OAOAST Syndicated 9/22/08

[Patty O'Green 0]

b3f0r3 7h3 5h0w 3v3n b364n we were taken to Cucaracha International's locker room, empty besides Todd Cortez scouring the internets to see if he's on the No Homo videogame roster. Just ask Melody, man! His search was interrupted by Megan Skye. A pissed off Megan Skye. Why was she pissed off? Does a woman need a reason to be pissed off? No! But, in this case she had one, the repeated nuisance of The Christ Air Express and Jamie O'Hara. Her anger was made much worse by O'Hara's defeat of James Blonde on HeldDOWN~! Cortez, of course, didn't really care. But, Megan reminded him that in a company this large its easy to be forgotten so he better take whatever she and Landon give him, and tonight their giving him an opportunity to make good by defeating MARV in the Syndicated mainevent.

 

 

Brought to you by American Express

Taped: September 18th, 2008

First air date: September 20th, 2008 (check local listings for airings in your area)

Announce team: Tony Schiavone and Jesse "The Body" Ventura

Lead correspondent: Tony Brannigan

 

Syndicated, syndicated, you're being posted two weeks in a row, you're a friend not a foe, a good guy that's in the know, someone with who I'd have cup of joe, because your like a present tied in a bow. syndicated, syndicated, you're a friend not a foe!

 

***The All American Boys and The Mad Cappa Vs The Mardi Gras Home Wrecking Crew and Cuban Wall***

 

Three men in dire need of another victory. Or in The AAB's case just a victory period. The Wrecking Crew wisely let the hulking Wall start the contest against the experienced Cappa. A rematch of their MITB first round match, the two picked up where they left off. With Wall kicking Cappa from pillar to post. Lethal lariats and standard big man offense shut down Cappa's offense at the onset of the match. However, Wall got a little cocky and when he turned around to sneer at no one in particular Cappa took him down with a bulldog. This led to a tag with Liberty of the AAB's, and the patriot surprisingly held his own against Wall. It could have something to do with Wall being from a filthy communist country, but I'm not sure. What I do know is that Wall didn't have an answer for the various suplexs and submission efforts the muscular goodguy busted out. Incapable of handling Liberty, Wall made a tag to Rico De Janiero after stunning Liberty with an eye rack. De Janiero met the same fate as Wall, instantly being floored by a drop toe hold and taken into a side headlock. For the next several minutes , De Janiero fought a fruitless battle to get out of the headlock that Liberty held onto tenaciously, even as he was rammed into the corner posts. The only thing that got Rico his freedom was a blind tag from Freedom. The Brazilian was able to deal with the other AAB a bit easier, catching him off the top rope with power slam as he made his entry into the bout. Rico would then hit two more powerslams in a row but none of them could earn his coveted three count. Thus he tagged in the speedy Soul to finish the job, while he attended to more important matters. Like cleaning crumbs out his pornstache. Soul and Freedom felt each out...PAUSE...with elementary mat sequences before The Jive One gained enough confidences to explode with dizzying hurricianranas. Unfortunately those hurricanranas ended up dumping Freedom into his corner, where he made a much needed tag with Mad Cappa. However, Cappa fare no better than his partner being wiped out by the POUNCE the moment he hit the ring. Soul and Wall then took turns decimating Cappa with their wildly different offense as the AAB's watched on. After Wall connected with a nasty scissors kick that left Cappa seemingly out on his feet, Soul attempted a second POUNCE! But Cappa was playing possum and grabbed onto his legs for a Walls Of Cappa!

 

Soul refused to be trapped into the deadly submission and kicked Cappa away, right into a tag from Freedom! Drawing on the power American ideals, Liberty entered the ring and traded shots with Soul. The clean cut good guy gained the upper hand with a sitout spine buster! But the sitting out left him wide open to a boot to the head from Wall! Liberty quickly jumped into action and took Wall down with a diving top rope shoulder block! The former 24/7 champion was quickly back to his feet and terrorized Freedom with clubbing forearms. But Freedom countered with a knee to the midsection followed by a devastating series of full nelson suplex titled Truth, Justice, and The American way! But Freedom didn't have any time to celebrate his astonishing feat of strength as Soul struck him with the Fro 2 Sleep! That wouldn't be enough for a victory though as Cappa stunned Soul with The Bust A Cap! The finisher that would've gotten a sure three count didn't even get to a pinfall thanks to Rico taking Cappa for a Mustache Ride! His version of the razor's edge left Cappa battered and broken, and got his time a well deserved pin. I meant team, not time. What was I doing when I wrote time? At least I didn't write vagina. Got his vagina a well deserved pin. Got his vagina a well deserved dick.

 

Winner: The Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew and Cuban Wall, via pinfall

 

A video hosted by United States champion Alfdogg and Mean Gene Okerlund of highlights from past Heartland Chamber of Hells was shown, with Alfdogg detailing his favorite moments and predicting a winner for the upcoming one at ZH. His selection; Detective Bosley! Just kidding, he picked Sandman to retain and bring further glory to the Deadly Alliance.

 

More video packages! This one reminded us of what we saw just three days ago on HeldDOWN, a naked Krista, a near naked Mister Dick, a fully clothed Alfdogg winning the United States Title, Theodore Moneymaker sonning Zack Malibu, Jade and Melody dropping a match to Megan and Holly, and a naked Krista.

 

On the interview stage, The Last Kings of Scotland were asked by Josh Matthews the differences betwIeen wrestling in Scotland and wrestling America. They replied that in Scotland "pro wrestling is a joke because its not just considered pussy shit, but some other culture's pussy shit!" Josh said he understood this assessment but they needn't worry about his cred "I'm in the hood like a tennis ball sold exclusively for use in the hood, most likely indigenously manufactured and distributed under the moniker Ghetto Tennis Ball 2000" The Scots used to wonder why their countrymen held such low opinions of pro wres until they got in the OAOAST, where they proceeded to be introduced to "90 of the world's biggest sissies and bitches on this planet." What stops a match in the OAOAST, starts a good old fashioned pub brawl in Scotland according to them. They said the biggest perpetrators of this "watered down crap" were The Love Doctors and they planned on dealing with them NEXT!

 

***The Love Doctors Vs The Last Kings Of Scotland***

 

I did say next didn't I? Two of LKS's three matches in the OAOAST have come against The Love Docs and both have been horrible drubbings. It seemed as if the euro's might've have been heading for a threepeat as neither could find an answer for The Doc's quick tags and hard hitting strikes. Danny Boy hit a stroke of luck, however, when he reversed a vertical suplex from Anderson into a neckbreaker. From there he and his partner attempted to work over the good doctor's neck, and almost gained a submission off a Scotish Scott neck crank. Their luck wouldn't last very long, however, as Anderson fought back until he was able to tag in Pigley. The Chicago based radio host gave the scottish brawler's fits until they combined to double team with a two man side russian leg sweep. That simplistic move bought them quite a bit of time on the attack, which they used to target Pigley's back. None of their basic strike based assaults could defeat the MD, forcing them to go to more high risk attacks. A dropkick to the back from Danny Boy, followed by a backbreaker from Scott was the high point of the bout for the two as it almost got them a three count. Almost only counts in horseshoes and I'm not sure why, because I've never played horseshoes. Danny Boy tried to further take apart Pigley's back with a grounded body block, but the crowd wouldn't see to that and rallied the doctor with OINKING! The imitations of a common farm animal gave Doctor Pigley the strength he needed to fight to his feet and beat away Danny Boy.

 

Realizing trouble was afoot, Scott charged into the ring but was too late to stop Pigley from tagging in Doctor Anderson. He ate a springboard lariat for his error, and watched his partner get flung from the ring by a dropkick as well. He quickly got back to his feet, only to be nailed by an Anderson Spinebuster! Thankfully no more damage could be done to him by Doctor Max Anderson as Danny Boy recovered just in time to pull him out the ring. While they brawled on the outside, Pigley went up top and nailed a shooting star press! But as he hit it, Danny slammed Anderson into the corner steps, and was able to return to the ring to prevent Pigley from pinning his partner. Together he and a groggy Scott beat on Doctor Pigley, until the medicine man stunned them both with a noggin knocker! This allowed him to chuck Scott from the ring right as Anderson entered it. With the man power advantage The Docs were able to nail The Gurney To The Center of The Earth for a pinfall victory!

 

Winner: The Love Doctors, via pinfall.

 

After the match, The Love Doctors got on DA STICK NO HOMO and said The Last Kings of Scotland gave them the toughest challenge they've ever had in the OAOAST. High, and probably inaccurate, praise given the Docs have faced Black T, Chicks Over Dicks, The Beverly Hills Blonds and Moneymaker and Wright before. They said they wanted the honor of shaking hands with Danny Boy and Scottish Scott. We'll you can forget that! The Last Kings of Scotland just walked on out without so much as a word to The Docs.

 

After commercial The Last Kings of Scotland were seen licking their wounds in the locker room, in no mood for conversation. This was apparently lost on OAOVW prodigy Spencer Reiger who approached them with a broad comforting smile. The effects of his warm greeting were cooled by Danny and Scott's chilly glare, but Spencer went ahead with his speech anyway. He said not only did he understand why The Last Kings of Scotland didn't shake The Love Doctor's hand, he admired it. Furthermore he related to their rant against the "wussified" OAOAST, complaining that he's been hounded and harassed by Tim Cash on his crazy goody two shoes kick. He left the Kings by telling them the OAOAST needs more people like he and them and less like The Love Doctors and Tim Cash.

 

SWF GENESIS

BROUGHT TO YOU BY LANDON MADDIX!!!!!

FEATURING: KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN VS SWF LEGEND CHANCE SILVER

BROUGHT TO YOU BY LANDON MADDIX!

SEPTEMBER 26TH

BROUGHT TO YOU BY LANDON MADDIX!!

LANDON MADDIX!!!

 

***V.I.C.E Vs Augustine Chambers and Blake Hamilton***

V.I.C.E's entrance took even longer than this match, and they don't have a very long entrance to begin with. Hamilton was expelled from this earth courtesy of a Bosley yakuza kick, only to be brought back into orbit by CPA to be crushed by the Gigaton Punch! That left Chambers to wisely head for hills, but his escape effort was halted by Bosley and his cowardice was punished by their signature battery ram. Post match Bosley and CPA enjoyed a pair of cigars over the bodies of their fallen foes.

 

Winners: V.I.C.E, via pinfall.

 

Backstage in the Disco Lounge, or the second stall from the left in the men's bathroom, Panic At The Disco were having the type of conversation you'd normally expect between two guys in a bathroom stall, one about being sexually molested by gay luchadores. Vinny wanted to know what Biff was thinking drawing Krista's ire like that during the HD posedown. Still spooked from his latest run in with Los Diablos, Biff started rambling about knowing nothing about a missing fifty thousand dollars, and having no clue as to whereabouts of Alberto Calzozzi. "Calzozzi can't save you now, man!" Vinny shouted. "You're just a pawn! He doesn't care about you, and you're gonna fry for a scumbag like that? Men like him watch you hang from his throne made up of hundred dollar bills! I need to know the truth." Biff explained that he was doing his best to keep himself protected against possible flu carriers, and things just spiralled down hill from there. Biff started freaking out about their HeldDOWN contest with Krista and Los Diablos, but Valentine assured him that as long as they followed Mister Dick's lead everything would be copacetic. Biff was fine with that but not fine with the fact that Alberto Calzozzi was ready to sell him up the river! This left Synth in the next stall over to wonder "Are ya'll Simple Jack retarded?"

 

This week on HeldDOWN~!

Melody Nerdly reveals the OAOAST No Homo roster!

Some other stuff, I guess, but Melody Nerdly reveals the OAOAST No Homo roster!

 

OAOAST Zero Hour!

September 28th only on PPV!

 

***MARV W/MEL Vs Todd Cortez W/an empty heart and a yearning for true love***

 

Todd Cortez looked none to happy to be competing, and his lethargy cost him right from the start of the contest as MARV ran circles around him with a high flying assault. The danger posed by a springboard moonsault lariat woke Cortez up enough to dodge the hold, and as MARV came down on his feet Cortez caught him with a running neckbreaker! That move was proceeded by the two men trading strikes, a battle that The Urban Legend won by taking out MARV's knees with a basement dropkick. MARV tried to struggle to his feet after that attack, but took a dropkick to his face for his troubles. Knocked dizzy by the strike, MARV nearly succumbed to a pinfall, but managed to kickout at 2.9999999~ Getting back upright, MARV was captured with a brainbuster that also resulted in a close fall. Cortez continued to hit MARV with high impact moves that all worked to soften him up for the Riot Act Plus. Cortez tried to hit paydirt with a running powerbomb, but before he could properly execute the crippling hold MARV reversed it into a victory roll for a two count! Cortez sprung upright with a lariat aimed at MARV's head, but the Canadian ducked the attack and caught him in a backslide pin that earned another two. Back on their feet, Cortez stabbed MARV in the gut with his boot. With his foe doubled over, The Urban Legend bounced off the ropes in hopes BOOMERANG OMG RHYME of hitting a running Riot Act Plus. But MARV took him over with a sunset flip for another close two count. Back on their feet, Cortez assaulted MARV with a barrage of punches, then trapped him into a set up for a Riot Act Plus. All was not lost for the former OAOAST tag team champion, as his twin bro reached into the ring to take hold of Cortez's ankle. Enraged by this interference, Cortez turned around to berate MEL. His distraction proved costly; MARV school boyed him for a winning fall!

 

Winner: MARV via pinfall and having his name written in capital letters

 

SWF GENESIS

BROUGHT TO YOU BY LANDON MADDIX!!!!!

FEATURING: KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN VS SWF LEGEND CHANCE SILVER

BROUGHT TO YOU BY LANDON MADDIX!

SEPTEMBER 26TH ON PPV

BROUGHT TO YOU BY LANDON MADDIX!!

LANDON MADDIX SAYS ZERO HOUR IS FOR PUSSIES AND ITALIANS!!!