alfdogg 0 Report post Posted October 30, 2008 COLE Folks, earlier today, the Heartland Halloween Hootenanny took place at Busch Gardens Europe in Williamsburg, Virginia, at the Howl-O-Scream exhibit! The participants were as follows: The Can-Jam Connection of "After Hours" Felix Strutter, Denzel Spencer, and Reggie Lamont, Panic at the Disco, along with their bouncer, Ken Pantera, The Birmingham Bad Boy, Jamie O'Hara, Jumbo, Deuce Deuce Bigelow, "Cash Money" Curtis Black, and some tag teams to round out the field, Los Conquistadors, Los Diablos de Fuego, and the Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew! Let's take you to the footage! Cut to the exhibit, and various cut shots of the participants. Jumbo and Deuce are sitting at a concession stand in the Italy exhibit, splitting a pizza. COLE Jumbo and Deuce enjoying their pre-match meal! Meanwhile, in the Germany exhibit, Vinny Valentine, Biff Atlas, and Ken Pantera have set out a table and are playing cards, while Tony Tourettes can be seen playing pinball in the background. Vinny jumps startled at a loud banging sound. TONY MY ASS! I GOT YOUR FUCKING "TILT" RIGHT HERE, BITCH! Tony grabs the front two legs of the pinball machine and starts to lift it, before Vinny, Biff and Ken cool him down. Meanwhile, in the France exhibit, Los Diablos de Fuego are shopping for souvenirs, as the loud speakers come on all over the park. ANNOUNCER [i]Attention participants: It is now time for the Heartland Halloween Hootenanny to begin![/i] *DING DING DING* As the bell rings throughout the park, the Diablos are met by the MCHG! COLE And here we go! Lucius and Mariachi hammer away on each other, and go tumbling into the shelves, as Moracca grabs a witches' broom off the shelf, and breaks it over the back of Rico! COLE A tag team war in France, as Los Diablos going at it with the Mardi Gras Homewrecking Crew! Meanwhile, in the Scotland region, Los Conquistadors are doubling up on "Cash Money" Curtis Black, when suddenly [i]Black Sweat[/i] begins to play over the loudspeakers in the park. COACH Oh, no! Los Conquistadors look around the park, as the camera cuts around, then catches MISTER Warrior on a long shot, charging out of the gate from the Ireland exhibit, then making a right turn, and flooring both Conquistadors with a double clothesline! COLE Busch Gardens Europe is experiencing DESTRUCTICITY~! MISTER WARRIOR pounds on his chest, then runs to the railroad track and hops onto the train, and the camera watches as he rides off into the distance. COACH Is that goofball in this match? COLE Does it really matter? Meanwhile, we cut back to Germany, where a huge brawl has broken out in the bumper car lot, featuring Panic at the Disco and the Can-Jam Connection. COACH Look, bumper cars! Denzel and Felix duke it out with Vinny and Biff, while Pantera hammers away on Reggie. Pantera scoops up Reggie and executes a rib-breaker, then makes his way over to the controls, and after some fiddling, starts up the bumper car lot! COLE And Ken Pantera has got the bumper cars running here! Pantera flattens a park employee with a forearm to the face as he approaches him attempting to stop him, then makes his way back over to Reggie, choking him on the ground, as Vinny jumps into a bumper car. Tony Tourettes jumps into the seat next to him, as Vinny charges towards Reggie! COLE And Vinny's going to try to ram into Reggie here! However, just before he reaches him, Denzel charges over in a car of his own, and collides into Vinny and Tony! COLE A bumper car session has broken out here in this Heartland Hootenanny! Biff climbs into a car, but can't figure out the controls, and crashes into Vinny, as well! Tony jumps out of Vinny's car, and shoves Biff to the ground, then steals his car! COACH Uh oh, Tony not very happy with Biff's driving abilities! Tony proceeds to chase Biff around the lot in the bumper car, as Felix drags Vinny out of the lot. He hammers Vinny with right hand, but gets decked from behind by Pantera. COLE And now former tag team partners going at it! Jamie O'Hara is, fittingly enough, in the England exhibit, rummaging around in a cart of frozen Dots. COLE As we look at Jamie O'Hara searching around, let us remind you that the object here is to find the device which opens the front gate, then get it to the front gate, open it, and exit to win the match! COACH That's right, you can beat on your opponents as much as you want, but that won't win you the match! O'Hara makes his way over to another stand, but spots Uno coming towards him, and cuts him off with a right hand, then grabs a baby stroller and brings it down onto his back! The two attempt to choke one another, as we go back to Italy, where Pantera and Vinny have interrupted Deuce and Jumbo's meal, as Jumbo uses a piece of his pizza to rake the face of Vinny! COLE Well, there's an innovative use of the eye gouge! Deuce then grabs the pizza sheet and slams it into the head of Pantera! Biff starts to make his way over, then sees the food mess, and decides instead to search around. He walks into the restroom, and finds a broom, then uses it to tip over a trashcan, and moves the contents around in his search for the device. Biff then starts to leave the Italy exhibit heading north, and as he crosses the bridge, the train passes under, and Biff looks on as MISTER Warrior continues to ride around the park. COLE And there goes MISTER Warrior on the train! Biff looks on, then walks off, heading towards the Scotland exhibit. At that exhibit, we see Curtis Black and Lucius Soul hammering it out, and Lucius tries to get away, making his way to the Loch Ness Monster roller coaster! He makes his way into the control room and hits the switch to start the ride, then quickly jumps into the front car! COACH Only in the OAOAST, a roller coaster ride breaking out mid-match! Black manages to hop into the back car, with a cameraman in tow, as the cars go around the roller coaster! COLE And the cameraman getting some nice benifits in this one! The cars dip close to the water, then back up, eventually going through a cave, then come to a stop back at the start, as Lucius jumps out, then snatches the camera from the cameraman, and blasts Black over the head with it! COACH DAY-UM~! COLE And Cash Money just got walloped with that camera! Lucius then makes sure he's out of it, before rushing back inside and starting up the ride again! COLE And Black's going to take another ride here, while Lucius gets away! COACH That's nice strategy, Black won't be able to search for that switch in there! Meanwhile, back in France, Tony Tourettes is wandering aimlessly around the bathroom. COLE And there's Tony back in the France exhibit, I don't know if he's looking for the switch or what he's doing! COACH Well, Tony's not a part of this match officially, he was just kind of there with Panic at the Disco! Tony then leaves the bathroom, and walks over to the train station, getting onto the train, as MISTER Warrior is still riding. Warrior stands and grunts at him. TONY What the fuck you looking at? MISTER WARRIOR AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH~! TONY GOD DAMN, YOU ASSHOLE! You ever heard of FUCKING LISTERINE? MISTER WARRIOR AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH~! TONY AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH~! The train takes off, as Tony and MISTER Warrior continue to exchange "pleasantries." Meanwhile, Jumbo walks into the camera, eating a huge cream-filled eclair. COLE Jumbo's just here for the food, I think! Meanwhile, Jamie O'Hara and Rico de Janiero have taken their battle to the log flume! Both men exchange blows, with O'Hara getting the better of it, then scooping up Rico and slamming him into the log! O'Hara straps him down, and starts up the ride! COLE And now Rico going for a ride in the log flume! Meanwhile, Ken Pantera and Denzel Spencer do battle on the big bridge leading from Germany to Italy. Pantera hammers Spencer on the back, then lifts him for a PRESS SLAM~! COLE And Pantera...he looks like he's gonna toss him off the bridge! This can't happen! However, Reggie arrives on the scene, raking Pantera's eyes from behind. He and Denzel then floor Pantera with a double clothesline, and Denzel heads for Germany, while Reggie goes to Italy. Back in Scotland, Felix and Vinny continue their battle, as the train pulls up again. Vinny hops onto the train, and Felix follows, and the two slug it out as the train pulls off! The cameraman follows. COLE First the Loch Ness Monster, now we have a cameraman riding the train at Busch Gardens! The action is followed in the train, as Felix and Vinny slug it out, with MISTER Warrior standing in the background posing. Tony makes the stupid mistake of jumping out of the train as it's moving, and the cameraman watches him roll on impact towards Italy. COACH :lol: Look, there goes Tony! Meanwhile, in Ireland, Deuce and Dos do battle inside a restaurant! Deuce scoops up Dos, and bodyslams him through a table! After he does this, Uno shows up and jumps on the back of Deuce. Jumbo then emerges from the kitchen, carrying a beer mug and a baked potato, then sets it down and attacks Uno. COACH Jeez, he [i]just ate![/i] A split-screen then comes up, with one side continuing on the action in Ireland, and the other side cutting to Germany, revealing Jamie O'Hara emerging from a carousel CARRYING THE SWITCH~! COLE And look, Jamie O'Hara has found the switch! COACH So the match is over, right? COLE No, it's not over, Coach, he has to take it to the front of the park, and use it to open the gate, then exit! And if you look at the map, you'll see that the gate is located in England! The loudspeakers come on. [i]Attention participants: The switch has been found! It was located in the carousel in Germany![/i] Biff Atlas comes out of nowhere, and grabs one of the support beams on the carousel, swinging around and catching O'Hara from behind with a kick, then grabs the switch! COLE And now Biff with the switch! Biff, doing his best Repo Man impersonation, clutches the switch to his midsection, then looks for a hiding place. COACH Biff trying to hide, and I don't blame him, those guys are all going to be heading his way now! Biff sneaks through the woods, and comes out by the big bridge. But as he does, he's walloped by a trash can from Mariachi, who grabs the switch and starts to make his way down the bridge! COLE Mariachi, one half of Los Diablos de Fuego, now in possession of the switch! On his way by, he stomps to kick at Ken Pantera, who makes his way to his feet, then kicks Mariachi in the gut, and grabs the switch, before CLOTHESLINING HIM OVER THE SIDE OF THE BRIDGE INTO THE WATER~! COLE OH MY GOD~! Mariachi was just sent over the edge of the bridge, into the cold water several feet below! COACH Well, I'd have to say he's been eliminated from consideration! Pantera makes his way into Italy, and decides to stop in the restroom. COACH Piss break! Pantera stands in front of the urinal, setting the switch on the sink, while Denzel Spencer emerges from the stall, and smashes a snow globe over his head! Denzel then grabs his hair, and rams his head into the urinal, making sure he's out, before making off with the switch. He rushes over to the train station, and hops on the train. COACH Well, that was stupid, now he has to go all the way around the park! COLE Yeah, but now he can catch his wind, and he'll be closer to the exit when he gets off! Denzel rides all the way back around to Scotland, then gets off, making his way into England. He encounters Lucius Soul, and engages in a slugfest. He gets the better of the exchange, and drives a knee into the gut, then tosses him into a rack containing wheelchairs! COLE It looks like Denzel's gonna do it, Coach! No one else stands in his way! Denzel sees the gate, then re-attaches the button to the wall, and opens the gate, then walks out of the park! COLE That's it, the match is over! *DING DING DING* The loudspeaker comes on. [i]The winner of the Heartland Halloween Hootenanny...DENZEL SPENCER![/i] A referee awaits Denzel outside, and raises his hand. COLE Denzel Spencer your winner in the first-ever Heartland Halloween Hootenanny! What a match that was! As Denzel walks off, the camera cuts back to Sofa Central in the arena in Miami. COLE That of course was taped earlier today, Denzel Spencer here in Miami now, where later tonight, he will challenge Sandman9000 for the Heartland title, Coach! COACH Sounds to me like out of the frying pan and into the fryer! Denzel took advantage of an opportunity earlier today, but those tactics aren't going to cut it against Sandman! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
