Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted September 13, 2008 THE FOLLOWING PROGRAM IS INTENDED FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY MEANING NOT YOU, PUSSY. GO WATCH JIMMY NEUTRON AND TRADE POKEMON LITTLE BITCH. PRESENTED IN HD Chamillionaire's Ultimate Victory pllays as we see the opening video! JOSIE BAKER!~!~! The OAOAST President sits at her desk, leaning back, reading some memos. A burning cigarette hangs out of his mouth as she glances over it. The door suddenly opens slowly, causing Josie to look up...and her stoic face is replaced with a glowing smile! The camera pans over to show.... SOPHIE GREY!! Josie stubs out her cigarette as she stands, almost bounding towards her cousin, who has been noticeably absent since her horrid attack by the IRA. Josie and Sophie hug tightly. JOSIE Sophie! Comment allez-vous, mon beau cousin? SOPHIE J'étais bon, propriétaire... Je suis ai secoué toujours ascendant. JOSIE Bien, pour la bonne raison. Vous serez heureux de savoir, Colin Maguire, Sr n'avez pas été vu dans une heure complètement certaine. -Almost as if it was scripted...which it's not...wrestlings real... ... ... almost as if it was scripted, in walks the man himself. A chorus of boos ring through the arena as the door swings open, revealing Colin Maguire, Sr.! As usual, he is flanked by Gillpatrick, Callahan, and his Golden Boy, Colin Maguire, Jr. Sophie backs up a bit, trying to hide behind Josie. This makes Maguire chuckle. MAGUIRE Now ain't that the cutest ting you've evah seen, Mickey? She's scared of me. Why is that, sweet'art? -Sophie glares at Maguire, before saying the only English words the OAOAST fans have ever heard her say: SOPHIE Fuck You. -The fans erupt as Maguire's smile fades. His lips curl into an angry sneer as he inches closer. MAGUIRE You suck yer brother with that mouth, sweet'art? Let me tell you something... JOSIE NO! Let ME - YOUR employer - tell YOU something! This shit with you and your little team has gone on long enough! This shit that you're pulling might work with your little "buddies" back in Boston and New York, but that shit don't fly in the OAOAST! You wanna intimidate ME? Go right ahead. You wanna intimidate Jereme? That's more than welcome...but you attacking an innocent woman to try and show how fucking tough you are is where I draw the line! -Maguire's smile returns as he and the gang laugh. MAGUIRE I think you're forgetting your place, little Jo-Jo. In the past, my family did YOUR family a favor and helped your shit-heel junkie brother-in-law Austin to get off the needle. You owe us. JOSIE That debts been paid, Colin. -Josie and Maguire are now face to face, their eyes locked on one another. Their looks couldn't be more different, though. Josie has a look of pure hatred, while CMS looks to be having fun. MAGUIRE In my eyes, Little Girl...you're nowhere near paying that fuckin' debt. -Josie is fuming as the fans boo. Maguire chuckles to himself before backing up a step. MAGUIRE Besides...your little "thug" bodyguards are in Japan, are they not? The only person that you have to protect you is that little crepe sucker, Jereme. I think you need to watch your mouth and learn your place. -The two continue to stare for a few moments, before Josie smirks and steps back. She sits down on her desk and crosses her legs, still staring at Maguire. JOSIE You know...at first, I was kinda scared when Curtis and 9-Mill left for Japan. I was. I was scared because you and your gang are vicious fucking animals. -CMJ smirks and looks over at Callahan, who is grinning like an idiot. The two slap hands and KNUCKS!~ as Maguire nods. JOSIE And you know what? You're right. I DO need protection from you guys. And he's here tonight. -The fans erupt!! A small, inaudible chant rises as CMS and the gang look taken aback. CALLAHAN Who is it? MAGUIRE ...Paddy...shut the fuck up... -Josie smirks. Her little announcement has obviously made her arch enemy flustered. JOSIE ...Would you like to know who it is?... -She stands slowly and leans toward CMS, a bitchy grin plastered on her face. JOSIE ...Mr. Maguire? -It's now CMS who is fuming. He's been made a fool of in front of his son and associates. Josie steps forward and begins walking around her desk, looking over her shoulder at The IRA. JOSIE ...Go out to the ring after the next match...I'll tell ya then. -Josie sits down at her desk next to a grinning Sophie. Josie looks down at some papers as she leans back, lighting up a cigarette. She suddenly looks up at Maguire, a completely serious look on her face. JOSIE ...Oh, we're done here. -The fans erupt as Maguire turns and stomps out, followed closely by his team, who slam the door on their way out. The camera faaaaaaades.... COMMERCIAL Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted September 13, 2008 COLE We're back, folks, and real quickly, we welcome you to OAOAST HeldDOWN~! I'm Michael Cole along with the Coach, and we have for you, right now, the participants who will compete in the Heartland Invitational Chamber of Hell IV! Of course, Sandman9000, the defending champion, will be in there, but you will also see the United States champion, Colombian Heat! COACH Oy. With any luck, he'll be the first guy to go out. COLE Also, representatives of The Enterprise and Cucaracha Internacional, Tango Bosley and Faqu, respectively! COACH Now we're talkin', some serious competitors! We've got an Enterprise guy, a CI guy, and a DA guy! Should be most interesting! COLE And filling things out, two former Heartland champions, "After Hours" Felix Strutter, as well as The Current Big Thing, Brock Ausstin! Another outstanding field for the Chamber of Hell! COACH That's not all, Cole, a big match announced for next week's show, as well! COLE That's right, it'll be Colombian Heat defending his United States title against none other than the challenger for the World title at Zero Hour, Alfdogg! COACH Alf could well walk out of Cleveland in possession of two titles! COLE But before that, we've got tonight! Bohemoth will take on the Beverly Hills Blonds, 1-against-2, in a handicap match, and a HUGE tag team main event, as the Badd Boyz reunite! The World champion, Tha Puerto Rican, joins the United States champion Colombian Heat, and they'll take on the Deadly Alliance duo of Alfdogg and Sandman9000! Plus comments from several OAOAST superstars! What a night we have ahead here on OAOAST HeldDOWN~! Backstage, Leon Rodez is listening to music on his iPod, when suddenly a finger reaches into view, and pushes the pause button. Leon looks up, and realizes that the finger belongs to Quentin Benjamin, who is standing over him, along with Charlie Moss. Leon raises from his seat. MOSS What happened last week? LEON Look. It's nothing personal against you guys, it's just you know I wanted to get at Reject. It was just wrong place, wrong time, that's all. BENJAMIN (smiles) Is that right. (smile disappears) Well, I could say the same for you right now. Things start to get tense, until Bohemoth walks into the picture, to the cheers of the fans in the arena. BOHEMOTH What's going on here? We got a problem? BENJAMIN I'd say so. TK & Reject have the gold back around their waists, all because your boy stuck his nose in our business. BOHEMOTH Speaking of which...I think you two need to leave. Bo steps in front of Leon and confronts Team Heyross, then looks up to see Brock Ausstin appearing behind them. The crowd cheers, then starts to buzz. BROCK (half-jokingly) Hey, Bo...my old buddy! Brock extends a hand, which Bo slowly accepts. BOHEMOTH Welcome back. BROCK Well, I appreciate that. Now that all the mushy stuff's out of the way...it seems you have a problem with my friends here. BOHEMOTH Ditto. BROCK Well that's a bit of a tough situation to find ourselves in, huh? Us with a problem with you... you with a problem with us... LEON Hold up, hold up! Leon steps back in front of Bo, a brave move with Brock immediately in front of him. LEON Look, I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry you guys lost your titles and I'm definately sorry that Reject ended up profiting. I don't know what got into me last week but the fact is, I'm in the same boat as you. I wanted to get my hands on Reject for what he's been doing recently. Just like you guys at AngleSlam. And you did everything you could to get in the TLC Match. Did you guys give a second thought to my buddies D*LUX and their chances of becoming World Tag Team Champions, or was your only focus Reject? BENJAMIN You can't seriously compare that to last week! We got robbed of our belts... LEON And Reject's been running around attacking every woman in sight and sooner or later, he's going to end up hurting someone else that I care about. Some of the blood's on my hands as it is. I'm not expecting you to forgive me for costing you the belts, but surely you can understand why I went after Reject in the first place? Neither Benjamin or Moss answer, seemingly weighing everything up. Then, eventually, they back off a little, their body language a little less confrontational, which seems to relax everybody. BROCK Next time, sort your timing out first, huh? LEON There won't be a next time, don't worry. BENJAMIN See that there ain't. Benjamin slaps Leon on the side of the arm as he and Moss leave. A little slower is Brock, still faced up to Bohemoth. BROCK You're not in the Chamber Match, are you? BOHEMOTH Don't think so. Brock smiles to himself and nods. BROCK Glad to hear it. And with that Brock leaves, Leon raises an eyebrow to Bohemoth who just shrugs. patty sez: how you gonna let a man touch your ipod? its like letting a dude touch your junk on the bus touching the next man's ipod is what touching the next man's air jordans used to be kind of shit you get killed for where I'm from. fuck what ya heard! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted September 13, 2008 HeldDOWN~! returns to see Josh Matthews playing Game Boy, as Sandman9000 and Alfdogg stand by. SANDMAN No no no, you have to have the Water Stone, then he becomes Poliwrath. Josh suddenly looks up to the camera, seeing that the red light is on, and hides his Game Boy behind his back, as Alf simply shakes his head. JOSH Hi, I'm standing here with Alfdogg and Sandman9000, who later tonight take on the Badd Boyz, the team of Tha Puerto Rican and Colombian Heat, the World and United States champions, respectively. Alf gets a smile on his face upon hearing the term "Badd Boyz" bestowed upon PRL and Heat. JOSH And speaking of the United States title, we heard the announcement earlier tonight, next week, Alf, you will be challenging Colombian Heat for that title right here on HeldDOWN~! ALF You know, Josh, it seems we've been down this road once before. Midcarder makes mockery of belt, loses horribly to Alf, who then brings unspeakable prestige to said belt. That was three years ago, in case you're keeping track, when I took the Heartland title from one Puerto Rican. As Herman's Hermits would say, "second verse, same as the first." I mean, let's face it, that belt was dead on arrival as soon as that punk won it. But no, our loving President Miss Baker has let him carry this charade on for almost a year now, for as long as Sandman has held the Heartland title, with pride and dignity, and has ducked no one. Well, it all ends next week, Heat, when I end your reign of terror...and PRL, you can consider that a warmup for Zero Hour, and I'll walk out of there with two championship belts. JOSH And if that happens, then there would be no dispute that the Deadly Alliance is the most powerful organization in wrestling. ALF First of all, little man, there's no "if." When. I will become a three-time OAOAST champion at Zero Hour, and secondly, there already is no disputing the Deadly Alliance's power. JOSH Well, there's three other stables who I think would dispute it. ALF Like who? The Enterprise? The In-Crowd? Yeah, look at all the gold in those stables! Oh wait, there is none. And big deal, Cucaracha Internacional has six-man gold. Friggin' Big Josh was a six-man champion once! The credentials speak for themselves, little man, and we'll only turn up the volume at Zero Hour. Now, I got a match to get ready for. Alf and Sandman walk off, as Josh watches them walk off, then goes right back to his Game Boy. *back to Sofa Central* “Sympathy for the Devil” hits and Enterprise CEO Theodore Moneymaker graces us with his presence. The Billion Dollar Heir outfitted in a new lavish white robe with $ symbols everywhere. COLE Boy is Theodore Moneymaker really playing up the whole messiah thing. COACH He’s not playing up anything, Mikey. Teddy IS the OAOAST Messiah. And he’s headed our way! COLE Well this is certainly a surprise. The Coach gets on a knee and kisses the diamond $ shaped ring on Theodore’s hand. Cole, however, is reluctant to do so, but eventually goes through with it to move things along. MONEYMAKER COACH Welcome Teddy. MONEYMAKER Thank you, Coach. It’s a pleasure to be here. Unfortunately your friend and mine, our Inspirational Leader, Abdullah Abir Nerdly, was unable to attend because he’s down in Nashville sharing his infinite wisdom with Tennessee Titans quarterback Vince Young. BWAHAHA! COLE After your parade was rained on last week, Theodore, a lot of people thought you might not show tonight. MONEYMAKER And I bet whoever concocted that little stunt banked on that. Just thinking about it makes my blood boil! Never before have I been so humiliated in my life. But I want the person or persons who committed that act, which borders on terrorism as far as I’m concerned, to know their deed will not go unpunished. As we speak, V.I.C.E. is hard at work on the case, and if anybody can solve this mystery it’s them. "Superstar" by Lupe Fiasco is cued, as the Beverly Hills Blonds arrive on the red carpet. Their every move filmed by Molly Nerdly on the Siclopse BUFFER The following tag team contest is set for one fall. Introducing first, representing THE ENTERPRISE, at a total combined weight of 460 pounds, "THE HANDSOME HUSTLER" NED BLANCHARD and "BOX-OFFICE" SIMON SINGLETON... THE BEVERLY HILLS BLLLLOOOOOOOONDSSSSS!!!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Once inside the BHB practice various blocking techniques. COACH Teddy, like me, you gotta be expecting great things out of the Blonds tonight. MONEYMAKER Indeed I am. It’s no secret I haven’t been happy with their lack of production in recent months, and while I’d prefer not to handle company matters in-house, sometimes you need to call a person out in order to motivate them. COLE But calling them disappointments? I seem to recall they held the World 6-man tag titles along with CPA just last summer. MONEYMAKER The Enterprise holds the men and women it employs to higher standards, Michael Cole. We don’t rest on our laurels, that’s what nickel-and-dimers like you do. *BbwWbAhmotherfuckerLlIiiBbbEErRrAATtTeeyYyOUUurRrMmmMmMiIInNnDddDd!!* "Liberate" by Disturbed blasts over the speakers as Bo storms out to thunderous applause that’s almost as loud as the PYRO going off behind him. BUFFER And their opponent, representing THE IN CROWD! Hailing from Greenville, South Carolina, weighing 284 pounds... "THE METEROSEXUAL MONSTER"... BOHEEEEEEEEEEEMOTHHHHHH!!! "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE Do these fans love Bo or what? MONEYMAKER I wonder if they’d still be cheering that monster had it been their daughter, sister or wife he raped. COLE Now hold on a minute. You’re more than welcome to stay out here and lend your expertise to our next match, but not if you’re going to spend all your time smearing Bo’s name. We soon learn why the BHB were practicing blocking techniques prior to the bout, as they successfully deny Bo entry into the ring. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE What is this? MONEYMAKER Strategy. BWAHAHA! To make matters worse, referee Clem Buzzlefoxer signals for the bell and starts counting Bo out! BO * DINGDINGDING * The bell sounds and the BHB have theirs rung as well, courtesy of a DOUBLE COCONUT! "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Bo grabs Simon and Ned by the head from the apron and dumps them over the top, leaving him standing tall inside where he poses for the masses as a giant banner that reads “PASS THE ‘SAULT” goes by in the background. COLE I don’t think this is how the Blonds envisioned the opening scene. MONEYMAKER Somebody confiscated that sign. The BHB regroup outside, with Simon telling the gang “take 2.” And as director, he takes charge. Chest puffed, Simon walks up to Bo all big and tough, but a tiny step forward is enough to send the Beverly Hills Blond into retreat! COLE Simon just got PUNK’D! Embarrassed in front of a national television audience, Simon SLAPS Bo! “OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!” MONEYMAKER There you go, Simon. That’s how you respond. BO SIMON Oh, shit. Bo chases after Simon, following him outside until he puts on the brakes realizing the BHB want him to run out of gas. Back in the ring a tag is made, and the Handsome Hustler challenges Bo to a test of strength. COACH I love you, Ned, but I question your judgment here. And rightfully so, because Bo twists Ned’s wrist like a door knob! Blanchard answers with a thumb to the eye, then unloads with rights and stinging knife-edge chops before whipping Bo across…but Bo reverses and stiffs the hell out of Ned with a MURDERLINE~! "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Simon enters and eats a YAKZUA KICK! Into the buckle Ned goes, and Bo stays on the attack, ramming his shoulder into the midsection of the Handsome Hustler again and again. Fired out of the corner Ned is PRESSED in the air and SLAMMED hard onto the canvas. In total control Bo glares over at Theodore Moneymaker and signals the end is near. MONEYMAKER COLE Oh, my! Bo’s looking to end this one early! Thumbs up. THUMBS DOWN~! Bo scoops Ned up, swings him around… AND DOWN RIGHT ON TOP AFTER A CHOP BLOCK FROM SIMON! “OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!” MONEYMAKER/COACH Ned hooks the leg. ONE… TWO… KICKOUT! The BHB tag and Simon goes right to work on the clipped knee, dropping a series of elbows before placing Bo’s leg on the bottom rope and crashing all his weight down onto it! Writhing in pain Bo is subjected to verbal abuse and paint brushing. COACH Mackie’s gotta be enjoying this wherever she’s at. MONEYMAKER I’m sure she is, Coach. And the Blonds are doing the smart thing here. They can’t match power with Bo -- very few people can -- so they took his wheels out. And we both know a car can’t drive without its wheels. SPINNING TOEHOLD is applied and referee Clem Buzzlefoxer is surprisingly right on top of things for a change, checking to see whether Bo wants to continue or not. Of course he refuses to submit, but the pain on his face is clear. His back towards the BHB corner, Simon receives additional leverage from Ned who yanks on his tights! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" By the time Clem is able to turn his 84-year-old boy around, Ned’s flirting with chicks ringside. Another tag is made and Simon decides to have a little chat with Clem as Ned STOMPS, STOMPS AND STOMPS Bo in the GROIN! MONEYMAKER That’s one way to ensure Bo never harms another woman again. BWAHAHA! COLE Ned goes back to the spinning toehold…BUT BO WRAPS HIM UP IN A SMALL PACKAGE! ONE… TWO… THR-- NO! Blanchard kicks out and decks Bo with a back elbow. To the middle rope goes the Handsome Hustler and he delivers a POINTY~! ELBOW! ONE… TWO… KICKOUT. But a rather weak one, evident by the period instead of an exclamation point. Nevertheless, the match rages on with Bo introduced to the boot of Simon Singleton. Following a tag, Simon proceeds to CHOP the hide off Bo in the corner. * CHOP * “WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” * CHOP * “WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” * CHOP * “WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Suddenly Bo turns the tables, shoving Simon into the corner after knocking Ned off the apron, but the Handsome Hustler is fast to pull Bo’s leg out from under and slams it against the steel ring post! MONEYMAKER Bo getting a taste of his own medicine. Now he’s the one flat on his back and helpless! The BHB make their 30th tag of the match, or so it must seem to Bo as he’s been on the receiving end of a beating for quite sometime, and Ned Blanchard slaps on the FIGURE-4 LEGLOCK! COACH He’s got him right in the center of the ring, guys. COLE Can Bo hang on? Just how much more can he take? ONE… TWO… THR-- NO! Bo narrowly avoids getting himself pinned, raising the shoulder right at the last second. “LET’S GO BO!” “LET’S GO BO!” “LET’S GO BO!” Gritting his teeth and clutching his knee, Bo takes a deep breath and incredibly starts dragging Ned and himself towards the ropes. "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE I don’t believe this! What power! As they near closer Blanchard releases the hold and drops a knee to the head, then slams Bo mid-ring and makes the tag…LAUNCHING SIMON OFF THE TOP AND DOWN! COACH The Atomic Blond! ONE… TWO… THREE! NO, KICKOUT…WITH AUTHORITY!!! "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" SIMON After the initial shock wears off, Simon charges Bo. MURDERLINE~! And one for Ned too. Pumping with adrenaline the Metrosexual Monster shakes the top rope like a wild man, then plants Simon with a RUNNING POWERSLAM! ONE… TWO… THR-- NO! Bo moves and Ned drops an elbow on Simon! Hands on head Ned apologies to his partner, then walks into a FRONT SPINEBUSTER~! "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!” So caught up in the action Bo forgets who the legal man is and covers Ned. MONEYMAKER BWAHAHA! Just as I’ve said all along: million dollar body, 10 cent brain! Meanwhile, Simon has rolled outside, forcing Bo to go out and get him. And right there in the middle of it all is Molly Nerdly. The aspiring filmmaker placing herself in harm’s way in order to capture all the action. Unfortunately a little too close as she bumps into Bo. BO Hey, watch it. MOLLY RAPE! The cool dude that he is, Bo laughs it off and carries on about his business, rolling Simon back inside. But then from out of nowhere CHRISTIAN WRIGHT appears and delivers a nasty CHAIRSHOT! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE What’s he doing here? MONEYMAKER Protecting an innocent young woman from the Sexual Monster. Amazingly, Bo is hardly fazed, which freaks the hell out of CW. A high speed chase ensues and both men vanish backstage. Luckily for the BHB, referee Clem Buzzlerfoxer was distracted caring for the delicate little known as flower Molly Nerdly and therefore missed the sneak attack. So with no Bo around he starts counting him out. 1... 2... 3... COLE No, not like this. 4... 5... 6... COACH They’re gonna win. They’re actually gonna win! 7... 8... 9... 10! MONEYMAKER * DINGDINGDING * Moneymaker puts down the headsets and sprints towards the ring. BUFFER Here are your winners… THE BEVERLY HILLS BLLLLOOOOOOOONDSSSSS!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Theodore joins the BHB and Molly inside and it’s nothing but love. The group celebrating as though they won every title in the company. COLE I can’t believe they’re happy with the way they won. COACH Hey, a win’s a win. COLE We have more action ahead, but standing by right now, Terry Taylor with a familiar face. We cut to our backstage interview position where Terry is joined by OAOAST Original Tony Brannigan. TERRY That’s right, Michael. After a brief hiatus, I’m pleased to hand the mic back over to our colleague Tony Brannigan. "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" The microphone is exchanged and so is a handshake, followed by Terry’s exit. TONY Well thank you very much, Terry. You know, ladies and gentlemen, ever since my active wrestling career ended I’ve had a blast in my new role, one that I hope to have for years to come, but it was great to be back in the ring once again, even if just as a referee. I know a lot of you weren't pleased with the outcome of the match I officiated at Angleslam, and maybe I did let a few things slide on both sides, but I promised you a winner and we got just that. Enough about me though. Right now I’d like to bring in my guest, hot off the heels of his big victory a couple of weeks ago at Angleslam, Baron Windels! "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" The Lone Star Gunslinger walks into view with a big smile on his face and an equally big cowboy hat. BARON How are ya, Tony? TONY I’m doing well. As I’m sure you are following Angleslam. BARON Yessiree. I tell ya, it was by far the most grueling match I’ve ever been involved. My former tag team partner may be a dick, but he’s also one tough son of a bitch. Our toughness is what made the Lone Star Gunslingers one of the best tag teams in OAOAST history. It’s a damn shame we never got to see just how great we could’ve became. Brannigan and Windels are then SPRAYED by CHAMPAGNE as Molly Nerdly leads a jubilant Simon Singleton and Ned Blanchard into view, all wearing party hats and blowing noisemakers. TONY Gentlemen, I beg your pardon, but this isn’t New Year’s Eve, nor is it your interview time. SIMON It is now, Tony, baby. By the way, Teddy says the check's in the mail. TONY SIMON Besides, I don’t think Baron here minds. BARON I do, actually. NED Oh, a bit uptight, huh? Nothing a little champagne won’t fix. Here, have a drink. The Beverly Hills Blonds are in a celebratory mood because Simon and I proved we are who we say we are, superstars, beating Bo from pillar to post. The BHB blow their noisemakers in Tony and Baron’s faces, then place party hats on their heads. This looks especially funny on Baron Windels because Simon puts it right on top of his cowboy hat. Baron removes his party hat and stares a long good look at it. BARON Happy 9/11? SIMON Yeeeah. Not our idea. Abdullah picked those up at a novelty store in Saudi Arabia. NED Hey, are you gonna want a drink or not? I’m spending valuable time sober on a very somber day. BARON And you’re disrespecting that day with your embarrassing conduct. SIMON Jesus, dude. He only offered you a drink. BARON What, is he some queer? NED SIMON People have called Ned plenty of names, but… heh … that’s never been one of them. NED You damn straight that’s never been one of them. If anybody here’s a queer, it’s your sorry ass, Windels. Ain’t nobody ever popped off on me. BARON I think your lucks about to change. With that, Baron pops Ned in the mouth with a big roundhouse, knocking the Handsome Hustler on his ass! "YYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Tony Brannigan scrams as Baron motions for Simon to bring it, but he thinks better of it and decides to stay put next to Molly drinking champagne. As he exits, BW walks past Theodore Moneymaker who surveys the damage. MONEYMAKER (turning back at Baron) COMMERCIAL Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted September 13, 2008 CUE: "I'm Shipping Up To Boston" by Dropkick Murphys COLE Well, OAOAST President Josie Baker told the IRA that if they wanted to know who her new enforcer is, they'd have to come out to the ring right around now...and it appears that they're just as curious as we are! COACH I know who it is! COLE ...You do? COACH Yeah! I saw him earlier. COLE Who is it? COACH Are you kidding? I'm not going to tell you! You let secrets slip more often than the C.I.EMHPH!~! -Coach is suddenly muffled. The camera switches over to sofa central, where we see Coach being dragged away, a black bag over his head. A man with black sunglasses stands beside Cole, pointing right at him. Cole looks straight ahead, not trying to make eye contact with the man, who suddenly disappears.... ...Ahem...MEANWHILE, in the ring, Colin Maguire, Sr. stands in the center, while CMJ stands directly beside him. Callahan and Gillpatrick are there too. Yay. CMS produces a microphone from his jacket as he stares at the entranceway. MAGUIRE "...Well? Here we are, Jo-Jo...who's the mystery man?" -The boos turn to cheers as Josie walks out from behind the curtain. No musical accompaniment necessary. She smiles wide as she raises the microphone to her lips. JOSIE "...Before I tell you, Colin...Let me start by saying... You're fucked." -The fans erupt at the Presidents bluntness. JOSIE "As the OAOAST President AND HeldDown General Manager, I need to be as unbiased as possible. I need to do WHATEVER is in the best interest of the company. And, Collie...letting YOU and your band of thugs in to MY company was my biggest mistake...At the time, Yeah...you were welcome. We go back, you helped my family, Hell...you're even responsible for the thorn in your side, Jereme Grey. YOU are the one that helped me get that deal with SJPW, allowing him to win their Cruiserweight title." -The fans erupt at the mention of Jereme. The camera switches to a young fan holding a rather boring "JEREME GREY #1" sign. Boring little fuck. He switches back to Josie. JOSIE "...ALLLL that being said...I still hate yer fuckin' guts. You waltz in, demanding things that are out of your reach, and what do you do? You throw a tantrum...you throw a tantrum like a little sociopathic five year old. You ATTACK MY cousin! You put a cigarette out on the back of her neck! You threaten to kill her, her brother, and ME! You assholes NEED to be punished!" -More cheers. JOSIE "...Now...before I tell you who my new 'Enforcer' is...do any of you have the balls to face him at Zero Hour, sight unseen?" -No-one raises their hand. CMS looks at CMJ, who shakes his head. CMJ mouthes, "I want Jereme, pop." JOSIE "...no-one?" -CMS looks back at Mickey Gillpatrick, who nods and steps forward. JOSIE "Mickey Gillpatrick? That's your choice?...All right...Mickey...would you say you like to gamble?" -Mickey remains stoic. He doesn't move. He just stares straight ahead at Josie, who has a grin that would make The Joker (OMG TOPICAL!~!) blush. JOSIE "...Wouldja say that you do? Hmm? All right...lemme ask you one more question:...Have you ever been to Las Vegas?" -...The cheers are deafening. Patrick Callahan and CMJ now have looks of shock and terror. COLE ...No... JOSIE "All right then...LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!! ALLOW ME TO INTRODUCE!..." COLE ...It can't be.... JOSIE "THE NEWEST MEMBER OF AFFIRMATIVE ACTION!!..." COLE ...Oh my God... JOSIE "AND THE MAN THAT WILL BE FACING MICKEY GILLPATRICK AT ZERO HOUR" JOSIE "....MY BROTHER-IN-LAW!!!!... AUSTIN!! "RAGDOLL!!!!" BAKER!!!!! ""VIIIIIIVAAAAAAAAA LAS VEGAS!! CUE: "Somebody Told Me" by The Killers COLE IT IS!!!!! -The cheers are off the charts as the curtains fly open, revealing none other than the Greatest OAOAST Wrestler Never to Wear the Belt... RAGDOLL!!! COLE OH MY GOD!! OH MY GOD!! RAGDOLL IS BACK IN THE OAOAST!! JOSIE BAKER JUST REVEALED HER TRUMP CARD!! AUSTIN "RAGDOLL" BAKER IS BACK!!! -Ragdoll stops just beside a smirking Josie. He smiles wide, before rushing towards the ring!! The cheers grow insane as Ragdoll slides in, just as CMJ, Patrick Callahan, and CMS clear out. Mickey Gillpatrick quickly takes off his leather jacket and tosses it to the outside before rushing toward the now standing Ragdoll. Mickey swings his arm wildly, but Ragdoll ducks! Ragdoll turns quickly, just as Gillpatrick does....WHAM!!! A swift kick to the balls drops Mickey to his knees, and in a flash, Ragdoll rushes towards the opposite ropes...He rebounds and rushes towards Mickey...AND LEAPS FORWARD, SWINGING HIS RIGHT KNEE THROUGH THE AIR!!! FLASHES ILLUMINATE THE ARENA AS HE'S INCHES AWAY... WHAM!~!~! COLE DEVIL DOLL!! DEVIL DOLL! DEVIL DOLL!! OH MY GOD!!! A DEVIL DOLL TO MICKEY GILLPATRICK!!! -Mickey clutches at his face as he rolls out of the ring, blood now gushing from his nose and jaw. CMJ and Callahan rush to his side as Josie skips down the ramp past them. She hops up the steps and climbs into the ring, standing beside her grinning brother-in-law. The IRA all collectively lift Gillpatrick and carry him quickly up the ramp towards the back. CMS glares at the ring, shouting profanities at the now smoking Bakers. COLE FANS!!! AUSTIN RAGDOLL BAKER IS BACK IN THE OAOAST!!! COACH *headset fumbling* I'm here! I'm here! COLE RAGDOLL!! COACH Yeah...I know...I told you I knew...Don't you wanna hear how I escaped? COLE RAGDOLL IS BACK!!! COACH ...It involved training rats.... COLE FANS!!! WE'LL BE BACK! COMMERCIAL Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted September 13, 2008 COLE Welcome back to HeldDOWN~!, Michael Cole as ever alongside The Coach and thank you once again for spending your Thursday night with us. Still to come later on we've got The Badd Boys in action against Alfdogg and Sandman9000 in our mega main-event... and... I'm hearing there's something going on backstage. Have we got a camera back there? Conveniently enough we do! What luck! What that camera picks up is Christian Wright running through the corridors of the arena, pursued by The Meterosexual Monster! COLE Bohemoth must have been chasing Wright this whole time! COACH Get somebody back there already, who knows what this psychopath is capable of! Out of breath from the lengthy run for his life, Wright stumbles up against a catering table and throws the contents on the floor in a vain attempt to provide an obstacle for the bigman. Turning corners and dodging in and out of corridors, CW takes a sharp left and disappears out of view for a second. Bohemoth wades through the obstacles, including a trash can thrown in his path and turns the left to find... no-one. BOHEMOTH Come on you son of a bitch! Bohemoth looks around and to little surprise sees no-one coming out to face him. Kicking open a door, he looks inside the room, again finding no-one. As he storms back out, Bohemoth then comes to a stop as he sees an ajar door, helpfully labelled 'Boiler Room'. COLE Uh-oh. Bohemoth marches over and pulls the door open... ...and as he disappears inside, we suddenly hear a clattering sound from inside. The sounds continue, no real clue as to what's causing them until the door opens up a little and the cameraman bravely risks a shot inside, to find Bohemoth being attacked by CPA AND DETECTIVE BOSLEY!! COLE HEY! It was a setup! With CPA putting the boots in, Bosley using his telescopic police baton to dish out some police brutality and a crumpled trash can strewn near them, Bohemoth is beaten defenceless. In the background Christian Wright can be seen catching his breath after his lengthy escape. Bohemoth tries to get to his feet to fight back but under the barrage of stomps he simply can't. Once he's suitably weakened, CPA pulls him to his knees and holds his arms behind his back while Bosley goes to work with the baton. BOSLEY HOW'D'YA LIKE THAT, HUH!? C'MON ASSHOLE! HOW'D'YA LIKE THE FEEL OF JUSTICE! Bohemoth's torso wears the red marks from the baton as he's shoved unceremoniously to the ground by CPA. BOSLEY YEAH! THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKIN' ABOUT!! With Bo defenceless, Wright motions to VICE and they begin to drag him towards CW. His face and body screeches and squeals being dragged against the slick floor just adding to the punishment. VICE deliver Bo to CW's feet and he looks down at his former bodyguard with contempt, before SPITTING ON HIM! Bosley laughs it up at seeing that, until Bo suddenly threatens to spring to life, at which point he has to jump in with CPA and CW to subdue him down him once more. WRIGHT Restrain him! Doing just that, Bosley and CPA hold an arm a-piece as Bo is left helpless. They drag him a few feet forward while CW picks up a big WRENCH. BOSLEY YEAH! DO YOUR DAMN THING! CW pats the wrench in his hand a couple of times, lining Bo up, before taking a swing... *CLUNK* ...at a pipe next to him, sending a shot of red-hot STEAM right into Bohemoth's face!!! Bo cries out in pain with no way to guard his face with his arms restrained. The cruel VICE squad hold him for at least ten agonising seconds in the boiling steam before they throw him down, leaving Bo to cover his face with more pained shouts. Smirking down at him, Wright throws the wrench away, the metal echoing around the boiler room, silent except for Bosley's powerful laugh as the trio leave. COLE What a reprehensible attack, a sickening attack by the members of The Enterprise! And we need some help if anyone back there can hear me, because they could easily have blinded Bohemoth. COACH Good! At least that way, that wandering eye of his won't be falling on any other unsuspecting women from now on. COLE Give me a break. COMMERCIAL Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted September 13, 2008 (edited) As with 85% of our show, we're taken to the backstage area. But, there's no signs of the typical locker rooms, catering tables, or interview lounges. At this moment, we're inside a room that could pace for one inside a pricey resort spa. Candles are strewn about to room to create a feeling of serenity and provide a soft unique humming light. Red rose petals lie about the crown adding their own crimson beauty to the area. Inside a hot tub is none other than the brazen muscle stud, Mister Dick. Sitting next to him, massaging his beautiful naked physique is Malaysia Nerdly. Her own alluring body and well defined muscles shrouded by the numerous bubbles in the pool. Basking in the pleasure Malaysia's touch provides his soft skin, The Human Hard on sips a glass of Merlot. Sitting on the edge of the tub, fully clothed in a red dress, is Melissa Nerdly. She looks none to pleased to have to be in a room that features her naked sister and the often aggravating and equally naked Mister Dick. Regardless she conducts the interview with professionalism and class. MELISSA Greetings one and all, I'm Melissa Nerdly with your backstage interview! Tonight, I'm sitting with the hottest superstar on HeldDOWN~! No its not who you might think... MALAYSIA What does that mean, exactly? Not who you might think? I know I'm in the tub with the hottest and hardest superstar on HeldDOWN, isn't that right, Mister Dick? Malaysia reaches beneath the bubbles and gives the Human Hard On's neither reigions such a hard squeeze he yelps in horror. MISTER DICK Yes, Mistress. It sure is. Melissa Nerdly, because you're the sister of the good friend to my left, I wanna apologize for my rudeness, and my unbecoming like ways last week. I am a gentlemen of the first water, and my mama always told me not to be one to disrespect no ladies, so lemme give you this as a peacekeeping offerin and whatnot... Mister Dick plucks a rose from a nearby vase, and casually chucks at Melissa. She's more annoyed than placated and scoffs at this offering. MALAYSIA Thank him, Melissa. Or do we have to another lesson in manners like when you were a girl? Remember how much you cried and how much you screamed? But you always said thank you when I let you out the harness. You were the best submissive a big sister could ask for. MELSSIA Uh, thanks for the rose, Mister Dick. MISTER DICK Its my pleasure to do the kind and right thing. And lemme offer you a heart felt thank you for keepin your clothes on right now. Because, I got an eye doctor appointment, and yer fat Edmonton heffer donkey titties could blind me from here until the rapture. Ha-Ha! I can't see, doctor, I can't see, the cow done blinded me! She done ambushed me and she done melted my eyes with her saggy breastes! Ha-ha! Son, now just read this chart from left to right, left to right, and tell me what letters you see. All I see is the donkey titities, the horrible donkey titties of Melissa Nerdly! She looks like Eddie Murphy from Shrek! Melissa groans and wonders why oh why she didn't take that job at Fox News. Pretending to be a moronic right wing bigot has nothing on this! MISTER DICK Malaysia over here don't like to talk all that much besides gruntin, moanin, purrin, screaming my name, and making the ocassional threats, but she did speak some words of warning to The Human Hard On about you. Firstly and foremostly, she told me that last year you were gonna get hitched to a rich rodeo promoter out there in Cal-gary. But, you left a life of riches and bull ridin behind, holdin out hope you could win my hand in love and marriage. But, you could no sooner tie the knot with me than the man on the moon. MELISSA I've never been engaged, Malaysia, and I think you know that! MISTER DICK I didn't ask you to correct me, I asked you to tell me how it feels to know that the only thing that separates you from God's favorite twelve inches is a couple of bubbles. I can see the sparkle in yer eyes every time one of those bubbles pops. Its like unwrapping a present on christmas morning and getting the biggest yule log in santa's workshop. But, I ain't here to talk about your peverted nature, and neither is you. I ain't trynna compliment you or nothin, but you could probably wife up one of these spineless cuckolds 'round these parts like Baron Windells or MARV and MEL. I know they yer brothers and all that crap, but just close your eyes, sing my theme song and pretend the Cocky Prick is giving you the dick! To that, Jock picks up his wine glass and toasts the camera with a wide, devious smile. He then pours some of wine down his chest, letting the expensive liquid slither down his well formed beefy pecs as masks himself in a lecherous grin. His grin fades and his mouth explodes with full orgasmic cries of pleasure as Malaysia begins eagerly gulping up the alcohol of his smooth skin. As you can't have liquor on an empty stomach, she digs her teeth deep into his nipples, causing him to cry out in a mixture of anguish and rapture. MALAYSIA Want a taste? MELISSA That's an appealing offer, but uh....I'll pass. MALAYSIA Oh well, more for me. MISTER DICK You gotta understand somethin now, Mister Dick ain't cut out for marriage, see. Its got nothin' to do with control or nothin' or havin a woman in charge of me, I ain't got no problem bein' whipped just ask Malaysia. Malaysia nods with a sly smile, and one can only imagine what she's remembering back to. MISTER DICK But, I ain't about to limit these twelve inches to one bitch, that'd be a crime against god almighty like abortion or bein' Japanese. Of course Krista can go on and think about marrying Alix, she ain't lusted after by every woman old enough to get hot enough. She might like to think she is, her hanger ons might tell her she is, but she ain't. She ain't no sooner lusted after than a horse lusts after a piece of hay that feel out a cow's ass. Whereas I am. I don't have option the option wife up just one chick like Krista. I'm a real hot dude, oozing real hot hardness, and women line up to empty their bank account to taste my red meat. My condo, my two cars, my everything, all came from bad bitches. My lifestyle and my money comes from what my body brought to me. Can Krista say that? MELISSA Um, as a fitness expert and former model...yes she can. MISTER DICK There you go just eating up all that bullshitt, Miss Piggy! They serve you a plate of it, and you go “Yum yum, some bullshit!” and you eat it right up. Just because I don't got a Hollywood hot shot agent to prostitute me to magazines or TV shows ya'll think that she's something hotter? Ya'll thinking wrong again. I am a well desired, damn hot man, buff, young and hung like a Chrysler. Beneath all that makeup Krista's got more wrinkles on her than yer cottage cheese ass, Melissa, and more plastic than a bag of ziplock. But me? I take off my shirt and the world comes to a stop! Imagine what's happening right now, with me in this tub, naked, hard as brick, and horny as a toad. Channels are changing, kids are being neglected, wars are stopping, because the entire world is now starting to turn on the human hard on. And think in terms of the bedroom, Krista is a prissy, dolled up little princess who's gonna be more worried about messing up her hair, then about throwing it on ya like its yer last day on the planet. I am a big ball of hot, ripped, toned, and tight man-sex wrapped up and ready to go and soon to be the object of lust for millions all around the world! You gonna get empirical irrefutable evidence of it next week on the HeldDOWN PoseDOWN~! MALAYSIA I can't wait to take out that Spank me Santa kit I got last Christmas and bend her over my knee, so I can find out what a naughty girl she's been. Ooooooh I can see it now, and its making me very hot. Her Barbie doll body trapped on my knees, crying and whimpering, begging me to stop, and me hitting her harder and harder, watching those beautiful naked reddened ass cheeks jump and jiggle with each stinging bite. If you're lucky, Melissa, I may let you put the nipple clamps on her. MELISSA Um...um....uh....so, uh....Mister Dick, you also made sure that Krista put the Money In The Bank briefcase on the line as well. MISTER DICK Well of course I did, I ain't stupid or nothin! Who do I look like, Baron Windells runnin a wheel chair race at the Special Olympics? If I'm gonna give billions the world over the treat of my dickzillia bulging through skin tight, soaking wet speedos, I damn well better get some tasty treat in return. As it happens I'm getting half a million treats, and a guaranteed world title shot. Plus, here's somethin' else for ya, when I get ahold of that shiny beautiful world title, I'ma bare it all and do a Playgirl pictorial that's gonna put HBK's old one to shame. Mister Dick starts to turn over in the tub, a position that would cause his BUTT cheeks to rise from the water. But at the last second he changes his mind, and remains with his back pressed against the marble, smirking a teasing sort of smirk as if to say its not time for that fabulous ass shot. MELISSA Moving on! I understand you have another piece of news to share with us, Mister Dick? MISTER DICK That I most certainly do! I got the abs of a mister Olympia and the cerebral cortex of a Harvard grad. I know how to get ahead in this world, and I know how to get head in this world. I'll be gettin' one of the two at Zero Hour, I tell you that right now. Because, earlier today in the office of one Josie Baker I put pen to paper and I signed a contract to face Krista Isadora Duncan at Zero Hour in a one on one rasslin match. I am a man of impossible beauty and I am a man doin impossible things! I'm gonna beat Krista at her so-called own game in a posedown and take her Money In The Bank contract. And when Zero Hour rolls around, I'm gonna cement myself in the history books and be the first man on earth to beat Krista 1 on 1. Ned may've gotten her pregnant, but he ain't laid the dick on her like The Cocky Prick! Mister Dick toasts to his upcoming crowning achievements, then sips on his vintage Merlot. Fine wine is only one of his pleasures as Malaysia submerges herself beneath the water to treat herself to a 12 inch all beef sub. The Human Hard On hollers in utter, decadent splendor as Melissa tries to wrap up the interview ASAP. MELISSA HeldDOWN PoseDOWN between Mister Dick and Miss Money In The Bank Krista Isadora Duncan! Next week! The camera cuts to the OAOAST HeldDOWN~! interview set where The Badd Boyz, Tha Puerto Rican and Colombian Heat, are standing by with Josh Matthews. The crowd cheers loudly. PRL has the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt over his left shoulder. Colombian Heat has the OAOAST United States Championship over his right shoulder. JOSH MATTHEWS Badd Boyz, in just a couple of moments, you two will be in the ring for our main event taking on two of the four members of the Deadly Alliance in Alfdogg and Sandman9000. Both of you guys will meet these two men seperately in two different matches coming up at Zero Hour, P.R., you will be defending the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship against Alfdogg, and Colombian Heat, you will be involved in the Heartland Invitational Chamber Of Hell IV Match for the OAOAST Heartland Championship. With all this in mind, how are you two feeling? Josh Matthews put the microphone to Tha Puerto Rican's lips. The crowd cheers loudly. "P.R.!" "P.R.!" "P.R.!" "P.R.!" THA PUERTO RICAN At long last...after all this time...THE CHAMP IS HERE IN BOISE! "YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" THA PUERTO RICAN And so I go from one challenge straight to another! That is the life of the OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion! Alfdogg thought that he had the PERFECT plan bumrushing me, cashing in on his favour from Josie Baker and trying to beat me after Brickston DRILLED me with the Killswitch! BUT, Alfdogg just became another in the long line of One And Only AngleSault Thread superstars who have fallen to the P.R. Nightmare! The crowd cheers loudly. THA PUERTO RICAN So now it seems like Alfdogg wants to have ANOTHER P.R. Nightmare by challenging me to a match for the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship at Zero Hour on September 28th. Well, Alfdogg, I welcome the challenge! You see, Alfdogg, I haven't been ducking you. I haven't been trying to avoid another one-on-one meeting between the two of us. It's just simply that you haven't asked for a shot! Oh sure, you've been making idle threats since April. But that's all they were. Idle threats. If you were a real man, you would have come up to me and said, 'P.R., I want a shot at the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship!' You wanted a shot? You would have gotten it! But no. Instead, you attacked me at my most vulnerable and NEARLY got away with it if it weren't for the fact that I am just SOOOOOO much better than you, Alfdogg! Colombian Heat chuckles at this. THA PUERTO RICAN At least now you wanna do it when I'm at my strongest. And yes, you have beaten me before. But Tha Puerto Rican you beat for the OAOAST Puerto Rican Championship is NOT, I repeat, NOT the same PRL that will step into the ring with you tonight AND at Zero Hour! This is a focused Puerto Rican, a determined Puerto Rican, and a Puerto Rican who stands before you today the MOST ELECTRIFYING MAN IN PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING AND YOUR ONE AND ONLY ANGLESAULT THREAD WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION! The crowd cheers. THA PUERTO RICAN Alf, don't let the past make you think that you have a bright future ahead of you! I see only storm clouds on the horizon, and come September 28th, the lightning will strike. And this time, it WILL hit you! Alfdogg, you are about to suffer a P.R. Nightmare. Again. Colombian Heat forces Josh to put the microphone under his lips. COLOMBIAN HEAT Hey yo, peep dis. Alfdogg, I's knows how you and yo' crew roll. But see, we ain't scarred of dat. We're the Badd Boyz of tha OAOAST. We invented dat ish, homie! The Lightning Crew ruled the OAOAST when people thought of you as the lowest drawing Champion in OAOAST history! Just cuz you got backup don't mean nothin'. And it WON'T mean dat you will be beatin' me next week to win mah U.S. Title! Uh-uh, son! Homie don't play dat. The Badd Boyz are gonna lay tha smackdown on you and your boy Sandman9000 dis week, and then next week I'ma make you feel the Heat on tha solo tip, ya heard me? So, get ready for tha ass-whooping of a lifetime courtesy of your boi Colombian Heat and his main man, PRL. And Sandman9000, I'ma comin' straight for you at Zero Hour and addin' the Heartland Championship to my collection! Gonna turn it into the Colombian Championship! That sounds fly, don't it? HA! HA! So yeah, Deadly Alliance chumps, Alfie, The Badd Boyz is gettin' ready to make a little noise, belee dat! Feel me! THA PUERTO RICAN THE CHAMPS HAVE SPO-KUN~!!! Tha Puerto Rican and Colombian Heat high five each other and then leave the OAOAST HeldDOWN~! interview set. Josh Matthews watches them leave. JOSH MATTHEWS Guys, back to you. Jonathan "Da Coach" Coachman removes his headset and jumps over the barricade! He runs through the crowd, and gets garbage thrown his way as he does so. COLE Coach running away like a chicken must mean that Tha Puerto Rican is about to come out! Or to be more specific, The BADD BOYZ are about to come out! And they will take on Alfdogg and Sandman9000, who are representing the Deadly Alliance! It is our main event and it is coming up next! NEXT WEEK HeldDOWN~! PoseDOWN~! NEXT WEEK COMMERCIAL Edited September 14, 2008 by Ed Wood Caulfield Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted September 13, 2008 (edited) COLE Well folks, it's time for our main event, and since PRL is involved, Coach is not, so I'm happy to be joined right now by Jesse "The Body" Ventura! VENTURA What a tag team match this is going to be, Michael Cole! The World and United States champion on one side, the Heartland champ and the former three-time World heavyweight champion on the other! COLE Let's not wait any longer, here's Michael Buffer! *DING DING DING* (slow and dramatic) BUFFER LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLadies and gentlemen...it is time for our main event of the evening! Tonight, a star-studded tag team match, featuring three of the OAOAST's singles titleholders, as well as a former three-time champion of the World. ARE YOU READY? *crowd cheers* BUFFER Boise, Idaho...ARRRRRRRRRRRRRE YOUUUUUUUUUUU RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREADYYYYYYYYYYYYY??? *crowd cheers* BUFFER Then for the thousands in attendance here in Boise...and the millions and millions watching around the world...there's only one thing left to say. Ladies and gentlemen...LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLET'S GET RRRRRRRRRRRRREADY TO RRRRRRRRRUMMMMMMMMBLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEE!!!!! The Wall by Kansas hits, and Alfdogg makes his way through the curtains, followed by Sandman9000. BUFFER Coming to the ring at this time...at a combined weight of 457 pounds! The Deadly Alliance is a unit of four, but the name aptly describes this duo, as well. Ladies and gentlemen...the team representing the Deadly Alliance...first, the OAOAST Heartland champion...SSSSSSSSSSSSAAAAAAAAANNNNNDMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANN NNNNNNNNN NNNNNNIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEEEEEE THHHHHHHHHHHHOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSSSSSSANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNND!!!!! And his partner...the leader of the Deadly Alliance, and a former three-time heavyweight champion of the WORRRRRRRRRRRLD...ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLFFFFFFFFFFFDOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOGG!!!!! VENTURA Well, Cole, Zero Hour will be the one-year anniversary of Sandman9000's Heartland title reign, but Colombian Heat's reign may not make it that far, as we heard earlier tonight, he defends his United States title against Alfdogg right here next week! Alf enters the ring and does his pose, as Sandman removes his bandanas. *BANG BANG* "BADDDDDD BOYYYZZZZZZ!" "BADDDDDD BOYYYZZZZZZ!" "BADDDDDD BOYYYZZZZZZ!" "BADDDDDD BOYYYZZZZZZ!" begins playing. A lightning bolt hits the entrance. Pyro explodes, leaving behind fire that burns on both sides of the entrance stage. The lights go down in the arena. Spotlights circle around and around the arena. Smoke fills the entrance stage. The entrance doors slide open, and The Badd Boyz come out to a loud pop from the crowd, wearing their Badd Boyz shirts. Tha Puerto Rican has the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt strapped around his waist. Colombian Heat has the OAOAST United States Championship belt strapped around his waist. Both men play to the crowd. They each throw up the "Killa B" for their fans. The Badd Boyz point to both sides of the arena, and then walk down the entrance ramp, slapping hands with the fans along the way. Uh, uh, uh, now let's get it all in perspective For all y'all enjoyment, a song y'all can step wit' Y'all appointed me to bring rap justice But I ain't five-O, y'all know it's Nas yo Grey goose and a whole lotta hydro Only describe us as soldier survivors Stay laced in the best, well dressed with finesse in a white tee lookin for wifie Thug girl who fly and talks so nicely Put her in the coupe so she can feel the nice breeze We can drive thru the city no doubt, but don't say my car's topless Say the titties is out, newness here's the anthem Put your hand up that you shoot with, count your loot wit' Push the pool stick in your new crib, same hand that you hoop with Swing around like you stu-pid, king'a the town, yeah I been that You know I click-clack where you and yor men's at Do the Smurf, do the Wop, Baseball Bat Rooftop like we bringing '88 back They shootin'! -- Aw made you look You a slave to a page in my rhyme book Gettin' Big/"big" money, playboy your time's up Where them gangstas? Where them dimes at? They shootin'! -- Aw made you look You a slave to a page in my rhyme book Gettin' Big/"big" money, playboy your time's up Where them gangstas at? Where them dimes at? BUFFER And their opponents, coming to the ring at this time. At a total combined weight of 400 pounds. The One And Only AngleSault Thread United States Champion COLOMBIANNNNNNNNNNNNNNN HEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT! AND the One And Only AngleSault Thread Heavyweight Champion of the Wooooorrrllllllllllddddddddddddd! THA PUERTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO RICCCCCCCCCCCAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN! Together, they are known as THE BADDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD BOYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ! Tha Puerto Rican walks around the ringside area slapping hands with the fans. Heat does so too. Colombian Heat and Tha Puerto Rican climb up the ring steps and then get onto the ring apron. They both wipe their feet on the ring apron. PRL does The People's Eyebrow. Colombian Heat hops over the top rope and into the ring. Tha Puerto Rican enters the ring. He spins around; soaking in the fans' cheers while "Made You Look" by Nas continues playing over the P.A. system. Tha Puerto Rican does the HBK muscle pose while Colombian Heat stands behind him doing the "WESTSIIIIIIIDE" hand signal. Pyro goes off behind them. The crowd cheers loudly. Colombian Heat unstraps the OAOAST United States Championship belt from around his waist and then gets on the ropes. He throws up the "W" with his right hand and raises the OAOAST United States Championship belt with his left hand. PRL unstraps the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt from around his waist and then gets onto a second turnbuckle and proceeds to raise the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt with his right hand while he "smells the electricity" as a single spotlight shines down on him ala The Rock. PRL hops off of the second turnbuckle. He calls for a microphone. Colombian Heat raises the OAOAST United States Championship belt into the air. Tha Puerto Rican has a microphone in his left hand. "Made You Look" by Nas dies down. The crowd cheers loudly. PRL has a smile on his face. He slings the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt over his left shoulder. Colombian Heat continues getting the crowd fired up. Heat slings the OAOAST United States Championship belt over his right shoulder. THA PUERTO RICAN Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, Boise, Idaho, WELCOME TO THE BADD BOYZ SHOW! "YEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" THA PUERTO RICAN We said we would return, and we did! The Badd Boyz are in FULL EFFECT HERE IN BOISE! (CHEAP POP!) THA PUERTO RICAN So for all you haters out there, you better listen up. Because The Badd Boyz ain't going NOWHERE! We can't be stopped now! YOU GOT THAT ALFDOGG AND SANDMAN9000!? We're the Badd Boyz and we stick together! We ride together. We die together. WE'RE BADD BOYZ 4-LIFE! The crowd cheers. PRL hands the microphone over to Colombian Heat. COLOMBIAN HEAT Dat's right, mang! Dat's right! My man's speakin' tha truth! Ya heard? Now everrybody in Boise, if you're down wit tha Badd Boyz, throw up your 'Killa B's' a'ight!? DO IT! The thousands in attendance make a "B" with their fingers or the "Killa B", the international sign for The Badd Boyz. COLOMBIAN HEAT A'ight then. Youse got it! Now, if all of y'all are ready to see tha OAOAST United States Champion AND the OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion make Alfdogg and Sandman9000 and tha rest of tha Deadly Alliance if they want it feel the Heat...then Boise, Idaho, make...some...noise UP IN THIS-- "BI-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATCH~!" The crowd cheers loudly! PRL smiles. COLOMBIAN HEAT DAMMMMMMMMN RIGHT! Colombian Heat smiles. He gives the microphone back to a ringside attendant. Tha Puerto Rican removes his sunglasses and earring from his left ear and hands them over to the ringside attendant. Colombian Heat hands his sunglasses over to the ringside attendant. Tha Puerto Rican and Colombian Heat discuss stragety, as the referee calls for the bell. *DING DING DING* VENTURA Well, that speech was exciting, but it's going to take more than the approval of these people here in Boise to make Alfdogg and Sandman9000 "feel the Heat!" Sandman and PRL step out, leaving Alf and Heat to start the match. COLE And a little preview of the match we're going to see next week! Alf and Heat circle the ring, then Alf stops, and backs off, before pointing to PRL on the apron. VENTURA No, Alf saying he wants a preview of Zero Hour! But the question is, does PRL want that preview? COLE You bet he does! Alf waves at PRL to "bring it", so Heat holds his hand out, looking out to the fans, who roar in approval. COLE And so do the fans! Heat obliges, and tags in PRL! COLE There it is! VENTURA Yeah! PRL steps in, and he and Alf have a brief staredown from across the ring, before circling the ring and tying up. Alf immediately goes to the eyes, then throws a right hand, which is blocked! A left hand, blocked! A kick, but PRL catches the foot, spins Alf around 360 degrees, and executes an inverted atomic drop! Alf staggers into the wrong corner, where Heat delivers a right hand! COLE And now some back and forth action! PRL delivers a right hand! Right hand Heat! Right hand PRL! Right hand Heat, and Alf goes down! COLE Alf in trouble early in this one! PRL picks up Alf and whips him into the ropes, then catches him with a flying forearm! PRL then tags in Heat, who joins PRL in a double Irish whip, as they floor Alf with a double clothesline! They immediately follow that up with a double elbowdrop! VENTURA The referee needs to do something about this illegal double-teaming! PRL steps to the outside, as Heat picks up Alf, and rams him into the buckle as the crowd counts along! 1!!! 2!!! 3!!! 4!!! 5!!! 6!!! 7!!! 8!!! 9!!! 10!!! Heat then tags PRL back in, and holds Alf for him. PRL delivers a kick to the gut, then whips Alf into a corner, and executes a Stinger Splash! He then climbs to the top rope, and hits Alf with THE PEOPLE'S AXE~! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! PRL picks up Alf, and delivers a scoop slam! He then runs to the ropes...but runs into a knee from Sandman! COLE And Sandman with a cheap shot from the outside! This draws Heat into the ring to argue the point with the referee, which in turn allows Sandman to step in and pick up PRL, executing an STO as Alf sweeps the legs out from the mat! VENTURA And look at that double-team move behind the back of the official! Alf covers PRL as the referee turns around... 1... 2... Shoulder up! Alf rises to his knees, then tags in Sandman. COLE And Sandman now with his first LEGAL appearance in this match! Sandman stomps away at PRL, until he's under the ropes. He then steps on the bottom rope, causing it to choke PRL, as the referee counts. Sandman breaks, then picks up PRL, executing a snapmare, and following it up with a seated dropkick! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Sandman starts to pick up PRL, but PRL fires off rights to the gut! COLE And look at the World champion fight back! PRL then manages to back Sandman into the ropes, where Alf tags himself in. COLE Alf the legal man now, I don't think PRL knows it! PRL attempts an Irish whip, but Sandman reverses, as Alf steps into the ring, and catches PRL with a AA SPINEBUSTER~! COLE And Alf with a big-time spinebuster! VENTURA This could be it here, Cole! 1... 2... NO! Shoulder up! Alf picks up PRL, and executes a snap suplex, followed by a snap legdrop! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Alf then hooks PRL in a sleeper! VENTURA Sleeper! COLE Alf looking to make the World champion go to sleep! Alf eventually forces PRL down to the mat, and the referee checks the arm... 1!!! 2!!! ...but PRL holds through on the third lift! PRL fights his way back up, and drives in an elbow! And another! And a third! PRL then runs to the ropes, ducks a clothesline, before he and Alf clothesline each other! VENTURA Whoa, they clotheslined each other! Both men lay on the mat, as the referee begins a count. 1!!! 2!!! 3!!! 4!!! 5!!! 6!!! 7!!! 8!!! PRL then turns to his side, as does Alf a couple seconds later. PRL inches towards his corner, and Alf works his way to his feet, opting instead of a tag to try and stop PRL, to no avail, as he makes the tag to Heat! COLE Tag made, and Colombian Heat in there! Heat delivers right hands to Alf, then whips him into a corner, catching him coming out with a big dropkick! He then whips him into the ropes, and catches him with a backdrop! Heat then climbs to the top rope... COLE And Colombian Heat could be going for it all here! Heat comes off with a Missile Dropick, followed by a Spinaroonie~! COLE Colombian Heat on fire! Heat delivers kicks to Alf, then whips him into a corner, and charges...but Alf moves out of the way! VENTURA He telegraphed that move, though! Alf grabs Heat and attempts to ram Heat's head into the turnbuckle, but Heat blocks, and rams Alf's head in instead! Heat then runs to the ropes, but Alf catches him with a clothesline, then tags in Sandman! COLE And now Sandman9000 back in once again! Sandman approaches Heat, and delivers BOOT SCRAPES~!, then executes a rib-breaker and heads to the top rope. COLE And now it's Sandman headed upstairs! Sandman scores with a senton bomb from the top rope! Cover... 1... 2... NO! Kickout! Sandman executes a snap suplex, then tags Alf back in. Alf strips Heat of his jersey and undershirt, then sets him up in a corner, and delivers a CHOP~! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! Heat sinks in the corner and shields his chest, but Alf lifts him up, and delivers another CHOP~! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! And a third! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! Alf then slams Heat to the mat, and climbs to the mat, as Heat gets to his feet. He leaps off... ...but gets caught with a PELE KICK~! COLE Heat with a Pele Kick! VENTURA And I think he should tag out here, Cole! Heat inches towards his corner, and makes the tag! COLE And the champ back in once again! PRL fires away on Alf, then attempts an Irish whip. Alf blocks, but PRL pulls him back in for a LATIN SLAM~! COLE The Latin Slam! 1... 2... NO! Shoulder up! PRL picks up Alf, and delivers a scoop slam, then ascends the top rope. He stops to remove his left elbowpad and toss it into the crowd, then comes off the top rope with the PEOPLE'S ELBOW DROP~!!! COLE The People's Elbowdrop! Will that do it? 1... 2... ...NO! Sandman makes the save! Heat springs in and goes after Sandman, knocking him to the floor, then running to the ropes and following him out with a HANDS-FREE SOMERSAULT PLANCHA~! COLE Heat flying to the outside onto Sandman! Meanwhile in the ring, PRL hits a flying forearm on Alf, then kips up! VENTURA Uh-oh! COLE Could be the beginning of the end for Alf here! PRL backs into the corner, and stomps his foot, then as Alf comes around, sets up SWEET CHIN MUSIC...but Alf ducks, then hits a SUPERKICK of his own! COLE But no, it's Alf scoring with the kick! VENTURA And now Alf going to the top! Alf scales the ropes, as PRL is still down...and scores with the FIVE-STAR ALF SPLASH~!!!!!11111 COLE Alf hit it! Alf hooks the near leg... 1... 2... 3!!! VENTURA He got him! *DING DING DING* BUFFER The winners of the match...the team representing the Deadly Alliance...SSSSSSSSSSSSANDMAN NINE THOUSAND and ALFFFFFFFFFFFDOOOOOOOOOOGG!!!!! VENTURA What do you got to say now, Michael Cole? That fall was fair and square, in the middle of the ring! COLE Unfortunately for Alf, the title was not on the line, but it will be in 17 days at Zero Hour! Alf gloats in the ring, until Heat comes in and begins to trade blows with him! Sandman rolls into the ring, and holds Heat from behind as Alf delivers right hands and chops. Meanwhile, PRL begins to come to, making his way to all fours...when he is met with a chairshot to the back from Thunderkid! COLE And now Thunderkid and Reject out here! TK and Reject stomp away on PRL, as Alf grabs another chair from ringside, and slides it into Reject, who places it over the arm of PRL. COLE Oh, no... Reject then grabs the other chair from TK. COLE We saw Reject break the wrist of Jumbo last week, putting him on the shelf with this same move, and now looking to do it to the World champion just weeks before his big match with Alf! Reject raises the chair in the air, but Heat lunges and tackles him to the mat! And naturally, then gets stomped down by the other three DA members. VENTURA Obviously the Deadly Alliance attempting to send a message just 2 1/2 weeks before Zero Hour! Alf rolls to the outside, as Sandman hooks PRL, and drives him into the mat with the ARCHANGEL'S WINGS~!!!!!11111 Alf then comes out from under the ring with a WEED WHACKER~! COLE Oh, God, this is going too far! Get somebody out here! Alf slides into the ring with the weed whacker, but is confronted by the referee, which prompts him to clothesline the referee in the chest with the weapon! COLE And now assaulting officials! Alf whispers something to TK, who exits the ring and heads to the back. VENTURA Now where's TK going? COLE Who knows. Reject turns PRL over onto his stomach, as Alf fires up the weed whacker. However, Heat crawls over slowly, and shields PRL from the attack. Alf looks down at Heat, as TK arrives with a big bucket. COLE TK out here with a bucket, and God only knows what's in that thing! Alf then looks up at Sandman, and passes the weed whacker over to him. Without much hesitation, Sandman starts it up, and USES IT ON THE BACK OF COLOMBIAN HEAT! VENTURA COLE Sandman9000 using that weed whacker on the back of Colombian Heat! I can't believe this! Get help out there, NOW! Heat screams in pain, as Sandman finally lifts it up, and the camera zooms in on the lacerations on his back. VENTURA This is gruesome, Michael Cole. Look at that back! COLE This is heinous on the part of Sandman9000 and the Deadly Alliance! TK pushes the bucket into the ring, then rolls inside and picks it up. Reject sticks his finger inside, and immediately pulls it back, shaking it like crazy. VENTURA Well, whatever that substance is must be very hot! Alf stomps PRL, as TK grabs a candle out of his pocket, and dunks it into the bucket. COLE Jesse, I...I think that's candle wax that's in that bucket! TK hands the bucket off to Sandman, then drips a small amount of the wax into one of the wounds on the back of Heat! COLE And putting it in the opened flesh of Colombian Heat! Officials finally arive, as Alf holds them off with the weed whacker, while Reject drops down and grabs Heat in a front facelock, as Sandman DUMPS THE CONTENTS OF THE BUCKET ONTO HEAT'S WOUNDED BACK! COLE/VENTURA Heat quivers on the mat, as Alf drops the weed whacker, and all four Deadly Alliance members stand around Heat, looking down on him and smiling. COLE Four sick, disgusting individuals in that ring right now. VENTURA I'll tell you what...it's a rarity that the Body is at a loss for words...but I just don't know what to say about this. Alf then slides to the outside, and grabs PRL's title belt, as well as the Heartland title belt, sliding in as TK and Reject "help" the champ to his feet, only for Alf to send him crashing back down to the mat with a beltshot! Alf then stands over PRL, as Sandman stands to his right, Reject to his left, and TK to Reject's left, and raises the World title with his right hand, while Sandman, TK and Reject do the same with their own belts. Meanwhile, EMTs load Heat carefully onto a stretcher as he continues to wiggle and make pained noises, and rush him as fast as they can to a waiting ambulance. COLE Folks, this could very well be the scene after Zero Hour, each member of the Deadly Alliance in posession of a title belt...and possibly the career of Colombian Heat after their heinous actions tonight. For Jesse "The Body" Ventura, for The Coach, I'm Michael Cole...we'll see you next week. Alf bends over and holds the belt in the face of the unconscious PRL as the show fades to black. FADE TO BLACK Edited September 14, 2008 by Ed Wood Caulfield Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
