and clean the main room for shoppers. I usually work from 3 to 6 hours a day, 24 hours a week but since my manager wanna cut the expenses I get to work 19 hours a week or 14 and a half another. Result? I get paid less and work more consecutive hours. I usually do the night and work from 7 to 2 (night, is it AM or PM there?)... and it's shitty! I'm the only one in the kitchen and gets to cook those crappy foods for thousands asshole that want a cheeseburger 5 minutes before we're closing sooooo I get to stay there 15 more minutes to clean the mess. My managers are in the 20s and general assholes that gets angry at any moment. The colleagues are even worse. fats, uglies, bithces that are in there just for themselves... my only consolation is where I go smoke in the bathroom even if it's votoed (i got sent home after my manager discovered I eat a bacon)... usually they don't care for you as a human but just as a number. it's a shitty enviroment and I suggest everyone to sabotage your local fast food!

 

so what are some of your fav stories?

[Guest Kinetic]

When I was employed at McDonald's (for a year and half: I slowly ascended the corporate ladder until I reached the opulent position of Crew Cheif) I would occasionally do things to fuck with people's heads just out of frustration.  If I was closing, I'd re-arrange the burger wraps at random.  There was no visceral pleasure in that, though.  I never even got to see the morning workers anger at not being able to find the proper wraps.  I eventually took to adding or erasing hours from my co-workers' shifts on the schedule.  This was a little more gratifying.  And if I knew a co-worker disliked cigarette smoke or had asthma, I'd make sure to smoke as much as possible when they were around.  I'd sometimes smoke two cigarettes at a time or just light one and leave it on the table.  I can see how this might have been misinterpreted by them as me being an asshole.  I'm not, really.  I was just so miserable there that I had to take out my frustration somehow.

[Guest Maurizio C... Version 2]

well, the point og being crew chief is to generally be an asshole. that's the main thing that urges you to climb the ladder at mcdonald's

[Guest Kinetic]

That was kind of it.  It certainly wasn't the money.

[Guest Galactic Gigolo]

I worked at a video store, directly across the street from a McDonald's.  So one of the co-worker's friends come in, and they didn't put any bacon on his sandwhich.  So he had my friend call up and complain, and he was stoned at the time, so he ended up sounding like a little kid.  So then I called, acting really angry because they hung up on my "slow little brother."  I complained, and I sent my "slow little brother" over to pick up the new sandwhich.  What do they give us?  A box with bacon in it.  So Dave, the guy who originally bought the sandwhich, calls up and bitches to them.  They get into a cursing match, and he sends Jay over to return it.  Jay goes over and throws the bacon in the drive-through window and runs across the street.

 

So we're just sitting there laughing, and McDonald's calls the cops.  Jay and I run through the woods to the gym where I have a membership, and we're able to hide out.  The cop who came in was pretty pissed, but the guy who was working, Christian, covered for us saying he had no idea about that, and to ask Starbucks (who is right next to us).

 

Ahhh... Fucking with the McDonald's people.

[Guest Maurizio C... Version 2]

you're right. mcdonald's people are unmotived young men and generally hate their job. hey, like a good 22 guy I hate mine, but at least I try to hide my feelings out

[Guest kkktookmybabyaway]

"If I was closing, I'd re-arrange the burger wraps at random.  There was no visceral pleasure in that, though.  I never even got to see the morning workers anger at not being able to find the proper wraps."

 

Ahh, the old Night Shift vs. Moring Crew conflice. Back in my high school days I was a closer on the weekends and a day or two through the workweek and no matter what you did one of the 70-year-old old bats would find something to bitch about. If the dipping sauces weren't perfectly stacked it was the lack of a full container of ice in the fountain drink machines. Of course, seeing how ICE MELTS it's hard to have a full ice machine for 7 hours from the time the store closed to when it opened. And people wondered why I tainted the food of stupid customers...

[Guest Flyin' Squirrel]

The ONLY benefit of a summer at Dairy Queen - my first part-time job and something which convinced me more than all the teachers and guidance counsellors in the world could that I absoultely needed to go to university - is my collection of bizarre stories. Between a negligent boss and managers who actually hated the place more than we did, we had some adventures. And we had plenty of time for them, considering other than Two-For-One Tuesdays, it was unusual to get more than two or three dozen customers on an evening shift, and you can only clean everything so many times and make so many goddamn Dilly Bars. The best has to be the flood. The floor drains behind the counter get clogged with peanuts and crushed cones and the like, so someone was supposed to pour a bottle of drain cleaner down each one once every couple of weeks. Of course, the boss would't pay for it, so when there WAS a water leak, it quickly FLOODED behind the counter. We end up with half the shift doing normal tasks, and the other half trying to keep the water at a minimum, and prevent it from getting out into the dining area.

Then there were the dinosaur squirt gun kids' meal toys, which provided the staff with hours of fun, especially when one genius decided to fill one with fruit acid (helps the big plastic barrels of delicious fruit topping keep their colour longer) and go for eye-shots (we only ever targeted each other with them - we obviously weren't as hardcore as we thought). No permanent damage to anyone, but man, that stuff stings like an absolute bitch.

There was also the stash of rye in the cleaning supplies cupboard, "Deep-Fried Burgers Day", and various minor events of that nature. I'm still trying to repress the memory of the time someone shit in the urinal and damn near destroyed it (the flexible metal cord out of the back of a neon sign makes a passible drain snake), but I really prefer not to go into detail on that.

[Guest kkktookmybabyaway]

Pooh in the urinal? Good grief. The worst bathroom vandalism I experienced was this one time a white trash family must have gotten pissed off by one of my co-workers because the dad and toodler went into the men's room. I noted the awkward behavior and went out and got their license plate number. When they came "running" out I went in and noted SH*T ALL ACROSS THE WALLS!!! It was near the end of my shift and I quickly phoned in the police. The po-pos came in and I showed them what had happened. They said they could arrest the people involved, and I gave them the license plate number. Since my shift was over I informed the overnight people of what had happened and told them not to clean up the mess. The next day I came in and the bathroom was spotless, and nobody from third shift had done the cleaning... hehheheheh -- f*cking white trash piece of sh*t

[Guest Flyin' Squirrel]

That's even further beyond sick. People are freaks, man. One would think that, even if someone was extremely angry or confused, covering the walls in shit wouldn't be considered as an option. Working in fast food very quickly rids you of any of that pesky faith in humanity.

[Guest kkktookmybabyaway]

Opps, my aforementioned incident happened at a 7-11type store. Trust me, the white trash frequents these establishments as well.

 

While I'm here I might as well tell the story of these stupid high school/college kids that were SMOKING WHILE PUMPING THEIR GAS!!! We had a red button behind the cash register that if pushed would limit the size of an explosion at the gas tanks. I thought I'd be pushing that button when these morons began flicking their ashes on the ground...

[Guest Lord of The Curry]

Ahhh....the good ol' days with Michael Donalds......

 

Well, I have a couple to share. The first involves fucking with a janitor named Randy. Now, you must understand that this Randy character was one of the most fucked up human beings I've ever met. Rumour was that he was loaded due to his stock sharing and length of time spent in the company. The clothing he wore didn't show it. Anyways, on to my story. Well, whenever I'd close up kitchen I would notice Randy working in the lobby mopping up. I would then repeatedly go to the volume control for the lobby and blast it. Randy would run screaming to the back room for somebody to turn the volume down. While he was doing that I'd run out to the lobby and run across the floor that he'd just mopped. We didn't really get along that well. Then again, Randy hated just about everyone.

 

In another hilarious incident invovling Randy, myself and another co-worker would use the drive-thru headsets to talk to him while he was out watering the flowers around the speakers. The co-worker Dave would always threaten him with death and say that we can see you right now and shit like that. Randy would then look up and become paranoid for about 20 seconds, until returning to his gardening.

 

Finally, the coup-de-grace that involved what will forever be known as the Sauce Gun Incident. Well, the sacue that is used at McD's is shot out of guns, like cocking guns but with sauce tubes loaded. One day a co-worker decided to whip it against the wall and see what would happen. What happened was that it looked like 20 porn stars had their way with one side of our kitchen. Mayo everywhere. The gun had blown the fuck up, leaving us all very happy at the sight, but not happy about the clean up.

[Guest Maurizio C... Version 2]

well, a relatively funny story at mcdonald's happened just 2 days ago...

 

so here I'm 30 minutes away to finish my 6 hour turn for the day. I'm tired as fuck as I've literally not sat for the whole 6 hours. I've done a rush hour and then have been in the kitchen all by myself... here he comes Gianmaria, 20 something manager and certified bastard... he looks at me and says, without even sayng Hi or Hello Idiot, "look, the oil filter you cleaned yesterday were still greasy. Don't you do it again!"... so I clean the things once again, but now I clenaed just one as I was 15 minutes away from going home... I finish the job and head to the locker room to go home... and here he comes the asshole, Gianmaria, looking at me and telling me "you want me to believe you can't clean BOTH filters (we got 2 of them) in 30 minutes?". I responded "I can, but then I'd do the same job as yesrterday. you don't want greasy filters, right?"... basically he wants me to stay there more time to clean the shits... but I go, punch the office's doors and tell the other manager "look man, I'm giving you notice!"... but then decide to stay there... go home... today I got told by colleagues that just a few hours after I left 2 drugatics got in there with guns and stole 2 thousands dollars... and Gianmaria received 10 stitches to the head and is now at home... karma is a bitch, guys!

[Guest One Bad Apple]

I'm the only one in the kitchen and gets to cook those crappy foods for thousands ####### that want a cheeseburger 5 minutes before we're closing sooooo I get to stay there 15 more minutes to clean the mess.

 

Fucking whiner.

 

my only consolation is where I go smoke in the bathroom even if it's votoed (i got sent home after my manager discovered I eat a bacon)

 

Why'd they let someone your age work in the kitchen?

 

 

Now, you must understand that this Randy character was one of the most fucked up human beings I've ever met.

 

From what I read, I just got the impression that you were a stupid #######.

[Guest JAMES900]

Too tell you the truth no one enjoys flipping burgers, while I think that what you guys have said are disgusting and sometimes insensitive If I had that line of work I'd probably be the same.

[Guest kkktookmybabyaway]

Insensitive? Christ, you ain’t seen nothing yet.

 

When I worked at BK there was this “little person” who was a real bitch. She spent more effort trying to get out of work, rather than just do her job, if you know what I mean. Anyway, she was a real bitch and nobody liked her.

 

Seeing how she couldn’t work the burger assembly line without a footstool or two, she always worked up front, so when she would get bitchy I’d put the sandwiches on that little chute-thingy you see at just about any restaurant at such an angle where she couldn’t reach them. Yes, I’m a bastard.

 

One day, we ran out of “real” wrapping tissue for the food and had this paper instead that was sticky as #### and wouldn't slide anywhere. Anyway, I was the lone person in the back during a rush and was working multiple stations at once. Suddenly I heard someone scream my name. It was my vertically challenged friend and she was going off on me because I put some sandwich of her out of reach. The one time I don’t intend to pick on her height and she gets all bent out of shape. Of course this time her complaint reached the district manager and I got in a lot of trouble, especially when I laughed over the whole incident.

 

Am I an evil bastard? Probably. But it was still funny as ####.

[Guest Choken One]

#### It, I wanna quit my 6 Figure job and flip burgers at McDonald's after these stories.

[Guest kkktookmybabyaway]

Christ, office-related stories are just as bad. The only difference is that nobody wears a hair-net and grease isn't over every utensil you use.

[Guest Maurizio C... Version 2]

well, I'm home right now beacuse I gotta do some exams to see if I've got tumor... think they bothered asking how I feel?

[Guest kkktookmybabyaway]

No, but I will.

 

How do you feel?

[Guest Maurizio C... Version 2]

I feel like I have to repair to 22 years of damages... and that's all. I really don't care if I die... fuck!