OAOAST Syndicated 11/18/08

[Patty O'Green 0]

 

Brought to you by American Express

Taped: November 14th, 2008

First air date: November 16th, 2008 (check local listings for airings in your area)

Announce team: Tony Schiavone and Jesse "The Body" Ventura

Lead correspondent: Tony Brannigan

 

Yep its Syndicated. Don’t really know what else to say. I used a public restroom for number 2 for the first time ever and didn’t wipe well enough and walked around like a little penguin because I was havin a real shitty day till I got home and man did I stink. Oh and California is on fire and that’s less than good.

 

***Bohemoth Vs Logan Mann W/Holly Mann***

Hey, HeldDOWN was in Bohemoth’s hometown and he only wrestling on the B show! Let’s play detective and figure out why that was. Heat in the backstage locker room? Failed drug test? Killed push? Mouthed off to the wrong dude? Creative has nothing for him and we wish him the best in his future endeavors? You be the judge! And while you’re being the judge I’ll be over here snorting this coke, and Bohemoth will be fighting Logan Mann. The MACHO Macho Mann riled up the audience with his expert stalling techniques, which consisted of playing the air guitar, stretching out his vocal chords, and admiring the glossiness of his leather pants. Finally The Meterosexual Monster had enough off Logan’s antics and Metrosexually murdered him with a running knee. Picking Logan back up, Bohemoeth impaled him with a seemingly unending torrent of shoulder blocks to the stomach. Somehow Logan found enough of a break in the attacks to roll big Bo up for a mere one count. The big man sprung back to his feet and tried to cut Logan down with a lariat. But Mann had other ideas, namely hitting his larger foe with a springboard dropkick. Though the blow didn’t floor Bo, it gave Logan the chance to attempt his famed Percussion DDT. Unfortunately, Bo easily countered that by back body dropping Logan over the top rope. However, Logan’s incredible agility allowed him to come down on his feet. He used his fortunate landing to take Bo by surprise with sunset flip that earned him a two count. Bo made a speedy recovery upright, but Mann stalked his path to put him down with a running neckbreaker. Three more running neckbreakers would follow but only amounted to an all too close two count.

 

Deciding that cheating would be better than trying to tame the mastodon, Logan used his combat boots to shove Bohemoth out the ring. Holly then took it upon herself to choke the life out of Bo with guitar strings. While his loving wife skirted the rules of the OAOAST, Logan chatted with devout AC/DC fan, Charles Robinson, about the band’s latest album. Mann had to cut short the engaging conversation once Bo dragged his presumably weakened body into the ring. But, Mann’s cheap tactics had the opposite effect as intended; instead of crippling the monster, they invigorated him and he met Mann with a spear! Logan’s sudden decision to retreat was only cut off by a thundering spine buster from the hometown hero! The fans were on their feet, and their cheers were louder than anything ever head in the state as Bo hit Logan with the The Erotic Awakening Of B! But a major disruption soon came as James Riggs, in his continued effort to get fired, invaded ringside conducting a matching band! In proper attire no less! The normally calm Bohemoth lost his cool, yelling and cursing while Riggs continued lead his merry band. Eventually Bo realized he wasn’t getting rid of Riggs and had no choice but to turn back towards Logan. Problem was Logan was back to full and health and shocked the big man with a Percussion DDT! A three count followed, stunning the audience.

 

Winner: Logan Mann via pinfall and James Riggs’ percussion ensemble

 

Much more enthused was Riggs, who led his band through a victory song in celebration of Logan’s cheap win. Less enthused was Riggs when an enraged Bo decided to spinebuster half of his woodwind section.

 

The HeldDOWN Recap was shown, displaying highlights of Mister Dick's ordeal with the massage parlor,Mister Dick and Krista's submission match along with the chaotic aftermath, Ragdoll's deplorable treatment of Sophie, as well as PRL getting in that silky smooth ass of Leon Rodez. Pause.

 

Outside in the parking lot, VICE was seen preparing for the world series of dice with WSOD legend Ashy Larry! Interrupting the time-honored game of ghettos across America was Megan Skye. Skye stated that she was aware VICE was affiliated with The Enterprise but also knew their “services” were for hire for other’s with deep pockets. Thus, she wondered that although she might be facing an official Enterprise member in Molly Nerdly, would they protect her against a possible run-in from the CAE or anyone of Molly’s 100s of family members. She would’ve asked one of CI, but she didn’t feel confident in their abilities to guard against such a threat. Bosley said that the only thing Molly was really good for was “filimin me blowin the back out the next chumps’s chick, hands off the steering wheel of a Ferrari goin 100 MPH in the FAST LANE ON THE HIGHWAY OF TITIES AND PUSSY” and they’d be happy to take Megan’s cash.

 

***Molly Nerdly Vs Megan Skye W/VICE***

Molly wasn’t overly thrilled with her own associates lining up with her opposition, but as Moneymaker says “Money Talks.” The unexpected disadvantage threw Molly off at first and she was overpowered by a series of headlock takedowns and an arm drags. Back to her feet, Molly gained the upperhand with some strikes until The Perfect 10 cut her down with a diving lariat. Megan went to work on Molly’s back with a bodyslam and a Texas cloverleaf that the NYU student quickly escaped with a rope break. Megan’s assault was unyielding, as she drove her knee into Molly’s back right after breaking the Cloverleaf. Megan then locked Molly into a surfboard submission, but the Nerdly fought furiously to escape. Hastily she returned to her feet, but Megan captured her into a sleeper hold. Only ten seconds into the hold “Like The Angels” burst into the arena, causing Megan to order VICE to cut off possible interference from the CAE. CPA and Bosley followed orders, running up to a stage that was completely vacant. The real threat was in the ring; Melody Nerdly struck Megan in the back of the head with the OAOAST No Homo collector’s edition box, allowing Molly to hit the Final Cut Studio 2 (diamond cutter) for a victory!

 

Winner: Molly Nerdly, via pinfall

 

Postmatch Molly and Melody shook hands and all will be well at the dinner table in Fortress of Nerdlytude. At least until Maggie sits down. And then Melissa. And then Malaysia. And Probably Abdullah also.

 

Backstage Biff finally got around to realizing the obvious. Maybe this safety thing just ain’t working. He explained to his November Reign partner, Rico De Janiero, that somehow his entire life has become even more unsafe since he began his crusade against every danger in the known universe. He’s been put in Heartland title matches, tossed out windows, thrown through tables, hit with chairs, raped, dry humped, and given “unidentified diseases belonging to the homosexual community”. And worst of all only four people have signed his petition to get the fans booted out the OAOAST shows! All that made Biff think maybe its time to hang up the bright orange safety vest, call up Flex, and see if he can get a stock job at the GNC Flex is managing. Rico wouldn’t hear any of that talk, saying Biff talked like a pussy. Biff commented he never knew pussy’s talked, but had never been around one so wasn’t sure what they did. Rico explained that it takes time and effort to get people to listen, but sometimes things are too important to wait for time. Sometimes you have to force people onto your side. Rico promised that if they beat the team of Reggie Lamont and Jumbo , Biff would have two new followers.

***Biff Atlas and Rico De Janiero Vs Reggie Lamont and Jumbo***

This November Reign preview almost turned into a November Ruin at the hands of Biff’s goalie equipment. The safety conscious brawler got his blocker tangled inside the ropes! Patrick Roy he is not. A competent wrestler he is not. Regardless, Biff wasn’t needed in the early going. While he tried to get himself free of his own misdoings, Rico and Lamont traded blows. Before the match could turn a bare knuckle boxing brawl, the Latin Lothario nearly blinded Lamont with an eye rake. A sightless foe, is a helpless foe, as Rico found out as he easily pummeled him in a neutral corner. Once Biff was untangled, De Janiero guided Lamont to his side of the ring and made a tag with Atlas. Very carefully Atlas entered the ring. But his slow arrival was well worth the wait as his goalie pad assisted leg lariat almost KO’ed Lamont. After the pads showed Reggie why one should always wear safety goggles, the huge chest protector showed why one should always avoid pissing off goalies; Biff flattened him with a body splash. Amazingly that only earned a two count. Biff argued with referee Earl Henber that prolonging this match only led to increased risk of injury. Sadly his point was proven correct, when Lamont rattled his goalie mask with a dropkick. Biff got up urging Lamont to stop the violence and increase the peace. But his pleas feel on death ears and Lamont overwhelmed him with a hip toss. A tag brought Jumbo into the ring and sent Biff scurrying to tag in Rico. Both men came in with the fury of a bat out of hell, but it was Rico winning the exchange with a leaping DDT. Jumbo wouldn’t be put down that easily as he returned to his feet to crush Rico’s bones with a fall forward slam. Biff broke up the ensuing pinfall, and lived to regret thanks to Lamont dropkicking him out the ring. Rico dispatched Lamont with an overhead belly to belly suplex and then grounded Jumbo with a mere drop toe hold into a side headlock. Jumbo fought with all his might to get out the hold, but the South American maintained his grip even as he led him to the corner to tag in Biff. Atlas came off the top rope to drive his blocker into the head of Jumbo, and then knocked him loopy with right high kick. That could’ve spelled the end for Jumbo had Biff not decided to try for his Safteysault. As anyone who’s been following Biff’s exploits could’ve predicted he missed, and his errant strike created the chance for Jumbo to make the hot tag! Not abiding by silly things such as rules, Rico charged into the ring to greet Lamont but feel victim to a flap jack that crashed him face first into the ring posts. This left Biff squarely in the line of fire, and inside goalie pads he certainly wasn’t quick enough to get out the way. He tried to hammer Biff in every unpadded area on his body, until he realized there aren’t any unpadded parts on Biff’s body. Thus he had to settle for striking him with a bicycle kick. Unfortunately, this left him open to a Gutwrench Suplex from a recovered Rico. Jumbo quickly jumped to his partner’s defense but Rico countered him with a kick to the gut and showcased his impressive strength with a Mustache Ride! Rico then pounced on Jumbo with a Rico Vice that left the blubbery grappler with no choice but to tap out.

 

Winners: Biff Atlas and Rico De Janerio via submission

 

Postmatch, Rico added two new unwitting signatures to Biff's infamous petition. By Rico's logic, rape=marriage and gangrape=polygymy. AWESOME!

 

On the interview stage Tony Brannigan caught up with Todd Cortez for his thoughts on his Thanksgiving day matchup with Ned Blanchard and Bohemoth. Cortez said his thoughts were that he was looking forward to giving a riot act plus to both men. He's a man of few words, and we're a show with few minutes left and one more match.

 

***Tim Cash Vs Faqu***

A true sportsman to the bitter end, Cash offered his customary handshake to the person just as likely to bite your hand off as shake it. Fortunately his gesture didn’t result in him becoming wrestling’s first one handed man, though it did result in him being Irish whipped into the corner. Staggering out of the corner, Cash nearly got plowed through by a rushing sidekick, but the former EMT had enough wherewithal to avoid the kick. The hulking monster landed with his leg tangled over the rope, the prime position to be dismantled by an opportunistic foe. Tim Cash is not what I or anyone else would call opportunistic. Thus the good guy assisted referee Clem Buzzlefoxer in helping him out the ropes. That may have been the nicest thing to do, but it certainly wasn’t the smartest as the former HI-YAH world champ proceeded to pound him into the ring with hard strikes to show his gratitude. No good deed goes unpunished! After reducing Cash’s spine to dust with forearms, Faqu tossed him into the corner where he battered him with no less than six uncontested shoulder blocks. Pulling Cash away from the corner, he launched him into the ropes. But, Cash came back with a cross body block into a pinfall for two. Back on their feet, Faqu returned to the attack by flattening the Peoria native with a headbutt. As if the headbutt weren’t enough, Faqu then lifted Cash onto the top rope and powerslammed him off for a near three count. The failure to score a victory greatly angered Faqu and he attempted to torment Cash with an armbar. With the support of the audience, Cash was able to fight free of the submission hold. He avoided a quick powerslam attempt to nail Faqu with a dropkick that sent him hurtling to the corner. Faqu, however, came rumbling back with animal ferocity! Unfortunately he walked himself right into a rollup for a two count. On his feet, Faqu hit the ropes once more to plow through Cash with his mammoth girth. But Cash met him with the Cashback (Randy Orton style backbreaker). Faqu staggered around clutching his back and roaring in anger. This self-made distraction forced him to fall victim to the Backbrain Wheelkick that got a three count!

 

Winner: Tim Cash, via pinfall

 

Backstage Landon Maddix could be seen bashing his head against the wall, until he realized he was on the B show once more. Then he could be seen bashing the cameraman’s head against the wall. GOOD NIGHT EVERYBODY!

Edited November 19, 2008 by Patty O'Green