Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted February 14, 2009 PRESENTED IN HD FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY -OVER 200 COUNTRIES IN 10 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES- -TO MORE THEN TEN MILLION VIEWERS EACH WEEK- -THE OAOAST THE WORLD WIDE LEADER IN PARODY ENTERTAINMENT- Fuck it I love Golden Girls too much to go back to a normal theme song. We go into the Quicken Loans arena, where the OAOAST Marks are on their feet cheering the start of TV's favorite brand of parody e-fedding! COLE Welcome to OAOAST HeldDOWN, the number one rated sports entertainment show in the history of everything! Earth, Mars, The Bat Cave, the Mushroom Kingdom, everything! It doesn't get any better or bigger than the OAOAST. The OAOAST Celtic Spectacular is coming up in two weeks and we want to remind all of our great fans in New Orleans, the party capital of America, as well as those in the greatest Louisana area that tickets will go on sale this Saturday at the arena box-office for School's Out 2009. OAOAST World Champion Leon Rodez, Melody Nerdly, The Heavenly Rockers and Nawlins' own Lucius Soul will be there for a special meet and greet for our great fans. COACH But only those who buy tickets. No freeloaders! COLE Absolutely. A shrill scream suddenly shreds through the arena as the opening beats to "Makes Me Wonder" by Maroon 5 hits! Full of boyish charm and exuberance, Tyler Bryant bounds out onto the stage and runs across gesturing to one side of the crowd. After acknowledging the other side Tyler begins to handslap his way to the ring decked out in Cleveland Browns burnt orange coloured denim get-up. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is set for one fall and is for the OAOAST United States Championship! Coming to the ring at this time, the challenger. Hailing from Auburn Hills, Michigan... he weighs one hundred, ninety six pounds and is one half of D*LUX... "TREMENDOUS"... TTYYYYYYYLLLLLEEEEEERRRRRRR... BBRRRRRYYYYYYYYAAAAAAANNTT!!!! "YYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" Tyler slides into the ring and delights the females in the crowd further by whipping off his orange denim jacket. COLE A tremendous reaction for "Tremendous" Tyler! Ruffling his hair Tyler crouches down in his corner and tries to focus. COLE With the ongoing injury problems of "Showtime" Shayne, Tyler Bryant finds himself flying solo here in the OAOAST currently. And a fantastic opportunity to make the best of a bad situation here tonight and launch his singles career with a shot at the United States Championship. "Oh No" by Mos Def, Nate Dogg, and Pharoah Monche hits and the first time Nate Dogg shouts "Oh No", a quick burst of pyro shoots up from both sides of the ramp, showering Todd Cortez in sparkles as he stands preparing to walk down the aisle. BUFFER And introducing his opponent. Weighing in tonight at two hundred and twenty six pounds... and representing Cucaracha Internacional... he is the reigning and defending OAOAST UNITED STATES CHAMPION... "THE URBAN LEGEND"... TTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODD... CCOOOOOORRRRRRRRTTEEEEEEZZZZZZZZZZ!!! "YYYEEEEEAAAAAHHHHHHH - BOOOOOOO!!" That somewhat mixed reaction is of no concern to Cortez as he walks up the ring steps. Stepping into the ring, Cortez climbs the turnbuckles and raises the US Title which is again met with mixed emotions. Todd steps down and removes his gold chain and cross, kissing it before handing it away. He then does the same with the US Title belt before going through some warm-ups. COLE As we see the US Champion limbering up, interesting goings-on in Cucaracha Internacional still. And the question remains, just what is Todd's status in the group? It's no secret Todd was never a willing member, but ever since dethroning Alfdogg he's gone from outcast to hero in Landon's eyes. COACH He's always been a hero to Landon. Why do you think he's spent so long trying to get Cortez to see sense? COLE But has he? Landon seems happy enough, but I really doubt Todd has forgiven and forgot all that's been done to him in the past year. Then again, who knows? *DINGDINGDING!* With both men ready the bell sounds and the match starts with a rare show of respect. COLE I doubt Landon would be too happy with that though. Locking up, Todd goes behind Tyler with a quick waistlock. Failing to find an escape Tyler is taken to the mat and Todd gets in some riding time on his opponent before Tyler is able to slip free and grab onto the bottom rope. Cortez lets the boybander up and they lock up again. COLE Cortez very technically sound, also very dangerous with his hands and feet. Tyler meanwhile will be hoping to use speed and agility. Standing toe to toe, not the way to combat The Urban Legend. After jockeying for position for a few seconds, Cortez works his way into a side headlock. Tyler twists out into a wristlock and wrings the arm but Cortez responds with a forearm to the face. And another one. Switching positions Cortez sends Tyler off into the ropes and sets himself, but too early, allowing Tyler to slip around the back with a waistlock of his own. Cortez finds an escape though. Dropping to a knee he snapmares Tyler over, then delivers a stinging kick to the back! "OOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH!" COACH Yeah, that's how the real men get down! Tyler grimaces in pain but gets back to his feet and fires back on Cortez with a forearm! COLE But Tyler Bryant, not backing down! Shaking it off, Cortez measures Tyler... *SLAP!* "WHOOOOOOOO!" ...for a knifedge chop. But Tyler again lands with a forearm in retaliation, then chops Cortez back. His opponent taking a step back, Tyler senses an opening but Todd closes it off with a hard kick to the quadriceps. Tyler hobbles as Cortez fires off another kick. And another. Cortez then leaves his feet with a jump spinning back kick to the chest, knocking Tyler down and forcing him to the floor to regroup. COLE There you go, Tyler trying to stand toe to toe and trying to show he's not intimidated. But Todd Cortez has that martial arts background and you've got to watch those feet. COACH Yeah, the only black belt Tyler's got is the one holding up those ugly pants of his. Tyler takes a bit of a walk to recover before he slides back into the ring, guarding a little more carefully now. Cortez pursues him up against the ropes looking for an opening to strike again. He does get one short kick in before Tyler shoves him away, Todd dropping down to the mat as Tyler looks for a clothesline. Coming off the ropes Tyler is scooped up, but floats over the back of Cortez and lands on his feet. With a waistlock he runs the US Champ into the ropes looking for a roll-up, blocked as Cortez hangs onto the top ring rope. Tyler rolls backwards to his feet, rolling forwards again to close the gap on his opponent, but Todd is still able to hurdle a dropdown attempt. As he comes off the far ropes a dropkick is un-avoidable and he gets nailed flush in the face! "YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!" Now it's Cortez outside to regroup as Tyler gets the crowd fired up. COLE Nice dropkick and Tyler might not be done here. As Todd goes to re-enter the ring, Tyler rushes across the ring and wipes him out with a SUICIDE DIVE through the middle and top ropes!! COLE Tremendous Tyler taking a tremendous risk! And it brought tremendous rewards! COACH Stop saying tremendous. Dumping Cortez back inside, Tyler encourages the crowd before following Todd in for the pin... 1... 2... No! Tyler hooks Cortez on his way back up, delivering a vertical suplex. Another cover... 1... 2... No. Tyler backs Cortez up into a corner with some forearms, yelling out to the fans again before whipping Cortez across the ring. The challenger follows in with a flying avalanche, signalling for one more. However the whip is reversed on him. Heading for the turnbuckles Tyler shows, dare I say it, tremendous agility to leap to the top rope and leaps ba... NO! He fakes Todd out, hanging onto the turnbuckle and turning himself around up top. COLE Auburn Hills Fakeout and Todd bought it. With Todd picking himself off the mat Tyler now does take flight... but gets caught in mid-air with a spinning wheel kick!! "OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE Perhaps that was a Hollywood Boulevard fakeout? COACH Perhaps you are awful. Cortez hooks a leg and covers... 1... 2... No! Leading Tyler to his feet, Cortez unloads a kick combination targetting the back of the left leg with some more kicks. With his challenger unsteady Todd then sends him for a short whip, reeling him back into a Flapjack! The wind is knocked out of Tyler and he sits on his knees prone for a running kick to the chest, further emptying the lungs! Cover... 1... 2... No! Staying on the attack Cortez delivers a European uppercut. Tyler falls backwards into a corner, the ropes holding him up. A second European uppercut rocks him against the turnbuckles. As does a third, before Todd is backed off. COLE Todd Cortez showing anyone who might have forgotten just what he's capable of. We're talking a lot about people with points to prove recently and Todd is certainly one of them after the shackles put on his career by Cucaracha Internacional. COACH Sometimes people need shackling until they understand how to act and how not to act. COLE He's not a criminal! COACH Well that's another debate for another day. Once he's answered to the ref Cortez moves back in and whips Tyler out of the corner. This time there's no fakeout, only Tyler hitting the turnbuckles. Cortez follows in with a clothesline on Tyler, then scoops and slams him, heading for the top rope himself. COLE The US Champion more than capable of taking to the air himself. Cortez doesn't waste time on the top, coming down across Tyler's chest with a lung-busting double stomp!! A breathless groan escapes Tyler, as Cortez hooks him up for a pin... 1... 2... Kickout! COLE Tyler sticking in this one, United States Championship is on the line here in Cleveland, Ohio! Cortez pulls Tyler back up again and it's clear the boybander is weakening. Again Cortez attacks the knees with some low kicks, leaving the challenger routed to the spot. Todd backs off the ropes and looks for a clothesline, but Tyler gets a foot up in the gut to cut him off! Backing up, Tyler comes off the ropes. Up and over with a leapfrog goes Cortez, Tyler baseball sliding underneath. Cortez lands and tries for his clothesline again. As he rushes back though, he's caught with a Yakuza Kick from "Tremendous" Tyler!! "YYYEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHH!" COLE Oh, what a shot that was! That could be the turning point for Tyler! He's unable to capitalise though as both men stay down. "TY - LER!" "TY - LER!" "TY - LER!" "TY - LER!" The referee gets to the count of '6' before the two men begin to stir. Tyler strikes first, connecting with a dynamic right hand! A second right hand finds the mark! And a third, Todd dazed and left wide open for a standing dropkick. COLE Tyler beginning to take the fight to Todd Cortez, with that youthful exuberance. COACH Okay, let's hope that one doesn't catch on. Youthful exuberance!? Finding himself in a corner as he gets to his feet Cortez is penned in by Tyler, who climbs to the middle rope and calls on the crowd to count along with his latest Top Ten Hit! "ONE!" "TWO!" "THREE!" "FOUR!" "FIVE!" "SIX!" "SEVE - " ...NO! Cortez suddenly lifts Tyler off the mat, carrying him into the middle of the ring... ...but before he can execute the Crotch Droppah, Tyler kicks and squirms his way over the back with a sunset flip takedown... 1... 2... NO! Both men roll back to their feet and Tyler ducks underneath an elbow strike, hitting the ropes. But Cortez snatches him off his feet with a Sitout Spinebuster!! 1... 2... NO! COLE What a competitive battle we're seeing here on HeldDOWN~! between these two men! Crouched over Todd recoups some energy waiting for Tyler to get back up, snatching him by the throat once back to his feet. He takes Tyler up looking for the chokeslam bomb, but Tyler turns into the move and rolls Cortez up... 1... 2... NO! Tyler rolls back to his feet and loads up with a forearm, but Cortez beats him to it with a boot to the gut. He reels Tyler in and gives the signal, to a murmuring of excitement. COACH Read him the Riot Act! But Tyler backdrops the US Champion over and saves himself! COLE No, Tyler with that sickflip piledriver scouted. Waving Cortez back to his feet Tyler throws himself forward with a SHINING ENZIGURI! He makes the cover... 1... 2... Kickout! COLE Only two, so close to a new United States Champion! COACH Cortez better get his stuff together and do it fast. That is unless he wants to find himself back on the Cucaracha Internacional sidelines. Despite only getting a two count it's clear confidence is running high through Tyler as he calls for the finish. Todd gets back up holding his head and gets scooped up in a fireman's carry by the boybander, an excited scream from the fans going up. With a shout of "YEAH-UH~!", Tyler takes a step forward and swings the US Champion out... ...and out of his grip! Cortez escapes the TKO, landing on his feet and hooking Tyler up for a German Suplex, with a bridge! 1... 2... NO!! COLE Another close nearfall, this time for the champion! The Cleveland fans show their respect with some applause as both men take a second to recover. Cortez is up first and draws Tyler in, connecting with the Crotch Droppah this time. COACH And listen to the thousands of hearts breaking in the stands. Tailbone jarred Tyler is left hurting in the centre of the ring while Cortez vaults himself over the top rope and to the apron. Cortez then springboards back in with a crossbody... BUT MISSES, as Tyler ducks! The US Champion holds his ribs as he gets back to his feet, walking into a boot to the gut. Tyler takes a quick glance around before he turns back to back with the doubled over Urban Legend and hooks up the arms. He turns Todd over and elevates him for the Recordbreaker... ...but Cortez rolls down the back and lands on his feet! COLE Nice escape. Tyler turns around, into a boot of his own. As he doubles up Tyler is pulled in, Cortez wasting no time on this ocassion as he flips him over AND SPIKES HIM ON HIS HEAD WITH THE RIOT ACT PLUS~!!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!" COLE HE GOT IT! And nobody kicks out of the Riot Act Plus, what a devestating manoeuver! All allegience to Tyler goes out the window at the sight of the amazing piledriver and the fans count along with Todd's cover... 1... 2... 3!!!! *DINGDINGDING!* COLE A fine effort from Tyler, but not to be tonight. Todd climbs off of Tyler and has his hand raised in victory, his 'celebrations' very business like. BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, your winner of the match and STILL OAOAST UNITED STATES CHAMPION... "THE URBAN LEGEND"... TTOOOOOOOODD CCOOOOORRRRRRRRTTEEEEEEZZZZZZZZ!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" Handed his title Cortez scales the turnbuckles and raises the belt to the crowd. The mixed reaction is slightly less mixed and more appreciative now. COLE After a great back and forth contest, it's Todd Cortez successfully defending his United States Title. LATER TONIGHT ANDERSON CUP CONFRENCE FINAL VICE VS THEODORE MONEYMAKER AND CPA TONIGHT! COMMERCIAL Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted February 14, 2009 MAGGIE NERDLY and QUEEN ESTHER Sit at a card table backstage for reasons unknown to this writer and I’m the dork writing the damn segment! MAGGIE What’s up, world? Maggie Nerdly, “It” Girl on the Scene livin big with Queen Esther of the Mardi Gras Hellfire Club. QUEEN ESTHER Don’t forget to mention that you’re in the Queen’s court. MAGGIE Uh what? This is just a hallway and we’re sitting at some crappy card table. Its missin a leg to. Ya got Spanish Fly holdin it up. SPANISH FLY Hello. QUEEN ESTHER I find use for peasants. An idle mind is the devil’s playground! And besides, my court is undergoing renovations. Versailles wasn’t built in a day was it. MAGGIE Beats me. What’s Versailles? QUEEN ESTHER What’s Versailles? What’s Versailles? MAGGIE Are you gonna sing? Cause you look like the type of chick to sing. You look like a Disney Character. All them chicks sing. QUEEN ESTHER Well, I don’t normally sing. But if you insist! MAGGIE I didn’t! QUEEN ESTHER (singing) Oooooooooh! MAGGIE Please stop. QUEEN ESTHER (singing) Ooooooooh so this is wonder! This is magic! This the very best in the world! This Versailles! The home…of the very best in all of France! Romance! Lots of class! Won’t you please take a chance…to come to Versailles the home of your dreams! And that’s all I’ve written so far, but I’ve been working with this nice fellow who works here named Tony on my songwriting. His ideas are a bit vulgar and he smells just a bit but I think he has talent. MAGGIE Promise me you’ll never sing again. Have you ever even been to Verwhatever? QUEEN ESTHER Well.....no I haven’t. But, I have been to a train station in Trenton. Are you in my court to interrogate me? MAGGIE Nah. We better move this thing along before the table collapses on the little dude. Last week you and your boys beat The All American Boys for your first win as a team. That’s cool and all but you did it by hitting Freedom with the scepter and attacking Liberty before the match to take him out. Lots of peeps have been sayin’ that was all your idea. Was it? QUEEN ESTHER No it wasn’t! That’s just not the type of thing I would do. Not ever! Rico is a temperamental man and sometimes when temperamental people get angry they lash out in bad ways. MAGGIE Thanks, Freud, I didn’t know that. So you’re saying none of that was your fault? QUEEN ESTHER I’m a Queen in the mold of the beautiful Cleopatra, not a dictator in the mold of Napoleon. I have love for all living creatures, I sing to animals, I talk to birds, and some of my best friends are deers. MAGGIE Jeez, and I thought Melody befriending Sub-Zero from Mortal Kombat was weird. QUEEN ESTHER I just wouldn’t hurt someone like that. Perhaps I might make a joke backstage, all in the name of laughter, about hitting people with the scepter. And if Rico didn’t no I was joking, then I suppose he might turn around and hit someone. But that isn’t my fault, is it? MAGGIE Naw, I guess not. I think I got the answer I was lookin’ for. OAOAST Marks, keep it chill. Double C, back to you! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted February 14, 2009 Double C are tards. So lets go somewhere else, shall we? Near Josie's office, Melody, clad a Valentine's day themed "Clark MELODY One of us, one of them, one of us one of them. SOPHIE I do not believe she is a mutant. MELODY She throws bolts of electricity from her hands. That sounds mutant like to me. Unable to tolerate her elder sister's notions, Molly throws her head back in exhaustion. MOLLY Melody, I will not indulge you in this nonsense. Morgan uses a tazer and that's how she paralyzes people with her electrical charges.To assume she has mutant powers is just...just...just...dumb as shit! SOPHIE Molly, non non. MELODY Have you seen the tazer? Have you honestly seen the tazer? No, you haven't because it doesn't exist. There was always something weird about that girl. Do you remember how many times the power went out when she was just a toddler? Do you remember the electrical fire in the garage? That was Morgan getting used to her superpower! What if she gets very angry, she's easily angered. And she can't control her power. You could die, Molly. This is real life this isn't a comic book. MOLLY The irony of that statement coming from you! SOPHIE Your sister Morgan is just misunderstood and frightened. She means no harm. MELODY That's all Morgan means. She hates every person in our family even me, and I think everyone likes me. MOLLY Maggie might put that assumption to debate. MELODY What if she's like The Shocker from Spider Man? What if she can throw vibrational air punches in addition to shooting electricity. That means she could knock you out from almost ten feet away. One of us, one of them, that's the rule on Heroes and that's the rule here. MOLLY Quite to my disappointment, it would seem there are no mutants present to escort me! I do suppose I'll have to brave this one on my own. Tata! Molly waves her goodbyes to her sister and her best friend and heads to find Morgan MELODY (calling after her in a Yoda voice) Be foolish with your actions, you musn't! COMING UP VERY SOON ANDERSON CUP CONFERENCE FINAL JAMES BLONDE AND FAQU VS THE BEVERLY HILLS BLONDS AND I HOPE I WASN'T SUPPOSED TO WRITE THAT SOON! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted February 14, 2009 On their way to the ring, James Blonde and Faqu walk the hallways with Blonde busily going over instructions for his Samoan Wrecking Ball. As they approach the entrance stage they come to a sudden stop though. In their way stands LORELEI DECENZO, a smirk on her face. Faqu grunts at her and Blonde quickly calms him down. DECENZO A moment of your time? BLONDE Make it quick, we're on our way to the ring. DECENZO ...no kidding. Listen, you're facing Ned and Simon tonight and with their issues over image rights still presenting the OAOAST and The Enterprise with problems, it's within the best interests of everyone that they don't make the Anderson Cup final. So, to make sure you get the job done tonight, Mister Moneymaker has instructed me to offer you a little 'incentive bonus' for tonight. Reaching down the front of her dress, causing an eye-pop from Blonde, Lorelei produces a wad of hundred dollar bills. DECENZO Win and the money's yours. Simple. BLONDE Oh yeah? Where's Moneymaker right now? DECENZO Mister Moneymaker is... busy. BLONDE Right. Well, you can go back to wherever he's at and you can tell him from us, we are not impressed. Alright? We don't neeeed your dirty money! Because we've got all the inspiration we need right... here! Blonde reaches into the inside pocket of his jacket and holds up a copy of the OAOAST Magazine... with Leon Rodez on the front cover. He grins away until Mackenzie's Lori's look of confusion registers. And he quickly turns the magazine over, remembering that the picture of Landon Maddix he wanted for his point is actually on the back cover. BLONDE That's all the incentive we need, missy. We're going to win tonight and we're not going to win for Moneymaker or his money, we're gonna do it for Landon! We go to the Anderson Cup Final, win that, win the Tag Titles and win over the real power player in the OAOAST! That's far more important to me than that handful of green. DECENZO Adorable. Well, whatever, good luck. Not overly concerned about being unable to give money away, Lorelei shrugs her shoulders and stuffs the money back before walking off. Blonde lets out a deep breath at the sight of that, before going back to motivating Faqu. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted February 14, 2009 JAMES BLONDE AND FAQU VS THE BHBS Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted February 15, 2009 THE NERDLIES THAT PREY STARRING.... MOLLY NERDLY AND MORGAN NERDLY Into a dark room comes Molly, entering it as though some wild beast lay within. But there’s Big Foot or dragon loitering in the area. Only Morgan using scissors to shred wrapping paper, and a bag of teddy bears next to her. This might be a comforting sight to Molly if it didn’t also include Mariachi lying unconscious on the floor. MOLLY What in the name of Christ happened? MORGAN (shrugging) I dunno. He said something I don’t like. MOLLY Therefore you shot him? MORGAN I think he’ll live. I’ve never zapped anyone that hard before. Is he twitching? I hate it when they twitch. Its creepy. Sometimes its funny. Mostly its creepy. Depends on who I zap! Do you want to help me wrap Teddy Bears? There for the Children’s Hospital, and you’re a good wrapper if I remember. Better than me it just looks like a paper factory exploded on these guys. Molly approaches tentatively, not knowing the best way to gain acceptance from the second youngest sister. MOLLY Might I have a moment to chat? MORGAN I guess. Its not like people go away when I say no. So what do you want to talk about? Boys? Movies? It better not be about superpowers. MOLLY As your elder sister, educated in the ways of the world, I believe its time for me to offer you advice. MORGAN Really? You never did that sort of thing before. MOLLY Yes, well, before was far different than now. I think you ought to leave The Enterprise organization just as soon as you can. MORGAN What? Why? MOLLY You’re much to good for those simple scum, and I won’t see you dragged down any further by their adherence to a devil’s code! You have had a rough life, this I know, I’ve been witness to all of it. But they can not save you. They’ll do nothing to help you, only harm you. Their wish is to use you, use you for all that you’re worth and then when you have no more use, that will be the end. Morgan slams her scissors down to the ground, her eyes staring up at her sister with a dreary anger. MORGAN What do you know? You always think you’re smarter than everyone, because you can form a sentence like Shakespeare and you’re in graduate school. Its takes more than a fancy degree and dictionary to know how I feel. And you were in The Enterprise, so why are you yelling at me? MOLLY Because I made your same mistake. I have known the misery of The Enterprise and I won’t see my own sister, my emotionally fragile sister, be hurt by them. MORGAN So what should I do, huh? You have all the answers, tell me. Should I go to college? I’m sure lots of places are looking for someone with a C average. Do you think I should go home? And do what, listen to people carp on me about how I’m bringing them down, why don’t I just smile, there are people who have it worse in the world? The Enterprise is going to mistreat me. So what? My whole life I’ve been mistreated. I would hear dad talking to mom when I was 5, “why is Morgan so slow, why can’t she read yet, and Maggie can.” I used to get spanked when I messed up my math problems or I brought home a low spelling test score. No one wanted to help me, they just wanted to hurt me. The only people the only people who came to visit me when I was in the hospital out of the 12 kids in our family were Abdullah and Malaysia. Malaysia. The one you all hate came to visit me and stayed with me for three hours playing checkers. You don’t give a crap about me! MOLLY Morgan, that is not true! MORGAN No one gives a crap about me! MOLLY Morgan… MORGAN Just shut up. I’ve been in The Enterprise since January and you haven’t said a word. The only reason you came is because you’re worried that Lori wants me taken out. I know the score, I’m not so stupid like you all think I am. But, I’m sorry, your BS concern won’t work on me. Maybe if I hurt you then Lori will like me. I bet she’d think of me like a sister. That'd be great. MOLLY Do not let them play their tricks on you, they intend to hurt you! MORGAN You need to leave. MOLLY I can’t go when you’re like this. MORGAN Before I do something bad. Molly realizes there’s no reaching her sister at this point, yet she’s still reluctant to leave. Unfortunately the harsh glare Morgan shines down on her gives her little option, and with head low she exits. MORGAN I’ll see you at Celtic Spectacular. COMMERCIAL Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted February 15, 2009 Brand new at OAOAST.com NOVEMBER REIGN 2008~! on DVD! Featuring: The Entire Show... now THAT's G. Plus: Bonus Audio Commentary Track- Featuring Melody Nerdly, Josh Matthews and various special guests Show Before The Show Match: Spencer Reiger vs. Tyler Bryant Post Match Interviews w/Disco Demolition, Tryst At Mardi Gras, Jade Rodez-Duncan, Cucaracha Internacional, Baron and Melody, Ragdoll, Zack Malibu, Krista Isadora Duncan, Mr. Dick, Leon Rodez, Tha Puerto Rican Pre Show Interviews w/The Deadly Alliance, The Cleveland Steamers, The Beverly Hills Blonds, Leon Rodez Hype Videos for: Leon vs. PRL, Krista and Mr. Dick, The BHB leaving The Enterprise, Jade vs. Malaysia Jade and Maya at the High School Musical 3 Premiere- (HeldDOWN~!, 11/6) Love Shack feat. PRL- (HeldDOWN~!, 11/13) Jamie O'Hara and The CAE vs. Cucaracha Internacional- (HeldDOWN~!, 11/20) The 2008 Thanksgiving Survivor Series Match- (HeldDOWN~!, 11/27) A Molly Nerdly Film: A Nerdly Thanksgiving Dinner Molly, Jade and Maya at the High School Musical 3 Premiere, Extended Featurette ORDER NOW! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted February 15, 2009 Backstage we go inside the Enterprise’s private dressing room where OAOAST senior correspondent Tony Brannigan is alongside Theodore Moneymaker and Christian Wright, both suited up in their full entrance attire. BRANNIGAN Theodore Moneymaker, Christian Wright, you’re moments away from going against two of your own to determine which team will represent the Miracle Weirdness Connection Conference in the 2009 Anderson Cup Finals. With talks of the fix being in due to your close association, OAOAST President Josie Baker issued an executive order stating that should you gentlemen and V.I.C.E. not attempt to competitively compete then all four of you will be eliminated from the Anderson Cup and suspended without pay! MONEYMAKER It’s been said we learn from our mistakes, Brannigan. Never before have I understood the meaning than right now. I should’ve known better to think a woman could do a man’s job. Not since Fannie and Freddie has a company been so mismanaged like the OAOAST under the watch of Ms. Baker. From smoking during business hours to nepotism, her regime has been colossal failure. Oh how I long for the days when a sexual deviant in charge of a Fortune 500 company. Moneymaker becomes distracted when V.I.C.E. and Inspector Morgan Nerdly enter the room. MONEYMAKER Well if it isn’t Alpha and OMEGA. INSPECTOR NERDLY OMEGA, sir? MONEYMAKER Oh, my effin’ god another fuckup! Can’t you see I’m in the middle of a goddamn interview! CPA Sorry, boss. MONEYMAKER Oh, goodie you’re sorry! Way to man up there, Chris. I suppose you’re sorry about losing my second Angle Award too. You know, the one I handled off for you to protect! Well sorry isn’t gonna reattach the head to my decapitated fuckin’ award, nor turn melted puddle of gold back into its original form! WRIGHT Remind me to never let them guard my briefcase. DETECTIVE BOSLEY Hey, bro, I didn’t hear Teddy say speak. WRIGHT INSPECTOR NERDLY Bosley, please. Mr. Moneymaker, sir, I take full responsibility for the destruction of your second Angle. The guys always kept the briefcase containing it in sight until we stopped for a bite to eat late one night. Bosley wanted a powerbar but Chris and I wanted something more solid. Ragdoll must’ve had some goons tailing us and snatched it while we were inside. MONEYMAKER No, don’t take responsibility for their fuckups! I saw the video diaries. You understood it was a business trip. Those two piss ants thought it was a paid vacation. DETECTIVE BOSLEY Piss-- MONEYMAKER No, shut the fuck up, Bosley! Think for one fuckin’ second! What was your mission objective? DETECTIVE BOSLEY To find the S.O.B. who jacked your Angle Award. MONEYMAKER Ohhhhh, goooood for you! You were paying attention after all. DETECTIVE BOSLEY (snorts) Well of course, boss. You sign the checks and… MONEYMAKER And she handles the rest because you two did nothing more than go along for the ride! Had you done your fucking job I wouldn’t have to worry about some freak in clown makeup or those ingrates Simon Singleton and Ned Blanchard reaching the Anderson Cup Finals. I shouldn’t have to get my hands dirty with either of them. You wouldn’t find the Hilton sisters taking out the garbage. They have people to do that, like I had you. (pointing off-screen) No! Noooooo! Don’t wrap me up! UNSEEN MALE EMPLOYEE I’m not wrapping you up. MONEYMAKER You fuckin’ right you’re not. Don’t you-- Don’t you fucking roll your eyes at me! I don’t go interrupting your phone call with your boyfriend, do I? What the fuck you lookin’ at me like that for? You’re more flaming than Los Diablos de Fuego. One phone call and you’re first at the unemployment line in the morning. You got that? I said you got that?! Gimme a fuckin’ answer! UNSEEN MALE EMPLOYEE Yeah, man. We’re cool. MONEYMAKER You better fuckin’ hope so. Brannigan, you have anything to ask these pricks? BRANNIGAN … MONEYMAKER Well you should because that’s your fuckin’ job -- to ask questions. I know we had a good interview going until Chris and Boz came walking in and I’m thinking, “Why the fuck are they walking in during my TV time.” I mean I could always get more because I have clout at TSM, but it’s a little something called professional courtesy. Do you understand? My heart isn’t into it when shit like that happens. INSPECTOR NERDLY It was an accident, Teddy. They didn’t mean to interrupt your interview. MONEYMAKER There you go defending them again. What a two-faced bitch you are. INSPECTOR NERDLY MONEYMAKER Then again, you can’t help it. It’s genetics. You’re a Nerdly. The Inspector lips tremble as she holds back tears. MONEYMAKER Ah, you gonna cry? Do you suddenly have the urge to go cut yourself? Well here’s 5 bucks. Go buy a Gillette and slice yourself like a human pizza! Morgan bursts out of the room in tears. V.I.C.E. right behind, presumably to prevent the Inspector from harming herself. BRANNIGAN Hey, wait a minute! Where are you guys going? Your match is NEXT! MONEYMAKER Fuckin’ pussies. Let’s roll CW. And so they do, heading to the ring for their upcoming match. * COMMERCIAL * Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted February 15, 2009 The music of AC/DC and their song “Money Talks” welcome us back from break and Theodore Moneymaker/Christian Wright to the ring. COLE And welcome back to the longest running episodic series in TSM history, ladies and gentlemen. We’re about set to go with our MWC Conference Final match, or so we hope after Theodore Moneymaker went off on V.I.C.E. moments ago. The Billion Dollar Heir perhaps beginning to crack under pressure. COACH You and everybody wishes. * DINGDINGDING * BUFFER The following Anderson Cup bout is for the Miracle Weirdness Connection Conference Title! Introducing first, the top ranked in the conference representing THE ENTERPRISE, at a total combine weight of 465 pounds… “THE NATURAL” CHRISTIAN WRIGHT and “THE BILLION DOLLAR HEIR” THEODORE MMM-- Buffer has the mic ripped out of his hands. MONEYMAKER My time is money and I’m not gonna waste precious millions waiting for Black Thunder and White Lightning to return. So Mr. Official, I suggest you start the 10 count. By the way, if anybody spots Chris and Bosley on the streets tell them don’t bother reporting for work in the morning because as of right now they’re officially terminated! COLE Oh, my! Theodore Moneymaker just fired V.I.C.E.! COACH If you ain’t getting the job done then you need to be out of a job. Teddy did what any good CEO would do and trimmed the fat from his Enterprise. Referee Nick Patrick administers the 10 count. ONE… TWO… THREE… FOUR… FIVE… COLE The referee’s already at five. Can V.I.C.E. make it to the ring in time? COACH If they have any backbone they’ll show, but I don’t think they do after Teddy put them in their place. SIX… SEVEN… EIGHT… NINE … TEN! * DINGDINGDINGDING * BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, your winners by forfeit, advancing to the Anderson Cup Finals, the 2009 Miracle Weirdness Connection Conference Champions… “THE NATURAL” CHRISTIAN WRIGHT and “THE BILLION DOLLAR HEIR” THEODORE MONEYMAKER! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" As their hands are raised, the crowd ROARS as the BEVERLY HILLS BLONDS hit the ring! COACH What are these idiots doing? COLE Sending a message. The BHB get the better end of an exchange between them and their former E associates, then plant them mid-ring with stereo flapjacks before dropping THE ATOMIC BLOND! They cover both men and count the pin themselves. ONE! TWO! THREE! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHH!!" COLE The Blonds just pinned their former associates. COACH That means nothing. NOTHING! “Superstar” cues as the BHB stand tall over Moneymaker and Wright. COLE I think Theodore Moneymaker and Christian Wright have received the message loud and clear. They won’t be able to intimidate the Beverly Hills Blonds. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted February 15, 2009 CAN'T SOMEONE PUT A SEGMENT HERE? Krista is seen backstage with the unclean masses of the OAOAST behind the entrance area. Guarded from having to talk to these common non-celeberity folk, by her assortment of hair stylists, make up artists, and personal assistants, she gets a few silver ribbons styled into her hair while reading a Vogue magazine. Somehow PRL manages to get through the part bodyguard part grooming care consultants to approach the fitness queen. PRL What's up, mama? KRISTA Mama? A girl just wants to go down to Puerto Rico for spring break, hang out with some murderous biker gangers, plunder some villages, burn some houses, and do some LSD and blank out for 3 days to 9 months and this is what she gets back? A son! PRL The Latin Lion is no son of your's, but if you're ready to come back to his "team" he can for sure have you calling him papi. Naw, I wanted to express my thanks for lending me a hand last week with Mister Dick and Malaysia. Its not that I needed it- KRISTA Yes, you did. PRL Lady, you just don't understand. This PRL you're talking about! The single most electrifying individual in the OAOAST! I've gone the distance with Alfdogg, Leon Rodez, Landon Maddix and lots more. I have not ever and will not ever need your help to do anything! PRL lays the smackdown on anybody and PRL does mean anybody who gets in his way. PRL brings the heat on a routine basis to these sorry jabronies, and just because he was done for a few seconds doesn't mean he wasn't gonna bring it to Mister Dick! KRISTA Honey, you kinda remind me of my ex-girlfriend. She was just a real jerk, though, you know. Whenever we argued, she used to... she used to talk about herself f in the third person. She'd be like, "um, Kris, Geri needs his space right now," and I'd be like, "um, Geri, Kris is going to take half your money right now and sleep with your mother." PRL PRL wonders why Kris dated Geri KRISTA Well, as it turns out, I was a jackass magnet, but I've now been de-magnetized, so all the creepy girls just slide off of me. PRL Don't let this one slide off you, I didn't need your help. KRISTA Honey, yes you did. PRL Why, why, why, why, why won't you believe I had it under control?! KRISTA Because, because, because, because, because. Ok, Dorothy, I gotta go. I've got a match with some Puerto Rican guy. I don't know his name but people say he moves like lightening. Its almost like he's Puerto Rican lightening. But what is that guy's name? One wonders. One truly wonders. Well, watch for me! Krista's attendants surround her, completely deading the conversation with PRL. The Latin Lion walks off, taking his argument to road agents and back stage officials. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted February 15, 2009 COLE What are you wearing. COACH The same thing as always. COLE No. You don't always wear a suit of armor. COACH Oh this thang? Yo the producer said Ventura ain't got the charisma to connect with the upper class Brody Jenner type 18-35 crowd we're trynna connect with. So they got the king of swing, your boy the Coach calling a mainevent tag match and with PRL in it I gotta take precautions. This suit of armor is just to protect me in case that fool tries to get out of pocket. I got the sword of Excalibur and a guy cosplaying Merlin to son homeboy if he think he can get raw with me. I ain't gonna be afraid, we gonna do this King Louis XVII style! COLE Of course not, you're behind 80 pounds of metal! "THE CHAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMP..." *DUN DUN* "...IS..." *DUN* "...HERE!" "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" A gigantic lightening bolt touches down on the entrance and brings it with another mighty cheer from the Ohio fans. As the lights dim across the Quicken Loans Arena the authoritative voice of PRL bellows “THE CHAMP IS HERE”. Through a thick wall of smoke and past roaming bright spotlights, the man himself saunters onto the stage. He offers but a quick nod to the army of people that applaud him and takes a focused walk towards the ring BUFFER The following contest is a tag team match with the winner getting to pick the stipulation for Mister Dick versus Tha Puerto Rican at Celtic Spectacular. Coming to the ring at this time. From San Juan, Puerto Rico. Weighing in at 220 pounds. He is a former One And Only AngleSault Thread Heavyweight Champion of the Woooorrrrrlllllllldddddddddddddddddddd...He is THA PUERTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO RICAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN! COACH This nigga a simp, a geek, and he ain’t go no friends. He oughta think himself lucky to tag with a celebrity like Krista. This is like if Harrison Ford came down and had a beer with a nerd in a Han Solo costume. This is like Laura finally going out with Urkel. With swagger and confidence in his step the Puerto Rican trots up the ring apron. He shoots the fans his People’s Eyebrow, a gesture that’s returned by many. Upon entering the ring, he goes whirls like a dervish, extending his arms to welcome the many cheers of Cleveland’s fans. He continues to bask in celebratory triumphs with an HBK style poses that sets of a rocking round of pyro blasts. At the last burst of sizzling pyro sends PRL jumping through the air, seized by his rushing adrenaline. He brings himself to the second rope and salutes his Lightening Bolts with a raised fist and a sniff of the glorious Ohio air. COLE High stakes matchup set, and PRL is ready! You won’t find anyone hungrier for a world title than him, but Mister Dick has set himself in his path and refuses to move. COACH And good for him. Bout time someone stood up to this dude. He made 2008 the worst year on record. Someone has to stop him from hurting again. How does it feel in my arms? How does it feel in my arms? Do you want it? Do you need it? Can you feel it? Tell me. How does it feel in my arms? The entrance stage gets a lot more colourful with the addition of numerous dancers dressed in the skimpy Greaser inspired outfits, complete with thronged leather chap-shorts, tight white t-shirts and sunglasses. As many of them tote switchblades they engage in a sensuous, seductive "battle", often coming together for anngry and sultry embraces. Of course the center of attention is one Krista Isadora Duncan. Amidst all the John Travolota’s Krista is the Olivia Newton John, traffic stopping in a ruffled pink mini skirt and black sweater top. Two of the greaser ladies around the beautiful legs that stretch from white high heels. BUFFER And her partner she is a New York Times best selling author, a fitness queen, an inductee into the Hollywood Walk of Fame, star of the world famous FIT with KID line of exercise videos in addition to being the star of the VH1 reality show The Look of Love and the Angle Award winning wrestler of the year, here she is the OAOAST's Miss Money In The Bank… "MISS CALIFORNIA"... KRISTA ISADORAAAAAA DDUUUUUUUUUUUNNCAN!!!! Huge gargantuan cheers follow Buffer's announcement, as the two dancers escort the beloved celebrity down the entrance ramp. The ramp perfectly matches the fun appearances of the stage as flashing lights of famous 50’s songs roll up it, and the usual Calvary of photojournalists is replaced by 50’s era poodle skirted cheerleaders. Once Krista reaches the edge of the ramp, she tilts her blond hair back to let her silver ribbons sparkle with rainbow colored lights and smirks arrogantly into the camera. Long graceful strides carry Krista's legs across the ring apron, as camera flashes capture the photogenic starlet. The entire arena soon becomes bathed in a brilliant white glow, as she undergoes her trademark leg revealing third rope hang, sending a good portion of the audience on an emergency bathroom break. With Womanizer a majestic pyrofall rains from the heavens, sparkling with a beauty all its own within the flashing lights of the HeldDOWN~! set. Walking through this vibrant torrent of golden sparks is the much despised Mister Dick. He gets a reception worthy of someone with that name, an onrush of jeers and total damnation of his very existence. The cowboy hatted heel revels in the bubbling animosity, flexing his expertly built body, that's hardly clothed, besides the few threads of fabric that make up his white short shorts and matching crotchless chaps. At his side stands the fearsome Malaysia, her killed finger tips providing his baby oiled body with a bounty of erotic pleasure. BUFFER And the opponents representing the Deadly Alliance, first hailing from Edmonton, Alberta, Canada, she is a former women’s champion, MALAYSIA NERDLLLLYYYYYY. And her partner, he is from San Antonio, Texas, and is a former OAOAST One and Only world tag team champion! He stands six foot four and weighs two hundred thirty eight pounds, he is The Human Hard On....MISTER DICCCCCCKKKKKK! “BOOOOOOOOO!” Alright I’m tired of writing entrances soooooo skip to the bell! DING DING DING Malaysia waves on Tha Puerto Rican, daring him to attack her. For a second it looks like PRL might just do that, but then his attention is caught by Mister Dick and he rushes towards the buff Texan. Mister Dick quickly leaps off the apron, and PRL’s attacking him just barely misses him. This upsets PRL, and he curses at his escaped foe. The hot tempered action costs him dearly though as Malaysia smashes a forearm into his back. COACH This is why I didn’t miss none of this boys matches, he be out here doin some fool things! PRL lies against the ropes, his face left wide open to the jabs and crosses Malaysia throws. No less than ten punches land across his visage, giving rise to early panic from his fans. But the fiery Puerto Rican gains an instant surge of energy and begins throwing right hands to back Malaysia towards the middle of the ring. COACH Why this dude think its okay to hit a woman? You ain’t Chris Brown, you didn’t drop Run It, the public ain’t gonna let you slide for that! Thinking Malaysia dazed, PRL tries for an irish whip. However the Deadly Babe reverses it and its PRL sent running into the ropes. But the former world champion comes back in style, leveling Malaysia with a flying forearm. “YEAAAAAA!” the fans cheer as PRL kips back up. Malaysia rises upright, holding her hand across her sore face. PRL bounces around behind her, a predator’s hunger filling his eyes. He soon surges forward and brings her down to the canavs with a bulldog. COLE Vintage Puerto Rican! Back to his feet and Puerto Rican makes a mad dash for Mister Dick. Unfortunately Mister Dick isn’t quite so quick this time and is knocked to the apron flooring with one hard punch! While the fans cheer at the top of their lungs, PRL orders his rival to bring it. COACH Don’t try and act tough. Son, you a lame! Your hero starred in Gameday, you star in Lameday, the story of one man’s quest to devalue the OAOAST world title. Starring Roseanne Arnold as PRL, and Denzel Washington as Da Coach. While Coach rambles on about absolutely nothing of worth, Malaysia tries to get the jump on her rival. But PRL senses her coming and whirls around to catch her with an elbow in the chin. Malaysia comes right back to simply shove him towards the ropes. There Mister Dick loses his yellow streak and clocks his enemy with a boot to the back of the head. PRL stumbles forward and is caught by a running elbow smash from Malaysia. She smiles her pleasured smile as she watches him grimace in pain. “NEEDLE DICK! NEEDLE DICK! NEEDLE DICK!” the fans chant to Mister Dick “I don’t care what none of all ya’ll think!” Mister Dick barks back, grabbing onto his 12 inch monster. Meanwhile in the ring, Malaysia lays on top of PRL for a pin… ONE! TWO! PRL gets his shoulder off the mat, and the audience is delighted. Less delighted is Mister Dick, who demands a tag. COLE Oh, now that PRL is on the lying face down you want a piece of him. COACH Why not? You want a piece of every man you see lying face down. Mister Dick walks into the ring with mad swag, b, letting PRL know what kind of hustlah he be. MD brings his opponent up into a front facelock, and then lifts him into the air. He pauses to taunt the audience with another crotch grab before he falls backwards and slams PRL down with a vertical suplex. The people’s champ screams out in pain, throwing his hand across his sore back. “Hurt him some more!” Malaysia’s erotic bloodlust urges. As PRL tries to make a slow return to his feet, Mister Dick does just that, leaping upward to slam his crotch into PRL’s face. The former world champion immediately falls over caused great anguish by the 12 inch python. COLE Mister Dick’s own unique and classy version of the headbutt. Insulting him with vulgarities, Mister Dick scoops PRL off the mat and throws him to the ropes. When Tha Puerto Rican returns, MD tries to take his head off with a lariat. But PRL pulls his five feet and nine inches beneath Mister Dick’s attack. As The Cocky Prick spins around to get a hold of his foe, he’s caught with a European uppercut. A second one leaves him wobbly, leading PRL to think he can drop him with huge haymaker. But Mister Dick springs to violent life and knees PRL precisely in the lower extremities. “BOOOOOOOO!” “There ain’t nothin’ there to hurt, anyways!” Mister Dick chortles as much to PRL as to his fans. Feeling the fans anger, PRL tries to bring the fight back to Mister Dick so he can exert revenge. But Mister Dick welcomes his foe into his chiseled arms, lifting him up to shoot his testicles into his chest with an inverted atomic drop. He sneers with satisfaction at PRL before finally laying him out with a lariat! PRL lies limp on the canvas, breathing heavily as a result of being cock shocked. As the fans cringe at the results of the signature move, MD hooks the leg for a pinfall… ONE! TWO! PRL throws a clenched fist off the mat, showing his fans he’s still alive. “YEAAAAAAA!” COLE Almost a pinfall win for the 6’4, 238 pound Mister Dick. But PRL will never give up. He’s just that kind of superstar the OAOAST Marks love and respect. “P-R-L! P-R-L!” the crowd begins chanting. Grabbing PRL by his arm Mister Dick rips him off the mat. He encircles his arms around his waist and then throws Tha Puerto Rican over his shoulder. Next he crosses across the ring and drops PRL onto the ring posts. Alarmed cries come out of the stands, as fans watch a now bloodied PRL stumble aimlessly about the ring. Their fears aren’t alleviated any when Malaysia strides her stiletto’s across the apron and smacks him down with a clothesline. COACH Notice, Mikey, how easily the Deadly Alliance can handle Tha Puerto Rican’s scrub self without Alfdogg messing things up. Its like they traded away the team cancer and the wins are coming. A hard slap on the ass brings Malaysia to seventh heaven, as well as into the match. As she enters, she watches with lusting eyes as PRL tries to bring himself off the mat. When he’s halfway up, Malaysia violently snaps his neck over with a neckbreaker. Laughter seeps from her grinning lips as she listens to his tortured moans. She then adds to his pain, by landing an elbow across his throat. COACH This idiot PRL thinking he can’t get got by a girl. This girl is taller than you and a lot more muscular than you, ol sickly looking Tiny Tim bum. Hauling PRL to his feet, Malaysia wraps her arms around him in a rear waistlock. There’s a moments struggle from Tha Puerto Rican but Malaysia overcomes it to German Suplex him into the canvas. Thrilled by his GF’s domination, Mister Dick calls for his rentry into the contest. Malaysia grants him his hearts desire with a tug on his naughty parts a tonguing down of his ear. COLE Shades of the great Rock N Roll express with that tag. “P-R-L! P-R-L! P-R-L!” the audience tries to rally the Latino superstar. Mister Dick enters the ring and darts past PRL, putting himself off the ropes. He returns with arms raised for a polish hammer. But that leaves the Texas A&M alum wide open for the boot to his ripped stomach. Next, PRL swings around and nails his foe with the Cappa Killer! “YEAAAAAAAAA!” the fans cheer as PRL strikes a Superman pose above his downed adversary. COLE Ohhhhhh my, The Cappa Killer! COACH Mister Dick is twice the man Mad Cappa ever was, so this ain’t keeping him down. The Coach actually has a point in his continued diatribe of hate, as Mister Dick fights his way back upright. There he meets with PRL’s trademarked right hands before The Latin Lion gives him an Irish whip to the ropes. MD tries to return with his well known Stiff Kick, but before he can even get his leg one half off the ground, PRL gets his entire body off the ground with a Rock style arm drag. You know the one he used to do. COLE Tha Puerto Rican is rolling! COACH He gonna be getting rolled into an ambulance at the end of the night. Deadly Alliance got 4 other members backstage, he ain’t got any friends here. Krista’s entourage only cares about their meal ticket, if he gets saved its cause they mistook him for the very attractive in a way that I can't explain dude that does her highlights. Speaking of Krista, PRL allows her into the match with a tag that’s received with raucous cheers from the crowd. Sadly, Krista has mistaken PRL for the very attractive in a way that I can't explain dude who does her highlights. Let’s listen in! “Honey, I’m looking for eye catching thin streaks of a light red. Do that or I will have your village burned and your children enslaved. I did it to Billy Baldwin. Are you a greater man than Billy Baldwin” “He ain’t yer damn hair dresser, grandma!” Mister Dick chastises her. “I'm sorry, ma'am, you can pick up your fries at the next window.” Krista closes the “window” and waves bye-bye to Mister Dick. The Human Hard On will not be treated like a common fat ass at Burger King and prepares to pummel his greatest rival. Problematically, Krista is already leaping over the ropes with ten million dollar legs extended. She wraps those pins around Mister Dick’s neck, and he has only a moment to enjoy the view before Krista tumbles him to the mat with spinning head scissors. “That’s one.” “One of what?” Referee Clem Buzzlefoxer wonders. “Honey, I’ve determined through intense calculations that to properly pay Mister Dick back for what he’s done to me I have to hit him with one million forty-eight thousand five hundred and seventy-six wrestling moves. Times five.” Krista goes for her second of a million hits with a springboard moonsault press. But Mister Dick saw the move coming and casually steps beneath her descending figure. Fortunately for PRL and the fans, she manages to land safely onto her high heels. Mister Dick turns around to see her hips gyrating in sexual excitement as her arms snake through the air. Naturally this causes a guy named Mister Dick to try and approach her. But Krista flashes out her heel in a swift kick. MD moves with cat like reflexes and catches hold of her foot. He then tries to flip her over to the canvas, but Krista uses her superior agility to make a graceful landing. Enraged, Mister Dick attempts to put her down with straight punch. But she wows her fans and frustrates him by scoring big with a spinning and diving forearm! COLE Krista is rocking the casbah, baby! What do you think about that phrase? Think I could get on Krista’s payroll as an image consultant? COACH I think you’d be perfect at scooping up the crap when Maya takes the dog for a walk. Mister Dick rolls away from Krista, and manages himself upright, thinking him free and clear of the fitness queen. But two strides of her moneymaking legs bring her dangerously close. He avoids her threat by dipping low and back body dropping her over the ropes. The fans are ready to bemoan her awful bone breaking landing. But, once again Krista’s gymnast worthy agility touches her safely down on the apron. “Ah damn it. What’s it gonna take to get you to go down, woman?” “A good plastic surgeon and several margaritas. “ Mister Dick tries to swat her from the apron, but Krista deftly avoids his blow to shoot her shoulder into his buff stomach. The Texan staggers backwards, his ruined breath slowing his movement. Krista lifts her ruffled skirt to give the fans a peek of her scrumptious booty. Once that act of kindness is over, she leaps over the ropes to bring Mister Dick down with a crossbody block. Buzzlefoxer makes the count! ONE! TWO! The fans are dejected to see Mister Dick kick out. COACH This chick doin a reverse Chris Brown on em! Ellah ellah ellah, eh, eh! Mister Dick stumbles back upright, seeking a respite from his murderous rival. There’s no respite on the horizon, as Krista grabs his arm and whips him towards the ropes. “Why do people whip other people to the ropes? What sense does that make? When Ali was beating on some helpless white guy did he all of a sudden say ‘okay timeout from me beating the crap out of you, why don’t you run in the complete opposite direction!’ By the way, shouldn’t Mister Dick be back by now, its been almost thirty minutes.” “Its only be ten seconds, Mrs.Monroe.” Clem says and exposes his awful eyesight and memory all at once. “Honey, time really does crawl when you’re having the most excruciatingly boring time of your life!“ Mister Dick has run the ropes about ten times. Midway through the eleventh time he realizes this is insane and comes at Krista with a shoulder tackle. She side steps and the exhausted Texan is forced into a twelfth run. But this time he finally gains a modicum of vengeance by striking Krista smack in the face with a Stiff Kick! “OOOOOOH!” “When I get up you are so dead.” Krista chides him through teeth gritted by the pain. Terribly worn from Krista’s theatrical style of wrestling, Mister Dick squeezes Malaysia’s pert nipples to tag her into the contest and nearly bring her to orgasm. COLE Shades of the New Age Outlaws with that tag. Malaysia’s reentry is met with dread from both fans as well as Krista, as the latter’s mouth hangs open in fright. PRL calls to Krista, “Face your fears! That’s what you say in your book!” “Honey I was talking, leaving useless boyfriend with an obvious subtext of visiting my boudoir should you not be morbidly obese, kind of fear. Not chained down and raped by twelve inch marital aid kid of fear!” Malaysia’s face is flush with pleasure at the sight of such a quivering foe. Krista is putty in her hands as she leads her upright and shoves her into a neutral corner. There Malaysia assails her supermodel face with dicing elbows as she cackles with glee. She then pulls Krista away from the ropes with her fists wrapped around her golden hair. Her muscled arms stretch Krista’s slim figure horizontally across her body. Lips curving into cruel smirk, she gives Krista’s ass a horny squeeze and then crunches her body into the canvas with a fall forward slam! Malaysia follows that lethal attack with a pinfall… ONE! TWO! Krista kicksout, letting PRL and the fans breathe a sigh of relief. There’s no relief forthcoming for Krista though, as Malaysia uses her hair as a sling to dump her into a neutral corner. Before she even has a chance to plan an escape, the dominatrix is joyfully slamming her knees into her stomach. Malaysia’s attacks come with such vigor and force that even with her abs of steel, Krista feels an incredible amount of pain. “K-I-D! K-I-D! K-I-D!” The fans chant do little to rally the wrestler of the year to a comeback; Malaysia bashes her fists into the side of her head eventually causing her to sag down to the canvas in agony. With Krista lifeless on the floor, Malaysia ascends to the top rope. That awful grin reappears on her blood red lips, as she lowers her right foot and scrapes it across Krista’s face! “BOOOOOOOO!” Mister Dick turns towards the fans with nostrils flaring, “Ya’ll bastards better keep yer trap shut!” COLE PRL has to be fuming over there on the ring apron, just wanting to get his hands on those two. COACH Nah, I think he’s fuming because I’m protected by chain mail, and the sword of Excalibur. Picking Krista up, Malaysia licks her lips like a canine ready to devour a tasty treat. Krista doesn’t take too kindly to that gesture and swats Malaysia with a headbutt. “Ow! Why did I do that? Why did I do that?” She gripes. Forgoing anymore foolish headbuts, Krista carts Malaysia across the ring with stinging kicks to her shin. COLE MMA inspired leg kicks from Krista. COACH Damn you stupid. Krista is the last person to be inspired by a sport where sweaty naked dudes grope each other in the name of a Brazillian martial art. Krista gets Malaysia into the corner, and hammers away at her with a rapid fire procession of punches . Though the blows greatly please the fans, they don’t do quite enough damage to Malaysia. She’s able to stop them entirely by striking down Krista with an elbow. COACH Krista has finally met her match! Years of sonning dudes all up and down the card, and it’s the pair of Mister Dick and Malaysia that have her number. And she don’t have Alix in her corner now. She got a bum who thinks he’s the bum that played the very attractive in a way that I can't explain bum in Be Cool! Malaysia reluctantly decides to leave Krista be for the moment and treks to her corner. A hungering tonguing down of Mister Dick’s super defined abs calls the baby oil soaked Texan into the ring. “YOU CAN’T GET IT UP! YOU CAN’T GET IT UP! YOU CAN’T GET IT UP!” COLE Fans always encouraged to speak their mind at OAOAST events! Without them we’d all be- COACH A hell of a lot happier! Barking curses at the rude audience, Mister Dick picks the GLAAdiator up. He looks for an irish whip but Miss California finds the will and the way to reverse it. But, Mister Dick counters her counter and drags her into his powerful arms to smash her into the canvas with a side belly to belly suplex! “How you like dem apples, boy?” Mister Dick yells to a furious PRL, as the Human Hard On covers Krista for a pin. ONE! TWO! Krista’s shoulder come off the canvas, and there’s hope yet for PRL and the OAOAST Marks. Mister Dick pulls Krista to her feet, and settles her Barbie doll frame into his arms for a bodyslam. But instead of the basic move, he twists to his side and goes down with her as she’s slammed brutally into the canvas. Her cries of pain are muffled by Mister Dick wrapping his long brawny hands around her neck and viciously choking her. “K-I-D! K-I-D! K-I-D!” Clem has had enough of Mister Dick’s cheating, “Gawn and get off o’her, or I’ll give ya a good hidin’, sonny!” “What’d you just done and say to me, old man?” COACH This is going be like a flashback to the time Clem was beaten to a pulp by 1920’s strongman Herbert Wagner Liechtenstein. Thankfully for Clem and the institution of Medicaid, Mister Dick decides to leave him be. Instead he hauls Krista up once more, and underhooks her arms. From there a quick spewing of spit at PRL leads into a lethal double arm DDT. The Cocky Prick leans casually over the downed body of his longtime rival for a pinfall… ONE! TWO! Krista kicks out! “YEAAAAAAA!” Mister Dick refuses to believe that Krista has any fight left in her bones, and he gruffly informs the audience of his belief. He seeks to prove himself correct by taking her limp body onto his shoulders for the Cock Block. But on his shoulders Krista’s body suddenly isn’t so limp, and to the fans’ glee she quickly manages to worm her way out his hold. Touching down on her feet, she snakes her arm around MD’s head in hopes of giving him a tatse of Life In the Fab Lane, but MD prefers his redneck lifestyle and shoves her away. Unfortunately for her she’s put on a collision course with Malaysia. But she turns a positive into a negative by punching the dominatrix right in the jaw. Her moment to celebrate that small victory is short as Mister Dick tries to connect with a lariat, but Krista’s rolls beneath his incoming strike. She pauses him on his whirl around with a little boobie shimmy. Hypnotized by her giggling jugs, Mister Dick leaves himself defenseless against the round house kick she crushes into the side of his head. That doesn’t floor him. However, the leaping neckbreaker she uses does! “YEAAAAAAAAA!” COLE A HARD shot by Krista! She has got to make the tag to The Great One! Krista aching muscles make her very aware that she needs PRL’s aid. Her slow painful crawl is made slightly easier by the fact that Mister Dick making his own trek towards Malaysia’s reaching hand. The fans rally behind Krista, almost begging her to find her way towards her corner. COLE Both these OAOAST Superstars trying to reach their partners. The drama is intense! As strange wrestling luck always seems to have it, both MD and KID tag in their partner’s at the very same moment. The fans shake the arena to its very core with cheers for PRL. But Malaysia is unimpressed and tries to take him off his feet with a running shoulder charge. The Latin Lion leap frogs over her, which sends her on a run to the ropes. But as she comes back to Tha Puerto Rican leaps upward for a Lightening Strike (diamond cutter). However, Malaysia’s instincts save her from harm as she shoves him away. Landing on his feet, PRL takes a second to position himself and then unloads a hellish barrage of Rock punches! The crowd cheers with each and every strike he lands, but their joy is cut short by a cruel and underhanded kick to his unmentionables! COLE That was just plain wrong! I know Malaysia likes to inflict pain but a blatant cheap shot? COACH That’s what he gets for calling her a man. Only a dupe like PRL that hasn’t had pussy since pussy had him would think that’s a man! Malaysia bounces herself off the ropes, gathering the necessary steam and force for a yakuza kick. But PRL slides away from her thickly muscled leg and gets his arm beneath her’s. Within seconds she’s being brought down for a Latin Slam! “YEAAAAAAAAA!” Mister Dick wisely chooses now to make his return to action; he disrespectfully comes off the top with PRL’s People’s Axe. Angered by the theft, PRL greets his descent with a hard uppercut straight to his jaw. Stunned Mister Dick watches with blurry eyes as PRL makes a quick scurry to the top rope. But suddenly, as if by some miracle, The Human Hard On springs to life (no homo) and uses his football player strength to hurl PRL off the ropes. “BOOOOOOOO!” the fans hiss, having to watch Mister Dick strike a Heisman pose. COACH PRL just got dicked down! But Mister Dick’s moment of glory isn’t a long one; PRL pops the crowd with a kip up! But just as soon as he stands up he’s knocked back down from a clothesline to his back by Malaysia. Although Malaysia’s the legal person, Mister Dick insists that she leave the ring so that he may have is way with PRL. While Malaysia’s exits through the ropes, MD scrapes his rival off the mat and throws him into a neutral corner. He slams overhand rights into the top of PRL’s skull, taking immense pleasure from every strike he lands. “P-R-L! P-R-L! P-R-L!” The chanting of his millions...aaaaand….MILLLIONS of fans gives PRL a renewed surge of energy and he begins fighting back with animal intensity. Furious right hands bomb across Mister Dick’s handsome face, forcing him out the corner to the center of the ring. Thankfully for his good looks, Malaysia comes to his rescue to shove PRL to the ground. But Krista aids her cheapshotted partner by slashing her well insured legs into Malaysia with a spinning wheel kick. The Deadly Babe tumbles into the ropes, and its only a simple dropkick from Miss California that sends her toppling over the cables onto the mat. “YEAAAAAA!” the audience watches Malaysia make a frustratingly painful landing against Sofa Central’s announce table. While Malaysia struggles to get herself off the black and orange mats, Krista works her way to the top rope. “Camera slave, you are getting some good upskirt shots aren’t you?” “Well, no, I wasn’t.” “Why the hell not? I’ve got one hell of a camel toe going on and you are nobody to deny the masses their object of self pleasure.” Unable to argue with the primadonna, the camera guy fills his lens with the image of her jiggling tush. “By the way I hope my mother is watching and I hope she’s gasping in revulsion.” Krista notes, and then turns her attention back towards Malaysia. She comes off with a stunning shooting star press that shoves Malaysia to the ground and absolutely amazes the sold out Cleveland crowd. “K-I-D! K-I-D! K-I-D!” Meanwhile in the ring PRL drops Mister Dick with a body slam. PRL pumps up his sneakers, causing the fans to roar in anticipation. Leaving MD behind he rushes to the ropes, bouncing back to pop his fans with a smooth shoulder shuffle. But that signature dance costs him dearly as Mister Dick reaches upwards to shove him back! PRL tries to keep his balance, but fails horribly and his teetering frame bowls over the thin referee! COLE Oh my! Clem! COACH If your hip is broken, we’re gonna put you to sleep. You better get on up. Mister Dick of course has little concern for Clem, and doesn’t even spare him so much as a glance. Rather he removes protective steel cup and uses it to bean PRL in the head. Down goes the former world champion, knocked out by Mister Dick’s tremendous cheap shot. The audience is horrified knowing full well this will surely spell doom for PRL. As he lies down on PRL for the pin, MD smiles a toothsome grin as he thinks the same thought. DING DING DING! COLE A Cleveland screwjob on PRL! Mister Dick’s propesenity for being a dick finally results in punishment. Not looking to see if Clem was awake or not caused him to fail to notice that Clem was knocked down not knocked out. For this Mister Dick suffers the humiliation of disqualification! “YEAAAAAAA!” the audience’s cheers are like nails on a chalkboard to MD. He runs his hands through his curly butterscotch hair, horror holding his mouth agape. COLE Mister Dick played himself! Just being a dick didn’t work for you this time, did it? Not a bit and The Cocky Prick isn’t exactly at peace with it. Were Malaysia not holding him back, he might very well use his bared fangs to tear through Clem’s wrinkled flesh. As it stands he can only be escorted to the outside by Malaysia, where he continues to throw the mother of all fits, damning and cussing the referee for actually doing his job competently. COACH This ain’t right! Clem played possum! COLE No, Clem didn’t. Clem eats possum because he’s an old man from Missouri, but he didn’t play it. Mister Dick just forgot to check if Clem was actually out. Krista, having noticed her partner is laid out after minutes of bowing to the fans and demanding they chant encore although there’s no such in wrestling, tries to wake him up. Only instead of pouring water on him she pours bourbon on him. That odd, odd, very odd way of thinking, rouses PRL. Well aware of what’s happened, he calls for and receives a mic. PRL Ha-ha! Glitter thong, hold it right where you are. COLE Hehehehe. Gliter Thong. PRL The Latin Lion wants to congratulate you. Yes he wants to congratulate you, Mister Dick! Everyone congratulate Mister Dick for being the stupidest son of a bitch on this earth! “YEAAAAAAAAA!” MISTER DICK Shut up! All ya’ll need to hush the hell on up! PRL When you could’ve cock blocked me, a feat no man has accomplished to this hunk a hunk of burning love, you chose to hit me with your smelly, rotten cup in plain view of the referee. I thought Mister Boricua was the stupidest man I ever met, but you just took the cake, pal. We put your brain inside a monkey and it would be 3 IQ points stupider. It would chew its own tail. “P-R-L! P-R-L! P-R-L!” COLE Classic, Puerto Rican. PRL Now The Latin Lion guarndamntees to his Lightening Bolts that he’s going to whup your monkey ass all up and down Beantown, but I bet you want to know how I am going to do that. Will I do it in a cage match? Will I do it in a strap match? Will I do it by taking Malaysia’s strap on turning that sum bitch sideways and turning it straight up your candy ass? KRISTA Awful flashbacks! Awful flashbacks! PRL No, I’m going to beat you in a match with a special guest referee! Aw yeah! MISTER DICK Yeah who you got, boy? Colombian Heat too much of a chicken wuss to show his face round these parts no more, and ain’t nobody like you here anyway. What you got some retarded third cousin always dreamed of being in your ring so you’re makin’ his wish come true before survival of the fittest wipes him off the planet? PRL No, Mister Dick. No, no. The special guest referee is someone you know very well. You have had a very wild relationship with this person. MISTER DICK I ain’t afraid of that Baron Windells, boy! Bring that chicken wuss on! Bring him on! PRL I’m not talking about Baron, I’m talking about Krista Isadora Duncan! “YEAAAAAAAAA!” MISTER DICK Ah damn it! KRISTA Was I supposed to prepare a speech? Because I got caught up with Maya’s bakesale, and Jade had to go to the dentist and she couldn’t drive afterwards, and the dogs needed to go to the vets for their checkup, and I just don’t have all this time to be everyone’s mother! I’m thirty seven years old I deserve to have some time to myself! PRL wisely decides to not have Krista make up a speech on spot in the mood she’s in. PRL Mister Dick, I think your P.R. Nightmare has just gotten a whole lot worse! THE CHAMP HAS SPO-KUN~!!! PRL climbs up to the top rope and poses for the roaring fans as Mister Dick makes a very futile effort to have them silenced. We fade out with PRL continuing his poses, and Krista applauding and drinking her bourbon behind him. FADE OUT Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
