Your favorite corny jokes, puns, and sayings!

[Guest Shaved Bear]

Whats worse than stubbing your toe?

 

The Holocaust

[Guest evenflowDDT]

What do you get when you mix an American businessman and an Indonesian prostitute?

 

Syphilis

[Guest Fook_Hing_Ho]

Hope these bring a smile to your demented mind...

 

 

What does a blind, deaf, mute, quadrapalegic, retarded girl get for Christmas?

 

Cancer.

 

 

What's worse than nailing a dead baby to a tree?

 

Nailing it to a puppy.

 

 

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?

 

Nothing. You've already told her twice.

 

 

What do you call an Ethiopian on a hunger strike?

 

Ethiopian.

[Guest AM The Kid]

Why did Helen Kellers dog run away?

 

You would too if your name was Mphhahsfdjkds!

[Guest Sebastian_the_Bastard]

What's worse than nailing a dead baby to a tree?

 

Nailing it to a puppy.

I like this one better...

 

 

What's funner than nailing a dead baby to a wall?

 

Ripping it off.

 

 

 

I think that version is pimp.

 

Love,

Sebastian the Bastard

[Guest The Camel]

Q: Why did the dead baby cross the road?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A: It was stapled to the chicken!

[Guest evenflowDDT]

So much for corny jokes, eh?

 

I don't get dead baby jokes though... I'm not offended, but I just don't understand how they could be funny. Can someone explain the appeal of dead babies?

[Guest Nezbyte]

So much for corny jokes, eh?

 

I don't get dead baby jokes though... I'm not offended, but I just don't understand how they could be funny. Can someone explain the appeal of dead babies?

they just ... are.

[Guest M Nyland]

well maybe they have sex appeal...

 

 

(now THAT's disgusting)

[Guest Intimacy Goblin]

What's red and hangs in the corner?

 

A baby on a meathook.

 

How did you seperate the men from the boys in ancient Rome?

 

With a crowbar.

 

What do you do with a dog with no legs?

 

Take it for a drag.

 

I'd also like to blast out of bed with a firehose anyone who finds Carrot Top funny.

[Guest M Nyland]

what's blue and in the corner?

 

baby in a plastic bag

 

what's green and in the corner

 

same thing 2 weeks later

[Guest Some Guy]

What's worse than 100 babies in 1 barrell?

 

1 baby in 100 barrells.

 

 

Time for some old blonde jokes!

 

What do you call 12 blondes in a freezer?

 

Frosted flakes.

 

What do you call a naked blonde standing on her head?

 

A brunette.

 

I can't think of anymore blond jokes right now.

 

 

What's wet and sticky and falls from the heavens?

 

The coming of the lord.

[Guest The Camel]

Really corny jokes...

 

Horse walks into a bar, bartender asks, "Why the long face?"

 

This is a sick joke that a guy told me over the phone while I was doing tech support for Dell...

 

A guy has just kidnapped a little girl and is walking out into the woods with her in the middle of the night. The little girl starts sniffling and says "I'm scared," to which the guy responds, "You're scared? I have to walk out of here alone!"

[Guest Intimacy Goblin]

This sailor gets into town, and does his normal sailor routine. He goes out and gets utterly shit-faced with his fellow seamen (heh-heh, but that's not the joke). As he falls out of the last bar, he starts to feel a little frisky, but he only has 5 dollars. So he stumbles to the nearest brothel, goes to the madame, and says "Look... I'm horny as hell, but I only have 5 dollars. What can you do for me?" "Well", the madame replied, "we've got Bertha upstairs, but she's kind of old." The sailor thinks for a little bit, than says "Oh what the hell, why not?" So he goes upstairs, walks into a room, and sees this nasty, crusty old woman lying on the bed. "Ah shit, I'm drunk anyway" the sailor thought, so he puts his 5 dollars on a chair. He starts to do his business, but he finds it a little dry in there. "I can't do this", the sailor said, "this is like fucking a piece of sandpaper!" "Hold on a second sonny" the old woman replied. The sailor tried again after 2 minutes, and this time it worked perfectly. "Oh my god", he said, "this feels great! What did you do?" "Well", the old woman said, "I picked all the scabs and let the pus bleed."

[Guest Mindless_Aggression]

The sailor/old prostitute joke officially took it all too far. My God. Lets get back to respectable dead baby jokes...

 

 

Q: What is blue and yellow and found at the bottom of a pool?

A: A baby with slashed floaties.

 

Q: What is green-black and yellow and found at the bottom of a pool?

A: The same baby three weeks later.

 

 

Thank you! Thank you! More you say!? Of course!

 

Q: Why do you stick a baby in the blender feet first?

A: So you can see the expression on its face!

 

Q: What's small, red, and can't turn around in corridors?

A: A baby with a javelin through its head.

 

A woman was lying in her hospital bed recuperating after an intense

12 hour delivery of a bouncing baby boy.

 

Moments later the hospital room door opened, and in walked

the delivery nurse carrying the baby boy ....

 

SUDDENLY the nurse THROWS the baby on the floor, kicks it up

against the wall, picks it up and TWIRLS it around several times

and THROWS it against the wall....

 

Well, just bewildered, the woman gives out a loud SHREEEK and

hollers MY GOD ..... WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY BABY ??????

 

The Nurse chuckles a little to herself 'April Fools', she says...

He was ALREADY DEAD !!!!!!!!!!

 

 

Awww. That felt good.

[Guest Intimacy Goblin]

Sorry about the sailor/old prostitute joke, but it's the best all-time gross out joke I've got.

 

What does an elephant use for a vibrator?

An epileptic.

[Guest Harry Hood]

To strive to make this a cuter topic:

 

Where do you find a dog with no legs?

 

 

Right where you left him/

[Guest Intimacy Goblin]

What do you call a leper in a bathtub?

Stew.