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Nerdly Spectacular

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PRESENTED IN HD

 

-OVER 200 COUNTRIES IN 10 DIFFERENT LANGUAGES-

-TO MORE THEN TEN MILLION VIEWERS EACH WEEK-

-THE OAOAST THE WORLD WIDE LEADER IN PARODY ENTERTAINMENT-

 

oao2.jpg

 

The show begins with a remake of the Muppet Babies opening.

 

Nerdly Girls, we make our dreams come true!

Nerdly Girls, we'll do the same for you!

 

Melody walks in her room which sister Malasyia has transformed into a sex dungeon.

 

MELODY

When your room looks kinda weird and you wish that you weren't there.

 

Cut to Morgan in a dark corner being pet by Leon.

 

MORGAN

Just close your eyes and make believe, and you can be anywhere!

 

MOLLY

I like adventure!

 

Cut to Malaysia whipping a gagged Mr. Dick.

 

MALAYSIA

I like romance!

 

MELODY

I've got my computer!

 

Melody types "Most bizarre opening ever!"

 

MORGAN

I sometimes cut myself.

 

MOLLY

Me, I'm an inspiring film director.

 

Cut back to Mr. Dick being whipped by Malaysia.

 

MALAYSIA

More? More? More?

 

Dennis Haskins, TV's Mr. Belding, suddenly enters.

 

DENNIS

Hey, hey, hey, hey! What is going on here?

 

MALAYSIA

Nothing.

 

Nerdly, Nerdly, Nerdly, Nerdly!

Girls, Girls, Girls, Girls!

 

MARV and MEL pop in.

 

MARV & MEL

And dudes too!

 

NERDLY SPECTACULAR

 

OAOAST

LIVE!

EDMONTON, ALBERTA CANADA

 

We pan around the sea of mass in attendance.

 

COLE

With the eyes of the sporting world set on Vancouver for the 2010 Winter Olympics, the world of entertainment shines on Edmonton for the first ever Nerdly Spectacular!

 

COACH

And hopefully the last.

 

We swoop over to Cole and Coach at Sofa Central.

 

COLE

Hi again, ladies and gentlemen. Michael Cole alongside Da Coach for a special 3 hour spectacular. The reason for that, a one night tournament to determine who is the king of the OAOAST ring.

 

COACH

Just who will it be, Mikey Cole? Baron Windels, Christian Wright, Colombian Heat, Landon Maddix, Denzel Spencer, Thunderkid, Tim Cash and CPA are the 8 men entered and I can’t pick a winner.

 

COLE

Before the show you said Christian Wright.

 

COACH

Yeah, but I’m leaning towards CPA now. Can there be co-King of the Rings?

 

COLE

(sighs)

In addition to the 1 night King of the Ring tournament, we also have the finals of the 2010 Anderson Cup: the Heavenly Rockers vs. Chicks over Dicks. The winner to face the winner of the tag title match between the Christ Air Express and LDC Moneygang at AngleMania. After what happened last week on HeldDOWN~!, COD is gonna be out for blood.

 

COACH

Only blood they’ll get is from their period. But let’s talk about the match on every red blooded male’s mind.

 

Cole turns his back in defiance.

 

COACH

Get out the KY Jelly, boys. Coming up later tonight, the evening gown pillow fight!

 

Cole faces the camera again.

 

COLE

Then it's back to oiled up half naked men grappling! Uh, I mean, wrestling action. Right now we gonna get Mr. Dick’s answer. Will he sign the contract to challenge fellow Deadly Alliance member Reject for the World Heavyweight Title in 31 days at AngleMania?

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Josh Matthews is standing in the middle of the ring.

 

JOSH

Ladies and gentlemen, the contract signing later tonight, but right now, I want to get a few words from them in the hours leading up! Please welcome The Deadly Alliance!

 

The Wall hits, and Reject, Thunderkid, Sandman9000, and Mr. Dick make their way to the ring.

 

COLE

And the Deadly Alliance on their way to the ring, of course, as Josh mentioned, later tonight they will sign the contract for AngleMania IX, where Reject will defend his OAOAST World championship against Mr. Dick!

 

JOSH

Reject, tonight is the signing of the contract, just 31 days until you meet fellow stablemate, Mr. Dick, in what you have called the Deadliest AngleMania main event of all time!

 

REJECT

That's right, Josh. I've really been looking forward to this main event! Mr. Dick, a great athlete, a great physical specimen, a great competitor!

 

MD smiles and nods as Reject heaps praise upon him.

 

REJECT

That's right, you, Mr. Dick, are the reason we're here tonight!

 

Reject's tone goes less positive as he turns and faces MD.

 

REJECT

And the reason we're out here right now. I want you to know, Jock...effective immediately, you are no longer a member of the Deadly Alliance.

 

MD's smile disappears from his face as Reject continues.

 

REJECT

When I recruited you into this unit, I thought I was recruiting someone straight from the Deadly Alliance mold...we're all great athletes, we're all tough, fierce competitors...and we all respect one another.

 

The crowd starts to boo as MD tries to speak.

 

REJECT

Hold on, just let me finish. Now, you certainly hold two of those three qualities...but since the day you stepped in, we've gotten nothing but disrespect from you, Jock. I put up with it for months, because I was so sure I was right about letting you in. But since you won that Lethal Rumble match, it's been worse than ever. You disrespected me...

 

*crowd boos*

 

REJECT

You disrespected the Sandman...

 

*crowd boos*

 

REJECT

You disrespected Thunderkid...

 

*crowd boos*

 

REJECT

Violating a most important code in the Deadly Alliance. Now...this belt is going to remain in the Deadly Alliance...around my waist. But unlike you, Jock, I know about respect. And since I have a lot of respect for you, I'm going to give you a choice. A - You leave this ring...go to the back...gather up your stuff...and go back to your hotel, without signing that contract, and we'll let you off unscathed.

 

MD shakes his head and mouths "no way" as the crowd boos.

 

REJECT

Or B - You stick around and sign that contract, and we can count down the last 31 days of your career. The choice is yours, Jock.

 

Reject starts to leave, as Jock is yelling at him. Jock then grabs his arm to turn him around, at which point he's met with a right hand from TK!

 

COLE

Hey! TK with a right hand on Mr. Dick!

 

Josh escapes the ring as Sandman and TK lift MD off the mat, and each man traps an arm as they hold him against the ropes. Reject picks the mic up off the mat, then slaps MD twice in the face. Reject grabs MD by the hair, and shouts at him.

 

REJECT

WHAT'S IT GONNA BE, JOCK? Huh? You're gonna learn some respect!

 

Reject lets go of MD, then kicks him in the balls before TK and Sandman let him fall to the mat. Reject throws down the mic, then shouts at MD "do the right thing, Jock!" before spitting on his fallen body.

 

COACH

Wow.

 

COLE

What an unbelievable start to this show, Mr. Dick is OUT of the Deadly Alliance! And what will he do next? Will he sign the contract? Stick around, folks!

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"We're running with the Shadows Of The Night

So baby take my hand, you'll be alright

Surrender all your dreams to me tonight

They'll come true in the end"

 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

 

7f149d2f.jpg

 

The fans rise to their feet and boo their hearts out, not pleased with how they're going to start the night off. Landon Maddix emerges through the neon entrance way with a theatrical twirl and a big smile on his face. Nodding his head he makes his way to the ring, flanked as always by the much more serious Megan Skye.

 

MELISSA

The following contest is a quarterfinal King Of The Ring match, set for one fall. Introducing first, being accompanied to the ring by his manager, MEGAN SKYE! From Huron, South Dakota by way of Madrid, Spain... weighing two hundred, eight pounds. He is the leader of CUCARACHA INTERNACIONAL and one fourth of the OAOAST 8-Man Tag Team Champions... LLAANNDDOOOONN... "LA CUCARACHA"... MMMAAAAADDIIIIIIXXXXXXXXXX!!!!

 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"

 

COLE

Melissa Nerdly, who'll be sharing duties tonight with Michael Buffer here in her hometown, on a very Nerdly night indeed! But we start tonight off with our King Of The Ring tournament, to crown the first ever official King of the OAOAST, what a night this should be.

 

COACH

That's right. Somebody's leaving Edmonton with the royal seal of approval, which is gonna translate to some serious cash money.

 

Landon enters the ring with more of his customary theatrics, spinning into the centre of the ring and soaking in the moment, if not the appreciation. He hands over his makeshift 8-Man Tag Title to Megan and limbers up, as a piano plays a melody, causing the crowd to cheer. The lights go down in the arena, turning back on in tune with the melody.

 

"COME ON!"

 

*BOOM~!*

 

Pyro explodes, leaving behind fire that burns on both sides of the entrance stage. "Gasolina (Remix)" by Daddy Yankee featuring Lil' Jon and Pitbull starts playing and Colombian Heat comes out. Heat runs out onto the entrance stage and raises his hands, acknowledging the fans. Colombian Heat points to both sides of the arena, and then walks to the ring, slapping hands with the fans along the way.

 

MELISSA

And his opponent! Originally from Bogotá, Colombia, but now residing in Miami, Florida! Weighing in at one hundred and eighty pounds... he is... COLOMBIAN... HHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!

 

"YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!"

 

Colombian Heat slaps some of the fans hands and then jogs up the ring steps, hopping into the ring. Landon looks on with his nose turned up, not impressed as Heat climbs the ropes and throws up the "WESTSIIIIIIIDE" hand signal to the crowd.

 

COLE

Always a great time when Colombian Heat is in the house!

 

Grabbing a microphone, Heat signals for his music to die down.

 

"HEAT!"

"HEAT!"

"HEAT!"

"HEAT!"

 

COLOMBIAN HEAT

Alright, alright, let's do this real, let's do this right, cause we are LIVE baby!

 

"YYYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!"

 

HEAT

So, if all of y'all are ready to see me become the KING of this piece, make e'rybody up in here feel the Heat and become the King Of The Ring, then Edmonto make some noise UP IN THI--

 

*THUD*

 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

 

COLE

Hey wait a minute! Maddix, from behind, with a cheapshot!

 

COACH

Haha, love it!

 

 

*DINGDINGDING*

 

Blindsighting Heat in mid catchphrase, Maddix puts the boots to the Colombian as the referee chastises him for his attack before the bell. Landon backs off and holds his hands up in apology. But not for long. He stomps at Heat again as he tries to get back up, then lays into him against the ropes with some forearm shots.

 

COACH

Landon obviously wants to get this match done and dusted as quickly as possible. He's still got two more matches after this if he wants to become king. Can't blame him.

 

COLE

I can blame him for jumping a man before the bell, from behind.

 

COACH

If you want to waste your time with catchphrases while you're standing in a wrestling ring, you get what you deserve.

 

After a couple of knifedge chops, Landon whips Heat into the ropes and ducks his head for a backdrop. But Heat counters with a sunset flip!

 

COLE

Look out here!

 

 

1...

 

 

2...

 

 

NO!

 

COLE

So much for the quick start, Heat almost had him right there and then!

 

Back up, Landon throws a right hand, but it's blocked and retaliated. Another block and another right from Heat. And again. With Landon dazed, Heat does a quick DANCE, looking to shake, rattle and roll on La Cucaracha. Landon ducks the right hand though, cutting Heat off with a quick boot to the gut. He then hits the ropes, but runs right into the big right from Heat at the second time of asking! Quick to follow up, Heat breaks out the SHIMMY~! and drops a knee.

 

COLE

Shaky Leg Kneedrop from Heat! The Heat is being turned up early here!

 

Heat encourages the crowd to get behind him as he goes after Landon. Irish whip sends him into the corner. Heat charges in and Landon manages to sidestep, but Heat stops himself, getting his foot up onto the middle turnbuckle. After catching Maddix coming in with an elbow, Heat then springs off the middle rope and hits a twisting crossbody block!

 

 

1...

 

 

2...

 

 

No!

 

Getting up in the corner, Maddix is forced to sidestep again, Heat coming at him fast and furious. Heat goes into the turnbuckles this time, but gets a foot up as Landon attempts to charge in on him. Coming out of the corner the Colombian leaps up and hooks Landon with a Hurricanrana, sending La Cucaracha spilling underneath the bottom rope and to the outside!!

 

"YYYYEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!"

 

COLE

Well, you know what they say. If you can't stand the Heat, get out of the ring!

 

COACH

I can't stand the Heat. Does that mean I can leave too?

 

COLE

Unfortunately not.

 

Rallying it up, it looks like Heat is ready to dive, waiting for Maddix to pick himself up on the arena floor. As Heat comes back off the ropes Landon manages to shake it off. And he jumps to the apron, just in time to cut Heat off mid-dive, midway through the ropes!!

 

"OOOOOHHHHHHHHHH!!"

 

Heat falls back into the ring holding his head, while Landon takes a moment to stop and point to his, showing the world just how smart he is.

 

COLE

I'm not sure if Landon suckered Heat into that one, or just got lucky. I do know which one Landon would have you believe.

 

Landon climbs back inside and waits for Heat to get back up. He delivers a hard kick to the chest. And a second. Heat doubles up, as Landon comes off the ropes, looking for a clothesline. Heat manages to duck underneath, getting Landon in a waistlock. Elbowing his way out, Landon then ducks a clothesline attempt from Heat and scores with a quick neckbreaker, bringing Heat's head down into his outstretched knee. Cover...

 

 

1...

 

 

2...

 

 

Kickout!

 

Sitting Heat up, Landon dishes out a couple more kicks, this time down the spine of the Colombian. A dropkick to the face then puts him back down for another pinfall attempt...

 

 

1..

 

 

2...

 

 

Kickout again!

 

COACH

Landon's a thinking man's wrestler. But he's gotta speed it up tonight and he knows that, he ain't playing around.

 

COLE

Ten minute time-limits on all of these first round King Of The Ring matches. It's turning up the pressure just a little bit for our eight competitors, excitement abounds tonight at the Nerdly Spectacular.

 

Putting the boots to Heat again Landon takes his time, for now at least. Picking him back up, Landon then delivers a forearm to Heat. The Colombian falls back into the corner and Landon looks a little more confident now with his opponent dazed.

 

"LET'S GO HEAT!"

"LET'S GO HEAT!"

"LET'S GO HEAT!"

"LET'S GO HEAT!"

 

Dishing out some more forearms in the corner, Maddix stops to pose and let everyone know how much good their chanting is doing.

 

COLE

What was that you were saying about 'not playing around'?

 

COACH

There's nothing wrong with gloating while you're on top.

 

COLE

Yeah, what could possibly go wrong with that attitude?

 

Landon whips Heat across the ring into the opposite corner. With a duck of his head, Heat manages to do a Flair Flip out onto the apron which surprises Landon, causing him to run into the turnbuckles chest first! He recovers, throwing a right hand at Heat, which is blocked. A right hand then staggers Landon back, allowing Heat to springboard to the top and soar in with a flying forearm smash!!

 

"YYYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!"

 

COACH

...don't even say a word.

 

After a second or two's rest, both men are back up. And it's Colombian Heat on the offensive, throwing right hands and keeping Landon on the back foot. After five or six shots, one big one is enough to knock Landon off his feet and Heat motions to the crowd again and does the "shimmy dance".

 

COLE

Colombian Heat is ROLLING! Are we looking at King Heat? King Colombia, maybe?

 

COACH

If this fool become the King it'd be a joke. I bet he can't even spell royalty, let alone do it!

 

COLE

How exactly do you "do" royalty?

 

COACH

Shut up!

 

As Landon staggers his way, Heat takes him up with the Drive By!

 

 

1...

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

No!

 

Done playing around, Heat gives the signal, ready to put on the Colombian Necktie! Maddix staggers back to his feet again and walks right into a boot, hooked up, turned over...

 

 

...but Landon slips free in the nick of time and spins down the back, rolling Heat up with a schoolboy!

 

COACH

Great counter!

 

 

1...

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

NO!

 

Landon quickly cuts Heat off with a knee to the gut, buying himself a few seconds. After getting his head back in check Landon hooks Heat up and runs towards the turnbuckles for the Seated Shiranui. Heat manages to get underneath Landon and throw La Cucaracha off though. Landing on his feet, Landon takes a second too long to recover and as he goes after Heat again, he gets caught with the PELE KICK~!

 

COLE

THE PELE~! Heat caught him with it!

 

COACH

Oh no, oh no, come on Landon!

 

With Maddix down, Heat looks around, realising how close he is to the turnbuckles. So he steps outside, heading to the top rope to try and put Landon away. Heat climbs the turnbuckles and throws up the "Westside" again, before delivering the big Frog Splash off the top!!

 

"YYYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!"

 

COLE

Fatal Mistake! That's going to be the fatal blow for Landon Maddix!

 

 

1...

 

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

 

NO, KICKOUT BY LANDON!!!

 

"OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

 

COACH

Phew!

 

Heat takes issue with the referee, after a close, close nearfall.

 

"LET'S GO HEAT!"

"LET'S GO HEAT!"

"LET'S GO HEAT!"

"LET'S GO HEAT!"

 

Helping Landon pick himself up, Heat goes to work in the corner. Unloading with chops and punches, Landon is almost out on his feet from the barrage Heat dishes out, until the referee calls for a break. Heat backs off, but when he moves back in, Landon gets a boot up into the face! Lifting himself onto the middle rope Maddix then comes off with a Flying DDT, planting Heat's head into the canvas!!

 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

 

COACH

Whoo! How's that for some exciting offence?

 

COLE

A beautiful move by Landon, but is it going to be enough?

 

Landon rolls Heat over and hooks both legs...

 

 

1...

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

KICKOUT!

 

"YYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!"

 

Now it's Landon's turn to question the count, almost pleading with the referee that that was three.

 

COLE

Landon shouldn't be wasting time arguing the referee. He ought to be concentrating on Colombian Heat.

 

COACH

Oh he is, don't you worry.

 

Done with the referee, Landon does concentrate on Heat, rolling to his feet and stalking the Colombian ready to send him to sleep.

 

COLE

Uh-oh. Could be naptime!

 

Heat pulls himself back up, with screams from the crowd trying to warn him of what's waiting behind. Unaware of this Heat turns around and gets picked up on the shoulders... NO! Heat slips down the back! Spinning Landon around, he delivers a boot to the gut and quickly hooks him up for the Colombian Necktie...

 

 

 

...but Landon escapes!! Landing on his feet, he shoves Heat away, right into the referee's path!! Trapped in the corner the referee throws his hands up and Heat JUST manages to stop himself from crushing the ref against the turnbuckles.

 

COLE

That was a narrow escape for the official there...

 

Once he's sure the referee is okay Heat turns back around...

 

 

 

...but gets caught by Landon and struck with the GO 2 SLEEP, taking his eye off the ball for a second too long!!

 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

 

COACH

GTS, BIATCH~!

 

COLE

Out of nowhere, La Cucaracha strikes!

 

With a look of relief, Landon slumps on top and hooks a leg...

 

 

1...

 

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

 

3!!!!

 

*DINGDINGDING!*

 

COLE

And Landon Maddix is marching on!

 

MELISSA

Here is your winner, advancing in the King Of The Ring tournament... LANDON "LA CUCARACHA" MMMAAAADDIIIIXXXXXXX!!!!

 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

 

On his knees, Landon wipes the hair from his eyes and breaks into a smile as he realises he's managed to sneak through. Heat is out cold from the knee and can do nothing about Landon insultingly placing one foot on his chest as his hands is raised in victory.

 

COLE

So Landon Maddix, after a hard-fought battle, advancing on to the semi-finals, where he'll meet the winner of our next quarterfinal encounter.

 

Landon rolls out of the ring, signalling that it's "one down, two to go" as he leaves.

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ANGLEMANIA IX

31 DAYS AWAY

 

55e824f9.jpg

 

Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum

 

(Jesus Walks)

God show me the way because the Devil trying to break me down

(Jesus Walks with me)

The only thing that that I pray is that my feet don't fail me now

(Jesus Walks)

And I don't think there is nothing I can do now to right my wrongs

(Jesus Walks with me)

I want to talk to God but I'm afraid because we ain't spoke in so long

 

Green and yellow lights fall across the neon entrance stage, while Kanye West’s smash hit “Jesus Walks” comes through the speakers. Wearing black slacks and a navy blazer, a smug Christian Wright emerges from the entrance way. At his side stands the equally confident and snobbish, Lorelei DeCenzo. The two Enterprise members hook arms and travel down the entrance ramp with noses held high as green pyro explodes at the side of the stage.

 

MELISSA

Ladies and gentlemen it is time for a quarterfinal King Of The Ring contest with a time limit of ten minutes! Now entering ringside, accompanied by Lorelei DeCenzo, he weighs 8 1/3 bars of gold, from Washington DC, he is THE GOD CHILD….CHRISTIAN WRIIIIGHTTTTT!

 

Lorelei and CW take up position at ringside, discussing both strategy and their hatred of this western Canadian town.

 

Fall Out Boy’s “Thriller” plays to a great reception as red and blue lights flicker on the neon lit entry way. An orange pyro missile descends from the scoreboard, crashing directly onto the skating rink. The home audience is then shown an overhead view of the rink, which features shimmering flames in the form of a bull’s head. The camera then pans down to reveal the handsome face of The Lonestar Gunslinger, Baron Windels! At his side stands the daisy duked lovely known as Melody Nerdly. Melody takes off BW’s open white Texas logoed jersey and the two head towards ring side. God damn does Baron have a complicated entrance.

 

MELISSA

And his opponent, being accompanied by the nerdiest and most embarrassing of my family, he weighs in at two hundred sixty five pounds, and comes from San Antonio, Texas….he is THE LONESTAR GUNSLINGER…..BARRRROOOOON WINDELLLLLSSSSSS

 

COLE

Coach, this is going to be an amazing match between two of our best young superstars.

 

COACH

No doubt, the undefeated Centennial Man against The Lethal Rumble runner up Baron Windels and the winner moves on to meet former world champion Landon Maddix in the semi final.

 

Baron heads to the top rope, and nods his head to an appreciative cheer from the enthused Canadian fanbase.

 

DING DING DING

 

Wright wastes no time with pleasantries or feeling things out. He simply zips towards Windells with cruel intent. The Gunslinger drops down to his stomach and trips up his approaching opponent with a drop toe hold! Wright is back to his feet with great speed, but finds himself under fire with a pair of left crosses that back him into the corner. Trapped against the ring posts, Wright is besieged by knee strikes that bomb against his stomach.

 

COLE

Give full credit to Baron Windels for coming out the gate ready to fight.

 

Windels grabs hold of his opponent’s arm and tosses him across the ring. Wright lands in the opposite corner short of breath. But he has enough strength to raise his brooks brother loafers to ward off Windels. The handsome cowboy shakes off the pain to his chin and charges at his foe with a corner lariat. But The God Child wisely rolls beneath the strike, leaving Windels to crash into the corner. Wright savors having control and executes his attacks perfectly, beating Baron’s muscular chest with European uppercuts.

 

COACH

Those things could rip flesh right off your bones!

 

COLE

The Centennial Man is fighting with extra intensity tonight, not just to win the King of The Ring but to also keep his unbeaten streak alive.

 

Wright pulls BW out the corner in order to send him to the far ropes. Unfortunately for him BW regains his strength and lays him out with diving lariat to the face!

 

“YEAAAAAAAA!” the fans cheer, causing Lorelei to give them a disapproving glare.

 

Windels mounts CW and batters him with brutal punches that have his head snapping like a tether. At the referee’s urging, BW ends his closed fisted attack and drags his opponent to his feet. He then takes himself to the ropes bouncing back to encounter a spinning lariat from his foe. But BW ducks the hold, and skids to a complete stop behind Wright. He then grabs onto his waist and throws him backwards with a release German Suplex! The audience and Melody clap as BW pops up with arms raised.

 

COLE

The OAOAST Galaxy loves Baron Windels! His fight, his drive, his eight pack, he’s got it all.

 

Windels climbs to the top rope, and again works to pump up the Edmonton audience. Unfortunatley any joy derived from that gesture is short lived, as Lorelei raises herself onto the ring apron and shoves BW off! To the audience’s horror BW is sent diving from the posts, crash landing into the cold steel guardrail.

 

“Set phasers to kill, we’re going in!” Melody orders to herself.

 

With the referee holding an angered Melody at bay, Wright is able to freely exit the ring. He brings BW to his feet and drags him towards the stairs. With the crowd jeering him, he tosses BW into the metal cases. Such a violent and vicious move isn’t even enough to satisfy CW’s bloodlust. Thusly he captures Windels inside a front facelock, and then flings him backwards with a snap suplex. Windels back arches as he grimaces in agony over the attack.

 

“BOOOOOOOO!”

 

“SILENCE!” Windels chides the audience as he rolls his foe back into the squared circle. Following Windels into the ring, Wright strikes hard with a stomp to the back of his head. Wright then pulls BW to his feet, an clamps his arms around his waist. Within several moments he pulls BW into the air and drives him down to the canvas with a back suplex. Fairly pleased with that attack, CW attempts the contest’s first pinfall….

 

 

ONE!

 

 

TWO!

 

BW’s shoulder comes up after a long two count.

 

“Dear squire, I do entertain the thought that mayhaps thou’s count may hath been more deliberate than intended.”

 

Done with politely chastising the referee, Wright hauls Windels to his feet. He then swings his arms around Windels’ waist, and drops him across and outstretched knee for a back breaker. Wright pushes the agonized Windels off his knee and makes another cover attempt…..

 

ONE!

 

 

TWO!

 

 

THREE!

 

Nah, I’m fuckin with ya, Baron kicksout!

 

“YEAAAAAAAAAAA!”

 

“You will give me silence or your lives will pay the forfeit of the quietude!” A frustrated Wright chides the OAOAST Marks.

 

“YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK!”

 

His stomach turning over the annoying insults, Wright lifts BW to his feet. He weakens him with several European uppercuts before tossing him into the cables. When BW returns, Wright gets beneath his shoulders and throws him into the air with the Wright Off (sky high)! The fans jump back, fearful this could spell the end for the handsome Texan. The referee counts the sitout pinfall….

 

 

ONE!

 

 

TWO!

 

 

The fans are thrilled and relieved to see BW pop out of the pinfall! This highly displeases Wright and forces him into a change of strategy. As such he hooks his foe into an armbar. The pain shoots through BW’s limb almost immediately. He squirms and writhes, trying to slip out the submission. Wright refuses to allow escape, and clamps down with murderous grip. On the outside Melody takes to asking the fans for encouragement. They respond with loud and vocal chants

 

“LET’S GO BARON! LET’S GO BARON! LET’S GO BARON!”

 

COLE

BW’s arm is being torn at, ripped apart by this cold calculating individual.

 

Slowly, very slowy, does BW begin fighting to his feet. CW attempts to tighten his hold, but finds that his efforts do not hinder BW from climbing upright. Soon he’s filled with anger and disgust, as The Lonestar Gunslinger fights his way upwards. With the hold broken BW uses his good arm to punish his opponent with powerful forearms. But that flurry of attacks is quickly shut down by CW, who topples Windels with a European uppercut! While the fans boo the strike, Wright latches onto BW’s thick legs. He then bridges backwards and throws BW into the corner with a slingshot. Windels sags to the canvas, his head ringing from the crash into the posts.

 

COACH

The God Child is wrestling a perfect match, Mikey He’s gonna be tough to face in the latter rounds.

 

COLE

He has to make it out the first round first, don’t forget that.

 

BW is back onto his feet, but is sagging against the corner. This leaves him exposed to The Cennetenial Man vile plans; his flesh is ripped apart by a series of knife edge chops. The referee attempts to pull CW away, as BW has both hands around the top rope. But The God Child does not appreciate such interruptions and informs the referee of such. However, the offical doesn’t seem to care for Wright’s issues and brushes him aside. This idea is an awesomely poor one as it gets the foolish official shoved to the ground.

 

“BOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

 

“You are a fiend and a villain!” Wright remarks to the referee, even as he threatens a DQ.

 

COLE

That should get Wright disqualified from this contest!

 

COACH

No, no, don’t let the referee decide this match.

 

Wright turns away from the humiliated offical to go back to tormenting BW. Unfortunatley for him, he’s the tormented one as BW nails him with a top rope lariat.

 

“Its clobberin’ time!” Melody shouts to the capacity crowd.

 

“YEAAAAAAAAAA!” the fans celebrate, to Lorelei’s annoyance.

 

Windels follows his signature strike with a pinfall…

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

CW makes his way out the pinfall. Not wanting to get pinned again, he hurriedly steps upright. However, his desires go unfulfilled as BW brings him downwards with a roll up. The referee moves into position to count the pinfall….

 

ONE!

 

 

TWO!

 

CW pops out the pinfall once again. He and BW head upright at the same time. Despite being rolled up, CW strikes first, bridging BW into a pinfall with a Northern Lights suplex. Lorelei commands the referee to count the pinfall…

 

ONE!

 

 

TWO!

 

Windels kicksout the pinfall! He quickly springs upright and takes off to the ropes. They spit him back at Wright, and he raises his arm for a deadly lariat. But CW ducks the strike. BW skids to a halt, hoping to catch CW with a Myspace Comeback (boomerang lariat) But The God Child captures him into a rear waistlock that’s used to throw him backwards with a German Suplex!

 

 

With pitbull like tenacity, CW rolls BW off the canvas in hopes of hitting a second German Suplex. However, BW steadfastly refuses to be taken down and begins hammering CW’s skull with elbows. The strikes inflict enough damage and pain to force The God Child to relinquish his hold. Now free of Wright’s grasp, Windells lunges forward and takes down CW with a diving lariat! As the fans salute the attack, BW attempts a pinfall…

 

ONE!

 

 

TWO!

 

 

THREE!

 

Well, it would be three if Lorelei hadn’t stepped onto the ring apron to distract the referee.

 

COLE

We’re sort of winding down on time here. Remember folks its only a ten minute time limit, and Lorelei’s wasting a lot of it.

 

Incredibly frustrated, BW grumbles to himself as he attempts to gain the attention of the referee. However, turning his back on Wright proves to be a monumentally bad idea, as The Centennial Man rolls him up for a pinfall. Right on cue Lorelei departs the ring apron to allow the referee to perform his duties…

 

ONE!

 

 

TWO!

 

 

BW makes the kickout, which pleases all of Edmonton. Not as pleased, of course, is Wright who chides Windels for his resiliency.

 

“LET’S GO BARON! LET’S GO BARON! LET’S GO BARON!” the sold out crowd sings.

 

Windells brings himself to his feet, and immediately begins trading hands with The God Child. The bigger, stronger Windells wins the test of might and pummels CW into the corner. Windells backs away for the moment and works up the audience into a frenzied cheer. With the fans on his side, he rushes forward with a raised knee that connects perfectly with Wright’s jaw! As the audience delights in CW’s misery, The Enterprise member awkwardly staggers out from the corner.

 

COACH

These dudes better hurry up and make something happen, Mikey.

 

COLE

Exactly, time is a commodity they don’t have a lot of.

 

BW swings for the fences with a mighty lariat. However, CW ducks it, and oddly thanks himself for doing so. But he’s quickly felled with a boomerrang lariat!

 

“YEAAAAAAAAA!”

 

COLE

The Myspace Comeback! Vintage Baron Windels! cThat has to be it as the time limit nears.

 

Windels hooks the legs for a crucial pinfall…

 

ONE!

 

 

 

TWO!

 

 

The God Child throws his shoulder off the canvas.

 

MELISSA

Thirty five seconds remaining!

 

“THAT WAS THREE! THAT WAS THREE! THAT WAS THREE!”

 

“Too much excitement! Too much!” Melody exclaims, “I need my inhaler!”

 

“Get up!” Windels orders his snooty foe. Wright does just that, but also takes BW by surprise by driving him into the corner. There he blasts BW with his ultra powerful European uppercuts. Baron winces in agony, as the white hot pain explodes on his chest.

 

MELISSA

Fifteen seconds remaining!

 

COACH

Gotta hurry up, Christian, you need to put him away now. Right now!

 

MELISSA

Ten seconds remaining!

 

Wright realizes that time is running short and drags BW to the center of the ring. He lifts him for the Stockmarket Crash (gord buster). However BW quickly fights out the hold. With CW stunned by the escape, BW is able to drill him to the canvas with the Brigham Young Cocktail (leaping DDT!)

 

“YEAAAAAAAAAA!”

 

A pinfall quickly follows….

 

ONE!

 

 

 

TWO!

 

 

BZZZZZZZZT! THREEE!

 

COLE

Was that three? Has Christian Wright’s unbeaten streak been snapped?

 

COACH

No way, he didn’t get the pinfall off in time.

 

The referee walks over to Melissa to inform the Nerdly girl of the outcome of the hotly contested bout. Melissa nods slowly, surprised by the referee's decision.

 

MELISSA

Ladies and Gentlemen, I regret to inform you that this King Of The Ring contest has ended in a time limit draw! Neither man will advance to the semifinals!

 

“BOOOOOOOOOO!” the fans seethe, only inches of anger away from littering the ring with debris.

 

BW can’t believe the ill luck that has struck him, and holds his head in his hands. Melody attempts to comfort him, but little can be done to ease his mind. Christian, on the other hand, is content with the unusual outcome. Knowing full well that Windels was about to end his winning streak, The God Child thanks the wrestling gods for their mercy.

 

COLE

Christian Wright survives with his winning streak intact. But perhaps more importantly Landon Maddix has a free ride to the finals!

 

COACH

That's great for Landon but let’s talk straight up this loser Baron Windels! Can’t win the rumble because he turned his back on the guy he was supposed to eliminate, and now can’t even hit his damn finisher on time to get a win. He’s like a rich man’s Biff Atlas. And a rich man’s Biff Atlas ain’t worth more than 50 cents and a subway token.

 

NERDLY SPECTACULAR

Evening Gown Pillow Fight

STILL TO COME

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God of Thunder hits, and Thunderkid makes his way out.

 

9bebf1fb.jpg

 

COLE

King of the Ring matchup coming up, featuring Thunderkid of the Deadly Alliance! Let's go to Michael Buffer!

 

BUFFER

The following is a first-round King of the Ring matchup, scheduled for one fall! Making his way to the ring, from Green Bay, Wisconsin, weighing in at 250 pounds...representing the Deadly Alliance...THUNDERKIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIID!!!!!

 

TK climbs into the ring and poses on the buckles, drawing boos. He then warms up, as Master Blaster (Jammin') hits, and Denzel gets a big reaction as he makes his way onto the stage.

 

BUFFER

His opponent...from Montego Bay, Jamaica, weighing in at 225 pounds...he is the OAOAST Heartland champion...DENNNNNZEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL SSSSSSSSSSSSSSPENCCCCCCCCCCCCCERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!

 

COLE

And Coach, in my opinion, no wrestler in the OAOAST improved more dramatically over the year 2009 than this man, Denzel Spencer!

 

COACH

Well, he's not one of my favorites, Cole, but when you look at his accomplishments, he definitely made some huge strides!

 

Denzel sets his pyro off, then hands his belt to the referee, who calls for the bell.

 

*DING DING DING*

 

COLE

Denzel handing over his Heartland title, which of course is not on the line in this match!

 

TK and Denzel circle the ring, and tie up. TK grabs a side headlock, then takes Denzel down to the mat. TK cinches in on the headlock, then Denzel rolls him over...

 

1...

 

 

2...

 

 

TK rolls back over, then tries to pull down more, but Denzel slips free and hooks in a hammerlock!

 

COLE

Ooh, nice escape there by Denzel!

 

TK quickly gets to the ropes, then makes his way to his feet after Denzel breaks. The two move in on one another again, and this time TK delivers a kick to the gut, then whips Denzel into the ropes. TK goes for a clothesline, but Denzel ducks, and takes down TK with an armdrag! TK quickly gets to his feet, and gets caught in a drop toe hold! TK gets to his feet again, and Denzel hits him with a dropkick, sending him over the top to the floor!

 

COLE

Nice string of offense by Denzel, and TK has to regroup!

 

Denzel cuts TK off as he gets onto the apron, but TK grabs him around the head with both hands and drops to the floor, hanging Denzel up!

 

COACH

But a nice move there, let's see if he can follow up!

 

TK picks up Denzel and hammers away with European uppercuts, then brings him out and executes a gutwrench suplex! Cover...

 

1...

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

Kickout!

 

TK gets to his feet, and drops a knee to the sternum! Cover...

 

1...

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

Kickout!

 

TK picks Denzel up, and whips him into the corner, then charges...but Denzel moves out of the way!

 

COLE

Nobody home on the corner charge!

 

COACH

And TK went right with that right shoulder into the corner!

 

Denzel grabs the arm, and starts delivering blows to the shoulder, then wrings the arm, stepping out to the apron, and dropping to the floor!

 

COLE

Nice strategy by Denzel, working over an appendage of the bigger, stronger TK!

 

Denzel hooks the arm behind the back of TK, and scoops him up, slamming him onto it! Cover...

 

1...

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

Kickout!

 

Denzel picks up TK, and wrings the arm once again, but gets backed into the ropes by TK, who then whips Denzel into the ropes, and plants his left elbow into his sternum!

 

COLE

And a BIG elbow from TK!

 

TK retreats to a corner to rest his arm, before eventually making his way back to Denzel and tossing him to the outside. TK lets Denzel climb to the apron, then delivers a forearm blow to the chest! He then snapmares Denzel back into the ring, drops an elbow, and covers...

 

1...

 

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

 

Kickout!

 

TK picks up Denzel and attempts to ram him into the buckles, but Denzel blocks, and rams TK instead! Denzel delivers right hands, then sets up an Irish whip, but TK reverses, and attempts a clothesline, but Denzel ducks, and hits a flying bodypress!

 

1...

 

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

 

Kickout!

 

TK gets to his feet in time to floor Denzel with a clothesline!

 

COLE

And TK looking really sharp in this first-round King of the Ring match!

 

TK dumps Denzel to the outside once again, and this time follows him out, grabbing him around the waist and ramming him back first into the apron, then lifting him in the air for a PRESS SLAM~!

 

COLE

No, not on the floor!

 

However, Denzel manages to wiggle free, and delivers some right hands, then grabs TK in a side headlock, but TK shoves him off into the ringpost!

 

COACH

But just when you think Denzel catches a break, TK comes right back!

 

TK tosses Denzel back inside, then rolls inside, and scoops him up, executing a FALLAWAY SLAM~! Cover...

 

1...

 

 

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

 

 

Kickout!

 

TK then whips Denzel into the ropes, and catches him with a powerslam! Cover...

 

1...

 

 

 

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

 

 

 

Kickout!

 

TK climbs to the top rope, but takes too much time in doing so, and Denzel shakes the ropes, causing TK to rack himself! Denzel then leaps high for a dropkick, knocking TK to the outside!

 

COLE

And that may have been the break that Denzel needed!

 

COACH

Mistake there by TK, too busy going back and forth with the fans as he climbed the ropes!

 

Denzel catches his breath, then takes a couple steps back, then does a HANDS-FREE SOMERSAULT PLANCHA~! onto TK!

 

COLE

Denzel going for it all, and he got it!

 

Denzel picks up TK and tosses him back inside, then climbs to the top rope, and hits a MISSILE DROPKICK~! Cover...

 

1...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

NO! Shoulder up!

 

Denzel delivers a foot to the gut, then hits TK with a SCISSOR KICK~! Cover...

 

1...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Kickout!

 

Denzel then scoops TK onto his shoulders, and goes into an AIRPLANE SPIN~!

 

COLE

And an airplane spin! How about this?

 

Denzel drops TK forward onto his back, holding onto his legs, then executing a rolling cradle!

 

1...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Kickout!

 

Denzel whips TK into the corner, then goes for the handspring elbow, but TK moves, then runs to the ropes, flooring him with a BICYCLE KICK~!

 

COLE

And what a KICK from TK!

 

COACH

That's got to be it!

 

1...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

NO! Denzel gets the shoulder up!

 

COLE

But no, Denzel comes out!

 

TK picks up Denzel, and hooks him for the SCORPION DEATHDROP~!!!!!11111, but Denzel swings his right hand up a couple times, dazing TK. Denzel tries to turn out, but TK hangs on with a side headlock, and tries to take him over, but Denzel does a FRONT FLIP to escape!

 

COLE

Look at that escape!

 

Denzel hits TK with a Codebreaker, then climbs to the top rope...and comes off with the KINPUPPALICK~!!!!!11111

 

COLE

Denzel with his 450 splash!

 

1...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

3!!!

 

COLE

And Denzel Spencer advances!

 

BUFFER

The winner of the match...DENNNNNZEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL SSSSSSSSSSSSSSPENCCCCCCCCCCCCCERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!

 

COLE

Denzel will meet the winner of the match between Tim Cash and CPA in the semifinals!

 

COACH

Well, Reject can't be happy about this one! We've already seen one member of the Deadly Alliance removed tonight!

 

COLE

Indeed, the fallout from this will be most interesting! Right now, let's go to...

 

MIND

BODY

SOUL

DESTROYED

DESTROY MORGAN NERDLY

MIND

BODY

SOUL

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37c1262d.jpg

 

"It's Not My Time" by 3 Doors Down hits to a warm reception.

 

MELISSA

The following quarter final King of the Ring bout is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, hailing from Peoria, Illinois... weighing 220 pounds… wrestling's last real good guy... "GENTLEMAN" TTIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIMMMMMM CCAAAAAAASSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHH!!!

 

"YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!"

 

Like a politician in campaign mode, Cash shakes hands and smiles to the people, except he genuinely likes them.

 

COLE

As you can see, ladies and gentlemen, Tim Cash is solo tonight. OAOAST officials ruling earlier in the day to bar from ringside the respective partners of CPA and Tim Cash due to both team’s history.

 

COACH

I don’t agree with the decision, Cole. Just because Baron Windels can’t play by the rules doesn’t mean Bosley should be punished as well.

 

"In The Air Tonight" by Non-point cues and CPA heads to the ring smoking a cigar.

 

BUFFER

And his opponent, from Miami, Florida, weighing 280 pounds, V.I.C.E. member CHRISTOPHER PATRICK ALLEN... C... P... A!!!!

 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

 

CPA sets his cigar down in the corner and crackles his neck/knuckles.

 

* DINGDINGDING *

 

Being the gentleman that he is, Cash offers CPA a handshake, but instead gets kicked in the gut and press slammed!

 

COACH

:lol:

 

COLE

There’s nothing funny about that one bit. Cash was being a gentleman and CPA acted like a damn bully. Maybe he should’ve offered a fist bump.

 

COACH

Now that’s just racist.

 

CPA charges forward, but Cash drops down and CPA tumbles outside! SUICIDE DIVE follows and Cash rolls back in to assist the ref with the 10 count.

 

ONE!

TWO!

THREE!

FOUR!

 

CPA begins to stir.

 

FIVE!

SIX!

SEVEN!

 

CPA re-enters and gets wrapped up in a SMALL PACKAGE!

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

KICKOUT!

 

Cash’s fast strike offense continues, this time with a MISSILE DROPKICK that knocks CPA back outside.

 

COLE

His strategy is just like we thought it‘d be -- hit and run -- but I don’t think that’s what Cash wanted there.

 

COACH

Nope. Cash is smart enough to realize if he’s gonna beat CPA it’s gotta be with something quick, hence the small package and missile dropkick. No way can he get the Sling on him.

 

Cash attempts to capitalize with a SLINGSHOT CROSSBODY, but he’s caught midair and RAMMED into the RINGPOST!

 

Again.

 

And again!

 

CPA slams Cash hard on the floor and returns inside coolly.

 

COACH

Talk about poetic justice, Mikey. Cash tried to pickup a cheap one earlier via count out and now he may lose that way.

 

ONE!

TWO!

THREE!

FOUR!

 

Cash uses the apron to pull himself up and CPA decides to bring him in the hard way… but Cash floats over and executes a SCHOOL BOY!

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

KICKOUT!

 

Cash ducks a clotheslines and springboards off the middle rope, right into a FRONT SPINEBUSTER!!!

 

COLE

Vintage CPA!

 

The cover.

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

NO!

 

CPA lifts Cash off the mat and delivers a delayed vertical suplex, followed by a succession of elbow drops.

 

COACH

He’s just toying with him now, Cole.

 

CPA scoops Cash up and drives him hard into the buckle. Kevin Nash-style corner back elbows follow until the ref instructs CPA to let Cash out of the corner. CPA backs away and then charges full speed ahead, but Cash moves and connects with a BACKBRAIN WHEELKICK!

 

"YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!"

 

CPA falls to his knees and Cash slaps on an old school SLEEPER HOLD!

 

COLE

Do Not Resuscitate!

 

CPA struggles to his feet and snaps Cash over, then shoots out of the corner and blasts Cash with THE GIGATON PUNCH!!

 

The cover.

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

THREE!!!

 

* DINGDINGDING *

 

CPA grabs his cigar and enjoys a few good puffs as “In the Air Tonight” plays.

 

MELISSA

Advancing to the next round of the King of the Ring tournament… CPA!!

 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

 

COLE

Heck of an effort by Tim Cash, but CPA was too much for him to handle.

 

COACH

I get that all the time from chicks.

 

COLE

Oh, brother. Fans, we’ll be back.

 

OAOAST HOT NEWZLINE~!

Gossip so hot you gotta wear earmuffs when calling

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COLE

Well fans, coming up next, James Riggs looks to prove that he still belongs in the One And Only AngleSault Thread when he takes on Tha Puerto Rican in one-on-one action!

 

“Dani California” by The Red Hot Chili Peppers starts playing. The crowd boos loudly. Out from the OAOAST entrance tunnel comes James Riggs, causing the crowd to increase their booing. Riggs marches across the entrance ramp, not stopping at all, mumbling to himself, obviously in a very very bad mood. He ignores everything and simply enters the ring.

 

*DING DING DING*

 

MELISSA NERDLY

The following contest is scheduled for one fall with a thirty-minute TV time limit. Introducing first. Coming to the ring at this time. From Helena, Montana. Weighing in at 232 pounds. He is a former One And Only AngleSault Thread 24/7 Champion AND a former One And Only AngleSault Thread X-Division Champion. JAMMMESSSSSSSSSSSS RIGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

 

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

 

Riggs mouths off to anyone who’ll listen, or anyone who won’t listen. So Melissa Nerdly and referee Charles Robinson must stand there and hear JR rant and rave all the while secretly anticipating Tha Puerto Rican’s entrance so that Riggs will shut up.

 

COLE

James Riggs back in action in the OAOAST, and here to help me call the action, as usual whenever Tha Puerto Rican comes out here, is legendary broadcaster and Hall of Famer Jesse “The Body” Ventura!

 

Cut to Jesse “The Body” Ventura in his usual position at the announce table at Sofa Central.

 

JESSE “THE BODY” VENTURA

I better be paid extra for this! I’m not out here calling a P.R. match just because I like the guy! Coach is in the bathroom quivering in his Crocs, incase you wanted to know where he’s at now.

 

COLE

I didn’t, but thanks for telling me anyways.

 

James Riggs psyches himself up in the ring, slapping his face repeatedly and pulling his hair. Attired in simple black jeans, black wrist bands, a silver chain around his neck and black wrestling boots, Riggs prepares for the biggest match of his career to date by yelling at the fans and demanding that his opponent come to the ring immediately.

 

COLE

This is what he wanted. James Riggs wanted to fight someone. He wanted to compete since he can’t get out of his contract. He wanted some attention, and well, he’s got some now!

 

JESSE

And it’s about damn time!

 

“Dani California” by The Red Hot Chili Peppers dies down. Riggs paces back and forth in the ring waiting for PRL’s entrance. Fuming already, he screams for PRL to “GET HIS ASS IN THE RING RIGHT NOW!” The crowd is buzzing for the arrival of The People’s Champion.

 

COLE

James Riggs is already a former X-Division Champion and a former 24/7 Champion. But he has a long way to go before he matches the achievements of this man…

 

"THE CHAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMP..."

 

*DUN DUN*

 

"...IS..."

 

*DUN*

 

"...HERE!"

 

“YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!“

 

With that, a lightning bolt hits the entrance, the PRL entrance video plays on the AngleTron, and "Know Your Role 2000" begins playing, with the crowd standing up and cheering loudly. The lights go down in the arena. PR is heard saying, "THE CHAMP IS HERE!" in tune with the beat of the song, while smoke fills the entryway and spotlights circle around and around the arena. A few seconds elapsed, and then Tha Puerto Rican quickly saunters out of the OAOAST entrance tunnel through the smoke and power walks across the entrance ramp, not stopping at all, and keeping his eyes focused on James Riggs. The crowd cheers louder than before.

 

MELISSA NERDLY

And his opponent. Coming to the ring at this time. Making his return to the One And Only AngleSault Thread! From San Juan, Puerto Rico. Weighing in at 220 pounds. He is a 3-time Puerto Rican/Italian/Puerto Rican Champion. A former North American Champion. A former X-Division Champion. A former HI-YAH World Tag Team Champion. The longest reigning 24/7 Champion in One And Only AngleSault Thread history. AND a former One And Only AngleSault Thread Heavyweight Champion of the Wooooooooooooorrrrrrlllllllllllllllllddddddd…

 

James Riggs interrupts Melissa’s Michael Buffer impression to attack Tha Puerto Rican as soon as he enters the ring!

 

COLE

James Riggs wasting no time!

 

JESSE

Like you said, he wanted this, so of course he’s going to strike first blood!

 

Riggs attacks Tha Puerto Rican with CLUBBERIN’~! THEY BE CLUBBERIN’~! forearms, as the lights go back on inside of the arena and “Know Your Role 2000” dies down. Charles Robinson calls for the bell.

 

*DING DING DING*

 

THA PUERTO RICAN vs. JAMES RIGGS

Riggs continues forearming Tha Puerto Rican until PRL can’t take it any longer and tries to walk away. But Riggs is on Tha Puerto Rican like white on rice (RAYCISM~! (?)), as he nails PRL with several right jabs!

 

COLE

James Riggs with a HUGE opportunity here! Competing against an OAOAST veteran in Tha Puerto Rican in front of a worldwide audience!

 

JESSE

He knows how important this is, and trust me, he is NOT going to blow it!

 

JR grabs PR by his left hand and sends him into the ropes--REVERSED by Tha Puerto Rican! Riggs bounces off of the ropes, right into a clothesline from The People’s Champ! The crowd comes alive! Riggs gets back up, only to be knocked back down by a Rock-style punch to the temple by PRL! Riggs is back up again, so Tha Puerto Rican delivers a dropkick to knock him back down once more!

 

COLE

And Tha Puerto Rican showing that he hasn’t lost a step in his 6 months away from the ring!

 

PRL picks James Riggs up and delivers an Irish Whip on him into the ropes. When Riggs returns, PRL scoops him up onto his shoulders and slams him down onto the mat HARD with a Samoan Drop! Afterwards, Tha Puerto Rican applauds himself for executing the move flawlessly, and the thousands of fans in attendance soon join him in the applauding.

 

COLE

The Lightning Bolts have missed their leader!

 

JESSE

They have had plenty of other people to latch on to! Chicks Over Dicks, Alfdogg, Colombian Heat. They probably forgot about Tha Puerto Rican while he was gone!

 

COLE

You’re not giving these OAOAST Marks enough credit! They remember their heroes and welcome their returns!

 

JESSE

You’re giving these OAOAST Marks TOO MUCH credit, Michael Cole!

 

Tha Puerto Rican covers James Riggs, hooking both of his legs.

 

ONE!

 

 

 

TWO!

 

 

 

 

KICK OUT!!!

 

COLE

Oh! And could that showboating have cost PRL?

 

PRL mouths, “Damn,” He gets up and waits for Riggs to get up too before striking him with a kick to the gut followed by several Rock-style punches to the temple. The punches take Riggs into the ropes, where PRL proceeds to Irish Whip him into the opposite ropes. Riggs reverses and goes for a clothesline while holding onto Tha Puerto Rican’s left hand…but PRL ducks the clothesline attempt and goes for a Rock-style punch to the temple…HOWEVER, Riggs ducks the Rock punch, runs a few feet, stops in his tracks, turns around and waits for Tha Puerto Rican to turn around…

 

*KA-POW!*

 

SO THAT HE CAN NAIL THA PUERTO RICAN WITH A SUPERKICK!!!

 

JESSE

WHAM!

 

COLE

Oh my~! James Riggs striking big time with that Superkick!

 

JESSE

He kicked him right in the mush, Michael Cole! I bet you he just ruined Tha Puerto Rican’s movie star good looks with that one kick!

 

The Superkick was powerful enough to send PRL outside of the ring through the ropes! PRL lies on the outside squirming in pain, holding his jaw. Riggs takes this as a chance to pose for the fans.

 

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

 

The viewers at home cannot tell if the booing affects James Riggs, because he still has the same angry look on his face that he has had since he came to the ring.

 

COLE

James Riggs better be careful. He can’t pose for too long.

 

JESSE

Why not? He’s got The People’s CHUMP down for the count! HA! HA!

 

Riggs finally stops posing and mumbles to himself. He exits the ring and goes to where Tha Puerto Rican is laying to pick him up. He simply throws him back into the ring by the waistband of his tights. Riggs follows PRL, and then quickly covers him, hooking both legs.

 

1...

 

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

 

 

RIGHT SHOULDER UP!!!!!

 

COLE

Oh! And could that showboating have cost James Riggs?

 

JESSE

Nah.

 

James Riggs angrily looks at the referee, who once again repeats that it was a two count. James Riggs mumbles to himself as the OAOAST Starbucks™ Double Shot Instant Replay shows James’ Superkick on Tha Puerto Rican.

 

COLE

Look at the impact of this Superkick! Right on the button!

 

JESSE

James Riggs realizes just how important this match is for him! He can’t afford to make any mistakes! He can’t afford to let P.R. gain the advantage for even one second! He doesn’t want a countout victory. He doesn’t want a disqualification victory! He wants to BEAT Tha Puerto Rican either 1-2-3 in the middle of the ring or by making him submit to his Crossface Chicken Wing. Anything else is NOT an option for James Riggs!

 

We return to live action with James Riggs punching Tha Puerto Rican as he gets up. JR goes for a punch--BLOCKED! Tha Puerto Rican fires with a Rock-style punch to the temple! He fires with another one! And another one! And then another one! The punches take James into a turnbuckle corner. Once there, Puerto grabs James by his left hand and whips him into the opposite turnbuckle corner. PRL follows with a Stinger Splash onto James Riggs! PR then grabs Riggs by his left hand again and whips him into the turnbuckle corner they were at originally. PRL charges forward, right into a back elbow from James Riggs, deflating the crowd!

 

COLE

And Riggs meeting Tha Puerto Rican coming in!

 

PRL stumbles while holding his right cheek as JR exits the ring and leaps onto the top ring rope. He springboards off of it with a clothesline onto PRL!

 

COLE

A springboard clothesline from James Riggs! I’ve never seen him do that before!

 

JESSE

James Riggs is pulling out all of the stops to show the OAOAST that they should pay more attention to him! Give him some title shots! Give him some movie roles! Give him some endorsement deals! Give him some Angle Awards! Just give him SOMETHING! ANYTHING will do!

 

JR covers Tha Puerto Rican, hooking his right leg in the process! He gets a two count!

 

JAMES RIGGS

DAMNIT!

 

Riggs slaps the mat in frustration.

 

JESSE

Look out. He’s getting pissed now!

 

Riggs starts pulling on his hair. He mumbles to himself as he stands up. PRL is still on the mat, holding his throat.

 

JAMES RIGGS

COME ON! GET UP! GET UP YOU SON OF A BITCH!

 

Riggs demands that PRL get up as he paces back and forth inside of the ring. But PR is slow to get back to his feet, feeling the effects of this match already. So James, tired of waiting, decides to kick PR in the face! He continues stomping on Tha Puerto Rican.

 

“P.R.!”

“P.R.!”

“P.R.!”

“P.R.!”

 

COLE

The Lightning Bolts are chanting Tha Puerto Rican’s name once again!

 

JESSE

It won’t do him any good! James Riggs is all over PRL tonight!

 

COLE

James Riggs intent on proving a point here tonight by beating a former World Heavyweight Champion!

 

JESSE

You think he’ll get a World Title shot if he beats Tha Puerto Rican tonight? You know the contract for the World Title Match at AngleMania IX still hasn’t been signed yet!

 

COLE

Let’s not count our chickens before they hatch, Jess. James Riggs is still fighting Tha Puerto Rican right now LIVE on the Nerdly Spectacular!

 

JESSE

You and your damn clichés!

 

JR tries not to let the chanting bother him as he continues stomping on Tha Puerto Rican! Riggs picks Tha Puerto Rican up--and gets punched in the gut! Tha Puerto Rican rocks James Riggs with several punches to the face bringing the crowd to life again! A punch is BLOCKED, however, and Riggs starts punching PRL in the face repeatedly! The punches bring Tha Puerto Rican down to his right knee, and the crowd becomes silent watching their hero take a beating.

 

JAMES RIGGS

STAY DOWN!

 

JR bounces off of the ropes--

 

 

right into a SPINNNNNNEEEEEEBUSSSSSSSSSTTTTEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR~!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

“YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

 

Tha Puerto Rican does a KIP-UP~! and then jumps up and down in place, clearly running on adrenaline, before walking over and standing over James Riggs where he then kicks his right arm onto his chest.

 

JESSE

Oh no.

 

COLE

Oh my~! Could it be time!? After 6 months, will we see it again!?

 

Off comes the right elbow pad. Tha Puerto Rican then throws it into the crowd. As the fans fight for the prized elbow pad, PRL crosses his arms twice and then bounces off of the ropes, leaps over James Riggs and then bounces off of the opposite ropes.

 

COLE

It is now time for The Most Electrifying Move In Professional Wrestling, The Puerto Rico Elbow!

 

Tha Puerto Rican charges forward, stops in his tracks, lifts his right leg up, lifts his right arm up…and then drops his right elbow into the chest of James Riggs!

 

“YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

 

COLE

The Puerto Rico Elbow! It connects! The Puerto Rico Elbow connects on James Riggs!

 

JESSE

God, I hate that move!

 

Tha Puerto Rican wastes no time covering James Riggs, hooking his right leg. The crowd counts along with the referee.

 

1...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

KICK OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

“AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!”

 

COLE

No! That wasn’t enough! The Puerto Rico Elbow wasn’t enough to put down James Riggs for good!

 

JESSE

As if THAT move would be enough!? Are you out of your mind!?

 

COLE

At least I don’t believe in conspiracy theories!

 

Tha Puerto Rican is disappointed that that wasn’t the finish. As is the crowd. PR sits up, thinking of his next move, as another “P.R.!” chant starts up. Breathing heavily, PRL gets to a vertical base and then picks James Riggs up off of the mat. He sizes him up, and then nails him with a Rock-style punch to the temple! PR fires with another Rock punch to the temple! Then another! And another! Punch. Punch. Punch. NOW KISS THAT LEFT~! Punch--DUCKED! Riggs turns around--and gets hit with a Rock-style punch to the temple which knocks him down to the mat!

 

COLE

The former World Heavyweight Champion found his mark again!

 

THA PUERTO RICAN

Come on, jabroni!

 

PRL grabs James Riggs by his left hand as soon as he gets to his feet. He whips him into the ropes--reversed by JR--reversed by PRL, JR goes for a clothesline, Tha Puerto Rican ducks, turns around, JR turns around, PRL kicks JR in the stomach, grabs him, cradles him up, and SPIKES him onto the mat with a Cradle DDT!

 

COLE

Esto Daño De La Cogida De La Voluntad!

 

JESSE

What does that mean?

 

COLE

I can’t say it on TV. We’re rated TV-14, not TV-MA.

 

JESSE

At least we’re not rated TV-PG.

 

COLE

Amen to that.

 

Tha Puerto Rican covers JR, hooking his left leg in the process. He gets a two count! PRL can’t help but do a facepalm following this. Riggs rolls onto his stomach.

 

COLE

PRL not able to get the pinfall that time, as Riggs was able to kick out!

 

JESSE

And not only did Riggs kick out, but Riggs rolled over onto his belly, which shows you that James stays out of the pinning predicament! GREAT training by James Riggs!

 

PRL gets up and goes to pick Riggs up. Riggs knees PRL in the gut! This sends PRL into a turnbuckle corner, where JR proceeds to punch P.R. in the face several times in succession!

 

Punch.

 

JAMES RIGGS

YOU CAN’T BEAT ME!

 

Punch.

 

JAMES RIGGS

I OWN YOU!

 

Punch.

 

JAMES RIGGS

COME ON P.R.!

 

Punch.

 

JAMES RIGGS

COME ON, CHAMP!

 

Punch.

 

JAMES RIGGS

YOU CAN’T WIN!

 

Punch.

 

JAMES RIGGS

COME ON!

 

Punch.

 

COLE

James Riggs taunting Tha Puerto Rican!

 

JESSE

He’s laying the smackdown verbally and physically!

 

JR continues punching P.R. in the turnbuckle corner, getting P.R. dazed and confused. He then grabs a heavily breathing Puerto by his left hand and then whips him into the opposite turnbuckle corner--NO!--Tha Puerto Rican reverses

 

KICK

 

 

WHAM

 

 

P.R. NIGHTMARE~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111

 

“YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

 

COLE

P.R. Nightmare on James Riggs out of nowhere!

 

JESSE

No!

 

Tha Puerto Rican covers James Riggs. He hooks his left leg. Riggs is out cold as Charles Robinson makes the count. The crowd counts along.

 

1...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

*DING DING DING* (4:09)

 

“YEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

 

COLE

And Tha Puerto Rican wins in his comeback match in the OAOAST!

 

JESSE

Aw damn.

 

“Know Your Role 2000” begins playing over the P.A. system. Tha Puerto Rican takes a moment to catch his breath, and then stands up. He looks down at the fallen James Riggs with a look of disgust on his face.

 

MELISSA NERDLY

Here is your winner…THA PUERTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO RICCCCCCCCCCCCCCAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!

 

Charles Robinson raises Tha Puerto Rican’s hands in victory as he looks down at the withering Riggs. PRL starts mouthing off to Riggs, finishing off with the “You Can’t See Me!” hand gesture.

 

COLE

Well, James Riggs wanted this match to be a statement. And while he didn’t win, I’m sure James Riggs made a statement here tonight on the Nerdly Spectacular!

 

JESSE

But he didn’t win! Tha Puerto Rican won. Again! Like he’s won before. And he’ll continue to win for as long as the OAOAST sees fit!

 

COLE

Oh come on, Jess. Don’t tell me you think there’s a conspiracy in the One And Only AngleSault Thread to keep Tha Puerto Rican on top!

 

JESSE

I’m not saying anything. All I’m saying is that tonight we could have seen the birth of a new star, but instead, we get the same old crap, like we always do night in and night out! That’s all.

 

COLE

Oh brother.

 

As the fans go nuts, Tha Puerto Rican goes back to looking down at James Riggs, who has yet to move a muscle. Charles Robinson checks on Riggs as PRL ascends a turnbuckle and raises his hands into the air. The crowd cheers loudly. PRL gets off of the second turnbuckle and then heads to another second turnbuckle where he proceeds to raise his hands into the air again. PRL mouths, “That’s right.” PRL then jumps off of that second turnbuckle and then heads to a third second turnbuckle where he proceeds to raise his right fist into the air and “smell the electricity”. PRL looks at James Riggs from the second turnbuckle, a serious expression on his face. PRL then gets off of the second turnbuckle.

 

COLE

Man, you talk about sudden impact. Tha Puerto Rican, back at 110% it seems to me like, Jess!

 

JESSE

He won, true, but it won’t always be like this! He’ll soon come across someone with an even BIGGER chip on his shoulder than James Riggs, and THEN he’ll be sorry!

 

COLE

You may be right.

 

JESSE

I’m always right.

 

The OAOAST Nerdly Spectacular logo flashes across the screen. Cut to the ending of the match.

 

COLE

As I was saying, you may be right, but for now, for tonight, Tha Puerto Rican is the victor! Here’s another look at the closing moments of this match-up.

 

JESSE

James Riggs went for a whip into the opposite corner, Tha Puerto Rican reversed it, and there it is. After a 6 month break, we once again must deal with seeing the P.R. Nightmare in the OAOAST! Boy, am I SO happy to be seeing THAT move in the OAOAST again!

 

COLE

I can tell you are overjoyed.

 

JESSE

I SURE am!

 

COLE

Will you stop?

 

The OAOAST Nerdly Spectacular logo flashes across the screen. Cut back to live action with Tha Puerto Rican on another turnbuckle corner doing his Rock pose. The crowd cheers loudly. PRL looks back at James Riggs, and then jumps off of the second turnbuckle. PRL walks on over to where James Riggs is lying, looks down at him, looks to the crowd, and then turns around…and then pantomimes kicking dirt onto James Riggs’ face! The crowd cheers.

 

COLE

Well, if that doesn’t send a message, I don’t know what does.

 

JESSE

Why does he got to be such a sore winner!? Isn’t it enough that he beat the guy in less than 5 minutes!?

 

COLE

Hey, he’s Tha Puerto Rican! You should be used to how he acts by now!

 

JESSE

Like I said, we could have gotten something SOMEONE new, but instead we get…this. Same old crap.

 

Tha Puerto Rican looks down at James Riggs once more, clearly still unimpressed with him despite finally having a one-on-one match with him tonight.

 

THA PUERTO RICAN

Try harder next time.

 

And with those parting words, Tha Puerto Rican exits the ring and walks back across the entrance ramp back to the OAOAST entrance tunnel, slapping hands with the fans along the way.

 

COLE

Tha Puerto Rican is indeed back in the One And Only AngleSault Thread, picking up a win in his first match back! Hopefully, he sticks around for good this time!

 

Tha Puerto Rican is still walking across the entrance ramp, slapping hands with the fans as “Know Your Role 2000” continues playing over the P.A. system. P.R. can now finally smile as he has finally gotten rid of the thorn on his side over the past month. The camera cuts back to James Riggs one last time, lying on the mat, but moving his arms as Charles Robinson checks on him. Then it’s back to Tha Puerto Rican as he is just about to exit through the OAOAST entrance tunnel. Tha Puerto Rican stands near the OAOAST entrance tunnel and raises his right fist into the air while he “smells the electricity” as “Know Your Role 2000” continues playing over the P.A. system. The crowd cheers loudly. This is the last image that we see before we fade to black.

 

FADE TO BLACK

 

* COMMERCIAL BREAK *

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"In The Air Tonight" by Nonpoint hits again and for the second time tonight, CPA walks out, puffing on a brand new cigar.

 

MELISSA

The following contest is a semi final match in the King Of The Ring tournament! Introducing first. From Miami, Florida... weighing two hundred and eighty pounds, V.I.C.E member CHRISTOPHER PATRICK ALLEN... C... P... A!!!!

 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

 

CPA enters the ring, all business.

 

COLE

Our first and our only semi-final match. And here's how the tournament lies after the first round. Landon Maddix, through to the Final, courtesy of a bye after his victory against Colombian Heat and the ten minute time-limit draw between Christian Wright and Baron Windels. Landon awaits the winner of this match, between CPA, who was dominant earlier on against Tim Cash, and CPA's opponent, who looked similarly impressive in his first round encounter with Thunderkid, Denzel Spencer.

 

Right on cue, "Master Blaster (Jammin')" plays and the Heartland Champion appears, with a parade of green and yellow pyrotechnics.

 

MELISSA

And his opponent. From Montego Bay, Jamaica... weighing two hundred, twenty five pounds. The OAOAST HEARTLAND CHAMPION... DDEEEENNZZZZEEELLLLL... SSSPPPEEENNCCCEEEEERRRRR!!!!

 

"YYYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!"

 

Denzel slides into the ring and sets off some more of the green 'n gold stuff. In the background, away from the pyro, CPA stands shadow boxing, eyes fixed on the back of Spencer's head.

 

COLE

Denzel was able to overcome a size disadvantage earlier on against Thunderkid. But CPA, one of the OAOAST's real big boys.

 

 

*DINGDINGDING*

 

Ready to go, Denzel squares up to CPA, guard up ready to box. Or so it seems. CPA just looks at him and chuckles as he puts up his fists as well, but Denzel surprises him with a kick to the thigh. Annoyed at that, Allen throws a big right hand, which Denzel ducks, firing another kick to the thigh. And another one. CPA reaches out and grabs Denzel by the throat, stopping him for a second. The Jamaican quickly swats the arm away though and hits a dropkick, sending CPA through the ropes and to the outside!

 

"YYYYEEEEEAAAAAHHHHHHH!!"

 

CPA slaps the apron in frustration as Denzel gets the crowd fired up.

 

COLE

Of course we've got one very interested spectator in this match, Landon Maddix. And I believe that Landon is joining us right now...

 

As CPA takes his time on the outside, a picture-in-picture box appears in the top corner showing Landon Maddix and Megan Skye backstage, watching.

 

COLE

And Landon, if you can hear us, what are you thinking as you watch these two potential opponents?

 

LANDON

Well I'm always thinking. You know that. Always working on a gameplan, a strategy.

 

CPA climbs back into the ring and Denzel makes the mistake of trying to lock up. He's quickly over-powered and forced to the mat with a painful looking head vice manoeuver, the neck being twisted to one side.

 

COLE

You've got to be feeling pretty good right now knowing that you're already in the Finals and your opponent will have to wrestle an extra match. Quite the stroke of luck for you in getting a bye.

 

LANDON

Hey, it's not my fault ol' "Tex" couldn't get the job done, yet again. Surprised he's not out here whining and complaining about a second chance, like he was when he wanted my 8-Man Tag Titles. Bye or no bye, doesn't matter. I'd have beaten Baron, I'd have beaten Christian Wright, I'd have beaten either of them, I'd already be in the Finals either way. Luck's got nothing to do with why I am where I am today Michael Cole.

 

Denzel manages to fight back to his feet and tries to escape with some shots to the gut on CPA, but a clubbing blow over the back cuts him off. Landon grimaces at this, before glancing back up to camera.

 

COLE

So looking at this match, who are you routing for? Who would you rather face in the finals? CPA or Denzel?

 

LANDON

You know, it really doesn't matter...

 

In the ring, CPA delivers another clubbing blow and Landon catches it out of the corner of his eye, grimacing again.

 

LANDON

...it doesn't matter. Either.

 

COLE

You really don't have any preference whatsoever?

 

LANDON

Of course not. I mean, if you're suggesting that maybe I'd be 'afraid' or facing... one of these two men? No. I'm not afraid of anybody. It doesn't matter who I face in the Final, I'm ready for anybody, I...

 

MEGAN

(cutting in)

We want Denzel to win, because of the size difference.

 

LANDON

.....yeah. Yeah, that's... yeah. Fine. But that doesn't mean I'm afraid of CPA.

 

COLE

Thank you for joining us Landon.

 

Bravado stepped on, Landon hangs his head a little as the picture in picture goes away and we see CPA cranking away on the neck of Spencer again.

 

COLE

Well, at least one of those two is willing to cut the bull and tell it like it is. Landon is better matched in size against Denzel than CPA. Where's the shame in that?

 

COACH

...he's not afraid, okay!

 

COLE

I never even suggested he was!

 

Fighting back to his feet again Denzel puts everything he's got into some elbows to the breadbasket, freeing himself from the vice-like grip of CPA. He then hits the ropes, running into the path of a Big Boot, but able to baseball slide underneath Allen's leg! CPA stumbles and Denzel capitalises with a schoolboy...

 

 

1...

 

 

2...

 

 

No!

 

Denzel delivers some forearms to CPA, keeping him off balance, then hits the ropes. A flying attack is thwarted as CPA catches the Jamaican in mid-air, blocking whatever he was planning to do before tossing him aside in irritation. However, Denzel lands on his feet. As CPA charges, Denzel then sidesteps and guides the bigman into the turnbuckles chest first. Denzel pumps his fist, but suddenly gets grabbed as he goes to attack and is spun and thrown into the turnbuckles himself!

 

COACH

Woah!

 

COLE

Power from Allen!

 

As Denzel picks himself up in the corner, CPA lines him up. A hard bodyshot connects. And another one, lifting Denzel off his feet. As does a third.

 

COLE

Just look at the force of those punches. Brutal.

 

COACH

Nothing CPA likes more than treating someone like a human punching bag. So much more fun than just a regular punching bag.

 

CPA whips Denzel into the opposite corner. Up and over goes Denzel though, managing to evade CPA's charge. CPA turns around and gets caught with another dropkick, throwing him back into the corner. Denzel rushes in and gets backdropped over the top, but manages to land on the apron. He avoids a big right from Allen and feeds a shoulder through the ropes into the gut.

 

COLE

There's the speed and the evasiveness that Denzel needs.

 

Shrugging off the shot to his midsection CPA goes to grab Denzel again, but the Heartland Champion surprises him by sliding in under the bottom rope and through his legs!

 

COLE

Nice escape!

 

Back up, Denzel hits the ropes again. A clothesline rocks CPA, but doesn't put him down.

 

COLE

Denzel trying to pick up the pace here. He's got to rely on that speed and that agility here against the bigman, try and keep him on his toes.

 

Connecting with a second clothesline Denzel rocks CPA back a step more than last time and decides to take a risk, going to the top rope. He soars in off the top, looking for a big flying crossbo... CAUGHT! CPA catches Denzel in mid-air and then SLAMS him into the mat!

 

 

1...

 

 

2...

 

 

Kickout!

 

COLE

Denzel may have rolled the dice too early on that one.

 

COACH

Yeah that wasn't so smart. Why you gonna dive right into a dude that back? Might as well take a running jump into a moving train.

 

CPA drags Denzel back up with a handful of hair. A big headbutt staggers Denzel, the turnbuckles the only thing to keep him up. CPA whips him into the opposite corner and follows up with a big corner clothesline. Staggering out, Spencer is then scooped up and hit with a Sidewalk Slam! Leg hooked...

 

 

1...

 

 

2...

 

 

Kickout!

 

Scoop and a slam by CPA, coming off the ropes and dropping a big elbow!

 

 

1...

 

 

2...

 

 

No!

 

COLE

We all know the desire that Denzel Spencer has. He's not going to give this one up without a fight.

 

COACH

That's okay. CPA ain't fussed. He'll take his time.

 

CPA picks Denzel up, giving him another headbutt. The Jamaican is in search of the support of the crowd at this point and gets it, the Edmonton crowd willing him on. Whipped into the ropes, Denzel is picked up for another sideslam. However he manages to twist and wriggle his body around and surprise everybody by turning a bad situation into a Swinging DDT and plant CPA's head into the canvas!!

 

"YYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!"

 

COLE

What a great counter there, Denzel all the way around the world and out the other side in the blinking of an eye!

 

Both men are down and the referee starts his count. Eventually Denzel is able to turn over and cover CPA though...

 

 

1...

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

Kickout!

 

COACH

Forceful kickout though! CPA ain't done yet. This is a dude who was made to be King!

 

Struggling back to their feet, both men are up at the same time. Denzel tries to attack the legs with some more kicks, then fires away with a few right hands. Standing up to all this CPA tries to take Denzel's head off with a clothesline, narrowly avoided by the Heartland Champion. Off the ropes, he flies back at CPA with a crossbody, this time enough to knock him down...

 

 

1...

 

 

2...

 

 

No!

 

Denzel feeds a leg to CPA, caught, but setting the bigman up for an Enziguri!

 

COLE

That one rocked CPA!

 

Falling to his knees CPA is rolled up with a La Magistral cradle!

 

 

1...

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

No!

 

Denzel hits the ropes again and comes steaming back at CPA, who instinctively reaches out and palms Denzel up into the air... bringing him down chest-first over the top ring rope!!

 

"OOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!"

 

COLE

Hung him out to dry! And Denzel better watch out, because CPA looks ready to unleash the Gigaton Punch!

 

CPA crouches down, waiting for Denzel to pick himself back up. Out of the corner he comes charging and throws the big Gigaton Punch... but Spencer ducks! He wheels around, looking to catch CPA off guard. But CPA catches him and drives him into the mat with a Front Spinebuster instead!!

 

COACH

Wham~!

 

Dropping to his knees, CPA stacks Spencer up on his shoulders...

 

 

1...

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

NO!

 

COLE

A kickout from Denzel! And CPA looks dumbfounded.

 

COACH

He looks pissed off, is what he looks!

 

After staring down the referee, CPA drags Denzel back up off the mat with a scowl on his face. Roughly putting on a gutwrench the bigman takes Denzel up over his shoulder and tries to finish him off with the Dominator, but Denzel wriggles free again! With a high leap, a spinning roundhouse kick cracks CPA in the back of the head and he falls forward, hitting the middle rope.

 

COLE

What a shot that was. Now CPA really looks dumbfounded!

 

Bouncing up off the ropes CPA then walks into a surprise codebreaker!!

 

COLE

OH! Got him with the codebreaker! That set up Thunderkid earlier, is it going to work again here!?

 

Up to the top Denzel wastes no time, doing as he did to TK as he hits the KINPUPPALICK and hooks a leg...

 

 

1...

 

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

 

3!!!!!

 

"YYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!"

 

COLE

YES! Denzel Spencer, going to the Finals!

 

 

*DINGDINGDING!*

 

Rolling to his feet Denzel holds the back of his head, nursing the effects of the match even as he pumps his fists in celebration at the victory.

 

MELISSA

Your winner of the match, advancing to the King Of The Ring Final... DDEEENNZZZEEEELLLLL SSSPPEEEEENNCCCEEEEEERRR!!!!

 

"YYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!"

 

Denzel punches the air and celebrates his victory, clearly hurting as he does so though.

 

COLE

So it will be Denzel Spencer, the Heartland Champion, to take on Landon Maddix to crown our first ever King Of The Ring! And boy what an effort it was here from Denzel to overcome the bigman CPA.

 

COACH

That's the keyword, an 'effort'. He had a tough match earlier, now a tough match here with Thunderkid. Meanwhile, Landon been sat in the back, kicking back and chilling out since the start of the show with only one match under his belt.

 

COLE

Denzel may be at a disadvantage from a fatigue standpoint, but I don't think that will bother him at all right now. He's going to the Final. And that should be one heck of a Final right there.

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We focus on Melissa in the center of the ring, standing inside a golden spotlight.

 

MELISSA

Ladies and gentlemen of Edmonton, Alberta, Canada, it is time for the 2010 Anderson Cup finals!

 

“YEAAAAAAAAA!”

 

Cue: Khyber Pass

 

Hard rocking Arab inspired instrumentals break into the Canadian night. The neon entrance stage glows bright and hot with the flashing of multicolored lights.

 

COLE

A new sound for The Heavenly Rockers, one we heard on last week’s HeldDOWN~! after their cruel and heinous actions against Team Heyross.

 

COACH

You always said Team Heyross is the hottest team on the roster, I guess Quentin Benjamin really is :D

 

COLE

Folks, we here in the OAOAST Galaxy wish Qunetin Benjamin the best. He suffered minor burns and he’ll be sidelined indefinitely. However, Team Heyross has released a statement saying they’re looking forward to payback.

 

Stepping onto the colorful entrance stage is Synth Abdul Jabbar, in blue truns with white clouds decorating the back. At his side is the robed Abdullah Abir Nerdly, offering him praise and spiritual betterment ahead of this important content. Behind them stands Logan Mann and Holly, each well matched in letter pants with bloody swords down the side. Their upper bodies differ as Logan goes topless while Holly wears a tight crimson fishnet shirt over a black bikini top. Together they form a liplock that could make even Vivid Entertainment blush. Lumbering behind them is Quiz, clad in simple jeans and a pink and black flannel.

 

MELISSA

Being accompanied by Quiz, Holly, and my brother Colonel Abdullah Abir Nerdly-

 

“BOOOOOOOO”

 

ABDULLAH

:firedevil:

 

MELISSA

They are former Anderson Cup winners in their own right, and three time tag team champions. They hail from Las Vegas, Nevada, Colonel Abdullah Abir Nerdly presents the only rock n wrestling band that matters…..SYNTH ABDUL-JABBAR, LOGAN MACHO MACHO MANN, THE HEAVENLYYYYYY ROOOCKERRRRSSSSS!

 

The evil fivesome cruises down the entrance ramp with Abdullah still feeling the barbs of being booed in his own hometown. As Synth tries to cheer him up with promises of crushing victory, Quiz threatens anyone who dares to insult the holy icon. For their part, Logan and Holly hold each other’s butts and stare lustily at one another’s eyes.

 

COLE

This is it, Coach, a meeting of All Star tag teams right here at the Nerdly Spectacular. These two men are former Anderson Cup champions looking to repeat against four time tag team champions but Anderson Cup rookies, Chicks Over Dicks.

 

COACH

You ain’t gonna find a more marquee tag team match than this, Mikey. Its going to be a war.

 

Hey, hey, you, you

I don't like your girlfriend!

No way, no way!

I think you need a new one

Hey, hey, you, you

I could be your girlfriend!

 

“YEAAAAAAAAAA!”

Hey, hey, you, you!

I know that you like me!

No way, no way!

No, it's not a secret

Hey, hey, you, you!!

I want to be your girlfriend!

 

The skating rink is illuminated with dazzling multicolored light effects, as a red pyro waterfall spills from the ceiling. A beautiful pink pyro fountain shoots into the sky, romancing with its red counterpart. Suddenly a yellow pyro wall explodes to life, dashing out the other pyro that seems so flimsy in comparasion. The phenomena known as Chicks Over Dicks steps through the entrance doors to a mammoth reception. Alix sports a furry motif in her attire with a furry white bikini top, furry boots, and white booty shorts. Krista reps Judaism hard with a white booty shorts with the star of david on the back, a white headband with the star of david on front and a tube top with the star of david on each side of the chest. Krista spins Alix around before pulling her adorable girlfriend into her arms. Alix sexily looks over her shoulders and tosses a cute kiss to the camera as super imposed lips sweep onto screen.

 

COACH

How do you think Alix and Krista feel knowing that they’re responsible for Shelton Benjamin being fried like Church’s chicken? Do you think they care?

 

COLE

They, like everyone else, know that The Rockers are the ones who deserve the blame.

 

MELISSA

And the opponents….first she is the reigning United States champion, the most searched on Google in 2009, the Hollywood Bad Girl….ALIX MARIA SPEZIAAAAAAA! And, her tag team partner. She is a best selling author and star of the world famous FIT with KID line of exercise videos! 2009's most searched superstar on Yahoo, 2009's highest trending OAOAST topic on Twitter, 2009's Angle Award winning Wrestler Of The Year, more famous than everyone else put together and multiplied by four! She is a former two-time OAOAST World Heavyweight Champion... ladies and gentlemen, "MISS CALIFORNIA"... KKRRIIIIISSTTAAAA ISADORA... DDUUUUUUUUUUUUNNCCAAAAAAAAAAAAANN!!!! Together, they are your #2 seeds in the Anderson Cup, the incomparable... CCHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIICCKKSSSSSSSSS OOOOVVVEEERRRRRR DDIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICCKKSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!

 

The beloved duo happily skips down the entrance ramp, arm and arm, blowing kisses and waving to their adoring fanbase.

 

COLE

This is such a personal match with so many incidents and attacks leading up to it. It may be the most intense Anderson Cup finals we’ve ever had.

 

Krista showcases her ten million dollar legs to the audience, as Alix stares with tongue wagging at her hypersexed girlfriend. The Heavenly Rockers get a much cruder view as both members of COD offer them a one finger salute.

 

“DING DING DING”

 

Rather than allow Alix to get into their heads early on, The Heavenly Rockers jump the Princess of Los Angeles. Synth is quickly pointed out the ring, but Mann remains and batters Alix with wicked left hands. He manages to wear her to the ground where he’s able to drop a series of elbows onto the small of her back.

 

“LET’S GO ALIX! LET’S GO ALIX! LET’S GO ALIX!”

 

Mann scrapes Alix off the canvas, and fires off left hands. The blows back her into THR’s corner, allowing Logan to apply a tag with Synth. The Synthmeister enters the ring with powerful overhand punches. Mann holds her arms behind her back, leaving her defenseless against the attacks.

 

COLE

Referee, get him out of there!

 

Charles Robinson takes the hint from the announcers and the fans and ushers Logan out the ring. This does little to assist Alix, who has been mounted by Synth and is being pummeled with punches. Ally attempts to cover up, but this hardly helps her as Synth punishes her with punches. Once through with that Synth brings her to her feet in order to smash her head against his knees. She cries out in pain, etching a worried look onto Krista’s face.

 

COLE

This is not a good start for Chicks Over Dicks, which is odd because they usually start off very well.

 

With one hand holding Alix in place, Synth makes a tag to his bandmate. Mann enters with forearms to Alix’s face, and then throws her into his corner. Problematically Alix comes to sudden life and begins hammering the MACHO Macho Mann with powerful punches. But Mann shrugs aside the blow to elbow Alix directly in the face. As she staggers away, the Rockers’ lead sing stretches out and makes the tag to Synth. Logan pins her arms behind her back, infuriating Krista and the crowd, but also allowing him to slug Alix in the face. Logan then leaves the ring, and his partner and bashes her face into the top turnbuckle.

 

COACH

Why attack the face fellas? Why attack that beautiful face?

 

COLE

I thought you’d be delighted that COD is losing.

 

COACH

I ain’t delighted when my spank material has got two black eyes!

 

Synth lunges forward to strike Alix with a lariat. But the plucky diva ducks bellow the strike, and Synth falls into the corner. She batters him powerful punches, until the referee forces her to make a break. Alix abides by the rules, and clutches onto his parted air to drag him to her corner. There a tag is applied to Krista with an eager and enthusiastic cheer from the fans.

 

“Ya’ll niggas done fucked up now!“ Alix shouts as Krista prepares to enter the ring. And indeed those niggas is fucked as Krista slingshots into the ring and strikes down her opponent with a slingshot dropkick. Unfortunately for Krista her advantage is short lived, as Synth springs to his feet. He wraps his around her svelte waist and drives her all the way into the Rockers corner. He then applies the tag to his partner in rock n wrestling, Logan Mann.

 

“BOOOOOOOOO!” the fans seethe as Logan steps into the ring. He grabs hold of Krista’s arm and flings her into the ropes. When she returns, he throws a lariat at her. But the fitness queen swings her body beneath his arm. Logan quickly whirls around to catch her, but Miss California lifts him into her arms to set up an atomic drop.

 

LOGAN

No! No! No!

 

KRISTA

No you don’t want to me drive your balls through your throat out your mouth?

 

LOGAN

No! No!

 

KRISTA

No, you do want me to drive your balls through your throat out your mouth? Honey, its one or the other, make up your mind!

 

LOGAN

No!

 

Holly is growing annoyed by the situation.

 

HOLLY

You stupid bitch! Drop him!

 

ALIX

You heard the man! Drop him.

 

HOLLY

I’m not a man!

 

KRISTA

If that’s what the tranny wants that’s he/she gets!

 

And Krista drops him….right onto her outstretched knee! As Logan is hobbled by the hideous anguish, Krista grabs onto his leather pants and trips him to the floor. She spreads apart his legs leading Alix waxes nostalgic.

 

ALIX

Back on the ground, legs spread in the air, and an angry drunk on top getting ready to nail me. Wow, its just like a visit from my uncle Hector.

 

Choosing to ignore the unwelcome trip down memory lane, Krista leaps between Logan’s legs and crushes his midection with a double leg drop. The rock n wrestling superstar howls in agony, but receives little in the way of sympathy from Krista.

 

KRISTA

Those legs are insured for ten million dollars, and they just touched your slimy, back acne riddled poorly odored, funky spots in weird places body. Feel honored,

 

Bringing Logan to his feet, the two time world champion twists his arms and guides him to the COD corner where a tag is made. Alix enters the ring, and the girls throw Logan into the ropes. They bounce off the cables themselves and then their tanned legs connect with Triple H style knee strikes. Logan immediately clutches his face as pain rips across his head.

 

KRISTA

Well, we took care of Buckwheat, what do you want to do now?

 

ALIX

Bootysault?

 

KRISTA

Much too early. Give em the booty now and what we will give them later?

 

ALIX

The coochie?

 

KRISTA

I really should seriously consider petitioning Morgan to be my new partner. Why don’t we just stomp him?

 

ALIX

Like this?

 

STOMP!

 

KRISTA

No like this.

 

STOMP[/3]

 

KRISYA

Or like this!

 

STOMP

 

KRISTA

Develop a rhythm with it, make it fun. Bring the music to the people for if you don’t who will? Try stomping to the beat of Shout.

 

KRISTA

STOMP STOMP STOMP LOGAN OUT, THESE ARE THE FEELINGS OF A CRAZY JEW, COME ON I’M STOMPING ON YOU COME ON!

 

Robinson finally gets things under order forcing Kista leave and letting Alix handle Logan. Unfortunately she’s cut off from Logan by Synth who comes in to shove her to the canvas.

 

ALIX

Hey, that’s mean!

 

SYNTH

Look at ma face, do it look like the face of someone who gives a damn? :lol:

 

Less funny is the fact that Alix punts him in the balls! While the audience loudly salutes this attack, The Hollywood Bad Girl grabs Synth into a front facelock. From there she bridges backwards and removes the threat he poses with a DDT!

 

COLE

Synth had no business in that ring.

 

COACH

And Krista had business singing the top 40 hits of the 80’s?

 

COLE

One is entertaining the other is just a goggle wearing nuisance.

 

Alix deals with Logan as effectively as she did Synth, using sharp kicks to batter the Rockers’ lead singer. Having hobbled Mann her furry boots spring off the ropes and her shoulders rip through his midsection spring board spear.

 

COLE

Straight Outta Compton!

 

Alix attempts a pinfall…

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

Mann makes the desperate kickout. Wheezing, he’s then brought to his feet by Alix and attacked with a bevy of strikes. Unfortunately she’s halted by the throat thrust Mann attacks her with. As Alix is doubled over at a loss for breath, the Rockers’ lead singer applies an opportunistic tag to his partner. Mann then holds Alix into place, as Synth taunts her with light kicks to the head. After Mann is forced to the apron by the referee, Synth clamps down on Alix’s neck with a facelock. He grabs onto her white booty shorts and raises her into the air before dropping her downwards with a deadly and I do mean deadly vertical suplex.

 

COACH

The balance of power has shifted, Mikey, hopefully for good.

 

Figuring that a vertical suplex is enough effort on his part, Synth slaps the outstretched hand of the MACHO Macho Mann.

 

“MACHO MACHO MANN, SYNTH WANTS TO FUCK THE MACHO MANN! MACHO MACHO MANN SYNTH WANTS TO FUCK THE MACHO MANN!” the vulgar audience sings.

 

KRISTA

Well there’s a mental image I was dying to have. Thank you Edmonton, for you have illuminated my day and wet my loins in ways you couldn’t imagine.

 

Mann delivers a hard European uppercut to Alix, that tosses her onto the second rope. Seizing on her poor position, Logan drives his knee into her upper back choking her on the cable. This attack only lasts several seconds before Robinson yanks Logan away. The two engage in a heated argument with Logan brutally cursing the offical. This debate distracts Robinson and permits Holly to strike Alix with a vicious slap.

 

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

 

KRISTA

Don’t just boo! Throw things at her! Watch! (Krista pulls off her star of david head band and throws it Holly, coming up well short) Okay the object was questionable, but the intent to maim and injure was present, I assure you that!

 

Mann struts around the ring, hands on his hips and a smile on his face. He then drags Alix to the center of the squared circle for a pinfall…

 

ONE!

 

 

TWO!

 

Ally makes the kickout, and all of Edmonton is delighted.

 

LOGAN

You dumb referee, you better learn to count faster!

 

Having properly insulted poor Robinson, Mann traps Alix within a neck vice. The pain is immediate but doesn’t stop Alix from trying to wiggle out the hold. In response, Mann tightens the grip and demands her submission. Yet Alix is still able to escalate to her feet. Frustrated by Alix’s tenacity, Mann allows her to go free only tag her with a left hook. As soon as Alix crumples to the canvas, Mann reaches out to make the tag with Synth.

 

COLE

Lots of quick tags by The Heavenly Rockers.

 

COACH

Its smart, Mikey. You never give your opponent a chance to get use to your attack pattern.

 

Synth and Logan brings Alix to her feet and then smash her against their knees. Alix cries out in anguish and falls over to the mat. Smiling at the inevitable victory, Synth hooks the legs for a pinfall…

 

ONE!

 

 

TWO!

 

But the victory isn’t so inevitable as Alix kicksout!

 

“YEAAAAAAAAA!”

 

Annoyed with Alix’s kickout, Synth roughly drags her upright. He brings her in close and slugs her in the chest with a devastating short arm lariat. Synth cockily dusts his hands off and then attempts a pivotal pinfall…

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

Alix with another kickout! Growing all the angrier, Synth traps Alix into a chinlock. The move does little to excite the audience but it certainly hurts Alix who yelps her distress.

 

“LET’S GO ALIX! LET’S GO ALIX! LET’S GO ALIX!”

 

Alix begins waving her arms, trying to strike Synth with lucky punches and telling the referee she’s still in the contest. On the outside, Holly yells for her to submit and Logan does the same. But Alix is as resilient as she is beautiful and begins fighting to her feet. Rather than let her make an escape, Synth releases the hold. He then grabs onto the back of her head and slams her downward into the canvas.

 

COLE

What a dirty tactic by Synth.

 

COACH

It’s the Anderson Cup, baby, sometimes you gotta cut corners and bend the rules. Of course only real wrestlers like The Rockers can understand this.

 

COLE

Are you saying Alix and Krista aren’t real wrestlers?

 

COACH

I’m saying the truth.

 

Synth heads up to the third rope, and rolls his elbow in preparation for a big time attack. On the outside Abdullah celebrates imminent victory with a strange holy dance. Synth smiles at his spiritual guide and then flies forward with the legendary Sky Hook Elbow. But Alix slides out the way, and Abdul-Jabbar meets with a disastrous crash onto the mat. The fans cheer wildly, and Alix wastes little time in getting to her corner to make the tag to Krista!

 

“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

 

Krista’s entrance into the ring is met with a running lariat from the MACHO Macho Mann. Unfortunately for him, Krista is half a step too fast for him and blows him down with a spinning wheel kick. Krista then turns her attention to Synth.

 

KRISTA

Honey, those goggles are sublime, in a company where high fashion is passed off as assless chaps and glittery cowboy hats, you set the trend. You must let me try them on.

 

More used to being harassed about his snowboarding goggles then complimented, Synth shrugs his shoulders and hands over his eye wear.

 

KRISTA

Hmmmm…..snug fit, clear vision, and one other thing….

 

KRISTA HEADBUTTS SYNTH!

 

KRISTA

They work great for headbutting. Thanks, honey, you’re a dream.

 

Enraged at his partner’s humliation, Logan is back to his feet. But he can’t get any revenge as Krista easily traps him inside a front facelock.

 

“Life In The Fab Lane!” She calls out, and then waves to the roaring audience. From there she whirls around and sends Mann crashing into the canvas with her version of the twist of fate.

 

KRISTA

Now, honey, I told you what move I was going to use, and I even stopped to wave to the fans, I did everything but play Beethoven’s 5th on Alix’s dumb kazoo. And you still couldn’t stop me? The school system that the retard bus drove you to everyday has failed you. And on a greater level its failed America.

 

Sighing at Logan’s stupidity, Krista hooks the leg for a pinfall….

 

ONE!

 

 

TWO!

 

Logan swiftly kicks out and retreats to a neutral corner to rethink his errant strategy. Problematically Krista’s high heels are already running towards him. He hastily slides himself out the way, thinking she’ll crash into the posts. He has no such luck as the fitness queen elevates herself to the top rope and flies back at him with a corckscrew moonsault press! Together the rockstar and the walk of famer tumble down to the mat.

 

“KRISTA! KRISTA! KRISTA!” the audience sings as Krista attempts a pinfall…

 

ONE!

 

 

TWO!

 

However the fall is broken up by Synth! This does sit overly well with Krista, who begins blasting Synth with powerful kicks with her expensive heels. Synth fights back, but foolishly slugs her in his former goggles!

 

SYNTH

Ow! Ow! Ow!

 

COLE

Ha! Now you know how it feels!

 

COACH

So now Krista has goggles and a hard cast!

 

Krista grabs onto Synth’s arms and smashes his head against her knees in a Triple H style face crusher that fells him to the canvas. Synth rather wisely rolls to the outside to be consoled by his spiritual advisor. However this leaves Logan alone with the beautiful duo as Alix has ventured into the ring. Logan fires double lariats at four time tag team champions. But is upended by a clever sitout hip toss by the girls.

 

KRISTA

Duck soup!

 

ALIX

No thanks, I don’t eat duck.

 

KRISTA

Dummy, it means….oh why do I bother to explain the nuances of my subtle genius, lets just shake our asses.

 

“YEAAAAAAAAAAA!”

 

The girls both head to opposite corners and climb up to the top rope, which confuses the booty hungry crowd more than it excites them. Perched up high, they each toss cute a kiss to the other. Then the raunchy show begins, as their firm delectable ass cheeks jiggle and bounce to enthused cheers of the Edmonton audience!

 

COACH

Well, I got what I came to see. Wake me up when the Rockers win.

 

Cutting the booty shaking short, the girls flip backwards to crush Logan with double moonsaults.

 

“C-O-D! C-O-D! C-O-D!”

 

Mann hastily and wisely rolls away while Alix is removed from the ring by the referee. Mann slaps Synth’s hand, bringing his partner into the ring. Krista greets him with a leaping sidekick, but Abdul Jabbar ducks the attack. Krista spins around to catch him with her cast covered arm, but Synth drops her with a lightening fast right cross. Synth then grabs onto her legs and spreads them apart. He salivates over the upskirt view he gets just a bit too much and lingers on his move. This enables Krista to kick him away. Frustrated by the shrug off, Synth runs forward and plants his arab style boots into her sternum.

 

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” the fans shout as Synth dusts off his hands.

 

Synth lifts Krista off the canvas, and then hurls her into the ropes. When she returns he hooks beneath her arms and sends her flying over with an arm drag! Figuring that’s enough to keep Krista down, Abdul-Jabbar makes a pinfall effort…

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

Krista lifts her shoulder off the canvas, giving the audience a reason to celebrate. Their mood is tempered somewhat, as Synth begins dropping elbows against Krista’s toned stomach. Next he lifts her off the canvas and shoves her across the ring into his corner. He lays in a few hard elbows for good measure before applying the tag to Logan. The MACHO Macho Mann isn’t warmly welcomed by the Canadian crowd. He’s even more poorly received when he blasts Krista with a WICKED left uppercut.

 

COLE

No one is more proficient with the left hands than the southpaw Logan Mann.

 

COACH

Word, the Heavenly Rockers do one thing better than Alix and Krista and that’s brawl. They brawl well and they brawl hard.

 

Mann hooks onto Krista’s bare leg for a pinfall…

 

ONE!

 

 

TWO!

 

Somehow Krista finds the strength to kickout. She tries to use the ropes to pull herself upright, but this effort is hindered by Logan repeatedly kicking her in the back. Mann then makes a tag with Abdul Jabbar and drags Krista towards the center of the ring. In unison with Mann, Synth drops a vicious leg across her neck. Logan quickly scuttles out the ring so that Synth may make the pinfall…

 

ONE!

 

 

TWO!

 

No, Krista makes the kickout! Not wanting her to gain any momentum, Synth holds Krista down with a body lock. Almost instantly does the crowd begin chanting Krista’s name, willing her to fight towards her feet. Now upright she begins bashing her cast against Synth’s cranium, doing enough damage to hobble the rockstar. With Synth dazed and in pain, she runs to the ropes. The cables push her back and she leaps over her paunchy foe with a sunset flip. The official scores the pinfall…

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

Synth pops out of the pin, and promptly begins unleashing on the superstar of the year with hard punches. While she whimpers in distress, Abdul Jabbar brings her off the canvas and roughly shoves her into The Rockers’ corner. There a tag is made with Logan, which does nothing to please the Albertan audience.

 

“LOGAN SUCKS! LOGAN SUCKS! LOGAN SUCKS!”

 

Logan and Synth lift Krista high into the air with dual military presses. After suspending her for several seconds they drop her downwards crashing her stomach into their knees. Krista screams out in pain, and clutches her sore midsection.

 

COACH

I don’t care how many stomach crunches she does per day that has to hurt!

 

Synth parades around the ring, arms raised and mouth spewing cries of victory. While he infuriates the audience, Mann makes an important pinfall…

 

ONE!

 

 

TWO!

 

The audience has a reason to cheer as Krista makes a timely kickout. But their cheers are short lived, as Mann brings Krista to her feet and punishes her stomach with brutal knees. Krista grits her teeth, trying her hardest to tolerate the incredible pain that rolls through her body. Logan continues to put the pressure on Krista, grabbing onto her neck and swinging her around with a neckbreaker. Krista’s neck snaps violently off the canvas, and her screams are immediate.

 

HOLLY

Yeah! Put that dyke bitch away!

 

Logan grabs onto Krista’s flowing golden hair, and begins bringing her to her feet. He hooks her into a front facelock and then performs a finger twirl that incites the sold out audience. They watch in horror as Logan dives backwards and crashes Krista’s head into the canvas with a Percussion DDT

 

SYNTH

:headbang:

 

Mann smiles over the misery he’s heaped upon Krista as he hooks her leg for the pinfall…

 

ONE!

 

 

TWO!

 

Krista makes a miraculous kickout that almost brings the audience to their feet.

 

COACH

I don’t believe it!

 

HOLLY

Robinson! I thought my husband told your (beep)sucking ass to count faster!

 

While Robinson lectures Holly on lady like language, Logan takes Krista into a front facelock. Rather than execute his deadly finisher or any other hold, Mann simply chokes away at the two time world champion. Krista makes every effort her weakened body can afford to fight free of the hold, but Mann’s grip is murderously tight.

 

“LET’S GO KRISTA! LET’S GO KRISTA! LET’S GO KRISTA!” the fans chant led on by Alix. The song of the audience seems to work like wondrous magic and Krista begins fighting upwards. Logan clamps down tighter on the hold, and yells at Krista to abandon her fight. But Krista heeds only the encouragement of the audience and begins driving her cast-ridden arm into his stomach. The blows stun Mann mightily and with each attack, his hold fails him more and more. Finally Logan hasn’t any choice but to release Krista, lest her cast cut through his chocolate skin entirely. Annoyed with his hold’s failure, Logan lunges forward to quiet his rage. Unfortunately Krista avoids him by leaping onto the third rope and springboarding back at him. Her body flips through the air and her arm with the cast connects with Logan’s head, completing a graceful moonsault lariat!

 

“YEAAAAAAAAAAAA!” the audience along with Alix shouts their excitement.

 

Krista would like to capitalize on her new found advantage, to dazzle the audience with another show of agility, or simply make a much needed tag. But none of those options are available to her as she’s too weakened to even attempt to move her muscles.

 

“LET’S GO KRISTA! LET’S GO KRISTA! LET’S GO KRISTA!”

 

The audience’s chants are appreciated by Miss California, but even they do little to help her cause. Alix takes up to performing an Indian war cry to rally her girlfriend. The front row fans beat their hands against the guardrails, doing their part to aid Krista. Abdullah and Holly chastise the audience for their support of Krista, but only cause them to grow all the louder. With all of Edmonton behind her finally Krista begins making some effort to her corner. Mann finally recovers slightly, noticing Krista’s escape attempt. He clamps down tightly on her ankle, trying with every bit of strength in his body to hold her back. However, Krista’s will to victory is too strong for even Mann to overcome and she continues sliding to her corner.

 

“KRISTA! KRISTA! KRISTA!”

 

Krista makes the tag to Alix! The Hollywood Bad Girl rushes into the ring with Edmonton rooting her on. Her arrival is met by a charging Logan Mann. But Alix takes him off his feet with a stupendous high flipping lariat. She hasn’t much time to celebrate though as Synth begins blasting her with forearms to the back. His attacks only last but so long, as Alix takes to BITING his nose. While Synth tries to cope with the pain of being bitten, Alix traps him inside a side facelock. Moments later she’s somersaulting forward, bringing him down with the Confessions of a Kristaholic! The fans erupt with overjoyed jubilation as Alix makes the crucial pinfall…

 

CROWD

ONE!

 

CROWD

TWO!

 

Colonel Abdullah distracts the ref by climbing onto the apron and disseminating his holy views. This draws the audience’s wrath, but not Alix’s as she simply turns her attention to Mann. She snags hold of his arm and whips him into the ropes. Holly springs into action, grabbing onto her husband’s boot in order to prevent him from being struck by Alix. Unfortunately this only delays the inevitable; Alix soon charges forth and cracks Logan’s skull with a running enziguri!

 

ALIX

Ya-hoooooo! Ten thousand monkey points!

 

As Logan tries to struggle towards his feet, he’s seized upon by the queen of the monkey points who chucks him into the far corner. As soon as he lands against the ring posts he must deal with Alix striking him with a beautiful body splash. His body tries to topple over to the canvas, but he’s held in place by Alix’s headlock. Together they run forward, with Alix stretching out her body to bulldog Logan and strike the oncoming Synth Abdul Jabbar with a lariat!

 

COLE

Oh what a move that was! What a move!

 

COACH

There needs to be a little more ass shaking and a lot less ass kicking from Alix.

 

Alix makes the cover and the audience counts along.

 

CROWD

ONE!

 

CROWD

TWO!

 

This time its Holly interrupting the count by cursing out Robinson. With the referee back to lecturing Holly on proper decorum, Quiz sneaks into the ring. He aims his trademark big boot at Alix. However the feisty diva ducks bellow the attack and Quiz misses entirely. Stumbling awkwardly, Quiz is easily taken off his feet by a dropsault from the Princess of Los Angeles! While Quiz was defeated without much effort, his presence brought The Rockers much needed time to recover. As such their easily able to grab hold of Alix and capture her inside a double front facelock.

 

LOGAN AND SYNTH

:headbang:

 

COACH

Here comes the Percussion!

 

But the Rockers’ famous finisher never has a chance to even begin its execution; Krista surges forward and wipes out both Rockers with double diving lariats!

 

“C-O-D! C-O-D! C-O-D!”

 

Krista sends Logan into the corner and follows up with leaping knees to his face! He stumbles out the corner, grimacing in anguish with blood dripping from his mouth. Krista takes up a perch on the top rope, bending over to show a little bit of her fine ass, while Logan struggles to remain upright. She then hurls herself off the top rope with a shooting star lariat that wipes the rock n wrestling superstar out. Unfortunately for her, she must quickly turn her attention to the fast approaching Abdul Jabbar. But Krista is up for the task and meets his arrival by reminding him Blonds Never Pay A Cover.

 

COLE

She got him with the side effect!

 

A pinfall is attempted as the referee discards any adherence to the legal man rules.

 

CROWD

ONE!

 

CROWD

TWO!

 

Holly leaps onto the ring apron to once again distract Robinson. Krista is oddly calm about the situation as she approaches the hostile Holly.

 

HOLLY

What the (beep) do you want, (beep) carpet munching dyke?

 

KRISTA

Honey, I have to ask, do you change your motor oil every three thousand miles?

 

HOLLY

What the mother (beep)? Why do you give a shit?

 

KRISTA

I don’t really, honey, I’m just giving Alix a chance to do this.

 

SUPERKICK BY ALIX!

 

“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”

 

Logan sees blood red after his wife’s unfortunate dismissal from the contest. He makes a mad dash for Alix, but is caught with a KIDology from Krista! The fans spring to their feet, ready to celebrate the victory, as Alix makes the pinfall on Mann….

 

CROWD

ONE!

 

CROWD

TWO!

 

CROWD

THREE!

 

COLE

They got it!

 

The fans rise to their feet and high five one another as though they themselves were victorious on this magical night. Abdullah sings to his knees and weeps in great sorrow over the heart crushing defeat. Holly’s sadness quickly turns to anger as she begins kicking anything that can possibly be kicked.

 

COLE

Chicks Over Dicks with their first ever Anderson Cup coming at the expense of The Heavenly Rockers! You know Team Heyross has to be somewhere enjoying this outcome.

 

MELLISA

Your winner and 2010 Anderson Cup Champion….CHICKS OVER DICKS!!!!!!!!

 

“YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” the audience screams like the news were too incredible to be true. Alix celebrates with the exuberance and joy that only belong to an Anderson Cup victor. Krista for her part plays it cool and calm, accepting a Martini to commemorate the victory.

 

COLE

Chicks Over Dicks have done it all, record setting four time tag team champions and now 2010 Anderson Cup champions. Does it get any better than this, Coach?

 

COACH

Does it get any worse than this, Mikey? A whole new round of sonnings and humiliation are in store for us.

 

MELISSA

Here to present the 2010 Anderson Cup….Canadian Olympic Hockey athlete and NHL superstar….RICK NASH!

 

220px-Rick_Nash.jpg

 

The Blue Jackets’ sniper waves to the audience as he approaches a podium on the stage that holds the golden gift of beauty, The Anderson Cup. Standing at his side are Jessie Ventura, Tony Schiavone, and OAOAST legend Tony Brannigan

 

NASH

It is my pleasure to award Krista Isadora Duncan and Alix Maria Spezia with the 2010 Anderson Cup! Congratulations, ladies.

 

Krista takes the trophy and hoists it high above her head, mimicking a Stanley Cup celebration for Nash’s benefit. Alix stands with an overjoyed smile dancing across her face. Barley able to contain her giddiness, she applauds and cheers with the roaring Edmonton audience.

 

NASH

Best of luck to you in your Anglemania tag title match.

 

KRISTA

Oh, honey, its not us that’s going to need luck.

 

“C-O-D! C-O-D! C-O-D!” the fans sing as the girls pose for pictures with the coveted trophy.

 

COACH

This is disgusting. How can these two win the Anderson Cup over real wrestlers? This is like David Arquette as WCW champ. What’s next? Jessica Alba as Heartland champion? Julia Roberts King Of The Ring? I can’t stand for it!

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MELISSA

OAOAST Marks, the following contest is scheduled for one fall and is for the ONE & ONLY WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP!

 

30d2d8fc.jpg

 

MARV and MEL walk out and high-five as blue and orange pyrotechnic rockets shoot into the air from both sides of the stage, the tune of “Like the Angel” by Rise Against blaring in the background.

 

BUFFER

Introducing first, the challengers… from EDMONTON, ALBERTA CANADA! Total combined weight 370 pounds... the team of MARV and MEL... THE CHRIST AIR EEEEXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXPPRRRRRREEEEEESSSSSSSSS!!!!

 

"YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!"

 

MARV and MEL play to the hometown crowd.

 

COLE

Former tag team champions themselves, MARV and MEL once again come into a tag title match the heavy underdogs. Although tonight they not only have their hometown behind them but also an entire nation.

 

COACH

Even the French Canadians?

 

COLE

Them too.

 

“The World is Mine” by David Guetta cues and Enterprise CEO Theodore Moneymaker leads the LDC Moneygang down the green and gold lit stage.

 

BUFFER

And their opponents, accompanied by the Chief Executive Officer of THE ENTERPRISE, THEODORE MONEYMAKER… at a total combine weight of 420 pounds, THE ONE & ONLY WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS… COLIN MAGUIRE, JR., SPENCER REIGER… THE LDC MMMOOOONNEYGANG!!

 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

 

Moneymaker taunts the crowd while the LDCMG taunt the CAE with the gold.

 

COACH

You know COD are paying close attention to this one, Cole. They get the winner at AngleMania.

 

With both teams ready to go the bell sounds.

 

* DINGDINGDING *

 

MEL and Reiger both jockey for position to start. With neither able to gain the upper hand they break and tie-up again. MEL grabs a headlock and is shot off into the ropes. He leapfrogs Reiger on the rebound and executes a quick arm drag.

 

And a second.

 

Hip toss follows and Reiger gets struck by a spinning heel kick that knocks him near the CAE corner. Reiger staggers to his feet and into a big right from MARV, and then MEL!

 

COLE

The Christ Air Express are playing pinball with Spencer Reiger.

 

Reiger falls back to his corner and tags out. A lockup ensues and CMJ knees MEL in the gut. MEL is then stunned by a series of Irish uppercuts. CMJ t-bone’s MEL, who lands on his feet and tags MEL. DOUBLE KICKFLIP levels CMJ. Reiger enters and he’s greeted by a DOUBLE HIP TOSS. The champs are whipped into each other and CMJ gets driven into the mat courtesy of a FULL NELSON FACEBUSTER!

 

The cover.

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

KICKOUT!

 

Quick tag by the CAE who deliver a double backdrop. MARV follows with a STANDING MOONSAULT!

 

The cover.

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

SAVE BY REIGER!

 

Words are exchanged before MARV climbs the turnbuckles from the inside. Unfortunately for him, CMJ recovers and delivers a HIGH-LIFTING GERMAN SUPLEX!

 

COACH

Irish Suplex!

 

The count.

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

NO!

 

MEL breaks up the pin.

 

Reiger tags in and the LDCMG hit a double back elbow. Reiger attempts a pin following a measured knee drop.

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

KICKOUT!

 

Theodore Moneymaker complains of a slow count, which is to be expected when the assigned official is his in late ‘80s.

 

COACH

How does that old geezer still have a job?

 

COLE

Come on now. The man proudly served his country. Clem also has one helluva attorney. He’d end up owning the company if they forced his retirement.

 

As referee Clem Buzzlefoxer wags his finger at Moneymaker, Reiger chokes MARV with the drawstring of his shorts.

 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

 

Moneymaker ends his conversation with Clem once Reiger has inflicted enough damage. Reiger then whips MARV hard to the buckle, dropping him to the seat of his pants and charges in… but MARV moves and Reiger crashes in knee-first!

 

COLE

I guess blood wasn’t the new black but rather the New Coke… a miss.

 

MARV grabs Reiger and nails him with THE ACID DROP!

 

The cover.

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

SAVE BY CMJ!!

 

MEL enters and all 4 men pair off in opposite corners. Like earlier in the bout, the CAE look to whip the LDCMG into each other, but CMJ reverses, prompting MEL to leapfrog MARV who charges into a STUN GUN!

 

COACH

Cambridge Curse!

 

Reiger makes the cover as CMJ dumps MEL outside and whips him into the guardrail.

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

THR-- NO, KICKOUT!!!

 

"YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!"

 

Reiger and Moneymaker flip their lid, with Reiger even getting physically with Clem. Surprisingly Clem pushes back… but so does Reiger, causing Clem to lose his balance and take a nasty fall to the floor.

 

REIGER

:o

 

COLE

Damn you, Spencer Reiger! How dare you put your hands on an official? Especially someone nearly 90 years old! No ifs, ands or buts about it, that’s a disqualification right there. Maybe even a suspension.

 

COACH

Clem’s the one who escalated the situation by retaliating. It’s not Spencer’s fault he lost his balance. The man should be enjoying retirement anyway, not working as a OAOAST referee.

 

Reiger turns his attention back to MARV and gets hit with a JAWJACKER! MARV then positions Reiger near the corner for a MOONSAULT 450!!!

 

COLE

Marvellousity!

 

With no referee MARV counts the pin himself, along with the hometown crowd.

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

THREE!!!

 

"YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!"

 

COACH

These idiots can cheer all they want, but that pin doesn’t count.

 

COLE

Sadly you’re right. Referee Clem Buzzlefoxer wiped out by Spencer Reiger.

 

COACH

Accidentally, Cole.

 

CMJ goes to work on MARV while Reiger regroups. Once he does the LDCMG deliver THE SPIKE REIGER COUNTER!

 

The cover.

 

COACH

1-2-3! Ring the bell!

 

COLE

That doesn’t count, either.

 

The LDCMG converse with Moneymaker as he brings Clem up to apron level. A second official rushes out to check on Clem as the CAE commit a SECRET SWITCH~!

 

COACH

Wait a minute, Cole. Did you see that?

 

COLE

I did. MARV and MEL made a switch.

 

COACH

Yeah, an illegal switch.

 

Clem weakly reaches for the bottom rope while trying to shake off the cobwebs. Meanwhile, Reiger heads back to the man he thinks is MARV but is really MEL and gets wrapped up in a SMALL PACKAGE!

 

The second official dives in and counts.

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

THREE!!!

 

COLE

They did it! MARV and MEL did it! Oh my!

 

* DINGDINGDING *

 

CMJ/MONEYMAKER

:huh:

 

Moneymaker drops Clem, then he and CMJ get in the second official’s face. But stereo dropkicks by the CAE knock them out to the floor!

 

MELISSA

OMG, Canada, they actually did it! The winners of the match and NEW One & Only World Tag Team Champions… Edmonton’s own MARV and MEL... THE CHRIST AIR EEEEXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXPPRRRRRREEEEEESSSSSSSSS!!!!

 

"YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!"

 

The CAE perform a leaping high five after being awarded the tag titles.

 

COLE

They’ve waited 5 years, but at long last identical twin sensations MARV and MEL are tag team champions once again!

 

COACH

This is highway robbery, Cole. MEL wasn’t the legal man! What the hell is going on?!?

 

The CAE jump into the crowd to celebrate with their hometown fans.

 

COLE

What a night it’s been. New tag team champions we’ve still got the King of the Ring Finals to come!

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c9b05881.jpg

VS

00cee1e6.jpg

 

Joining Sofa central for the upcoming match is

 

c77cd9c6.jpg

Maya Duncan-Blanchard!

 

and

 

d6ca61d9.jpg

Jade Rodez-Duncan

 

COLE

Maya, Jade, its great to have you on board here at the Nerdly Spectacular.

 

MAYA

Eh, Jumbo just ripped a big one in the Interview Lounge and the hazmat crew hasn’t showed up. They evacuated most of us, but some brave souls may have lost their lunch to Jumbo’s lethal weapon.

 

The camera pans around the ring, revealing it be decorated as though it were someone’s bedroom. A queen sized bed lays in the center of the ring, surrounded by bean bags, pillows, and resting on a purple and red rug.

 

MELISSA

Edmonton, Alberta it is time for an evening gown pillow fight match! This contest occurs under elimination rules and for every gown ripped off an opponent each team is awarded one thousand dollars!

 

M

 

O

 

N

 

E

 

Y

 

So sexy

 

Damn, I love the jam, the jet and the mansion. (Oh yeah)

And I enjoy the gifts and the trips to the islands.(Oh yeah)

Its good to live expensive

You know it, but my knees get weak intensive

When you give me k-kisses

 

Thats money honey,

Well I'm your lover and your mistress

Thats money honey

When you touch me, its so delicious

Thats money honey

Baby when you tell me the pieces

Thats money honey

 

The neon entrance stage flares with bright green and yellow lights that herald the arrival of Lorelei DeCenzo, wearing her favorite strapless yellow gown and her usual contemptuous smirk.

 

MELISSA

Introducing first, from Manhattan Beach, California she is THE MONEY HONEY…LORELEI DECENZO!

 

“BOOOOOOOO!”

 

The opening beats of Independent Woman welcome Lindsay Gonzalez to the arena, while the audience welcomes her with disgusted boos. PRL's former lady love is attired in a coral colored beaded waist gown that glows brightly among the flashing white lights. She traverses through the skating rink, doing her best to ensure none of the unseemly fans may touch her.

 

MELISSA

Form Toronto, Ontario, Canada, she is The Latina Bitch….LINDSAY GONZALEZZZ!

 

COLE

Lindsay will be facing Morgan for the women’s title next week, live on HeldDOWN~!

 

MAYA

And if Morgan wins she has to come face to face with the person behind the destroy Morgan messages.

 

JADE

What rotten luck.

 

Disney’s

brings a very unique and unusual sound to the OAOAST Galaxy. Queen Esther merrily jogs onto the entrance stage, for once looking slightly normal in her poofy white gown. The smiling royal curtsies to the audience, expecting them to grant her the same kindness. Sadly all she receives in return is a middle finger and a few invites for fellatio. Living in a constant state of denial, Esther assures herself those comments couldn't dare be meant for her.

 

MELISSA

Hailing from London England, she is QUEEEEEN ESTHEEERRRRR!

 

The atmosphere in the arena goes from pleasant and polite to disruptive and vulgar as “Now I’m That Bitch” screams over the audience

 

NOW I’M THAT BITCH

NOW I’M THAT BITCH

NOW I’M THAT BITCH

NOW I’M THAT BITCH

 

The OAOAST mashup machine pushes itself to its most violent limits as Another Body Murdered rocks into the arena. Entrance doors shred apart, and not a moment too soon as the always unpleasant Holly storms through them. Even in her gold metallic lace gown, The Angel Of Death strikes an imposing and evil figure.

 

MELISSA

And introducing their final teammate she comes from Sin City, she is HOOOLLLLLLYYYYYY!

 

Three of the girls discuss strategy as they test out the buoyancy of the silk covered bed. The other girl spews profanities at the referee over infractions that haven’t even happened yet. 3 guesses as to which one that girl is!

 

The dizzyingly frantic symbols and the ripping adrenaline of

flow into the arena like a volcanic eruption.

 

COLE

Nerdlies in the house! Booyah!

 

MAYA

Hey, Jade, looks like we found someone whiter than you.

 

JADE

I can get down with the homies, isn’t that for rizzle dizzle, Coachizzle?

 

COACH

Girl, you just made my penis soft.

 

GO!

 

To un-explain the unforgivable,

Drain all the blood and give the kids a show.

By streetlight this dark night,

A séance down below.

There are things that I have done,

You never should ever know!

 

And without you is how I disappear,

And live my life alone forever now.

And without you is how I disappear,

And live my life alone forever now.

 

Nerdly power is activated with the arrival of the Nerdly family foursome. The audience leaps to their feet granting the girls a grand hometown reception. Numerous signs that profess love for each Nerdly sprout like wild flowers in the garden of the stands. In a sign of commanlity, the OAOAST’s most dysfunctional family wears the same silver lace and satin gowns. Of course arguments ensue over which girl does in fact wear the gown with the most stunning grace.

 

MELISSA

And now, please welcome my less attractive sisters, my whorish sisters….They come from right here in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada, they are MOLLY NERDLY, MAGGIE NERDLY, PLAYER ONE MELODY NERDLY, AND THE OAOAST WOMEN’S CHAMPION…MORGAN NERDLY THEY ARE THE NERDLY SISTERRRRSSSSSSS!

 

COACH

Here comes what I love the most.

 

MAYA

I don’t see any cocaine.

 

JADE

And I don’t see any prostitutes.

 

COACH

No! Hot Nerdly girls about to get stripped buck naked!

 

Another mammoth ovation climbs out the stands, helped by Melody and Maggie firing up the raucous audience. Molly busies herself with fiddling with a digital camera to record the festivities, while Morgan sheepishly hides and tries not to be seen.

 

COLE

Maya, who do you have your money on?

 

MAYA

Gambling is a scourge that first drains man of his money, when the money is gone it drains him of his pride, when the pride is gone it drains him of his love, when the love is gone it drains him of his life. When the life is gone there’s no more soul left to drain.

 

COLE

…….How’s school coming?

 

MAYA

Good, we made igloos out of Popsicle sticks in art class.

 

DING DING DING

 

Lorelei lunges at Maggie to begin the contest. However the smaller Nerdly evades the attack and Lorelei falls straight onto the bean bag. This is a precarious position for Lorelei to be in as Maggie begins tugging at her evening gown. Long splendid legs are almost on display with Maggie ripping at the fabric. Unfortunately for both audience and Maggie, Holly beats Maggie away with a zebra print pillow. Beyond this, Queen Esther is bouncing on the bed, enjoying herself immensely. Seeing her partner in trouble she literally springs onto action and jumps forth to strike Maggie down with an axe handle smash to the back.

 

“BOOOOOOOOOOOOO!“

 

With Maggie prone on the ground, Holly comes up with a devilishly genius scheme. She hooks onto Maggie’s legs then bridges backwards to slingshot her towards Queen Esther, who holds a cylindrical pillow. As Maggie shoots forward, the Queen takes a wild swipe with her pillow! But she’s unfortunately tackled to the ground by the baby of the Nerdly family!

 

“YEAAAAAAAAAA!” the fans scream as the two divas become entangled.

 

Maggie begins hammering away at the poor English girl with powerful fists, showing little in the way of mercy. Fortunately for Esther she’s saved before too much harm can befall her. Holly grabs onto the red strands of Maggie’s highlighted hair and angrily peels her from the Royal Highness.

 

“LET’S GO NERDLIES! LET’S GO NERDLIES! LET’S GO NERDLIES!” the fans sing causing Queen Esther to shush them. This, however, only makes the audience even more enthused to root on the hometown girls. Now Holly is enraged and is slightly less polite than Queen Esther in telling the OAOAST Marks to be quiet. All the distraction over the audience's support allows Maggie to escape Holly’s clutches. But Maggie is now forced to deal with the problem of Queen Esther taking swipes her with her long pillow. Unfortunately for Esther her aim is rather miserable and she misses Maggie entirely as the baby of the Nerdly family hops onto the bed. Maggie then spring boards back to bowl over both Holly and Queen Esther with double lariats! Together the two groan in misery, with Holly seething over Maggie’s impressive showing. The “It” Girl leaps to her feet and flashes the RAWK~! signal to her hometown fans.

 

“NERDLIES! NERDLIES! NERDLIES!”

 

COLE

The fans are really rooting on the Nerdlies!

 

MAYA

Possibly because half of them are Nerdlies!

 

Elsewhere Lindsay traps Morgan in the corner, whacking her with powerful blows from a silk-cased pillow. Morgan covers up but soon realizes that will do little to stop Lindsay from pummeling her with the pillow. Thus Morgan summons all her strength and springs forward to spear Lindsay away. The two topple over an inflatable Edmonton Oilers chair, hiking up their gowns in the process and giving the audience just a small sneak peek at their silken skin. The ladies are back up to their feet rather quickly. It is Morgan who strikes first capturing Lindsay inside a front facelock. She then bridges backwards to land a vertical suplex against the queen size bed. Realizing that may not hurt as much as she intended, Morgan leaps onto the bed and and attempts to drop elbow onto Lindsay’s sternum. But Lindsay moves out the way and quickly targets Morgan with mounted punches. Unfortunately this leaves her defenseless and Morgan begins to yank away the top of her gown to showcase just a small look at Lindsay’s sizzling chest to the sold out audience. Shrieking, Lindsay immediately dismounts Morgan and covers up the source of the audience’s pleasure.

 

“BOOOOOOOOO!“

 

Less lucky is Molly, who’s been beaten down with a sparkling decorative pillow by Lorelei. The brains of the Enterprise makes a motion of removing clothes, earning her a rare cheer from the audience. It isn’t long before the cheers erupt into magnificent delight; Molly’s tight and stacked body becomes more visible with each shred of clothing Lorelei tears away. The fans sit in wonderment as Molly’s creamy perfect skin is bared for the all the world to salivate over. Her undergarment of choice is pleasantly reveling yet oddly confusing construction worker costume. None of this matters much to Lorelei as she shoves her old friend beneath the ropes, happy to be rid of her.

 

MAYA

Sometimes I do that to Jade, just strip her and kick her out the door. I prefer to wait till the groundskeeping crew arrives to maximize the potential humiliation.

 

Elsewhere Holly and Lindsay have ganged up on poor Morgan and terrorize the women’s champion by launching the bean bag at her! Morgan thankfully is able to duck the attack, however poor Melody is hit by the beanbag and knocked to the floor. Sensing and opportunity for victory, Esther pounces upon poor Melody with the ferocity of lion. Displaying never before seen intensity, Esther has her claws working feverishly to tear away Melody’s outfit. It’s the audience that’s truly rewarded as Melody’s oiled up body is left with its all its beauty exposed. But Esther is confused by her choice of bra:

 

6802aae3.gif

 

ESTHER

Good sweet heavens what is that?

 

MELODY

I’ve managed to combine the best of the iphone and Frederick’s of Hollywood. I’ve created the….get ready for it…..ibra!

 

MOLLY (from the outside)

Oh I bet Alexander Graham Bell is somewhere in heaven crying with jealously.

 

MELODY

Ignore the ugly child, I must. Give it a run, Queen Esther, and marvel at my magnificent genius!

 

The queen dials a few numbers, tickling Melody with her firm touch in the process. But when the queen finishes dialing, all that happens is water squirts out from the buttons splashing her in the face!

 

COLE

Oh my! The queen wasn’t expecting that.

 

MAYA

I’d be more worried if she WERE expecting that. Its like “hey I think I’ll go to Victoria’s Secret and try on this, lalalala, I like the padding, I like the lace UH-OH this bra sprayed me with Evian!”

 

Melody seizes on the temporary blindness the queen has suffered from and makes a mad bid for her clothes. Away goes the queen’s exorbitant gown reducing her to her bra and nothing else….

 

3090fwm.jpg

 

CROWD

:o

 

Understandably horrified, Queen Esther grabs her dress to shield her womanly charms and dives out the ring as though it were set ablaze. Moving at record speed, Esther sprints up the entrance ramp, horrified that every member of the audience has their eyes locked onto her well shaped body.

 

MELISSA

Queen Esther has been eliminated...I guess.

 

COACH

I didn’t mind the view one bit but that’s just not fair. Melody cheated!

 

MAYA

Don't think so, Coachie pie! We all have to know Melody’s personality by now, Queen Esther has no right to be mad. Its like if Grover caught some of Oscar's crap and just unleashed on poor Oscar. Its not Oscar’s fault Grover doesn’t know he lives in a garbage can and is a stinky jerk, its public info!

 

Not having much time to celebrate over Esther's elimination is Morgan who’s trapped in the corner once again. This time he’s held hostage by the swinging pillows of Holly and Lorelei. The pillows bash against her head, sending her blond hair flaying back and forth and causing her great discomfort. But Morgan is resilient and throws a punch through the wave of pillows that knocks Lorelei to the ground! The audience wildly applauds Morgan for the sight of Lorelei getting her comeuppance. Morgan then shifts her assault to Holly and nails her with a dropkick!

 

“YEAAAAAAAAA!”

 

Morgan scrapes Lorelei off the canvas and shoves her shoulder first into the corner. Lorelei hollers in anguish, as her shoulder connects with the cold steel posts. Morgan hasn't a chance to inflict any more pain on her rival before Holly comes darting towards her. Morgan is well prepared for her however, grabbing onto her thick reddish hair and slamming her into the corner. Morgan then ferociously bashes Holly into the posts above Lorelei, causing great pain to the Angel Of Death. However, as her body rubs against Lorelei's, the Money Honey is able to take pleasure in Holly's pain

 

LORELEI

Clothed_doggystyle.gif

 

Unfortunately for Lorelei but thankfully for Holly, Lindsay ends any further efforts to repeat the move by driving her shoulder into Morgan’s knees. Forced to release Holly, Morgan crumples to the canvas and in a wealth of pain. Insult is soon added to injury as Lindsay begins pulling away at Morgan’s long dress. This earns a large ovation from the audience, who are dying to see Morgan’s petite and cute body in a titillating stage of undress. Painfully shy, Morgan tries her hardest to remain clothed by attempting to slither out the ring. Lindsay is tenacious however, tugging on her, as though a bottom less Morgan was worth its weight in gold. Morgan can only hold so long before her mouth watering goods are on display for all pleasured eyes....

 

4a47653c.jpg

 

But glee over Morgan’s pint-sized beauty is tempered when she is shoved out the ring by her archrival Lindsay.

 

COLE

Lindsay is becoming quite the problem for many OAOAST superstars, especially with her managing the Can-Am Assassins.

 

MAYA

I honestly feel very bad for anyone having their career managed by her, its a bit like having your investment portfolio managed by a hobo living in a boxcar.

 

The only Nerdlies left in the ring, Maggie and Melody, put aside their long standing differences to charge at Lorelei and Holly with double lariats. Holly and Lorelei are easily floored and left in annoying and nagging pain by the attack.

 

MELODY

WHO’S GOT THE POWER?

 

“NERDLY POWER! NERDLY POWER! NERDLY POWER!”

 

Bursting to life, Lindsay makes a mad and sudden dash with a raised pillow towards Melody.

 

“HADOKEN!” Melody screams. Unfortunately you can’t throw fireballs in real life and Melody is knocked to the ground by a quick swipe of the pillow. As the Edmonton OAOAST Marks slam her with jeers, The Latina Bitch whacks and whacks Melody with the pillow!

 

COLE

It wouldn’t surprise me if that pillow were loaded!

 

MAYA

Who the heck would be desperate enough to load a pillow?

 

JADE

So says the girl who greases the Wii board so I can’t beat her record on Shaun White snowboarding!

 

Finally help comes in the form of Maggie who begins tearing at Lindsay’s gown. The flimsily fabric is easily torn through with Maggie’s furious effort. Lindsay fights with ferocious intensity, but this only makes Maggie more determined to get her out her gown. With each second more and more of Lindsay’s golden brown skin is revealed to the world. The fans move ever closer to the edge of their seat seeking to get a better look at the fine Latina body hidden beneath that silk dress. But instead they’re given a full frontal few Papa Nerdly’s finest work, as Maggie’s body is laid bare by a sudden swipe by Holly:

 

005.jpg

 

Holly hooks Maggie into a front facelock, and grabs hold of her bare legs. Swinging Maggie around, Holly drills her to the canvas with The Mirage (swinging fisherman’s suplex) The referee moves into position to count the pinfall….

 

ONE!

 

TWO!

 

In order to distract the referee Melody gets a little bouncy…..

 

MELODY

6001f057.gif

 

MAYA

Celestial bosoms sparkling with the sumptuous gleam of thin perspiration jounce to stir one’s sexual inner savagery.

 

COLE

Wow that was good. And Jade?

 

JADE

Umm….her boobies are bouncing.

 

Wildly outraged by this intrusion, Holly gets up to argue with the official. Her words are strewn with threats of violence and riddled with profanity. The referee threatens disqualification over unsportsmanlike conduct, but this does little to halt Holly’s tirade. What does end her verbose litany of complaints is Maggie throwing a wild lariat at her. The two beautiful ladies are slung over the ropes with tremendous force, coming down in a heap of rhinestone, glitter, and lace.

 

COLE

What a tumble Holly and Maggie just took!

 

MAYA

If announcers had stats you’d have a triple double off just stating the obvious.

 

JADE

Heh, and if announcers were animals you’d be a, um, aardvark, Michael.

 

MAYA

What?

 

JADE

It just looks like the kind of animal that’d state the obvious if it could talk......I’ll just be sitting in the corner crying for the rest of the match if you need me.

 

Despite being lariated, Holly is first to her feet. She seethes with anger, her rage turning her face a deep crimson to match her hair. But her wrath fails to be executed as Maggie begins slashing at her with vicious punches. However, Holly moves with feral ferocity and seizes Maggie’s bra with the iron tug of a hockey fight. The bra struggles remain on Maggie’s body, bringing out loud and enthusiastic cheers from the Edmonton fans. Her chest heaves and bounces fabulously with each pull, but stubbornly refuses to rid itself of the bra. Growing frustrated with Maggie’s resistance, Holly abandons her efforts much to the crowd’s dismay.

 

Elsewhere outside, Molly and Morgan are discussing strategies, while the audience enjoys full views of their thonged behinds.

 

MOLLY

By George, I have an idea that could very well win us this contest! I need a distraction to perform my trickery, though. Morgan, you have to dance atop the announce table.

 

MORGAN

I don’t dance.

 

MOLLY

Tonight you will. You will dance for freedom!

 

Morgan meekly climbs atop the French announce table, and begins a small frightened shimmy. While Morgan struggles through her dance Molly fishes beneath the ring, a more than pleasing adventure thanks to the camel toe her sheer thong sports. Cutting short the audience bootytastic view Molly fishes out a drill! Her eyes flicker with strange glee as she holds up her tool in wonderment.

 

COACH

Molly has a power tool and I wouldn’t mind powering my tool into her.

 

MAYA

I’m sorry Coach but there comes a time when everyman looks in the mirror and has to realize his mating ceiling is the retarded girl who takes the tickets at the movie theatre. Now is that time.

 

MOLLY

Morgan, you must dance better!

 

MORGAN

I can’t!

 

MOLLY

Someone told you you can’t! I’m telling you, you can! You can dance with the feeling, the passion, the raison d’etre, the very essence of Morgan Nerdly. Dance, child, dance!

 

MORGAN

808dfffb.gif

 

While Morgan actually manages to cut a rug, Molly sneakily does some handy work on the French announce table.

 

MOLLY

mkw0tv.jpg

 

With a thin wooden plank in hand, Molly heads back towards the ring. Inside the squared circle Melody is bouncing on the bed, her jiggling chest threatening to break through its lacy constraints. The crowd may be occupied by Melody’s hooterrific jugs, but there’s a fierce battle going on between her and Lorelei. Each swings pillows as if they were swinging axes at trees. Their incredible fierceness and strength allows them to stay upright, even as the other tries their damndest to take her head off.

 

JADE

Lorelei’s done a pretty good job of remaining clothed.

 

MAYA

That’s because no one’s slipped a twenty in her bra. Ba-da-boom-chow I’m on fire tonight!

 

Beyond Melody’s view, Lindsay has elevated herself onto the top rope. She hunches over, eyes narrowed, breath heavy, ready to uncoil and strike down Melody with a mighty attack. However, unbeknownst to Melody and an inattentive referee, aid has come her way in the form of her younger sister. Molly takes the plank of wood she got from the announce table and whacks Lindsay in the back! The fans shriek in glee, and Lindsay shrieks in agony as she’s tossed onto the canvas!

 

While Lindsay writhes around on the mat, desperate for the pain to cease, Molly assumes her old position on the ring posts.

 

MOLLY

For art! For passion! For beauty! For soul I bare my chest to the world!

 

http://xs.to/image-33EA_4BD368D9.gif

 

Topless but tasseled, Molly leaps forward with a body splash! However Lindsay rolls out the way, causing Molly to make an awkward landing on her feet. Eager to take advantage of the near naked babe, Lindsay scrambles towards her feet. She lunges out for Molly with all her speed. However, she isn’t fast enough to counteract Morgan who takes her onto her shoulders! In dire need of an escape, Lindsay thrashes against Morgan’s grip. Her need to be free pushes her as far as grabbing onto Morgan’s underwear and yanking it up. This gives Morgan a slight charge and the audience an extra special view of her lean BUTT. But Morgan only allows it for so long before she throws Lindsay down with the Shock and Awe!

 

“YEAAAAAAAAAAA!” the audience erupts as Morgan makes the pinfall….

 

CROWD

ONE!

 

CROWD

TWO!

 

CROWD

THREE!

 

MELISSA

Lindsay Gonzalez has been eliminated!

 

This brings forth another large celebration from the capacity audience.

 

COACH

You gotta at least get the clothes off her!

 

MAYA

Yeah, if you’re into weird spots on a girls chest and white crap on her arm pits. But I think you’d prefer if your girl didn’t have arm pit hair that looked like the Himalayan mountains. I am on a role!

 

Meanwhile Lorelei has Melody set up in a standing fireman’s carry atop the second rope. Morgan sees this and quickly runs to her sister’s aid. Her smooth skin glimmers with perspiration as she uses the bed as a launching pad. It throws her tiny body at Lorelei, and Morgan extends her limbs to dropkick her former friend in the face! Melody is released, and Lorelei topples over to the bed, landing on top of the silk sheets. But her cushy landing is but a mere example of fleeting luck, as Molly is now working on yanking away the gown from the slender hips they hug so tightly. The camera man wisely focuses on Molly’s on the taut milky white cheeks of her fine derrière. Melody soon joins in on the action, her full breasts bouncing slightly as she tugs at the top of Lorelei’s gown. Thanks to furious moving hands, Molly manages to rip away her section first. Lorelei’s goddess worthy legs, now on display for all the world to marvel at, lead up to a heart shaped booty that has the crowd in a wonderlust. Lorelei now devotes all her energy to protecting the top of her gown, refusing to let the sweet valley of flesh of her large breasts be exposed with such brutal force. Lorelei bucks and grinds, not realizing that her breasts are busting through the grown with every movement she makes. Finally Melody is successful two large tits the size of small honeydew melons bounced heavily into place.

 

COLE

Oh man. I just got a text that my uh…associate Leonardo has found a uh…new associate.

 

MAYA

I met him. He’s tall, and he’s dark, and he’s a lawyer and a doctor, and he can fly a space ship, and he and Leonardo are gonna carve “Cole sucks” on the moon as a warning to any alien species that may dare mate with you.

 

COLE (crying)

Oh Leonardo!!!!

 

Lorelei is keenly aware she faces uncomfortable odds. She quickly rolls off the bed and latches onto an unexpecting Molly’s arm. The art buff is slung into Morgan, knocking the two heavenly bodies over to the canvas. Acting with much speed, Lorelei swings her heels around to strike Melody. However Melody catches her boot and slams it down to the canvas. The rough counter throws Lorelei off balance, and sends her hot pink coated breasts wobbling across her chest.

 

“SHORYUKEN!” Melody screams as she blasts Lorelei in the jaw with an uppercut!

 

JADE

Way to go, Melody!

 

Lorelei tumbles over to the canvas, left bone weary and hurt by the signature attack. Melody smiles happily at her success and dives atop Lorelei for a pinfall…

 

ONE!

 

 

TWO!

 

 

THREE!

 

MELISSA

Lorelei has been eliminated!

 

“FLAWLESS VICTORY!” Melody shouts in her Mortal Kombat voice.

 

Meanwhile outside the ring, Holly and Maggie are engaged in a brutal tug of war; each woman tugs on Holly’s gown in opposite directions. The impatient fans sit on the edge of their seat, pleading for Holly’s statuesque form to come out its rhinestone-studded shell. Every little tug and every little torque inches them closer to Holly’s slender model like frame. Maggie’s perky chest and her tight tush bounce and strain with each tug, giving the audience a fine appetizer between the main course. Dinner is soon served as Maggie wins the tug of war exposing Holly for all the world to see…

 

617744dc.jpg

 

“Crap, this is bad. Real bad.” Holly mutters to herself.

 

Holly realizes the chilling fact that the odds are very far from being in her favor. Staring down four Nerdly girls is the epitome of a nightmare for her, and it’s a dream she refuses to endure. With no concern about winning or losing merely survival, Holly leaps over the guardrail and rushes out through the stands.

 

COLE

Holly’s turned tail and run!

 

MELISSA

Your winners…..my lesser talented and charming sisters!

 

“YEAAAAAAAAAA!”

 

MAYA

And better smelling sisters. I bet a triceratops can smell her epic odor all the way back in the Jurassic era.

 

Maggie offers the cheering fanbase a RAWK hand signal while trying to get shy Morgan to do the same. The women's champion can do little more then meekly wave, but its an appreciated gesture from the sold out audience. Molly and Melody aren't quite as unified, having a little spat over Melody's "ugly kid" comment from earlier.

 

COLE

This is what I like to see! The Nerdly kids getting along...sort of...in their hometown in front of their friends and family.

 

NERDLY SPECTACULAR

King of the Ring Finals

NEXT!

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BUFFER

Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is the FINAL of the 2010 King Of The Ring Tournament and it is scheduled for one fall!

 

 

"We're running with the Shadows Of The Night

So baby take my hand, you'll be alright

Surrender all your dreams to me tonight

They'll come true in the end"

 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

 

With a confident smile on his face Landon Maddix heads through the entrance and stretches his arms out, soaking in the moment. In his mind, already a King. Landon continues to smile as he walks down the aisle, only broken when somebody reaches out to grab his arm and he yanks it away.

 

BUFFER

Introducing first, being accompanied to the ring by his manager, MEGAN SKYE! From Huron, South Dakota by way of Madrid, Spain... weighing two hundred, eight pounds. He is the leader of CUCARACHA INTERNACIONAL and one fourth of the OAOAST 8-Man Tag Team Champions... LLAANNDDOOOONN... "LA CUCARACHA"... MMMMMAAAAAAAAAAAADDIIIIIIIIIIIIXXXXXXXXXXXX!!!!

 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"

 

Megan holds the ropes for Landon to spin into the ring, her man looking fresh and rested.

 

COLE

So after weeks of qualifying and a night of tournament action we're down to our Finals. Landon Maddix and Denzel Spencer. Landon qualifying at the expense of Biff Atlas, victorious earlier on against Colombian Heat and then the beneficiary of a bye in the semi-finals. So he has competed just once already tonight. And that was in our opening match.

 

"Master Blaster (Jammin')" plays and the Heartland Champion heads out for the third time in the night, setting off his green and yellow pyrotechnics.

 

BUFFER

And his opponent. From Montego Bay, Jamaica... weighing two hundred, twenty five pounds. The OAOAST HEARTLAND CHAMPION... DDEEEEEENNZZZZZZEEEEEEELLLLLL... SSSSSPPPEEEEEENNCCCEEEEEEERRRRRRRRR!!!!

 

"YYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!"

 

Denzel slides into the ring and keeps a close eye on Landon, who has rolled to the outside to chat with Megan, as he sets off the rest of his pyro.

 

COLE

You can see Denzel is moving a little slower than he was earlier and who could blame him. Having qualified over J-MAX a few weeks ago, Denzel has already had to go through Thunderkid and CPA here tonight to get to the Final. Two tough matches, which is one more than Landon's had, plus a lot less rest in between. Denzel is fighting the odds here but that will not phase the Heartland Champion.

 

Denzel removes his sleeveless vest and looks ready to go, despite the extra fatigue, as Landon slides back in as well. The referee checks both men are ready as they stand in their corners, before he finally calls for the bell to start the action.

 

 

*DINGDINGDING*

 

Straight off the bell Landon sprints across the ring and surprises Denzel with a hard raised knee into his stomach. Maddix then pounds away on Denzel in the corner, until the referee steps in to get him back.

 

COLE

And AGAIN, Landon Maddix getting the jump on his opponent before he's even ready!

 

COACH

Yeah, but it wasn't from behind this time.

 

COLE

Oh, well, that's alright then.

 

Denzel picks himself up in the corner but Landon is on him again, dishing out repeated kicks to the midsection and to the chest. The kicks knock Denzel down into a seated position in the corner, where he's choked against the bottom turnbuckle. Turning away Landon then gets a big run-up from across the ring and connects with the running dropkick to the face against the lower buckle!!

 

COACH

Man, Landon ain't playing around!

 

Dragging Denzel away from the ropes Landon wraps him up with an eager cover...

 

 

1...

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

NO!

 

COLE

Landon knows that Denzel is hurting, that he's worn down from his two matches so far tonight. And he sees an opportunity to take advantage of Denzel and finish this off in double-quick time!

 

Landon stomps away at Denzel, refusing to let up, then backs off the ropes. Double stomp, followed up with a back senton, Landon reaching back and hooking Denzel up again...

 

 

1...

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

Kickout!

 

"LET'S GO DEN - ZEL!"

*clap clap clapclapclap*

"LET'S GO DEN - ZEL!"

*clap clap clapclapclap*

 

As he tries to feed off the crowd Denzel is kicking in the spine by Landon, then brought to his feet. A forearm connects. And a second. But suddenly Denzel fires back! Forearms from the Jamaican get the crowd excited, only for Landon to cut him off with a knee. Flicking away his hair, Landon dishes out another knee, before suddenly picking Spencer up in a fireman's carry.

 

COACH

Look out!

 

COLE

Go To Sleep already!?

 

Realising what's coming Denzel manages to slip out of Landon's grasp before he can hit the GTS! Maddix curses to himself, then turns around in search of Denzel. By the ropes, the Jamaican manages to duck his head and backdrops Landon over the top to the outside.

 

COLE

And that will buy Denzel a little bit of time.

 

Not interested in taking a breather though, Denzel sprints off the ropes and as Landon picks himself back up, he looks up in horror as Denzel soars with a NO HANDS SOMERSAULT PLANCHA!!!!!!!

 

"YYYYEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"

 

COLE

Denzel doesn't NEED any time though! And he is FAR from easy pickings in this one!!

 

"DEN - ZEL!"

"DEN - ZEL!"

"DEN - ZEL!"

"DEN - ZEL!"

 

Denzel fires up and suddenly Landon doesn't seem so eager to take Denzel on, shuffling back on his BUTT trying to beg off from the Heartland Champion! A boot to the face is his reward for that. Picking him up, Denzel throws Landon into the ringpost, shoulder first, sending Landon rolling back into the ring in retreat. Denzel stays on him, dishing out some right hands.

 

COLE

This match has turned completely on it's head. Now, it's Denzel Spencer who's got the bit between his teeth.

 

Whipping Landon into a corner, Denzel steps back and charges in with a Stinger Splash! Landon staggers out and is thrown with a Belly To Belly and covered...

 

 

1...

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

No!

 

Denzel slips out of the ring and heads to the top with Landon still reeling from the sudden turnaround in the match. Urged by Megan to turn around, Maddix does, to see Denzel soaring towards him again, this time with a Flying Crossbody!!

 

 

1...

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

Kickout!

 

COLE

Denzel is ROLLING~!

 

Back up, Landon is hit with a right hand. And then a chop.

 

 

*SLAP!*

 

"AAAAAAHHHHHH!"

 

And another, causing Landon to yelp in pain!

 

COACH

Not the chops! Anything but the chops!

 

Denzel looks a little confused at the yelping for a second, but shrugs and irish whips Landon across into the opposite corner. This time though, Landon is able to get a foot up, blocking the charge of the Heartland Champion. Up to the middle rope Landon waits for Denzel to turn around before coming off with a Front Missile Dropkick, blasting Denzel in the chest!

 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

 

Both men stay down clutching their chests, one a bit more of an over-reaction than the other. As they take a breather, suddenly heads begin to turn to the aisle. And the cameras turn too, to find QUEEN ESTHER tottering to the ring.

 

COLE

Queen Esther!? What on earth is this about?

 

COACH

What do you mean 'what is this about'? Isn't it obvious? We're crowning a King of the OAOAST, it only stands to reason that the Queen of the OAOAST would want to get a good view of the action.

 

COLE

But this has nothing to do with her Coach!

 

Queen Esther makes her way around ringside and requests a seat, of course too noble and regal to actually unfold a chair herself and expecting it to be done for her. In the ring meanwhile, Landon rolls over to the ropes and has a quick conference with Megan before he gets back up. Landon picks up Denzel and returns the favour...

 

 

*SLAP!*

 

"WHOOOOOOOO!"

 

...with a knifedge chop. From her ringside seat, Esther gasps and remarks "good heavens".

 

COLE

Queen Esther really does live in a world of her own, doesn't she?

 

Shot off the ropes, Denzel catches Maddix ducking his head and counters with a sunset flip!

 

 

1...

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

NO!

 

Quickly back up Landon catches Denzel with a boot to the gut. Landon then hits the ropes, but gets cut off with a jumping leg lariat from the Jamaican! Cover...

 

 

1...

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

No!

 

Struggling to get control back, Landon throws a right hand, which is blocked. A flurry of rights from Denzel back La Cucaracha up against the ropes, forcing the referee to break it all up.

 

COLE

Denzel showing few signs of tiring here, despite that extra match he had to wrestle. This young man is in great physical condition.

 

As Denzel is backed away Landon sees his opportunity. An opportunity to leave, ducking through the ropes to take a powder. Denzel drags Landon back in by the seat of his pants, unloading with some more right hands. Again the referee wants a break though and the distraction allows Landon to get a THUMB IN THE EYE!!

 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!"

 

COLE

Oh, Landon goes to the eyes, referee didn't see a thing!

 

COACH

There's one thing great physical condition isn't going to help with. The eyes.

 

With Denzel temporarily blinded Maddix takes advantage, sweeping him face-first into the mat with the Complete Shot! Quick cover, leg hooked...

 

 

1...

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

Kickout!

 

COLE

I think Landon is getting a little desperate here. His plan of getting the jump on Denzel didn't work. Denzel hasn't tired yet like we may have expected. And Landon is resorting to the cheap tricks to try and finish Denzel off, which isn't working either.

 

Queen Esther watches on intently as Landon drags Denzel back up by the hair. Laying in a couple of forearms, Landon comes off the ropes. Denzel ducks a clothesline though and hooks Maddix in a waistlock, running him into the ropes. Hanging on, Landon counters the roll-up and as Denzel tries to roll through, he gets caught with the LOW FLYING SUPERKICK!

 

COACH

There ya go!

 

COLE

From out of nowhere, Landon scores with the kick!

 

Queen Esther edges to the edge of her seat as Landon covers Denzel up...

 

 

1...

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

KICKOUT!

 

"YYYYEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!"

 

Landon holds his head in despair, looking at the referee in disbelief.

 

COLE

But it's still not enough!

 

Apparantly Queen Esther is impressed, marvelling at the fact Denzel wasn't beaten there.

 

Unimpressed however is Landon who paces around the ring with his hands on his hips. Megan urges him to concentrate as Denzel picks himself up, trying to snap her man out of his sulk. Denzel gets back to his feet and Landon refocuses, running at Denzel with a forearm smash... but it's ducked! Putting on the brakes, Landon turns around and Denzel scoops him up...

 

 

COLE

Here it is...

 

 

...but Landon slips over the shoulder, avoiding being Compacted! Landing on his feet behind Denzel, Landon takes a quick moment to assess the situation before giving Denzel a hard shove in the back, sending him towards the referee. Denzel manages to put on the brakes and stop right in front of the frozen ref though.

 

COLE

Look out Denzel!

 

Making his apologies to the referee Denzel turns around and looks set to fall into La Cucaracha's trap as he's picked up in a fireman's carry... but Denzel escapes! A shove then sends Landon into the referee's path, Landon able to stop just in the nick of time, but turning around right into a SUPERKICK!!!

 

COLE

BAM!

 

COACH

No fair! No fair!

 

Denzel dives on top and hooks the leg as the referee shakes out of his state of shock...

 

 

1...

 

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

 

3-

 

NO, ONLY TWO!!!!!

 

"OOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

 

COLE

Oh my, how close was that!? We almost crowned King Denzel right there!

 

COACH

What a lousy excuse for a King he would have been! Putting innocent referees in danger to try and gain an advantage? Is that what you want out of your King?

 

COLE

Landon's pulled that trick TWICE tonight! Only difference is, this time it almost cost him the match.

 

"LET'S GO DEN - ZEL!"

*clap clap clapclapclap*

"LET'S GO DEN - ZEL!"

*clap clap clapclapclap*

 

Queen Esther fans herself on the outside, overcome by the excitement of the match she's witnessing. Denzel picks Landon back up, going for the Carribean Compactor again. This time Landon counters with an inside cradle though!

 

COLE

Landon counters!

 

 

1...

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

KICKOUT!

 

Denzel quickly cuts Landon off, then hits the ropes. Scissors Kick is avoided by Landon, pouncing from behind, trying to grab Denzel for the Lungblower. Denzel drops down though and counters, rolling Landon up...

 

 

1...

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

KICKOUT!

 

COLE

Quick nearfalls being exchanged here. The Kingdom of the OAOAST hanging in the balance!

 

Picking himself up by the ropes Landon manages to duck his head and instinctively backdrop an onrushing Spencer. The Jamaican lands safely on the apron though. Blocking a shot, Denzel nails Landon with a right hand, sending him staggering away. Denzel then springboards to the top and connects with another crossbody block, again drawing Queen Esther to the edge of her seat...

 

 

1...

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

NO!

 

Denzel is back up quickly and lining Landon up with a spinwheel kick... but Landon ducks and strikes with the LUNGBLOWER!!

 

COLE

Lungblower! Is that going to be enough to finally take the wind out of Denzel Spencer's sails?

 

Maddix crawls over and makes the cover...

 

 

1...

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

SHOULDER UP!

 

Landon looks disconsolate as he rolls off of Denzel and over to the mat.

 

COACH

Okay, now I think Landon's getting desperate.

 

COLE

He looks the verge of tears, let alone desperation!

 

Picking himself back up Landon signals for the end, ready to put Spencer to sleep.

 

"LAN - DON SUCKS!"

"LAN - DON SUCKS!"

"LAN - DON SUCKS!"

"LAN - DON SUCKS!"

 

The chants don't affect Landon at this stage, but they do shock the nervous disposition of poor Queen Esther. Laying in wait, Landon grabs Denzel as he gets back to his feet. And spinning him around, he lifts him up onto the shoulder, ready for the Go To Sleep! Kicking and fighting Denzel tries to escape... and DOES! Slipping down the back, he waits for Landon to turn around before leaping up, bringing up the knees...

 

 

...but Landon catches him and blocks it!

 

COLE

Denzel went for the Codebreaker, but this time it was caught!

 

COACH

Landon had it scouted!

 

With a hold of the legs Landon falls back with a slingshot, sending Denzel towards the turnbuckles. Denzel lands on the second rope though, unbeknownest to La Cucaracha! Megan waves at him to turn around and when he finally does Denzel springs off the second rope, twisting in mid-air and nailing Landon with a flying lariat!!

 

DENZEL

C'MON!!!!

 

"YYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!"

 

COLE

Those were some "big ups" from Denzel, as the kids say!

 

Queen Esther, who had been quite into the match up until now, seems a little distracted now as the fans go wild. Denzel is all fired up and whips the crowd into an uncontrolled frenzy as he waits for a seemingly helpless Landon to get back to his feet.

 

COLE

And now Denzel is calling for it, Denzel looking to put this one away and cap an amazing night for him!

 

As Landon picks himself up Denzel is ready and waiting, going to the gut with a kick. Landon doubles over dramatically and Denzel comes off the ropes, looking for the Scissors Kick...

 

 

 

...BUT SUDDENLY HAS HIS FOOT GRABBED BY QUEEN ESTHER!!!!!

 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

 

COLE

What the hell!?

 

Denzel looks as bemused as anyone and tries to snatch his foot back, as the Queen clings on for dear life. He finally does pull away and stares down in confusion, as the referee turns away from Landon and does the same, not seeing enough to issue a disqualification.

 

COLE

What was that about?

 

COACH

Don't look at me.

 

Turning back to the match Denzel blows Queen Esther off and turns around...

 

 

 

 

...but gets picked up and BLASTED WITH THE GO TO SLEEP, OUT OF NOWHERE!!!!!

 

COACH

BAM! GTS!

 

COLE

Denzel was distracted by Queen Esther! And now, the Go To Sleep... you've gotta be kidding me!

 

 

1...

 

 

 

 

 

2...

 

 

 

 

 

3!!!!!!!

 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!"

 

COLE

And Landon Maddix has done it! Landon Maddix is the King Of The Ring!

 

COACH

ALL HAIL!

 

 

*DINGDINGDING*

 

The fans are up in arms as Landon rolls over with a look of amazement on his face and punches the sky! "Parade Of The Charioteers" plays to herald the new King, who looks set to explode he's so happy.

 

BUFFER

Ladies and gentlemen, your winner of this contest... and... the 2010 OAOAST KING OF THE RING... LANDON "LA CUCARACHA"... MMMMMAAAAAAADDIIIIIIIIXXXXXXXXXXXX!!!!!!!

 

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!"

 

Landon doesn't know what to do with himself he's so excited, looking around in amazement. There's a brief moment of confusion as he catches sight of Queen Esther, but he's too excited to get distracted for too long and starts to celebrate.

 

COLE

I tell you what, this is a damn shame. Denzel Spencer had to fight three matches here tonight. He had to overcome two big challenges in Thunderkid and CPA. And he did. And for it all to end like this, for the King Of The Ring title to be snatched away from under his nose after Queen Esther grabs his leg, just as he's ready to finish Landon off, for... god only knows what reasons. This is a damn shame for Denzel Spencer.

 

COACH

But it's a great day for the OAOAST! We have a new King and what a King it is! Someone who can lead this company with nobility, class, dignity! An international leader of men! All hail King Cucaracha! All hail King Landon!

 

Landon celebrates his win with Megan, who seems more concerned about Queen Esther and her presence. The Queen stands watching this celebration, politely applauding with a smile on her face, as if she had nothing to do with the outcome and was merely congratulating the better man. Oblivious to all this Landon continues his over the top celebration.

 

COLE

By hook or by crook, Landon Maddix is the 2010 King Of The Ring. And the official coronation ceremony will take place this coming week on HeldDOWN... and what a spectacle that could end up being, if this celebration is anything to go by. We may never be able to forget it. Whether we want to or not!

 

Landon and Megan leave in celebration, leaving Denzel nursing a sore head and trying to comprehend what just went down.

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A table is set up in the ring, where Josie Baker stands.

 

BAKER

Ladies and gentlemen, it is time! The contract for the main event of AngleMania IX! Let's not waste any time, folks! Let's first bring out the OAOAST World champion, Reject!

 

Reject makes his way out, accompanied by Thunderkid and Sandman9000.

 

COLE

And the Deadly Alliance out to the ring, a faction which no longer includes Mr. Dick!

 

COACH

Speaking of which, where is he? Is he gonna sign this thing?

 

COLE

Well, I've had no reports of him leaving the arena, so as far as we know, he is still in the building is Mr. Dick!

 

The three men stand behind Reject's seat and wait.

 

BAKER

And now ladies and gentlemen, his challenger...Mr. Dick!

 

The camera pans to the entryway for several seconds, but no one comes out.

 

COACH

...no one's coming, Cole!

 

Reject is having a discussion with TK and Sandman, as the crowd grows quiet.

 

BAKER

Ladies and gentlemen...Mr. Dick!

 

Still no reaction from the entrance.

 

COLE

Is Mr. Dick really backing down here, is he really not going to sign for a main event at AngleMania?

 

Reject grabs a mic of his own.

 

REJECT

Well well well! It looks like Jock is finally learning. See folks, this is why you don't disrespect the Deadly Alliance, because we'll make you...

 

Reject is interrupted by the cheers of the crowd, as Mr. Dick has finally emerged from the entryway, eyes locked on Reject. MD then pauses halfway down the aisle, at which point Baron Windels follows him out!

 

COLE

Wait a minute!

 

COACH

What is this, Cole?

 

COLE

Baron Windels, the former tag team partner of Mr. Dick! And Tim Cash out, as well!

 

MD enters the ring, and Windels and Cash enter shortly after. Reject sits in his seat, and motions for the contract. Reject flips through the pages, then signs. He then passes it across to MD, who sits down.

 

REJECT

It's not too late to change you mind, Jock.

 

MD flips through the pages, and signs.

 

COLE

There it is!

 

COACH

Yeah, there it is, Mr. Dick signing his death warrant!

 

Reject looks up glaring at MD who stands up after signing the contract. Reject shrugs, then stands up and offers a handshake.

 

COACH

A sign of respect here from Reject! Take some notes, Mr. Dick!

 

Reject slowly reaches into his pocket with his other hand, as MD slowly accepts the handshake, at which point Reject squeezes his hand, and flings his left hand out of his pocket, sending powder into the eyes of MD!

 

COLE

Oh, Reject with powder into the eyes of MD! It's broken loose here!

 

Sandman pounds on Cash in a corner, while Baron and TK battle it out. Reject pounds on the blinded MD as Baron sends TK to the floor with a big clothesline! Baron and Cash then gain control on Sandman, sending him out to join TK with a double back elbow! MD regains his sight long enough to unleash a flurry of rights on Reject, and clothesline him to the floor!

 

COLE

And look at this! Mister Dick and the Citizen Soldiers standing tall!

 

MD grabs Reject's belt, and raises it in the air, as Baron and Cash raise his hands. Reject shouts insults from the floor as this is going on.

 

COLE

Mister Dick raising the belt high! And in 31 days, he'll have that chance once again, as he meets Reject in the main event of AngleMania IX! For the Coach, I'm Michael Cole, we'll see you next week!

 

© 2010 OAOAST Entertainment

All Rights Reserved

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