Your favorite corny jokes, puns, and sayings!

[Guest Downhome]

You know those things that people say that when you hear them, they just make you want to beat the f*ck out of them (or maybe that's just me and I'm crazy, but whatever), let's hear the best ones you know or have ever heard of. If you don't know what I mean, here are a few...

 

1) You are like Harvard in the Summer, no class! (Yes, I got that from Chris from Tough Enough.)

 

2) If DDP was angry, he could be called Diamond Dallas Rage!

 

3) What do you call a sick bird of prey from another planet? An ill-eagle alien of course!

 

...am I crazy for those kinds of things making me want to pysically harm someone or something when I hear them? So come on guys...

 

...let's piss each other off with some that you can think of!

 

Sincerely,

...Downhome...

[Guest Zack Malibu]

I usually bust up my friends or g/f by saying something stupid...for example-

 

My g/f is looking around the kitchen for a snack.

 

Me:"Hey, have a banana...they're a-peel-ing."

 

(Cue canned laughter)

[Guest Flyboy]

You want corny jokes?

 

"The Flame APO Thread" has tons of them by that silly Zacky.

[Guest Youth N Asia]

Me and a few friends call Undertaker "Dead Nigga Walkin"...and it's not raciest cause one of my friends is black and has no problem with it...thus, it's ok.

 

And there's the classic:

 

Q: What's better then sex with an 11 year old boy?

 

A: NOTHING!

 

Disturbing...but damn funny at first

 

A potato and a muffin are baking in the oven together..."Man, it's hot in here," says the Muffin..."Holy shit!" says the potato..."a talking muffin"

[Guest chirs3]

Bah, that's not how it goes. It's "Two sausages are in a frying pan. One says "Damn it's hot in here," and the other says "Oh my God! A talking sausage!"

 

It can also be repeated with loaves of Bread in a Breadbox (Gosh it's lukewarm in here), and Jars of Mayonaise in a Refridgerator (I'm freezing!).

 

But I guess yours works too...

[Guest Flyboy]

Me and a few friends call Undertaker "Dead Nigga Walkin"...and it's not raciest cause one of my friends is black and has no problem with it...thus, it's ok.

Hell... I'm black and I don't find it racist... *shrugs*

 

Plus, I know what Booger Red means (to an extent)...

[Guest Youth N Asia]

Bah, that's not how it goes. It's "Two sausages are in a frying pan. One says "Damn it's hot in here," and the other says "Oh my God! A talking sausage!"

 

Dude...there are 100 different ways to do it, I likes mine better anway.

 

FROM THE NEW MAXIM MAG:

 

Q: What do you call someone else's cheese?

 

A: NACHO CHEESE!

[Guest -Cutthroat-]

Never use hot wax to suth enraged lobster, thank you...

[Guest FeArHaVoC]

What does Jerry Lawler and a Tortes have in common?

 

They both want to get there before the Hair.

[Guest AlwaysPissedOff]

And there's the classic:

 

Q: What's better then sex with an 11 year old boy?

 

A: NOTHING!

 

Disturbing...but damn funny at first

LMFAO!!!

 

It sounds like a conversation in the Lawler household...

[Guest Zack Malibu]

"Why'd Mickey divorce Minnie?"

 

She's fucking Goofy!

 

or...

 

Three tampons are walking down the street, and you wave to them. Which one waves back first?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

None of them, they're all stuck up cunts!

[Guest Fook_Hing_Ho]

What's black, white, and red and won't fit in a phone booth?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A nun with a spear through her chest.

[Guest midnight_burn]

What's red, bubbly and scratches at the window before exploding?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A baby in a microwave.

[Guest MaxPower27]

I remember a teacher I had in high school used to use a fake name for examples of things. One day, he started using John Cashew. To which I replied, "John Cashew? He's a nutty guy!"

 

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

[Guest Youth N Asia]

Please tell me we're not starting up the dead baby jokes again...those were beyond sick and soooo damn funny.

 

Like:

 

What's the difference between a truckload of bowling balls and a truckload of dead babies...

 

you can't unload a truckload of bowling balls with a pitchfork.

 

Too bad that thread is lost on the old board...sick stuff

[Guest Prince Paul]

What does Jerry Lawler and a Tortes have in common?

 

They both want to get there before the Hair.

Holy shit that's funny!

 

I've got one.

 

You've all heard "if there'sgrass on the field, play ball!"

 

Well how about, "if she's old enough to pee, she's old enough for me."

Pretty sick considering a newborn can pee. I don't know all about this dead baby shit though.

[Guest Kingpk]

Why can't HHH vomit?

 

He can hold down anything

 

[Guest caboose]

Why is Beer better than a wife?

 

After 20 years Beer will still give you Head.

[Guest Kinetic]

*ahem*

 

A man walks into a bar and says, "Ouch!"

[Guest Incandenza]

Q: What's the best thing about taking a shower with a 12-year-old girl?

 

A: Slicking her hair back and pretending she's 10.

[Guest Some Guy]

What's the worst part about fucking a five year old?

 

 

 

 

 

Getting blood on your clown suit.

[Guest AM The Kid]

Whats the difference between Micheal Jackson and Neil Armstrong.

 

One was the first man to walk on the moon and the other like to rape little boys.

[Guest Dr. Wrestlingphysics]

What does Jerry Lawler and a Tortes have in common?

 

They both want to get there before the Hair.

Holy shit that's funny!

 

I've got one.

 

You've all heard "if there'sgrass on the field, play ball!"

 

Well how about, "if she's old enough to pee, she's old enough for me."

Pretty sick considering a newborn can pee. I don't know all about this dead baby shit though.

Not forgetting...

Old enough to bleed, old enough to breed.

 

EDIT: Man, I'm sickened!

[Guest Incandenza]

Q: What's the difference between the Hindenburg and Rush Limbaugh?

 

A: One's a flaming Nazi gasbag and the other is a dirigible.

[Guest evenflowDDT]

Whats the difference between Micheal Jackson and Neil Armstrong.

 

One was the first man to walk on the moon and the other like to rape little boys.

Neil Armstrong likes to rape little boys?!?!?!?!

 

Now, to bring it all back to a little cleanliness, because corny is always clean:

 

If JR was a wrestler, would he be accompanied to the ring BY GOD?

 

::cues drumroll: bu-bum-tssss!::

[Guest Downhome]

I leave this thread for a few days and I return to it seeing perverted and gothic hell jokes?

 

*shudders*

 

But whatever, it's still funny in a dark, blasphemeous way.

[Guest M Nyland]

What does an elephant use for a tampon??

 

A Sheep!

 

Who was the worst person in the world....?

 

The guy that raped the deaf, dumb, and blind girl then cut off her fingers so she couldn't yell for help...

 

CORNY:

How do you fit 200 hundred people into a phonebooth?

 

blender...

 

How do you get them out?

 

straw...

[Guest midnight_burn]

Here's some:

 

Q: How do you stop a baby from choking?

 

A: Take your dick out of it's mouth.

 

 

Q: What do you get when you cut open a baby?

 

A: An erection.

 

 

Q: What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and and a brand new Cadillac?

 

A: I don't have a brand new Cadillac in my garage.

[Guest Sebastian_the_Bastard]

Here's some:

 

Q: How do you stop a baby from choking?

 

A: Take your dick out of it's mouth.

 

 

Q: What do you get when you cut open a baby?

 

A: An erection.

 

 

Q: What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and and a brand new Cadillac?

 

A: I don't have a brand new Cadillac in my garage.

THOSE ARE TOO DAMN FUNNY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Those are pimp to the extreme. You're one pimp ass bitch, you know that?

 

 

Here's one:

What's the difference between your paycheck and your penis?

 

You don't have you beg your girlfriend to blow your paycheck.

 

 

 

Love,

Sebastian the Bastard

[Guest Shaved Bear]

what did the prostitute say to the plumber?

 

Got any crack?