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Kinetic

Take the skinheads bowling

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The topic of this thread is bowling. For more information on skinheads, refer to the "Dispatches from StormFront" thread in the No Holds Barred folder.

 

I'm not particularly good at bowling, I must admit. As with sex, I basically have one technique: hard, fast, and down the middle. But like with sex, this technique tends to lead to wildly varying and wholly unpredictable results. Sometimes the whole thing veers off course for seemingly no reason whatsoever, sometimes it appears to be on course but just sort of peters out at the end, and once in a great while I hit the sweet spot and can walk away from the experience with my head held high. But it's the unpredictability that really bothers me. What am I doing wrong when it goes wrong and how can I fix it?

 

So let's talk bowling. Do you enjoy doing it? Are you any good? Any bowling league cocksuckers in our midst here? Do you think, like I do, that bowling alleys have gotten too clean these days? When I was growing up, every bowling alley I ever went to smelled like stale smoke and piss. Now they're clean as hospitals. Seems wrong somehow.

 

 

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To give you an idea of my struggles on the lanes, this afternoon I bowled a 98, a 79, and a 95. I would consider that 79 to be the low point of my life thus far.

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I like to bowl, though I havent in quite awhile. Living in Tucson, bowling's one of the only things worthwhile to do here. I did a bowling league once, but it was a vegas league ith my dad, step-mom and my friend where you paid 10 bucks every week and at the end of the league everyone got to on a paid trip to Vegas. Ironically the white trash assbags who ran the league decided to cancel the trip two weeks before the end because one of their douchebag kids was stealing money from the vegas funds. So we never actually did go to vegas, but the league was pretty fun anyways.

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I'm a pretty avid bowler; I go enough to have gotten my own pair of shoes. I was on the intramural bowling team here at UConn during my freshman year, but the alley was so shitty that it became not worth going to. My problem is that I'm very inconsistent, but I've broken 200 three times with scores of 202, 203, and 214. And I bowl straight, for anyone who cares.

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Every couple of months or so, me and the wife go out. I've never been able to master the 10-pin variety, so we do the weird-ass 5-pin variety. My stride is all messed up, no technique, so it's strictly for fun.

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I love bowling, and I suck massive ass at it. How bad? My lifetime high is 119. Yeah, I blow, I know. I used to bowl fairly often in Spokane, but up here despite having an alley with a nice bar connected to it right near me I can never find people to go with me.

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I enjoy the atmosphere of bowling, going there and drinking a beer and eating crappy fried food and hanging out with friends. The closest bowling alley to me is way too swank- they renovated the hell of it recently and it has all these big screen TVs and pool upstairs and top-shelf liquor in a full-service bar in the middle and nice food and all that. As a result, the lane rentals got ridiculously expensive so I don't go as much anymore, and I haven't checked out the other two bowling alleys in my area.

 

As for myself though, I'm awful. It seems like President Obama, for all the shit he gets for bowling a 125, is probably better than most of us are. I used to go a lot more often when I lived in California and went out with the guys all the time but since moving around, I've rarely gone and as a result I'm really awful at it. It's almost as if all my ability's shifted over into playing pool, which I'm far more fond of and play at least a couple times a week.

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Bowling is one of those things you wouldn't wanna be good at anyway. I bowled a 41 once and I don't even care. One time I pinched a nerve somehow, and my entire left arm went numb, leaving the ball to fall off my hand and gently roll into the gutter. Turned me off the game for good. That and the insufferable atmosphere, which makes me want to slit my wrists in a bathtub. None of those fancy-schmancy clean bowling alleys within 30 miles of me. Smoke, beer, paneling, and proletarians.

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I used to bowl regularly when I was a teen, but stopped at 17. I don't know why I stopped-I wasn't terrible at it, and I always enjoyed it. I guess I just lost interest. Maybe I'll start again someday.

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I used to go with my friends when I lived in No-Cal, we would hit the local alley for night bowling which was great. Since moving, I haven't been able to go as much.

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One consequence of the scoring being automated at every bowling alley I've ever been to is that I have absolutely no idea how the game is scored if I get a strike or spare. I'm always surprised after the next frame.

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I had to learn how to score a bowling game when I took it for gym class (where I had the highly embarrassing pinched nerve incident). We talk about things we forget we learned in high school and cite algebra and the War of 1812. No. This is the shit you never remember.

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One benefit to sucking ass is you can take silly shots and not care because your score will suck anyway. I've gotten a strike in another lane when I threw really hard and lost control of the ball, I've gotten a strike having set the ball down, and pushed it to go as slow as it could without stopping mid lane, and my favorite was I picked up 9 pins for a spare by hurling the ball hard into the gutter with a lot of spin, and it popped out at just the right place and took out all 9 pins.

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Bowling is one of those things you wouldn't wanna be good at anyway. I bowled a 41 once and I don't even care. One time I pinched a nerve somehow, and my entire left arm went numb, leaving the ball to fall off my hand and gently roll into the gutter. Turned me off the game for good. That and the insufferable atmosphere, which makes me want to slit my wrists in a bathtub. None of those fancy-schmancy clean bowling alleys within 30 miles of me. Smoke, beer, paneling, and proletarians.

 

This must be in Wisconsin and not in Illinois, I take it? Everything gets better when there's not smoking allowed. Here's that super duper fancy schmancy bowling alley near my house, by the way. Even their special is stupid. It's $3 per person per game, and then of course renting shoes cost like $10! That's borderline extortion if you're taking someone on a date like I was when I went there. It was like $40 for an hour, maybe a bit more, when playing time, shoes, food and drinks were all taken into consideration.

 

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The fiance was/is an avid bowler, being on a team when she was 11 with her brother and his friends. She still has about five personal bowling balls. We went out when I was still courting her early in our relationship and she fucking rolled me. Bad. Something like 213-75. I was actually proud that I got a 75. My lifetime high score was a 115 and it was on a night that everything went well. I stopped to get gas and in the middle of it, the station lost power so I got a tank of gas for free. The restaurant had a special on the food I wanted. We went bowling and I got a 115 and I ended up getting head because her parents were preoccupied with a waterbed leak.

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I learned how to score bowling from playing Wii Sports bowling. Same way I learned the rules of Baseball actually.

 

I love bowling, I probably regularly hit a 160 or so when I play. Which I admit isn't very often.

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This is the second reference to "Take the Skinheads Bowling" this month, after I sort of alluded to it when Vinny Del Negro cancelled practice to take the Bulls on a field trip to a bowling alley. We should try to make numerous threads with Camper Van Beethoven song titles until it gets obvious and irritating.

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I'm only responding to this as I had Telephone Free Landslide Victory on in the background as I was making dinner a couple hours ago. Eerie.

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I bowl on occassion. I'm decent at it. Used to go alot when I was a kid, and when I was a teenager.

 

And yes, bowling alleys are way too fucking clean these days. It's supposed to be like a bar, only with bowling and an arcade added in.

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I'm horrid at bowling, but I did manage to get a 150 once by finding the lightest ball in the place I could and just trying to get a MPH rating of over 40 (the alley had a speed-o-meter) and just crushed the pins a couple times in a row. Playing neon bumper bowling at like 3 am on Graduation Night in the 49th Street Galleria in an activity set up by the school was fun beyond words.

 

 

 

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I was briefly on a team of sorts in elementary. Later on I would often top the score sheet among whoever was playing. No idea what my high is. Upper 100s I think. I have no form, technique, or any of that. In fact, for a while, until I changed the way I held the ball, I found I wasn't even holding it right. My strategy is to throw it down the middle as hard as I fucking can. Haven't went in years, though, and am likely terrible now.

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