AS: Armwrestling!

[Patty O'Green 0]

Tony, I'll reply to your latest PM in due course.

 

COLE
Folks its time for our arm wrestling challenge pitting Mister Dick, alleged owner of a super penis, against Biff Atlas, alleged owner of super strength.

Right on cue, Biff bursts through the entrance doors and finds himself greeted by warm reception from San Juan. That could be due to his PRL t-shirt, but it could also be due to the fact that he’s just a lovable dude. Biff works the crowd up by raising the roof, apparently not realizing its not 2002 anymore. 

“WHO LET THE DOGS OUT?” He shouts “WOOF! WOOF! WOO-OOF!” Poor Biff. Poor out of touch with pop culture Biff. 

COACH
This guy is biting off more than he can chew. At least he wasn’t dumb enough to have a match with Mister Dick.

COLE
Dumb? He won the last time they fought.

COACH
That was due to miscommunication from ThunderKid and Mister Dick. Any other time and Mister Dick mops the floor with Biff.

Biff heads into the ring and proceeds to do elaborate, unnecessary, and utterly useless arm stretches. But, the audience loves every minute of it.

COLE
Let's not forget that Biff is a former body builder and power lifter. If he does have "super strength" its from his years spent toiling away inside gyms across Southern California. 

COACH
This fool thinks he's on some Mohindir from Heroes shit, got super strength all of a sudden and wants to take on the world. 

[b][i]WOMANIZER, WOMANIZER, WOMANIZER[/i][/b]

COLE
The Urban Cowboy, The Human Hard On, Mister Dick making his appearance at Angleslam!

There’s far less love from the OAOAST Marks for Mister Dick, glad in glimmering gold robe and silver chaps, and a leather clad Malaysia in bikini bottoms and a corset. Mister Dick twirls beneath the golden shower of pyro, before throwing off his sequined robe. He flexes his impressive muscles, hitting numerous poses all designed to intimidate the audience. 

COLE
A slightly different look tonight for Mister Dick, bleaching his hair blond and letting it grow out longer. And yet he still looks like a sleazebag!

The Urban Cowboy On dives into the ring, where he humps the mat while shooting titillated and aroused eyes at females in the front row   Upon getting to his feet, Mister Dick procures a microphone.

“BOOOOOOOO!”

MISTER DICK
Shadup, I ain’t talkin’ to none of ya’ll, just to Biff. Look at you, just look at you. You think yer some kinda god damn Superman? Yer Bruce Wayne now, is that it? You the Batman, boy? I think yer batshit and I ain’t got no respect for you, or your kin, you miserable creepy bastard. That’s what you are, ya hear me, boy? Creepy and miserable.

BIFF
A true hero never lets his villain rile his emotions. I stand firm against you. You will not intimidate me.

MISTER DICK
A true super hero blah blah blah, why don’t you just shut the hell on up! I called ya a miserable bastard because you is one. Yer a god damnded disgrace to the human race, and I hope the damn scoreboard falls on your body and kills you dead. Then when your mama is crying about you at yer funeral I just hope that lightning strikes that bitch dead. That’s what I hope, boy!

BIFF
Are you threatening me and my family? Do I look like the kind of guy you should be threatening? Well, do I?

MALAYSIA
:lol:

MISTER DICK
You look stupider than cow shit on a Christmas tree, boy! You ain’t no superpowered, super hero, and if you is, then that means I’m god himself because ain’t no way no how you’re stronger than me. You hear that? I am genetically superior to you! Strength wise,looks wise, and genital wise, and we can have a wrasslin match fer that last one to!   

COLE
I can only hope!

MISTER DICK
Let’s get this crap started, I gotta be in the tanning booth by 9:30. 

Mister Dick tosses the microphone away, not caring who he nearly hits with it.  He keeps his blue eyes locked onto Biff, as he nears the arm wrestling table. Biff remains calm and unafraid, and stretches his muscles.

MISTER DICK
I see you ain’t got super speed. Get to the god damn table!

Biff sneers at Mister Dick for his lack of manners. He decides to teach etiquette lessons another day and slides to the table.  Both men look into each other’s eyes, staring stares of anger and violence. But before it can erupt in a full out brawl, the referee forces the two men to lock hands.

REFEREE
GO!

There’s an immediate struggle as the ballet of movement strength begins. Both superstars wage a strenuous war, one that taxes every muscle in their body.

COACH
If Biff did have super strength, wouldn’t he be crushing Mister Dick by now?

Though he’s not dominating the Human Hard On, Biff is firm control of the contest. The possibility of a loss frightens Mister Dick deep into his heart. It forces him to exert all his might to battle back against Biff’s assault. 

COLE
Like I said earlier, Biff used to be a powerlifter and body builder, strength has always ran in his blood.

COACH
Yeah, its just intelligence that is out to lunch.

“BIFF! BIFF! BIFF!” San Juan sings, giving Biff the added momentum he needs to push Mister Dick’s arm even closer to the table. Sweat rips a path across Mister Dick’s face, a product of his continual fretting over a loss. His worries are not unfounded; Biff continues to press his advantage, endangering Mister Dick’s hopes of a victory.

COLE
It could be over soon! And how would Mister Dick show his face to the rest of the Deadly Alliance if he lost this arm wrestling contest?

We may never know the answer to such a question due to a panic filled Mister Dick ripping his hands away from his foe. As the crowd boos, Biff looks at Misetr Dick with confusion and a hint of anger. But, Mister Dick couldn’t care less about Biff’s emotions, and he leaps over the table to tackle the would-be super hero.

“BOOOOOOOOOOO!” 

The two trade hands on the floor, with Malaysia loving every second of the furious fight. Biff is able to use his (super?) strength to shove Mister Dick away from him. They both rise to their feet, and continue their crazed slug fest. Mister Dick resorts to using knees to attack his opponent. But Biff’s strong midsection reflects the attack, and he comes back at Mister Dick with more power than ever.

COLE
Its broken down here in Puerto Rico!

Biff stands near the ropes ready to pounce upon Mister Dick. But the Cocky Prick moves much faster than his foe, and he strikes Biff in the face with a Stiff Kick. The blow upends Biff, and sends him toppling over the ring ropes. But much to his amazement and the fans’ he lands on his feet! Strangely Biff is tickled with delight and wonder at his soft and safe landing. Such a harmless fall can only be attributed.

BIFF
I….I…I…I CAN FLY!!!!!!!

That mantra is chanted by Biff as he runs up the entrance ramp, eager to share his good news with Vinny.

MISTER DICK
<_<