GAB: patdandmghwc vs kid and dlux

[Patty O'Green 0]

as i told 149 this match has been done for a while, but damn its a difficult thing pressing new topic. its hard out there for a pimp

 

[i]We can dance if we want to
We can leave your friend behind
'Cause your friends don't dance
And if they don't dance
They're no friends of mine!”[/b]

The Target Center may not own any desires to dance, but Vinny Valentine has every inclination to put some “motion into the ocean”. He bursts through the entrance doors, coming between the frantic journeys of intense purple, gold, and teal spotlights, and running into a wall of thick green fog. Inside that colorful prison he begins busting out classic disco moves, that already have the crowd openly groaning. Vinny is far to enamored with his questionable dancing ability to notice their disdain, and his snake skin boots continue grooving along the floor , while legs, covered in brown and black snake skin bell bottoms, make strange awkward kicking motions. These uncontroleld greatly worry his near by partner, Biff Atlas, who already is fretting over a potential fire from the build up of smoke. Rico De Janiero, clad in Brazilian flag tights, tries to calm Biff down with the gift of mardi gras beads around the collar of his safety vest. Sadly, Biff takes the gift all to literally and rips open his vest to show his boobs. Lucius Soul, clad in plain beige pants that offset wild zebra print shoes, drives a sparkling blue 'fro prick through his hair as he laughes in tandem to the horrible music. Vinny quickly gathers his charges and escorts them down the ramp with the battle cry of “LET'S KEEPIN ON TRUCKIN, BABY!”

BUFFER
The following three on four differently abled contest is scheduled for one fall with a time limit of sixty minutes. Now making, their way to the ring, first from Venice Beach he is BIFFFF ATLAS! And from New Orleans, Louisiana, LUCIUS “SWEET” SOUL! From Rio De Janerio, he is RICO DE JANEIRO. And their so fly, so fresh, so cool, leader, coming out of Brooklyn, New York, the disco duck, VINNY VALENTINE!

Vinny greets the announcement of his name by performing a ridiculous twirl that nearly pokes Biff's eye out. Good thing he's wearing safety goggles!

COLE
Vinny Valentine the brains, or stupidity If you prefer, behind all this. He of all people decided to be the one to stand up to Krista's bullying, and he's recruited long-time enemies of Krista, The Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew as well as pressganged Biff Atlas into service. 

COACH
Pressganged? Biff is all about making a difference in the world! Krista, and Alix, have been about shamming dudes for years. Every time a man gets a little respect around her, there comes Krista to drop 50 pounds of ether on em and son their career into oblivion. A work environment with that type of chick is unsafe, its hazardous to your career! If Biff is the safety guru he says he is, then he's gotta be about cleaning this mess up! And props to my boy Vinny Valentine, that wardrobe be mad suspect, but its bout time someone made moves  to set this chick straight.

Biff's reservations are more palatable and pressing then before. With fear exhausting his face into a colorless mask he pleads with his partners to spare him his imminent demise. His cries are heard by unsympathetic ears, and the cruel mouth of Rico De Janiero who orders him into the ring.  On the center of the canvas, Valentine is already flexing his scrawny muscles to a disapproving crowd who drown out his triumphant shouts with boos. Soul stands atop the turnbuckles, styling his flawless fro, and ignoring the repeated worries of Atlas.

COLE
The Mardi Gras Homewrecking has fallen on times as of...the last year...but there was a brief moment in history where they were fast rising stars in the OAOAST. They even beat D*LUX for the HI-YAH tag titles, and speaking of Tyler and Shayne, Biff and Vinny hold two victories over them. It'll be curious to see how the kids from Detroit approach this match.

COACH
They'll approach it from wherever they have the best look up Krista's skirt.

The hits of yesteryear keep on coming! The camera pans across an arena that exploding with a large ovation. We see the targets of this love, darting onto stage, framed by swirling and dominating blue and purple lights. Tyler and Shayne, clad in their usual denim outfits, bounce across the stage, whipping the teenage demographic into a frenzy with chest beatings, peace signs, and carefully timed flashes off their washboard abs. Standing in the center of this Tiger Beat worthy frenzy is Jade Rodez, calm and collected in her pink tracksuit. When her boys settle down somewhat, she points them towards the ring, where the heel crack their knuckles in anitipcation of a furious fight.

COLE
Biff, with all his worrying, and just general insanity and anger at D*LUX, forgets a very key point, that this all began when Vinny Valentine smashed a disco ball on D*LUX's head on Syndicated. If that had never happened, this match wouldn't be taking place, and he'd be off somewhere inspecting the arena's plumbing in peace and anonymity. And, now Biff has even more to be worried about, and the fans have even more to be excited about with Alix Maria Spezia making her return to the OAOAST! I wonder how well that's going to go over with Mackenzie.

BUFFER
And, the opponents! First, being accompanied by Jade Rodez, they weigh total combined weight, three hundred eighty two pounds... "TREMENDOUS" TYLER, "SHOWTIME" SHAYNE... they are two thirds of the six man tag team champions... D*LLLLLLLUUUUUUUUUUUXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX!!!! 

On their way to the ring, D*LUX uses salutes and high fives to fire up a front row audience that overflowing with excitement to be within inches of the teen idols. Jade walks just a bit ahead of them, and takes a seat at the announce table to the surprise of Double C.

COLE
Jade? Didn't expect to have you out here tonight. Welcome.

JADE
Mom, told me to sit here, actually. She said it might help my public speaking. Plus, she wants somebody to spray pepper spray on Coach if he makes a lesbian joke.

[size=3][font="Arial Black"][color="#FF0000"]When the red light comes on I TRANSFORM.[/color][/font][/size]

[font="Arial Black"]
[color="#4169E1"][i]Look in my eyes covered in Maybeline
Looking like something fresh out of a magazine
I can be part of your deepest fantasies
You’re the detective
Come solve my mystery[/i][/color][/font]

The futuristic humming of Danity Kane's Bad Girls, ushers in a BOOOOOOMING reception from the sold out crowd, as a waterfall of [color="#FF00FF"][b]pink[/b][/color]  pyro dives in front of the jumbo video screen. Its sparks are splashed along the stage, when its tagged by a fresh geyser of  [b][color="#FF0000"]red[/color][/b]  pyro . That serene pairing is then overpowered by the dominant thunder that comes from the  [b][color="#FFFF00"]golden[/color][/b] pyro wall that takes over the entry way.  

COACH
My ears!

Coach's ears may be in critical condition, but his eyes are sent to heaven by the splendid image of Krista Isadora Duncan standing between the swirling of pyro haze.  A white deep plunging criss crossing teddy, can scarcely hold her mind boggling breasts, as it falls into a mini skirt that's kept open sided to let the gazes of viewers feast on her award winning legs.

COACH
Hot dayum. Hey-uh, Jade, daughters kind of like to wear the same clothes as their mom. Yo, I'm just sayin that maybe you oughta lose that track suit and get in a  lil somethin somethin...

JADE
Pepper spray.

Whipping up a storm of faux fur, Alix happily skips across the entrance ramp, soaking in the enormous amount of welcome back cheers from a Target Center that's entirely on its feet. The roving pink and red spotlights hit her rocking body, highlighting destroyed denim cargo pants, and a pink and white stripped A&F polo top. Out of sheer luck alone, Krista is able latch onto her hyperactive partner, and still her into the most tender and loving embrace the OAOAST audience has ever seen. Giggling with unrestrained happiness, Alix turns over her shoulder and blows a cute kiss to the camera, leading super imposed red lips to pop on the screen.  

BUFFER
And their partner from Los Angeles, California, being accompanied by the returning Alix Maira Spezia...(Buffer's voice is drowned out by massive roar from the audience) she is a best selling author, a fitness queen, and star of the world famous FIT with KID line of exercise videos, a member of the Hollywood Walk of Fame, she is Miss California Krista Isaodra Duncan! Together they are four time OAOAST World Tag Team Champions, America's Sweethearts, Chicks Over Dicks! 

Hand in hand, the girls merrily skip down a ramp that's surrounded by a bevy of photo journalist. They make certain to point out a row of fans holding up a twenty foot banner that reads [b]“WELCOME BACK ALIX”[/b] in huge sparkling red letters. Once they reach the ring, Alix runs her fingers gently up and down Krista's arms, before slowly massaging her back until she reached the slender shapes of her hips. She boosts Krista's onto the ring apron, then coolly reclines against it, soaking in the love of the crowd. Krista uses her prize winning legs to caress the excitable brunette's tingling body. While Ally loses her self in her pleasuring touch, Krista shoots a middle finger towards the battery of cameras that flash away. After that Krista rolls into the ring, where's she's greeted enthusiastically by D*LUX who attempt to “delight” her with their new power ballad “You put my heart in a sleeper hold”. Free of questionable love songs, Alix gingerly situates herself next to Jade at the announce.

ALIX
Hey, J-Ro. Or is J-Du. Or J-RoDu. Or Barbra Walters. Anyway, hi-ya! Oh, woah, coach and cole, Ally Cat, bought presents!

COACH
It's a Gucci watch!

ALIX
It's a knock-off, babe. My uncle works for the LAPD, shocking I know, and he swiped it out the evidence locker. But don't, like, touch the inside or whatever. 'Cause he's still gotta dust it for prints and scrape it for a blood match. Enjoys, boys! 

COLE
Alix, its great to have you back.

ALIX
And, I'm sooooo stoked to be back! Rehab really taught me a lot of things about myself and life! I'm all about hugs, not drugs. I feel so bad for what I did to everybody, I said some really mean things to people and that sucked and I worried alot of people that cared about me. I wanna totally apologize to anyone I hurt or offended or upset. I'm really sorry and thank you so much for your support. And just to clear the air, and stuff, I'm definitely done wrestling, I'm just gonna focus on my CD. If Katy Perry can make a crappy song about being a fake lez, I can make a crappy song about bein a real one, and be bigger than Ozzy! But, when I tried to bite the head off a bat, it bit my tongue and gave me rabies. 

Its with prideful authority that Rico announces that he'll start for his team. His decision is met with hearty applause and cheers  from his comrades which etches a confident smirk across his face. Shayne gets the nod for his squad, due to solely to the fact that Krista covers Tyler's mouth before he can argue Shayne's starting.

COLE
I think Rico may have put ear plugs on to prevent the “Song trick” he falls for every single match.

ALIX
Awww! No sing-song from Rico! That's sucky, 'cause I really needed a reason to want to crave my ear drums out!

[b]DING DING DING[/B]

With impeccable timing, Rico smashes his green and yellow boot into Shayne's thin midsection. Doubled over by the strike, Showtime is unable to prevent his foe from trapping him inside a side headlock. Instantly Rico begins torquing on his foe's neck, which draws out chants of support from the teenage girls in attendance. Hearing the chants past his ear plugs, the burly Brazilian orders the screaming teens to be silent, unless they wish to incur a forced mustache ride.  Apparently the threat of sexual assault is meaningless to them, and they increase the noise and power behind their song. Showtime seems able to use Rico's distraction to begin wiggling his way free of Rico's hairy arms. But De Janeiro stuns him by sweeping his leg out from under him and dropping him to the canvas!  Though Showtime hits face first, he's able to quickly step to his knees. This isn't useful by any means, as Rico uses his brute strength to just shove him onto his back. Just as Shayne is adjusting himself to his positon, Rico latches onto his arm for an armlock. Even with his limb being slowly pulled from his socket, Brave has little trouble in kipping up. This provides Rico with a world of frustration and annoyance, but gives the teenage girls another reason to scream for their adored crush.

[b]“WE LOVE SHOWTIME! WE LOVE SHOWTIME![/b]

COLE
With that much speed, Shayne is a lot like a cat.

ALIX
Yeah, but, you can't, like, train Shayne to poop in a box. You can try, you can intimidate him with non lethal weapons technology, but that litter box you got him for Kwanza, just isn't gonna get much use! 

Though on his feet, Shayne is still at the mercy of the former HI-YAH tag champion, who hurls him back to the canvas with an arm drag.

“HA-HA-HA! Looking good, R.D.J, loooookin go-go-go-oooood!” Vinny celebrates, going as far as giving himself a high five.

Shayne is back to his feet with surprising quickness, but again its Rico with the upper hand, driving a second knee into Brave's stomach. With his foe weakened, the South American Lothario grabs onto his wrist and throws him to the ropes. Shayne counters the whip effort by leaping onto the bottom rope, and latching onto the top one to prepare a spring board assault. Unfortunately he just so happens to be in front of Krista. And (un)fortunately his mind deviates from Rico and becomes a slave to the jumbo sized pair of breasts in front of him. Having dealt with this plenty of times before, Krista rids the ropes and her breasts of her salivating fanboy by giving him a nice hard shove. Her timing is perfect as Shayne's elbow connects right with an oncoming Rico's jaw. De Janiero is thrown to the canvas by the stinging bard where he cries out in rage and pain. Brave shows his plight zero sympathy when he strikes his downed opponent with a running knee drop!

[b]“YEAAAAAAA!”[/b] shout the audience, as Shayne parades around the ring with his arms raised in celebration. Rico springs back upright and comes at Brave with arms raised into a polish hammer! But Showtime drops to his knees, laces his leg around Rico's ankle and brings him to the ground with a drop toe hold. Rico moves with great haste to get to his feet, but Brave counters any movement with an Oklahoma Roll!

ONE!

TWO!

But, Rico kicks out of the pin!

ALIX
Jade, I'm like so incredibly pissed off, its just crazy. I couldn't bring your mom to orgasm last night.

JADE
Shouldn't that be between you and mom?

ALIX
Its one of those it takes a village, type of things. Your mom is the wizened elder of our tribe, and her sexual gratification is, like, the responsibility of every member of the tribe.

COACH
I'd like an application form for tribal membership, please.

Brave applies the tag to Bryant, earning a large ovation from the sold out Target Center. The teenyboppin tag team aims to give the fans even more to cheer about as they raise Rico off the canvas. Still dazed by the dizzying pinfall, he fails to defend against an Irish whip that launches him into the ropes. However, upon his return he recovers enough of his strength to flash a lariat aimed at Brave. But Shayne ducks bellow the oncoming strike. Rico is unable to hit the breaks before he finds himself trapped inside Bryant's embrace. With a miraculous bit of strength, Bryant hoists him into his arms then slams him down onto his knee with an inverted atomic drop. With his testicles rocketing their way through his chest, De Janiero lets out and ear piercing shriek of raw misery. 

ALIX
I guess I should kinda feel bad for Rico but it doesn't really matter or anything because he couldn't get lucky if he was a chocolate covered millionaire carrying a bag full of new shoes.

As Tyler holds a whimpering Rico in place, Brave charges to the ropes. As he nears the wounded Brazilian, Bryant lets Rico go free and darts towards the cables himself. Though free of his foe's grip, there's very little Rico can do in the split second between Tyler letting him go free, and Shayne driving his boots into his thick calf muscles. De Janiero tumbles to the canvas like a chopped tree, and hollers as if that very tree just fell onto him.  His pain becomes even greater when Bryant returns to impale his tennis shoes through his face!

“That one was dedicated to you, Krista!” Tyler informs her.

“No fair! I wanted my move to be dedicated to her!” Shayne whines, apparently not noticing the indifference on her face.

“You snooze you lose, dude!” Shayne teases Tyler.

COACH
Man oh man, Jade, both Shayne and Tyler are dedicating moves to your mother, but no one is dedicating any to you. Isn't that terrible?

JADE
I...I...

ALIX
Ooooh oooh ooooh! Coach, dude, something really terrible happened the day you were born!

COACH
What?

ALIX
You lived! Now, hush it!

In effort to one up his partner in Krista's eyes, Shayne subverts any attempts to argue and makes a mad dash towards Biff! Needless to say, panic sends the cowardly lion on frantic escape effort. Shayne seeks to defeat his escape effort this by leaping onto the second rope. As Biff's haphazard retreat  brings him closer to the posts, Showtime throws himself off with a dropkick that catches Atlas right in the face! Biff is thrown from the apron, and his shouts of anguish rise in tandem with the cheers of the crowd. Elsewhere Rico is back on his feet and rumbling towards Brave. But Bryant joins his best friend in dislocating Rico's jaw with the [b]Hit Me Baby One More Time[/b] double superkick! Together they turn to Krista for approval, who sets their hearts a flutter....by sneezing. You take what you can get when you have a crush on a lesbian, that's what I always so.

ALIX
Sooooooo MC, what's cool with you?

COLE
Well, I found a place. It is a beautiful brownstone in Harlem... and I think I'm gonna buy it!

ALIX
Oh, my God. R-Really?

COLE
Yeah, it's perfect. It's even got one of those ironing boards that fold down from the wall. 

ALIX
Oooooh awesome...A gay white man ironing in his Harlem brownstone. Like, I can't wait for, like, the neighbors to drop by. You know, to beat the piss out of you!

Brave has cleared himself out the ring to allow Tyler to make a pin on Rico...

ONE!

TWO!

But, Lucius breaks up the pinfall with a swipe of his zebra print boot. This does not sit well with the sold audience who loudly jeer his interference.

“SAY SOME SHIT TO ME!” Soul hollers.

“BOOOOO!”

“SAY SOME MORE SHIT TO ME!”

“Lucius Soul,” Krista begins, “You're the handsomest man on your team. That's not saying much. Rico De Janiero, Vinny Valentine, Biff Atlas, it looks like the latest entry to Uglypeople.com's hall of shame. You may be an awful failure in life, but at least you're not Rico. What a miserable slob! The last time he was on screen FEMA sent the OAOAST a check for two million dollars, and fifty packages of emergency rations.”

COACH
Jade, what do you think of Lucius Soul?

JADE
Me? Oh, I uh...I guess, he's kind of annoying. But..I uh...I...

ALIX
Yeah, Coach, like, Jade was just telling me how dudes like you and Rico are, like, the total symbol of what the OAOAST is all about. Yeah, taking B level talent and making D level shows. Good one, J.R.!  

Head ringing from Soul's cheap shot, Bryant isn't able to stand himself up as quickly as Rico. Thus when he rises, he's caught with a pair of thudding elbow strikes that leave him dazed on his feet. De Janeiro figures that the third time is a charm and whirls around to level his rival with a discus elbow smash. But Bryant greets his rotation with a basement dropkick to his knees! As Rico sinks to the canvas, hollering shrill songs of agony, Biff shakes his head at the numerous knee injuries his ally may now be susceptible to. Fortunately for Rico, Tyler doesn't attempt any more moves that target the knee and instead tightens his foe into a front facelock. His idea is to hit a DDT, but the thought is much easier than the execution and Rico's raw power gives him the ability to burst free of Tyler's bonds. He then punishes Tyler for the hell he's been put through all match, by leveling him with a simple forearm to the back. Though basic, the strike was delivered with enough force to leave Tyler winded and on the ground gasping for air. Satisfied Rico spits on Bryant, before making his way to his corner to apply the tag with Vinny Valentine.

“DISCO IS DEAD! DISCO IS DEAD!”

Vinny enters the ring smiling a bold victorious smile as his eyes fall on the prone body of Bryant. Grabbing the heartthrob by his stringy blond hair, Valentine leads him to his feet. Bryant is still short of breath from Rico's forearm, and his breathing becomes even more labored when Vinny peppers him with two quick jabs to the stomach. Tyler is out on his feet, and soon he's off his feet, as The Disco Duck clamps down on his baggy denim pants and hoists him over both shoulders.

“Gimme that night fever, night fever! We know how to show it!” Vinny screams towards Krista, to little reaction from her or the fans, as neither are aware he even has a finisher named Night Fever!

COACH
Jade, kiddo, you obviously ain't got no idea what Tyler should be doing in this situation, otherwise you'd be sayin it. You wanna know what Da Coach would do?

ALIX
Fart a little and then deny it?

Vinny twirls Tyler around in an effort to irritate the crowd before he finishes their favorite boybander off with his version of the Alabama Slam. Yet his whirling dervish routine also irritates Biff Atlas, who reminds him off the pitfalls of nausea and indigestion that comes from such spinning. For whatever reason, Vinny actually pauses to listen to Biff. And that moment of indecision is all Bryant needs to shimmy down Vinny's slender back, and attempt to trap him into a pinfall. Attempt being the key word here, Vinny adamantly refuses to be brought down no matter how mightily Tyler struggles. Eventually, Vinny grows tired of having a teenage boy try to pull down his pants, and rips himself away from Bryant. He keeps the six man champion grounded by driving an elbow onto his throat. So arrogant, Vinny believes this is enough to pin Tyler and hooks his leg for a fall..

ONE!

TWO!

KRISTA
Vinny Valentine, if you don't break up that pin right this instant, I'll tell everyone about your gay lover on the roster!

As if he didn't have enough of reason to despise Krista, Valentine is forced to end his fall.

SHAYNE
How did you know he was gay?

KRISTA
Ten percent of the population is, and I figure of the percent of the population that dress like they were conceived in the drag corner of Elton John's closet one hundred percent has to be bi or gay or curious. Random and baseless blackmail is my way of participating in this match.

Wanting to have Tyler expend his own energy, Vinny allows him to stand up on his own power. When he finally rises, Vinny wraps his arm around his neck in a side headlock that's as tight as the jaws of death. Raising his finger into the air in preemptive triumph Vinny carries his rival across the ring for a bulldog. However, Bryant evades the classic hold, by placing his hands onto Vinny's waist and shoving him towards the turnbuckles. To the audience's immense pleasure Vinny crashes stomach first into the ringposts and groans in frustrating pain. There's little time to feel sorry for himself, though, thanks to Bryant fast approaching with a body splash. The Disco Duck counters by grabbing onto Ty's right leg, and then flinging him into the air. Unable to defend himself in time, the teenybopper smashes his cute face into the top turnbuckle. While the girls in attendance recoil in horror, Biff solemnly shakes his head and makes a mental note to petition for better ring post padding. Meanwhile Bryant staggers away from the ropes, clutching his face and fretting over the status of his upcoming TeenDisney photoshoot. This precludes him from noticing that Vinny Valentine is currently bouncing off the ropes with malice on his mind. By the time he is aware of Vinny's intent, his face is already being smeared across the canvas courtesy of Valentine's face crusher. Dazed and wounded, Tyler rolls onto his back where he breathes heavy cries of distress.

ALIX
Hey, like, what's up with this Biff Atlas, dude? What's he bitchin' about with all this safety stuff, or whatever? He wants to see an accident, I got an uncle who lost a forehead in a towing accident. He's gotta wear a special hat to keep his brains in!

Vinny darts towards the ropes, but instead of running back to Tyler as any normal human being might do, he moonwalks towards his rival. Whatever this unusual variation of the tried and true “funny looking elbow drop” formula was supposed to yield we'll never know, because Tyler stuns Vinny with a school boy! Charles Robinson drops to his knees to score the fall...

ONE!

TWO!

Vinny furiously forces his way out of the pinfall. And when the two competitors rise, he's even more furious in rocking Bryant's jaw with a back fist. The blow seems to have enough power to floor the teen idol, but Valentine keeps him aloft with a front facelock.  He brings Tyler into the skies, then punishes him by dropping him onto his oft-targeted face. The young ladies in the audience aren't even the least bit pleased to see their crush mistreated so, and vehemently boo Valentine. The Disco Duck mocks their outrage by crying heavy crocodile tears, as he walks to his corner. There he applies the tag to Lucius Soul with instructions of “bring home the bacon, daddy, bring home the bacon!” 

COACH
Yo, girls and tranny, Lucius Soul is a bad negro! Hear this beat, bitches! I read on the internets that my man LS was a silver medalist in the 2004 IKF Kung Fu championships with only a year of training.

ALX
Oh my god! If it's on the Internet, it must, must, must be true! Sincerely, The Nigerian Dictator who wants your bank account number to transfer a family fortune e can't smuggle out of his country.

Eyes burning bright with hatred and spite, Tyler attacks Soul with crazed haymakers that bomb across the Louisiana native's scruffy face. However, Soul returns fire with expertly placed kicks that seem to still Bryant. That is until the cute grappler pops his fans by battering Soul with a series of knife edge of chops. But before Ty can shred away Lucius' chocolate colored skin, his chopping is interrupted by a running knee to the back from Valentine!

“BOOOOOOO!”

“Put a sock in it!”  Vinny shouts, which actually causes Biff to remind the front row audience of the hygienic hazards that come with putting a worn sock into your mouth. While Biff bores everyone into a coma, Vinny attaches Tyler into another front facelock, and then lifts him onto Soul's scrawny shoulders. Together they shift Tyler's legs into Lucius' arms as they guide him to the ropes.

COACH
Yo, Jade, hook your boys up with some strategy!

Valentine and Soul drop Tyler throat first onto the top cable, a move that leaves the boybander gasping for air. Any breath that was coming to him is immediately knocked aside when Soul plows him through the mat with a powerful sitout face crusher. Delivered with such devastation, the hold actually flips Bryant over and bounces his back across the canvas. He cries out in agony that's worsened when his vulnerable position is exploited by double leg drops from his annoying foes.

JADE
Oh no!

[b]“LET'S GO TYLER! LET'S GO TYLER! LET'S GO TYLER!”[/b]

COACH
Hot damn, Vinny's plan is gonna pay off!

ALIX
Yeah right! Not only did you lose your hair prematurely, you also lost your mind! I've visualized how we're gonna win. It's really sucky Rico will have to get his head chewed off by a T-rex, I thought they were extinct. I'll be sure to, like, send his wife flowers. Shortly before I sleep with her. His kids will call me nana, and his dog will call me Jose.

With a solid hold on Bryant's arm, Soul carries him off the canvas. As he slings the Detroiter over his shoulder in preparation for a running powerslam, he fakes a tremendous yawn, as if to inform the audience that Bryant poses absolutely zero threat to him. Perhaps, Soul yawned too quickly, however, as Tyler calls upon his great agility to slither down his adversary's back and onto the ground. The Smooth Soul Bro quickly whirls around to put himself back on the attack. Unfortunately, turn about is fair play, and the jive talkin pimp is now lifted onto Tyler's shoulders. Now its Ty's turn to shrug and feign disinterest with otherwise deadly foe. And like Lucius he pays dearly for his arrogance; Soul shimmies down his back before settling gently onto his feet. Angrily, he shoves his rival in the back which sends him careening towards Krista. This, of course, is just fine for Tyler who has the opportunity to fall into Krista's waiting bosom. This, of course, is not fine for Krista who may have the misfortune of Tyler falling into her waiting bosom. Thus, Krissy casually slides a few inches down the ramp, enough so that Tyler won't be able to accurately identify her bra size and so that she can still make a tag with Bryant. A great deafening cheer rises from the stands and from D*LUX, as Miss California strides into the ring.

ALIX
Yay Krissy!

[font="Arial Black"][color="#FF0000"]“KRISTA! KRISTA! KRISTA!”[/color][/font]

“Lucius Soul,” She starts as her longtime target stares bullets back at her, “You are a beautiful human being! You're a paroled crack dealer, a homophobe, and an admitted woman beater, I root for you like I root for the retard taking tickets at the movie theater, I want you to do good, I just don't wanna have to clean up your shit in the bathroom later on. But, honey, one thing you really need to work on, your acting skills. I haven't seen acting that poor, since I pretended to be straight.”

And so it begins! Lacking any sort of verbal counter for Krista, Lucius shoots his leg towards his face. Unfortunately she catches it within her hands. She admonishes the fuming soul brother a quick finger wag before giving him a quick 360 twirl. Struck by horrific bout of nausea Soul is left defenseless when Krissy tightens her hands across the back  of his neck. The bombshell then leaps with her knees pressed into his chest, bringing him down with an inverted lung blower! Soul recoils backwards, but somehow manages to stay upright. However he isn't able to do much besides clutch his chest and try to regain his quickly depleting breath. Distracted, he fails to register Krista's heels carrying her across the canvas to the ropes. Though he notices her return, its much to late to stage any sort of defense, and the walk of famer rips through him with a spear!

“KRISTA! KRISTA! KRISTA!” chant the fans as Krista pulls a tube of lipstick out her top and makes sure her lips stay a pristine cherry red.

COACH
Jade its kinda difficult for someone to be like your mother, least of all someone who ain't got a shred of personality in their body. Why don't you try someone a lil easier to emulate? Someone like...me.

JADE
Gee..I..um..don't...

ALIX
Hey, uh, like production assistant dudes, we need twelve pounds of salt and a plate of lard, from the looks of you, tubby, her ass has a lot of catching up to do!

Elsewhere, Vinny Valentine seeks his long desired retribution against the cold hearted fitness queen. And so he climbs onto the top rope, with mind set on crushing her with an axe handle smash. Despite his (only)friend's determination, Biff decides its his duty to take a proactive role in saving his life, and wraps his arms around Vinny's ankles to keep him from “plummeting to your grave!” Needless to say, Vinny isn't exactly enamored with Biff's assistance, and almost goes as far as to call him a [i]square[/i]!

ALIX
Ya know, I am sooooo freakin glad that Biff dropped that stupid earth gimmick. Because, let's face it, earth is really sucky. 'Cause I was at the gym with Anne Hathaway, and she's like “we gotta save the earth, we gotta stop pollution.” and I'm like any planet that allows you to co-star in Get Smart and deserves to get taken over by that half turkey-half worm dude. You know, gobble worming, or whoever. What a jerk! Leave us alone you turkey-worm thingie!

Finally rid of his partner's troublesome meddling, Vinny is free to strike at Krista with his axe handle smash. But its not as if Krista was in poor shape when he ascended to the top, and his argument with Biff certainly didn't do any wonders for his chances of success. Thus, its with little surprise when Vinny's attack is met with an expensive high heel lodged into his midsection. Vinny assumes he can retreat with his health intact, but alas such an escape won't be possible, as Krista leaps into the air and catches him with a diamond cutter! 

[font="Arial Black"][color="#FFA500"]YEAAAAAAAA![/color][/font]

Standing over Vinny, Krista remarks, “Vinny Valentine, you are a miserable specimen of life. Your matches don't last long enough for people to walk out. If you get any worse, you'll hit the bottom rung of the OAOAST ladder, and when you get there tell Christian Wright I said hi. The only reason you have a job is because you've lapped up more discarded fluids then a janitor's mop.” Vinny's only response is to weakly mumble obscenities, while Biff shakes his head and openly wonder “Why won't they listen to me?” 

Lucius Soul comes flying at Krissy with his long leg extended into a side kick. But the blonde haired beauty shoots her head beneath his attacking limb, and he goes sailing harmlessly past. When he comes down on his boots, he's forced to deal with a pair of two hundred seventy dollar L.A.M.B pumps slashing through his twenty dollar salvation army bought khakis. Fortunately, Soul's wrestling skills are slightly sharper then his fashion sense and he counters Krista by placing his hand on her neck and shoving her towards the ropes. When the cables bounce the GLAADiator back to Soul, he tightens his hands around her slender waist and then throws her into the sky for a flapjack! However that move does him more harm than good as Krista, laces her lovely tan legs around Soul's neck and dizzies him with a crowd popping hurricanrana! But, just soon as he hits the canvas, does Soul leap to his feet. This is certainly an ill advised course of action as Krista clamps her arms across his neck. Blinded by her flowing golden locks, and nearly strangled to the point of suffocation, Soul is easily victimized by the [b][color="#FFFF00"]Blonds Never Pay a Cover[/color][/b] (Side effect)! 

[font="Arial Black"][color="#FF0000"]“KRISTA! KRISTA! KRISTA!”[/color][/font]

Rather foolishly, Soul scrapes his sore bones off the mat, with no real plan of action in mind. Krista pounces on his indecisive behavior with a series of lightening fast kicks to his stomach. After the third one hits, the GLAADiator springs into the air and whirls around to catch the former pimp square in the face with an even more deadly kick. The strike shoots every last bit of breath from Soul's body and clumsily hurls him all the way towards the corner. Unable to sustain his balance past the incredible pain, he simply sags forward to find a place to pass out. Yet, his wobbly legs walk himself straight into a middle finger followed by a DDT from the sassy covergirl!

[font="Arial Black"][color="#FFA500"]YEAAAAAAAA![/color][/font]

ALIX
REAL [i]NIGGA[/i] VISION, I AIN'T SEEIN NONE OF YOU!

COACH
:huh: 

Neck feeling as though its been ran through a wood chipper, Soul is strewn about the canvas with no hope of movement.  Triumphantly towering above her foe, Krista fastens her hands onto her hips, and slowly glides them along her slender side to her big boobs.  In slow tantalizing grace she spreads them apart and carefully rolls them around in circles. She leans forward ever so slightly, and with her hands back at the sides, squeezes the luscious orbs and puts the audience into a titillated shangri la.

ALIX
Oh my god, Jade, isn't awesome to have a mom who's so, like, open with her sexuality. My mom used to shove me in the dog house with a bowl of water and an issue of [i]Highlights[/i] whenever the mailman would swing by the double wide. Or the plumber. Or my math teacher. Or our priest. Or my uncle. Or the mailman, my plumber, my math teacher and our local congressman. It must be awesome to have a mom who's on such a higher sexual plane! Like, you should ask her about it!

JADE
Its, uh, its not come up at the dinner table quite yet.

She cuts short the spicy little flesh show in order to take to the skies with a standing shooting star press! Though the move is gorgeous, that's about all the benefit it has as Soul rolls out the way at the last possible second. Krista hits the canvas with a chilling thud, and even her abs of steel can't save her from the terrible burning pain within her stomach.While Krista screams and grimaces in pain, Soul retreats to his corner to make a tag with Biff Atlas. To no one's surprise, Biff isn't exactly gung ho about the situation, but is assured by his teammates that Krista's as weak as she's ever going to get. With never before seen speed, Biff charges into the ring, where he grabs onto Krista's long legs, and jackknifes through her body with a pin...

ONE

TWO!

Krista casually pulls her shoulder off the canvas, and with even less effort rises to her feet. Fraught with fear that his already tiny window of opportunity has been slammed shut, Biff rushes to the ropes to attempt the legendary(!) [b]Always Wear Safety Goggles[/b] (Running High Knee). Unfortunately in  Biff comes to close to Shayne Brave, and eats a left jab for his troubles. More angered than hurt, Biff swats his foe with a wild forearm. However, Showtime ducks the strike, and smashes his shoulder into Biff's stomach. Much to his infinite horror, Biff's protective vest helps him little and he's doubled over in quickly mounting anguish. Stumbling back towards Krista, her expensive high heels blasts him into the corner with a dropkick. Biff begs Rico for a tag, but because De Janeiro has the earplugs blocking his hearing, Biff's cries are unanswered. Smirking with a twisted delight, Krista waves “Night-Night” to Biff then charges in to drive the point of her knee directly into Atlas' jaw! Feeling a great and immeasurable pain Biff stumbles away from the turnbuckles, and the Hollywood sex kitten takes the opportunity to lift her heels onto the second rope. She takes a moment to admire her supersized image on the video screen then launches herself at Biff with a spinning wheel kick that throws him into the air!

JADE
Wow! Mom is really taking it too Biff!

ALIX
Ya know, what she really needs to take? Her house cleaner to get deported! She's so sucky! I could shove a dust rag in a bamboons ass and he'd do a better job of cleaning than her. She leaves more hair in the tub then she cleans out.

Biff's latest of many failures finally convinces Vinny Valentine that a traditional approach to this match may not be so wise. Thusly he decides to skirt a rulebook that's rarely enforced in the first place, and demands Rico enter the ring. Problematically, Rico can't hear a damn thing.

“What?”

“Get in there!”

“What?”

Frustrated beyond all belief, Vinny just rips the ear plugs out and screams “GET IN THE FUCKING RING!”

Although annoyed with Vinny taking his only defense against Krista's trickery, De Janeiro enters the ring to bail Biff out of the situation he's woefully unequipped to handle. 

“Don't you start, don't you start, with yer little sweet talk, your little bullshit games, 'cause I ain't singin nothin, chica. Nothin”

“I didn't even ask you to sing!” Krista protests.

“Good, cause I ain't gonna sing. I sing over your grave, but I ain't gonna sing here. I don't break my word for nobody. You can't get to me sing, 'cause that's history. I'm in control.”

“I would never dream of thinking otherwise.”

“Good. 'Cause its my life. Its my life! Its my life!”

“ITS MY LIFE” sings a gruff authoritative voice in the far off distance, which draws stares of wonderment across every inch of the arena. Rico's heart seems to visibly sink into his stomach at the thought that Krista's treachery now extends to ghosts. Vinny tries to get him to focus but the confusion brought on by aggressive and steady gutair riffs shatters such hopes.

“This ain't a song for the broken-hearted. No silent prayer for faith-departed. I ain't gonna be just a face in the crowd. You're gonna hear my voice. When I shout it out loud” The mysterious voice continues to blare. Suddenly the arena dims with a thick, dreamy blue lighting, where the brightest light is a spotlight that shines on the entrance way and...

[img=http://www.rumorsinmusic.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/07/bon-jovi-mijovi.jpg]

“It's my life! It's now or never But I ain't gonna live forever! I just wanna live while I'm alive (It's my life) My heart is like an open highway! Like Frankie said "I did it my way" I just wanna live while I'm alive! It's my life!”

COACH
She got Bon Jovi?!

ALIX
Yeaaaah, she kinda told him this was the Virgin Fest, and he'd be going on before Kanye. And, hey, do ya like Gnarls Barkley? Because if this match goes on for four more minutes they're scheduled to perform.

God damn it, if Rico isn't floating through heaven on cloud nine. This isn't the playground bully routinely tormenting him to an audience of millions, this is a rock legend pointing to him, investing his faith in him, and demanding that he rock this mother out. Who is he to say no to the ability to live a dream? “It's my life! It's now or never But I ain't gonna live forever! I just wanna live while I'm alive (It's my life) My heart is like an open highway! Like Frankie said "I did it my way" I just wanna live while I'm alive! It's my life!” He bleats into a microphone

As if she were Cher and he was sonny, Krista rubs her back against Rico and sings in a powerfully soulful tone, “This is for ones who stood their ground! For Tommy and Gina who never backed down! Tomorrow's getting harder make no mistake! Luck ain't even lucky! You've got to make your owns breaks!”

With backs pressed against each other, and spotlight immortalizing them in the eyes of the world, Krista and Rico join Bon Jovi into pouring their heart into the classic tune “It's my life! It's now or never But I ain't gonna live forever! I just wanna live while I'm alive (It's my life) My heart is like an open highway! Like Frankie said "I did it my way" I just wanna live while I'm alive! It's my life!”

After the rollicking the guitar solo, Bon Jovi and Krista let Rico immerse himself in this fantasy come to life with a thundering solo “Better stand tall when they're calling you out “Don't bend don't break, baby don't back down It's my life. And it's now or never 'Cause I ain't gonna live forever”

[b]SUPERKICK BY KRISTA![/b]

[b][color="#FF0000"]“YEAAAAA!”[/color][/b]

COLE
An impromptu performance by Bon Jovi all for a near undefeated wrestler to superkick one of the if not the worst wrestler in the company. Gotta sell those DVD's somehow!

JADE
You're gonna need a lot more than Bon Jovi to sell any show with Cuban Wall in a world title match.

COACH
Dayum girl, you ain't gotta take it there! You might be like your mother after all...

Krista bids Bon Jovi a fond farewell, and gives him a hearty outpouring of thanks and praise for his selfless service in the ongoing effort to ensure that Rico never becomes a credible character in the OAOAST . The audience as well applauds the bowing rock superstar for his work Rico's humiliation. Shockingly enough Krissy feels a pang of pity and offers her hand in a truce to Rico. The Brazilian is understandably mistrusting of her kindness.

“Come on, Rico, we´ve got to hold on to what we´ve got.” She says with heartfelt kindness. “It doesn´t make a difference If we make it or not. We´ve got each other and that´s a lot. For love - we´ll give it a shot.”

Rico finds his antipathy towards Krista somewhat softened by his sugary sweet voice and takes her hand, to rise upright. “Whooaaaaaa! We´re half way there! Whooooaaaa! Livin' on a prayer!
Take my hand- we´ll make it - I swear!  Whooaaaa! Livin' on a prayer!” She sings to him with her hands pressed against his chest

““Whooaaaaaa! We´re half way there! Whooooaaaa! Livin' on a prayer!” He belts back.

[b]SUPERKICK BY KRISTA![/b]

[b][color="#FF0000"]“YEAAAAA!”[/color][/b]

“Maybe this wasn't such a great idea.” Vinny wonder aloud

If Vinny is starting to err on the better side of caution, Lucius is on the worst possible side, flinging himself at Krista with a spring board lariat. Showcasing her impressive strength he catches his skinny frame onto his shoulders. 


“Lucius Soul, now that I have your captive attention, why on earth am I wrestling you? I'm on the walk of fame, I have my own line of exercise videos, I had my own television show, and you, you're seen less than big foot. The only difference is people go looking for big foot! Your career is going so poorly, I saw you backstage carrying bags for the Burroughs Boys. But its not all, bad, honey. Who can pick a fro like you? Rico? He can't even pick enough fruit to feed his bastard children.”

Angered by her continued sonnage, Soul begins bucking and thrashing against her clutches, and finally manages to drag himself off her shoulders. In a bit of rarity, Krista is somewhat stunned by his counter, and its for that reason alone he's able to bring her down with a side Russian leg sweep!    

“I'ma Pimp, I hold my dick like a holster! All the girlies want a Lucius Soul poster!” he screams to the audience.

[b]”YEAAAAAA!”[/b] Did the fans suddenly turn to the side of big pimpin? Uh...no. D*LUX has entered the ring to protect Krista from any further attacks from Soul. Together they bash him with chops that put bright red welts onto his dark skin. Having weakened him with their savage strikes, they grab hold of his wrist and throw him towards the ropes.  As he approaches both boys go low and take away his legs with basement dropkicks. Left on his knees and under a terrible amount of duress, Soul is struck down by the New Kicks On The Block double basement dropkick! The previously loud mouthed brawler is silenced, and falls over onto his back, face drained of all life. 

“No! I thought you were colder than a deuce, Lucius! What are you doin in there?” Valentine bemoans.

ALIX
Oooooh ooooh oooh this is so exciting! So exciting!  If I hadn't lost Krista's priceless antique pearls in a high stakes game of gin with the hells angels I'd totally be clutching them right now!

[b]”YEAAAAAA!”[/b] 

The audience's delight is short lived, however, when Biff Atlas returns to life strike down Tyler with a lariat! Now Biff growls and pivots about, swatting at Brave. Though the boyband cutie manages to get his arm up in time to block the blow, he's still sent tumbling against the corner posts. Atlas rumbles forward, slamming one well muscled arm at the spot where Brave his standing. Showtime is fast and sidesteps the attack, gliding down the ropes. Cheated, confused, and angered his cries for a safer ring posts have not been heard,  Biff stomps his foot on the ground in frustration.

Vinny is equally distraught with Biff's efforts, “Biff, daddy, watcha doin in there?”

[b]“LET'S GO SHAYNE! LET'S GO SHAYNE! LET'S GO SHAYNE!”[/b]

Shayne leaps onto Biff's back and immediately slips an arm around the safety nut's throat and beneath his chin. Just the very thought of being in a chokehold cripples Biff with worry, and he screams his submission.

“I GIVE UP! I GIVE UP! I GIVE UP!”

“No you don't!” Vinny screams from the safety of the apron.

Locked in a terrifying stranglehold, Biff shakes his head and gurgles breathlessly, then lurches forward almost sending Shayne toppling over the top rope! But Showtime holds on tight, latching onto Biff with every bit of strength in his body. Biff screams and claws at his head, quite honestly fearing a fast approaching death. 

“GET OUT OF THERE, BIFFY! YOU'RE SCREWIN EVERYTHING UP!” Vinny complains

He spins blindly, smashing headlong into the corner posts. Driven into the steel with such resounding force, Shayne is unable to maintain his hold on Biff and his arms fall away from his throat. Angered and still panicked,  Biff drives his broad shoulder into Brave's stomach, feeling his body contracting and convulsing beneath him. In a frantic attempt to avoid more assaults from Biff Shayne hurls himself away from the corner posts. But Atlas catches hold of him with a full nelson! Despratley Shayne makes a bid to be free of Atlas' vice grip, however there's no escape and Atlas swings his rival forward to attack him with Caution, Big Drop Ahead (full nelson face plant)!

COACH
You got any decent advice for your team, Jade? What is that you do as manager anway? Nothing? Nada? Zip? Zero?

ALIX
Oh how cute! Zip and zero are gonna be the amount of testicles you have after I tell Krissy you were talkin smack about her kid!

COACH
I'll be quiet.

Biff takes hold of Shayne's legs, and dives backwards so as to slingshot him into the ropes. Brave lands throat first onto the cables, bringing out worried gasps from the young girls in attendance who may be forever robbed of his beautiful singing voice. They watch in horror as Brave stumbles backwards right into a school boy from Biff...

ONE!

TWO!

But Biff's ability to hold Shayne in place is hindered by his distraction at the sight that lies before his eyes; Krista seductively tracing her tongue across her voluptuous red lips, and nodding down to a raised skirt that reveals a jiggling and grinding booty. 

JADE
Oh my!

Past her firm tush Biff sees the light on an EXIT sign in the stands is burnt out! Atlas certainly can't tolerate such a glaring disregard for the well being of the spectators, and begins rushing over to practice his amateur electrician skills. But, Biff loafers don't even get halfway across the ring, before Krista tags him in the jaw with an elbow! Atlas pleads for her to let him go free to carry on his safety duties, but she unsurprisingly refuses him and strikes him with a second elbow. His head lolls from side to side, as he totters clumsily on his feet.  Thankfully he gets a moment to catch his breath as Miss California has to enthrall her legion of fans by  stroking her picture perfect hair. If Biff had any inclination to make Krista finally pay for her arrogance, we'll never know of it as Shayne grabs onto his arm and spins him around in order to strike his chest with a spinning back fist. Already weakened by Krista's elbows, Biff is ready to crumple insto a lifeless shell. But, Brave keeps him aloft by holding his head in a snap mare position. Without giving the cowardly heel any opportunity to fight back, Brave falls forward and mercifully KO'S him with a diamond cutter!

[b]YEAAAAA![/b]

JADE
The Shaynedrop! Way to go!

The painfully overmatched heel team lies in beaten heaps, their carcasses carelessly dumped across the landscape of the warzone. Now All eyes fall onto Vinny, and these are not eyes of wrestlers awaiting their next competitor, these are the eyes  of the killers awaiting their next victim. And this is a victim who's entire thought process is infected with fear. A fear that tells him to get the hell out of here.

“Uh...ya'll cats is what's happening, but I gotta get backstage and get my proper swerve on with some fine chickadees! Catch ya on the rebound!”

Forgetting his grandiose plan to achieve fame, fortune and simple respectability, Vinny hops off the ring apron with eyes darting to spot the nearest exit. When he spots his gateway to paradise, he rushes there just as quickly as his stubby legs will allow him. Unfortunately his bid for safety failed to take into account Tyler Bryant lying in wait. And as he rounds the corner of the ring, Bryant roadblocks his path with a spear!

[b]YEAAAAA![/b] scream the audience as Tyler pumps his fist in celebration.

At Krista's politely stated request, Bryant becomes Vinny's escort, roughly handling him into the ring. With Shayne, they hold the Disco Duck up in front of Krista, and his eyes flood with pain and confusion, as he's held by a fright normally reserved for those facing their final moments on an electric chair.

“Oh, honey, I have a few words for you.” Krista says with feigned innocence that has Vinny wincing in agony. “Of all the wrestlers to rip off, you pick Disco Inferno. Disco Inferno? How stupid can you be, Vinny? Why didn't you do us a favor and rip off Bruiser Brody so we can have the pleasure of seeing you get stabbed to death in the locker room?  You're so washed up, parents tell their kids to vinny valentine before dinner. Honey, the 500,000 they're giving away for this tournament isn't some random number. 500,000 is the number of people who change the channel whenever you wrestle. You're seen less than soap at Lucius Soul's house. Its a good thing you fought me, because now you can write a book on this feud “how to fuck up a job you shouldn't have got in the first place. Honey, I've killed more wrestlers than steroids, overdoses and Vince McMahon combined. You thought you were a competitor, but I’m serving you like Federer. I could destroy your career just saying etcetera, etcetera, etcetera.  Boys, if you would be so kind.”

COACH
Awwww naaaw! Krista went in on dat whiteboy's ass!

ALIX
No hetero!

Ignoring Valentine's offerings of friendship, servitude, and strange sexual favors, Tyer lifts the disco duck onto his shoulders. Muffling Vinny's last ditch efforts to secure mercy, Shayne hooks his arms across Valentine's head. The fans let out a large pop, that grows even louder when the boys from Deteroit hit the Rock Your Body (Samoan Drop/Neckbreaker Combo)! Krista plants her heel on Vinny's stomach, as Tyler hooks the leg and Shayne covers the chest, and they both try to steal a peak up her skirt.

CROWD
ONE!

CROWD
TWO!

CROWD
THREE!! 

The fans erupt with raucous delight as Robinson's hand touches down on the mat for a three count! D*LUX leap off the mat into a tight embrace with each other, not quite what they were hoping for, but alas Krista has already retreated to the ropes to beam an arresting victory smile towards the roaring crowd. Never the less, D*LUX is (or is it “are”?) comfortable enough in their masculinity to have a good old fashioned hug between them.

JADE
What an wwesome victory!

ALIX
Yeah, even though I didn't, like, ya know doing anything, besides look super hot, which I always do anyways, and my girlfriend did all the really hard work I still feel like I totally accomplished something and can take credit for her stuff. That must be what it feels like to be married  to Gwen Stefani!

COLE
A new day has dawned in the OAOAST, but for Vinny Valentine and his gang of misfits, its the same old miserable life.

ALIX
Today's lesson, never aspire to better yourself.

COLE
Here! Here! Jade, D*LUX can look forward to defending their six man titles with Leon Rodez...

COACH
If Le-Ro don't fuck around and get that ass beat again in War Games, or if he don't get some kind of NTD. Nerdly Transmitted Disease.

COLE
And, Krista has a chance to become Miss California and Miss Money In The Bank with her entry into the tournament!

JADE
More money for my trust fund!