NYS: Tyler B Vs Mister D

[Patty O'Green 0]

dildo on a pole coming in a few hours!

 

Blue spotlights move in a speedy horizontal pattern as “Makes Me Wonder” plays to a rocking accompaniment of overjoyed cheers. Thousands of Detroiters come out of their (overpriced) seats to welcome one of their very own, Tyler Bryant. The hometown reception isn’t lost on Tyler, and he explodes through the entrance doors  with incredible energy. Down goes his denim jacket, cast to the steel floor, and up go his arms in salute to his native city.

BUFFER
The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a televised time limit of thirty minutes! Now making his way to the ring, weighing in at one hundred and ninety six pounds, he hails from right here in Auburn Hills, Michigan, he is Tremendous Tyler Bryant!

The ovation from the sold out audience grows even greater, as Tyler happily slaps hands with those who have come to give him their love and support. 

COLE
This match is so personal. So personal. Mister Dick has needlessly attacked Tyler with cheap shots, insulted him, targeted his personal hero in Krista, and tried to keep his best friend from making his long awaited return to the OAOAST. 

COACH
Bad things happen when good men do nothing. Good men were doing nothing and a bad thing like Tyler Bryant being employed by the OAOAST continued to happen. First PRL, then Brave, and now Bryant? Damn, you think if I drop some hints, Mister Dick’ll take a bus and back it over the Love Doctors?

Tyler dives into the rings, and leaps to his feet to offer one final nod to a roaring and approving audience.

COLE
Can you imagine how much it would mean to Tyler if he could beat Mister Dick here in the arena he grew up watching live wrestling events at?

COACH
It’d be like the Tooth Fairy leaving some delicious crack rock under your pillow, you may dream about it, you may even rip out some of yo teef stick em underneath yo pillow and pray, but in the end it just ain’t gonna happen. You stuck smoking that section 8 crack!

COLE
I’m quite fond of section 8 crack. Folks, Tyler Bryant had a few things to say about his match with Mister Dick. Let’s take a listen.

TYLER
Mister Dick, I’m an easy going type of guy. In a sport full of hot heads, I’m the one guy you can look too to have a mellow attitude. That is until you came along. You

[i][color="#0000FF"]I am a Real American Dick! Exploding on the face of every woman! I am Real American Dick! Suck on my balls, till I cum like Niagara falls!
When I come crashing down and its throbbing deep inside
I’ll leave you wetter than a flood tide
I gotta bend you over that’s how I like to ri[/color]de!
[color="#FF0000"]I date a girl who whips my hide
And my 12 inches is my greatest pride
I am a Real American Dick! Exploding on the face of every woman! I am Real American Dick! Suck on my balls, till I cum like Niagara falls![/color][/i]

[i][b]Womanizer, Womanizer, Womanizer[/b][/i]

The All American Dick receives the type of cross reaction one would expect from someone with his execrable rap sheet.  The sizzling sparks of the golden pyro fall from the arena ceiling adding their own heat to the flaming one of the audience. Into this atmosphere emerges the Texas stud muffin, Mister Dick. He allows his bath robe to fall away from his broad shoulders where one of the stage hands quickly whisks it away. His dark tan skin holds a beautiful sheen from light body oil covering his entire body, serving to highlight the definition and tone of his hard muscles. He twirls around inside gold and white spotlights, showing himself as the poster boy for every underwear add you’ve ever seen. Thighs as thick and muscled as both of Tyler’s put together, not to mention arms as thick as tree-trunks as he held them above his head taunting crowd. When he slowly turns, it isn’t the definition of his tight "six-pack" stomach however, but the monster-sized prick between his legs that indeed stand out stiff, long and almost threatening.

COLE
I can’t believe you, the person so homophobic he can’t even keep his clothes in the closet, is an unabashed Mister Dick fan. 

COACH
Every straight man is allowed one vaguely homosexual crush. This is written in the book of man laws. Listening to you, the library must’ve forgot to lend you a copy.

Mister Dick slowly turns on his way down the ramp so that his legion of haters has an opportunity to  add with penis envy to their list of reasons to despise him.

BUFFER
Now making his way to the ring from San Antonio, Texas, weighing in at two hundred thirty six pounds, he is the multi Angle Award winning MISTER DICK!

The award winning Dick performs a graceful slide into the ring, nearly slicing through the legs of Tyler, who was lucky to be able to back up.  With a perverse and lecherous eye on a young lady in the front row, the Human Hard On furiously plows his pork n beans into the ring mat. Bryant looks on disgusted and outraged, hardly able to keep himself from cheap shotting Mister Dick before the bell even rings.

COLE
Mister Dick had a great a night at the Angle Awards, but what kind of night will he have here, facing Tyler Bryant?
[color="#808080"]
DING DING DING![/color]

Immediately after the bell rings, an angered Bryant charges towards Mister Dick. But his fury and energy isn’t much of a match for the Human Hard On, and the former Texas A&M QB dsucks his rival into a headlock. The Tremendous one tries to pull himself free of MD’s muscular arms, but those powerful limbs are harsh jailers and refuse to release him.  Tyler won’t give up on his quest and peppers MD’s side with piddling shots. Though annoying, they don’t do enough damage to the Cocky Prick to prevent him from flinging the former HI-YAH tag champ over with a headlock takeover.  Bryant hits the ground hard, with force that should knock the wind out him. Yet he keeps himself sharp and composed and continues to try and fight out of Mister Dick’s arms. 

“MISTER PENCIL DICK! MISTER PENCIL DICK!” the fans chant, trying to throw MD off his game. They appear to have some success as Tyler is able to bring himself and his foe upright. Back onto his feet, Tyler finally manages to rid himself of The Cocky Prick with a hard shove into the ropes. But The Human Hard On rumbles back with his powerful leg raised for a Stiff Kick! Tyler ducks beneath the signature move and prepares to slash his rival with a spinning wheel kick. But before he can even get off the ground the ultra athletic Mister Dick knocks him over with a dropkick!

“BOOOO!” hisses the audience as they watch the hated villain [i]spit[/i] on the boybander. But rather than get mad like the audience, Tyler gets even, and douses Mister Dick in spittle! His eyes brimming with horror and outrage, MD looks downward to find that Bryant’s loogie has landed right on his favorite body part.

“YEAAAA!” the audience screams, doing nothing to calm Mister Dick’s flaring anger. His rage causes him to blast Tyler in the neck with a boot as the boybander begins heading back to his feet. Struggling for breath, Bryant stumbles back into the corner where he uses the ring ropes to support himself. There’s no time to catch his breath though thanks to MD attempting to use his shiny metal dick to return the spit back into Bryant’s mouth. But Bryant uses the ropes slide himself out the way, and MD crashes cock first into the ring posts!

COLE
It should come as no surprise that Mister Dick missed that move, as he’s 0-8 on it when 70% or more of Baltimore fisherman catch crab the day before.

COACH
What galaxy did you pull that stat from?

Thanks to his ever important steel cup, the Cocky Prick’s prick is able to avoid any serious damage. But the steel cup can’t prevent him from being brought down to the ground by a springboard lariat!

“YEAH-UH!” Tyler shouts to his fanbase as he leaps to his feet. Mister Dick quickly follows him back up, but is brought back to the canvas by a crowd popping arm drag. He tries to scurry away, to put some distance between he and the teen idol, but Tyler shuts down his escape with an armlock.

“LET’S GO TYLER! LET’S GO TYLER!” chants the sold out crowd, getting an appreciative nod from their fellow Detroiter. Unfortunately Tyler’s moment to acknowledge his people comes at a heavy cost, as it allows MD to find his way back upright. He snaps his arm free of Bryant’s hold and then batters his foe’s slender midsection with brutal kicks.

COLE
When Mister Dick throws at least thirty kicks in a match and wears trunks with red lettering he is 12-3 against wrestlers that way under 220 lbs but over 165 pounds.

COACH
Damn, son, you suckin real hard, now. You suckin [i]Day The Earth Stood Still[/i] hard.

COLE
These are valid stats, my friend, part of the new OAOAST360 computer program designed by Melody Nerdly in conjunction ESPN! All the up to the minute in depth stats on your favorite stars.

After weakening Tyler with enough stomps Mister Dick attempts to throw him towards the opposite end of the ring. But the Detroiter reverses the hold and sends his rival into the ropes. The Texan comes roaring back trying to flatten Tyler with a shoulder tackle. But Bryant succeeds in guiding his charging adversary onto his shoulders and then falls backwards to plant him onto the canvas with a samoan drop!

COLE
In games decided by three or less points in December, the Patriots are 7-0 when it snows with more than 8 minutes to go before halftime and the sum of the quarterback's and running back's numbers is less than 50, when such a situation occurs on an even dated Sunday when the moon is 3/4th regression, Tyler Bryant is able to get at least a two count off a Samoan drop.

COACH
My brain! I can’t feel my brain!

Mister Dick hurries to a standing position, but all his haste does is cause him to be captured by a running snap stunner! Although it leaves him with horrific pain in his neck, he remains upright, woozy from the strike. This allows Tyler to bounce off the ropes and lacerate him with a diving lariat! As soon as Mister Dick hits the canvas, Bryant slides on top of him for a pinfall that’s scored by Charles Robinson

ONE!

TWO!

Mister Dick pulls his shoulder off the mat. Now free of the pinfall, Mister Dick crawls towards the corner in order to use it as a base to catch his breath. Problematically, the adorable teen idol follows him in and begins cutting into his baby oiled skin. Tyler’s fast moving chops do quite a bit of damage to Mister Dick, but they come to a sudden close when the Human Hard On blasts him in his own mister dick with his cowboy boots.

“BOOOOOO!” Detroit spews their venom at Mister Dick as their hometown hero falls over into the ropes, howling in agony. Robinson tries to warn MD against repeating that dirty play, but the Texan remarks that its not his fault Tyler hasn’t come as well equipped as he has.

COACH
Hehehehe. One of Detroit’s most eligible bachelor’s just got a lot less eligible.

Now ignoring the continued admonishments of Robinson, Mister Dick grabs onto the back of Bryant’s head and throws him face first into the near by ring posts. The teenage girls in the audience shriek in panic over their crush’s possibly wounded face. Their object of affection almost topples over to the ground, but Mister Dick keeps him upright and launches him to the opposite corner.  Tyler smacks into the ring posts, his back absorbing the brunt of an awful blow. MD smiles cruelly at the pain he’s inflicted, and then runs in with his arm raised into a lariat! But his approach is far too telegraphed, and this allows Tyler to kick up his sneakers and block his attack. While his friends and family applaud his counter, Tyler quickly leaps onto the top rope where he plans to execute a moonsault press. He takes a second to pump the audience up with eager hand clapping. And although the fans respond in earnest, he leaves himself open to Mister Dick (no homo) who leaps onto the second rope next to Bryant. The boybander tries to elbow his rival away from him, hitting him in his handsome face with furious blows. But the flurry of strikes comes to a decisive and violent end when The Human Hard On flings him backwards with a side Russian leg sweep.

“OOOOOOH!” is the reaction from the Motor City crowd as the two warriors land with ring shaking impact on the mat.

COLE
OAOAST 360 tells me that whenever Mars is in retreograde and Detroit weather is bellow forty degrees between the times of 5:15 and 8:07 Shayne Brave has a 76% chance of hitting a move from the second rope. Did you know that, Coach?

COACH
I know you oughta choke on a dick dipped in rat shit.

Bryant rolls around the mat with his hand held against his badly injured back, as Mister Dick mocking stands above him crying unsympathetic crocodile tears. Once done with taunting his foe, MD covers his body for a fall…

ONE!

TWO!

Bryant gets his shoulder off the canvas. Beyond that, he’s able to accomplish little more as an angered Mister Dick drops a leg directly onto his face. He returns to his feet and lays his spurred boots into Bryant’s chest. After the third stomp lands, Mister Dick drops down for another cover…

ONE!

TWO!

Once again Bryant finds a way to avoid certain defeat. But just like before Bryant isn’t able to return to the offense, thanks to Mister Dick clamping his chiseled arms around his face in a camel clutch.

“LET’S GO TYLER! LET’S GO TYLER!” his hometown fans begin to rally behind him. Tyler’s teeth grit together hard, almost grinding themselves into white ashes as he attempts to stomach this rising pain. Above him his opponent’s thick Texas accent hollers at the referee to call for the bell.

COLE
Its not often we see a camel clutch end a match in the OAOAST, but the strength of Mister Dick is enough to get something like that done.

Bryant hollers defiant “no”s to the referee’s constant asking of if he’ll submit. While his mouth screams the negative, his aching body yearns for the positive.

“Give it up, boy! You ain’t got nothing for me!” The Human Hard On shouts at him.

COLE
Its disgusting to see that some of our most talented young superstars, Reject, Mister Dick, Spencer Reiger, come with such poor attitudes.

COACH
Hell is wrong with you? Turn on that OAOAST 360 program and tell us how Zack Malibu has a perfect winning percentage when he lies you down on the bed and does you raw.

“TYLER! TYLER! TYLER!” Detroit sings, and their support is rewarded by their hometown hero attempting to pry Mister Dick’s fingers away from his face. Even though MD has a grip tighter than the jaws of life, Bryant finds some success and uses it to slowly push himself upright. Mister Dick is forced to follow suit, as he tries in desperation to keep his hold applied. This becomes frustratingly difficult when Bryant begins ramming his elbow into MD’s super ripped stomach. The audience’s chants grow louder and louder, as Bryant’s elbows grow all the more furious. But, his rebellion is shut down as Mister Dick floors him with a forearm across the back.

“BOOOOO!” the fans spit their venom, neither amused nor aroused by Mister Dick grinding his magnificently proportioned body above the boybander.

COLE
Now I’m not one to complain about a half naked man shaking what his mama gave ‘em but what can be gained by insulting our great OAOAST Marks?

COACH
The first part of that sentence is why the second part exists. Mister Dick never had the kind of success he has now when he was pandering to these clowns. He’s in it for him and not the Marks, and that’s why he’s a future world champion.

The Cocky Prick grabs onto to Tyler’s designer denim and pulls him to his feet. Now upright Tyler is brought into a front facelock, and feels a firm grip on the hip of his pants. Within moments he’s brought into the air for a vertical suplex. But the move is never completed as Tyler counters by falling backwards and rolling up the Angle Award winning superstar into a pinfall…

ONE!

TWO!

Mister Dick kicks out right as the fans were preparing to celebrate an upset victory. Tyler slowly gets to his feet, trying to plan a move that will keep MD down. But his lethargic movement greatly hinders him as Mister Dick tears through him with a lethal stiff kick! The teenage girls in attendance shriek with dismay as they watch their cute idol fall to the ground in a battered heap.

COLE
Mister Dick doesn’t always hit the Stiff Kick, but when he does, its lights out! 

Mister Dick mounts Bryant and begins throwing a barrage of punches into his face, all while making kissey faces at a group of girls wearing “D*LUX” sweatshirts in the front row. The official pleads with MD to cease his use of closed fists, but the Cocky Prick refuses to hear his request. Finally, the referee is left with no choice but to threaten DQ. This causes MD to end his battering of Tyler, but then leads to him ordering the referee “to mind yer damn business!”

COLE
He’s the assigned official of the contest. If its anyone’s business, its his!

Mister Dick’s argument with the referee affords Bryant much needed time to recover. With some of his strength back, he stumbles back to his feet. Unfortunately, his comeback ends before it starts; Mister Dick leaves him on the mat with a running neckbreaker. A second after Tyler hits the mats, he’s covered by Mister Dick…

ONE!

TWO!

Tyler kicks out the pin and there’s a loud ovation from the Motown fans. There’s also a roar from Mister Dick, who lets his frustration over the count be loudly known. Thankfully for the front row audience’s ear drums, Mister Dick goes onto more productive activities by hooking Tyler into a rear chinlock.

COLE
With the beating Mister Dick has given Tyler, I don’t know how he’s going to handle this type of move.

Tyler wails with agony as MD wrenches his neck back and forth between his powerful hands. Pain stretches all across his countenanance and even the support of his native city doesn’t do much to stifle his misery.

COACH
This right here, dawg, is why the Deadly Alliance recruited Mister Dick. Because he can pound a dude out and then torture him until he submits.

Tyler begins a painstaking struggle to get himself off the canvas. Despite Mister Dick’s tough hold on his chin, he succeeds in his efforts. But his opponent still has his deadly submission intact. Thus Tyler begins fighting against it by shooting elbows back into his six packed stomach. These strikes do just enough damage for Tyler to be able to upend MD with a back body drop!

“YEAAAAAA!”

COLE
Yeah! Way to go, Tyler!

The fans put out shouts of encouragement to Tyler, urging him to get to his feet and take the fight to Mister Dick. He slowly crawls to the ropes, seeking to use them in support of granting their wishes. Unfortunately a well recovered MD rushes towards him, intending on planting his boot into his skull. But, Tyler moves out the way at the last second, and only MD’s quick reflexes prevent him from being impaled crotch first on the second rope. So shocked over nearly destroying his prized possession, MD doesn’t notice Tyler rolling upright.  This is a serious problem as the teenybopper leaps off the third rope and connects with a springboard leg lariat. The audience sends out a gigantic cheer as the hated Mister Dick is slammed to the ground.

COLE
A beautiful springboard dropkick from Tyler Bryant!  There aren’t too many that can fly like him. What an athlete this guy is.

COACH
He ain’t better than Mister Dick! Bryant barely made the JV hockey team in high school, while Mister Dick was starring for the Aggies at the QB position.

COLE
Oh please. He was third string and god knows how many times his poor attitude nearly got him kicked off the team.

Tyler gets back to his feet and rushes towards the ropes. He bounces off with the intent on striking a slowly rising Mister Dick with a cross body block. But midway through the move, MD reclaims his strength and with unerring ease throws Tyler over with a powerslam. The referee drops to his knees to count the fall..

ONE!

TWO!

A kickout by Tyler brings a massive ovation from his fans. Mister Dick quickly hops to his feet, and with a grip on Tyler’s shaggy cut brings him to his feet. He slams his knee into the side of Bryant’s head, drawing a horrible cry of agony from the youngster. Three more knees follow and leave Tyler doubled over, fighting a miserable battle just to be able to stand.  Rather than capitalize on his foe’s wounded state, Mister Dick sees this as a perfect opportunity to grab his crotch and spit at the disdaining audience.

“MISTER PENCIL DICK! MISTER PENCIL DICK! MISTER PENCIL DICK!”

Mister Dick runs to the ropes and comes back with a knee aimed towards Tyler’s face. But the Detroiter sidesteps the strike and stuns his foe by hooking onto his arms and bringing him down with a backslide pin. 

ONE!

TWO!

Mister Dick recovers from his moment of shock just in time to kick out.

COACH
That was too close, man! How’d this bum almost beat a prolific don juan like Mister Dick?

Back on their feet, Tyler keeps the heat on Mister Dick by tagging him in the jaw with a left-right combo of jabs. Mister Dick’s head snaps back and forth like a basketball dribbled on the court. Out on his feet, he can only watch through dazed eyes as Tyler runs towards the corner and springboards off with a moonsault press! 

“Let’s hear it, Motor City!” he hollers, leaping back to his feet.

“YEAAAAAAAAH~!” they return  back, as Mister Dick tries to scrape his body off the canvas. Halfway up, his head is rocked forward by the tremendous power behind Tyler’s shining enziguri! Nearly concussed by such a devastating attack he falls to the canavs, where the rock hard ring mat muffles his screams.

COLE
I think there could be an upset in our future!

Tyler senses an impending victory as well, and impatiently bounces back and forth on his feet, awaiting Mister Dick’s rise. A victorious hunger sprouts in his eyes, and his hands twitch with an over eager anticipation. 

COLE
He’s feeling it, Coach. He’s feeling it!

COACH
I’m feeling it to. It being “like barfing at your wacked out man love for this Tiger Beat clown”

Tyler finally gets his wish as Mister Dick finds his way upright. He pounces upon his foe, taking his long slender body onto his shoulders in a standing fireman’s carry. A large pop comes from the stands, the fans happily awaiting his execution of the Idolizer. But their desired finisher is put on hold by Mister Dick overpowering his way through Tyler’s clutches. Immediately upon touching down on the canvas, The Human Hard On wraps his powerful arms around Tyler’s in a full nelson.  Seconds later, Tyler is being flung to the canvas and KO’ed by the Pure Penetration! 

“OOOOOH!” reacts the audience, feeling the pains of going from the highes of victory towards the low of defeat.

COLE
Damn it. Damn it. I thought Tyler had this one.

Mister Dick rolls Bryant onto his back for a crucial pinfall…

ONE!

TWO!

THREE!

Annoyed groans leave the lips of the fans, who can’t believe they’ve seen one of their favorites fall in defeat. The bell ring signifying the unwelcome victory, while Buffer rises off his chair to make the match ending announcement.

BUFFER
Your winner as a result of pinfall…MISTER DICK!

Womanizer blasts back through the arena to even louder boos than it first entered with.  Mister Dick celebrates this victory in the most despicable manner imaginable, dropping on all fours and lifting up his leg to simulate pissing like a dog onto his fallen foe.

COLE
He started 2008 a beloved and respected tag team champion and he starts 2009 peeing on a former friend. Mister Dick, everyone.