Patty O'Green 0 Report post Posted March 26, 2010 Backstage Alix and Krista are seen walking down the hallway. Alix is scribbling down something furiously on a notepad. Krista as usual looks disinterested and pretends not to notice. ALIX I’m writing a cross word puzzle for OAOAST Magazine, Krissy! KRISTA OAOAST Magazine? Is that what they call toilet paper these days? ALIX You’re smart, give me some words or I’ll gut you good! What’s one for an activity so heart wrenchingly awful and mentally exhausting it is guaranteed to render your soul working beyond repair. KRISTA Watching HeldDOWN. ALIX The evolutionary clock ticking backwards? KRISTA Mardi Gras Hellfire Club. WALDO (OS) Daaaaaaamn! Craigslist been good to a nigga! LUTHER (OS) We came uuuuuuuuuuuup! Suddenly a roadblock in the form of the Ghetto Groove Monkey’s appears to hinder Alix and Krista’s progression. Normally they might be able to simply slide through the group, but the large stable has a stained, old mattress lying in the middle of the hallway. This highly annoys Krista. KRISTA Uh can we get by? Preferably without initiating conversation and/or eye contact. QUINCY Mmmmm, what have we got here. TONY Hey, Krista, they say if your palm is bigger than your head you have cancer. Krista holds up her palm…and smacks Tony with it. VINNY :lol: Served! MARIANO Ya’ll fools don’t know how to step to fine ass bitches like these. You gotta come correct, see. Ya’ll girls lookin’ so fly if you went to a funereal you’d have niggas in the casket busting nuts. QUINCY (massaging Krista’s arm) I know that’s right! KRISTA I guess I’ll be sawing my arm off tonight. ALIX Krissy, be nice. Special Ed children need extra love! I think its great you guys can walk around without supervision and your chinstraps and drool bibs. VINNY Quincy, left his at home. QUINCY Shut up, shorty punk ass! ALIX Hey, dudes, like, what have you got anyway? It looks like a mattress full of semen and pee stains from gay porn shoots. So I guess you got Christian Wright’s old mattress! MARIANO Hell naw! We got this off Craigslist, bucks fifty used! Sheets, pillows, blankets, all that. Don’t mean to brag but… WALDO Craigslist been good to a nigga! ALIX You bought a used mattress? Like, for all eight of you? Elton John in drag looks at that and says “damn, that’s pretty gay.” VINNY Lemme ask you a question. KRISTA Yes, you should all kill yourself in a ritual mass suicide. VINNY Lemme ask you another question! You don’t think that’s…kind of gross do you? KRISTA What could be gross about sleeping on another man’s dried semen? TONY FUCKING SHIT KRISTA! He only busted ten nuts! ALIX Sorry, dude, there’s a five nut maximum FCC regulation. QUINCY I forgot you the Hollywood hoes. We hip hop, hip hop ain’t hip without the hood, smell me. This hood right here, smell me. ALIX How can you say buying a used mattress that Christian Wright doo-dooed on for Theodore Moneymaker’s enjoyment, for all seventy of you is hood? WALDO We trynna keep it on a hip-hop steezy. But, America, don’t want real. America ain’t ready for the hood the way we bring it. QUINCY I smell you. KRISTA Say it with me you spent your collected life savings on a mattress some old guy came on, farted on, and most likely crapped on. VINNY That’s what I said! How do you know he wasn’t having orgies daily? How do you know he wasn’t a gay male pornstar? How do you know if he ate Mexican and forgot to wear his depends? What if? That’s the mattress you nimrods just spent one fifty on! I went from one idiot partner to five more! MARINO Yo, if yall chicks is Hollywood, send shout outs to our man George Jefferson. LUTHER Cuz we moving on uuuuuuuuppp! KRISTA You know what? Take this twenty dollars buy yourselves some Clorox and some Fabreze, and maybe that’ll keep the flesh eating bacteria from consuming you whole for a few weeks. With that Krista and Alix literally leap over the disgusting mattress and continue about their way Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
