Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted August 22, 2008 (edited) THE FOLLOWING PROGRAM IS INTENDED FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY PRESENTED IN HD Ultimate Victory plays to the our usual entrance video which now features highlights of AS' past to prompt you to order that ppv!! wow that sentence made zero sense, which is what you get for typing with one hand Into the teeny tiny arena we go, where six thousand drunk rednecks have converged to make life miserable for the OAOAST superstars far more used to performing in front of crowds that aren't all somehow related. COLE Welcome ladies and gentlemen to Mobile, Alabama the sight of tonight's HeldDOWN~! COACH For barely being able to speak proper english and not having any teeth, these people's vulgar chants are pretty coherent. Good job, Alabama! COLE Yeah, I'm a little shocked at how clear their homophobic slurs directed to me come off. The announciation of their ignorance is really something else! Fans, in just a few short minutes we’re going to be hearing from Mr. Dick for the first time since he was... COACH Publicly lynched. But like Clint Eastwood, he survived. Heaven didn’t need to be reamed yet. COLE How do you follow something like that up? COACH By going straight to the video! And so we do, to Mr. Dick enjoying a beautiful summer afternoon out in the backyard sunbathing, the sprinklers going off around him. MR. DICK Baron Windels, real big tough guy you are violently attacking me -- following a grueling match no less. You gotta be feeling mighty proud about yourself. If not for my giant dick supplying blood to my brain I would’ve been a goner for sure. But if you think for one second you’re little stunt did anything to rattle my psyche, you’re dead wrong. So you got to extract a measure of revenge. Big deal. You’ve won nothing but a tiny skirmish in a large war. Though I can’t help but wonder where this Baron Windels was back when the Lone Star Gunslingers rode together. Had that S.O.B. been around we’d still be tag team champions today. That’s all in the past though, just like you'll be once I get through with you. Like I said last time Baron, Angleslam will be your last stand. Who knows? Maybe we’ll meet again sooner than you think. Fade out. COMMERCIAL ANGLESLAM 2008 TEXAS BULLROPE MATCH San Antonio's two sons: BARON WINDELS Vs MISTER DICK AUGUST 31st Edited August 22, 2008 by Patty O'Green Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted August 22, 2008 (edited) Backstage we go into the locker room of Cucaracha Internacional, a scene of high tension at the moment. James Blonde and Megan Skye, nursing a sore neck from the Eulogy she suffered last week, sit at the back of the room watching pensively at the scene in front of them. In a bad mood, badder than usual, Nathaniel Black paces around in front of Landon, who is sat with his head frustratedly cupped in his hands. BLACK So, somebody care to explain just what in the 'ell went on last week? Or ain't I supposed to be 'in on the plan'? MADDIX Look do we really have to go through this now Nate? I've got a big match to be preparing for, this isn't exactly ideal timing... BLACK Yeah well, it ain't an ideal situation all round, is it? The whole point of me fightin' Malibu again last week was to put this thing to bed, once an' for all. That's the line you fed me before we went an' spoke to Baker. Well, it ain't even close to bedtime yet mate. You know BLOODY WELL that I 'aven't proven a damn thing! That's not how I wanted to beat Malibu! MADDIX I know, I know. It's not how I wanted you to beat Malibu either. BLACK Then why were you in the ring with a steel chair in the first place, 'ay!? Landon stammers around for an answer, one that won't incriminate himself further. And he comes up blank. BLACK And what the hell are we doin' getting involved with The Enterprise anyway, you know we can't trust them! MADDIX Look, I swear I didn't know that was going to happen, okay. ...I admit, I came out to give you a helping hand... Black gives Landon an incredulous look. BLACK I don't NEED any bleedin' 'elp, how many times do I 'ave to tell you!? I am better than Zack Malibu. MADDIX I know, I know, but I just wanted to be double sure. Listen, I want this thing over as much as you do and as soon as possible, believe me. Not least because you're getting too distracted Nate. All I hear is Zack this, Zack that, "bloody Zack", "soddin' Zack"... you're getting obsessed. And the longer you're obsessed, the more distracted you are with everything else and the less useful you are to Cucaracha Internacional. BLACK I don't... MADDIX ...care about Cucaracha Internacional, I know and that's the problem! You're getting so worked up with getting this win that you're saying to hell with everything else, everybody else. You're going into business for yourself. And I can't let you do that as well, we've already got one off the rails. Which is why I wanted to make certain you got the win you need, that you DESERVE. Hell I know you're better than Zack Malibu! So I came out, as your leader, to make sure. Everything after that was as much a shock to me as it was you. There is, was and will be no deals between us and The Enterprise. Nobody else matters. This right here in this room is the elite force in the OAOAST... at least, it is at the moment. You can't vilify me for caring too much, can you? Scoffing under his breath, Nathaniel shakes his head. BLACK I can give it a bloody good go. MADDIX James, talk to him would you? James Blonde stands up. BLONDE Look, Nate, I... BLACK 'Ush your gums mate. James Blonde sits back down. BLACK Listen, I ain't through with Zack, not by a longshot. And I ain't 'appy about what went down neither. But you don't 'ave to worry about me bein' a team player, alright? Just trust me. This thing with Malibu, quite frankly, it ain't Cucaracha business. Anything that is, count me in. Sighing, Landon leans back in his chair for a second, then takes a look across the room. MADDIX James, remember that Battle Royal at AngleSlam? BLONDE Absolutely! MADDIX Yeah, you're out. Nate, you're in. Realising what this means for his chances of another match with Zack, Black puts his hands on his hips. But he soon calms and nods his head grateful at the opportunity. As he then heads off to cool down, Landon turns over to Megan, comforting the sulking Blonde. MADDIX We're going have to keep a close eye on him. Cut to elsewhere backstage, where the Deadly Alliance is having a discussion. ALFDOGG This is a big time for the Deadly Alliance, boys. Two weeks ago, I did what I said I was gonna, and I left that big In-Crowd baboon laying, and sent him climbing back up his tree. Tonight, I get a shot at Landon Maddix. It won't be long before everyone realizes who the premier unit in the wrestling world is. Alf looks over at Reject. ALF Now...suppose Landon's little bimbo decides to get involved here. That's where the R-Man comes in. Just give her a little reminder of Molly, a little reminder of what happens when a woman sticks her nose in a man's business. Reject, half-smiling, nods in agreement. ALF Speaking of you two, you have that TLC match coming up at AngleSlam. And one of the teams in that is a representative of the Enterprise. You've got to send them a message. And I know that when you get out there with all those tables, and ladders, and chairs, your eyes light up like Leon Rodez at a Nerdly family reunion. TK chuckles, as Reject again nods in agreement. ALF We've got to send a message, to EVERYONE. This is about tradition, guys! The reason why the In-Crowd got back together, and why groups like the Enterprise and Cucaracha Internacional exist, is because the Deadly Alliance made it cool. We run this game! And we've got to let everyone know that. And it continues tonight. Let's do this thing. Alf walks off, as do Sandman and Thunderkid. Reject starts to walk off, as well, but before he can, the Burrough Boys come barreling through the door. LUTHER Yo dawg, what's happ'nin? Reject doesn't say anything. MARIANO Whoa, we come in peace, we come in peace! Now look playboy, I know we was beefin' awhile back, but that's in the past, baby! And the truth is, we feel yo pain on what that Maggie bitch did to you, dawg! QUINCY Yeah man, that ain't coo'. MARIANO But my man Waldo can make it all right for ya. Tell 'em what's up, boy. WALDO Yo baby, my cousins fittin' ta come meet us on the road in the near future, I'm talkin' bout some big, 250-pound bitches! These bitches know how ta scrap, know how ta get down 'n' dirty! What I'm sayin' is, homey, you just say the word, and we'll unleash the hounds on that lil' skank ho, what you say? Reject puts his head down and lets it all sink in, then looks back up at his former friends. REJECT Well, I appreciate that you guys came here to clear the air with me. And I do appreciate your offer. But it won't be necessary. Someday our paths are going to cross again. And when we do..."down 'n' dirty" would be a blessing for her. The Burrough Boys have looks of half-approval, half-freaked out on their faces, as the camera zooms in on Reject's angry, intent-filled face. COACH Hell hath no fury like a Reject scorned! COMING UP NEXT THE FINAL MONEY IN THE BANK SEMI FINAL MATCH LANDON MADDIX Vs ALFDOGG WINNER ADVANCES TO ANGLESLAM TO FACE KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN NEXT!! Edited August 22, 2008 by King Cucaracha Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted August 22, 2008 (edited) COLE Sunday night, August 31st we will see Jade Rodez-Duncan challenging for the OAOAST Women's Championship against the ultimate combination of beauty and beatdowns who has been dominanting the women's division since her arrival, Malaysia Nerdly. We've already seen Jade in training for this huge challenge. Earlier this week, our cameras caught up with the Champion and this is what she had to say. We open up in what a helpful graphic on screen informs us is the Nerdly family basement in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada. Not unlike most basements, it's not a grand room. Infact it looks old and crumbling, the white paintwork on the walls greyed and distressed in places over the years, the wooden ceiling worn down. The basement is home to plenty of gym apparatus, a few workbenches, a large collection of weights set up in one corner. Strangely, there are some reddish stains on the old green carpeting near some of the benches. And I can't quite explain why one weight bench has RESTRAINTS built in. But suffice is to say, there's a slightly unnerving feel about the whole place. The only person who would ever dream of calling this 'home' is Malaysia Nerdly, who stands in the centre of the broken down basement with a sick smile on her face. Which is her usual smile. But no less sick for it. With the OAOAST Women's Title the one bright and pretty object in the entire basement, Malaysia stares into the camera for a couple of seconds, holding her trusty cat o' nine tails in one hand. MALAYSIA So Jade... it seems you can't get enough of me. Well, that's good. Because I just can't get enough of you Jade. Walking across the basement, Malaysia runs her index finger up and down a steel bar on one of the weight machines, seemingly lost in her thoughts. MALAYSIA Our past meetings have been so much fun Jade. I can still hear you screaming in pain as I put you in my inverted crab. I can still see the tears in your eyes as I pulled on that pretty blonde hair, trod on your neck... choked you, seeing you cough and splutter for breath, your face turning that beautiful shade of purple..... Getting a little over-excited, Malaysia sits down on a bench, breathing deeply. With a smile on her face, she grips the handle on her cat o' nine tails that bit tighter. MALAYSIA Every time you've stepped in the ring with me, I've hurt you. What makes you think AngleSlam will be any different Jade? It's not. Because that's what I do Jade. I hurt people. I feed off of other people's pain and suffering. It... excites me. And the fact that you keep coming back for more... it just makes you all that more... enticing, Jade. Some people, they just can't take the pain. They don't enjoy it, like I do. Maybe you're different. Maybe you're a glutton... for my punishment. Malaysia stands back up, panting ever so slightly and biting her bottom lip. MALAYSIA Jade, those first two times in the ring with you, they felt so good. I can't imagine how good it's going to feel at AngleSlam. Because I've seen you in training Jade. And this time, I think you might be ready... *THWACK!* Malaysia turns around and cracks the cat o' nine tails against the wall, slashing the dried paint off of the brickwork. MALAYSIA ...for the next level. HAHAHAHA! With a chilling laugh and smile from Malaysia, the footage comes to an end in an abrupt scene of static. (BACK TO SOFA CENTRAL) COLE ...okay, I'll say it. That was really creepy. COACH *fapfapfapfap* COLE Do you have to do that now!? COACH Oh, sorry. Pulling his hands out from under the table, Coach sets down his ball and paddle sadly. COLE Thank you. COACH No problem. Mind if I whack one off now I'm done with that? COLE I hate you so much. Moving on from Coach's masturbatory habits. Folks, it's time for our second semifinal match in the Money in the Bank tournament, the winner going on to face Krista Isadora Duncan at AngleSlam in 10 days! Let's go up to Michael Buffer! *DING DING DING* (slow and dramatic) BUFFER LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLadies and gentlemen...this is our second of two Money in the Bank tournament semifinal matches! Tonight, in the ongoing battle for stable supremacy in the OAOAST, two men...two leaders of these dominant stables...will do battle for the first time ever! The winner will advance to the finals at AngleSlam, August 31, from San Antonio, Texas, to face Krista Isadora Duncan. ARE YOU READY? *crowd cheers* BUFFER Mobile, Alabama...ARRRRRRRRRE YYYYYYYYYOUUUUUUUUUUU RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREADYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY? *crowd cheers louder* BUFFER Then for the thousands in attendance here in Mobile, and the millions watching all around the world...there's only one thing left to say. Ladies and gentlemen...LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLET'S GET RRRRRRRRRRREADY TO RRRRRRRRRUMMMMMMBLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEE EEEE!!!!! *crowd cheers* Magnum Opus hits, and the cheers intensify as Alf walks through the curtains. BUFFER Coming to the ring at this time...wearing black plants with white trim, and white shirt, and weighing in at 236 1/2 pounds! Truly a trailblazer of this company, tonight he fights for tradition, as he takes one more step back to the top of the mountain. Ladies and gentlemen...the leader of the Deadly Alliance...a former three-time heavyweight champion of the WORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRLD...ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLFFFFFDOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOGG!!!!! Alf rolls into the ring and poses on the buckles, as the crowd continues to cheer him on. COLE Alf, on his way to this match, defeating Baron Windels in the first round, then gaining a controversial victory over the Metrosexual Monster, Bohemoth, thanks to the help of a barbed wire bat! Alf stands in a corner, as his music dies down. "PREPARE...FOR...LANDON!" ...WAAAAAHHHHH... *DUM DUM* Megalomaniac by Incubus hits, as from behind the curtain steps Megan Skye, heralding the arrival of Landon who stops at the top of the ramp and thrusting his hands out to his side to boos. BUFFER His opponent...wearing yellow and red, with white letters, and weighing in at an even 208 pounds...this man has taken the OAOAST by storm over the last year, and looks to return to the World championship status which he held at this time one year ago. Accompanied by his "Perfect 10", Megan Skye...ladies and gentlemen...the leader of Cucaracha Internacional...a former four-time heavyweight champion of the WORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRLD...LLLLLANDONNNN "LAAAAAA CUCARACCCCCHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" MMMMMMMMMMMMMMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIXXX XXXXXXXXXX!!!!! Landon leaps to the apron, looking out at the crowd as Megan climbs the steps. Megan holds open the ropes and Landon bounds into the ring, spinning himself into the centre of the ring HBK style and posing with Megan. COLE Landon's road includes two very impressive victories, one over the Enterprise's Christian Wright, then in the last round against the United States champion, Colombian Heat! Alf just looks on as Landon does his thing in mid-ring, then Megan steps out and the referee calls for the bell. *DING DING DING* Landon and Alf slowly approach each other in mid-ring, then face off, as a chant builds up. "LET'S GO ALF!" "LET'S GO ALF!" "LET'S GO ALF!" "LET'S GO ALF!" COACH Well, it's obvious who the crowd favorite is here, Cole! Alf and Landon back away from one another, then circle the ring, and tie up. Alf backs Landon into a corner, but Landon reverses, and backs Alf in. Landon starts to break, but delivers a shot to the gut. He then delivers some kicks to the gut, and talks a bit of trash. COLE Landon gaining an advantage early on, and talking some trash to Alf! Landon whips Alf across, and charges, but Alf springs himself over, then executes an armdrag! Landon gets to his feet, and charges into a drop toe hold, then Alf kneels over his back and paintbrushes him! COLE And look at this, both guys trying to get under the skin of the other early on! Landon rolls into a corner, holding the back of his head while staring at Alf, who motions for him to "come on." Landon slowly gets to his feet, moves in, and the two tie up. Landon grabs a side headlock, but Alf backs him into the ropes, then shoves him off. Landon comes back, and takes Alf to the mat with a shouldercheck. Landon then runs to the ropes, as Alf rolls to his stomach. Alf gets to his feet and executes a leapfrog, then drops down and executes a reverse monkeyflip! A groggy Landon gets to his feet, and is clotheslined to the floor! COLE Alf on a roll early on, and maybe he will advance to face Krista at AngleSlam! Alf lets Landon climb to the apron, then snapmares him back over the ropes, and drags him into the corner. COACH Oh no, not this! Alf delivers a CHOP~! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! Landon screams in pain and drops to his knees, forming an X with his arms across his chest. COLE Landon hates those knife-edge chops, and there's no one in the business who lays them in like Alf does! Alf drags him back up, and delivers another CHOP~! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! Alf pulls Landon out to mid-ring, and executes a snap suplex! He follows up with a snap legdrop! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! The camera cuts backstage, showing a split-screen of Cucaracha Internacional members sitting in chairs watching the match on the left, and Deadly Alliance members on the right, standing around a monitor. COACH Look at this! COLE And there you see the units, intently watching this one, seeing how their leaders fare here in the semifinals of the Money in the Bank tournament! Landon reverses an Irish whip, but puts his head down, and Alf catches him with a swinging neckbreaker! James Blonde cringes in the back, as Alf covers... 1... 2... Kickout! The camera cuts back to the ring, as Alf sets up Landon on the ropes, and attempts another Irish whip. Landon reverses once again, then drops down, then executes a leapfrog, then catches Alf with a flying forearm! After hitting Alf, Landon spins around and lands on his knees, with his back to Alf's head. He then postures to the crowd, drawing boos. COLE Landon with a big flying forearm, and the tide has turned here! Landon covers... 1... 2... Kickout! Landon stomps away at Alf, until he rolls to the floor. Landon follows, then scoops up Alf, and rams his lower back into the ringpost! COLE And Alf with his back into the steel ringpost! Landon rolls Alf back inside, then picks him up and scoop slams him, then executes his double stomp/back senton combo! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Landon sets up Alf for an Irish whip, but Alf reverses. Alf executes a leapfrog, but Landon catches him with the THESZ PLANT~! COLE Landon with the Thesz Plant, and the hook of the leg... 1... 2... Kickout! Landon complains to the referee about the count, to no avail. He then backs Alf into a corner, and delivers some quick kicks, then attempts to whip Alf across. Alf reverses, and Landon springs to the middle rope, and comes back with a bodypress...but Alf rolls through! 1... 2... Kickout! Landon knocks Alf back to the mat with a double axhandle, and Alf rolls to the apron. Landon attempts a suplex back inside, but Alf slips behind the back and grabs a rear waistlock. He attempts a German suplex, but Landon flips over to his feet, and executes a BACKCRACKER~! COLE Backcracker by Landon! 1... 2... Kickout! Landon picks up Alf, and attempts a suplex...but Alf rolls him up in a small package! 1... 2... Kickout! Landon catches Alf with a seated dropkick, then lays to catch his breath. When he does, he gets to his feet and whips Alf into the ropes, going for a gutwrench, but Alf spins through to his feet...then scoops up Landon, and plants him with a TOMBSTONE~! COLE BIG tombstone piledriver by Alf! Alf falls back down to the mat, and the referee begins a count. 1!!! 2!!! 3!!! 4!!! 5!!! 6!!! 7!!! 8!!! Alf sits up, and starts to get to his feet. Landon rolls over to the ropes and pulls himself up, then makes his way to Alf, who catches him with a reverse atomic drop, followed by a Hart Attack clothesline! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Alf gets to his feet, and waits on Landon to get up...then executes a BELLY-TO-BELLY~! COLE And Alf going for the kill here! Alf follows up with a T-BONE SUPLEX~!! Landon has the prescence of mind to roll into a corner, and begs off. Alf stalks him into the corner, then drags him out by his foot. Landon is able to push himself up as this is happening, and floors Alf with an ENZIGURI~! COLE Landon right back with an enziguri! COACH What a match this is, Cole! Landon rests from his knees, then climbs to the top. As he gets to the top, however, Alf gets to his feet, and racks him on the top! COACH Alf's going up! Alf follows Landon up, and brings him down with a SUPERPLEX~! COLE Superplex from the top rope! Could this be it? Alf drapes an arm over... 1... 2... NO! Landon gets a shoulder up! Alf picks up Landon, and delivers right hands. Landon takes a big swing, which Alf ducks, and locks in a sleeper! COLE Sleeper hold applied now! Landon makes it to the ropes, and as the referee moves to separate them, raises his leg up and low blows Alf! COLE Landon with a low blow, the referee didn't see it! Landon picks up Alf, and signals for the end. COACH Landon says he's gonna end it here! Landon scoops Alf onto his shoulders... COLE Could be the GTS here! Landon brings Alf down onto his knee...which Alf blocks, trips Landon up, and, much to the delight of the fans, locks in the SHARPSHOOTER~!!!!!11111 COLE Alf with the Sharpshooter! COACH I don't know if Landon can survive this, Cole! Landon screams in pain as he reaches for the ropes, but Alf pulls him back out to the center! COLE Right back in the middle! Alf is going to go to AngleSlam! Just then, Megan Skye hops onto the apron. COACH Not if Megan's got anything to say about it! Alf starts to release the hold after seeing Megan...then shoots her the bird, and cinches right back in on it! COLE And Alf unaffected by the prescence of Megan Skye! At that point, Megan comes into the ring, and removes a can of hairspray from her purse. Alf releases the hold, and sarcastically begs off into a corner, as Reject slides into the ring behind Megan, into a three-point stance. COLE Oh no, look at this... Alf raises his arms into the air, as if he were being stuck up, then Megan turns around...right into the EULOGY~!!!!!11111 from Reject! COLE Reject with the Eulogy on Megan Skye! Give me a break! Reject stares down on Megan, as the referee angrily motions for him to leave the ring. Meanwhile, Alf climbs to the outside and rummages under the ring, and Landon crawls over to Megan. COLE Landon over to check on Megan here, yet another heinous attack on a defenseless female by the demented Reject! Landon makes it over to Megan, shaking her lightly. And when she doesn't respond, he immediately gives up and starts to route through the purse of Megan, pulling a set of brass knuckles out. COLE Landon's not checking on her at all, he just wanted a foreign object! And he's got one! Alf then pulls a BARBED WIRE BAT from under the ring! COACH Uh-oh, and so does Alf! Landon sneakily loads the knucks into his kneepad, as more referees make their way out to force Reject away. Alf rolls into the ring, and shoves Megan to the floor with his foot, then waits for Landon to get up. When he does, Alf raises the bat in the air...but Landon delivers a knee to the gut! COLE OH! Landon with a knee to the stomach, and remember that kneepad is loaded! Landon then scoops the doubled-up Alf onto his shoulders...and delivers the GO 2 SLEEP~!!!!!11111 COLE And now the GTS, right onto the loaded kneepad! The referee finally turns around, and slides back inside as Landon covers... 1... 2... 3!!! *DING DING DING* COLE And Landon Maddix is going to AngleSlam! BUFFER The winner of the match, advancing to the finals of the Money in the Bank tournament...LLLLLANDONNNN "LAAAAAA CUCARACCCCCHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" MMMMMMMMMMMMMMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIXXX XXXXXXXXXX!!!!! The referee raises the hand of Landon, who is wore out on his knees. COLE Landon will now face Krista Isadora Duncan at AngleSlam, for the money and the contract! What a match! COACH Can you imagine if Mr. Moneymaker had to give his money to Landon Maddix? COLE The match should be most interesting, there's no doubt about it! As Alf starts to come to in the ring, Landon has rolled outside and punches the air in celebration. It's only now that he shows any recognition of Megan unconscious to his left, picking her up in his arms, her condition doing nothing to dampen the BIG smile on his face! He starts down the aisle, but then notices Reject still being forced back, and decides instead to exit through the crowd. COACH And that's probably a good decision right there, you don't to take Megan too close to that guy right now! COLE Alf gave it a great effort, but our Money in the Bank finals is set for AngleSlam, Krista Isadora Duncan vs Landon "La Cucaracha" Maddix! Landon tries to get over the barrier with Megan but struggles, so hangs her uncerimoniously over the barrier for a second while he climbs over. Still beaming, Landon heaves Megan back up off the barricade and gives her a pat on the BUTT for a job well done as he carries her unconscious body through the crowd. COACH Who says chivalry is dead!? COLE Oh brother. COMMERCIAL ANGLESLAM 2008 MONEY IN THE BANK FINAL KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN Vs LANDON MADDIX AUGUST 31st Edited August 22, 2008 by Patty O'Green Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted August 22, 2008 (edited) COLE Welcome back to HeldDOWN~! and... oh lord, what is this!? Groans fill the air as to the ring heads Biff Atlas, taking great care as to avoid any trailing wires or upturned carpeting. Biff lurches his arm away from outstretched hands a couple of times in fear of coming into range of contamination from any germ carriers in the crowd. Not specifically because we're in Alabama, you understand. But you couldn't blame him. Carrying in his hand a clipboard, Biff hand-crawls his way carefully up the ring steps, edging across the ring apron and entering through the bottom and middle ropes. COLE Last week on our sister show OAOAST Syndicated, Biff was carrying around some sort of petition he's drawn up... possibly in crayon... trying to get all fans banned from arenas for being too blood-thirsty and creating danger in the OAOAST. I could sit here all day and come up with reasons why that's completely ludicrous, but I wouldn't know where to begin. Pulling a cleansing wipe from his pocket, Biff cleans the microphone before accepting it from Michael Buffer. COACH First of all, crayons are much safer than pens or pencils. COLE Oh for crying out loud! BIFF Ladies and gentlemen... "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" BIFF Please, please. Ladies and gentlemen, tonight I am here on important business. Life saving business! So, please settle yourselves down, take a long deep breath, settle back into your chairs, because stress is a killer. Sir... sir... please. Biff tries to calm one fan in particular in the front row flipping him the bird. The personal attention given to him just makes him much more eager to show himself up on live TV flip off Biff though. As Biff is attending to this gentlemen, another fan yells at Biff to "LOOK OUT BEHIND YOU", causing Biff to jerk around in fear of what's awaiting him. COLE Ha-ha! BIFF You see this is exactly the kind of disruptive behaviour I am trying to eradicate before somebody gets hurt around here! You people... *scratches his leg*... ah, darned rash. You people are putting the OAOAST personnel in danger. And I... *scratches again*... I'm sorry, just, give me a second here... As Biff continues scratching, he's forced to stop talking. The crowd grow restless and that naturally unnerves Biff. BIFF No please, please settle down. Ladies and gentlemen, please remain calm. Everybody please stay seated, we do not want to risk a stampede situation. Security personnel, if you can hear me, please restore order while I just very quickly apply this ointment... "DIE BIFF, DIE!" "DIE BIFF, DIE!" "DIE BIFF, DIE!" "DIE BIFF, DIE!" BIFF NO! NO, DON'T SAY THAT! Lower your voices, raising your voices increases the risk of throat cancer! Just please... I... *scratches*... I'm sorry, I really need to apply this medication before the infection spreads to my lungs. Could somebody please help me with the application whilst I speak before we have a riot on our hands? Somebody CLEAN! COLE This is absurd. With no volunteers making themselves known, Biff tries to call on Michael Buffer to do the honours with the cream on his upper thigh. But Buffer is still insulted over the implication his microphone was dirty and refuses. Looks to camera-men don't work either and poor Biff is facing an unenviable situation, needing to speak to prevent a riot, but needing to apply his medicated cream also. "IT'S RAININ' MEN! Hallejulah IT'S RAININ' MEN! Amen" Luckily, help is on his way. COLE Oh no! Out from the back to a much warmer reception skip Los Diablos De Fuego, VERY happy to help Biff out in his time of need! Biff's eyes widen a little as the fruity luchadors rush the ring, Moracca sliding in first, only for Mariachi to pull him back out and insist he's the man for the job. After a brief scrap they both slide in and huddle over to Biff asking for the cream. BIFF You... you two? ...are you clean? Both men nod their heads eagerly. BIFF I don't know, I can't have unauthorized hands touching my skin. You can never be too careful with skincare. Is there anyone else? Moracca looks to sweeten the deal by pulling off his pink glove and LICKING HIS HAND CLEAN, showing the phlegm covered palm to Biff and insists in broken English "IS CLEAN, IS CLEAN!" Going one better, Mariachi pulls a rubber glove from his boot and stretches it on. BIFF I admire your health conscience, but really, I think I'd be best consulting a medical professional. A sterilised medical professional. You two are... well, how can I put this... your lifestyle is very unsafe. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE What's that supposed to mean? COACH I know what it means! I wanna know why these people are booing, if they're actually disagreeing with Biff then I got Alabama down all wrong pact! BIFF No offence, but I really don't know where you two have been. Moracca and Mariachi try to explain where they've been and you can all fill in the blanks about where they're pointing folks! BIFF Much as I'm in medical need right now, no. Coming into contact with you is a risk I'm just not willing to take. Especially not after what you did to me two weeks ago! Very unsafe. Infact, ever since then I've been feeling the effects of... *eyes widen*... this rash... oh my God! YOU! Biff starts to freak out and tries to run from the ring, but Los Diablos catch him and tackle him to the ground, to huge cheers! Grabbing the rash cream Mariachi starts to prepare for application. Biff fights and squirms to get free and starts having a mini-panic attack, forcing Los Diablos to try and calm him down. And calm him down the best way they know how, as Biff fights to his feet but gets trapped in the Double Bearhug!! COLE HOMIES HUG! Screaming in fear, Biff wails away, "MY RASH, MY RASH!" as Los Diablos place their calming hands all over his body. Luckily for Biff, VINNY VALENTINE hits the ring and breaks the hug up. Free of the luchadors in love, Biff rolls out of the ring and SPRINTS for his very life, covering his BUTT protectively with his hands. Meanwhile, Vinny having hit the ring to make the save is left alone yelling at Biff to come back and help him out. Help he could have done with, as Los Diablos hook him up and give him a peck on the cheeks, before planting him face-first with the Double Flatliner! COLE Vinny Valentine has just tasted The Kiss Of Death. And I hope somebody backstage knows the kiss of life for Biff Atlas' sake. COACH And these people cheer? Are we really in Alabama!? With Vinny V laid out, Los Diablos perform over his fallen body, not so much disco dancing and dirty dancing as we fade away. COMMERCIAL Edited August 22, 2008 by King Cucaracha Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted August 22, 2008 (edited) COLE Folks earlier this week, a semi-recovered Molly Nerdly brought a film crew to Krista Isadora Duncan's house to film Jade Rodez-Duncan's training for her match with Malaysia. She has titled this piece “Rodez Through Hell” and has given us a special bonus making of the “Rodez Through Hell” COACH Of course Krista, Alix, Jade ain't gonna be in the toxic waste dump of America, Alabama, either, so this is all you're seeing of them tonight! KRISTA'S HOUSE LOS ANGELES TUESDAY MORNING 2 AM An overhead fly through shows us a serene and a peaceful early morning in the posh Beverly Hills neighborhood of Krista Isadora Duncan, what light there is comes from lamps on the proches and street lights shining down on various nice cars in the mutli million dollar homes. We settle on Krista Isadora Duncan's roof, with its stunning view of west LA that stretches past the lights and to the Pacific Ocean. Unfortunately mischief is afoot. And the ring leader of that mischief is Alix Maria Spezia. The Hollywood Bad Girl is dressed to live up to her name in a green tank top covered with grenades, capri camo pants, brown hair tied into a ponytail and strands falling in front of a black bandanna. Also there is Terry Taylor in an outfit designed for Desert Storm with beige helmet flack jackets and pants. MARV is doing his best Rambo impression, his chisled body topless, covered in grime in dirt, camo makeup, green bandanna and black baggy pants. All three hold heavy artillery. ALIX So, like, awesome, huh! Its, like, time to start operation “Make Jade pee her pants in fear, but not really, because, like, ya know, Krista's maids kinda suck at cleaning up wee-wee, which is why I can't throw bottle rockets at Terry when he's using the newspaper Krista lays out for him.” Wow that's a super sucky mission title, ain't it? Let's get our abbreviation on , MJPHP...uh hey-ya, help a five star babe out, what was the next wordie? Something with Alabama? Any fiddle, so we're doin the Tropic Thunder thang to help Miss Strawberry Jadeycakes, get ready for her way huge way match with Malaysia, and its gonna be awesome because it was my idea and I'm awesome and if Jade wins I can steal Malaysia's whip, and that kind of multi purpose sex toy is thing multiple orgasms are made of! MOLLY (to the camera) Krista is in Sacramento for a meeting with her dad and governor Schwarzenegger, so we're making sure this is done when she's not present to place our decapitated heads on a stake. MARV (to the camera) These weapons are historic shit, man. Alix's grandfather, his family, used them to kill ten border agents when they were sneaking into the country. I kissed a girl and I liked it! The taste of her cheery chapstick I kissed a girl just to try it ALIX What the donkey? Alix realizes that's her phone blaring that song and pulls it out her pocket. ALIX What up nigga, dis Alix! Smelly Mel! What's up, babe? Yeah, dude, we're up the roofie! How do ya get here? Just take the teleporter! It did what? Oh. Uh-huh. Oh nosie! Well, they say being burned to death is kinda like being fingered by a rainbow, so at least Krista's canary didn't suffer too much. I guess, take the ladder then. A-B-C-ya, babe! Alix clicks the phone off. ALIX Smelly Mel's coming! MARV That, dude, man. There's something about him...when I see him its like looking into a mirror. Its crazy, man. Its like my reflection in human form. Its like here's this dude that looks so much like me, that whenever he's around its like I'm with my identical twin. MOLLY That's because you are with your identical twin! MARV Word, so you understand the metaphysical plane I'm coming from. ALIX Hey, do you Chunky Monkeys wanna go see Les Miserables after this? TERRY The musical? ALIX The one and only, Mr.T! MOLLY At two in the morning? MARV Damn right, I wanna go see Les Miserables! Then afterwards we can go back my crib, 'cause I got Its Showtime At the Apollo on tIvo. Sandman Sims is my dude! ALIX Ooooh, I l-u-v Kiki Sheppard. She's a nice tall glass of chocolate milk, and even though I'm lactose intolerant I'd still risk death or sever facial hemorrhaging to do her. Before Alix and MARV can wax memorable about the wonderful nature of Showtime at the Apollo, MEL begins slowly climbing over the rooftop. Dressed the same as MARV, his ascent is slowed due to having a bucket of chicken from KC. Finally he just gracelessly flops onto the rooftop, making sure not to lose any of his chicken. MEL Smelly Mel, here for the party, baby! MOLLY My word, we've mapped out a highly illegal urban assault with heavy weaponry and you stopped at KFC? MEL I just eat the skin, not the meat. MARV I think now that the gang is all here, we should commiserate this occasion with a celebratory joint. ALIX Ooh ooh, ooh, absotootley! TAYLOR You can't have a joint, Alix! You're a recovering drug addict, that's overdosed three times! ALIX Terry, you're silly! Like, aren't we all recovering drug addicts in a way and isn't our drug of choice the hit Golden Globe winning comedy Mad About You, and haven't we all overdosed on the lovable laughs and tender moments shared by a neurotic docuemntary filmmaker and his doting faithful wife as they navigate the everyday minutiae of newlywed life in New York City? And, anypooter, celebratory joints don't count. Says so in the bible! MOLLY No I'm afraid it most certainly does not. ALIX The Koran? TAYLOR No. ALIX Ally wantie her smokey mcpot, damn it! Its a celebration! I'm celebrating good times! Come on! TAYLOR Every thing is a celebration to you three. I ordered a medium coke at Subway and I got a large I think I'll have a joint and celebrate, I saw down the sales girl at Staples shirt I think I'll have a joint to celebrate, three hundred people lost their lives in an earthquake in Burma, I think I'll have a joint to celebrate. MEL That was a good day. ALIX Terry, your name tag says Commander Suxalot but I'm like sooooo thinking of making you Admiral Suxalotmore, because you suck a lot more than I thought! Light mister jointy and cram it with BooBerry Crunch, dork! MOLLY How awfuly awful all this is becoming! Perhaps before any one of us performs an illegal activity on camera, we might discuss the other illegal activity we're about to perform on camera. Storming Krista's house with heavy weaponry! It would just be a terribly terrible thing if any of you were to get hurt, and so I can not stress the importance of gun safety enough! Correct, Alix? Molly turns the camera to Alix, only to find that the leader of this operation is holding the front of the gun directly at her eye. ALIX Argh! I am gun eye the pirate, and I'll blast yer brains out with the blink of an eye! Argh! Oh! Sun gaftey! Gun saftey, sorry dyslexic moment. Um, yeah, its like totally important. Because, dudes, for real, its what separates us from the Arabs our boys are out there killin in the name of god and country amen. So if you don't support gun safety, you don't support the troops, and if you don't support the troops, you suck! MEL One more thing, guys. Be safe and be aware, because evil lurks at every corner. TERRY No it doesn't there's just Maya and Jade and a little yorkshire terrier. MEL You didn't let me finish, man. Evil lurks in every corner...of the inner sanctum of your mind. Buddhist thought, man. That's what I'm about. TERRY Are you just talking out of your ass? MEL My ass is full of love. For all of you. MARV I love you to, brother. ALIX So like before we start, anyone gots any Q's, 'cause little Ally gots the A's! TERRY Yeah, I have one for you. How is any of this going to help Jade beat Malaysia? ALIX Dude, come here and I'll like totally hip you to my crazy knowledge. To-ta-ly. Come, come, Honey bunches of oats. Terry shrugs his shoulders and takes a few steps closer to Alix, only to get kneed in the testicles! ALIX Anyone else wanna play quizmaster? Huh? 'Cause I got at least six more knees to the nuts ready to rock n roll! No one? Good, let's roll out! Miss Molly, a kick booty mission, need some kick booty music. Hit it, girlie girl! Molly presses play on the sound system. Camptown ladies sing this song Doo Dah! Doo Dah! Camptown racetrack five miles long Oh! Doo-dah-day! I come down wid my hat caved in! Doo-dah! MOLLY (fluistered) How terribly sorry I am! Seeking to get the right song, Molly skips a few tracks until she comes upon some Buffalo Springfield. Once its on, Alix nods to Terry, who merely groans his last complaint about all this, and together the two begin the first wave of the operation by rappelling down the side of the house. AND NOW... THE RODEZ THROUGH HELL A Molly Nerdly Film Starring...Alix Maria Spezia and Jade Rodez-Duncan With MARV Nerdly and MEL Nerdly Terry Taylor And Maya Duncan-Blanchard There's something happenin here What it is ain't exactly clear There's a man with a gun over there Tellin me I got to beware I think its time we stop, children what's that sound everybody look what's going down The scene shifts to one provided by one of many hidden cameras, Molly his expertly placed throughout the house, this praticular one being inside the room of Jade Rodez-Duncan. The spacious area is exactly how you'd picture the room of the eldest daughter of a wealthy celebrity's room to look. Every piece of technology is state of the art, from the sound system that has speakers on every wall, to the two flat screen televisions one mounted over a white dresser and the other over her glass computer table above a Veoh laptop. The décor of the pristine and spotless room is a purposefully over the top girly, with heavy pinks and whites. Of course you can hardly see that because its pitch black with the only light coming from the moon litwindow. Because of this Jade sleeps well beneath the silk covers of her king sized bed. That is until a pair of bodies shatter both her sweet dreams and her window. It doesn't take Jade long to arise and react to the stunning intrusion as she watches the bodies of Alix and Terry roll across the floor. JADE Ahhhhh! Oh my god! Oh my god! Ahhhhh! Oh my god! Ahhhhhh! Help! Help! Alix brandishes her gun at Jade, increasing her fear and screams by incredible magnitude. Read Alix as though she were doing a Samuel L Jackson impression. ALIX Shut the hell up, Aladin Bin Laden! Jade peers out from beneath her covers to look at Alix in a confused horror. JADE Alix? Alix, wha...wha...wha...what's going on? ALIX Look, Terry! She's got a weapon! Woah wait a minute now, put the gun down! JADE Alix its me! ALIX I don't know you, motherfucker! Now put down the weapon! JADE Alix! There is no weapon! ALIX Terry, this motherfucker got a gun pointed at you! Do you wanna die? JADE Alix, I don't have a gun! ALIX The absence of evidence is not the evidence of absence! Suddenly, and thankfully well before Jade has a heart attack, Ally lays her gun across her shoulder and ditches the tough gal act. ALIX Molly, girlie girl, can we cut? Molly, who had lowered herself down the roof with a rock climbing cable to film the proceedings with the Siclopse, swings into the room. Ignoring the clearly mesmerized and scared witless Jade, she walks over to Alix in a huff. MOLLY How unbelievably absurd! No! No absolutely not! JADE Molly? MOLLY There's no cutting in gurellia film making! This is raw, this is organic, this is blood, and bile, and guts, and viscera! This is life! Life when you're using a camera you forgot to charge the battery on and you only got half an hour of power left. ALIX But, I don't wanna do this role, like, Sam Jackson style, ya know. I wanna go something more sexy. MOLLY I think not. You're a special ops soldier, you aren't sexy, you're deadly. ALIX I wanna be both! Like, did, Demi Moore scream put down the fuckin gun before I break my boot off in yo ass in StripTease? JADE What is going on here? You all broke my window! MOLLY She was playing a stripper. ALIX Why can't I play a stripper? I played one all through high school! TERRY Where would you put the grenades? ALIX Oh, Ally Cat'd find a place. Yes she would would would! Oh, hey, better idea, why don't I go a little primal, and do Dunston from Dunston checks in. MOLLY How awfully awful! He is amonkey. And don't you dare say “so”? You playing Dunston Checks In ruins your every last movie shot! Why do you think you didn't get Maggie Gyllenhaal's part in Dark Knight? Because you threw fake feces at Chris Nolan during the audition. Why do you think you didn't get Natalie Portman's part in the Other Bolin girl? Because the queen of England did not, I repeat, did not scratch her BUTT and hump Scarlett Johanssan's leg. TERRY That just sounds like Alix playing Alix. JADE Would someone tell me what is going on here? MOLLY Alix, my dear, this role may not get you the Oscar, but its the role that will get you the role that will get you the role that will get you the role that will get you role that will get you the role that will get you the role that will get you the role that will get you the role that will get you the Best Oscar for best actress....presenter spot! Now, let's film this movie! ALIX Can we do the countdown? Because it makes me think of new year when I kiss someone and say “Happy New Years, hope ya like herpes!” MOLLY In 5..4..3..2..1..ACTION Alix puts on a feircly menacing glare and lowers the gun at a still severely spooked Jade. ALIX Fuck this shit, Terry! Who's side are you on? Mine or this motherfucker, who's obviously of terroist descent! TERRY I think I can see the weapon! ALIX Give me the gun on the count of three or I swear to all mighty God I'll blow your fuckin head off! JADE I can't give you a gun I don't have! ALIX The absence of evidence is not the evidence of absence! JADE What is this? ALIX What country are you from? JADE What?! ALIX What ain't no country I've ever heard of! Do they speak English in what? JADE What?! ALIX English, motherfucker, do you speak it? JADE What?! ALIX Say what, again, motherfucker! Say what again! JADE What?! The hellish discharge of Alix's and Terry's guns comes with a flaring of light from the guns and a blood curdling scream from the top of Jade's lungs and shouts of aggression from Alix. Without so much as even considering that she may put herself directly in the line of their wild fire, the hollering and screaming Duncan girl charges out the room to find safety or perhaps any sort of weapon to use in combat. As Jade runs as fast as her Bugs Bunny slippers can carry her, Alix and Terry lean out the doorway with Alix watching on in amazement. ALIX I didn't think she'd freak out like that. TERRY Of course, she'd freak out like that, we broke through her window and shot at her. ALIX Yeah, but I'd thought she'd just faint and we could maybe draw funny pictures on her tummy. TERRY Need I remind you scaring the crap out of your incredibly hot, incredibly rich, and incredibly temperamental girlfriend's daughter has nothing to do with training her for her Angleslam match. No Terry needn't have reminded Alix of anything of at all, and for his foolish commentary he's greeted with a second to kick to his still sore testicles. ALIX Five more knees to the balls left, who wants some more? We cut from an extreme close up Terry's wounded face to an exteme close up of Jade's alarmed one as she hastily hustles down the stairs from her fourth floor room to the third floor. Her movement is hindered by her wrecked nerves and she nearly trips over wobbly legs. Her coordination is so destroyed that on the last steps she falls over entirely, and we zoom into another extreme close up of her anguished expression. Unable to stand any more, she merely scurries down the hall on all four before reaching Maya's room. Not a part of Alix's lunatic scheme, and not having heard the gun shots above or maybe not caring, Maya is sound asleep. But, Jade is quick to wake her up, by crawling into the bed and shaking her. JADE Oh my god! Oh my god! They're shooting! They're shooting! Oh god! Oh god! Maya, Maya, Maya! MAYA (still with her face buried into her pillow) Unless you're the tooth fairy, or you're just gonna leave money under pillow, you just ruined my best Zac Effron dream yet. So you can expect to find your BUTT super glued to the toilet in the near future. JADE Alix has gone crazy! She and Terry! They broke into my window! And they're hunting me down! Maya finally looks up at her panicked sister. Or tries to at least, her blond hair falls messily in front of her face. MAYA Just go out there and say, here I am don't shoot me. Jade nods her assent and rushes out into the hallway with an eagerness to end this charade. JADE Here I am! Don't shoot me! BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG Jade rushes back into the room with an eagerness to not die. JADE That didn't work! Why did you tell me to do that? They shot more! MAYA I just wanted to see if you'd do it. There's some M16's and a few grenades under my bed. Use that. Thankful for Maya's help, Jade dives beneath her bed and pushes aside her Tiger Beats and Cosmo Girls to find the weapons. JADE I don't see anything. MAYA Look in the black box. JADE I see it! Jade pulls out the black box and opens it to see this... MAYA HAHAHAHAH. Why would I have M16's I'm not even old enough to play Grand Theft Auto! Hey, relax a bit, this is all part of Alix's training you for Malaysia, right. JADE Huh? How do you know? MAYA Because I'm s'posed to be the stupid demolitions expert. I just had better things to do at two in the morning. Like sleep. JADE But, then, how I do pass? How do we stop this craziness so we can clean up before Mom gets home and we're all put up for adoption, deported, or dumped in the Pacific Ocean to a watery grave? MAYA If this is part of Alix's training, then just go out there and put whatever you've learned to use. Okay? JADE Wow, that makes a lot of sense. Thanks Maya. Jade gives Maya a loving big sister hug, that's extra tight from the joy she feels now that she knows she's not going to die. MAYA Why the touching? Why the touching? Jade leaves Maya to try and go back to dreaming about Mister High School Musical, Zac Efforn and trots out to the hallway with new found confidence. This confidence is immediately put to the test by the sight of MEL standing atop a black four wheeler painted with an OAOAST symbol with a look of lecherous insanity filling his wide eyes. MEL Foxy lady! I'm comin ta getcha! JADE He is not on a four wheeler. MEL WHOOOO-HAAAAAA! As MEL's wild expression turns even crazier and fills Jade with even more dread, the Nerdly twin zooms forward and cackles with glee. JADE He is on a four wheeler! As Krista's training never covered attempted vehicular homicide, Jade tries to rush down the hallway to the stairs. But MEL is much too fast for her, thus she's forced to dive into the nearest room to avoid being captured by him. Frustrated by Jade's avoidance, MEL screeches to a halt and revs and fires his engine in and effort to show his dominant presence. MEL Jade, come out and plaaaaaaaaaaaay! The bathroom door slides open just a tad, and from its side a seemingly topless Jade peers out with a darling come hither look forming across her face. JADE (beckoning MEL with her finger) Why don't you come and play with me, honey? MEL Helllloooooo, gorgeous girl! MEL certainly can't resist the lovely invite of the delicious young lady and zooms forward to fetch his treasure. But as wheels cruise down the hallway, and his mouth continues his unusual giggling, the previously unoticed second door to the bathroom swings open! By the time the door does become noticed by MEL, he smashing into face first. A booming thud combines with a downpour of splinters from the wood to create a chaotic scene as MEL crashes to the ground. His four wheeler rumbles loudly but harmlessly, as his wiped out body is strewn about the floor in the aftermath of Jade's trickery. Wrapped in a towel, Jade steps into the hall with far more pity for her victim then her mother would ever have. JADE Will Mom be proud I used my sexuality to lure, trick, and possibly maim a sex hungry member of the oppressive male gender or will she be mad my challenge to Malaysia has done thousands of dollars of damage to her house? I wonder how much a bus ticket back to Grand Rapids would cost? Ignoring her possible need to relocate her crashed and burnt friend, the towel clad blond skedaddles down to the second floor. Unfortunately as she reaches the final step, she sees that her passageway is dangerously blocked by the machete wielding MARV. Like his brother, MARV's camouflaged face flames with that same disturbed expression, but unlike his brother he's strangely disinterested in the fact that she's wearing nothing more than a towel. JADE Can I get by please? MARV Your legs and arms can, but your torso and head gotta stay where they are. Heheheheh. JADE MARV, just move out the way. MARV Its not MARV, its Codename Cobra. Get it right! JADE Fine, Cobra... MARV No! Codename Cobra! JADE I said that! MARV No you didn't, man. Its Codename Cobra. One name! Like Mexico. We don't just say Ico. We say the Mex to. JADE Well, Codename Cobra, I'm really sorry about your face. MARV Huh? What's wrong with my face? Jade slugs MARV in the jaw, knocking him against the wall! JADE That's what's wrong with it. She pushes him aside and trots down the hallway, smiling over the fact that she's almost to the first floor. MARV Target is on the move! Target is on the move! Down the stairs goes Jade, but up them comes Terry Taylor, trying to avoid noticing the daughter of his boss is in only a towel, and still with that apologetic puppy dog expression that's in such contrast to the psychotic acting of her other attackers. Terry weakly raises his hands in a stance that's half a plea for mercy and half one that looks to start a fight he knows he can't win. TERRY Jade, Alix is maki... Jade knees Terry in the balls! As the rooster sags to the floor, crying over his continued emasculation, Jade smiles a wide self satisfied smile and continues her run towards the front door. JADE Hey, Mom is right, that is lots of fun! So much so, that Jade rushes back up the stairway to merely knee Terry in the balls once more. Delighting in that attack just as much as the one previous, Jade takes an overjoyed leap to the first floor hallway. But as her bugs bunny slippers touch down on the marble floor, her happiness is tempered somewhat by the worrying sound of a chainsaw, screaming out its hunger for a bloody victim. Its equally blood lusting owner is a hockey mask wearing Melody Nerdly, standing inside the moonlight that creeps in from the windows. JADE Melody! Uh...hi there. I guess I got Nowhere to run to baby, nowhere to hide. I got no where to run to, no where to hide. Take it away, Mel! MELODY Huh? Realizing that her chainsaw wielding foe isn't very knowledgeable of old Motown hits, and surprised that even she is, Jade pauses for a moment to rethink her strategy. JADE Tailor the trick to their personality, tailor the trick to their personality. (Jade turns back to Melody) Before you hack me up like a Chef's Salad, I have a last request for you. MELODY Go on, just because I'm holding a chainsaw doesn't make me an evil person. JADE You have such a great voice, and such an amazing knowledge of Weird Al Yankovic's awesome library of witty, intelligent, and culturally relevant songs. MELODY I am head of his biggest Yahoo group, yes. JADE Right. So, maybe, being that this is a proud Jewish home and all you could sing Pretty Fly for a Rabbi? MELODY You have wake up pretty early in the morning to fool a charter member of the Vulcan Earth embassy like me. I saw this trick on the Simpsons. Seventeen times to be exact, four times on TV, six times on Youtube, and seven on DVD and/or Blu-Ray. Bart tricks Sideshow Bob into singing him a song, waiting until the boat they were on reaches a shore where Police chief Wiggum was at a brothel. But there's no Police Chief Wiggum here besides the tattoo on my back, and Alix closes the brothel at eleven. So to quote Sideshow Bob, played by Kelsey Grammar, “I shall send you to Heaven before I send you to hell” MELODY (singing) Our temple's had a fair share of rabbis in the past, but most of them were nudniks and none of 'em would last, but our new guy's real kosher, I think he'll do the trick, I tell ya he's to die for he really knows his schtick! MELODY AND JADE So how's by you, have you seen this Jew? Reads the Torah, does his own accounting to. Working like a dog at the synagogue, he's there all day, he's there all day. Just say Vay Iz mir and he'll kick you into gear, he'll bring you lots of cheers and maybe bagels and some shmeer. Just grab your yamaca and Hey! Hey! Do that Hebrew thing! SUPERKICK BY JADE JADE (very apologetically) Sorry, Melody, I didn't want to. Thankfully Melody is wearing a hockey mask after all, so she's not exactly hurt. But her role in thus little piece is over, now giving way to Alix who steps through the shadows applauding Jade's efforts thus far like a cynical movie villain. JADE Alix, thank god! Can we um...finally stop this now? On director Molly's cue, Alix steps forward just slightly enough that a shard of light illuminates half her face leaving the other half in total darkness. She'd strike a truly imposing figure were she not 5'7 and barely over a hundred pounds. ALIX Well, well, looks like the cat just got into the orphanage JADE What? That doesn't mean anything, Ally! ALIX (chewing on a leaf) Old man Joseph done sold time's cradle JADE That also doesn't mean anything. Are you eating the artificial plant, Ally? Alix spits out what really is an artificial plant, and glares at Jade. ALIX Sorry, Jade, but the salamander's finally sewed the owl's quilt. JADE What does that mean? Jade finds out the exact answer to that when more gunfire comes screaming towards her head! Though she'd love to stay and debate the merits of Alix's idioms the fact that Melody, Alix, Terry, MARV and MEL have all decided to unleash unholy hell upon her with some of the deadliest hand held weapons known to man, have returned her to the task of running for her very life. ALIX (using the Samuel L Jackson voice) You can't out run me! I'm a bonafide bad motherfucker! Jade's running across the front lawn away from the bonafide bad motherfucker and her less bad but still pretty mean motherfucking friends looks quite a bit like this.... (skip to 1:58 plz) Jade isn't exactly shot after her movie poster worthy kneeling death pose, thank god, rather she's tackled to the ground by Alix. Giggling with a girlish glee, Alix mounts Jade, and begins happily tossling her hair as the others catch up to them. ALIX Jadeycakes, ya did it! You passed! You passed! I'm so berry berry proud of you! Yay! You rock, babydoll! You're so ready for Malaysia! I don't know if she's gonna have a chainsaw, or an ATV, or two weeks of training with the Navy Seals, but if she does, woah is she screwed! JADE So this really was a test? Breaking into my room, shooting at me, chasing me up and down my house, trying to run me down with four wheelers, threatening to dismember me, attacking me with chainsaws, running me out here in a bath towel and now there are worms crawling up my legs, all a test. MOLLY Yes, ma'am. All a terrible, frighteningly horrible test. ALIX You're not mad are ya, Jadeycakes? JADE Um...no...why would I be mad? ALIX You're not just saying that because I have a loaded gun pointed at you? TERRY They aren't even loaded with real ammo. Its all blanks. See? Terry shoots himself in the stomach...and falls to the ground in immeasurable, indescribable pain. TERRY Don't...Don't...Don't let my death be in vain. Live. Love. Be free. MARV Oh fuck, man, the dude actually died! MEL Celebratory joint? FEMALE VOICE (off screen) He didn't die. I just threw a brick at him. Everyone's turns around expecting to see Krista coming to verbally rip to shreds, but are somewhat relieved to see of all people actress Gwyneth Paltrow, Krista's neighbor, approaching in a night robe. She hovers over Alix and Jade, staring down at him with an outraged disapproval. GWYNETH Do you people have any idea what time it is? And what exactly you're doing at what time it is? And that I'm trying to sleep? And that I have children trying to sleep? Jade, your mother, if she were here, she'd be very disappointed in you. I know I am. JADE Wha...what? They attacked me! I didn't do anything but run away! GWYNETH The two twins are stoners, the little blond girl is a director you can't have any faith in them, the taller blond girl I've never seen at the house, but I bet there's something wrong with her. Alix is crazy, Terry's a yes man, so that leaves you, Jade. Your fault. JADE But...but...but.... ALIX (to Gwyneth) Hey, you wanna go see Les Miserables with us? GWYNETH The musical? Now? Right now at two in the morning? Yeah sure! Jade go wake up your little sister, I'm driving! And with that the gang all heads to whatever car she has big enough to hold eight people, leaving Jade behind to go fetch Maya and wonder if she was better off just managing D*LUX. THE RODEZ THROUGH HELL A Molly Nerdly Film Starring...Alix Maria Spezia and Jade Rodez-Duncan With MARV Nerdly and MEL Nerdly Melody Nerdly Gwyneth Paltrow Terry Taylor And Maya Duncan-Blanchard Camptown ladies sing this song Doo Dah! Doo Dah! Camptown racetrack five miles long Oh! Doo-dah-day! I come down wid my hat caved in! Doo-dah! COMMERCIAL ANGLESLAM 2008 ***OAOAST WOMEN'S TITLE*** MALAYSIA NERDLY Vs JADE RODEZ-DUNCAN AUGUST 31st 2008 Edited August 22, 2008 by Patty O'Green Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted August 22, 2008 (edited) OAOAST HeldDOWN is brought to you by.... Dicks, Rich Pricks & Beautiful Chicks Live from The Alamodome August 31st San Antonio, Texas Walking through the corridors of the... hey, what arena are we in? Is Alabama big enough to have arenas? Anyway, walking through the corridors of the arena that we're in, Nathaniel Black is still in the process of letting off some steam. Stomping through the hallways he barges past various OAOAST workers and arena staff without a second thought. All of a sudden though, Black comes to a stop. There to his left is the locker room bearing the logo of "The In Crowd". Black looks at the door for a few seconds and thinks over something in his head, before suddenly snapping to life and making for the door... ZACK HEY! ...getting no further than the door handle before Zack Malibu rounds the corner and spots him! ZACK Looking for someone? BLACK Yeh, as it 'appens. ZACK Just a passing visit? Black notices Zack looking past him, possibly for accomplices. BLACK Relax. You reckon I was just gonna step into your locker room and start somethin'? That ain't my style mate. With or without back-up. I just wanted you to know, I ain't through with you yet Malibu. What went down last week didn't settle a bloody thing between you and me. ZACK You're telling me. I know you didn't have anything to do with it, but all the same, I got screwed over last week. BLACK Well, you'll wanna do somethin' about it then. Looks like you and me are gonna be busy at AngleSlam. So, once all that's over an' done with, I want another shot. A fair shot. No Enterprise, no Landon, none of that bollocks. Just you an' me, one on one, find out who the better man is once an' for all. Whether we do it in the ring or we 'ave to do it in the street to make sure no-one else is involved, I don't care. ZACK Well hopefully it won't come to that. This isn't about street-fighting, it's about who the better wrestler is. And until we prove whether it's you or me, anytime you want another shot... all you've gotta do is say the word. Nodding, Black walks past Zack with a grin. BLACK Next time, there won't be no excuses. Usually that sort of arrogance wouldn't play with Zack. But he admires the confidence with a little scoff under his breath, before shaking his head and entering the In Crowd locker room. Made a little bit more weary by the conversation with Black, Zack is ready to rest and relax with his buds. Unfortunatley all the other members of the In Crowd are gone, and in their place is GM Josie Baker. ZACK My, Bohemoth, how much weight you've lost since I last saw you. JOSIE You're a hilarious guy, Zack. A real hilarious guy, its a wonder you aren't on your own HBO comedy special. ZACK I feel a little more in a Dateline mood, because I need to do some investigating on a few things. First of which, why are you in the In Crowd locker room? JOSIE That's an easy one. I'm in the In Crowd locker room because I can be. The In Crowd locker room exist because I let it exist, because when I get to the arena at whatever time in the morning I say the In Crowd gets a locker room. Me. ZACK Then I guess I oughta thank you for that wooden bench over there, um the end table, the lamp, the Mens Health magazine, no Sly brought that in nevermind JOSIE Hilarious, Zack. Hilarious. The other reason I'm here, besides to tell you how much I enjoy our weekly chats is that I want to clear the air about last week's fiasco. ZACK Clear the air, huh? The air is clear as far as I'm concerned. And I can see for miles and miles, and all I see are snakes in the grass. You, Moneymaker, Abdullah, Landon, all snakes. I hate snakes, Josie. JOSIE I hate snakes to. You know me, I'm upfront and in your face as anyone this company has ever had. I am not afraid to get up in some's shit and tear them a new asshole, ask anyone. That means you gotta believe me when I say I had no idea that whole thing... ZACK That whole thing when I got wacked with a chair by Abdullah? JOSIE Yes. I had no idea that whole thing would happen. I wanted a clean finish just as much as you and Black did. Maybe even more. ZACK I doubt that. JOSIE What happened last week, that's not on me. ZACK So you're sorry. JOSIE I didn't say that. ZACK But you called it a fiasco. And I'm sure you don't want a fiasco to be the last memory our fans the TSM board and the OAOAST brass remembers from my matches with Black right? Then maybe you can wipe the slate clean and let us go at it one more time at Angleslam. Find out who the better man is. Let me give the kid a decent clean shot. However you want to do it, be it in a cage, empty arena, let's do this the right way. JOSIE That sounds great, but you know good and well that Black is in the Riverwalk battle royal now. ZACK Slide Blonde back into the spot then. You think you got the power around here so use it. JOSIE I already have. ZACK On what? JOSIE On making one hell of a match for Angleslam. The In Crowd of Bohemoth, Zack Malibu and Leon Rodez against Christian Wright, Theodore Moneymaker and Abdullah Abir Nerdly. Zack takes a moment to consider that match, and sighs heavily before taking a seat on the arm of a nearby leather chair. ZACK You made that match, eh? Because you don't have to be forensics investigator to see Moneymaker's fingerprints all over it. I get screwed against Black, I get screwed out my rematch with him and then I get put against a group of guys who want the In Crowd dead. I'm not a fool, so don't try and play me like one. JOSIE You're turning into a bitter man. ZACK That's just because people are making me one. You know the way out. Josie does know the way out, and walks there but not before turning eyes narrowed in anger and distrust upon Zack. Malibu is unmoved by her stare and only returns the chilly expression as we... FADE OUT COMMERCIAL. LONG COMMERCIAL Edited August 22, 2008 by Patty O'Green Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted August 22, 2008 Inside the sports bar like interview lounge are two people who would never be caught dead in a sports bar Christian Wright, in black slacks and a white dress shirt and Mackenzie DeCenzo in a very sexy deep plunging neckline gown with a cut out back. With them is goth prep babe, Maggie Nerdly in a ruffled black skirt and a black polo shirt. Next to her are extra security guards, there after the threat made earlier by Reject. MAGGIE What's good everybody, It Girl on the scene Maggie Nerdly in the interview lounge with Christian Wright and Mackenzie DeCenzo. Big, big, match coming up at Angleslam featuring you, Christian, Theodore Moneymaker, and Abdullah Abir Nerdly against The In Crowd of Zack Malibu, Bohemoth and Leon. Leon Rodez. Yeah, gotta use that last name. Lemme get your thoughts on the guys you'll be taking on. Let's start with Big Bo, your old tag partner. WRIGHT Dear madame, I find your commentary sorely lacking in accuracy and overabundant in falsifications. MACKENZIE Number one, Bohemoth was never ever Christian Wright''s tag team partner. WRIGHT Very true, Miss DeCenzo. Very true. Bohemoth was to me, and to anyone with healthy vision of the situation at hand, but a heavy. A goon. A hooligan. A dupe of mediocre intelligence merely designed to protect me from the threats often posed to a man of my stature. That Bohemoth is even a component of the OAOAST machine is in of no small part to my charity. Let it be known both in the present and far in the times that lie ahead, the reviled OAOAST scouting department took no notice of this boorish warmonger, only of the debanoir gentlemen who stands before you today. It was I and I alone that gave Bohemoth his vocational duties within our macabre athletic domain. His every sucsess is mine times two. MACKENZIE Exactly. Bohemoth has about one little thing going for him, he has a fantastic steroid dealer. Christian Wright is a former world tag team champion, a rookie of the year, and a former HI-YAH world heavyweight champion. Bohemoth is, and I had to look this up so that should tell you everything, a what? A former 24/7 champion. I'm a former 24/7 champion. There goes that accomplishment right out the window. MAGGIE Yeah um, what about... WRIGHT Mister Leon Rodez. Your quondam parmour? MAGGIE That's a cool band, they do my entrance song, but what do they gotta do with Leon? MACKENZIE (under her breath) They get dumber and dumber every day. WRIGHT Leon Rodez is precisley the type of mud dwelling swine your two eyes have observed him to be. His decesion to fail tremendously in his athletic competition against Krista Isadora Duncan has once again exhibited to those of insufficient intelligence to believe otherwise that he will always occupy the station of sidekick and witless wisecracker. MACKENZIE His own niece left him last year for The Enterprise, and she left him again this year for Krista of all people, and don't get me started on Krista. Even his useless toadies D*LUX like her better than him. WRIGHT I have struck The Grand Rapids Golden Child down in the yesteryear, and I shall strike him down this year, and every year henceforth. As I showed on my very first appearance in this professional wrestling promotion his heart is the place in which I will forever plunge my dagger. MAGGIE And, lets talk The Franchise, Zack Malibu. WRIGHT Let us not speak ill of the dead. Ill of the dearly departed walking amongst us clinging to that which has clearly left them. MACKENZIE Zack Malibu's career is far from finished. But, his time as being relevent to the OAOAST is done. Its over and stopped. He didn't even stop Anglesault from getting fired. Not because he didn't want to, mind you. Because he couldn't. The balance of power in the OAOAST has shifted. Its shifted to the point where its unbalanced and it all belongs to The Enterprise. You'll all see at Angleslam. MAGGIE I guess we will. But, hey, check it out, Josh Matthews, is with Bohemoth. J.Math? We switch to Josh and Bohemoth, located outside the In Crowd locker room MATTHEWS Bo, you heard what your old running buddy just said. Any thoughts? BOHEMOTH Christian Wright is full of crap. Always has been always will be. I said it to Zack a few weeks ago, Theodore Moneymaker is talking himself into an ass whupping, Christian just did the same, and Abdullah's going to get him one to. Come August 31st me, Leon and Zack are gonna deliver in full. And I'm no Reject, but if Mackenzie keeps on the way she's keeping on, I can't be held responsible for what happens to her. With that interesting warning, Bo puts on his sunglasses and returns to the In Crowd Locker room COMMERCIAL Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted August 22, 2008 "Easy lover She'll get a hold on you believe it Like no other Before you know it you'll be on your knees" The samba-ish sounds of Duran Duran's "Rio" waft through the arena and the entrance doors part for one of the grooviest self-proclaimed cats in all of the OAOAST! Rico de Janeiro swaggers out, stroking his 70s porn stache down as Lucius Soul follows him combing away at his afro. Giving a few creepy looks to the females in the crowd Rico strokes at his equally hairy chest to continue what has been a deeply disturbing HD so far. BUFFER The following contest is set for one fall. Introducing first, representing The Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew. He is accompanied by his tag team partner, "SWEET" LUCIUS SOUL! Hailing from Rio de Janeiro... weighing in at two hundred, twenty five pounds... he is the undisputed "King Of The Mardi Gras"... RRRRIIIIIICCOOOOOO DDEEEEEEEE JJJJAAAAAAAANNNNEEEEIIIIIIRRRRRRROOOOOOO!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Rico attempts to give away his mardi gras beads draw no offers, except for one... uhm, 'heavy set' Alabama lady who lifts her TripleXL top up for him. COACH SSUUUUU-WEEEEE! SSUUUUU-WEEEEE! COLE Coach, please! Entering the ring, Lucius tries to pysche up his tag team partner who seems to be having trouble getting that mental image out of his head. Under Lucius' encouragement though he gets his focus back. Just in time... "OOOOOOOOIIIIIIII!" The pumping beats of "Fix Up, Look Sharp" by Dizzee Rascal pound through the arena and through the entrance doors swaggers Jamie O'Hara. The Birmingham Bad Boy jaws away at no-one or no-thing in particular as the marches down the aisle, slapping out at a few hands while he gabs away to the camera. BUFFER And the opponent! Hailing from Birmingham, England... he weighs in at one hundred and seventy pounds. This is "THE BIRMINGHAM BAD BOY"... JJJAAAAAAAMMMMMIIIIIIIIEEEEEEE... OOOOOO'HHHHHHAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAA!!! "YYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE All three of these men will be involved in the big Riverwalk Invitational Battle Royal, in 10 days at AngleSlam. A chance here tonight to garner some momentum going into San Antone. COACH Well here's a guy that doesn't really need it. O'Hara won that battle royal last month at The Great Angle Bash, so he's on a roll as far as that goes. And this time, there won't be a match straight afterwards for him to choke in! O'Hara swaggers down the apron encouraging on the chanting crowd, vaulting over the top rope with the greatest of ease. Not impressed, Lucius dusts off Rico's shoulder for him and with a few more words of encouragement he drops to the floor. *DINGDINGDING!* As O'Hara pulls his attentions away from the crowd, Rico walks out of his corner removing his mardi gras beads. But instead of getting them out for safe keeping, he throws them towards O'Hara, taking his eye off the ball momentarily allowing him to get the jump on the Brit! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" COACH There's a smart move! COLE That's about the only use Rico's going to get out of those beads tonight. Or any night I'd imagine. Rico clubs O'Hara down with forearms and stomps away against the ropes until referee Charles Robinson pulls him away. While in Rico's face though, the ref is blind to Lucius Soul reaching into the ring to choke O'Hara from the outside! The Alabama fans scream out but by the time the ref turns around, Lucius is casually combing at his 'fro, "just chillin'". And O'Hara is just coughin', as Rico drops a knee to the ribs. COLE Rico and Lucius will be hoping to use this kind of teamwork in that Riverwalk Invitational, but they won't be the only tag team involved. And it won't be two on one. Dragging O'Hara from the ropes, Rico drops a couple of elbows, stopping on the third to stroke the 'stache... and missing as a result! O'Hara fights back now with forearms shots to the face. Hitting the ropes, O'Hara then takes off with a flying forearm to knock Rico down. Quickly back up, Rico is bounced right back down by a second flying forearm shot. And a third time he goes down! Reeling, Rico then walks into a hurricanrana, O'Hara reaching back and securing a leg... 1... 2... No! O'Hara hits the ropes again... but this time Lucius grabs his ankle! The distraction allows Rico to attack from behind, clubbing O'Hara then folding him up with a high back suplex. COLE We're gonna see a lot of suplexes out of Brock Ausstin I'm sure, making his return to the OAOAST, who's going to stop him in the battle royal? Pulling O'Hara off the mat by his baggy vest top, Rico clubs him across the shoulder blades a couple of times, then sends him off the ropes. Back elbow puts O'Hara down, setting him up for Rico to come off the ropes with the Porno 'Stache Legdrop, holding for a pin... 1... 2... No! Rico stops O'Hara from getting to his feet by standing on the back of his neck, stroking the 'stache again. He then looks for another legdrop, this time feeling tailbone against canvas as O'Hara slides out of the way. A kick to the chest then sets Rico down, for a STANDING CORKSCREW MOONSAULT!! "YYYYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHH!" 1... 2... Kickout! Stepping outside, O'Hara heads up top. Referee Robinson is in line of view to prevent Lucius coming to his partner's rescue, watching helplessly as Jamie reaches the top and takes flight with a Missile Dropkick! Cover... 1... 2... No! COLE Jamie O'Hara, so quick, so elusive, which is going to play to his advantage at AngleSlam. COACH Not if he tries stuff like that it won't. COLE Well, there won't be much room to fly, that's for sure. Cuban Wall, Faqu, Jumbo, Deuce, plenty of big hitters looking to be the last man standing in San Antonio. O'Hara tries to load Rico up into a corner, but Rico pulls him into a boot to counter. After another clubbing shot Rico then sends him to the ropes with an irish whip. Confidently the Brazilian loads up a lariat, but telegraphs it, allowing Jamie to latch onto his arm and float right the way back around onto his feet! Caught in shock, Rico swings and misses with another lariat attempt, before getting caught with a spinning back heel kick to the mush the momentum of which sends him spilling out to the arena floor. Lucius runs over to check Rico's okay, which draws him right into the firing line. After drawing the crowd's support, O'Hara latches onto the top rope and springboards, Lucius and Rico looking up in despair as O'Hara comes tumbling down atop them with a 450 PLANCHA!!! "JA - MIE!" "JA - MIE!" "JA - MIE!" "JA - MIE!" COLE Well, he won't be doing THAT in the battle royal! But most effective here tonight! COACH They ain't seen nothing like that in Alabama since... hell, they ain't got nothin' in Alabama! Hobbling slightly, Jamie shakes it off as he rolls Rico back inside. He hangs back on the apron waiting for The King Of The Mardi Gras to recover, before springboarding again... and crashing and burning, as Rico knocks the rope away from the soles of his sneakers, catching him on the way down in a POWERSLAM! COLE WOW! COACH You live by those high-risk moves though, sooner or later you're gonna die by them too. Rico cradles Jamie up... 1... 2... NO! Signalling for the end, Rico drags O'Hara into a standing headscissors. RICO WHO WANTS A MOUSTACHE RIDE!? "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COACH And sure enough, they boo. No big loss, most of the women in here could give moustache rides from the looks of things. Gutwrenching O'Hara, the Brit is muscled up over the shoulder by Rico... who loses him midway, allowing O'Hara to pull him down in a sunset flip... 1... 2... NO! Looking for a quick tide-turner, Rico ends up eating a back elbow instead. With Rico dazed J-OH makes for the ropes, running up the turnbuckles... and getting CROTCHED! COACH See there we go again, too many dumb risks! COLE And Rico has O'Hara in a bad spot here and it looks like he's going up as well. Unfamiliar territory for the Brazilian! Leaving his ground game Rico climbs to the second rope behind O'Hara, clubbing him a couple of times before looking to set him up. But Jamie fights back with elbows again. A succession of them, eventually sending Rico tumbling backwards off the top with a thud! Rico lands hard and seeing his chance, O'Hara quickly turns himself around on the top... and gets a DIME STORE HIGH from the top!!! COLE SHOOTING STAR LEGDROP!! Leg hooked... 1... 2... 3!!!! *DINGDINGDING!* BUFFER Your winner of the contest... JJJAAAAMMMMIIIEEEEE OOOO'HHHHAAAARRRRRAAAAAAA!!! "YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" No time for celebrations for The Birmingham Bad Boy though, as Lucius Soul jumps into the ring and dives into an attack! COLE Hey, come on now! As soon as the match ends, Soul is in with a sneak attack! Lucius stomps away on O'Hara despite the best efforts of referee Charles Robinson. And pretty soon Rico is up and lending his boots to the beatdown as well. The crowd jeer wildly for the show of poor sportsmanship, but are soon on their feet for the arrival of THE CHRIST AIR EXPRESS! MARV and MEL go skidding into the ring and take the right to The MGHWC, firing off right hands on Rico and Lucius respectively! Stereo irish whips are reversed, but stereo baseball slides guide them clear of danger on the rebound and stereo Dropsaults drop them! Rico and Lucius quickly bail to the floor and live to fight another day as the brothers Nerdly check O'Hara is okay. COLE MARV and MEL looking out for Jamie O'Hara here tonight. But it'll be every man for himself at AngleSlam, when they too compete in the Riverwalk Invitational Battle Royal. COACH Let me guess, he's their smoking buddy or something? COLE I believe the technical term is 'brah'. As The CAE help O'Hara to his feet and help him salute the cheers of the crowd, Lucius and Rico march off disgruntled. COMMERCIAL Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted August 22, 2008 A video begins, in a locker room which is totally blacked out, with the exception of a dim light aimed on a muscular figure sitting on a bench with his back to the camera, which slowly moves in on him as the narrator speaks, cutting away only as mentioned below. Come on God, Answer Me. Footage of the man lifting weights, his face still not visible. For Years, I've Been Asking You Why? Footage of the man's hands, as he stares at them off camera. Why are the Innocent Dead and the Guilty Alive? Footage of the man clenching his fists. Where is Justice? Where is Punishment? . . . . . . . . . . . Footage of Brock Ausstin pulverizing Felix Strutter with a clothesline. Or Have You Already Answered? Footage of Brock executing a belly-to-belly on Bohemoth. Have You Already Said to the World, Here is Justice. Here is Punishment. F-STUNNER-5~!!!!!11111 to Alfdogg. Here.... Footage of Brock giving a roar in the ring, then back to the locker room, where the muscular man (Brock, obv.) turns his head and looks back into the camera. ...In Me." BROCK AUSSTIN RETURNS AngleSlam August 31st San Antonio, Texas Live on PPV *cut back to Sofa Central* COLE Brock Ausstin is back next Sunday at Angleslam and San Antonio will never be the same again! Some very big names, literally, in that Riverwalk battle royal. I don't even know how the ring is going to support Boricua, Deuce, Jumbo, Brock, Lamont, Cuban Wall, Faqu. That's over a ton right there! It should be...wait a second folks, I'm getting word we have a developing situation backstage! COACH What's going? I got a monolouge coming up about the different ways white people, black people and Mexican people put relish on their hot dog! What is this? We cut backstage to a darkened section of the hallway, almost entirely empty of human life. The lone soul present is Mackenzie DeCenzo. Yet she isn't the confident, cool, and stylish woman we typically know her as. Now her evening gown is in tattered rags, torn and ripped as if someone demonic animal burrowed its claws into her. Tears flow heavy and freely down her reddened eyes, one of which has been blackened by violence. She staggers down the hallway with her hands on the wall, weeping, wailing and shouting, pleading for help. As no one comes to her aid, she finally sinks downward, burying her crying face into the cold tile floor. COACH What...what...what happened to Mackenzie?! FADE TO BLACK Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
