Funny and chessy pick-up-lines from hell!

[Guest Downhome]

We know there are many, and some just truly suck. I want to see how many you guys have heard, or can think of. I'm talking specificly of the ones that are so bad, that they are funny as hell. Here are a few I have read...

 

1) Are you really that hot, or do you just remind me of myself?

 

2) So, how do you like your eggs in the morning, fertilized?

 

3) Hello, I'm blind. Can I get to know you by rhythmically massaging your breasts?

 

4) Stop, drop, and roll baby, because you're on fire!

 

...so name as many as you can!

 

Sincerely,

...Downhome...

[Guest J*ingus]

The all time classic:

 

"Nice shoes. Wanna fuck?"

[Guest Anorak]

Did it hurt?

 

When you fell from heaven.

[Guest Zack Malibu]

"I lost my number...can I have yours?"

 

"Is your daddy a thief? Because he stole the stars and put them in your eyes."

 

"Do you like math? We could back to my place, add a bed, subtract our clothes, divide your legs and multiply."

[Guest Insanityman]

I'll only say one for now...

 

 

"Nice legs when do they open?"

[Guest dreamer420]

are you tired?

 

because you've be running through my mind all day.

[Guest Fook_Hing_Ho]

The word of the day is "legs". Wanna go back to my place and spread the word?

 

*licks finger, touches her shirt* We gotta get you out of those wet clothes.

 

Nice dress, but it would look much better crumpled up in the corner of my room.

[Guest MaxPower27]

That shirt is very becoming on you

 

(girl)*Thanks*

 

But if you were wearing me, I'd be coming on you too

 

 

Do you have a mirror in your pants? I can see myself in them!

 

Hey, let's go home and play hurricane! You be the screen door, and I'll slam you all night long

 

Wanna go back to my house and play Magic?

 

(girl) *magic*?

 

Yeah, we go to my place, fuck, then you disappear!

[Guest alfdogg]

The all time classic:

 

"Nice shoes. Wanna fuck?"

You took mine, you BASTARD!

[Guest swan]

Hi, my name is Mr. Right, I heard you were looking for me.

[Guest Some Guy]

Wanna go back to my house and play Magic?

 

(girl) *magic*?

 

Yeah, we go to my place, fuck, then you disappear!

LOL

 

 

"If I could rearrange the Alphabet I'd put "U" and "I" closer together"

 

That actually worked once for me. I was dared to go say it to some chick on a Cruise and I ended up hooking up with her. She thought it was "cute."

[Guest BorneAgain]

Are you from Tennesee, because you're the only ten I see

[Guest godthedog]

me: excuse me, do you happen to have a band-aid?

hot chick hopelessly taken away by my manly charm: no, why?

me: cause i'm CUT, baby!!!

 

you can substitute 'band-aid' for 'piece of tape' and 'cut' for 'ripped' if you like.

 

here's all time favorite, taken from my neighbor:

 

me: hey, do you have your tickets yet?

hot chick who will momentarily have her quivering lips wrapped around my throbbing member: tickets to what?

me: (pointing to flexed bicep) to the GUN SHOW, baby!!!

[Guest Big Poppa Popick]

okay, this one...is cheesy...very cheesy

 

and it worked

 

Hey...I hear everything's a little bigger in Texas, you want to find out?

 

don't ask how that worked, just know, that it did

[Guest Sebastian_the_Bastard]

Sebastian has many pimp pick up lines...

 

*I lost my teddy bear... can I sleep with you tonight?

 

*Roses are red, Violets are blue, Tacos are good, But I'd rather taste you

 

*I lost my virginity... can I have yours?

 

*Me: Hey, what's your name?

Girl: Nicole

Me: Really? That was the name of my first wife?

Girl: How many times have you been married?

Me: I haven't yet.

 

*If I told you that you had a nice body, would you hold it against me?

 

*Are those space pants? Cuz that ass is outta this world!

 

 

Just go ahead and try those... you'll get laid.

 

Love,

Sebastian the Bastard

[Guest Indy]

"Someone call the police cause this girl stole my heart*

[Guest evenflowDDT]

"Is your daddy a thief? Because he stole the stars and put them in your eyes."

Let's not forget the variation from The Ladies Man... "Was your daddy a thief? 'Cuz he took two FINE Christmas hams and shoved 'em down your pants!"

 

You: "You wanna go back to my place for sex and pizza?"

Girl: "No!"/"Ewww...."/etc.

You: "What's the matter, you don't like pizza?"

[Guest Intimacy Goblin]

Never tried these, but they might work:

 

Got a little Irish in you? How bout a whole lot more?

 

I lost my number. Can I have sex with you?

 

What's better than roses on a piano? Tulips on an organ.

 

Guy: I 've got a psychic watch.

Girl: Really?? How's it work?

Guy: Well, right now it says you're thinking about having sex with me.

Girl: Ha! Your wrong! I wasn't thinking that at all!

Guy: Damn! Must be two hours fast!

 

If this place was a meat market, you'd be prime rib!

[Guest LooseCannon]

In a slurring drunken voice: "Hey beautiful, now let me ask you, are you gonna come home with me tonight or am I going to have to slip some GHB in your drink?"

 

If you have charm and charisma, it works. If not, you'd probably be better off trying a different line.

[Guest dreamer420]

"Was your daddy a thief? 'Cuz he took two FINE Christmas hams and shoved 'em down your pants!"

YES YES YES. I'm glad someone posted thar quote on here.

 

another great one of leon's is "how about we talk about your BUTT?"