Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted October 3, 2008 THE FOLLOWING PROGRAM IS INTENDED FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY PRESENTED IN HD I promise a new theme song. I DELIVER A NEW THEME SONG. Into the arena we go where we stop nobody knows. hold up right quick. we got too much swag in here! COLE Hey, do you think Melody could photoshop me and my girlfriend on the moon? COLE We both always wanted to be astronauts! COACH Look like you already there, nigga. *BbwWbAhmotherfuckerLlIiiBbbEErRrAATtTeeyYyOUUurRrMmmMmMiIInNnDddDd!!* "YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" The never tedious Double C pre-ample is finally cut into, "Liberate" by Disturbed powering through the arena bringing the crowd to their feet. COLE And what a way to kick off HeldDOWN~!, with The Meterosexual Monster, Bohemoth!! Amped up, Bohemoth marches to the ring as many hands reach out to pat him on the back. *DINGDING!* BUFFER The following contest is set for one fall. Introducing first, from Greenville, South Carolina... weighing two hundred, eighty four pounds... "THE METEROSEXUAL MONSTER" BBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO - HHHHHEEEEEEEMMMMOOOOOOOTTTHHHHHHH!!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" Bo jogs up the ring steps and into the ring, flexing his freakishly huge muscles on the second rope. The crowd continue to go wild as he hits the big pose for the other side of the arena as well, clearly feeling it tonight. COLE Bohemoth coming off a real war at Zero Hour in the Boiler Room Brawl. But, it's safe to say that both Christian and CPA crashed harder than the US economy at the hands of the bigman! COACH Why you gotta joke about that, huh? I lost $8.25 mill just last week and you out here playing the funny man? COLE I... I didn't know. COACH Yeah, well, you do now. As Bohemoth paces in the middle of the ring, the mood changes as the drums begin to roll. And to the surely infringing on copyrights by being played on an OAOAST show sounds of "Jive Soul Bro" struts Sweetness himself, Lucius Soul. Combing at his beloved afro Soul wears a big smile on his face as he stops halfway down the aisle, breaking out into some jive soul dancing before re-tending to his 'fro. Behind him, a more serious Rico de Janeiro backs him up, stroking his 70's 'stache to two young ladies in the aisle. BUFFER And his opponent. Representing The Mardi Gras HomeWrecking Crew... he hails from New Orleans, Lousiana. Weighing one hundred, eighty eight pounds... "SWEET" LLLUUUUUUUCCIIIIIIUUUUSSSSS... SSSSSOOOOOOUUUUUUULLLLL!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Lucius pimp-walks his way around ringside and seems pretty confident, all things considered. He climbs to the apron and combs away at his 'fro a little more, before leaping in over the top rope, even daring to wave Bohemoth out of his way as he busts a few more jiving moves. COACH Oh yeah, break it down my brother! COLE Lucius in high spirits tonight... and I can't possibly think why he would be. COACH You can't? You said it yourself, Bo went through a war with CDub on Sunday night. He must still be feeling the effects and in that case, it's the best possible time for Lucius to be facing him, no? Putting his comb safely in the back pocket of his beige pants, Lucius is ready to go. Bohemoth just smirks at his opponent. *DINGDINGDING!* As soon as the bell sounds Lucius starts to step confidently forward. His confidence disappears the moment Bohemoth scoops him off his feet and runs him back aggressively into the turnbuckles! Bohemoth drives his shoulder repeatedly into the gut, three, four, five times before the referee forces him to break. Looking shocked by the attack, Lucius is dragged out of the corner and knocked off his feet with a short arm clothesline! COLE So much for that theory. Stumbling on his feet, Lucius gets grabbed around the head and thrown face-first into a turnbuckle. Right hands then beat him down into a seated position against the bottom turnbuckle. COLE Oh, hey, Lucius, you've got a little something on your face there... Coming off the ropes, Bohemoth charges... AND DELIVERS THE FACEWASH IN THE CORNER!! "OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE ...nevermind, you got it. COACH Har har. Have you noticed how all your jokes are at other people's expense there, mister comedian? Or should I say mister jerk? Rico stops stroking his porn 'stache confidently and starts to stroke his porn 'stache worriedly. It's pretty much the same thing, except his eyes are full of fear you see. Anyway, as Rico worries over his partner, Bohemoth pulls him up by the seat of the pants. A shove in the back sends Lucius into the ropes, scooped up on the rebound and DRIVEN into the canvas with the Front Spinebuster!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!" COLE Uh-oh. The beginning of the end! Sensing the same, Rico stops stroking and leaps to the apron to try and provide a distraction. Bohemoth knocks him flying with one right hand though, sending the Brazilian splattering into the ringside mats. COLE Down goes Rico, that's what he gets for stiking his moustache where it doesn't belong! COACH A moustache like that belongs wherever Rico wants it to. Bohemoth turns back and looks around the arena. Lucius is still struggling to stir and looks to be easy pickings, as the people of Columbus stand and start giving the signal. The fired up bigman does a couple of circles of the ring before Bohemoth comes to a stop on one side of the ring. Thumbs Up. THUMBS DOWN~! COLE Bohemoth is not getting paid by the hour. Getting to his feet, Lucius is shaken up by the spinebuster and so is his 'fro. His first concern is to reach into his back pocket and grab his comb. Despite shaking like a leaf he does his best to comb the 'fro as he turns around, right into The Meterosexual Monster's arms! Bohemoth carries Lucius into position, before swinging him around... ...out... ...and DOWN~! COLE An Erotic Awakening For B, an empthatic lights out for Lucius!! 1... 2... 3!! *DINGDINGDING!* "Liberate" powers out again as Bohemoth hits the turnbuckles and flexes the muscles one more time. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, your winner of the match... BBOOOOOOOOOO - HHHHHEEEEEEEMMMMOOOTTHHHHHH!!! "YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" COLE The bigman showing no signs of fatigue or hangover from Zero Hour and he is rolling! Climbing off the turnbuckles, Bohemoth stands over Lucius with the referee jumping in to make sure Bohemoth doesn't do any more damage. He's done plenty enough as it is though and just wants to take a last look at the carnage, before he leaves the ring. COLE And in this kind of mood and this kind of form, who in the hell is going to be able to stop Bohemoth!? COACH How about the US police on charges of ra... COLE Are we still hung up on that? You'd think if anything was going to happen by now, a- it would have and b- there'd be some concrete proof come to light, besides an unmarked brown plastic bag and a whole bunch of accusations. Bo walks back up the aisle to the applause of the crowd, turning back to treat the crowd to one more flex of the muscles. What's left of Lucius and Rico are helped out as Bohemoth watches on, barely able to hold back a smile. Bohemoth then turns back to the entrance way and starts to leave. "We're running with the Shadows Of The Night So baby take my hand, you'll be all right Surrender all your dreams to me tonight They'll come true in the end" "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE Wait a second! Coming to a sudden stop halfway up the ramp, Bohemoth stands with hands on hips as out head the collectives forces of CUCARACHA INTERNACIONAL, cutting him off! Landon leads the way with a sour look on his face, with Megan and James Blonde close behind him. Somewhere off behind come the more individual forces of Faqu (wearing the scars of the Heartland Chamber Of Hell), Nathaniel Black and Todd Cortez. There's an awkward moment in the aisle as Landon and Bohemoth come face to face, before Landon and co. breeze by him. A couple of seconds later it's Faqu coming face to face with The Meterosexual Monster and he's much more unpredictable. So it's lucky that James Blonde is paying attention and is able to drag Faqu away before the two can come to blows. Once all members of CI are past him, Bohemoth continues to stand with hands on hips watching them briefly, before he shakes his head and is finally able to leave. COLE An... awkward moment there, as a clearly impatient Landon Maddix makes his way out to the ring with his followers, for the lack of a better word. And Todd Cortez. COACH Oh no, he's a follower too. Whether he likes it or not. The members of Cucaracha Internacional enter the ring and assemble with Landon at the front of the crowd, holding a microphone in his hand. Landon scowls as the boos and shouts of abuse rain down on him, waiting for some sense of quiet before he begins. MADDIX For those of you with your heads firmly under the rocks of ignorance, you might be wondering why I wasn't at Zero Hour this past Sunday night. Well, let's just say, I had more important things to take care of. COLE Referring to Genesis IX, the SWF's pay per view. COACH I thought they were straight to DVD. COLE Well they... I'll tell you later. MADDIX And when I came back, I expected to be back with renewed energy. A renewed vigour. Renewed happiness and I can guarantee you that last one is a crock for a start! See, I watched Zero Hour on Pay Per View. And what did I see? I saw Theodore Moneymaker marching around this ring like he owned it, as usual. I saw my Samoan savage Faqu step into the Chamber Of Hell and walk out of it without the Heartland Title. I saw my spiritual muse, my darling Megan Skye, step into the ring with the Women's Champion... and LOSE. And worst of all, I had to sit there and watch Krista Isadora Duncan putting out her own special brand of farce, just days after having to watch her do it in person on my SWF Pay Per View! Landon paces the ring, until James Blonde halts him. BLONDE Did you see the pre-show Landon? I won my match! MADDIX I did see that. And let's just say it was a small high on a night of many lows. Despite less than impressive praise, Blonde is happy enough and goes back to the group with a smug self-satisified smile. MADDIX Lately it's one step forward and two steps back for us. Genesis gave me a chance to take a timeout, to recharge my batteries. To sit down and to assess things. And maybe that's why I'm not in such a good mood. Because right now, Cucaracha Internacional isn't up to my standards. Landon turns to his group expecting sorry looks. He gets one from Megan at least, but Black and Cortez are both straight-faced, Blonde is still grinning away and Faqu is Faqu. MADDIX The past few months there's been claims and counter-claims about who the top group in the OAOAST is. Is it The Enterprise? The Deadly Alliance? The In Crowd? Or is it us. And I know deep down, it should be us. So, why isn't it? Why aren't we getting the credit we deserve? Maybe it's because we're not out there making huge statements. Well, that's not what this is about. I see other groups morally bankrupting themselves, as they do whatever it takes to ruin people's careers and livelihoods. I see other groups in four on one attacks, five on one attacks. I see other groups pouring candlewax on people's backs and shoving them into jets of red-hot steam. That's not what we're about. We're the #1 group in the OAOAST, because we're the BEST. We are the best collection of talent in the OAOAST. And that should count for everything. See to us, it's not about who can make the biggest noise or cause the most controversy. It's about gold! It's about kudos. It's about bragging rights. Landon turns back to his group. MADDIX We're International superstars... and it's about time we started ACTING like it! As the looks get a little more apologetic than before from all but Cortez, Landon then turns back to the hard camera. MADDIX And then, you'll all realise just why we are the elite force in the OAOAST. Dropping the microphone, a still agitated Landon waves for his troops to follow him as he leaves the ring. A slightly more agreeable Megan signals that they should probably listen and that works, except for Blonde who virtually dives out of the ring at the first sign from Landon. Blonde tracks his mentor up the aisle with the rest following behind. COLE Landon Maddix making it very clear to his associates, he's sick of playing second-fiddle to anyone or any group and with the mood he's in right now, they might be well served to pay attention. COACH Well I gotta be honest and say these guys have been under-achieving recently, it's true. But you can't say that Landon was wrong about anything he just said, they've got the talent. COLE So you're saying he was right about them having more talent than The Enterprise? Or The Deadly Alliance? COACH ....I think they're all very reputable organisations. COLE That's what I thought. COMMERCIAL Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted October 3, 2008 Via the magic of hidden cameras which may or may not legally be installed into every locker room, we find ourselves in the luxurious surroundings of the Duncan family locker room. Laid out across a coffee coloured leather sofa is Krista, fanning herself with a copy of Vogue magazine. Across the room sits Alix Maria Spezia, fanning herself with a copy of Teen Vogue magazine, for the woman who doesn't think it desperate to want to look 20 years younger. Curiously her hair is up in cute little pigtails. Coincidence? Probably not. And stepping into the room is the OAOAST Women's Champion, Jade Rodez-Duncan, who wonders why it's so hot in the room that everybody is busy fanning themselves. Cut to an OPEN FIREPLACE at the back of the room and a pile of letters handily labelled 'FANMAIL - OBSESSIVE' presumably helping it to burn. Jade puts the heat aside as she slowly approaches her mother, sitting on the glass coffee table next to her and biting her lip as Krista barely opens one eye wondering who's there. JADE Mom, can we talk? You know, about... boys? KRISTA Oh honey we've been over this like a hundred times. Mommy doesn't like boys. Mommy likes other mommies. JADE (slightly annoyed) I'm not a child. KRISTA So why didn't you understand all those diagrams I drew? Clearly the mention of those diagrams stirs up images that Jade would rather forget as she stares off into the distance for a couple of seconds, before very noticeably shaking it off. We can only imagine. JADE I'm being serious, I need your advice. KRISTA Oh very well then. *sits up* What's on your mind sweetie? JADE Well, there's this guy I kinda like... KRISTA Then bag him. We'll invite him over for dinner. At our house, where all of my potential murder weapons are detailed and catalogued. Worst comes to worst, I'll bag him. Body bag. Hey, that was quite good. I ought to write that one down and use it when there's a live audience in front of me. Alix, get me a pen and some paper. And throw the 'Terry Taylor' pile on the fire while you're up. JADE It's not that simple. I dunno... guys just don't seem to go for me. I absolutely can't just go up to someone and ask them out. It doesn't work for me. ALIX Oh no? Alix takes a step to the left and opens the door, to reveal MARV of The Christ Air Express. ALIX Hey, would you like to sleep with my soon to be fiancée's eldest daugher? MARV Would I!? *SLAM!* ALIX See, that simple. JADE Uh, Mom, why was MARV standing outside our door like that? KRISTA Only one way to find out. Krista opens the door, MARV still stood right there ready. KRISTA Hey, why are you standing outside my door? MARV I love y-- *SLAM!* KRISTA Go figure. Shaking her head, Krista slumps back into her seat and ruffles her hair. KRISTA You know what your problem is Jade? Confidence! And not just with this, I'm talking everything. Wrestling, acting, making anonymous phone calls to celebrities who don't fall for my voice-altering techniques anymore, all of it! The whole shaboodle! Just remember one simple truth, nobody cares what you're doing, what you're saying and if you have a valid arguement or point to make or not, so long as you LOOK like it's worth watching or listening to. Especially men. You just have to be confident. Like me! JADE That's easy for you to say though. You're one of America's hottest pin-ups. KRISTA True. And you're my daughter. Look at you. Nice hair, bits in all the right places... admittedly some places more than others, but nobody's perfect. Come on. You're a cutiepie. ALIX Yeah, a big'ole slice of cutiepie! Mmm-mmm. Extra helpings go down good! Jade's eyes widen as she watches Alix mime eating from a rather large fork and rubbing her stomach with satisfaction. ALIX Oh... uh... I mean, some people like the huskier woman. Not that you're husky, of course, I was talking about your Mom... or, rather, I wasn't, at least not until we're legally married and she can't leave me for such a comment. Look, don't take my word for it, I've still got horrible weight issues from my teenage years, you can't take my opinion at face value. I voted for Bush, don't listen to anything I say! KRISTA She doesn't mean it sweetie, really. ALIX You're totally killer hot Jade! JADE You think so? ALIX Yeah-yeah-yeahs! I mean, if you weren't my future wife's daughter I'd totally be comfortable having my dirty way with you. ....... ALIX What? Too weird? KRISTA I never thought I'd see the day where that could become applicable to anything you do, but yes, honey, you managed it. ALIX Well, shucks, I was just trying to make her feel better about being Little Miss Never Been Kissed. JADE Wha... what makes you think I've never had a boyfriend!? KRISTA Oh honey save the explanation until after you get a lock for your diary. It's not neccessary. Really. Plus, I'm your mother, so I don't appreciate you lying to me, unless it's really important. As Jade rapidly begins to regret even bothering coming to her Hollywood mother and her neurotic girlfriend for help (and who'd have thought that'd be a bad idea, really?), Krista places a re-assuring hand on her knee. KRISTA When you first came to my house... well, I mean, first time as my daughter... you were so scared I didn't dare sneeze for fear of you leaping into the pool. But you got Maya to like you, without spending a dime. You beat Malaysia to win that gaudy looking belt. What more proof do you need? The world revolves around one thing, confidence. With that you can do anything. You go up to any guy in the world and ask them out and so long as you're confident and you drop in some sort of reminder that you're my daughter and entitled to my fortune when alcohol eventually claims me, they'd be a fool to turn you down! Trust me. JADE Thanks Mom. I'm gonna go get changed somewhere more private. As Jade goes to leave, Krista suddenly springs up. KRISTA OR, you can forget the whole 'men' thing and we'll hook you up with that nice Latino girl Mr and Mrs Weinstein from down the road adopted. She's almost 17 now I think. JADE Thanks Mom. After rare insistence, sarcastic insistence at that, Jade leaves and Krista goes back to fanning herself. ALIX So, when she comes back in tears are you gonna deal with her? Coz she'll probably still be mad at me about the 'husky' gag. And we fade out on Krista fanning herself and sighing at Alix's insensitivity to fat people. COMMERCIAL Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted October 3, 2008 (edited) Backstage, JOSH~! joins us, flanked by four of the top talents in the OAOAST today. Zack Malibu, Leon Rodez, Sly Sommers and Bohemoth, collectively known as The In Crowd, flank the famed interviewer. JOSH Ladies and gentlemen, here with me at this time are The In Crowd. Guys, I think it's safe to say that it's been an interesting week in your lives. Bohemoth went through a war this past Sunday night, Sly's been temporarily put on the shelf, Reject is doing his best to crack Leon, and Zack, you had to deal with the shocking return of a key person from your past, that being your former girlfriend and the valet of the original In Crowd, Alison. MALIBU Josh, saying that it's been a rough week is putting it lightly. Last week, no thanks in part to Theodore Moneymaker and his hired help, Sly Sommers suffered a knee injury that's going to put him on the shelf for a little bit. Now, Sly's still here, he's not going to sit at home and cry about this. In fact, we had to force him to use these crutches, and the only reason he did so is because he's looking to break one across Bosley or Moneymaker's head! Bohemoth...well, the big man came through once again this past Sunday night, showing why he's a driving force in the OAOAST. If anyone knows what he can do in that ring, it's me. I've kicked ass with him and had my ass kicked by him, and I think it goes without saying I'd take the former over the latter! Leon...Leon's got some issues that are going to be resolved tonight, because he's going to be isolated in that ring with nowhere to go except head on, straight at Reject, and make him pay for his action. So let me see, I covered Bo, covered Sly, covered Leon...OH! I guess that leaves me. JOSH And Alison. MALIBU Thanks for the reminder, Josh. See, honestly...I don't have anything bad to say about Alison. Actually, let's back that up. I DIDN'T have anything bad to say about Alison until this past Sunday night. I know Moneymaker's game. If anyone has been using his pull...or in his case, his wallet, to get ahead around the OAOAST, it's that guy. All he's doing is trying to defer the blame, trying to transfer his own guilt onto ME, and try to make me feel like I've wronged the people in this locker room. He's trying to make me feel like I've wronged the fans. The thing is, Teddy, is that being popular, being respected, and being a saint are entirely different things. I know what I've done in the past, I don't need to be reminded of it. Bringing Alison out, well, honestly, it wouldn't have mattered...at least not until she opened her mouth. It's obvious she's coming here ready to spew hellfire, feeling neglected and dejected. Truth is, SHE walked out on ME five years ago, and I was the one left hanging. So what did I do? I focused on my career, I got over it, and realized that if she was someone who truly loved me, she would have stood by me. Instead, I found the love of my life in this very company. I found a woman who was willing to stand by me. A woman who, bless her heart, has gone through HELL simply because she's my significant other. And together, we had the most beautiful baby in the world. A baby that I love more than anything...that I will go to any length to protect. So Moneymaker brings out Alison, and then the focus is put not only on me, but on my family. Well, Moneymaker and Alison, you can say whatever you want. You can believe what you will. Just be warned that you're walking a very fine line right now. Things are getting a little too personal, and when that happens, you just might get your wish. You just might see the Zack Malibu that you're painting me to be. Ruthless. Cold. Calculating. I can be that guy again if you want. So keep pushing. Keep coming at me, keep crossing the line. I dare you. I BEG YOU, Moneymaker, to step into my world and see what it's like to have to earn your spot. Only thing is, the spot you've earned is an eternity in your own personal hell. Because when I humble you, Teddy, no money can cover it up. When that money runs out, your friends will vanish, because you don't have friends like I do, Teddy. My friends right here...they RESPECT me. You think Wright, or Bosley RESPECT you? Maybe they do, as long as you keep the checks coming...but when the accounts are drained and you're down to your last dollar, reality is going to slap you in the face and you're going to spend the rest of your life cold, broke, and ALONE. Call me a fraud? Hey, it's simply my opinion. But until you set foot in that ring with me, until you're ready to back up these claims with proof other than the actions of a misguided man in years past, calling you a coward is a FACT. Zack turns and gives Josh a quick glare, as Matthews backs up, looking slightly intimidated by his friends words. Zack, Leon and Sly start to walk off, while Bo gives Josh a playful pat on the back, starting the interviewer, as we cut to commercial. Edited October 3, 2008 by Patty O'Green Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted October 3, 2008 (edited) Brand new at OAOAST.com GREAT ANGLE BASH 2008~! on DVD! Featuring: The Entire Show, in full, available in two speeds (regular and fast forward, via your DVD remote!) Plus: Bonus Audio Commentary Track- Featuring Melody Nerdly, Josh Matthews plus special guests Show Before The Show Match: The Love Doctors vs. Los Conquistadors To Catch A Predator feat. AngleSault: The uncut version. To Catch A Predator: The Making Of- featuring Molly Nerdly and The Beverly Hills Blonds Post Match Interviews- w/V.I.C.E, "It" The Alien, Spanish Fly, Jamie O'Hara, Colombian Heat, Baron Windels and The CAE, D*LUX, Biff Atlas and Vinny Valentine, Cucaracha Internacional, Team Sommers Pre Show Interviews- w/Thunderkid and Reject, Mr. Dick The Great Angle Bash Afterparty with Maggie Nerdly and Josh Matthews from OAOAST.com Tag Titles: Team Heyross vs. Reject and Thunderkid- (HeldDOWN~!, 6/13) PRL vs. Christian Wright- (HeldDOWN~!, 6/19) Cucaracha Internacional in The Love Shack- (HeldDOWN~!, 6/26) ORDER NOW! We return from break with Maroon 5's "Makes Me Wonder" blasting out the speakers. And that song should be changed to Love Lockdown by Kanye, but who am I besides the person writing the match? The females in the arena are going wild with delight as the hottest kids under 21, D*LUX slap hands down the ramp. BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a televised time limit of sixteen minutes now making his way to the ring from Auburn Hills, MI, he is Tremendous Tyler Bryant! And already in the ring from Santa Fe, New Mexico by way of Tijuana, Mexico he weighes in at 165 lbs, he is The Wild Chicano....UNO!! Uno raises his hands towards an indifferent audience, as Dos patrols the ring with a mysterious burlap sack in hand. COLE Tyler to start off with Uno tonight. Or is he? Uno retreats to his corner to converse with Dos. After their brief conversation Dos digs into his burlap sack and pulls out a voodoo doll! A voodoo doll of Tyler Bryant to be exact. The audience and Tyler watch with curiosity, as Dos digs pins out of his sack and jams them directly into the left arm of the doll. COLE A voodoo doll? I guess when you're on a six year losing streak, ancient 16th century magic looks like an appealing strategy to use. Far from impressed with the stupid trickery, Tyler charges across the ring with his left arm raised in a lariat! But as he nears Uno, something goes horribly wrong and his left arm falls limp to his side. More annoyed than distressed by this oddity, Tyler glares at his arm as if to say "why won't you work?". But his time to deal with his arm proves costly, as Uno takes him down with a single arm DDT. COLE Well that was... COACH The power of voodoo! COLE Entirely coincidental. Clutching his sore arm, Tyler begins scraping himself off the canvas. But his rise is hindered when Dos jams another pin into the right leg of the doll. Suddenly the teenybopper's knee goes weak, and his rise is made sluggish. This is just perfect for Uno, who blasts him with a dropkick aimed directly at his afflicted leg. COACH Still a coincidence, huh? COLE I will not, will I ever, concede that Los Conquestiadors have voodoo powers. I'd sooner concede that I find your commentary intelligent, witty, and not socially offensive. Back in the ring, Uno hooks the leg of the teen scream for a pinfall... ONE! Tyler kicks out, causing the audience to cheer, but an angered Dos to stab another pin into the neck of the doll. Bryant gags in miserey, causing worried looks to sprout up on the faces of little girls across the arena. Their fear isn't eased any when the vile luchadore begins choking their adorable crush! "Hey, come on, ref!" Shayne screams from the outside. Annoyed with Brave's meddling, Dos points a menacing finger at him, warning him of possible pain to come. Finally Uno lets Tyler go free, and although weak and weary, the boyband cutie manages to haul himself upright. He pops the sold out crowd by firing punch after punch into the noggin of Uno. However, his offense is cut short when Dos places a pin inside both his hands. Taken over by severe agony Tyler recoils, staggering backwards until he's dropped by a rolling lariat from the baddest hombre south of the border. Uno follows that up with leaping leg drop into a pin... ONE! TWO! But Tyler kicks out, denying Los Conquestiadors a much needed win. COACH (reading off a laptop) Caplatas are evil sorcerers that perform black magic to kill people or put fatal illnesses on their enemies. A common practice is the ritual of sticking needles through dolls... COLE Uno and Dos are not evil sorcerers. They can barely learn English, how are they supposed to learn the Hatatian voodoo arts? "AY-YA-CHAKA! AY-YA-CHAKA! AY-YA-CHAKA!" Uno and Dos chant in erry unison as the former awaits Tyler's rise. The former six man champion does stand, but its a slow, unsteady stand, almost as though he were a zombie being controlled by some malcontent force. As they continue to chant, and Tyler continues to stand seemingly against his will, Dos raises his final and longest pin hight into the air. With his chant growing ever louder he drives the pin right into Tyler's heart and the boybander collapses as though he were hit with a bullet. COACH Black magic to kill people or put fatal illnesses on their enemies. I ain't sayin homeboys is bout to get their own wing at the New Oreleans Voodoo Museum but I ain't cuttin infront of them at the buffet line no more. I try to get some Macaroni Salad and I get bugs crawling out my anus! Uno tries for a pinfall ONE! TWO! Somehow Tyler overcomes the voodoo magic to kick out! The girls in the audience are ecstatic and begin chanting his name. "TYLER! TYLER! TYLER!" Dos will not let their goodwill corrupt his partner's chance for victory and scours his bag for another pin to use on the voodoo doll. His eyes widen in their slits as he comes up with one. He prepares to drive it through the groin of the doll, which makes no female in attendance happy. Thankfully their fantasies are preserved, as Shayne cuts him down with a lariat! "YEAAAAAAAAA!" Dos stands up, eyes darting for his voodoo doll. Perhaps his eyes should've been focused on Brave, as Showtime nearly takes his head off with a running knee strike! "SHAYNE! SHAYNE! SHAYNE!" COLE Voodoo, boodoo, nothing tops a good old knee to the face! Furiously vexed by Brave's desecration of their sacred rituals, Uno starts to reach over the ring to grab at the teenage hottie. Yet, Brave is rescued by his partner, who drives his forearms deep into his back. Uno turns around to fight back, but is flipped over by an arm drag! He stands back up and is arm dragged again! And again! And again! And again! No wait the last one was a hip toss. COACH Get that doll, Dos! Easier said than done, as Shayne has decided it best to step on Dos' hands to prevent him from reaching his team's source of power. Back in the ring, Uno bounces off the ropes with a lariat. Tyler rolls beneath the blow, and Uno is left to travel towards the other side of the ring. As he bounces back, Tyler strikes him with the Merry Tyler Gore Show jackknife pin! The referee counts the resulting fall... CROWD ONE! CROWD TWO! CROWD THREE!! The fans are on their feet in celebration for what was a shockingly hard fought victory. Tyler can only fall over and clutch his sore body parts, as Shyane rushes to the ring to attend his myriad of injuries. BUFFER Your winner....TYLER BRYANT! COLE Hmmmm...wow. That's the closest Los Conquestiadors have ever gotten to victory on any level. COACH The power of black magic. The power of black magic, baby! COLE That's an insane assertion. There is no such thing as magic. Voodoo is not real, it doesn't exist. What are we in 17th century West Africa? COMMERCIAL Edited October 4, 2008 by Patty O'Green Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted October 3, 2008 (edited) We're in the interview lounge, the place where numerous characters to unimportant to be booked on the show steal a paycheck by playing pool, darts, and various arcade games. Speaking of stealing a paycheck, its Terry Taylor! Terry wears an OAOAST football jersey available at OAOASTShop.com to those who have given up hope of ever having a social life and will wear a wrestling shirt proudly and freely. Next to him is Krista Isadora Duncan, clad in a white polo shirt and heavily destroyed jeans. TERRY Krista, this past Sunday you faced Mister Dick at Zero Hour, available in an encore presentation for $45... KRISTA If you pay $45 for anything related to the OAOAST, just give me $15 to chop you in the throat. You'll save thirty bucks and achieve the same level of entertainment. Only fifteen dollars! We Jews may have destroyed your economy, but we're giving you great bargains! JAMIE O'HARA (from the air hockey table) I ain't know about that. Ya chop me in the chest and slam my head into the wall every Thursday before the show, and I only gotta give ya ten dollars a month. KRISTA (looking over her shoulder) You, come here, what's your name? Though not talking to anyone one in particular, when Krista calls someone comes. This time its the mighty Mariano. MARINO What's good, baby, this uh...this Mariano, see. King of New York, feel me? Monsta of Harlem, feel me? Boss of the tri state, smell me? Uh, shouts out to Marcy Projects, Plaza PJ's, the real BK, Bed-Stuy, we takin' over New York, baby! What's good? KRISTA No. You're name is Jack, weekdays you work as a dog walker, on weekends you're part of a civil war reinactment group. And you're a virgin. And you wonder why. Give me fifteen dollars. Mariano hands Krista fifteen dollars and for his generous gift, Krista chops him in the neck and he crumbles to the mat in horrible pain. TERRY You know what? Its funny when it doesn't happen to me! KRISTA (to Mariano) On a scale of one to ten how entertaining was that for you, honey? MARIANO Can't breathe KRISTA An eight? Honey, you are too generous. TERRY I don't think he said an eight. I think he said he can't breathe. KRISTA I think everyone in this room is about to be beaten within eight inches of their last breath if I don't get me a martini in two seconds. Doctor Pigley rushes a martini to Krista's hands, thus saving his life and that of his fellow lounge dwellers. TERRY At Zero Hour, you beat Mister Dick... KRISTA For the OAOAST World European Championship. TERRY No. KRISTA Yes. Its my belt I made it up. TERRY Well....I can't argue that actually. But Mister Dick has vowed revenge and demands a rematch. And, Krista, I know you're unbeatable and all, but having interviewed Mister Dick many times before, I can say he isn't right in the head. He's a deranged, evil, lunatic. And I think maybe you should be worried about him. He masturbated on Baron Windells! And one of those times was on camera, and one of those times was against Baron's will! KRISTA Terry, I don't know where you get this insanity from. Probably the same place you get the "Krista, I'm a human being, you can't lock me up in a cage and feed me kibbles and bits and make me bounce a beach ball off my nose for your wealthy friends." Damn it, Terry, I rescued you from a Caravan of Colombian sex slave traders and this is the thanks you give me? TERRY You pulled me out of my bar exam, and faked a warrant for pedophilia to do it! KRISTA Terry, if you're gonna get mad at me for every time I've lied about you being sex offender, then you're gonna have to get mad about three hundred times. Three hundred one, there was that April fool's joke with your mom. That....I forgot to say April Fool's for, and its a shame your mother died thinking her only son was excommunicated from the Catholic church for betraying the trust of the Orange County boys choir. But, my point is, you always do this. You always fear monger. You're like a republican. Only stupid. And poor. And stupid. All throughout history one of your ancestor's has fear mongered one of my ancestors. Let's take a look. TERRY Take a look at what? KRISTA I'm not sure. Molly, what's the hold up? I rescue you from a Caravan of Colombian sex slave traders and this is the thanks you give me? Molly looks up from her Mac Book Pro. MOLLY Terribly sorry! My inability to function with Final Cut in no way reflects my appreciation for rescuing me from the South American slave trade. KRISTA Do you see that, you fat faggot? Gratitude. Roll footage, Miss Molly! Roll it! TERRY Did you have to call me a fat faggot? KRISTA No, I probably didn't. But I did stitch it onto Landon Maddix's underwear, so if his JC Penny panties are ever lost people know who to return them to. Molly? The footage! CIRCA 1940 Krista, is sitting inside a quaint Jewish home in Warsaw, Poland, practicing her knitting. All of a sudden Terry Taylor (Alix in an afro and antlers and a Manny Ramirez Dodger's jersey) bursts into her home. "TERRY" Krista! Krista! The Germans are coming! They're gonna put all the Jewish people in concentration camps! And execute and torture them! I just intercepted a telegram from Adolph Hitler, ruler of socialist Germany! You've got to get out of here, they'll throw you in a concentration camp! KRISTA Hahhhaa. That's the kind of stupid I throw a brick at your head for. "TERRY" OW! PRESENT DAY KRISTA Wow, Terry, your father must've felt pretty stupid when he found out he was wrong on that one! Molly, I believe the magic of Alix' s time machine has not only returned his pterodactyl which should be feasting on ThunderKid's insides as we speak, but it also gave us another clip. The footage! CIRCA WHENEVER THEY WERE SELLING SLAVES IN AFRICA. DAMN I LOST FOR NOT KNOWING THAT. *GIVES BLACK CARD TO TONY* *HANGS HEAD IN SHAME* *KILLS SELF* Krista and Tony Tourettes (!) sit in a jungle in tribal gear, hunting down lions, until "TERRY" (Alix still in her wig, antlers, and the Dodger's jersey) comes running to them. "TERRY" Krista, Krista! The village leaders are selling people to the white man, and they say the white man is going to make us into unpaid labor on cotton fields in southern USA and we'll never be able to leave! And if we don't work they'll whip us! And if we try to escape they'll kill us! We've got to get out of here! TONY TOURETTES Fuck up out ma face, nipple lips! "TERRY" They're loading us onto boats to take to the United States of America to work for free! KRISTA That's the kind of stupid ya throw a spear at someone for! "TERRY" Ow! PRESENT DAY KRISTA Honey, I wonder, does knowing the imbecilic nature of your ancestors make you feel better or worse about your only joy in life being when I let you out your cage to play with one of the chew toys from the toybox. Molly, I believe we have another clip on deck. Footage! CIRCA BIBLICAL TIMES. Jesus Christ is sitting in his home, sipping on a Martini, and fiddling with his beard. Finally he removes the beard entirely to reveal that he's a she, and that she is Krista Isadora Duncan. Suddenly Terry (Alix still in her crazy costume) bursts into Jesus cottage "TERRY" Holy shit! Holy shit! Holy shit! Jesus! Jesus! KRISTA Yes? "TERRY" Youv'e gotta come with me! You've got to! They're saying, they're gonna crucify you on the cross! APOSTLE TONY TOURETTES FUCK UP OUT MA FACE, NIPPLE LIPS! "TERRY" You have to believe me! Judas just told me he's going to turn you in for 30 pieces of silver. KRISTA That'll never happen. Me and Judas is tighter than my mother's virgin vagina. He'd never sell me out for anything. That's kind of stupid you condemn someone's soul to an eternity of damnation for. Flames burn around Terry's body and melt him to the floor. "TERRY" Ow! The flames of hell are consuming me! Nooooooooo! PRESENT DAY KRISTA Okay, so you right about that one. But honey, in no way shape or form could you ever possibly be right about Mister Dick ever posing any sort of threat to your's truly. Now, don't let the fabulously acted, ten times more dramatic than Gossip Girl, ten times hotter than the new 90210 skits fool you into thinking I'm going all out for Mister Dick, because I just wanted to help Molly pass her comedy vignette class. But, I'd be more than happy to give Mister Dick a rematch of any sort. Because I am a charitable sort. I come from a charitable family, think of all the things my mother gave me. TERRY Grief, heartburn, manic depression, bipolar disorder? KRISTA And a great rack. Think of all the things I've given to the OAOAST's stars. I gave Landon Maddix relevance beyond being strangely lusted after by a low level Canadian David Bowie. I gave Theodore Moneymaker a reason to develop a personality beyond being a groan inducing knockoff of that fat guy with the annoying laugh. TERRY Ted Dibiase. KRISTA And I want to give back to Mister Dick. I see him on TV, two years old, pregnant, flies buzzing around his head, AIDs ridden, his home destroyed by a tsunami, the tsunami's home destroyed by a hurricane, the hurricane's time share destroyed by sickle cell. Just terrible. And I won't give him money, because I'm afraid he won't spend it on drugs. But I will give to Mister Dick. I gave him a posedown in which he was dry humped by pudgy Mexicans dressed as pink devils, oddly enough that's the first time thats ever happened to him, whereas for Christian Wright, we just call that a Saturday. I gave him a match in which the crowd exercised their creative juices to find new ways to assert he has a tiny penis. And I will now give him the most thorough, fantastic, goddess blessed ass whipping humanity has ever had the pleasure of saying "Yo, homebody got his shit fucked up!" to. And do I expect anything in return? No, but I would like a postcard thanking me perhaps. Showing how he's doing in school, how my 21 cents a month has kept him educated and away from being drafted into a Liberia army as a child soldier. TERRY What about Malaysia? KRISTA What about Malaysia, Terry? What about its motto "Bersekutu Bertambah Mutu" Unity Is Strength. What about its currency of Ringgit, and the tme Alix bought three nuclear warheads from a tribal militia leader for only three Ringgits. She left them at a TGIF in Fullerton. TERRY You barely remember who Malaysia is? KRISTA Honey, I remember calling you a fat faggot. MOLLY Should you be saying faggot? Being a lesbian and all? KRISTA To be quite honest, I don't much care for the fagmosexuals. Last week when what's his face hit his finisher on the little pink cuban guy, Todd Cortez is his name, TERRY Mariachi. KRISTA That's what I said. I was upset that I lost the match and the script called for me to act upset, but by the same token, I was like yes finally someone put these flamboyant, character assassinating Celine Dion loving jerks in their place! Honey, of course I remember who Malaysia is, I grabbed her crotch at Zero Hour, and was presently surprised that not only did she not have a penis, but my fingers did not smell of rancid chicken afterwards. That was a good day by transexual standards. Malaysia doesn't worry me at all. I hardly remember what she looks like, to be honest. I was so fearful of grabbing a handful of crunch berries when I reached down I just shut my eyes and prayed. TERRY But, she wants Jade's women's title quite a bit. Do you think Jade is safe from her? KRISTA As long as I'm her mother, not only is she safe, but any male who refuses to go out with her should strongly consider their strategies on how they're gonna get their testicles down the from the flagpole. Now, I gotta go catch a plane back to LA. TERRY The show isn't even over! KRISTA Honey, I don't watch this crap. I just come to shove the powdered donuts from the catering room in my purse. TERRY Krista, you can buy powdered donuts in LA. KRISTA Yes, I can, honey. But, here I can steal them from people who don't get paid enough to feed the children their wives have tricked them into believing actually belong to them. Not that I'm talking of any one in particular besides ThunderKid. Denial isn't just a river, TK, its a refusal to accept your kid that looks like a long lost Wayans brother, just may not be your's. In the background, Reggie Lamont looks at a picture of his son, and really starts to wonder if that bitch tricked him. Decide for yourself... LAMONT Naaaah, that's my boy! DENZEL COMMERCIAL Edited October 4, 2008 by Patty O'Green Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted October 4, 2008 (edited) OAOAST HeldDOWN is brought to you by.... Kim Jong-Il Hugo Chavez Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Maya Duncan-Blanchard (D-CA) The Face of Evil Underneath this spirited 13-year-old’s cute and cuddly exterior beats the heart of a tyrannical dictator who seeks to turn California’s most prestigious academy, The Beverly Vista School, into a glorified public school. In addition to opening exclusive clubs to gays and minorities, Maya Duncan-Blanchard wants all vending machines removed from campus, wage increases for teachers at your expense, only low fat deserts served in the lunch room, sex education be taught to kindergarteners and an on-site daycare center. No one in 8th grade is over 14! The democrats may want to encourage teen pregnancy at the expense of core values, but America sure doesn't. This November its time for Joe Six Pack and the Hockey Moms of to tell their kids let’s keep Maya Duncan-Blanchard’s liberal fantasy from becoming reality. Vote Jeffery Carter Pennington IV (R-CA)for 8th Grade Class President at Beverly Vista School. Paid for by Friends of JC Pennington IV for Beverly Vista School Class President The ad fades out and we fade inside the Enterprise’s private dressing room, where the BEVERLY HILLS BLONDS have been enjoying HD in HD. NED (laughing) Goddamn, I’d sure hate to be that girl’s parents. Cute kid and all, but Moneymaker lit that bitch up! Hahahaah! SIMON Ned, that’s your daughter! NED MOLLY Shaking my head at your ignorance. There's simply no defense for that. How have you continued to survive lacking such basic intelligence and common sense? Meanwhile, over at the Duncan family dressing room, where Krista is packing up her things. KRISTA ALIX An attack ad on a child? Who could be such a meanie? Back at the Enterprise dressing room a special visitor enters. THEODORE MONEYMAKER NED You. Once again in the Duncan family dressing room. KRISTA Son of a bitch! Alix reappears with her hair up and wearing glasses. ALIX Krista, look. Maybe this will cheer you up. Sarah Palin. (glasses off) Not Sarah Palin. KRISTA ALIX Aw, shucks. I should’ve gone with the Obama costume. And back we go to the Enterprise dressing room. Theodore Moneymaker and Ned Blanchard face to face. NED What the fuck, Teddy? That’s half my DNA. That’s my daughter! MONEYMAKER Oh, since when do you care about precious Maya? Huh? Every time someone bothers to ask how she is, you have to be reminded of her very existence! If it weren't for my accounting staff, personally pulling the money out your paycheck, I honestly doubt that harpie mother of her's would ever receive a dime in child support. And where would that leave you? In Jail! SIMON Ease up, Teddy. When it comes to father's Ned has made Chris Benoit look like Ward Cleaver, I know that. But he's trying to make up for his mistakes. But, everything he did probably got shot to all hell with this crazy video. What’s your angle? You’ve been riding us hard in recent weeks. Hell, you even haven’t explained why you screwed Ned out of a win a couple of weeks ago over Baron Windels. THEODORE Contrary to your poorly chosen nickname, I’m the boss and don‘t you ever forget it. And as your boss I don’t owe you an explanation, but as good Christian I'll give you one anyway. I wanted to see how you boys reacted to adversity. Consider it a little test of your character. And I’m sorry to say you failed miserably. Two weeks later and you’re still whining about it. What disappointments you're both becoming. NED Fuck adversity, man, and fuck your little bullshit tests, bro. Bosley, who was merely sleeping on the sofa (politics ain't alpha) suddenly awakens at the sign of his boss being in danger. THEODORE Bro? Did you just call your superior bro? NED Answer the goddamn question, Teddy. What’s this attack on my kid about? THEODORE Business. Nothing but simple business, which I used to think the two of you were smart enough to understand. Do you remember when I introduced to my old buddy from the Yale rugby team, JC Pennington the third. SIMON Yeah, but we're sort of veering well off subject. If we could just steer things towards a resolution, that'd be great for all of us. THEODORE I get to the resolution at my leisure, Singleton. Just be damn glad I'm humoring your intrusion into my business. His son JC Pennington IV happens to be my godson. And as I told you before, Ned, but I'm sure it went in one ear out the other, he and your little girl are in the same class. JC just happens to be running for class president and I thought I’d help the boy out. Simon raises his eye brow in skepticism. SIMON Against Maya. The daughter of the women you routinely obsess over and harbor a twisted love for. A look of stunned innocence falls over Moneymaker's face, but does little to brush aside Simon's cynical stare. THEODORE As I said, its simple business. SIMON Riiiiiight. NED Business, huh? Well it’s personal now. At least I'm smart enough to understand the consequences of what you just did! I don't know what part of your ass your head was up when you didn't think about that. BOSLEY Hey, Blanchard, why dontcha take a hike, man, your vagina is leaking sand all over the floor. NED Why don't you get up and make me take a hike? How about that? How about you get up and you make me take a hike? BOSLEY You ain't gonna have the legs to hike after I go Rodney King on you, boy! SIMON Guys, guys, chill for a bit. Please. BOSLEY The Alpha Male Of The Group stays at a healthy 98.7 degrees body temperature! THEODORE I advise you to watch your tone with The Messiah, Blanchard. NED Knock that crap off, man. Leave the messiah junk at the front door. Its us your talking to. The least you could’ve done was consult me. I mean, Jesus Christ. Krista’s gonna think I signed on to this and want my head on a silver platter. SIMON And I can look forward to lifetime of bellow the waist paralysis just from guilt by association. THEODORE I'm not a cruel man, nor am I an unhelpful man. I have no desire to see you incur any of Krista's misplaced wrath. I’ll make you a deal, Ned. You do a me a tiny favor and I’ll ensue Krista won’t bother you. NED What kind of favor? THEODORE Get your kid to drop out of the race. NED THEODORE A big decision I know. So I’ll go ahead and let you sleep on it. BWAHAHA! Moneymaker exits as Ned is left to ponder his decision. We cut over to Mister Dick watching all of this on a television in the hallway, quite enjoying the proceedings. Standing next to him is Biff Atlas. MISTER DICK Hehehehe. What do ya think, Atlas? BIFF I'm curious where the candidates stand on putting more hall monitors in the hallways. Our halls aren't safe for our children with just one kid patrolling them. There's only so much he can do, our halls are understaffed with monitors and overran with criminals. We need to get delinquents out the hallway and into detention! And what about the over crowded detention rooms? Why didn't anyone touch on that, Mister Dick? That add said so much, but so little. Personally, I think- MISTER DICK Eh, shut up, ya moron! Why do I even talk to ya? Who told ya to stand near me, anyways? My point is, ya got the fat kid runnin' around here all horny and crap, like someone shoved a rocket up her coochie, trynna get laid, and no one's touchin that with a fifty foot poll inside a hundred foot condom. Then ya got the other kid, the smart one, she's being ran down on national TV and about to lose a damn election. Krista's kids are in trouble, ya see. Big ass trouble and that's great news for me. 'Cause they're her one and only weakness. I can take advantage of all this crap, swoop in, get a victory and be the first person to ever beat Krista one on one. Brannigan, Malibu, Maddix? None of 'em have ever done it, but Mister Dick pulls it off. I tell ya what else I'm gonna do. I'm gonna submit her. You done heard that right, boy! Submission victory over Krista Isadora Duncan. You better believe it, boy! Ain't no one able to say that is they? ! I'm gonna make history twice! Its a blessing to be Mister Dick, Atlas, curse god that ya ain't. Mister Dick pats Biff on the shoulder and walks off chuckling over his master plan. COMMERCIAL Edited October 4, 2008 by Patty O'Green Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted October 4, 2008 (edited) Magnum Opus hits, and Alfdogg makes his way to the ring, carrying a mic. COLE And here comes Alfdogg, who came up short this past Sunday in his bid to become a three-time OAOAST World champion! COACH Yeah, and PRL lucks out once again! Alf is probably out here to demand a rematch, let's see if PRL has the guts to give it to him after escaping by the skin of his teeth! Alf climbs into the ring, and paces around it as the music dies down. ALF I'm gonna make this short and sweet. If you people watched Zero Hour this past Sunday, then you'll know why I'm out here. This past Sunday, I once again had the World title in my grasp, when Tha Puerto Rican fluked his way to another "victory". *crowd boos* COACH Tell 'em, Alf! ALF I mean, PRL is like the bizarro version of the Ohio State Buckeyes. When he gets to the big match, every ball bounces his way, and he can seemingly do no wrong. *crowd boos* ALF So, just for the record, PRL has never picked up a legitimate, decisive win over me. And based on that, I'm out here to ask Josie Baker to come to this ring, and grant me a rematch at the Halloween Spectacular. COACH Yeah! I'm down with that, son! COLE This doesn't happen often, but I agree with you, Coach! I'd love to see another main event with these two squaring off! Alf stands in the middle of the ring, and stares into the entryway, as Josie Baker eventually comes out. COACH Here she comes, Cole! Josie climbs into the ring, and grabs a mic, then walks up to Alf. JOSIE Alf, I listened to your comments, and I have to take issue with your statements. *crowd cheers* JOSIE Despite the circumstances of the matches, the fact is that PRL has pinned you at our past two pay-per-view events. *the crowd cheers, as Alf starts to complain to Josie.* JOSIE Just a second, just a second...I didn't say I was ignoring the circumstances, Alf. Fact is, I watched the match very closely on Sunday, and based on your performance and the manner in which the match ended...I agree with you, that you deserve another chance at the World title. COACH All right! Alf smiles, and looks to the crowd, nodding in approval. JOSIE So, as President of the OAOAST... *Give me fuel Give me fire Give me that which I desire!* “Fuel” by Metallica starts playing, causing the crowd to boo loudly. Alfdogg and Josie Baker turn their attention to the entrance. After a few seconds, the entrance doors slide open, and Brickston and Vitamin X come out. The crowd boos louder than before. Brickston and Vitamin X walk down the entrance ramp, both men having serious expressions on their faces. COLE Hey! It’s Brickston! We haven’t seen Brickston since AngleSlam where he lost to Tha Puerto Rican in that incredible 60-Minute Iron Man Match! COACH It’s about time he came back! But what is he doing out here!? Josie was about to give Alf the rematch he so rightfully deserves! Brickston makes sure that no fans touch him as he makes his way to the ring. Alfdogg seems quite annoyed at the sudden interruption. COLE Alfdogg ain’t in a pleasant mood to begin with. He feels that PRL got lucky at Zero Hour and wants one more match with the OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion to prove that point. COACH PRL *did* get lucky! That punk managed to get Alfdogg down on the mat for only three seconds. Sadly, those three seconds were all he needed to win the match! They should change the rules so that pins mean the referee counts to 30. No way Alfdogg would stay on the mat for that long. COLE Coach, just shut up and smile to the camera. COACH No problemo. Brickston and Vitamin X taunt fans at ringside, and then climb up the ring steps onto the ring apron. Brickston stares at Alfdogg. Brickston wipes his feet on the ring apron. Vitamin X holds the ropes so that Brickston can enter the ring. X follows his client into the ring. Brickston walks up to Alfdogg and engages in a staredown with him. COLE Uh-oh. The 6’6” 215 pound Brickston is locking eyes with the 6’2” 237 pound Alfdogg! COACH This should be good! Business is about to pick up! Alfdogg and Brickston continue staring at each other. Josie stands back a few feet from the two OAOAST Superstars. Vitamin X pulls a microphone out from his right back pocket. He puts the microphone under his lips and begins speaking. “Fuel” by Metallica dies down. VITAMIN X Alfdogg, I don’t mean no disrespect. You are a phenomenal professional wrestler, and you deserve all of the respect and praise that you get from everyone, including me. But this matter doesn’t concern you. So, if you would, please leave the ring, so that my client and I can have a discussion with our esteem OAOAST President. By the way, you look really lovely today, Ms. Baker. Very fetching outfit. JOSIE BAKER Thanks…I think. Alfdogg and Brickston stop staring at each other. Alfdogg walks back a few steps, keeping his eyes on Brickston the entire time. He doesn’t leave the ring, instead staying inside of it to hear what Vitamin X is about to say. Brickston looks at Josie as Vitamin X begins speaking. VITAMIN X Now, I know that you haven’t seen much of me nor Brickston since AngleSlam. This is because we took a brief sabbatical to rest because the 60-Minute Iron Man Match took a lot out of Brickston AND myself. We rested back in my 50 million dollar mansion in Miami, Florida. We had to get our minds, bodies and spirits back into the thick of things so that we could come back at 100% and challenge for the One And Only AngleSault Thread World Heavyweight Championship again. COLE That is the set-up for SUCH a gay joke-- COACH Cram it! VITAMIN X As you can clearly see-- “X’S A PUSS-SEE!” *CLAP CLAP CLAPCLAPCLAP* “X’S A PUSS-SEE!” *CLAP CLAP CLAPCLAPCLAP* “X’S A PUSS-SEE!” *CLAP CLAP CLAPCLAPCLAP* “X’S A PUSS-SEE!” *CLAP CLAP CLAPCLAPCLAP* COACH HE IS NOT! Vitamin X eyes the fans with disdain in his eyes. Brickston sneers at the fans. BRICKSTON SHUT THE FUCK UP! COLE The fans riling The X-Man up! COACH Ingrates. Vitamin X makes more in a day than they do in a whole entire year! COLE And that makes him a better person because…? COACH Well…it just does, okay!? It just does! COLE Right. COACH Douche. COLE What was that? COACH Nothing. COLE Thought so. Vitamin X stops to let the fans do their naughty chant, and then continues speaking. VITAMIN X Now, as you can clearly see, we are both here, and we are both ready to get back on the right track. Which is why, Ms. Baker, I am asking you the favour of naming my client, Brickston, as the next #1 Contender to the One And Only AngleSault Thread World Heavyweight Championship with his match to take place at the Halloween Spectacular in my hometown of Miami, Florida on October 31st. The crowd boos loudly. Alfdogg has gone from quite annoyed to downright irritated now. Josie thinks this over. COLE Uh-oh. Brickston barging in. HE wants the shot at the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship again! ALFDOGG Now wait a second-- VITAMIN X Alfdogg, Alf, hold on! Hold on! I respect you! I respect you very much so! But this isn’t business. THIS is PERSONAL! My client has something to prove! He wants to prove to Tha Puerto Rican that he IS the superior athlete! That is why he wants, no, he NEEDS this shot! He NEEDS another shot at Tha Puerto Rican so that he can defeat him and become OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion in the process! Tha Puerto Rican won the 60-Minute Iron Man Match by the skin of his teeth! He got lucky with that last pinfall! But were we to have another match, his luck would run out! COLE Well, Brickston already has had TWO Title shots against Tha Puerto Rican and he lost BOTH times! COACH One was a countout victory and the other was a fluky pin at the last second! Neither one matters in the long run! COLE Uh-huh. VITAMIN X So Ms. Baker, please, would you please name my client the new #1 Contender? Brickston grabs the microphone from Vitamin X. He speaks to Josie. BRICKSTON P.R. got lucky! He rolled me up at the last second! I had the match won! He was going to tap out! I just know that he would! You all saw the match! I BEAT Tha Puerto Rican ELEVEN TIMES! I beat Tha Puerto Rican MORE TIMES IN ONE NIGHT THAN ANYBODY ELSE HAS DONE IN P.R.’S ENTIRE PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING CAREER! COACH True. The numbers don’t lie! COLE He cheated a couple of those times. COACH So? BRICKSTON I had P.R. right where I wanted him! And Josie, you saw that first fall, I did it BY MYSELF! There was no Vitamin X involvement whatsoever! I gave Tha Puerto Rican the Killswitch and then made him tap out to the Anklelock! If the match had ended right there, I would have become OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion for the first time in my career! But it didn’t, but I STILL know in my heart that I would have won the match if it weren’t for the final 10 seconds! COLE Tha Puerto Rican DID break the Anklelock in those final 10 seconds. COACH You heard the man! He had Tha Puerto Rican beaten! BRICKSTON I want another match for the OAOAST World Heavyweight Title! Ms. Baker, if you would, please name me #1 Contender. But this time, I want the match to be only one fall! That way when I beat Tha Puerto Rican again, when Tha Puerto Rican loses a fall, I win the One And Only AngleSault Thread World Heavyweight Championship right away! No ifs, ands, or buts! MY TIME IS NOW! I KNOW IT IS! The crowd boos loudly. Brickston paces back and forth in the ring. Alfdogg puts his hands on his hips and mouths, “Give me a fucking break!” COLE Brickston staking his claim to the #1 Contendership! COACH Josie should strip Tha Puerto Rican of the OAOAST Championship and let Alfdogg and Brickston fight over it! COLE Oh come on! BRICKSTON I deserve another shot! So, Josie, what do you say!? JOSIE Well…you HAVE fought Tha Puerto Rican TWICE in the past…and lost. “YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” Brickston and Vitamin X sneer at the crowd. Alfdogg chuckles. JOSIE BUT…you DO make some good points. Alfdogg also wants a shot, and he has a case to be #1 Contender as well. So, I have come to a decision. At the Halloween Spectacular on October 31st from the American Airlines Arena in Miami, Florida, it will be the One And Only AngleSault Thread World Heavyweight Champion Tha Puerto Rican taking on-- "We're running with the Shadows Of The Night So baby take my hand, you'll be all right Surrender all your dreams to me tonight They'll come true in the end" COLE Now what!? Josie stops in mid-sentence and doesn't look too happy about it, as LANDON MADDIX comes rushing through the entrance way. Literally rushing, looking just a little out of breath as he slows down once in sight, walking as confidently as he can to the ring with Megan in tow. COLE Boy, Landon must have literally sprinted out here to make sure he interrupted that thought, look at him. Shielding a cough, Landon enters the ring and asks for a microphone of his own. Alfdogg, Brickston and Vitamin X all watch in frustration, as they wait for Landon to get his breath back. MADDIX Josie, Josie... Ms. Baker, I hate to interrupt, but I couldn't help over-hearing all this. I don't know if you heard me talking earlier, but this is EXACTLY what I was talking about! Talent, gold, bragging rights, et cetera, et cetera. Point is, I want a shot at Tha Puerto Rican as well! Alf rolls his eyes to the back of his head, while Vitamin X speaks up to try and shout Landon's request down. COLE I know the World Champion's a marked man, but this is getting a little out of control. COACH I dunno, I like where this is going. MADDIX Look, let's face it, I've never gotten a return one on one match on Pay Per View for the World Title since losing it. Isn't it about time I did? Seriously, Josie, what better poster-boy for your company could you want? What better representative of this promotion could you want? Think about, Josie. Think about it in business terms. I'm a Commissioner of a large scale wrestling promotion myself, you might have heard of it, so I know exactly what's required of a World Champion. Where-as this guy probably can't even spell the word 'required'... Landon directs that insult at Brickston, who has to be calmed down while Landon turns his attentions to Alfdogg. MADDIX ...and we all know this guy draws about as well as Stephen Hawking with a Sharpie in his mouth. COLE Alfdogg, the lowest drawing champion in the history of the OAOAST. COACH That's a myth! And you know it! COLE It's a widely believed myth. That's good enough for me. Having annoyed both Alf and Brickston, Landon turns back to Josie. MADDIX So? JOSIE Landon, as a fellow head of a wrestling promotion, you'll also know how annoying it is to be interrupted in mid sentence. BUT, I do respect the fact that you're a former World Champion... MADDIX In two different promotions. Gritting her teeth, Josie casts a look in Landon's direction. Megan gives him a sly dig in the ribs, as he remarks "what, it's true!" JOSIE ...so, providing you don't interrupt me again before I can make it official, I'm willing to reconsider. And I'm willing to make the match at the Halloween Spectacular, OAOAST World's Heavyweight Champion, Tha Puerto Rican, vers... *BbwWbAhmotherfuckerLlIiiBbbEErRrAATtTeeyYyOUUurRrMmmMmMiIInNnDddDd!!* "YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" COLE Uh-oh! COACH Oh come on! The crowd ERUPT, as four shocked faces turn to see the styled and suited BOHEMOTH striding through the entrance way! COLE Here comes The Meterosexual Monster, to throw his hat into the ring maybe! COACH What is this, one person asks for a title shot and suddenly it's open season? Bohemoth marches down the aisle and up the ring steps, sending Landon backing away into a further away corner. The bigman enters the ring, exchanging looks with his cowering 'old friend' Vitamin X on his way to collecting a microphone. "BO - HE - MOTH!" "BO - HE - MOTH!" "BO - HE - MOTH!" "BO - HE - MOTH!" BOHEMOTH First of all, Ms. Baker, my apologies for interrupting. "Oh quit sucking up" is Landon snarky response, which luckily Bo doesn't seem to hear. Josie doesn't seem too receptive to Bohemoth, partly from their most recent run-ins, partly due to the smirk on Bo's face as he not so genuinely says it. BOHEMOTH Second of all, there's enough hot air over this ring right now to power a voyage to the moon. See, all these three guys have got one thing in common, besides the big mouths. And that thing is, they've all had a shot at the World Heavyweight Champion and they've lost. "YYYEEEEEEAAAAAHHHHHHH!" COLE He's got a point. COACH Meh. The past is the past. BOHEMOTH Now me? I haven't had a shot one on one. Not even after I beat Zack Malibu at AngleMania and School's Out. And I was thinking, since I SMASHED Christian Wright this past Sunday... and since two of these guys weren't even here, while the other was losing 1, 2, 3 in the middle of the ring... maybe it's about time I got my shot at the World Title? "YYYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" COLE Yeah! How about it? VITAMIN X Are you kidding me!? Josie, don't tell me you're going to consider giving this man a chance to become the World Heavyweight Champion! Not after what he did to Mackenzie DeCenz... BOHEMOTH HEY! I suggest you keep your damn mouth shut before I do to you what I did Christian Wright! X's eyes bug out of his head and he quickly hides behind his man Brickston. As the two powerhouses lock eyes, Josie sees things getting out of control. JOSIE Enough! Enough. You know what, you're lucky I'm even hearing you out Bohemoth. But, I can't deny what happened on Sunday night. Which leaves me wi... "THE CHAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMP..." *DUN DUN* "...IS..." *DUN* "...HERE!" “YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” With that, a lightning bolt hits the entrance, the PRL entrance video plays on the AngleTron, and “Know Your Role 2000” begins playing over the P.A. system. The crowd as one stands up and cheers loudly for The People’s Champion. COLE Hey! It looks like we’re going to hear the Champ’s take on this situation! The lights go down in the arena. PR is heard saying, “THE CHAMP IS HERE!” in tune with the beat of the song, while smoke fills the entrance stage and spotlights circle around and around the arena. A few seconds elapsed, the entrance doors slide open, and Tha Puerto Rican runs out through the smoke onto the entrance stage getting the crowd fired up! COLE And Tha Puerto Rican seems to be in a good mood tonight, eh Coach? Coach? Jonathan Coachman has gotten out of his seat and disappeared. COLE Oh well. PRL plays to the crowd some more, wearing street clothes along with his standard Puerto Rican flag bandana, sunglasses, earring on his left ear, gold chain around his neck and $500 Rolex watch on his right wrist, and is holding a microphone in his left hand and the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt in his right hand. All four potential challengers, Vitamin X and Megan Skye eye Tha Puerto Rican while Josie Baker looks on, annoyed at being interrupted yet again. PRL throws up a “Killa B” for his fans, and the fans respond in kind. COLE Badd Boy Nation is being represented very well here in Columbus, Ohio! PRL smiles at the fans, and mouths, “THAT’S RIGHT!” He slings the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt over his right shoulder. Brickston has to be held back by Vitamin X. COLE Tha Puerto Rican has heard from all four men who want a shot! What’s his response going to be? The lights go back on in the arena. “Know Your Role 2000” dies down. The crowd is still cheering loudly. PRL has a smile on his face as he looks to the ring. “P.R.!” “P.R.!” “P.R.!” “P.R.!” PRL “smells the electricity” in the arena. COLE Columbus, Ohio is going nuts for the OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion! Tha Puerto Rican brings the microphone to his lips. THA PUERTO RICAN At long last…after all this time…THE CHAMP IS HERE IN COLUMBUS! (CHEAP POP~!) COLE They love him everywhere we go! Alfdogg sneers at PRL. Brickston has to be held back by Vitamin X. Landon glares angrily at PRL. Bohemoth just stares at the OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion. The crowd cheers loudly. THA PUERTO RICAN Ms. Baker, sorry to interrupt you…again, but I just HAD to come out here and speak my mind! So, it seems like we are in a little bind out here. Four guys want to become the #1 Contender to my World Heavyweight Title, but only one can get the shot! 'There can be only one!' to quote Highlander. Anyway, who does Tha Puerto Rican think should get the next crack at his Title? Hmmm. Who do I think should face me next? Interesting question. Hmmm. Well, the thing is, I’m not too picky when it comes to #1 Contenders, especially these four gentlemen in the ring. Because, you see, I’ve already beaten all of them. “YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” PRL Oh yeah. Oh yeah. I’ve beaten you. PRL points to Brickston. The crowd cheers. PRL I’ve beaten you. PRL points to Landon “La Cucaracha” Maddix. The crowd cheers. PRL I’ve beaten you. TWICE. PRL points to Alfdogg. Alfdogg sneers at Puerto. PRL And oh yeah, I’ve beaten you before too! PRL points to Bohemoth. The crowd cheers, although there *are* some boos heard also. THA PUERTO RICAN So really, it’s not like I’m out here to prove anything, since history has my back. For once. So, let’s look at each potenial challenger, and see exactly why they want to meet me in the ring again. Brickston, I’ll start with you. Brickston, two months ago, at AngleSlam, I whopped your candy ass all over the Alamodome for SIXTY MINUTES STRAIGHT and managed to pin you 1-2-3 at the last second to beat you fair and square! The crowd cheers. Brickston is fuming. COLE PRL bested Brickston in that 60-Minute Iron Man Match at AngleSlam! PRL (CONT’D) And now you wanna come back for more!? So you think that just because you and Vitamin X went back to Miami and went all Brokeback Mountain on each other means that you deserve another chance to go one-on-one with The Great One!? Brickston, buddy: I don’t think so! Brickston is about to exit the ring, but is held back by Vitamin X! The crowd cheers loudly! “BROKE-BACK MOUN-TAIN!” *CLAP CLAP CLAPCLAPCLAP* “BROKE-BACK MOUN-TAIN!” *CLAP CLAP CLAPCLAPCLAP* “BROKE-BACK MOUN-TAIN!” *CLAP CLAP CLAPCLAPCLAP* “BROKE-BACK MOUN-TAIN!” *CLAP CLAP CLAPCLAPCLAP* BRICKSTON SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP I SAY! THA PUERTO RICAN Heh. It’s too easy. Too easy. And yeah, you’re right. You DID beat me 11 times in one night, more times than anyone else has ever beat me in one night in my entire 10 year career. But…did you check the score? I won the match 12-11. Lemme repeat that: TWELVE…TO…ELEVEN. That means that I, Tha Puerto Rican, beat you, Brickston, TWELVE TIMES. That’s right. I beat you TWELVE TIMES, MORE TIMES THAN ANYONE ELSE HAS EVER BEATEN YOU IN A SINGLE NIGHT IN YOUR WHOLE ENTIRE PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING CAREER! COLE True dat. THA PUERTO RICAN And oh yeah…I also was able to leave the Alamodome with this. Tha Puerto Rican raises the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt into the air with his right hand. THA PUERTO RICAN ‘Nuff said. BRICKSTON VITAMIN X THA PUERTO RICAN Now, let me turn my attention to Landon “La Cucaracha” Maddix. “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Landon ignores the fans, just concentrating on Tha Puerto Rican. Megan Skye tells Landon to calm down. THA PUERTO RICAN Landon, Landon, Landon, I thought that I was finally done with you after School’s Out. But to paraphrase the great Shawn Michaels, you know when you take a dump, and you flush the toilet, and all of the crap goes down the toilet except for that one little nugget that just won’t…go…away? That’s Landon. Landon is that nugget! Which is kinda appropriate, since Landon Maddix is a walking talking piece of CRAP! Landon is FURIOUS! Megan tries her hardest to make sure Landon doesn’t blow a gasket. COLE Tha Puerto Rican just laying into them one by one! PRL I’m already tired of looking at you, so let’s move onto Alfdogg! The crowd boos loudly. Alfdogg has a cocky smirk on his face. PRL Alfie, you just can’t take a hint can you? I mean, I was able to beat you at AngleSlam despite having just been in a 60-Minute Iron Man Match with Brickston, and even after Brickston kicked my ass afterwards, I STILL managed to put my feet under the ropes and pull out a P.R. Nightmare to beat your monkey ass! That should have been enough! But nope! You wanted more! So you got it, last Sunday night at Zero Hour, where I once again pulled out the victory and beat you 1-2-3 in the middle of the ring! No fuss, no muss! The crowd cheers loudly. Alf mouths, “You got lucky.” COLE PR with another successful Title defense last Sunday night against Alfdogg at Zero Hour! PRL But, apparently, you are so stubborn, so thick headed, that you can’t take a hint. So, you think third times a charm? Well, I’ve got news for you, Alfdogg, you want another shot at me? Sure, go ahead, no problem, but be prepare for a three-peat. And no, I don’t mean you becoming a three-time OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion. I mean me beating you 1-2-3 in the middle of the ring for the THIRD match in a row! “YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” COLE Alfdogg wants some, he’s more than likely to get some! “P.R.!” “P.R.!” Alfdogg chuckles at PR’s threats. THA PUERTO RICAN And that brings me to Bohemoth. “YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” Bohemoth perks up at this. He walks closer to the ropes. THA PUERTO RICAN Now Bo, I know that we have never seen eye-to-eye. But you ARE the premier big man in the One And Only AngleSault Thread and that’s the truth, Ruth! And you might not forgive me for what I have done to you in the past, which I understand, because I was a HUGE asshole as recently as a year ago. You’ve got that whole In Crowd thing with Zack Malibu, and that’s cool. But, Bo, you have this idea in your head, this assumption, that many of my opponents have had. And that is that just because you have fought me in the past, means that you know how I am now. Well Bohemoth, I’ve got news for you: the PRL of 2007 is NOT, AND THA PUERTO RICAN MEANS NOT, the PRL of 2008. This is a whole new PRL. I’m not the man that I used to be, and you would be wise to remember that, big man. And hey, I don’t need The Lightning Crew to kick YOUR candy ass, Bo! The crowd responds with a mixture of boos and cheers. Bohemoth just chuckles at this. THA PUERTO RICAN You need to understand Bohemoth, that I am NOT afraid of you anymore! I’ve faced challenges I have never faced before in my World Heavyweight Championship reign, and I HAVE SURVIVED THEM ALL! So, if you think that just your size will imitidate me? Well, you’ve got another thing coming! Hey, I respect you. I believe that you didn’t do anything to Mackenzie DeCenzo. But I DON’T believe that you will kick my ass and take my One And Only AngleSault Thread World Heavyweight Title! So deal with it, CHUMP! “OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” COLE PRL throwing down the punk card to Bohemoth! THA PUERTO RICAN So, in the end, who does Tha Puerto Rican want to face next? Who does Tha Puerto Rican want to be the #1 Contender? Brickston? “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” THA PUERTO RICAN Alfdogg? “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” THA PUERTO RICAN Landon Maddix? “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” THA PUERTO RICAN Or Bohemoth? “YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” THA PUERTO RICAN Well, Tha Puerto Rican says…IT DOESN’T MATTER WHO THE #1 CONTENDER IS! The crowd cheers. The four potenial challengers are surprised. THA PUERTO RICAN Because whether it is Brickston, whether it is Landon, whether it is Alfdogg, whether it is Bohemoth, the end result will be the same: Tha Puerto Rican walking down The People’s Ramp, sliding into The People’s Ring, and laying the smackdown on your candy ass! I have beaten you all individually, and I can beat you all ALL AT THE SAME TIME! IT DOESN’T MATTER! Come one, come all, I don’t care! All I ask is for three simple words: JUST BRING IT! The crowd cheers loudly! Another “P.R.!” chant breaks out! LANDON Enough of the blabbing on about nothing, P.R.! Let’s settle this! Josie, I am the #1 Contender right? BRICKSTON No, Landon, I AM THE NUMBER ONE CONTENDER! ALFDOGG You’re both wrong! I SHOULD GET THE NEXT SHOT AT P.R.! BOHEMOTH How about letting someone new get a shot for a change!? LANDON Stay out of this! Only former Champions should get a shot! That means you stay out of this too, Breakfest! BRICKSTON IT’S BRICKSTON! LANDON Who cares!? VITAMIN X I CARE! LANDON Who are you again!? VITAMIN X Watch your mouth, Landon! LANDON Oh, a manager threatened me! I’m so scared! VITAMIN X I wouldn’t be a manager if it weren’t for Tha Puerto Rican, numb nuts! LANDON Like you had any talent beforehand! BRICKSTON Don’t talk to him like that! ALFDOGG Hey, Brokeback Mountain, leave this to the big boys! BRICKSTON YOU LITTLE PUNK! LANDON Bring it musclehead! BRICKSTON LOUD NOISES! Alfdogg, Landon, Bohemoth, Brickston and Vitamin X get into a shouting match inside of the ring. Megan and Josie stand back and watch. PRL can’t help but laugh watching this. COLE It’s breaking down in the ring! Who is the new #1 Contender!? Before anyone can bring the ruckus… JOSIE Hey. Hey. HEY! Alfdogg, Landon, Bohemoth, Brickston and Vitamin X stop arguing. They all (along with Megan) turn their attention to the OAOAST President. JOSIE Calm down. Relax everyone! Now, I have listened to each one of you speak. And you all make very good points. So, in the interest of fairness, and in the spirit of competition, I have come to a decision…I am going to make you four FIGHT for the #1 Contendership! COLE Oh? JOSIE On next week’s HeldDOWN~!, the main event will be a FATAL FOUR WAY MATCH for #1 Contendership to the One And Only AngleSault Thread World Heavyweight Championship! It will be Alfdogg vs. Brickston… The crowd boos. JOSIE (CONT’D ..vs. Landon “La Cucaracha” Maddix… The crowd boos. JOSIE (CONT’D) …vs. Bohemoth. The crowd cheers loudly. JOSIE There will be no disqualifications and no countouts. It will be one fall to a finish, so the first person who gets the pinfall or the submission will win the match. And the winner will meet Tha Puerto Rican one-on-one in the main event of the Halloween Spectacular on October 31st from the American Airlines Arena in Miami, Florida! Does that sound good to you, P.R.? THA PUERTO RICAN Cool beans, Josie. Mind if I call you Josie? JOSIE It’s okay, Champ. So, there we go. It is settled then! Good luck to you four gentlemen, and may the best man win next week! I bid you good day. THA PUERTO RICAN You heard the lady, may the best man win! But remember, whoever wins will be the next man to suffer the P.R. Nightmare! So good luck, jabronies! THE CHAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMP…HAS…SPO-KUN~!!! “Know Your Role 2000” begins playing over the P.A. system. The crowd cheers loudly. Tha Puerto Rican stands on the entrance stage with a smile on his face as he adjusts the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt over his right shoulder. Josie Baker leaves the ring, leaving the four potential challengers and Vitamin X and Megan Skye to eye each other with vicious intent. COLE You heard it from The Boss! Next week, a Fatal Four Way Match to determine the new #1 Contender to the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship! And Tha Puerto Rican doesn’t seem to care who it will be, since he has beaten all four men in the past! What a barnburner that should be! The main event of the Halloween Spectacular will be revealed next week! Is it going to be Alfdogg? Is it going to be Bohemoth? Is it going to be Brickston? Or is it going to be Landon “La Cucaracha” Maddix? All four very worthy contenders! It should be a very interesting match next week! We’ll be right back right after this! Tha Puerto Rican drops his microphone on the entrance stage, and then raises the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt over his head to a loud pop from the fans. He then blows the fans a kiss and waves bye to them. Tha Puerto Rican slings the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt over his right shoulder, grabs the microphone with his left hand, and then exits through the entrance doors. Alfdogg, Landon “La Cucaracha” Maddix, Bohemoth, Brickston, Vitamin X and Megan Skye are all mouthing off to each other. The crowd cheers loudly. Alfdogg, Landon “La Cucaracha” Maddix, Bohemoth, Brickston, Vitamin X and Megan Skye continue mouthing off to one another as “Know Your Role 2000” continues playing over the P.A. system. This is the last image that we see before we FADE TO BLACK * COMMERCIAL BREAK * Edited October 5, 2008 by Ed Wood Caulfield Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted October 4, 2008 (edited) Backstage, Jade Rodez-Duncan walks into an open dressing room. She shuts the door behind her, to reveal that Reject was standing behind it. Reject stands for a second with his hands on his hips, then approaches slowly as Jade goes through her bags. She pulls an outfit out, then turns around to see Reject. She drops the outfit, then takes a step back and gasps, before Reject places a finger over her lips. REJECT Shhhhhhhhhhhhh...it's okay. I'm not here to hurt you. Reject removes the finger from her lips slowly. REJECT No, in fact, I just came in to let you know that everything's going to be OK. You see, I got what I wanted tonight. I've got your Uncle Leon inside a steel cage. No interference, no distractions...just me and him, one-on-one. *crowd cheers* REJECT And tonight, after I've beaten your uncle to a bloody pulp inside that cage...it'll all be over. We can all move on. Reject then takes a towel out of Jade's bag, and flips it around her waist, pulling her up against him. He then begins to stroke Jade's face with his cupped hand. REJECT That means you...will never have to worry about the R-Man doing harm to you, or any of your friends, or family, again. Just as long as you always remember one thing... Reject lifts Jade's face with his index finger and thumb, so that she's looking him in the eyes. REJECT Crossing the R...won't get you far. Reject smiles as he releases Jade, then backs out of her locker room, as a creeped-out Jade looks on. *back to Sofa Central* COLE What a creep. COACH Maybe so, but he's a focused creep, Cole! Focused on ending this war, once and for all! COMMERCIAL Edited October 4, 2008 by Patty O'Green Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted October 4, 2008 We return from break only to be greeted by the first appearance on this show in over five years of a former fan favorite. Zack Malibu's former girlfriend, and the original In Crowd's valet, Alison, is standing in the ring, showered with boos. Standing alongside her is the leader of The Enterprise, Theodore Moneymaker, who has made Zack Malibu a target after ousting Malibu's close friend Anglesault from power in the OAOAST. ALISON It seems like it only took a handful of days for you people to be brainwashed by your precious savior. So go ahead, boo me, people. Boo me, but when you come to realize the truth of what I said this past Sunday night, don't expect me to accept the apologies! Whether Alison thought that would help or not, it doesn't, because the boos continue. ALISON I heard Zack earlier, and all I have to say is...does Zack even KNOW what he's talking about lately? First, he tries to save face by saying he never had anything bad to say about me...and then he proceeds to go on and try to verbally tear me apart? As if I CARE what he thinks anymore? COLE Well, she certainly did at one point...and I think she missed the part of Zack's promo where he said his anger stems from his family being brought into this. COACH Excuses, excuses. ALISON I have news for you, Zackary. If you thought Zero Hour was a one time thing, a chance meeting of two former friends, well, you're wrong. Thanks to Mr. Moneymaker and thanks to Josie...a woman who Zack once assaulted on a pay per view broadcast that you people all paid for, mind you...I am now once again a contracted member of the OAOAST! COLE What!? She's back for good? COACH Ha ha! It keeps getting better and better! Well, worse if your name is Zack Malibu! Moneymaker cackles, as Alison smiles proudly. The fans continue booing...at least until "Getting Away With Murder" kicks in, bringing them to their feet! COLE Heeeeeeeere we go. Malibu comes out, walking slowly to the ring, while Moneymaker leads Alison by the arm to the far side, acting as her protector despite using her to keep Malibu at bay just a few days ago. Zack rolls into the ring and stares the two of them down, while Teddy and Alison seem disturbed by the interruption. MALIBU For the benefit of those who missed the pay per view and your grand return, Alison, let me give a brief recap of the latest happenings between Zack Malibu and Theodore Moneymaker. Let's see...Moneymaker starts coming after me, calling me a fraud, airing old footage of me, trying to paint me in a bad light? I'm doing good so far, right? Then, I rebuke his claims, and he follows up by airing more footage, spewing more crap...but yet won't get in the ring with me at Zero Hour. Oh no, he can't do that he says, because he's got something up his sleeve that's going to rock my world! So Zero Hour comes, and I have to come face to face with my past...and here you come, five years after the last phone call I left you and NOW you want to talk. Except this time...this time you're MEAN! You're mad at me, you're spinning it around as if I kicked you to the curb, when the fact is that YOU WALKED AWAY FROM ME. Now, maybe you coming back was supposed to stir something in me. Maybe it was supposed to emotionally cripple me, but it didn't. It can't, and that's because I stopped giving a DAMN about you five years ago! Even Moneymaker's jaw drops at the bluntness, while Alison's eyes squeeze into a vicious glare. MALIBU I got over you a LONG time ago, Alison. I left you to live the life that YOU wanted, not a life I threw you into. If you think you made a wrong decision with me, then fine, that's your choice. Personally though, I think the only wrong decision you've made is by hooking up with this clown, just to get a few extra bucks in your pocket! ALISON Honestly Zack, do you think this is about the money? Do you think for one second I'm some charity case, some girl down on her luck because her boyfriend abandoned her years ago? Don't flatter yourself! I've done perfectly well for myself since you last saw me. I've lived a great life, and I continue to do so. I'm back because I couldn't stand to see you out here anymore lying to everyone's face! That shining armor you supposedly wear is tarnished, Zack. You are FAR from the hero you position yourself as! MALIBU What are you people, starting a cult or something? You're OBSESSED with this hero-worship deal. I said it before, Moneymaker is obsessed with my status in this company. He's trying to rewrite history, and I've gotta say, you're pretty damn motivated, Teddy. But bringing in my ex-girlfriend does not get you any closer to being me than wearing an In Crowd shirt does. Moneymaker becomes agitated, and takes the mic from Alison. MONEYMAKER Again, you flatter yourself Zackary by actually thinking I'm trying to be like you. Zack, I'm already ABOVE you. I've surpassed you in social status, wealth, and power. My star shines brightly in the sky, while yours crashed to earth a long, long time ago. You're at the end of your rope, because for every foe you've vanquished, they've chipped away just slightly at that shining armor you claim to wear. Men like Stephen Popick, Bruce Blank, women like Crystal, they all have something in common. At one point in time, they brought out your dark side. You say that it's something that only surfaces when you're pushed too far, as if you're Bruce Banner morphing into the Incredible Hulk. The truth is, Zack, is that the only side you have IS that dark side, but you put a fresh coat of paint on it and smile to the fans, and they gobble it up because they don't want to believe they've been led on! The only reason you get cheered is because of their own personal guilt, knowing that they're fools for doing so! The crowd is not happy with being called fools, and let Moneymaker know so. MONEYMAKER SHUT UP! I swear, you'll all be thanking me one day, soon enough. Because Zack Malibu's time as The Franchise of the OAOAST is coming to an end. I promise you, Zack, I PROMISE YOU, that we will meet in this ring, where I can overshadow you with my physical acumen. Until then, though, I'll continue to find proof that exposes you as a fraud. I'll spare no expense at showcasing you at your very worst! MALIBU Put any spin on it that you'd like, Moneymaker. Have me face my past week after week. Bring back Popick, bring back Blank, bring back Mario Logan or Green Mist for all I care! Let's face it, while you're busy living in MY past, I'm standing here in the present, ready, willing and way more than able to prove myself to you and kick your ass while doing so! Malibu drops the mic, done with his retort, and turns his back to Moneymaker and Alison. The leader of The Enterprise and the recently rehired valet talk off-mic, as Malibu ducks out of the ring and stares at them one last time, his body langauge showing them he means business before walking away. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted October 4, 2008 COLE Folks, it's time for our steel cage main event between Reject and Leon Rodez, and this one has been brewing for several weeks! Perhaps it will all be over tonight! Let's go to Michael Buffer! *DING DING DING* BUFFER LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLadies and gentlemen...it is now time for our main event of the evening! Tonight, from Columbus, Ohio, two of the most bitter rivals in our sport today, look to settle their score inside this 15-foot high steel cage. The rules are escape, submission, or pinfall. ARE YOU READY? *crowd cheers* BUFFER Columbus, Ohio...ARRRRRRRRRRRE YYYYOUUUUUUUUUU RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREADYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY YYYYY??? *crowd cheers* BUFFER Then for the thousands in attendance here in Columbus, and the millions watching around the world...there's only one thing left to say. Ladies and gentlemen...LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLET'S GET RRRRRRRRRRRREADYYYYYYY TO RRRRRRRRRRUMBLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! Final Ride by TRU hits, and the lights go out, then a single spotlight shines on the entryway, as Reject makes his way through the curtains. BUFFER Coming to the ring at this time...he hails from the Bronx, and he weighs in at 229 1/4 pounds. Representing the Deadly Alliance...he is one-half of the reigning OAOAST World tag team champions...RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEJEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECT!!!!! COACH This is going to end tonight, Cole! Didn't you hear what Reject said to Jade earlier? COLE And in the warped mind of Reject, a decisive victory here tonight over the Grand Rapids Golden Child will mean vindication! This man has been on a deadly mean streak over the past two months...he landed first Molly Nerdly, and now Leon's girlfriend Maggie Nerdly, in the hospital! He has assaulted Landon Maddix's valet, Megan Skye! At AngleSlam, he gave a concussion to one half of D*LUX, Shayne Brave! About a month ago, he broke the wrist of big Jumbo in a heinous assault! And he would love to add Leon Rodez to that list tonight! Reject approaches the ring with a serious look on his face, then looks up at the cage. He then walks into the door, and waits patiently in his corner. COACH Oh boy, is he ready for this one. Rock the Casbah by Trust Company hits, and the crowd goes crazy as Leon Rodez walks through the curtains, slapping hands with the fans on his way down the aisle. BUFFER And ladies and gentlemen, his opponent...he hails from Grand Rapids, Michigan, and weighs in at 218 pounds. Representing the Love Generation, and the In-Crowd...he is "SILKY SMOOTH" LEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNN NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOODEZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!! COLE And for Leon Rodez, this is about getting even! It was of course Reject that brutalized and hospitalized his girlfriend, Maggie Nerdly... COACH Let me cut you off right there, Cole. Don't simplify this thing to make your boy Leon smell likes roses here! It was Maggie who put Reject on and then stabbed him in the back, and all because of Leon's jealousy! Well, Maggie got her visit from the karma fairy, now it's Leon's turn tonight! COLE ...I can't believe you would even...say that. COACH Why not, it's the truth! That's how I do, son, I keeps it real! Leon opens the cage door, and as soon as he steps through, he's ambushed by Reject! *DING DING DING* COLE And Reject striking right away! Reject drags Leon into a corner, and begins firing away with right hands. He then grabs Leon's head, and rams his face into the canvas! COLE Reject starting off very aggressively here on Leon Rodez! COACH Leon hasn't even got out of the blocks yet, Cole! Reject drags Leon back into the corner, then delivers a CHOP~! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! And another! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! He then climbs to the second buckle and begins delivering punches, but Leon drags him out, and delivers an inverted atomic drop! COLE But Leon quick to respond! Leon then backs into the ropes, and delivers a flying forearm! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Leon goes to pick up Reject, but Reject goes to the eyes, then gets to his feet and delivers a kick to the gut, and attempts to ram Leon into the cage! COLE Reject looking to ram Leon into those steel bars! However, Leon blocks, and delivers a big right hand to the midsection, then floors him with a dropkick! He follows up with a knee to the sternum, then starts climbing the cage. COACH And look, Leon's running away already! COLE He is not! If you climb over the cage to the floor, you win the match! Reject gets to his feet, and grabs Leon's leg, hammering him with forearms to the back, until Leon comes back down, then executes a snap suplex! Reject then attempts to climb the cage. COLE And now Reject looking to make the climb! Leon gets to his feet, though, and hammers Reject in the gut, then pulls him off the top rope and falls back with a suplex! COLE Nice suplex by Leon Rodez, pulling Reject right down off the top rope! Leon lays on the mat for a second, then goes for the door. COLE The door is open, Leon looking to escape and win the match! Reject crawls over and grabs Leon's foot, then gets to his feet and pulls him to the center of the ring. He kicks away at Leon's leg, then picks him up and whips him into the corner. He charges, but Leon gets his feet up, then runs towards Reject, and flies past him, using both hands to slam his face into the mat! COLE Leon with a nice counter move! Leon covers... 1... 2... Kickout! Leon then turns, and goes for the door. COLE And Leon going for the door once again! Reject turns over, then grabs the foot of Leon, and pulls him back inside, then leaps for the door! COACH OH! Come on, Reject! COLE Now Reject almost out! Leon struggles over to grab Reject's foot, then pulls him inside, and drives an elbow into the back of his head! Leon then attempts to climb the cage. COLE And Leon looking to climb now! Reject gets back to his feet, and grabs the leg of Leon, forcing him to turn around on the top rope, at which point Reject grabs him and slams him back inside! Reject then begins to climb the cage in a corner. COLE And now Reject going up! Leon climbs up after Reject, and grabs him from behind by the face, then the two begin to exchange blows on the top rope! COLE And look at these two men, slugging it out on the top rope! You can feel the hatred here! Suddenly, Reject grabs Leon's head, and rams his face into the steel bars! COLE Leon's face into the side of the cage! Leon falls to the mat, and Reject turns around on the top rope, and drops the MACHO MAN ELBOW~!!! COLE Big elbowdrop from Reject! Both men lay on the mat for several seconds, before Reject KIPS UP~! as the crowd boos. COACH OH YEAH~! Reject then HOPS onto the top rope, grabbing the cage simultaneously, and begins to climb! COLE Reject is almost out! Leon slowly gets to his feet, and begins to climb after him, grabbing a leg as Reject has straddled the cage. COACH He's got one leg out! Reject is going to do it! Leon forces Reject back down onto the top rope, then climbs up with him, as another slugfest ensues. Leon gets the better of the exchange, then grabs Reject by the back of the tights, and rams him back-first into the cage! COACH Oh no! As Reject falls to the mat, Leon gains his balance on the rope...and attempts the 450 SPLASH~!!!!!!11111 ...but Reject rolls out of the way! COLE And Leon was going for the finish right there, but nobody home! Reject slowly gets to his feet, and grabs Leon in a standing headscissors. COACH Could be a piledriver! However, Leon escapes with a backdrop! COLE But Leon with the counter! Leon then runs to the ropes, as Reject rolls to his stomach, Leon hops over, and then they hit each other with a double clothesline! COLE Double clothesline, both men out on the mat! The crowd rises to its feet, as both men lay out. COLE And the fans showing their appreciation for an outstanding steel cage main event here on HeldDOWN~! After both men lay on the mat for several seconds, they start to stir, and then Reject crawls for the door. COLE Reject making another attempt to get out the door... Leon drags him back inside, then picks him up to his feet. Reject goes to the eyes, then attempts a spinkick, but Leon ducks...and delivers a jab! COACH Uh-oh... Leon delivers a second jab! A third! A fourth! Leon then turns to the crowd and blows them a kiss, before turning back around and drilling Reject with an ENZIGURI~! COLE MAMA SAID KNOCK YOU OUT! And Leon looks to have turned the tide here! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Leon watches as Reject crawls to the ropes, and drapes himself across the middle rope. COLE Uh-oh, Reject just set himself up for a move! Leon does his little dance, then runs to the rope, and comes back, crashing down with all his weight! COLE CALL THAT BITCH BOJANGLES~! Cover... 1... 2... NO! Reject gets the shoulder up! Leon then makes his way over and starts climbing the cage. Reject drags himself to where Leon is, then pulls himself up and grabs Leon by the leg. He pulls Leon down to the top rope, then grabs him off the top in a torture rack, dropping back to the mat with him! COLE Modified Samoan drop, and a cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Reject chokes away at Leon for a few seconds, then crawls for the door. Leon crawls towards Reject, and grabs his foot, as Reject has his hands all the way down on the arena floor. COACH Look, he's out! This match should be over! COLE No, Coach, your whole body has to be out of the cage! As Leon starts to pull Reject back in, Reject grabs the ring apron, then reaches underneath the ring. He lets go of the apron, and as he's dragged back in, a BARBED WIRE BAT is dragged in with him! COLE Oh, no. COACH Oh yes! COLE Where did that thing come from? However, Leon spots it, and hops over, standing on it, then kicking Reject in the face! He then picks up Reject, and rams him into the steel cage! COLE And Reject into the wall of the cage once again! Leon then starts to climb the cage in a corner, straddling the top of it. COLE Leon's gonna win it! He's almost out! Leon then gets the other leg over, but Reject gets there just in time, and pulls him back over by the hair. Reject then climbs up a couple bars from the top rope, and grabs Leon in a front facelock. COACH Oh, a suplex, Cole! COLE They are high above the ring for this move! Reject brings Leon down with a HUGE SUPERPLEX~! COLE And Reject with the superplex, from about halfway in between the top rope and the top of the cage! Both men are out of it! Crowd: HO-LY SHIT~! HO-LY SHIT~! HO-LY SHIT~! HO-LY SHIT~! Reject gets to his feet, and makes his way over to the cage. COACH Reject should cover here, I think! He's making a mistake! Reject climbs the cage in the corner, climbing over the top, then climbing back up to the top. COACH Now what's he doing? COLE Oh my God... Reject gets his balance on top of the cage, and holds his arms out. COLE Reject 15 feet above the ring... As Leon gets to his feet, Reject comes down on him with a CHOP FROM THE TOP OF THE CAGE~!!! COLE And he NAILED Leon! COACH THAT IS IT! Reject falls away from Leon, then drags himself over and drapes an arm... 1... 2... NO!!! Leon gets the shoulder up! COACH WHAT? COLE Leon came out of it! I can't believe it! Reject then climbs the cage once again, and once again gets his balance on the top. COACH He's gonna do it again! He's making a mistake! Reject jumps off the top as Leon gets to his feet...but Reject gets caught with a DROPKICK TO THE STERNUM~!!! COLE And he got caught that time! What a dropkick by Leon! Both men lay on the mat, then Leon makes his way to his feet, and hooks Reject's legs, executing a SLINGSHOT INTO THE CAGE~!!! COACH No, no, no! Come on, Reject! COLE And Reject has been busted open! COACH Oh, no! Leon picks up Reject, and rams his face into the cage once again, then begins to climb. COLE And Leon could end it right here! Leon is able to straddle the cage once again, but Reject pulls himself up, and grabs Leon by the leg, then reaches through and grabs his other leg, then jerks his legs down! COACH COLE And Leon in a precarious position up there... COACH Looks like there'll be no Nerdly babies running around, from any of the Nerdly siblings! COLE Will you shut up? Reject then begins to climb, getting high enough to hit Leon with a CHOP~! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! The impact of the chop sends Leon over the side of the cage, where he hangs on with his hands, with his back against the cage! COLE Whoa whoa whoa! And Reject may have made a mistake there! COACH Yeah, but if Leon drops to the floor from there, he'll end up the big loser here! That's a long drop! Reject reaches through the bars and starts to choke Leon, but Leon manages to catch one of Reject's fingers, and starts biting on it! COACH Look at that cheater! COLE No rules in a cage match, Coach! Reject turns around, and checks on his finger, as Leon skins the cat back over the top of the cage...and in one motion, TAKES REJECT OFF THE TOP ROPE WITH A HURRICANRANA~!!! COLE/COACH Crowd: HO-LY SHIT~! HO-LY SHIT~! HO-LY SHIT~! HO-LY SHIT~! COLE An incredible hurricanrana by Leon Rodez! I've never seen that variant done before! Leon slowly drags himself over to Reject, and drapes an arm over him... 1... 2... NO!!! Reject gets the shoulder up! COACH And how about that for incredible? Reject able to kick out! COLE We have two incredible athletes in this ring right now! Leon crawls towards a corner, and begins to climb the cage. COLE And maybe now, Leon Rodez will finish this match off! However, Reject crawls over and grabs the barbed-wire bat, using it to push himself to his feet. COACH Reject's back up, though, and he's got the bat! Reject staggers over to Leon, and JAMS THE BAT UP INTO HIS CROTCH~! COLE OH, no. Leon is forced to drop back down, and when he does, Reject waits, BLASTING him with a bat shot across the forehead! COLE And now right to the skull, and both men now busted wide open! Reject looks down on the bloodied Leon for a second, then drops the bat, and hooks Leon in the R-LOCK~!!!!!11111 COACH This is it, Cole! COLE Reject with the R-Lock applied! The groggy Leon slowly inches towards the ropes, but Reject pulls him back out to the center! COACH It's all over for your boy! Suddenly, Leon gets a burst of energy, and pushes up off his hands, then tucks his head underneath and rolls, forcing Reject down to the mat! COLE What a counter, Reject hitting the mat right on his face! Leon then turns around and picks up Reject's legs, applying the LIONTAMER~!!!!!11111 COLE And now the Liontamer applied by Leon Rodez! COACH I can't believe this. Leon plants the knee into Reject's head! COLE And Reject is incapacitated! He's going to have to tap! Reject reaches valiantly for the bat. COACH Look at this, though! That's his only hope, if he can reach that bat! Reject finally is able to grab hold of the mat, and manages to dig the barbed wire right into the knee of Leon! COLE Look at this! Leon screams in pain, before finally releasing the hold! COACH What a match this is, Cole! This is probably the best free TV match I've seen in a long time! Reject slowly crawls over to Leon with the bat, and begins digging the barbed wire into his wound! COLE And Reject with that barbed wire once again! Reject then gets to his feet, and re-applies the R-LOCK~!!!!!11111, this time hooking Leon in a body scissors and dropping to the mat. COACH Haha, no clever reversals this time, nowhere to go for Leon Rodez! Suddenly the crowd begins to cheer, as the camera cuts to the aisle, where Melissa Nerdly is running down! COLE Hey! It's Melissa! Thank God she's okay! Melissa pleads with the referee to let her inside, but after her offer is refused, she bitchslaps the referee and takes the key, letting herself in! COACH What in the hell is Melissa thinking? Melissa drops to her knees next to Reject and pleads with him to release the hold. After several more seconds, Reject obliges, and stalks Melissa into a corner. COLE This is not good at all. Melissa, sitting on the mat, scoots all the way back into the corner, as Leon gets to his feet behind Reject. Reject hovers over Melissa, who comes up to her knees, as Leon charges Reject, who moves, and Leon stops himself right in front of Melissa... ...who HITS HIM WITH A LOW BLOW~! COACH WHOA~! COLE WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!?! Melissa Nerdly just gave a low blow to Leon! Leon doubles over in pain, as Melissa gets to her feet, and SLAPS Leon across the face! COLE And now a slap! The slap turns Leon around, allowing Reject to hit him with the EULOGY~!!!!!11111 COLE And the Eulogy by Reject! Reject lays on top of Leon... 1... 2... 3!!! COACH YYYYYYYYYESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS~! COLE DAMN IT~!! *DING DING DING* BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen...the winner, of the steel cage match...RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEJEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECT!!!!! Melissa re-enters the cage, with Reject's title belt over her right shoulder. COLE And now, what's Melissa doing with Reject's belt??? Reject pulls himself to his feet, then makes his way over to Melissa. The two stare at each other for a second, before Reject reaches his right arm around Melissa's neck, to her right arm, grabbing his belt...then Melissa reaches her left hand up, grabbing Reject behind the neck, and PULLING HIM FOR A BIG KISS! COACH COLE FANS COLE I can't believe this! This whole thing, from Melissa's "exclusive" interviews with Leon, to the hotel, to this match, it was all a setup! But why? Why would Melissa do something like this? After the kiss is finished, the two smile at each other, then Reject pulls his belt off of her shoulder back around her neck, as Melissa wipes some of Reject's blood off of her lips, with a big smile on her face. Reject picks up the barbed wire bat with his left hand, then places his right foot on the chest of Leon, and raises both hands, as Melissa kneels down next to him, and wraps her right arm around his waist, rubbing his abdominal section with her left hand. COLE What a disgusting scene this is! COACH That's your opinion, Cole! This is the most beautiful thing that's happened in this company in months! This is vindication for Reject! He has exorcised his demons! Finally, this chapter is over, and he can move on with his life! COLE Well...that's just a sickening thing to say, and completely untrue. Reject holds the ropes open for Melissa, ala Randy Savage. COLE And look at this, give me a break! COACH Who says Reject doesn't have respect for women? Reject and Melissa exit the cage, and Melissa raises Reject's hand in the aisle. COACH You know, there is a bright side to this, Cole...Leon can go share a hospital bed with his girlfriend now! COLE Fuck you. I'm Michael Cole, we'll see you next week. COACH Hey, where's my credit? COLE I got you credit right here, bitch. Reject raises Melissa's hand in the entryway, then pulls her in for another kiss as we... FADE TO BLACK Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
