Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted December 7, 2008 A river of purple and orange smoke flows over an entrance stage that’s bathed in evil and vicious red lights. Inside the smoke stand dipaldated wooden stakes, looking like they were ripped out of 17th century New Orleans. They’re incredibly frightening with decaying and bloody heads haphazardly stuck on top of them. Into this macabre scene, steps Los Conquestiadors, clad in pitch black leather bodysuits. Unlike the fearful audience, they revel in the wickedness of their entrance, dropping to their knees to offer thanks to their voodoo gods for providing it to them. BUFFER The following tag team contest is scheduled for one fall with a televised time limit of twenty minutes! Now making their way to the ring from Port Au Prince, Hati, they are the minions of the underworld….UNO AND DOS…LOS CONQUESITADORS. Uno and Dos are least decent enough not to put a hex on those fans that taunt them over their unusual beliefs. While the crowd continues to boo them, they stroll down to ringside saying prayers and casting spells that will no doubt guide them to victory. Or at least help them avoid a squash. COLE Los Conquesitadors claim they’re responsible for the leg injury that’s put Shayne Brave out of commission- COACH Claim nothing! How else you gonna explain it? Shayne’s done that move a million times and now it puts him out of action? Forget that, homeboy messed around and get that voodoo murder! COLE As Uno and Dos make their way to the ring, let’s see what they had to say earlier on today about this matchup. Los Conquesitadors sit inside a smoke filled room that’s given light only be menacing flickering candles that flare and flame in the background. The two men stand in shadows, and with their black costumes, they’re nearly invisible. UNO Tyler Bryant, why haven’t you learned the lessons we’re trying to teach you? DOS Yes. Why do you tempt a fate that’s already set against you? The injury to your friend was a warning shot to be wary of the powers we posses in our ancient tomes. But, instead of running far away, you’ve come closer and challenged us on the advice of Krista Isadora Duncan. That was a mistake, Tyler. The future is set in stone, and it does not hold any hope for you. UNO You may take advice from the latest pop culture idol, but we’ll take our’s from the idols of civilizations dating back before his very country was even existence! You can scoff and laugh if you want to. But history has is full of people who have doubted the power of voodoo. DOS And cemeteries are littered with their bodies! In ancient France there was a legend when a witch died, she might return as a chauchemar or nightmare witch. This ghostly creature would attack victims in their bed as they slept. The creature would pin the victim down, causing temporary paralysis. You can't scream, you can't move. Once she has you, she'll ride you like a horse. Many a victim had awakened from griping nightmares to find actual whip marks on their body as evidence of the attack! Myself and Dos, are descendents of chauchemars. We are remnants wandering the earth to do our night mothers sacred bidding. The blood of your partner was spilt to honor our night mother and your’s will be to, Tyler. You’re a fool to involve Krista Isadora Duncan, we hope you know. Never in the history of voodoo has a human sacrifice been so prized. Her body is greater than a king, or a queen, it is a false idol that’s worshipped by millions and it will be given to our night mother as the finest of gifts. From the threatening words of the underworld’s minions to the bouncing beat of Kylie Minogue, “In My Arms” comes into the arena. The capacity crowd is brought to their feet and throw up a humongous welcoming ovation for the opposing squad. The dancers on the stage are the most attractive snow bunnies, one might ever see, clad in furry snow boots, white booty shorts, goggles, and little else. They dance and grind and writhe each other’s half naked bodies to the delight of the male audience. But the females screams and cheers are all the louder due to Tyler Bryant rushing onto the stage. More stylish than usual, he sports a denim jacket decorated by patches of the logos of various classic rock bands, and white cargo pants done up with streaks of black and red paint. Joining him on stage is the woman most likely responsible for his considerable fashion improvent, Krista Isadora Duncan. Miss California shines beautifully beneath the pink and gold spotlights, her muscular legs riding from white high heels into a short ruffled skirt, and her ample chest contained inside a white halter top. The two attractive superstars join hands and journey down to ringside. BUFFER And the opponents! First, weighing in at 183 pounds, he hails from Auburn Hills, Michigan! He is “Tremendous” Tyler Bryant! And his partner, she is a best selling author, a member of the Hollywood Walk Of Fame, the founder and star of a billion dollar fitness empire, a multi time OAOAST Angle Award winner, a loving mother of two daughters, the star of the VH1 reality show Look Of Love, and the OAOAST’s Miss Money In The Bank, she is MISS CALIFORNIA KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN! Another fantastic eruption of cheers explodes from the audience, which Tyler acknowledges by slapping hands on his way down the glitter-carpeted ramp. Krista leaves the fan interaction to Bryant, and instead struts with the cool, high fashion style of a runway model. COLE Krista and Zack Malibu were the only two survivors in an epic contest at November Reign, coming from behind to upset The Cleveland Steamers. But, here tonight Krista takes on a different type of foe in Uno and Dos. This match is all part of her urging of Tyler to go after the lowest of the low in the OAOAST. And if Uno and Dos are responsible for Shayne’s injury as they say, then they are the lowest we’ve got. COACH Krista crazy for this one! Instead of trynna help up a young blood who can use it, she’s tryna turn this Mickey Mouse Club, suite life of Zack and Cody ass bum into The Punisher. This nigga Big Baby Davis soft. After KG bitched out Big Baby, that dude probably called up Tyler on the phone and they had a good cry about it. This dude Tracy McGrady soft, he and T-Mac probably go in for torn vagina surgery together. Tyler slides into the ring, where he leaps to his feet and spins around with his arms raised high in triumph. As blue and pink lights flicker at a chaotic pace behind him, he tears away his denim jacket to an approving roar from his loyal female fanbase. Krista leads her heels across the apron, moving as slow as possible to reduce the audience to a state of drooling anticipation. After drawing out the wait to almost unbearable levels, the traffic stopping blonde finally gives the fans what they’re dying to see with her spicy upside down leg hang. COLE Here we go, Uno and Dos with one hell of a chance to get a big win before the Anderson Cup kicks off at New Years Spectacular. COACH Dawg, you got a fucked up heterosexuality game if you thinkin Anderson Cup while lookin at legs like that! DING DING DING Right as the bell ring Uno performs the classic voodoo spell....the lockup. He struggles with the boybander for some time, unable to overcome Tyler’s strength advantage. The luchadore is forced to resort to illegal tactics and thusly tries to grind his boot into Tyler’s foot. Although more annoying than painful, Uno’s play puts Tyler at a disadvantage that the luchadore capitalizes on by whirling around and getting an arm wrench. Tyler instantly tries to rip his arm free of Uno, straining and struggling with all his might. He’s almost successful until Uno begins terrorizing his upper back with headbutts. These blows keep Bryant weak and allow Uno to force him to Los Conquestiadors corner in order to apply a tag with Dos. COACH Dos and Uno are experts in voodoo but what do they know about immigrant law? See if my child is born in America to an illegal ho will it be illegal? What if she gets deported & its born out there will the kid be illegal? Damn a nigga aint trying to mail child support checks all the way to Peru if they dont offer postage discounts for that shit. Customs gon steal my checks & spend it on pollo con arrroz & tequila & bull fight bets I cant get with that. Nigga gon have to to ride the titanic for 2 wks down the pacific just to see little shorty. The Revenant enters the ring to do nothing more than utter a loud guttural chant as Uno throws his black boots into the lean stomach of TyBry. Whatever Dos’ was chanting, it fails to do any good, as Tyler battles back against Uno. The Revenant increases the speed and intensity behind his spell, but it does him little good as Tyler elbows him away. He staggers backwards and soon his partner comes stumbling next to him courtesy of a second elbow. The fearsome twosome collects their wits and then charge in unison at the former HI-YAH tag team champion. But, Tyler counters both their attack with a crowd popping double lariat! Just as soon as they touch the ground, the two mean quickly pick themselves up to retry their attack on Tyler. But his speed continues to overwhelm them and he knocks them over with a rapid fire dropkicks. COACH Why you wanna run in all foolish like that? Back up and turn this chump mark into a toad or a fruit fly. Don’t fight him on his level. With both Conquesitadors wounded, Tyler capitalizes on their vulnerable state by leaping onto the third rope. He blows a kiss to all the lovely girls in attendance and then rockets himself back at the Mexicans with a moonsault press! Together the three men tumble over, landing in a broken and jumbled heap. But, Bryant untangles himself from his foes, and quickly scampers upright to toss his arms into the air to the cheering fans. Tyler then gives the capacity crowd even more to celebrate as he goes into his corner to tag in Krista. While the audience spews forth huge cheers, Dos tries to guard himself against a no doubt epic sonning by casting a spell on himself. COLE Anti sonning force field up! Conquistadors activate! “You like voodoo do you? I seem to have missed that little turn of character development. Gimmickless jobbers to stuffed sheep murderers to writing on chalkboards like Wiley Coyote to performing pagan witchcraft. Logical character progression, that can’t be denied. Actually, I brought along an ancient voodoo scroll you might be interested in. But, I do believe I misplaced it. Wait, I remember.” Krista guides her hands down to her halter top, letting her fingers dance through the buttons. As each little piece of plastic tears away, her cavernous cleavage becomes more and more visible. Dos’ eyes soak in the lovely majestic sight of her gigantic rack bulging out nearly open shirt. SLAP! “Maybe you should’ve cast a teleportation spell. One that could hopefully teleport you to a minefield in Iraq, and we wouldn’t see to you till your body parts are delivered monthly in nicely arranged gift baskets. A limb of the month club. Elegant, timely and delicious.” Dos clutches his now bleeding mouth, resigned to sad knowledge that he is in fact an idiot. He soon becomes a seriously agonized idiot as Krista storms through him with a high knee lift. As soon as he goes down does his partner rush at Krista. But the beautiful blonde slows down his charge by sucking him into a front facelock. She twirls him around in hopes of giving the voodoo fanatic a taste of life in the fast lane, but with a hand on her slim waist he’s able to shove her away. Unfortunately, he was merely delaying the inevitable and Krissy whirls around to smack him across the head with a leaping back kick. Down he goes, crashing into the canvas to the delight of the fans. “YEAH-UH!” Tyler shouts on the ring apron, turning around to do his part to whip Salt Lake City into a frenzy that will end at 8 pm sharply so as the adults may meet their 9:30 curfew and 9:50 bed time. Dos bounces off the ropes, seeking to catch Krista with a Thez Press upon his return. But, Miss California is well prepared for his arrival and monkey flips him over! Amazingly he comes down on his black leather boots, but this only small consolation to the luchadore; Krista sneaks behind him in order to take him for a nauseating and hugely painful twirl with a tornado inverted DDT! COLE If there’s an invisible spell somewhere in their spell book, now would be a great time to use it. And never undo it, hopefully. “K-I-D! K-I-D! K-I-D!” the fans chant, while the heacache stricken Dos tries to head to his feet. He gets as far his knees before a pair of Prada pumps goes screaming into his head. His noggin jerks forward, but then violently snaps back the other way from another kick. Krista finishes off the painful display by striking Dos with a dropkick. He’s thrown to the canvas, where he screams out in searing agony. “Vooodoo? Ha! Next thing you idiots will be telling me is that it was a bad idea to invest half my life savings in General Motors!” Krista comments. Seeing Dos strewn across the canvas, paralyzed by his pain, causes Uno to dig deep into the pages of ancient sorcery for just the right spell. His head sways from side to side, and mottled prayers seep through his pressed lips. Whether its due to Uno’s spell, or some other mysterious circumstance, Krista turns to face him and slowly, sensuously spreads her long legs.. Uno and Tyler are mesmerized watching in almost painful pleasure as the fitness queen’s legs open farther, causing her all too short skirt to ride higher up her marvelous thighs. She scoots herself closer to Dos’ When she does so, a flash of her red thong causes Tyler and Uno’s breath to catch in their throat. Hypnotized by the inadvertent ecstasy his spell has created, Uno lowers all defenses and this is precisely why Krista is able to crush his balls into dust with a blue ball special! The fans let out a large ovation, as the humiliated sorcerer can cast nothing but tortured gasps at this troubling predicament. “Did you honestly believe Hatian voodoo could get a woman out her clothes? Just use a bottle of Coors and GHB like the rest of the deviant sex offenders in this company!” Krista says, continuing to tighten her grip on Uno. Fortunately for Uno, the blue ball special is one sale that doesn’t last long due to Dos rushing in to shoulder tackle Krista away. Free of Krista’s grip, Uno crumbles to apron under considerable agony. But he can at least take pleasure in Dos hooking Krista into a double underhook and bringing her over with a double arm suplex. The Revanant then floats over into a pinfall… ONE! Krista kicksout, bringing applause from the audience. As they try to rally her back on the attack, Dos takes hold of her arm and guides her off the canvas. He fires off a pair of kicks into her well insured legs that leave her stunned and hobbling, a perfect position for him to leap onto the ropes and fly back with a high flipping lariat. His arm connects solidly with her throat and she’s brought down by the Coup D'Gras! Moving with haste, Dos leaps on top of her for a cover… ONE! TWO! Miss California is able to bring her shoulder off the mat and avoid a stunning upset. Deflated by her pin escape from his signature strike, Dos tags in Uno try and accomplish what he could not. Uno finds success early as he captures hold of Krista as she stands and throws her into the corner posts. Her head rings like the inside of a cathedral bell, and the aching gets no better when Uno snapmares her over. Left lying on the canvas, she can only shield her gorgeous face as the luchadore comes off the first rope with a quick knee drop. A pinfall follows. ONE! But Krista pops her shoulder off the canvas long before the two count. “LET’S GO KRISTA! LET’S GO KRISTA!” the fans chant, while Tyler beats on the turnbuckles. Their call to Krista has little effect on the beautiful heroine; Uno rips her off the canvas and throws her into a neutral corner. Hitting with powerful force, she staggers forwards with pain shooting throughout her back. But there’s little time to worry about that because Uno weaves his fingers through her hair and uses that grip to perform the Degager, an eye rake across the top rope! “BOOOOOOOO!” hisses the audience. Their anger combined with the venom Tyler spits forces referee Clem Buzzlefoxer to sharply order Uno to release Krista. He promptly follows command, and drags Miss Money In the Bank to his corner. With her vision obscured she hasn’t anyway to stop Uno from ramming her face into Dos’ boot. And her eyesight seemingly gets even more blurred when her face collides with his leather footwear. A tag brings Dos into the ring, where he’s able to batter his weakened foe with a mixture of elbows and forearm strikes. The blows seem to leave her weakened, and have her leaning against the ropes barely able to stand on her expensive pumps. As her blonde hair hangs over his glazed over blue eyes, her face screams exhaustion. But Dos is unrelenting in his assault, and drags her away from the ropes to tighten her into a double underhook. He hollers at the audience in French to earn boos, and attempts to gain further heat by pummeling their beloved starlet. But Krista isn’t quite as weak as he was lead to believe and casually shreds her way through his bonds. Greatly surprised by this development, he doesn’t do much to stop her from collaring her hands around his neck. Just a mere second later he’s slung to the canvas by the Blonds Never Pay A Cover (side effect)! “YEAAAAAA!” scream the Utah fans, knowing full well a simple comeback spot in a tag match is the only excitement they’ll have for the rest of the decade in this boring state. In the ring, Dos scrambles to his feet as quickly as black magic will permit, fearful Krista will be able to tag in the fresh Tyler Bryant. Within seconds after forming, the fears come to life as Krista dives forward to tag The Tremendous one into the ring. COLE Tyler Bryant is back in! Dos rushes across the ring to try and strike Tyler before he can begin his high flying attack. But the lucha sensation is far too slow, and the teeny boppin cutie cuts through Dos with a springboard lariat! The spectators pop huge as Dos is dumped onto the canvas. He struggles to get himself back upright, and his slow speed allows Tyler to push himself off the ropes. Dos gets himself off the mat just as Tyler hits the cables. Yet he doesn’t move fast enough to prevent TyBry from bringing him down with a bulldog! “TYLER! TYLER! TYLER!” the fans bleat as Uno runs into the ring to correct Dos’ incompetency. Yet, Uno fails just as poorly as Dos by blinding charging into a Yakuza Kick! As Uno is capzied to the canvas, Tyler celebrates his performance by pumping his fists to the screaming teenage girls. This, however, leads to his downfall, for it allows Dos to haul him down with a reverse spear. COLE And Dos just tackling Tyler to the ground! No need for voodoo when you can hit like a nose tackle. COACH Football references ain’t gonna make me stop thinking you have a vagina. Dos brings Tyler off the canvas in order to blast his stomach with three quick knee strikes. Bryant is doubled over and severely wekened, allowing Dos to sprint to the ropes. As he charges back he levels his knee into Tyler’s adorable face, sending the Detroit native hurtling over. Right after he hits the mat, Dos adds to his misery by dropping an elbow onto his head. He then drapes his arm across Tyler’s chest for a fall… ONE! TWO! Tyler kicksout, bringing great cheers from the audience. Their support and joy provides him with strength. Strength he needs to return towards his feet. But as she stands upright, Dos clamps onto his arm and attempts to throw him to the ropes. However, Tyler reverses it and its Dos who’s sent running to the cables. He bounces back into a spine buster from the boybander! However in midmove, Dos manages to coil his neck around Tyler and smash his head into the canvas with a DDT! “What’s that ring posts? Yeah, I get bored when the show doesn’t revolve around me also.” Krista complains. Dos turns to Krista, giving her the attention she wanted in the unwanted form of a spell, “Night mother and death father, hear my prayer! Your loyal son, Voodoo Brother Dos,” “Voodoo Brother Dos? Honey, what the hell kind of nickname is that? Do I call myself Fitness Sister Krista? Does Stephen Pigley call himself Medical Brother Stephen? Does Christian Wright call himself Herpes Ridden Sperm Dumpster Brother Christian? The answer is yes, he probably does. Honey, I feel bad for making fun of you, which is odd. Guess I didn’t have enough vodka and valium to dull my capacity for compassion. Tell you what I’m gonna do for you.” Krista enters the ring, ”Seeing that it’ll be a good three or four weeks before you wrestle on HeldDOWN again, I’m going to give you something to remember us important characters by. A free psychic reading. I sense that in the near future you’re going to take a trip. A very fast trip. Over before you know it.” And just like that Krista leg sweeps Dos, tripping him over. “You took a trip just like I said. That’s why they call me Fitness Psychic Krista Sister. Or something….” Krista trails off, and it’s a good thing her pontificating is over due to Uno snaring her with a rear waistlock. Noticing how pleased Uno is to be rubbing up against her fine tush, Krista comments, “Why, honey, are you happy to see me or is that just a three inch banana in your pocket?” ““ Even Voodoo Practitioners get the blues, man. But grief stricken, Uno, lets his guard down and Krista easily succeeds in spinning out his grip. Able to catch the creepy grappler by surprise with the KIDology! “YEAAAAAAA!” The joy of the Salt Lake fans might be a bit premature due to Dos throwing himself off the far post at Krista with a diving cross body block! But before Krista can even realize she’s in relative danger Tyler catches the incoming luchadore across his shoulders. Dos mounts a fantastic struggle to be free but it does him little good. He’s flung off Tyler’s shoulders and driven into a lifeless slumber with the Idoliser (TKO!) COLE He hit! Good night Dos! Tyler hooks Dos’ leg for the fall, while Krista sits on the turnbuckles, already sippining on her celebratory martini…. CROWD ONE! CROWD TWO! CROWD THREE! “In My Arms” returns to the arena along with a victorious ovation from the audience. Krista leaps down from her seat to offer Tyler a sip of her victory drink. Eager to touch anything that’s been on Krista’s lips, Tyler gulps it down and raises a toast to the cheering audience. COLE With the help of Krista Isadora Duncan, Tyler Bryant is two for two in the revenge game! Things may have looked bleak when Shayne went down with his leg injury, but thanks to Krista they’ve perked up. COACH Lose a partner gain a celebrity? You think if you broke your neck, I could call the show with Drew Barrymoore? A victory over black wizards, tagging with his dream girl, winning without his usual partner? Could life get any better for Tyler Bryant? Most likely not but it can sure as hell get worse. And it does in fact get much worse courtesey of a Pure Penetration from Mister Dick! COLE What the heck has he done?! Before Krista and the fans have even a moment to react, Mister Dick is sliding out the ring to the safety of the outside. The audience throws him under attack with jeers and insults, but he feeds off their hatred, cupping his genitals and urging them to give him even more heat. Krista is visibly shaken by the attack her archrival left on her protégé, and though she’d like nothing more than to stick her heels where the sun don’t shine, her motherly instincts force her to attend to wounded Tyler. COLE An uncalled for assault by the newest member of the Deadly Alliance! While the fans continue to hiss their displeasure with his dirty ambush, Mister Dick looks into the camera and mouths the chilling words “Its only gonna get worse” as we… FADE OUT cummin next a bonus squash! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
