OAOAST Syndicated 12/9/08

[Patty O'Green 0]

 

Brought to you by American Express

Taped: December 6th, 2008

First air date: December 8th 2008 (check local listings for airings in your area)

Announce team: Tony Schiavone and Jesse "The Body" Ventura

Lead correspondent: Tony Brannigan

 

PPV’s, house show reports, HeldDOWNs, Syndicateds? The OAOAST is in a writing frenzy! Hopefully, you’re in a reading frenzy, which takes much less work, unless you read at like a 3rd grade level, and when I was in 3rd grade I read at a college level and that makes me mucho smarter than you one might say. In fact, I’m saying it right now. I’m smarter than you! On this week’s edition of Syndicated we go international! England's GQ Buckingham makes his in ring debut, Canadian Molly meets a new gal-pal, England's Nate Black and Curtis Black fight over their confusing last names, and Heartland Title triple threat pits survivor series contest survivors Deuce Deuce, Sandman and Todd Cortez against each other. Wait a second, Todd Cortez didn’t survive! He lost! I wish I had remembered that before I wrote the match summary. ANGER!

 

***Dave Sabo Vs GQ Buckingham***

Dave Sabo is the legendary, venerated, metal god, who co-founded the hit 8O’s metal band Skid Row. This was not that Dave Sabo. This was a man with a lazy eye, and a complexion so pale he made Casper look like a tar pit. With little respect for the pasty white jobber, Buckingham attacked him before the bell even begin. He beat him furiously in the corner with shoulder thrusts, before snapmaring him over to the canvas. Sabo got to his feet, but was immediately trapped inside an abdominal stretch. Though GQ stretched him to the point where it seemed his entire torso was soon to rip apart, Sabo fought out of the hold with a hiptoss. He proceeded to entertain absolutely no one with JOBBER OFFENSE~ consisting of dropkicks, arm drags, and awkwardly wondering what spot he should do next. His flurry wouldn’t last but a scant few seconds, though, as GQ put him down with a double arm DDT. Vicious left hands kept Sabo grounded, and allowed the Englishman to lock him down with a sleeper hold. Sabo was on the verge of submission several times until he found the energy to elbow out the hold. But back on his feet his beginner’s class offense couldn’t help him against GQ, and the Brit left him laying with the Buckingham Bomb (Sit-out last ride) for a three count.

 

WINNER: GQ Buckingham, via pinfall

 

The HeldDOWN rewind reminded us that Leon Rodez spoke, Jade choked, and Tyler and Krista joked.

 

Backstage in the women’s locker room, Sophie was putting in a mentally taxing effort to improve her English skills. But, the frustrating lack of progress was too much for Sophie and she wound up slamming her book down in disgust with herself. Overhearing Sophie’s struggles was Molly Nerdly, and STEPPIN OUT DA SHOWA the towel clad film student tried to console Sophie by asking her to take pride in her own culture. Molly eagerly shared with her the admiration she felt for French directors Francois Truffaut and Jean-Pierre Melville. Sophie immediately perked up and happily discussed cinema with the aspiring director. However, Sophie’s taste in movies wasn't quite as cultured as Molly. Her favorite films; Scary Movie, American Pie 2, Beverly Hills Chiuahaha, and Talladega Nights. After some internal debate, Molly accepted Sophie’s less than refined taste in films, and gave her a hug in friendship and a tag partner for life!

 

***French New Wave (Molly Nerdly and Sophie) w/Simon Singleton Vs Kathy Masters and Cathy Marsters***

The more experienced of the two, Molly decided to open the match. The film student worked over Cathy with headlocks while directing Simon to shoot extreme closeups of Cathy to capture the reality of her pain. A tag was made to Sophie, and she and Molly went through some elementary double teaming on the overmatched Marsters. So delighted with her performance, Sophie shouted “I have good happy time and do enjoyable life!” She’s trying, and that’s what matters. Sophie kept Cathy on the defensive with some basic strikes until the jobber struck her with an eye rake that allowed her to make a much needed tag to her partner. Marsters worked over the French girl’s leg, snuffing out sporadic comebacks with chop blocks and shinbreakrers. Figuring Sophie was on her last leg (pun!), Marsters brought in Masters to strike the killing blow. But, Sophie found her second wind and began fighting back against the similarly named pair! Their double teaming was able to overpower Sophie for a while. But, forgoing the sterotype that all the French are unathletlic surrender monkeys, Sophie fought back and struck down her foes with two enziguris! The crowd popping strike allowed her to make a tag with Molly Nerdly. Through a live feed from the Siclopse, the home audience watched the future Oscar winner take down the K/Cathies with a top rope lariat. More lariats followed, flooring the duo as they tried to get to their feet. While Molly lit up Cathy with knife edge chops, Kathy tried to catch her off guard with a running bulldog. But before she could reach Molly, Sophie took her down with a running knee! Just as soon as Kathy hit the mat, so did Cathy from the Final Cut Pro 2 (final cut)! At the director’s request, the Siclopse showed a close up beaming Molly as she hooked Cathy’s leg for a winning fall.

 

Winner: French New Wave, via pinfall

 

Inside the Cucaracha Internacional locker room was Todd Cortez, watching a replay of his NR survivor series contest with more than a bit of angst on his face. His anger wasn’t eased any when the TV was switched off by Megan Skye. Holding the remote, and leaning against the door, Megan regarded Cortez with the type of annoyance one usually has for someone they hate, but need a favor from. Skye didn’t wish to engage in a prolonged conversation with her ex-boyfriend, and cut straight to the chase; Cucaracha Internacional needed him to bring home the Heartland Title for the continued survival of the organization. Though the words clearly pained her to say, she uttered that the match was the most important the group has had since the Money In The Bank finals at Angleslam. Cortez was of course unmoved by her pleading. He told her he’d take the Heartland Title off Sandman’s waist, but he’d do it only for himself, not Landon, not her, or the group that’s forced membership upon him.

 

***Nathaniel Black Vs Curtis Black***

Sadly this was not to determine who would be able to use the Black surname from now on. Big anti-Black chants were heard early on, before the crowd realized they’re both named Black, and the chant sounded a bit racial, and were thusly required to chant “we mean Nathaniel!” The contest started with a lockup that neither man could get the upper hand from. The Brit’s wrestling skill would earn him a victory soon enough as he brought down the gang banger with an armdrag into an armbar. But, CB reached the ropes, causing NB immense frustration. He took out his annoyance on CB with a kick to the spine, and followed up that lethal move with a neck vice. The sold out audience immediately got behind the Compton Killah as he tried to fight his free of CB’s clutches. Their support paid major dividends; CB fought to his feet and countered NB with a stunner. While the six man champion was left staggered by the attack, CB bounced off the ropes in order to nail him with a diving shoulder tackle. Leaving NB grounded, CB lept off the top rope and crushed NB with a body splash that got a two count. The Brit regained control of the contest with a series of ferocious headbutts, and earned several near falls from his stiff offense. The pair traded several brutal punches until Nate Black reversed an irish whip to send Curtis into the corner. He caught the Californian straight in his gold toothed mouth with a running boot and got an all too close two count. Curtis got to his feet rather quickly, but was still too stunned to prevent Black from striking him with a European uppercut that forced him to kickout another close fall. NB looked for the running boot once more, but Curtis Black dodged it and NB ate a spinning lariat. CB continued his rally by connecting with the C.R.E.A.M! Though that could’ve ended the match itself, CB wanted to wow the fans with the Worlds Most Dangerous Moonsault! Unfortunately, the World’s Most Dangerous Moonsault proved to be just that as CB missed entirely when Nate rolled out the way. NB pounced on his injured opponent and secured a submission with a Crossface Chickenwing!

 

Winner: Nathaniel Black via submission

 

WELCOME TO HELL, BABY! Hell in this case being a Holiday Toy Drive booth set up in the front lobby of the arena, with OAOAST stars Lucius Soul and Biff Atlas. Of course when one of the superstars greets every other donor with a “Get yo welfare shit up out the presence of my luscious loquaciousness!” and the other mutters something about choking hazards, then the amount of well meaning givers tends to be rather low. That was okay by Soul’s standards as it give him some time to spit real talk to Atlas. He wondered about his future in the OAOAST, and if it involved Rico DeJanerio or not. Though he felt he’s had fun with his best friend, he’s started to believe the team has done him more than professional harm than good, and wanted Atlas’ opinion. Always thinking safety first, Biff noted that its always safer to do things with a buddy, and most accidental deaths could be prevented if they occurred in the company of others. On the downside, Biff pointed out that tag team contests leave Soul open to dangerous double teaming which can lead to severe injury. The best choice from Biff’s point of view was to retire and get a job as a mortgage broker. Thanks, Biff you’re always there with helpful insight and advice.

 

THIS WEEK ON OAOAST HeldDOWN~!

World Heavyweight Champion Leon Rodez and Women’s Champion Jade-Rodez Duncan Vs Mister Dick and Malaysia

The Beverly Hills Blonds Vs The Last Kings of Scotland

ONLY ON TSM

***Heartland Title Triple Threat: Sandman9000 Vs Todd Cortez Vs Deuce Deuce***

 

Cortez took out Deuce Deuce with a piledriver at the onset of the contest, merely to be free of interference as he jaw jacked with Sandman. Having heard enough of Cortez’s threats Sandy swung on him with an uppercut and soon enough the two were engaged in a furious slugfest. The warriors could’ve punched each other all night, but their boxing match was interrupted by chairshots from Deuce. Sandman was able to recover while Deuce targeted The Urban Legend’s leg with his weapon. Deuce’s preoccupation with battering Crotez presented SM9K the opportunity to climb to the top rope. He took out Deuce with a dropkick that caused the big man to topple onto Cortez! Though his bones may have been reduced to ashes, Cortez still managed to kickout at 2. The crowd got behind the Urban Legend as he and Sandman again did battle. Cortez got the upperhand on his archrival by back body dropping him over the ropes off an irish whip. That victory couldn’t be enjoyed for long though, thanks to Deuce clotheslining him over the ropes. He and The Urban Legend then brawled outside, with the beast getting the upper hand by ramming Cortez into a TV monitor held by Sandman. That partnership didn’t last long; Sandman drew blood with a blast from his monitor. Bringing Deuce into the ring, Sandman launched him into the corner and worsened his wounds with a running double knee into the face. As Deuce stumbled towards the center of the ring, Sandman caught him with a sleeper hold. Though Deuce may have very well submitted from that basic but deadly submission, Sandman was denied a victory by the kendo stick swinging Cortez!

 

Cortez unleashed a hellish fury upon both champion and co-challenger with kendo stick shots, forearms, and finally a high knee/bulldog out the corner to Sandman. Deuce broke up what was certain to be the pinfall that put the Heartland Title around Cortez’s waist. The gigolo grabbed Cortez and hauled him onto his shoulders for the Booty Call, his version of the TKO. But The Urban Legend avoided the finisher by ripping himself off Deuce’s shoulders. Stunned by Cortez sudden escape, Deuce left himself wide open to a kick to the gut that set up the Riot Act Plus! The audience popped huge, thinking they were about to witness a title change. But Sandman returned to the fray to KO Cortez with a cookie sheet and took an unearned pinfall on Deuce.

 

Winner, Sandman9000 via pinfall