OAOAST Syndicated 12/30/09

[Patty O'Green 0]

 

OAOAST Syndicated!

 

With

 

 

JESSE VENTURA

 

 

TONY SCHIAVONE

 

 

LEAD CORESPONDENT TONY BRANNIGAN

 

 

SIDEKICK MAYA DUNCAN-BLANCHARD

 

AND

 

 

HOST ALIX MARIA SPEZIA

Brought to you by American Express

 

Alix kicked things off with the usual monologue, “Today in the New York times a TV critic said the OAOAST makes no sense. OAOAST president Anglesault replied, rubber, tree, suitcase.” “A study showed that men are ten times as more likely to enjoy sex than women, to which I reply, no shit.”

 

HOT NEWZ~! this week: the decision to turn the upcoming tag title match at the New Year’s Spectacular into a 3 Way Dance featuring Team Heyross ©, Can-Am Assassins and LDC Moneygang. Brief comments from all 3 teams followed, with Team Heyross being up for the challenge, the CAA looking forward to getting their hands around the tag titles and LDCMG necks, and the LDCMG again telling Team Heyross to have the belts ready for pickup.

 

Back to the arena, where now three-time OAOAST World champion Alfdogg hit the ring to a rousing ovation. Alf grabs the mic, and opens with "just when I thought I was out...they pull me back in", getting a loud cheer from the crowd. He discussed holding the belt for a third time, and said that he's never been a mushy-type guy, but said that with all the great young talent that has come in during his time, he feels privileged that he is the man to lead the OAOAST into its second decade. He also noted that Zack Malibu was the only other man to hold the belt that many times. He said to Zack "if you're watching", to enter the Lethal Rumble match, because he would love to headline AngleMania against "The Franchise". At this point, Reject stormed to the ring, and said Alf wouldn't be making it that far, because he (Reject) was exercising his rematch clause. Alf said he had an open book for New Year's Spectacular, but Reject declined that date, noting that Alf had far more time to prepare for his title challenge. So Reject suggested AnglePalooza, noting that a main event slot at AngleMania would be on the line. Alf agreed to the match, and Reject added that there would be stipulations to the match, which would be revealed at a later date.

 

Backstage we found Morgan Nerdly preparing for her upcoming tag team contest. Her partner, younger sister Maggie, tried to establish some sort of communication with the troubled teenager. But Morgan only shied away from Maggie, and responded with soft whispers.

 

***Holly and Lorelei Vs Papa Nerdly’s Little Girls (Maggie and Morgan)***

 

The tiniest tag team in the OAOAST, 5’1 Morgan and 5’3 Maggie, took on a brilliant combination of brains, beauty, and brawn. Maggie had trouble at the onset of the contest, but came back to fight valiantly against Holly. Morgan fared well as well, channeling her anger to pummel Holly with a violent flurry. But, Holly was eventually able to escape and tag in Lorelei. Maggie and Morgan took turns working over Lorelei, but never got close to a three count. A reversal of Maggie’s hammerlock ddt finisher, allowed Lorelei’s team to gain control of the contest. She and Holly trapped Maggie in their corner, and steadily beat her down. But an errant double team clothesline caused the two to knock each other out. This gave Maggie the chance to tag in Morgan, which pleased the fans. Despite her tiny size, Morgan provided a hellish challenge for Holly and Lori. Once Maggie recovered her strength, she as well became a problem for the two vile women. Frustrated and annoyed, Holly fetched a steel chair and used it to take out both Maggie and Morgan.

 

Winner: Papa Nerdly’s Little Girls, via dq

 

Joining Alix for an interview was the returned Lindsay Gonzalez. Lindsay explained that she had cleaned Popick out in a divorce and was living comfortably while he’s currently pan handling in south east DC. She stated her goal was to be a free, successful, independent woman, and most importantly of all OAOAST Women’s champion. Halfway through this spiel Maya and Alix both feel asleep. Fortunately for the audience, who was in danger of dozing off as well, Melody appeared. She held up her broken PS3 in trembling hands and asked what gave Lindsay the right to pick on people. Lindsay said she’s just better than Melody, and what matters to Melody is simply unimportant. This did not sit well with Mellow Yellow and she slapped Lindsay. Security came and broke up the two before a full blown fight could erupt. Lindsay promised she’d have her revenge on Melody.

 

ONE & ONLY QUOTE OF THE WEEK

 

Christian Wright steady proving that OAOAST shits on WDW! OAOAST>>>>>HI-YAH>>SWF>>WDW>>WCW>>ECW>>>ROH>>>TNA>>>>>Aids>>>>Cancer>>>WWE

 

***Last Kings Of Scotland w/Queen Esther -VS- Panic! At The Disco***

A not exactly long-awaited rematch from last week's WDW 5th Anniversary Show saw Vinny Valentine and Biff Atlas get another shot at the Scottish hooligans. Eager to make up for that loss Biff hit the ring alone and was beaten on 2 on 1, until Vinny caught up to help him out. The brawl spilled around ringside until Biff and Danny Boy were deemed legal. The Scots worked over Biff, as Queen Esther applauded politely. Teeth gritted through the beating, Biff threatened to make a comeback a couple of times but was thwarted each time. Until, eventually, he caught Scottish Scott charging in the corner and threw him back out with an overhead belly to belly. Tag brought in Vinny V, who took the fight alone to The Scots for about 30 seconds, before running into a double spinebuster. LKOS set Vinny up for the finish, but Biff ran back in. Biff then proceeded to run wild, for about 30 seconds, before he too was cut off. And after a couple of corner avalanches and a double headbutt, Scottish Scott delivered a Jumping Piledriver and pinned Atlas.

 

Winner: Last Kings Of Scotland, via pinfall

 

After another decisive loss, Valentine was less then pleased with Biff. And after cutting him down for his "stupid tactics", Biff started to hang his head. Which is when Vinny made the mistake of starting to SLAP Biff across the head. The verbal berating and the insulting slaps eventually became too much for Biff to take. And to the delight of the crowd, he bellowed up, grabbed Vinny by the throat and lifted him off his feet!! Vinny was flailed around before being thrown to the ground, at which point he scurried from the ring with fear in his eyes. At first Biff seemed surprised at what he had done, before hearing the cheers of the crowd and warning Vinny that he had "awakened the sleeping giant!"

 

Okay then.

2010 ANGLE AWARDS

JANUARY 7th

ONLY ON HeldDOWN~!

 

A new segment called OAOAST's Got Talent hosted by Alix and with judges Maya, Molly, and Ned, was up next. Up first was Terry Taylor with a fire juggling routine. Everything went well for the former rooster, until Alix snuck up on him and yelled BOO! That’s when Terry dropped his fire sticks and caught his pants on fire. At that point Sandman Sims from Apollo fame came and booted the flame ridden rooster off stage. Ned quipped, “Now that’s how you cook chicken.” Next up on the talent show was good ol Tony Tourettes! His talent was reciting poetry. His poem of choice, where the sidewalk ends by Sheryl Silverstien. Some of his lines “There is a place where the sidewalk ends And before I SHOVE YOUR DUMBASS UP A DONKEY’S COCK the street begins, And there the grass grows soft and white, I’LL SEND A FAT BLACK WOMAN TO RAPE YOUR MIND And there the sun burns crimson bright, And there the moon-bird rests from WAKING UP TO A DEAD BUMS MORNING PISS!” All hope for salvaging the show was lost with the appearance of Leon Rodez. He said he had a similar talent to Terry Taylor, their both good at taking abuse from Chicks Over Dicks, and they both like to play with fire. “Only I don’t juggle it” He said, “I start it” As soon as that line left his lips, he sat fire to the set! He promised he’d burn Alix’s soul into nothing at NYS, just as she’s done to him. Fortunately the fire extinguishers came a lot faster than they did for poor Terry.

 

Tony Brannigan conducted a podium interview with the Heavenly Rockers who hyped their participation in the 2010 Anderson Cup, vowing to become the first two-time winners of the tournament "and show Team Heyross who really is the most decorated tag team in OAOAST history." Synth proceed to rundown the Heavenly Rockers' list of accomplishments -- title reigns, the # of chicks they've banged and amount of records they've sold. Colonel Abdullah Nerdly concluded the interview with a hearty "Praise be!"

 

***Baron Windells Vs Spencer Reiger W/Lorelei***

 

A rematch of a contest that occurred several weeks back was our mainevent for the show. Baron came out the gate swinging, which caused Reiger to escape from the ring numerous times. Each time he reentered he was thrown under heavy fire from The Lonestar Gunslinger. A dastardly eye rake seem to change Reiger’s fortunes, and he was able to slow down the high speed assault of BW. New York’s finest nearly gained a pinfall with the New York Knockout (running inverted bulldog). After that Reiger focused on targeting BW’s neck. Reiger resorted to dirty tricks to wear down BW, including choking him on the ropes, and standing on his neck. The crowd got behind The Lonestar Gunslinger, and he used that as motivation to fight back against SR. The two traded shots with Spencer Reiger coming up with the short end of the stick. After wearing Spencer down, BW attempted to hit the Brigham Young Cocktail (leaping DDT), but Reiger countered with a low blow. That permitted him to hit the Reiger Counter (pedigree) , but the referee was distracted by an argument at ringside betweem Lorelei and Felix Strutter! This would’ve gotten more attention from Reiger, but he was occupied by being spiked into the canvas with the Brigham Young Cocktail. Windells pinned him for the 3 with Felix Strutter laughing all the way up the ramp.

 

Winner: Baron Windells, via pinfall.