PROMO: The Best Laid Plans Of Mice And Men...

[Toxxic 0]

"You know Landon, I really think we need to do something about this," Toxxic comments, leaning back in his chair.

 

"...uh, about what?" Landon Maddix asks, looking up from what at first glance appears to be a NBA magazine, but on closer inspection is actually a sticker album.

 

"The DVS," Toxxic replies, twirling a pen through his black-nailed fingers in a manner reminiscent of Val Kilmer in Top Gun, "we invite them to the SWF, give 'em contracts, and then they beats our guys up and attack Taiga. And that Spyke's got a mouth on him the size of Belfast."

 

"I thought you were the one who gave them contracts in the first place?" Landon reminds the General Manager. "You certainly didn't consult me. As Commissioner of the SWF-"

 

"-you were busy getting hammered in celebration of Spain winning the Euros, or Nadal winning Wimbledon, or something related to sodding Spain," Toxxic cuts him off with the long-suffering bitterness of an Englishman discussing international sport. "I swear, I still haven't heard you speak any bloody Spanish beyond 'hola' and 'tortilla'."

 

"...shut up."

 

"But, yeah, you're right, I gave them contracts," Toxxic admits. "That don't mean I like what they're doing. I think we need to remind them exactly who the dominant wrestling federation is."

 

"...the OAOAST?" Landon asks hopefully.

 

"No!"

 

"Hey, we've still got a TV deal over there," La Cucaracha reminds his colleague, "more than the SWF has."

 

"You know as well as I do that was Tom Flesher's fault," the Straight-Edge Sensation grunts.

 

"OK, so what did you have in mind?" Megan Skye asks, clearly tiring of their bickering. The Co-Commissioner takes a swig of her coffee as both men look around, Landon having clearly forgotten she was there. "I mean," she continues, "it would kinda counterproductive to take action against the guys currently wrestling for us, don't you think? We need bodies on the roster."

 

"No, I was thinking of something different," Toxxic replies. "They've started talking about 'invading' the SWF, so I think we need to send them a message back at where they're based."

 

*knock-knock*

 

"Who's there?" Landon calls.

 

"This should be the messengers," Toxxic smirks as the door cracks open. Into the room step four figures; the slinky, seductive Natasha; the suited and booted Chris Card; and the big guy-small guy combination of TORU Takahara and KOJI Kitano, the SWF's new Tag Team Champions.

 

"What are they doing here?" Landon asks, eyeing Card with animosity. Megan Skye is also looking rather less than pleased at the arrival of the man who punched her four years ago.

 

"Say hello to the messengers," Toxxic grins, then turns back to TKO. "Guys, Chris. How would you like to make some more money?"

 

"I'm listening," Card replies, inclining his head.

 

"We need to let the people back at the DVS know who it is they're trying to mess with," Toxxic tells them seriously. "Now, might be there's a few guys hanging around in the back who will want a shot as well, and they're welcome to do it, but I picked you for some very good reasons. First of all, you've no qualms about beating people up."

 

TORU and KOJI grin widely, even TORU's grasp of English being easily good enough to understand what the General Manager is talking about.

 

"Secondly, you're likely to do it where I specify in exchange for payment, unlike the carnage that would happen if I prodded someone like MANSON in their general direction. Which is tempting," Toxxic admits, "but not exactly a predictable outcome."

 

TORU and KOJI nod again.

 

"And thirdly, because I believe I can trust you and you," Toxxic continues, turning to Card and Natasha, "to ensure that things don't get out of hand. Am I right?"

 

"Of course," Card smiles. "So you're after quite specific, directed violence then?"

 

"Yeah," Toxxic replies, "nothing major, no bloodbaths, just remind them who we are and what we can do. You're all aware that your contracts allow you to wrestle for other promotions, should that be the best way of doing it, as long as it doesn't clash with dates you are obliged to work for us. The next DVS show is on Tuesday. Do your thing."

 

"And the payment?" Card asks.

 

"Standard SWF representative fees, as it would be for any public appearance, plus travel," Toxxic replies promptly. Card and Natasha turn to TKO and a hurried discussion takes place in Japanese before Technical Perfection turns back to his fellow Englishman.

 

"Mike, you've got a deal," he says. We'll try and make it onto the show one way or another, get this place some airtime."

 

"Nice," Toxxic grins, "happy holidays." TKO and Chris Card Enterprises turn and leave and the General Manager turns to find Landon gaping at him.

 

"Did you just agree to give TKO representative fees? The same as we'd give someone making a public appearance like for the... the Smarkdown Your Vote campaign, or an appearance at a high school, or something like that?" Maddix asks incredulously.

 

"Yup."

 

"To go and cause trouble at another federation?"

 

"Yup."

 

"Mike, they are the last people we should be sending out to represent us!" Landon protests.

 

"...why, because they're undefeated in tag team wrestling in the SWF for about three years?"

 

"I... well... look, they're cheaters!" Landon says, changing tactics, "and everyone knows you don't like cheaters!"

 

"I don't like cheating, because I don't need to do it," Toxxic corrects him, buffing his black nails on his shirt. "I can get along with cheaters just fine. Hey, I was in Revolution Zero with Sly and Jakey, that wouldn't have worked otherwise."

 

"But-"

 

"-and we got along OK when we were The Galacticos," the straight-edger reminds his former tag team partner, carefully glossing over the first couple of months when he couldn't stand the sight of Maddix, "and you always cheated like a bitch. Like any three bitches you care to name, actually."

 

"It's going to end in tears," Landon sulks, taking refuge in Things Your Mother Said When You Were Young.

 

"Mmm-hmm, hopefully someone else's," Toxxic agrees, breezing to the door. "Oh, and Landon?"

 

"What?"

 

"Jamaican Me Crazy!" Toxxic grins, and disappears.

 

"Oh come on!" Maddix protests to the closed door, "I go and name one show, which just happened to be held in Jamaica, and he 'gets me back' by staging an attack on another federation? How is that mature, huh?" he appeals to Megan Skye, who finishes the last of her coffee.

 

"Speaking as someone who had to sit next to you for some of the flight over here, I have no sympathy for you," Megan tells him. "But since I had to sit next to you because Toxxic forced me to swap seats with him, I have no sympathy for him either."

 

"...so what do you hope happens?" Landon asks, bewildered.

 

"Hopefully you'll both get fired, and then I can run the place myself," Megan smiles. "Coffee?"

 

[Rawknight 0]

How can anything with Card involved gang laft agley?

[Divefire 0]

Oh no, Spaceballs... Well there goes the planet!