Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted July 12, 2009 PRESENTED IN HD FOR MATURE AUDIENCES ONLY -OVER 200 COUNTRIES IN 10 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES- -TO MORE THEN TEN MILLION VIEWERS EACH WEEK- -THE OAOAST THE WORLD WIDE LEADER IN PARODY ENTERTAINMENT- We're brought right to Sofa Central home of Da Coach and Michael Cole, each wearing their trademarked purple polos. COLE Welcome to beautiful San Diego home of the Chargers and Padres. I am Michael Cole, sitting alongside Johnathan Coachman. Coach, Battlebowl entry matches continue tonight. COACH They sure do. Entry isn't guaranteed for anybody, Zack Malibu and Todd Cortez found out the hard way when they got topped by Detective Bosley and Logan Mann. COLE And The Alpha Male will start things off tonight against rival Simon Singleton! “Scream” by Chris Cornell hits and Simon power walks to the ring. Ned assisted by a WALKING CANE. BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, accompanied by fellow Orange County Cobra NED BLANCHARD, weighing 225 pounds… "BOX OFFICE" SSSIIIIIIMMMMOOOOOONN SSSSIIIIIINNGGLLLLEEEEETTOOOOOOONN!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" Simon removes his vest and loosens up inside. COLE 2 weeks ago at the Great Angle Bash, a special bonus match took place between the Orange County Cobras and LDC Moneygang with the winner receiving a tag team title shot at AngleSlam. But just prior to the match this happened. THE GREAT ANGLE BASH COURTESY: OAOAST HOME ENTERTAINMENT Molly sprints down the aisle slapping as many hands as possible, so do Simon and Ned for that matter…UNTIL THEY’RE AMBUSHED BY V.I.C.E.! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Bosley busts out his TELESCOPIC BATON once more to CLUB NED ACROSS THE LEG! COLE That’s uncalled for, damnit! COACH Well surprise, surprise. Now you scream bloody murder. Simon and Molly tend to Ned as OAOAST officials surround VICE. MOLLY WHY?! WHY HIM?! Now OAOAST trainers are out to check Ned. COLE After refusing to be carted off on a stretcher, Ned Blanchard, barely able to stand, tagged himself into the match! MOLLY Ned hobbles in and DOUBLE CLOTHESLINES THE LDC MONEYGANG! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" DOUBLE NOGGIN KNOCKER rids the ring of CMJ, which is bad news for Reiger as he’s left alone with Ned. Begging off in the corner he’s shown no mercy. Right hand after right hand rattling his brain. Following a back elbow Ned goes for his SLINGSHOT SUPLEX…BUT CMJ CLIPS THE LEG!! The cover. ONE! TWO! THREE!!! * DINGDINGDING * COLE However, the knee injury, which got aggravated in his World title match vs. Theodore Moneymaker last week, was too much for Ned to overcome. COACH Aren’t we gonna show why VICE was forced to deliver their own brand of justice, or are we playing favorites? Because the O.C. Cobras provoked VICE by costing them the tag titles earlier in the night. COLE Just as VICE cost the O.C. Cobras the tag titles at School’s Out. But right now we have to go back up to the ring for our next introduction. “In the Air Tonight” by Non-point blasts through the speakers and down the aisle VICE walk, Bosley smoking a CIGARETTE. BUFFER And his opponent, hailing from Miami, Florida, weighing 265, one-half of the V.I.C.E. tag team and self-proclaimed “ALPHA MALE OF THE GROUP”… DETECTIVE TANGO BBBOOOOOSSSSSSSLEYYYYYYYY!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Once ringside Bosley puts out the cigarette with his boot, and then enters. And Simon immediately pounces! * DINGDINGDING * Clubbing Bosley across the shoulder, Simon then shoots him off for a dropkick flush to the face, causing Bosley to bail outside. COLE You think Simon’s forgotten what Bosley did to Ned at the Great Angle Bash? COACH I’m thinking that man has a death wish. You don’t mess with the AMOG. COLE I should also note Morgan and Molly Nerdly have been barred from this one. The right move in my opinion. COACH As do I. And it’s not often I agree with you, Mikey Cole. CPA rushes over as Bosley exchanges words with hecklers. Suddenly they spot Simon, who DIVES through the ropes and onto both men! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" Simon tosses Bosley back in and uses the ropes as a SPRINGBOARD…BUT BOSLEY NAILS HIM WITH A ROUNDHOUSE KICK!! “OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!” The cover. ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Bosley scoops Simon up and plants him with a FRONTFLIP SWINGING NECKBREAKER! The cover. ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Rammed into the buckle, Simon is worked over in the corner by a series of body shots. Whipped across he ducks a clothesline and takes Bosley down with a CRUCIFIX! ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Both men pop to their feet and trade blows. Overhand chops by Simon, big roundhouses by Bosley. Ultimately Simon gains control. * CHOP * “WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!” * CHOP * “WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!” * CHOP * “WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!” Bosley RAKES THE EYES and fires Simon into the corner. He charges in but Simon moves and climbs on top. FLYING CROSSBODY…. …BUT BOSLEY ROLLS THROUGH AND GRABS THE TRUNKS!! ONE! TWO! THR-- NO! Ned yanks Spencer off. BOSLEY As Bosley approaches Ned he’s SCHOOL BOY’D! ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Backhand chop rocks Simon, but he reverses an Irish whip and… * CR-R-R-R-R-ACK! …NED BREAKS THE CANE ACROSS BOSLEY’S BACK!!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" CPA Bosley stumbles forward into a SMALL PACKAGE! ONE! TWO! THREE!!! * DINGDINGDING * BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, here is your winner… "BOX OFFICE" SSSIIIIIIMMMMOOOOOONN SSSSIIIIIINNGGLLLLEEEEETTOOOOOOONN!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" COACH Ned Blanchard was supposed to use that cane to walk, not as a weapon! COLE Everybody knows the history of the O.C. Cobras. They’re more than happy to get down and dirty if need be. VICE learned that tonight. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted July 12, 2009 Backstage we find Queen Esther sitting with Morgan Nerdly. Queen Esther is in the middle of a story, which Morgan listens to as if she were hearing the secret of life. QUEEN ESTHER The Prince went on farther. Everything was so very, very quiet that he could hear his own breathing. At last he reached the tower and opened the door into the little room where the gorgeous Princess was asleep. There she lay, looking so beautiful that he could not take his eyes off her. He was a true prince charming, a very very wonderful man! He bent down and gave her a kiss, such a kiss! As he touched her, Sleeping Beauty opened her eyes and smiled up at him with so much joy and love! Prince and Sleeping Beauty were married and lived happily all their lives. MORGAN No they didn’t. How could they, they don’t even know anything about each other. Would they simply run off and get married, after know each other for four seconds. Plus, the kiss wasn’t romantic, he just did because he had to. Once they got to know each other and everything I bet they broke up. QUEEN ESTHER You’re very very wrong, Miss Morgan. When a princess such as you are I are rescued we live happily ever after with our prince charmings! Who is your prince charming, Miss Morgan? MORGAN I don’t have one. I wasn’t allowed to date. They said I was too fragile for it. QUEEN ESTHER Oh how awful! We must find your hero right away! Before Queen Esther can play matchmaker, the new Women’s Champion appears on scene. LORELEI Esther may I speak to Morgan alone? QUEEN ESTHER Most certainly, Miss Lorelei! LORELEI Are you still angry at me? MORGAN What do you care? LORELEI Don’t be a petulant child. Answer the question. MORGAN Of course I am! Anyone would be! LORELEI If anything I should be angry at you. MORGAN Me? I didn’t do anything! You sent me running for razor. See this scar on my arm, I cut it in there last week, because I needed the pain to make me forget I lost my only friend. LORELEI You haven’t lost your only friend. I will always be here to protect from whatever troubles may come. But, sometimes you may not see the benefit of what I do for you. MORGAN Was stealing my title supposed to be good for me? I bled forever, my entire carpet in my room is covered in blood. They had to take me into police custody and put me in an observation room. LORELEI I am sorry for that. But I acted because I care for you. Morgan, you were on a rampage that a small militia couldn’t hold a candle to. That title was doing harm to your mental health. It had shoved you clear over the age. I knew I had to act when you made an attempt to give it away to Sophie. The belt was killing you. MELODY Like the ring almost ruined frodo in Lord of the rings! Lorelei shoves Morgan's unwelcome older sister out the way. LORELEI I only took the title because I had no other option. Your health takes priority. Always. Understand? Morgan nods LORELEI Good. I have a title match with your old friend, Sophie. Make sure to root for me. LATER TONIGHT THE FIGHT TO BATTLEBOWL CONTINUES TONIGHT! COMMERCIAL Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted July 12, 2009 We join proceedings in the ring and find Abdullah Abir Nerdly on the microphone, ranting away in Arabic, with the crowd doing their very best to drown him out with boos. COLE Abdullah Abir clearly in a bad mood tonight... COACH Don't talk over the man! COLE Why not, it's not like you can understand him. COACH Don't listen to the words, listen to the passion, the meaning behind them. Abdullah's ranting ends as "Witness (1 Hope)" by Roots Manuva begins to play. Coming out through the entrance isn't who we're used to seeing. Or, rather, it is, but dressed somewhat differently. And wearing a mask. BUFFER And introducing his opponent. From Birmingham, England... weighing in at one hundred and eighty one pounds... ladies and gentlemen, "THE BIRMINGHAM BAD BOY"... J - MMMMMMAAAAAAAAAXXXXXXXX!!!!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" COACH Oh please. 'J-MAX'. That's just Jamie O'Hara under a mask. COLE Well, duh! Encouraging the crowd to make some noise, the masked Birmingham Bad Boy runs the last part of the aisle and somersaults into the ring, right to his feet. Abdullah isn't quite so chatty now and ducks out of the ring, motioning for the referee to keep him back. J-MAX whips up the crowd some more, ready to go. COACH This is ridiculous. It's the same guy, same music, same nickname! Except he's hiding his face under a mask because he's ashamed. And so he should be! COLE He's got nothing to be ashamed of if you ask me. This is a new look and a new attitude for the man we once knew as Jamie O'Hara and I don't think The Heavenly Rockers will have much to make fun of when J-MAX is through with them. *DINGDINGDING!* The bell sounds and a cautious Abdullah waits for an opening, trying to attack from behind, but J-MAX has eyes in the back of his mask and catches him with a boot! J-MAX delivers some forearms, before whipping Abby to the ropes and knocking him down with a back elbow. Back up, Abdullah gets nailed with a flipping dropkick. And then gets clotheslined up and over the top rope by the Brit! COLE And J-MAX is turning it up to max! Abdullah waves things off and calls for a prayer break. But J-MAX is already on the run and wipes Abdullah out with a SOMERSAULT PLANCHA!!!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!" COLE Oh yeah! That's the Jamie O'Hara we know and love, the man who can do things like that! COACH You may know and love him. I'd rather do neither, thanks. Throwing Abdullah back inside, J-MAX calls on the crowd again as he jumps to the apron. Abdullah picks himself up and is left looking up in horror as J-MAX flies towards him again, front-flipping in mid-air and landing on Abdullah with a seated senton!! 1... 2... Kickout! Abdullah rolls to a corner and tries to beg off. J-MAX takes one look at the crowd and knows what to do, stomping a mudhole in the Spiritual Advisor! COACH This isn't fair Michael! Abdullah isn't a full-time wrestler, he's ring rusty! COLE And he wasn't that good to begin with. No wonder he's getting his ass handed to him! COACH Shut up. Picking him up out of the corner, J-MAX whips Abdullah across the ring. He follows and hits a jumping forearm in the opposite corner. Off the ropes, J-MAX then blasts Abdullah with a Busaiku Knee Kick as he stumbles away from the turnbuckles! Everything is going J-MAX's way... until THE HEAVENLY ROCKERS head down the aisle! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Before Logan and Synth can get to the ring though, they're ambushed by THE CHRIST AIR EXPRESS!!! "YYYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!" COLE The odds are even! And I don't think The Heavenly Rockers like it so much this way! MARV and MEL take it to Logan and Synth on the floor, while in the ring J-MAX is able to concentrate on the mask. Scoop and a slam plants Abdullah. Setting himself, J-MAX follows up with a STANDING MOONSAULT! The masked Brit then drags Abdullah into position and heads to the top. COLE What are we going to see here? COACH Abdullah moving... I hope. Quickly to the top, J-MAX takes aim... AND CONNECTS WITH THE SHOOTING STAR LEGDROP!!!!! COLE J-MAX just took it to the max! 1... 2... 3!!!!! *DINGDINGDING!* BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, your winner of the match... J-MMMAAAAXXXXX!!!!!! "YYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!" Standing over Abdullah, J-MAX places a foot on his chest and raises his arms in victory. He manages to escape the ring before The Heavenly Rockers can get to him and jogs over to celebrate with MARV and MEL, leaving Logan and Synth fuming again. COLE A small measure of revenge for J-MAX here tonight. After so many months of humiliation, that had to feel good. But I don't think he'll be fully satisfied until he's gotten his hands on Logan and Synth as well. COACH He should quit while he's ahead. It'd be better than quitting while he's behind like last time. Take your win over a helpless manager and go before The Heavenly Rockers embarrass you once and for all, punk. The trio of MARV, MEL and J-MAX taunt from ringside as Synth tends to Abdullah and Logan flies into a rage. He dares the three of them to come back into the ring and J-MAX just taps his wrist, telling Logan that the time will come soon enough. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted July 12, 2009 COLE ...hang on, we're hearing that there's some sort of a commotion backstage. Let's get a camera back there. When we do, we find Bohemoth, laid out and screaming in pain with a heavy production equipment trunk trapped on his right leg. As he reaches back and tries to push it off of his leg, Leon Rodez runs across and boots him in the side of the head! A group of referees and suited officials rush into the scene and try to keep Leon back from doing more damage. BOHEMOTH AH! I'M GONNA GET YOU, YOU SON OF A BITCH! Leon calmly walks past Bohemoth, picking up a WRENCH that 'just happened' to be lying beside him. And without a hint of a smile Leon walks off, while the various rescuers try to move the equipment trunk off of Bohemoth. COLE I don't believe this... and I can't believe I'm still saying that about Leon Rodez! What in the hell is he thinking!? It takes at least four of the officials to tip the trunk over, freeing Bohemoth's leg. He lays writhing in agony, as someone calls for some EMTs to be fetched. COLE Clearly Bohemoth in a lot of pain. I'm in shock here. Leon Rodez, perpetrator of a sneak attack, it just doesn't sound right but that's clearly what happened. COACH Bohemoth was threatening to do the same thing. But it looks like Leon just threw a spanner in the works of those plans. COLE Oh, very cute. We'll see if the two men collide in Battlebowl, I wouldn't want to be in the ring with the both of them when they go at it! COMING UP NEXT OAOAST WOMEN'S TITLE LORELEI DECENZO VS SOPHIE GREY NEXT! COMMERCIAL Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted July 12, 2009 Cue: The entrance doors come apart, and Sophie’s white tennis shoes trot across the stage. Wearing a simple outfit of black workout pants and a white tank top with her name scrawled on the back, she trots down the entry way. With a smile on her face, she slaps hands with the numerous fans who root her on. BUFFER The following contest is for the OAOAST’s Women’s Title…now making her way to the ring, the challenger….from Mariselles, France she is SOPHIE GREEEEEEEEY! Sophie slides into the ring and kips up to a solid round of applause from the audience. COACH How many times is this chick gonna get a title shot? Melissa ain’t got one, Malaysia ain’t got one, Holly ain’t got one, Maggie ain’t got one, but Sophie gets three! Nepoistim strikes hard around these parts. Cue:: Paul Oakenfold-Sex and Money A virtual hail storm of greenbacks floats down from the ceiling, into the green and yellow lighted entrance stage. Behind this waterfall of cash, comes the beautiful sight of Lorelei DeCenzo dressed to kill in a pink mini dress made entirely of feathers. She offers the fans a glimpse of her body with a small twirl, and shuttles down to the ring with title slung over her shoulder. BUFFER And the champion….she is from Manhattan Beach, California…THE MONEY HONEY LORELEI DECENZO!! COLE Can you believe the load of crap, Lorelei fed Morgan backstage? COACH That’s a friend looking out for a friend. Morgan’s mental health was teetering in the balance. Lorelei bows to the audience, though they snap back with vicious anger. She dismisses their disgust with a wave of her hand, as her platform boots carry her up the stairs. Forcing the referee to hold the ropes open for her, she enters with another bow towards the OAOAST Marks COLE We’re all set to see Lorelei defend the title she outright stole from her so-called best friend. DING DING DING Seeking to gain the early upperhand, Lorelei charges forward with a forearm aimed directly at Sophie. But the European challenger, ducks the attacks. When she springs upward she strikes Lorelei with an elbow just as the Money Honey was turning around. With Lorelei dazed, Sophie underhooks her arm and flips the well feathered babe over with an arm drag. Immediately Lorelei gets into her feet, but there the white tennis shoes of Sophie slam into her face with a dropkick. Lorelei stumbles into the orange ring ropes, who quickly spew her back towards her foe. There she’s met with another arm drag, followed by an arm bar by Sophie. Lorelei groans in frustration over having the hold applied. The French girl adds to her annoyance by repreatedly tugging on Lori’s arm to further increase the pain. COLE Sophie with good control early in this contest. Despite the pain of the hold, Lorelei forces her way upright. Unable to fight against Lorelei strength, Sophie has her hold broken. Now free from a submission, Lorelei grabs Sophie by her petite body and ramming her into the turnbuckles. Sophie lies pressed against the posts, and is easily attacked by Sophie with shoulder tackles. After several attacks Lorelei breaks the attack, to grab onto Sophie by her straight brown hair. She then snaps Sophie forward, and the European lands in a sitting position. This allows Lorelei to smash her pink boots into her lower back with a deadly kick. Sophie falls over onto her side, her back racked by pain. This makes The Money Honey decide to try for a pinfall… ONE! TWO! Sophie manages a kickout. COACH Sophie better put in that 110% because otherwise she’s lost her third straight title match and that ain’t no good look no matter if your cousin is GM. Lorelei brings Sophie to her feet and tags her with a sucession of jabs. The strikes wobble Sophie and Lori snatches her into a front facelock. Quicky she tries to lift Sophie into the air for a vertical suplex. But stands with failure, as Sophie strikes her in the ribcage with elbows that shred away her feathers. Sophie continues to take the fight to the champion with forearm strikes. The attacks back Lorelei into the corner, where she slumps over on to the ring posts in exhaustion. This position causes Sophie to surge forward and spring into the air for a body splash. But Lorelei manages not to have her darling features smushed, by sliding out the way. Sophie makes a quick landing onto the seconds ropes, readying herself to strike at Lorelei. However the Money Honey strikes with speed and accuracy and throws Sophie into the canavs with a modified powerbomb. “OOOOOOOOOH!” COACH That one made even me lean back! Lorelei grabs onto Sophie’s legs, and then tilts backwards to throw her into the ring posts. The slingshot leaves Sophie’s thin body pressed against the harsh posts. This permits Lorelei to encircle her hands around her. Within moments Sophie is flung backwards and smashed into the canvas with a brutal German suplex. The referee counts the ensuing pinfall… ONE! TWO! Sophie pushes her way out the pinfall. Lorelei backs away from Sophie, grinning to herself as she awaits her opponent’s rise. Eventually Sophie comes to her feet, and that’s when Lorelei pounces on her with a series of clubbing forearms. The attacks cause great pain to Sophie and she falls into the ropes. This puts her in great peril, and Lorelei takes advantage of that by choking her with the ropes. “BOOOOOOOOOOOO!” COLE Very underhanded tactic by Lorelei. COACH You gotta do what it takes to retain a championship, you ain’t got that winner’s mentality. That’s why I can son you like a chump every week! Lorelei is forced to relinquish her evil move by the referee. However, she wins the official over by gently rubbing his shoulder and whispering something very unprintable into his ears. Smitten with whatever Lorelei promised, the ref lets Lorelei continue her choking for five more seconds. When that time is up, the Money Honey throws Sophie back into the ground and drops onto her for a pin. ONE! TWO! Sophie again kicksout! “YEAAAAAA!” COLE The OAOAST Marks are really starting to get behind Sophie. COACH Just like these idiots to get behind someone who only gets title shots because of family connections. What a joke! Using the ropes to get back to her feet, Sophie readies herself to launch an offensive attack. But her plans are hinded by Lorelei slamming open palms against her back. Redness creeps out from beneath her tank top and onto her pale skin, as she grits her teeth in agony. Lorelei continues to batter Sophie with the punches until the thin French girl is dropped to her knees. Lorelei pays tribute to Mister Moneymaker by making the money fingers gesture. As the crowd jeers that hated taunt, Lorelei cocks her arm back and then launches it forward to smash Sophie in the back of her head. The European challenger falls over to the canvas, pain decorating her face. That pain is only increased by the elbow drop, Lorelei soon attacks her with. COLE Lorelei is often able to overpower her opponents, and I think her voluptuous body is a bit bigger than Sophie’s rail thin body. Lorelei brings Sophie to her feet, and throws her into the ropes with an irish whip. When Sophie returns, Lorelei fires off a clothesline. But Sophie ducks beneath the strike. Before Lorelei can spin around and attack, Sophie holds onto her neck. This leads a neckbreaker that snaps Lorelei over onto her side, clutching her neck in pain. COLE Sophie striking with a brilliant neckbreaker. COACH But, that’s not going to be enough to win the world title. Sophie needs to take it to the next level. Lorelei comes back to her feet, with her hand held around her neck. This leaves her unprotected against the chops Sophie sends into her ample chest. She stumbles away, rubbing beneath her feathers to soothe her aching chest. Unfortunately this merely leaves her open to the bulldog that leaves Lorelei left face down on the canvas. While Lorelei struggles to pull herself to her feet, her quick foe makes an ascent to the top rope. COLE Sophie headed up top, we haven’t seen much of that before from her. COACH And it could end in disaster! Don’t take no risks in a title match, it ain’t time to show off. Against Coach’s advice Sophie fires herself off the top rope as Lorelei begins to rise. Her skinny body slams into Lori’s with enough force to push them down into a pinning situation… ONE! TWO! Lorelei kicksout, barely avoiding a loss of her title. “BOOOOOOOOO!” COLE The OAOAST Marks can not be happy to see Lorelei continue to hang on to a title she hasn’t earned. Both champion and challenger roll to their feet and immediately begin trade forearms. They each exert their energy to pummel the other with vicious attacks. Being the stronger of the two, Lorelei manages to win the slugfest. Having stunned Sophie, she backs into the far ropes. They launch her forward at Sophie, but the European is far quicker than Lorelei had expected. Therefore she’s able to tangle Sophie into a drop toe hold, and drops her over onto the top rope. Lorelei clutches her neck, and gags damnation towards Sophie. Ignoring Lorelei’s curses, Sophie puts the Money Honey down with a dropkick. As soon as Lorelei touches down on the canvas, Sophie crashes into her weakened neck with a leg drop. Another pinfall follows. ONE! TWO! Lorelei kicksout, frustrating an audience that was so eager to see her lose her championship. COLE Another close one. Lorelei has got to pull it together if she wants to remain champion. Back onto her feet, Lorelei challenges Sophie with a lariat. But Lorelei misses wildly, causing her to clumsily stagger away. Sophie follows her close behind, and slams another dropkick into her back. Lorelei stumbles forward and falls into the ropes. Those very same ropes push her backwards straight into a school girl from Sophie! ONE! TWO! THREE! “YEAAAAAAAA!” COLE Sophie has done it! The victorious French lass throws her arms into the sky and looks upward with an enthused and delighted smile. Lorelei is of course outraged, and loudly proclaims her mini dress was hooked. BUFFER Your winner and new OAOAST Women’s Champion….SOPHIE GREEEEEEEEEY! Sophie hops to her feet with her title waiting for her. She hugs it closely to her chest, rejoicing in her incredible victory. COLE The third time was a charm for Sophie Grey, winning her first women’s title! Big congratulations to that young woman! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted July 12, 2009 Drag Krista To Hell A brief expose of the world of the occult By Molly Nerdly Santa Monica, California Along the shores of pacific ocean, on the paved path in Santa Monica travel KRISTA ISADORA DUNCAN, with arm in a sling. MAYA DUNCAN-BLANCHARD and MOLLY NERDLY ON CAMERA KRISTA Why? Why are you doing this? MAYA You lose a limb, you go to the hospital. You get cursed, you go to a psychic. Right, Molly? MOLLY There is logic in her reasoning, Krista. KRISTA Dismemberment is no where near close to being attacked in a parking lot by leather wearing illegal immigrants and then spoken to by an anti-semtic billionaire, who spent half his Yale days on PCP and the other bobbing for boyfriends in the yacht club. I am not cursed. MAYA If you don’t believe you’re cursed, then why did you come here. I can’t drive, I can’t teleport you from place to place, I can’t cast a spell and make you ride horseback wherever I want to go, if I could you’d be taking me to my first date with Justin Timberlake. No, you came here because part of you believes you’re cursed. I think your arm being in a sling, somehow trigged the realization that maybe you are cursed. KRISTA Lies, lies, lies! No wait you’re right, I am most likely cursed. I am cursed with a youngest daughter that would leave her mother dangling on an unsteady ladder as she wallpapers the den, so she could text 4498 to wallpapersnow and get a Taylor Swift wallpaper for the phone I never ever should’ve got her. That’s what I, Krista Isadora Duncan, am cursed with! MAYA Whatever, I’ve seen you use Mister Dick’s body as a skateboard to glide down a twenty foot railing. You’ve got the abilities of a gold medal gymnast, you fell because you are cursed. End of story, mom. KRISTA Don’t tell me end of story, I’m the mom, I’m the one who ends stories. And, Molly, how can you, a college graduate, go along with this? You believe I’m cursed. MOLLY Although illogical as the notion may be, it is however logical to cultivate all available options. KRISTA Thank you, Mister Spock. Krista and her merry crew of daughter and friend push their way into an eclectic mixture of voodoo assortments, gypsy decrations, and unusual items such as a shelf full of strange items such as frog legs, skulls, and monkey heads.. Peeking through the beaded curtains is large Indian man with a chubby face and a heavy grey beard FORTUNE TELLER Greetings, I’m the Great Amir seer of all of man’s fortunes and misfortunes, and you are the beautiful Krista Isadora Duncan.. MAYA See that, he’s psychic, he knew your name before you even told it. KRISTA I think that may have something to do with me being in over a hundred magazines, starred in at least forty fitness videos, wrote two books, and currently have my face plastered on nearly every bus in this city. So, Great Amir, everyone believes I’m cursed. I on the other hand have two masters degrees. Unrelated to the topic at hand, just want to put that out there. MOLLY Great Amir, is it perhaps possible that Krista is a victim of witchcraft? The Great Amir motions the troupe into the center of his spell casting practices, its dimly lit by candle light with bear skin, sheep skin and tall headless sculptures of demons resting against the wall. GREAT AMIR Come sit, and we shall find out the destiny that awaits this princess of the sun. Great Amir takes a seat and presses his hand onto a crystal ball, Krista merely looks on, silently counting the seconds she’s wasted with this. GREAT AMIR I feel the energies are potent in this room. KRISTA That means I’m wearing too much perfume. MAYA Mom, you better take this seriously. GREAT AMIR Please allow me your hand, young maiden. Frowning at first, Krista eventually manages to play nice and place her hand within Amir’s GREAT AMIR You work in the fitness industry. KRISTA Damn, Michael J Fox, you really can go back to the future. How about telling me something I don’t know. GREAT AMIR You recently lost something. Something of great value. MOLLY The supposed curse has robbed her of her OAOAST World Title. KRISTA He said something of value, Molly. Great Amir frantically shakes his head, struggling to find this elusive answer. GREAT AMIR No something else. Golden, yes, but metal no. Something vibrant and yet soft. KRISTA When Theodore and his ghosts of Christmas past, attacked me they did cut off a lock of my hair. GREAT AMIR Yes……yes….yes….now I see it. The Great Amir falls into a trance, one that rocks his body with violent convulsions and fits of fear and rage explode onto his face, GREAT AMIR AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Maya jumps back in fright, leading Krista to calm her down with a hug. KRISTA Ahhh? Ahhh is not supposed to happen at a psychic, ahhhhh is not what they say. I see money in your future, I see you continuing to hate your mother in your future, not ahhhhh. No, ahhhhh. Ahhhhh is bad. MAYA What did you see? GREAT AMIR The misfortunes that befall you are no mere coincidences or doings of misbehaved humans. You are indeed placed under the most heinous of all curses. Krista quite dislikes what’s she’s hearing and manages a sour face for Amir. GREAT AMIR A dark spirit hovers over you like a vulture hovers around its soon to be dead meal. This spirit awaits to consume you. You are no longer in full possession of your own mortal soul. Krista almost looks worried by this revelation but keeps her cool enough to hide her fears. KRISTA Then who is? GREAT AMIR I see a handsome man, of slim muscular build. He is a leader of man, and sees himself as a god. He is surrounded by money, fueled by greed and prejudice. I see him producing incredible evil energies, if I didn't know better I'd call them demonic energies. KRISTA If ever there was a time for a face palm gif now is it. So great, Darth Vader of the OAOAST owns part of my company, all of my world title, and part of my soul. GREAT AMIR This curse is a dangerous one and it will find you new misery with each passing day. All the up until your dying breath. And then the curse will consume you. Krista eye brows raise in shock and furor at such an abstract goal. KRISTA Consume me? GREAT AMIR The curses ultimate result is for you to be sucked down into the very pits of hell. The fires of the underworld will be your eternal resting place. But you will get no rest, you will be tormented each day in ways you can not imagine or comprehend. KRISTA Kind of like listening to a Mariah Carey album, got it. So, let’s say I were to believe you, which I don’t, how long do I have before the whole hell thing kicks in? GREAT AMIR By my estimation you have no more than three weeks. Maya sighs, forcing Krista to comfort her with a shoulder rub. MOLLY Such little time. KRISTA Wow. GREAT AMIR The curse has its grip on you. It will only let go to release you to the tortures of hell. Only horrors and anguish await you now. MAYA What can she do to stop it? There has to be a way to reverse the curse. They can always be changed, can't they? GREAT AMIR Ah....it is simple but it may be difficult. Krista shrugs her shoulders, apparently willing to take on all challenges. KRISTA Try me. GREAT AMIR You must take the hand of the man who cursed you in holy matrimony. Only marriage and wifely devotion to the man who controls your mortal soul will shield you from hell. KRISTA Well, Molly, I’ll guess I’ll see you in hell! MOLLY There must be another option to cultivate. Great Amir rubs his bushy beard and holds himself in deep thought. GREAT AMIR Its rather violent. But to end the curse you could draw the blood of the one who cursed you. With his blood spilt you have in essence overcame him and destroyed his ownership of you. Spill the blood of this man, yes. That spreads a wide smile across Krista's formerly frowning face. KRISTA Great Amir, I’m starting to like you a whole lot more. COMING UP NEXT UNTIED STATES TITLE DENZEL SPENCER VS CMJ NEXT! COMMERCIAL Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted July 12, 2009 I'm Shipping Up to Boston hits, and Colin Maguire Jr. makes his way out. COLE Big opportunity for CMJ, a shot at the United States title! Let's go to Michael Buffer! BUFFER The following contest is scheduled for one fall, and it is for the OAOAST United States championship! Making his way to the ring, the challenger...hailing from Boston, Massachusetts, and weighing in at 208 pounds...representing the Enterprise...COLINNNNNNNNN MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGUIIIIIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEE JUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNOIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRR!!!!! COACH The Enterprise is on a roll, Cole! Mr. Moneymaker the new champion of the World, and tonight Colin's going to add another belt to the fold! Colin slides into the ring, climbing onto the ropes and having some words with some of the booing fans. Master Blaster (Jammin') hits, and the crowd pops big as Denzel Spencer walks through the curtains. COLE Well, I think this man may have something to say about that! BUFFER His opponent...from Montego Bay, Jamaica, weighing in at 227 pounds...he is the OAOAST United States champion...DENZZZZZZZZZZEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSPENCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!! Denzel stands in the entryway and shakes his moraccas, then turns with his back to the ring, slowly raises the moraccas in the air, and brings them down with force, prompting green and yellow pyro to explode from the stage, ala Kurt Angle. He then turns and walks to the ring. COLE Quite an entrance for Denzel Spencer, this is his first-ever title, and his first televised defense! The arena lights go out, leaving only a green spotlight on the ring, as Denzel enters, then does some more dancing with the moroccas, then crosses his arms, brings them out over his head, and brings them down to the sides of his body, prompting green and yellow pyro to spray from the ringposts. The lights come back on, gear is removed, and the referee calls for the bell. *DING DING DING* Denzel and CMJ circle the ring and tie up. After a brief struggle, Denzel gets a small shove-off. Denzel slaps his arm and the two circle the ring again, and Denzel grabs a side headlock. CMJ shoves him off, then drops down as Denzel hops over him, then leapfrogs him on the way back, then attempts a hiptoss, which Denzel blocks, and executes one of his own! He follows up with a dropkick, sending CMJ bailing out to the floor! COLE Nice counter of the hiptoss, and Denzel sends CMJ reeling! CMJ rolls back in, and goes to the eyes as he moves in for the tieup. He then delivers a foot to the gut, and an Irish uppercut, before shooting him to the ropes. Denzel ducks a clothesline, and swings around for a crucifix! 1... 2... Kickout! COLE Denzel almost got a quick one there! Denzel then catches CMJ in a quick armdrag! He holds onto the arm, and bars it. CMJ works his way to his feet, then scoops Denzel up, and slams him to the mat...but Denzel rolls through and holds onto the hold! COLE Colin with the slam, but Denzel able to maintain the armbar! CMJ works his way to his feet again, and backs Denzel into the ropes. The referee forces the two to separate, but CMJ gets in a knee to the midsection! COLE And the cheap shot by Colin on the ropes! CMJ hammers away with some Irish uppercuts, then whips Denzel into the ropes. Denzel ducks a clothesline, and executes a flying bodypress! 1... 2... Kickout! Denzel rolls to the floor with the force of CMJ's kickout, then climbs back onto the apron, and delivers a shoulder to the gut, then comes back in with a sunset flip! 1... 2... Kickout! Denzel delivers some rapid-fire kicks to CMJ, backing him into a corner, but the referee steps in between. When he does, CMJ reaches over and lands a cheap shot! COACH Yeah! Nice move, Colin! COLE Yeah, another cheap shot! COACH It worked! CMJ stomps Denzel to the outside, then backs into the ropes, and hits him with a baseball slide, sending Denzel into the guardrail! COLE Nice move by Colin there, though, Denzel going back-first into the guardrail! CMJ slides to the outside, and delivers a CHOP~! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! And another! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! CMJ rolls Denzel back inside, and whips him into a corner. He charges, but Denzel hops over him, then rolls down with a sunset flip! 1... 2... Kickout! CMJ gets up quickly, and floors Denzel with a clothesline! COACH But Colin quickly back on the offense! CMJ picks up Denzel, and rams his head into a buckle. He then traps him in the corner, and executes a CHOP~! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! CMJ then brings Denzel out, and executes a HARVARDPLEX~! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! CMJ follows up with a double-underhook suplex! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! COLE Colin really piling on the offense now! CMJ tosses Denzel to the outside, then celebrates in the ring, to the boos of the crowd. COACH I can feel another piece of gold coming to the Enterprise! COLE And so can Colin, very proud of himself here! CMJ pulls Denzel back inside and backs him into a corner, and slaps him across the face! COACH COLE And look at this insult! CMJ then takes Denzel by the hair, and tosses him across the ring! COLE And now right by those dreadlocks across the ring! Denzel gets up in a corner, and CMJ charges...but Denzel moves out of the way! COLE Nobody home, and now a big chance for Denzel to make a comeback! The two engage in a slugfest, won by Denzel, who then backs CMJ into the ropes, and attempts an Irish whip, but CMJ reverses. Denzel ducks a clothesline, and attempts another crucifix...but this time, CMJ drops back, countering into a Samoan drop! COACH Yes! COLE Nice counter by Colin Maguire Jr.! Cover... 1... 2... Shoulder up! CMJ sets Denzel up for the FENWAYPLEX~!, but Denzel manages to counter into a belly-to-belly gutwrench! COLE Denzel counters into a suplex! Both men are out on the mat, and the referee makes a count... 1!!! 2!!! 3!!! 4!!! 5!!! 6!!! 7!!! 8!!! Denzel sits up, and pulls himself to the ropes, followed shortly after by Colin. Denzel blocks a right hand, and delivers one of his own. He then fires off kicks, before whipping CMJ into the ropes, backing in himself, and meeting him with a spinning wheel kick! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! CMJ raises his arms for a double axhandle, but Denzel delivers a foot to the gut, and executes a SCISSOR KICK~! COLE Scissor kick from Denzel! 1... 2... Kickout! Denzel scoops up CMJ, and slams him to the mat, then climbs to the top rope, waiting for CMJ to get to his feet...and hits him with a MISSILE DROPKICK~! 1... 2... NO! Shoulder up! COLE So close right there! Denzel scoops up CMJ, who slips behind the back, and attempts the D-STREET CUTTER~!!!!!11111, but Denzel shoves him off into the ropes, and attempts a hurricanrana, but CMJ blocks with a powerbomb, pressing his legs down for the cover... 1... 2... Kickout! COLE Almost a new champion, as Denzel got caught on that attempted hurricanrana! CMJ picks up Denzel and whips him across, but puts his head down, and Denzel plants him with a DDT! COACH Oh no! COLE What a DDT by Spencer, and CMJ doesn't know where he is! Denzel picks up the glassy-eyed CMJ, and scoops him up, drilling him again with the CARRIBEAN COMPACTOR~!!!!!11111 COLE And again, Denzel with his move! 1... 2... 3!!! *DING DING DING* BUFFER The winner of the match...and STILL OAOAST United States champion...DENZZZZZZZZZZEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSPENCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!! COLE An outstanding match we just saw, and in the end, Denzel Spencer with a successful title defense! Denzel raises the belt in the ring, then exits and slaps hands with the fans down the aisle. COACH How many times is this guy going to luck out? COLE Nothing lucky about this match, Coach, this was a hard-fought win for the United States champion! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted July 12, 2009 Up in the luxury suites we find Spencer Reiger, Christian Wright and Theodore Moneymaker enjoying the programming. Well, perhaps not Reiger, who appears more worried than content. REIGER Are you okay? MONEYMAKER Why would I not be, Spencer? REIGER Both Lorelei and Collin blew huge title defenses. I sort of expected you to start kicking over furniture by now. MONEYMAKER All is well for The Enterprise. Isn't it Christian? WRIGHT Spencer, gentle sir, let us not swim upon the shores of importune. Theodore lays and tenacy of the OAOAST World Title. With such an athletic honor in our ownership, we continue to sit in the throne room of kings. REIGER You don't care that they both choked? MONEYMAKER I have no reason to care. As long as I control the world title, I control the OAOAST. We are an empire that can not be toppled, our fortress can not be penetrated. I sit as king of the OAOAST. And soon I will have my queen. REGIER Who? Krista? She's a lesbian, and her girlfriend looks like a supermodel. Good luck getting a chick like that. MONEYMAKER Its of no matter what she is, who she dates. I will control her in the end, Spencer. All is proceeding to plan. Tonight's losses weren't even minor setbacks. We own the world, my friends. The world. COMMERCIAL Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted July 12, 2009 COLE Time for another Battlebowl drawing, let's go to Josh! Cut to the tumbler, where Josh & Maggie stand. JOSH OK, this is our first Battlebowl match of the night, and third overall! Maggie, if you would draw a name for me... Maggie grabs a container, which Josh opens, then reads the name. JOSH Leader of the Deadly Alliance...REJECT!!! COACH Yeah! COLE Big draw right there! Reject gets up from his seat, and huddles with TK and Mr. Dick before departing. Maggie hands another envelope to Josh. JOSH Reject's partner...one of the Conquistadors, DOS! COACH All right, maybe we can whip up a little spell to help out Reject here! Dos departs the locker room, after getting a pat on the back from Uno. JOSH Their opponents will be...first, BIFF ATLAS! Biff stands up and flexes his muscles, then high-fives Vinny and heads to the ring. JOSH And Biff partner will be... Josh opens the container. JOSH All the way from South Beach! Miami! COLOMBIAN HEAT! The crowd roars as Heat exchanges a high five with Denzel Spencer on his way out the dressing room door. The camera cuts to a wide shot, then to the aisle, where Reject is approaching the ring. COLE And you can bet Reject won't be happy to see that Colombian Heat will be one of his opponents here! COACH Hey, it doesn't matter to this guy, Cole! He'll fight anyone he has to to get to that main event at AngleSlam! COLE And one of those men at the Chi-Town Spectacular will not be Alfdogg, of course thanks to Reject's involvement in his match last week! After an extended pause, Biff Atlas makes his way through the curtains. COLE And here comes Biff Atlas, but where's Dos? Dos of the Conquistadors is supposed to be the partner for Reject here! Heat follows shortly after, getting a warm welcome from the crowd. Biff confronts Heat as he steps through the ropes, and shows him one of his biceps, provoking a snicker from Heat. Reject questions the referee as to the whereabouts of his partner, until finally Dos walks through the curtains, adjusting his mask. COACH Here he comes! COLE A late entrance here for Dos, but Reject at least has a partner now! Reject questions Dos as to his lateness, while Biff steps out, leaving Heat to start with Reject. *DING DING DING* Reject and Heat tie up, and Reject delivers a knee to the gut, then hammers away. Heat fights back, and a slugfest ensues, but Reject gains the advantage by going to the eyes. He then chokes Heat on the ropes as the referee counts, and breaks at four. Reject then backs Heat into a corner, and delivers a CHOP~! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! And another! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! Reject then brings Heat out, and executes a back suplex! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! COLE Two-count, as Reject the aggressor here in the early going! Reject picks up Heat and whips him into a corner, then charges...but Heat moves out of the way! COLE Nobody home on that charge, though! Heat then meets Reject with a clothesline, sending him over the top to the floor! COLE Reject out to the floor! COACH Keep an eye on Heat here! Heat floors Reject with a SOMERSAULT PLANCHA~! He then slugs away on top of Reject, and tosses him back inside. He sets up an Irish whip, but Reject reverses. Heat ducks a clothesline, then slides through Reject's legs, and hits him with a dropkick! And another! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Heat tags in Biff, who comes in and hammers on the back of Reject. He then executes a side belly-to-belly suplex! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Biff then attempts a Canadian backbreaker, but Reject slips out, and executes a savate kick, followed by a swinging neckbreaker! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Reject picks up Biff, and tosses him to the outside. Reject follows, and rams Biff into the guardrail, then delivers a CHOP~! against the guardrail! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! And another! Crowd: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~! Reject then tosses Biff inside, and executes a fisherman's buster! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Reject drops a knee to the sternum of Biff, then climbs to the top rope. COLE Reject taking a chance here... Reject attempts a SOMERSAULT SENTON~!, but Biff rolls out of the way! COLE But it did not pay off! Both men crawl to their corners, as Reject reaches for the tag...but much to his surprise, Dos won't give it to him! COACH Wait a minute, the Conquistador's not tagging! Reject shouts at him for a few seconds, then the Conquistador plays to the crowd, at which point Reject knocks him off the apron! COLE We've got trouble with this team! Meanwhile, Heat gets the tag from Biff and fires off with right hands, then whips Reject into the ropes, and catches him with a flying forearm! Cover... 1... 2... Kickout! Heat picks up Reject and whips him into a corner. Reject tries to slingshot over Heat, but Heat stops, and hits him with the PELE KICK~! COLE Heat with the Pele kick! 1... 2... Kickout! Biff tries to come into the ring, but the referee intercepts him, as Heat goes to pick up Reject, but gets hit with a low blow! COLE And Reject with a low blow! Heat drops to the mat, and Reject sets him up for the R-LOCK~!!!!!11111 COACH And here comes the R-Lock! However, the referee is still distracted, as Dos slides in with the ring bell, and clobbers Reject over the head! COLE Dos just used the ring bell on his own partner! Reject is out! COACH What is going on here? Dos exits the ring, as Biff tags himself in, and picks Reject up, hitting him with the FANFARE FOR THE SUPERMAN~!!!!!11111 COLE And that's Biff's move! 1... 2... 3!!! *DING DING DING* COLE You gotta be kidding me! BUFFER The winners of the match...the team of BIFFFFFFF ATLASSSSSSS and COLOMBIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!!!!! COLE Biff is going to Battlebowl! And he gets there by getting the pin on Reject! What an upset! The Conquistador re-enters the ring, and begins to work the strings on his mask. COACH Now what's going on? COLE The Conquistador is unmasking! The Conquistador loosens the strings, then peels off the mask to reveal Alfdogg! COACH Oh, wait a minute! COLE It was Alf under the mask all along! Alf has a smirk on his face, and shrugs his shoulders. COACH This is not fair, Cole! COLE Unlike Reject costing Alf his spot last week, right? COACH Two wrongs don't make a right, Cole! COLE Turnabout is fair play, how about that one? Alf spits on the just recovering Reject, then departs the ring. COLE Well, two controversial endings thus far in Battlebowl, and the result is two of the big favorites, Alfdogg and Reject, will NOT be advancing to the finals at the Chi-Town Spectacular! COACH But Biff Atlas is! Can you believe it? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted July 12, 2009 Backstage, we see Alf enter the curtains after leaving the ring, still in Conquistador garb, then stops and makes his way to the real Conquistador Dos, who is tied to a chair, in boxer shorts and a wifebeater with a paper bag over his head. He stands with his hands over his hips for a couple seconds. ALF Nice match! Alf then drops the mask in his lap, and walks off. BIFF I DID IT! I DID IT, I DID IT! The amazed words of Biff Atlas, as he jogs through the hallways of the arena in super-heroic (?) fashion. Passing confused onlookers, Biff veers off and comes to a screeching stop in front of Vinny Valentine. Vinny says nothing. His jaw is still on the floor having watched what just happened. BIFF (completely gassed) Now... do you... *coughs*... *gasps*... now do you... believe me? VINNY ...NO! BIFF But, I pinned Reject! VINNY Yeah and that's groovy don't get it twisted. I'm impressed. And kinda wondering if this is a dream. But you only beat him cause'a Alfydogg, baby. BIFF Who? VINNY Alfy. The Alfster. Alfdogg! BIFF Alfdogg wasn't in the match Vinny. I don't know what you were watching. No, I beat him with my superpowers! Vinny facepalms himself in exasperation. BIFF When Reject started to put on the R-Lock, I shut my eyes and... when I opened them, he was knocked down. Explain that! And then, I got in the ring, heaved him up onto my shoulders and with my mighty super-strength, I drove him through the canvas and pinned him amongst the flaming wreckage! That's what happened. Rewind it if you don't believe me. VINNY You can't rewind it Biff, it's a just a cheap ol' monitor. BIFF Leave it to me! Biff places his hands on the monitor and closes his eyes, concentrating SUPER HARD trying to rewind the unrewindable machine. After about five seconds, beginning to grow faint, Biff suddenly pulls his hands away and blows on them. BIFF Either this screen is hot or my superpowers are more volatile than I thought. VINNY YOU DON'T HAVE SUPERPOWERS! HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I GOTTA LAY IT OUT SO COLD?! Looking hurt, Biff suddenly looks up. BIFF Alright then. I'll prove it to you. If I didn't have super-strength, then I wouldn't be able to outlift Ken in a powerlift, would I? VINNY Well, no, of course not. He's the strongest cat I know, daddy. BIFF Then I'm going to beat him in a powerlifting contest. And then you'll be forced to believe me, won't you? Just don't let on to Ken about my powers though, otherwise he won't accept. Biff pats Vinny on the shoulder and leaves The Disco Duck staring in disbelief. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted July 12, 2009 COLE It’s Battlebowl time, fans. So without further delay let's go over to Josh Matthews and Maggie Nerdly! We cut to Josh and Maggie. JOSH Alright guys, here we go. Maggie, if you’d please draw the first name. Maggie spins the tumbler, then stops it and pulls out a plastic container. She opens it and hands the paper inside to Josh. JOSH Representing the Citizen Soldiers…TIM CASH!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" Cash receives a high five from Baron Windels and exit’s the locker room. JOSH His partner… Maggie opens the next container and hands the paper to Josh. JOSH …representing All the Queen’s Men, one-half of the Last Kings of Scotland… DANNY BOY!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Scottish Scott clubs Danny across the chest to psyche him up. Queen Esther and the Mardi Gras Hellfire Club more subdued only patting him on the back. JOSH And then opponents… Josh is handed the third name. JOSH Representing the Deadly Alliance… MR. DICK!! "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" Sporting a DOG COLLAR, Mr. Dick is CHAINED by Malaysia and lead to the ring. JOSH Joining him will be… Maggie hands Josh the fourth and final name. JOSH (shows Maggie the name and her jaw drops) …“THE LONE STAR GUNSLINGER” BARON WINDELS!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" COLE Oh my! COACH You’ve gotta be kidding me! The Lone Star Gunslingers reunited? Tim Cash and Danny Boy make it ringside first, followed by Mr. Dick and Baron Windels. His desire to win greater than his contempt for Baron, Mr. Dick yields to his partner‘s wishes to start. On the flip side, Danny declares himself the legal man, pushing Cash out onto the apron. * DINGDINGDING * Danny and BW lockup and Danny rakes the eyes, and then unloads with clubbing blows across the back. He whips the Lone Star Gunslinger into the ropes, but BW ducks a clothesline and delivers a BOOMERANG LARIAT! COLE The MySpace Comeback! The cover. ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Whipped in, Danny grabs the top rope and tags Tim Cash. “OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!” COACH Won’t this be interesting? COLE For the first time ever, you’re not lying. Cash nervously enters. Even though he and BW knew this was bound to occur, it’s still uncomfortable for both. They shake hands, much to the chagrin of Mr. Dick, and lockup. Flung across by a quick arm drag BW nods approvingly from a knee. They tie-up again and this time BW slams Cash. But rather than stay on the attack BW allows Cash to return to his feet. MR. DICK BW and Cash lockup a third time and BW goes behind for a hammerlock. Cash counters with a drop toehold and grabs a side headlock. BW shoves Cash off and leapfrogs him on the rebound. Off the ropes Cash soars across, but BW catches him in mid-air and executes a FALLAWAY SLAM, a/k/a THE DEVIL’S ADDICTION! The cover. ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Cash reverses a whip and hip tosses BW, then climbs up top and delivers a MISSILE DROPICK! The cover. ONE! TWO! SAVE BY MR. DICK! But the Real American Prick isn’t done yet. He rams Cash into the buckle and hammers away until BW yanks him away. COACH What’s this idiot’s problem? COLE It’s fairly clear to me. Baron Windels want to wrestle by the book. COACH The book of what, how to lose? As the referee does his best to defuse the tension between Baron and Mr. Dick, Danny Boy dumps Cash outside and jumps on the Lone Star Gunslinger. COLE There was no tag! COACH Yeah, but at least Danny Boy is willing to do whatever it takes to win. Danny continues to pummel BW when Cash puts a stop to it. Still the legal man, Cash assists the referee escorting a reluctant Danny back to the corner. Meanwhile, BW plays possum…and wraps up Cash in a SMALL PACKAGE! ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! BW grabs a headlock but is whipped into the ropes, decking Cash on the rebound with a shoulder tackle. The Lone Star Gunslinger charges off the near side and Cash tries to leapfrog all 6’7” of him…only to accidentally be HEADBUTTED IN THE GROIN! “OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!” BW refuses to capitalize and he hears an earful from Mr. Dick, who tags in and immediately puts the boots to Cash. Inverted Atomic Drop is followed by a Clothesline from Hell… COACH The Cock Shock! …and then Mr. Dick diverts the referee’s attention to deliver a HEADBUTT TO THE GROIN! COLE Just Being A Dick! And a dick move that was. I mean was that was completely unnecessary. The cover. ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Mr. Dick whips Cash to the buckle and charges in, but nobody’s home for the corner cross body block! Cash pounces on Dick’s mistake, executing a KNEE BREAKER INTO A BACK SUPLEX followed by THE MIDWEST SLING (Texas Cloverleaf)! COLE We cold have a submission any moment! Malaysia screams at BW to save her man and he does, shoving Cash to the mat. CASH Danny Boy tags in and stomps away on Mr. Dick. Rammed into the buckle, Mr. Dick is brought out of the corner via a PUMPHANDLE FALLAWAY SLAM! The cover. ONE! TWO! KICKOUT! Mr. Dick slips out of an attempted slam and delivers a FACIAL~! (Discus punch) COACH That caught Danny Boy good, Cole. The cover. ONE! TWO! THREE!!! * DINGDINGDING * COLE And just like that, it’s over. Wow! BUFFER Ladies and gentlemen, the winners of the match, advancing to Battlebowl, the team of MR. DICK and “THE LONE STAR GUNSLINGER” BARON WINDELS!! "YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" After the match, the Last Kings of Scotland attack! COLE If I didn’t know better I’d say this was one giant setup. COACH Oh, you and your wacky conspiracy theories, Cole. His work done Mr. Dick returns backstage with Malaysia. Meanwhile, the Last Kings continue to do a number on the Citizen Soldiers. Finally OAOAST officials arrive on the scene to restore order. COLE Tensions obviously still high between the Last Kings of Scotland and the Citizen Soldiers. But we know Baron Windels and Mr. Dick will be among the 16 men entered in the battle royal on July 31 at the Chi-Town Spectacular. Folks, thank you for joining us here tonight and we will see you next week on HeldDOWN~! FADE OUT Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
