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Patty O'Green

OAOAST HeldDOWN 6/11/09

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PRESENTED IN HD

FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY

 

-OVER 200 COUNTRIES IN 10 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES-

-TO MORE THEN TEN MILLION VIEWERS EACH WEEK-

-THE OAOAST THE WORLD WIDE LEADER IN PARODY ENTERTAINMENT-

 

 

japan-flag.gif

 

hd.jpg

 

We go to sofa central which is decroated in a feudal Japanese theme and a silk Japanese flag.

 

COLE

Ladies and gentlemen welcome to Tokyo! Welcome to the highest rated sports entertainment show on TV, OAOAST HeldDOWN~!

 

We cut from Sofa Central to the ring where the legendary Michael Buffer stands inside a soft purple spotlight.

 

BUFFER

Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the NEW OAOAST WORLD CHAMPION, KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAAAAAAAAAAN!

 

Gimme them bright lights, long nights

High rise, overtime

 

Gimme them bright lights, long nights

Party till the sun is rising

High rise, overtime

Working 'till the moon is shining

Hot guys, fly girls

Never gonna say it

I feel on top of the world,

I feel on top of the world

Hey!

 

To a large ovation, world champion Krista Isadora Duncan arrives on the scene. She twirls around to show the Tokyo crowd her flashy championship. As they continue to applaud her she marches down to the ring.

 

COLE

Krista Isadora Duncan fresh off her first successful title defense against Faqu, but still has to deal with the growing threat of The Enterprise.

 

KRISTA

Hi, Tokyo!

 

“HI KRISTA!”

 

KRISTA

I think the hardest part about being me, besides having a girlfriend who thinks by eating the right amount of cat food and soy sauce she can time travel, is that every mistake I make is magnified by one hundred percent because of my celebrity status. I wear the wrong dress to Oscars, and BOOM there’s 30 different human yeast infections yapping away claiming your’s truly is the worst dressed of the season. Alix and I have an argument in public, and suddenly we’re on the verge of a breakup, and my alcohol addiction is the cause! They don’t bother to think gee the brunette is eating cat food out a burger king cup maybe the blond one has a right to be mad. No, they just pounce on poor Krista without ever bothering to get the facts straight. An anonymous hobo at a gas station says I looked at him funny, all of a sudden I’m a gigantic snob that kick homeless people in the head. But my latest mistake, my biggest mistake, was all of my own doing. Did I decide to treat Terry Taylor like an actual human being? Heavens no! My mistake happened last week when I found out my mother sold her shares in FIT with KID to Theodore Moneymaker. I thought my two worst nightmares, my Jewish guilt ridden childhood and a homophobic republican had conspired to bring me down. And I of course lashed out at Theodore as I always do when we have our little tiffs. Normally I’m justified, after all who doesn’t respond poorly to damnation to a “fag infested hell”. But this time I was in the wrong. I didn’t see the wonderful possibilities this partnership could bring. Its like Isarel and Hezbollah finding common ground.

 

“………..”

 

KRISTA

Or Magneto joining the X-men.

 

“OH!”

 

KRISTA

Yeaaaaaaaah. What I’m trying to say here in the 20 minutes of speaking time the producers have saw fit to allot to me, is I made a huge mistake in openly rejecting Mister Moneymaker. It takes a lot for me to admit I was wrong, I had to hold up the charade that kool aid comes from the blood of aliens after an ill advised second grade claim. I’d like to say sorry, and that I’m glad Mister Moneymaker believes in my company enough to pour some of his vast resources into it. Right now, I’d like for you all to please welcome my new friend and my new business partner. Mister Theodore Moneymaker!

 

Wearing an all white suit with a pink tie, the billion dollar heir emerges through the entrance doors. He wears a smile as wide as the pacific ocean as she strolls down the entrance ramp with confidence in his step.

 

“MONEYMAKER! MONEYMAKER! MONEYMAKER!” chants The Enterprise E-Sound, patented crowd noise simulator. The real crowd chants something far more vulgar.

 

MONEYMAKER

Oh happy day! Oh joyous day! I always knew in my heart of hearts that this day would come, and now that I behold it with my own eyes I am nearly brought to tears.

 

“BOOOOOOOOO!”

 

KRISTA

Do not boo this man. This Benjamin Franklin. This Martin Luther King, this spiritual warrior poet!

 

MONEYMAKER

Friends and family have asked me too many times, what I stand to gain from chasing after Krista. These well meaning but simple minded fools had no idea of the earth changing power I could wield with Krista at my side. No, they were too narrow in their thinking and rigid in their judgement. They thought I was satisfying my ego, as if I’d be that simple. Few of them ever saw the greater outcome that would appear if I captured Krista. I did, because I’m much smarter than everyone else BWAHAHHAHA! I saw the revolution that would rock the foundations of the entertainment industry. I knew the history making events that would be born from this holy union. You all did not, because you don’t have the foresight of a Yale Graduate! BWHAHAHAHAH!

 

COLE

This guy is a piece of work.

 

MONEYMAKER

An unstoppable multi faceted war machine has been created here to dominate all aspects of modern American Culture and in turn the culture of the world. You may be miles away from the our base of operations in Los Angeles but you will feel the impact of this holy union! You’ll wear FIT with KID clothes, you’ll drink FIT with KID mineral water, you’ll eat FIT with KID nutritional dinners, and you’ll sleep on FIT with KID ergonomically designed pillows. Its all thanks to this woman right here. She saw past her misgivings and old bitter history and finally realized its better to stand tall with Theodore Moneymaker than be crushed beneath his feet! OAOAST Marks you are witness to a world changing event! The reign of Theodore Moneymaker begins now, the world is my court and Krista is my queen!

 

Krista smiles her most charming smile which somewhat deflects the hostility aimed at the smirking Moneymaker.

 

COLE

Krista and Moneymaker partners?

 

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The scene is a backstage corridor, and the subject is a middle aged balding man rushing down the hallway. His face is decorated with panic and he keeps looking over his shoulder.

 

MORGAN (O.S.)

You can’t escape me!

 

The man continues his charge down the hallways.

 

MORGAN (O.S.)

I can melt the skin off your bones!

 

The man puts even more speed behind his escape attempt.

 

MORGAN (O.S.)

I will make you watch the your charred flesh cake off your body!

 

Morgan’s threats continue even further, until the man rushes into a dead end. He turns around with mouth held open by ghastly fear. His fright is confirmed as Morgan rushes forward and slams a knee into his midsection. The pain tries to slide him down the concrete wall, but Morgan’s furious grip holds him up by the neck.

 

MORGAN

I do this for a living. This is my sole purpose in life. You can’t beat someone at their reason for living.

 

MAN

What do you want from me?

 

MORGAN

I just want an answer. Who knocked out Lorelei at School’s Out?

 

MAN

How would I know?!

 

MORGAN

Why are you going to make me hurt you? Why are you doing this to me? You were the cameraman there with Lorelei! Either you tell me now, or I fill you with enough electricity to light up Times Square.

 

MAN

Look on the tape!

 

MORGAN

The tape is missing. I’m trying so hard to keep my calm, but you’re pushing me in the direction I always go to. I try to be normal but people like you…

 

MAN

I can’t tell you! I was sworn to secrecy!

 

MORGAN

Then you can unswear.

 

MAN

I can’t! I can’t!

 

MORGAN

I understand. I’m sorry….

 

Morgan lets her victim go free and sighs with a heavy heart.

 

MORGAN

I wish you could’ve been more help. I would have liked to like you.

ZAAAAAAAAAAP!

 

MAN

AHHHHHHHHHHH!

 

LATER TONIGHT

OAOAST WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP

KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN VS CHRISTIAN WRIGHT

TONIGHT!

 

COMMERCIAL

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Despite the Oriental decoration, there's no feng shui, relaxed zen or calming chi in the office of OAOAST President Josie Baker. Just more headaches and more paperwork, with some different scenery. And it's still an open door policy to any disgruntled OAOAST workers who want to barge in and disrupt her. Like, for example, Landon Maddix, who doesn't even bother knocking and catches Josie by surprise in a small, short moment of calm.

 

MADDIX

Josie, a moment of your time?

 

Landon, rather presumptiously, takes a seat on the edge of Josie's desk. A rather vexed Ms. Baker stands up and walks around in front.

 

JOSIE

Look, Landon, this whole 'level playing field' thing you seem to think we have, just because you're running the SWF and I'm running the OAOAST and you believe we've got some sort of common ground... it's not happening, okay? We're not buddy buddy, you don't have some special inside track with me. You are the employee and I am the employer. Understood?

 

MADDIX

You're feeling stressed out. I can tell. Don't worry, I get the same thing myself all the time.

 

Josie feels like banging her head against a brick wall, but thankfully restrains herself.

 

MADDIX

Here's the deal. I've been trying to get this little thing off the ground with my guys lately, a challenge laid out to the rest of the locker room. Four on four, anyone who thinks they're a stronger force than Cucaracha Internacional can go ahead and try to prove it. It's simple, but it's effective. Anyway, the problem is, I guess you must have not heard about it, being so busy as you are. We can't answer any of these challenges, because we're getting double booked! First you put Todd and James in some ladder match at School's Out, meaning we can't accept a challenge on Pay Per View. Then last week, you're putting Faqu in there with the World Champion, so we can't accept a challenge then either. Your priorities are a... little all over the place. Look, I run my own promotion too...

 

Josie groans under her breath.

 

MADDIX

...so I know how hard it is to keep everyone happy with booking conflicts. So I'm just laying it out there, just something to keep in mind, unless you really HAVE to, don't be putting my guys into situations that don't matter anymore. What's important to us is the eight mans.

 

JOSIE

I appreciate the clarification.

 

MADDIX

Not a problem. Always glad to help. So, what are the chances of finding us opponents for tonight?

 

JOSIE

Well, as it happens, you're in luck. I've got opponents ready and waiting.

 

Smiling, Landon doesn't seem to notice the tone of Josie's voice might not be leading to something he'll like.

 

JOSIE

You see, I've been meaning to talk to you about this eight man tag situation. Yeah. Very good idea. Not only is it great for unity... it's doing a great job of keeping those titles around your boys' waists, isn't it?

 

MADDIX

What do you mean by that?

 

JOSIE

Well, we can't have them defending the belts if they're in eight man tag matches, can we? Very crafty. Unfortunately, contrary to what you seem to think, nothing gets past me Landon.

 

Trying to look as offended as possible at these 'wild' accusations, Landon stands up off the desk.

 

JOSIE

You've not been defending titles on PPV, on TV and even the live event defences are drying up. And now both the US and 6-Man Titles are running close to their 30 days. I'm not having another International Championship on my hands. So, tonight, Cucaracha Internacional are going to be defending their titles.

 

MADDIX

:o

What? Why?

 

JOSIE

Were you not listening, I just explained exactly why!

 

MADDIX

But what about the eight man tag I asked for? You're just going to take my suggestion and toss it away, without even considering it?

 

JOSIE

Yes, that's exactly what I'm doing. Now, if you could run along and pass the message on? I've got a lot of paperwork to be getting on with... I'm sure you understand.

 

Trying to come up with another arguement, Landon comes up short and ends up stomping out of the room in a huff. Josie sighs and goes back to her paperwork as the sound of footsteps and muttering gets fainter and fainter.

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“In the Air Tonight” by Non-point booms through the speakers as Tango Bosley and CPA emerge.

 

BUFFER

The following NON-TITLE special challenge match is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, at a total combine weight of 565 pounds… DETECTIVE TANGO BOSLEY and CPA... VVVVVIIIIIIIIIIIIICE!!

 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

 

In a rarity, VICE is without manager and amateur private investigator Morgan Nerdly. It doesn’t make them any less dangerous, however.

 

COLE

They violate the rules, operate on intimidation and tonight vow to teach Team Heyross a lesson in respect all because they felt snubbed in their own twisted minds.

 

COACH

In their own twisted minds? They were snubbed! Fact is, Team Heyross should be on their hands and knees kissing the feet of VICE for saving their tag title. Being the good guys that they are, Boz and CPA would’ve settled for a simple thank you instead. But no, they couldn’t even do that.

 

COLE

The only thing VICE did was ruin what up to that point had been one of the all-time classic bouts in OAOAST history.

 

“Shine” by Collective Soul hits and Team Heyross appear. They raise their arms and red, white and blue pyro shoot off behind them.

 

BUFFER

And their opponents! Total combined weight 485 pounds, the ONE & ONLY WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS… CHARLIE MOSS and QUENTIN BENJAMIN... TEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMM HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYRRRRROSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!

 

"YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!"

 

Off come the windbreakers and tag belts, then it’s time for action.

 

* DINGDINGDING *

 

Benjamin and Bosley lockup as the bell sounds, and Benjamin executes an arm drag. No way can Benjamin do it again Bosley thinks and of course he does. Becoming more frustrated by the second Bosley demands another tie-up and this time knees Benjamin!

 

COACH

Third time’s the charm, Mikey Cole.

 

Backhand karate chops and big right hands stun Benjamin, who then is fired across…but he ducks a roundhouse kick and decks Bosley with a SPINNING WHEEL KICK!

 

The cover.

 

ONE!

 

KICKOUT!

 

Benjamin leans Bosley against the ropes and tags Moss. He drops down as Bosley shoots back on the rebound and Moss delivers a SUPERKICK!

 

The cover.

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

KICKOUT!

 

Whipped to the buckle, Bosley leaps onto the middle rope and back at Moss, driving the point of the elbow into Moss’ sternum!

 

The cover.

 

ONE!

 

KICKOUT!

 

Bosley sends Moss for the ride and tags CPA. Shot to the gut doubles him over as CPA enters and lands a running boot to the head!

 

The cover.

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

KICKOUT!

 

CPA rams Moss into the buckle and proceeds to punish him with corner shoulder thrusts. Vertical suplex and a succession of elbows follow before another pin is attempted.

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

KICKOUT!

 

VICE tag and, off the ropes, lift Moss into the air and slam him down!

 

The cover.

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

SAVE BY BENJAMIN!

 

Bosley dumps Moss outside and gets into it with Benjamin, allowing CPA to smash Moss back-first into the ring post!

 

COLE

That damn BULLY~!

 

CPA rolls Moss back in and Bosley performs an old school backbreaker. Standing over his foe Bosley lays the verbal smack down…and gets SMALL PACKAGED!

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

KICKOUT!

 

COLE

Oh was that close.

 

COACH

Bosley almost caught napping there, Cole. You always have to be aware in the ring but doubly so against the likes of Team Heyross. They can grab a hold and make you say uncle or pin you out of nowhere.

 

Bosley stomps Moss and then tags out. FRONT SPINEBUSTER plants Moss mid-ring!

 

The cover.

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

SAVE BY BENJAMIN!

 

CPA shoots Benjamin a look than would scare the shit out of Satan himself, but Benjamin doesn’t back down and instead challenges CPA to bring it.

 

CPA

You don’t want none of this. You don’t want none of… :o

 

MOSS SCHOOL BOY’S CPA!

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

KICKOUT!

 

Moss ducks a clothesline, makes the blind tag, ducks a big boot on the rebound and Team Heyross hit THE DOUBLE GOOZLE!

 

The cover.

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

NO!!

 

Benjamin moves and Bosley elbows his partner!

 

"YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!"

 

Rocked by a series of roundhouses, Bosley is BAAAAAAAACK body dropped, then clotheslined outside where he reaches into his pant leg and pulls out a TELESCOPIC BATON!

 

COACH

Business is about to pickup, baby boy.

 

Bosley sprints to the other side of the ring and CLOBBERS Moss! Meanwhile, Benjamin levels CPA with a TOP ROPE CLOTHESLINE and makes the cover.

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

* TWHACK *

 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

 

COLE

Sonuva…!

 

* DINGDINGDING *

 

Though the bell has sounded Bosley continues his assault.

 

COLE

Somebody stop this!

 

CPA gets in on the act as OAOAST officials swarm the ring. The damage done VICE take the tag titles with them.

 

COLE

VICE adding insult to injury.

 

COACH

Yeah, they not only beat respect into Team Heyross, they also took their tag team championship!

 

VICE hold the titles overhead as we go to the always luxurious Enterprise dressing room where Christian Wright, Spencer Reiger, and Theodore Moneymaker sip celebratory wines. However only Moneymaker appears to be in a mood for a celebration

 

REIGER

Ted, what were you thinking?

 

MONEYMAKER

I was thinking towards the future, Spencer. Don’t be so small minded in your outlook of the world. This is a new playing field we’ve entered and it requires big ideas and big minds. The old ways are just that old and extinct methods for laggards and simpletons. The new world requires unique alliances to pave the way to greatness. I would think given that you come from a moneyed family you would understand the line between friend and foe is almost non existent.

 

REIGER

Okay, yeah, maybe. But, you can’t trust Krista. You can’t trust women period. They're deceit and evil wrapped in a cloak of lies and half truths. Women are not to be trusted, under any circumstances. You’ve fallen into their trap.

 

MONEYMAKER

I’ve secured a better a future for all of us, my boy. Follow me and I promise you riches beyond what you ever thought were possible.

 

WRIGHT

Theodore this situation is most unsettling as it pertains to my title match later this evening. I deduce perhaps a conflict of interest or a fissure in this fresh partnership may arise.

 

MONEYMAKER

Christian, there’s nothing to worry about. I myself will be refereeing this title match between you and Krista, and I promise you both a fairly judged contest.

 

WRIGHT

I shall look forward to it.

 

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Anglesault's in the back, in his office, when the door swings open to show ZACK MALIBU barging in.

 

ANGLESAULT

We're friends and all, but you think you could knock?

 

MALIBU

What's your deal?

 

ANGLESAULT

What are you talking about?

 

MALIBU

I'm talking about tonight.

 

ANGLESAULT

What about it? You're on the show this week, just like I promised.

 

MALIBU

Cut the crap, 'Sault. I just lost the World Title, I just got cheated out of it by Leon Rodez, and now I've got you playing games with me.

 

ANGLESAULT

Playing games? Zack, I'm trying to MOTIVATE you. I want you to regain that lost edge of yours. I want you to find yourself...the REAL Zack Malibu. Not this...crybaby you've become.

 

Malibu snarls, then CRACKS his friend across the face with a hard slap!

 

MALIBU

Crybaby? CRYBABY? Let's get one thing straight, Anglesault. I'm the one out there busting my ass in the ring and out of it, doing personal appearances, interviews, meeting with licensees, while you enjoy your retirement and sitting at a desk. I do EVERYTHING for this company. I sacrifice time with my family and my friends out of wrestling for this company and FOR YOU, and all I have to hear from you is how I don't "have it" anymore? It's not motivating me, Anglesault, it's PISSING ME OFF.

 

ANGLESAULT

GOOD, because that's what it's doing to me too! Stop playing pretend, Zack. Stop playing the victim role! Oh, poor you, you lost the World Title, you got screwed AGAIN. Maybe if you weren't such a god damn sap it wouldn't be so easy to have the wool pulled over your eyes. You think I'm going to let you NEAR a title match in that condition, Zack? I told you...you find yourself, you bring the Zack Malibu that DESERVES to be called The Franchise out of wherever you've hidden him, and you can have whatever you want. Until then, and no sooner, you are going to be working your way back up the ladder, starting tonight with James Riggs. Maybe you'll prove me wrong, Zack, and I hope you do, but if not, then maybe someone else will step up and be The Franchise for this company...MY company.

 

The two friends are furious with each other, and silently stare each other down, before Zack just turns and walks away. Anglesault rubs his reddened cheek, and we fade to commercial.

GREAT ANGLE BASH!

THIS MONTH!

ONLY ON PPV!

 

 

COMMERCIAL

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Suburban Tokyo is our image as the break concludes

 

tokyo_twilight_5.jpg

 

COLE

Our US Title match is up next, let's go back up to the ring.

 

BUFFER

The following contest is scheduled for one fall and is for the OAOAST UNITED STATES CHAMPIONSHIP! In the ring, accompanied by BIFF ATLAS... from Brooklyn, New York. Weighing two hundred, twenty eight pounds... "THE DISCO DUCK"... VVIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNYYYYYY... VVVAAAAAAAAALLLLLEEENNTTIIIIIIINNEEEEE!!!

 

Vinny breaks out the "Night Fever" dance, shrugging off Biff's eager attempts to tell him something.

 

COLE

A big opportunity tonight for Brooklyn, New York's only known disco fan.

 

"Oh No" by Mos Def, Nate Dogg, and Pharoah Monche hits and the first time Nate Dogg shouts "Oh No", a quick burst of pyro shoots up from both sides of the ramp, showering Todd Cortez in sparkles as he stands preparing to walk down the aisle.

 

BUFFER

And introducing his opponent. Weighing in tonight at two hundred and twenty six pounds... and representing Cucaracha Internacional... he is the reigning and defending OAOAST UNITED STATES CHAMPION... "THE URBAN LEGEND"... TTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODD... CCOOOOOORRRRRRRRTTEEEEEEZZZZZZZZZZ!!!

 

Cortez climbs into the ring and stands on the turnbuckles, showing off the US Title to the Japanese fans. Still instant about trying to tell Vinny something, Biff is shooed from the ring by his tag partner, with more important things to worry about than Biff's insane superpower theories. Cortez hands the belt over to the referee and Vinny V gets a good look at it, before asking the referee to hold it in the air and using it as a makeshift disco ball, dancing underneath it!!

 

COACH

Oh yeah!

 

COLE

We've seen some disrespect and degredation for championship belts before and that's right up there.

 

COACH

Are you kidding? If Vinny wins tonight, I'm sure the belt will take pride of place, hanging over his dancefloor.

 

 

*DINGDINGDING!*

 

Vinny gets down to business and locks up with Cortez, grabbing a side headlock. The smile is wiped from Vinny's face though as Todd turns out of the headlock, sweeps the leg and kicks Vinny HARD in the spine! Rolling out of the ring Vinny calls a timeout.

 

COLE

That's what happens when you treat someone else's title belt as a disco ball... I assume, anyway... I don't imagine that's ever happened before, anywhere, ever.

 

Having worked the kinks out in his back, shrugging off Biff's attempts to help in the process, Vinny climbs back into the ring. He asks for another lock up, only to fake Cortez out and boot him in the gut instead. Vinny clubs Todd in the back before giving him a chop to the chest, suddenly feeling good again. Off the ropes, he knocks Todd down with a shoulder charge and proceeds to dance again!

 

COLE

Now is not the time for dancing, even if you are "The Disco Duck".

 

Vinny hits the ropes again, going up and over Cortez. Popping to his feet Cortez looks for a hiptoss, blocked by Valentine. After another ode to John Travolta, Vinny swings at Cortez with a clothesline. Cortez ducks though and rolls Vinny up...

 

 

1...

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

No!

 

Vinny elbows Cortez down and tries a pin of his own...

 

 

1...

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

No!

 

Shoving Cortez to the ropes, Vinny ducks his head and pays with a boot to the shoulder blade. He tries again with a clothesline but Cortez ducks again, waiting for Vinny to come back off the ropes and delivering a well-placed kick to the chest. With Vinny reeling, Todd delivers a clothesline off his own. And another, sending Vinny rolling to the floor again.

 

COLE

I think Cortez has had just about enough of Vinny's timeouts.

 

Biff comes over to advise Vinny again, just as Cortez leans out of the ring... and clocks their heads together!

 

COLE

A meeting of the... uhm... minds?

 

Pulled back onto the apron by Cortez, Valentine is nailed with a couple of right hands before the referee comes over. The moment's distraction allows Vinny to knee Cortez through the ropes and set him up, looking for a suplex to the floor. Cortez blocks the attempt and fights Valentine off, nailing him with some more shots. Staggered on the apron, Vinny holds onto the top rope hovering dangerously over the arena floor. One final right hand dislodges him... and luckily, Biff is there to come to Vinny's aid, catching Vinny in an electric chair as he falls off the apron.

 

COACH

Oh, the super strength!

 

COLE

The wha... please, don't you start!

 

Ungrateful, Vinny yells at Biff to put him down but he seems more amazed at having heroicly rescued someone and tries to stop his legs from wobbling while he carries Vinny to 'safety'. Cortez watches on, confused. Before eventually he tires of the cherade and runs across the ring, DIVING INTO BIFF WITH A PLANCHA THAT SENDS BIFF AND VINNY ON HIS SHOULDERS CRASHING BACK INTO THE BARRICADE!!!!!

 

"OOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

 

COLE

All they're missing is a long overcoat and a hat and they'd make the perfect Scooby Doo villian.

 

Cortez untangles Valentine from Biff and throws him back into the ring, going for the pin...

 

 

1...

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

Kickout!

 

Staggering away, hands in front of him, Vinny tries to buy some time but Cortez chases after him with a boot and sends him to the ropes. Knocking Vinny down with a back elbow, Todd turns away and follows up with a standing moonsault!

 

 

1...

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

Kickout!

 

COLE

I have to say, Cortez taking this challenge in his stride, unlike Landon Maddix earlier.

 

COACH

Todd's a fighting champion. Landon wouldn't invest his time and knowledge into anything less.

 

COLE

I'm sure Todd appreciates every bit of it.

 

Vinny backs into a corner...

 

 

*SLAP!*

 

...and gets chopped!

 

 

*SLAP!*

 

...and again! Cortez then whips Vinny across the ring, but runs into a raised boot as he tries to follow up.

 

COLE

Oh, Vinny scores with a hard shot.

 

Out of the corner, Vinny delivers a swinging neckbreaker on the doubled up US Champion! He crawls on top and makes the cover...

 

 

1...

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

Kickout!

 

Vinny shakes off the effects of the punishment he's been taking before attacking Cortez, clubbing him across the back as he tries to get up. Scoop and a slam puts Todd in position for Vinny to go up to the middle rope. He stands tall and jukes and jives a little, before driving the point of the elbow into the chest.

 

COLE

And Valentine starting to build some momentum. Any coincidence that Biff is still flat out on the floor? You decide.

 

Doing a little celebratory dance, Vinny waves Todd back to his feet. A boot doubles him up, Vinny off the ropes with a kneelift. Vinny then grabs Cortez in a gutwrench and attempts to turn him up inside down, setting up Blame It On The Boogie! But Todd rolls right over onto his feet and reverses on Vinny, elevating him onto a shoulder and rolling SNAKE EYES in the corner. Turning into the ropes, Cortez then catches Vinny staggering backwards with the HOLLOW POOOOOIIIIIINNTT!! Cover...

 

 

1...

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

NO!

 

Cortez looks for the finish and sets Vinny up, looking for the RIOT ACT PLUS... NO! Vinny backdrops his way out of it!

 

COLE

Vinny dodged a bullet there and... wait a minute, what's this?

 

Motioning to the outside, Vinny calls very clearly for Biff to go and get him a steel chair. Still looking shaken up, Biff starts to walk around ringside to go grab a chair... but suddenly, he stops. To Vinny's confusion. A little more frantic, he waves at Biff to "put the pedal to the metal", but Biff wags his finger. And telling Vinny he has a "better idea", he goes back around the ring and starts to try and uproot the steel steps!

 

COLE

What is Biff doing?

 

COACH

I think Vinny's wondering the same thing.

 

Biff struggles to get the lower steps away but manages to, as Vinny watches on bemused. Deep breath, Biff summons on his (super?) strength and prepares to throw the steps into the ring... and freezes.

 

COLE

Uh-oh... I think Biff may have thrown his back out!

 

With Biff doubled up in pain, Vinny despairs before getting spun around by Cortez. Vinny throws a wild, instinctive right hand which Cortez ducks, jarring Valentine with the Crotch Droppah! Cortez then reels Vinny in and connects with the RIOT ACT PLUS~!~!~!#1#!~#!~, dead centre of the ring!!

 

COLE

Riot Act Plus, no Biff to save, this one is over!

 

 

1...

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

3!!!

 

 

*DINGDINGDING!*

 

 

BUFFER

Ladies and gentlemen, your winner of the match and STILL OAOAST United States Champion... TTOOOOOOOOOODD... CCOOOORRRRRTTEEEEZZZZ!!!

 

"YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!"

 

Vinny rolls out of the ring and he and Biff are left to help each other towards the back, one favouring his back and one favouring his neck. The US Champion remains in the ring and climbs the turnbuckles to salute the Japanese fans again.

 

COLE

And an impressive, successful title defence for the US Champ here in Tokyo!

 

Cortez steps off the turnbuckles and begins to turn away, when suddenly a figure hops the barricade! Sliding into the ring, the unnamed attacker then nails an unsuspecting Cortez from behind with a clothesline!!

 

COLE

Wait a minute, what the hell is this!?

 

COACH

Is that... that guy, we've been seeing these past few weeks? Tommy G?

 

COLE

It is! That's exactly who it is! But what is he doing here in Japan!?

 

As Todd picks himself up, Tommy G climbs onto the middle ring rope and waits for the US Champion to turn his way. 6'6" and 270, he amazes everybody by taking off and hooking Cortez in mid-air with a FLYING TORNADO DDT, planting Cortez right on his head!!

 

COLE

WOW! What a DDT that was... but WHY!?

 

Standing over Cortez, the mysterious Tommy G looks around the crowd before down at Cortez with a satisfied smile. Security and referees make their way out, causing Tommy G to casually leave the same way he came, back through the crowd, having sent whatever message he intended to send.

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BACKSTAGE

 

molythumbs3.jpg

MOLLY NERDLY

 

chats with

 

morgankb.jpg

MORGAN NERDLY

 

MORGAN

No, No, no! You don’t have the right to tell me what to do!

 

MOLLY

Morgan, you simply can’t keep doing this! You are an eighteen year old girl, who takes classes at a community college. No matter what your brain may try and convince you of believing you are not a monster. You have to stop. This isn't a game.

 

MORGAN

I can’t stop, and I won’t stop. I have to find out who hurt Lori.

 

MOLLY

Lorelei is an awful person, any number of people could’ve done harm to her. Why must it be your job to find the culprit?

 

MORGAN

Because I don’t have anyone else. You have tons of friends, and the family loves you. I have no one. There’s no one who’s shoulder I can cry on, or someone I can spend hours talking on the phone to. I have no one but Lori. If something happens to her, I’ll be all alone.

 

MOLLY

This isn’t true, you have me.

 

MORGAN

I don’t have you! You? Your two minute intervention can’t erase the nineteen years of neglect and apathy you and everyone else gave me. When I was in the hospital after my first suicide attempt, I got three visits in four weeks. I guess nurses and doctors I’ve never met were supposed to be better company than my real family. But when mom and dad did come, I’d ask them if they could bring Molly next time. The one time when you could’ve come you had a choice between me and an Oilers game. You picked the Oilers game. I wanted to see you more then, anything and you picked the Oilers game.

 

MOLLY

I did not understand the severity of your illness.

 

MORGAN

And you never will.

 

COMMERCIAL

 

LATER TONIGHT

OAOAST WORLD TITLE

CHRISTIAN WRIGHT VS KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN

TONIGHT

ALSO!

CLIMB THE LADDER

ZACK MALIBU VS JAMES RIGGS

TONIGHT!

 

 

COMMERCIAL

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We're treated to a lovely image of Tokyo as we return from break

 

tokyo.jpg

 

"Sweet Home Chicago" hits and out struts Jumbo as HeldDOWN returns. The Japanese fans seem amused with the loveable big guy, with numerous shots of smiling clapping fans watching his walk to the ring.

 

BUFFER

The following contest is scheduled for one fall. First, from Chicago, Illinois... weighing four hundred, fourty pounds... JJJUUUUUUUUUUMMMMBBOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

 

Jumbo makes his way around ringside and even gets a couple of young Japanese girls to DANCE along with him before he climbs into the ring.

 

COLE

Big Jumbo enjoying himself here in Tokyo, a big fan of the sushi I hear.

 

COACH

There's a surprise.

 

Jumbo struts around the ring some more and gets the crowd going.

 

COLE

Well Jumbo having some fun, but the fun is going to stop very soon I feel.

 

 

"Oh (hey!), I've been travelin' on this road too long

Just tryin' to find my way back home

But the old me's dead and gone

Dead and gone

And oh (hey!), I've been travelin' on this road too long

Just tryin' to find my way back home

But the old me's dead and gone

Dead and gone, dead and gone..."

 

The opening to "Dead And Gone" by T.I. fades into "Numb" by Linkin Park. The crowd stays mostly quiet except for a few, isolated screams from female fans as Leon Rodez emerges through the entrance way. Disheveled, Leon wears to the ring his usual ring-robe, only inside out, the black unpatterened lining far less attractive than the robe should be.

 

BUFFER

And his opponent. From Grand Rapids, Michigan... weighing two hundred, eighteen pounds... the former OAOAST Heavyweight Champion of the world... LLLEEEEEOOOOOONN... RRRRRROOOOOOODDEEEEEEZZZZZZ!!!

 

COLE

Over the past few months, this man once the most easy going and cheerful wrestlers you were ever likely to meet has suffered a crisis in confidence and has seemingly lost all faith in anything. He claims that "All I did was give, give, give and all people ever did was take, take, take" and that his friends and fans are "dead to me", saying "I've been plumbed so deep emotionally by them all that I've got nothing left." And last week, still raw from winning and losing the OAOAST World Title in the same night, he took out his frustrations on his former girlfriend Maggie and then his innocent niece Jade.

 

Leon stalks his way down the aisle eyes lowered fixed on the ring, as the song suddenly erupts and the lights flash back and forth from purple to white static.

 

"I'VE BECOME SO NUMB

I CAN'T FEEL YOU THERE

BECOME SO TIRED

SO MUCH MORE AWARE!

I'M BECOMING THIS

ALL I WANT TO DO

IS BE MORE LIKE ME

AND BE LESS LIKE YOU!"

 

Walking up the ring steps, Leon stops briefly and stares out into the crowd, taking a long breath before he enters the ring. His lowered eyes look over at Jumbo as he pulls off his inside out robe, throwing it carelessly under the bottom rope.

 

COACH

Well it's kind of hard to argue with Leon lately. We've been saying it for long enough, how many things have gone badly for Leon. I guess it was only a matter of time before something snapped.

 

COLE

Maybe Leon is going through a period of bad luck. But to take it all out on his closest friends and on his family the way he is, what good does that do?

 

COACH

You heard him yourself, he doesn't care anymore.

 

 

*DINGDINGDING!*

 

Leon sizes up his opponent, which is quite a size up. The bigman looks at his opponent with pity, as he skulks around the ring. As they move in Jumbo doesn't go for a lock-up and instead seems to be talking to his opponent, questioning where his head is at. Leon has no time for Jumbo's compassion though and CRACKS him across the face with a slap!

 

COLE

That's not too smart.

 

Jumbo is understandably mad and goes after Leon, who ducks through the ropes, growling at the referee to "GET HIM OFF ME".

 

COLE

And if Leon insists on being so sullen, he might not want to bring Jumbo down with him.

 

As Jumbo is moved back by the referee Rodez emerges from the ropes. Scowling, he moves in and locks up with the bigman, quickly delivering a knee to the gut before Jumbo's strength can show. With Jumbo doubled up, Leon delivers a forearm to the side of the head. And another. And a third. But Jumbo shrugs them off, shoving Leon away! Rolling through to his feet, Leon runs right back at Jumbo with a boot to his portly midsection and goes for an irish whip... but Jumbo won't budge! Regretting his move choice Leon tries again, but again has no success moving the 440 pounder.

 

COACH

If Jumbo don't want to go, Jumbo ain't going!

 

Resigned to defeat, another boot from Rodez breaks hold of Jumbo and he hits the ropes himself. A clothesline connects, but it doesn't budge big Jumbo! Leon tries again, a second clothesline not enough either! Into the ropes again, Leon clubs Jumbo with a third clothesline, but he's still on his feet. And Jumbo suddenly reverses on Leon, throwing him into the ropes and knocking him down with a shoulder tackle!

 

"YYEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHH!"

 

Leon quickly rolls under the bottom rope to regroup with Jumbo hot on his trail. The referee gets in between the two, preventing Jumbo from attacking while Rodez is in the ropes. Which allows Leon to pop up and grab Jumbo, hanging his neck across the top rope!

 

COLE

Well that's a cheap move, the kind of cheap move Leon Rodez never used to resort to.

 

COACH

He's in there with someone twice his size, cut the guy some slack.

 

As Jumbo reels back, Leon climbs to the top rope and connects with a Missile Dropkick, finally enough to put Jumbo down! Leon goes for the cover...

 

 

1...

 

 

 

2...

 

 

POWER kickout!

 

Annoyed by that, Leon quickly mounts Jumbo and rains down with right hands!

 

"ONE!"

"TWO!"

"THREE!"

"FOUR!"

 

Breaking away before he can be disqualified, Leon comes off the ropes with an elbow drop. A second elbow. And a third, before glaring into the crowd brimming with frustration.

 

COACH

See, this is the kind of killer instinct we never saw outta Leon when he was the 'nice guy'. All the smiling and the entertaining, that's great. But this is what wins you matches, wins you titles.

 

COLE

Except Leon didn't seem to have a problem winning matches and titles with the smiling and the entertaining before. This isn't some conscious choice, this is the result of something inside Leon going wrong.

 

Jumbo picks himself up on the ropes and Leon is on him, clubbing away in a vain attempt to keep him from getting up. Jumbo does reach his feet, so Leon tries and succeeds in whipping him to the ropes. Putting everything he has behind a back elbow, Leon knocks Jumbo backwards, staggering back against the ropes he came from. As Jumbo falls to a knee Leon rushes over and stomps his opponent, until he lays across the middle rope. Turning away, usually you'd expect a jig at this point from Rodez. Instead, he scowls at the idea before turning back and standing on Jumbo's back, holding onto the top rope in order to choke him against the middle.

 

"ONE!"

"TWO!"

"THREE!"

"FOUR!"

"FI..."

 

Stepping down, Leon ignores the referee as he reprimands him. Getting a run-up he delivers a dropkick to Jumbo's back before he can get off the ropes, then goes for another cover...

 

 

1...

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

No!

 

Members of the crowd shout their approval for Jumbo by shouting "JUMBO!" (seriously, that's what they do, watch some NOAH you philistines!), briefly distracting Leon.

 

COLE

It's still so strange, seeing an OAOAST crowd routing against Leon Rodez.

 

Jumbo begins to get to his feet, kicked repeatedly by Leon as he tries to do so. The kicks won't keep the bigman down though and eventually he reaches up, grabbing Leon by the throat. The referee warns Jumbo about the choke, allowing Leon to break the hand away and nail Jumbo in the gut with a rolling sobat kick. With his back to Jumbo, Leon then turns the other way, spinning 180 and connecting with an enziguri!

 

COLE

Nice combination of kicks from Leon.

 

COACH

Nice if you're not on the receiving end.

 

Leon covers Jumbo...

 

 

1...

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

Kickout!

 

Looking a little frustrated, Leon forces Jumbo with all his might so he's backed into a corner. Hanging Jumbo's arms over the ropes Leon fires off a flurry of right hands, weaking the bigman while he walks across the ring. Leon lines up his large target and charges in, taking off with his Superman Spear!

 

COACH

See, that's not the place to be attacking Jumbo. He's got plenty of padding there.

 

With Jumbo slumped over Rodez walks back across the ring, lining up again. As he charges this time though, Jumbo moves out of the way. Able to put the brakes on in time, Leon stops himself in the corner and charges Jumbo in the next corner... but Jumbo gets his knee up! Dazed, Leon stumbles backwards. Jumbo grabs him by the arm, whipping him into the corner and ENGULFING the fallen idol with an AVALANCHE in the corner!!

 

COLE

OH! Four hundred, fourty pounds, just SQUASHING Rodez!

 

A flattented Rodez stumbles out of the corner again and into Jumbo's arms, with a BELLY TO BELLY SUPLEX!!

 

 

1...

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

SHOULDER UP!

 

COLE

I would hate to think what state of mind Leon would be in if he loses here tonight! And he almost did right there!

 

Jumbo starts to get some confidence back and draws on the crowd as Leon gets back up. Off the ropes, Jumbo trundles forward and knocks Leon down with a hefty body attack. Another cover by Jumbo...

 

 

1...

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

Kickout!

 

Calling out to the crowd, Jumbo looks ready to go for the kill.

 

COLE

Jumbo is feeling it here. We could be on the verge of a considerable upset, if Jumbo can knock off the former World Champion, here at his lowest ebb!

 

Jumbo grabs hold of Leon by the head, but Rodez breaks away and attacks the knee with a couple of kicks. A couple of forearms follow, before Leon hits the ropes. He ducks a clothesline from Jumbo, rolling through off the far ropes and looking for the clothesline... but meets Jumbo's boot in his chest! As Leon hits the mat Jumbo comes off the ropes and goes for the XL SPLASH...

 

 

 

...BUT LEON ROLLS OUT OF THE WAY!!!!

 

"OOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

 

COACH

At least they're well trained for earthquakes here in Japan.

 

Winded, Jumbo gets to one knee before getting cracked in the back of the head with a dropkick! He's rolled over and as he gets to his knees again, Leon is waiting, aiming with a Rolling Sobat to the head and CONNECTING, scrambling Jumbo's brains!!! Leon quickly forces Jumbo down onto his shoulders and hooks what he can of the leg...

 

 

1...

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

3!!!

 

*DINGDINGDING!*

 

BUFFER

Ladies and gentlemen, your winner of the match... LLEEEEOOOOONN... RRROOOOOODDEEEEEZZZZZZZ!!!

 

COLE

And with that deadly spinkick to the head, Leon Rodez picks up the victory over the 440 pound Jumbo.

 

Not in the mood for any celebrations, Leon warns the referee off with a cursory glare as he gets to his feet. He looks down at Jumbo as he's rolled from the ring. No hint of a smile or any kind of enjoyment. Just a blank stare, the same blank stare that he gives the crowd.

 

 

 

*BbwWbAhmotherfuckerLlIiiBbbEErRrAATtTeeyYyOUUurRrMmmMmMiIInNnDddDd!!*

 

"YYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

 

COLE

Wait just a minute!

 

The crowd suddenly erupt as "Liberate" powers through the arena and again as BOHEMOTH marches through the entrance way! Unsuited, the tanktop and jeans combo from Bohemoth apparantly mean business~ as he makes his way down the aisle, eyes locked on Rodez. Leon, caught a little by surprise, stands with his hands on his hips and looking away as Bohemoth jogs up the ring steps and enters the ring, demanding a microphone.

 

COLE

Bohemoth apparantly looking for a showdown with his one time friend, after what happened last week.

 

As Bohemoth gets the microphone, Leon doesn't bother to wait around to hear what he has to say and starts to leave, which obviously doesn't sit well.

 

BOHEMOTH

HEY! Don't you go anywhere man, because I've got something to say!

 

Stopping halfway through the ropes, Leon slowly steps back inside, still not giving Bohemoth the courtesy of any eye contact.

 

BOHEMOTH

You know, I don't know what the hell is going on in your head lately. I don't know what's happening, to make you turn your back on Zack and on me the way you have. That's fine. I'm sure you've got your reasons, crazy as they might be. But I draw the line when you start going around and taking all this crap out on other people, innocent people. Especially when those people include Jade.

 

Leon finally looks over at Bohemoth at the mention of Jade's name, stood in a corner.

 

BOHEMOTH

Oh yeah. She told me what happened last week. And I'm sure as hell not going to sit back and accept that. I mean, come on man... that's your niece. And you feel you can talk to her the way you did? Big man all of a sudden, taking your anger out on people who aren't gonna fight back. Well guess what, family or no family, when you mess with Jade, you mess with me. So if you've got something to say, how about you say it to my face if you've got the guts? Huh? How 'bout that?

 

Glancing up, Leon's face shows the hint of a smile as he takes the microphone away from Bohemoth, daring enough to stand right in his face as asked.

 

LEON

You're right about one thing. Jade is my family. Which is why I think you aren't going to do a damn thing to me.

 

Raising his eyebrows as if to say "oh yeah?", Bohemoth sure looks ready to do something. Until Leon laughs under his breath.

 

LEON

You know what, 'Bo', save the tough man act. You don't scare me. Not one bit. The fact is, you're pathetic. Just like I once was. Look at you. All angry, pent up, on somebody's else's behalf. Always somebody's else's man. Standing in Zack's shadow, just like I was. Before that, standing in Wright's shadow. And now, fighting your girlfriend's battles. I always second guessed whether you really had a brain of your own in that head of yours and I guess we're finding out now, you don't. Well, I do have a mind of my own now. And my mind is telling me things that it should have months ago. If you, or Zack, or Jade don't like it, that's too bad. Sometimes you need to hear those things you don't want to listen to. I mean, we could go into the real story behind why a jacked up 32 year old man is sleeping with a tiny 19 year old girl and what that says about him...

 

Bohemoth's eyes widen, about ready to kill after that cheapshot. But somehow, he doesn't.

 

LEON

...but the fact is, you aren't worth a second of my time. I don't owe you an explanation. I don't owe you any gratitude. And I don't owe you an apology.

 

Leon turns his back on Bohemoth and goes to walk off, but stops, looking over his shoulder.

 

LEON

If you've got a problem with that, then go ahead and do your worst.

 

Leaving himself wide open to a sneak attack Leon stands and waits for Bohemoth to make a move. Those in the crowd that understand what's going on urge Bohemoth to take Leon out. But Bohemoth, strangely, can't bring himself to attack Leon and just stands fuming, glaring a hole in the back of his head.

 

LEON

That's what I thought.

 

Throwing the microphone back at Bohemoth's feet Leon leaves the ring, a contemptful look on his face as he walks off. Bohemoth stands in the middle of the ring still seething as he watches Leon leave.

 

COACH

Wow. Leon called Bo's bluff... and he's walking away in one piece.

 

COLE

Honestly, I don't think Leon really cares if Bohemoth did tear him apart. I don't think he'd have given Bohemoth the slightest opportunity if he was. But Bohemoth didn't take it, showing miraculous restraint considered what Leon had the nerve to say to him.

 

COACH

Oh, I don't think it's nerve. I think you're right first time, it's not hard to be brave when you don't care about anything or anyone.

 

Bohemoth continues to stand seething in the ring as we fade away.

 

 

*COMMERCIALS*

 

 

Back from the commercials, Jade Rodez-Duncan cuts a worried figure having just watched what we saw on a monitor backstage. She paces around, apparantly waiting for Bohemoth to come back from the ring. But it's not Bohemoth who walks up behind her, but uncle Leon.

 

JADE

Leon... What was that about!? What's your problem, Bo's never done anything to you.

 

LEON

That'd make him about the only person here who hasn't then.

 

JADE

...Leon, you need to talk to somebody. Please. You're taking your anger out on everybody that cares about you, people who are trying to help you, don't do this again, please...

 

LEON

I heard what you said. To Bohemoth, that is.

 

Jade stops her pleading, surprised.

 

LEON

I hate to be the one to break it to you... but he's not going to keep that promise. Life doesn't work that way. You don't get what you really want in the end. Trust me, he WILL break your heart. And then... then you'll understand me. You'll understand everything.

 

Leon walks off, leaving Jade with that troubling thought.

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“Money Talks” by AC/DC rolls out the speakers and creates an instantly hostile reaction. But thanks to The Enterprise E-Sound, patented crowd noise simulator it actually sounds as if people may be cheering for the duo of Christian Wright and Theodore Moneymaker. Moneymaker certainly acts as if its so, bowing to this imaginary adoring crowd. Wright can’t bring himself to pander to a fake crowd and merely adjusts his Brooks Brother blazers.

 

BUFFER

The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a televised time limit of sixty minutes! Introducing first the special guest referee, MITER THEODORE MONEYMAKER! And the challenger, from Washington DC he weighes in 8 and 1/3 BARS OF GOLD he is CHRISTIAN WRIIIIIIIIIGHT!

 

“YEAAAAAAAAA!” shouts The Enterprise E-Sound, patented crowd noise simulator.

 

“BOOOOO” hisses the real fans.

 

Wright and Moneymaker enter the ring where they both shake hands and congratulate each other on just being richer than everyone.

 

COLE

Christian Wright has one of the worst records against Krista in the OAOAST, including tag team and multiteam matches Christian a abysmal 2-10 against Krista, his two wins coming after cheating in a scramble cage match and Mister Dick taking a chair to Alix’s head in a tag match.

 

COACH

At least he can say he has two wins. Most dudes can’t even say they have one against Krista. But she’s been beaten before and she can be beaten again.

 

COLE

But what role will Theodore Moneymaker be playing now that he and Krista are miraculously willing friends? Its like we’ve entered an alternate reality!

 

Gimme them bright lights, long nights

High rise, overtime

 

Gimme them bright lights, long nights

Party till the sun is rising

High rise, overtime

Working 'till the moon is shining

Hot guys, fly girls

Never gonna say it

I feel on top of the world,

I feel on top of the world

Hey!

 

 

A huge gigantic oversized really big ovation is heard from the Tokyo fans, as kabuki dancers dressed in fine silk kimonos whirl across the stage. Stepping onto the lighted multi colored entrance stage is the queen of fitness and the OAOAST, Krista Isadora Duncan! She looks more like she’s ready to conduct a fitness class than wrestle a match in a Lakers themed sports bra, and matching tight short shorts and white tennis shoes. Remembering that kabuki dancers are actually men dressed as women, Krista avoids any contact with them and skips down an entrance ramp that’s decorated glittering confetti.

 

BUFFER

And the champion….she is from Los Angeles, California, she is a four time OAOAST tag team champion, a New York Times best selling author, a Hollywood Walk of Famer, the founder of FIT with KID, a loving mother, and world reknowned fitness guru, she is KRISTA ISAAADORAAA DUNCAAAAAAN!

 

COLE

Krista named after Isadora Duncan who changed the face of modern dance, and Krista certainly changed the face of the OAOAST World Title, a very different personality from past champions such as Alfdogg, Zack, or PRL. She has her own style and her own approach that’s very unique to the world title. But has she conformed that personality to Theodore Moneymaker's wishes.

 

Krista gives Tokyo their money’s worth by showcasing her sexy ten million dollar legs by hanging upside down on the ropes. After blowing a kiss to the drooling fans, she flips into the ring where she faces down a drooling Wright and Moneymaker. The billion dollar heir happily shakes her hand and compliments her on a fine choice of outfits.

 

COLE

It is too odd for words to see those two getting along. I didn’t think their were two people who hated each other more!

DING DING DING!

Moneymaker signals for the bell and latest confrontation between Krista and Christian Wright is at hand! A simple lockup starts things off, but it quickly becomes more complicated when Krista resorts to tugging on CW’s curly black hair. Greatly annoyed by Krista’s frustrating tactic, Wright appeals to his Enterprise leader. But Moneymaker only shurgs his shoulders saying that all is fair in love and world championships. Thanks to this Wright is forced to ram knees into her midsection. But the tight abs of the fitness queen feel little pain and Krista is able to throw Christian down by his tangled hair. Adding to his list of reasons to be disgusted she grinds her heel into his neck. Again Moneymaker says nothing, which is simply maddening to Wright. He wants to shout out at his bass, but thinks better of it and endures the pain.

 

“CHRISTIAN SUCKS! CHRISTIAN SUCKS! CHRISTIAN SUCKS!”

 

COLE

Is Mister Moneymaker favoring Krista?

 

COACH

Never mind that, aren’t Japanese fans supposed to be demur and polite?

 

The blond beauty pulls CW to his feet, again using his curly hair. The Natural fights her away with European uppercuts that stagger her into the ropes. Next, he carries himself to the far ropes. He then bounces back only to find Krista in a bit of stretching routine.

 

xcsmd0.gif

 

“YEAAAAA!”

 

Wright closes his eyes in an attempt to avoid the embarrassment that usually follows such an event. Unfortunately this allows Krista to merely blast him with a dropsault! As soon as Wright hits the canvas, the world champion performs a flashy standing shooting star press! Moneymaker quickly drops down to count the pinfall…

 

ONE!

 

 

TWO!

 

But CW kicks out.

 

COLE

Sort of a fast count there, wouldn’t you say.

 

COACH

No, I’d say you a clown ass cracka trynna stir up trouble where there is none.

 

The Natural rolls back to his feet and exchanges blows with KID. Easily able to win the slugfest, CW traps the champion inside a front facelock, but instantly is warned by his boss of avoiding a chokehold. After assuring Moneymaker that he’s chokehold free he lifts her into a vertical suplex. But Krista uses her agility to slip through the hold and come up behind CW. Instead of striking him with a deadly move, she attacks him with TICKLING!

 

CW

:lol:

 

Laughter turns to agony the moment Miss California drop kicks him in the back. Wright stumbles into the ropes. They spew him back towards Krista, and he offers a lariat in his defense. But Krista rolls beneath the strike and carries herself onto the top rope. She throws herself backwards with a cross body block but The Natural catches her inside his arms. He drops downwards and crushes her into the canvas with a fall forward slam. Moneymaker counts the ensuing pinfall…

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

But, Krista finds her way out the pin. Quickly rolling to her feet she strikes the former HI-YAH world champion in the chest with a series of chops before spinning around to pound his stomach with a ferocious spin kick. With CW stunned, she’s able to easily irish whip him into the ring posts. Wright tries to stagger out the corner but he’s trapped by a splash from Krista. Seeking to increase Wright’s humiliation, Krista rubs her rather busty chest in his face surely causing him to stand at attention. (Un)Thankfully Wright is spared too much embarrassment by Krista bulldogging him into the canvas. As Wright turns over to nurse his aching head, the world champion leaps onto the third rope. She flies back with a moonsault, but The Natural rolls out the way! Fortunately Krista comes down on her heels, and when Wright rises she strikes him with an enziguri! A pinfall ensues…

 

ONE!

 

 

TWO!

 

Wright manages to kickout of the pinfall. He brings himself to his feet and fires off frantic punches at Krista, which get a warning of a closed fist from Moneymaker. Forced to refocus his attack, he captures her arm and throws her into the ropes. As she bounces back he grabs onto her slender waist and throws her into the air for a flap jack but Krista counters it into a dropkick that throws Wright to the floor.

 

“KRISTA! KRISTA! KRISTA!”

 

The world champion then brings her foe to his feet. However, before she can stage any attack CW rolls her into a pinfall!

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

Krista scrapes her shoulders off the canvas!

 

COLE

Something of a slow count by Theodore Moneymaker.

 

COACH

Knock that off!

 

Cole’s claims of favoritism are enhanced as Moneymaker actually checks on Krista’s condition. Once she guarantees she’s okay, Moneymaker allows the match to be resumed. He actually aids Krista’s return to his feet, and stablizies her for a safe lockup with his right hand man. CW goes to the back and hooks Krista into a rear waistlock, he lifts her into the air for a German Suplex. But the super agile babe rolls forward and catches The Natural into a heel hook!

 

“Ring the bell!” Moneymaker shouts.

 

“DING DING DING!”

 

CW AND KRISTA

:huh:

 

Moneymaker tries to placate CW by assuring him his call was for the good of The Enterprise. CW doesn’t quite buy this logic an stews in rage on the canvas.

 

COLE

Perhaps the easiest title defense a champion can ever have! Moneymaker, I guess, didn’t want to upset his new crown jewel.

 

Smiling broadly over this most unusual match, Moneymaker raises Krista’s hand high into the air in victory celebration. Miss California has her own ideas on how to commemorate this successful title defense; chiefly nailing the billion-dollar heir with a KIDology!

 

“YEAAAAAAAAAA!”

 

COLE

Oh my!

 

Distraught and enraged over what he’s just witnessed Wright charges at the world champion. But he meets the same unfortunate fate his leader as Krista pulls him down with KIDology!

 

COLE

The Enterprise left humiliated tonight in Tokyo! There goes the partnership Moneymaker dreamed of!

 

Leaving behind her defeated adversaries, Krista leans over the ropes to flash an overjoyed smile at the equally delighted crowd.

 

COMMERCIAL

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There's a bit of a hold up in the show, being caused by problems backstage. MARV and MEL, The Christ Air Express, stand in their ring gear ready to compete. But there's clearly a problem and they look around, impatiently waiting for someone or something. That someone might not be Josie Baker, who stomps over in a bad mood to sheepish reactions.

 

JOSIE

Where is he?

 

MARV

Dude, I dunno man. He said he'd be here.

 

MEL

Ya know, he might have gotten lost or something. Or his train might be late. I dunno.

 

JOSIE

This is Japan, the trains are never late! Unless he shows up in the next five minutes, you can kiss goodbye to your title shot. I'm sorry but the last thing I need is unreliability.

 

Laughter can be heard off screen. MARV and MEL's frustration turns to anger the moment they look over. Looking like the cats that got the cream, THE HEAVENLY ROCKERS stroll into shot, with Abdullah Abir Nerdly perhaps smiling the widest of the bunch.

 

ABDULLAH

Is there a problem here Ms. Baker? Oh, dear, what's the matter... missing someone perhaps? What a shame. Now, perhaps we can come to some sort of arrangement.

 

Before that arrangement can be spelled out, a tense Logan shoves in front of Abdullah pointing the finger at the CAE.

 

LOGAN

Face it, your boy cut and run.

 

ABDULLAH

Logan, please...

 

LOGAN

He finally figured out he was a loser, so here's hoping you two take the hint and go join him in obscurity real soon. We'll be happy to give you a kick in the right direction!

 

MARV

Oh yeah?

 

MARV and MEL have heard enough and jump Logan, leading to an all out slugfest between the two teams! Abdullah tries to get his guys to break it up but they're not listening.

 

JOSIE

SECURITY! Get them out of here! Get them out of here, now! All of them!

 

A ranks of OAOAST security pull The CAE and The Heavenly Rockers apart and try to pull them towards the exits. Abdullah runs behind trying to convince the security to use non-violent forms of control, as Josie watches on, arms folded.

 

COLE

Well I'm not sure what that means for our Six Man Tag Team Title match, because it was supposed to be The Christ Air Express and Jamie O'Hara challenging for the belts, I'm getting that confirmed right now in my ear. Apparantly, no sign of O'Hara and The Christ Air Express are now getting thrown out of the arena, along with The Heavenly Rockers!

 

COACH

That's what happens when you put your faith in a loser.

 

COLE

If it wasn't for The Heavenly Rockers and this ridiculous smear campaign they've been on, O'Hara would be here, I'm sure of that.

 

COACH

But instead he's hiding because he's embarrassed, is that what you're saying? Boy, we're really missing out by not having a guy like that around, huh?

 

COMMERCIAL

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Returning from break we find the hallway overtaken by the foul mood of Moneymaker and Wright

 

WRIGHT

I do wish I could give you an earnest hear-hear for your fulgent and glorious business scheming, but it would seem as though it resulted in the two of us looking as though we the world’s most halfwitted clods!

 

MONEYMAKER

I know.

 

WRIGHT

My god man, what were you thinking? Staking your trust in that lawless tart. Has time not wizened your soul? Has she not forced us to play the part of bonehead one too many a time? That she devil is not be trusted!

 

MONEYMAKER

I know.

 

WRIGHT

If you are aware then why would you let such a tragedy happen once again!

 

MONEYMAKER

I don’t know.

 

WRIGHT

If you as commander of this great army fails to make a proper course correction, I can only see Krista bringing upon the end of The Enterprise.

 

MONEYMAKER

I know.

 

As Wright walks off shaking his head, a backstage attendant quickly approaches Moneymaker.

 

BACKSTAGE ATTENDANT

Sir, I think you should come outside.

 

Snarling over intrusion, Moneymaker stomps after the worker. A brisk walk takes them to the...

 

Outside in the parking lot we find Krista standing atop The Enterprise limosouine, like a preacher at the pulpit. Even more strange is that several pairs of very exquisite clothes as well many personal accessories lie on the roof next to her. At the base of the limo are some of Tokyo’s less fortunate, homeless men who jump like puppies for treats as Krista hands out gifts from her collection of clothing and accessories.

 

KRISTA

I have a Ben Sherman sports coat right here, who’s going home with it tonight!

 

An old toothless man reaches through the crowd to capture the luxury clothing item.

 

KRISTA

Gucci watch? Who wants a Gucci?

 

Several of the homeless raise their hands in affirmation. Unable to settle on who should get it, Krista simply tosses it to the crowd and lets them fight over the high priced time piece.

 

MONEYMAKER

That’s my stuff!

 

Ignoring Moneymaker’s loud cries of protest, Krista continues to distribute his possessions without pause or second though.

 

MONEYMAKER

That’s my stuff!

 

KRISTA

Ipod touch, got an ipod touch right here!

 

Unable to attract Krista’s attention, Moneymaker charges into the sea of the homeless. Forgoing any attempt at diplomacy, Moneymaker angrily tries to steal back his valued items from those that clutch them so dearly!

 

MONEYMAKER

This is mine! All of this is mine!

 

HOMELESS MAN 1

性交しなさい!

 

Moneymaker shoves the complainer down to the ground and swipes back his wrestling boots.

 

HOMELESS MAN 2

ろばの愚か者!

 

MONEYMAKER

Shut up! Its mine! Its all mine!

 

HOMELESS MAN 3

愚か者の道化師!

 

The gathered crowd soon grows tired of the billion dollar heir attempting to retrieve his things. Rather than focus on gaining new items they quickly converge upon Moneymaker burying him in a mountain of dusty, dirty, and dingy bodies.

 

MONEYMAKER

Get off me!

 

HOMELESS MAN 4

決して!

 

MONEYMAKER

Krista, get them off of me!

 

HOMELESS MAN 5

死ぬ!

 

MONEYMAKER

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

 

As Moneymaker is fully engulfed by the mass of human bodies, Krista giggles to herself as we go to commercial

 

COMMERCIAL

 

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Embraced warmly by the Japanese crowd, Zack heads to the ring, as streamers are thrown and his golden pyro showers down at the top of the ramp. As he enters the ring, James Riggs pounces, attacking Zack as he comes through the ropes!

 

DING! DING! DING!

 

The bell sounds, and Riggs hammers on Zack, who quickly hits an inverted atomic drop...AND THEN SCHOOL'S OUT!

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

THREE!

 

DING! DING! DING!

 

The fans, who had barely finished roaring for Zack's entrance, go wild, as Malibu has immediately gotten his hand raised here tonight!

 

COLE

Unbelievable! I'm pretty sure that was a record!

 

COACH

Riggs wasn't ready! He didn't hear the bell!

 

COLE

I don't think a bell mattered to him when he was acting out before it even rang in the first place!

 

"Getting Away With Murder" kicks up just as soon as it had ended, and Malibu has his hand raised, however Anglesault comes out to the ramp, asking for the music to be cut!

 

ANGLESAULT

Zack, congratulations. That right there proved a few things to me. One, it showed me that James Riggs, who came BEGGING ME for a shot, doesn't deserve it. Secondly, it showed me that you're talking what I've been saying to you to heart. I can see that you're trying to regain that killer instinct. So, since victory came so easily tonight, and since our Japanese fans were the ones who dubbed you the Modern Day Warrior, I think that we should showcase some of that warrior spirit, and keep on fighting!

 

The crowd roars, but Zack looks perplexed as to why Anglesault is springing this on him now. Still, Zack waves him on, telling him to do what he wants to do.

 

ANGLESAULT

Ladies and gentlemen, and this will come as a surprise to you, Zack, allow me to introduce your next opponent...a former OAOAST World Tag Team Champion, a Japanese wrestling sensation...GREEN MIST!

 

The Japanese crowd, who are more familiar with GM these days than the casual OAOAST fan, pop for the appearance of the former OAOAST star! Malibu looks on as Green Mist, with pointed black hair sticking out of a ninja-esqe mask, heads down to the ring. He steps through the ropes, and as Malibu approaches ZACK GETS BLASTED WITH THE GREEN MIST, BLINDING HIM!

 

COLE

WHAT THE HELL!?

 

Malibu can't see a thing, and Green Mist hits the ropes and nails him with a spin kick! He ribs off his mask and throws it aside, stalking Zack as he rolls across the canvas. He brings Zack up and backs him into the corner, nailing Zack with a throat thrust before he starts choking him! Zack then gets snapmared out of the corner and hits with two hard kicks to the back before Green Mist runs the ropes and hits a low Yakuza kick, blasting Zack in the face with his foot!

 

COLE

Anglesault continues to attempt to "motivate" Zack, first by putting him against James Riggs, but now he's brought Green Mist, who left the OAOAST roughly six years ago to ply his trade in Japan, back to face off with Malibu here tonight!

 

COACH

It's tough love, Mikey Cole. Even Anglesault is starting to realize that Zack doesn't deserve that Franchise name anymore, and it's fair game for anyone!

 

Zack rolls to his feet, ducking a roundhouse kick from Mist and hooking the rear waistlock! As he carries GM over with a German suplex, Green Mist floats over then hits a quick back suplex of his own, then a standing moonsault!

 

ONE!

 

TW-KICKOUT!

 

Mist pulls Malibu up and fires him off to the ropes, but Zack hangs on to them to prevent Mist's next move! GM charges, and Zack drops and elevates him over the ropes, but Mist lands on the apron! He turns Zack around and tries to drop Zack's neck over the top rope, but Malibu knocks his hands away and drives himself through the ropes, shoulderblocking Mist in the ribs and knocking him to the floor, then follows up with a pescado!

 

COLE

Zack Malibu is mounting an offense against his surprise opponent, and the Japanese crowd are more for the Modern Day Warrior than they are for their native talent!

 

COACH

Shows you that fans can be stupid worldwide, Cole!

 

Zack picks Green Mist up and rocks him with a right hand, but Green Mist comes back with an overhead chop, cracking Zack across the chest! He delivers a hard kick to Malibu's left leg, causing the former World Champion to wince, then he hops up on the apron and hits a moonsault bodyblock, flooring Zack!

 

COLE

This is a different Green Mist, a deadlier Green Mist than we've seen in the past!

 

GM puts the boots to Zack, then brings him up and slams his back against the apron before connecting with a pair of chops and a hard kick to the ribcage! GM sends Zack back into the ring, then springboards in with a double kneedrop to Zack's ribs, nearly turning all of the bones into dust with the impact! He pulls Zack up and slaps on an abdominal stretch, pounding on the ribs several times while Zack is trapped in the hold. Malibu tries to reach for the ropes, but he's not even close, and Green Mist then turns the abdominal stretch into an Octopus stretch, now working over Zack's neck!

 

COACH

He's tying your boy up like a pretzel, Mikey Cole!

 

Zack refuses to quit, so GM manuevers out of the submission and hoists Zack up for a powerbomb, but Malibu counters with a rana at the last second! Green Mist charges, but Zack sends him into the ropes, dodging his attack, and sends him airborne with a back bodydrop! GM gets up, and Malibu nails him with a flurry of palm strikes before going for the ROARING ELBOW~!, but it's ducked and Green Mist hits a release German suplex! Zack comes up holding his head, and is met with more chops before being whipped into the corner, followed by Green Mist who charges in and monkey flips Zack out...but Zack lands on his feet! He turns around and blocks a kick, then another, then drives Green Mist into the turnbuckles, trapping him to unload with more palm strikes before sending him across the ring and following up with a ZACK ATTACK II~! Zack then hoists him up on the ropes, and climbs up, dragging the weakened Green Mist across his shoulders...HONOR ROLL FROM THE TOP~! Green Mist is crushed, and the Japanese fans applaud wildly as Malibu goes for the pin~!

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

THREE!

 

DING! DING! DING!

 

"Getting Away With Murder" hits, and Malibu's hand is raised, although the music is cut short by Anglesault, who watches from the ramp.

 

ANGLESAULT

Zack, congratulations. You did the OAOAST proud tonight, and you made me proud. This is what I like to see, Zack. Ladies and gentlemen, give it up one more time for ZACK MALIBU!

 

Anglesault leads the cheers, although Malibu doesn't look particularly happy with Anglesault's "surprise" tonight. Malibu's theme plays as he plays to the fans, and the cameras close in on a shot of a happy Anglesault, flashing a slight grin, as we fade out.

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