Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted December 20, 2008 (edited) PRESENTED IN HD FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY -OVER 200 COUNTRIES IN 10 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES- -TO MORE THEN TEN MILLION VIEWERS EACH WEEK- -THE OAOAST THE WORLD WIDE LEADER IN PARODY ENTERTAINMENT- From that opening video we move right into the festive Holiday themed Sofa Central, where our legendary announce team now wears Santa Hats. Cole of course is hanging a missle toe off of his. Beware, my friends! COLE Welcome to OAOAST HeldDOWN~! The Holiday season is entering its biggest lap as last minute shopping is an overdrive. But for those of you taking time out from gift getting, we are with America's number one show in Sports Entertainment! Michael Cole, sitting alongside Da Coach, Johnathan Coachman. Coach, anything intelligent to say? COACH I'ma tell you what I love about fat hoes. You know how you go back to one's place after you on an 0 for 3 night at the club, and you just simp on any ol hoe at the Exxon, and you back there and you wonderin what in your life had you done to deserve free willy, and you bout to buss on through the window even though you on the 14th floor, and then she bring out the hostess ding dongs, and you be eatin good even if yo ding dong be gettin lost in her valley of the damnded. Holla! HEY WAIT I GOT A NEW COMPLAINT! The familiar music of the Heavenly Rockers hits and they’re led out by Colonel Abdullah and Holly. BUFFER The following tag team contest is scheduled for one fall. Already in the ring, the team of MIKE STRAW and DAVID DELL! Your typical generic jobbers, both men gesture to the crowd. BUFFER And ladies and gentlemen, their opponents, accompanied by “THE ANGEL OF DEATH“ HOLLY MANN. COLONEL ABULLAH NERDLY presents the only rock n' wrestling band that matters... SYNTH ABDUL-JABBAR and LOGAN “MACHO MACHO” MANN… THE HEAVENLYYYYYYY ROCKERS! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!” Once the pomp and circumstances are over, the Heavenly Rockers get set for action. Logan Mann to start for THR, David Dell for his team. * DINGDINGDING * Apparently in the holiday spirit, Logan offers David Dell a handshake. Dell accepts and gets smacked by a WICKED LEFT HOOK~! COACH Dude, you’re getting your bell rung! COLE Logan scoops the semi-conscious Dell off the mat and executes a swinging neck breaker! This is followed by a tag to Synth who delivers a SKY HOOK ELBOWDROP~!!! COLE Oh, my, and just like that it’s gonna be all over! COACH OAOAST superstars don’t get paid by the hour, Cole. As the cover is made, Logan dumps Mike Straw inside and gives him a PERCUSSION DDT! ONE! TWO! THREE!!! * DINGDINGDING * BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, here are your winners… THE HEAVENLYYYYYYY ROCKERS! “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!” COLE Synth and Logan real impressive in their tune-up match for 2009 Anderson Cup. Speaking of which, let’s go to our colleague Tony Brannigan with this week’s Anderson Cup Shill. FROM THE GOSSIP HEARD ON THE OAOAST HOT NEWZLINE, THIS IS AN ANDERSON CUP SHILL! In front of a purple backdrop with the AC trophy superimposed to his left, we find Tony Brannigan. BRANNIGAN Here we go with another Anderson Cup shill, brought to you this week by the… OAOAST HOT NEWZLINE~! Gossip so hot you have to wear ear muffs when calling! BRANNIGAN Two weeks from tonight at the New Year’s Spectacular, the 5th annual Anderson Cup kicks off with two yet to be announced bouts pending the finalization of tournament brackets which we‘ll have for you next week. Some of the teams already entered include: Mr. Dick & Malaysia The Beverly Hills Blonds Theodore Moneymaker & Christian Wright Los Diablos de Fuego BRANNIGAN Joining them will be Drs. Max Anderson and Steven Pigley, The Love Doctors, and the 2008 Anderson Cup champions Charlie Moss and Quentin Benjamin, Team Heyross. Right now let’s-- Wait a minute. I’m being told Ms. DeCenzo has made her way to the ring. Michael, Coach, perhaps you guys can clue the rest of us in. We cut back to the arena where Ms. DeCenzo are mid-ring, microphone in hand. COLE I wish we could Tony -- and thank you for that Anderson Cup shill -- but we’re as puzzled by this as you are. COACH Speak for yourself. I know exactly what’s going on and so will you in just a few moments. You‘re not gonna believe it. DECENZO Ladies and gentlemen, on behalf of the Enterprise it’s my pleasure to introduce to you our latest acquisition… Mr. Baron Windels! Jaws drop as Baron heads to the ring carrying a garment bag. COLE No, it can’t be! COACH (laughs) What did I tell you, Cole? You can’t believe it. “YOU SOLD OUT!” “YOU SOLD OUT!” “YOU SOLD OUT!” DECENZO Just when you thought the Enterprise was in need of a government bailout, we did what no other company is seemingly capable of -- we retooled our organization to make it leaner, meaner and a whole lot more efficient. It took some, ahem…persuasion...but even the most thick-headed Texan would understand if you can’t beat ‘em…join ‘em! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Baron is met by Mackie on the way in, but she’s brushed aside and BW throws down the garment bag at her feet. "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" DECENZO For BW actions speak louder than words, and it appears a whole lot of action will be coming his way as the Lone Star Gunslinger is quickly surrounded by V.I.C.E. COACH Isn’t pride a weird thing, Cole? Baron Windels gets offered a once in a lifetime opportunity and he turns down the Enterprise. Now V.I.C.E. is gonna turn Baron upside down and use him as a human jackhammer. "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" Not if THE BEVERLY HILLS BLONDS have anything to say about it. They hit the ring and a pier-six brawl erupts, prompting a herd of OAOAST officials to breakup the fight. "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" COLE Fans, we need to restore order. Stay with us, HeldDOWN~! returns after this! TONIGHT'S MAINEVENT CANADA'S SEXIEST! MISS NERDLY 08 TONIGHT Edited December 20, 2008 by Patty O'Green Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted December 20, 2008 The Wall by Kansas plays, and Alfdogg walks out, followed by the rest of the Deadly Alliance. COLE And here comes the Deadly Alliance, obviously with some things to say! And considering what happened to Tha Puerto Rican last week, I'd say they do in fact have some explaining to do! COACH Oh man, last week was one of the greatest experiences of my life! COLE You finally got to see a woman naked? COACH No! Because Tha Puerto Rican is gone at last, thanks to the Deadly Alliance's newest member, Mr. Dick! COLE Well, hang in there, sport, your day will come eventually. Melissa Nerdly walks around to the timekeepers' table and grabs a microphone, then steps into the ring. MELISSA Melissa Nerdly here! And I'm conducting an interview with the hottest stable in the OAOAST...no, make that in the HISTORY of WRESTLING...the Deadly Alliance! *crowd boos* MELISSA Which includes the World tag team champions, Thunderkid and Reject! *crowd boos* Melissa walks up and puts her arm around Reject, who responds in kind. MELISSA Hey babe. The Anderson Cup's coming up. What do you guys think? REJECT Ah yes, the Anderson Cup. 16 of the finest teams the OAOAST has to offer, competing in a tournament in which the "prize" is a shot at me and Thunderkid. TK "To the victor goes the spoils?" I don't think this is what they had in mind. REJECT Not that it matters, since we've already mowed down all the teams in this baby...except for one team which just so happens to be representing our stable, and are just in it for the trophy! COLE Reject of course referring to Mr. Dick and Malaysia. REJECT (arm around Melissa) Say, you two wouldn't have a problem..."sharing" the trophy with us on occasion? MISTER DICK THUNDERKID ... ... REJECT Not us as in you and me, dope! THUNDERKID MELISSA Now then, Alf...let's talk about this PRL thing a little further. ALF Absolutely. You know, a lot of people may not believe this, but I happen to think that when it was all said and done, PRL was a tremendous fighting champion. As much as I hate to admit it, he did manage some victories over yours truly, so he must have been doing something right! *crowd boos* ALF And I did give him his props after the Halloween Spectacular, when he scored his first LEGIT victory over me. He gained a lot of respect from me that night...but in the weeks that followed, a remarkable thing happened to this man. You know, Melissa, I know as well as anyone that the drive for the belt can do strange things to a man. And just to watch PRL go out there and disrespect, and degrade Leon Rodez...not like you can grade him much lower, but that's beside the point! Melissa laughs. ALF My point is, that after all these months of PRL running with this facade...PRL became the very non-believer that he made a career out of proving wrong. *crowd boos* ALF When I saw him doing these interview bits with Leon, running him down...it was like a flashback to about nine months ago, when PRL was standing on the other side fuming, and Popick was holding that mic! And we all know how that turned out...Popick hasn't been heard from since. COLE Thank God. ALF So, I thought it was only fair that PRL met the same fate. And what a better way to initiate our newest member, than to bestow this honor upon him? ...the Conquistador stuff was kind of weird, but Mr. Dick did the Deadly Alliance proud! *crowd boos* MELISSA Now, let's talk about tonight, you defend your United States title in a no-DQ match against Todd Cortez. You know, he got that flukey pin on you at November Reign, so I guess that makes him worthy of a title shot or something. ALF You know, I just laughed when I heard that Cortez asked for the no-DQ stipulation. Cortez, you better think it through before you tell the Deadly Alliance "no disqualification." You see, we're here in Kansas City! *crowd cheers* ALF And all you have to do is ask Joe Montana...this is where careers come to die. *crowd boos* ALF And you just might find that out the hard way tonight. The Wall plays, as the DA departs. COLE It should be an exciting match tonight, US title on the line, Alfdogg vs Todd Cortez! Let's go to... where the grass is green and the girls are pretty Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted December 20, 2008 (edited) Dressed in the RED HOT ON SALE FOR THE HOLIDAYZ IN CROWD hockey jersey, Terry Taylor stands backstage with Lucius Soul. Unlike the shameful corporate shill, Soul styles himself true to his personality in a snakeskin suit and snakeskin rimmed sun glasses. TERRY Terry Taylor, OAOAST Broadcast Correspondent, in the OAOAST Interview area with man who's caused some controversy in the industry as of late. I'm talking about Lucius Soul. Mister Soul, last week you and your partner Rico De Janerio had a contest with the All American Boys. As Terry speaks highlights of last weeks tag bout play on screen. TERRY Although you won the match, you were accidentally struck by your partner Rico De Janerio. Post match you chewed him out over this error. Do you feel bad for that? Do you have any regrets? Soul laughs at what he perceives to be an inane suggestion. SOUL I'm an OG Mac, chickenhead. Only thing I gotta do is in this world is stay an OG Mac, be an OG Mac and act like an OG Mac. Anything else is optional. A mac does what a mac does cause he's actin on Mac like behavior. Once he starts gettin them regrets then he ain't no Mac he's just a common ho. And a common ho is only good for one thing. Macking. Feel bad? Nope, not this pimp. Ain't got nothin to feel bad about. TERRY But, are you upset that what you said to Biff Atlas, about considering leaving the Wrecking Crew, was aired for all the world to see? Many OAOAST legends and performers have derided your comments, saying that needs to be kept in the lockeroom not aired out in front of the camera. SOUL I said what I said 'cause I was thinkin it at the time. A pimp's got a stable of hoes, and he as a pro, has to make sure they're good to go. When of the hoes ain't ready for the sho, he's gotta show them the do'. Feel me? Word to mother, this ain't chess in the park, or Madden with the boys, this is true life street shit. You can wear the baddest britches on the block, but if you ain't got the baddst bitches on the cock, you gonna wind up left in stitches and thrown off the dock. If you slippin in your work, if you get caught sleepin, if that's that case you gotta reexamine yo situation n'shit and maybe eliminate what's holding you back. TERRY Are you saying Rico is holding you back? SOUL I'm calling what it is what it is. A man gots a role to play in life. He can either be a mac or he can be a ho. Just 'cause you ain't walkin the streets turnin tricks don't mean you can't be no ho. From what I seen last week, from what I seen for many weeks, Rico's starting to look he got some hoish tendencies. I come from hustlers, thugs, and bangers, not bitches, hos, and tricks. If you ain't gonna rep what I'm reppin, then I ain't got time for you. That don't mean the Wrecking Crew is done, but it do means this team has gotta see some kind of improvement real quick. Real quick. BOOOOOOM! SOUL (startled) Ya'll wanna put a pimp six feet under! Terry, Soul and the camera turn their shocked eyes to the source of the deafening explosion. Their fright and awe isn't eased any when they see Ragdoll and his gang of facepainted thugs scattering to calm a raging fire they've created in the hallway. RAGDOLL (shouting down to Terry and Lucius) Was that.....enTERtaining enOUGH for everyone? BOOM! I enjoyed....tHAt....aaaaaand I bet you did....to. TERRY I...I...how much did Krista pay you to shoot a rocket launcher at me? Whatever it is I can't afford to double it, but I can afford to suck you off. And swallow. RAGDOLL TERRY I think we're done here as I have Tic-Tacs to fetch! Mister Soul, thank you for your time. OAOAST Marks, enjoy the show, and look for me on the judging panel of Miss Nerdly 08! COMING UP NEXT ***UNITED STATES TITLE*** ALFDOGG VS TODD CORTEZ NEXT COMMERCIAL Edited December 20, 2008 by Patty O'Green Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted December 20, 2008 (edited) Oh No by Mos Def, Nate Dogg and Pharoahe Monche hits, and the crowd gets to its feet as Todd Cortez comes through the curtains. COLE Todd Cortez, with another shot at Alfdogg, this time for the United States title! Let's go to Michael Buffer! BUFFER The following no-disqualification contest is scheduled for one fall, and it is for the OAOAST United States championship! Making his way to the ring, the challenger...hailing from Hollywood Boulevard, and weighing in at 226 pounds...representing Cucaracha Internacional...he is the URBAN LEGEND, TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODD COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZ ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!! Cortez slides into the ring and waits patiently, as Magnum Opus hits, and Alfdogg walks through the curtain, wearing the United States title belt around his waist. BUFFER His opponent...weighing in at 237 pounds...he is the leader of the Deadly Alliance, and the REIGNING and DEFENDING OAOAST United States champion...ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLFFFFFFFFFFFFFFDOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOGG!!!!! COLE And of course, at November Reign, Todd Cortez able to eliminate Alfdogg from their elimination match, getting a pinfall after the Riot Act Plus! He fought valiantly, but Sandman9000 was the survivor of that match, thanks to Alf! Alf steps into the ring and removes his belt, raising it into the main camera, to the boos of the crowd. He then hands it to the referee, who calls for the bell. *DING DING DING* Alf meets Cortez in mid-ring, talking trash to him, then the two begin to exchange blows. COLE And a slugfest developing from the start! Cortez begins to get the better of the exchange, but Alf delivers a foot to the gut. Alf then drags Cortez into the corner, and delivers a CHOP~! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! And another! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! Alf sets up an Irish whip, but Cortez reverses, then follows Alf, who slings himself into the air, but Cortez stops and Alf lands right in front of him, and gets floored with a clothesline! COLE Nice presence of mind by Cortez, stopping himself and catching Alf with that clothesline! Cortez covers... 1... 2... Kickout! Cortez stomps Alf, who rolls out of the ring. Cortez follows, and rams Alf's face into the apron! COLE And now Cortez taking it to the outside! Alf tries to get away from Cortez, who comes from behind and shoves him into the post! Cortez grabs Alf by the foot, as Alf goes under the ring, and drags a chair with him as Cortez drags Alf back. Alf gets to his knees, then jams Cortez in the gut with the chair! COACH Alf got a hold of a chair, and now using it to his advantage! Cortez doubles over, and Alf gets to his feet, then brings it down across his back! COLE And Alf is right in his element right now! Alf rolls Cortez back inside, and follows him in, bringing the chair down on his back again! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Alf tosses Cortez to the outside, and follows him, hammering away on him on the guardrail, then delivering a CHOP~! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! Alf then backs up, and charges Cortez...but Cortez ducks, and backdrops him into the crowd! COLE And they're into the stands here in Kansas City! Cortez delivers right hands to Alf, who tries to get away. As security guards tries to keep the fans back, Alf pulls one in the way, then reaches over him and lands a cheap shot on Cortez! COACH Alf using everything to his advantage! Alf delivers a kick to the gut, then sets up a suplex. COLE And Alf setting up a suplex on the floor! Cortez blocks, then blocks again, and delivers a suplex of his own! COACH Oh, no! COLE But Cortez counters to one of his own! Alf holds his back, then starts to crawl away, with Cortez in pursuit. Alf then gets to his feet, and walks through a curtain into the backstage area, and Cortez follows. Cortez catches up to Alf, and tosses him onto a table with various deli trays/coffee/etc. Cortez then makes his way to a broom closet, and opens it up, to find... RICKY CALDWELL??? GARBAGE DAY!!! ...just kidding. in reality, Thunderkid is inside, and busts a mop handle over Cortez's head! COLE HEY! This was a setup! TK stomps away on Cortez, and Reject comes into the picture shortly after, stomping away, as well. COACH The tag team champions to the rescue! I love it! And there's no DQ's, Cole! Alf slowly gets off the table, then drags it out away from the wall. After he does, TK and Reject lift Cortez up in a double team spinebuster, DRIVING HIM THROUGH THE TABLE~! COLE And Todd Cortez put through the table! Alf then calls down the hall, and Sandman can be seen walking some sort of animal. COLE It's Sandman9000, but what does he have with him? COACH What is that, some kind of animal...is that a PORCUPINE? Indeed, it is a porcupine, as Sandman walks it onto the scene. COLE I've never seen a porcupine that big! COACH What are they doing with it here, though? COLE I can only shudder to think. Sandman, holding the leash with his right hand, lifts the porcupine and strokes it with his hand a couple times...then TOSSES IT DOWN ONTO THE KNEE OF CORTEZ!!! COLE NO! The porcupine begins going crazy, leaving several of its huge quills embedded into the right knee of Todd Cortez! After a few seconds of this, Sandman pulls the porcupine off, as it hisses at the fallen Cortez, screaming in agony. COACH Wow...I've never seen anything like this, Cole. COLE I mean, who knows...those things could be poisonous! EMTs and backstage officials pour backstage to back the DA off and tend to Cortez, as Sandman moves the porcupine towards some of the EMTs, then pulls it back quickly, much to his amusement. COLE And this obviously a setup by Alf and the Deadly Alliance...this is just heinous. COACH Well, Cortez agreed to make this a no-DQ match, and Alf said, you better think about it before giving the DA a license to do whatever they want! COLE But I don't think he had in mind the possibility of being attacked by a rabid animal! EMTs quickly lift Cortez onto a cot in the back of an ambulence, and get inside, then depart the arena. COLE Well folks...hopefully we'll get an update on the condition of Todd Cortez as soon as possible, but who knows what could be in his future after what we just saw. Folks, we will be back with even more HeldDOWN~! NEXT WEEK A HOLIDAY SPECIAL! CHRISTMAS/HANUKAH HeldDOWN~! NEXT WEEK ON TSM~! COMMERCIAL Edited December 20, 2008 by Patty O'Green Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted December 20, 2008 (edited) In the backstage interview area... MAGGIE NERDLY is ready to interview Mister Dick MISTER DICK (he's not really wearing that costume) fucking german faggots ruined my picture. i'm glad ur pussy ass lost both world wars and i hope hitler ressurects and takes over your country so we can bomb your gutanging volkswagen ass off the face of this rock for good. go choke on a frankfurter and i'll stick a bottle of henieken up your poop shoot! MAGGIE What's up OAOAST Marks? Maggie Nerdly, "It" Girl on the scene, lookin fresh and fly for the Miss Nerdly 08 contest. I'm pullin double duty servin up my lame sisters and standing with the Deadly Alliance's Human Hard On, Mister Dick. So, Mister Dick, you've been condemned by the OAOAST board, the OAOAST Marks, OAOAST legends and most of your fellow wrestlers for going at PRL like that last week. Got anything else to say about the beloved superstar you laid up? MISTER DICK I bet most of ya'll must think I'm gonna hem and haw about PRL. MAGGIE Probably 'cause I just asked ya about him! MISTER DICK But, yer wrong. I ain't gonna give that scrub no more attention because the attention he got when he was running around with the title belt he stole from us deserving wrestlers, is more than he ever shoulda got in the first place! The reason I ain't attacked him when he was lugging around that leather strap is cause I was smart. I was smart enough to realize that if no one bothered with him he'd realize he ain't good enough to be taken seriously round here and he'd just disappear. Ya see, no one besides Brickston, Wall, Maddix and Bohemoth ever wanted that title as long as he had it, and they only wanted it because they were too damn stupid too realize that if you won the belt off the biggest joke of a champion since Ronnie Garvin, you were a joke to! MAGGIE I think your boss Alfdogg wanted it- MISTER DICK (ignoring Maggie) I'm a man of my word, Maggie Nerdly, you better believe that. When I said that boy would never see the world title again, I meant it! He can work and work and work to rehab that bicep all he wants but when he gets ready to make his big return and starts his climb back to the top, ya know what I'm gonna do? I'm just gonna shut him down again! PRL go to ROH, go to TNA, go to WWE, go wherever you need to go, but don't you ever comeback 'round these parts, boy, or I will put you through hell all over again. Mister Dick chuckles to himself over the thought of replaying last weeks heinous attack on PRL. MISTER DICK Its fittin a joke like Rodez won the world title from another joke like PRL. As far as I'm concerned Leon Rodez is about a big a bum as PRL! He sure ain't funny, he looks like a god damn homo- MAGGIE No argument from this Nerdly! MISTER DICK And the only reason he ain't as bad as PRL is 'cause he ain't takin up my good time with 10 year old catchphrases that weren't even funny a decade ago. I'ma get you, Rodez, I hope you know that. But first I gotta deal with Tyler Bryant. MAGGIE Yeah, he got a match made between you and him at the New Years Spectacular. MISTER DICK He doin that on advice from Krista. Boy, you're only a speed bump on my road to her! She's duckin and dodgin' me like G.W. ducks and dodges some Hush Puppies. That MILFU, Mother I'd Like to Fuck Up, thinks just cause Malibu caught me with a cheap shot and she got the pin at November Reign, that she's done with me? Ain't no way no how! She ain't ever gonna be done with me. Not until Mister Dick tears her sweet ass out raw! Even when Malaysia crams that 10 inch plastic dong down her throat on New Years Day, this war ain't gonna stop till my 12 inch king dong knocks the dust off her pussy and I hear her say I quit. MAGGIE What's up with your obsession with her? Besides her huge boobs? MISTER DICK Ain't no obsession about it! I'm out to prove one thing, that I'm the greatest that's ever lived. I accomplish that in two ways, I win the OAOAST World Title, and I become the first person to ever defeat Krista 1 on 1 and to make her submit. When you go hunting, you go for the biggest buck. When you go fishing you go for the biggest bass. I'm storming a castle and I'm goin for the queen! It don't matter to me who I gotta hurt to do it. If I gotta do PRL part 2 on Tyler Bryant, I'm gonna do it. If I gotta get Jade in a corner and show her what her uncle did to those crackwhores on camera then I'm gonna do that. If I gotta go pull Maya outta school and run up a kidnapping charge that's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna systematically go after everything Krista cares about and I'm gonna put the bullet at her head when everyone is watching. MAGGIE And that would be? MISTER DICK At Anglemania. Just you ya'll watch and see, I won't have just an Anglemania moment. I will have thee Anglemania moment! I will change the world with one victory. The greatest victory of them all on the grandest stage of them all. MAGGIE Know what I admire about ya? Your modesty. How's a dude like you remain so humble and down to earth? Sarcasm Off. I heard you've got a video that needs showing? Something that's gonna shock the world and light up Krista. Wanna play it? MISTER DICK Heck yes I do! Show that tape and show the world what kinda man I am! EARLIER THIS WEEK DETROIT ROCK CITAAAAAAAAAAAY MICHIGAN~!!!~!! Which is were I am right now as you read this! Actually take that back no I ain't, I decided not to go. Although the city is overran by ice and sub zero temperatures, Mister Dick would not dare to cover up his gorgeous body. In this North American tundra MD has decided to freeze to death in short bulge exhibiting white leather shorts, and a red Texas A&M t-shirt. The Human Hard On stands out front of physical therapy clinic, attracting odd stares from the few passers bys that witness his odd presence. And hey there's me! There's Patty! Nope, nevermind, that's just a homeless dude masterbating into a bottle of wild turkey. MISTER DICK Tyler Bryant, you ain't nothin but a balless bastard! And I want ya to know I ain't doin this 'cause of you, boy. This got nothin to do with you. You ain't worth my time. When I Stiff Kicked you, that was that for our "feud". You were stupid to get a match with me. If you get smart by January 1st you're gonna know you better lie down and take it like all your little teenage skank fans is gonna take it from Mister Dick! The reason why I'm where I am is cause of Krista. This is Detroit Michigan. Its pretty far removed from Hollywood. There are no bright lights round these parts. I don't see any paparazzi lurking in the bushes. No one keeps their head on a swivel lookin for a celeb sighting. But this place is still pretty important to Krista, 'cause this where Shayne Brave is going through physical therapy. Mister Dick points to the building as the camera pans up to reveal its name "Excellence In Care, Physical Therapy". The excellence in constantly having an erection forcibly refocusses the camera back on him. MISTER DICK Krista, yer a busy girl. Ya'll celebs got a lot crazier a schedule than us normal common folk. That's a sad fact of life 'cause you don't always getta spend time with the ones ya care about. Shayne Brave, he's been having a tough time of it trynna come back from his arm injury. Everday the kid has been in this same center just trynna get better so he can return back to action. I'm proud of him, and I know you are to. I bet you wanted to visit Shayne in therapy but you just ain't had the time. That's a shame, and I feel bad for the both of ya, because I know its something ya really wanted to do. No worries, Krista. I'm gonna pay your respects for you. I done bought the young man a gift basket of Krista Isadora Duncan brand goodies and I know he gonna like it. What we got here? Mister Dick picks up a gift basket off the ground. Inside the wicker basket is a wealth of KID Incorporated merchandise, from lip gloss, to exercise videos, to workout clothes, to swimsuit calendars, MD has filled his basket with delightful treats from Shayne's celebrity crush. MISTER DICK Fantastic stuff, sure is. High quality items that make a great gift. Come on, let's go put a smile on this young man's face. The view fades into Shayne sitting in an empty physical therapy room, using his injured arm to try and manipulate a stress ball. With full focus on his task he sits on a counter wearing track pants and a Lions sweatshirt. That's very bold of him to claim any affiliation with the Lions. MISTER DICK (entering the room) Shayne Brave! There's the man! There he is! Horrified by the thick Texas accent alone, Shayne is even more disgusted to find out it belongs to the unwelcome and unwanted Mister Dick. SHAYNE Mister Dick? What are you doing here? MISTER DICK Just here to put a smile on your face, buddy! Shayne fights back a pressing urge to vomit at the word "buddy" SHAYNE Do I look like I'm smiling to you? MISTER DICK You're gonna be. Trust me, you're gonna be. Laughing with a strong hint of faux friendliness, Mister Dick gives Shayne an even more disingenuous thumbs up. SHAYNE Why? Are you leaving soon? Mister Dick feigns hurt, as if those words were some of the most painful he's ever been struck with. MISTER DICK That attitude ain't very brotherly of you. Maybe you might change it just a bit after you get a load of these goodies. Mister Dick sets the gift basket of KID Enterprise merchandise onto the counter. Despite the wealth of Krista themed and endorsed treats, Shayne has no smile on his face. He only possess a look of annoyance that slowly creeps towards rage. SHAYNE (sarcastic) Thanks for thinking of me, Jock. You're a real pal. MISTER DICK So are you, buddy, so are you. How's the arm hold up? I remember I hurt my shoulder playin pigskin at Texas A&M, star Quarterback I was, and it was just hell rehabing it. SHAYNE What do you care about my arm? What do you care about me at all? MISTER DICK Camaraderie and kinship, brother. Just 'cause my name is Mister Dick don't mean I'm a bad guy all the time. I got feelings, and I got emotions, and when I hear folks sayin' bad stuff 'bout me it gets on me. I'm just trynna be a good guy and cheer up a guy who needs it. Shayne can barely keep himself from using his one decent hand to forcibly remove Mister Dick from the area. With his patience being tested by the second, he speaks as calmly and cooly as he can manage. SHAYNE I don't need any of your "cheer", Jock. I was actually doing alright, and then you showed up. If you want to help me, then you can leave. Mister Dick shakes his head as though he wants to leave but there's something of great import holding him hostage to this room. MISTER DICK I can't do that. SHAYNE Why not? I can have someone show you the door. Shayne looks prepared to motion for security, but something in Mister Dick's face, a faint hint of violent evil perhaps, causes him to stop short. MISTER DICK Boy, I didn't come out for wool to come home shorn. SHAYNE What does that mean? MISTER DICK This. Suddenly Mister Dick grabs onto Shayne's arm and attempts to slam it into the wall! But Shayne manages to bat him away with a quick swipe of his boot against MD's stomach. Though this pushes MD back it turns him infuriated and full of rage he charges at Shayne. He lowers himself like a rumbling bull and slams Shayne against the wall with his shoulder. Immediately upon impact a cracking sound echoes throughout the room along with Shayne's tortured screams. Even though the pain of MD's attack is great, Shayne still has the strength and wits to grab a desperate hold of a 1 pound weight off a wall mounted rack. Though the weight may be light it feels as heavy as an anvil to Mister Dick when it comes crashing down upon his head. MISTER DICK (staggering backwards) AHHHHHH! With his aggressor paralyzed by a headache that pounds like a jack hammer in his skull, Shayne moves to finish him off. Quick strides carry him towards a reeling Mister Dick as his left arm is angled to unleash the killing blow. But the fatal strike is avoided by the swift movement of the Human Hard On; he wraps his hands around Brave's slender waist and raises him into the air. Shayne hasn't a single moment to try and fight for his freedom before he's fighting for his breath after Mister Dick slams him back first into a wall mounted mirror. Painted red by tiny rivulets of blood, shards of glass fall in a glimmering downpour as Shayne's voice cracks with anguish. Slumped against the mirror who's surface impales his back, his blurred eyes watch as Mister Dick gathers up a nearby chair his lead legs should be running from. But as they aren't prone to movement they leave his arm open to a horrible collision with the wildly slung chair. Instantly Shayne topples over, his world smoked to blackness by the indescribable pain that leaves him lying on the floor. SECURITY GUARD (rushing into the room) Hey! Hey! Come on chill! Mister Dick barely acknowledges the all too late arrival of security, instead keeping his widened eyes on his victim. SECURITY GUARD 2 Chill! Chill! MD calmly adjusts the straps on his Texas A&M tank top and turns to the guards. A very real sense of fear floods their eyes, weakens their muscles, and inches them back towards the door. MISTER DICK I'm gonna chill. That's what I'm gonna do. That's the best advice anyone ever gave me. Mister Dick brushes past the security guards, who with their sighs of relief seem like they've received a stay of execution. MISTER DICK (looking over his shoulder from the doorway) Make sure Mister Brave receives my gift basket. I'd hate for him to go without it. FADE OUT TONIGHT'S MAINEVENT CANADA'S GEEKIEST MISS NERDLY 08 TONIGHT! Edited December 20, 2008 by Patty O'Green Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted December 20, 2008 in this space i wonder if i forgot to post something. oh yeah i forgot to post the show yesterday. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted December 20, 2008 COLE Okay folks, settle yourselves in. It's time to crown Miss Nerdly 2008! Let's send it up to the one and only Alix Maria Spezia! Into the ring we go, to find Alix front and centre with five nervous contestants behind her. Well, not really nervous. Disinterested is maybe too far in the other direction. They're there, that's the point. I won't tell you who they are though. That's for later. At ringside sits the judges table. I won't tell you who's there either. Just keep reading! ALIX Hi, my name is Alix Maria Spezia and welcome to the 2008 Miss Nerdly 2008! "YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" ALIX When the OAOAST top level type people asked me "Hey, Alix, how'd you like to be the Master Of Ceremonies for the Miss Nerdly 2008 pageant". And I told 'em straight up, "no frikkin' way!" My name is Alix Maria Spezia, and I am the Grand Pubah for the Miss Nerdly 2008 pageant. Grand Pubah of course being two times as important as being MC. It also entitles me to half the prize money. The Nerdlys seem collectively surprised that there's even any prize money on offer. ALIX What would a competition be without a judging panel? It'd be old news. Ya gotta have judges, just incase the acts all have no personality and are boring. Then that way you can save the series by having Piers Morgan and David Hasselhoff arguing a bunch. So, allow me to introduce the carefully selected judging panel. Amazingly, all plucked from my dressing room at a moment notice. Coincidence? No. Convenient? Yes. First up, with all the wit, charm and cruel one-line insults showing a deep rooted incompassion for the human race of Simon Cowell, she hates everybody on principle, even the reflection in the mirror, ladies and more ladies who I can't tell apart, KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN!! "YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" Krista folds her arms and looks mean, ala Simon. No product placement like American Idol, Krista's drink cup is unmarked. Possibly because it's not a cup and is instead a martini glass. ALIX JUST FUCKING MARRY ME ALREADY! Next to her, with all streetwise sassiness of Paula Abdul, MAYA BLANCHARD DUNCAN!! "YYYYYAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYY!!" Maya waves to the crowd, excited to be here. She reaches out for a sip of Krista's drink hoping she'll get away with it. She thinks wrong. ALIX Third on our panel, with all the credence of being a cool black guy on TV of Randy, JADE RODEZ-DUNCAN!! "YYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!" Strange intro aside, Jade waves anyway, her Women's Title resting on the table in front of her. ALIX And finally, possessing all the douchebaggery of Ryan Seacrest, TERRY TAYLOR! ALIX BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Terry waves even if he's not popular. ALIX Alright, let's introduce our contestants! We have... Alix looks up and down the line-up, then back at her cards. ALIX ...uhmuh... Alix looks up and down the line again, then the cards again. Realising she's in trouble Alix nervously shuffles her cards, before realising the further trouble she's placed herself in. ALIX Introducing, with the blonde hair, M. Nerdly number one! With the black hair, blonde M. Nerdly number two! Blonde M. Nerdly number three! Everybody's favourite, Blonde M. Nerdly number four! Maggie, Molly, Melody and Melissa, in that order, are pointed at and discuss between them the idiocy of anyone unable to tell them apart. ALIX And finally, with a ball and gag in her mouth, Malaysia Nerdly! MALAYSIA Mmff. ALIX Word of warning, if you even THINK about tying me up and molesting me like you did to Krissy last week... then that's cool with me. But if you tie me up too tight and cut off my circulation... well, I guess that's cool too. But if you so much as look at any of these other girls while you're doing it, I swear to goodness I will hunt you down and extract your heart with a rusty corkscrew. I don't care if they are your sisters, when it comes to the bedroom it's all eyes on moi. Kapeesh? Okay, it says here on this card that it's time to announce the winner. It's been a tough contest, full of emotional highs and lows and tremendous performances. You've all been great contestants but... uhm... Trailing off, Alix's attention is taken by SOMETHING SHINY! She looks over to the judges table, where Jade Rodez-Duncan has enough knowledge of her would-be family member to know that holding a sheet of foil against the light is the best way to catch Alix's eye. Jade helpfully tells Alix she's got the cards mixed up and order is eventually restored. ALIX Hi, my name is Alix Maria Spezia and... hey, this sounds awful familiar. MELISSA That's because you've already read that card, you airhead. ALIX No, I know that, I meant it sounds awful familiar because of my many years spent in and out of rehabilitation facilities. Silly boots. You know, back before it was cool I was blazing, amongst other things, that rehab trail. Now there's like a three year waiting list. Five in Hollywood! That's why I've started smoking crack again. Now, this next card says you guys should introduce yourselves and tell us why you want to win the title of Miss Nerdly 2008. I wish I'd seen this card before trying to figure out which of you is which. Please don't consider me racist, but you white Edmonton girls all look the same to me. First off, you. Stepping forward, Maggie Nerdly doesn't let the fact that someone she considered quite a close acquaintance is referring to her as 'you' bother her. MAGGIE Sup guys, the name's Maggie Nerdly, the game's partying hard and partying heavy. And I wanna be Miss Nerdly to show that we're not all sad sacks, some of us really do RAWK! MOLLY I'm Molly and I just hope the artistic integrity of this competition prevails. Also, now I know there's prize money, I want to win. MELODY Melody Nerdly, regining NerdlyThon 2008 Gaming Champion. If I win I'm gonna change my Facebook status and my MSN display message to display my victory and not change it at all for one year. I am willing to make that sacrifice, that's how much this means to me. MELISSA My name is Melissa Nerdly and I want... no, I have to win because, let's face it, I'm the only one in the family with any class whatsoever. MALAYSIA Mmff. Cut to Alix, wiping away tears. ALIX I never was able to express my love for this planet into a mere verbose state. If I were to ever achieve such a feat, I can only hope to come close to creating such beauty as you just displayed. Controlling her emotions, Alix looks over her dreaded cards again. ALIX I stand corrected. YOUR WORDS MEAN NOTHING TO ME! You must find some other way of impressing me! This is my way of announcing the talent competition round! Up first is Melody, whichever one of you that is. JUDGES! Wake up and start paying attention! MELODY Alright guys, put it up. The AngleTron, eventually, cuts away from the ring and up pops a screen from Guitar Hero. Which version I couldn't tell you. All I know is Melody has a plastic guitar and there's a PS3 plugged in on the outside of the ring all of a sudden. MELODY 1, 2, 1 2 3 AND A... Despite Melody's nimble fingers and her well trained hand-eye-screen co-ordination (and sudden loss of pants), Maggie Nerdly is not impressed by her sister's style. By the magic of television, she produces another officially licensed Guitar Hero guitar, proud sponsors of the OAOAST apparantly, from underneath the ring. And before Melody knows it, Maggie is showing her how it's done! A battle erupts between Melody's video gaming ability and Maggie's rock chick fire, a battle which is too close to call... until the screen wipes. Boos ring out from the crowd and the judging panel look shocked, all except Krista who seems to be thanking a godly power for ending the suffering. MELODY/MAGGIE HEY! MOLLY Sorry but I need this outlet for my laptop. I have prepared a short film as my talent, simply entitled "Her." It documents one young woman's struggle to survive in a male dominated environment and her powerful integrity being squa... MAGGIE To hell with your integrity, plug the damn machine back in! MELODY It's not a 'machine', it's a console! ALIX I think you better do it man. Just do what she says man. This chick ain't playin' man. She crazy mang! She gonna cap us unless ya'll listen mang! Leaving the ring, Melody and Maggie debate with Molly over the use of the electric outlet, a problem the Nerdly household has surely faced many times in the past. As they lament the lack of multi-plugs at ringside, the contest continues without them as Melissa snatches the microphone from Alix. MELISSA Luckily, I have a talent that doesn't involve electricity. A natural talent. ALIX I sure hope it's good because that Guitar Hero stuff was rocking. It's like they're really playing the guitar, but with three times less effort! Think of the time they saved by not learning how to play a musical instrument and picking one up with buttons on instead! Ingenius! They're way out in the lead. MELISSA Well, you're not judging. ALIX Actually I am. The 'judging panel' are just my public representatives, since I can't be in two places at once. They get 50% of the judging fee and I make off like a bandit, again. Jade, Terry and Maya all confirm this fact. Krista just sits there and drinks some more. MELISSA Well, look, it doesn't matter okay. You want talent, you're looking at it. ALIX If your talent is standing here and talking into a microphone telling us you're talented but never proving it, you're not going to win honeybuns. It'll get you an OAOAST contract, but Miss Nerdly 2008 is so much more important, I'm sure you'll all agree. MELISSA If you just shut up, I'll show you me talent. ALIX Okay, but it better be good. MELISSA It will be. ALIX I hope so, because like I say Maggie and Melody are winning and you really need to pull something special out. Like, maybe you can tap dance? Or burp the Pledge Of Allegiance backwards? Human cannonball on ice? Hey, you know what'd be really impressive. If you can balance a replica of Wembley Stadium on your head while reciting the lyrics to Lady Marmalade. If you can do that, I might put you in a tie for first place maybe. No promises though. MELISSA *sighs* You know what, forget it, it's not even worth it. Throwing her hands up to the whole thing, Melissa leaves and marches off to the back, to the derision of the crowd. ALIX Walking? That's a pretty lousy talent. And you're not even that good at it, look at how your left leg goes about an inch further than the right one. You'd never be able to balance anything on your head walking like that. No co-ordination whatsoever. Judges, your scores for that? The judges, minus Krista obviously, all look at Alix like she's crazy. ALIX Okay, moving on, we've got one girl left. Now she's been very shy all day, a nervous young lady, so you're gonna have to give her some encouragement here people. Let's give her a warm welcome, Malaysia! Malaysia, what's your talent? Malaysia removes her ball and gag and looks lustfully at Alix. MALAYSIA I can make people feel emotions. ALIX That's it? Boy, that sounds like a lame superpower from Heroes. MALAYSIA No, see I can make you feel two emotions at the same time... pain... and pleasure... let me show you... Malaysia strokes Alix's hair... ...AND GETS TACKLED TO THE GROUND BY KRISTA!!! "YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" Well aware of Malaysia's talents and not willing to see them again, Krista mounts Malaysia and clubs away with lefts and rights as Malaysia covers up. Krista's wild attack sends Malaysia rolling to the outside, where she hopes to use a steel chair to inflict some pain and gain some pleasure. However Krista ducks the flying chair and as it clatters off the ringpost, Krista tackles Malaysia to the ground again! A sea of referees rush out to try and pull the warring femme fatales apart as their fight spills up the ramp and dangerously close to the judges table. ALIX Judges, your scores for Malaysia's 'getting into a fight with Krista', before you are all sadly incapacitated? JADE Uhm... shouldn't you do something Alix? ALIX Well I thought we agreed my judging powers were to remain secret, but if you insist, I'd say it's pretty run of the mill stuff, I've had much better myself. The guys in the striped shirts don't help, makes it hard for me to really see what's going on... OOH, boob grab, points for that, definately! As the referees try to pull Malaysia and Krista apart, poor Terry takes an errant elbow and goes spilling over the front of the table, landing in a heap in front with a pitcher of cold water drenching him from head to toe. MAYA I give it a 10! Malaysia and Krista's fight goes down past the stage and off towards the back. As the chaos disappears, we find Maggie, Melody and Molly back in the ring having been unable to settle their power usage dispute. ALIX And now, the reason why we've all held off with the razor blades and put off slitting our wrists through that ordeal, the SWIMSUIT ROUND! "YYYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!" ALIX YYYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH indeed! The rules for this round are fairly simple. You strip off, I squirt you down with babyoil and now that Krista's not looking, I'm envoking a new rule that whoever I deem to have the smoothest skin will win. Now lemme see 'dem titties! Get 'em off. None of the three Nerdlys seem to have been prepped for a swimsuit round and try to explain this to Alix. As she laments "then what am I supposed to do with this bottle of babyoil?", the already shambolic proceedings are interrupted by "Sex And Money" by Paul Oakenfold. Boos sound out once more, perhaps for the lack of bikini action, or perhaps for the appearance on the stage of three more females. Leading the way is Mackenzie DeCenzo of course, scowling towards the ring. Behind her are both Holly Mann and Megan Skye. DECENZO Enough. Enough. Enough of this crap! ALIX *slaps forehead* Oh, my gosh I am soooo forgetful. I just KNEW this wasn't all of you! I'm sorry everybody, my bad, as the kiddies say on the streets, at least the ones I have to sweep as part of my last community service order did. Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to introduce our final three contestants. Mackenzie Nerdly, Megan Nerdly and Mann Nerdly everybody! Give them a round of applause! DECENZO NO! You see, this is why I'm out here, because I am SICK of this! I am sick of the disrespect, I am sick of the disgracing of this fine program and I am sick of the damn Nerdlys! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Maggie, Melody and Molly all take that as a slight, of course. DECENZO That's why we're out here to put a stop to this ridiculous facade, right now! Ever since you Canadian white-trash off-spawn starting showing up in the OAOAST you have made the lives of every ambitious woman in this company hell. Not only do we have to put up with your work-shy attitudes and your general idiocy and lack of class, we have to put up with the stigma of the Nerdly family. Everywhere I go, people associate me with you people. I have been accursed! My name used to stand as a symbol of feminism at it's finest in the OAOAST. My name represented power. Success. Affluence. Now, everywhere I go, I have a stigma. Every business meeting I attend, every VIP room I enter, every meet and greet I grace with my presence, people take one look at my OAOAST background, one look at the 'M' initial and they ask me "hey, you're not one of those Nerdlys, are you?" And I perish the thought each and every time that question is put to me! I am sick of it! WE are sick of it! "NERD - LIES!" "NERD - LIES!" "NERD - LIES!" "NERD - LIES!" Poor Mackenzie is forced to stop, scowling at the fans. DECENZO For this reason alone, I am here to make an official announcement. An announcement in front of the world, in front of the OAOAST Marks. An announcement which will be carried on websites across the world, will be forwarded to the most elite news sources and press releases and will be passed along through the most prestigious circles until the message is clear. I am now longer going by my given name. From this point on, I am proud to announce my intentions to go by my middle name, given to me by my beautiful mother, a woman who taught me to take pride if in nothing else myself. And damnit, I will once again be able to take pride in being the most powerful female form in the OAOAST, as Lorelei DeCenzo!! HOLLY You know, Mackenzie's right... Lorelei gives Holly an angry slap on the arm. HOLLY Sorry, sorry, force of habit. Lorelei is right. We're all sick and tired of you blonde bimbos running around like braindead college girls talking about what guys who've screwed and what video games you're playing. And since we're making announcements about names out here, I got one of my own. I'm also damn sick and tired of everybody downgrading me. I'm a former Women's Champion. I'm the original bitch with an attitude of the OAOAST. And all of you look at me like I'm some little happy housewife or something! To hell with that. Everywhere I go, I'm 'Holly Mann, Logan's wife'. 'Holly Mann, manager of Logan'. I didn't get where I am by being some submissive little bimbo. He knows I'm the toughest bitch alive. So from now on, unless you're my husband, you can all go ahead and call me Holly. Not Holly-Wood, not Holly Mann. Holly. Straight and to the point. Cher, Madonna, Pink, Holly. ALIX You forgot Prince. And Elvis. No, wait, Elvis had a surname... Chewbacca! Did Chewbacca have a surname? MELODY Funny fact about Chewbacca, George Lucas originally... DECENZO Shut up! Now we've got the formalities out of the way, there's only one more thing us three need to do and that's rip you Nerdlys to shreds in front of all these people. And Jade, I want you to take a close look, because come New Year's Spectacular, you're going to get the same treatment. Not because you're a Nerdly. Just because we can! Dropping the microphone, the newly re-christened Lorelei DeCenzo leads Megan and Holly to the ring. Maggie, Melody and Molly all look ready for a fight as the trio march around the ring. COLE Miss Nerdly has been gatecrashed! The women of the OAOAST at odds, it's time for the Nerdlys of the world to join hands and come together, not for world peace, but for their own survival! The three Nerdlys continue to stand guard while their three tormenters pace on the floor, ready for the fight to come! *COMMERCIAL BREAK* Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted December 20, 2008 (edited) As we return from commercials, it seems order has been restored and a wrestling match has broken out! Who'd have thought we'd be saying that ten paragraphs ago? In the ring we find Molly Nerdly at the mercy of Holly, trapped in a surfboard stretch. Lorelei encourages Holly to stretch her out from the apron, while Maggie and Melody look on pensively from across the ring. COLE Welcome back to OAOAST HeldDOWN, where we are in the middle of an impromptu Six Woman Tag Team Match. The trio of Maggie, Melody and Molly Nerdly taking on three women who brought an abrupt end to the prestigious Miss Nerdly 2008 competition, lead by the newly re-christened Lorelei DeCenzo. Also Megan Skye and in the ring, Holly Mann... MAYA Uh-buh-buh! COLE Sorry, just Holly, my mistake. And we have been joined as you can probably tell by young Maya Blanchard Duncan, as well as OAOAST Women's Champion Jade Rodez-Duncan, who will be involved in the New Year's Knockout Gauntlet Match at the New Year's Spectacular with all six of these women. As Molly tries to fight out of the submission hold she's placed in, the crowd get behind her. Molly manages to turn to the side and get to one knee. But Holly simply breaks the hold and clubs her in the back of the head. And again. Tag is then made, bringing Lorelei in. Lorelei quickly takes over with a couple of shots to her former right hand woman, aka unpaid Enterprise intern, before turning her upside down with a bodyslam. Standing beside her fallen opponent, Mackenzie digs an imaginary grave before dropping a leg. COLE New name or not, Ms. DeCenzo is still a Gold Digger. Cover by Lorelei... 1... 2... No! Dragging Molly up Lorelei berates her former understudy, slapping her repeatedly across the head. A hard forearm then sends Molly backpedalling into the opposition corner. Holly and Megan take advantage with shots from the apron as Melody is naively drawn into the ring. COLE Look at this, it's three on one! JADE At least I only have to face one at a time at the New Year's show... right? COLE Right. JADE Okay, good. Molly is shoved out of the corner and into Lorelei's waiting arm, dropping her with a clothesline. She covers... 1... 2... No! Tag is made to Holly again. Together she and Lorelei double up on Molly, sending her off the ropes with a double irish whip. Scooping Molly up they drive her back down with a double spinebuster. Lorelei leaves the ring motioning for Holly to follow up. She does, sitting Molly up and kicking her in the back. MAYA Molly is an inspirational woman. My media studies teacher says I've made an immeasurable leap as a director since she gave me a few pointers. Thank goodness she's left those doo-doo heads from The Enterprise behind. I mean really, who'd be dumb enough to think an evil billionaire like Moneymaker would be good for their career. What kind of braindead numbskull would entrust their future to him. What ditzy fool I ask? JADE Uhm, can I... uh... have a glass of water? Thanks. Ahem. Holly stalks after Molly, giving her another completely unneccessary kick across the back. As the protests go up from the rest of the Nerdlys, Holly aims an 'up yours in their direction before SPITTING at Maggie! COLE Now that's just uncalled for! As Maggie is restrained, Holly takes a hold of Molly and snapmares her to the mat. After dropping a forearm she forces her down with a pin cover... 1... 2... No! Holly rolls her eyes and tags in Megan. COLE Well the anti-Nerdlys are looking dominant thus far, although of course the Nerdlys weren't prepared for competition tonight. At least not in-ring competition. JADE They're tough girls though. They have to be to put up with my uncle. MAYA WOOOOOAAAAAAHHHH-OOOOHHHHHH!! After cutting off Molly's attempt at a tag Megan leads her to a corner, throwing her into the turnbuckles. Megan fires a kick across the chest. A second. And a third. Megan then climbs to the middle rope. With her left leg on the rope, she then places her right across the side of Molly's head and starts to SCRAPE the sole of her boot across the face repeatedly! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" LORELEI Yeah, get a good shot of that Nerdly! "ONE!" "TWO!" "THREE!" "FOUR!" "FI...!" Megan steps down and acts the innocent. Soon she's back on the offence though, grabbing a hold of Molly by the wrist and whipping her from corner to corner. Megan follows in looking for a forearm, but Molly sticks her foot up to block! As Megan backs away Molly makes a move towards her corner, but gets cut off agonisingly close again. Megan whips Molly off the ropes this time and ducks her head ready for a backdrop. Putting on the brakes, Molly is able to provide a dramatic plot twist courtesy of a Swinging Neckbreaker! COLE An ode to Simon Singleton! And now can Molly get the tag to one of her sisters? JADE There's enough of them. MAYA And to think, people say you're not funny. I just don't get it. Both ladies crawl to their corners eager to get out. It's Megan who gets the tag first, bringing Holly in. But Holly's blasé attitude towards getting in the ring gives Molly an extra couple of seconds, crucial seconds needed to make the tag to Maggie! "YYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHH!!" Leaping in over the top, Maggie drops Holly with a running dropkick! Lorelei comes in and tastes a dropkick as well. Back up, Holly is on the recieving end of a third dropkick and Maggie is rolling, throwing up double doses of RAWK! COLE Maggie Nerdly a real firecracker at the best of times and with plenty of aggression to be worked out of her system at the moment! Maggie backs Holly off the ropes looking for an irish whip only for The Angel Of Death to reverse. A lazy clothesline is ducked though, Maggie leaping up to connect with an Enziguri! Cover by Maggie... 1... 2... Lorelei saves! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" As Lorelei badmouths Mags, Melody comes in to her sister's aide and takes Ms. DeCenzo down with a Thesz press! A catfight ensues between Melody and Lorelei, taking them underneath the bottom rope and all the way out of the ring. Meanwhile the legal women are back up and Holly is able to reverse a whip, pulling Maggie into a short arm clothesline instead! COLE You know, you might well be facing Maggie in the course of the New Year's Knockout, Jade. How do you feel about potentially having to fight one of your friends? JADE Not great. But if it's what I have to do to stay Women's Champion, I can't do much except fight an honest fight. Holly pulls Maggie back up by the hair. Elevating her up across the shoulders she carries Maggie into the centre of the ring, dropping her across the knee with a gutbuster! Cover... 1... 2... No! While getting to her feet, Maggie is smacked upside the head by Holly. And again. After a knee to the gut Holly then takes Maggie up onto the shoulders again... but this time she escapes! Landing beside Holly, Maggie quickly puts herself under the arm and hooks Holly up, bringing her down in jarring fashion across her shoulder with the Deoderator! "OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH!" JADE As long as she doesn't do that to me at the New Year Spectacular. That kinda looks like it'd hurt. With Holly hurting Maggie staggers back up. Before she knows what's hit her though, a hand spins her around and a roundhouse kick to the head from Megan Skye lays her out! COLE Chick Kick from Megan. Rolling back inside, Melody Nerdly runs at Megan who throws another high roundhouse. Melody manages to duck underneath and comes off the ropes, attaching herself to Megan with the wheelbarrow. As she pushes off the canvas, a hand in the BUTT helps to push her up and over looking for the bulldog. Melody lands on her feet though, hooking Megan from behind and dropping out with a Diving Reverse DDT! COLE And I'm reliably informed that that's the Imperial Death Drop. Melody rolls Megan out of the ring and turns around, to find Lorelei waiting on her with a boot. The Money Honey hooks Melody up and lifts her for a uranage then pulls her forward across the knee with a gutbuster! The wind rushes out of Melody's lungs and she rolls out of the ring kicking her feet with Lorelei shooing her off. MAYA I sure hope you're taking notes Jade. JADE I am. Just mentally. MAYA Just saying "Don't get hit with that" doesn't really constitute great scouting I don't believe. JADE No? That's all the prep Mom does for a match. MAYA Then all you have to do is ask yourself, am I that good? And if you say yes, I'm telling on you, because nobody likes a liar. JADE And nobody likes a tattle-tale either. COLE Okay girls, timeout. Once she's rid of one Nerdly Lorelei turns her attention to another as Molly walks her way. A forearm cuts Molly off but doesn't cut her down, Molly firing back with a forearm of her own! Forearm from Lorelei. Forearm from Molly. Back and forth they go, with Molly getting the upperhand, to the approval of the fans who want to see The Enterprise's leading lady get what's coming to her. And Molly keeps firing away wanting the exact same thing. COLE This is what happens when you come between Molly and her camera! After about the ninth forearm in a row Molly finally stops, sending Lorelei staggering backwards in a daze. Clasping her hands together Molly lets out a shout and runs at Lorelei again... but DeCenzo sidesteps and it's MAGGIE who takes the double axehandle as Lorelei guides Molly right into her! JADE Oh dear. COLE A Nerdly miscue, of sorts. Molly looks horror-stricken at what she's done, or what she was caused to do anyway, but before she can attend to her sister Loreli comes up from behind and pitches her to the floor. Lorelei follows her out, while in the ring Holly is back up, working out her shoulder. Seeing Maggie down though, she quickly puts aside the pain and pounces. Hooking up the arms, Holly elevates Maggie up off the canvas and leaves her hanging upside down. After a few seconds of disorientation The Angel Of Death then sits out, driving Maggie down with the Angel's Wings! With Maggie seemingly out, Holly makes an incredibly relaxed cover... 1... 2... 3!!! *DINGDINGDING!* MAYA It proves a bad night for the Nerdlys. Miss Nerdly gatecrashed, Maggie face smashed. COLE Hey, that was kind of clever, good job! MAYA Don't patronise me. COLE ...thanks for joining us girls. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, your winners of the match... the team of MEGAN SKYE, HOLLY and LORELEI DEEECCEEEEEEENNNZZZZOOOOOO!!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Hand raised in victory, Holly is more concerned with placing her foot on Maggie's face to further rub in the defeat. Lorelei enters the ring to get her hand raised too. Together they stand tall over Maggie, before turning their attentions to the announce table where Jade has just stood up to lead Maya to the back. Jade stops in her tracks as she notices the two women pointing her way. Both make it pretty clear they're after her belt and Jade makes sure to keep Maya behind her as they inch around the ring. COLE Jade's pulled off some shocks this year, but to survive the New Year's Knockout might be the biggest surprise of them all! -FADE OUT- Edited December 23, 2008 by King Cucaracha Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
