OAOAST Syndicated 7/28/08

[Patty O'Green 0]

 

Before the opening credits even rolled we encountered trouble. A seemingly mundane parking lot was thrown into a noisy chaos by a black Chevy Tahoe with with gaudy orange flames painted down the side. It just so happened that Josh Matthews was attempting to pee on Tony Brannigan's car when the massive auto rolled onto the scene. So our intrepid interviewer cut short his golden gift to the former world champ, and attempted to find out who was in the car. None other than the Compton PD stepped out of Chevrolet's urban assault vehicle. It was obvious the two men were looking for a fight, and anyone with a firm hold of their senses would have been wise to give them a wide breadth. But years of working in the OAOAST has eroded Josh's common sense, and he foolishly asked what the Compton PD were planning on doing tonight. They answered "Beat someone's ass, starting with the first person they see. Chuckling, Josh replied, "Boy howdy, do I feel soooooo sorry for that sucker...Oh shit!"

 

Oh shit, indeed, as that's an accurate description of what was running down Josh's leg the moment the gangbangers threw him against the car door. Thankfully, or unthankfully depending on your taste in interviewer's, The All American Boys rushed onto the scene to aid poor Josh. You know you're unpopular when on a roster of a 100+ the AAB's are making your saves. Regardless, Freedom and Liberty informed the Compton PD that while they were happy to have the two as coworkers, the OAOASTs goes by a code of honor, and they just violated it. Unimpressed by the AAB's boy scout act, The PD retorted that they have a code of the streets and the AAB's just violated it. Without waiting for a reply the PD jumped the AAB's and fisticuffmanship was afoot! That is until security rushed onto the scene and broke up the fight. Where were they when Josh was tinkling on Tony's car? Anyway, acting on behalf of Josie, Sophie appeared to announce the mainevent for the night was to be the AAB's Vs The Compton PD. At least that's what people thought. She speaks in french, and half these dudes can barely even speak proper english.

 

 

Brought to you by American Express

Taped: Uh...some time after the BAS

First air date: Umm, whatever this past saturday was. I'm not really good with the days of the week thingie

Announce team: Tony Schiavone and Jesse "The Body" Ventura

Lead correspondent: Tony Brannigan

 

On this edition of Syndicated EMT Tim Cash embarks on a singles career which is sure to last until we turn him into Los Diablos leather slave, Cuban Wall speaks on his upcoming Money In The Bank match with Krista, Simon Singleton tries to earn some revenge for his stablemate Christian Wright against James Blonde. The Love Doctors go against hungry rookies The Last Kings Of Scotland, seriously they haven't been fed in two weeks! Thank you, thank you! And The All American Boys meet up with The Compton PD.

 

EMT Tim Cash Vs Waldo

 

The typically pedestrian entrance of Waldo was given a little flair, and a lot of ickiness as Luther and Marino trailed him with a cart full of STINK BUGS. Nasty, filthy, foul stink bugs. Before Cash made his arrival, Waldo explained his unusual and grotesque ringside accompaniment. He stated that Cash, fresh off being dumped as "Bosley's boytoy" was no threat to him and that he'd begin a new era for The B. Boys by beating the Peroian in record time. To prove how confident he was in his bold prediction he promised to eat every one of the stink bugs should he lose.

 

Seconds into the match it looked like Waldo might need a whole lot of tic tacs as Cash rolled him up off a body slam attempt for a surprise pin. Although, Waldo kicked out of the pinfall, his misfortunes continued as the EMT steamrolled him with a trio of lariats. Fearful of a possible concussion as well as the nausea ingesting a thousand stink bugs might induce, Waldo attempted to retreat to the outside area. But, Cash prohibited his escape with a running elbow drop and proceeded to overwhelm him with moves designed to weaken him in preparation for The Midwestern Sling (texas cloverleaf).

 

Waldo appeared to gain some small advantage when he countered a DDT by shoving the EMT into the ropes. But as he came off the cables himself, the midwesterner twisted and twirled him into a devastating tilt a whirl back breaker. That was the perfect set up for the Midwest Sling. Though, Waldo gave up the second the hold was applied, his submission was not noticed by a referee that was distracted by Luther and Mariano. The meddling of Waldo's cohorts was but a minor issue for Timmy C., and the good-guy ended the pair's night with two well placed elbows. The distraction of Luther and Mariano gave Waldo the chance he needed to make a last ditch effort to preserve this match. He charged at Cash with an elbow smash, but only met a boot to the stomach for his troubles. Cash grabbed onto his legs, dropped him to the mat, and earned an easy submission with a Midwest Sling!

 

Winner: EMT Tim Cash, via submission

 

With Cash's trouble free victory in the books, the question then became should he stand by to pump Waldo's stomach after he goes into convulsions from eating STINK BUGS. Not if Quincy could help it. The remaining Burrough Boy slid into the ring and took Cash by surprise with a swift shot to the head from a chain wrapped fist. Cash hadn't a chance to fight back before Quincy began raining down ruthless punches upon his face. Quincy realized that security would soon be on the way to rescue the EMT. Thus he moved quickly to execute the most cruel portion of his plan. He lifted Cash up by the seat of his pants and chucked him over the ropes, causing him to take a terrible plummet into the cart full of stink bugs. And after his athletic frame squashed several hundred of them, Cash and anyone within 200 feet found out why they're called stink bugs. SHOTS FIRED. And while stage hands rushed to the store to empty their air freshener aisle and jack up Lysol's stock by several dollars, the show went to break.

 

Tony Brannigan, apparently unaware that his car is now in need of a Exxon deluxe wash, stood atop the interview stage with Cuban Wall. The former 24/7 champion was there to give his thoughts on his second round money in the bank match with Krista Isadora Duncan. Wall said he wouldn't be phased by her antics, her celebrity, the pageantry that goes with wrestling her, or her record so impressive it makes the 60-8 Montreal Canadiens from the 76-77 season look like today's San Francisco Giants, because he's solely focused on winning the tournament and getting his hands on the world title. When asked what he'd do if he eliminated Krista to get 15% of Theodore Moneymaker's shares in TSM, and won the tournament to get a world title shot along with half a million dollars, Wall said he'd crush PRL for the title, use the shares in TSM to ban PRL from the network, and then finally use the half a million to buy as many wrestling companies as he can and make sure PRL never works in the country again. Just a little bit bitter, that's all.

 

In the Enterprise dressing room, Mackenzie DeCenzo was lightly grilling Simon Singleton over why he didn't come to Christian's aid when James Blonde had pinned down Moneymaker, stopping him from ending Landon Maddix's match deciding pinfall. Simon, of course, had no decent answer, so he did the old "look over there, its Angelina Jolie, naked and encrusted in diamonds and chocolate" routine and ran away. Right into the dressing room wall. Mackenzie regarded the semi-KO'ed Simon with a mixture of pity and indegestion, and told him just to make good by beating Blonde tonight. When Simon asked why Molly didn't stand up for him she whined "Mackie has to sign my intern time sheet!"

 

James Blonde Vs Box Office Simon Singleton W/Molly Nerdly

 

Stable warfare, continued with Simon Singleton being called upon to punish James Blonde for his role in the MITB bout between Landon Maddix and Christian. The contest began with a pedestrian feeling out process, with neither man wanting to commit a match costing error. Eventually Singleton grew bored of the overly cautious pacing and began assailing his foe with knife edge chops. Blonde had no answer for the lightening fast attacks, allowing Double S to move onto the more damaging attacks. However, Blonde was able to block a running enziguri, and nail his foe with a modified Samoan drop. This put him on even ground with the three time tag team champion, and the two traded holds and near falls, with Simon almost rolling Blonde up into defeat with a school boy off a countered flapjack. The Canadian then gained the advantage when he stunned Singleton with a springboard lariat. From there, Blonde slowed the pace of the match to a crawl with a rear chinlock designed to do whatever it is a rear chinlock is supposed to do. I have no real clue. Anyways, after nearly twenty seconds of inactivity, BOSS powered out of Blonde's hold. The two went back to trading blows, but it was Blonde who took an easy upper hand, knocking Singleton senseless with a running knee followed by a swinging neckbreaker. As those two moves worked so well, he decided to try them one more time. But upon reaching the ropes, his ankles were held onto by Molly, in much the same way he held onto Moneymaker's ankles at BAS. Not bothering to appreciate the irony of the situation, Singleton snuck behind Blonde and rolled him up 1-2-3!

 

Winner: Simon Singleton via pinfall

 

Post match, Maggie Nerdly caught up with Simon. Ignoring Molly's comments about her "fang" like teeth, Maggie asked Simon what his prediction was for the BHB's tag team match against D*LUX. He said he and Ned would easily walk all over the teen idols, and do what no one in any current stable could ever dream to do, become four time tag team champions. Molly finished the interview by noting that the sun was going down, so it should be safe for Maggie to go outside without her skin melting. See her teeth look like a vampire and vampires they...ahh never mind!

 

A double dose of wrestling's cutest interviewer! After break Maggie was backstage with James Riggs, Felix Strutter and Reggie Lamont. The topic of conversation was of course Riggs' unprovoked attack on Denzel Spencer during his match with Lamont. Riggs was nonchalant about his dastardly interference, saying he was simply doing what it takes to survive in the OAOAST. He felt that in order to make it in the company, one needs people who have your back. Thus when he saw an opportunity to gain some allies, he took it. For their part Lamont and Strutter were happy to associate with anyone willing to help them torment Spencer, Jumbo and Deuce, and put them out the OAOAST for good.

 

The Love Doctors Vs The Last Kings of Scotland

 

The long awaited rematch from the last time KC wasn't too busy and I wasn't recovering from an overdose to post Syndicated! Early on it was doubtful if The LKS (we like acronyms for our tag teams) learned any thing from their previous contest with The Docs (BOO! no acronym!), as they repeated many of the same mistakes. Their over eagerness to claim a quick effortless victory caused many of their moves to be reversed, and they were often times punished by The Docs signature holds. Pigley, advertising his radio show on his tights, was in rare form, especially for a disc jockey, I'd like to see Casey Casem hit somebody with a running powerslam. However, Danny Boy was able to turn the tide towards his team with a springboard bulldog on Anderson after a blind tag. He and Scottish Scott worked over Anderson's arm, but were unable to maintain control for very long, as Anderson gave them both a noggin knocker off an irish whip and brought Pigley into the contest. The match then played out exactly as the last one did, with Danny Boy being laid out by the he Lovematic Grampa (Inverted Atomic Drop/Dropkick) and Scottish Scott having his night ruined by Defibrillator (Hart Attack Clothesline). That would've been enough to finish off the Scottish tag team, but hotties from Chitown had to wow their fans with the Gurney To The Centre Of The Earth onto Danny Boy.

 

Winner: The Love Doctors. via pinfall.

 

Post match The Docs delighted the lady's in the audience with a spicy dance routine. None to entertained were The LKS, as they stood outside screaming into the camera that they'd beat The Docs next time they faced each other. Not if I'm booking it!

 

***The Compton PD Vs The All American Boys***

 

This wasn't so much a match as it was a slaughter, as The PD got the jump on the good guys from the "heart's and soul of America's people" as they made their way down the entrance ramp. Thanks to the surprise attack, the AAB's were helpless to counter the brute strength of their aggressors. Though they got in a few good punches here and there, nothing they did could battle back the PD. The gangsta's mercifully finished off the AAB's with two B Boy Breakers, Cash Money performs the Neckface, while 9-Mill hits a Neckbreaker, playboy. Bitch stays DOWN, SON! Whatchu gonna do now? Punk bitch. coke head faggots. all your motherfuckers is haters. ya'll hatin on the Compton pd because you can't do like they do it, so fuck outta here cuz u weak like 7 dayz. Compton PD wanna give a shout out to they ballas Snooky, T-Real, Cali Fornicator, and BakInBlak, playboy. Los Angeles county, stand the fuck up! Long Beach, East LA, Inglewood, Culver City, Santa Clarita, Alhambra, we see you! HOLLA! EAST COAST NIGGAS GET THEY DOME SPLIT, THAT'S MA WORD, IM OUT TO BUY THE HILLS SEASON 3 ON DVD, AND I'D STILL 187 ALL YA'LL IN A MINUTE!

[Dr. Zoidberg 0]

Bitch stays DOWN, SON! Whatchu gonna do now? Punk bitch. coke head faggots. all your motherfuckers is haters. ya'll hatin on the Compton pd because you can't do like they do it, so fuck outta here cuz u weak like 7 dayz. Compton PD wanna give a shout out to they ballas Snooky, T-Real, Cali Fornicator, and BakInBlak, playboy. Los Angeles county, stand the fuck up! Long Beach, East LA, Inglewood, Culver City, Santa Clarita, Alhambra, we see you!

 

Best. Thing. Ever.