HS: wright V windells

[Patty O'Green 0]

The Sunshine State meets ZZ Top’s legendary classic with a glut of disgusted jeers. The hatred isn’t for the bearded rockers, however, rather the smug superstar that has chosen it as his entrance music. Dressed to kill in pinstriped Armani slacks, and blue Kenneth Cole dress shirt, Christian Wright twirls himself beneath a single golden spotlight as green strobe lights flicker from the sides of the entrance stage. At his side, holding his trusted briefcase is one of the brains behind The Enterprise, Mackenzie DeCenzo. The Money Honey looks every bit as ravishing as her cohort, in a sparkling sequined gown with a sexy cutout back.

BUFFER
Ladies and gentlemen the following contest is scheduled for one fall with a time limit of twenty minutes. Making his way to the ring being accompanied by the “Money Honey” Mackenzie DeCenzo, from Washington DC he weighs 8 1/3 bars of gold he is The Natural Christian Wright!

CW offers the audience another look at slacks they’ll never be able to afford as he runs his hands down their smooth sides.  He and Mackenzie then  have a small strategy session before they both bid each other farewell and Mackenzie makes her way to the announce table.

COACH
Mackenzie DeCenzo! Welcome, welcome!

MACKENZIE
Thank you. I’d like to say I’m happy to be here, but well…you know.

COLE
What gives, Coach? Are you planning on replacing me? With [i]her[/i]?!

COACH
Not now.

COLE
Yes now. Yes now! Yes everyday! Everyday until you tell me what I am to you. Am I one of your sluts? Parading out here all dolled up just so you can stomp on my emotions for the world to see. Go to hell, shitbag, and see if anyone there can make you cum like I did!

MACKENZIE
Is it too late to escape to the French announce table? I knew I’d live to regret throwing away that Rosetta Stone book.

Someone has given CW a microphone! The audience is none too happy with that action and they blast them with their furnace hot hatred.

WRIGHT
How now, fair citizens! Fear thee not, for this evening’s festitivities shall not call upon my oratory skill to indulge in the cliché by cutting a promotional interview on all hallows eve.  No my presence here begs a topic more nobler in truth than this day of costumed idiocy.  On this televisual transmission I shall lay the gauntlet of war at the feet of the man who laid just such an object at mine. His squawks like that of one’s pet parrot were a gaiety of tepid interest, and yet met with mostly the  spurned chortling of men his intellectual superior.  Dare I be so brash with my words as to say Baron Windells’ was perhaps brash with his? Is it not without the righteous arm of poignant authority that I may offers this judgement? Mister Windells I see you not as the warrior you dare to classify yourself as. With baneful eye and unremorseful heart I find you nothing beyond a grunt. Your wonderment extends to the deepest recesses of what no doubt is a miniscule mind as to what use my esteemed comrades in The Enterprise for your minimal, if not non existent talents. Put blunty and without any attempts at kindness, you are needed as a heavy, a brute, muscle to exercise the rule of the brain. Here will you be given the ultimate test of whatever power you may yet hold. Bring yourself to me, Baron!

[i]Make us poster boys for your scene
But we are not making an acceptance speech
I found the safest place to keep all our old mistakes
Every dot com's refreshing for a journal update[/i]

Fallout Boy’s power pop tracks is given stunning visual accompaniment by simmering flames that form the shape of a bull’s head on the entrance stage. Orange lazers flash and flare at a chao`tic insane pace. Into this fiery scene steps two hundred sixty five pounds of southwestern beefcake, Baron Windells! The Lonestar Gunslinger throws his hand up to loud cheers, the nosiest coming from the females in attendance.

BUFFER
And the opponent, from San Antonio, Texas, he weighs in at two hundred sixty seven pounds! He is a former One and Only World Tag Team Champion, ladies and gentlemen please welcome The Lonestar Gunslinger, BARON WIINDDEELLLSSSS!

The Gunslinger tips his cowboy hat to the many fans cheering his name. Despite the support he receives from Miami, his expression is stoic and solemn. His entire focus is on the man who stares at him with a dismissive smirk, Christian Wright.

COLE
Mackenzie, The Enterprise seems to be recruiting Baron Windells, or at the very least you all have been scouting him for a while. I know stables are popular these days, and you’re all about recognition and prestigious institutions. But, you don’t need a big name or big things behind you to do big things.  Jimi Hendrix did some great things in the army.

MACKENZIE
Jimi Hendrix also faked being a homosexual to get out of the army.

COLE
How’s your painting going?

MACKENZIE
Good. Thank you.

Windells hoists up his now OAOAST-famous Stewie Griffin t-shirt to the approval of the audience, and the disdain of his foe. Wright finds the gesture so annoying that he rips the shirt out the hands of Windells. The booing crowd and the stunned Texan watch with disgust as CW throws the t-shirt to the ground.  Angered, Baron stoops over to pick it up, but leaves himself wind open to an axe handle from The Natural.

“BOOOOOOO!”

“Let an intelligent man be not your bête noire! Let him be the governor to your aspirations of better conduct!” CW calls back, as he batters his rival with stomps targeted at his lower back. Once through with his stomping, Wright hauls BW off the canvas and delivers a pair of elbows to his now sore back. He then heaps on additional anguish by slamming Baron’s back against the mat with a side Russian leg sweep.

MACKENZIE
Baron probably has more potential than just a grunt. But, let’s be honest, he doesn’t have the mental makeup to reach that potential on his own.  He needs the mind, the money, and the athletic facilities provided by our group to see himself to success. Otherwise he’s just another face in a big useless OAOAST crowd. 

Despite the pain in his lower back The Gunslinger battles back to his feet. But, that’s a small victory for him, as CW captures him inside an inverted facelock. Within seconds, The Natural lowers Baron down and smashes him into his outstretched knee. As Baron whimpers with distress, Wright arrogantly discards him to the canvas. His foe debilitated for the moment, CW retrieves the Stewvie Griffin t-shirt and clads himself within it.

‘BOOOOOOO!”

MACKENZIE
I agree, Miami, Family Guy is severely droll and juvenile waste of animation and airspace compared to the classics of yesteryear  such as Tiny Toon Adventures. There was a dodo bird in that one, Cole. Does Family Guy have a dodo bird?

COLE
We've got a couple at sofa central. 

Baron is understandly outraged by Wright’s disrespect, and hops upright to make him pay for his shenanigans.  But The Natural meets his ascension by tightening him  into a sideheadlock. He smiles out to a disapproving audience, but taking his eye off his opponent, gives BW the chance to shove him into the ropes.  As he makes his return he slides through the open gap between BW’s legs. The Gunslinger struggles to turn around in time to get a read on him, and that yields awful results; Wright wraps his arms around his waists and lifts him into the air before driving him onto his back with a back suplex.  As Baron grits his teeth to suppress the quickly rising pain, The Natural takes off to the ropes aiming for a body splash onto his foe’s injured body part. But as he returns, Baron rolls towards him in an effort to trip him up. However, Wright evades the tactic by leaping over his rival’s outstretched body. He bounces off the second ropes again coming into contact with Windells’ defense; Baron raises his legs and flips him over onto the canavs! The fans delight in Wright’s misery and Windell’s effort to pump them up with a raised arm.

COACH
I ain’t trynna dis on Mister Moneymaker’s steez or nothing, but I ain’t seen one good thing outta Baron since Mister Dick went Ike on his Tina Turner ass. This dude’s like a ho in a Lifetime movie. We gonna see him out in the middle of a flower field singing “Its not right but its okay” by Whitney Houston.  This dude has more pussy in em then a Designing Women marathon. Ol Delta Burke ass nigga.

Meanwhile in the ring, CW scrambles towards the corner to be away from the resurgent Gunslinger.  But there’s no escaping Baron’s power as the hunky Texan pulverizes him with a running lariat. Clutching onto his sore chest, Wright staggers outside of the corner and begs the referee to grant him the timeout. While Charles Robinson attempts to explain there’s no timeouts in wrestling, Baron builds up a head of steam on the ropes. When he reaches his mouthy adversary he silences him with  a diving shoulder block! Windells kips right back up and roars into the Miami night!

“YEAAAAAAA!”

COLE
Baron feeling his oats!

MACKENZIE
Baron feeling the shame, the awful shame, of being a twenty eight year old man thrown into rage by a Stewie Griffin shirt. What’s next Mister Windells, homocide because someone cracked your Futurama DVD? Come to The Enterprise and please learn a better way. 

Wright is back on his feet, but is under a wave of punches from Windells. To stop the embarrassing drubbing, he shoves The Gunslinger away. Having pushed Baron off balance, CW decides its best not to push further luck and instead looks for the nearest exit. He gets his body halfway through the ropes, before his foe decides he’s not going to escape this time. BW takes a hold of Wright’s high fashion slacks, and hauls the screaming and hollering grappler back into the squared circle. CW cries are muffled into silence as Baron’s powerful arms clamp down on him with a front facelock.  He then lifts his left leg onto Wright’s arm in order to prevent The Natural from fighting back. As CW is firmly locked into place, BW dives backwards and spikes his head against the rock solid canvas.  The fans heartily applaud the scissor DDT, as BW beats his chest in triumph. He then brings CW off the mat, attaching him into another front facelock. His hands grab a hold of his slacks and he lifts the Natural high into the air for a vertical suplex. The audience cheers the impressive strength of the San Antonio native as he holds Wright suspended in the air. The cheers degenerate into annoyed groans, quickly though, as CW succeeds in expertly maneuvering his way out of Baron’s clutches.  Without giving his opponent time to react, The Natural puts his head beneath Baron’s arm and raises him upright. A mere moment later he brings him down across his knee for a belly to back backbreaker! Baron falls over onto the canvas, hands finding his sore back.

“WRIGHT SUCKS! WRIGHT SUCKS! WRIGHT SUCKS!”

MACKENZIE
Is Jeremiah Wright, Obama’s anti America, anti white, anti freedom, closest socialist friend here? Because they certainly couldn’t be talking about Mister Christian Wright!

Wright finally removes the Stewie Griffin t-shirt and decides to be a gentleman and hand it back to its owner. Unfortunately his idea of being a gentlemen involves laying the shirt on Windell’s face and rubbing it in with his Hugo Boss slip ons!

“Come on, Christian, knock it off.” Robinson chides him as the audience does so in their vulgar way.

Amazingly Wright ceases his deplorable act, doing so only to lift BW off the canvas.  He snakes his arms across Baron’s waist in an inverted waistlock. Unwilling to be the victim of anyone of CW’s high impact holds. Windells uses his overpowering strength to sweep behind him and capture him with an inverted waistlock of his own. But, BW has just as much success as CW; which is to say none, as Wright whips around to regain his waistlock. Leaving no moment for BW to reverse the hold once more, The Natural throws him overhead with a release German Suplex! 

“BOOOO!” hisses the audience after Baron’s lands neck first against the mat.

COACH
Check out the way Baron’s neck hit that mat! Wright stay jacking up these strawberry shortcake niggas.

MACKENZIE
Coach, I was wrong about the things I said about you. Have a candy bar.

COACH
What things have you said about me?

MACKENZIE
Never mind that, just enjoy the candy bar.

Baron very slowly begins trying to lift himself off the mat.  His pace is much too lethargic for CW, however, and The Natural rips him off the ring ropes by his hair. He traps both of Baron’s muscular arms in a double underhook and throws a pair of knees to his midsection to prevent any sort of escape. Baron still tries to win his freedom, but Wright will have none of that and yanks him off the mat. The crowd boos once again when the cowboy is struck with the Nightmare on Wallstreet (Canadian Backbreaker)

MACKENZIE
And this match is just about finished. 

Seeking to prove Mackie correct, Wright hooks his foe’s leg for a pinfall…

ONE!

TWO!

A kickout by Windells causes Wright to spew one of his usual verbose diatribes at the referee.  While continuing to argue with Robinson, The Natural lifts the groggy Windells back off the canvas. He tags him with two quick European uppercuts before shoving him back first into the turnbuckles. Baron grimaces from the pain that’s taken home in his back and stumbles forward, unaware that Wright is salivating over his arrival. Once he reaches his near drooling partner he’s taken for a lethal ride by the famous Wright Off (Sky High)! Baron is brought down into the mat with a booming thud that leaves the ring shaking.

MACKENZIE
This one is over. I said that before, but I mean it more this time than I did then.

Robinson drops down to score the signature move’s ensuing pinfall…

ONE!

TWO!

Once more, Baron’s shoulder finds its way off the canavs. This time Wright ignores any qualms with the referee and instead directs his focus to the turnbuckles.  He quickly scampers up them, but his fast movement is delayed by his need to further aggravate an already displeased audience.

“Behold! He who both wields power and desires to use it is a puissance not wisely reckoned with!”

COACH
Hehheh My man said puss-

MACKENZIE
No he didn’t. Give me back my candy bar.

The master of puissance goes flying from the turnbuckle with graceful agility marking his frog splash. Sadly his landing is less than pretty as The Gunslinger slides his chiseled frame out the way! Wright crashes into the floor and the fans are as happy as a lark. 

COLE
Nobody home for the frog splash!

Wright is up with unusual quickness given his ordeal, but his movement is staggered and dizzy.  This is perfect for Baron who charges him with a lariat! But Wright has enough wits to duck bellow him, and avoid the Myspace Comeback by hooking onto him with a side headlock.  Wasting little time, he rushes towards the corner planning a bulldog. But, the planning stage is as far as that move gets; Baron shoves him crotch first into the ringposts. The fans are as delighted as one can expect, screaming over Wright’s hoarse shrieks.

MACKENZIE
That’s like dumping acid onto his soul. I can’t watch the horror! 

Wright succeeds in pulling himself free of his ball busting predicament, but his strength is all but sapped and he’s forced to recline against the turnbuckle post to recover it. This is a near impossible task due to Baron climbing the top rope to hammer him with the tried and true turnbuckle punches!

“ONE!”

“TWO!”

“THREE!”

“FOUR!”

“FIVE!”

“SIX!”

“SEVEN!”

“EIGHT!”

“NINE!”

“TEN!”

Baron dismounts Wright, and admires his handiwork of a near weeping opponent, mumbling futile pleas for mercy or at least his coveted timeout.  Sadly the only thing that’s given to him is a taste of Baron’s shiny metal ass!  Just seconds after Wright hits the mat from the BUTT bump, his energetic adversary orders him back up. CW stands, but does so only to try and make his latest retreat. With no intention of letting Wright weasel his way out of this match, BW floors him with a big boot!

COLE
Baron is cooking! 

Snarling with a ferocious intensity,  Baron drags his wounded adversary off the canvas and tightens him into front facelock. He calls out for the Brigham Young Cocktail (leaping DDT) and sends the audience into a delirious fit. CW himself is delirious with panic and holds onto the ropes, in hopes of preventing the finisher.  But this does nothing to assist him as Baron hauls him away. Desperate to avoid certain doom CW drills Baron between the legs with a forearm!

COLE
That’s despicable! He hit him with a low blow. 

MACKENZIE
I’m sorry I didn’t know it was Christian’s fault god put genitals between’s Baron’s leg

Baron immediately releases his grip on CW, wrought with anguish over the illegal tactic.  Ignoring a chastisement from the referee, The Natural immediately pounces on his rival with a front facelock.  He lifts him up and then brings him right down with the Stockmarket Crash! The audience boos the appearance of the finisher, and not just because it reminds them of their financial woes!  With Windells out from the deadly hold, Wright covers him for a pivotal fall..

ONE!

TWO!

THREE!

*DING DING DING*

Sharp Dressed man comes back to the arena as Wright leaps up and celebrates his victory by climbing to the top rope and inviting a booing audience to worship their intellectual and moral superior.

BUFFER
The winner of this contest as a result of pinfall…CHRISTIAN WRIGHT!

Mackenzie joins CW in the ring, offering him heaps of praise and enthusiastic applause while he continues his completely overboard celebration.

COACH
Maybe Baron considers joining The Enterprise now. That is if they even still offer him a spot after he choked. Dude asked for a fight and he took a loss. I wouldn’t let that kinda cat on my team, ain’t no way no how.

COLE
Took a loss? He was cheated! He asked for a fight and Christian Wright ripped him off.

Edited November 1, 2008 by Patty O'Green