Battlebowl 1993

[Guest alfdogg]

From Pensacola, FL.

 

Tony Schiavone and Jesse Ventura are on commentary.

 

- Mean Gene and Fifi are doing the drawings, as the faces and heels are shown in separate locker rooms anticipating their names being drawn. The first two names drawn are Cactus Jack and Vader, who were feuding at the time. Rip Rogers gets shoved off of his chair when Vader finds this out, then gets the chair thrown at him. The next two names are Kane (Stevie Ray) from Harlem Heat, and Charlie Norris. No clue who Norris is, just some jobber, I assume. Mean Gene actually said Kole (Booker T), but it was Kane. Booker advises Stevie to “Go get that sucka!”

 

Cactus Jack & Vader vs Kane & Charlie Norris. Vader & Cactus brawl on the ramp at the start, then Stevie joins in and helps Vader. Vader then turns around and hits Harley Race for no apparent reason. Charlie Norris runs out and gets thrown off the ramp. Now if it were today’s WWE, then Charlie Norris would be BAH GAWD BROKEN IN HALF, but it’s just Tony so all

that’s said is “Charlie Norris goes off the rampway.” Maybe he has Excedrin headache number 9 now. This was all before the bell rings. The match starts with Stevie and Cactus brawling in the ring, while Harley is halfway down the ramp trying to convince Vader to come back to the ring.

He does, and Cactus deposits Stevie on the floor, where Vader hammers him, but Cactus gouges his eyes. Harley gets in Cactus’s face over it, but surprisingly doesn’t get drilled. Cactus gets back in the ring, where Stevie nails him, then slams him and tags Norris in. Yep, he sucks. He gets a chop and a couple kicks in, but Cactus tags Vader in. Vader Bomb, but he doesn’t cover. Instead he sends him to the outside and holds him for Cactus’s flip off the apron. Norris manages to fuck up a simple Irish whip, but Vader knocks him down anyway. Cactus comes in with a legdrop and then a back suplex for two. Stevie tags in and gets a clothesline, in another spot which looks botched. Not sure who’s fault it was. Norris gets a suplex, then a running boot, which was his finisher if I’m not mistaken. More chops from Norris. What the fuck is it with Indians and chopping? He puts on some kind of resthold, but Vader knocks him off. Cactus drills the double-arm DDT on Stevie and hot tags Vader, who no-sells a chop from the top from Norris, then splashes him. Powerbomb follows for the pin at 7:32. Vader fell over backwards on the powerbomb, and Norris hooking his feet under the ropes somewhat may have saved him from suffering the same fate as Droz. *½

 

- Gene is caught feeling up Fifi when the camera goes back. Gene informs us that Fifi “is good enough to eat.” The names are Paul Roma, Erik Watts, Johnny B. Badd, and Brian Knobs. The Nasties throw a tantrum.

 

Paul Roma & Erik Watts vs Johnny B. Badd & Brian Knobs. Roma & Badd start, but they’re nice guys so they keep it wrestling, much to the dismay of Knobs. Couple of nice leapfrogs by Roma, but he gets caught in an armdrag, which is turned into a wristlock , but Roma gets free with a knee to the gut, only to get caught in another armdrag. Tony points out the dissention between Roma & Arn Anderson in the Horsemen, which must have been pretty bad, since Roma & Paul Orndorff had already started teaming by the next PPV. Knobs tag in and gets backdropped, which he does a horrible job taking, getting about two feet off the ground. There should be a new scale: The Brian Knobs worst backdrop bump scale. The one in this match being the full 1.0. Roma follows with a slam, then a sweet dropkick. I fail to see what everyone’s beef is with Roma, other than the Alex Wright incident (and before everyone asks me,

I didn’t see it). Watts tags in and shows me why the Erik Watts worst dropkick scale was made. Johnny tags back in and it goes back to wristlocks and stuff with Watts. Knobs tags in and immediately starts pounding on Watts, then drops an elbow on him. Watts eventually catches

him in an armdrag, but Knobs gets out and tags Johnny. BTW, Missy Hyatt is the Nasties’ manager here and is dressed like a street whore. She has an annoying voice that almost would make Stephanie McMahon cower in fear. Badd gets a side headlock on Roma, but Roma gets out and puts on one of his own. Knobs trips Roma after Badd whips him in, but Badd chooses to argue with Knobs rather than follow up. He tags Knobs in, who knocks Roma to the outside, then gets a suplex back in the ring. Tony points out that you have to do anything it takes to win, which Jesse is surprised at. Knobs slams Roma, and goes for a splash form the second rope, but Roma gets the foot up. Knobs grabs his leg, but Roma gets an enziguri and tags Watts, who gets some clotheslines and a slam, then an elbow. He rams his head into the buckles, then Knobs reverses a body press with the tights and gets the pin at 12:53. Yes, thirteen minutes. Nothing really of note. 3/4*

 

- Back to Gene and Fifi, the names are Shockmaster, Paul Orndorff, Rick Steamboat, and Steven Regal. Regal was fresh off beating Steamboat for the TV title.

 

Shockmaster & Paul Orndorff vs Rick Steamboat & William Regal. Shockmaster, who is of course formerly known as Tugboat/Typhoon, starts the “Paula” chants. Steamboat does the skin-the-cat right away, using it to pull Orndorff over the top. Steamboat gets a side headlock, but Orndorff bridges out and beats on him in the corner, then they BUTT heads, and tags go to Shockmaster and Regal. Sir William yells at some whores in the front row. Shockmaster no-sells a European uppercut, then catches a flying bodypress and slams him. He tags Orndorff, then starts the “Paula” chants. The heels shake hands, and Steamboat yells at Regal. Regal

advises him that he’s wrestler and he’s wrestling, and he should just stand and watch. Bloody imbecile. Regal shoulderblocks Orndorff down, then gets a side headlock and a hiptoss for two. Orndorff gets a backslide for two, then they shake hands again. And Steamboat bitches about it

again. Full nelson by Paul, but Regal counters and cartwheels away from the monkey flip. Steamboat tags in, which was a mistake, because Orndorff dismantles him. He tags Shockmaster, who misses an elbow, but Regal won’t tag in. Shockmaster tags Regal in with Steamboat’s hand instead, but misses an avalanche, and Regal gets two. Paul elbows

Shockmaster by accident, and they argue over it. Regal grabs the umbrella, but Steamboat grabs it from him. Regal nails him with a forearm, and Steamboat hits him with the umbrella, allowing Shockmaster to splash and pin him at 12:25. **1/4

 

- Back to Mean Gene, who is holding a pair of handcuffs. The names drawn are Awesome Kong, Equalizer, King Kong, & Dustin Rhodes. So this is the first match with partners opposing each other.

 

Awesome Kong & Equalizer vs King Kong & Dustin Rhodes. Equalizer would go on to become Dave Sullivan, the storyline half-brother of Kevin. We all know what Dustin is up to now. They start out, but Awesome quickly tags in and wears Dustin down. He misses an elbow, and Dustin tags King...who tags Dustin right back. Awesome & Equalizer work over Dustin some more, but Dustin tags King in and he brawls with Evad. All four men eventually get in, and Awesome hits his own partner, allowing Dustin to bulldog and pin him at 5:55. That was pretty bad. -**

 

- Back to Gene and Fifi, as Gene is still rambling on about stupid shit. The names: Sting, Jerry Sags, Ron Simmons, and Keith Cole (another jobber). His twin brother Kent is back there as well.

 

Sting & Jerry Sags vs Ron Simmons & Keith Cole. Sags starts with Simmons, as Jesse tells some story about how Ron Simmons called Lou Holtz (the coach of Notre Dame at the time) the night before they played FSU and Notre Dame is going to retire his jersey. No contact is made

for the first couple minutes, then Simmons gets some shoulderblocks, then tags Cole, who puts on an armbar. Sags slams him, but Cole holds on. The fans are making it clear who they want in the ring, as cheers build up at even the anticipation of Sting tagging in. Sags hammers him down, but won’t tag Sting. Cole catches another armdrag, and Sags starts screaming for Sting. Double elbow by Simmons & Cole gets two for Simmons, then Sting finally tags in and the pop is huge. Ron wins a shoulderblock battle, then Sting comes back and gets a couple of his own. Simmons gets a drop toehold and tags Cole in. He shakes hands with Sting, and takes him down

with an armdrag. Sags tags back in and beats the hell out of him, then Sting puts on an armbar, but Cole makes it back to the corner and tags Simmons, who gets caught in a bodypress for two. Simmons is pissed now, and cheap shots Sting in the ropes to boos. He then chokes Sting on the ropes and gets a powerslam, then tags Cole...who puts on an armbar. Simmons is yelling at him the whole time. Simmons tags in again, and does the throat-first slingshot into the bottom rope, and tags Cole. Guess what Cole does? Puts on an armbar. Sting kills him this time though, getting a suplex and the Stinger splash, then Sags tags himself in and pins him with the top ropeelbow at 13:13. * Simmons attacks Cole after the bell and gives him a spinebuster. Moron had it coming.

 

- Back to Okerlund. No shenanigans this time, he just reads the names: Steve Austin, Ric Flair, Maxx Payne, and 2 Cold Scorpio.

 

Steve Austin & Ric Flair vs Maxx Payne & 2 Cold Scorpio. Flair is a face here, for those who had lost track by this time. He and Austin jaw in between every move. Austin starts with Maxx, and gets bowled over by shoulderblocks before taking him down and getting a stomp in. Tony

points out Austin’s “18-month reign” as TV champion, which had actually been interrupted for a couple weeks by Barry Windham. Scorpio and Austin do some neat stuff, then Flair tags in, and we get the best segments of the night with Flair & Scorpio. Nice mat wrestling sequence ends with Scorpio getting two on a backslide. Maxx tags in, and Flair works the knee, then gets thrown off the top (gasp!], but Maxx misses an elbow and Austin tags in, and takes a backdrop and bails, complaining that he needs a new partner. Flair chops Scorpio in the corner, then Scorpio gets a flying shoulderblock in the corner and a backflip splash for two, then a reverse rollup for two, then Flair chops him right off his feet. Scorpio gets a backslide on Austin, then turns it into a sunset flip for two. Scorpio was another guy who I’m kind of upset never got a serious push in one of the big two promotions. He gets a thrust kick, then goes to the top, but

Austin racks him and gets a superplex for two. Flair tags in, then whips him into the corner hard and drops the knee for two. Back suplex by Flair gets two. Ab stretch by Austin, and he grabs the ropes, but Flair pulls his hand off. They get into a shoving match, and Steve backs into the

corner. Flair then comes in (with no tag) and beats up Scorpio some more. Austin gets an elbow from the top (Bret Hart style), but Payne breaks the count. Scorpio gets a spinning heel kick on Austin and tags are made on both sides, and Maxx no-sells some chops, then gets a backdrop, but

he rams his knee into the buckle, and Flair puts on the figure-four(on the right knee even!] and gets the submission at 14:27. **** Sure, that may be a bit generous, but considering that all the matches were just thrown together, I felt it was deserved compared to the rest of the stuff we got.

 

- Back to Gene, who “had a bad wingtip”. The names: Rick Rude, Shanghai Pierce, Marcus Alexander Bagwell, & Tex Slazenger. Pierce & Slazenger are better known as the Godwinns, and Henry (Shanghai) is under a mask. Now, I’m not one to judge another man’s looks, but I would have given Phineas the mask myself.

 

Rick Rude & Shanghai Pierce vs Marcus Alexander Bagwell & Tex Slazenger. Rude starts with Bagwell, and they do some strength stuff, which Rude wins, then Bagwell tags out, and Rude tags Shanghai, who tags right back out. Rude gives him shit for it, allowing Tex to attack

from behind. Bagwell tags in and works Rude’s arm, then works over Shanghai. Rude gets back in and gets the advantage over Marcus, then tags Shanghai, who gets caught in an armdrag again. Bagwell with a suplex, but goes to the ropes, and Rude pulls them down and Bagwell goes

crashing to the floor. Rude gets a front suplex and a stomachbreaker, then tags Shanghai, who slams him and gets a kneedrop from the middle rope for two. Bearhug by Rude, then he tags Shanghai again, and Shanghai puts on a chinlock. Big boot, then a gutwrench powerbomb (isn’t

there some kind of Japanese name for that move?)...and Tex breaks the count. Shanghai is pissed, and Bagwell tags Tex in, and a BAH GAWD SLOBBURKNAWCKUR occurs. Shanghai goes for a sunset flip, and Rude tags himself in and puts away Tex with the Rude Awakening at 14:50. * The Godwinns take out Bagwell after the match and reconcile.

 

- And we’ve got implied fellatio from Fifi on Mean Gene, and our last four names are: Hawk, Rip Rogers, Davey Boy Smith and Kole (Booker T). Rip goes crazy over being drawn.

 

Hawk & Rip Rogers vs Davey Boy Smith & Kole. One guess who does the job in this one after carrying the whole thing. Hawk gets pissed and nails Rip on the ramp, which Rip WAY oversells, to the point where he struggles getting in the ring the whole match. Booker stomps him on his way to the ring. Hawk & Davey do some power stuff to start, with no clear winner. Booker takes exception and tags in. Davey cheers on Hawk the whole match, getting criticized by Jesse in the process. Booker hammers Hawk, then puts him in a nerve hold. Hawk easily gets out, and pounds the shit out of him. He slams him, but Booker comes back with THE MOST

ELECTRIFYING MOVE IN SPORTS ENTERTAINMENT...THE SPINAROONI!!! He gets a clothesline, then goes back to the pounding. Booker nails him off the top, then Rip finally makes it to the apron, but gets knocked back on the ramp by Booker. Backbreaker, but he misses a second rope elbow, and Hawk comes back with a clothesline and a fistdrop, then presses Rip on

top of him for the pin at 7:55. That was cute. 1/4*, because I mark for the Spinarooni.

 

- The lineup for Battlebowl: Cactus Jack, Vader, Johnny B. Badd, Brian Knobs, Shockmaster, Paul Orndorff, King Kong, Dustin Rhodes, Sting, Jerry Sags, Steve Austin, Ric Flair, Rick Rude, Shanghai Pierce, Hawk & Rip Rogers. Jesse, Tony, & Gene review the battle royal. It is mentioned that Fifi would accompany Flair to the ring, but she doesn’t.

 

Battlebowl battle royal. Rip goes at it with Johnny B. Badd for a while, but Johnny eventually knocks him out. As they show the replay of that, Shanghai goes over the top, as Cactus dodges him in the same spot they did at the ‘98 Royal Rumble. Vader dumps Dustin to the ramp, which

is not elimination. Johnny B. gets dumped by Orndorff. Former Deadly Alliance stablemates Austin & Rude go at it in the corner, while Orndorff almost has Flair, but Hawk makes the save. Cactus sets up Vader for a superplex, but Vader slams him back to the mat, then clotheslines him

out. Orndorff tries a piledriver on Dustin, but Dustin reverses it and dumps him. Shockmaster clotheslines King Kong out (after they blew the spot seconds earlier), then gets dumped himself by the Nasties. Vader presses Sting to the ramp, which again is not elimination. Race bitches about it, to no avail. Vader & Flair go at it, as the Nasties work over Hawk. Hawk fights back, but the numbers are too much. Sting saves Flair from elimination by Vader. Vader & Rude go at it. Rude had the big gold belt (called the “World” title at this time), and Vader was the WCW

champ. Dustin gets sent through the ropes and rammed into the post by Austin. Nice bladejob by Dustin. Irony: Austin calls Dustin a “redneck.” OK here we go: Dustin dumps Knobs, then has Sags going, but Austin dumps them both. Hawk dumps Rude, then gets tossed by Vader, leaving:

 

Final Four: Vader, Sting, Steve Austin, Ric Flair

 

Vader has lost the mask by now, and he goes at Sting as Flair chops Austin. Then they switch off and we get Sting-Austin and Vader-Flair. Vader misses an avalanche, then Flair goes after Harley Race and suplexes him on the ramp. Vader elbows him in the nuts and splashes him on the ramp, while Austin and Sting have some pretty cool shit going on in the ring. Sting goes for the Scorpion, but releases to save Flair, clotheslining Vader on the ramp. Austin ambushes Sting on the ramp, and Flair is deemed unable to continue and gets stretchered out. Vader & Austin

double press slam Sting back in the ring, and this is where it gets good. Austin eats foot off the top rope, and Vader gets caught off the second rope in a powerslam. Sting fights off both guys, but Austin whips him into the Vader clothesline thingy he does, which Tony calls a “Vader bomb”, but I know better than to believe Tony Schiavone when it comes to names of moves. Vader splashes Sting twice, but misses a third, and Sting and Austin slug it out. Austin tries to dump him, but opts to instead drops knees on him. Vader gets the REAL Vader Bomb, but hurts his back, and Austin goes to work on Sting again, and tries a top rope splash, but Sting moves, then Vader avalanches Austin on accident. Austin tries a running Thesz press, and it sends he and Sting over the top and to the ramp. Austin rolls off the ramp, eliminating himself. Another splash from Vader, then he hammers Sting in the lower back. They collide off the ropes, and

Sting falls and headbutts Vader in the nuts. Sting picks up Vader and sets him in the corner, then tries a Stinger splash, but Vader moves, and Sting goes to the floor to give Vader the win at 25:30. The Vader-Austin-Sting stuff was awesome, but the rest sucked.

 

- Final thoughts: Well, for a show full of thrown-together tag matches, this actually wasn’t half-bad. Guys who are into Puro probably wouldn’t like it, but it’s a pretty entertaining watch to me.

 

I’ll give this a mild recommendation.

 

Feedback?

[Guest nWoScorpion]

Whoever came up with that PPV idea (kevin sullivan???) should be shot in the balls and have a 1000 pound chick rape him.

 

Your rant made it sound good although several matches were bombed worse then Japan got in 1945.

[Guest Black Tiger]

Battlebowl was one of Dusty Rhodes' great ideas. Sullivan's only notable contribution is the "Chris Benoit stole my wife" storyline and the mens room brawl.

[Guest bob_barron]

Lethal Lottery was an awesome fucking idea that was executed poorly- I go in depth in my Starrcade 92 review coming in a little while to 411.

 

But yea- Lethal Lottery ruled!

[Guest RetroRob215]

IIRC, the first Lethal Lottery wasn't rigged, thus resulting in horrible teams and pairings.

[Guest Tony149]

Good review, Alfdogg.

 

Like the others have said "The Lethal Lottery" is a helluva idea, but like the Royal Rumble, it needs to be booked right.

[Guest Some Guy]

I actually just watched this show the other day. I'm a glutton for punishment.

 

Good job Alf.

[Guest Drury37]

I have seen WCW Starrcade 1991 which is the first WCW Battle Bowl and I thought it was pretty good.

Thanks.