Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted July 18, 2008 THE FOLLOWING PROGRAM IS INTENDED FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY PRESENTED IN HD Yo, shit, we need to be fuckin with Rhianna like that! Is disturbia a good opening song? It just might be, because the OAOAST is straight disturbing. The quest continues, but as it does Ultimate Victory keeps us strong. The logo dissolves into the image of Double C at sofa central. Coach reclining with a casual disinterest and Cole contrasting him by sitting on the edge of his seat in unrestrained excitement. COLE HeldDOWN is on the air! We're a week from our revolutionary free show in central park the Big Apple Spectacular! But that doesn't make tonight's show unspectacular, with both former Lonestar Gunslingers in money in the bank first round matches against former OAOAST world champion Alfdogg, and the metrosexual monster himself Bohemoth. Huge matches! Huge! Plus, Landon Maddix and Theodore Moneymaker's war of words escalates with both men picking a representative from their camp to do battle. COACH Word to the truth. Anything with Coach is bound to be hot! the car, the club, I roll into the mall and I get the stuffed animals at build a bear work shop to pop drop and lock it! COLE Riiiight. Well, folks we're kicking things off BIG with the Metrosexual Monster in action, as Bohemoth takes on...wait, what's he doing? The crowd noise grows from a loud murmur to a chorus of jeers, as NATHANIEL BLACK has come out from the back! Landon Maddix's fellow British charge rolls into the ring and approaches Michael Buffer, who was preparing to announce our next contest. Black calmly asks for the microphone, to whcih a confused Buffer obliges, and Black then waves him off, still displaying a bit of cockiness amidst his civility. BLACK ZACK MALIBU! ZACK MALIBU! ZACK, I NEED YOU OUT HERE! COLE Why is he shouting? COACH You never know, Zack might be blasting the latest from O-Town back there. COLE O-Town broke up a few years ago, Coach. COACH You WOULD know that. Black circles the ring, continuing to call Zack's name until finally he appears at the top of the aisle, staring up at his rival in the ring! Zack makes his way to ringside to a wave of applause, as Black nods his head, seemingly approving of Malibu's appearance. COLE These two men had a HELL of a match last week, which happened when Nathaniel Black felt he needed to prove that he's more than what we take him for in the OAOAST. Zack Malibu came out the victor in that contest, but like I said last week, Nathaniel Black deserves all the credit in the world for hanging in there with Zack and going toe to toe, taking all that he had and more before a Super Trendsetter finally put him away! Now in the ring, Zack approaches Black, and the two men lock eyes. Now that Zack's in the ring, he shrugs his shoulders, asking what Black wants, and that's when the international superstar begins to talk. BLACK First off, I just want to say, that I'm not out here to bait you, or lure you into a trap or anything. I'm out here on my own, because I have something to say to you. This has nothing to do with Cucaracha Internacional, or you and Landon, or anything else. I'm out here because of ME, and what I feel needs to be done, and that is for me to tell you...Thank You. COLE Thank you? COACH Don't look at me! Zack looks on, wondering where this is going, as is the confused crowd. BLACK Last week, I had challenged you to a match because I know what I'm capable of. I know, deep down, that I'm one of the best. No one confused me of being under confident, I know...but that's where you and I start to see similarities, Zack. You're the same way. You know what you can do and you come out here, night after night, proving to the world that YES, you ARE The Franchise of the OAOAST! You ARE one of the best in the world, and having been in the ring with you, I can't deny that. Now, the reason I feel the need to say thank you to you is a simple one...knowing that you're one of the best, knowing that you are our Franchise, I want to thank you for showing me that I am every bit as good as you! It's a mixed reaction, as some of the crowd boos, some of them cheer, and some of them simply gasp at the cockiness of Nathaniel Black! BLACK You brought out the best in me, Zack. I took everything you had last week, and at the same time I gave you a challenge that I can't say I've seen you have in a while. I brought you to your limits. Maybe, just maybe, I opened your eyes enough so that you saw some of yourself in me. Regardless of how you feel about me or whose employ I'm in, after last week there has been only one thing that I've wanted to do, and that is ask you for a rematch, next week, at the Big Apple Spectacular! The crowd roars, as Malibu nods his head, reacting as if it's a good idea. In fact, seconds later, Malibu takes Nathaniel Black by the wrist and pulls the mic towards him, uttering two simple words... MALIBU You're ON. The crowd roars again, as Black takes a step back and, in a rare show of sportsman ship, extends his hand to Zack Malibu! COLE Look at this! Nathaniel Black, offering his hand to Zack Malibu! COACH That's a bold move for Nate Black, because I'm pretty sure Landon Maddix isn't liking this! Malibu turns to the crowd, wondering what they think while debating on it himself. Zack looks at Black and then goes to shake his hand...but before he can he's waylaid from behind, as James Blonde hits the ring and nails him with a rabbit lariat, then starts stomping him down! COLE God damn it, we should have known, Coach! The crowds mixed, nearly positive reaction for Nathaniel Black turns to disdain rapidly, as now they see that it was a set up all along...or was it, as Nathaniel Black watches on momentarily before shoving James Blonde, getting him away from Zack Malibu! COLE Wait...did Nate Black just HELP Zack Malibu!? Blonde, never one to be pushed around, shoves back, asking Black what he's doing. Black has since dropped the mic, but he can be heard saying "I needed to do this, you have NO RIGHT..." amongst his choice words for his stablemate. Blonde looks at him and blows him off, and when he goes for Zack again, Black grabs his arm, stopping him! Blonde shoves Black again, and the two teammates look like their ready to throw down...and that's what they're going to have to do, as SLY SOMMERS has hit the ring! COACH Well, let's just get EVERYONE out here! The crowd roars as Sly slides in, nailing Blonde with a right hand as he turns around, and another one as he gets up from the blow! Sly turns around with fist cocked, ready to slug Black, but Black takes the high road, dropping to the mat and rolling out of the ring, rather than engage in battle! Blonde bails out of the ring too, for an entirely different reason, as Sly helps Zack to his feet to a big pop. COLE Whether it was another ruse by Landon Maddix's cronies, or a defining moment for Nathaniel Black that was ruined by his partner remains to be seen. Luckily for Zack, Sly Sommers was on the scene before it got worse. COACH Typical of Sly, kissing Malibu's BUTT as always. COLE Not for anything Coach, but with both Landon and Cucaracha Internacional running rampant, and The Enterprise trying to run EVERYTHING, it's nice to see some unity on the other side of the locker room for a change! Zack comes up, holding the back of his head. He leans over the ropes and stares out at Blonde, who curses the ground he walks on, while Nathaniel Black brushes past Blonde, never looking back at the ring as he heads back to the dressing room as we fade out. COMMERCIAL LATER TONIGHT MITB FIRST ROUND MATCH THE LONESTAR GUNSLINGER BARON WINDELLS VS ALFDOGG TONIGHT COMING UP NEXT[ (4 REAL!)/color] MITB FIRST ROUND MATCH MISTER DICK JOCK MULLIGAN VS THE METEROSEXUAL MONSTER BOHEMOTH NEXT Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted July 18, 2008 (edited) About ready to continue with our Money in the Bank tournament, Michael Cole first enters the ring to interview 84-year-old referee Clem Buzzlefoxer. COLE Clem, I thank you for taking a moment of your time to speak with us, especially since OAOAST officials are immune from questioning by members of the press. But I know you wish to address the controversial tag bout you officiated last week featuring V.I.C.E. and the Christ Air Express. OAOAST BACKTRACKER Last Week EMT Tim feels for the ropes and begins to crawl to the WRONG corner. Tim shakes off the cobwebs and heads in the right direction. CPA grabs the attention of referee Clem Buzzlefoxer as Tim MAKES THE TAG. Unfortunately since the referee didn’t see it the tag isn’t allowed. Baron doesn’t give a damn, though, and starts kicking ass. Dropkicks and Cowboy bebop elbows for everyone! Big boot staggers CPA, and a clothesline knocks him to the floor. His pleas for order falling on deaf ears Clem Buzzlefoxer calls for the bell. * DINGDINGDING * An argument ensues between Buzzlefoxer and Windels. As they continue to go back and forth, CPA smokes Tim with the GIGATON PUNCH and places Detective Bosley on top. Suddenly Clem signals to restart the match. CPA floors a befuddled Baron Windels as the count is made. ONE… TWO… THREE!!! * DINGDINGDINGDING * “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!” COLE As you can hear, it was not a very popular decision. Quite frankly, and with all due respect, I question your state of mind during all that. BUZZLEFOXER My great-great-great grandkids, they never miss a OAOAST show and read the Internet, Mr. Cole. They read and hear at school the jokes about their grand-grand-grand pappy, and it doesn‘t just hurt them it hurts me too. So for you of all people to question my state of mind, it pains me to no end. But it no longer comes as a surprise that whenever something unusual happens in a match I’m officiating, like missing a tag or my attention being diverted elsewhere during a key spot in the match, people assume it’s yours truly experiencing a senior moment. If I may be so blunt, that pisses me off! For you must understand, I’ve done this job for well over 50 glorious years. Longer than most people watching have been alive! There’s no other official on God’s green earth who can do a better job than me, which I proved last week by not cheating the fans out of their hard earned money. I gave them a winner. Baron Windels ignored repeated warnings in regards to his constant interference. After interfering for a third time I had no choice but to disqualify him. Until I remembered what I was told many, many, many, many years ago in referee school: never allow yourself to determine the outcome of a match. COLE But you did! BUZZLEFOXER At first, I admit. I quickly rectified my mistake, however. The important thing is, there was a winner and there was a loser -- and the fans went home happy! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!” COLE Does that sound like the fans are happy? BUZZLEFOXER (smiling) We’re in a different city, Mr. Cole. COLE (sighs) Very well. Clem, I again thank you for your time. Fans, here we go with our next Money in the Bank match. My dick cost a late-night fee Your dick got the HIV My dick plays on the double feature screen Your dick went straight to DVD My dick: bigger than a bridge Your dick look like a little kid's My dick: large like the Chargers, the whole team Your shit look like you're 14 The camera pans to the entranceway where Mr. Dick stands, arms raised out in a pose as streams of golden pyro shower down on him and Malaysia. BUFFER The following is a first round MONEY IN THE BANK tournament match scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, accompanied by the ultimate combination of beauty and beatdowns, OAOAST Women’s Champion MALAYSIA! From San Antonio, Texas, weighing a hard 238 pounds… MR. DICK! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!” Mr. Dick swaggers to the ring holding his crotch. Once inside he tosses his glittery white cowboy hat aside and summons his opponent. COLE A quick reminder about next week’s special telecast fans. Just signed: BIG APPLE SPECTACULAR Mr. Dick & V.I.C.E. vs. Baron Windels & The Christ Air Express COLE What a match-up it should be. COACH If you like massacres. Which is exactly what it’ll be next week. Guaranteed. *BbwWbAhmotherfuckerLlIiiBbbEErRrAATtTeeyYyOUUurRrMmmMmMiIInNnDddDd!!* "Liberate" by Disturbed hits and the crowd goes BERSERK. The Metrosexual Monster triggering a pyrotechnic display that puts the 4th of July to shame by simply flashing THE GUNZ~! BUFFER And his opponent, hailing from Greenville, South Carolina, weighing 284 pounds... BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHEEEEEEEEEEEMOTHHHHHH!!! "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Bo runs up the steel steps and poses inside on the middle turnbuckle. Like a snake in the grass Mr. Dick stalks his prey and pounces when the time is right, clubbing Bo hard from behind with overhead forearm smashes. * DINGDINGDING * COLE Mr. Dick living up to his name, ambushing the Metrosexual Monster. COACH You don’t agree with it, but it’s a smart move on Mr. Dick’s part, Mikey. Bo’s a monster. He puts everybody he’s in the ring with at a disadvantage. So you gotta take every opportunity he gives you. Put on the defensive to start Bo then goes on the offensive, backing Mr. Dick against the ropes with a fury of closed fists referee Clem Buzzlefoxer admonishes him on. He whips Mr. Dick across for a clothesline, but Mr. Dick ducks under and lands a STIFF KICK that merely fazes the Epitome of Masculinity! So if at first you don’t succeed try, try AGAIN… AND AGAIN… NO, BO COUNTERS WITH A POWERSLAM!! "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" ONE… TWO… And only two. Mr. Dick rolling outside clutching his lower back. While he recovers Malaysia hops on the apron to challenge Bo. Woman or not, the charismatic big man invites her to step inside. Clem Buzzlefoxer and his fragile 84-year-old body doing all it can to keep that confrontation from occurring. As the war of words continue, Mr. Dick sneaks around to the other side of the ring and scales up top. COLE Behind you Bo! From Cole’s lips to Bo’s ears. The Metrosexual Monster nailing Mr. Dick coming down with a shot to the gut! "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Face-first into the buckle goes Mr. Dick. Bo keeping him cornered for a series of knees to the midsection. Whipped across Mr. Dick floats out of an attempted military press slam and CLIPS Bo’s knee! COACH Let’s see how Bo does now that he’s the one at a disadvantage. Mr. Dick squares Bo up and drives the point of the elbow into the back of the neck. Down on a knee the man dubbed PIMPHEMOTH~ for his stylish threads becomes enraged after a SLAP to the face, popping Mr. Dick above the belly button which he shakes off, raking the eyes to follow. An illegal act gone unnoticed despite referee Clem Buzzlefoxer standing right there. COLE I don’t advocate forcing anybody into retirement, but it’s my humble opinion that OAOAST management should look into doing so in this case. The guy’s breaking down in front of our very eyes. His vision’s poor and God only knows how many replacement joints he needs. COACH Age discrimination! COLE The last thing this business needs is a death in the ring, and I’d hate to see the outcome to an important match affected by Clem. You don’t want him to fall asleep when Tha Puerto Rican is about to retain the heavyweight championship of the world or when D*LUX is a half a count away from winning the tag titles. COACH Just don’t book him in any title matches. Simple as that. Having shoved Bo onto his back Mr. Dick points Clem in Malaysia’s direction as he lifts both of Bo’s legs and HEADBUTTS HIM IN THE GROIN! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!” COLE Mr. Dick…Just Being A Dick. After bashing Bo’s leg against the ring post repeatedly, Mr. Dick looks to slap on the figure-4. Kicked away at first he stays persistent…AND GETS ROLLED UP IN A SMALL PACKAGE! ONE… TWO… KICKOUT! Both men rush to their feet, and Bo stiffs the shit out of Mr. Dick with a MURDERLINE!! Mr. Dick staggers back up and right into an inverted atomic drop…which does more damage to Bo due to his injured knee. COACH The end may be near, Cole. Coming off a grueling series of matches with Zack Malibu and then having competed in War Games just a few short weeks ago, I don’t know how much Bo has left in the tank. Mr. Dick meets little resistance applying the FIGURE-4 LEGLOCK this time around. The shockwave of pain causing Bo to sit up, teeth gritted. As Clem checks to see whether Bo wants to quit, Mr. Dick grabs the ropes for extra leverage. Which Bo desperately tries to aware Clem of. Of course by the time he looks Mr. Dick has already let go. “LET’S GO BO!” “LET’S GO BO!” “LET’S GO BO!” The crowd solidly behind him Bo stages his comeback. Running high on adrenaline Bo flexes his muscles to psych out Mr. Dick before overturning the figure-4. Now the one feeling the hurt Mr. Dick releases his grip on the hold almost immediately. But the damage has been done. Bo struggling to put any weight on his injured leg. This allows Mr. Dick to come up and hook Bo in a FULL NELSON and SLAM him into the mat with PURE PENETRATION! COLE Bo in real trouble here. ONE… TWO… NO! Bo gets the shoulder up, prompting Mr. Dick to complain of a slow count. A claim referee Clem Buzzlefoxer responds by shooting Mr. Dick a stare that translates to “quit your bitching” and he does. Unlike the last time he meets heavy resistance trying to reapply the figure-4, crashing face-first into the buckle after Bo uses his foot to shove him off! He staggers back around into the arms of Bo who delivers a FRONT SPINEBUSTER!! "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Back in the driver’s seat Bo looks to the crowd for his next move. Thumbs up? “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!” THUMBS DOWN~! "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COACH God these people are sadistic, Cole Bo nods in agreement. But as he’s about to scoop Mr. Dick up for the Erotic Awakening of B, Malaysia once again makes her presence felt on the apron. COLE Careful Bo. Remember what happened the last time you and Malaysia came face to face. Bo knows, sidestepping a running attack from Mr. Dick who quickly puts on the brakes to avoid a collision with Malaysia. COACH Close call there. Happy to disappoint Mr. Dick laughs in the fans’ faces. Bo’s got their backs though, clothes lining the narcissistic bastard over the top. Luckily for Mr. Dick he lands safely on the apron, or so he thinks. A big roundhouse knocking him loopy. Bo then suplexes… NO, MALAYSIA YANKS THE LEG OUT FROM UNDER BO AND MR. DICK FALLS ON TOP! COLE Malaysia’s got the leg! Mr. Dick’s gonna steal this one! ONE… TWO… KICKOUT! "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Bo PRESSING Mr. Dick onto the true senior official of the OAOAST. COACH I told you Bo’s a monster, Mikey. Even with Malaysia pinning his leg he still managed to kickout. COLE What heart and desire being shown here tonight. Both men badly wanting to advance onto the next round of the Money in the Bank tournament in search of a shot at the OAOAST Championship and a half a million dollars. The first to his feet Mr. Dick pulls the CUP out of his short shorts. But it’s no ordinary cup. It’s a STEEL CUP specially designed for extra protection. COACH That’s what I call balls of steel. COLE Mr. Dick winds up…but has the cup ripped from his hands by BARON WINDELS. "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" MR. DICK COACH What's this loser doing out here. Oh, now I get it. He wants to see what a winner and real man looks like up close. Mr. Dick takes a swing at his former tag partner and misses. Baron shoving him back into the direction of Bo and THE EROTIC AWAKENING OF B!! COLE Oh, my! COACH This is terrible. Mr. Dick had the match won, Cole. Clem slowly -- and I mean slowly -- crawls over to make the count. ONE… TWO… THREE!!! * DINGDINGDINGDING * BARON *BbwWbAhmotherfuckerLlIiiBbbEErRrAATtTeeyYyOUUurRrMmmMmMiIInNnDddDd!!* Bo’s music plays in the background as the fans celebrate his victory. BUFFER Here is your winner, advancing to the next round of the Money in the Bank tournament… “THE METROSEXUAL MONSTER”…. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHEEEEEEEEEEEMOTHHHHHH!!! "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Baron tosses the steel cup to Malaysia before letting Bo have his moment in the spotlight. Mr. Dick pissed beyond words/belief/whatever the proper phrase is. In any event, he’s mad. COLE What a win for “The Metrosexual Monster” Bohemoth. COACH I call it a miscarriage of justice. How come you aren’t as wound up about Bo getting help from Baron Windels as you were when Mr. Dick received assistance from Malaysia? COLE Baron had little impact in the outcome of the match. Whereas Malaysia did everything but actually get in the ring to help Mr. Dick. COACH You don’t even bother to hide your bias anymore, Cole. COLE Well you’re not the king of impartially yourself. So there. Right now let's go backstage to Tony Brannigan. In the backstage interview lounge as described by me only two weeks ago various wrestlers are ignoring the fact there's a live show going on and preoccupying themselves with the numerous games and activities in the modernist quasi-sports bar. But they're only background props to the central figures of Theodore Moneymaker and Tony Brannigan sitting at the bar. Moneymaker nurses a glass of brandy, while Brannigan leans against the steel counter top and appears more interested in a replay of the home run derby on one of the giant flat screen TV's. TONY BRANNIGAN Ladies and gents, as has become an unfortunate week to week custom I am standing inside the interview lounge with the billion dollar heir, and CEO of The Enterprise Mister Theodore Moneymaker. MONEYMAKER ( looking around the fancy lounge) I count a hundred thousand dollars wasted within this very room. Ninety thousand of that is occupied by your salary! BWAHAHHAHA. I kid, cousin, I kid. I make joke, and I have a good time, because I love life and I love the beautiful people within it. BRANNINGAN Right, doctor feelgood. Seeing that you're in such a great mood, why don't you tip us off as to who you've pegged to face one of La Cucaracha Internacional later on tonight. MONEYMAKER No, no, cousin. A genius poker player never tips his hand. And the hand life has dealt me is sure to sweep away Landon Maddix in a royal flush. Besides I could clean out my entire Enterprise and replace them with only Tony Tourettes and I'd still be the odds on favorite to decimate Landon's little collection of simple oafs. Who made that moron head of his own wrestling company, anyway? Was The Blue Meanie occupied with another straight to DVD show in front of twenty five people in a high school gym? BWAHHAHAHAHA! BRANNIGAN Okay, Theodore, if you're gonna keep The Enterprise rep under lock and key inside fort knox, let's talk about your favorite topic of conversation, one Krista Isadora Duncan. I figure with the Dark Knight arriving in theaters its a fitting topic. The way you constantly go back and forth with Krista is very similar to way villains like Joker or Lex Luthor battle back and forth with Batman or Superman. And, hey, just like Luthor and Joker, you always lose in the end! Moneymaker scowls and calls for another shot of Brandy BRANNIGAN In addition to the half million you've offered to the winner of this tournament, you've put up fifteen percent of your shares in the network to whoever can get Krista out the tournament. ThunderKid struck out, and next at bat is Cuban Wall. But opponents aside, doesn't this scheme reek of desperation, egomania, and flat out stupidity? MONEYMAKER An inaccurate and altogether offensive view, cousin. Very offensive. But I'm not like the Obama campaign, I won't boo hoo to the overly sympathetic bleeding heart media over every little prick and thorn. Because I am a warrior patriot, built with materials and tools given to us by the greatest hardware store of all, the United States constitution. The fifty stars on our flag never shed a tear, and neither will this star standing in front of you. As to your biased accusation, perhaps I can answer it with a story. BRANNIGAN No thanks. MONEYMAKER Do you remember when your parents released you from your little mud hut in San Antonio and you came to visit the family down in Vero Beach. And you marveled at how I, at the magical age of ten, had dominated the subdivision with a lemonade stand on every corner? BRANNIGAN They were the only lemonade stands I ever saw that served the drink with a sprtiz of scotch and a cigar. MONEYMAKER That enterprising masterpiece did not come without many well labored brush strokes. You see a young Cuban boy bused in from the city for a ill conceived deseg program, decided to infiltrate my market with a stand of his own, much the same way his people had infiltrated once unblemished American soil with their breakfast burritos and their Ricky Martin and their Univision. I was enraged by this, an action no less appalling and era defining than. the Japanese strike on Pearl Harbor. He may have been a ten minute bus ride away from my main base of operations, but I was not, nor am I, nor will I ever be, the type of liberal commie bastard to bend over and take it from Razor Ramon JR and the Fidel Castro bandwagon. Thusly I sent Christopher Patrick Allen the fourth, father of the CPA you see every week, to rough little Elian Gonzalez up, break his nose, bust his kneecaps, nothing too extreme to do to an eight year old. While CPA the 4th provided muscles, I handled the brains. Brains that were already reading at a college level. Using our family's clout as loyal and concerned patriots with the INDS , I was able to assist agents in discovering that somehow mysteriously, completely independent of my issues with the boy, he and his family's green cards had been revoked! Justice was a quick taskmaster. They were exported back to communist Cuba to be tried for treason against the government punishable by death. Why do you think I did this? To protect out family's assets, property, and cash from undesirable elements. Just as my market share couldn't be eroded by a poor Cuban immigrant that should be selling fruit on the highway, half a million dollars of the Moneymaker fortune can not fall into the hands of satan's hand maiden. Be it fifty cents, five million dollars or half a million dollars, I must protect every piece of the Moneymaker legacy from coming into contact with the wrong element. BRANNIGAN Don't you think your hateful anti-gay rhetoric is getting a little old? MONEYMAKER What grows old is the presupposing that the hardworking American public is not sick and tired of being subjected to a modern day Sodom and Gomorrah ruled over by a hedonistic Jewish Princess. The politically correct words of a biased liberal media spin a web of lies, but I have polls to untangle the truth. Polls that show the American heartland, what this country survives on, is disgusted with Johnny and Jill coming home from the last day of school with “Why does Jane have two daddies” on their summer reading list. BRANNINGAN You know something? I think Michael Cole was right. You're in love with Krista. MONEYMAKER I thought you to be a bit better than to listen to commentary from the lovechild of John Tesh and Ryan Seacrest. BRANNIGAN When you're right, you're right. And this man is right. She's strong, blond, tall, beautiful, athletic, strong willed, rich, well educated, famous, good family. And people convert all the time, who cares if she's Jewish? And as long as she keeps her mouth shut and smiles when she shakes McCain's hand what's it matter to you if she's a tree hugging hippy. Most people never find the one their perfectly matched for. But for you Its like God dropped your perfect woman mere inches away from you, but he damned you to a life of frustration and bitterness and made her a lesbian. And that's why you're on this Jesse Helms kick about wiping the “homosexual scourge from the earth” Because in all my years of knowing I've never heard you even mention the word lesbian until you met Krista. That just like you, destroy that what you want but can't have. MONEYMAKER Arm chair psychology at its worst. Someone get me a bottle of Coors so I have something to break over his head! I'm above engaging in this level of Teen Nick high school gossip. Save it for Melody and Leon. BRANNIGAN I notice you never said you weren't in love with her. The camera quickly swings to the left, in a jerky nervous movement that mimics Moneymaker's mood when he sees Alix Maria Spezia, in heavily destroyed denim capri pants, and a bold red and blue crisscrossing striped baby doll. ALIX Break yo self, fools! MONEYMAKER On second thought, analyze me more. I've always felt an vague sexual charge around my mother, what do you think that's about. And how does it tie into the childhood dreams I had of my dad holding my mouth open and pouring rat poison down my throat? ALIX No Limit Studios. What's up? Who dis is? Who dis is? Nigga, this Rappin 4-tay. Who is this? Uh, dis P! P? Yeah, this P! P? Yeah! If this P, lemme hear ya say, "Ungh!" (voice cracking) Ungh! Nigga, this ain't no muthafuckin P! Man, fuck ya'll. (singing) Make em say,"Ungh!" (Ungh!) N-nah-n-nah! (n-nah-n-nah!) Finally noticing, Moneymaker's presence but not his disdaining glare, Alix dances and grooves her way to the bar. Without even bothering to ask if she can join them, Alix nudges her way between the feuding cousins. While they try to adjust to the fact that she's nearly shoved them to the ground, she calls for a Shirley Temple. MONEYMAKER To what do I owe the dishonor of your pleasure? ALIX Wowie! Why so meanie, genie? MONEYMAKER Why do you think I'd be a mean genie? ALIX I didn't call you a mean genie! I said “why so meanie, genie.” I just said your mood is kinda mean, but you're overall an emotionally stable and well balanced genie. And if you really are genie, how come you're not blue, and voiced by Robin Williams, or if this were the cartoon series from the 90's, a similar sounding actor? MONEYMAKER I repeat. Why would you assume I'm in a bad a mood? I sink countless hours into reframing my Enterprise with you as the crown jewel, fracturing my existing staff almost beyond repair. I pour thousands of dollars into your musical career with hopes that you'll be the Trojan horse that allows me to take over Hollywood with an iron grip. Then in front of millions you finally destroy my carefully orchestrated plan to bring down Krista by choking in the biggest match of your career. ALIX Oooooooh. No way, dude, that wasn't Ally Cat! I'm a chill girl that quarrels with none. That was some other half Mexican girl with curly brown hair, singing aspirations, and a tattoo of Dr. Johnny Fever from WKRP in Cincinnati on her ankle. Plenty of people around here fit that description. Amirite? Plus, you called me a Trojan, and I don't even look anything like a condom! But, I don't wanna talk about the past, dude. Because the past is past. Hey I finally got that saying! The past really is past. Oh my god, awesome. But I wanna talk about you giving out shares of the network to whoever can eliminate Krista! That's such an awesome idea, man. Remember that ep of Full House where like Uncle Joey or Jesse, whoever appeared on surreal life and couldn't let himself fade gracefully into obscurity, had that time warp to the future when they were like super old and all the girls were there and Kimmy Gibbler was like oh my god so hot. And Joey was like “we need to start being nicer to Kimmy” but ya know that's not really cool because Krista's dad, he's in congress, says you should be nice to all dudes ...except Muslims. This idea is like hot Kimmy Gibbler but a lot harder to fantasize about. But, yeah, this is awesome. Like, its so great. So great. You know what this kinda gnarly idea makes you? A hoe! MONEYMAKER You dare to call me a ho? ALIX No, no, no. Not ho like Sienna Miller. Hoe like “Highlight of Oustanding Excellence”. H-O-E. You are the ultimate H.O.E! And trust me, I know, the woman who gave birth to me is the biggest H.O.E in the state of California! MONEYMAKER A H.O.E, eh. ALIX I mean, like, if you don't want the title... MONEYMAKER No, I very much like being a hoe. Theodore “H.O.E” Moneymaker. BRANNIGAN Even the kids on the playground were calling you that back in the day, buddy. I guess the world always knew you were a H.O.E ALIX When you walk down the street, guys are leaning out their window screaming “damn that's a solid ass H.O.E! ”And what hoe's are really known for and stuff are Displays of Intelligence Charisma and Knowledge. Or D.I.C.K for shorties. This idea with the TSM shares, total D.I.C.K! Like, most people don't think you have a D.I.C.K, but you've got D.I.C.K, dude. MONEYMAKER Damn straight I do. I've had plenty of D.I.C.Ks in my day. Plenty. Possibly more than any man you've yet come across. And they all have one thing in common. They're massive. Massive D.I.C.Ks. I'll let you in a little secret, because you used to be an employee and all, I've got hundreds of D.I.C.Ks inside me right now. ALIX Physically impossible! MONEYMAKER Not for a H.O.E it isn't. And I'm looking forward to waking up tomorrow with even more D.I.C.Ks inside me, ready to go. ALIX Wow! That's really great. What's it like, when a uh..ya got a D.I.C.K in your mouth and it.. MONEYMAKER And it comes out? ALIX Uh...yeah...yeah! MONEYMAKER When a D.I.C.K a big, thick, juicy, one, comes its like a finely aged merlot has filled the every inch of my mouth. I savior it, and I love it. BRANNIGAN Do you censor yourself? What I mean is as a H.O.E do you limit exposure of your D.I.C.K to paying customers? MONEYMAKER Obviously not. My wisdom is too valuable to be exclusive to the cretins populating the bleachers on these shows. I don't care if its my mother, my grandmother, innocent bystanders, little kids, babysitters, bill collectors, whatever, I'll leave the whole block feeling my D.I.C.K, and you know why? ALIX Because you just don't give a fuck! BRANNIGAN What about your guys in The Enterprise? MONEYMAKER Fantastic D.I.C.KS. All of them. BRANNIGAN Mackenzie to? MONEYMAKER Especially, Mackenzie. ALIX Wowie, our breakup hit her like really hard, ya know. Oh my god. MONEYMAKER Their D.I.C.K's come harder and faster than any I've ever seen. ALIX Oh my god, that's really awesome, dude. What do you do when you know a D.I.C.K is coming? MONEYMAKER I am in awe. Absolute awe. I get down on my knees, my eyes widen and my mouth opens, and I wait for what ever comes from that beautiful D.I.C.K. ALIX This has been like such a really enlightening conversation. And even better, its on camera, so we can show it again and again so everyone can see it and learn from it. Oh my god, thank you both! You're both really awesome. I've gotta go check in with my parole officer, so ya'll keep on keepin on. Bye-ya! Alix grabs her Shirley Temple and scuttles off the scene. MONEYMAKER I finally see what Mackenzie saw in her. What a charming young girl......GOOD LORD HOW THE HELL DID I FALL FOR THAT? We dissolve from Moneymaker slamming his head against the countertop with Brannigan chuckling at his misfortune back to sofa central. COLE Let me save you the trouble, Coach. Moneymaker is like one cup with two girls, he stays gettin shitted on! COACH Yo, you like a fourteen year old girl with R.Kelly, you stay sippin that piss! COMMERCIAL Edited July 18, 2008 by Patty O'Green Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted July 18, 2008 (edited) WE'RE BACK~!, and so is Zack Malibu, as he walks through the backstage area, pressing an ice pack against the back of his head. Malibu, whose face is tied in a grimace, turns the corner, and comes face to face with the new authority of the OAOAST...JOSIE~! It's a slightly akward moment as the two one-time friends stare each other down, Josie being the one to break the ice. JOSIE It's like deja vu, Zack! I'm in charge, you're getting your ass kicked by James Blonde...didn't we do this one before? MALIBU Nice to see you too, Josie. Zack tries to walk past, not in the mood to bicker, but Josie steps to block his path. JOSIE Hold it, hero. I don't know if you noticed, but your best buddy isn't the one calling the shots anymore, I AM. MALIBU So I've heard. JOSIE I'm sure you have. So, I want to know, what gives you the right to play matchmaker out there tonight for the Big Apple Spectacular? MALIBU Matchmaker? I got challenged, I accepted. That tends to happen in the wrestling business, you know. If don't realize that, maybe you shouldn't be the one in charge, now should you? Josie's eyes drop, giving Zack a hateful look. JOSIE You know something, if it wasn't for your name vaule and the ratings you draw helping to line the company pockets, I wouldn't even want you on the ring crew. However, I know that you're the so-called Franchise and I have to live with that, so consider that match between you and Nathaniel Black official for next week. MALIBU Fine. Malibu goes to walk away, but Josie gets in his way again. JOSIE There's going to be a lot of changes around here, Zack. Just...um...keep your head up! Malibu scowls as a proud Josie walks away after getting the final word in, and we then cut back to the arena and Cole and Coach. COMING UP NEXT FIRST ROUND MITB MATCH BARON WINDELLS VS ALFDOGG NEXT Edited July 18, 2008 by Patty O'Green Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted July 18, 2008 Magnum Opus hits, and Alfdogg is met with boos as he makes his way to the ring. COLE Another Money in the Bank match on the way, featuring one of the favorites to come out with the money and the title shot, former World champion Alfdogg! Let's go to Michael Buffer! BUFFER The following is a first-round Money in the Bank tournament match, scheduled for one fall! Making his way to the ring, weighing in at 237 pounds...he is the leader of the Deadly Alliance, and a former two-time OAOAST champion of the WORLD...ALFFFFFFFFDOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOGG!!!!! COLE Alf will face a big test here, and I mean that literally, in Baron Windels, one half of the former Lone Star Gunslingers! COACH Tough luck for Baron, drawing Alf in the first round! He's a tough guy, but Alf has mowed down bigger and tougher adversaries! COLE And if Alf advances here, he will take on Bohemoth, the Metrosexual Monster, in the next round! COACH Oh, I'm excited just thinking about that one, Cole! Alf rolls into the ring, and poses on the ropes. He then hops down, as Thriller by Fallout Boy plays, and Baron Windels make his way through the curtains, getting a nice ovation from the crowd. BUFFER His opponent...from San Antonio, Texas, weighing in at 265 pounds...BAAAAAAAROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNN WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNDEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!! Baron slaps hands on the way to the ring, then climbs in and salutes the fans before removing his gear. The referee calls for the bell. *DING DING DING* Alf and Baron circle the ring, but when Baron moves in, Alf hops out to the floor, drawing boos from the fans. Alf circles the ring, then climbs back in. He moves in, and the two tie up. Alf backs Baron up a few feet towards the corner, but Baron shoves Alf across the ring! COLE And Baron showing off the power advantage here, as Alf would be better suited to go to the speed moves and the mat wrestling here! Alf gets to his feet, then climbs to the apron when Baron moves towards him. Alf yells at the referee to get Baron away, and the referee manages to back Baron up to mid-ring. Alf climbs in, and the two tie up again. Alf grabs a side headlock, and wrenches down on it, forcing Baron down to one knee. Baron gets to his feet, then backs Alf into the ropes and shoves him across. Baron drops down, then gets to his feet and knocks Alf to the mat with a shoulder-check! Alf immediately scoots to the outside. COLE Alf on his back once again, and once again, he's out to the floor! COACH Alf's trying to frustrate Baron here, and I think it may be starting to work! Alf slides back in, and moves in once again. This time, Alf drives a knee into the midsection, followed by a CHOP~! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! Alf attempts an Irish whip, but Baron reverses, and sets up for a BIG BOOT~!, but Alf grabs the ropes and pulls himself to the floor. COLE And there he goes again! The crowd is starting to get uneasy, but this time, Baron goes out after him! COACH Uh oh! COLE And Baron is on the chase this time! Alf leads him to the other side of the ring, then rolls in, and catches Baron with a elbow to the back of the head as he rolls in! COACH See, look at that, Cole! There's the real difference right there, that ring savvy of Alf! Alf stomps away on Baron, then picks him up and executes a vertical suplex, followed by a snap legdrop! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout WITH AUTHORITY~! COLE BIG kickout from Baron right there! Alf stomps Baron, then runs to the ropes, and leaps into the air for an elbowdrop...but Baron rolls out of the way! COLE And nobody home on that elbow! Baron delivers right hands to Alf, then backs into the ropes and catches him with a big clothesline! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Baron wrings the arm of Alf, then starts to go to a wristlock, but Alf goes to the eyes! Alf then backs into the ropes, and catches him with a Hart Attack clothesline! He then goes to the top, as Baron starts to get to his feet, and hits a MISSILE DROPKICK~! COACH Big move from Alf! 1... 2... Kickout! Alf grabs an armbar on the mat, but Baron fights his way to his feet. As the referee circles around the wrestlers, however, Alf grabs a handful of hair and yanks Baron back to the mat! COLE And Alf with the hair behind the referee's back! COACH Smart move there by Alf! Waited until the referee was out of view, and did what he had to do to bring Baron down! Baron fights up to his feet again, but Alf backs him into a corner. Baron suddenly turns him around, and starts delivering right hands! COLE And look at this outburst from Baron Windels! Baron grabs Alf, and rams his face into the buckle as the crowd counts along! 1!!! 2!!! 3!!! 4!!! 5!!! 6!!! 7!!! 8!!! 9!!! 10!!! Baron then whips Alf into the ropes, and executes a BIG backdrop! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! COLE Boy, this match has been back-and-forth all the way! Baron whips Alf into the ropes once again, but this time puts his head down, and Alf delivers a kick to the mush! COACH A Cardinal error by Baron there, though, putting his head down! Alf follows up with a swinging neckbreaker! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Alf whips Baron into the ropes, then drops down, then attempts a clothesline, but Baron ducks, and catches him with an inverted atomic drop, followed by a RUSSIAN LEGSWEEP~! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Baron then backs into the ropes for the COWBOY BEBOP ELBOW~!, but Alf rolls out of the way! COLE And Alf able to avoid the Cowboy Bebop Elbow! COACH ...how can you say that with a straight face? COLE Practice. COACH I'll have to try that. Alf whips Baron into the ropes, the leapfrogs him, drops down, and catches him with a AA SPINEBUSTER~! COLE Big move from Alf! COACH Alf with the Space Ghost Spinebuster! COLE ... 1... 2... Kickout! Alf picks up Baron, and whips him hard into the corner, then follows up with a bulldog! Cover... 1... 2... Shoulder up! COACH And Baron still hanging on, despite suffering the Buzz Lightyear Bulldog! Alf backs Baron into the corner, and delivers a CHOP~! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! And another! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! And a third! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! Alf then attempts an Irish whip, but Baron reverses, and follows him right in with a corner clothesline! COACH But Baron comes back with the Cow and Chicken Clothesline! COLE ...OK, you're scraping the bottom of the barrel now. Alf staggers out, and Baron sends him to the floor with another clothesline! COLE And Alf out to the floor following another clothesline! Baron follows Alf out, and delivers right hands, but Alf goes to the eyes. Alf then tries to ram Baron into the ring apron, but Baron blocks it and rams Alf in! Baron then scoops Alf up with intent of ramming him into the post, but Alf slips behind the back and shoves him into it instead! COLE And Baron colliding hard with the ringpost! Wow, you could hear that sound a mile away! COACH OK, time for Alf to finish this one off now! Alf stomps away on Baron, then climbs to the top, jumping to the outside with a double axhandle! COLE Alf comes crashing all the way down to Baron on the floor! COACH Can Baron survive the Astroboy Axhandle? COLE Stop. Alf rolls Baron inside, then executes a BELLY-TO-BELLY~! COLE And Alf going for the kill here! Alf follows up with a T-BONE SUPLEX~!!, and a BLUE THUNDER BOMB~!!! Alf then scales the ropes... COLE Alf could advance right here! COACH You know, Alf told me he was considering changing the name of this move to the Fat Albert Frog Splash! COLE He did not tell you that, shut the fuck up already. Alf jumps off, just as Baron rolls out of the way! However, Alf rolls through, ala Eddie Guerrero, and goes for a SUPERKICK~!, but Baron ducks, and floors Alf with the MYSPACE COMEBACK~! COLE And Baron with the MySpace Comeback! COACH And I'm scraping the bottom of the barrel? COLE Hey, I didn't make it up! Baron picks up Alf, and executes the DEVIL'S ADDICTION~! Baron then follows with the COWBOY BEBOP ELBOW~! COACH And Baron hits the Eek! Stravaganza Elbow! COLE It's the Cowboy Bebop Elbow, thank you very much. Baron picks up Alf, and attempts an Irish whip, but Alf reverses, then attempts a clothesline, but Baron ducks, then attempts a BIG BOOT~! ...but Alf catches the foot, trips Baron up, and applies the SHARPSHOOTER~!!!!!11111 COLE Alf with the Sharpshooter! No nicknames needed here, if Baron can't get to the ropes, it's over! Baron struggles towards the ropes, but Alf pulls him back to the center, and sits down on it! Baron makes a couple faint scoots towards the ropes...but is forced to tap out! *DING DING DING* COLE And it's over! Alf has advanced to the quarterfinals! BUFFER The winner of the match, advancing to the next round of the tournament...ALFFFFFFFFDOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOGG!!!!! COACH What a great move by Alf, able to block the Count Duckula Kick (come on, you knew I was going to work that one in) and, in one motion, apply that Sharpshooter! COLE And a tremendous matchup set up now, as Alf will advance to meet Bohemoth in the quarterfinals! COACH I'm still disappointed at the lack of Fat Albert Frog Splash, though. COLE You're going to get a Strawberry Shortcake Slap to the Face if you don't knock it off! Folks, we'll be back, hopefully with a new analyst! COMMERCIAL Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted July 18, 2008 Cut backstage, to Josie Baker sitting in her office. JOSIE So...we know now that Alfdogg will meet Bohemoth in the quarterfinals of the Money in the Bank tournament. *crowd cheers* JOSIE I bet the fans around the world can't wait to see that showdown. I also know that the fans probably can't wait to Leon Rodez get his hands on Alf's buddy, Reject, in their quarterfinal matchup! Well, they won't have to wait as long as they think. *crowd cheers* JOSIE Because they're all going to meet in the ring next week at the Big Apple Spectacular! *crowd cheers* JOSIE But it will not be one-on-one...rather, they will be on opposite sides in an eight-man tag match. The match will feature Alfdogg, Reject, Thunderkid, and Sandman9000 - the Deadly Alliance - facing off against Bohemoth and the Love Generation, of Leon Rodez and D*LUX! *crowd cheers* JOSIE But that's not all. There will be some extra added incentive for this match. Josie rises from her seat, and grabs four golden envelopes from her desk. JOSIE In these golden envelopes are four golden tickets, not unlike the ones seen in the Willy Wonka movies. However, these tickets are worth more than a trip to some stuffy factory. These tickets will earn each member of the winning team one favor, to be used within 60 days following the match, from me, the President of the OAOAST, Josie Baker. *crowd cheers* JOSIE And I don't mean those kind of favors... *crowd boos* JOSIE These can be used for any wrestling-related favor you wish, be it booking a title match, making a stipulation, whatever you want. So keep that in mind, eight-man tag participants, and good luck to you all! *crowd cheers* *back to Sofa Central* COLE Wow, a HUGE announcement by Josie Baker, and what a spectacular match we've just added to the Big Apple Spectacular! COACH Amazing, can you imagine the impact this could have on the OAOAST? COLE It will have to be seen to be believed, and it will in fact be seen at the Big Apple Spectacular next week! JULY 21st, LIVE ONLY ON TSM FROM CENTRAL PARK ONE THURSDAY NIGHT THAT CAN'T BE HELDDOWN~! ***FREE*** Admission! The fun, carefree disco inspired sounds Pet Shop Boy's New York City Boy plays us through the rundown of the SPECTACULAR card. **** ZACK MALIBU VS NATHANIEL BLACK MONEY IN THE BANK FIRST ROUND MATCH: LANDON MADDIX VS CHRISTIAN WRIGHT COOPER RILEY (w/ Sly Sommers) vs JAMES CONE JERME GREY DEFENDS HIS SJPW CHAMPIONSHIP MONEY IN THE BANK FIRST ROUND MATCH: FAQU VS COLOMBIAN HEAT MISTER DICK AND V.I.C.E VS BARON WINDELLS AND THE CHRIST AIR EXPRESS DEADLY ALLIANCE VS LEON RODEZ, D*LUX, AND BOHEMOTH BONUS: PATTY WONDERS WHY WITH ONLY ONE IN-RING CHARACTER HE STILL HAS TWO MATCHES TO WRITE!!! YO WTF, B? **** Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted July 18, 2008 COACH Last week, James Cone destroyed young Cooper Riley, who was coming off of a destruction from Faqu a week prior. After the bout, Sly Sommers laid down the challenge: if anyone on the roster of Cone's choosing could beat Cone or take him to a ten-minute time limit draw at the Big Apple Spectacular, then Sly would get a match of any stipulation he wanted at Angleslam in August. But, if Cone beats the opponent, Sly would retire. Cone ended up choosing Cooper Riley, of course. Next week, the two will collide and the fate of Sly Sommers, and for that matter, James Cone are on the line! COLE Earlier this week, I went down to the OAOAST Training School to catch up with how Sly's training with Cooper Riley is going. Guys, let's roll the footage... (Dissolve to Michael Cole walking into the pristine OAOAST Training School building, being followed by the cameraman (whose POV is obviously providing the footage). In the gym are three rings and a bunch of regular gym equipment. In the background, you can see Sly Sommers repeatedly bodyslamming Cooper Riley, while yelling at him to get up after each one) COLE Right now, Sly Sommers is training Cooper Riley for his big match with James Cone at the Big Apple Spectacular...let's see if we can get a few words with Sly. (Cole jogs towards the ring) Gentlemen! GENTLEMEN! (Sly and Cooper stop) Excuse me, Michael Cole, OAOAST Media. Any way I could get a word with you, Sly? SLY Sure thing...(looks at Cooper and hands him keys) Here, go get lunch. You better not come back with any less than an armfull of meat. COOPER But I'm up to 141! SLY Don't argue! (Cooper walks out of the ring and leaves the building as Sly slides under the ropes and sits down on the apron) What's up, Mikey? COLE I just wanted to gather some thoughts from you...how's training going? SLY It's going quite well...I mean, let's be realistic: Cooper's not going to be a World Champion by Thursday, but I guarentee he's going to be a good enough wrestler to last ten minutes with Phoenix! COLE What brings this confidence out of you? Cooper's not exactly shown a great deal of expertise during his short time with the company. SLY Sometimes it takes someone fetching the rope to pull the potential out of someone. When almost everyone saw his matches, they saw some scrawny little dork getting killed by the best in the world. What I saw was an undersized, inexperienced warrior with a heart the size of this building who just happened to be thrust into something that went over his head. When Phoenix gave me Cooper as my last hope in this company, he thought he got one over on me. Hell, for about a day, I thought he got one over on me. Then, I re-watched his matches and I got in the ring and trained with him, and I realized that Cooper Riley's about the hungriest competitor I've ever met in my life. He might be five foot two and weigh one hundred and forty pounds...but don't tell him that. All he wants is to be a professional wrestler...and a good one. COLE So, I'm not exactly asking you to reveal the strategy to get Cooper past Phoenix...but what exactly are you trying to do with Cooper here? SLY Well, one thing I've noticed about Coops during the training and in his matches is that he's an exceptional high-flier. Just messing around on the ropes and such, he's done stuff I can't imagine anyone else in this company being able to do. The problem is: he's a kamikaze flier. He throws his body and is reckless about where and how he lands, which ends up hurting him much more than it helps him in the end. I'm teaching him how to turn into a stealth flier who can do dazzling moves, but is pin-point accurate on how he connects with them. He has to hit and run. He has to fly from all different directions. No matter how big someone is, if you can't control their movement, they're going to eat you alive. COLE Now, some insiders are joking that all you need to have Cooper do is run around the ring and avoid Phoenix for ten minutes and he can win the match. What do you say to that? SLY It might be the "smarter" thing, and quite frankly I thought about just teaching Cooper to do that, but I can see it in Cooper's eyes each time I see him: he doesn't want that draw. He needs to pin Phoenix. The kid has a desire to be a star wrestler and James Cone is going to be his first step in accomplishing that. COLE Well, it sounds like you've been working hard and are going to bring the best Cooper Riley you possibly can to face James Cone at the Big Apple Spectacular next week. Any parting words? SLY (looks into the camera) Cone, you better come into this match at your best because if you underestimate Coops, he's going to surprise you, embarrass you, and send you home packing. I've got a fistful of dynamite ready to unload on you and he wants to pin you more than you could ever know. Be ready...(Sly's phone rings, he answers it) Hello? Hey Zaaaa...(looks up at Cole) Hey, could you guys leave? This is kind of private... COLE But... SLY But nothing. Please, I need some time. COLE (looks at cameraman, they both walk outside) So, that does it from here: James Cone looks like he has a bigger challenge than he thought ahead of him. Next Thursday night, Cooper Riley versus James Cone: Sly Sommers' career versus a Sly versus Phoenix match at Angleslam. COMMERCIAL Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted July 18, 2008 We cut backstage, hearing nothing but shouting as we peer into the locker room of Cucaracha Internacional, where Nathaniel Black and James Blonde are having a rather loud war of words! Faqu stands behind Blonde, looking ready to eat Black should he so much as sneeze in Blonde's direction, but the shouting is ceased by a familiar voice shouting over the two of them. "STOP IT! STOP IT!" LANDON MADDIX comes into view, and positions himself between Blonde and Black, looking none too happy at the dissension. MADDIX Jesus H. Maddix, I have to deal with one insubordinate, but that's not enough? Now I have TWO? BLACK Look, I told you guys earlier, I wanted to go out there alone and... MADDIX I was TALKING ABOUT YOU. Black backs off, mouthing "What?" MADDIX You wanted to go out there and talk yourself up, that's fine. You wanted to get the word out that the world needs to watch Nathaniel Black. That's FINE. You want to go out there and play kissy face with Zack Malibu? Are you KIDDING ME, Nate? BLACK Listen, I appreciate what you do for me, but I'm my own man. I needed to do it for ME, not you, not him, and certainly not him. Pointing at Faqu, Black nearly has his finger bitten off by the Samoan beast. MADDIX Well, I'M the one who TOLD James to go out there and take the shot at Malibu. You should know by now, if we get him when he least expects it, ESPECIALLY when he thinks you're offering him respect, it'll throw him off his game plan. He's going to crumble soon, I know it. BLACK CRUMBLE? Hate to tell you boss, but Zack Malibu isn't about to crumble. If he didn't crumble when you were in the Wildcards, or last year when... MADDIX Save the history lesson, Nate. Sounds to me like you're pulling a Cortez on me? Black sighs, knowing that no one in the room is getting the point. BLACK Listen. To. Me. I am not looking to befriend Zack Malibu. I'm not looking to run in his crowd. I am out to do one thing, and that is prove my worth to you and to this company. You brought me here, as well as James and Faqu, because you see something in us, right? We weren't dubbed Internationally Known just because it sounds good, but because we've made our names elsewhere and are bringing our talents here to showcase. You've got the resume, Landon. You've been World Champion and everything else. Last week Zack Malibu brought out the fire in me, a fire that can burn much brighter than it has. I know that I'm as good as Zack Malibu. I KNOW I'm one of the world's best, and I NEED to prove that, but through competition, not through constant jumpings and beatdowns. I'm more than that. I'm more than just a lackey, or a cog in the bloody machine. If I wasn't one of the best, than what good would I be to you? Landon pauses to reflect on what Black has said to him, then counters. MADDIX You ARE one of the best. That's why you're here. That's why your amongst the elite in this room right now. You want to be the shining star here, then fine, you go out there and you decimate this roster one at a time if you need to. Just remember one thing...if you're going to prove yourself to Zack Malibu at the Big Apple Spectacular, try not to LOSE this time. Clear? Landon, in Black's face, stares at his embarrassed charge, who quietly remarks "clear". MADDIX Good. Now come on, we've got to get back out there. Maddix, Blonde, and Faqu walk out of view, while Black hesitates, then follows them out as we cut to commercial. COMMERCIAL MADDIX ....so then, the guy says "That's all well and good... but I said ping-pong balls, not King Kong's balls!" Hehe! We find the members of Cucaracha Internacional in the ring as we return to HeldDOWN~! and Landon finds that we're back via a cue from the floor amongst the silence of a dying joke. MADDIX Oh, hey, we're back! COLE And not a moment too soon. MADDIX Alright, let's get this show on the road already. Moneymaker, come on down and let's see who the true dominant force in the OAOAST really is... at least until next week when I prove it's Cucaracha Internacional, that is. "Sympathy For The Devil" beings to play and Theodore Moneymaker leads out his troops as requested. Interestingly, all the members of The Enterprise are clad in their wrestling attire, just as Cucaracha Internacional's members are, neither group wanting to give anything away. Moneymaker, in his white smoking jacket, smirks in his typical self-satisfaction with Christian Wright by his side, The Beverly Hills Blonds and Molly Nerdly behind him, then the new team of CPA and Bosley. Landon smirks right back in the same manner, backed by Black, Blonde and Faqu as well as Todd Cortez who could care less from the look on his face. COLE The OAOAST's very own faction pissing contest is set to heat up a touch, before the big Money In The Bank Tournament first round match between Landon Maddix and Christian Wright. That'll be next week, live in Central Park and we want to remind all our fans in the New York area, admission to the Big Apple Spectacular, absolutely free! I wonder what Mister Moneymaker would make of that marketing strategy. COACH Mister Moneymaker is one of the most generous men Ned Blanchard has ever described to me. I wouldn't be surprised if it was his suggestion in the first place! COLE I doubt that somehow. The Enterprise enter the ring, filling the ring with humanity and enough arrogance to populate France, or at least a considerable part of it. The two leaders manage to make sure their men keep the peace for now though, coming face to face across the battle line. MONEYMAKER Alright Landon, let's see what you've got shall we? MADDIX You're looking at what I've got. And truthfully, I'm much more content on this side of the ring than I would be on yours. I'm sure if a fight broke out right now, you guys would do better at documenting it on camera or through flowery poetry, but other than that I don't fancy your odds much. Maybe it's just the way the light is shining off of my guys' 6-Man Tag Team Titles and onto you, I don't know. Blonde demonstrates with his title, frustrating Simon Singleton who complains about the lens flare he's causing. MADDIX You know how it goes Moneymaker. A group is only as good as it's leader and this group behind me have one hell of a leader, if I do say so myself. If you don't believe me, I'll be happy to ask again when you're signing off on that $500,000 cheque with my name on it after AngleSlam. Or maybe when I cash in the contract that goes with it and win the OAOAST World Title again. Or if you can't wait that long, maybe we can make it next week once I send your sole Money In The Bank representative crashing out of the tournament? Taking a step forward, Wright looks ready to say something about that. Moneymaker holds out a hand and encourages his right hand man to settle down though. MADDIX Then again, why save till next week what can happen tonight? MONEYMAKER Is that so? MADDIX Fact is, I'm a former World Heavyweight Champion in two companies. That's credential, not potential. Face it, I'm head and shoulders above you and any of your cronies. I'm one hundred percent confident that I can beat any member of The Enterprise. Infact, you can take it to the BANK! MONEYMAKER Well, I'm glad to hear you're feeling confident Landon. Because my choice to represent The Enterprise against you tonight... will be my personal director of security, CPA! BWAHAHAHA! The mammoth CPA enters the ring with a face like thunder and takes a step towards Landon that leaves him towering over La Cucaracha. Landon looks up at the 6'6" former pro-boxer, trying to hide the panic on his face as he takes some defensive steps backwards. MADDIX I'm... I'm sorry, there's... been a misunder... I mean, you didn't let me finish. Heh. See, as I was saying, I'm one hundred percent confident that I can beat any member of The Enterprise. But, considering I'm supposed to be wrestling your number two next week I don't think it'd be right for me to compete tonight which is why I chose Todd Cortez to represent me tonight. So, yeah, good luck and all that. Not a moment too soon for his liking, Landon bails out of the ring and points Cortez into the ring. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE You've got to be kidding me! COACH What? I know Cortez is no great shakes, but... COLE There's no doubt in my mind that Landon was going to compete tonight until he realised he was going to end up fighting CPA! And at that point, he immediately fed Todd Cortez to the wolves! Or wolf, at least. You really think he'd have Cortez representing him under any other circumstances, after all he's done to put him down and demean him since War Games? COACH Well like I say, I know Cortez is no great shakes. But I'm sure Landon has a plan. COLE Yeah, a plan on how to save himself from a beating. Under the pressure of his Cucaracha Internacional team-mates, Cortez shakes his head disbelievingly at them all and enters the ring. Moneymaker smirks and pats his Director Of Security on the back before he leads the rest of his Enterprise out to ringside. COLE Well Cortez definately has no desires to stand up for Cucaracha Internacional, but he's also not one to back down from a fight. With seven of The Enterprise stood around one corner of the ring and five of Cucaracha Internacional around the opposite, referee Mike Chioda is well justified in going to each group and issuing specific warning that anyone interfering in the match will be thrown out. Once he's made that clear, he then checks over CPA and Cortez, who gets some unwanted coaching from Landon. *DINGDINGDING!* Despite being out-sized, Cortez squares up to CPA and words are exchanged before CPA cracks his fists together and the two start to circle. "COR - TEZ!" "COR - TEZ!" "COR - TEZ!" "COR - TEZ!" MADDIX (shouting across the ring) HEAR THAT MONEYMAKER? THESE PEOPLE LOVE US! CPA and Cortez look set for a boxing match rather than a wrestling match as they move back in, both with guards up. CPA's looks the safer, the former pro-boxer throwing a shadow right as a warning shot. Not intimidated, Cortez stays on his toes and almost catches CPA with a kick to the thigh. COLE Two great fighters here and this could resemble more of a fight than anything. COACH Whoever thinks MMA and OAOAST make a good match should give Axel a call, see how that went for him. COLE Yikes! Not impressed, CPA raises an eyebrow, as if to say 'you really think your kicks are gonna hurt me?' Cortez takes his chance and delivers on a kick to the back of the knee. And CPA soon starts to rethink his eyebrow motions, as it does infact hurt him. Cortez delivers a second kick to the leg. And a third. And a fourth, trying to chop the big tree down. CPA swings with a right hand to try and fight Todd off, but he ducks and fires away with another leg kick. Hobbled a little, CPA leans against the ropes and tries to shake away the stinging sensation, reaching out as Cortez steps towards him and throttling him with one hand! "ONE!" "TWO!" "THREE!" "FO..." Releasing the choke, CPA once again shakes at his knee while Cortez stands doubled over wheezing for breath. CPA buys himself some more time by pitching Cortez through the ropes and to the arena floor, right beside Landon who pesters his understudy to get back in and fight. COLE Can you believe the audacity of Landon Maddix? Unbelievable. Casting a glare towards his 'boss' as he climbs to the apron, Cortez manages to avoid CPA's grasp this time as he leans through the ropes with a shoulder thrust. Cortez then goes up and over the top, looking for a sunset flip... 1... 2... No! Back up quickest, Cortez strikes at the legs against with his hard-hitting kicks. Moneymaker barks instructions to his Director Of Security, determined not to lose face to Landon who grins arrogantly at him from across the ring, barely watching the action. With CPA hobbled Cortez turns and hits the ropes, charging back with a clothesline. CPA absorbs the impact though, only taking one backwards step. CPA then charges forward with his own clothesline attempt. Sidestepping, Todd is able to take Allen down to the mat with a drop toehold however, then pops up to apply an Anklelock! COLE Cortez using that speed and manouverability to keep CPA off-balance and now, submission hold applied, the anklelock! COACH You're really reaching if you're looking to get a submission on CPA. He's as tough as they come. COLE Maybe not quite so tough with one broken ankle though. Cortez doesn't get quite that far yet. Rolling over onto his back, CPA places his free foot in Cortez's chest and pushes him off, sending him back-first into the turnbuckles. Hobbling back up, the bigman looks to further add to Todd's misery with an avalanche in the corner. But Cortez sidesteps and CPA hits the turnbuckles hard. Schoolboy roll-up from Todd... 1... 2... No! Grabbing a front facelock, Cortez tries to control CPA for a second. COACH Cortez better step his game real quick, because Landon doesn't look impressed. COLE I somehow doubt Cortez cares about impressing Landon. COACH He'd better soon start caring if he wants any sort of a career around here! His fate is in that man's hands. He'd be wise not to keep biting them hands, because they're the only things feeding him. The facelock slows CPA down a little, but doesn't prevent him from climbing back to his feet and lifting Cortez up off the mat. Cortez is able to get his feet back safely on the mat before anything bad can happen though. Out of the front facelock, he manoeuveres his way behind and into a sleeper hold. But CPA uses his power again and backs Cortez into the turnbuckles. And a second time. Hoisting Cortez up onto his back, CPA then grabs hold of the head and drags Todd right over his shoulder into a harsh landing on the ring canvas. COLE Not everything CPA does in that ring is particularly pretty. But it's absolutely effective. With Cortez down, CPA backs off the ropes and goes high with an elbowdrop... into nothing but that ring canvas! COLE Well, except that. Far from being impressed with his understudy's heart and resiliance, Landon yells at Todd to "do something already!" as he gets back to his feet. Cortez glares at his stable'mates' again before looking to do just that. Hitting the ropes, The Urban Legend charges back, but CPA recovers to scoop him off his feet with a Front Spinebuster!! Cover... 1... 2... No! Moneymaker gets on Chioda's case about the count, echoed by his Enterprise co-horts. COLE Cortez got a little distracted by the constant abuse he's getting from his corner and can you blame him really? COACH That was clearly three. Where's an OAOAST ref who doesn't choke under big pressure when you need him? This ref, another loser who needs to step his game, before his duties get taken up by a referee who can actually do his job. COLE You mean like Clem? CPA picks Cortez slowly back off the mat, the pace now a little more friendly to his style. He shoves Cortez back into a corner, adopting the stance before using Todd's torso as a punching bag for his heavy bodyshots. Lefts and rights bounce off of Cortez's ribcage before Chioda has had enough and reaches five, warning CPA of a disqualification. CPA gives him a look to shut him up, lifting Cortez up from his knees and delivering a big haymaker against the buckles! Cortez drops like a sack of potatoes as Chioda issues another warning to CPA about the closed fists. COACH Ho-ho! What a right hand! With Cortez facedown and out, CPA is showered with congratulations from the rest of The Enterprise. Simon and Ned giggle like little schoolboys as they watch the instant replay, courtesy of The Siclopse's playback feature. Across the ring, Landon and the rest of Cucaracha Internacional are much more solemn. Finally, CPA makes a cover... 1... 2... Foot on the ropes! CPA grunts, hooking up the leg and trying again... 1... 2... No! COLE Cortez kicking out but that big right from the ex-pro-boxer really scrambled his brains. Looking annoyed, CPA picks Cortez up and elevates him over his shoulder, backing into a corner ready for a running powerslam. The running is no problem, but the powerslam never comes, as Cortez slides down the shoulder and escapes out the back. Hooking him up, Cortez takes CPA down with a quick russian legsweep. Rolling through to his feet The Urban Legend almost loses his balance, but gets his bearings for the follow-up legdrop. COLE There you see Cortez still seeing stars, but able to turn the tide nonetheless. COACH He should be used to be seeing stars, hanging around with Cucaracha Internacional for so long. COLE That is weak. Even for you. Shamed. Both CPA and Cortez get back to their feet, Cortez having taken a few extra seconds to get his head straight. Cortez strikes first, back after the knee with a kick. And another. The noise levels increase from the outside, The Enterprise encouraging on CPA to fire back with an uppercut to the breadbasket, Cucaracha Internacional yelling at Cortez as he fires off two more kicks to the back of the legs. COLE Maddix and Moneymaker, both hunched over the apron, looking rather nervous now. Neither of these two giant egos want to face seeing their group's representative lose tonight, not even with round two to come next week at the Big Apple Spectacular! Cortez has CPA hobbled up and tries to hook him up for an irish whip, only to get flung into the ropes himself. As Cortez rebounds back he manages to duck a clothesline, waiting for CPA to turn around to catch him with a Crotch-Droppah! Taking a quick jump back, Cortez then aims for the head with a Roundhouse Kick... BLOCKED! CPA gets his forearms up in the way and catches Todd while he's still off balance with a thudding one-two combo to the stomach! From the outside, Moneymaker calls out for the finish and waves CPA towards the ropes. Not one to neglect an order, CPA follows his boss's advice and charges off the ropes. As he charges back though, Cortez suddenly recovers and goes darting the other way. Both men come off adjacent ropes and look to be on a collision course, CPA letting out a roar of effort as he throws out with his Gigaton Punch... connecting with Cortez as he lunges towards him with the HOLLOW POINT~!~! "OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Hands get thrown on heads and up bodies jump in each camp, as both men stay down after their head-on collision. COLE Like a jacknife on I-95! Both men collide and I've no idea who got the best of that hellacious impact! COACH I don't think anybody did Michael, they hit each other at the same time, we might be looking at a double knockout! With both men down, Moneymaker and Maddix both look confused about what actually happened and why their representative isn't getting back to their feet. COLE CPA threw that Gigaton Punch but Cortez dove right into it with the Hollow Point. I think Cortez may just have drove his shoulder into the arm before that fist could connect 100% as CPA intended, but I don't know. Looking a little worried at Cortez's lack of movement, Landon starts to pace around on the floor. Moneymaker looks a little nervous as well and suddenly makes a call to action. Mackenzie immediately jumps to the apron to distract the referee... ...which is all the opening that Landon needs to slide a pair of brass knuckles in to Cortez! COACH HEY! COLE Hey is right, everybody's suddenly said to hell with the rules! Suddenly Mackie has reason to complain to Chioda which leaves her stranded on the apron. Meanwhile in the ring though, Cortez finds the knucks near his hand... and promptly tosses them back out of the ring towards where they came from. COACH What is this moron doing? COLE He doesn't want to get involved in all of this garbage. But it looks like he's the only one! Just as the knucks come flying out of the ring, The Enterprise come flying around it to confront Cucaracha Internacional about their attempts to cheat. Landon and co. fire back by pointing out Mackenzie... who comes crashing off the apron, courtesy of Megan Skye! Megan lays Mackenzie out with a big slap, but gets blindsighted by Molly Nerdly who tackles her to the ground. And that's all the encouragement the guys need to start doing battle as well!! The Nashville crowd lap it up as the two hated forces brawl away on the floor. Moneymaker goes at it with Blonde, Black brawls with Bosley, Faqu is pounded by both Beverly Hills Blonds and the Big Apple Spectacular opponents Landon and CW get acquainted a week early! COLE It's breaking down between The Enterprise and Cucaracha Internacional! And this crowd is loving it! COACH They're all cheering for their favourites! COLE Yeah keep dreaming. As the brawl continues on the floor, Todd Cortez picks himself up and starts to go outside to get involved. But he stops midway through the ropes, looking at Landon holding CW in a tenuous headlock and waving for Todd's help, before throwing up his hands at the whole thing. Instead, Cortez goes back to the action... and EATS A BIG BOOT TO THE FACE!!! "OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE Oh, CPA blindsighted him! CPA wastes no time in following up, pulling Cortez to all fours and applying a gutwrench. With a scowl on his face he then takes The Urban Legend up over his shoulder, angling him down to the canvas and DRIVING him down with the Dominator!! With no-one on the floor paying attention to the ring, CPA then turns Cortez over and covers... 1... 2... 3!!! COLE And The Enterprise are gonna win this! *DINGDINGDING!* The mass brawl continues unabated on the floor, while CPA's hand is raised in victory. BUFFER Your winner of the match... CHRISTOPHER PATRICK AAAALLLLLLEEEEEEEENN!!! CPA leaves the ring to join in the fight, but gets there a little too late as referees and officials start to pile out from the back to seperate the warring factions. The Cucaracha Internacional members are able to get away under Landon's encouragement and head for the back, Landon realising what's happened as Moneymaker starts to gloat. Casting a disgusted look at Cortez in the ring Landon vows things will be different in a week's time, from behind a sea of bodies of course. Moneymaker meanwhile laughs it up and makes the "money fingers" while patting CPA on the back. COLE The Enterprise win the first battle here tonight and it's thanks to an assist from Landon Maddix, accidentaly distracting Todd Cortez by calling for his help. You know, it's amazing how much Landon values Cortez when it's useful for him, isn't it? COACH I doubt he values him much now. Cortez dropped the ball yet again. COLE He wasn't even expecting to wrestle tonight until Landon bailed at the last minute. And then he got blindsighted by a boot he didn't see coming! Cucaracha Internacional continue to be guided backstage, belatedly joined by Megan who apparantly nobody thought to help with her two on one predicament. And nobody comes to Cortez's aid as he sits up in the ring, nursing his head from the big boot. COLE But whatever way you look at it, The Enterprise pick up the win over Cucaracha Internacional. And what omens does that cast over the meeting between Landon Maddix and Christian Wright next week in Central Park, in the Money In The Bank Tournament? COACH I don't know how much it's gonna be a factor. Teddy and The Enterprise have the bragging rights, but they didn't beat Landon's best, they beat his worst, so I doubt he'll be too crushed about it. The Enterprise continue to gloat over their victory at ringside as we fade away. COMMERCIAL Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted July 18, 2008 (edited) Josh Matthews is standing outside the Deadly Alliance locker room with Alfdogg, Reject, and Sandman9000. ALF I hope Family Matters isn't on tonight... JOSH ...oh, um, hi! I'm Josh Matthews here with Deadly Alliance members Reject, Sandman9000, and Alfdogg, who earlier tonight defeated Baron Windels to advance to the quarterfinals of the Money In the Bank tournament, where he will meet the Metrosexual Monster, Bohemoth. ALF You can feel it in the air, Josh...this is the summer of the Deadly Alliance. Two men in the quarterfinals, myself and Reject. Sandman, the Heartland champ 10 months and running. We've got the tag team champions. The Deadly Alliance is the most powerful organization in wrestling. While those other two Flavor-of-the-Month stables are out there playing My Dad Can Beat Up Your Dad...while they're out there talking about it...we're out there being about it. JOSH Well, speaking of your stable, you heard the announcement earlier, you'll be in action as a unit at the Big Apple Spectacular, and your opponents will be D*LUX, along with your opponents in the MITB tournament, Bohemoth and Leon Rodez. ALF That's right, and we all know that New York City is a Deadly Alliance Town, Josh. And we're going to give our adoring fans there a preview of our Money in the Bank matches, right in the middle of Central Park. As far as Bohemoth goes, he may look big and strong and scary when he's in there with Cowboy Dick, but Bo, you're taking a step up in the ranks stepping in the ring with me. I've licked men bigger, stronger, and scarier than you many times...not literally, that would be gross. But you know what I mean. JOSH And Reject, your issues with Leon Rodez have been well documented. REJECT ...oh man, I'm sorry, Josh. I've got all these texts from Maggie to go through, I just can't keep my concentration! She can't get enough of the R-Man, but that pretty boy Rodez is gonna get plenty of me over the next two weeks. And after I'm done with you, Leon, maybe Sandman lend you some of his bandanas to cover up YOUR face. JOSH Well, the Deadly Alliance has two members still remaining in the tournament, but lost one last week, as Thunderkid was eliminated by Krista Isadora Duncan...say, by the way, where is Thunderkid? REJECT Oh, he's in the shower, washing all the DANDRUFF OUT OF HIS HAIR. THUNDERKID (from shower) Fuck off! ALF MOM DOESN'T LIKE DANDRUFF! Alf and Reject share a laugh, as Tony Tourettes walks into the picture and begins laughing loudly, as well, despite not knowing what's going on. Alf and Reject give him a weird stare. After a few seconds, Tony stops laughing and looks at Josh. TONY They got any beer back here? Vinny Valentine walks onto the set. VINNY There you are, Tony, I've been looking for you, where have you been? TONY I've been taking a HAIRY PISS! Alf looks at Sandman and mouths "hairy piss?" VINNY Come on back, I got us some of those sour gummy worms! TONY HOLY SHIT! Tony takes off in a dash towards the locker room, tripping and falling halfway there. JOSH ...gummy worms? Josh then takes off after Tony and Vinny. The camera cuts back to the Deadly Alliance, as Reject takes step towards the direction of the gummy worms. ALF (grabbing Reject's sleeve) Get back here. Thunderkid emerges from the locker room, at which point Reject immediately begins inspecting his hair. TK knocks his arm away, cracking a grin against his own will. TK Get the fuck off me! Reject doubles over in laughter, as the Deadly Alliance walks off and we fade out... -Fade in to an office. Not much to it, it's just an office. What gets the fans going, however, is WHO is in the office. It is none other than the woman who runs the place... JOSIE BAKER!! (image link: http://www.myclassiclyrics.com/artist_biog...iography_3.jpg) She is, as always, flanked by a lit cigarette to her left, and (http://www.dirtyrottenwhore.com/wp-content/uploads/pornstars/sasha_grey/thumbs/sasha_grey_interview2.jpg) Sophie Grey to her right. This time, Josie is on the phone. JOSIE ...No...no...Jesus Christ, how many times MUST I say this? The Money In The Bank tournament will go as planned, and we are not going to substitute one of the guys for you...No...I can TELL you're upse-... -Josie shakes her head as she drops the phone to her shoulder, staring off with a frustrated look on her face. After a moment, she lifts the phone back to her ear and listens. JOSIE ...I couldn't care less that you're "The Most Hated Man In The OAOAST"...why would THAT, of all things, change my mind on this?...Look, you need to calm do-... -Once again, Josie lowers the phone, this time looking at Sophie. Sophie outstretches her hand. SOPHIE Vous m'aiment prendre soin de ceci? JOSIE Please do, Sophie, thank you... -Josie hands the phone to Sophie, who clears her throat. SOPHIE ...Bonjour?... Ce qui?! Motherfucker, vous me parlez comme cela, et je vous montrerai à quel point dur foutu le Français peut être!...Vous ne pouvez pas me comprendre?! C'est parce que vous êtes une petite chienne whiny ignorante! "Waaah d'Oh! CWM m'était moyen!" Accroissez une paire de boules, vous peu de merde! -Sophie wanders off, carrying the phone with her. Josie sits there in awe as her assistant handles the situation. Just then, a knock at the door. JOSIE Yeah, Come in! -The door opens, revealing... (http://www.nydailynews.com/img/2007/12/09/amd_nicholson.jpg) JOSIE Ah! Mr. Maguire! Glad you could come on such short notice. Please sit. MAGUIRE I hope I wasn' int'ruptin' ya, Mrs. Baker. I heard some yellin' while I was outside. JOSIE Just my assistant taking care of something for me. How're your kids? MAGUIRE Ah, yer a dawl fer askin'. They're doing just fine, thanks. They're actually just outside. JOSIE Are they? I'd love to see them! MAGUIRE Wouldja? All right, then. -MAGUIRE turns around towards the door. MAGUIRE JUNIOR! EVELYN! COME IN 'ERE! -The door opens once again, revealing (http://img.thesun.co.uk/multimedia/archive/00449/Frank_Lampard_449106a.jpg) Colin Maguire, Jr., and... (http://www.aolcdn.com/red_galleries/keira-knightley-400a082107.jpg) Evelyn Maguire. MAGUIRE Kids, you remember Josie Baker? Ken's wife? -Colin takes off his jacket and sits in a nearby chair as his dad says this. MAGUIRE Christ, Junior... COLIN What? MAGUIRE ...Your shirt? -Colin looks at his shirt, then at Josie, then back to his dad. COLIN What about it? MAGUIRE ...You're Irish...at least root for a fuckin' Irish team, fer God's sake... -Evelyn glances at Colin and smirks as she leans against the wall, before turning her attention to Josie. EVELYN How are ya, love? JOSIE Oh, I'm fine, thanks. And you? EVELYN Eh...I could be bettah. Dad 'ere is making my love life go down the shittah cos he hates all my boyfriends. -Maguire looks at Josie and makes a "see what I have to deal with?" hand motion. MAGUIRE And people wonder why I have gray hairs. -Josie smiles and leans forward, presenting a pack of cigarettes to Mr. Maguire. He politely declines. Josie then offers to Colin and Evelyn, who nod. Evelyn takes one and grabs a match. Colin reaches in, but his hand is slapped away by Maguire. MAGUIRE Now, Mrs. Baker...I'd love to talk business. -Josie lights her cigarette and leans back. JOSIE And business is what we shall discuss, Mr. Maguire. To get straight to the point, because I hate bullshit, I want Evelyn, Colin, and whoever else you might have to be a part of the OAOAST. -Maguire smiles wide as Evelyn raises her eyebrows. Colin smiles a wide grin. JOSIE Of course, they won't IMMEDIATELY be getting OAOAST Title shots any time soon, but due to your friendship with my husband, I will give one of them something pretty big. Who that is, is up to you. -Maguire looks at his kids. Evelyn shrugs when her dad looks at her, but Colin...Colin is staring at his father, his eyes begging for the match. Maguire then looks back to Josie. MAGUIRE ...Take a wild guess, Mrs. Baker... JOSIE ...Evelyn? COLIN Pop! C'mon! MAGUIRE Fine! Colin gets the match, Josie. JOSIE Colin...who do you want to face? -Colin smirks. COLIN ...Tha Puerto Rican. -The crowd erupts at the mention of their World Champion. Josie chuckles slightly. JOSIE Heh...no...No, you're not getting that. COLIN What?! Why not? JOSIE It's your first match in the OAOAST, and you're expecting to get a match against the Heavyweight Champion? No. You're not getting that. COLIN Then who the fuck do I get, huh? You say I can get a high profile match, so what is it, huh?! -Colin stands from his seat, and makes a move towards Josie's desk, but Maguire stands and stops him. MAGUIRE Listen, boyo, be fuckin' glad yer gettin' anyt'ing, all right? Just calm yerself. -Colin sits slowly, staring at Josie. Maguire remains standing, looking at the OAOAST President. MAGUIRE ...So? What are ya gonna give my boy? -Josie smirks, then leans in towards the intercom system. She presses the button. JOSIE Jereme? Come on in. -A few moments later, in walks the NEW SJPW CRUISERWEIGHT CHAMPION (http://www.tumyeto.com/images/riders/Austin-S.jpg) Jereme Grey! Colin stands quickly and stares at Jereme, who looks around the room, before his eyes rest on Evelyn, who looks right back. The two share a smile for a moment, their eyes never leaving each others. JOSIE Jereme? -Jereme snaps back to the moment and fixes his eyes on his cousin Josie. JOSIE You have a match, buddy. JEREME Fantastic. JOSIE ...at the Big Apple Spectacular. JEREME Meilleur encore, cousin du mien JOSIE ...for that. -Josie points at the SJPW Cruiserweight Title on Jereme's shoulder. Jereme looks down at it and smiles, then looks at Evelyn. His attention then switches to Colin, who looks prepared to fight right now. COLIN Oh, I can't fuckin' wait for this. JEREME ...I'm gonna be facing you, I imagine. -Colin moves in close. He is now face to face with the champion. COLIN I'm gonna take your title, frenchie. -Colin's comment angers Jereme a little, and he steps in a little closer. His smug smile is now replaced with a stern fighters stare. JOSIE If I may interject! -The two continue to stare at each other, but Maguire and Evelyn look to Josie. JOSIE Well, since you, Colin, are quite fond of using that "Boston Strangler" Anaconda Choke, and Jereme, you WON that title with your Triangle Choke...Why not make this a Submission's Only match? -The two remain silent, still staring at each other. Until... COLIN/JEREME Fine/Tres Bien -Josie smiles wide. JOSIE We got a match! -Maguire and Evelyn smile, as Colin storms out to the hallway. Jereme turns to Evelyn. JEREME ...So...are you gonna be going out to the ring with him? EVELYN I dunno...Maaaybe. JEREME Well...I hope so. I'll see ya out there, vous femme magnifique. -Jereme nods to Josie, before turning to Maguire and nodding to him. He walks out, smiling to Evelyn as he does so. She bites her bottom lip as she smiles. Maguire glances at her, then looks back to Josie and smiles a large smile. MAGUIRE ...You'll be hearing more from us, Mrs. Baker. JOSIE I sure hope so, Mr. Maguire. -Maguire and Evelyn walk out of the room as Josie leans back in her chair. JOSIE ...Well, this has been a productive day. -FADE OUT COACH Woah, another huge match for the Big Apple Spectacular...given away for free, shown on free television, and generating us absolutely no revenue. Hooray Big Apple Spectacular! FADE OUT Edited July 24, 2008 by Ed Wood Caulfield Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
