Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted October 17, 2008 PRESENTED IN HD FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY -EARLIER TODAY- In the carefree hours before HeldDOWN goes on the air, all is quiet in the El San Juan Hotel as Leon Rodez glides in through the door from the parking lot. Unlike we saw him last week though, Leon seems to be in high spirits. Suspiciously high spirits, even! Whistling under his breath, Leon sneaks up behind his old buddies D*LUX who stand by a table on the path to the 'go' position. He slaps them both on the back, catching them by surprise and breaking up their game of gin rummy. TYLER Oh, hey man, how you doing? Expecting a downbeat, dejected Leon, Tyler and Shayne look more than a little surprised to see their old buddy smiling back at them. LEON Not bad. Not bad at all actually. I just wanted to give you guys the scoop, first dibs on the brand new Leon Rodez t-shirt, hot off the presses. Leon hands over the two shirts to his old buddies. LEON Nice, huh? Apparantly it's some sort of Captain America logo, so no prizes for guessing who designed it, huh? But if anyone asks it's completely legal, above board and in no way based on copyrighted material. Anyway, take it with my blessing and have a good night gents. SHAYNE Hang on a second. What's... what's all this? TYLER Yeah, why so happy man? Smiling again, Leon wraps an arm around Tyler and Shayne and pulls them in close. Did I mention they're old buddies? Cause they are. LEON Well, just between you, me and the stars, things are looking up again. Grey skies have, as predicted in song, cleared up, so I've put on my happy face. SHAYNE How so? TYLER Maggie finally returned your calls? LEON Nope. But, let's just say I realised life's too short to be sitting around and wasting by crying over spilt milk. Maggie seems pretty insistent on this trial seperation, so I'm just wasting my time trying to fight her over it. I have to accept it. She just needs some time to sort her head out. And so did I. So, let's just say after the show last week, I went out and I let off... amongst other things... some steam. Tyler and Shayne glance suspiciously at each other. SHAYNE You didn't... TYLER ...did you? LEON Now now, that'd be telling, wouldn't it. *winks* Let's just say, now that the 'steam' has been let off, I've got a little bit of perspective again. And I've got something a little bit special planned for tonight as well. Don't want to spoil it. Let's just say, it's gonna mix things up quite nicely around here. You'll just have to watch. Anyway, been great talking to you, but I really have to run. 99 problems, and all that. With another wink, Leon swaggers off again leaving D*LUX to look at their new t-shirts, before smiling to one another. TYLER/SHAYNE He's back. Ya know what, I imagine the OAOAST intro video would look a little something like this It'd probably have niggas flying through space to. Enjoy the beauty of San Juan and the El San Juan Hotel that hosts HeldDOWN~! make sure you enjoy it because next week we'll be holding the show in my front yard. Past the beautiful scenery of the luxury El San Juan Hotel we got to the hideous scenery of Double C, dressed in floral print beach shirts and hopefully they're wearing pants behind that announce desk. COLE Can't drink beer when we're in an arena, can't drink beer when we're in a bar and on top of that Mariachi can't even fit under this damn desk...Oh, excuse me, welcome to the HeldDOWN beach party in sunny San Juan the home of Tha Puerto Rican! I can't remember the last time I talked to my kids sober and I can't remember when I've ever had so much fun! The atmosphere is wild, the fans are great, and the action is going to be even better. On this week's show, the various stables argue over who's more dominant without ever challenging the others to an actual match, and while offering up only the most vague and general of talking points that they've all repeated ad nauseam! COACH That's the same thing that happens every week. COLE But this week we're at a beach! With rich people! COACH That's why you ain't never gonna get no pussy, that's why you ain't never gonna get no Lambos. 'Cause you a dick ridah instead of a dick hatah. COLE Well, we're opening the show with a man, many, many people can hate. Abdullah Abir Nerdly with the House of Worship. tomorrow, only tomorrow tomorrow, only tomorrow Sajo see you tomorrow Sajo jon te i fe, Ousmane ko ka bi fe ka bi fe koniete ka le te sigi Sajo jon te i fe malienw The glorious and soul searing tenor of Salif Keita's Tomorrow join with even more glorious images of Abdullah Abir Nerdly speaking the message of the prophets to the citizens of various countries, as well as being flocked to by children and fawned over by women. HOUSE OF WORSHIP With your Inspirational Leader....Abdullah Abir Nerdly Much like the rest of HeldDOWN, the HOW is quite removed from its usual settings. Instead of being situated on the miniaturized entrance ramp, his holiness has erected a wooden temple of praise on the beach in front of the splendid ocean view. A gorgeous cabana adorned with jewelry and overdone religious themed portraits of Mister Moneymaker and the speaker of the prophets. Abdullah sits behind a luxury desk, decorated by a magnificent flower pattern, where every piece of floral arrangement heads to his holiness, situated shirtless (and a lot more ripped than real life) in the middle. ABDULLAH My children, welcome once again to the House of Worship, may your souls be cleansed and your life be enriched by the teachings of this humble holy man. The separation of church and state in this country is very clear and as a Canadian born in Syria but with a heart rooted firmly in America I wouldn't question it. But I must violate it, because this year's election threatens to separate we as a people from Allah his almighty! Jesus walked amongst the people, Mohamed walks amongst the people, and I to will will be an instrument of your salvation. "BOOOO" ABDULLAH I wear your attacks as a badge of honor! They called Martin Luther King an adulterer, they called Mohammed Ali a communist! You will not soil my reputation, because god's faith in my duty is unshakable. Praise be, my children. COLE What is this yahoo on about? ABDULLAH In order to stop Maya Duncan-Blanchard from assuming an office that the prophets have not predestined her for, here is what I am asking every child at the Beverly Vista school to do. I, as a speaker for Allah almighty, am asking you to no longer refer to her as Maya, or as Duncan-Blanchard. I am asking every person with goodness in their heart and Allah in their souls to refer to her as TARZAN! TARZAAAAAN! TARZAAAAAAN! WHOOO-OOOOH! OGGA BOOGA! Here she comes, with her ogre like jaw, her neanderthal like shoulders and manly chin, swinging through the jungle of the 2008 political situation. TARZAN! OOOGA BOOGA!! From this day forward, my children, it is acid on your tongue to hold the name you know what! Do not say the M the K the D the B. Just the T. We must bring Tarzan to her knees! A position many of her supporters in the homosexual community would no doubt be happy to have your sons in, parents. From this day until she is defeated and returns to the hell she spawned from refer to her only as TARZAN! Ask your classmate, did TARZAN just let one rip? Did you see TARZAN had a tube of hemorrhoid cream in her locker? Was that a trickle of urine sliding down TARZAN's leg at morning assembly? Why is that TARZAN always has a small brown stain on the back of her pants? Let the world know the jungle has unleashed its monster into your hallways! = COLE An attack on a teenager! Is he for real? This man is supposed to be a spiritual leader. COACH And he's leading the youth straight to making the right decision at the polls. ABDULLAH I am not a man of violence! But I now know my purpose on this planet! To stick a stake deep into the heart of Tarzan! I am a truth sayer, and my words will be the wrecking ball that brings down the myth of Tarzan! Born to a Jewish mother, from the seed of a Christian father, raised by an ape in a Pamela Anderson costume! You can no sooner put eye shadow on a pile of dung then set this impure half breed into the office of class president. Parents of the student body at Beverly Vista School, I beg of you tell your children to not cast a vote for Tarzan, raised by an ape! She will do what Nintendo and the public school system has failed to do, and that is destroy the mind of the American school children. Praise be to Allah! Let us go to my student, Synth Abdul Jabbar, doing god's duty and sharing his light. We see Synth Esizer, wearing his usual oversized goggles, sitting inside the Heavenly Rocker's hotel room here at the hotel, with incense candles burning all around him. SYNTH Abdullah, bro, my spiritual leader. It ain't in moi to diss on nobody like that, feel me. But, Ah feel it in my heart, Allah ain't pleased with those who keep it cool with Maya Duncan-Blanchard aka Tarzan. Kids who be supportin her and get down with her, yo moms is gonna get breast cancer. Think about it, 'cause ya'll tearin at the heart of Allah, yo moms is gonna get they breasts torn off. Yo daddies, more and more of em, is gonna die in a lewd sexual act with women other than your moms. Many of yo dads who is takin Viagra is gonna be exposed because of ya'll kids messin around, feel me. Ya'll kids is gonna kill yo parents by votin for Maya. Allah ain't pleased with Beverly Vista and ya'll will get punished. Me and Abdullah speak for Allah and he ain't pleased with this servant of the devil, feel me. All praise to Allah. All praise to Theodore Moneymaker's new book Money Talks. Bull@#$% walks. ABDULLAH Let us go to a man on the streets of Beverly Hills. We're taken all the way to Beverly Hills to see an influential lawyer? A well known celebrity? A money making agent? How about an illegal immigrant in front of the Beverly Center on Beverly Boulevard attempting to earn a buck by washing windows of those stopped at a red light. Unless the viewers are blind or an idiot, and I'm assuming most would be the latter, then its rather easy to tell the "immigrant" is just Christian Wright in a musctache and with grease smeared on his face. ABDULLAH (O.S.) Even this non legal immigrant worker fights for a Tarzan free Beverly Hills. IMMIGRANT Me and my family we don't have much. But we give everything we can to JC Pennington's campaign. ABDULLAH (O.S.) But, my child, as an illegal immigrant worker for a WAL*MART isn't true you forced to work overtime for free and get on food stamps, and won't allow you to see your children who are working for a sweat shop for K-SWISS. IMMIGRANT Yes, but at least my children won't go to a school where Maya Duncan-Blanchard rules. Maya is not what America is about! We return to live action where the audience is booing even louder than before. ABDULLAH My children, I have been deep within the recesses of the Moneymaker Mansion library, studying on the history of this emissary of Satan! For we must know our enemy if we are to slay our enemy. And, my children I have uncovered, that her great grandfather on her father's side hails from Kenya! A land no more civilized then the repitle pit at your local zoo! She has brought her inherited Tarzan mentality out the African jungles and into the concrete jungles of Los Angeles. Student body of Beverly Vista, I on behalf of the prophets, ask you to wake up! Stop worshiping Tarzan, get the jungle beast out the tree and make her pay for her sins! You do not need a Jewish, born of Christian sperm, raised by an ape in a Pamela Anderson costume that is a cog in the immoral Hollywood machine that is a tool of Satan! You are attracted to her spotlight, but I am asking you to join me in the light of truth! Praise be! COLE Did he forget who's kid he's insulting? You could donate every car in Krista's garage to the United Aryan nation college fund, but if you insult one of her kids, there's a good chance you'll be scraping up your entrails from the rafters. COACH There are no rafters. We're at the beach. The gathered audience offers Abdullah a heated round of jeers for his slanderous comments. A firm believer in his word, Abdullah continues unhindered by the negative opinion. ABDULLAH Her mother is white trash, a souless product of a celebrity obsessed culture, and her father carries the blood of ancient Kenyan savages. TARZAN! Get rid of this Tarzan and get rid of her now. And JC Pennington IV will show you a more excellent way. How you all can be a proud people, and how you don't have to depend on Jewish blood to achieve any kind of greatness. I will again tell you with no shame, my children, Tarzan is but the blade in the hand of Satan sent to cut us all down! Brothers and sisters we will not be a prisoner to the jungle dweller's foolishness! We will not be captured by your ignorance! We will not be caught in your Jewified matrix, Tarzan! JC Pennington will set us free! COACH Freedom! Freedom! Freedom! ABULLAH Let us go to Allah in prayer, my children, and let us ask him to guide JC Pennington to victory. Let us also ask that he guide the world's people to Barnes and Noble to purchase Theodore Moneymaker's new book Money Talks. Bull@#$% walks. "How does it feel in my arms" COLE You done fucked up now, sand negro! The bubble gum trance of Kylie Minogoue's In My Arms interrupts, Abdullah's prayer before it can even begin. A gigantic cheer explodes from the stands. Well as gigantic a cheer as 130 people can make, I suppose. Either way from the makeshift entrance stage comes Krista Isadora Duncan, wearing a festive beach outfit of a blue sarong and white bikini top. Making certain not to spill her martini she glides on down across the sand to Abdullah's temple. The consummate holy man, Abdullah isn't at all tempted by the pleasures of her flesh. "KRISTA! KRISTA! KRISTA!" ABDULLAH Why in the almighty's name do you desecrate my temple of serenity with your lewdness? KRISTA Krista Isadora Duncan: telling you to complain to someone who gives a fuck since 1971. ABDULLAH You are to be silent, subservient, and clothed in the presence of the speaker of the prophets! Krista merely shrugs her shoulders as she searches around Abdullah's beach temple, looking for a mysterious something. KRISTA Oh, honey, don't mind lil ol me, I'm just looking for something to bash your brains in. ABDULLAH The unfitting reward for the man that brings the word of the god's to the mortals. Soldiers come to arms! Women cover the eyes of your children, the ultimate evil has emerged! KRISTA (grabbing a paper cutter off the desk) What about a paper cutter? This is nice, I have one just like it, Debra Messing gave it to me. ABDULLAH From television's the Starter Wife as well as Will & Grace. KRISTA They have syndicated programming in Osama's cave? When you're subjected to a weekly lineup of Malcom in the Middle, 2 and a half men, and The Parkers I can see why waging a holy war seems like a viable and noble option, No, honey, I shouldn't stab you. My therapist said I have this problem with committing myself to one thing. I said I'm going to bash your brains out, and gosh darn it, I'm gonna bash your brains out. Plus you don't know how hard it is to get blood stains out of lycra, and when I take it to dry cleaners, she's gonna wonder how I got the blood stains, and then I'm going have to talk, and she goes on forever, and her boobs aren't even that big so its not like I can enjoy the scenery, its like talking with Kelly Ripa. ABDULLAH I will not allow it! I will not allow it! "FUCK HIM UP, KRISTA! FUCK HIM UP! FUCK HIM UP!" While AAN continues to fret over his immenent brain bashing, Krista picks up one of his many spirtual books from his desk. KRISTA How big is your head? Six inches? These books have small print. Is that the benefit of being a Muslim? Superior eye sight? Do you know what the benefit of being a Jew is? The ability to be hated by almost every one of the world's major religions! But, hey, we get draddles. Do you get draddles? ABDULLAH I must escape! Eager to make a retreat from certain doom, Abdullah leaps from his seat. Unfortunately he moves not a single inch before the hands on his shoulder push him right back down. Abdullah continues to struggle against Miss California's grasp, but she holds him firm by the back of his headdress. KRISTA I don't think so, Abby. Now, you're a good kid. You're young enough to be my son, and if we need another boost in the ratings, there's a good chance you could be my son. But for now, I just need you to apologize to Maya for calling her Tarzan. ABDULLAH I'd sooner meet my death! COLE Shouldn't have said that. KRISTA Everytime you needlessly threaten a religious figure, You hope they're gonna say that, but when they finally do, you're just totally caught off guard. SLAM! SLAM! SLAM! SLAM! SLAM! SLAM! SLAM! SLAM! KRISTA Stop, is that my cellphone or your's? ABDULLAH Its neither! Its the sound every bone in my face being shattered! KRISTA Honey, you have good hearing. ABDULLAH By the gods! I can't apologize if you keep slamming my head into the desk! KRISTA Oh, honey, you're right! I'm so sorry, sometimes I'm so wrapped up in Krista-needs, that I forget about Abby needs. Go ahead and apologize to my little girl. ABDULLAH I will never apologize for bringing the truth of sin to the masses! Not ever! KRISTA Oh, Allah, please accept these humble tithings into your heavenly kingdom. And if Marisa Miller could be naked on my bed when I get back to the hotel room, boy, that'd be the bee's knees. SLAM! SLAM! SLAM! SLAM! SLAM! SLAM! SLAM! SLAM! KRISTA Is it just me or is anyone hearing the beat to anyway you want it? You, production assistant, rock me out a little. This one goes out to a special little girl in Los Angeles. Anyway you want it *SLAM* That's the way you need it! *SLAM* Any way you want it! *SLAM* She loves to laugh *SLAM* She loves to sing *SLAM* Take it away, San Juan! CROWD She does everything! She loves to move! She loves to grove! She loves lovin things! KRISTA Oooh, all night, all night *SLAM* Oh, every night *SLAM* So hold tight! *SLAM* Hold tight *SLAM* Ooh baby hold tight *SLAM* KRISTA Honey, I can do this all day...wait, no I can't I have a maincure in three minutes....Camera guy, what's going on? What this? Why isn't he talking? Where are the screams of profuse agony I've come to love and expect from attempted murder? CAMERA MAN I think you knocked him out. KRISTA Did I? Well, alright then. There's some nair in my bag, so if you guys wanna cover pubic hair removal, I'll come back with the sharpie to scribble swatiska's on his forhead after my manicure. As there's no further point in ruining a perfectly good table with Abdullah's teeth and blood and puss and various other things that are oozing out of his body, Krista decides to finish him off. She hauls his lifeless figure away from his pulpit and towards the back wall of his temple. KRISTA Allah, bless this spirit on his way to heaven. Moments after showing her basic knowledge of Italian, she shows her incredible knowledge of sonning and chucks Abdullah through the wooden walls of his beach front HOW. The camera switches to the outside where we see the speaker of the prophets blasting through the wood like a torpedo before finally crashing and burning into the sand bellow. Perhaps worst of all a gigantic wave washes up on shore and carries Abdullah out to sea. Ah the magic of editing. We fade out with the audience cheering the possible drowning of the spiritual guide to millions. COMMERCIAL LATER TONIGHT I DON'T REALLY KNOW I STOPPED READING THE BOOKING THREAD WHEN YOU ALL EXPOSED YOURSELF AS WCW MARKS. ALL YA'LL IS HOES AND I MEAN THAT. TONIGHT! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted October 17, 2008 (edited) "THE CHAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMP..." *DUN DUN* "...IS..." *DUN* "...HERE!" “YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” COLE The Champ has returned home! With that, a lightning bolt hits the entrance, the PRL entrance video plays on the AngleTron, and “Know Your Role 2000” begins playing over the loud speakers. The 130 people in attendance stand up and cheer loudly. The lights go down. PR is heard saying, “THE CHAMP IS HERE!” in tune with the beat of the song while smoke fills the entryway. A few seconds elapsed, the entrance doors slide open, and Tha Puerto Rican quickly saunters out through the smoke. The crowd cheers even louder than before. COLE Tha Puerto Rican has returned home to San Juan, Puerto Rico! P.R. looks at the crowd with a smile a mile wide! He is wearing a Puerto Rican flag bandana, sunglasses, an earring on his left ear, a gold chain around his neck, a Puerto Rican flag basketball jersey, blue elbow pads, Puerto Rican flag wrist bands, long blue basketball shorts, and white Reebok sneakers. PRL has the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt over his left shoulder. He “smells the electricity”, and then walks to the ring, still smiling. The crowd cheers louder than before. MICHAEL BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome back to San Juan, Puerto Rico! The One And Only AngleSault Thread Heavyweight Champion of the Woooooorrrrllllllllllllllddddddddddddddddd…THA PUERTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO RICAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN! Tha Puerto Rican slaps hands with the fans in the front row. COLE After almost a year, the OAOAST returns to Puerto Rico, and we return here with Tha Puerto Rican the reigning OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion! Tha Puerto Rican stops at ringside to slap hands with the fans, before power walking around the ringside area. Tha Puerto Rican looks at the fans and smiles, and then climbs up the ring steps. Tha Puerto Rican gets on the ring apron. He gives the fans The People’s Eyebrow. Tha Puerto Rican enters the ring. He spins around; soaking in the fans’ cheers while “Know Your Role 2000” continues playing over the loud speakers. Tha Puerto Rican puts the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt in front of him and then does the HBK muscle pose while pyro goes off behind him. The crowd is still cheering loudly. PRL smiles. COLE What a thrill it must be for Tha Puerto Rican to return home to San Juan, Puerto Rico the OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion! PRL grabs the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt and slings it over his left shoulder. Tha Puerto Rican heads to a second turnbuckle and raises the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt over his head. He smiles. PRL gets off of the second turnbuckle and then heads to another second turnbuckle. Tha Puerto Rican raises the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt over his head again. The crowd cheers. PR smiles some more. P.R. jumps off of the second turnbuckle and then heads to a third second turnbuckle, where he proceeds to raise the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt with his right hand and “smells the electricity” as a single spotlight shines down on him ala The Rock. PRL does the same Rock pose on the fourth second turnbuckle, receiving cheers. PRL smiles. COLE 130 people here in the Encanto Beach Bar at El San Juan Hotel are going nuts for the return of The People’s Champion! Tha Puerto Rican gets off of the ropes. He smiles widely. PR calls for a microphone. He gets one from a ringside attendant. PRL thanks the ringside attendant. COLE Tha Puerto Rican about to speak to his faithful! “Know Your Role 2000” dies down. The lights go back on. But the crowd continues cheering loudly. Tha Puerto Rican looks at the fans and smiles. “P.R.!” “P.R.!” “P.R.!” “P.R.!” COLE 130 people chanting Tha Puerto Rican’s name. Tha Puerto Rican adjusts the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt over his left shoulder. He stands in the center of the ring and listens to the fans chant his name. “P.R.!” “P.R.!” “P.R.!” “P.R.!” Tha Puerto Rican shakes his head. Tha Puerto Rican tilts his head back, puts the microphone to his lips, and speaks. THA PUERTO RICAN At long last…after all this time…THE CHAMP IS… “…BACK IN SAN JUAN!” THA PUERTO RICAN …Home. “YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” COLE He sure is! THA PUERTO RICAN San Juan, me alegro de estar de vuelta a casa! The crowd cheers. THA PUERTO RICAN Estoy orgulloso de volver como el único hilo AngleSault pesado Campeón Mundial! The crowd cheers again. THA PUERTO RICAN Y me alegro de estar de vuelta aquí como el más hombre de electrificación de Lucha Libre Profesional! The crowd cheers once more. THA PUERTO RICAN Nunca he sido más feliz que volver a casa. Para que veas, me han demostrado al mundo que soy el mejor luchador profesional en el mundo de hoy, y tengo presente que lo prueban! PRL raises the OAOAST World Heavyweight Championship belt into the air again. The crowd cheers. THA PUERTO RICAN And I’m glad to be back here in front of Tha Puerto Rican’s family, in front of Tha Puerto Rican’s friends, and in front of the millions… “…AND MILLIONS!” THA PUERTO RICAN …AAAAAND MILLIONS of Tha Puerto Rican’s fans chanting his name! “P.R.!” “P.R.!” “P.R.!” “P.R.!” Tha Puerto Rican smiles. THA PUERTO RICAN And this is a very special homecoming for Tha Puerto Rican. My return to San Juan as the OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion! (“YYYEEEEEEAAAAAHHHHHHH!”) And seeing as how I still have no idea who my opponent will be for the Halloween Spectacular, and seeing as how it might be all night before I find out for sure, I thought that I would spend the rest of the show with you wonderful people in the audience! How's that sound? “YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” COLE These people like the sound of that! THA PUERTO RICAN Well all righty then! I am going to go get a front row seat and I will join you people in only a few second-- "No no no no no!" "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" COLE Wait a second... oh, great. The boos sound out as LANDON "LA CUCARACHA" MADDIX marches through the entrance way wagging his finger. PRL puts his hands on hips, pissed at being interrupted. Landon takes a moment to look around the crowd, snarling at the reaction. MADDIX First of all... I don't know what the hell that gibberish was you were talking earlier, but cut it out. PRL gives Landon a 'WTF' kinda look, trying not to laugh. COLE Yes, that 'gibberish' was Spanish, dual nationality of Landon Maddix, for those of you wondering. MADDIX Second, that's not how things are going to go down tonight. Not by a longshot. See last week, I should have been named the number one contender to the World Heavyweight Championship. Sure there was a mess of a pin and it might have seemed inconclusive. But the fact is, I was on the top. I was the one at the top of the pile. And after checking the OAOAST rulebook, I found no evidence that that didn't mean I shouldn't have won the match! PRL Wow, go you! MADDIX I should be the number one contender and frankly I don't know why I'm not. PRL Maybe it's because nobody cares if you're on top or not. And that includes Megan Skye! COLE OH! He went there folks! Landon frowns. MADDIX Hardy-har-har. You know what, I didn't come out here to listen to you crack wise. I'm here for what's mine. As I understand it, Josie Baker's going to make a decision on the number one contendership later tonight and just incase she needs some help making that decision, tonight I'm challenging you to a match, one on one. COLE Wow. PRL Hold on, let me great this straight. You're saying, tonight, right here in San Juan, Puerto Rico, my home, the motherland, you want to go one... "ON ONE!" PRL ...with me? MADDIX Yes, I want to go one, (sarcastically) on one, with you. PRL Well let me ask you one thing Landon... don't you remember what happened last year? Pouting a little, Landon does indeed remember and tries to change the subject. But before a word can escape his mouth PRL cuts him off. PRL Don't you remember how last year, in San Juan, you had the nerve, the AUDACITY, to step out in front of my people and run your mouth about my country? Do you think that I forgot about that!? Not a bit of it, Landon. I remember the insults you threw my way. The insults you threw Puerto Rico's way. And I also remember how I beat your candy ass that night and pinned you smack dab in the middle of that ring 1, 2, 3! "YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE With a little help from Stephen Joseph Popick, but hey, that's all in the past. PRL And as satisfying as that moment was, I figure these fine people wouldn't mind seeing me do it all over again tonight. So if you really want to try your luck with me again and tempt the fate of THE very worst ass-kicking of your entire, miserable life then you know the three words I'll be more than happy to say to you. Because if there's one thing Tha Puerto Rican would enjoy more than pulling up a seat front row with all of my fans and watching this show, it'd be stepping out of that seat, into this ring and embarrassing you in front of San Juan, in front of Puerto Rico and in front of the entire world! “P.R.!” “P.R.!” “P.R.!” “P.R.!” Tha Puerto Rican smirks as he starts to get drowned out, pausing for a moment. And for effect. Neither of which Landon is happy about, yelling for PR to get to the point. PRL And at the same time, I'll prove to you, to Brickston, to Alfdogg, to Bohemoth... to Jumbo, Reject, Thunderkid, Faqu, MARV, MEL, Moracca, Mariachi, Uno, Dos, that sorry sumbitch Coach and anyone else without a damn surname in this company... just why I am the OAOAST WORLD Heavyweight... CHAMPION!! PRL lifts the OAOAST Title in the air to prove his point, causing his music to hit. Taking the hint, Landon mouths to Tha Puerto Rican that he'll deal with him later as he storms off, leaving the hometown hero to soak in some more of the crowd's adulation. COLE And what a main-event that ought to be, the World Heavyweight Champion and the former World's Champion, PRL and Landon Maddix, one on one, one more time in San Juan. What an edition of HeldDOWN~! this promises to be! *COMMERCIALS!* Another view of palatial accommodations welcomes us back to the highest rated show on cable networks with the letters t,s,and m all written in that specific order. Rock Your Baby plays, as Vinny Valentine makes his way out, followed by Tony Tourettes. BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall! Making his way to the ring, being accompanied by Tony Tourettes...from Brooklyn, New York, weighing in at 228 pounds...he is the DISCO DUCK, VINNNNNYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY VAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLENTIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNN NNNNE!!!!! COLE One half of the duo known as Panic at the Disco, Vinny Valentine set for one-on-one action here! Vinny enters the ring and does his dance exhibition, as Tony grabs a mic. COACH Uh oh... TONY YEAH, GET DOWN! LET'S SEE YOU COCK-SMOKERS DANCE LIKE THIS! Tony then starts doing his own dance routine, which of course is horrible. He then picks up a man's steak off of his plate and rips a bite off of it, as if it were a slab of beef jerky, then throws it down. TONY THIS THING'S AS HARD AS MY DICK! WHERE'D YOU GET THIS, OUT OF JUMBO'S ASS? Vinny jumps out of the ring, and calms Tony down, and hands the mic back to the timekeeper as hits, and Deuce Deuce Bigelow makes his way out. COACH This match is a main event in any...um, Syndicated in the world! BUFFER His opponent...from Las Vegas, Nevada, weighing in at 390 pounds...DEUCE DEUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCE BIGELOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!! As Deuce makes his way around the crowd slapping hands with the people, Tony comes up from behind and grabs his boa, then puts it on, and leads him in a chase around the ring! COLE And Deuce now in hot pursuit of Tony Tourettes! Tony slides into the ring, and Deuce follows, as Vinny drives a knee into the back! *DING DING DING* COACH And how about that, a nice setup by Tony and Vinny! Vinny hammers away on the back of Deuce, then drives an elbow into the back of the head. Vinny then ascends the top rope. COLE Vinny Valentine going upstairs early after gaining an early advantage... Vinny waits for Deuce to get to his feet, and hits him with a MISSILE DROPKICK! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout WITH AUTHORITY~! COLE But Deuce a long way from defeated, as you just saw there! Vinny continues to stomp Deuce, then picks him up and whips him into a corner. He charges, but Deuce moves, and Vinny runs into the corner! Deuce then makes his way back, and hammers Vinny with forearms in the corner! COLE And now Deuce on the offensive! Deuce brings Vinny out, and lifts him in a PRESS SLAM~!, tossing him to the mat! He then picks up Vinny and whips him into the ropes, catching him with a spinning wheel kick! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Deuce picks up Vinny, and scoops him up, backing into a corner, and coming out with a RUNNING POWERSLAM~! He then scales the top rope, as a figure dressed in a black sweatsuit and skicap slides into the ring! COACH Who the hell is this guy?!? Deuce jumps off the top, right into the waiting arms of the man, who catches him with a POWERSLAM! COACH Whoa! COLE Whoever it is, he just manhandled big Deuce! The referee calls for the bell, as the camera gets a shot of the man's face, revealing him to be KEN PANTERA! *DING DING DING* COLE Hey! Th-that's Ken Pantera, formerly of Team Canada! But why is he helping Vinny? Pantera flips off the skicap, then helps Vinny to his feet, before grabbing Deuce and hooking him in a front facelock. He then lifts him in a suplex, holding him for a few seconds as Vinny and Tony cheer him on, then brings him forward into a Rock Bottom! COLE And Pantera with the Apollon's Wheel on the near 400-pounder! A shocking return by the former Olympic powerlifter! Vinny and Tony raise the arms of Pantera, who then pulls his sweatshirt off, wearing a black singlet underneath, before raising Vinny and Tony's hands. COACH This is great, Cole! COLE We'll hear more about this in the near future, I'm sure! Folks and eventful night already here on OAOAST HeldDOWN, we'll be back with more from San Juan! COMMERCIAL Edited October 17, 2008 by King Cucaracha Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted October 17, 2008 (edited) BIRDS OF A FEATHER...R-LOCKED TOGETHER LIVE! HALLOWEEN NIGHT ON TSM Here in Puerto Rico, the night is alive as we return to HeldDOWN~! Hotel guest, club goers, and diehard wrestling fans have converged towards this slice of paradise tonight not for a relaxing getaway, but for the action, drama, and sheer randomness brought to you by the OAOAST. COLE Last week on HeldDOWN~!, we went a little retro, as The In Crowd decided to dig into the vault and deliver a vintage performance as only they could. In the past, we had seen Zack Malibu, EvenflowDDT, Superstar and Alison deliver skits mocking various OAOAST talent utilizing popular movies, pop culture references...anything they could think of. Last week though, I think they took the cake by performing one of the greatest impressions in wrestling history. COACH Damn Cole, did Zack write that speech up for you? Nothing about that was funny. All it was was four guys jealous of The Enterprise looking like fools because they can't be at the top of the pecking order anymore! COLE You were laughing too, Coach. COACH Was not! It's...it's allergy season, man, I was sneezing and coughing, and... COLE ...lying through your teeth. Gotcha. Anyways, word has passed through the OAOAST that Theodore Moneymaker was certainly not happy with the portrayal of The Enterprise, and has promised to speak out on that issue tonight! We expect Mr. Moneymaker to... Suddenly, Cole is yanked up out of his seat by the collar, as Detective Tango Bosley stares him in the face. Alongside Bosley is Alison, and Theodore Moneymaker himself, looking none too happy. MONEYMAKER Mr. Cole, did you find last weeks incident funny? COLE I...I...uh... MONEYMAKER Put that waste back in his seat, Bosley. Bosley throws Cole back into his seat, and the crowd boos as Moneymaker heads into the ring. MONEYMAKER I know that you all found it funny last week. Oh, that Zack Malibu is soooooooo hysterical, isn't he? Dressing up like an idiot, trying to mock ME, a man who has everything? He thinks he and his band of cronies succeeded in doing something other than looking foolish last week? Zack Malibu, you claim that I have it out for you, so you attack me verbally, you insult a beautiful and intelligent woman simply because she doesn't want you anymore. Well Zack, the time has come. The time that you've been waiting for. You are going to meet your maker right here, tonight...IN THIS RING! Zack Malibu, I challenger...nay, I DEMAND that you get yourself down to this ring right now! Moneymaker, agitated, throws off his suit jacket and circles the ring, chastising fans who boo him. MONEYMAKER You SHUT UP. ALL OF YOU! I could own ALL of you. I could buy this damn island! I'll have you all working at Wendy's and mowing one of my many lawns, so help me! Moneymaker, frustrated, hands the mic to Alison, as he goes outside the ring and encounters some fans face to face, angered by their hatred of him. ALISON You people are PATHETIC. You look up to Zack Malibu like some sort of God, and for what reason? Are your lives that meaningless? Actually, no need to answer that, because it was a rhetorical question. Try looking it up when you're not dropping date rape drugs or flashing the Girls Gone Wild crew tonight! Of course people like you would worship Zack Malibu...you're a bunch of misguided, superficial... "Getting Away With Murder" interrupts the tirade of the In Crowd Original, and her face sinks into a look of scorn. Moneymaker rolls into the ring, and he and Bosley position themselves, ready for the appearance of the Modern Day Warrior. A crowd grows larger around the ring, as Zack Malibu and Sly Sommers, the latter still on crutches due to being clipped by Bosley several weeks ago, make their way out! COLE As if it wasn't hot enough here, things are heating up even more! MALIBU Moneymaker, Alison, Bosley...this is all so petty. We've been jawjacking, going back and forth, for weeks now. And maybe...maybe last week shouldn't have happened. I don't think The In-Terprise was such a good idea. Do you, Sly? SOMMERS Well...it was pretty funny, Zack. MALIBU Yeah, it was. But just think, it was time we couldn't have spent doing something constructive, like posting Alison's picture down at the free clinic as a warning to visitors... Alison's face twists into a sneer, as the crowd laughs at her expense. SOMMERS ...or heading to a thrift store for some of Don Johnson's old wardrobe. Bosley looks around for a moment, then realizes they're mocking his style choices. MALIBU Wait, wait...we're getting off track again. Now, if I heard right, a few minutes ago, Theodore Moneymaker wanted me to come down to this ring... Zack starts walking towards the ring, with Sly following behind him. MALIBU ...and meet my maker? Zack and Moneymaker go nose to nose, as the hard camera zooms in on the two. An eager crowd of natives and tourists start chanting "FIGHT!" repeatedly and loudly, but it doesn't drown out any of the tension. MALIBU Well, here I am. Here, we are, actually. Face to face. So what say we stop all this bickering, finger pointing, and name calling. Let's stop with the surprises and sneak attacks. There's nothing between us but air and opportunity tonight, Moneymaker. My schedule is clear, so let's make history tonight so that in the morning, when I pull out my "to-do" list, I can cross "Kick Theodore Moneymaker's ass" off of it! MONEYMAKER Aren't we the witty one. And aren't we the brave one. Oh yes, the superhero himself...the "Franchise", here to protect his good name by any means necessary. Well, Zack, that's good. Because I wasn't lying when I invited you out here for a fight...I just never said it was with ME. The crowd boos loudly, and Malibu almost looks like he expected this. MONEYMAKER For such a company man, you're certainly ready to make rash decisions, aren't you? Let's see, what's that saying you have? Good for business, bad for you? Zack, think about it. Do you honestly think that a man of my business acumen would waste his time facing off with you on free TV, in front of a handful of drunken co-eds? Don't you think that you and I, despite our distaste for each other, should be able to profit off of all this? MALIBU You're worried about a profit!? You know something, I may not have the money you have, but I'm certainly well off...and even if I wasn't, no paycheck in the world would be as sweet as cracking your jaw with the sole of my foot! Now, if you don't want to fight, that's fine...but just remember that now you have to live with the fact that you're a coward as well as an asshole! Moneymaker's face drops, and now the rowdy crowd picks up on the comment, starting a less family friendly chant than before. "ASSSSSSSSSS-HOLE!" "ASSSSSSSSSS-HOLE!" "ASSSSSSSSSS-HOLE!" Sly leads the chant from ringside, while Moneymaker gets up on the middle rope and hollers down at the fans. He climbs down and unbuttons his dress shirt, fuming over Malibu's challenge, and then throws the shirt in Zack's face! Malibu, momentarily distracted, pulls the shirt away...only to be leveled with a high kick from Bosley! COLE What the hell! Moneymaker leaps down from the middle rope, stomping Malibu in the chest as Bosley gets his licks in as well. It's a 2 on 1 attack until...SLY SOMMERS EVENS THE ODDS!? COACH Look at this fool, Cole. What does he think he's doing? COLE Helping a friend, that's what. Sommers struggles to his feet after rolling inside, but goes unnoticed to Moneymaker and Bosley who continue their assault on Zack Malibu. COACH Guys, behind you! Sly winds up and swings for the fences...BREAKING HIS CRUTCH ACROSS THE BACK OF BOSLEY~!!! ALISON The crowd reacts with a thunderous cheer. Not Theodore Moneymaker, however. The Billion Dollar Heir takes a shot at Sommers, but he ducks and catches Moneymaker in the gut and then over the back with the handle of the crutch! The rest of the Enterprise quick to come out and assist their boss while Sly Sommers and Zack Malibu are left standing tall inside, much to the delight of their fans as "Getting Away With Murder" cues. MONEYMAKER COLE Oh, what a moment. COACH If you enjoy cheap shots and gang violence, all of which Sly Sommers and Zack Malibu committed. COLE Fans, we gotta take a quick time out. But whatever you do, please don't go away. We still have plenty more to come! We return from break with the caption “MOMENTS AGO” at the lower left hand side of the screen as video of the altercation involving Theodore Moneymaker, Detective Tango Bosley, Zack Malibu and Sly Sommers is highlighted. COLE Thursday night is back to being HeldDOWN~!, a position Zack Malibu found himself in moments ago until fellow In Crowd buddy Sly Sommers cleaned house. COACH If you call attempted battery cleaning house. COLE With more on the situation, let’s go to our broadcast colleague Tony Brannigan. We cut to Brannigan in front of a door with the official seal of the President of the OAOAST. BRANNIGAN Guys, I’m outside the office of OAOAST President Josie Baker here at El San Juan Hotel and boy do I have some HOT NEWZ~! regarding the Halloween Spectacular in two weeks’ time live on TSM. HALLOWEEN SPECTACULAR FATAL 4 WAY TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH THE ENTERPRISE vs. CUCARACHA INTERNACIONAL vs. THE IN CROWD vs. THE DEADLY ALLIANCE BRANNIGAN You see it right there on your television screen. A colossal Fatal 4 Way pitting representatives from all 4 warring fractions in a match for the One & Only World tag team championship! We know Reject and Thunderkid will represent the DA because they are the current titleholders, but what about the other groups? (stares off-screen) Theodore Moneymaker, wait just a second! We follow Brannigan as he sprints after his cousin. Being assisted by Detective Bosley and CPA, Moneymaker stops and turns, his face red and a towel wrapped around neck. MONEYMAKER Can’t you see I’m in a lot of pain, Brannigan!? Sly Sommers is lucky I haven’t pressed charges against him for assault with a deadly weapon. For a guy who’s supposed to be hurt, he sure looks fine to me. I bet he’s scamming some poor insurance company out of their hard earned money faking that knee injury of his. BRANNIGAN Speaking of fake, what about this neck injury you appear to have suffered? You weren't even hit anywhere close to the neck area? MONEYMAKER (aghast) How dare you accuse me of pulling a Sly Sommers. Are you a doctor? BRANNIGAN You know the answer to that. MONEYMAKER Precisely my point. You are in no position to judge my condition. I will not stand by and let you slander my good name. BRANNIGAN Slander!? You mean like how you did to Zack Malibu and now Sly Sommers? Really Teddy. MONEYMAKER Sir, this interview is... BRANNIGAN OK, OK. Before you I let you go, let me get your take on the Fatal 4 Way signed for the Halloween Spectacular. Will YOU be one of the two men representing the Enterprise Halloween night? MONEYMAKER Who do you think I am, President… *shutters* … Obama? I’m not going to reveal my tactics. BRANNIGAN President Obama? MONEYMAKER I’ve concede the U.S. presidential election, Brannigan, but I haven’t concede my godson Jeffery Carter Pennington IV’s class presidential election! He’s one investment you’ll see a big return on, you know? BWAHAHA! Theodore grabs his neck and grimaces, which is clearly exaggerated. BRANNIGAN Isn’t he behind double digits in the polls too? I don't think an endorsement from Abdullah of all people is going to do much good. MONEYMAKER An endorsement from a man inside the ear of god is always good and its a shame he had to be the victim of an unfit mother that channels her poor parenting into violence. The Enterprise's prayers are with him as it was our security staff that rescued him from these polluted waters in San Juan. Its no wonder PRL acts the way he does, having drank this sludge all his life. Now, cousin, you should know those polls you mentioned are flawed. Our internal polling shows he’s up 99.9%! Let’s get back to the subject at hand though. Seriously injured as I may be, I’ll say this about the Fatal 4 Way: don’t count Theodore Moneymaker out. Moneymaker exits and so do we. Either to the ring, somewhere else backstage or to commercial. COLE Huge match made for Angleslam, all four stables saying its time to put up or shut up, and will do battle for the most coveted trophy in tag team wrestling at the Halloween Spectacular. Folks, while you imagine the possibilities over who could be selected, we'll be back with more from the home of Tha Puerto Rican! LATER TONIGHT ***UNITED STATES TITLE*** ALFDOGG VS BRICKSTON TONIGHT COMING UP NEXT 10 MEN TAG TEAM ACTION LOS CONQUESTIADORS, SPENCER REIGER, THE LAST KINGS OF SCOTLAND VS D*LUX, THE LOVE DOCTORS, AND TIM CASH NEXT! Edited October 24, 2008 by Tony149 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted October 17, 2008 Fedde Le Grand's 2007 dance sensation brings us back to paradise along with a view of the five star hotel. From there we go back out to the arena, where all around nice guy Tim Cash is busy making his way around the ring, shaking hands with the influencial people of San Juan and thanking them for taking the trouble to come out for the show tonight. BUFFER The following contest live on OAOAST HeldDOWN~! is a ten-man tag team match and is scheduled for one fall! Introducing team number one... first, from Peoria, Illinois. Weighing two hundred, twenty pounds... please welcome Wrestling's Last Real Good Guy... TTIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIMMMMMMM... CCAAAAAAAASSSSSHHHHHH!!! Cash slides into the ring and gives the crowd a big thumbs up on the announcement of his name. He then begins to applaud, as "Makes Me Wonder" by Maroon 5 hits. Now, I'm no expert on expensive San Juan hotels, but I can safely say the usual screams of teenage girls are surely less than they usually would be for Tyler and Shayne as the boyband duo bounds through the entrance way. Tyler and Shayne are happy all the same and tag away at the hands on their way to the ring. BUFFER His partners... at a total combined weight of three hundred and seventy nine pounds... from the great state of Michigan... here are, "TREMENDOUS" TYLER, "SHOWTIME" SHAYNE... D*LLLLLLLUUUUUUUUUUUXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX!!!! COLE Big ten-man tag team action here on HeldDOWN~! and two weeks away from the Halloween Spectacular, it's a battle of good and evil tonight as we see D*LUX heading to the ring. They and Tim Cash team up with The Love Doctors, when we come back, don't go anywhere! Tyler and Shayne slide into the ring and get a warm welcome from their tag team partner, as we fade away. *COMMERCIAL BREAK* And when we return, we find The Love Doctors in the corner of their team with Cash and D*LUX, facing across from their opposition. The Scots and the Mexicans have already entered and Spencer Reiger is just now making his way out, stopping along the way to point a finger and mouth off at one fan in particular. COLE Welcome back to OAOAST HeldDOWN~!, where you see The Last Kings Of Scotland and Los Conquistadors already in the ring, being joined by young Spencer Reiger. This match stemming from a couple of seperate issues, a couple of weeks ago we saw Los Conquistadors trying to use voodoo magic to pick up a victory over Tyler Bryant... and there's a sentence I never thought I'd be saying on a professional wrestling show. And those of you who watch Syndicated regularly... COACH Another sentence you might as well have not said on a professional wrestling show. COLE ...will know of the issue of respect The Love Doctors and Tim Cash have been having with The Last Kings Of Scotland and Spencer Reiger. So all that comes together here tonight in ten man tag team action. Reiger makes his way into the ring and shouts some more abuse at the crowd from the turnbuckles. His four partners are happy to leave him to it and exit to the apron, so when Reiger jumps down he's faced with only Tim Cash on the opposite side of the ring. *DINGDINGDING!* The recent rivals square up and predictably Cash offers the pre-match handshake. "You just don't learn, do you moron?" sneers Reiger as he swats the hand away and throws a slap... which Cash catches! In an instant Cash drops to his knees and begs for mercy from the ultimate nice guy and it works. But as Spencer points to his head to show how smart he is, he leaves himself open for a schoolboy roll-up... 1... 2... No! Spencer goes for a boot, but that's caught as well. Cash trips the standing leg, then sprawls forward with a folding press... 1... 2... No! Scrambling up, Spencer charges in as he sees Cash's blindside. With great awareness Cash drops to his hands and knees and backpedals, going through a surprised Reiger's legs. And Reiger's surprise is doubled when he turns around into a boot and a FORCED HANDSHAKE!! COACH Oh, how dare he! Fuming that he's been made to show sportsmanship, Spencer breaks from the handshake and goes for a right hand. Duck by Cash though, running Reiger into the ropes for an O'Connor roll... 1... 2... No! After the latest kickout it seems Reiger's had enough, scurrying on his knees to tag out of the match. COLE Tim Cash wrestling rings around Spencer Reiger right there. And he even got the handshake he's been looking for for so many weeks too! COACH He has no right to make someone shake his hand if they don't want to. Totally disrespectful! COLE More disrespectful than turning down a handshake in the first place? COACH Absolutely. Spencer dares Cash to take a pop at him, safe in the knowledge that if he does he's already halfway out of the ring. Replacing him is Conquistador Uno. Clasping his hands over his head Uno charges looking for the double sledge. But Cash just sidesteps and lets him run into his team's corner. Tag is made to Dr. Anderson, coming in and delivering a chop. He then tags Tyler Bryant, in with a right hand. Tag to Shayne Brave, who delivers a forearm. Then a tag to Dr. Pigley, delivering a chop. Tag made to Cash, the five men on his team rotating in a queue around their corner. Cash hits a chop, then Anderson, back elbow from Tyler, forearm by Shayne, forearm by Pigley, forearm by Cash, chop by Anderson. COLE Talk about great teamwork, look at this! COACH Come on referee, do something! COLE Do what? They're all legal tags. One man who doesn't agree is Spencer Reiger, trying to get in which distracts the ref. Breaking the chain, D*LUX team up on Uno with the ref out of position, Tyler armdragging Uno, then launching Shayne off the top with the Larger Than Life Line!! Cover by Shayne, ref sees it... 1... 2... Kickout! Wringing the arm, Shayne tries to slow things down but Uno escapes with a knee to the gut. He quickly tags out to Dos, who fares little better as he runs right into an armdrag. Shayne controls the arm and makes the tag to Tyler, who comes off the top and down across the arm. COLE The D*LUX, Cash, Docs team working in perfect harmony thus far. And Spencer Reiger looking very frustrated on the outside at what he's seeing. Tyler controls the arm, before deciding to whip Dos off the ropes. A quick scoop up into a fireman's carry sets up a Samoan Drop. Tyler then measures the Conquistador, waiting... before delivering the Shining Enziguri! Cover... 1... 2... Reiger breaks it up. COACH That's right, assert yourself kid. Tyler brings Dos to the corner, tagging "Showtime" Shayne back in. Together D*LUX send Dos off the ropes, dropping him with a double elbow. Seeing his partner in trouble, Uno takes his partner's lead and comes in to try and help. Tyler and Shayne duck his double clothesline attempt though, before double hiptossing Uno right across Dos's chest! COLE All the black magic in the world doesn't seem to be helping Los Conquistadors right about now. As D*LUX celebrate, it allows Los Conquistadors to roll out of the ring. With Reiger yelling at them The Last Kings Of Scotland enter in their place and charge at D*LUX. They both sidestep and the Scots end up running right into The Love Doctors, coming off the top together with stereo body blocks!! Out roll The Last Kings as well, leaving The Love Doctors and D*LUX into the ring. After a brief conference, the four men high-five, then hit the ropes... ...STEREO SUICIDE DIVES BY TYLER AND SHAYNE, FLYING WITHOUT WINGS INTO SCOTTISH SCOTT AND DANNY BOY... ...AS THE LOVE DOCTORS HIT A SUICIDE DIVE AND A TOPÉ CON HILO APIECE ON LOS CONQUISTADORS!!!!!! COLE BIG DIVES FOR ALL IN SAN JUAN!! Throwing up his hands in despair, Reiger enters as does Cash. As they charge forward, Cash uses a leg trip to put Reiger down and hits the ropes. Drop down by Reiger forces Cash up and over, then going over with a leapfrog. Cash puts on the brakes and grabs a waistlock, looking for another roll-up... but Reiger delivers a lowblow out of the referee's sights! COLE There's a cheapshot from the youngster! As Cash goes down, Tyler Bryant leaves the fight on the floor and comes in looking for a clothesline. Reiger ducks it though, hitting the ropes and taking Tyler down with a crossbody... 1... 2... No! Right hand is ducked by Tyler, stunning Reiger with an inverted atomic drop. With The Love Doctors brawling with The Last Kings on the floor, Tyler tries to set Reiger up for the Recordbreaker... but Reiger floats over onto his feet, before shoving Tyler sternum first into the turnbuckles in front! COLE Another, shall we say resourceful move by Spencer Reiger? COACH He's carrying his team right now I'll tell you that much. With Tyler winded, Los Conquistadors slide back in having fought off Shayne Brave on the floor. Spencer quickly gets them together and they set Tyler up for a triple team. Going outside, Spencer heads to the top while Los Conquistadors set up a double doomsday. But Tyler manages to punch the golden duo in the head enough times to escape from their shoulders. Dazed, Los Conqusitadors regroup and charge looking to sandwich Tyler... and end up running into each other, knocking themselves out! COLE Oh dear. A miscommunication and a half. Jumping off the turnbuckles Reiger can't believe the incompetence of his partners and stands over them yelling. Spencer then looks up and throws up his hands again, this time saying to heck with it all and walking out on his team! COLE Wait... Reiger is leaving! What is this about? COACH Well obviously Spencer's had enough of carrying four men on his back. And who can blame him? Spencer walks off muttering away to himself in annoyance, disappearing behind the curtains soon after. Without him, Shayne rolls back into the ring and he and Tyler start to pick up Los Conquistadors. Meanwhile on the floor, The Love Doctors run Scottish Scott and Danny Boy together after escaping side headlocks. That leaves Los Conquistadors five on two, with The Docs rolling back in to join the fun. COLE Los Conquistadors suffering some bad karma tonight. Taking hold of Uno by the arms and legs, D*LUX drop him across the knees with the Cowell Movement! The Love Docs then take over, Pigley holding him up and Anderson comes off the ropes, charging up the Defibrillator! With Uno taken care of, Dos is then fed into Tim Cash, who pulls a double leg-trip and locks in the Midwest Sling for the quick submission victory!! *DINGDINGDING!* D*LUX, Pigley and Anderson exchange some more high-fives, while Tim Cash is quick to turn Dos back over and check on his condition. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, your winners of the match... the team of D*LUX, THE LOVE DOCTORS and TIIIMMMM CCAAAAASSSSHHHH!! The two fan favourite tag teams celebrate their victory by climbing the turnbuckles and applauding the crowd. Cash prefers instead to try and lead the fans in applauding Los Conquistadors for a spirited, if incompetent, effort tonight. Nobody bites, but Cash doesn't mind, because he's a nice guy. COLE Victory for Cash and his team, made just a little easier by Spencer Reiger's desertion of his team-mates. There's ways of losing and that's not one that'll impress OAOAST officals or OAOVW officials either. COACH Why not? The man showed initiative. COLE By walking out on a match? COACH Exactly. He saw his partners were gonna lose him the match, so he left them to it and saved his own dignity. COLE You've got a very unique outlook on life Coach. Anyway, Cash, D*LUX and The Love Doctors, victorious here tonight. Folks, when we come back there's much more HeldDOWN in store for you! LATER TONIGHT ***UNITED STATES TITLE*** ALFDOGG VS BRICKSTON TONIGHT COMMERCIAL Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted October 17, 2008 (edited) Porto de San Juan as well as the upbeat and energetic dance track Somebody dance with me welcome us back to OAOAST HeldDOWN~! When we return to ringside by Kansas plays, bringing the Deadly Alliance out to the ring. COLE And here comes the Deadly Alliance, obviously with a lot on their mind given the events of tonight and of last week! Alf climbs into the ring, and grabs a microphone. ALF So, here we are in Puerto Rico. The homeland of the current OAOAST World champion. *crowd cheers* ALF THIS is the fanbase that represents Tha Puerto Rican. These crowds of 130 people. And you wonder why the U.S. won't recognize this dump as the 51st state? *crowd boos* ALF What a joke. I suppose you all think that since I was pinned in that four-way match last week, that takes me out of the title picture, right? WRONG. You see, I have a little chance for redemption tonight, I got a rematch against one of the three guys who pinned me, and let me emphasize that, it took ALL THREE of my opponents to pin my shoulders to the mat last week. *crowd boos* COACH He's right, Cole! ALF And Brickston, let me tell you something, punk, that's the closest you'll EVER get to scoring a clean-cut win against me. Now, for whatever reason, our honorable President has determined Brickston worthy of a shot at my United States title based on that ho-hum "victory" last week. But that's OK. You see, even though in just two weeks' time, I'll be winning my third World title, I will still continue to defend my US title against whatever obstacles the OAOAST throws at me, in order to bring prestige to this belt for the first time ever. *crowd boos* ALF And that includes you, Brickston. Now then, there are a lot of major announcements going down here tonight...but I got one that trumps them all! COACH What is it? ALF And I'm gonna let you all in on it right here...but first, the World tag team champions have something to say. Alf hands the mic over to TK. COLE Well, a win by Alf here over Brickston tonight would certainly throw a monkey wrench into whatever decision OAOAST President Josie Baker has made regarding the World title picture! TK One of those big announcements, of course, revolves around the R-Man and myself, your World tag team champions. *crowd boos* TK You see, finally, the Deadly Alliance gets a shot at all these other factions, in one night, to prove what everyone's known all along, that we are the most dominant faction in the OAOAST. *crowd boos* TK The only thing now, is to see just what members of these respective factions get sent to slaughter. Crowd boos, as TK hands the mic over to Reject, arm-in-arm with Melissa Nerdly. REJECT Not that it matters...look at these stables. Cucaracha International? Too many big egos, they barely even get along with each other! They could never form a team that could take down a well-oiled machine such as myself and Thunderkid. The Enterprise? After what just happened out here...I hope for Mr. Moneymaker's sake that he doesn't participate in this match. Because if he's too injured to give an interview after that...then the Deadly Alliance just might put the Enterprise out of commission permanently at the Halloween Spectacular. That leaves the In-Crowd... *crowd cheers* REJECT Now...we all know that Leon Rodez doesn't dare step into the ring with me again. *crowd boos* REJECT And we know that with the office bias towards the In-Crowd, The Rapist will probably be involved in some way with the World title scene! *crowd boos* COLE Well, Josie is anything but biased towards the In-Crowd! REJECT So, that leaves two...but wait, that can't be right. That would mean Zack Malibu lowering himself to the tag team title scene, and actually having the guts to step in the same ring as the Deadly Alliance... Alf grabs the mic from Reject. ALF Forget it, Reject! What gave you that crazy idea? Now that we've addressed that, it's time for my big announcement! COACH Here it comes, Cole! ALF You know, the Deadly Alliance has always been about tradition. We are a classic stable. So, we all had reservations about making this decision. However, after a long talk, we have decided to take this in a different direction. I'm here tonight, to announce that for the first time ever, we will be adding a FIFTH MEMBER to the Deadly Alliance! COACH WHOA! COLE That is a big announcement! ALF Now, the who, where and when have yet to be determined. But we will be watching from all angles, and whatever our decision is, it will turn the entire foundation of the OAOAST on its head, mark my words. Alf drops the mic on the mat, as The Wall plays, and the DA departs. COLE A very big announcement, indeed! The Deadly Alliance has always been four strong, but in the near future, they will be expanding for the first time ever! Folks, take some time to digest that one and stay tuned because there's more HeldDOWN still to come from beautiful Puerto Rico home of Tha Puerto Rican and...pretty much just Tha Puerto Rican. I don't know why I said "and" it just made me look stupid. COMING UP NEXT THE LOVE SHACK WITH SPECIAL GUEST, WHO THE FUCK KNOWS, NO ONE TELLS ME ANYTHING NEXT! COMMERCIAL Edited October 17, 2008 by Patty O'Green Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted October 17, 2008 OAOAST Productions, Proudly Presents... #~~THE LOVE SHACK~~# Overlooking the picturesque San Juan Hotel, we find ourselves on the set of the Love Shack for the first time in some time. If you can call a desk decorated with various items stolen borrowed from the hotel and a leather sofa which may also have come from the hotel's lobby a set, that is. Taking in the unique, for a wrestling show anyway, scenery is Leon Rodez, still wearing a big smile on his face. Leon flips the microphone around in his hands a couple of times before thanking everyone for their non-existant applause (if WrestleMania taught us anything in the late 80s, it's that rich people don't make a lot of noise at wrestling shows). LEON Ladies and gentlemen, yes, The Shack is back and it's back in style from the looks of it. Got to love the OAOAST, branching out to new places like this, don't you? Well, I mean, not if you're a middle class person from San Juan hoping to watch a wrestling show live, hear that the OAOAST is coming back with the pride of the country as the World Champion, only to find there's 130 seats and they're all taken by people who can afford the astronomical costs. But, screw the little people. Am i rite? The rich people applaud because they're rich and non-rich people suck. LEON And I thought having a free show in New York was a bad idea. But, anyway, we roll on with The Love Shack regardless and really I don't mean to jest, because in actual fact we've got a great show tonight. Leon does the Conan O'Brien bow. LEON Yes indeed, I've got a very special guest coming out in just a second, we'll get to that in a minute. First of all though, I'd like to take a few moments to do something comedic, since I'm a talk show host and all and that's what we're supposed to do. Earlier this week, I took it upon myself to mail out some questionnaires through the OAOAST company post-line. And the members of the OAOAST roster who are literate were kind enough to reply. So, with that in mind, it's time for a little thing Conan O'Brien likes to call Celebrity Survey... and I, for legal reasons, prefer to call 'Pro Wrestler Survey'. Leon retrieves some papers from his desk. LEON Okay, the OAOAST wrestlers were asks to complete this sentence. "When I wake up in the morning, the first thing I do is...." Krista Isadora Duncan wrote, "Pour myself a martini." Biff Atlas wrote, "Thank the heavens I didn't choke to death in my sleep." And James Blonde wrote, "Lean over and say good morning to Landon." COACH Oh n... oh no... OH NO HE DI'NT!! LEON Very disturbing, so we move on. "If I could do any other job in the world, it would be...." Tyler Bryant wrote, "singer." Colin Maguire Jr. wrote, "professional footballer." And Christian Wright wrote, "professional wrestler." Leon makes a funny face. LEON Either he didn't quite understand the question, or was being very honest. Now, the last question, a very pressing one for us all at this time. "The current state of the US economy is a major worry to me, because..." Felix Strutter wrote, "I spend more on gas travelling between shows." Theodore Moneymaker wrote, "is mine and my people's fault." Melissa Nerdly wrote, "it means I have to charge extra for kissing." LEON LEON Well, that was fun. But now let's get to business. I promised a big guest and I think it's no hyperbole. Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to introduce my guest tonight. He is the leader... of the most dominant group in the OAOAST today! He needs no further introduction, let's bring him on out! With a flourish Leon turns to the entrance way. COLE That's... a little vague. COACH Just wait. For a while there's a delay, before finally... "We're running with the Shadows Of The Night So baby take my hand, you'll be all right Surrender all your dreams to me tonight They'll come true in the end" COACH Alright! COLE It's Landon Maddix. COACH Of course it is! Who else could it be? Emerging through the curtains comes Landon Maddix, flanked by the rest of Cucaracha Internacional. Landon warmly waves to the crowd, arm in arm with Megan, seeming pretty happy with his introduction tonight. Not quite so happy is James Blonde still sulking over Leon's earlier comedic bit, stopping to inform the camera "I didn't fill out any questionnaire, honest". Also there are Faqu, Nathaniel Black and Todd Cortez. You know by now what they're like if you watch HeldDOWN~! Landon enters the ring with his troops, picking up a microphone from a pile of them left on the sofa. LEON Landon, nice of you to come on out, welcome to the Love Shack. MADDIX Nice of you to have me on. LEON Well, you know, it's as much about you as it is about me. But nevermind that. I'll be honest, I don't have any pre-prepared questions for you tonight, I'm a little disorganised. Luckily improv is a passion of mine, so let's go with the flow and see where it takes us. Now, Halloween Specta... "Please allow me to introduce myself I'm a man of wealth and taste I've been around for a long long years Stole a many man's soul and his faith" COLE Wait a second! Having just sat down, Landon stands bolt upright at the sound of "Sympathy For The Devil" by Guns and Roses playing over the PA system and interrupting his interview. And he looks distinctly unhappy to see Theodore Moneymaker heading through the curtains, followed by the rest of The Enterprise! CPA, Christian Wright, Officer Bosley, The Beverly Hills Blonds, Mackenzie DeCenzo and Molly Nerdly all make their way behind Moneymaker who marches to the ring. In which, Leon Rodez feigns a look of surprise. COACH What is this all about? COLE I don't know but I've got half an idea. And I don't like it. Moneymaker grabs a microphone as the ring fills with bodies, Leon looking a little cramped behind his desk. The two groups square up, with Maddix and Moneymaker at the front. LEON Uhm, ladies and gentlemen, Theodore Moneymaker and co. MONEYMAKER I suggest you keep your mouth shut Rodez. You're already on very thin ice. What you and your merry friends pulled last week was nothing short of character assassination, for which my lawyers are currently preparing a case. And as far as you go, Landon Maddix, you daring to come to the ring when this time was clearly reserved for the leader of the number one force in the OAOAST, that being ME, is nothing short of character assassination either! COLE Boy that's rich, coming from the man who last week accused a thirteen year old girl of being a Satan worshipper. COACH He was misquoted. COLE He was on film! MADDIX Hang on a second here, there's so much hot air blowing out of that big mouth of yours I'm tempted to strip down to a towel and find some rocks to pour some water over. BLONDE Like a sauna! MADDIX Yeah that... that was my point. Thank you James. Yes, Moneymaker, I realise this time is for the leader of the top group in the OAOAST. That's why I'm out here. MONEYMAKER Tell me Landon, why on earth would he have been talking about you? MADDIX Maybe because I'm the future OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion? Maybe my proven leadership skills as the Commissioner of the SWF? Who knows really. MONEYMAKER Who knows, indeed. Face it Maddix, your group of misfits is many things, but dominant is not one of them. As Landon and Moneymaker bicker, Leon stands from his desk with a mischevious smile on his face. As he stands, he catches eyes with Molly Nerdly, who's shy reaction seems to confuse Mackenzie DeCenzo a little and thankfulyl goes unnoticed by other Enterprise members. LEON Well it seems like there's a little tension here... MONEYMAKER The fact is, I'M the most powerful man in the OAOAST, The Enterprise is the most powerful force in the OAOAST and I suggest you leave before you embarrass yourself even further. MADDIX Most powerful force? Teddy, Teddy, I watch Fox News. The economy is in the toilet. You don't have any real power. And you never will. Nobody in the right mind would turn around now and say "you know what we need to lead us into the future? A rich aristocrat from a powerful family who's entire base of power relies on the power of the dollar. There is absolutely no evidence in the modern world to tell us that that could in any way backfire on us whatsoever!" You're dead in the water. Face it. MONEYMAKER My power is about more than just money my young friend. I have influence you and your measly commissionership of a run of the mill, straight to DVD wrestling promotion who's better days died the moment you won their heavyweight championship could never compare to! Everything in the OAOAST revolves around The Enterprise. It is as simple as that. And that is wh... .:CUE: "Magnum Opus":. COLE Now what? COACH Oh boy, we got ourselves a bit of a situation here. All eyes turn to the entrance again as here comes The Deadly Alliance now! Alfdogg leads out Reject, Thunderkid and Sandman9000, Reject with Melissa Nerdly on his arm. Shaking his head, Alfdogg has his own microphone and calls for some quiet. Ahead of them, Leon Rodez exits the ring with a big smile on his face. COACH Look at him! Look at that sneaky little bastard, he set this up! COLE I think you might be onto something for once Coach. Leon kicks back against the barricade and watches on, as The Deadly Alliance approach the ring. ALFDOGG You have GOT to be kidding me! You really have got to be kidding me. Are you seriously expecting people to believe that either of you two are really the leader of the OAOAST's number one stable? Face facts, you're all just pretenders to the thrown. The Deadly Alliance is the original... and the best. The DA enter the already crowded ring. ALFDOGG Now I know it's been a while for the majority of you, so allow me to refresh your memories. These things around our waists are called championship belts. You'll notice that we all have one. Coincidence? Not really. Proof of my point? Absolutely. It begins and ends with the Deadly Alliance. Now there's no denying The Enterprise is the biggest group in the OAOAST, considering you can pretty much recruit new back-up as and when you need it. Which is scarily often from where I'm sitting. Doesn't say a lot for your recruitment policy. And Cucaracha Internacional are no doubt the most multi-cultural group going. Of course, you could say similar for the United Nations and I think the ability to achieve results is equally piss-poor on both counts. MONEYMAKER Wow, what a cultured reference from a non-cultured man. And here I was expecting some amusing quip comparing us to a National Football League team of some description. ALFDOGG Well now that you mention it, you do remind me of the Dallas Cowboys, rich and yet on the verge of breakdown, due to... MADDIX Save it, save it, save it! Incase you hadn't noticed, the OAOAST is an Internacional company and everybody knows nobody outside of the US cares about your silly little game. ALFDOGG That's kinda ironic, since nobody in the US cares about Cucaracha Internacional, so I'd call us even. If it makes you feel better, I could use a reference you understand and call you the David Beckham of the OAOAST. Success in the face of utter cluelessness. In an attempt to restore some order, Leon clears his throat into the microphone. Everybody turns to him for a second, causing him to hold his hands up. LEON I'm sorry, you were saying? COLE Haha! Looks like Leon's just gonna let these guys talk it out amongst themselves. COACH Of course he is! He's the one that set this thing up! MONEYMAKER Gentlemen... I suggest we settle this ammicably. By you leaving me to my interview. You wouldn't want to get on the wrong side of me now, would you? ALFDOGG Oh, I don't know. MADDIX Yeah, Moneymaker. I see six of you... and nine of us. Alfdogg turns from Moneymaker to Maddix with a smile. ALFDOGG I hope you're not grouping this four with your group Maddix. Because we're fixing to run through everybody in this ring in about five seconds if you all don't get the hell out. MONEYMAKER I assume that includes the females as well as the males? Reject grabs the microphone from Alf, realising that shot was directed at him. REJECT Look, Moneymaker, put it this way... *SLAP!* COLE OH BOY! The Messiah reels back from the slap, nobody quite able to believe it just happened. REJECT I will run through who I want, whe... Reject has no time to finish that thought though, as The Enterprise suddenly pile forward AND START SLUGGING IT OUT WITH THE MEMBERS OF THE DEADLY ALLIANCE!! The punches fly back and forth sending Melissa, Mackenzie and Molly all heading for the safety of the outside. And Megan soon joins them, as after watching for a few seconds, Landon gives the signal AND CUCARACHA INTERNACIONAL SUDDENLY DIVE INTO THE FRAY AS WELL!!!! COLE HERE WE GO!!!! COACH No, no, this is what he wants! Damn it! It's chaos as the fifteen or so OAOAST superstars do battle inside the ring. On the outside, even the females are about to get in on the act, as Mackenzie and Molly get into a heated arguement with Megan and with Melissa. Watching all this unfold, Leon puts his microphone down carefully and dusts his hands on a job well done. Getting to the top of the aisle he decides not to leave after all though, instead reaching into the ring AND PULLING OUT REJECT, GOING WILD WITH RIGHT HANDS ON THE FLOOR!!! COLE LEON HAS REJECT!! OH MAN WHAT A CHAOTIC SCENE!! COACH AND NOW WHAT!? Now would be ZACK MALIBU, dodging past Reject and Rodez to dive into the ring in pursuit of Theodore Moneymaker! The Messiah is tied up with Thunderkid though and Zack gets lost in the melee, instead throwing right hands at whatever Enterprise or Cucaracha Internacional member steps his way. Moments later and BOHEMOTH sprints out through the curtains to get in on the war as well, sliding in and going to work on Alfdogg!! COLE IT'S ALL GONE TO HECK IN SAN JUAN!! Not a moment too soon referees rush out from the back to try and break the mass brawl up. But the wrestlers outnumber the officials and they're powerless to help, as the wild punches continue to fly around in the ring. They do manage to break up Leon and Reject though, for what it's worth. With Leon restrained, Melissa starts to rush towards him... but Molly Nerdly grabs her sister by the arm and wheels her around, into a big SLAP! Down goes Melissa, but Megan attacks Molly from behind, leading to Mackenzie tackling her to the ground giving the officials even more order to try and restore. Eventually, they give up and signal to the back, leading to more OAOAST staff and road agents to run to the ring to help out! COACH Michael, hold my headset. COLE What? Are you mad, you can't go up there! COACH What!? Screw that, room service just brought me my meal and I don't wanna be chewing on air, fool. COLE Oh for the love of... The fight begins to become a little less frenetic, if only because the shots everyone is taking are having their effect. Some roll to the floor to get out of the firing line, like The Beverly Hills Blonds and James Blonde, who go back at it on the floor instead. In the ring, Todd Cortez finds the room to set Sandman9000 up for the Riot Act Plus... but Christian Wright bundles him over. Finally the mass of OAOAST officials is joined by some of the locker room, the likes of The Love Doctors, Vinny Valentine and The Can-Jam Connection being drafted in to get the warring factions seperated! COLE It is utter chaos on HeldDOWN~! and it seems like there's no end in sight, even with all these bodies out here to stop it... LOOK OUT!!!!! Suddenly, Zack Malibu leaves the ring, with a PLANCHA OUT ONTO JAMES BLONDE AND THE BEVERLY HILLS BLONDS!!!!! COLE THIS IS OUT OF CONTROL!! We're going to need the US army to break this up at this rate! COACH I think they're busy elsewhere. COLE I thought you were supposed to be eating? ...I'm being told we're going to take a break and hope this has been sorted by the time we get back, stay tuned to HeldDOWN~!, hopefully we'll be back in one piece! *COMMERCIAL BREAK* Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted October 17, 2008 (edited) We return to HeldDOWN~! to the interior of the San Juan Hotel, where a brave Josh Matthews has ventured into the General Manager's office. MATTHEWS Uhm, Miss Baker, if I could. Josh approaches with some caution, as Josie steps out from behind her desk. MATTHEWS I just wanted to get your thoughts on what just happened in the ring. JOSIE My thoughts? Well, it doesn't take a genius to guess I'm none too happy about what just happened. The fact is for months now all of these wannabee leaders have been throwing insults each other's way and it just took someone to light the touchpaper. Someone like Leon Rodez. Well, he brought all this about and I'll deal with him later. Josie takes a drag of a cigarette. JOSIE For now? See, I can cope with all of these groups making testosterone feuled boasts of being the best towards each other. But when it becomes as chaotic and out of control as it did tonight, I have to do something about it. Another drag later and Josie decides the cigarette needs stubbing out. Hard. JOSIE So, next week, I'm going to let all of these warring factions have a chance to settle their differences. Every man involved in the mess tonight, with the exception of the three men in the Halloween Spectacular's main-event, will be involved in a special Battle Royal. The difference is, instead of one winner, the match will continue until there are two men left. And those two will then go on to the Halloween Spectacular, facing each other one on one, to decide who will challenge the OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion at November Reign next month. That's all. MATTHEWS Miss Baker, thank you. Back to ringside we go, to a still flustered looking Michael Cole and The Coach, busy wiping his mouth with a napkin. COACH Man, they weren't kidding about the food at this place. Props to the chef. COLE As you can see we've finally managed to get some order restored. Sadly before the fight could come this way and take care of my partner here, but you can't have it all. And what a huge announcement for next week! We saw utter bedlam here tonight and we're going to see it all over again next week in a HUGE battle royal! COACH Everything is huge with you. HUGE announcement. HUGE match. HUGE interview. You know what I think it is, dawg. I think its a manifestation of the insecurities you have with your penis. COMING UP NEXT ***OAOAST WOMEN'S TITLE*** JADE RODEZ-DUNCAN VS MALAYSIA NERDLY NEXT! NEXT! I SAY! NEXT! COMMERCIAL Edited October 17, 2008 by Patty O'Green Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted October 17, 2008 (edited) OAOAST HeldDOWN is brought to you by.... From the majestic skies and wonderful beaches of Puerto Rico we're transported to the horrid frozen tundra known as Edmonton, Alberta, Canada. If being in Edmonton wasn't bad enough, we seem to be several feet underground in an area that looks a great deal like a cave converted to a makeshift living quarters. You'd almost say it looked like a home for early man, but early man did not have a 64 inch plasma TV and a 360 and a PS3. Although she has the latest in gaming technology, Melody forgot to bring a lamp, and huddles around a blazing fire. look at Melody's new pic base. you look it at! dr.z's got the right idea about using pics on the show. step ya picture game up kids. MELODY Melody Nerdly, broadcasting from deep within the fortress of Nerdlytude! Security has been breached! The integrity of my saftey has been compromised ever since I got a hold of the No Homo preview copy. My own family, my own flesh and blood, so many that I can't properly keep all their names straight has tried to jack my copy. I've fought battles against my fellow Nerdly's so fierece they make Top Man's stage on Mega Man 3 look like Bubble Man's stage on Mega Man 2. I've had a lightsabre duel with our eldest brother Morton so instense and so exhausting that by the end of it my mind was so weary that I actually thought Superman Returns wasn't a woeful tribute to the greatest superhero of all time. You people have no idea what its like to lift up your authetnic phaser from Star Trek wrath of Khan, set it to maximum stun and watch your own mother disintenigrate right before your eyes! Neither do I, because it just makes little "ping" sounds, but I'm hard at work trying to at least reach maximum stun settings. But for those of you who are like my family and one would sell me to Jabba the Hut for a look at No Homo, I've got you covered. Me and IGN are hooking you up with more wrestler profiles, and a look at the brand new hall of fame mode. This mode lets you take on various key points and matches in the career for every character on the roster. Even me, and I've only wrestled five times on TV. You can unlock new superstars, costumes, arenas and even movesets in it. Or you can do it weaksauce style and enter a cheat code like MARV always does. Observe! HALL OF FAME MELODY There's your latest sneak peak at Capcom's and the OAOAST's No Homo. If you want to see more, swing on over to IGN, head to my Facebook and complain about why the turnbuckle pads are missing the OAOAST logo, why is Ned missing the Stun Gun in his moveset, why isn't Jumbo in the game, OMG Tyler doesn't take his jacket off during his entrance this game is ZOMGRUIINEDDD, and Alix's hair is light golden chestnut when in real life its just golden chestnut. Or just stay tuned to HeldDOWN if you're a technophobe. If you were technophobe then you suck. Srsly. Until next time, gamers! Edited October 17, 2008 by Patty O'Green Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted October 17, 2008 After a brief glimpse of the ring glazed in the San Juan sunshine, we're transported back behind the curtains to find Malaysia Nerdly heading towards ringside. Carrying her cat o'nine tails she has a determined look on his face, barely acknowledging Mr. Dick walking next to her chewing away on some gum. Before they can reach the curtains the disturbing couple come to a stop though, noticing BOHEMOTH stood near the curtains. BUFFER (heard faintly from the ring) Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is set for one fall... and is for the OAOAST Women's Championship! Holding Malaysia up for a second, Mr. Dick gets a mischievous smile on his face and walks up behind Bo, tapping him on the shoulder. MR. DICK Hey bigman, ya better get to steppin' before ya little crush comes on by! Wouldn't wanna have her blubbin' on that nice little suit of yours now, wouldya? "Oh please Big Bo, please take me out, I wanna be a real woman so I don't end up dining on consolation coochie for the rest of my miserable life like mah mommy do!" Please! Girlie better be prepping herself for a lonely life. BOHEMOTH Excuse me? MR. DICK Unless of course you wind up takin' pity on her. Sometimes you gotta settle for the closing time chick... not that Mr. Dick knows nothin' about that. BOHEMOTH I think you're needed in the ring. Bo's right, as "Wild Side" has already cued up. But Malaysia is in no hurry to leave it seems. MR. DICK See, I got you down pat Big Bo. See, Mr. Dick, he's 100% hetero. A real man's man with a real man's dick. Now you on the other hand, Mister Meterosexual, I bet you're real cut up about lil' ol' Jade. Heh. Well, don't you worry about it no more. Cause after tonight, Jade won't be a little girlie no more. She'll be the real woman. Cause tonight, me and Malaysia, we're gonna treat her like never before. Malaysia's gonna take her title... and then, Mr Dick's gonna take her innocence! Mr Dick strides off chewing away on his gum with a smug look on his face... ...and seconds later, we find ourselves back on the other side of the curtains to see Mr. Dick finally leading out the former Women's Champion. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, introducing at this time the challenger in this one fall contest. Accompanied to the ring by her two-handed squeeze, MR. DICK!! From Edmonton, Alberta Canada... the ultimate combination of beauty and beatdowns... MMMMAAAAALLLLAAAAAYYYYYSSSIIIIIAAAAAAAA... NNEEEEERRRRRRDDLLLLLLYYYYYY!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Malaysia cracks her cat o'nine tails threateningly, with Mr. Dick still feeling big about himself after what we just saw. With a big smile on his face he locks eyes with Malaysia, who can't help but pull him in. The two engage in a long, rough kiss... and when they finally come up for air, it's Malaysia with the chewing gum in her mouth. COACH (wipes tear from eye) What a beautiful couple. Climbing the ring steps, Malaysia scowls at the small but important crowd as she enters the ring. Referee Charles Robinson tries to convince her to hand over the whip... and as Mr. Dick grills him about it, Malaysia hands over the whip, as well as her chewing gum, grabbing Robinson's neck and FORCING it into the poor ref's mouth. Robinson quickly spits it out and Mr. Dick is just as quick to pick it up and return it where it came from. COLE Oh lord. COACH Yeah, that's a little gross. COLE Well, the Women's Title will eventually be on the line once everyone has finished vomiting at the actions of the challenger and her, quote, 'squeeze'. Malaysia has had a storied rivalry in recent months with Jade Rodez-Duncan and this will be a first in their series, with Jade coming in with the champion's advantage. After two dominating losses, Jade was finally able to defeat Malaysia in an emotional battle at AngleSlam to win the Women's Championship. But Malaysia will look for retribution tonight in this championship rematch. COACH Everybody who knows knows that what happened at AngleSlam was a fluke. Malaysia absolutely CRUSHED Jade, not once but twice where-as Jade surprised her with one move to fluke a win. She's still up 2 to 1, with plenty to spare. "Boys call you sexy (What's up, sexy) And you don’t care what they say See, every time you turn around They screamin' your name Boys call you sexy (What's up, sexy) And you don’t care what they say See, every time you turn around They screamin' your name" The lights flash purple and often even though we're outside, as "When I Grow Up" by The Pussycat Dolls hits. After a few seconds the curtains part, at the hands of the Women's Champion. Despite the encouraging reaction from the crowd it's a wide-eyed Jade Rodez-Duncan who emerges through them though, gripping onto the Women's Title over her shoulder as if she were a young child with a comfort blanket. BUFFER And her opponent! She now resides in Los Angeles, California... the second generation starlet with a heart of gold... ladies and gentlemen, she is the defending OAOAST WOMEN'S CHAMPION... "LITTLE MISS CALIFORNIA"... JJJJAAAAAAADDEEEEEE... RRRRROOOOODDEEEEEEZZZZZZ - DDUUUUUUUUUNNCCAAAAAAAAAANN!!!!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" As she reaches ringside, Jade hesitates over entering the ring with Malaysia and Mr. Dick hovering over her. Only once referee Robinson has them back does she demurely slide underneath the bottom rope. "When I grow up I wanna be famous I wanna be a star I wanna be in movies When I grow up I wanna see the world Drive nice cars I wanna have Groupies" Faced with the intimidating figure of Malaysia staring her down, with only referee Robinson in between the two women, Jade cowers back in the corner. Robinson eventually backs Malaysia up and takes the Women's Title from Jade to go through the pre-match rituals. COACH That's the last you'll see of that missy. COLE I have to say, not that I can blame Jade for being intimidated, but I was expecting her to come into this match with some renewed sense confidence. I mean, she beat Malaysia at AngleSlam, she beat Megan Skye last month at Zero Hour and yet, Jade looks more like the Jade of old. The Jade with the burden of the Duncan name on her shoulder. And you have to wonder how much of that is down to Malaysia... and, how much is down to what we saw last week. COACH You mean her getting absolutely crushed by Bo? COLE ...I'd have put it across in gentler terms, but yes, if you like. COACH Further proof that rather than carrying it, Jade actually IS the burden of the Duncan name. I mean seriously, what was she can do, ask him to the senior prom? Or maybe go to the mall for ice cream sundaes? With the belt display over, Robinson asks if both women are ready. And although Jade's response is so quiet it's only audible to canines, he goes ahead and calls for the bell. *DINGDINGDING!* COLE Alright, here we go, can Jade upset Malaysia one more time? The two ladies circle out of their corners, nerves clear on Jade's face as she flinches away from an attempted lock-up and goes to the ropes. Malaysia is backed off while Jade composes herself. Matters aren't helped by Mr. Dick, kindly informing Jade she's "gonna get hurt real bad" from the outside. Jade tries her best to shake it off as she and Malaysia lock up. COLE And that has to be ill-advised, no doubt. Sure enough Malaysia is easily able to back Jade into a corner. Referee calls for a clean break but Malaysia first lifts Jade off her feet and places her on the top turnbuckle, before giving the surprised Women's Champion an humiliating slap across the face! COACH Ooh! COLE Malaysia with a little reminder, as if needed, of what she can do. Jade carefully climbs from the turnbuckles and looks even more worried than she did at the start of the match. And rightfully so. With a cruel smile on her face Malaysia rubs her hands together, enjoying the slap before she moves forward. Caught off guard, Jade has to dodge away from the ropes, continuing to dodge away around the ring as Malaysia pursues her relentlessly. But Malaysia eventually catches her and pulls her away from the ropes. Jade grabs another lock-up trying to make herself less defenceless, grabbing a headlock. When Malaysia stands upright Jade's feet are left dangling above the canvas though and she's carried kicking to a corner again. MR. DICK Yeah, give her one for me baby! Slap like you slap me! Setting Jade on the turnbuckle, Malaysia licks her palm before she sla... NO! Jade kicks Malaysia's arm away! Shaking off her wrist, Malaysia swings with a slap from the other side... NO! Jade kicks that one away as well! Getting her feet, Jade then leaps over Malaysia with a sunset flip... ...but can't take the powerhouse over! COLE Nice try but Malaysia's not going anywhere, not with that strong base of hers. COACH Just think of the exercises she and Mr. Dick must do to strengthen those thighs..... oh yes. Breaking the hands away, Malaysia reaches down and grabs Jade around the throat before HOISTING HER RIGHT TO HER FEET!! That freaky show of strength is followed by another, as she lifts Jade off her feet in the choke! "ONE!" "TWO!" "THREE!" "FOUR!" "FI..." Malaysia lets Jade drop, where she coughs and splutters for breath. COACH Poor Jade. Second week in a row she's been left hanging. Picking Jade up by the hair, Malaysia hits her with a forearm so hard it bowls her head over heels! COACH Oh-ho-hoo! Man, I ain't got nothing funny to say about that, that was just flat out brutal! COLE Malaysia was dangerous enough before. But now she's out for revenge, it may be a very long night for Jade I'm afraid. COACH Or a very short night that feels like a very long night. Fighting her way up, Jade has to use Malaysia as a makeshift ladder to climb to her feet. Once up, Malaysia clasps her around the head, delivering a knee to the stomach. And a second. Jade falls to her knees and Malaysia steps over her, applying a camel clutch. Face etched in pain, Jade hangs in as Malaysia wrenches back on the neck. After a few seconds in the hold Jade is able to shut the pain out long enough to figure out where she is and goes for the ropes. And with little resistance she gets there, Malaysia letting go of the hold even before Jade gets the break. Jade is relieved to reach the ropes all the same though. Especially when Malaysia starts stomping her in the back and is forced to back off by the referee. COLE We're seeing a very determined Malaysia Nerdly so far. No sign of her toying around and having her own unique brand of fun as we usually do. Jade pulls herself up on the ropes but Malaysia attack her with a knee. Then a clubbing blow to the back. An irish whip sends the champion off the ropes and Malaysia puts her head down looking for a backdrop, but Jade surprises her with a kick to the chest! COLE There we go Jade! Standing upright Malaysia glares at Jade, but the intimidation fails and the Women's Champion nails her opponent with a surprise forearm to the face! Malaysia shakes it off, but Jade hits a second. And a third. Growling under her breath Malaysia grabs out for the champion's hair, just missing as Jade is a second quick enough to run off the ropes, putting her all behind a running forearm. That one seems to stun Malaysia and a sudden rush of confidence goes through Jade's body, encouraging her to paw the challenger with an open left hand. Then paw her with an open right. With a guttural shout, Jade then pulls a 360... AND GETS CHOPPED DOWN WITH A CLOTHESLINE!! COLE No, couldn't get the combo off and look at the big smile on Mr. Dick's face right now. COACH Can you blame him? Once Malaysia wins the title, he's the guy she'll be celebrating with! The Human Hard On applauds in the absence of anyone else doing so. Hovering over the crumpled body of Jade for a second, Malaysia finally makes the lateral press... 1... 2... NO! Jade squeaks a shoulder out and Malaysia scowls. COLE Fight being shown by the Women's Champion, but she's in a bad position here. Picking Jade up, Malaysia delivers a sidewalk slam and hooks up the leg... 1... 2... Kickout! MR. DICK C'mon you half a retard, 1, 2, 3, get it done! (turns around) Get that damn camera away from me! Mr. Dick shoes the unfortunate OAOAST camera-man on his ass and goes back to playing cheerleader for his lover. COLE Was that called for!? The guy was just doing his job! COACH He was getting too close to Mr. Dick for comfort, that's all. He should fell lucky. If Mr. Dick had seen something he liked suddenly that camera man could have been seriously hurt. In the ring, Malaysia holds Jade in a neck vice, demanding the referee ask for a submission. Jade says no though and tries to get the crowd behind her. Malaysia cranks the neck again though and shuts Jade down. With the Women's Champion beginning to weaken, Malaysia delivers a hard boot to the back of the head and turns her over for the pin... 1... 2... Kickout! COLE This is shades of AngleSlam, Jade soaking up the bulk of the punishment and waiting for an opening. COACH Well that tactic's only going to work for so long before her body shuts down on her or she loses consciousness. Malaysia's just gotta keep her cool. COLE But will she? Jade crawls her way to the ropes with Malaysia in pursuit. The referee again moves Malaysia back though. Lurking on the outside, Mr Dick sees the referee distracted and with Jade's head hanging over the bottom rope he balls up his fist... and quickly acts innocent as Robinson turns around. COLE Was he just going to punch Jade in the face!? COACH Hey, no big deal. For Mr. Dick and Malaysia that kinda stuff counts as foreplay. Malaysia pulls Jade to her feet, nailing her with a right hand. The ropes prop Jade up as Malaysia hits another right, then buries the knee deep into the midsection of the Women's Champ. An irish whip then sends Jade across, Malaysia swinging high... and Jade going low, surprising Malaysia with a schoolgirl... 1... 2... No! Another swing and a miss from Malaysia as she gets to her feet. Behind her opponent Jade hits a quick kick to the back of the leg, then ducks a back elbow and delivers a kick to the leg from the front. Malaysia reaches out and shoves Jade away, but Little Miss California shows much of her mother's tenacity by coming right back with forearm strikes! COLE And now look at Jade go! MR. DICK C'mon Malaysia, shut her down, SHUT HER DOWN! But Malaysia is unable to do so, as Jade suddenly backpedals into the ropes, ducking underneath Malaysia's grasp and coming off again with a Running Sleeper Drop!! COLE WOW! Jade takes the mighty Malaysia down, here's the cover! 1... 2... Kickout! Jade is quickly back up and hits the ropes again... ...FALLING FLAT ON HER FACE AS MR DICK TRIPS THE ANKLE!!!! COLE Oh come on! COACH She tripped! What a clutz, her mother would never do that. COLE You've got to be kidding me. As Jade picks herself back up, Malaysia charges... and DRIVES her boot into Jade's chest with a vicious Yakuza Kick!! The back of Jade's head whiplashes off of the ring ropes behind her and she goes down in a heap, Malaysia right on her with a choke! "ONE!" "TWO!" "THREE!" "FOUR!" "FI..." Malaysia breaks for a second, then puts the choke immediately back on. COLE Come on referee, get her off of her! This is completely unnecessary! "ONE!" "TWO!" "THREE!" "FOUR!" "FIV..." Another break, another pause and then right back to the choke! Robinson gives up on counting and just tries to pry Malaysia off of Jade, but he can't move the powerful woman's hands from around Jade's throat, leaving him no choice but to call for the bell. *DINGDINGDING!* COLE The referee's throwing this one out, Malaysia Nerdly has lost it here! She's just trying to choke the life out of Jade Rodez-Duncan, we might need some more help out here! As Malaysia starts slamming the back of the already defenceless Jade's head against the mat, referee Charles Robinson is pulled off of Malaysia and given the COCK BLOCK by Mr. Dick!!! COLE OH! COACH Yeah, change 'might' to 'definitely'. Malaysia finally relinquishes from Jade, who seems to have been knocked senseless from the way she landed earlier. Exiting the ring, Malaysia marches around ringside, sending the cameramen scurrying. Michael Buffer is soon scurrying too, as Malaysia grabs her cat o'nine tails from the timekeeper's table and slides into the ring with it. COLE Oh no. What on earth has Malaysia got in mind here? COACH I don't know but I really think we oughta be charging extra for it. Pulling Jade away from the ropes, Malaysia cracks the whip loose... *WHACK!* ...AND WHIPS JADE ACROSS THE BACK!! *WHACK!* ...AND AGAIN!! COLE This is disgusting! Get somebody out here to stop this already! MR. DICK WOAH WOAH WOAH!! Baby, baby, breathe. Breathe baby, it's okay, cool it down. Malaysia continues to stand over Jade with the whip, as Mr. Dick runs a calming hand down her arm (amongst other places) having retrieved a microphone. MR. DICK That's enough for now. I don't want you using up all of that there sexual aggression up before tonight now, do I? Besides, it's time to let Mr. Dick wet his... ahem... 'beak' a little. Tie her up. COLE Tie her up, what!? Suddenly the anger disappears as Malaysia gets a cruel smile on her face. She kneels down next to Jade and starts to hog-tie her legs with the cat o'nine tails. Mr. Dick swaggers around, as Malaysia then grabs a hold of Jade's arms and stretches them out with her feet on the shoulders, leaving Jade helpless. MR. DICK Now you listen girlie and you listen good. I told the world that when I got your mother in the ring again, I was gonna humiliate her and I'm gonna make her submit. Ya see, Mr. Dick's gonna make history and it'll be at her expense. Nobody... NOBODY... humiliates Mr. Dick and gets away with it. An' you're gonna send that message to Mommy. See, Mr. Dick specialising in going where no dick has gone before. So, with that in mind... we told ya'll we were gonna take two things tonight. We didn't get your title, but missy, we damn sure gonna take your innocence tonight. And when I'm done with you, you ain't gonna have to worry about Bo no more. Nuh-uh. Jade tries to struggle free but isn't going anywhere, as Mr. Dick starts to UNBUTTON HIS SHORT SHORTS!!!! COLE Oh no, no DON'T YOU DARE! DON'T YOU DARE DO THIS!! MR. DICK You're about to find out, up close and VERY personal... just why its a blessing to be Mister Dick! Horror fills the Women's Champion's eyes, as Mr. Dick drops the microphone and reaches in... *BbwWbAhmotherfuckerLlIiiBbbEErRrAATtTeeyYyOUUurRrMmmMmMiIInNnDddDd!!* COACH UH-OH! Mr. Dick suddenly gets a little performance anxiety, realising he's not going to get done before BOHEMOTH can sprint to the ring! The Meterosexual Monster chews up the aisleway and slides into the ring, Mr. Dick getting the jump on him but unable to fend Bohemoth off for long before he comes back swinging with wild rights!! COLE Thank God for Bohemoth! Kick his ass Bo, give it to him! Bohemoth pounds away on Mr. Dick in the corner, causing him to cover up! That's not enough to stop Bohemoth, but a shot from behind from Malaysia is. Bo's head snaps around and he starts to stalk towards Malaysia, who backs up... only to lure him in while Mr. Dick recovers. Mr. Dick attacks from behind and suddenly it's two on one... ...UNTIL KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN SLIDES INTO THE RING!!! COACH HERE COME MOMMA! Diving in, Krista quickly unties the whip from around her daughter's ankles. Before Jade can even thank her Krista is on the attack though, wrapping it around Mr. Dick's throat from behind!! A shocked Mr. Dick is just able to get away before the life is choked from him and he scrambles out of the ring. In doing so he leaves Malaysia behind, Bohemoth powering to his feet under her attack. Malaysia doesn't back down from the bigman as much now, but Mr. Dick is quick to pull her to safety as Krista goes after her! COLE Mr. Dick threatening to deface the Women's Champion just like he did to Baron Windels months ago, but thankfully, thankfully, Bohemoth and Krista out here to run these two sick puppies out of here before that could go down! Krista leans over the ropes threatening all manner of uncomfortable and unnatural injuries on Mr. Dick and Malaysia as they back up the aisle. Krista then goes over to check that Jade is okay. A clearly awkward Bohemoth hesitates over doing the same, before he leaves the ring and heads to the back as well. COLE Well thankfully we've got some order restored here. We're going to take a quick break, we'll be right back with more HeldDOWN~! COACH It was nice of Leon to help out there. What a great dude he is, coming to the aid of his sexually assaulted niece. You a good guy, Leon! You a good guy! COLE I said we'll be back. LONG COMMERCIAL Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted October 17, 2008 (edited) We're deposited backstage in front of the COD hotel room, where Terry Taylor stands with his favorite ladies, Alix and Krista, TERRY Terry Taylor, backstage with Krista Isadora Duncan and Alix Maria Spezia. Girls, I think the question on everyone's mind is how is Jade doing? KRISTA Despite what she had to endure, Terry, it looks like she'll be alright. Its a great thing that Bohemoth was out there as well. I appreciate anyone that's willing to look out for my kids, and I guess that means I have to cancel the hit I ordered on him after he rejected Jade. Which is kind of unfortunate because the deposit is non refundable and its not like I can transfer it over to Christian Wright or anything. Oh, and thanks for your help with Jade, Terry, you were real Clark Kent on that one, superdork. TERRY What did you want me to do?! ALIX I told you to arm the homing missiles before the show! TERRY The instructions are written in Arabic. KRISTA That's not Arabic, Alix just doesn't know how to write in cursive. Listen, I don't know whether to be shocked or pleasantly pleased that being hog tied by a leather fag and his post-op tranny bottom isn't the worst thing that's ever happened to my darling eldest daughter. Regardless, she's not hurt all that much, but she is a little shaken up, and little down, but I told her I'd take her to lunch with Justin Timberlake and that seemed to perk her up for some reason. Heterosexual women are weird. TERRY Tell me about it. I don't know how many times I've been slapped for telling a random passerby she'd look better in a catsuit and a ball gag. KRISTA But, I'm not okay, honey. I'm worse than not okay. I'm unokay, I had to invent a new word to describe my feelings of malaise. Honey, because I just had to watch my oldest girl suffer through an amazingly unnecessary attack by reasons number 102 and 103 why the OAOAST talent scouting department should reduce their daily crack intake, my immune system has gone haywire, broke down to the point of no return, and I've just come down with a terrible case of Footinmisterdick'sassitis. ALIX (singing) Ooooonly the good die yooooooung! TERRY I've never heard of this disease before. And I watch Scrubs religiously. KRISTA Professor Alix, if you would enlightenin Mister Taylor. ALIX Its, like, oh my god, super rare! The only person who's ever gotten it before is Baron Windells. Which is crazy, because he's a beagle that lives on top a little red house, and a famous World War I fighter pilot. TERRY That's Snoo... KRISTA You should know by now not to correct her if you want this segment to end sometime before we all turn 40. ALIX And it only happens when Mister Dick does something soooooo mean and terrible that ya got no other choice but to ram your tootsies into his caboose! TERRY That's terrible. KRISTA Isn't it? The oscars are in six month's, honey. What if...what if I still have footinmister....um...what if I still have the disease? I can't show up on the red carpet wearing Mister Dicks anal cavity. Those materilistic shitstains on E! shred you apart for wearing a dress with a zipper, can you imagine if I wore a guy with assless chaps and a cock ring? What about just basic everyday life? How do you expect me to get around this crazy, mixed up world we live in? Its fine for you or someone like Landon to have a disfiguring disease. The readily available amount of bestiality and simulated rape videos on the internet means you guys only have to leave your house to escape from the FBI. But me? I have PTA meetings, I have to take Maya to soccer practice, I have yoga classes to teach, I have videos to shoot. I have to go to therapy, I have to have sex with my therapist. ALIX You have wedding dresses to pick out, wedding cakes to each, wedding cakes to eat off my naked body. KRISTA How am I supposed to do any off that stuff, when I'm ankle deep inside Mister Dick? Answer me that, and stay TV-14. ALIX Ooooh ya know what else? She also caught Footinmoneymaker'sassitis! Ugh, what luck. We were supposed to go to the beach on Saturday and now she's got both feet stuck in Mister Moneymaker and Mister Dick. And she just got the cutest flip flops on earth! Plus, like, her car and stuff? She can't even get into it. She ain't hood rich, like ya nigga A.Spez, stuntin on in Bentleys, so she's still rollin around in a Prius, cause she's all "we've only got one earth!" and stuff. If we had dimensional transporters we'd have two worlds. KRISTA If I was a republican interested in destroying the earth as soon as possible while using the 101 as my personal monster truck rally I'd own a hummer. But with a mere teeny tiny Prius I'll never even get inside with Mister Dick and Moneymaker on my feet much less blaze down the highway at a top speed of 40 miles per hour. That is why I need the help of the American people to fight this disease. Excluding those who live in the following states, of course. North Carolina Ohio Virginia Mississippi New Jersey Arizona Missouri (St.Louis excluded) Illinois (Chicago excluded) KRISTA But if you don't live in one of those portals to hell, fell free to throw a rock or a stone, or a large mammal... ALIX A rhino works super well I find. KRISTA I'd even settle for gopher. Feel free to just sling one of those as hard as the laws of physics will permit at Mister Dick or at Theodore Moneymaker. If you should see them on the street, what could possibly be the harm of just winding up and cracking them right in the jaw? Sure your hand might hurt a bit, you may get a few teeny droplets of blood on you, and its possible that blood will burn through your skin, I'm not sure how demon's work since my mother left her post in the underworld, but gosh darn it, it'll be worth it! In addition if you succeed in flooring Moneymaker, but not knocking him out, go ahead and burn a twenty over his crying eyes! Don't worry, I'll pay you back double. TERRY That's very generous of you! KRISTA Its coming out of your food fund. TERRRY Crud. KRISTA Don't you dare worry about an aggravated assault or even better a manslaughter charge. Nicole Richie, Paris Hilton, Snoop Dogg, Krista Isadora Duncan, Tommy Lee, Alix Maria Spezia, Lindsay Lohan, we've all spent some time in the county blues, and we're rich and famous. And in some cases, incredibly hot. How's not going to jail helping your hustle, kids? Whatever you do, however you do it, please oh please, take a bad beating to Theodore Moneymaker and Mister Dick. Because I know I sure as hell am. ALIX Once ya leave 'em like Craig left Deebo in Friday, make sure ya leave one of these stickers on their forehead. TERRY Krista, perhaps you'd like to further address Moneymaker's smear campaign against Maya? You did do a very good job against Abdullah earlier tonight, but is there anything else you'd like to say to Moneymaker specifically? You've been cursing up a storm in LA about it, so why not curse up a storm in San Juan. KRISTA Theodore Moneymaker, you're oh so sweet crush on me has taken a regrettable turn for the worse. It took one turn, stopped, saw its grandparents having sex while TV weatherman Al Roker pleasured himself in the corner and said "No, not bad enough." then took another turn to the lamentable animal comedy Kangaroo Jack, said "Pretty bad, but not bad enough" and then took us to where we are now, treating my daughter's 8th grade election like its a matter of whether we rise up against King George and his horrible Boston Port Act. ALIX Or whether we vote for Justin over Kelly on the 1st season of Idol. TERRY I voted for Justin. I've been paying for it ever since. KRISTA As Moneymaker, a man so fat and hideous his farts have been known to kill all plant life within a six mile radius, and the woman who's apparently smoked enough crack to earn the title of the albino flava flava said at the end of their no doubt Peabody award winning program, you ought to pray for Theodore Moneymaker. And I say, that's the best idea anyone's had since they decided to cast Demi Moore in a movie where she's topless for 33.3 minutes. ALIX We timed it. Twice. KRISTA Why the heck not pray for my biggest admirer, Terry? You all go on and you pray for Mister Moneymaker. Go to your synagogues, your mosques, your Churches your Church's Chicken, your big Sam's Titty City, what ever place of worship you prefer, get there ASAP, and join hands and light the candles of a candlelight vigil, and pray. ALIX Because as the wise all seeing man of the cloth MC Hammer once said "We got to pray. We got to pray just to make it today." KRISTA Pray to Jesus, Allah, Buddah, Tender Heart Bear, Strawberry Shortcake, the fat Ghostbuster I forgot his name, the mother from the Cosby's, pray to whoever you think can aid Theodore Moneymaker, because only divine intervention will stop me from unleashing the most of unholy of all thrashings on that supreme douche bag. Theodore Moneymaker crossed every line there is when he attacked Maya, and when he saw there were no more lines to cross, he rushed to Home Depot, bought a can of yellow paint, laid down a few more lines, and stepped right over them. That is habitual line stepping, and I am a habitual ass kicker. He messed with my little girl, and now his life is over. You can laugh it up all you want at Maya's expense, but when whatever entrance music I decide to use that month hits, all I know is you better you act like Madonna's acting career and disappear, because I will beat you from here until the end of time. That's right the end of all time. God'll have his hand on the button ready to blow you all to kingdom come, "Come on Krista, come on, the virgin mary is finally gonna put out! I gotta end this thing" "Not now, God, I still have chips in his elbow I haven't broken!" "Come on Krista, I'm trynna get my dick wet." "Honey, ya shoulda thought about that before you gave him so many bones to break!" ALIX What's really hood with that whiteboy, Mister Dick? I know you ain't gonna let him go on like he livin the OG lifestyle. Ride on this bitchmade ass ho, bad girl! Let this dude know that once again its on! KRISTA Mister Dick, honey, I don't even need to seriously address you. I don't even have to lift a finger to end you. The highlight of my year was being inducted into the Hollywood Walk of Fame, the highlight of your year was masturbating on Baron Windells and singing a song about it. Honey, why don't ya go to sleep with that one on your mind and tell me if you feel like waking up in the morning. And when you do finally crawl yourself out of wherever NAMBLA houses its card carrying members, I want you to properly understand its going to take a UN resolution and an American military intervention to stop me from ripping your nipples off with a rusty swiss army knife, and using them as part of my juggling act at the West Hollywood Jewish community center 5th annual talent show . I will fuck you up. There's no witty pop culture reference to that, there's no clever allusion to historical events that'd go over your head because you spent most of elementary school thinking paint thinner made a delicious after lunch snack. You touched my daughter, and now your life is over as well. I once heard you refer to yourself as a pitbull. If you're a pitbull, I'm Mike Vick. I will leave you hanging like you're first name was Saddam. I will be the worst think to hit a dick since HIV. The only reason I didn't come out there with a bucket of gasoline and a wad of matches and burn you to a tender juicy crisp is because Tony Tourettes drank all my gasoline because he thought he'd turn into Knight Rider. The amazing thing is he did turn into Knight Rider. What adventures we had this afternoon, solving mysteries, fighting villains, explaining to the Puerto Rican police why I was riding a human to the liquor store. Good times. Oh, you're invited to Jewish Community center talent show by the way, Terry. TERRY Thank you! ALIX Hey! How come I had to threaten to dump all the drinks in your liquor cabinet into the ocean, ridding you of your vodka and the fishies of their aversion to man on man ass play, just to get ya to wake up so you'd catch your plane to NY for your spot on TRL, but you're all hyped about juggling in front of a bunch homeless dudes there for the free punch and cheeze its? KRISTA I just like to juggle. Terry, honey, how are you for being sawed in half? TERRY I didn't know you were doing magic also. KRISTA I'm not, I just think your torso would look lovely next to my fall patio furniture. As Terry contemplates a future without the lower portion of his body, we fade out to our next commercial break. Edited October 17, 2008 by Patty O'Green Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted October 17, 2008 (edited) *Give me fuel Give me fire Give me that which I desire!* Fuel by Metallica hits, and Brickston makes his way out towards the ring, accompanied by Vitamin X. COLE United States title on the line here on HeldDOWN, as well as a match with big World title implications! Let's go to Michael Buffer! BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall, and it is for the OAOAST United States championship! Making his way to the ring, the challenger, being accompanied to the ring by Vitamin X...hailing from Sacramento, California, and weighing in at 215 pounds...BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIC K SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!! COLE And finally, nearly a month after winning the belt from Colombian Heat, Alfdogg will make his first televised defense of the Unite... COACH Whoa, whoa, whoa, Cole. Alf has had World championship commitments since winning the United States title! Don't think for one minute that he's disregarding his United States title! Haven't you been at the house shows? COLE ...no. COACH I would expect no less from you, Cole. Brickston enters the ring, raising his arms high in the air and letting out a roar, then goes to the second rope and does it again, as VX sings his praises. Magnum Opus hits, and Alfdogg makes his way into the area. BUFFER His opponent...weighing in at 237 pounds...he is the REIGNING and DEFENDING OAOAST United States champion...ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFDOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOGG!!!!! Alf enters the ring, then sets up for his pose, but knows Brickston is charging behind him, so he ducks his clothesline, and starts to fire off with right hands! *DING DING DING* COLE And Alf had that one scouted all the way, he set Brickston up right there! Alf executes an inverted atomic drop, then backs into the ropes, and floors Brickston with a Hart Attack clothesline! Alf gets to his feet and removes his belt, then picks up Brickston, delivering a snap suplex, followed by a snap legdrop! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! COLE Alf pouring on the offense early in this one! Alf backs Brickston into a corner, and delivers a CHOP~! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! And another! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! He then brings Brickston out and whips him into the ropes, catching him with a flying back elbow! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Alf once again sets up Brickston, but this time Brickston reverses. Alf ducks a clothesline, but gets caught with a BIG BOOT! COLE And Brickston perhaps turning the tide now with that big foot! Brickston picks up Alf, and whips him into a corner, then charges, but Alf gets his feet up! Alf then follows up with a bulldog! Alf then climbs to the top rope. COLE Alf gets the feet up, and now up to the top rope... However, Brickston is up, and catches Alf as he gets to the top! COLE And Alf's gonna go for a ride here! Brickston pitches Alf off of the top rope into mid-ring! Brickston then drops a big elbow, and covers... 1... 2... Kickout! Brickston whips Alf into a corner, and charges, hitting Alf with an avalanche! He then picks Alf up, and lifts him up for a back suplex, but Alf flips over to his feet, and rolls him up in a reverse sunset! 1... 2... Kickout! Brickston approaches Alf, who catches him with a shot to the gut! Alf then gets to his feet, and hooks Brickston in a front facelock, then lifts him for a suplex! However, Brickston slips behind the back, and attempts his own reverse sunset, but Alf drops to his stomach, leveraging Brickston to the floor! COACH And a great move there by Alf, using the leverage to send Brickston to the outside! Alf stops to catch his breath, then makes his way over to the ropes, and launches himself over the ropes with a PLANCHA onto Brickston! COLE And a great high-flying move by Alf! Alf slugs away at Brickston on the floor, then picks him up, and whips him into the steel steps! COLE Brickston hard into the steel steps! Alf then rolls Brickston inside, waits for him to get to his feet, and executes an OVERHEAD BELLY-TO-BELLY~! COLE And now Alf setting up Brickston for the kill! Brickston rolls into a corner, as Alf waits on him again, while Vitamin X sneaks into the ring! COLE And look at this! Vitamin X lines up for a clothesline, but Alf ducks, and hits him with a SUPERKICK~! He then hooks X, and takes him over the top to the floor with a BELLY-TO-BELLY~! However, he's distracted long enough for Brickston to floor him with a MASSIVE clothesline! COACH Whoa! COLE Vitamin X provided the distraction, and Brickston now in control of this match! Brickston covers... 1... 2... Kickout! Brickston then picks up Alf, and whips him into the ropes, catching him with a Boss Man slam! Cover... 1... 2... Shoulder up! Brickston then waits for Alf to get to his feet, and traps him in a BEARHUG~! COLE Brickston with a big bearhug! Could it bring him the United States title? Alf tries to fight it, but fades slowly. The referee raises the arm... 1!!! 2!!! ...but Alf holds out on the third lift, then drives in a right hand! And another! And a third! Alf then grabs Brickston's head, and gnaws right on the bridge of his nose! COLE And Alf biting the nose of Brickston! Alf gets himself free, then starts spitting and wiping his mouth. He then backs into the ropes and charges with a clothesline, but Brickston catches the arm, then goes behind, and executes a FULL NELSON SLAM~! Cover... 1... 2... NO! Shoulder up! COLE Nice recovery by Brickston, but Alf escapes again! Alf rolls to the apron, and Brickston follows, reaching over, and pulling Alf to his feet. He attempts to suplex him back inside, but Alf slips behind the back, and executes a GERMAN SUPLEX~! 1... 2... NO! Kickout! Both men lay on the mat briefly, then Alf slowly gets to his feet, and picks up Brickston, hooking him in a front facelock. However, Brickston blocks, then sets up Alf on the top rope. He climbs up to the second rope after him, then starts delivering right hands...but Alf fights back with a CHOP~! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! And another! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! And a third! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! Alf then hooks the front facelock once again, and lifts Brickston, dropping him to the mat face-first! Alf then steps to the top, and waits for Brickston to get to his feet, then hits him with a MISSILE DROPKICK~! Cover... 1... 2... NO! Brickston gets the shoulder up! COLE So close there for Alf! Alf then backs up, and waits on Brickston once again, then moves in for a SUPERKICK...but Brickston catches his foot, and locks in the ANKLE LOCK~!!!!!11111 COACH He's got it! COLE Brickston with the ankle lock! However, before Brickston can drop to the mat with the hold, Alf pushes up with his hands, then rolls forward, tripping Brickston's legs up, then gets to his feet, and steps through with the SHARPSHOOTER~!!!!!11111 COLE And now Alf with his submission hold, the Sharpshooter! Alf sits back, but spots Vitamin X attempting to enter once again. Alf releases the hold, then as Vitamin X steps through the ropes, he grabs the middle rope, and lifts it up into the groin of Vitamin X! VX rolls back to the floor, as Brickston comes from behind once again, scooping Alf up for the KILLSWITCH~!!!!!11111 ...but Alf slips behind, then hooks Brickston, and drives him with the COBRA CLUTCH FACEBUSTER~!!! Alf then makes his way to the top rope. COLE And Brickston is out of it, as Alf heads up... Alf connects with the FIVE-STAR ALF SPLASH~!!!!!11111 COACH Got it! 1... 2... 3!!! COLE And Alf defends his US title! BUFFER The winner of the match...and STILL OAOAST United States champion...ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFDOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOGG!!!!! COACH Well, a very impressive victory for Alf here, and I hope Josie Baker was watching! COLE I'm sure she was, Alf having to fight off two guys in this one, both Brickston as well as his manager, Vitamin X, but he pulls through and scores a successful United States title defense! Alf grabs his belt and rolls to the outside, walking back to the backstage area as Brickston looks on from the ring. COMMERCIAL Edited October 17, 2008 by Patty O'Green Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted October 17, 2008 MYTHICAL WORLD TITLE ANNOUNCEMENT I SUPPOSE Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted October 17, 2008 Returning from break or wherever we were before this segment brings us to Ned Blanchard, clad only in a pair of purple swimming trunks with a black trim, striding down the hallway of the hotel's first floor. His left fist pounds into his right hand, and his face is twisted into an angry snarl. Passerbys are quick to steer clear of him, unwilling to be a target of his anger. Fortunately for the health of the hotel guest, Ned reaches his destination, the hotel room of The Heavenly Rockers. Three hard and impatient knocks bring out Logan Mann, overdressed for the beach in leather pants and tassel filled biker jacket. NED Where's your boy? LOGAN I know your mama taught you better than that. I know your mama taught you better. NED Where's your boy? LOGAN Say "hello, Logan." Common courtesy when greeting a friend. NED You're no friend of mine, Mann. Get me your boy! LOGAN What boy? I am without child. NED You know who. Abdullah! Logan scoffs at such a demand. LOGAN Did you not just see what happened? How do you miss a guy getting thrown through a wall and washed out to sea? That's unobservant, Blanchard. You should try to pay more attention to what goes on in around here. NED I don't care what happened. Let me see him. Having heard the commotion of this old enemy, Holly squeezes herself between her husband and the doorway. The typically surly redhead does not greet Ned's arrival with any sign of warmth. HOLLY He's getting stitched up. What do you want with him? NED I want to have a talk with him about what he called my kid. LOGAN What did he call your kid? NED Tarzan. He called her Tarzan. LOGAN That's right. I remember that. Did you like the jungle music there? I composed that in Soundtrack Pro. I think a lot of people limit me to just rock and alternative, but I'm so much more. I'm hip hop, I'm country, I'm dance- NED Shut up. Just let me talk to him. I'm not gonna hurt him, I just want to talk to him and give him a chance to explain himself. HOLLY You're so transparent. NED What do you mean by that? HOLLY You don't give a crap about Maya. Everyone knows that. What's worse Abdullah making fun of her once, or her being constantly reminded on TV that her old man don't give two tosses about her? You wanna chew someone out, start with yourself, Blanchard. NED That's not true. LOGAN Yes it is. Or else you would've been right there with Krista laying out Abdullah. You want my analyzation of the situation? You know your career is going down hill, you're on the wrong side of thirty, you've got no marriage prospects, you blew your last chance at the tag team belts, so Maya is your way of having something good in your life. Sorry, Handsome Hustler, you're just a little too late. Ned has no comeback for Logan's harsh assessment, and does nothing more than grit his teeth in anger. HOLLY Moneymaker says The Enterprise is at our beck and call, so how about you fetch us some sandwhiches from the hotel kitchen. LOGAN I'd like mine with bacon and olives if you don't mind, and Synth loves French Mustard. Thanks, buddy. And just like that the door is slammed is on Ned, leaving him to stew angrily by his lonesome. THE OAOAST EVENT TRACKER IS BROUGHT TO YOU BY GILLETE-THE BEST A MAN CAN GET October 23rd, 2008 - Washington, D.C. October 31st, 2008 (Halloween Spectacular II) - Miami, FL November 6th, 2008 - Milwaukee, WI November 13th, 2008 - Greenville, SC November 20th, 2008 - Toronto, ON November 27th, 2008 - Baltimore, MD November 30th, 2008 (November Reign) - Anaheim, CA (the fuck is this Anaheim shit???) Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted October 17, 2008 mainevent Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
