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Patty O'Green

OAOAST HeldDOWN~! 3/18/10

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-OVER 200 COUNTRIES IN 10 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES-

-TO MORE THEN TEN MILLION VIEWERS EACH WEEK-

-THE OAOAST THE WORLD WIDE LEADER IN PARODY ENTERTAINMENT-

 

PREVIOUSLY ON HELDDOWN~!

 

Unable to hold back any longer MR. DICK storms the ring. He decks TK and chases after Reject, only for SANDMAN9000 to take him down. Reject then goes to grab a STEEL CHAIR as TK and Sandman put the boots to MD.

 

COLE

We’re running low on time, ladies and gentlemen. And we have a brutal assault taking place in the ring.

 

BW struggles to his feet and gets jabbed in the gut by the chair, then walloped across the back. Reject’s sights next turn to Mr. Dick whose arms are restrain by Sandman and legs spread by TK.

 

COACH

This takes busting somebody’s balls to a whole new level, Cole.

 

Reject cocks the chair.

 

COLE

And we’re out of time!

 

MR. DICK

:huh:

 

FADE TO BLACK.

 

COLE

OH, MY!

 

AND NOW, THE EXCITING CONCLUSION

 

Malaysia rips the CHAIR away from Reject and CLOBBERS Sandman and TK!

 

"YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!"

 

Now outside, the title draped over his shoulder, Reject and Mr. Dick stare each other down with a large AngleMania IX sign in the background.

 

 

Its a party at Sofa Central with DA GOON SQUAD Michael Cole and Da Coach. The entire area is decorated with Anglemania items such as banners, mini stand ups, and programs and flyers. Even Sofa Central rolls Anglemania style in Anglemania football jerseys.

 

COLE

Folks! Welcome to Boston for another action packed edition of OAOAST HeldDOWN~! We are darting down the road to Anglemania, but Alix Maria Spezia may hit a roadblock on the way over...

 

TONIGHT'S MAINEVENT

UNITED STATES TITLE

ALIX MARIA SPEZIA VS COLIN MAGUIRE JUNIOR

TONIGHT!

 

COLE

A huge mainevent, plus we have The Last Kings of Scotland taking on their former allies in the Mardi Gras Hellfire Club! And we'll also hear from The Heavenly Rockers here tonight on HeldDOWN~!

 

(DA SEGMENT, which I hope to god is in the ring otherwise I'm gonna look stupid.)

 

Fear not Patty, for the Deadly Alliance is in fact making their way to the ring to the tunes of The Wall by Kansas. Reject, Thunderkid, Sandman9000 and Arturas are flanked by a "woman" dressed as a dominatrix who looks suspiciously like Deadbeat Dave. Reject and Sandman are wearing Yankee pinstripes, and TK has on a LeBron James jersey. The DA enters the ring, and the "woman" begins to lightly strike Sandman with a cat-o-nine-tails whip, and gets drilled in the mouth with a forearms for "her" efforts. TK and Sandman do a number on the "woman" as Reject grabs a mic, then toss "her" out of the ring.

 

REJECT

Boy, that was a tough spot to fill, wasn't it?

 

*crowd boos*

 

REJECT

10 more days, Jock. The last 10 days of you wrestling career. And yes, you and your newfound friends have got a couple over on us recently, including earlier in the week on Syndicated.

 

*crowd cheers*

 

COLE

Reject referring to a six-man tag, where Mr. Dick and the Citizen Soldiers attained victory over Reject, Thunderkid, and Sandman9000!

 

REJECT

But just like at AngleMania IX, Jock, guess who got the last laugh.

 

*a clip is shown of Reject delivering the Eulogy to Melody Nerdly post-match, then cut to the CS checking on her while MD stares down Reject in the aisle, who is laughing.*

 

*crowd boos*

 

REJECT

And at AngleMania, Jock, you won't have all your friends to bail you out. It's gonna be just you and me. And you know Melody respects me after Syndicated. And that's...

 

Reject has to pause for the boos of the crowd.

 

COLE

That's awful.

 

REJECT

And that's exactly what I'm going to teach you at AngleMania IX, Jock! You WILL learn to respect me.

 

Reject drops the mic as the DA leaves the ring to The Wall.

 

COLE

Quick and to the point, as the Deadly Alliance delivered a message on Syndicated, and re-iterated that message here tonight! Reject wants to beat some respect out of Mr. Dick, in addition to retaining his title!

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SOPHIE VS MORGAN NERDLY

 

In lieu of entrances plz enjoi this video of a crack head on wheel of fortune

http://www.worldstarhiphop.com/videos/vide...40x3pMyJe9s64YK

 

DING DING DING

 

With the contest underway, Sophie steps into a lockup with the champion. The two women tussle for several seconds until Morgan is able to gain the upperhand and take Sophie into a side headlock. The hold doesn’t last for very long however before Sophie shoves Morgan into the ropes. Morgan rebounds towards a lariat, but her quickness allows her to duck beneath the attacking blow. Morgan bounces off the ropes once again and overpowers Sophie with a diving elbow smash.

 

“YEAAAAAAAAAA!”

 

Morgan hunches over awaiting Sophie’s rise, brushing her blond hair out her blue eyes. When the European comes to her feet, Morgan swings into action and upends her with a deep arm drag. Morgan cinches in an arm bar in an attempt to keep Sophie grounded. However this tactic fails miserably as Sophie effortlessly powers her way to her feet. Using her superior strength she muscles Morgan into the ropes. Referee Clem Buzzlefoxer calls for a clean break, which the honorable French girl gives. However, Sophie then strikes with an elbow shot to Morgan’s exposed stomach causing a great deal of hurt to the champion.

 

COLE

Sophie perhaps out here doing the dirty work as assigned to her by her relative Josie.

 

Sophie grabs onto Morgan and throws her into the ropes. Sophie then flourishes forward, expecting Morgan to collide with her lariat. But the resourceful champion, grabs hold of the ropes and prevents herself from being bounced back to Sophie. Frustrated, Sophie makes a quick charge at Morgan. However this is unwise as Morgan lowers the ropes and sends Sophie toppling over the top rope.

 

COLE

Oh my!

 

Sophie somehow manages to come down on her feet. Yet this acrobatic display does little to aid her as Morgan comes crashing down onto her body with a beautiful plancha! Morgan quickly springs to her feet where she’s shocked at the appreciative applause of the audience.

 

COLE

I think Morgan is having a little bit of trouble getting used to be a total fan favorite. She always had her cheers coming to her, but now she’s got the total support of the OAOAST Galaxy.

 

COACH

Man, the more you use that term the gayer you both sound. You a sucka for that.

 

Morgan picks Sophie up by her long noir hair and deposits her back in the ring. There, Sophie picks herself up and leans against the ring ropes to catch a much needed breather. However, her opponent pursues her with ferocious intent, charging in with a body splash. Thankfully for Sophie, she’s able to slide out the way of Morgan’s romper clad body and the petite champion collides with the ring posts. Morgan sags against the corner, short of breath and in dire condition. This condition is worsened even further when Sophie attacks her back with raised knees!

 

“OOOOOOOOOOOH!”

 

Sophie shoves Morgan to the canvas and hooks onto her bare legs for a pinfall…

 

ONE!

 

 

TWO!

 

 

 

Morgan makes a timely kickout!

 

“YEAAAAAAAAAAA!”

 

COLE

Sophie a long time friend and tag team partner of Morgan’s elder sister Molly. I wonder if Molly gave either Sophie or Morgan any advice prior to this contest. Or is she staying out of this one entirely.

 

Sophie drops and elbow onto Morgan’s neck, leading the champion to wheeze with depleted oxygen. Sophie assumes that attack is enough to win the affair and grabs Morgan’s legs for another pinfall effort…

 

ONE!

 

 

 

TWO!

 

Morgan throws her shoulder off the canvas, showing the audience she’s very much in this contest.

 

COLE

Morgan is so resilient, she’s got a lot of fight in that tiny body of hers.

 

COACH

I bet she’s a virgin.

 

COLE

What?!

 

COACH

She’s so small, you stick it in and probably might go right through her and impale the poor kid. Safety hazard. She could use a cheerio for a dildo.

 

COLE

You’re a horrible human being. Horrible.

 

Sophie picks Morgan up and staggers the blonde with several elbow strikes. The French Girl then takes off to the ropes. But as she nears Morgan, the Canadian springs to life and cuts her down with a gorgeous dropkick!

 

COLE

It’s a shame that Sophie has to fight Josie’s battle. But Josie will do anything to hamper Morgan’s chances of retaining the Women’s title at Anglemania.

 

COACH

What’s really messed up is that if Crystal wins she retires with the belt. Josie’s just gonna let the belt disappear and keep it moving.

 

Sophie rolls to her feet, only to be brought back to the canvas by an impressive flapjack. As the fans cheer Morgan’s attack pattern she hunches over once more to await Sophie’s rise. Sophie quickly staggers upright, and Morgan pounces to take her onto her shoulders in set up for the…

 

COLE

Shock And Awe!

 

“YEAAAAAAAAAA!” the fans cheer, knowing what’s forthcoming.

 

SUPERKICK BY CRYSTAL!~!!~!!~~!!~!~!!!

 

COLE

Oh my!

 

The fans delight immediately turns to dread and disdain as Crystal stands towering above Morgan. She orders Sophie out the ring, a request Sophie is quck and wise to oblige.

 

COLE

What business does she have out here?

 

COACH

She’s an OAOAST legend, she can go where she feels.

 

COLE

I don’t think so!

 

Crystal wastes no time in slapping on the Crystaling (walls of Jericho)! Morgan screams out in agony, struggling to break free of the hold. Crystal tightens the hold with murderous malice, causing tears to flow freely from Morgan’s eyes.

 

COLE

This is just too much! If Leon Rodez were any sort of man, he’d break his so-called strike and help Morgan. But he’s a scumbag who’s probably just backstage watching this.

 

COACH

:huh: Why you dissin’ on a nigga that ain’t even in this piece?

 

Nobody named Rodez is forthcoming and neither are any officials, most likely held back by Josie. But finally Maggie and Molly arrive with steel chairs to ward off Crystal. The challenger to Morgan’s throne immediately departs the ring. Yet the damage has been done with Morgan unresponsive to Molly’s queries of her condition. Crystal backs up the ramp, stone faced as she’s assaulted with threats and profanities from Maggie.

 

COLE

Disgusting.

 

COACH

I agree. Molly has no business out here unless she’s going to flash us again.

 

COLE

I hate you.

 

LATER TONIGHT

RELAXED RULES

LAST KINGS OF SCOTLAND VS MARDI GRAS HELLFIRE CLUB

TONIGHT!

COMMERCIAL

 

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We're rolling into Anglemania in beautiful Boston

 

boston-sunset-700.jpg

 

Backstage, Josh Matthews is stood by, although a certain safe distance away from, the seething Last Kings Of Scotland. Who with their angry snarls and mohawks aren't really people Josh is comfortable being too close to.

 

MATTHEWS

Joining me at this time, The Last Kings Of Scotland... and no doubt, still angry after what happened to you during the King Of The Ring coronation ceremony. You were cast aside by Queen Esther, attacked by The Mardi Gras Hellfire Club on orders of Landon Maddix. What are your thoughts now a couple of weeks on?

 

DANNY BOY

Our thoughts? Our thoughts are, we're bloody well pissed off!

 

SCOTTISH SCOTT

Aye! We got attacked... from behind, mind. We got laid out an' left fer dead. And tha' Queen Esther, she's walkin' around with her head in the clouds, she's got her new little "Kingdom" an' her fancy new King. Well Esther, lass, if yer listenin', we got a little message for ye'. If ye' thought that you an' yer new little Kingdom were just gon'nay beat us down and get us outta yer hair forever... yer dead wrong.

 

DANNY BOY

And Landon Maddix, ye' big soft arse nancy boy! I dunno if you know what you've gotten yerself in for, listening to that airhead Queen of yers. But you've gone and mad yerself some very powerful enemies, lad. We're the meanest, most violent, most sadistic tag team in this whole entire company. Why? Cause we're Scottish! Brush up on yer history lad! Ye don't cross the Scots! We're gonna come after you an' yer Kingdom and we're gonna keep on unleashing hell on you until your castle has crumbled to pieces and your head is stuck on a spike coming outta the top of your throne! We're gonna lay waste to you. And we're gonna lay waste to anyone associated with you. Startin' tonight with Rico and Lucius, those two back-jumping cronies of yours. Maybe when we drop their two bloody carcasses outside yer gate, you and yer Kingdom'll understand the shit yer in!

 

Suddenly, up walks NATHANIEL BLACK. A tense situation is defused by MEGAN SKYE, stepping in as Black and the Scots look like they're about to go nose to nose.

 

MEGAN

Easy. We're not here for any trouble. We've got an offer for you.

 

DANNY BOY

Really? An' why would we be interested in any offer from this Southern softie?

 

BLACK

Listen... I ain't 'ere to ask for your 'elp. The way I see it, you two Jocks need a little 'elp yourself.

 

Seeing this isn't leading anywhere good, Megan steps in again.

 

MEGAN

What Nathaniel's trying to say is, we're all in the same boat here. We all want the same thing. There's two things we've got in common and that we can agree on. One... we're all miserable bastards. And two, we all want revenge on Landon, Esther and their flunkies.

 

Reluctant nods from the three miserable bastards.

 

MEGAN

So we've got a match all set up. March 28th. The Cucaracha Kingdom, for the 6-Man Titles, against Nathaniel and any two partners. If you want to be those two partners, great. If you don't... well, then you just missed and opportunity to get what you want. What's it going to be?

 

After looking at each other, The Last Kings nod and apparantly the deal is done.

 

SCOTTISH SCOTT

A word of advice tho' lassie... us Scots and English... we don'nay get along.

 

MEGAN

...don'nay?

 

BLACK

He means we're always 'avin a dust up, innit.

 

MEGAN

.....dust up?

 

DANNY BOY

We 'ate each other.

 

MEGAN

Ah. Okay. Fine by me.

 

The Scots walk off for their match, leaving Black and Megan behind, all looking about as happy as they possibly could with their new alliance. Which isn't very happy at all.

 

COLE

That may be the grumpiest group of grumps I've ever seen! And they just might make Landon Maddix as miserable as they are at Anglemania.

 

COACH

Don't count on it, Cole. Landon's gonna show that he was always the one with a plan and Megan Skye? Just a pretty, and frowning, face.

 

TONIGHT'S MAINEVENT

UNITED STATES CHAMPIONSHIP

ALIX MARIA SPEZIA VS COLIN MAGUIRE JUNIOR

TONIGHT!

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We return with another view of the Boston area

 

boston_skyline-2.jpg

 

OAOAST FLASH!BACK

 

Last Week

 

* Clip of Moss being hit by fireball intended for Krista. Cut back to Colonel Abdullah on interview stage with Tony Brannigan. *

 

ABDULLAH

:lol:

 

BRANNIGAN

Abdullah Nerdly, you’ve gotta be one sick individual to find any humor in that. A man was nearly disfigured for life!

 

ABDULLAH

I laugh not at the pain of suffering of one man, but the notion it was intentional. That fireball was meant for Krista Isadora Duncan, as the video clearly proves. Quentin Benjamin was at the wrong place at the wrong time.

 

Abdullah is suddenly spun around and floored by CHARLIE MOSS!

 

"YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!"

 

MOSS

Funny, so were you.

 

We swoop over to Tony Brannigan atop the world famous interview stage.

 

BRANNIGAN

Ladies and gentlemen…

 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

 

The Heavenly Rockers don’t wait to be introduced or for their music to even play. Logan rushes the stage and rips the mike away from Brannigan. Holly and Colonel Abdullah right behind, the latter of who under the watchful eye of band head of security Quiz.

 

LOGAN

(fuming)

Team Heyross!

 

"YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!"

 

SYNTH, LOGAN & HOLLY

:angry:

 

LOGAN

Team Heyross, didn’t anybody ever tell you be careful what you wish for because you just might get it? You wanted the only rock ‘n’ wrestling band of all-time and now you got them. ANGLEMANIA 9! The most decorated tag team in OAOAST against the hell raisers from Sin City. And we ain’t coming to wrestle… but to fight! Our house, our rules sayeth the Macho MACHO Mann. SIN CITY STREET FIGHT!! What say you?!?

 

Logan drops the mike as "Khyber Pass" by Ministry cues to a chorus of boos.

 

COACH

Short and to the point, Mikey Cole.

 

COLE

The Heavenly Rockers mean business and so do Team Heyross. I have no doubts they'll accept the challenge for a Sin City Street Fight at AngleMania. And folks, The Last Kings of Scotland mean business as they take on the Mardi Gras Hellfire club next on HeldDOWN~!

 

COMMERCIAL

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"Right Round" by Flo Rida cues and out head The Mardi Gras Hellfire Club, without their Queen but ready to fight.

 

BUFFER

The following tag team contest is scheduled for one fall, to be fought under Relaxed Rules. Introducing first, respreseenting the CUCARACHA KINGDOM... total combi...

 

Buffer suddenly trails off as he, as well as everyone else, spot THE LAST KINGS OF SCOTLAND running down the aisle behind Rico and Lucius. Or, everyone except Rico and Lucius themselves, who don't notice until they're clattered from behind by the vengeful Scots!

 

COLE

The Last Kings couldn't wait any longer! And this one is underway in the aisleway!

 

COACH

What a cheapshot!

 

 

*DINGDINGDING*

 

The bell sounds to start the match since, hey, it's relaxed rules. Nothing wrong with a brawl on the ramp. Nothing wrong either with Lucius getting thrown into the guardrail by Danny Boy, while Scottish Scott breaks out the spiked club and chokes Rico with the handle of it. Danny Boy gives Lucius a headbutt sending him staggering down the ramp, while Rico gasps for air.

 

COACH

Is it any wonder Queen Esther cast these two off? Look at them! They're savages!

 

Lucius reaches the ring and is grabbed by Danny Boy, his head bounced off the apron. As Lucius stumbles away Danny Boy quickly goes under the ring. And producing a chair, he jams it into Lucius's stomach!

 

COLE

We are seeing an all out brawl here. Nothing more than a fight. And the referee is allowed to let this one go as far as he wants tonight.

 

Now it's Lucius being choked, up against the barricade with the edge of the chair, while Rico is brought to the ring by Scottish Scott. Scott throws him inside and hurls the spiked club in after him. However, the club falls too close to Rico and as Scott steps through the ropes, Rico catches him with the point of the club into the midsection. And again. Dragging Scott out from between the ropes, Rico quickly hits a DDT and tries to get the match over quickly...

 

 

1...

 

 

2...

 

 

No!

 

Grabbing the club, Rico gives Scott a taste of his own medicine by pressing it into the Scotsman's throat.

 

COACH

Yeah! These guys aren't so tough when they're not jumping people from behind, are they Michael?

 

COLE

You mean Rico and Lucius?

 

COACH

No, the Scots! When did Rico and Lucius jump anyone from behind!?

 

COLE

Two weeks ago, during the coronation ceremony!

 

COACH

Oh. That was different.

 

As Rico stomps away on Scottish Scott, Danny Boy enters the ring and clubs Rico in the back. Danny Boy throws Rico into the turnbuckles and stomps away in the corner. Meanwhile, Lucius rolls back in, sneaking up on The Braveheart. Danny Boy catches Lucius out of the corner of his eye though. Cutting him off with a boot, Danny then grabs Lucius and flings him into Rico, causing him to spear his own partner!

 

"YYYEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHH!!"

 

Rico and Lucius try to help each other up, leaving them both in a bad predicament. Across the ring, Danny Boy whips Scottish Scott in and the big Scot crushes BOTH of them with an Avalanche!!

 

COLE

Scottish Scott could have smashed through Hadrian's Wall going at that speed!

 

Throwing Rico outside, Scott starts clubbing away at Lucius who is on his knees and clearly winded. Danny Boy follows Rico out and continues the fight on the floor. In the ring, Scott whips Lucius into the ropes. Putting his head down for a backdrop, he gets caught with a kick to the shoulder blade. But as Lucius turns and hits the ropes again Scott recovers and delivers a Powerslam.

 

COLE

Big Powerslam from Scottish Scott! But no cover, the Scots want to dish out some more punishment instead.

 

Right on cue Danny Boy procures two more steel chairs. He throws one inside to Scott and keeps one for himself.

 

"YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!"

 

COACH

Listen to these people... these bloodthirsty people. They're as bad as The Last Kings are!

 

As Scottish Scott sets his chair up in the corner, Danny Boy rears back...

 

 

*CRACK!*

 

...and blasts Rico across the back with his chair!

 

COACH

OH! Somebody comfort Queen Esther. I hope she's not watching.

 

Meanwhile, Scottish Scott has the chair wedged between the turnbuckles and is ready to whip Lucius in... but Lucius somehow manages to reverse and it's Scott who hits the chair spine first!

 

"OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH!!"

 

COLE

If Queen Esther is watching, I'm sure she'll have enjoyed that.

 

COACH

King Landon too.

 

With Scott hurt in the corner, Lucius gets a run up... and hits a CORNER YAKUZA KICK, right to the face! Scott crumbles to the mat and Lucius forces him down onto his shoulders, making the cover...

 

 

1...

 

 

2...

 

 

NO!

 

After a bit of effort Lucius gets the chair out from between the turnbuckles. And with Scott down, he takes aim, smashing him across the back! And a second time! Scott rolls over to the ropes and Lucius delivers another shot with him under the bottom rope, before Danny Boy comes back in and grabs Lucius from behind by the EYEBALLS!!

 

LUCIUS

AAAHHHHHH!!

 

Giving the eyes a good rake Danny Boy then starts to go to work, clubbering away on Lucius. Something takes Danny Boy's eye at this point. Lucius's fro comb, which has fallen out of his pocket. A good enough weapon for Danny Boy who starts to gouge at Soul's forehead with the comb handle, then jabs it in a couple of times for good measure!

 

COLE

Do you think Lucius and Rico are regretting following the King's orders yet?

 

COACH

Not at all. What the King decides is the right thing to do, is the right thing to do.

 

COLE

Even if it means being forced to fight with two pissed off Scotsmen?

 

Danny Boy gets rid of the comb and hits a double sledge to the back before going for a pin...

 

 

1...

 

 

2...

 

 

No!

 

Danny Boy dishes out some more stomps, then grabs the spiked club.

 

COLE

Uh-oh!

 

Before he can use it though, Danny spots Rico climbing to the apron. He goes to cut the Brazilian off, but gets caught by Rico who wraps an arm around Danny Boy's throat. Hanging onto the Scot, Rico keeps him neutralised, while Lucius comes over and gives him a kick to the stomach, forcing Danny Boy to drop the club. Still being choked from the apron, Danny Boy is then left wide open for a SPIKED CLUB SHOT right to the midsection!!

 

COLE

OH! An unprotected shot with that club, come on!

 

Rico and Lucius lap it up as Danny Boy writhes in pain on the mat, Scottish Scott on the outside hurt as well.

 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

 

Lucius gets Rico to pick Danny Boy back up and hold him in place, for ANOTHER spiked club shot to the breadbasket! Danny Boy doubles up in pain, stomped in the back by Rico who then strokes his moustache with a smirk on his face while Lucius fluffs his afro.

 

COLE

I know this is relaxed rules. But there are relaxed rules and then there are just plain NO rules!

 

COACH

You know what else rules? King Landon! He rules the OAOAST, he and his Kingdom, the Kingdom which is standing tall right now while the wannabee "Kings" are flat on their back.

 

"One more" is the call from Lucius, Rico holding Danny Boy in place. As Lucius takes aim this time Danny Boy manages to defend himself, getting his boot up and kicking Lucius in the gut. Sliding back in, Scottish Scott then puts a stop to the second attempt by grabbing the club! Rico throws Danny Boy down, but runs into an elbow off of Scott. Scott quickly ducks the club from Lucius and knocks him down with a big boot to the chest!

 

COLE

Scottish Scott isn't on his back anymore Coach! He's up... and what's more, he's got the spiked club!

 

COACH

Okay that's enough ref, ding ding ding, DQ!

 

No DQ is coming though, even after Scott takes the club and CLOTHESLINES RICO WITH IT!!!

 

"YYYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!"

 

Scott grabs the club again and gives A SHOT TO LUCIUS'S RIBS! AND ONE TO THE BACK!!

 

SCOTTISH SCOTT

AAAARRRRGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!

 

"YYYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!"

 

COLE

Scottish Scott, laying waste to the Hellfire Club, with his hellish club!

 

Rico picks himself back up with blood seeping from a cut on his forehead. Woozy, he stumbles around the ring, eventually falling into the clutches of Scottish Scott. Booting Rico in the gut, Scott sets him up for a piledriver. But Scott doesn't seem satisfied with that. Walking over to his left a bit Scott repicks his spot and hits a JUMPING PILEDRIVER ONTO THE STEEL CHAIR!!!!!!

 

"OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!"

 

COACH

AAH!

 

COLE

Rico just got CROWNED!

 

With Rico taken care of, Scott turns his attentions to Lucius. Hurting in the corner The Black Knight tries to beg off, but is grabbed by the afro and hauled back to his feet. Lucius is held in place, pleading for his life, while Danny Boy slides a TABLE into the ring and sets it up in the corner.

 

COACH

Come on, enough is enough!

 

COLE

I don't think it's enough yet Coach. This is payback. Payback for the Last Kings. The kind of payback that King Landon still has coming his way!

 

In the middle of his pleading Lucius is suddenly lifted up off his feet with a double leg pickup. He waves his hands around in a vain attempt to do something, anything to stop what happens next. Heading straight for the table, Scottish Scott charges forward with Lucius in his arms and PLOUGHS HIM RIGHT THROUGH THE TABLE!!!!!!!

 

"OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!"

 

COLE

The table gets broken in half!

 

COACH

No, Lucius got broken in half!

 

The crowd go wild, as Scott drags Lucius's carcass out from the wreckage of the table and presses his fists into his chest, as Danny Boy stands watch.

 

 

1...

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

3!!!!

 

*DINGDINGDING*

 

BUFFER

Your winners of the match... THE LAST KKIIIIIINNGGSSS OOOFFF SSSSCCOOOOOTTLLLAAAAANNDD!!!!!

 

"YYYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!"

 

Scottish Scott beats his chest and roars as he and Danny Boy stand tall over the bloodied, beaten and battered bodies of The Hellfire Club.

 

COLE

The Mardi Gras Hellfire Club has been DECIMATED! Sweet revenge for Scottish Scott and Danny Boy. And now, next on the agenda, Landon Maddix, James Blonde and Faqu at AngleMania IX in Las Vegas!

 

COACH

Oh god.

 

COMMERCIAL

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We're backstage in the interview lounge, which I'm sure you know how it looks by now. Several superstars including Jade-Rodez Duncan sit at the bar counter. Joining Terry Taylor at the forefront are America's Sweethearts, Chicks Over Dicks!

 

TERRY

Its Terry Taylor, a dazzling interviewer with legendary rumbosity! A man who is bound to lay more hips in your dip, more glide in your stride, if you don’t dig my mess you got the wrong address-

 

ALIX

Terry, dude, your fly is undone.

 

KRISTA

And you forgot to wear underwear. Damn it Terry, god did not give you life so you could expose your shriveled up turkey parts to unsuspecting bystanders. Maybe your skin really should be made into coats to keep those of us with a reason to live warm in the winter.

 

JADE

Mom, that’s mean.

 

KRISTA

I’m sorry…well, no I’m not sorry, I’m struggling not to fall out laughing at that hilarious joke, for I am….the atomic comic, see I can make stupid rhymes to, Krista Isadora Duncan. Watch here’s another one! I am the shock-jock without a cock, the prick with no dick, the fresh and funkin’ Krista Isadora Duncan’. Jazz hands, everybody!

 

ALIX

Don’t mind Krissy-wyssy, she’s just insulting you faster than her 4.5 insults per minute usual pace because she’s still a little peeved over the haircut from last weekie.

 

TERRY

Even more peeved than when you lubed the strap on with Anti Freeze?

 

ALIX

Hey, no fair! It was eco friendly, and made a tasty snack for Jade’s cat. RIP Mr.Muggles.

 

KRISTA

Terry, remember the time when I had that awful bout of that disease you call “kindness” and I took you out for your birthday and ended up leaving you naked in the trunk of your Prius, stranded on some train tracks in Malibu? Imagine for a moment if I hadn’t again got a terrible case of “decency” and retrieved you. Imagine your Prius collided with the 2:15 to Burbank. And imagine as your naked, unusually hairy in all the weirdest places body, rolled across the gravel, a bus full of nuns, driven by your dear mother passed by. Imagine how pissed you’d be.

 

ALIX

And then multiply it by INFINITY! Because these girls right here, we be some mad ass negros, b! And Krista’s two little girls were super scared for mommy. Right Jade?

 

We cut to Jade now scarfing down nachos at the bar.

 

JADE

MFFMFFWHAT? MMMFFFFFFRIGHTMFFFFFFSUREMFFFF!

 

KRISTA

Terry, there’s only five things in my life I care about.

 

TERRY

:wub:

 

KRISTA

My daughters, Alix, my hair, my ass, and my boobs.

 

TERRY

:(

 

KRISTA

Terry, the Moneygang is a nipple clamp and a BUTT plug away from finding me kicking their yellowed teeth down their throat out their ass, and then chaining them together to make a delightful necklace to present my grandmother at her 98th birthday at the West Hollywood Jewish community center, present company invited.

 

TERRY

Thank you, I appreciate your kindness.

 

KRISTA

Damn it! I did it again! I was nice to somebody! Jade, you gotta warn me before I do something like that!

 

JADE

Sorry! Its hard to predict your needless and unwanted acts of kindness.

 

KRISTA

Look, Anglemania is only two weeks away, and the Moneygang is walking on such thin ice and anorexic, i.e. Alix, could crack it. Speaking of cracking, we’re looking forward to cracking their skulls, and kicking their ass the moment they step into Anglemania.

 

ALIX

Terry, I’m even madder than her! Because there’s like only really four things I care about. Krista’s boobs, her ass, and I forgot the two other things, I think they have something to do with Eleanor Roosevelt and the Ugandan constitution, I dunno. Spencey, and Collin, Krista dropped the FYI on what’s gonna come to you at Anglemania. But let MC Alix spit some dope rhymes for ya’ll chump ass white boys. You guys think you can do whatever ya want to people? Sure it’d be fun to pants Jay Leno and ride him like an Iranian mule! But you can’t! You can’t pants Jay Leno, and I have the restraining order and community service to prove it! And you can’t do whatever you want to people! You can’t kick over their bakesale tables, and you can’t cut their hair, and you can’t burn down their homes and their families and scar them for life forcing them to wear a mask and a red suit after several bad gimmicks such as an evil dentist and a fake Kevin Nash. You can’t! And I’m totally gonna give you guys your punishment by shoving my Jimmy Choo boot down Collin’s throat and giving him a fashion taste. That was just darn clever, wasn’t it!

 

KRISTA

Yeah keep it moving, Garrison Keillor, this interview lounge is booked for Milford Cunningham’s retirement party in about three minutes.

 

JADE

A retirement party?

 

TERRY

Gotta pay the rent on this place somehow!

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ANGLEMANIA IX SHILL

 

PRESENTED BY LITTLE CAESARS PIZZA

 

BRANNIGAN

Next Sunday, March 28 live exclusively on pay-per-view Little Caesars Pizza presents AngleMania IX. They say what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, but that won't be the case when the OAOAST broadcasts AngleMania IX LIVE across the country and around the world from Caesars Palace in Las Vegas, Nevada. We'd like to thank the fine folks at Little Caesars Pizza for sponsering this year's big event, and if you haven't already done so, get on the phone and contact your local cable or satellite provider to order right now. Eight wasn't enough and here's why.

 

OAOAST WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE

Reject © vs. Mr. Dick

 

BRANNIGAN

In your main event, Deadly Alliance leader and current World Heavyweight Champion Reject defends his title against former DA member Mr. Dick. It was at the Nerdly Spectacular when Mr. Dick refused to back out of the contract signing for this match that led to his ouster. You can bet payback will be on his mind come AngleMania. And nothing will hurt Reject more than losing the World Heavyweight Championship.

 

ONE & ONLY WORLD TAG TEAM TITLE

LDC Moneygang © vs. Chicks Over Dicks

 

BRANNIGAN

For the One & Only World tag team championship, 2010 Anderson Cup winners and 4-time tag champions COD meet Theodore Moneymaker's LDC Moneygang. After what occurred on this very program one week ago I wouldn't want to be CMJ and Spencer Reiger at AngleMania. Pride and history will be on the line as COD look to capture their OAOAST record 5th tag team championship.

 

OAOAST WOMEN'S TITLE

Morgan Nerdly © vs. Crystal

 

BRANNIGAN

In the third and final title match signed for AngleMania, the always unpredictable Morgan Nerdly faces her biggest challenge to date, the first women to ever hold the OAOAST Championship, Crystal.

 

SIN CITY STREET FIGHT

The Heavenly Rockers vs. Team Heyross

 

BRANNIGAN

The challenge was issued earlier tonight and it has been accepted. Team Heyross will face the Heavenly Rockers in a Sin City Steet Fight, a match the only rock 'n' wrestling band of all-time has never lost. Not only will Quentin Benjamin be making his comeback after nearly losing his eye thanks to a fireball courtesy of Colonel Abdullah Nerdly, but the match will occur on the Heavenly Rockers backyard.

 

BRANNIGAN

With a future World title shot at stake, 8-men will compete in the annual Money in the Bank ladder match.

 

EIGHT MAN MONEY IN THE BANK MATCH

***Christian Wright Vs Sandman Vs Denzel Spencer Vs PRL Vs ??? Vs ??? and recently qualifying at non televised events Thunder Kid and Baron Windells***

 

BRANNIGAN

In addition to all that...

 

Biff Atlas vs. Vinny Valentine

 

Vinny Valentine appears on screen sitting this lounge...disco-panel.jpg

 

VINNY

Super hero? Super stupid. Super idiot. Super moron. Super fool. Super imbecible. But super hero? I don't think so! Daddy, you better believe that Vinny Valentine is coming into Anglemania with one mission on his mind and that's proving Biff to be a super zero!

 

BRANNIGAN

And recently added.

 

SIX MAN TITLES

Cucaracha Kingdom Vs Last Kings Of Scotland and Nathaniel Black

 

BRANNIGAN

All that plus surprise guests. It's gonna be the world's largest orgy of fun. Little Caesars Pizza presents AngleMania IX Sunday night, March 28 live exclusively on pay-per-view from Caesars Palace in Las Vegas, Nevada. AngleMania only happens once a year so don't miss out on the spectacle everyone will be talking about at the water cooler the morning after. So call your local cable or satellite provider right now and tell them you want AngleMania IX~!

 

ANGLEMANIA IX

LIVE! SUNDAY NIGHT, MARCH 28

ONLY ON PAY-PER-VIEW

 

Backstage, members of the Ghetto Groove Monkeys, Vinny Valentine, Deadbeat Dave, Tony Tourettes, Quincy and Mariano are shooting the shit.

 

MARIANO

Can you believe it, man? Ten days, we goin' to Vegas!

 

VINNY

You know it! I got my guys out there already hookin' us up!

 

QUINCY

Yo what you gonna do man, ride yo' bike out there?

 

DAVE

Hell no, you better make me some room for the ride!

 

MARIANO

You betta wash yo' stanky ass fo' you ride with us, foo.

 

TONY

Yeah, you smell like STIR-FRIED DOG SHIT!

 

QUINCY

You smell bad, yo.

 

Just then, Waldo and Luther come in carrying a large cooler.

 

WALDO

Who's thirsty?

 

VINNY

Yeah! Now we're talkin'!

 

Luther hands Mariano a beer.

 

MARIANO

Man, this beer's green! Fuck is wrong wit' you, nigga?

 

LUTHER

Stupid ass, it's leftover special from St. Patty Day!

 

MARIANO

Aw, right on.

 

WALDO

We got some Guinness, too, son!

 

VINNY

And I got some more "green" coming in a few minutes!

 

LUTHER

My man, V-squared! Gimme some!

 

Vinny bumps knuckles with Luther.

 

TONY

Hey, this beer matches Dave's athlete's foot fungus!

 

The room bursts in laughter upon Tony's jab at Dave, then Tony turns his attention to Waldo, who is wearing a Jets jersey.

 

TONY

Hey, you're like the JOLLY GREEN GAYWAD!

 

More laughter ensues as a food tray is brought in, featuring corned beef and cabbage, potatoes and other Irish-themed food.

 

WAITER

You guys want any?

 

Tony grabs a cabbage and careens it off of the head of the waiter, then takes the whole tray.

 

WALDO

Yo man, gimme some of that krout, I gotta drown out Dave's stank.

 

Dave grabs a raw potato off the tray, and bites into it as if it were an apple.

 

LUTHER

Euuuuuuuuhhhh, nigga, you ate up!

 

Vinny holds up large quantities of pot, showing them to the group.

 

VINNY

This ought to drown it out!

 

MARIANO

What you waitin' on, get to wrappin!

 

TONY

Hey Vinny...did you know that if your palm is bigger than your face, you have cancer?

 

Vinny, of course, stupidly holds his hand up, and Tony slaps it into his face, to the amusement of the BB's.

 

WALDO

Nigga, I swear you was born out yo mama's asshole 'cause her pussy was too busy!

 

TONY

HAHAHAHA...(tosses bowl of kraut into Waldo's face)

 

Everyone laughs hysterically as Quincy lifts a comically-sized blunt up with his clippers and begins to smoke, then continues to laugh as the camera cuts away.

 

COLE

TV-14, indeed!

 

COMING UP NEXT

THE MAINEVENT

UNITED STATES CHAMPIONSHIP

ALIX MARIA SPEZIA VS COLIN MAGUIRE JUNIOR

NEXT!

 

COMMERCIAL

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We return from break as “Shipping Up To Boston” hits to unusual fanfare. The Boston audience rises to their feet and welcomes out hometown boy CMJ, clad in green biker shorts and black boots. The enthusiasm is tempered somewhat when Theodore Moneymaker, pinstriped and haughty, stands proudly by his side. Colin makes no apologies for his choice in associates and gladly receives a firm pat on the back from his leader.

 

BUFFER

The following is a United States Championship match scheduled for one fall with a time limit of twenty minutes. Now making his way to the ring accompanied by Theodore Moneymaker….

 

“BOOOOOOOOOO!”

 

BUFFER

He is one half of the 2010 Young Lions of the year, he weighs in at 210 pounds and hails from right here in Beantown, he is a Harvard Graduate…COLIN MAGUIRE JUNIOR!

 

The fans put forth another strong ovation for CMJ, who again lessens their love for him by chastising them for their booing of his boss. The CEO of The Enterprise chuckles over the rebuke CMJ gives his own fans as he marches over to Sofa Central. Meanwhile in the ring, Colin shadowboxes in preparation of his difficult contest ahead.

 

COACH

Welcome, Mister Moneymaker! Thank you, thank you, thank you for being here tonight.

 

MONEYMAKER

Anytime, Mister Coachman. Anytime. Whenever I can get out here and fight the good fight against the socialist propaganda machine of the OAOAST I take it as a pleasure and a duty.

 

 

She's nothing like a girl you've ever seen before

Nothing you can compare to your neighbourhood hoe

I'm tryna find the words to describe this girl without being disrespectful

The way that booty movin I can't take no more

Have to stop what i'm doin so I can pull up close

I'm tryna find the words to describe this girl without being disrespectful

 

Dam girl

Dam you'se a sexy bitch

A sexy bitch

Dam you'se a sexy bitch

Dam girl

 

 

Neon Lit ,gaudy, and full of drunken patrons, the sparkling countertops of Alix’s bar slide onto the entrance stage. Attired in drop dead gorgeous white booty shorts, and matching halter top, with a silver faux fur boa, Alix cuts an eye catching figure even amongst the fanciful illumination of her bar. The darling diva provides a feast for the eyes and the loins with a sexy Beyonce style dance atop the counter part. With the fans already drooling at her fur boots, she leaps onto the stage and blows a kiss to cause super imposed red lips to pop up on screen.

 

BUFFER

And the champion…..from Los Angeles, California, she is THE HOLLYWOOD BAD GIRL, and One Half of the 2010 Anderson Cup champions, she is ALIX MARIA SPEZIAAAAAAAAA!

 

The audience meets Alix with a warm cheer as she merrily skips down the entrance ramp with a loving smile filling her face. The champion quickly scampers up the ring steps to head to the top rope where she holds her title up and sings the national anthem because she is the UNITED STATES champion after all.

 

DING DING DING

 

Collin attempts to get an early jump on Alix with a right hand. But the bubbly brunette drops her opponent with a leg sweep before the attack can even connect. CMJ quickly rolls upright, but is caught under fire by a wave of knife-edge chops from the champion. Colin attempts to fight back with a right hand, but Alix catches onto his arm and throws him into the far corner.

 

ALIX

Boobie bombs away!

 

Alix runs forward and proceeds to thwack Collin with her bra busting breasts, bouncing them across his face as though they were twin pistons. Once done with using her massive funbags to pummel Collin, she leans through the ropes and cups them with a sly wink to the sold out audience.

 

“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

 

COACH

Oh baby, I knew there was a reason I sit through COD matches.

 

Alix turns serious and runs forward to give Collin a facecrusher that plants him on the canvas. As his hometown crowd witnesses his misfortune, Collin quickly tries to put on a good show and scampers to his feet. Unfortunately worse comes to worse as he’s thrown over to the canvas with a side headlock takedown by the US Champion. Alix wrenches on his head, causing him a great amount of anguish and forcing him to scramble for a way out. Forced to resort to cheap tactics he reaches onto her white booty shorts, and pulls them out. He then lets go causing them to snap against her backside!

 

ALIX

YEOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

 

 

CMJ

:lol:

 

Things become suddenly less funny for Collin when Alix grabs hold of the front of his tights and performs the same trick!

 

CMJ

OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

 

ALIX

Dude, I’m sorry, how about I kiss it and make it better.

 

CMJ (smiling)

You got it.

 

Alix gets on her knees and….HEADBUTTS COLLIN IN THE GROIN! CMJ shrieks in agony and annoyance over being humiliated in front of his own people. Putting aside his pain for the moment, he swings his arm around for a lariat. But Alix catches onto his arm and proceeds to dosey-doe with the challenger!

 

CMJ

Let go of me!

 

ALIX

Okie dokie!

 

Alix does that and a dizzied CMJ falls to the canvas on the verge of hurling. The Princess of Los Angeles takes this moment to pin the challenger….

 

ONE!

 

 

CMJ steadies himself just enough to kickout the pinfall. He rolls to his feet, but is caught inside another headlock from the California cutie. Alix isn’t able to take him down this time however, as Collin is able to shove her into the corner. Referee Clem Buzlefoxer causes for a clean break. However he doesn’t get this as CMJ blasts Alix in her bare stomach with a brutal knee strike. This leads to a series of punches that weaken Alix and put CMJ in firm control of the bout. He lashes into her with knife-edge chops that sends her ample chest a bouncing.

 

COACH

Loveitloveitloveitloveit!

 

MONEYMAKER

The trickster that is Satan often cloaks his demonic message within beguiling temptress. Don’t be fooled!

 

Less delightful to Alix and the audience is CMJ choking the US champion on the ring ropes. Even his hometown audience can’t quite abide by CMJ’s cruel tactics. The elderly referee attempts to yank him away his victim. However, he receives an earful of profanity for his troubles. But this serves Alix well, as the reprieve from the violence allows her to fight back with kicks from her furry boots aimed at CMJ’s chest. A particularly nasty dropsault then sends the Bostonian tumbling over the top rope and falling to the outside.

 

“OOOOOOOOOOOH!”

 

CMJ is quick to his feet, but looks rather unnervered about being unceremoniously dumped from the ring. He curses at near by fans who try to offer him encouragement, doing little to win over his hometown audience. Because of this Alix gets a solid cheer as she baseball slides the challenger into the guardrail. She gains an even bigger cheer when she lets a mighty fine female fan slap her fine Latina ass.

 

COLE

Colin is slowly but surely starting to turn his own fanbase against him.

 

MONEYMAKER

Fools, jealous they didn’t have the mental strength and physical acumen to make it to his lofty perch. Let’s not mince words, Cole.

 

Booty spanking out the way, Alix dumps her foe back into the ring. Colin gets to his feet and makes a hasty retreat to the corner, only to be hounded by Alix who climbs up to the second rope. She flashes the peace sign to the sold out audience before not so peacefully plugging CMJ with a series of hard fists.

 

COLE

Collin is getting rocked!

 

MONEYMAKER

Only for a little while. Lull the simple minded tart into a false sense of confidence. I like that strategy, Collin!

 

Alix then back flips off the second rope, and busts out a funky little shimmy. She then charges forward and strikes CMJ in the jaw with a raised knee.

 

ALIX (impersonating Snoop Dogg)

What’s the motherfuckin name? Bulldoggie doooooog, RUFF!

 

Alix does just that, bulldogging the Harvard grad to the canvas. A pinfall quickly follows….

 

 

ONE!

 

 

TWO!

 

 

CMJ finds the will and the way to kickout. Alix brings him to his feet and whips him into the ropes. She lowers her head, expecting a leap frog. However, Collin skids to a halt and winds up with a thundering kick aimed at her chest.

 

ALIX

Wait! If you entertain thoughts of raping goats kick me in the chest.

 

CMJ (muttering to himself)

Damn it.

 

Not wanting to be branded a goat rapist, Collin forgoes the kick and instead returns to the ropes. But as he returns the Hollywood Bad Girl leaps into the air and wraps her perfect legs around his neck for a hurricanrana. As a pinfall is made, Alix sensually grinds herself into the Harvard alum’s face and blows a bewitching kiss to the audience…

 

“YEAAAAAAAAAAA!”

 

ONE!

 

 

TWO!

 

 

CMJ kicksout, and he is mighty irate with his hometown fans. He stomps to the edge of the ring and leans over the ropes to give them a violent earful…

 

CMJ

What are ya cheering her for? You bastahds, you’re supposed to be on my side!

 

COLE

Collin is causing his hometown advantage to go bye-bye every time he opens his mouth.

 

Alix captures Collin from behind with a headlock, and rushes forward for a bulldog attempt. But Collin shoves her off and she crotches herself onto the cold ringposts.

 

CMJ

Now cheer that!

 

“BOOOOOOOOO!” the audience seethes, clearly disliking CMJ’s demeanor.

 

MONEYMAKER

What a shame. A once great city, responsible for the Boston Tea Party that birthed the tea party movement that shows our cruel democratic overlords that we won’t play by their shameful liberal rules, boos this great American hero.

 

Collin runs forward and blasts Alix in the back with a running lariat. This causes the champion to scream out in pain, which affixes a smile onto CMJ’s face. He then grabs onto her thick chocolate colored hair and slams her backwards to the canvas. Mocking, Krista’s ordeal with a haircut motion he further angers his own fanbase.

 

“LET’S GO ALIX! LET’S GO ALIX! LET’S GO ALIX!”

 

CMJ plants his black boots into Alix’s stomach, daring her to make a funny quip or a vexing taunt. Cutting short his stomping, Collin grabs Alix by the seat of her booty shorts and rips her off the canvas. He nails her with an Irish Uppercut (European uppercut) before throwing her backwards with the Harvardplex (T-Bone Suplex)! But the feisty champion lands on her furry boots!

 

“YEAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

 

She makes a furious charge at Colin and overwhelms him with a spinning wheel kick! While CMJ struggles with the pain that’s captured his jaw, Ally makes a quick dash to the ropes. She leaps onto the third cable and spring boards back with a moonsault press. But a now standing CMJ manages to capture her onto his shoulders! Without wasting any moments, he piledrives her into the canvas.

 

CMJ

You gonna cheer me or what?

 

”BOOOOOOOOOO!” comes the reply from the Boston faithful.

 

CMJ brushes his fellow New Englanders aside and attempts a pinfall….

 

 

ONE!

 

 

TWO!

 

Alix makes a timely kickout. Although I suppose any kickout is timely. Anyway, Colin pulls Alix to her feet and throws her into a corner. He spits in her direction before taking off with a running shoulder tackle. Thankfully for the COD fans, the US champion slides herself out the way, and CMJ crashes shoulder first into the rock solid metal.

 

“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

 

He yanks his shoulder away from the ring posts, and curses his ill luck and the fans who cheer his misfortune. Alix, for her part, he leaps onto the third rope and comes Straight Outta Compton with a springboard spear! A pinfall quickly follows….

 

ONE!

 

 

TWO!

 

CMJ makes the kickout!

 

COACH

Dang, Colin’s gotta get things together. He was taking control of the contest and now he’s letting it all go Alix’s way.

 

Alix takes off to the ropes, as CMJ struggles upright. When she returns she leaps onto his shoulders in hopes of hitting another hurricanrana. But CMJ shifts this attacks into a kneeling powerbomb that draws impressed gasps from the audience.

 

CMJ

Now you wanna cheer me?

 

“BOOOOOOOOOOOO!” comes another heartfelt reply as Buzzlefoxer counts the pinfall…

 

ONE!

 

 

 

 

TWO!

 

 

 

THR-ALIX KICKSOUT!

 

 

“ALIX! ALIX! ALIX!”

 

Deeply bothered by Alix’s kickout, CMJ drags him whimpering opponent off the canvas and tags her with a series of Irish Uppercuts. The tag team champion then grabs her into an underhook and sends her flying backwards with an underhook suplex. Alix crashes into the canvas with a hard thud and immediately cries out in distress. This puts a smile onto the Harvard grad’s face as he runs forward to strike her in the back with a powerful kick. He then falls on top of her for another pin…

 

ONE!

 

 

TWO!

 

 

Alix forces her way out the pinfall, earning an appreciative cheer from the audience. Less pleased is CMJ who rips her off the canvas, but loses the brief battle as Alix small packages him! Buzzlefoxer counts the surprising pinfall…

 

ONE!

 

 

 

TWO!

 

 

CMJ quickly scurries out the pinfall. He reasserts his dominance in the contest by driving a knee into Alix’s skull!

 

COLE

A vicious attack by CMJ, sending a message for what may be to come at Anglemania live from Las Vegas only on pay per view.

 

MONEYMAKER

The Moneygang is the toughest opponent Alix and Krista have ever faced. Tougher than myself and Christian Wright? Most assuredly.

 

Colin grabs Alix by her skimpy halter top and throws her into the corner. He rushes forward and connects with a lariat that staggers her away from the ring posts and towards the center of the ring.

 

“Whoo!” he shouts to the less than excited audience as he climbs onto the second rope. He then flies forward with arms raised into an axe handle smash. But Alix stuns him and the audience, by connecting with a beautiful dropkick that nails CMJ in the chin!

 

COACH

Where the hell did that come from?

 

MONEYMAKER

It came from hell. The same place COD and their militiant nazi dyke agenda supporters will be going if they don’t wake up and small the coffee that says queerin don’t make the world work and it don’t make Jesus a happy camper.

 

Clutching his sore chin, CMJ is first to his feet. He’s highly angered with Ally’s counter as he makes a quick stride towards her. But Alix counters by bringing him down with a drop toe hold. A La Magistral Cradle wraps CMJ up into an all important pinfall…

 

ONE!

 

 

TWO!

 

 

CMJ unravels the pinfall and manages a quick escape from the jaws of defeat. He rolls upright only to find Alix coming after him with a charging shoulder. Thus he reacts quickly and sidesteps her. This causes the cute champion to take a miserable crash into the corner posts. CMJ gives her little time to recover from the pain as he school boys her into a pinfall…

 

ONE!

 

 

TWO!

 

 

THRE-ALIX KICKSOUT!

 

 

“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

 

Frustrated beyond all belief, CMJ disregards any respect for the rules and begins dismantling the turnbuckle cover. The referee attempts to dissuade him from this tactic, but the Harvard grad is manic and cannot be stopped by mere words alone.

 

COLE

Wait a second…

 

Beyond all this, Spencer Reiger has snuck into the ring. He roughly drags Alix to her feet, and stuffs her between his legs. He then mocks the audience with the infamous money fingers gesture before striking her down with the Reiger Counter (pedigree)! As the audience derides him for his actions, Reiger dares them to challenge him as he escapes through the stands.

 

COLE

No! No!

 

MONEYMAKER

Yes! Yes!

 

With the damage done, Collin abandons his effort to rid the posts of its covers and rushes over to pin Alix. Although confused by Alix’s sudden bout of ill health the referee counts the pinfall….

 

ONE!

 

 

TWO!

 

COLE

No! No!

 

 

THREE!

 

COLE

I don’t believe it!

DING DING DING

 

MONEYMAKER

Believe in it! Believe in America, Cole! Believe in a country where an honest, well bred, Harvard educated man can beat the daughter of an illegal immigrant drug dealer and a gold digging whore! This is America! This is The Enterprise! This is great!

 

BUFFER

Your winner and NEW UNITED STATES CHAMPION....COLIN MAGUIRE JUNIOOORRRRRRRRRR!

 

Despite his horrid antics, Colin’s victory earns him a mixed reaction from his hometown audience. He reacts as though the Red Sox just won the series, spinning around with his belt and dropping to his knees to offer it a heartfelt kiss.

 

MONEYMAKER

This is the story of the year, America! Good night and god bless!

 

FADE OUT

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