The End Is Here, Brother!

[Guest BrianScala]

Okay, I admit it. I was wrong about the nWo not coming.

 

I now realize what their primary objective is in the WWF, well, at least for one bald, orange-skinned member, anyway. I still stand pat with one of my claims, that Triple H is the real poison of the WWF. Hulk Hogan is here to tutor him, to channel his venom and to help him destroy the WWF. In other words, Hogan will return as the Warrior of Virtue we once thought he could be.

 

Let's review some history. Hulk Hogan was once a blond, promising, can't-miss prospect. For those of us who have seen footage of Hogan's pre-Hulkamania matches, you know that he truly was a decent wrestler at one time. The Man Who Would Be King used to bust out atomic drops, drop toeholds, & suplexes with little effort. Heck, the guy even whipped off an enziguri from time to time while touring Japan.

 

However, along the way, he met up with Vince McMahon Jr. and his dreaded Pre-Conceived Notion of What a Champion Should Be. Vince promised him fortune, fame, and a body to die for if Hogan, in return, stopped trying to become a great wrestler. Vince promised him the prestigious WWF Title, and all good ol' Terry had to do was take a few injections of "Hulkamania." Hogan aborted his attempt at becoming a pure wrestler and took the quick and easy path to stardom. His suplexes were replaced by flexes, his drop toeholds with poses, and his atomic drops were dropped in favor of the Atomic Leg Drop of Doom.

 

Hogan's boyhood dream came true; he had achieved fortune, fame, and 24 inch pythons. Little did he know that those injections that he was taking were poisonous. It was a slow acting poison that took over three years to work, but it started taking full effect on the night of WrestleMania III. The "Hulkamania" was running through Hogan's veins in full force that night as he picked up the massive Andre the Giant and slammed him down into the mat at the Pontiac Silverdome.

 

The sheer hysteria of the moment was soon replaced with awe and fear. After all was said and done, questions were raised. How could a man, who was announced at 294 lbs., pick up a seemingly 600 lb. giant of a man and slam him down so forcefully? The WWF propoganda machine started working overtime, claiming that Andre merely weighed 520 lbs. during the match. Real fans knew better though. They knew that no man could lift such a being on just training, saying prayers, and eating vitamins. One year later, it was clear that the poison of Hulkamania was present in the WWF as Andre was once again slammed by the hero to millions. This was confirmation to many that Hogan was not the squeaky clean Hulkster that we knew and loved. He was, in fact, a dark and evil menace that had been transformed by the Emperor of Evil himself, Vince McMahon Jr.

 

Hogan's reign of terror continued until one day, a knight in shining armour arose - a glistening blond warrior named Ric Flair. Famous for resisting temptation and thrilling audiences with his sixty minute matches, Flair rode into the WWF with a clear intention to destroy the Evil of Hulkamania. Hogan threw all of his thugs at him on one January day, a day that would be forever remembered as "Royal Rumble '92." On this day, the power of good overcame evil as one notable thug, Sid Justice, became a man and refused to succumb to Hulkamania. Justice truly did prevail as he tossed Hogan far and wide. In doing so, he sacrificed himself for the good of all mankind as Flair stood alone, victorious.

 

Hogan was defeated and dethroned; thus, he retreated. Vince was beside himself. Ironically, Flair's downfall came not at the hands of an evil menace but of an Integral Gladiator named Bret Hart. Hart was not out for Flair's head; he simply wanted a fair fight after years of unfair treatment by Vince and Hogan's evil henchmen. When Hart defeated Flair, Vince thought he had his new brooding menace. His dreams were quickly shattered as Hart vowed to fight the good fight. Fortunately for Vince, he found the ultimate in evil, a 641 lb. Japanese mountain named Yokozuna.

 

Unfortunately for Vince, Yoko's victory was short-lived. A familiar figure burst onto the scene just as Hart had been defeated. It was Hogan, returning to claim his throne. However, fans quickly noticed the changes. Hogan's veins no longer flowed with the Poison of Hulkamania. He had seen the light and for one night, that light blinded the Evil Yokozuna.

Vince was, once again, beside himself. The last straw was when Hogan and Hart threatened to stage a clean, epic battle at "SummerSlam '93." Vince himself interjected, posing as a photographer and blasting Hogan with a fireball to seal his fate. With Hogan gone, Vince concentrated on ridding his WWF of Hart. Vince tried a different, less direct approach for this one. He forced his evil upon all of Hart's former allies, who in turn, betrayed him one night in Montreal. Hart was defeated and Vince was once again, Evil Emperor of the WWF.

 

Lets now briefly examine the history & current state of a current WWF warrior named Triple H. He was once a blond, promising, can't-miss prospect. Through hard work and dedication, he perfected his craft and displayed suplexes, drop toeholds, and bulldogs. He, too, enthralled audiences with sixty minute matches. Coincidentally, he started drawing comparisions to a warrior of old, the Nature Boy Ric Flair. HHH elevated his game to greater heights when he defeated none other than Evil Vince in a clasic exhibition of will and determination. As a result, Vince could not wait to tempt this new blond bombshell with fame, fortune, and a body to die for.

 

On one November evening in 2000, it became clear that Vince was once again successful at injecting his poison. In a seemingly tragic accident, Steve Austin raised Triple H's car 40 feet into the air with a forklift and dropped it to the cement below. Two weeks later, Triple H returned!! Once again, questions were raised. How could any human being be killed in such horrific fashion and raise himself from the ashes? The answer was clear, Vince had injected Triple H his his Evil Poison. (It was later revealed that Steve Austin was drugged and thus, had no recollection of his murder whatsoever.)

 

Vince's plan did not go off without a hitch however. Hunter suffered a violent reaction to the poison. An inner struggle between good and evil commenced. The Triple H that had won over audiences in the past was trying to escape, but could not break his evil muscular shell. The Emperor saw this happening and, rather than risk seeing the good in Triple H win over his evil facade, saw fit to kill his creation in order to rebuild it into a more evil machine. In a May 2001 tag match, a heel henchman named Chris Jericho slipped a lethal injection into Triple H's leg. The reaction was immediate and shocking. Triple H was dead to the world again.

 

Vince spent the next eight months carefully reconstucting his servant of doom. When he threatened to unleash him, Ric Flair returned to take out the root of the problem, the Emperor himself. Their epic showdown took place at "Royal Rumble 2002." Unfortunately, as Flair concentrated on defeating Vince, the new Triple H emerged. His suplexes were replaced by flexes, his drop toeholds with poses, and his mere bulldogs were dumped in favor of Pedigrees. Vince and Flair retreated as Hunter destroyed all in his path and celebrated as the last man standing. Surely, the WWF was doomed.

 

A week later, Vince was approached by a familiar figure, the once-immortal Hulk Hogan. As it would appear, Hogan has fallen upon hard times and, according to Vince, has agreed to become Triple H's Sergeant At Arms in exchange for more fame, more fortune, and a few more injections to re-create the physique of his youth.

 

Finally, Good has overcome Evil as Evil's rage has made them blind and stupid.

 

Yes, Hogan is returning, and bringing along some of Hunter's friends. However, Hogan is returning to pass along the Secret to Triple H, the secret to defeating Vince the Emperor ....

[Guest Ghast]

Wrong folder man. You have to straemline this too. No one will read it...too long.

[Guest hippymarc]

Dude, that is sweet... Now I get to watch wrestling on a whole 'nother level... You win... I wait for more...

 

It's not often I see a post that makes me laugh like that did, cheers man...

 

And Ghast, lighten up... If you ain't got nothin' nice to say, don't say nothin'...

 

Peace y'all...

[Guest Ghast]

What the fuck? I didn't say anything mean man. Just that was too long and was in the wrong folder.

[Guest hippymarc]

hey, i didn't mean to offend, Ghast... apologies if i came off as an asshole, i just thought the "nobody will read it" thing was a bit negative. the dude has obviously put some time and effort into his piece, and i'd rather spend 5 - 10 minutes reading something as funny as that, than a dozen "regular" posts... like i said though, no offense meant, and apologies if any was taken...

 

Peace.